The Jungle Drums - January 2011 by TKO Media

AR - ROJALES M A D R A U G A ARIN - HABANERAS TA POLA - LA M O N S A O S IN T P N & A A C N A MA GRAN AL A NDONS - LA RO O H A AYA FLAMENC R L E NOW G P T A & B A L A IM R L P A A R T UN RIN CAT CABO ROIG - P COVE TORREVIEJA -

DID YOU KNOW...

Jungle Drums Awards 2011

...when the Phoenicians first ventured westwards they called the land i-shepan-im, or the land or coast of rabbits

this month month this 5 ANDREA... 6 COLIN

a maninherited in need aofproperty...? help...

9 NATURE... KIDS OF BSA... fan belt9warmer...?

writing comp... 19 FINANCIAL TIMES. money, money, money... 11 PROPERTIES... can you sell...? 27 GUARDAMAR... things to do... NATURE... 15 POLA... 28 SANTA

winginggetting it... in season...

29 GRAN ALACANT... 17 COMPUTERS... maureen in the USA..

eye for a phone..? 31 QUESADA... crazy18/9 horse writes... EL CAMINO... a stroll...not 33 LA MARINA... urb news and events... 21 PUZZLES... 6 COLINeasy, peasy... a man in need of help...

AND THE WINNERS ARE…

the winners deserving and

drive customers nuts by disap-

last year (if history is anything to

pearing for a coffee break when

go by). Mark my words, they will

there are about five hundred peo-

be fully deserving come December,

ple in the queue and (now) only one

but in the interests of saving time we thought we’d get these particular awards out

person left attending to them almost saw them nip in and grab first place.

of the way so… In first place a company to whom the words ‘customer service’ and ‘aftersales’ are a mere zit on what would otherwise be a smooth faced operation. Yes, without annoying customers who phone up and ask why they have no serv-

be quite happy. Ladies and gents I give you Telefonica (I wish) as the winners (in a com-

But no, at the end of the day it was that old stalwart Telefonica who retained the title they have held for the last 97 years by: 1. Failing to turn up within the promised fifteen days to fit the line. 2. Telling me I can’t transfer my number (so I let all my contacts know) and then transferring said number and 3. Coming after seventeen days to connect it only to turn it off two days later when they

petitive category) entitled ‘Ashtray on a mo-

torbike award 2011’. Their efforts throughout

the year to frustrate will be unsurpassed I’m sure – I was told last month that the street where my house is didn’t exist…

However, Telefonica cannot be allowed to take

rib ticklers...

all the glory as this was a close run thing.

urb news and events...

pushing Telefonica all the way to the wire was

and much much more and much much more

minute joint effort by staff to

to continue where they left off

19 FINANCIAL TIMES. money, money... GONE TO THE DOGS.. 26/7 money,

33 LA MARINA...

forty five minutes and then a last

sure

the telephone line is etc, this company would

31 QUESADA... JOKES... 41writes... crazy horse

you’ve been queing patiently for

only January but I think you’ll find

fan belt warmer...? drive in spain..

maureenthe in the USA.. year ahead...

‘lucky’ at the other end of it while

awards for 2011, yes I know it is

ice/got the wrong bill/got no bill/where the hell

37 HOROSCOPES... 29 GRAN ALACANT...

ing the phone and dealing with

welcome to the Jungle Drums

9 NATURE... 23 MOTORING...

pick up a pet... 27 GUARDAMAR... things to do... 32/33 WHAT’S ON..? 28 SANTAallPOLA... the fun... winging it...

their technique of answer-

My lords, ladies & gentlemen

switched the ADSL on!

Congratulations to both who held off a strong challenge from Iberdrola and some bloke who pretends he’s running a legal taxi. If they’d like to give me a call I’ll arrange to get their awards to them…if I can be bothered to answer the phone…

Read on & enjoy...

the CAM bank who almost clinched it using

Independent Conveyancing

Wills, Probate & Inheritance

Tax Advisors, Chartered Accountants & Surveyors Defective & Illegal Construction Claims

Vehicle and Drivers Licence / Traffic Registration Litigation In All Law Fields

PEACE OF MIND FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE

Dave

Plaza Calvo Sotelo 1 (Below the British Consulate) ALICANTE Cantral plaza 30 HONDON DE LAS NIEVES C/ Libertad 18 FORTUNA

Av.de Madrid 60 PETRER

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SELLING YOUR INHERITED SHARE IN A PROPERTY Just recently I received an email with an enquiry that might interest others. So I thought I share both the enquiry and my answer with you. Naturally I have made the necessary amendments to keep the identity of the sender secret.

Dear Andrea, This year, both my sister and I inherited a property from my late father. We have gone through the inheritance process but I am not going to be able to use the property very much myself. I just have a couple of questions for you.

Can you please tell me of the procedure if we wanted to sell the property, and what would be involved.

QUALIFIED GESTORA

SPANISH PROBATE/INHERITANCES SPANISH WILLS CONVEYANCING

Enquiry:

Can you please tell me the procedure if I wanted to sell my half of the property to to my sister. e.g. who would do a valuation on the property.

andrea burns POWER OF ATTORNEY

Fiscal help...

Answer: The procedure is the same as with any other sale. A notarised deed is issued, the Property Transfer Tax has to be paid and then the property will subsequently be registered in the Land Registry. In any case, the buying party has to reckon with approximately 10-12% on top of the sales price for all taxes and legal fees. The selling party is subject to pay 18% CGT on the profits. These would be non-existent, in the case of you buying it. Because you only inherited the property in the course of this year, the same value can be given as fixed in the inheritance deed. If you both sell the property, hopefully there will be profits. However, in this case, you would be better advised to do a transaction called a “Dissolution of Condominium” instead of a “Sale”. The difference is that it the applicable tax in this case is 1% on the total value of the house whereas the sale would be taxed with 7% on the transmitted share. Therefore, the legal fees will be near enough the same and the tax payment would be greatly reduced. It is obviously more economical to take this step at the time of issuing the inheritance deed. However, it is perfectly possible to do at a later stage, such as in your case. The above applies equally if a property is jointly owned by more parties and one party decides to sell its share.

NOTARY DEEDS PRIVATE SALES CONTRACTS FISCAL REPRESENTATION CAPITAL GAINS TAX NON-RESIDENTS' INCOME TAX N.I.E. NUMBERS RESIDENCE CERTIFICATES URB. DON PUEBLO II BW 140 GRAN ALACANT 96 669 7824 or 639 608 969 ANDREABURNS@ORANGE.ES ‘SINCE 1991’ 5

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gic TheMa Room etter By Inés

always t there is u B . ed o o tty g ding som SA is pre er by ad tt t e a b h T n e I think B ? ev eatre make it ld bout a th u a o t c a e a way to h W W k so? w to it. in e th n u g o in m y e th n’t ss great, do as, comedies, a m would be ra d , s y la p tc. perform blies....e rmous costume no e n an a like Afric also be ld u o c ll types, a f o There . s e e ours h dress lays of c room wit .for the p ld be some.. n ia d In or cou t if there special. A But wha ry e v , ry thing ve om… magic ro

Paloma Galinsoga I would like to add a time portal for all the different subjects we study at school.....if you enter the portal for History you can go back in time....... you can ask the Tudors in person questions about how they lived...

A Spaceship By M aria Garcia

We found it in El Corte Ingles in the middle of the food hall inside a hole. We fixed it up and we now us e it at school to transport us pl aces. In Geography; to learn about other co untries and places…

Writing n competitio rm extracts fo e pupils at th hool British Sc of Alicante

The Unknown W orld of Seasons

By Oliv ia Jane At the to p of the Topp A ge 10 school th know ab ere’s a ro out. To g om that e t th ere you teachers block. T need to hen an o don’t pass the ld wood beetle w seconda en door ill appea in ry th r e a s t h th a pe of a g e end of and then iant the corr you will id be in the or. Go th (only ch Unknow rough it ildren ca n World n enter) of Seas see thin . W ons h en you e gs from n ter you w spring, lik yellow D ill e h u m o affodils ngous g and Dan olden delions, shimme gigantic ring flow er Manti ses and colossa l green h ouses…

The ! N O Helmet E T

I R W

By Ivonn

e Fernan

dez

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The om Play Ro

Alvaro Pastor

January Offers SALE! Homes in Spain

Daya Nueva

Ref:461 €88,000

Excellent 2 Bed,1 Bath single storey bungalow with solarium

El Oasis

La Marina

La Marina Ref:500 €115,000

Ref:496 €80,000

2 Bed 1 Bath end of terrace bungalow, cotogran finish, conservatory

La Marina

2 Bed, 1 Bath Quad style property. Comm Pool, Solarium with great views

Ref:501 €395,000

6 Bed 3 Bath det Villa, exceptionally large property, pool, garage, 3 Terraces would suit large family

La Marina La Marina

Ref:483 €170,000

3 Bed 2 Bath det Villa , desirable location , Comm Pool, Underbuild ,good value

La Marina Ref:393 €114,950

2 Bed, 1 Bath, 3 storey town house. Immaculate inside and out, comm Poolcorner

Ref:413 €55,000

1 Bed, 1 Bath terraced bungalow. Perfect for the first time buyer. Popular location

plot

La Marina

Ref:262

€170,000

4 Bed, 2 Bath det and extended Conchita style property. Pool, house is in very good condition , close to amenities.

La Marina

Ref:250 €229,500

3 Bed, 2 Bath ( 1 ensuite) det Villa (was the showhouse) beautiful garden for the green fingered, sep kitchen fully furnished

La Marina Ref:499 €289,000

Ref:467 €270,000

5 Bed, 4 Bath det villa. Pool, underbuild that has two beds, one of which has an ensuite, summer kitchen .Beautiful property

4 Bed 2 Bath det villa with plenty of room for further development, room for Olympic size pool

Ref:458 €114,500

3 Bed, 2 Bath quad Isabella style property close to all amenities , new kitchen very good ex condition. Good value

Avda. Londres 1-A, Local 8, Urb. La Marina San Fulgencio Visit our website to view our extensive range of properties:www.ipgspain.com 10 ask@thejungledrums.com

Ref 481 €239,000

4 Bed, 4 Bath ( 3 beds have their own en-suites) det villa in a very beautiful location. Pool, Garage, summer kitchen and much more

Algorfa

L Marina

La Marina

Ref:477 €52,000

Ref:487 €97,500

Ref:454 €129,000

2 Bed, 1 Bath ground floor apartment, perfect for first time buyer or for use as a holiday home

La Marina

Ref:489 €335,000

3 Bed, 3 Bath (1 en suite) det villa, superb condition throughout, pool, self contained annex

2 Bed, 1 Bath quad style property, immaculate condition, comm pool

La Marina

2 Bed 2 Bath det villa, excellent value, quiet location, comm. Pool, solarium

La Marina

Ref:346 €154,950

Ref:488 €123,750

3 Bed, 2 Bath quad style property, Comm Pool, Covered parking for 2 cars, plot. Ex condition solarium

BARGAIN!

LA MARINA Ref 416 2 Bed,1 Bath, Bungalow, Rosita style, excellent condition, perfect for first time buyer €59,999

BARGAIN!

LA MARINA Ref 253. Det 2 bed, 1 bath Lola style villa, room for a pool, very well maintained, well worth viewing, very good price €99,000

3 Bed 2 Bath det Villa, very well extended ,internal staircase, pool, good condition throughout

La Marina

Ref:498 €137,000

3 Bed 2 Bath Quad style Isabella, good size plot, excellent condition throughout, great views from solarium

La Marina

Ref 497 €130,000

2 Bed, 1 Bath, det villa, good location, garden, off road parking, good condition

PROPERTY OF THE MONTH

LA MARINA Ref 463 Fabulous Det Villa 4 bed, 2 bath, swimming pool special New Year offer, an all inclusive price of €225,500 includes taxes and expenses.

STAR BUY!

LA MARINA Ref 486 3 Bed, 2 Bath, Det Villa, swimming pool, quiet location exceptional offer price €149,950 .

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“VIVIENDA EN CONSTRUCCION” Notarial Title Deeds Spanish Wills

URGENT MORTGAGES

This month I would like you to draw your attention to a matter that could create a lot of trouble if you decide to

New financial formulas

sell your property. Due to the actual financial situation, the mortgage You may think that you have every docu-

Power of Attorney

market has suffered a u- turn of 180 degrees and

ment to sell your property (Deeds, Certifi-

what in the past we could get easily, nowadays it is

Private contracts

cate (nota simple) or you read your Deeds

Conveyancing

struction). What does this mean? You may say “my

this, there have appeared new entities which do not

Land Registry searches

house has been built and finished many

look up the delinquency lists, do not take into account

years ago...’’ Yes, it has, but if this sentence

our working situation, but they will only require as a

appears in your documents, it is because

guarantee the property, land or car that we own.

Electricity and water contracts

the required paperwork has not been pre-

Your age is not a handicap either. These new entities

sented to the Land Registry office to remove

will not take your age into account and people over

this encumbrance.

70 years old will be able to enjoy of the advantages

This has just happened to Mr. X, who was

of a mortgage.

Rates contracts Fiscal Representation Tax returns for Residents & Non Residents

cate of Habitation, supplies contracts,...) but if you apply for a Land Registry Certificarefully, you may possibly see “VIVIENDA EN CONSTRUCCION” (house under con-

near to losing the sale of his property because of it. The bank was not giving the mortgage to the buyer as the Land Registry certificate stated “VIVIENDA EN CONSTRUCCION”. Finally we obtained the required documents to remove this encumbrance and Mr.

cannot apply for a mortgage at the bank. Because of

Doors are not closed for those who have any kind of embargo; these entities may also solve the embargo by mortgaging your property so that you get liquidity to pay the debts. You may find a solution to your situation by contactIf interested, do not hesitate to contact us, we offer

both parties. It could have been avoided if

you a free study of your particular case.

this encumbrance had been removed from the Land Registry beforehand.

House & Car Insurance

this or you are not sure if your documents are in order, feel free to contact very pleased to assist you.

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CHARGES CANCELLATION DEBTS CONSOLIDATION LIQUIDITY AUCTIONS REPOSSESIONS

Health Insurance

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appear on delinquency lists and due to this fact they

caused a lot of stress and worries between

us for a free a consultation, we will be

Spanish driving licences

ployment situation and because of this, their names

ing these entities.

Fiscal numbers (N.I.E.)

Car Import & Transfers

Nowadays a large number of people are in unem-

X could sell his property, but this situation

If you want more information about

Mortgages

practically impossible to obtain.

www.martinezandballester.com Raquel Martínez Av. Noruega 174, Local 8, Novamar Gran Alacant, 03130 Santa Pola Tel/Fax 966 698 781 Mobile 696 289 407 e-mail: alacant@martinezandballester.com Beatriz Martínez C/ Concepción Nº 6, 1ºA 03181 Torrevieja Tlf: 965 710 353 Fax 965 710 267 Mobile: 696 289 407 - 644 528 862 e-mail: torre@martinezandballester.com rabesma@terra.es

for more information contact us at: Raquel Martínez Av. Noruega 174, Local 8, Novamar Gran Alacant, 03130 Santa Pola Tel/Fax 966 698 781 Mobile 696 289 407 e-mail: alacant@martinezandballester.com Beatriz Martínez C/ Concepción Nº 6, 1ºA 03181 Torrevieja Tlf: 965 710 353 Fax 965 710 267 e-mail: torre@martinezandballester.com rabesma@terra.es

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SEASONAL NATURAL HISTORY by Malcolm Palmer

At Christmas, we are inundated with cards

nesting in funny places. One laid its eggs in a

cards I received last year – I don’t send many,

featuring Robins – the Eurasian Robin Eritha-

shoe-box in my garage in England, and they are

and receive less! – featured also Grey Partridge,

cus rubecula that is. I mention that because

pretty handy at using old kettles, ends of water-

(pretty damn’ scarce nowadays) Chaffinches,

early settlers to America, no ornithologists,

pipes, in the engine of an abandoned tractor,

Brambling, Puffins, Mistle Thrush, Fieldfare,

saw a thumping great thing a bit larger than a

whatever.

Waxwings and some very odd-looking birds, that

Blackbird, and, because it had a red breast,

When I used to ring birds in Britain, and

might have been anything – or nothing!

called it a ‘Robin.’ The name stuck, and

was a regular visitor to Spurn Point, that

More appropriate would be Turkey and Geese,

it is the Robin of the songs: ‘I hear a

reserve on a spit of land which juts out

which must now be trembling at the thought of

Robin singing,’ and ‘When the red, red Robin comes bob-bob-bobbing

into the mouth of the Humber, an October ‘Robin rush’ was a feature

along.’

of many years. Birds would set

But our own Robin features on

out from the Norwegian

those cards because it’s a perky

coast on a clear

Christmas. I was in Canada in late November last year, and the Turkey-hunting was in full progress, with hunters dressed up like Rambo everywhere, but I was amused to see huge flocks of Wild Turkeys in a ‘hunting prohibited’

little chap. The sexes are

night, guided

similar – you need to get

by stars and

are stupid? The

one in the hand to tell them

moon, only to

hunters might

apart – unless you’re a

meet a great

have done better

wall of mucky

to concentrate on

Robin, that is! They are un-

Wildlife Refuge. Who

usual amongst birds in holding

weather rushing up the

the abundant CanCan

territories outside the breeding season.

North Sea. Lost, they

ada Geese

They defend their territory against all-comers

would land on the English

says Turkeys

– probaproba

(of either sex) and sing all the year round – a

East Coast, and we ringers would catch them by

bly more

joyous, random little ditty, which is actually an

the boxful. Recoveries from France and Spain

tasty

announcement: ‘This is my patch, bugger off!’

were common.

too!

Robins are more migratory than you may imag-

Christmas cards coming from the States and

ine, with leap-frogging movements, some birds

Canada more frequently feature the Cardinal

The very best wishes for the season, and the

from Northern Scandinavia migrating right down

than the Robin, which is a summer visitor in

New Year, to all!

her to Spain and even North Africa, while some

much of North America. Cardinals are bright red

British birds may only move down into France,

all over and have a nice song,

or even, if they are wise, stay put, and eat

but, having ringed a few,

chocolate cake on peoples’ gardens, rather

I can tell you that they

than risk getting put into some Frenchman’s pie.

pics. top Robin, middle Northern cardinal, American Robin, below Turkey

pack an awesome bite!

Another trick at which

The small selec-

Robin are adept is

tion of

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Broadband Setup New Computers & Laptops in English

Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions Happy New Year, I trust you had a great Christmas? Having talked to many of you before the festive break, I know that some of you were going back to the UK, some of you were heading off to Benidorm and some of you (like me) were spending Christmas in and around our little bit of paradise – whatever you did, I hope you had an enjoyable experience. I have had a number of calls from people

del Sol, Plaza Mayor etc). I the evenings

asking me to setup, train or generally ex-

the “De Tapas Por Madrid” came into its

plain to them how to get the best out of

own, allowing us to plan a route of the best

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their iPhone. So I thought this month (given that I know a number of you have

and closest tapas bars to wherever we happened to be when we got peckish.

Phone Calls Using Your PC

received a shiny new iPhone or iPad for

Website Design

Christmas) we would dedicate a little time

Of course all of this could have been eas-

to one of the best features of the iPhone its applications.

ily achieved with a few tourist and metro maps, however to have the ability to car-

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ry all of that useful information around in You see, in addition to sending and receivreceiv

the palm of your hand, instantly available

ing emails, allowing you to organise your

whenever you need it, to me at least, is

life, with a calendar; giving you music on the move with its built in iPod and allowing

amazing!

you to carry around your photo collection

So what’s next? Well I have just download-

PC and Server Health Checks

with its minimum of 16 gigabytes of inter-

ed another application called “Word Lens”

Macro Writing

nal memory – oh yea, I almost forgot, you can make telephone

- this one will blow you away. It basically uses the camera in

iPhone Applications...

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calls with it too – one

your iPhone to dis-

of the best features of

play

this amazing little minicomputer is its ability

version of whatever sign or text you

to be customised and

point it at. So if you

expanded through the

were to point your

use of, usually free,

camera at a Span-

translated

downloadable applications. I’ll give you an example – recently

ish sign that read “no fumar” you would see the words “no

the missis and I went to Madrid for the

smoking” on the iPhone screen in the same

weekend, one of the things that we wanted

font and in the same place as the original

to do whilst there was to sample what we

words. This is called augmented reality and

No Call Out Fee

had heard was the amazing tapas available. Before we left I found and downloaded the

it’s going to be the next big thing but don’t believe me - see for yourself, you can see a

No Job Too Small

following applications to my iPhone (“Metro

demonstration of it at questvisual.com

Madrid”, “CityGuide Madrid” and “De Tapas Por Madrid”), we flew there using outra-

If you would like to read any of our older

geously priced Ryan air flights - 16€ return!

articles then they are all available (yes all 4

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Email or phone us for friendly help and advice office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200

years’ worth!) at www.bluemoonsolutions. When we arrived I fired up “Metro Madrid”

es, just click on the articles button.

and entered the station that we wanted to get to, the application told us which station to leave from and where to change, it even gave us an estimated time of arrival! The “CityGuide Madrid” enabled us to plan and view all of the sights that we wanted to visit whilst there (the Park Retiro, Puerto

El Camino de Santiago... The Way of St James is a long distance footpath which has been walked by “pilgrims” for over a thousand years. I have always been a keen walker and after retiring from 39 years in Finance and my wife “retiring” me after 25 years of marriage I thought that everything had conspired to permit me to take some weeks off to do a long distance walk. I had heard of the Camino but had never met anyone who had walked it. In fact there are several Caminos and the Camino de Levante starts in Alicante. I decided to do the most famous one which was the Camino Frances and on the 25th May of this year I started the walk from Pamplona with my goal being to reach Santiago in about 4 weeks. A total of about 800kms. The weather forecasts for the start of the journey were not good and torrential rain was expected. There was severe flooding in Northern Spain and Galicia in particular. Fortunately I didn’t encounter any rain for several days but when it did come I quickly discovered that the £2.99 Yorkshire Dales poncho I had bought

was not fit for purpose (Golden Rule – check all gear before the walk). As my journey progressed and the initial excitement had lessened I realised that I was carrying far too much. Ideally you should only carry in your backpack 10% of your bodyweight. On the 25th May I weighed 75Kgs and my backpack weighed 25Kgs! After 2 weeks of carrying all this weight and feeding myself Ibuprofen on a daily basis to lessen shoulder and back pain I started ditching stuff at each one of the night stops. Amazing what was left at these places so I wasn’t the only one learning a valuable lesson. Each night I stayed in an “Albergue”. These are a network of accommodation specially for pilgrims and you needed a “Credencia” which is a book that is stamped at every Albergue and when you reach Santiago is proof that you have walked the Camino. The accommodation is varied and on occasions I stayed in rooms that had 50 plus bunkbeds, but for 5 euros a night they were good value. I only encoun-

tered one where sleep was hard due to dirty sheets,primitive sanitation,and bed bugs! Lights out and doors locked in the majority of Albergues was usually about 9.30pm but as I was up about 5.30am and walking by 6.00 then early lights out was not a hardship. Breakfast was taken as I walked and mainly consisted of bananas,cereal bars and fruit juice. At the moment I still have an aversion to cereal bars and have just managed to get back to buying bananas. Each morning the plan was to reach a village by 8.00am to get a hot coffee and a pastry. The next aim was to reach an Albergue early enough for a hot shower as when the hot water ran out you were in for a cold,cold shower. After the shower you washed clothes that needed washing and hopefully got them dry for the next morning. You got used to seeing “pilgrims” during the day with damp washing hanging from their backpacks drying as they walked.

The Way of St James After you finished your chores you needed to get food for the next day and dinner for that night. Some of the Albergues had cooking facilities and “pilgrims” would get together and buy food and have a big cook-up. The base was usually pasta. Many villages had cafes where they offered good basic 3 course pilgrim dinners for about 8euros. Two great things about the Camino are the people you meet and the places you see. You meet people of all ages from all over the world and the majority as I did were walking on their own. The camaraderie was amazing and people really did look out for each other. Every night before bed was take care of feet time. Blisters were obviously commonplace, toe nails were becoming black and dropping off. If you ran out of compedes,bandage,ibuprofen there was always someone to help out. One of the “pilgrims”,Christine from Bergerac was a masseuse and she gave incredible massage for free. Katerina from Germany was a health worker and tended particularly bad blisters for any-

by Bob Harris

one who needed help, Peter from Canada was a podiatrist and helped tremendously as feet did take a hammering. Then there were the people who just helped you through the day and left you with great memories; Matt from Los Angeles who as he read each page of his book ripped it out,as he said “every gramme counts”, and Paul from Melbourne who had just come from teaching jobs in Peru and New York as he worked his way around the world. We all keep in touch and even though some you only met for a few days you realise you have shared an incredible experience and are friends for life. The scenery was spectacular and varied. Plains which stretched as far as you could see to wonderful mountains and beautiful valleys with crystal clear rivers. Small villages with simple churches to cities with magnificent cathedrals. All along the way local people greeting you and most wishing you “Buen Camino”. When I reached Santiago and after spending several days recuperating and looking around that wonderful city I decided to walk

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for a further 3 days and 90kms to Finisterre at the coast. I then spent 3 days there in a beach hotel,the sun shined and there was great swimming,eating and gradually meeting up with pilgrims I had met along the way. Some had walked from Santiago and others had caught the daily bus as they were “all walked out”. I kept a daily diary and took almost 600 photos an have enough memories to fill Jungle Drums. I hope that this has given a flavour of what the Camino is like. People have all kinds of reasons for making the pilgrimage but everyone I met agreed that it was a very “spiritual” experience and one where you had plenty of time to think..... Next year in June/July I am walking the Camino del Norte which starts in Irun and follows the coast through Bilbao and Santander to Santiago a distance of 850kms similar to the walk I did this year. If anyone would like to know more about the walk I did and what to take please feel free to contact me at mozbob9@yahoo.com

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HALF WAY THROUGH THE SEASON ROUND-UP Once again the Translator proves to be the strongest team by holding the rest of the league up but with some results still to come in over the christmas and new year theres a chance for some teams to pick up points... although there may not be enough available to see the Translator make a move. At the top Jean Byrne is marching on with her OT Dreamteam but with Johnny Warks’s Legendry 11, Armoured FC and ifonly all right on her tail. Sunworld Gunners are getting dangerously close to the top and those of us from the white half of north London will not be keen to see the red making progress... We’re on the home run now so time to knuckle down and make a charge for the top..or the bar, whichever you fancy really...?

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JUST MARRIED

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CROSSWORD 1

CROSSWORD 2

Alpha-Cross 01 The first letter of each answer is written next to its clue in alphabetical order. One letter has already been entered. Can you find the words then fit them correctly into the grid?

Down

1. Subject (5) 2. Let go (7) 3. Investor in theatrical production (5) 5. Nimbleness (7) 6. Beginning or early stages (5) 7. Best environment for a plant or animal (7) 8. Become one (5) 13. Draw in (7) 14. Diminish (7) 16. Kept away from (7) 17. Impart skills or knowledge (5) 19. Supply food ready to eat (5) 20. Provide evidence for (5) 21. Type of duck (5)

wanted his own room. The bellboy solved this problem. He asked the thirteenth guest to wait a little with the first guest in room number 1. So in the first room there were two people. The bellboy took the third guest to room number 2, the fourth to number 3, ..., and the twelfth guest to room number 11. Then he returned to room number 1 and took the thirteenth guest to room number 12, still vacant. How can everybody have his own room?

13 people came into a hotel with 12 rooms and each guest

Wordoku key word: Dangerous

1 4

The captain of a ship was telling this interesting story: â&#x20AC;&#x153;We traveled the sea far and wide. At one time, two of my sailors were standing on opposite sides of the ship. One was looking west and the other one east. And at the same time, they could see each other clearly.â&#x20AC;? How can that be possible?

N. Female relative (5) O. Notice (7) P. Flora (5) R. Compatibility (7) R. Use to control a horse (5) R. Annul (7) R. Conundrum (6) S. Prominent (7) S. Reptile (5) T. Topics (6) T. Aggregate (5) T. Foot pedal (7) U. Below (5) U. Pressing (6)

A. Saying (5) A. Skillful (5) A. Nimble (5) A. Valuable item (5) C. Unit of weight for precious stones (5) C. Ecclesiastic (6) E. Spiny anteater (7) E. Flexible (7) E. Moral (7) E. Additional (5) E. Ooze (5) I. Angry (5) L. Sheltered side (7) L. Actual (7)

Across 1. Plaid (6) 4. Inveigle (6) 9. Plane figure with straight sides (7) 10. Publish (5) 11. Creep (5) 12. Plant with prickly-edged leaves (7) 13. Schedule (6) 15. Despot (6) 18. Producing a sensation of touch (7) 20. Investigation (5) 22. Performed (5) 23. Gathered together in large numbers (7) 24. Objective (6) 25. Formal proposal to buy (6)

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Vehicle Information Check has been recently established, to service the marketplace of the increasing number of people buying 2nd hand vehicles with Spanish registration. The idea was introduced by two the prime re-registration companies on the Costa Blanca

MOTORING

Legal Solutions

Be Safe Be Legal

in Spain Buying a used car in Spain can be

tantly (to avoid contributing to the

very simple or it can mean months

men in green’s fund) its paperwork,

of hassle, paperwork and waiting for

and what you should receive when

the bloke with the stamp to return

you buy your car.

from his coffee break. It all depends

We’ll assume you’ve found a second

on where you go and/or who you

hand Spanish car you would like to

listen to but there are plenty of hor-

buy. Ask the seller to show you the

ror stories from people who have

originals of three documents: the

(unwittingly) gone down the wrong

Permiso De Circulación, a valid ITV

or is about to purchase a Spanish registered

road (pardon the pun) when looking

and the Impuesto Sobre Vehiculos

vehicle to make the VIC(Vehicle Information

for a second hand car.

(annual car tax). Check that the

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So this month Jungle drums has got

names correspond between them

tration or chassis number.

the experts to give readers a guide

and make sure to have a look at the

on how to make sure that we don’t

seller’s ID too. If the person selling

spend half an hour on the side of a

is not the owner for any reason,

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such as family member, or second

As well as this information the VIC will also give

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hand car dealer, then you need to

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fund by writing out yet another

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piry dates, Current ownership details including

ticket.

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portant in the case of a private sale.

who deal with trafico on a day to day basis, and whom will now be writing monthly for the jungle drums. Buying a second hand vehicle in Spain can be somewhat time-consuming, costly and complicated if the correct procedure is not carried out correctly. We here at VIC recommend anyone who has,

This check is the SAFEST way to ensure that the vehicle does not have and debts or finance registered BEFORE you buy.

name and address, Full vehicle details, Number of ownership changes, any accidents and current status of vehicle at trafico. •

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This information has been supplied to you by Tom and Amanda who can be contacted by email at vicspain@hotmail.com or 625864373. If you have any topics or questions regarding any trafico process or laws, please let us know so that we can keep you informed with the latest updates. Happy New Year and drive safely.

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As ever the animal charities of the region are, metaphorically speaking, trying to empty their leaking rowing boat with a tea spoon…as soon as they get a bit out another bit comes in. what I’m waffling on about really is that these guys and gals need some help, in the name of good homes for the animals you see on these pages. If you can give them a hand by offering a home, permanent or temporary, to one or more of these poor animals then let them know or call us here at JD – and you’ll have more than one new friend for

life…although our faces are a little less hairy, mostly. Take a look and imagine a morning stroll on the beach with a dog that has only known hell before… he’s running around like he can’t believe his luck and that’s down to you, dear reader for making it possible and let me tell you from experience – you’ll feel fantastic if you do it… For more information please call 611 606 001 Email: k9club@lamarina.info

To view more animals for adoption please go to: www.petsinspain.info

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SENDING & RECEIVING POST IN SPAIN Regular readers will have noticed the Easypost logo now appearing in the magazine and on various other adverts too. Who are they? What do they do? Easypost who trade as MJM Courier Services used to be a franchise of a courier company, but now they’ve gone and cut the apron strings and are now trading independently as Easypost.es. What this means for you the reader is that they now have full control over their services. Meaning we get a better service, good eh? They also nudged me in the ribs (a bit too hard I might add) to let you know that now they are independent they are able to provide a better and faster range of services than before. Fearing another nudge (or worse) I’d better assure current customers that all their outbound mail and courier services will continue, but now they will be flying items every day of the working week. In other words, your post will get there quicker (even I could work that one out…). A next day courier delivery service within Europe and 48 hours delivery service to the Rest of the World isn’t bad is it? Add to that their inbound mail and courier service which now has a faster delivery time to you living here in Spain, and the very popular British passport renewal service. They’ve also asked me to pass on their thanks to existing clients for their loyalty and say that they look forward to providing you with an even better service in future. To those who have not used Their services before I can say from experience that they are definitely worth a go.

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HEALTH COVER in Spain

John Wayne called it the big “C” and in real life as in his films he

pitals where several European languages are spoken. Hospitals have single,

fought a courageous battle.

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approach to the problem.

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We wish you a healthy 2011.

1) People of pensionable age and those working and contributing are able to use the Spanish national health system. 2) Early retirees and those who do not have a work contract or pay the self employed contribution can apply to join the Valencian government national health scheme. 3) Private medical policies. If you are entitled to national health cover there are some inconveniences which are mainly language related, you may be asked to bring an interpreter to see your GP or may have difficulty whilst in hospital if you don’t speak sufficient Spanish. You will not have automatic cover out of Spain and will need to be sure that you have some cover through a travel policy or check on your emergency rights within Europe. If you have a serious problem you will be given priority within the social services system but if not considered life threatening you could wait a long time for a small operation or even a specialist’s appointment. The Valencian scheme gives you the same cover as the national health but with the difference that you have to pay 270 euros per quarter if you are under retirement age or 330 euros if you are older (90 euros and 110 euros monthly respectively). The private sector has the advantage of using doctors, clinics and hos-

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ALL the FIESTAS! Cabalgata de Reyes Magos 2011 January 5, Pilar de la Horadada Fiesta de Danzas de Reyes, January 5, Tibi Cabalgata de Reyes de Alcoy, January 6, Alcoi/Alcoy Virgen de la Paz, from January 15 to 24, Agost Porrate de San Antón, January 17, Alicante Rei Pàixaro, January 17, Biar Media Fiesta de Moros y Cristianos, January 17, Elda San Antonio, January 17, Muro de Alcoy San Antonio Abad, January 17, Mutxamel San Antonio, January 17, Ondara San Antón, January 17, Orihuela San Antón Abad, January 17, Pilar de la Horadada Sant Antoni del Porquet, January 17, Relleu San Antón, January 17, Villena San Canuto, January 19, Almudaina Procesión del Jesuset del Miracle, January 31, Alcoi/Alcoy Fiesta de La Candelaria, February 2, Pilar de la Horadada Sant Blai, February 3, Pedreguer San Blas, February 3, Sax Romería de Santa Águeda, from February 4 to 5, Catral Mig Any Moros y Cristianos, February 6, Elche Carnestoltes, February 15, Pego Fiestas de Invierno, February 15, Jijona Carnaval, February 15, Torrevieja Milagro de la Lágrima, March 1, Mutxamel Moros y Cristianos de Villafranqueza, from March 16 to 19, Alicante Fallas, March 19, Everywhere!

What’s on 2011 JANUARY

6th Epiphany

The whole country. It is the Day of the Three Kings, Los Reyes Magos, and since it is they on their camels, rather than Santa Claus drawn by reindeer, who distribute presents to children, the night of the 5 is a time of tremendous excitement. The Kings and their retinue, in full regalia and often accompanied by local public figures, form part of extravagant processions of floats, bands and dancers through the major towns and cities. The children of Majorca in the Balearics and Tenerife in the Canaries get the added thrill of seeing the Kings arrive by sea. These processions are a relatively recent phenomenon - Seville's, the oldest, dates back only as far as 1916 - but they are very popular. Much older are the plays featuring the Three Kings performed in Aledo (Murcia). Cañada (Alicante), Santillana del Mar (Cantabria) and Sanguesa (Navarre).

17th Saint Anthony Abbot Feasts

La Puebla de Mallorca. Originated prior to 1365. Huge bonfires or "foguerons" are lit in the middle of the streets where "cançoners del Camp" march along singing songs to tambourines and the beating of sticks the "colla de demonis" group dances and sings to the sound of lyres, guitars and tambourines, and crowds of boys and girls dressed in old-fashioned costumes sing old songs and dance traditional dances. During the festivity the blessing of the herd takes place before the altar of Saint Anthony.

19 & 20th "Tamborrada" of San Sebastian San Sebastián, province of Guipúzcoa. Marching to the deafening sound of drums, groups of drummers parade through the city on the night of the first day of the year. The next morning, the "Tamborrada Infantil" (Child Drummer's Ceremony) is celebrated, and on the night of the same day the celebration of the Patron Saint of the city.

FEBRUARY

3th The "Endiablada" festival

Almonacid de Marquesado, province of Cuenca. Of prehistoric origin. The young boys of the town dressed as devils - wearing pants and jackets painted in bright designs, with large cowbells tied to their waists, and multicolored paper hats, which are replaced later on with cardboard bishop mitres - run through the streets, dance at the entrance and inside the church, pretend to wash the statue of San Blas, and march then in procession with it to the uninterrupted sound of the cowbells.

11th Santa Agueda Festivals

Zamarramala, province of Segovia. Very ancient in origin. The famous governor's wives - who serve as stewards during the religious celebration - dressed in sumptuous gowns from the 12th century and carrying the scepter of authority lead the procession of Saint Agueda followed by the married women who are dressed in farm clothes, and later attend a banquet in which the priest is the only male present. The celebration is ended with the ancient "Baile de Rueda" (Wheel Dance).

40 days before Easter Carnival Festiva

The whole country. (The celebration at Cád and Santa Cruz de Tenerife is very famous)

Cádiz: It includes a spirited procession, con tests to chose the best singers and comedi (this is an excellent opportunity to see the characteristic Cádiz sense of humor), fancy dress balls, the selection of the queen of th festivities and fireworks. The main attractio the procession which is held the Sunday be Ash Wednesday.

Santa Cruz de Tenerife: Replicas of the orig carnival celebrations, consisting of parades with floats and "murgas" or comic bands an the singing of the island songs through the streets, together with many folklore contes

MARCH

The Barcelona-Sitges Internationa Antique Car Rally

Sitges, Barcelona province. The festival consists of covering the route in cars built later than 1920. The participants dress up in costumes of the period. Not only do Spanis automobile clubs take part in the rally, but those from France and Andorra as well.

9th to 17th The Magdalena Festiva

Castellón de la Plana. Third Sunday of Lent The originated in the 15th century and beca very popular from 1945 on. The main events are the picturesque cavalcade of the “pregó the parade which begins the festivities; the “Romería de les Canyes”, a pilgrimage to th hermitage of Saint Mary Magdalene; the Re Night Procession with the statue of the Cru fied Christ of the Most Pure Blood, and the parade of the “gaiatas”, multicolored spang and croziers.

15th to 19th Fallas de San José

Valencia, this “fiesta” dates from the Middle Ages, but it did not acquire the personality know today until the middle of the last cent The festivity represents the triumph of popu art, since its “falla” monuments and its “nin figures unmistakably reflect the happy and tirical Valencian spirit. Among the most imp tant acts which are the delight of visitors an local inhabitants for two weeks are the “crid the public announcement which is made fro the Torres de Serranos by the queen of the “fallas” and major of the city; the “Cabalga del Ninot” (the Ninot procession), the lovely night-time parade which is made up of vario “falla” committees; the “Cabalgata del Rein (Procession of the Kingdom) in which vario towns of the old Kingdom of Valencia take p putting on show their own typical folklore a local produce; the offerings of flowers mad the “falleras” to “Nuestra Señora de los De parados” (Our Lady of the Forsaken), Patro of the city; and above all, the famous “Nit d Foc” (Night of Fire) which is held place. Thi when all the “fallas” (grotesque and humor scenes made up of cardboard figures) are s on fire providing a fascinating spectacle. C pleting these local celebrations are bullfigh and diverse sports competitions.

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ORIHUELA RFC

1...?!

better late than never... sorry... my fault (ed.)

als

diz ).

nians

y he on if efore

ginal s nd e sts.

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not n sh

The first game of the month was against Javea Bulls for the seniors away who were looking to avenge their heavy defeat from last year. Orihuela RFC this time came out on top with Alvaro scoring all of the points with one try and conversion and eight penalties, winning 31-7. Javea put on a real third half in true British style, which was appreciated by all of the players. The second game of the month was on 21 November away to Elche the local rivals on a windy cold day, which Elche adapted to the conditions better and ran out winners 22-5 with Paco scoring Orihuela’s try, and inflicting Orihuela’s first league defeat of the season. While the juniors, cadetes, continued their fine form with a fantastic win at home against La Vila 73-10 with Nico scoring five tries, Jose two and Miguel, Gabi, David and Javi one a piece, with Juan getting 8 conversions and one for Gabi. The junveniles were left napping on a couple ocassions going down 26-12 with Tirso and Nazario

als

t. ame s ó”, e he eturn uci-

a try a piece and Angel

The juveniles bounced back in the next game against Elche away running out comfortable winners 44-5 with Michael and Matias scoring two tries a piece and Tirso, Renzo and Julio getting one each and Angel getting 5 conversions and a penalty,

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scoring getting the conversion.

In November Orihuela RFC juniors, junveniles, cadetes and infantiles, play Denia at home on 11 December and also at home on 18 November against Torrevieja, while the seniors play Novelda away on 12 December for any changes check local press. At the “This is Spain exhibition” the club got a lot of great publicity with the possibility of some new junior and senior players as well as the possibility of a new experienced coach as well as a lot of useful contacts in the UK and the possibility of touring teams coming over. With one team already booked to play Orihuela seniors at the end of April. The club trains on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s at the Miguel Hernandez University, the seniors and older juniors, juveniles from 20.30 to 22.30, while the younger juniors from 18.15 to 20.00. So if you are interested, dig out those rugby boots and come along and see for yourself what it is like. New players are always welcome no matter of what age you are or your skill level.

NATIONAL HOLIDAYS Jan 6th Dia de los tres Reyes (12th night, when Christmas presents are given) Mar 19th San Jose (Father's Day) contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

If you would like more information about what is going on in the club, you can contact the club by phoning, the president Álvaro on 630 313 298 or myself, Garry on 692 767 242. For the juniors contact Oscar on 600 871 606 (Spanish)

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JANUARY 2011 Wind is well starred, as is wind power generally in what could be the precursor to your most environmentally friendly year ever. Light and shade will vary in danger for most of the year, with darkness pipping lightness’ badness at times. Beware graveyards and things much bigger than you that go bump in the night. September could be a time for remonstrations with tax officials and their like. Blancmanges and jelly are both well starred, but not in the pre-school party sense. Cures for diseases may well be found in sweet deserts, and you will play your part in this discovery that could make what we at the turn of the year believe to be unhealthy food, into super-super foods that everyone should eat for a healthy life. Expensive chocolate is well starred especially from Switzerland in a triangular form - Toblerone is Saturn’s favourite too. Seasonal fruits and vegetables are set to provide moments of culinary panic through most of the year, as Saturn and Mercury go toe-to-toe. Vegetable seasonality and luck are set to diverge systematically, with strawberries and berry fruits in general offering moments of disaster proneness not seen since 1929. Beware frugal people in all of their forms and especially those who admit to tipping poorly. The letter ‘p’ is set to provide moments of unfettered joy this year, although not in January, February, March, July and October where nothing but evil will result. Dogs with big fluffy ears are initially well starred, but Jupiter begins a transjunct of the Plutonian Mercurial from 8am on the 16th January until well into evensong of the 17th November, which will cause canines of all hues to masticate wildly on your arrival. A January sale is set to satisfy your clothing needs for the whole year, especially around the 3rd of the first month - indeed, your sale buying selections may alert the attention of a senior store manager who is both horrified at your sales value acumen and admiring of your money saving abilities rarely seen in a member of the public. Shorts and short skirts are well starred if Jupiter has his way on the 5th of every month in the year. Wear yellow in thanks for the planets’ favourable attention. Fluff is set to make this year zing with disappointment unless you take an early chance to rid the stuff from your life. Belly button fluff in particular is badly starred, especially when electrical appliances are involved. The danger of attack from behind while driving, which peppered 2010 so frequently, is about to pass. From 17th February you no longer need to check the back seat for people hiding there waiting to attack you as you drive along. You will continue to do so of course because of what has happened to you earlier, but Neptune now has other things on its mind.

CHIMENEAS CANDELA CANDELA FIREPLACES CHIMENEAS CANDELA is a 20 year experience company selling, producing and fitting all kind of wood burner stoves, fireplaces, barbecues and ovens. We are located in Elche, in the city centre, near the Santa Maria´s church and the Tourist Information. CHIMENEAS CANDELA selects and distributes the most important national and European fireplaces brands. Besides, we can offer you wood burning fireplaces, gas, electrical and the ecological Pellets stoves. Our staff works in a professional and carefully way, so each fitting is a special one for the customers. We always advice about the fireplace that best suits you at home, giving you at the same time, the best quotation. Apart from our shop in Elche, CHIMENEAS CANDELA has a showroom in a stall, every Sunday, at the “Lemon Tree Market” in Guardamar. This market is based in Los Montesinos road. In both places, you can find some of our fireplaces lighting. If you are thinking about an ecological, efficient and safe heating,..

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You are going on a journey, according to Neptune, a long journey, possibly one involving sand, hot air and bumpiness. But a journey can, of course, be as much a spiritual one as well as a physical one, it can mean a kind of advancement, of learning. Whatever it turns out to be, take along some apples, and eat them when you feel hungry. Buy more apples along the way and eat them when you are hungry.

this year, be it wobbly bridges, wobbly door locks or wobbly in-car bouncy headed dogs - all are set to inspire and annoy in equal measures, as Saturn bides its time. Jupiter is determined to give you a great 2011 despite your financial charts coming under the influence of a furious Mars. Mars hasn’t been this furious with Scorpio since 1929 so watch out.

Pizzas and their fillings and toppings are set to enliven 2011 in ways too numerous to mention. Tomatoes will take on a mysticism not seen in centuries, onions, too, are about to become something more than just a vegetable to add to stuff. The bottom line is that if you could conceivably put it on a pizza the vegetable or fruit will be lucky and could possibly add a magic to your life not seen since that black and white snowy movie on the television recently.

Hazard warnings have never bothered you very much, especially on building sites and electricity generating plants, however now might be the time to review your views on such things. You have undoubtedly been lucky, and your luck may be about to run out especially on Tuesdays well into July. Pluto is having ructions with one of its many moons which means that any attempt at becoming a mediator in a dispute is bad news. Your plans for the new year are well laid, even though they may seem to you to be haphazardly planned or maybe even the plan of no plan. Don’t worry just be happy and just suck the marrow out of the bone of life, failing that just sit in a chair quietly until it passes. February holds out the prospects of a large windfall and by April the marvellous year you are about to enjoy will be well set in motion, with long cigarette holders and lounge coats firmly starred.

Welding and sewing are both extremely likely around the 17th of each month, apart from July - take this opportunity to catch up with your welding and sewing chores. You are 25% likely to invent a new cocktail in October. You have a 3% chance of becoming Time magazine’s person of the year 2009 for this invention that is set to help the world through a serious economic downturn.

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It all began with an iPhone . . .

The Man Rules

PUZZLES

Finally , the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “ the rules” From the female side.... ions Solitare Now here the rules from the male side. 21 ge Crrules! from paare ossword 1 These our 1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 3 . Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 4 . Crying is blackmail. 5 . Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Crosswhints ord 2do not work! Subtle Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 6 . Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 7 . Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 8 . Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 9 . If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. Soduku we said can be interpreted 10. Easy If something two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 11. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. 12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 14. ALL men see in only 16 colors,Hard like Soduku Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 16. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.. 17. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear. Wordtookgo 18. When we have u somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . Marine - solution 19. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unThe marines were standless you are prepared to discuss such topics as ing back to the edge of Football or Hockey. the ship so they were 20. You have enough clothes. looking at each other. It 21. You have too many shoes. does not matter where 22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! the ship is (of course it 23. Thank you for reading this. does not apply to the Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonorth and South Pole). night; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

jokes

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone . He just loved it. Who wouldn’t? I cele celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. My daughter’s birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES --- REVISITED How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everySeptember came by thing? so for her birthday A man to show her how to I got my wife an work it. iRon. It was around then that the fight started . . . During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyEdinburgh” When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital... Once upon a time, A Prince asked a Beautiful Princess... “Will you Marry Me?” The Princess said “NO!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotchand had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up. THE END

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won’t do what she’s told I married a Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.. It’s called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

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What’s in a name?

Why are you crying?

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don’t get mad at me......I know we’ve been friends for a long time......but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.’ Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, ‘I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’ I said, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’ home She said, ‘He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon. For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.’ I said, ‘Well, why in the world would you be crying?’ remem She said, ‘I can’t remember where I live!’

Alive! A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, ‘Watch that wall!’

Obituary When the husband finally died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhoea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, ‘you know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhoea.’ Replied the widow, ‘I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was.’

Pearly Cruise An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It read: ‘Ma’am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth €50,000. Please advice.’ The old woman faxed back: ‘Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.’

Not That Far Sally, a difficult independent 75 year old, liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinchby-pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early

40’s rained on my mum’s parade by telling her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere... when there are a lot of people starving in Africa, says the stranger. Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation, “Well, hell, I can’t throw that far!”

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The Funeral Procession A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, ‘I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?’ ‘My wife’s. ‘’What happened to her?’ The man replied, ‘My dog attacked and killed her’ He inquired further, ‘But who is in the second hearse?’ The man answered, ‘My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.’ A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men. ‘Can I borrow the dog?’ The man replied, ‘Get in line.’ A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says: “You must be a dentist.” The guy, surprised, says: “Yes .... How did you figure that out?” “Easy..” she replies, “you keep washing your hands.” One thing leads to another and they make love. After it’s over the girl says: “You must be a good dentist.” The guy, now with an inflated ego, says: “Sure - I’m a good dentist. How did you figure that out?” The girl replies:..... “I Didn’t feel a thing.” A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday. ‘I’d like to be twelve again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little sod. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. *** And the WINNER is... *** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition.....£200 or best offer. No longer needed; got married last month. Wife knows everything!

Caller : Hi, our printer is not working. Customer Service: What is wrong with it? Caller : Mouse is jammed. Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse you fool! Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?... I will send a picture.

Oh To Be 12 Again...

Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and

her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a Mc Donald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets...........M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and col-

lapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?’ Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!’ The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

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BUSINESS DIRECTORY COMPUTERS

AIR CONDITIONING MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244

ANIMAL RESCUE

CONVEYANCING

ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

BABY ITEMS LA CANASTILLA BLANCA El Altet Tel. 96 568 7710

DENTAL

BOOKS

CARDS & MORE

La Marina Tel. 96 679 0954 LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593 MALVINA BOOKS La Romana Tel. 96 569 6656

BUILDING / MAINTENANCE ALTOMAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9353 CANDELA CHIMNEYS Elche Tel. 649 039 351 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 CHRIS SLADDEN All Areas Tel. 686 635 860

BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS TIBA All Areas Tel. 902 906 015

BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122

DIVING SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 4510

DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455

DOMESTIC APPLIANCES APPLIANCE FIX Gran Alacant Tel. 96 618 3024 ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC

XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 607 850 664 CARWISER All Areas Tel. 96 597 1866 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

CAR REPAIRS FAST FIT MOBILE TYRES All Areas Tel. 663 996 393 JOCK O’DONNELL All Areas Tel. 638 461 690 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606

FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471

FISCAL ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

FWR CARS El Altet Tel. 96 568 7976 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 CLUB CARS La Marina TEL. 96 618 0006 COCHES GUARDAMAR La Marina Tel. 646 763 645

FURNITURE COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY All Areas Tel. 96 569 9305 NEW 2 YOU Dolores Tel. 96 571 5608 SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370

CAR TRANSFERS CAR SERVICE CENTRE La Marina Tel. 650 821 082 HEADLAMP EXCHANGE La Marina Tel. 96 610 8938 LEGAL SOLUTIONS La Marina Tel. 96 679 6060 RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS La Marina Tel. 96 610 8938 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

ADVANCE MOVES All Areas Tel. 96 865 4667 MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 TRUCK IT All Areas Tel. 96 644 1779

HOUSEHOLD SERVICES DRAINBUSTERS All Areas Tel. 96 611 5903 MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319

INSURANCE ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

KENNELS LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 618 283

MORTGAGES MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

MOSQUITO NETS

MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454

FARMACIAS

CAR SALES

DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

HEATING

ENTERTAINMENT

IPG La Marina Tel. 96 679 5233 LOMOND SECOND HOME Gran Alacant Tel. 620 896 248 MASA INTERNATIONAL Gran Alacant Tel. 629 251 747 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357 VICTORIA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7779

HAIRDRESSING

FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031

HEALTH & BEAUTY BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031

PUBLICITY THE JUNGLE DRUMS All Areas Tel. 96 669 5141

MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319

ESTATE AGENTS

CARPENTRY

HEARING CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802

CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040

FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399

CAR HIRE

BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS All Areas www.spanishink.com COMENERSOL Novelda Tel. 96 560 5437

NATURE

NURSING CARE IN THE COMMUNITY All areas Te. 96 597 5459

OPTICIANS CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 GRAN PLAYA OPTICA Santa Pola Tel. 96 669 1208 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249

PAINTERS / DECORATORS MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

PETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 618 2838 MOUNTAIN VIEW CAT HOTEL Hondon Tel. 96 667 7273

PLUMBERS DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

POSTAL

REMOVALS

RESTAURANTS

COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 FRICANDO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5744 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 SAFFRON Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8098 WISHING WELL Dolores Tel. 96 671 1653

SIGNS / SIGN WRITING

CORTES SIGNS Santa Pola Tel. 686 464 076

SOLICITORS

LOMOND SECOND HOME Gran Alacant Tel. 620 896 248 PELLICER HEREDIA Alicante/Hondon + Tel. 96548 0737

SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350

SUPERMARKETS AJ’s Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718 SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)

GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657 SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)

REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

TOBACCO ESTANCO 7 Santa Pola Tel. 96 669 4716

TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 638 608 422 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

TRANSPORT TAXI Santa Pola Tel 609 959 408

TV GRAN ALACANT TV Santa Pola Tel. 677 878 210

VETS

CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 8463

EASYPOST All Areas Tel. 96 672 0959

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Chrysler Voyager Model 2000 7 seater, only 80,000kms Tinted Windows, Like New

Citroen C3 2004 HDi, Diesel, 80,000 kms Good Condition

Skoda Octavia 1.6 2003 1 Owner, 5 door, 108,000kms, Service History, Perfect Condition

Honda Jazz 1.3 2002 73,000kms, Manual, A/C Nice Runaround

Opel Corsa 2003 & 2002 A/C, Manual,5 door 68,000kms / 83,000kms Great Condition, Choice of 2

Kia Rio 1.5 2003 5 door, Low kms, Excellent Inside and Out

Fiat Gran Punto JTD DIesel 1.2, 2006 A/C P/S 70,000kms, Like New

Hyundai Atos 1999 Manual. A/C, PAS High Sitting

DISABLED MODOFICATIONS NOW AVAILABLE ON ALL CARS

All cars include a new ITV, 1 years warranty & document transfer

Call:

646 763 645

SERVICES WE OFFER

Servicing - Mechanical Repairs - Pre ITV Body Repairs Tyres - Exhausts - Batteries - Air Con Regassing Document/Registration Transfers

A professional service you can trust TO

Opening Times

Mon - Fri: 10.00-6.00pm Sat: 10.00-2.00pm Later by appointment only

LA MARINA VILLAGE

off the N332 - Direction Alicante

NEW

ALICANTE LIDL

GUARDAMAR Mercadona

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408