THE SOURCE OF HAPPINESS

AROUND THE COMMUNITY

RABBI GABI KALTMANN ARK CENTRE

Understanding and dissecting happiness is not something new. Popular culture dedicates many thousands of hours of TV and print to examining what the secret to a happy life is. On YouTube alone there are more than 100 TED talks dedicated to happiness, while a quick Google search reveals there are almost half a million English language books on the subject of happiness.

During the pandemic, my family and I have dedicated ourselves to trying out different methods of achieving the all-elusive happiness. We practice getting up early in the morning with a strict routine of making our beds, wearing comfortable clothing and sorting out our to-do lists with long neglected items. Mushka and I have even undertaken a thorough clean out of our house. Using inspiration from Marie Kondo we threw out any possessions that “did not spark joy”.

While cathartic, did doing so provide us with happiness? I think the happiness we were seeking was somewhat more elusive than the feelings a clean out or strict routine could generate.

In Synagogue each week, when we return the Torah scroll to the Ark immediately after Torah reading, we sing the song ‘Etz Chayim Hi LeMachazikim Bah, Vetomcheah MeUshar’. That translates to: The tree of life to which those that hold fast, all of its supports are happy/fortunate.

The tree of life in this song refers to the Torah, which, from a Jewish perspective, brings happiness by adherence to its laws and abiding by its actions.

In Judaism, happiness is therefore not something that can be pinpointed to a single action or event.

Rather, happiness comes from us embracing our culture, traditions, core Judaic teachings and emulating the values that our ancestors instilled in us over millennia.

But how do we each individually define happiness?

In Jewish tradition, the responses to understanding happiness are varied. Our Torah, which is more than 3,000 years old, includes stories that provide us with a blueprint on how to lead a meaningful and happy life. However, not all of them are happy, light and optimistic. In fact, a close reading of our texts reveals that the stories contained within it detail the extreme difficulties, challenges and trials that our ancestors, kings, tribes and prophets lived through.

For example, our foremother Sara experienced infertility. Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery. Jacob is cheated by his father-in-law. The Israelites in the desert experience fear and anxiety. The Kings of Israel treat each other with treachery, sometimes even resulting in murderous coups.

These stories demonstrate that suffering is part of the human experience.

Over the past few months, I have had a plethora of people calling me about the hardships they have faced. These have included postponed weddings and bar and bat mitzvahs, a lack of work, financial instability and the scourge of loneliness.

To recognise the blessings that I have in my life, I have taken to writing down each day on a sheet of paper a few things in my life for which I am grateful. It has made me a more cognisant and appreciative person. Our tradition constantly encourages us to reflect and focus upon the good in our lives, and thus by doing so we can increase our satisfaction and happiness in day-to-day life.

The Talmud teaches us to never underestimate the power of a regular person’s good deeds, as we will never know how far it will reach. When we give back, our lives find purpose and perspective, causing us to feel more content.

As with gratitude, kindness can be nurtured and cultivated. Being kind refills and re-energises our souls and can expand and revive the hearts of others.

The sages were right: the greatest wisdom is kindness.

As we have just finished the high holiday period, I hope that in the year ahead you can explore and try to discover your own secret to happiness and fulfillment.

With Blessings,

Rabbi Gabi Kaltmann

Ark Centre

The source of happiness

A clean and green rabbi with artistic skills

RABBI JONATHAN KEREN-BLACK

British-born Jonathan Keren-Black arrived in Melbourne in 2003 to work as the rabbi at the Leo Baeck Centre for Progressive Judaism in East Kew. Being passionate and concerned about the climate, he had built an underground, energyefficient house in London. He helped to establish the Jewish Ecological Coalition (JECO) in Australia and built an even more energy efficient home here. That doubled as the “JECO Showhouse” and served to introduce many people to the possibilities of energy-efficient housing.

Over the years since, JECO has undertaken many activities, including running and participating in EcoFestivals. One of the most noteworthy was the establishment of the “Repair Café” in conjunction with the Port Philip Eco-House in St Kilda. It is a place where, in normal times, you can bring your favourite equipment or clothes to be repaired for free, while you watch and learn how that is done. In 2019, the Jewish Climate Network (www.jcn. org.au), which raises awareness of the challenges and of clean energy and low emission technologies, became the newest and also the largest part of JECO.

During a sabbatical, while always looking for other avenues to raise awareness of the warming climate, Jonathan learnt to create Dalle De Verre,an art technique thatuses pieces of faceted, coloured glass set in a matrix of epoxy resin. Inspired by a computerised prediction of what an average fourdegree global temperature rise would mean for Australia, he produced a large window-image of Australia.

Measuring 100 centimetres by 95 centimetres, it comprises 156 squares, each of two-centimetre-thick glass. The clear glass seen to the east represents a temperature rise of seven degrees in Longreach and Cloncurry in South Central Queensland. Jonathan, who holidayed there some years ago, said the place is “already incredibly hot”. With the work now available for sale, Jonathan reflects that it should perhaps go to an environmental organisation, where its message would be seen and absorbed.

In 2009, in the aftermath of the Black Saturday bushfires, he created a smaller piece that depicts the burning trees transitioning to new growth and hope. It is now proudly displayed in a home in the United States.

On a smaller scale, Rabbi Jonathan also crafts dichroic glass jewellery, often with Jewish themes or symbols. He also creates a special set of tallit clips for each of his Beit Mitzvah students. The jewellery contains both their English and Hebrew names.

As well as being in prominent use at the Leo Baeck Centre, Jonathan’s clips can now be seen in synagogues internationally. Jonathan says there is a mitzvah to beautify the commandments (Khiddur Mitzvah). For further information, please contact mhmpublications@dodo.com.au

Photo by Joel Cohen

AROUND THE COMMUNITY

SARA RAYVYCH

As parents, we naturally want to feel close to our children and have those feelings reciprocated. We put so much into them. We love them unconditionally. Despite these intense feelings, there can still be tension between parent and child.

We want our children to listen to us when we speak with them. Not only do we want the respect a child should bestow upon their elders, but it’s also in their own best interests for them to listen to us. We have years of experience and wisdom above and beyond their tender years. Not only is parenting easier when you have a child that heeds what you say, but he or she will, most likely, get into less trouble with your guidance.

Experience shows that kids not only don’t always listen to their parents, but often talk back.

I’ve heard from those in the field that the situation has escalated since we were children. We had a natural awe of our parents that many of today’s youngsters lack.

Of course, it works in our favour that, in general, children want to be close to their parents. Kids naturally crave their parents’ love. We can use this inherent desire to give our children, and ourselves, the loving connection that is so powerful.

The key is to work on building that bond. I'm not referring to the familial connection we already have, rather to creating an emotional link. After the toddler years are over, you can no longer get your child to do what you want by trying to make them. Force doesn’t work with teenagers. Besides that, who even wants to feel the need to use force in a relationship? By being someone that your child feels close to and connected with, you become a person your child truly wants to listen to and respect.

COVID-19 has given us the opportunity to spend more time with each other. While this has presented its own challenges, it has also given us a unique opportunity to really spend quality time with our children. With few places to go, we have the ability to be present and focused on our youth, arguably more than in any other period in history. Take the time to sit next to your child, eat with them and get to know them a little better. Ideally, you can invite your child to pick an activity and let them know they have your full attention. Just by being present and focused on them, you are building something. When you turn off the many electronic distractions that surround you, even briefly, you show your child you want to hear them. But don’t think that one marathon session is all it will take. Rather, many briefer periods of time together are what add up. Remember, even if you can’t talk, just being present counts.

Communication is the key in every relationship. And this is where talking to your kids becomes important. It doesn’t matter what you talk about; it need not be an important topic. Whatever interests them is fine. Whether they want to discuss their feelings, their favorite sports team or their choice of sandwich, just speak with them. Again, marathons aren’t the solution; smaller conversations are important. A few minutes here and there shows your child you value them. Take a few moments when you see them, even if it’s just passing in the hallway, to say a few words.

We also forget how important nonverbal communication is. A quick hug or kiss, a pat on the shoulder or a wave as your paths cross shows them you are thinking of them. It quickly and quietly creates a connection between the two of you. It's generally a simple but non-threatening way to show that you care.

Smile at your child. It sounds so simple but smiling shows you are happy with them. Your child may even, eventually, smile back. A smile creates feelings of warmth and positivity. Make sure your smile is genuine and not manufactured. If even strangers passing on the street can welcome a smile, then just appreciate how much more powerful it is for a child to appreciate a smiling parent?

It is each of these small steps that collectively build a loving relationship. Every action slowly chips away at disconnection, while each positive interaction represents another brick towards cementing a meaningful, longlasting connection with your child.

Connecting with our children

Sara Rayvych has a Master's Degree in general and special education. She can be reached at rayvychhomeschool@ gmail.com

Eating disorders: seeking help

JAIMEE KRAWITZ

When I was twelve years old, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. At the time, I was young, confused and struggled to communicate with people about what I was experiencing.

I remember conversations that I had with myself, thinking about what I would say to people if they asked or commented. I was left feeling unsure and anxious about how I would respond. Hindsight has allowed me to reflect, which has led me to understand that I found it difficult to communicate at the time.

In the last two years I have found myself wanting to speak out about my personal experience as a way of processing a significant life event that has shaped the person I am today.

I also wanted to help others navigate the narrative of their own journey. I was fortunate to have a supportive team around me that accelerated my recovery. I would like to show others the importance of finding the courage to ask for help.

Eating disorders can affect all types of people. According to the Butterfly Foundation, approximately nine per cent of Australians will experience an eating disorder in their lifetime. More than 37 per cent of these are male.

Language played a big role throughout my experience. There were certain words that triggered me. In particular, the words “suffering” and “diagnosis” painted a negative picture in my mind.

I never wanted to be categorised or labelled as such. Throughout my healing process I started to build the courage to understand and accept that those words were not negative. I realised that I did not need to shy away from them. Being educated has allowed me to understand the intended meaning behind specific words, which helped me to recover.

Now recovered and a registered counsellor, my vision is to increase conversations in order to address the stigma around this issue. I am passionate about breaking the taboo by checking in on those around you and changing the language around eating disorders, so more people feel comfortable to open up and get the support they deserve.

Each person has to find their own way to deal with the issue. My experience has taught me the beauty of communication and how changing the way words are used in a conversation can alter their meaning.

I would like to see people using words such as: - “You don’t seem to be yourself. I just wanted to check in.” - “Are you okay?” - “I haven’t heard much from you lately, so I just wanted to see how things are going.” - “How can I support you?”

Try commenting more on behaviour and emotion instead of physical appearance. Avoid getting angry or frustrated, even if a person rejects your concerns.

I would also like to see: - More awareness and education about eating disorders and treatment. - People knowing how to support someone they are close to that is experiencing an eating disorder. - The creation of a safe space to speak freely about the topic of eating disorders. - People feeling comfortable to share their story. Starting a dialogue may help others in the same position to deal with their recovery.

I am working with the Australian Friends of Shaare Zedek Inc., alongside a group of organisations and stakeholders, to develop educational programs to increase understanding of how to support a person experiencing an eating disorder.

My real wish is that together we can eliminate the stigma, change our language and create an open pathway for people to seek help.