Hendrix Headcanons

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HENDRIX HEADCANONS

Lauren Allen| Staff Writer/ Photographer “Hendrix has many interesting tidbits and facts that are spread to each class”

Photo by Rebecca Burks

Hendrix has many interesting tidbits and facts that are spread to each class. The library used to be under the brick pit. Students are thrown into the fountain on their birthdays. These legends have been passed down through generations of Hendrix students. However, there are some fewer known facts which have been lost over many years.

First, ever since the construction of the new Dawkins Welcome Center, many have wondered what the orange glowing light is at the top of the building. Every night just past dusk, the light can be seen shining out of the window of the tallest point of the building. Finally, after extensive research into the phenomena, the Profile has discovered the source of the mystery orange hue. Each night, Dean Wiltgen climbs to the top of the Dawkins building. There, he lights himself on fire and burns like a phoenix all night long. He lights all of campus with his glow. By morning, the Dean has been all but reduced to ashes. Around 7 AM, Tad climbs the stairs with a single candle in his paw. Lightly touching the flame of the candle to the pile of ashes, Tad lights the pile, and the Dean is reborn, ready to work for another day.

Another fact that many students are unaware of is that Buhler Hall was closed for very suspicious reasons. The college’s official statement was that asbestos had afflicted the building, but they were not honest with the student body about why the hall was really closed. According to an anonymous member of the Animal Rights and Rescue Club, all of the college cats banded together to claim the building for themselves. The cats had been secretly using the large space to hold Cat Senate meetings at night. Known for fierce self-governance, the cats had grown tired of using the space in secret and wanted Buhler all to themselves. Led by Tad, the colony planned a military strike to attempt to take Buhler. They charged at dawn. No one was prepared for the attack, not even the Dean. The college attempted to reclaim the building from the cats, not wanting to let the colony overtake an entire section of campus. The Dean was furious that PSafe had allowed the cats to breach Buhler and sent in a group of PSafe officers to try to reclaim the building. The fighting that broke out as a result became known as the only war to ever take place on Hendrix’s campus. Ultimately, PSafe lost, and many officers were gravely wounded that day. Though the cats were once pacifists, they would do anything to remain independent from the tyrannical governance of humans – the war had turned them cold. To this day, the building remains closed. From time to time, Dean Wiltgen allows scholars inside of Buhler in secret in order to study the progressive governmental structure that the cats operate. The college has no plans to retake the building for fear of losing more PSafe officers to Tad’s vicious feline forces.