RICKEY SMILEY

By Michael P Coleman, Freelance Writer

Millions of radio listeners start their day with The Rickey Smiley Morning Show. Those listeners know that Smiley is one of the funniest people on the planet.

Those same fans might be surprised to learn that the gregarious Smiley is a self-described introvert.

“I used to be an extrovert,” Smiley, 54, EXCLUSIVELY told THE HUB, “but as I’ve gotten older, I became an introvert. When you’re dealing with people all of the time, and you’ve hugged so many people and shook so many hands, you get worn a little bit. I kinda stay at home to give my brain and body an opportunity to rest, so when I do go out, I can be what I need to be for the fans.”

After just a few minutes into a conversation with Smiley, his love and devotion to those fans is palpable. He connects with them as effortlessly over the air as he did with me over the phone, but insists that there’s nothing like being with them in person. Even with his tremendous success in radio, Smiley maintains a rigorous schedule of in-person events, like his upcoming Birthday Beach Blowout, and stand-up gigs all over the country.

“Comedy allows you to keep your independence,” the Birmingham, Alabama native shared. “If somebody in radio decides that they don’t like you anymore, you can still make a living. There’s nothing — not even radio — like being on that stage. You can’t do certain things on radio, like talk about certain things or be physical, like you can on stage. So it’s totally different, and it’s so much fun. I love it.”

Fans of Smiley’s know that, whether on the air or on stage, he’s 100% transparent, often sharing his unique, often hysterical take on pop cultural topics of the day. He also routinely shares personal, intimate details of his life. “I’m always on social media, I have a big following, and I am really, really close to some of my followers,” Smiley said. “I try to keep people’s spirits lifted, and try to teach things that have been passed down to me.”

That said, even the transparent, vulnerable Smiley shocked the world earlier this year when he laid bare his heart after his eldest son, Brandon, died. Smiley has said that he suspects his son’s death was due to a drug overdose, although at press time, an official determination from a toxicology report has not been released.

In a world where black men aren’t often encouraged to be vulnerable, Smiley’s video from the morning of his son’s funeral moved this writer to tears. I lost two grandchildren soon after their birth a few years ago, and I can’t imagine sharing that grief with millions of people just a few days after having lost them.

“My son was a standup comedian, and he was a part of a reality show, so I couldn’t completely shut people out,” Smiley recalled. “A lot of people out there have also lost kids, and could identify with my pain. I wanted to let people know where I was at, what I was going through, and get the prayers going up, because without prayers you don’t have anything. The prayers were needed, because something like [losing your child] will make you lose your mind if you don’t have God or know God, or get people praying for you.”

“When I heard my mother on the phone crying, after I had to tell her about my son, that’s when reality set in,” Smiley continued. “That was the first time that I actually broke down and cried, because I had to figure out how to protect the rest of my kids and protect my mother and my sister. It was devastating to us. I could deal with my stuff later, but I had to make sure that they were straight.”

To my mind, that’s one of the hallmarks of leadership: putting others ahead of yourself.

“I also had to pay respect to my son’s mother,” Smiley said, as I recalled his on-camera plea, hours before his son’s funeral, for prayers for her. “I know my name’s in lights, but she laid down and gave birth to our son, and I wanted to pay respects to her.”

“There are two things that I can’t get out of my head: hearing his mother’s blood-curdling scream, and hearing my mother crying on the phone,” Smiley added. “Those sounds will be in my brain for the rest of my life.”

I asked Smiley where he found the strength to think of others, even in the midst of his own grief. He pointed me toward his grandfather, whom Smiley called “a leader” in his community and an indomitable influence on Smiley’s life from the time he was a child and lost his own father.

“My granddad was a man of all men,” Smiley told me. “He was everything. I remember the day my father died, April 11, 1974, like it was yesterday. I could tell you where everybody was sitting at that funeral, and what they had on. That’s how clearly I remember my dad’s funeral. I wasn’t even concerned with what was in that casket. I watched my granddad take that shit like a G. He took that punch in the chest like a man. He sat there and comforted my grandmother.” continued

“The definition of a leader is somebody who knows how to put everything in perspective and can be calm in a time of chaos, and my granddad was a leader,” Smiley continued. “When I became an adult, my granddaddy walked me through that situation. Like you’re interviewing me right now, I was asking him a lot of questions, I asked him how he got through losing a son. He told me that he was standing right there in the morgue when my dad’s body got there.”

“I’ve never shared this with anyone, but where do you think I was when my son’s body arrived at the funeral home,” Smiley asked. “I was standing right there like a soldier, just like my granddad. I’ll never be able to unsee what I saw, but I did it, because I had to do it. My youngest son and I got to the funeral home early, and we went in the back and got my son, and we were the ones who rolled him out into the chapel. We did it ourselves. That gave us closure. That was the last thing that we were ever going to be able to do for him.”

“I was trying to walk in my granddad’s footsteps,” Smiley added. “If I can be half of who and what he was, I’ll be ok.”

There is absolutely no doubt in this writer’s mind that Smiley’s granddad would have been very proud of him.

With Smiley’s life having been so touched by pain, I had to ask whether he and his remaining family were seeking the mental health care that they undoubtedly would have needed during such a trying time. Just as Smiley’s expressions of vulnerability defy conventional notions of what it is to be a black man, so, too, do his thoughts about mental health care. The stigma that still accompanies it has no home with Smiley, “Man, I’ve been going to therapy my whole life,” Smiley casually shared, without an iota of shame or doubt about whether it was the proper path to take. “My mom used to have me in counseling, dealing with my stuff. My job is to break the generational curse, and promote therapy. We need to check on our brain like we do our ankle. If your ankle hurts, and you can’t walk, you go to the doctor. Same thing with your brain. If you’re not feeling right or thinking all kinds of thoughts or what have you, go and get the help that you need.”

“Sometimes, we talk about praying [mental health] problems away, but God created therapists,” Smiley added. “We don’t have to sit and suffer in silence. Go and express your feelings and get the help that you need. We can break the generational curse and not pass being unhealthy, not talking about stuff, sweeping the stuff under the carpet, and not healing to the next generation. We have to talk about stuff.”

It’s good to hear that a man who’s made his living “talking about stuff” is committed to it in her personal life, as well.

As we got ready to close, I asked Smiley for a parting message for the men reading this issue, or for friends and family members who are caring for the boys and men in their lives.

True to form, Smiley left this man with words that I’ll carry with me for quite a while.

“I want the men to continue to lead and to stand firm and stand on their principles, and don’t change for anyone,” Smiley said. “We have to continue to make things better. We have to lead. That’s why God decided to let me see what I saw in my granddad. God knows what’s coming, so He prepares you for it. I give God all of the glory.” n