Guide to education

N O I T A C U D E

O T E D I U G

A BLANK SLATE MEDIA / LITMOR PUBLICATIONS SPECIAL SECTION | NOVEMBER 6, 2015

34 guide to education • News Times Newspapers, Friday, November 6, 2015

What to do when kids won’t go to school

By A n d r e w M a l e koff

Every child, whether special needs or not, occasionally has one of those days when they just need a break from the stresses of school.

That’s to be expected. But when that day or two turns into several days on a regular basis, it’s a big concern that has a name among the professionals: school refusal.

It’s estimated that about 8-10 percent of U.S. students refuse to go to school for lengthy periods of time at some point in their education.

Research that we’ve conducted at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center has determined that it’s a growing problem, with an increasing number of our clients’ parents, school counselors and mental health professionals reporting that children and teens are staying home or even leaving home, but not going to their classes.

A case in point: One of our clients, Maria, is a 14-year-old girl who suffers from depression and anxiety, along with other significant emotional challenges.

When she came to us for treatment, her parents were at a loss as to how to get their daughter to go to school.

She would beg to stay home, citing the fact that other students were mean to her. Her depression and anxiety were so intense that, even when her parents did get her to school, she would often leave

the school grounds early in the day. She’d wander in her neighborhood until school was over and she could head home, denying that she’d missed any classes.

According to research by the NYU Child Study Center, school refusal occurs among children from ages 5-17 who exhibit one of more of these behaviors: are entirely absent from school; attend

school initially, but leave during the course of the school day; go to school following crying, clinging, tantrums or other intense behavior problems; and/ or exhibit unusual distress during school days and then plead for future absenteeism.

The behavior is equal among both boys and girls, the Center reports, adding that the most common age for school refusal is between the ages of 10 and 13, when most kids start middle school — a huge period of transition physically and emotionally.

What causes children to refuse to go to school?

Bullying tops the list. Children who are labeled as special needs, whether they have a learning or emotional disability, are often easy targets for bullies, so it’s not surprising that these students are vulnerable to adopting school refusal behaviors.

Other reasons for school refusal include transitioning from one school to another; having separation anxiety; experiencing an illness or death in the family; and/or having problems with school work.

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If your child is developing a pattern of refusing to go to school, here are a few steps you can consider.

1. Ask your child why he wants to stay home. Even if he tells you he doesn’t know, gentle, reassuring communication and respect for his feelings will help him feel safe in opening up to you.

2. Set up a meeting with your school personnel to help discover what is causing your child’s avoidance of school.

Questions to ask: Is your child isolating from her peers? Does she have any close friends? Is she being teased or ignored by her classmates? Does she seem to understand the lesson material and is she able to complete assignments?

3. If you aren’t satisfied with the answers or proposed solutions, don’t be afraid to arrange a meeting with the principal or director of special education. It is your right to ask for a comprehensive evaluation such as “The School Refusal Assessment Scale” (SRAS-R), to understand the factors creating the behavior.

Such intervention is an important step in creating a treatment plan.

4. Consider bringing your child to a community-based mental health counselor where they will receive individual, family and possibly group-based therapy.

For Maria, the answer to school refusal came when she worked with her counselor at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, participating in family and group sessions. She felt heard, and our team helped find a new school placement for her with smaller classes and individual, regular counseling. Today, she is thriving and hates to miss even a day of school.

Remember, you are your child’s best advocate. If they are refusing to go to school, rather than assuming they are just behaving badly or are lazy, realize that there is something going on that needs to be addressed, and take the steps needed to ensure that they get the support they need to have a successful education.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director/CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.

Visit www.northshorechildguidance.org to learn more.

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35

The benefits of pet therapy

36 guide to education • News Times Newspapers, Friday, November 6, 2015

By J e n n a Kern-Rugile

While all kids benefit from their relationships with animals, animal-assisted therapy is an especially important tool for kids who are on the autism spectrum or have other special needs or emotional issues such as depression, anxiety or social isolation. Pets help kids not only to feel loved, but also to help them open up, learn to bond and decrease their level of stress.

A recent visit by Bideawee to North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center by therapy dogs showed how interacting with these animals helps special needs children. Lee Holtzman, who heads up the Guidance Center’s Family Advocacy Program, said one very shy girl who barely spoke, lit up when she saw the dogs enter the group therapy room.

“She asked me if she could go pet the dog, and I told her she needed to ask the volunteer from Bideawee,” said Holtzman. “Nor-

mally, it would have been almost impossible to get this girl to speak with someone she never met, but her desire to spend time with the dog was so strong that it helped her overcome her fears and speak with the volunteer.”

Therapy dogs also helped calm down a boy who has impulsivity issues and tends to be very loud.

“We explained how dogs get startled by very loud noises or sudden movements, and that helped him learn a lesson about behaving appropriately in a calm manner,” Holtzman said. The goal, she added, is that the lessons the children learn working with pets can be carried over into their lives.

A recent trip by teens from a program at Guidance Center offers another perfect example about how working with animals can be a transformative experience. The Latina Girls Project is a Guidance Center initiative designed to help teens who suffer from is-

A member of the Latina Girls Project bonds with a horse during a trip to HorseAbility, an equine therapeutic program. sues such as depression, anxiety and school refusal.

Many of the girls are initially shy and withdrawn when they come to us, so some of our therapeutic goals are to help them get in touch with their feelings, develop selfesteem, bond with each and with their therapists, and learn skills to help them

navigate life and heal their inner wounds.

Associate Director Regina Barros-Rivera and other staff took the girls to HorseAbility Therapeutic Riding Program in Old Westbury, an equine therapy program designed to promote the physical, psychological, emotional, social and spiri-

tual well-being of its participants, many of whom are special needs children and teens.

Of the 18 girls who went on the trip, only one had ridden a horse before, so many of the girls expressed trepidation. When they arrived at HorseAbility, the group’s volunteers showed the teens what they would be doing that day, including riding, guiding the horses through an obstacle course (which was used by the staff to point out that we all have obstacles in life that we need to learn to navigate) and learning to groom and feed them.

As the girls met each individual horse, the volunteers told them each one’s story—where they came from, how they ended up at HorseAbility (many are rescues) and what their personalities were. The girls quickly bonded with these majestic animals, and all were deeply moved by the stories of horses that had faced difficulties in their lives, just as the girls do

themselves.

“We saw incredible growth in several of the girls through the experience,” said Barros-Rivera.

“One teen, who tends to isolate and act as if she doesn’t care about anyone, walked over and hugged another teen whose anxiety about riding had her sobbing and shaking. It was a transformative moment for both girls, as one learned to overcome her fear of the horse and the other learned how to reach out with compassion to a peer.”

For all children, teens and yes, adults, too, animals are a true treasure, helping all of us be better human beings. To learn more about pet therapy programs, contact Lee Holtzman at 516626-1971, ext. 370.

Jenna Kern-Rugile is the Director of Communications at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights. For more information, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

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38 guide to education • News Times Newspapers, Friday, November 6, 2015

How to prepare children and teens with special needs for their first sleepover B y P am Z i mm e r , M.S. Ed.

Sleepovers are a standard rite of passage for children approaching their middle school years.

Opportunities like these are an invaluable part of growing up. They encourage independence and preparation to one day live with roommates or on their own. It is also a chance to test out those important life skills that parents so carefully teach, such as basic hygiene routines.

More importantly, sleepovers provide children and teens with an opportunity to build bonds with friends that day-to-day school interactions don’t allow for. Meaningful and lifelong friendships are not formed sitting at a school desk.

For children and teens with special needs, the concept of a sleepover can be foreign.

The social difficulties that typically accompany a special needs diagnosis often mean that few invitations are extended to children with special needs. For those who are being invited to sleepovers, parents are faced with many questions. What if my child becomes afraid or anxious from a change in location and routine?

What if the host family does not understand how to meet my child’s particular

higher divorce rate in families with special needs children than that of families with typical needs children.

So how can a parent feel comfortable enough to send their children off to a sleepover and still sleep at night?

Here are some tips for parents that can assist with planning for a child’s first night away from home.

Prepare your child leading up to the event. Go through the schedule of what will occur while the child is at the sleepover, including what time he will eat dinner, watch a movie, brush his teeth and go to bed.

Visual social stories can be very helpful for this. If possible, plan a trip to the family’s house beforehand. You and your child should know the host family well and be familiar with the home prior to a sleepover. Partner with other families who have children with special needs, and be sure to offer to host the next sleepover.

Communicate with the host family. needs regarding food choices or calming from the occasional stay at Grandma’s Provide a list of foods and snacks that house. techniques?

Not only is this unhealthy for the your child can/will eat or offer to send Other physical needs can also raise challenges, such as medication admin- child’s development, it can also take a snacks with her. Review any important istration schedules, food allergies, assis- toll on a marriage, as parents do not have information about medication administance with hygiene tasks and enuresis. Be- the opportunity to have an evening to tration, allergies, bedtime routines, movies and games she enjoys and level of cause of this myriad of concerns, families themselves.

This and other stressors have led to a self-care. Shower your child prior to the often avoid sleepovers altogether aside

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News Times Newspapers, Friday, November 6, 2015 • guide to education event so there is one less hygiene task to worry about.

Pack the day before and invite your child to help. Allow him to pack comfort objects that will help if he becomes anxious.

Show him where everything can be found in his bag and take time to review the schedule again, showing him each item in the suitcase. If your child has trouble dressing himself, pack easy-to-put-on clothing, such as sweat pants and outfits, without buttons or snaps.

Plan an escape route. Your child’s first sleepover may not go well and that’s okay.

She may become extremely upset about sleeping in a strange home or find that she is unable to sleep.

Don’t force her. This is not the night to plan that romantic weekend trip to the city.

Keep your phone turned on and next to you. Tell the host family that they are absolutely welcome to call you at any time if there is an issue. Let your child know this as well. Once children know they have an escape route back to mom or dad, they’ll be much less anxious about the experience as a whole.

Look for local social and recreational overnight programs. These should be designed specifically for children, teens and young adults with special needs.

Innovative new programs geared toward overnight experiences are beginning

to pop up on Long Island. The Sid Jacobson JCC Overnight Adventures program offers teens and young adults the opportunity to have sleepovers with friends at the JCC, as well as overnight trips to fun locations.

The staff of this program is trained to work with special needs individuals and is certified in First Aid, CPR and medication administration training.

For those teens and young adults with additional needs, this can be an option for a parent that provides more peace of mind. Teens who successfully complete these programs can then participate in more extended options such as sleepaway camps.

First-time sleepovers can be a scary experience for any parent, but they can be a life-changing social experience for a child.

The earlier parents begin to prepare children and teens for more independent living, the more enriched and fulfilling lives they will be able to lead. With the right preparation and modifications, children and teens with special needs can have a successful sleepover.

Pam Zimmer, MS Ed,. is the director of Camp Kehilla and special needs programs at Sid Jacobson JCC in Greenvale. For more information about programs and parent educational workshops, visit sjjcc.org/ special-needs.

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