Self Improvement International - March 2019

Self Improvement International March 2019 Issue

When Good People become Bad Bosses Diary of a Tired CTO The Nature of Writing and many more !!!

Wealth of the Wise

Self Improvement International Wealth of the Wise

March 2019 Issue

Copyright Š Thejendra Sreenivas. All Rights Reserved

Self Improvement International March 2019 Issue 82/1, Second Main Road, Sheshadripuram, Bangalore 560020, India. www.thejendra.com

Publisher – Thejendra Sreenivas & Karthik Thejendra Email - thejendra@yahoo.com & thejendrabs@gmail.com Single Issue: Rs 30 (India) & US$0.99 (Worldwide) Annual Subscription: Rs 360 (India) & US$9.99 (Worldwide)

Self Improvement International is a monthly electronic magazine edited and published by Thejendra Sreenivas on behalf of his private Seven Sages Consultancy, Bangalore, India. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by information storage and retrieval systems, or in

any language without the written permission of the editor.

For Subscription Visit

Contents

From the Editor’s Desk

01

What my Lawyer makes me say

03

What Else?

05

When Good People Become Bad Bosses

07

Workplace Management

Diary of a Tired CTO Humor

17

Contents (cont’d)

Why Some People Drive You Nuts Stress Management

I am an Olympic Orange Children Health

The Nature of Writing Writing & Publishing

Live One Day at a Time Self-Improvement

Accept – Don’t Expect Spirituality

22

33

37

44

53

Contents (cont’d)

The Agony of Leading Leaders Leadership

Why Earthquakes should not be predicted

63

73

Unconventional Thinking

Children Section Writing & Publishing

A Few Questions FAQs

85

86

From the Editor’s Desk

H

ey, thanks for subscribing to my unique and delightful Self Improvement

International magazine. This is a magazine to be read, retained, remembered, and re-read from your electronic bookshelf. Each magazine carries a bunch of sparkling articles on Personal Development, Stress Management, Humor,

Frugality,

Leadership,

Resiliency,

Workplace Issues, Spirituality, Life Skills, Satire, Writing, Publishing, and an occasional Harsh Advice.

1

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Simplicity is the hallmark of this treasure chest. Unlike the hordes of dazzling magazines that you see in the newsstands the contents here are eye and eReader friendly, and not crowded with complex cosmetics, awesome advertisements, and gorgeous graphics that can distract or irritate your eyes. Like a basket of delicious fruits each issue can dramatically transform your personal and professional life.

Think of this magazine as your electronic personal coach who can make you superior to the rest of the crowd. Give it a try. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Back to Contents

2

What my Lawyer makes me say

D

isclaimer: Although this magazine has been prepared with utmost care, neither

the author, publisher, seller, editor, or any other party associated with this magazine can accept any liability for any direct or indirect damages caused by following the advice given here. All opinions, ideas, and advice expressed here are largely my personal or the contributor opinions and don’t necessarily represent the opinion of any other organization or person, including my employer, my clients or their agents. Any reference to any persons or businesses, whether living or dead, existing or 3

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

defunct,

is

purely

unintentional.

Self

Improvement International cannot vouch for or certify the claims made by advertisers and is not liable for any cause of action arising out of such claims. All disputes are subject to the courts and competent forums in Bangalore, India only.

Images used in this magazine are from open image sources like Openclipart, Pexels, etc., that are free for personal and commercial use.

My full thanks and attribution to the respective artists.

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4

What Else?

W

ise men say that one should never have any desire for wealth and must

always be prepared to lead a life of virtuous poverty. Also, writing articles is viewed by many as a hobby that doesn’t deserve any compensation for the writer as they must write purely for the passion and not for money. But writing involves enormous effort and we don’t live

on

such

magnanimous

money-free

planets. By becoming a subscriber to this magazine you help me create valuable content 5

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

for writers and executives. Thank you for being so generous.

Also, if you are a giving kind of person, then I am an accepting kind. So, if you have any unused excess wealth stashed away in Swiss Banks, Spare Jewels, Precious Gems, Spanish Gold Bars, Priceless Paintings, Rare Dinosaur Bones, Asteroid Pieces, Unused Rolls-Royce, Private Jets, Luxury Ships, or even an Exotic Island or Kingdom somewhere, please feel free to donate them to me along with all applicable taxes. Such humble gifts can nudge me to scribble more articles that could be of use to someone, somewhere on our lonely planet ď Š

Back to Contents 6

When Good People Become Bad Bosses Workplace Management

A

s soon as the words ‘bad boss’ is mentioned most people start imagining

pictures of a wicked person, a crook, a tyrant, a scheming backstabbing individual, a selfish ogre, etc. And typical textbook definitions of a bad boss are those who scream, threaten, 7

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

intimidate, grabs credit, fires people, throttles people’s necks, and so on. While such gory imaginations could be true in a few cases, it’s not so in a large percentage of cases. Actually, it’s not necessary to be a wicked person at all to be called a bad boss. Ironically, a goodnatured or normal person can also fall into the category of a bad boss without exhibiting any boorish behaviors. To understand how there are a few common mistakes good people do to slowly transform themselves into bad bosses.

Lack of Knowledge: A good person can become a manager of a department for various reasons, but may have no knowledge necessary to run the department. Often, many employees get promoted to stratospheric levels too fast, but without the required 8

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

knowledge, maturity or skills to run a bunch of diverse departments. And this is unavoidable in many cases as modern managers often have to swim in unchartered waters in today’s chaotic business world. However, this can become a catastrophe not only for the manager but also to all his peers and team members who look at him or her for guidance, help, or coaching. If managers lack the required knowledge and advisory skills to coach, mentor and supervise their department, they can agitate their team members to death.

In addition to stressing their team members daily, managers will also stress themselves more as they will be unable to lead effectively.

For example, a good person can be a car service supervisor, but can never effectively 9

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

manage his mechanics if he himself doesn’t have some prior experience in servicing a car or at least a generous dose of the practical hardships of it. His lack of knowledge can often lead to conflicts as he may make unrealistic demands on his mechanics, commit to impractical requests by customers, overload his mechanics, etc. Soon it will become an ego conflict between the ‘Knowledgeable and the Clueless.’

Avoiding learning: It’s understandable that a manager cannot be expected to have an accurate knowledge from day one. To gain knowledge one must get into the deep water to understand the nitty-gritties of a new department's work, irrespective of their earlier experience. And no matter which department 10

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

you manage there will be some amount of new learning every day to keep abreast of latest trends and happenings related to that particular industry. But too many managers avoid doing this and don’t make any effort to learn the work hands-on or at least an essential percentage of it. They never bother to understand the ‘Nuts and bolts’ or roll up their sleeves to get involved. Instead, they run their departments from a high level by viewing the world through status reports, metrics, statistical gymnastics, asking tough questions, etc., and soon become an object of ridicule.

Very soon, this will lead to problems like inaccurate estimation, procrastination, unable to take independent decisions, workload issues, staff shortages, endless meetings, email 11

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

wars, improper budgeting, and various daily conflicts. By refusing to learn or get involved they distance themselves from understanding any practical issues and difficulties of a department. Instead of being in a position of confidently saying, ‘Let me show you how or this is how you do it,’ they will start covering their lack of knowledge through devious means

as

they

become

insecure

and

incompetent. Obviously, that means entering into dirty waters like indulging in cheap politics, surround themselves with yes men, shoot the messenger and find scapegoats.

Unable to shield their team: Often, for many managers, maintaining the status of a good and diplomatic person who will not antagonize customers and clients, becomes 12

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

more important than being right. So, they may not be able to shield their team from hostile situations, unfair accusations or demands.

They will start saying yes to every demand and put their team members in trouble or excessive workloads. Also, they cannot take the heat for their team when required. Very soon team members will stop going to them for help like a certain Jeff Rich, the CEO of ACS says, ‘I think the day that your people stop bringing their problems to you is the day you stop leading.

They’ve either concluded that you don’t care about their problems or that you cannot help them. And leaders have to be in a position to help.’ For example, continuing the example of a mechanic, he will often not be able to shield his mechanics from aggressive and impatient 13

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

customers

who

pressurize

them

with

unreasonable demands, invent faults, or expect unrealistic services.

Distorted view: Customers and clients don’t appreciate a plain exhibition of good nature.

Just because a person is good, customers will not take things easily or dilute their demands.

They need value for their money, solutions, answers, guidance, etc., for their problems.

And if a person cannot provide that, he or she automatically becomes a bad manager. A good nature and lots of smiles cannot be used as a shield for delivering bad results. For example, will you go to a doctor who is very friendly, but is unable to diagnose your fever or prescribe the right medicines? Will junior surgeons depend on a friendly senior surgeon who 14

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

cannot teach or oversee complicated and delicate surgeries? Would you go to a lawyer who talks well but gives you bad legal advice?

Would you go to or recommend a tax consultant who talks well, but can’t give you proper tax advice? Similarly, a good-natured person who is unable to help customers, clients and team members can get into trouble by being branded as a bad manager as their credibility will take a nosedive.

Finally, we can conclude this article with a quote from Thomas Arnold who said – “Real knowledge, like everything else of value, is not to be obtained easily. It must be worked for, studied for, thought for, and, more than all must be prayed for”.

15

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand Thomas Carlyle

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16

Diary of a Tired CTO Humor

Dear Diary

I did the following things this month.

Met fourteen different IT vendors who gave an impressive high impact presentation on how their products and services can guarantee cost effective,

cutting

edge,

optimized,

and

seamless, business value in tune with our strategic goals.

17

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Rejected three vendors as their presentations were not in line with strategic customer oriented initiatives to suit next generation business clients.

Had a detailed discussion (for the 636th time) with all business stakeholders on how our latest strategic initiatives can totally align IT to suit business needs and deliver increasing business value with constant innovation in our journey to the Promised Land.

Attended

sixteen

best

practice

security

seminars on how to accurately protect my company data from viruses, spyware, hackers, worms, phishers, trojans, malware, spammers, data

center

disasters,

database

errors,

hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, data corruption, 18

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

bomb attacks, snipers, power failures, wars, alien attacks, corporate frauds, information theft, lawsuits, bird flu, mad cow disease, political turmoil, human mistakes, computer errors, and a few other threats.

Someday I must organize all my 13945 best practice white papers by industry experts on how exactly to align my IT department to cut across traditional business lines, reduce TCO and elegantly simplify our business processes.

Renamed my slave sized technical support department to Strategic Enterprise Customer Orientation Services in order to strengthen brand equity, increase shareholder value, and improve customer satisfaction to progress

19

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

towards

a

coherent

service

oriented

organization.

Sent an umpteenth reminder to my team members to clearly define, document, organize and prepare accurate processes of their jobs and tasks to make it easy for outsourcing.

Wonder why my team is not co-operating even when I am communicating so well.

Declined an invite to fifteen seminars on the strategic benefits of early adoption of new emerging technologies. Thought I would wait till they fully emerge from wherever they are emerging.

Added one new business jargon sentence "Key transition leader and catalyst for enhancing

20

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

customer centric business landscapes" to make my resume look good.

Must stop pulling my hair for every network glitch and computer error. Wife and kids not happy with balding, short-tempered daddy.

Growth must be chosen again and again. Fear must be overcome again and again - Abraham Maslow

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21

Why Some People Drive You Nuts Stress Management

A

n ancient proverb says, ‘Everyone looks normal until you get to know them better.’

And the reverse is also true that is, ‘Everyone looks abnormal until you get to know them better.’ On our planet, a very large percentage of people exhibit characteristics of being tough,

highly

independent,

stubborn,

impossible to please, restless, perfectionists, etc., and they continue to lead their entire life 22

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

like that. Practically, everyone would have definitely experienced or heard true stories of such people who drive others nuts through their irrational behaviors. The traditional methods of interaction that works for normal or sweet people just don’t work for them. So, how do you deal with such tough people?

The simple answer is you cannot in most of the cases. Nor can you fully blame the other person for acting irrational, as there is usually a scientific reason for such behavior. And that reason is biological in nature as man is not a uniformly programmed species like animals and birds. As you would have observed, animals and birds of a species behave in exactly the same manner. For example, a sheep has been biologically programmed by 23

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Mother Nature to be a timid creature, while a tiger has been programmed to be ferocious.

You don’t see tigers give up their ferocious nature even if you breed and train them under captivity. And a sheep cannot be trained to become a ferocious creature. But no such rules apply to human beings. Man is not uniform in his behavior and each person is unique in his or her own inborn ways. For example, even in the case of identical twins, one can exhibit a rough nature while another can be sweet. This is why it’s rarely possible to effectively lead people unless you use some unconventional methods.

Or it’s better to gain the specific knowledge that teaches you how to understand why people act cranky. Coming back to the original discussion people who are restless, impatient, 24

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

irritable, tough, perfectionists, demanding, etc., normally belong to a category called Type-A personality, or in some cases can be a higher version called Type-A+, the kind you see in dictators or extremely tough and dangerous people.

In fact, Type-A/A+ personality develop right from childhood and this is why we see many kids are difficult to handle. It’s not easy to deal with Type-A/A+ people for the simple reason you could be one yourself. Most people don’t know they are Type-A unless a doctor or psychologist tells them. It is this lack of knowledge that causes a great deal of grief both ways when dealing with such people.

Nevertheless, it’s important to recognize that a mysterious

feature

called 25

a

Type-A/A+

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

personality exists in many humans and learn some ways to deal with it effectively. Given below is a layman’s guide to understanding the characteristics of Type A and A+ people.

Type-A people suffer from an exaggerated sense of urgency for everything. For example, they hate being late or kept waiting. They periodically restlessness,

experience irritability,

bouts

of

impatience

anger, and

general hostility for everything. Due to this, they get angry for simple or even trivial reasons without realizing why.

Such people don’t know how and when to relax and are always in an endless state of internal turmoil, often uncontrolled and unknowingly. Their thinking and thoughts will 26

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

normally be very intense. They are usually very independent and direct to the point. For example, they don’t take insults or criticism lightly.

They will always be on the lookout for perfection (of their definition) in everything they do. Such people demand that perfection even from others and want everyone to rise to their level of thinking and working. They expect others to read their mind and act accordingly

thereby

making

others

uncomfortable and often exhibit dictatorial behaviors.

Facial calmness is different from internal turmoil.

Internally

they

will

experience

enormous amounts of personal stress that 27

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

they cannot release easily or share their problems with others. Such people don’t realize their effect on others as they simply do not see the ugly picture they portray to others.

Type-A people also experience higher degrees of heart troubles than others.

If you are a Type-A person yourself: The most important knowledge in life is to constantly be aware of your own behaviors.

Before criticizing or grumbling about the qualities of others, it’s important to test if you belong to a Type-A/A+ personality yourself.

For this, you need a candid discussion with yourself or perhaps a doctor to see if we have any of the qualities mentioned above.

Secondly, there are some psychological tests 28

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

available free on the internet that can determine if you are a Type-A/A+, provided you answer the questions honestly. If you discover you are a Type-A/A+, then you should take immediate steps to create an internal calmness program before you go bust. The change will not happen overnight, but now that you know a beast exists inside you, it’s time to take charge of your behaviors and not let it run amok. For example, the next time you start getting impatient when waiting for someone or something, you can realize the nasty agitation that is brewing inside you is because you have a Type-A personality. Then you can start calming down and stop getting agitated

further.

Gradually,

you

will

understand why you are stressed, why you are 29

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

always agitated, why you blow your fuse, why you can't relax, and so on. Soon, for every irrational behavior you exhibit, you can have an immediate self-realization gently thumping you on the head to steer you to a calmer behaviour. Armed with this knowledge you can now gradually learn to relax, be lazy, cultivate the power to let go, and enjoy life better.

If you are dealing with a Type-A person: Except for a genuine mental illness and certain types of personal problems, it’s usually the intense biological forces of Type-A/A+ that make people act cranky for anything and everything. But if you are knowledgeable about the characteristics of a type-A/A+ persons it’s easy to understand the irrational behavior of others. So, if a person is acting 30

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

impatient or fussy you now know exactly why they do that. Instead of agitating the person further you can think of ways to help him or her if possible. And you can also educate them to realize they are a Type-A/A+ person so that it enlightens them and others.

There is another personality called a Type-B personality, or a socializer type who has the following characteristics.

They are relaxed and have a cool attitude.

They are friendly, patient, easy to deal with, and generally content with life.

They will be at peace and harmony within themselves, and look at life in a positive way and are not too concerned about losing.

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Finally, your objective is to gradually become a Type-B person to a large extent in your life, while retaining the Type-A behaviors to areas where it’s absolutely necessary. It’s not easy to make the jump from A/A+ to B and may take several months of conscious effort, but it’s possible if you take small sustained steps towards it.

Finally, we conclude this article with a beautiful quote from Lau Tzu who said – “Nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished”.

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32

I am an Olympic Orange Children

I

am a yummy, juicy fruit that is orange in color. I can give you plenty of energy to play

sports. All Olympic sportspersons eat me regularly to win games and medals. This is why I am called a power food. If you bite into me I will burst in your mouth with my tasty flavor and make your taste buds dance with joy. I can kill all bad viruses in your body so that you don’t get cough and cold. I also have a magic 33

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

material inside me that can make you look young even when grow old like your grandpa. I also have plenty of fiber that can help you in good digestion. So enjoy me to your heart’s content.

I am physically not strong because I am a little soft and squishy. So, don’t squeeze me too much as I will become out of shape. And if you squeeze my skin into your eyes it can make you cry because it releases a gaseous stingy liquid. But don’t worry as it is not poisonous or harmful.

By the way, I also have plenty of other delicious friends who can help you in many ways. Together we control the world of health.

We are the jewels of your dining table. We 34

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

come in all shapes, sizes and colors. We exist to make you humans happy. We help you avoid doctors and their expensive treatments like painful injections and bitter medicines. We can also make you run faster, jump higher and help you do great things in your school and college. Do you want to know how we do all that magic? I will tell you how.

We can do such wonderful things because some of us are good for your brain, some for your heart, some for your skin, and some for your bones, and so on. We are like warriors and can

easily

fight

with

all

those

nasty

troublemakers hiding in your body. Aren’t we fellows’ great? But if you don’t eat us then those horrible troublemakers will always make you sick, tired, and weak. Then you will not be 35

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

able to play sports or climb a hill. Now I am sure you don’t want to be such a weakling, do you?

A man who trims himself to suit everybody

will

soon

whittle

himself away. - Charles Schwab

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36

The Nature of Writing Writing & Publishing

A

s writers, we can all relate to the lady in the picture. I know I certainly can! When I

first began writing fiction, the process of molding characters and scenes into a story was a daunting task. No matter how many writing courses I took, or how many free-lance editors I worked with, or how many articles I read, the process continued to be frustrating and 37

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

difficult. It wasn’t a lack of information about writing, but a lack of understanding and applying the information. I did not understand the true nature of writing and what it would take to be a writer.

Based on my own writing journey, I would like to share some of my conclusions about what it takes to be a writer. In addition, I would like to encourage you to read the article, 10 Keys to Becoming aSuccessful Writer: An Agent Spills Secrets by Chuck Sambuchino.

Authors have to want to write. It has to be so important that they can’t give it up. Every author knows that feeling. It’s like part of you wants to give up but another part of you want let go. No matter how frustrating or 38

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

discouraging or absolutely impossible your writing becomes, a true writer will not stop, which leads to my point; don’t ever give up. If you are going to be an author, that is not an option and that stubborn part of you is what will see you through. I have been writing for over twenty years, and I am still learning new skills and techniques every time I write. And YES, I still get frustrated.

Authors must write from the heart. They must write about what is near and dear to them and what lies deep inside them, especially if they are writing fiction. Every one of us carries a past inside of us, and that past has shaped and molded us for good or bad into the person that we are today. An author must put that part of themselves into their 39

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

writing, especially their characters. When I describe a character, I become that person, like an actor that plays a part. In that process, part of me enters into the character because I’m thinking: what would I say, what would I do, or how would I react to this or that situation.

Authors must use their interests, abilities, and personality traits to write their story. I did not start writing until almost mid-life, but my early childhood interests, personality traits, and motivations stayed with me and became the driving force in writing mystery books for children. As a young child and all through adulthood, I was always curious and fascinated with the unknown and anything mysterious. I loved watching horror flicks on television, reading mystery books or just exploring my 40

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

surroundings. Later in life, my experience as a teacher, counselor, and parent added even more background to use in my writing. When I began to write my middle-grade mystery series for children, my life experiences poured out onto the page and into the scenes and fictional characters I created.

My books were a reflection of my past experiences and what was important to me.

Those important things developed into three main themes in my books: mystery, history, and relationships. Each one of my books in, The Bayshore Mysteries, contains those three important themes. Each one of you has a past and a vast repertoire of experiences. Don’t hesitate to use those experiences to create your best work ever!

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

About the Author Jerrye Sumrall grew up in a small Southern town with lots of freedom to play and explore her surroundings. Mrs. Sumrall feels these childhood experiences served as a springboard for her writing. In her adult years, her experience as a teacher and counselor further developed her writing framework, which later grew into the middle grade mystery series, The Bayshore Mysteries.

The series incorporates mystery, action and adventure,

local

history,

and

enduring

characters who learn lessons in friendship, courage, and determination. Mrs. Sumrall feels her choice of unusual settings, her use of historical fact, her presentation of ageappropriate mystery, and her focus on lessons 42

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

in self-reliance and respect for others has made The Bayshore Mysteries a unique middle grade series. The series includes six books: Intruders on Battleship Island, The Secret Graveyard, The Mystery of Wragg Swamp, Mystery on Mound Island, The Ghost of Blakeley Past, and Mystery at Fort Mims. Mrs. Sumrall lives in Spanish Fort, Alabama with her husband. For more information, visit her website at http://jerrye35.wordpress.com/.

Mrs. Sumrall welcomes your comments.

Reviews can be posted on Amazon.com at http://amzn.to/1ji9HE9.

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43

Live One Day at a Time Self Improvement

T

here is nobody on our planet without their share of personal problems. People

normally increase their stress levels by continuously worrying about the past and future prospects. And you are no different.

When harassed it is quite natural for you to approach counselors, coaches and even astrologers to get a solution to your real or imaginary problems that may hit you in the 44

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

future. So, you start seeking a solution to tomorrow’s problems today. Understandably, it is quite natural for us to be afraid of the future

considering

the

daily

dose

of

uncertainty and its troubles. Most of us have an inborn tendency to continuously remember and grind troubling matters. We just can’t let it go and are unable to shut it off. For example, employees of almost all organizations worry so much about their business and career future that they don’t concentrate on the work that needs to be done today. Right now you could be worried about what you will be doing five or ten years down the line or how your career and job may look like. This can cause unnecessary anxiety, worry and a lot of stress.

Worry increases your wild imagination and 45

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

often takes you on scary mental trips into the future that is filled with all sorts of problems that may or may not really occur. But it’s not possible for anyone to predict how tomorrow will shape up. As a resilient person you must cultivate the habit of switching off both the past and the future, and concentrate only on what best you can do today.

This article describes one such ancient technique that has even been used in a popular film dialogue. In the finale of the classic film Rambo-II, colonel Trautman asks Rambo played by Sylvester Stallone, ‘How will you live, John?’ For this Rambo replies, ‘Day by day.’ While you may have taken this answer casually in the film, this method could perhaps be the perfect answer to practically any human 46

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

being. The simple magic formula of, ‘Learning to live one day at a time’ can be practiced by almost anyone to switch off anxiety and lead a happy life without worrying or imagining a scary future. This means forcing yourself to live for the moment rather than waiting for some future goal that will make you happy. It’s about enjoying where you are now with what you have. It’s a mindset you need to cultivate.

Try it once and you will never let it go. It may take some time to perfect this art, but eventually you will get there. Just give it a careful thought and you will begin to see its light.

It’s not a new concept either, and has been successfully used by many great people over the ages. Sir William Osler, a famous physician 47

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

and professor of medicine in John Hopkins School of Medicine, preached this concept of living in ‘day tight compartments’, which is based on the saying, ‘Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.’ by Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881). He taught everyone to forget the dead yesterdays and the unborn tomorrows.

Instead, you just concentrate on doing your best on what is to be done today and the future will take care of itself. Now you may argue that you don’t or can’t look at life one day at a time. Or that life does not work this way. However, this method does not mean you become a saint, give up all desires, or there is no need to effectively prepare for the future. It only means the future should be taken care by 48

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

doing the right things today. What you do today determines what you can or cannot do tomorrow. Don’t waste a good Sunday worrying about the impending Monday.

Tips for practicing this technique Learning to live one day at a time can shut off a lot of unnecessary stress from troubling you. If you want to become stress free, you must switch off the past and future from haunting you. Even if you are faced with terrible problems, to begin with, postpone your pressing worry by about three hours, then by three more hours and so on. In the meanwhile, think about possible solutions to eliminate the worry or how to solve the problem.

49

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Drag yourself from the worry by starting to do something else. Keep yourself busy and you will notice that the grinding worry would have paused during the time you were doing something. Concentrate your efforts on how to eliminate the problem you are anticipating.

Cross the river when you get to the bridge.

Let your grinding worry actually knock on your door to tackle it. Do everything in your power today to see that the trouble does not knock on your door or force its way inside tomorrow.

In most cases it may never knock on your door.

Nor do you need to open the door for every trouble.

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Quotes by famous people Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand - Thomas Carlyle What were you worried about this time last year? Can’t remember? - Author Unknown He who fears what he may suffer, already suffers what he fears - Old proverb Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons - Ruth Ann Schabacker Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday - Author Unknown.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened - Michel de Montaigne 51

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

I’ve seen many troubles in my time, half of which ever came true - Mark Twain As soon as we stop worrying, a solution pops up - David DeNotaris As a rule, men worry more about what they can’t see than about what they can - Julius Caesar Rather than sitting and worrying, do something, anything. Worrying is a waste of time - Catherine Pulsifer Drag your thoughts away from your troubles, by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it - Mark Twain

Back to Contents 52

Accept – Don’t Expect Spirituality

A

cceptance! What a great word! - a panacea for all our problems, whether in

office or at home or elsewhere.

This one

concept, when sincerely implemented, can lead to spontaneous and lasting joy and fulfilment. In simple terms, it refers to our experience of a situation without an intention to change that situation. Change need not always be possible or even conceivable nor does it call for our approval. If possible, you 53

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

can leisurely work it out. But, presently, just accept the inevitable and allow peace to prevail. Accept with gratitude all the blessings you have, including strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and failures, pains and pleasures. It paves the way for mental comfort, particularly when situations, things, events and people (STEP)s are not to our liking and we cannot do anything about them.

Besides, it mitigates

our agony and sets our intellect thinking of alternative courses, responses and possible changes.

Accept self. Self-acceptance and coming to terms with your feelings are the basic requirements. You must be emotionally grounded

at

all

times;

that

facilitates

acceptance of other STEPs. When this does not 54

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

happen, we see obstacles in everything and everyone in the world and often, distance ourselves from them and get into self-loathing to extremes like substance abuse or even suicidal tendencies. In lesser cases, it might just drive people into victim-syndrome (a wrong feeling that the whole world is against us), depression, and anxiety. It is quite dangerous.

All management motivators give importance to this. Unless you accept yourself, others will not. With whatever limitations you have, you still are unique in this world. You still have plenty of strong and desirable qualities matching or exceeding those of others. So, concentrate on them and move ahead. Do not unduly be critical of yourself (others will do it 55

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

for you!). Thinking on your strong points strengths them further. It will work as the best autosuggestion. You become what you believe.

Accept things.

Things around you have

their own causes to be as they are and where there are. If they are not in their proper places and you can set them right, do it. If not, just accept them for where they are and what they are. Don’t fret and fume over things you have no control.

Accept events. Events are not going to occur always to our liking. They just happen according to natural laws, mostly unknown to us. Events don’t have to follow a pattern or repeat the same way in same circumstances, as in science. Every day you walk in the same park 56

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

with more or less the same speed, but one day you slip and twist your ankle. Is there any explanation?

Accept people. We do (supposedly) good things to people and expect gratitude; some do not acknowledge or remember it, much less reciprocate it. We love people and some don’t reciprocate. It is just the nature of people to be different; they have their own world-view of life and behave accordingly. When different people expect the same person to behave in different ways, won’t that person become miserable if the person tries to satisfy everyone’s expectations? Instead of expecting people to behave the way we want them to, will it not be far better to try to see their view point and circumstances and accept them as 57

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

they are? Can’t we love people and use things - not love things and use people? this

approach

will

bring

the

Perhaps, needed

transformation either or both in oneself and others.

Why accept? The first benefit of acceptance is that it avoids disappointments and inner turmoil within us. Sometimes, we will be boiling within us so much that the person supposedly causing it does not even know, much less understand, why we are so furious!

Secondly, the attitude diminishes our ego, which tries to dictate terms to STEPs to conform. Thirdly, acceptance totally disarms STEPs and ceases to have influence and control on us (why should we give the key to our happiness to others - STEPs?) Lastly, 58

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

acceptance eases us from stubbornness and sets us thinking of the future course of action.

We can then concentrate and work on constructive measures to bring about the needed change; to the extent we can, through patience and wisdom.

This doesn’t refer only to individuals; it has equal

reference

to

groups

–

families,

institutions, business organizations and even societies. Proper understanding and patient acceptance of the realities is an essential prerequisite to bring about desired changes. Even the so called expert management advisers begin with a situational study!

The boons of acceptance go beyond STEPs; it can even heal chronic diseases, transform 59

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

the STEPs and also deliver us into salvation (for those who accept faith in God and theory of Karma!).

Notions of acceptance are prominent in many religious faiths also.

For example,

Buddhism’s first noble truth, "Life is suffering", encourages people to accept that suffering is a natural part of life and then sets them thinking and working on how to get away from that. In Hinduism it is the whole Karma theory. In other religions, it is simply faith. In all religions it is acceptance of the belief that that Great Power will always love us and organize our lives in such a way that we always get what we deserve and ultimately everything is for our development and deliverance from pain and suffering.

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Resist, Tolerate and Accept (RTA). Frankly, human nature is RTA.

All changes, be they

economic, social, political, organizational or domestic, normally undergo this pattern of resistance, toleration and acceptance. In fact, resistance prevails due to ignorance and imaginary fears.

Toleration often leads to

dramatic positive transformation of externals, yielding rich dividends. Patience and tolerance invariably get the credit actually due to frenzied hard work!

Acceptance brings peace. When we engage in war with STEPs, we drive serenity and peace out. We must remember that in this universe everything is orderly and cause-driven; there are just happenings and there are no accidents.

There are higher powers, call it God or 61

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

Almighty, which control and regulate our lives.

But God’s plans for us and our own dreams can, and often will not, coincide. If we do not accept and learn from this, we can never allow happiness into our life. If we do, we can stop passing the blame on STEPs, take charge of our life and do wonders.

About the Author Prof. AVR Rao retired recently after working for more than three decades as a senior executive in public/private sectors and MNCs holding several positions like Vice President, General Manager and Company Secretary. Academically also, he holds double Master degrees and a Law degree besides being a professionally qualified Company Secretary and Cost Accountant. He is now a Visiting Professor in a couple of Universities

Back to Contents 62

The Agony of Leading Leaders Management

A

general dictionary defines a leader as someone who influences or leads a group

of people towards a specific goal, or someone who holds a high degree of control or influence over a nation and its citizens, etc.

Until a couple of decades ago the word leader was mainly reserved to famous folks like prime ministers, presidents, army generals, etc. But today the word leader is rampant in all 63

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

business organizations and workplaces. And the word has been hijacked to such an extent that all business titles, teams, and initiatives are now appended with the word leader or leadership, like Team Leader, Business Leader, Project Leader, Leadership Teams, Senior Leadership, etc. Also today there are hardly any management articles or LinkedIn profiles of individuals that does not have a generous sprinkling of the word leader and leadership.

Though

the

word

leader

is

now

commonplace and even stale, such titles often give the person or team an aura of exaggerated importance. But has it ever occurred to you that having a title of a leader does not automatically qualify you to lead OTHER LEADERS who are equally or more 64

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

qualified,

smarter,

talented,

richer,

courageous, opinionated, subject experts, etc.

And the funny part could be such leaders may exist within your own team reporting to you, or as colleagues in the office hierarchy. In short they will be equal or superior to you, whether you like it or not. Now how do you lead such persons? You can't boss them around or threaten to fall in line just by flaunting your title or position. And your ideas, suggestions, or advice may fall on deaf ears or you may even face a rebellion if you try to do so.

It’s not just workplaces that have this problem. This tricky situation is applicable in other professions also when dealing with highly qualified lawyers, surgeons, doctors, judges, bureaucrats, top government officials, 65

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

professors, scientists, artists, police officials, directors, etc., whose egos will be operating on a hair trigger. Anyone can easily lead a bunch of sycophants or obedient sheep who don't question your decisions. But what if you are suddenly pushed into a situation where you have to lead or manage a bunch of leaders ranging from calm to cranky? How do you get them to do what you want them to do? What buttons do you press (or not press) to ensure their egos are not bruised and relationships are not spoiled? To understand what those buttons are you must humbly accept some harsh limitations and roadblocks any leader will face when trying to lead other leaders.

Followers: To be called as a leader he or she must have some followers. But talented folks 66

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

would have been there and done that, and will rarely take kindergarten advice or threats lightly. Such people will not fall in line behind a leader because they do not consider themselves as followers. They see themselves as leaders and will expect to be treated as one.

They will challenge anything that tries or demands that they fall in line or be blindly led without question. If you try traditional leadership methods like inspiring speeches, motivational

charades

or

one-way

communication you will only become an object of ridicule rather than a leader. For example, a brash manager could be confidently leading a team of employees in a traditional Japanese, British or Asian organization where obedience and respect for titles and authority is high. But 67

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

if he tries the same tricks in an American company he will soon have to polish his resume.

Selling your idea: Just because you think your idea is great it does not mean other leaders will blindly accept it. You should sell your idea to them. Rather than act as a boss you should consider yourself as a salesman trying to sell a new product or service to a customer. You should be able to demonstrate that your idea is superior to or at least equal to than their idea. If you try to shove your idea or decision down their throat you will only encounter a rebuttal either immediately or at a later stage. They will accept your suggestions or ideas only if they believe it is in their 68

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

interest to do so and not because you claim to be their leader.

Managing egos: While the feeling of not being able to lead effortlessly is generally unbearable to any manager you should first understand

that

jealousies

and

incompatibilities exist among all layers of intelligence right from kindergarten kids to pensioners. In fact, higher the intelligence, higher will be the politics and ego wars. On the outside everything may seem diplomatic, but internally it will be a simmering cauldron of envy, hatred and professional jealousies. This is why you will rarely find teamwork among highly qualified lawyers, surgeons, doctors, judges, professors, scientists, etc. Age factor also makes a big factor or roadblock in your 69

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

success. For example, an young dynamic MBA graduate in charge of a hospital or university will rarely be able to command reverence or obedience from senior surgeons or seasoned professors who could be twice his age. Also such leaders will not take insults, threats or demands lightly.

Culture: Leadership is not a one size fits all method applicable to people of all countries. It also varies on culture, language, country, etc.

For example, humorous or candid leadership styles that works in America will not work in China, Japan, Singapore, Russia, etc. And their styles may not work elsewhere. Also family run businesses will be a different kind of beast.

There even the best possible leadership of an outsider will rarely be accepted or appreciated.

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To summarize the story, you must accept that it is never easy to lead other leaders.

They will help you only if they feel you are not a threat or a nuisance to them. They key is to understand what makes them tick, how do you ensure their ideas and suggestions are accepted, age factor, your body language, your verbal and writing tone in dealing with them, and so on. Also the method you adopt for one leader may not work for another leader and each must be read like a separate book.

Only when you master these skills you will be able to make some progress in managing your flock. So always remember that leading a bunch of sycophants or obedient sheep is as easy as walking in a park, but leading leaders is like walking in a jungle. You will never know 71

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

which wild animal will pounce on you. Finally, we can end this article with a few quotes on leadership, It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead and find no one there - Franklin D. Roosevelt The problem with being a leader is that you’re never sure if you’re being followed or chased - Claire A. Murray Don’t ever follow any leader until you know who he is following - Source Unknown.

Back to Contents

72

Why Earthquakes should not be predicted Unconventional Thinking

W

henever there is a major natural disaster like an earthquake, cyclone,

tsunami, etc., which kills thousands of people and destroys countless properties the first question everyone asks is why our scientists can’t predict them well in advance. After all if they can put a man on the moon surely it must be

possible

to

invent

some

scientific

equipment that can predict an earthquake in advance.�

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

“Right, if such a device is available, then it’s easy to save lives and property as everyone can take the necessary precautions.”

“What I say is they are simple natural arguments echoed by the common man, media, politicians, bloggers, talk shows, businesses, armchair commandos, etc. This is why disaster recovery and business continuity experts inside and outside the government and corporate world are always under pressure to come up with innovative ideas on how to be prepared for earthquakes.”

“Why? Isn’t that good?”

“Wait. The good news is there are some scientific equipment that can predict natural disasters based on atmospheric changes, 74

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

satellite pictures, etc., though it’s not sure whether they can always give pinpointed predictions. Now your next question would be is if such equipment is available (even if not fully accurate) why doesn’t the government or a disaster prevention agency inform people in advance so that everyone can run away to safety?”

“Yes, that’s my argument.”

“However, ignoring the reasons why it’s not informed to everyone for the moment, just think again. Is it really possible to save lives and property even with such accurate advance information? Unfortunately the answer is a big NO. In fact, any advance prediction of any major natural disaster like an earthquake will 75

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

let loose another kind of man-made disaster that can actually cause more damage than the impending natural disaster.”

“How?” “To understand how just imagine any densely populated city in any country containing a few million citizens. Next imagine a situation where some reliable agency predicts a guaranteed major quake that will hit the city in the next few hours, and blasts the warning through mails, text messages, radio, TV, public address system, etc. Now imagine what will happen next.”

“What will happen?”

“As soon as the initial shock is absorbed, the very next thing everyone will do is think of 76

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

ways to scoot to safety with their belongings and loved ones. Within minutes you can expect the following horror unfolding all around.

Financial chaos: Thousands of people will flock to banks, financial institutions, and insurance agencies to withdraw all their cash, valuables, deposits and other things they may have deposited there. This is because there is no guarantee that if and when you come back your house and bank building will still be intact. Besides how many buildings are truly earthquake proof? The most important thing required after a disaster is always hard cash.

You can’t go around with a credit card in a disaster hit area to buy food and water.

However, no bank or financial institution will be able to manage such an abrupt withdrawal 77

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

demand from all customers in addition to looking after their own safety. This is of course assuming their systems are capable of handling a mad rush of customers and clients.

Transport chaos: As soon as the news is made

public

everyone

will

leave

their

workplaces and start rushing home to their near and dear ones. Very soon everyone will also start leaving the city using every available means of transport. And that will mean roads, trains, and planes will be choked everywhere leading to fist cuffs in desperation to get to somewhere safer. Vicious fights will start everywhere for fuel, bus tickets, train tickets, etc. It will be a rush hour of gigantic proportions. Next imagine situations where you have to evacuate thousands of patients 78

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

lodged in hospitals, care centers, elder care homes, offices, factories, schools, sports stadiums, tree houses, jails, and every other place. Can you imagine the kind of Herculean transport

arrangements,

medical

arrangements, food and other logistics that need to be done to take them to safety? And imagine how many children, family members, tourists and even pets can get lost and separated in the melee.

Rioting: Once panic sets in mob hysteria will take over, and no one can be controlled. Soon rampant looting and arson will start on the streets as people will start stealing and hoarding whatever is available, not to mention influential people and toughies who will make their own rules during such a crisis. And in 79

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

third world countries that have a large population of uneducated people controlling frenzied mobs is almost impossible. It soon becomes a case of survival or escape of the fittest situation. When millions of people take to the streets no police or military can control the mob fury. And this is assuming the police and other agencies will ignore their own safety and remain standing around to help civilians, which is highly unlikely. There will be a total breakdown of law and order within hours. And no amount of education or advice can keep people calm and rational when the doomsday time approaches nearer. Just imagine your own panic if you know that a major earthquake will hit your city in the next two to

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six hours. So, where do you go and what can you really do in that limited time?

“Hmm, I never thought of these issues.”

“What I mentioned are some of the advance disasters that will happen well before the actual disaster strikes. And in all probability the actual disaster may cause less damage than the havoc created by people’s panic because of advance information. No doubt many lives can be saved because people can come out of buildings so that ceilings and pillars will not crash on them, but the civilian disorder generated will be almost a similar or a worse nightmare to a sudden earthquake.

Secondly, the timing of the information is also important because if it happens on holidays or 81

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

late in the night there can be additional chaos.”

“Hmm. Amazing observations.”

“Hence, instead of getting prior information and completely ruining a city you are better off not knowing when an earthquake will hit.

Maybe ignorance is bliss in such matters. This is why I quoted Alfred Hitchcock who said, “There is no terror in the bang, it is only in anticipation of it.”

“Yes, your imagination of what will happen is right. For example, even I will try to withdraw money, inform all my friends, and try to flee with our families out of the town like millions of others.”

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“Good, now you know why earthquakes should not be predicted

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen - Winston Churchill

Back to Contents

83

84

Children Section

T

his section is dedicated to articles for children and also their own contributions.

You can submit articles, drawings, and paintings done by your kids for consideration.

This is to encourage them to cultivate the awesome habit of writing and reading books and magazines, instead of thinking that their computers, smartphones, and tablets are only for playing games and chatting.

Back to Contents

85

A Few Questions FAQs

How do we contact you?

Via

email

on

thejendra@yahoo.com

or

thejendrabs@gmail.com.

I am a writer and want to submit articles to your magazine. Will you accept it?

Yes, but with some conditions like you must have your own website, blog, and preferably be a self-published author with your books available on amazon and other sites. If you want to contribute regularly, then I would prefer you become my magazine subscriber.

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

This link contains the submission details and template.

Do you pay for articles?

Not yet. This is still a new magazine and to pay you my circulation must improve. But I will provide a PDF copy of the magazine if I include your article in this magazine.

What kind of articles do you accept?

Your articles must be related to selfimprovement, stress management, leadership, management, writing, publishing, and so on. It must help the reader learn something useful for their life skills. Also, your article must be your own and not copied from anywhere. All 87

Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

images used must cite sources and must be free for personal and commercial usage. I can also consider publishing articles, drawings, and paintings done by your kids to push them towards the habit of reading books and magazines.

Do you accept advertisements in your magazine?

Yes, you can have a half-page or a full-page advertisement. Half page is US$10 and fullpage is US$20 (see samples next page).

Authors can also advertise their books and its short summary for just US$5/-. For half page send a JPG or PNG file of size 5 inch x 3.75 inch and for full-page send a 5 inch x 7.5 inch size file.

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

I have some other questions.

Just send me an email.

Back to Contents

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

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Self Improvement International – March 2019 Issue

91

About the Editor

Thejendra Sreenivas is an Author and Life Skills Coach and offers personalized coaching in Book Publishing and Personal Development. He has also written 20+ mild & wild books on a number of subjects. His inspiration for writing unique books comes from Toni Morrison who said, “If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”

Please visit his web cave - www.thejendra.com for details of his books, magazine, and coaching information.

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Books by the Editor

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