9 minute read
COMMUNITY CONNECTION
AROUND THE COMMUNITY
RIKKI STERN
Growing up in Sydney, I was lucky enough to experience the joys of the Hakoah Club on Hall Street. I vividly remember cruising down the catwalk in the main hall at the WIZO kids’ fashion show, laughing in the games room as we played Crash Bandicoot. There were the distinct noises of kids learning karate and adults parading around as they danced to Israeli music.
The Hakoah Club is also the scene of some of my most cherished memories with my late grandfather and great grandmother. I can still close my eyes and hear us all laughing together over dinner at the bistro. I recall the pearls of wisdom they imparted to me while I sat alongside them at the pokie machines. Hakoah was always a special place, not just for the community, but for families. For my family. And it was a sad day when it closed.
When I was in high school, my family moved to Vancouver, Canada. During that time we took full advantage of having a local Jewish Community Centre. Going there always reminded us about the importance of belonging to a Jewish community and the strong bonds that we share, even when we were from 12,000 kilometres from home. The JCC warmly welcomed expats like us and gave us a sense of belonging. It was a safe, accessible space to forge friendships with people that we likely wouldn’t have crossed paths with otherwise.
The Jewish day school I attended was across the road from the JCC. We often used the facilities for our weekly sport, swimming, basketball and gym sessions. When my grandparents came from Sydney to stay for a couple of months, my grandfather would drop me off at school and go straight to the JCC. There, he would meet others, play bridge, swim laps, enjoy a coffee or attend group discussions on all things from Israel to world politics.
Today, nearly a decade later, he’s still in contact with many of the people he met at the Vancouver JCC.
Study after study shows that chronic feelings of loneliness and disconnection can lead to depression. This, of course, is true too for members of our Jewish community. I was alarmed to read that a recent study (Social Isolation in the New South Wales Jewish Community), by Dr Eva Lowy, found that 70% of respondents experienced loneliness. These findings are especially true for the more mature members of our community. I believe Hakoah will be a powerful antidote to loneliness and, therefore, prevent the devastating impact it can have on someone’s life.
But Hakoah’s vital role in the health of our community is not just for our more mature members. Even for my age group it can be hard to find a place to go and meet your friends or make new ones. Many of my single friends find it challenging to meet partners. The pandemic has obviously made it even worse. That is why the idea of a Sydney JCC – a buzzing hub of creative activities and programs that will draw people in weekly to do the things they love – is incredibly exciting. People will leave having not just undertaken a yoga session or enjoyed a gig at the bar, but they will depart knowing they are part of a community.
Rather than feeling lonely, they will have that special sense of belonging and connection. And any time they venture into Hakoah, they may just have a serendipitous meeting that can change the course of their lives.
I’m confident that Hakoah at White City can become the vibrant centerpiece for the Sydney Jewish Community that JCCs are for so many other Jewish communities around the world. A place that people gravitate to on a regular basis. My hope is that Hakoah, our JCC, will similarly be a place where Jews who visit Sydney know they can find the familiarity of home - or even find a relative over a game of Jewish geography. A place where friendships will be forged between unlikely companions, across generations and diverse backgrounds, and innovative programming ideas will come to life.
I feel lucky to have experienced the sense of community and togetherness at Hakoah on Hall Street and at the JCC in Vancouver. I look forward to seeing how the new Hakoah at White City will become an inspiring place to be part of a community in all its manifestations.
The buildings will be beautiful, but it’s what will take place inside those that attracts me to this project.
Whether it be dance classes, yoga, bridge club, cooking workshops, futsal, the community garden or mums and bubs groups, there promises to be something for everyone's interests and passions.
So, please join me and the nearly 2,000 others who have already joined Hakoah. Your membership will help Hakoah reach its membership target in order to start construction in early 2022. Only then can we begin creating new memories, together, at Hakoah in late 2023.
Finally, a place for Jewish young adults to connect
Rikki Stern is a young Jewish community leader who founded Cancer Chicks Australia. She also works for Hakoah, creating content for social media.
AROUND THE COMMUNITY
ANNE-MARIE ELIAS
Are you a person who always needs to be right? Do you go to great lengths to prove that you are correct? Do others become frustrated with this trait
in you?
Let’s be clear … nobody likes to get things wrong. It feels unpleasant. Even young children don’t like to get caught out. Do you recall these lines: “It wasn’t me” and “I only had one”? In terms of the latter, in my household, it was biscuits in the cookie jar.
Why the uncomfortableness about being wrong? Well, for one thing, that may result in punishment and, for another, we may miss out on something important.
For instance, being caught speeding is likely to result in a fine and the loss of demerit points. Providing incorrect answers on an exam paper could lead to missing out on a preferred university course.
Some can more readily admit to being wrong, take responsibility and apologise, which includes handling the emotion associated with that.
Others may imply they were wrong, but don’t do so explicitly or in a way that will satisfy the wronged party.
Here is an example of that: “We had plenty of time to get to the airport on time if the traffic hadn’t been unusually bad, but fine, we’ll leave earlier next time.”
A third group simply refuses to admit wrongdoing, even when there is incontrovertible evidence.
Research has uncovered the underlying traits among this cohort. They are those that go to great lengths to argue they are right and push back against the facts. It is a fragile sense of self that stops them from admitting they made a mistake. Accepting they were wrong is psychologically shattering.
Whilst these people may appear to be robust because they defend their position, this may result is others overlooking their vulnerabilities. Those with a narcissistic personality also fall into this category. It is more important for them to be right than to protect the integrity of their relationships.
Their defences, too, could be up, resulting in phrases such as: “Why do you always take their side and not mine?” It
is the sign of a fragile ego.
Richard Carlson, the author of ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’ asks us to consider whether we want to be right or be happy? His rationale is that defending our position takes an enormous amount of energy and can alienate us from the people to whom we are close.
Take a moment to consider whether you appreciate being told that you are wrong when it is at the expense of another person being right.
No-one likes to be informed they are wrong. It is not one person’s mission in life to correct every perceived misstep or misdeed in another person.
There are, of course, times when we are wrong and, as referenced earlier, there are consequences to behaving incorrectly or badly.
How we respond to people who constantly need to prove they are right is up to each of us. The one mistake we should not make is to consider their persistent and rigid refusal to admit they’re wrong as a sign of strength or conviction, because it is the absolute opposite, psychological weakness.
Sure, there are occasions when we are required to stand our ground and assert our position. But that is decidedly different to trying to prove our need to be right so that we can feel better about ourselves and build our self-esteem at the expense of others.
The next time you find yourself about to correct another person, especially a loved one, ask yourself whether it is worth expending the energy to prove you are right. In this situation what should win out, confrontation or happiness?
To be right or to be happy?
Anne-Marie Elias is a psychologist in clinical practice for 25 years.
Chanukah on North Shore Project Light the Night
NORTH SHORE SYNAGOGUE
With entertainment for the whole family, The North Shore Synagogue is presenting a special Chanukah celebration on Sunday, 5th December 2021.
Music will be the domain of singer/ songwriter Neville Kaye. Soul Gourmet Catering will provide a mouth-watering kosher dinner and there will be a range of fun and games for children who will, no doubt, enjoy freshly made warm doughnuts.
For bookings, go to: https://tinyurl.com/ nss-lights Numbers are strictly limited, so please book as soon as possible.
For more information, email info@nss. asn.au or phone 9416-3710. CBDCHABAD
CBDChabad Sydney is hosting an Australia-wide Chanukah photo competition with three prizes on offer.
Participants are encouraged to take a pic of themselves while lighting the menorah on each night of Chanukah, before posting it on their social media accounts and tagging CBD Chabad Sydney.
Please use the two hashtags #projectlightthenight and #cbdchabad
Project Light the Night is about encouraging people to spread a message of hope and positivity.
Each photo you take means another entry into the draw, which will be held Monday, 6th December.
Kicking goals
SYDNEY SHUL
Sydney Shul is hosting a Chanukah party with a difference on Monday, 29th November.
Called Gifts of Light, it will feature DJ Haim, menorah lighting, Israeli food and, of course, doughnuts.
Israeli professional soccer player Tomer Hemed will be there and you’ll get the chance to package gifts with him for sick children in hospital.
You can book for the event now and have a chance to win a signed jersey and an iPhone 13.
Just go to: www.sydneysshul.com
