The Jungle Drums April

FOR THE LOCALS...BY THE LOCALS

www.thejungledrums.com

APRIL 2011 No. 82

NON-RESIDENT CERTIFICATE & NON-RESIDENT TAXES

...Spot the difference

WALKING IN SPAIN...

Two-faced BENIDORM

PLUS All the regulars, all the frolics, Loads of fun, With none of the…rubbish…

Hand delivered with care to…

10 THINGS TO DO IN SPAIN... and they’re all legal...!

GRAN ALACANT - SANTA POLA - LA MARINA - GUARDAMAR - ROJALES CATRAL - ALBATERA - HONDONS - LA ROMANA & PINOSO - HABANERAS TORREVIEJA - CABO ROIG - PUNTA PRIMA & PLAYA FLAMENCA

DID YOU KNOW...?

Spain “the land of rabbits”.

It is said that the Phoenicians and Carthaginians found the country overrun with these rodents, and so named it after them.

this month 5 ANDREA...

non residents...

7 WALK SPAIN...

Bob’s does Benidorm...

9 ALOE, Aloe, Aloe... vera’s here...

11 LIVE SPAIN...

Ten things to do...

15 NATURE... part three...

23 PUZZLES... easy, peasy...

31 HOROSCOPES... looking ahead...

33 JOKES... chuckle along...

THE MAN WITH NO NAME… I got stopped in my car by the boys in Green

could call your wife and she could bring your

the other day. Not really a problem is it?

documents here?’

Unless of course you’re daft enough to go

‘I’m not married,’ I said.

around with the wrong paperwork…and then

‘Girlfriend?’

you end up going through the Spanish admin-

‘Nope.’

istration system, including a possible trip to

‘Parents?’ he asked.

Trafico and to the police station for an NIE,

‘In the UK.’

for example and you really don’t want that.

‘So how can you prove who you are and where

I didn’t have the right paperwork. No driving

you live without any documentation here and

licence. But the jovial Guardia Civil officers

nobody to help you?’

were fairly understanding, to start with at

‘I could ask my Moroccan neighbour, Moham-

least. ‘So where is it? One of them asked. I’d

med, to get them…he has a key?’ I offered.

lost it about two weeks ago and hadn’t had

He looked at me with a smirk and said, ‘are

time (bothered) to replace it.

you sure you’re not Moroccan, you look a little

‘Think I’ve lost it,’ I said….holding my wrists

Moroccan…perhaps you are here illegally…’ I

out for the cuffs. At least they laughed, sort

hardly look north-African being six feet three

of.

and no moustache in sight but there you go.

&

‘So what are you going to do,’ he asked.

‘In fact’, he went on, ‘you could be here ille-

‘Go home and get the paper bit?’

gally in our beautiful country and have a car

‘What’s your name,’ he said, pulling out a pad

full of drugs over there for all we know.’

from the action man belt that they wear. I

Just the Juan Fran from the petrol station

told him and then he said, ‘can you prove

went past on his scooter giving a little toot

it?’ short of going through the photos on my

and a wave. I acknowledged him, and so did

phone I had no other pictures of me.

the two officers before asking, ‘you know

We went through the phone, with me pointing

Juan Fran?’

out who people were and saying, no we can’t

35 CLASSIFIEDS...

Buy, sellit...

38 BUSINESS DIRECTORY...

All you need to call...

and much much more

‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘I’ve known him years, we

call them to come and get me. Eventu-

used to go to the football together.’

ally, I offered a weak, ‘er…I’ve got a

That was good enough for them, one of

passport at home, somewhere?’

the ‘locals’ knew who I was so I could

‘And where is home Senor Bull?’

go, (with a warning to get my licence

so I told him, and he repeated,

sorted), such nice people the Guardia.

‘can you prove it? perhaps we

Read on & enjoy…

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PEACE OF MIND FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE

Dave

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Av.de Madrid 60 PETRER

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The difference between a non-resident certificate and non-resident taxes In this article I will try and clarify an issue that has caused confusion to a number of my clients.

By law, banks are obliged to ascertain the status of their clients -either resident or non-resident- regularly and pass this information on to the tax office.

Most banks will do this on an annual basis, some

andrea burns

QUALIFIED GESTORA

SPANISH PROBATE/INHERITANCES SPANISH WILLS PLANNING PERMISSIONS

every two years.

For this, the bank sends a form to the account holder’s home address. In the cover letter the bank informs about the laws and regulations with regards to this procedure and requests the recipient to verify their status (either nonresident or resident) and return the signed form to the bank.

CHANGE-OVER UTILITY BILLS

Fiscal help...

Now, does that ring a bell? Good, but have you ever returned that letter to the bank? If not, you are not the only one. Some do and some don’t but the bank has to report to the tax office and will maintain the current status unless they are informed to the con-

NOTARY DEEDS PRIVATE SALES CONTRACTS FISCAL REPRESENTATION

trary by the account holder.

CAPITAL GAINS TAX

The bank then charges you for this service by

NON-RESIDENTS' INCOME TAX

debiting your account for a “non-residents’ certificate”. This charge has given rise to a lot of misconception by the sheer wording of it and since it is usually charged on an annual basis it has been confused with the annual taxes to be paid by the

N.I.E. NUMBERS RESIDENCE CERTIFICATES

non-residents.

CONVEYANCING

The annual non-residents taxes will not just be

POWER OF ATTORNEY

debited to your account unless you have appointed yourself a fiscal representative to do these for you!

For further information please contact me, see details on the right.

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Two Faces of Benidorm

by Bob Morris

proper walking boots and a head for heights I had been told by several people about the

along the walk are deep gulleys with some quite

sussed.

Sierra Helada,the range of cliffs, stretching

treacherous paths in the wet ( probably best

Then comes the last ridge and you can see

along the coast from Benidorm to Albir. I

not to try this walk in bad weather). The thing

the cross which is such a landmark at the far

then read up on it and decided that although

about gulleys is that for every down there is an

end of Levante beach at the northern end of

it was a linear walk that I would go for it as

up. In fact a book I have, Costa Blanca Walks

the promenade. We made our way down to

when I reached Albir I knew that there was a

by Charles Davis says that it is “as rough and

“La Cruz” where people have stuck all kinds of

regular bus service back to Benidorm.

rugged as anything in the Region”. If you are

messages to dear departed. Reminded me of

doing it you do need proper walking boots and

the shrines that are all over the Yorkshire Dales

I mentioned this walk to one of my walking

a head for heights. Some sections of the path

where motorcyclists

friends and before I knew it there were 10 of us

touch within a metre of the edge of the cliffs with

have come to grief.

doing the walk and that my one day hike had

sheer drops down to the rocky shore. However

From this cross it is just a road walk down into

turned into a walk and a night in Benidorm.

the views are spectacular,especially from the

Benidorm and everything the place has to offer

antennas on the Alt del Gobernador. At this

and goodness didn’t we partake. I will not go

The hotel was booked,a convoy to

point the path is so close to the edge of the cliff

into details in order to protect the guilty and I do

Benidorm,and the walk started. We decided that

that some of us climbed away from the path and

realise children, those of a delicate nature,and

it would be a good idea to commence the walk

headed a short way inland until we rejoined the

wives read Jungle Drums. I won’t even name

in Albir and finish in Benidorm (nothing to do

path at a safer point.

the guy whose dentures I found in the sink in

with being in a pub sooner). In fact this turned

the morning when I went to clean my teeth.

out to be a good decision as the weather was

At one of the many stops we made there is a

not kind to us and no sooner had we got into a

fantastic view of the Isla Mitjana,the small island

If you don’t feel you want to do this walk

bar at the end of the walk that the rain, which

between Benidorm and Albir which apparently is

then from the car-park in Albir there is a

had been threatening all day, came down in

the nesting place of the rare Audouins Gull,only

short,energetic stroll along the road to the

torrents.

found in the Balearics and Eastern Mediterra-

lighthouse,El Faro del Albir,with fantastic views

nean. Mind you at this point the rain started and

of Altea and Calpe. You don’t have to spend the

We got taxis to Albir and started the walk at

hoods came up,heads went down, and these

night in Benidorm but all aches and pains are

the car park at the top of the street “Cami de la

very rare birds could have been doing things

soon forgotten if you do.

Cantera”. Here there is a tourist information hut

on our heads and we wouldn’t have known or

from which you can obtain very good booklets

cared.

in Spanish and English describing the nature reserve of the Sierra Helada,and a map of the

There are that many ups and downs that Beni-

walk.

dorm did not seem to be getting closer but then one more climb and there was the famous site

You should not be fooled into thinking that this

of the hotels which even if you have not actually

is a gentle cliff top walk, Bridlington it is not. The

been there you have seen. This was time for a

climb from the car-park is very steep and all

group photo once the camera timer had been

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ALOE VERA

‘There are so many health benefits to using aloe vera gel...’

NATURE’S PORTABLE FIRST AID KIT

Back when I was in my 20's I spent a year living in the Mexican city of Guanajuato.

It was there, after a very unfortunate incident with a gas water heater and a naked flame, that I ended up in a hospital emergency room with the top layer of skin burnt off my face and neck. The doctor that treated me didn't seem too concerned, he simply handed me one of the small spiky plants that were growing in pots around the department with instructions to smear the gel inside the leaves over my face for the next week. It worked, within five days my burnt skin was completely healed without a single scar and there began my love affair with the truly wondrous aloe vera plant.

All of us heard how effective aloe vera gel is in the treatment of sunburn, in fact, most people think that is all it is good for. In reality though aloe vera is useful for both external and internal use and can indeed be considered a super food. All you need do is snap off a leaf, remove the skin to reveal the jelly like interior and chop it into water or fruit juice, whizz it into smoothies, mix it with yoghurt.... It's not the tastiest thing in the world but the health benefits it offers make up for that.

The aloe vera plant grows abundantly in this area of Spain. It is antibacterial, antiviral and antifungal, and is well known by herbalists. It's common sense really, if aloe vera gel wasn't antibacterial every little tear or scrape of the plant would result in the entire thing being eaten up by bacteria. Aloe needs to be antibacterial simply to survive in the wild or its moist, nutrient rich gel would provide a perfect breeding ground for invading bacteria.

Analysis of the plant shows that aloe vera gel contains: • Water • 20 minerals • 12 vitamins • 18 amino acids • 200 active plant compounds (phytonutrients), including: • Enzymes • Triterpenes (a phytonutrient that lowers blood sugar) • Glyconutrients & glycoproteins • Polysaccharides, including: • Acemannan, mannose-6-phosphate polymannans • Phenolic glycosides, including: • Dihydrocoumarins There are actually so many health benefits to using aloe vera gel that I can only go into a few of them in this article. Let's start with the external, topical use of it on the skin.

I personally think that we should all throw out our standard first aid kids with all those silly toxic antibacterial sprays, creams, lotions and bandages and simply replace them with aloe vera plants. I've been known to pack small chunks of aloe vera gel inside wounds that have healed in just a few days with zero scarring.

As the aloe gel dries it contracts and draws the wound shut while attracting an increased flow of blood to the wound which accelerates healing. At the same time the aloe vera gel kills bacteria, prevents infection and also provides nourishment to the wound tissue. I use it regularly on my dogs and cats, if they lick the wound they're not licking all those harmful toxic chemicals found in most first aid products and it's so easy and cheap to re-apply.

Why on earth would anyone consider smearing wounds and injuries with toxic antibacterial creams and sprays?

Whenever I go hiking in the mountains I take a leaf of aloe with me. It treats cuts, scrapes, burns, bites, stings, punctures, sprains, sunburns and even bruises. And as an added bonus if you ever find yourself stranded and dying of thirst you can eat the gel for its water content.

Another interesting use of aloe vera is in its effective treatment of gum disease. You can either rub the gel directly onto your gum line or take the gel mixed with water as a mouthwash, it’s fantastic for mouth ulcers too and don’t forget you can drink it as well. By doing so you’ll be bathing your gums in healing aloe gel and any bleeding, swollen or painful areas you have will begin to heal rapidly. Even severe cases of gum disease can be completely cured in a matter of weeks.

So forget about all those chemically flavoured, blow your head off mouthwashes. Bathe and nourish your gums, and general oral area with aloe gel. You’ll not only benefit your gums and oral hygiene but you’ll be cutting down on your body’s general chemical load which is always a good thing!

So go on, invest in a couple of aloe vera plants, they grow easily in this climate and you’ll have your own perfect little, portable first aid kit growing right at your fingertips.

More to come on the super healing powers of aloe vera in future articles.

Happy natural healing everyone!

Where to learn more AloeCorp QMatrix low-temperature technology: http://www.aloecorp. com/back.php?name=qmatrix The International Aloe Science Council research page: http://www.iasc. org/articles.html Wikipedia page on aloe vera: http:// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloe_vera Brief history of aloe vera at: http:// www.qni.com/~gic/herb/aloevera. htm

9

Beautiful Cartagena is well worth a visit

Learn something new

atre. Attend a book reading or a band, orchestra

fairs. In addition to radio and televised news pro-

A great way for expats to experience personal

or choral concert. Fresh eyes and fresh experi-

grams, there are websites, local newspapers and

growth, maintain mental acuity and meet others

ences bring fresh perspective.

magazines available in English. Make an effort to learn about what’s going on and why. Seek the

is to take up something new. Learn a new language. Take an art class or a course in writing,

Celebrate holidays Spanish style

views of neighbours, colleagues and friends. Ask

quilting or crafting. Start or continue your uni-

Regardless of how long you’ve been here, you

them to help explain issues simply and in their

versity education through individual courses or

probably have a general sense of the various

own words.

a specific program of study. Take up a musical

holidays the Spanish celebrate. Rather than pas-

instrument. Learn to cook Spanish delicacies or

sively observing these holidays, consider partici-

Volunteer

your favourite foreign cuisine. You could do any

pating more actively. Do as the Spanish do.

Forge deeper connections to Spanish society by

of these activities elsewhere, but what makes the

Get involved

contributing your time and effort in making life

experience unique is doing them here.

Join a photography club, writing group, sewing

better. Needs are always great and volunteer op-

circle. Sing in a choir or play your favourite in-

portunities abound. Help out at a school, nursing

strument in a band. Support an organisation or

home, food bank, soup kitchen, homeless shel-

Explore as a local, not a tourist

group whose cause or hobby you share. Attend

ter. Donate your time and skills to a non-profit or

Expats will certainly want to visit many of the

services at your preferred house of worship. Join

public interest group. Get involved and help out.

popular places Spain is known for. But also try

a chess, bridge, mah-jong or scrap-booking club.

getting to know Spain better by exploring differ-

Get involved, meet new people, enjoy with a

Boost your skill set

ent parts in day trips and short excursions. Don’t

Spanish twist.

Whether your career brought you to Spain, you are temporarily between jobs, taking a break

just visit those attractions that typically draw the

tourist

out less-

Brush up on Spanish politics, issues and history

from employment, plan to return to the job mar-

er known places and

Your knowledge of historical events, political con-

ket in your previous occupation or in a related

which provide more

cepts and important societal issues in your own

line of work, envision a change in careers or you

genuine

country helps provide context to current head-

just aren’t sure, it’s time to review your skill set.

lines. But that knowledge didn’t simply appear

Spruce up your CV. Enhance your marketabil-

overnight. You learned about these topics in your

ity through training. Keep abreast of the latest

Expand your cultural hori-

homeland bit by bit, over time and in both formal

developments in your current or possible future

zons

and informal settings.

field.

crowds.

regions

Deliberately

seek

perspec-

tives of Spanish life.

Attending a cultural event Learn what it takes to enter the local or inter-

works wonders for broad-

10

ening one’s view of so-

The same holds true for expats in a new coun-

national job market. Consider seeking career

ciety and the world. Visit

try. One of the fastest and easiest ways to feel

counselling or life coaching. Enhancing your skills

an art gallery, museum,

more connected to Spanish society is to become

while in Spain not only offers insight into Spain

cultural exhibit or the the-

familiar with this country’s history and current af-

and European business practices and perspec-

Expat life in Spain: you’ve survived, now THRIVE! O nce you’ve settled in, it’s time to branch out in your new surroundings. Expat Linda A. Janssen offers ten tips to deepen connections and enrich the expat experience in Spain.

Settling into life in a new country requires time and energy. You are often dealing with a different culture, language, and climate while getting accustomed to your new home, job, neighbourhood, school and local community. Attention and effort are focused on dealing with mundane issues, learning new things and just trying to survive.

But, at a certain point you will begin to feel more settled. You will no longer think of yourself as having recently arrived. This is a wonderful time to seek out ways to broaden your experiences, become more fully involved in society, and enrich your daily life in Spain. In other words, it’s time to thrive! Here are ten suggestions on how you might do just that. Regardless of how long you have been in Spain or how long you intend to stay, these tips will help you flourish in your new surroundings.

tives, it also makes for a unique experience not

the notion of viewing themselves as guests in this

horizons through the prism of Spanish society.

replicated elsewhere.

country rather than full members of Spanish so-

You choose to become a part, rather than apart.

ciety. Some may even question how much more

The result is a fuller, more rewarding expat ex-

Widen your circle

change they could possibly accommodate.

perience.

Certainly no two expat experiences are alike. How-

Yet this is precisely the time to dig deeper into

ever, sometimes job, school and housing choices

the Spanish experience. The point isn’t change.

Linda A. Janssen writes articles on expat issues,

result in expats living and socialising together.

It’s growth. When you go beyond surviving to

and has a blog www.adventuresinexpatland.com.

Whether intended or not, they may find them-

thriving, you flourish and prosper. By trying some

She currently lives in The Hague, Netherland

selves living virtually parallel lives to the Spanish

of the aforementioned tips, expats experience

This is a reprint of the article originally published

population. The shared experiences among expats

personal growth while they broaden their under-

on expatica.com/es on 12 January 2011.

that bring them together is not to be underesti-

standing and deepen their connections to

mated. But it is also important to consider broad-

the society they live in. This can

ening your friendships to include others.

only help to integrate expats more fully into their sur-

Invite your Spanish (or other) neighbours over for

roundings and the fabric

coffee. Meet a new acquaintance for lunch. Enter-

of Spanish life.

tain. Branch out and initiate friendship with others who don’t mirror you in age, nationality or stage

These

suggestions

of life. Not only will you gain a friend or two, you’ll

would

certainly

see the world and yourself through different eyes.

be beneficial to anyone

having

Get out and about

experienced the

The Spanish are wonderful at getting outdoors

tumult of mov-

and enjoying the fresh air. When the sun is shin-

ing to and set-

ing and the weather is gorgeous everyone seems

tling into a new

to get into the act. Join a running group, a football

place. But when

club or other sports team. You’ll meet others and

that place hap-

see the country from another perspective.

pens to be in a foreign

country,

It might seem counter-intuitive to seek out new

these efforts take on

activities and adventures after having just gone

additional significance.

through the challenging process of moving to a

By

new country. Indeed at this point many expats

into the community

are only too willing to settle into their daily rou-

around you, you’re

branching

out

tines. They may feel satisfied with living a rela-

essentially expand-

tively separate expat existence, comfortable with

ing your personal

11

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contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

11

14

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MEMORIES OF AFRICA

By Malcom Palmer....part three

Amazingly, my recent trip to Kenya was halfway through, as we embarked on a safari which took us around the Great Rift Valley salt lake of Nakuru. Groups of Pelicans stood in the shallows, rivalled in numbers by Greater and Lesser Flamingos, the latter astonishingly pink in the brilliant African sun. Buffalos and the odd little group Zebras stood around, grazing, and Olive Baboons were everywhere, watching us carefully in case we should discard anything edible. A rocky bluff was the site of a picnic place. Confiding Cliffchats fed around the waste-bins, and even tamer, rodent-like Rock Hyrax scampered around the rocks.

Their reputed close relationship to Elephants stretches the imagination!

Back on the lake-shore, familiar waders included Greenshank, Ruff and a lovely pair of delicate Marsh Sandpipers, while Grey-headed were numerous. A lazy group of Lions, including a proud-looking young male with a half-grown mane, sat around in a big old acacia tree, allowing us to photograph them at will.

It was time to move on, and we drove south along good roads to the freshwater lake of

Naivasha, where we were greeted at the super-modern Sopa lodge – its only drawback being the near-marathon you had to partake of from bedroom to restaurant. If it was to be done in the dark, we had to be escorted by a guard, though just what use his truncheon would have been against a charging Hippo, I know not! The great beasts, resembling closely an ex-mother-in-law of mine, ambled about, with Warthogs and Waterbuck, on the lawns.

Next morning, we embarked on the lake in canoes, the boatman keeping warily away from the many Hippos. Blacksmith and Spurwinged Plovers, Yellow-billed Stork, Longtailed Cormorants and a gorgeous Hottentot Teal were to be seen, and a narrow creek held Malachite and Pied Kingfishers. The boatman had a party-trick to show us, and, pointing to an African Fish Eagle perched on a distant tree, he whistled and held up a fish. The great bird swooped down and took its prize in midair – twice.

We landed on Crescent Island, where there are no carnivores, s o we were, for once, able to walk amongst the many Giraffes, Zebras, Gnus and antelopes of four species. Many birds were there too, including the ubiquitous Superb Starlings, and many Long-tailed Fiscal Shrikes.

Back, then to the 4x4, and the long drive to the wonderful Masai Mara, where another Sopa Lodge was to be our home for two nights, and colourful Agama lizards ran along the walls. Sooty Chats fed around my patio, but we were soon whisked off on the first of our four safaris there. Scraggy-looking Gnus and Coke’s Hartebeests were everywhere, as were the inevitable Zebras, and groups of ag-

ile Thompson’s Gazelles bounded away at our approach. Beautiful Lilac-breasted Rollers and three migrant Lesser Grey Shrikes - extreme rarities in Spain – were by the roadside, and the two species of Guineafowl were keeping well away from the Masai villages – they are, our guide told us, very good eating!

Charmed, we watched a mother Cheetah teaching two kittens to hunt, half-heartedly chasing a bunch of ‘Tommies’ which had wandered too close. Topi and Reedbuck were two new kinds of antelope for us, but we saw a couple of safari vehicles near a rocky knoll, and when we joined them, saw a magnificent male Lion, basking in the late sun. It had been a great day.

The following morning, three of our party left before daylight for a balloon excursion, leaving just Luis and myself with guide for the morning. I was able to concentrate a little more on the birds, seeing beautiful Striped Swallows, Yellow-throated Longclaw, and the wonderful Secretary Bird, that strange, longlegged species that lives on snakes, as well as a tremendous Lappet-faced Vulture. When we stopped at a lodge for a while, I really came into my own, finding a singing Icterine Warbler – bound for Europe in a while, then seeing our only - fantastic – Bateleurs fly over. To be continued………

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16

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JUST MARRIED

Two weeks later the

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room

woman comes back to the

and the groom decides to let the bride know

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where she stands right from the start of the

reborn.

marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw

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The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”

He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always

u doing? how are yo

The bride takes off her knickers and throws

them at him with the same request, “Try those

time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn’t touch me!”

on!”

?? ededupup ovov ’s’smm hoho wHe w replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”

... inning Doctor: “You see how are you w

“And you never bloody will n? n? if you don’t change ww dodo eded much keeping your ovov .? k.mouth ’s’smm hoho ww er y wee ...or losing ev your attitude.” shut helps?”

While us lot at the Jungle Drums team are clearly preparing for a (very) late charge up the table in search of glory others have made the move too this month, but not only upwards. The Blue & White army seem to be doing the best ‘Leeds’ impression so

Mrs Ireland has gathered more points than the Irish GDP and leapt up the table form 13th in March to 6th so Adam Parkin may be wise to take a look over his shoulder – although he has been one of the season’s top performer. OT Dreamteam are still up there

far having nit the heady heights of the top spot just a few short months ago they have now plummeted to 44th – someone’s not got their eye on the ball…? The Translator looks to be heading for the ‘most consistent performance’ award of 2011 having grabbed bottom spot and sat on it for most of the season, and no real sign of him pulling away, at least he’ll have Paul Payne and his Blue & Whites for company soon…

But it’s at the top we should be looking and

and looking strong but those just below are not far behind and a match or two could change all that.

Don’t forget to check online and see who finished March on top…if you’ve won, email Paul on paul@masainternational.com

top

Jungle Dr ague Table ums Luems League Ta l g ble Jun e Dr

top

You tried your best and you failed miserably.

The lesson is ‘never try’...Homer (

Simpson)

LEAVING THE OFFICE EARLY Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early??

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!!

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

“No way”, the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday.”

bottom

22

m

o bott

17 Woman: “Doctor, I don’t

966 182 411 - 649 964 023 - 619 185 122

18

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

“for all your home and business computer needs”

“BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca. We aim to provide high “quality computer services at realisrealis tic prices - we specialise in providing services to small businesses and home users”

Broadband Setup New Computers & Laptops in English Repairs & Upgrades Compatible Ink Cartridges

Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions This month we continue to look at Amazons book reader, the Kindle.

In March we looked at how you might use additional software to get the best out of the Kindle, and this month we continue in the same vein, covering some of the less well-known features of this great little device.

Something thing that many people are un-

game, but the idea is to guess where all

aware of is that you can take screen shots with yor Kindle - a screen shot is simply a

the mines are. Whilst in Minesweeper you can launch another game called GoMoku,

photograph of whatever you have on the

this is a version of tick-tak-toe. To launch

screen at the time you take it. To do this

this game, just press the letter G whist in

Phone Calls Using Your PC

just press ALT + Shift + G together, the screen will flash momenmomen

Website Design

tarily and a copy of the screen

There are a few

will be saved to your Kindle’s memory.

other games that you can

Competitive Rates

Minesweeper.

download

for

To retrieve the screen shots

free from Ama-

browse to the Kindle’s ‘docu‘docu

zon,

ments’ folder where you will find all of your books together

and ‘Every Word’ are both word

PC and Server Health Checks

with the screenshots.

games but high-

Macro Writing

Another thing that many of my customers have troutrou

There is a grow-

ble with is that their new

ing community of

Kindle is registered by

Kindle users on

Backup Solutions

default to amazon.com and therefore when

the Internet so if you want to find

Web and Email Hosting

they try to purchase

out

books they are au-

information

Kindle E-Book Reader...

Microsoft Office Training Server Monitoring

‘Shuffled’

ly addictive!

more

offered

about what you

Network & Wireless Setup

titles from the American store in dollars.

can do with yours I found a lot of useful

Anti-Virus & Security

It’s a reasonably simple a process to change

Windows Server Configuration

No Call Out Fee No Job Too Small

Email or phone us for friendly help and advice

tomatically

any

just Google it.

the country that your Kindle is registered to

information at the website http://maketecheasier.com/tips-and-tricks-for-your-shiney-new-Kindle/2010/09/16

- all you need to do is to go to your Amazon account page and update your Kindle

Well that’s about it for this month, I hope

profile to show your country as the UK. It

you have found it useful, remember that

takes about 10 minutes for this change to update on Amazon’s system. After that

you can see all of our articles on our website at www.bluemoonsolutions.es/articles

when you browse for books on your Kindle you will be offered books from the UK store

office@bluemoonsolutions.es

in Sterling rather than dollars.

www.bluemoonsolutions.es

Finally there are some games that you

mobile: 655 044 970

it comes with is Minesweeper and you ac-

Office: 902 906 200

can play on your Kindle!

The game that

tivate it by holding down ALT + Shift + M, the controls are shown at the start of the

19

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20

NO HIDDEN EXTRAS

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CALL PAUL

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Talleres PEREZ JUAN NEW AND SECOND HAND VEHICLES, REPAIRS, SERVICING AND BODY WORK Talleres Perez Juan S.L Ctra Elche 10 - Santa Pola. Telephone 96 541 5921 or 96 541 3746 STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

21

PERFORMANCE & DIESEL CENTRE Motor Engineers of Guardamar

JAGUAR All makes, petrol and diesel, Serviced and Repaired The Diesel Centre specialises in mechanical and engine repairs from routine servicing to repairing manual gear boxes, alternators, starter motors, Re-building complete engines, also up to date diagnostic fault finding, Head gaskets, timing belts, clutches, brakes, welding and air con.

We also carry out pre-ITV inspections and take cars for the actual ITV tests.

Mark, the owner, has more than 20 years experience as a mechanic, and colleague Steve, is a Ford trained Master Technician (which is the highest standard awarded to any technician in Europe), so you can be assured you are being served by the best.

The Centre’s reputation is built on expertise and quality of service, and many of its customers are referred by word of mouth recommendations.

The centre opens weekdays from 9am to 6pm (no Siesta) Saturday mornings 9am to 1pm.

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2995

CROSSWORD 2

CROSSWORD 1

Across

Down

1. __ My Ride (reality show) 2. On the briny 3. Russell or Spinks 4. Chevys’ rivals 5. Yes, certainly!

6. Canadian div.

7. __ Ifni (Moroccan seaport) 8. Clear as __ 9. Mental grasp 10. “Who’s Who” entry 11. Wine: Prefix 12. Golfer’s concern 13. Heavy wts.

19. Czech or Croat 21. Like arctic winters 24. Shrek! author William 25. Some urban legends 26. Gumption 27. Doesn’t work anymore, informally 28. Tennis great, Stefan 29. Connected 32. State VIPs 33. Dutch __ 36. Certain collars and jackets 37. Sicilian resort town 40. Bill add-on 30. Painter Modigliani 41. Fishhook fastener 45. They’re worth 10 points in Scrabble 46. MCI 50. Drug-yielding shrubs 52. In a crazy way 54. Hops-drying kiln 55. Dark 56. 12 57. El __ 58. Awkward person, slangily 59. Ukr. or Lith., once 60. __-Aztecan (Native American language family) 61. Best hand takes it 62. Pipe material

Across

1. Backtalk 5. Berra and the Bear 10. Not a hit 14. Stck in __ 15. Old market place 16. Cockney’s cart puller 17. Allow (using one’s head) 19. Peruse 20. Resting places 21. The same, in France 22. Chesterfield 23. Sire’s opposite 25. Net 27. Disappoints 32. Ax packer?

36. 1101 37. Electronic novel 39. College celebs 40. Negatives 42. Bear in Barcelona 43. Chemical endings 44. Warner of “The Jazz Singer” 46. Greek cheeses 49. One of 30 in Abril 50. Locker door pix 52. Girl’s group 54. __ monster 56. Word on a wine bottle, maybe 57. __ in a poke 60. “Jarhead” org.

63. Glacial ridge 67. Four-time Hugo winner Frederik 68. Developer’s quest 70. Gin berry 71. “The Taming of the Shrew” setting 72. Greek letters 73. Mistake word 74. Con 75. Shoulder muscle, briefly

Down

1. Palm starch 2. Opera solo 3. Highway cloggers 4. Knights transportation 5. You betcha 6. Molding 7. The __ Show 8. “...and dreary ev’rywhere _”: Stephen Foster 9. Barry __, singing soldier of the ‘60s 10. Tut, tut!

11. Cream filled cookie 12. Letters on a B-2 13. Mother of Helen, in myth 18. Hebrew letter after qoph 24. Rowdy bunch 26. Cry 27. Part of the alphabet 28. Bacteria often in the news 29. One of moons 30. Boxer’s word 31. Sniffers 33. Comic book orphan of old 34. Clinch a deal, slangily 35. Composition 38. Japanese stringed instrument 41. Curls up 45. Resolution letters 47. Rainbow, e.g.

48. They hurt 51. Noisy sips 53. Corroded 55. Save me __ (concertgoer’s request) 57. Lhasa-___ 58. Equestrian’s game 59. Breakfast chain 61. Home or hand finisher 62. This, e.g.

64. __ Winslett 65. List ender 66. Take five

9

1

4

WHY PAY MORE?

3

5

4

1 4 2

0

7

1. Lifeline locale 5. Res ___ loquitur (legal phrase) 9. Pipe fastener 14. 10-4 15. Smidgen 16. __ the sky 17. __ you (who goes first?)

18. Magnetite, et al 20. Mexican revolutionary 22. Word in some discount store names 23. Hindu goddess of fortune 28. Itinary abbrev.

31. Army grp.

34. Nixes 35. Woolworth’s, e.g.

38. Diner sign, maybe 39. AKA, the “Pastoral” in F major, Opus 68 42. Taro root 43. Texas city once home to ‘Buffalo Soldiers’ 44. Wagner opera based on a 14thcentury Italian patriot 47. Story 48. Match part 49. __ Gospels (religious teachings written circa 200AD) 51. Scary street 53. Famous area of the St. Lawrence River 59. Humble entreater 63. Button or zip, perhaps 64. Cooker 65. __ stupid question...

66. La Vida __ 67. College mil. programs 68. River of the underworld 69. Santa __, Calif.

answers on page 43

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24

Calle 9 Octubre, Local 4 Bajo, 03187, Los Montesinos Off the main street opposite the Shang Hai Chinese restaurant Tel. 966

720 959

www.easypost.es email: alicantesouth@easypost.es

Excellen source fot r customers

YE T DEA NEX IC V R S Y ER

DELIV

Available

K

to the U

LIABLE

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A MOVING Hondon de Las Nieves

The little shop with a

EXPERIENCE

BIG HEART

Opening hours Mon 10 till 14.00 Tuesday to Friday 10 till 14.00 & 17.00 till 19.00 Saturday 10 till 14.00 Sunday 10 till 13.30

Daily newspapers Fri, Sat & Sun in store

You may have thought that there is an exodus of people returning to the UK from Spain but we had a chat with removal company TSI Removals who run a service from Spain to the UK and vice versa on a monthly basis and it seems that there are just as many, if not more, Brits coming out here than there is going back.

New !

Mexican Range instore Selection of golf accesories in store

Large selection of dry & frozen Dutch products

Tel/Fax 965 480718

Calle Nueva 7 Hondon de Las Nieves

TSI Removals getting your goods there safely You may have thought that there is an exodus of people returning to the UK from Spain but we had a chat with removal company TSI Removals who run a service from Spain to the UK and vice versa on a monthly basis and it seems that there are just as many, if not more, Brits coming out here than there is going back.

TSI tell me that because of that expansion has been rapid in recent years for example the company is now expanding to cover a larger area of Spain and they are also one of the few removals companies who deliver to the north or England and Scotland..

They originally set up 6 years ago as a small local service called the water geezer, helping with small deliveries from shops, door to door for those how didn’t have their own transport. That then grew into removals from and to the UK, then into pet transport and now that have had such demand from people wanting to bring/return with their pet that they are investing more in the pet transport side of things.

Another string to the TSI bow is the regular visits back to the UK to collect items for customers from Argos and Screwfix - customers simply order from the catalogue which they will supply and for a small fee they will bring the delivery back to your home in Spain.

Along with all this TSI also cater for light removals and a personal service that is fully insured. They are animal lovers, so no worries whether Fido or Fifi, and they are fully insured so you can relax and only worry about getting yourselves to the destination.

TSI can be contacted on 96 679 5842 or email them at: tsi_removals@hotmail.co.uk

25

The

British Dental Practice Dr. Paul Saliba LDS University of London 1981

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TEL: 96 679 6603 103, Calle Madrid Urb. La Marina

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From Gran Alacant: take the N332 to the La Marina Urbanisation.

Look for a major left turning into the main street lined with bars etc.

After Supervalu turn right, continue until you find bars and dentist on your left

26

F

in

Need a tradesman or a service?

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27

® inmobiliaria - estate agent Ref: GA 64 Brisa Mar

Ref: GA 160 Costa Hispania

Semidetached corner house in a private complex with 2 bedrooms, bathroom, toilet, lounge, kitchen, gallery, porch and solarium. Gas instalation

3 beds duplex, independent kitchen,1 bathroom, 1 toilet, garage, and wooden shedon on the terrace. A/A and facing to the swimming pool.

Ref: GA 58

Mediterraneo II

Ref: GA 149 Puerto Marino

Ground floor apartment with 2 bedrooms, independent kitchen, 1 bathroom, dining room, porch, garden and covered parking.

Fantastic first floor apartment with solarium, lounge, independent kitchen, 2 bedrooms and bathroom. Urbanisation with private pool. Very closed to the shopping Center

PVP:120.000€

PVP: 125.000€

PVP: 135.200€

Ref: 339-S Puerto Marino

Ref: 328-S Puerto Marino

Duplex in a very good conditiones with 2 bedrooms, dining room, independent kitchen, galery, 2 bathrooms, 1 toilet and terrace. Communal swimming pool. Close to amenities and services.

Duplex in excellent conditioning, dining room with A/A, independent kitchen, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 1 tolilet, garden of 111m2, covert galery and glass porch.

PVP: 165.000€

PVP: 170.000€

PVP:161.200€

PVP: 155.000€

Ref: GA 156 Puerto Marino

Ref: 179-S Anara

Ref: GA 81 Altomar I

Ref: GA 166 Don Pueblo

Corner semi-detached house with private swimming pool. Dining room, 3 bedrooms, independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet with shower , gallery, porch and big garden on plot of 250m2 with parking area. Furnished.

Villa with 4 bedrooms, dining room with fire place, independent kitchen, 2 bathrooms, and toilet. Air conditioning, basement divided into office and garage.

3 beds duplex with independent kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, gallery, terrace, solarium and communal swimming pool. Fully furnished.

Duplex with 225 m2 distributed in 3 bedoroms with built- in wardrobes, 3 bathrooms, independent kitchen, dining room with fire place, galey, basement with windows 3 terraces and garage. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court. ´Fantastic condition.

Ref: GA 80 Novamar II

Ref: GA 175 Novamar III

Apartment on top floor in perfect condition on one of the nicer urbanisations in this area. Comprising of 2 beds, bath, lounge/ dining room, terrace and parking.

Duplex in a private complex with 3 beds, 1 bath with bath and shower, 1 toilet with shower, open kitchen, lounge, garden, solarium, storage room, gallery and garage. Close to all services and amenities.

Duplex 3+2 beds, living room with fire place, large independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet, 4 terraces and extra dinig room in the basement. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court and parking space.

Ref : GA 61 Brisas del Faro

Ref: 369-S Monte y Mar

Ref: GA 67 Victoria Playa

3 beds triplex, dining room, open kitchen, 2 bathrooms, 1 toilet, balcony, terrace and solarium. Fully furnished and A/A. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court and close to all amenities.

Villa with 3 bedrooms, dining room with fire place , independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet with shower, terrace and solarium. Garden on plot of 279m2 and private swimming pool.

Fantastic 3 beds duplex with a big terrace, large bright lounge, 2 bath, independent kitchen, 2 solarium, balcony with sea views, storage room and a big terrace. Air conditioned throughout the property.

PVP: 240.000€

PVP: 1O5.000€

PVP: 120,000 €

GA 24

Apartment in top floor with 2 bedrooms, dining room, independent kitchen, terrace, roof solarium, utility room and cover parking space. Private complex with swimming pool and tennis court.

PVP:145.000€

PVP:360.000€

PVP: 180.000€

PVP:255.000€

Ref: GA 143

Don Pueblo

PVP: 199.000€

Before you buy or sell, come and visit us!

PVP: 185.000€

Ref: GA 98 Puerto Marino

Duplex 2 beds, dining room, independent kitchen, 2 bath, 1 toilet, gallery and 2 gardens. Communal swimming pool, parking space and A/A thoughout the house. Fully furnished.

PVP: 195.000€ Ref: 304-S Novamar V

Duplex with 3 bedrooms, dining room, independent kitchen, 2 bathrooms, garage, utility room and solarium. Fully furnished and all electrical appliances. Electric heating. Private complex with swimming pool, tennis court and green areas.

PVP:178.500€

GA 11

Mediterraneo I

Fantastic semidetached house close to the beach and the natural park. 3 bedrooms, dinning room, 2 bathrooms, 1 toilet, galery, corner terrace. Complex with swimming pool, tennis court and green areas.

PVP:189.000€

Avda. Escandinavia, 72 C.C. Altomar II L.10 03130 Gran Alacant. Santa Pola Tlf. 966697779 · 966698180 Fax 966697378 sp@victoria.es

www.victoria.es 28

Novamar

PVP: 115.000€

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O DI M N S IN G R O LI O V M IN S G R C O A O BI M N ET C HA S IR S TA BL ES

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A TT M Ctra. Nacional 332 Guardamar-Torrevieja Alto del Moncayo s/n 03140 Guardamar del Segura Telf. 96 572 43 20 info@procomobel.es

30

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APRIL 2011 Drinking to excess and being thrown off a plane are your lucky ‘the authorities are on their way’ activities this month.

Your new year pledge to try new meats will be aided by Jupiter this month as Koala Bear, Egyptian goat and chicken that died of a natural heart attack, become available in your area following some sort of accident.

In any reality tv show you are taking part in tend towards the Lazy Tool end of the scale rather than Point Jumping Tool.

The stubbing your toe on the bedpost advisory we forgot to mention last month continues.

Favor the small fluffy bunny rabbit type animal in any extreme Disney situation, including in dreams and drug induced hallucinations, until well into May. Your vague ideas for some sort of financial restructuring is in need of some expert advice.

Turkey Trots, waltzes and The Lithuanian Prance are your lucky dance styles. Bright yellow is your lucky pet lizard color for just about half of the month then it reverts back to green.

Aches, creaks and small cracking sounds coming from your joints, are all a sign from the planets this February. Rejoice that you are alive to feel these cracks and small bangs when you walk up stairs or kneel down to pick something up.

Charlie Sheen continues to be your preferred method of partying this month and until at least May this year.

Microphone feedback with giant speakers in a small room is to be preferred over nails scratched repeatedly down a blackboard when you want to audioalise your feelings this month.

Check that any temporary face paint or face pen does come off with a quick wash as there is a dubious consignment delivered to your area.

Your ability to accidentally pull down web sites, to hack them without even knowing it, is about to become a problem for governments around the world. Those people who were hacking sites on behalf of wikileaks the other month are now looking for you. Avoid going on the internet at night for your own protection and for that of others. Change all your passwords five times a day.

Neck ties, cravats and scarf’s tied like a neck tie are your lucky neckwear this month. Teflon will once again be your lucky non-stick frying pan covering especially when cooking eggs sunny side up around 23rd of the month.

Carrots are about to become your vegetable of choice this month, finally replacing cauliflower from the number one position in your vegetable pick of the pops.

The joys of Spring, including cleaning out your bedroom before Dad tells you to do what Mom told you, again, are about to provide you with moments of cleaning introspection this month in a Toy Story 3 kind of way. (You should have stopped playing with toys called Woody and Shaggy when you were 14, you know it, but it just felt so right how could it be wrong?)

‘Oink-ing’, ‘Moo-ing’ and ‘Cock-a-doodle-do-ing’ are your lucky farm yard sounds this month.

Test tubes less than half filled with blue chemicals are your preferred mad scientist experiment this month, especially when you have red or green bubbling liquids under the bunsen burner nearby.

Walking is about to become particularly lucky for Sagittarius this month, running a bit more so, as Jupiter attempts to neck Neptune in a rare display of interplanetary affection.

Talking without thinking what you are saying continues to be your preferred method of social intercourse this month especially in conversations over derivatives and options with bankers.

Singing is well starred this month (particularly traditional hand-up-to-ear folk and head banging punk with red mohican) in public places including bus stops and waiting in line at the post office.

Favor the Jason Stathem in The Transporter or Jake Gyllenhaal in Prince of Persia look in any muscular shirt off displays this month, especially in any beach walks after heavy lunches on Thursdays.

A magic trick where a person disappears and then reappears will be your only chance for escape in some sort of traffic violation where a police officer pulls you over this month. Make sure you have enough magic cabinets, cloaks and hats on hand at all times.

The cuticles on your right hand are set to provide an important message this month, as Saturn and Jupiter pivot in a North Easterly direction flatly, the first time that has happened for 5 million years. Avoid applications of nail varnish in the north easterly direction until well into the second half of the year.

Tennis and ping-pong are your lucky ball sports with a net, from 3rd April until 18th June.

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31

MAYOBUILD Dean Martin Mayo

GENERAL BUILDERS PLUMBING UNDERBUILDS ELECTRICAL and much more ESTABLISHED 7 YEARS in GRAN ALACANT design and build - portfolio of work -

Tel. 665 063 228 email:

mayobuild@hotmail.com Hablamos Espanol

FWR- turo Cars 965 687 976

™

600 726 221

www.fwreurocars.com Just a few of oVeR 80 VeHICLes we HaVe IN stoCK! absoLuteLy No HIddeN extRas! see ouR websIte foR fuLL gaLLeRIes & moRe! Mercedes 320SL Cabriolet - €10,950 Oct ‘96 - 3.2 Auto, 104,000 kms, 3 owners, Full service history, A/C, Alloys, PAS, ABS, CD player, Front fog lights, Removable hard top, Power soft top, Dark met green full tan leather

Ford Focus Sport 1.6 TDCi - €12,750 CITROEN C3 - €5,950 2010 - 5 door hatch, , 16,000kms, 1 owner, Full service history, A/C (Climate), 5 spoke alloys, PAS, ABS, Cruise, Front fogs, Sony CD, E. windows/mirrors, High spec model, Phone system, Light pearl blue, (Diesel)

Renault Clio - €3,750 2002 - 5 door hatch, 1.2, 126,000 kms, 1 owner, Fully serviced, A/C, PAS, ABS, Cd player, Front fog lights, E. windows/mirrors, Remote locking Rear head restraints, White, Reduced from €4,250!

Ford Fiesta - €2,250 June 96 - 5 door hatch, 1.3 Flair 139,000 kms, 2 owners, Fully serviced, A/C, PAS, ABS, CD player, Electric windows, Central locking Rear head restraints, Metallic Aubergine,

Ctra. Elche (Next to El Bardalet garage) 03195 El Altet (Alicante) info@fwreurocars.com

32

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33

34

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

rEMEMBER?

PRICELESSlarge audience

a addressing A doctor was achs in Oxford... to our stom ial we put in here, er g at in tt m si he us “T d most of lle ki s and d ve oi ha of ster should meat is full ed h linR ac o. om ag st s year rrode your co h s nk . ri d G ith MS Hig dye. Soft is loaded w od ne fo no se d ne an hi s ing. C isastrou ts can be d used transfat die erm harm ca -t ng lo e th ut, es B iz . al of us re ing water in our drink gers m an d er t g os e by th at is the m th g t in th ea e ill ve, or w there is on ost of us ha es m d us an ca l at al ous of od it is th ow what fo ars it. Do you kn ering for ye ff su d an ef ri g t the mos ge… it?” see pa after eating PRICELESS ake.”

“Wedding C

All the girls had ugly gym slips It took five minutes for the TV to warm up Nearly everyone’s Mum was home when the kids got home from school Nobody owned a purebred dog You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny Your Mother wore nylons that came in two pieces All male teachers wore ties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels You got your windscreen cleaned, oil checked and petrol served, without Are women asking, all for free, every time.. really better It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaulooking than rant with your parents men...?

They threatened to keep children back a year if they failed the school year. . .

And they did!

When a Ford Zephyr was everyone’s dream car...

And people went steady No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles?

Playing cricket with no adults to help TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND the children with the rules of the game 10. Cats’ facial expressions.

Bottles came from the corner shop 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different without safety caps and hermetic seals colors. because no one had yet tried to poison 8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.

7. Fat clothes. a perfect stranger 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best And with all our progress, don’t you time. wish, just once, you could slip back in 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, offwhite, and eggshell. time and savour the slower pace, and 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. share it with the children of today?

3. Eyelash curlers.

When being sent to the headmasters 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home AND, the Number One thing only women understand: Basically we were in fear for our lives, 1. OTHER WOMEN but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs etc. Our parents And finally... and grandparents were a much bigger why do women live longer...? threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

As well as summers filled with bike rides, cricket, Hula Hoops, skating and visits to the pool, eating lemonade powder or liquorice sticks.

...i mean really?

Didn’t that feel good, just to go back and say, ‘Yes, I remember that’?

PREGNANCY Q&A Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I’m two months pregnant now.

When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes university.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a cyclone might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?

A: Not unless the word ‘child support payment’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s nappy very quickly Q : Our baby was born last week.

When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in university.

‘OESTROGEN ISSUES’ 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE ‘OESTROGEN ISSUES’ 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You ‘re using your mobile phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: ‘How’s my driving - call 0800-’.

6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space.’

9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy..

10. The Nurofen Plus box is empty and you bought it yesterday.

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35

FOR SALE

MOUNTAIN VIEW

CAT HOTEL

Hondon de las Nieves/Frailes Centrally heated houses with large indiviudual runs.

Love and care will be lavished during your cat’s stay My 29 years of experience in animal and veterinary care will give you peace of mind.

STILL ONLY €6.00 per day to visit book/call: Carol or Paul 966 677 273 answerphone - we will call back Mobile 654 155 473

www.mountainviewcathotel.webs.com

HAIR & BEAUTY

Internet business Gran Alacant Urb Sierra mar

Call 690 652 894 Legal and Registered - Over 30 years experience

DMF

PLUMBING & HEATING SOLUTIONS

Member

Benidorm to Almeria + 45km radius inland

CHECK OUT OUR OFFERS ON

AIR

CONDITIONING Tel. 966 799 740 - 666 907 456 www.dmfplumbing.com

avda mediterraneo 72 GRAN ALACANT Behind Thomas greens

96 669 5031

36

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

26

Friday, 1st April, 2011

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 39,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites

14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09)

FOR SALE Left hand chaise corner sofa. 1 month old, as new (bought in Next in UK).

Colour Salerno mink. Cost 800 pounds new, will accept 400 euros ONO. La Puebla. Tel: 868 186 655 or 634307850.

Wendybaxter2000@yahoo .co.uk (05) 2 bed mobile home.

Albatera. Small site. Large plot. Summer house, shed, gazebo. Pets allowed.

More info www.spanishaddress.com Phone 622 258 072. Price 24,000€ (09)

WANTED

PROPERTY FOR RENT

Wanted second hand motorbike up to 125cc in good condition call: 682 773 121 (09)

Nice rentals available Torrevieja and Most Areas two beds from 320 houses apartments, bungalows, long and short stays. Paul 966 785 891 659 647 616 (08)

SITUATIONS VACANT Be your own boss with Avon. Work hours to suit you. Phone Donna 966 796 854 (08)

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309

WIG SPECIALISTS SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call

Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon

THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 97 672 7334

Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

37

BUSINESS DIRECTORY CONVEYANCING

AIR CONDITIONING MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224

BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122

CARDS & MORE

SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 4510

ANIMAL RESCUE

DENTAL

BOOKS

DIVING

La Marina Tel. 96 679 0954 LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593

BUILDING / MAINTENANCE CANDELA CHIMNEYS Elche Tel. 649 039 351 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 CHRIS SLADDEN All Areas Tel. 686 635 860 LEVELEDGE PLASTERING All Areas Tel. 965 480 579

DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455 ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC

CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 ENTERTAINMENT

FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399

ESTATE AGENTS

BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS TIBA All Areas Tel. 902 906 015

CAR HIRE XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 619 726 480

CARPENTRY

IPG La Marina Tel. 96 679 5233 MASA INTERNATIONAL Gran Alacant Tel. 629 251 747 THANSA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7717 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357 VICTORIA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7779

FARMACIAS

MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471

FISCAL

CAR REPAIRS

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

JOCK O’DONNELL All Areas Tel. 638 461 690 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606

FURNITURE

CAR SALES

COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY All Areas Tel. 96 569 9305 NEW 2 YOU Dolores Tel. 96 571 5608 SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370

FWR CARS El Altet Tel. 96 568 7976 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 CLUB CARS La Marina TEL. 96 618 0006 COCHES GUARDAMAR La Marina Tel. 646 763 645

HAIRDRESSING FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031

CAR TRANSFERS

VIC All Areas Tel. 625 864 373 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

COMPUTERS BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS All Areas www.spanishink.com

HEALTH & BEAUTY BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 JPS FITNESS All Areas Tel. 693 596 533 RICHARD DRAPER FITNESS All Areas Tel. 96 112 9157

YOUR CUSTOMERS ARE GETTING IT...

38

POSTAL

HEARING CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802

EASYPOST All Areas Tel. 96 672 0959

PUBLICITY

HEATING REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

THE JUNGLE DRUMS All Areas Tel. 96 672 6437

REMOVALS

HOUSEHOLD SERVICES CAR BOOT SALES Hondon Nieves Tel. 677389743 MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319

ADVANCE MOVES All Areas Tel. 96 865 4667 MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 TRUCK IT All Areas Tel. 96 644 1779 TSI All Areas Tel. 96 679 5842

INSURANCE ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

RESTAURANTS

COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 TIMES SQUARE Gran Alacant Tel. 963 144 033

KENNELS LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 618 283

SHOES SALVADOR ARTESANO Elche Tel. 96 546 84 39 SOLICITORS

MORTGAGES MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

PELLICER HEREDIA Alicante/Hondon + Tel. 96548 0737

MOSQUITO NETS

SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350

MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319

SUPERMARKETS

NATURE

AJ’s Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718

MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454

SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)

GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657

NURSING CARE IN THE COMMUNITY All areas Te. 96 597 5459

SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)

OPTICIANS

REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249

TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781

PAINTERS / DECORATORS MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

TOBACCO BAILE Santa Pola Tel. 629 659 074

PETS

TRANSLATORS

CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 618 2838 MOUNTAIN VIEW CAT HOTEL Hondon Tel. 96 667 7273

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 638 608 422 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781 GRAN ALACANT TV Santa Pola Tel. 677 878 210

PLUMBERS DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040

TV DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380

y r e v ..e

.

! y a d Fri

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

office@thecourier.es Tel. 96 672 6437

your No.1choice!

Coches Guardamar

We are the Costa Blanca’s leading car specialists

6,490€ renualt c3 auto 2004 1 owner 26,000km

Kia Picanto 2004 67,000 1 owner, perfect condition, small runaround

Red renult Magane: , 1.6 hatchback, good condition, economic run around

Seat Ibiza Aug 2004 FSH, 1 owner, small 5 door, alloys

Silver Renult Espace:, 2001, 105,000km. 2L petrol, 7 seats, good condition

Daewoo Matiz 2003 5 door, PAS, A/C Small Economical Runaround

6590€

Renualt megane priv Auto perfect con, 2l, 2003 double sunroof 83,000km,

7,690€

Blue Renult Magane estate diesel great condition

5,999€

7690€ Citroen C3 2004 HDi, Diesel, 80,000 kms Good Condition

6,590€

choice of 3 Ford Focus All diesels, manual-estate-saloon 2003-2006

3,190€

6,490€ Black Chevrolet calos: , 2006, 27,000km. 5 door 1.4

from 6,390€ -7,999€

5,690€

Peugeot 307 auto 2l FSH 80,000km, 5 door hatchback, 1 owner

4999€

Honda Jazz 1.3 2002 73,000kms, Manual, A/C Nice Runaround

P.O.A

P.O.A

Renault Megane priv auto 2002 FSH 1 owner, good condition

Citroen c5 2002 Full Equip, Leather, Sat Nav etc, Estate, Manual Low KM T&T

Opel Agila 2002 1 owner 78 KMS high seating excellent condition inside and out

DISABLED MODOFICATIONS NOW AVAILABLE ON ALL CARS

All cars include a new ITV, 1 years warranty & document transfer

Call:

646 763 645

SERVICES WE OFFER

Servicing - Mechanical Repairs - Pre ITV Body Repairs Tyres - Exhausts - Batteries - Air Con Regassing Document/Registration Transfers

A professional service you can trust TO

Opening Times

Mon - Fri: 10.00-6.00pm Sat: 10.00-2.00pm Later by appointment only

LA

M

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LA MARINA VILLAGE

IN

A

VI

off the N332 - Direction Alicante

LL

AG

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NEW

ALICANTE LIDL

contact us on ask@thejungledrums.com

N332

GUARDAMAR

Mercadona

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