The Fool-Proof Issue

P ROFILE

THE HENDRIX COLLEGE

VOLUME 109 ISSUE 4

THE FOOL-PROOF ISSUE

Cover photo by Rebecca Burks

P ROFILE Let’s “Talk” 4 5 6 8

9 10 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Keeping Homedrix Safe Looming Legislation Is Remote Learning Here to Stay?

The Silver Lining of Wellness Days Catnapped Poetry: Turning Nature and Ideas into Art — Artist Feature Hendrix Headcanons The New Hendrix Regime Photo of Interest Tales from the Quad The Rise of Crypto Battle of the Hobbies Caf Chaos

Editor-in-Chief: Mak Millard Online Editor: Hannah Diggs Photography Editor: Rebecca Burks Copy Editor: Josiah Vallone Layout Editor: Monica Martinez Fact Checker: Roth Coats Fact Checker: Phillip Powell Photographer: Lauren Allen Staff Writer: Jay Vicente Staff Writer: Phillip Powell Staff Writer: Danielle Kuntz Staff Writer: Lauren Allen Staff Writer: Sophia Isely Staff Writer: Sophie O’Reilly

ADVISOR

Dr. Erin Hoover

MISSION STATEMENT As a student-run and student-funded newsmagazine, The Profile uncovers the smart edge to campus culture: the people, places, ideas and trends that curious, confident students and faculty want, need and ought to know. By critically examining issues important to the Hendrix community, The Profile aims to act as a catalyst for change, a tool for transparency between the student body and faculty and a source of inspiration for its readers to begin thinking glob-

@Hendrixprofile

The Profile At Hendrix

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NOTE FROM THE EDITOR

Mak Millard

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

As the semester is winding down, let’s take a moment to reflect on just what a monumental effort it was to get here. I don’t need to reiterate how tough the past year has been, but I will point with a cautiously optimistic glance towards the future. We’ve still got a ways to go, but things are getting (tentatively) better, and that’s more than I could have asked for in April 2020. There’s even a dog in the editor’s photo now!

That being said, welcome to my last issue as editor-in-chief. Once a year, the magazine tries its hand at satire, and that’s one tradition that couldn’t be ruined by a pandemic. We could all use a space to laugh right about now (or at least a space to be amused by some incredibly silly stories). We hope this issue will be a nice— albeit absurd—break from whatever stress you’re feeling.

Since the world does have to keep turning, there are still a few serious pieces in here, as well as a very exciting creative writing feature courtesy of junior Flannery Hirrel. If you think about it, this issue is the total package: urgent news, brilliant art, and Dean Wiltgen reimagined as the literal

fire in Hendrix’s heart. We’ve been calling him “the Dean-ix.” You’re welcome.

One last thing before I go: thanks for sticking around. Thanks for taking the time to read this and support the hard work of your friends and peers. I couldn’t be leaving you in better hands for next year, and as far as The Profile is concerned, it’s only up from here. Here’s hoping for everything else.

All my best,

Have a question, response, or inquiry?

You can reach us anytime at thehendrixcollegeprofile@gmail.com.

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram to stay updated on the latest stories.

APRIL 2021

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KEEPING HOMEDRIX SAFE

Photo courtesy of Unsplash

Recent incidents on campus prompt new and higher safety measures Many students were alarmed and shocked last month when they saw screenshots of the same message being shared across social media that said “don’t walk alone.” A student had been followed and grabbed while walking from her apartment. For so many students, Hendrix is a safe and warm space. This made learning that someone had been followed even more of a shock to everyone. In the next few days, the air surrounding the girls’ dorms was thick with the tension of fear; GroupMe group chats were especially supportive. RAs bought their residents pepper spray and sent infographics depicting basic self-defense maneuvers. When the water went out in Galloway Hall, residents walked in pairs to neighboring Veasey Hall for fear of being out alone.

The peace and safety of campus had been lost.

Kristen North, a senior, recounted the events that happened to her. “So, the event happened around 7pm when I was walking to the SLTC,” she said. Kristen had been walking to the SLTC to meet a friend for dinner. She lives in the Hendrix Corner Apartments and was walking down Front Street toward Ellis Hall when she noticed a man in the parking lot of the businesses on the other side of the street. Once she had crossed the street, she noticed he was following her and picked up her pace.

“Once I got near Fausett, I tried to lose him by that little fish pond and bushes area. Whenever I tried to duck away, he grabbed my arm. Then I bolted and ran all the way to the SLTC.” Kristen describes this experience as very traumatic for her. She did not report it to PSafe immediately after it happened because of the strong reaction she had. Kristen said that it wasn’t until around 11PM that she was able to react – she decided to post on her Instagram story, feeling that it would be the most effective way to warn other students. Her RAs saw the post and made her leave her apartment at midnight to report the incident to PSafe.

“I went to PSafe around midnight, not of my own free will, and when I got there, the best way I can describe it was that PSafe blamed me for the incident. They were really angry that I hadn’t reported it right away and had warned other students via social media before I came to them. It really felt like I was being punished for my own trauma response, when honestly, I wasn’t even able to speak for a couple hours after it had happened because I was so scared. So PSafe took my statement and [they were] like ‘how do you expect us to catch this guy if you didn’t report it when it happened? ...it must not have been that serious’,” says Kristen.

In addition to reporting the incident to PSafe, the College’s Public Safety Office also told Kristen that she needed to file a report with the Conway Police Department.

After reporting the incident to the Conway Police, Kristen “got a call from the Conway PD telling [her] they were closing the

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Lauren Allen| Staff Writer/Photographer case. They said that it was a Hendrix issue and that they couldn’t do much about it unless I saw the guy walking around [off campus].” Kristen said that this was infuriating because PSafe told her that she had to report the issue because it was a Conway problem. Kristen had found it really frustrating that PSafe “took away any autonomy [I] had in the matter.” In recounting the events, she wishes she had been given more psychological support after the incident occurred.

Just one day after Kristen was grabbed, another man was spotted peering into the windows of Galloway Hall. More shockwaves radiated across campus as Conway Police’s patrols were once again felt and seen. Just as with Kristen’s case, the woman who was stalked was told by PSafe to report the case to Conway PD. After a few days, her case was also closed for lack of evidence; there was nothing that Conway PD could do.

Public Safety does not carry weapons because they are not members of law enforcement. Dean Wiltgen said that patrols have been increased in all areas of campus since the incidents occurred. He also stressed that students should never walk alone, noting that incidents rarely occur while students are in groups. In response to both events, the Student Senate has formed a Task Force on Public Safety to work directly with PSafe to improve campus safety. This task force has existed previously, and the Senate felt as though recent events necessitated its reinstatement.

President of the Senate, Hailey Johnston said: “The task force on campus safety will meet with the dean of students and public safety biweekly to discuss campus safety issues. We hope to accomplish lighting some of the darker spots on campus, fix the blue emergency buttons, and keep the administration up to date on broken safety features on campus like doors and lights.”

Many things on campus are different this semester as students attempt to navigate college life during a pandemic. Safety and security remain top priorities for students and administration, even as the school year comes to a close. Dean Wiltgen encourages students to call PSafe at 501-450-7711 any time for an escort across campus.

Photo by Rebecca Burks

LOOMING LEGISLATION

A rundown of recent changes and what they mean for Arkansans

Sophie O’Reilly|Staff Writer Roth Coats|Fact Checker In the past few weeks, a variety of bills that target abortion and LGBTQ+ Arkansans have been passed in the Arkansas Legislature.

The text of each of these bills is long and complicated, but in reality have simple yet severe outcomes. We’ve summarized each of these bills and acts below in order to give you a better sense of what they mean and what kind of impact they could have on you or the people you know. In any case, we want to provide a base from which you can draw informed opinions and a heightened sense of empathy for those most at-risk from this legislation.

Act 462 Medical Ethics and Diversity Act This act enables medical practitioners to deny medical treatment if it conflicts with their conscience. For the purposes of the bill, conscience is defined as religious, moral, or ethical beliefs. There are two important caveats in this bill: 1. This exemption does not apply to “emergency treatment” 2. This exemption does apply if the treatment is considered “medically necessary” Here are some basic examples of things that are now legal because of this act: A doctor or pharmacist could deny PrEP to a gay man because being gay “conflicts with their beliefs.”

Similarly, a pharmacist could deny filling a prescription for a woman’s insulin because the patient has a wife.

For transgender folks, this act limits access to resources with which to medically transition along with non-transition related medical care for LGBTQ+ people. Folks who have had the same doctor for years could need to find a new one. Already controlled medications such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT) could be only available at a few pharmacies that have non-conflicted pharmacists.

Act 626 Save Adolescents From Experimentation (SAFE) Act This act attempts to prevent minors from accessing any form of medical transition, including puberty blockers. Gender re-affirming surgeries for youth are relatively rare, but puberty blockers are more common. Blockers pause the effects of puberty and are physically reversible and safe according to various pediatric boards.

Puberty blockers are not exclusive to transgender youth either. Additionally, this bill doesn’t limit uses of puberty blockers for cisgen-

der children. Other kinds of HRT (for transitioning) have been banned for adolescents as well.

Act 461 The Fairness in Women’s Sports Act This act is fairly straightforward. The act claims that because of “unfair advantages” in sports that come from being assigned male at birth, transgender women should not be allowed to participate in women’s athletics. A similar bill recently died in Florida over concerns surronding how sex would be verified.

Senate Bill 6: A Ban on Abortion for Arkansans On March 6th, 2021, Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson approved Senate Bill 6, which institutes stringent abortion legislation for Arkansas citizens. The only exceptions the legislation provides is for instances wherein the mother or the child’s life is severely threatened by the pregnancy. There are no exceptions for rape or incest, which goes against the grain of other Southern states’ abortion legislation. Gov. Hutchinson says he “would have preferred,” the legislation to include such exceptions, but ultimately, the legislation fulfills its intended purpose: to defy the US Supreme Court ruling on abortion. The goals of the bill are (1) to directly contradict Roe v. Wade, and (2) to have abortion reconsidered under the new, majority conservative Supreme Court. Pro-choice advocates, including the American Civil Liberties Union of Arkansas, say that they are ready to fight for “as long as it takes” to protect legal precedent for abortion nationwide.

Legislation designed with the sole intention of overturning national statutes is a potentially treacherous path to embark on. While the rule of law isn’t always the best guiding force for moral decisions, a reruling of Roe v. Wade predicated purely on more conservative judges feels manipulative, especially after years of relatively accessible abortion services. Additionally, having no exceptions for rape and incest sends a silent message to predators that those actions will go unpenalized. Arkansas legislators need to protect vulnerable populations, and the lack of legal push-back on this ruling is disappointing and dangerous.

On the subject of LGBTQ+ legislation, many politicians would lead you to believe that these acts come from a “feminist” place, but in reality the motivation is transphobia. This is the most obvious in 461.

An athlete being taller or stronger because of genetics isn’t an “unfair advantage,” but being assigned male at birth is, according to this logic. If height and weight variations were truly the issue, this legislation would instead mandate something like height and weight classes for all sports. The other bills’ primary issues come from a prioritization of so-called “freedom’’ over the humanity and personhood of those seeking medical care. In many cases, the mental health benefits of transition care are life-saving. These bills go beyond inconveniences into actively harming Arkansans; the social and medical implications of a lack of choice, control, and security will cause extensive harm.

At their core they are poorly researched, in bad faith, transphobic, misogynistic, and inherently an effort to control medical choices that should be autonomous.

APRIL 2021

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Jay Vicente |Staff Writer

Photo by Lauren Allen

IS REMOTE LEARNING HERE TO STAY? Hendrix staff talk about the pros, cons, and development of the hybrid-learning model

As the end of the school year draws near, Hendrix faces a big decision. Do we return to the traditional all in-person learning model or stay on our current path of hybrid learning? There are pros and cons to each, and with changing statewide regulations regarding COVID-19, there are still many questions the college must answer before the decision can be made. When asked about the pros and cons of remote learning and returning to in-person classes next year, Dean Wiltgen said that “Hendrix has always focused on the important relationship between the faculty and the student through live classes.” The Hendrix community is the lifeblood of the college, and it’s obvious that hybrid learning has created insurmountable obstacles within that community. The Dean continued by stating that “unlike other colleges that have devoted resources to an online teaching model, [Hendrix is] committed to the learning that comes from the live in-person teaching model.” Hendrix was built around the idea the students would be able to feel seen and understood by their professors, and the live teaching model fosters that connection. The Dean believes that students expect “this live class element, [and that] it is one of the reasons why they selected Hendrix as opposed to larger schools where the relationship between [the students and faculty] is more distant.” Although many changes and accommodations have been made to replicate that connection for online students, it just isn’t the same. The Dean also mentioned that the switch to online learning was a method of ensuring that there was a safe environment in place for the students, faculty, and staff in response to the COVID-19 pandemic and not a permanent solution.

At the beginning of the 2021 spring semester, Hendrix made a successful transition from a remote campus to a socially distanced one. The protocols the college put in place have held firm, and with the

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cooperation of students cases of COVID-19 have been exceptionally low. To meet the needs of online students’, devices called OWLs were placed in several classrooms to live-stream lectures and labs via Teams.

Since the college is leaning towards returning to the traditional learning model, the fate of the OWLs has come into question. Thankfully, both Dean Wiltgen and Bobby Engeler-Young (the Director of User Services) have ideas on that front. In the case that Hendrix returns to a traditional learning model, how the OWLs will ultimately be used is up to the Provost’s office and the faculty themselves. Both Engeler-Young and the Dean believe that the OWLs can create opportunities to expand the classroom beyond its current limits in the form of bringing in guest speakers and attending conferences virtually. Engeler-Young revealed that the OWLs have overcome hindrances that the Help Desk has encountered regarding the logistics of “requests for remote interviews for Search committees, bringing a professor’s colleague, friend or mentor to a class for special topics or perspectives, and post-graduate and professional interviews for students.” With the OWLs in place in many locations across the campus, Hendrix has become virtually accessible from anywhere.

Engeler-Young also mentioned that the OWLs could be used for students who are sick, injured, or traveling for sports, and could help professors who are traveling to conferences still interact with their classes without disruption. Engeler-Young made very clear that the protocol for those situations would be created by the “academic side”, and are all currently speculations.

The OWLs took a long time to adjust to and presented many problems during their first few weeks of use.

Engeler-Young did the best he could to eliminate those problems by hanging blankets all over the campus to help with soundproofing but hopes that “the Senior Gift for many Senior Classes to come will be to replace

those blankets, room by room with artistic, even sculptural acoustic baffling,” Engeler-Young continued, “[there’s] some cool stuff out there and also some cool things you can do with original artwork.”

As far as the addition of a permanent hybrid solution goes, the chances are slim. Dean Wiltgen expressed that “the feedback I have gotten from most of my teaching friends is that the Hybrid model is the most difficult option.” The Dean revealed that it was “easier to deliver a remote learning lesson plan when all students [were] remote than to try to serve both remote and in-class learning.” The college simply wasn’t designed to handle the challenge of a hybrid learning model, and although it’s worked so far, it is far from ideal. The Dean concluded by saying that in-person learning is by far the best model for the college and that he hopes to move back to complete inperson learning as soon as possible. He reasoned that the faculty would “much prefer the live class model because of the instability of [Teams], the limitation for feedback, and the lack of connection.” At the end of the day, hybrid learning just isn’t the same as being in

a class, and Hendrix doesn’t want any student to feel like they are missing out on a true quality learning experience.

With the recent distribution and advancement of the COVID-19 vaccine, the return of the “normal” college experience is close at hand. While the college makes these important decisions regarding what classes and campus life will look like in the coming semesters, the Dean wants students to rest assured that there will still be protective protocols in place to ensure the safety of the faculty, staff, and students.

All new information will be sent to the students as soon as possible. The push is nearly over, and soon the return to normal will begin.

APRIL 2021

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THE SILVER LINING OF WELLNESS DAYS

Photo by Lauren Allen

Jay Vicente |Staff Writer In an average school year, Hendrix students get several days off. There’s fall break, spring break, winter break, along with the several holidays the college observes that offer a respite to students across the campus. This year: however, there was no spring break. All the long breaks were taken out of the academic calendar as part of the ongoing COVID-19 precautions set down by the college administration. The long breaks were removed so that the college could keep students within the campus. Since students wouldn’t be allowed to go home or travel to potential hot spots, there was less of a chance that COVID-19 would be brought back to the campus once the break was over. In place of spring break, the college came up with the idea of wellness days: five days spread out across the semester that were to be used as brain breaks and moments to catch up. I spoke with Kavi Modi, the Academic Policy Representative, about how the idea of wellness days came about.

When asked what the main motive behind replacing spring break with wellness days was, Kavi immediately said safety. He said that “the Academic Policy Committee didn’t want to send students away for a week because there’s no way to monitor where [students had] been and if [they] had been safe.” Kavi continued by saying that if Spring Break had happened normally, students would have had to quarantine for two full weeks before returning to regular classes, which “didn’t sound like the best option for learning, our community, and athletics.”

Kavi heavily stressed that the decisions regarding COVID-19 policies and the process of making those decisions have been extremely collaborative. According to Kavi, “the [Academic Policy Committee] has worked with I and former President Gifty Agana, Dr. Gess, the Steering Committee, and other organizations across campus to make the best decisions possible.” There were several people involved in deciding on the creation of wellness days, including President Arnold, the Provost, members of the faculty, and area chairs, among others.

Even though they are not ideal, wellness days are positive forces. Kavi told me that “an obvious pro [to wellness days] is that [the decision committee] is promoting student health” but he emphasized that wellness days also help professors recoup

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from the stress of last semester when breaks were not an option.

When taken together, the five wellness days students have lined up with the five spring break days they normally have, and although he doesn’t know for sure, Kavi feels confident in saying that “students haven’t lost any days off in the Spring semester this year than [they] would have in a normal year.” The loss of some three-day weekends was brought up as well. Kavi explained that since many upper-level courses are only taught on Mondays, none of those were given off. Instead, Fridays were chosen as possible off days. He also explained that the committee tried hard to space the wellness days three weeks apart, but speculated that the wellness days on the 24th of March and the 1st of April are so close together in order to keep professors with children who were on their Spring Break in mind.

The drawback of the wellness days is that since they are in the middle of the week students ultimately feel like they have to work through those days to catch up, which wouldn’t happen during a regular break. Students have no reason to worry; however, when asked if spring break was returning Kavi gave me a resounding yes! He says, “at the very least, no one on [the Academic Policy Committee], other faculty members, and the administration have advocated for removing Spring Break in the coming years.” He agrees with students who value that time and that it’s a crucial period to recharge and rest.

In Kavi’s opinion, wellness days are “a good solution to an otherwise intractable problem.” He stated that Hendrix has always prioritized student health and that taking away Spring Break was justified to meet that need. Kavi uses wellness days to catch up on work but also spends a lot of time doing what he wants to do after his work is finished. He also gets lots of sleep, which is very important as students enter their last few weeks of the school year. Kavi ended the conversation by saying that “the wellness days [aren’t] the same as going to the beach for a week with my best friends, but in the midst of a global pandemic, I’m glad to just be able to see my friends in person again.” He is also grateful that we get the days in the first place, unlike the brutal alternative of either having to quarantine for half of April, or not have any breaks at all.

CATNAPPED

Sophia Isely|Staff Writer

Tad has disappeared for the second time this year

Whether he has been catnapped or gotten lost somewhere around Conway, Tad has gone missing for the second time this school year. If you are new to the Hendrix community, Tad is one of the most popular cats that lives in Hendrix’s cat colony. He is a treat-loving, friendly, Cheeto-orange, chunky boy that has even been deemed the “Mayor of Hendrix.” On an afternoon at the beginning March, Tad did not show up for dinner. If you know literally anything about this cat, it is probably that he is obsessed with food. The only time I have personally seen him pass up dinner was when he returned to campus after his first catnapping. This was only because all of the people on campus were so ecstatic to see him back that they bombarded him with so many treats that he physically could not fit his dinner in his belly. This being said, the Hendrix cat lovers were immediately suspicious about his whereabouts when we all heard he was not present for dinner.

Unfortunately, it has been over a month, and we have still not heard any news about where Tad is now.

For those of us who adore Tad and all of the other campus cats, the lack of Tad on campus feels like there is a part of the Hendrix spirit missing. It almost seems silly to say that losing Tad feels like an emotional hole in the hearts of many of us, but he is a big part of our lives—just like any other pet would be. It is even harder to comprehend this time around because we have no idea or closure as to what has happened to him. There was no note and no trace of him, and he just “vanished like Amelia Earhart,” to put it in the words of a fellow Hendrix student. Although this abrupt time of Tad being missing has been difficult for Hendrix students and faculty, it has perhaps been worse for one of the other campus cats, Tadpole. As his name suggests, it is believed that he is Tad’s son. This being said, Tad and Tadpole are the best of pals; they often even sleep together during the night. Now that Tad is gone, many students have reported hearing Tadpole crying out of loneliness. If pushing a cat to a state of melancholy is not a motivation to make you want to find Tad, I am not sure what else would be.

It also needs to be reestablished that there is no reason that any of the cats should be removed from campus. This is their home, and I know for certain that Darryl Manes, the primary caretaker of the Hendrix Cat Colony, will always want the best for the campus cats. His efforts often go unnoticed, but he does a truly fantastic job ensuring that the cats are all healthy and happy. I can personally testify that the cats are taken care of just as well as (perhaps even better than) anyone’s pet cat. Tad and the other cats actively choose to stay at Hendrix, and this is the place they know

Photo by Rebecca Burks as home. Even when Darryl took Tad to his home off campus for two days during the snowstorm this winter, he said Tad cried the whole time. He is not meant to be confined inside a house, and it is easy to tell that he genuinely enjoys living at Hendrix. His days are filled with basking in the sun, getting tons of pets from all of his student human friends, and a multitude of treats to accompany his wet and dry food. All of this being said, anyone who is close to the cats can testify that they live their lives however they enjoy. And for Tad, this means drowning himself in a sea of treats and attention.

Maybe someone has accidentally taken Tad again or perhaps he has merely gotten lost in the roundabouts of Conway, but either way, please contact Darryl Manes at manes@hendrix.edu if you have seen Tad anywhere or have any ideas of where he may be. If you or someone you know has taken Tad, we ask that you please return him. There would be no hard feelings or repercussions if someone decides to willingly bring him back to campus.

Tad is a part of our Hendrix family, and things simply do not feel the same without him.

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Flannery Hirrel|Featured Poet

POETRY: TURNING NATURE AND IDEAS INTO ART

“I enjoy trying to find different ways to make small and mundane subjects seem extraordinary.”

The first time I remember writing poetry was on the playground in elementary school, making up rhyming chants with my friends or scribbling down haikus about my cat. The way that words could be rearranged and melded to conjure up images or emotions always used to fascinate me. These days, not much has changed.

There isn’t usually a specific end result in mind whenever I begin to write a poem. I’ll start with an idea, which can consist of a particular image, vague memory or feeling, or even just a word I like the sound of. The last page of my notebooks usually contain a few scribbled words I heard during class, and the notes app on my phone is filled with lists of words and phrases that I think of during my everyday life. It’s a bit of a chaotic system, but I’ll often go hunting through my notes to find inspiration for a poem. From there, I start to write, usually deciding on line breaks and stanzas as I go (and then changing them around a few dozen times while editing). It isn’t unusual for a poem to ‘get away’ from me and end up very different than how I had expected -- for better or for worse! Often a poem won’t go the way I want it to, so I’ll end up abandoning it and starting again, sometimes with a slightly different idea in mind.

The subject matter of my poems is often nature-based, and usually includes nature imagery even if this isn’t the main focus. In my opinion, poetry has the ability to make readers pause and consider a topic, object, or instance closer and more deeply than they normally would.

The freedom of language and form that is available in a free verse poem allows for seemingly mundane things to seem like something more. I enjoy trying to find different ways to make small and mundane subjects seem

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extraordinary, as well as taking topics with generally negative association, such as death or darkness, and attempting to convey the odd, melancholic beauty that can be found in undesirable concepts.

For a long time I only wrote in free verse and thought that strict poetic forms were constraining and stifling. Once I learned more about different styles of poetry, however, it became apparent that there are some subjects that lend themselves better to the sonnet or the villanelle, and could not quite be captured in free verse. I tend to lean towards more descriptive poetry rather than narrative, although I have been trying to expand my writing to different styles, themes, and subject matter. I have always enjoyed writing descriptions and imagery, especially when it can be done in an interesting or unexpected way. Many of the frequently used similes and metaphors are so fitting that it can be difficult to find less overused ways to phrase descriptions. I often struggle with finding the balance between cliche explanations and comparisons that are a bit too far reaching or don’t quite make sense. There have been countless times when a relationship between images seems perfectly clear in my head, but doesn’t quite translate onto paper. I have a document containing a messy list of snippets and descriptions that didn’t work, but I was too attached to delete entirely. Every once in a while I’m able to salvage a line or phrase, but the majority of these poem bits are collecting dust.

My enjoyment of words and poetry has only grown since those days on the playground. I hope to continue learning how to further develop and improve my work, and also be able to share my poetry with a wider audience.

Note from the Editor: The following poem “remains” by featured poet Flannery Hirrel won the Poets’ Roundtable of Arkansas’ Jeanie Dolan Carter Memorial Collegiate Contest. In addition, student Annemarie Bennett also won third prize in the contest and student Zoie Keys received an honorable mention.

remains the creature died a while ago, flesh picked over by vultures and then maggots until only the gleam of bone remained. polished clean by the rain, bleached white by the sun. only the bare scaffolding of the creature it used to be — the ribs curving upwards in glowing crescents, the skull a hollow cup to collect the morning dew. a frosted spiderweb spans the ribcage, an arachnid peering out from between the pale arches, daring passing insects to join her in the ring. she waits in her mausoleum, not knowing that she isn’t the first to breathe within this ribcage, that she is allowing these bones to once again house a life

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SATIRE

Photo by Rebecca Burks

HENDRIX HEADCANONS Lauren Allen| Staff Writer/ Photographer

“Hendrix has many interesting tidbits and facts that are spread to each class”

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Hendrix has many interesting tidbits and facts that are spread to each class. The library used to be under the brick pit. Students are thrown into the fountain on their birthdays.

These legends have been passed down through generations of Hendrix students. However, there are some fewer known facts which have been lost over many years.

First, ever since the construction of the new Dawkins Welcome Center, many have wondered what the orange glowing light is at the top of the building. Every night just past dusk, the light can be seen shining out of the window of the tallest point of the building. Finally, after extensive research into the phenomena, the Profile has discovered the source of the mystery orange hue. Each night, Dean Wiltgen climbs to the top of the Dawkins building. There, he lights himself on fire and burns like a phoenix all night long. He lights all of campus with his glow. By morning, the Dean has been all but reduced to ashes. Around 7 AM, Tad climbs the stairs with a single candle in his paw. Lightly touching the flame of the candle to the pile of ashes, Tad lights the pile, and the Dean is reborn, ready to work for another day.

Another fact that many students are unaware of is that Buhler Hall was closed for very suspicious reasons. The college’s official statement was that asbestos had afflicted the building, but they were not honest with the student body about why the hall was really closed. According to an anonymous member of the Animal Rights and Rescue Club, all of the college cats banded together to claim the building for themselves. The cats had been secretly using the large space to hold Cat Senate meetings at night. Known for fierce self-governance, the cats had grown tired of using the space in secret and wanted Buhler all to themselves. Led by Tad, the colony planned a military strike to attempt to take Buhler.

They charged at dawn. No one was prepared for the attack, not even the Dean. The college attempted to reclaim the building from the cats, not wanting to let the colony overtake an entire section of campus. The Dean was furious that PSafe had allowed the cats to breach Buhler and sent in a group of PSafe officers to try to reclaim the building. The fighting that broke out as a result became known as the only war to ever take place on Hendrix’s campus. Ultimately, PSafe lost, and many officers were gravely wounded that day. Though the cats were once pacifists, they would do anything to remain independent from the tyrannical governance of humans – the war had turned them cold. To this day, the building remains closed. From time to time, Dean Wiltgen allows scholars inside of Buhler in secret in order to study the progressive governmental structure that the cats operate. The college has no plans to retake the building for fear of losing more PSafe officers to Tad’s vicious feline forces.

Photo by Lauren Allen

THE NEW HENDRIX REGIME Phillip Powell|Fact Checker

My interview with the newly “elected” Student State started off normally; perhaps too normally given the stakes. We sat six feet apart at Dawkins Welcome Center, cloth fitted to our faces to allegedly prevent uncontrolled viral spread. I nodded away in painful silence as each of them listed off all the biggovernment, activist nonsense they will be spending our hard-earned student activity fund on. I was but one question into the interview, and I knew there was literally no point in listening anymore! The only path forward is resistance against this cultural Marxism! I pictured the faces of Barry Goldwater, Maggie Thatcher, Milton Friedman, and the late, great Ronald Reagan, and drew upon their unwavering strength to finish the damned thing. These lefty, secret lizard-folk won’t know what hit them! What happened to fiscal responsibility? What happened to the individual? Alack, I mourn for the tyranny consuming our beautiful brick campus. Alack! My heart bleeds orange and black for a Hendrix Class of 2025, a class that will never know a Hendrix without the dear leaders. Alack, alack, alack, for Hendrix’s Caesar: Hailey Johnston. Let her name chill your bones, dear reader, and let the names of her accomplices in this tyrannical scheme, Becca Burks, Taylor (Ty) Forrest, Aubrey French, and Phineas Chapman, be seared into your brain. Bourgeois to arms! We must wear our masks under our noses in protest! We must day-party outside the Houses until we are heard! We must loudly and arrogantly fight for our revolution! Or well, our status quo.

Hear us, President Hailey Johnston, you may very well get Chi Alpha, a great godly organization, kicked from the bricks on which they have laid claim. Bricks that great Hendrix patriots, like myself, have built with our blood, sweat, and tears. But we won’t like it! No ma’am, we will not! Chi Alpha is an inspiration to all of the great Hendrix patriots who love homophobia! You sit with your gavel and LARP as Aristotle and look down upon this movement of privilege. How dare you, Hailey Johnston! I, for one, am outraged!

And how about you, Becca Burks and Ty Forrest! My outrage extends to you! Your cute emails and diligent note taking will not save you from the wrath of our day partying. You are the

fake news that our revolution is determined to defeat. We know what really happens in Senate meetings, and it is not cute note taking. The Senate notes are rank lefty propaganda! What really happens in these meetings is a horrifying betrayal of the great Hendrix taxpayer, as the student activity fund gets washed down the drain to pay for events and services for students! But Chief of Staff Becca Burks and Secretary Ty Forrest do not care because Becca Burks and Ty Forrest are too busy licking their eyelids to prevent dust from blinding them. The movement is onto you, Becca and Ty! Vice President Aubrey French is not getting off scot-free either, not if this Concerned Patriot has something to say about it! What the student body didn’t know before electing Lizard-Comrade VEEP French was that they were handing him the power to fill the Student Senate with all of his LizardComrade friends. VEEP French and the reptilian Committee on Committee’s just opened a gulag in what was previously known as Martin Hall! We will not go quietly, Aubrey! We demand, Mr. French, that you tear down this Martin Hall gulag!

I would be remiss if I did not mention the newly “elected” Academic Policy Representative Phineas Chapman. A true Young Democrat if ever I saw one, and one of the most unhinged cultural Marxists to grace our beautiful brick campus.

He is not even from this side of the Mississippi! Phineas Chapman is a foreigner from Roanoke, Virginia. How dare this foreigner represent our academic needs and concerns to the administration! This Concerned Patriot has on good authority that Phineas Chapman is, in fact, one of many illegal Virginians to invade our campus. Good sir, you have triggered me.

So, I conclude, with a plea! Join this great privileged movement! You, dear reader, have the power to take down these radical reptilian cultural Marxists! Join our movement to take down the deep state that hates you, hates your body, and wants to indoctrinate your children. Only together, can we overthrow this so called “elected” Student Senate. Only together, can we make a Hendrix Regime! Oh…I mean, overthrow this Hendrix Regime!

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PHOTO OF INTEREST

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Photo by Rebecca Burks

TALES FROM THE QUAD: Has the Hulen Hall ghost returned?

Photo by Rebecca Burks

Hannah Diggs|Online Editor “As a seasoned expert in supernatural identification at Hendrix College, I can confirm that the Creative Quad is, in fact, haunted,” said Former Senate Vice President and Galloway Ghost Buster Bailey Lindsey. Before there was the Miller Creative Quad, there was Hulen Hall which functioned much like the current Student Life and Technology Center, housing the cafeteria and a myriad of other school offices. Upon the building of the SLTC, Hulen Hall was used almost exclusively for storage. Later, it was torn down to begin the years-long path until the doors of the Creative Quad finally first opened to students last year. As Hulen Hall sat unoccupied, students would often see moving shadows in the attic windows, and there was a ghastly statue that sat in storage that many witnesses said moved on its own.

When the first batch of students moved into Quad last year, it became apparent that these suggestions of supernatural activity from Hulen have definitely transferred over to the Creative Quad. Within the first semester, fire extinguishers disappeared, phallic images appeared in the freshly hung-up cork boards on dormitory doors, and occasionally residents would come to their dorms to find unsettling plastic babies staring back at them on their doors. While the origin story of who this ghost might be is unclear, there are rumors that it might be the ghost of Captain Martin, Martin Hall’s namesake.

His incentive to cause college students to wreak havoc on campus property being that, according to a Haunted historian, Martin was a ‘teetotaler,’ and up until recent years, Martin Men would gather at his grave and “imbibe spirits.” This would make any good Methodist Confederate soldier frustrated with his legacy.

“I really think this haunting is impacting the actions of our residents—messing with their brains,” said Sophomore Quad Resident Assistant Grace Holmquest. “I think that the energy was especially present on a Wellness Day a few weeks ago. Some of our residents just decided to steal a table from the common room and take it outside.”

Other residents have reported that the hallways are often obnoxiously loud, but they are never able to identify the source of the noise. They attribute it all to the croptop wearing would-be Martin Men and their fourth pandemic party of the week. Either way, do not think that this group would be so tone deaf as to have maskless parties unprovoked by some kind of paranormal activity.

However, this paranormal presence does not only sway the actions of students, but it has also challenged the stability of the building itself.

“I live in a multimillion dollar building that finished construction less than two years ago and my ceiling leaks,” said Sophomore and newly elected Senate Secretary Ty Forrest. “There is no other explanation as to why this would be the case unless there was a ghost interfering with the building’s infrastructure.” While it is unfortunate that such a high-quality building has fallen victim to paranormal activity, the good news is that the ghost does seem to have a special awareness. During his time in Hulen Hall, he stayed in the upper parts of the attic, and now that he is in the Quad, he has ensured that the downstairs rooms dedicated to the arts remain untouched.

Therefore, feel free to visit the new Windgate Museum or play the piano in one of the music practice rooms. For the Quad residents, you’re on your own.

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THE RISE OF CRYPTO

Hendrix to accept crypto-currency as payment for tuition Roth Coats| Fact Checker Making Hendrix accessible and affordable has always been a priority for the Hendrix administration. At times, this can become a complicated endeavor, requiring flexibility and innovation. With this in mind, The Hendrix Board of Trustees is excited to announce that all student balances can now be paid using cryptocurrency. “The Board has been collaborating with both technology services and the business office in order to develop the necessary security protocols and processing capabilities to provide this exciting option,” says President Arnold.

I spoke to Chris Simon in the business office, and Sam Nichols, the VP of technology services, in order to understand what exactly went into these security protocols and processing capabilities. Nichols was excited to talk about the contributions that technology services have made to this innovation. “The biggest hurdle was the Patent Process,” Nichols said, referring to patenting the new brickchain technology that will be used to process cryptocurrency payments; “this groundbreaking new technology has been developed specifically for Hendrix.” Brick-chain has many similarities to block chain, but re-routes the outputs into a series of interconnected rectangles. This concept of “bricking” disrupts conventional hacking tactics, primarily because you cannot backdoor into a brick wall. In order to support this endeavor, Buhler Hall has been converted into a crypto mining facility. Simon was heavily involved in this portion of the process. He reports, “there were some delays and drawbacks and we are so excited and relieved to finally announce completion.”

One of these drawbacks is definitely the constant alarm sounds coming from the mining servers that you can hear near the building. Simon said, “using the option is incredibly easy and straightforward. There is a new dropdown menu in CampusWeb labeled by my gamertag- BalanceBuster69 — select your preferred cryptocurrency and you will receive a 23 character user code along with an instructional PDF to your Hendrix Email.” What is also exciting is that this option is available to both current and prospective students.

With all of this in mind, there’s just one question left: how many brick-coins is Hendrix tuition worth?

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Photo by Lauren Allen

Danielle Kuntz| Staff Writer

Photo by Lauren Allen

BATTLE OF THE HOBBIES

Why Esports is the Most Grueling Sport at Hendrix “Wait— we have a gym?”

These were the words uttered by Overwatch support player, Kaden Franklin, once I informed him that Hendrix does indeed have a fitness center. Athletes on the Hendrix Esports team are not used to working out in the traditional way. However, there is no challenging the fact that Esports has the most grueling workout program and practice routine out of all the sports at Hendrix, and maybe even in the entire nation.

The process all starts with recruitment. When Coach Horton gathers the incoming freshmen that intend to try out for an Esports team, he tests them on a variety of skills, not just relating to their particular game. I asked him what these tests were like, and the following was his reply.

“Oh, it’s ruthless… I give them a list of skills and they have only a week to prepare. Some of them have never even heard of finger skateboarding, or tried their hand in knitting— I know— crazy, right? But they have a week to show me what they got. And if they don’t got it, then they’re gonna have to join soccer, or something.”

This may sound a bit harsh, but you’d be surprised at just how seriously the team takes their finger skateboard practice to improve finger dexterity— mainly, we use Tech Decks, and kind of gatekeep the brand, honestly.

For those of us who can actually skateboard, we spend a lot less time doing that than using our fingerboards. I can only cruise on my real skateboard, but I can kickflip, ollie, and do a 360° on my Tech Deck. I spend at least two hours a day using my mini skatepark on my desk, and that’s outside of regular game practices. All for the grind— the Overwatch grind.

On the other hand, not all of us choose to focus on fingerboarding to improve our dexterity, though we all have to be proficient in it. A good amount of us also knit, even going so far as to compete in knitting competitions, which are usually filled with old ladies who are definitely both surprised and confused about us being there. Jack Ratcliff, Overwatch Captain and avid knitter, told me, “Knitting is far superior to fingerboarding. Sure, I own a Tech Deck, but I really don’t give a [crap] about using it. Coach doesn’t know it, but during our scheduled Deck time, I’m usually knitting. My friends tell me to stop. They simply don’t have any more room for all the stuff I make— blankets, hats, mittens, gloves, socks, scarves…” Jack goes on to talk about how he’s also turned his required knitting practice into a way to make money.

“Oh, my Depop? Yeah, I make a lot of cardigans and sweaters for all the Harry Styles stans that flood the site.

Honestly, I can’t blame them. He dresses like an old man but it’s kinda coming back into style, and it definitely gets me some cash, so it all works out.”

As I’ve found out by writing this story, you can learn a lot of crazy things about people who seem pretty normal from the outside. But what is normal, anyway? Is it Coach requiring Esports recruits to knit and fingerboard to be on the team? Is it Kaden Franklin not knowing about the gym right below the Esports lab, even though he walks by it every day to get to practice? Is it Jack Ratcliff knitting to the point of no return? Whatever it is, it has one common factor— Esports. I dare you to try and find a more complex sport.

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BREAKING: CAF CHAOS Danielle Kuntz | Staff Writer

Students Stage Protest to Bring Back Sundae Thursdays, Other Caf Demands On Wednesday, March 24, 2021, Hendrix gave us a wellness day— and you better believe that students used it well. Walking by the SLTC that afternoon, one could easily hear a throe of angry voices, and see numerous dollar-store posters adorned with sharpied phrases that read: “WE WANT SUNDAE THURSDAYS!” “BRING BACK HAND-PATTIED BURGERS!” and, a separate inquiry that brings up a much deeper investigation: “WHERE ARE THE GREEN BOXES?” When approaching this group of protestors, I initially wondered why they were on the Hendrix campus. I couldn’t read their signs yet, so I was curious as to why they weren’t on Oak Street, or at a popular Conway area. However, as soon as I saw mention of “Sundae Thursdays,” I was intrigued.

Like many Hendrix students who frequent the cafeteria, one of the things that I have missed most about pre-COVID times is the luxurious and delicious ice cream bar set out every week—a.k.a., Sundae Thursdays.

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After running back to my room and creating my own poster to protest for a cause so dear, I began to ask those who were already protesting why they were there, and what they hoped to accomplish. One second-year student, Mackenzie Bell, offered, “Thursdays were always my days to pig out. I’d eat healthy the entire week, and then on Thursday, I’d get a huge bowl of strawberry ice cream and one of those burgers made with Worcestershire sauce. It was so good. And I just can’t… I can’t deal with normal Thursdays.” At this point she waved me away as she was getting choked up, understandably so.

What Mackenzie was referring to aside from Sundae Thursdays are Burger Tuesdays and Thursdays. They never really had an official name, but we knew that every Tuesday and Thursday, we could get in a very long, convoluted queue to get a fresh, hand-pattied burger of our choice. It was truly beautiful. Out of all the cafeteria

protestors standing outside of the SLTC, shaking their fists and signs around, those bringing attention to the lost, green to-go containers piqued my interest.

One Hendrix environmentalist, Becca Burks, held a sign that read, “TELL US THE TRUTH ABOUT TO-GO!” I first walked up to her and told her that the sign had nice alliteration. Then I asked, what is the truth about the cafeteria’s to-go option? She started, “Oh, Dani, you have no idea how far back this conspiracy goes. Maybe to the Kennedys, maybe the Royal Family… but, anyway— have you noticed recently that no one is getting green containers anymore?

Like, what happened to them? I know some people are keeping them and are too lazy to bring them back, and some are accidentally being thrown away… but there is no way that there are hundreds of containers

missing just from those two explanations.”

I thought that sounded pretty reasonable, and, honestly, I thought the same thing.

She continued, “I think it’s Tad. It has to be. First the containers go, then he goes?

Why would he need them all, though? I try not to question his nefarious purposes…”

Becca then formed a sort of glassy-eyed look as she considered the inner-workings of Tad and the Kennedys, so I left her alone.

Clearly, something fishy is going on with the green, reusable containers. More importantly, though, did the protestors succeed in their fight for burgers and Sundae Thursdays? There’s been no word from the cafeteria yet, but who knows? Perhaps the student body will soon be saved by the sweet taste of ice cream and sprinkles with a side of beef.

Photo by Lauren Allen Edited by Rebecca Burks APRIL 2021

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