The April Fools Issue: Vol. 110, Issue 6

P ROFILE

THE HENDRIX COLLEGE

VOLUME 110 ISSUE 6

Cover photo by Rebecca Burks

P ROFILE Table of Contents 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

A New Justice Step Aside, STEM Beloved Professor Subject to Brutal Online Harassment Senior Ilana Svartz Wins the Watson Fellowship Beelzebub Comes to Hendrix Sword Club? More Like Sword Cult Campus Histories: Martin and Veasey

Editor-in-Chief: Monica Martinez Online Editor: Hannah Diggs Photography Editor: Rebecca Burks Copy Editor: Josiah Vallone Layout Editor: Lauren Allen Layout Editor: Adison Linxwiler Photographer: Emma Sampson Green Photographer: Margaret Sampson Green Photographer: Victoria Horan Staff Writer: Sophie O’Reilly Staff Writer: Phillip Powell Staff Writer: Lauren Allen Staff Writer: Maggie Ryan Staff Writer: Charlotte McCombs Staff Writer: Shayne Brannon Staff Writer: Exavier Wells Staff Writer: Reilly O’Neill

ADVISOR

Flea-ing Campus

Dr. Felipe Pruneda Senties

Photo of Interest

MISSION STATEMENT

Swimming to Success Capturing the Field The Stock Market is not a Toy We All Have Magical Beliefs Did We Fool You? Fake Story Answer Key Staff Playlist: Heartbreak Edition

As a student-run and student-funded newsmagazine, The Profile uncovers the smart edge to campus culture: the people, places, ideas and trends that curious, confident students and faculty want, need and ought to know. By critically examining issues important to the Hendrix community, The Profile aims to act as a catalyst for change, a tool for transparency between the student body and faculty and a source of inspiration for its readers to begin thinking globally and acting locally.

The Staff’s Binge-worthy Show Recommendations

@Hendrixprofile

2

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

The Profile At Hendrix

hdxprofile.com

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR

Monica Martinez EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Well, it looks like the time has come for me to introduce an issue of The Profile for the last time. This year was filled with milestones we will never forget. With campus life slowly returning and Communications filling up once again, it feels like we have come a long way. Now, before we all start to cry because I’m leaving, let’s first enjoy a laugh or two as we take a look into this year’s April Fools issue. As you may or may not know, we release an April Fools issue every year.

As you read through this issue, you have to guess which stories are real and which are fake. Our fake stories range from witty satire to complete and total comedy. On page 17, we give you the answer key to this year’s fake stories. I have a pretty good feeling that we will fool you at least once.

Before you get to reading, though, I want to draw attention to the feature story on Dr. Goldberg written by staff writer and layout design editor Lauren Allen because it is incredibly important and Dr. Goldberg is a valuable member of our Hendrix faculty and family. Needless to say, this story is not in the running for our real vs. fake challenge and I hope that you will read it with care.

I hope you are excited to hear that on pages 18 and 19 we bring you one last round of staff picks for the 2021-2022 school year. Our playlist theme this time around

is none other than heartbreak and our staff recommendations for April are binge-worthy shows. Putting this issue together was so much fun for all of us and we hope that you also have fun reading it.

I feel eternally grateful for the opportunity to run The Profile this year and leaving this position is bittersweet. Thank you for picking up this copy off of a random table on campus and thank you for taking time to look at the final product that our staff puts so much work into creating. We would be nothing without your support. Alright, I guess this is where I quit?

Monica out,

**A special thank you to Rebecca Burks.

All cover photos and artwork for print issues published this academic year were created by her.

Have a question, response, or inquiry?

You can reach us any time at thehendrixcollegeprofile@gmail.com.

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram to stay updated on the latest stories.

APRIL 2022

3

NEWS

A NEW JUSTICE How Ketanji BrownJackson’s confirmation will affect the Supreme Court’s decisions

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons On April 7th, the Senate confirmed Ketanji BrownJackson’s nomination for the Supreme Court – making her the newest addition to the Supreme Court of the United States. The confirmation occurred less than 2 months after Jackson received the nomination from Joe Biden — but this short period of time did not come without trials.

Republicans accused her of giving pedophiles lenient sentencing. They accused her of being “soft on terrorism” (because she represented several men who had been previously held at Guantanamo Bay.) And Republicans accused her of, bizarrely, being too empathetic.

However, despite the intense questioning and interrogations at her confirmation hearings, Jackson will now become the first Black female Supreme Court justice.

Jackson, a liberal, will replace Stephen Breyer when the court goes into recess this summer.

What does this mean for the future of the Supreme Court? Although Breyer is a known left-leaning Justice (nominated by Bill Clinton in 1994,) his views still were considered centrist by many throughout most of his years as a Justice. Jackson will, most likely, hold more liberal views than Breyer. Although this seems like a win for the Democrats, how much will it really matter?

Right now, the Court leans heavily conservative.

Although Supreme Court Justices don’t technically belong to political parties, one look at who nominated them will tell you all you need to know about their political affiliations. Right now, six of the nine Supreme Court Justices are right leaning (Alito, Roberts, Thomas, Barrett, Gorsuch, and Kavanagh.) Only three are liberal (Sotomayor, Kagan and now, Jackson.) To any rightleaning American – now is the chance to get stuff done.

To any left-leaning American, this Court looks pretty grim.

Donald Trump had incredible luck with nominating Supreme Court Justices. During his four years as president, Trump managed to have three conservative Justices nominated and confirmed (Gorsuch, Kavanagh and Barrett.) Scandal, not surprisingly, took center stage at all three hearings. Gorsuch’s nomination occurred right at the beginning of Trump’s presidency — and the seat was left vacant during Obama’s. Antonin Scalia died in February 2016, nearly a year before Trump was sworn in — and Obama even went as far to nominate someone as Scalia’s replacement (Merrick Garland, who now serves as the US Attorney General.) However,

4

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

Charlotte McCombs |Staff Writer Republicans argued that the privilege of nominating the next Supreme Court Justice should belong to the next president (since Scalia passed during an election year.)

Because of this argument, Garland didn’t even receive a hearing — and Gorsuch instead filled the seat in 2017.

Kavanagh’s hearing was also filled with scandal — sexual abuse allegations were at the forefront of his hearings. Liberal Americans and Democratic congresspeople did all they could to prevent Kavanagh from being confirmed — but he still managed to squeak into the Supreme Court on a 50-48 vote.

Amy Coney-Barrett’s nomination and confirmation was reminiscent of Gorsuch’s — since Ruth Bader Ginsburg died in 2020, it was highly contested whether the current President at the time (Trump) or the next should be able to make the nomination. Although Republicans argued in 2016 that the next president should have the privilege of nominating someone for the Court because of the timeline of the seat vacancy, they argued the opposite in 2020.

Both times, Republicans nominated and confirmed their choices.

Liberal Americans and congresspeople were, naturally, outraged at this contradiction. Because of this, near the beginning of his presidency, Joe Biden claimed he was going to add additional Supreme Court seats, commonly referred to as “packing the court.”

Although it is unlikely that this will occur, the mere suggestion of “packing the court” furthered the divide between Republicans and Democrats on the issue of the Supreme Court. Despite the Court’s obvious right-leaning persuasions at this time, the issue of the Court remains incredibly divisive and contentious.

Over the next few months, the Court plans to take up highly controversial and prominent issues. Most notably, the Court could “undo” the decisions in the famous Roe v. Wade abortion case through the Dobbs v Jackson Women’s Health Organization case, which could prohibit abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy.

Although Jackson’s confirmation is a win for liberal Americans, the fate of most upcoming Supreme Court decisions will most certainly be determined by the conservative justices. However, just like Congress and the Presidency, things can change very quickly. A lot can change in the next three years of Biden’s presidency — in terms of the Supreme Court and the political atmosphere at large.

STEP ASIDE,

STEM:

Hendrix announces new academic budget Shayne Brannon |Staff Writer In a shocking turn of events, Hendrix College has announced that it will be cutting a large portion of the STEM and Business department budgets in order to focus on and expand the humanities. STEM and Business are losing about ten percent of their total budget, enough to triple the size of every other department on campus.

When asked why the college decided to do this, a representative of the administration, Rea L’person said, “I was walking around campus one day and came across a building I’d never seen before. When I went inside and asked what it was, I learned that we actually have a philosophy department! There are three whole professors and everything!”

This realization led L’person and several other members of the board of trustees to discover the History, Spanish, and Sociology departments as well. They were all shocked to learn about the existence of so many areas of study on campus. Both the buildings and the wide array of classes came as a complete surprise. Most assumed that Fausett Hall, like Buhler, was abandoned and would soon be torn down.

Board member Hugh Mann remarked, “I was aware that all of these subjects were taught, unlike some of my colleagues, but I had been under the impression that they were just electives so we could still call ourselves a liberal arts college.”

On the other hand, Donna A. Boutit, said, “Yeah I totally forgot about those guys.”

Supposedly, the humanities made up such a small portion of the budget prior to this that nobody even noticed discrepancies in the budget. Some of the Mathematics faculty had previously quit after being unable to explain the missing change, while most members of the natural sciences insisted that because the actual final budget fell within their 95% confidence interval projection, they could assume that the null hypothesis was correct.Therefore, there was no actual difference or whatever. I don’t know what a p-value is. I majored in English.

Regardless, almost every department within the humanities seems to be thrilled about the changes.

Faculty members are excited to be able to offer more classes by hiring more professors and get their first raises ever.

One philosophy professor - who wishes to remain anonymous - is excited to teach about ideas stemming

from literally anywhere other than Europe or the United States. They’ll also no longer be forced to forage with the campus racoons late at night in order to sustain their more earthly desires, but extend their gratitude to everyone who has left their Taco Bell unfinished.

Students in the humanities have echoed similar thoughts. For the first time in years, more than two creative writing classes will be offered each semester.

Choosing is difficult though, and several English majors (after reading too much Jane Austen) fainted in their excitement.

Not all reactions have been equally strong though, as seen by the Politics department, which was apparently the only Humanity to maintain a comparable budget to STEM and Business prior to this change. Some rumors of lobbying and collusion with UCA have circulated but are yet unproven.

Political Science chair Nichard Rixon has vehemently denied any awareness of the budget discrepancies until now, saying, “At the advice of my attorney, I would like to extend my fifth amendment rights and will not be answering any questions,” as he frantically deleted emails. P-Safe has, however, confirmed a special task force to look into this matter. wWhile most of the STEM faculty and students have not reacted at all to the news, as they actively avoid anything related to the Humanities whatsoever, the Business and Accounting Departments are frantic to adjust to the new budgets. Some worry that they won’t be able to function at all without the additional funds.

Professors have started actually giving out homework, asking students to help solve their budget crisis. The problems are far more complex than what students are used to though, and it’s not looking good. They may have to resort to offering certain classes during only one semester like everyone else.

But generally speaking, the change has been well received and will most likely lead to improvement of the student experience at Hendrix. We’re very fortunate that the administration finally remembered this entire section of the college actually exists and it’s good to know that they haven’t just been ignoring it this whole time.

Hopefully some important person accidentally stumbles into the Counseling Services office next.

APRIL 2022

5

FEATURE

Lauren Allen |Staff Writer

BELOVED PROFESSOR SUBJECT TO BRUTAL ONLINE HARASSMENT

Opinions reflected in this article are strictly those of the writer In February, Dr. Goldberg sent out a tweet that would change her life. After detailing a family dinner conversation to her 300ish followers, Dr. Goldberg received brutal hatred and threats.

During the conversion, her daughter told Goldberg and her husband that she had learned that slavery was not the cause of the civil war. Goldberg wanted to share her frustration about this misinformation online. To her surprise, the tweet quickly gained traction online. While many who noticed the tweet were historians and other parents who shared anecdotes about education in the South, the tweet was also noticed by members of the alt-right and misogynists. During an interview with The Profile, Dr. Goldberg discussed the traumatic online hate she received after making the viral tweet and explained what the aftermath was like.

“I think people have a very different reaction to knowing I have received hate versus seeing what that hate actually looks like” says Dr. Anne Goldberg, professor at Hendrix since 2005.

Dr. Goldberg calls her last name “very identitfiable,” which has meant she’s been on the receiving end of antisemitism since before she was a Kindergartener. However, the kind of hate she received after the tweet was unlike anything she had experienced before. Because she was receiving threats online, Dr. Goldberg decided to reach out to Hendrix’s Vice President for Communications Rob O’Connor.

Dr. Goldberg wrote in more detail on Medium in her article titled “Tweeting While Jewish.” Because a first hand account of her experience with blatant anti-semitism already exists, I wanted to talk with her more about what it was like to continue to teach classes while actively receiving threats and vile hatred.

“It seemed like an issue that Jewish people cared about and not very [many others],” Goldberg said. Many students and faculty never even acknowledged the hate. Dr. Goldberg noticed that the people who seemed the most empathetic to what she was experiencing were other students who had faced discrimination and hate. “I received a lot of support from students of color,” she said.

Goldberg, who is not from a religious family, says that her connection with the Jewish community was strengthened by the encounter. She felt that the support she received from that community was very strong, especially compared with support she received from the College. Her reports to the Anti-Defamation League were taken extremely seriously, and that group has followed up with her since making reports.

At the college, Goldberg reported the online harassment from white supremacists as soon as it began. When she reached out, the [vice president] told her that the college was “already aware of [the] tweet because the college has a monitoring system in place.” Hendrix lays out loose guidelines for faculty and staff engagement with social media on their website, though make no indication that members of the community are being actively monitored. Further, alt-right platforms like Gab and Parler, where Goldberg was subject to the most brutal harassment, are not monitored by the college. I was surprised to learn that the college

actively monitors social media. What’s more, it seems that the monitoring that is in place does not protect faculty. Instead, it feels like a form of surveillance meant to uphold the reputation of the college. [Ed. It is important to note here that the stated goal of media monitoring is not to surveil, but rather to monitor mentions of the College and measure the College’s reach in media without invading the privacy of faculty, staff, and students.]

After conversations with administraion, Dr. Goldberg reached out to Kesha Baoua, the Vice President for Diversity and Inclusion and Chief Diversity Officer at Hendrix. Goldberg was surprised to know that no one had reached out on her behalf to let Mrs. Baoua know about the harassment. After they spoke, Mrs. Baoua organized events to support Goldberg and created social media posts about the college’s committment to diversity. The versions that were posted on the college’s social medias never named Dr. Goldberg and received little attention in the form of likes or comments. At a vigil that Mrs. Baoua organized to support Dr. Goldberg, few faculty came in solidarity. Finally, a letter of support was written and all tenured faculty were given the opportunity to sign - about half of them did. [Ed. The Letter also noted that the College handbook should have a specific policy on how faculty can participate in civic engagement, including social media.]

Dr. Goldberg has been an extremely outspoken and supportive member of the Hendrix community during her tenure here. She has long advocated for increasing diversity among students and staff and supporting survivors of assault. As a student, it is disappointing to know that such valued members of the community are not being properly protected. While vigils were held and cards were signed, the action (or lack thereof) from the administration speaks the loudest.

Photo of viral tweet 6

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

SENIOR ILANA SVARTZ WINS THE WATSON FELLOWSHIP The Politics major speaks about her experience applying for and winning the prestigious Watson Fellowship

Hendrix is one of the forty-one small liberal arts colleges and universities that are eligible for the Thomas J. Watson Fellowship.

Graduating seniors at Hendrix are eligible to apply for the Watson—a fellowship that awards its 40 or so winners every year 36,000 dollars to spend a year outside the United States pursuing an interest of theirs. The Watson Fellowship is truly unique in all aspects. For one, awardees commit to traveling outside the United States for an entire year just exploring a passion of theirs. There is no GPA requirement for the fellowship and each awardee must spend the entire year outside the United States pursuing a project that doesn’t involve formal study or work. The loose nature of the Watson makes it intimidating for some, but also extremely exciting for students interested in pursuing a passion project that isn’t necessarily about achieving a goal like earning a degree or securing a job. The purpose of the Watson is to give future leaders a year where they can just invest in their own personal development through an amazing project. The last three awards cycles have seen a Hendrix senior winning one of the competitive fellowships, and this year Ilana Svartz was awarded the 36,000 dollars to travel to Australia, Luxembourg, Singapore, and Bolivia for her project regarding civic engagement. Ilana explains her project a little better though: “I will be going to Australia, Singapore, Bolivia, and Luxembourg to study compulsory voting because all four of those countries have mandatory voting and voter turnout over 90 percent. So, I’m going to look at civic education and civic organizations and political organizing in these countries.”

Ilana was one of the four finalists Hendrix nominated to apply for the Watson Fellowship this year, and she had a lot of insight and wisdom on the application process. “Start early and ask people for help. Don’t try to do it all by yourself because different people will give you different perspectives. I talked to Dr. Kolev and Dr. Goldberg along with the advisors and other students applying for different scholarships. Your project has to be something you’re interested in because you’re going to be abroad—it’s just going to be you in these countries—so if you’re not excited about why you’re there then you’re not going to want to do it.” Every fall semester interested students apply to be one of Hendrix’s nominees for the Watson Fellowship.

The distinguished scholarship committee then selects up to four students to be Hendrix’s nominees for the fellowship. Each

Phillip Powell |Staff Writer applicant is tasked with writing a five-page personal statement and five-page project abstract. Ilana’s insight on putting together the application was that the application is “stressful but also exciting because your project can be something that you’ve never gotten to study before or like a niche passion that you don’t get to explore in the professional world.” Her advice for students proposing their own project was to “find something that you’re genuinely interested in and genuinely want to learn more about, and from all the past Watson Fellows I’ve talked to, they all same the same thing because you will burn out during this process quickly if you are not sustained by a genuine interest and you’re not going to want to do it.”

While Ilana spoke excitedly about the various prospects of her Watson Fellowship, she also had some reservations about heading off on her project later this summer. “I’ve never really traveled by myself because my study abroad was canceled junior year, and most places I don’t really speak the language. So, I’m worried, but also so excited to go to places and be immersed in countries so totally different.” The Watson Fellowship requires an immense amount of determination and personal responsibility from its applicants and the foundation stresses independence and emotional maturity as qualities it values in potential fellows.

Despite her reservations and anxieties, when Ilana was asked if she was ready to do her Watson project, she was convinced that her excitement would carry her through all the potential pitfalls.

“I’m really excited to go places, but I’m also excited to see if compulsory voting makes people feel like their government is more responsive. Is the government more responsive if people are really turning out to vote? I love all things voting and that’s the type of work I want to do when I come back.” If you are a rising senior and interested in following in Ilana’s footsteps and applying for the Watson Fellowship, Britt Anne Murphy is the first person on campus you should talk to as she has been Hendrix’s Watson Fellowship coordinator for twenty years and has helped so many students through the process in that time. The Watson Fellowship is an amazing opportunity for Hendrix students, and all interested students, whether they are rising sophomores, juniors, or seniors, should seriously consider going through the application process in the Fall of their senior year.

APRIL 2022

7

Reilly O’Neill |Staff Writer

BEELZEBUB COMES TO HENDRIX

Sit down with Hendrix’s favorite exchange student for a tell-all interview

Photo courtesy of Red Brick Film Festival

It’s safe to say that Beelzebub (Class of ‘23) is one of the hottest new figures on the Hendrix campus, seeing as he is literally from hell! For many foreign exchange students, going abroad can be a daunting adventure, but this demon has adapted surprisingly well to the liberal-arts college with ordained origins. During his time on campus, Beelzebub has entertained interesting ethical debates with the religion department, made lifelong friends with the members of the Hendrix Cat Club, and burned an immoderate amount of candles on the floor of the Couch Hall bathrooms. He even got the chance to swim at the Wellness and Athletics Center pool, which was fun seeing as lava lakes are the only liquid bodies in the land of eternal damnation. From pentagrams to illicit pleasure-seeking, there is much to learn about our favorite resident demon, and today, I got the opportunity to ask him some questions about his college experience thus far. Here’s how he responded: Reilly: “So, in the documentary presented at the 12th Annual Red Brick Film Festival, you talked a little about your nuanced romantic life at Hendrix. Anyone you’ve got your eyes on this spring?”

Beelzebub: “Dr. Scott is hot.”

Reilly: “What’s the most interesting class you’ve taken this semester?”

Beelzebub: “Resinski’s Percy Jackson class. When I came from hell, well… this is a bit embarrassing, but I was illiterate. This class not only teach me how to read, but it help me enlighten my soul. These stories are funny, and interesting, and philosophical, and I recommend them to everyone. I also like Explorations. It is very enlightening and the homework is, you know, very hard and difficult. I

8

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

cannot wrap my head around the difficulty of this class, but that makes it very interesting.”

Reilly: “Everyone’s got their opinions on the caf, but what’s your opinion on Chicken Tender Fridays?”

Beelzebub: “It is not as good as skewered sacrificial goat, which we eat in hell every Friday. But it is the closest that you mortals can come to it, so you know, I make do.”

Reilly: “What do you plan to do after graduating? Any places you want to visit before you go back to hell?

Beelzebub: “I would very much like to see your city of Pine Bluff. This metropolis has, how do you say, an exquisite smell, and I would very much like to experience this with my own sniffer, first hand.”

Reilly: “Have you experienced any tensions with the Office of Religious Life?”

Beelzebub: “Surprisingly, we have got on rather well.

They try to convert me, which was a bit awkward at first, but now that I know them on a personal level, they are some of the best friends a demon could ask for. They bring me to Kings for karaoke every Thursday. We do not have karaoke in hell, so this is new and fun experience for my demonly self.”

Reilly: “Where is your favorite place to eat in Conway, and how does it compare to the food back home?”

Beelzebub: “Chili’s.”

Reilly: “Where is the worst place to live on campus?”

Beelzebub: “Miller Creative Quad. The stairs are so big and huge, a little demon like me could never be expected to climb them in a timely manner. Also, it is very ugly. What is with all of the glass? It breaks our campus’ rustic aesthetic.”

Reilly: “What’s your best piece of advice that you took in from your youth?”

Beelzebub: “When I’m struggling and don’t know what to do, I always turn to my trusty Ouija board. This tends to give me the best guidance, particularly because it allows me to communicate with my buddies back home. So, when in doubt, take the Ouija out.”

Reilly: “Who is your favorite artist?”

Beelzebub: “Iann Dior, because his music reminded me of the screeches of the eternally damned next to my apartment back in hell. Because of this, he makes me nostalgic, and I very much like his music.”

Reilly: “What was your first snow like?”

Beelzebub: “It was probably the most traumatic moment of my life. In hell, they teach us that snow is fatal for us demons. So, when it came, I feared I would be killed in the fatal snow accident. But, once I went out into the snow, I realized that it is actually kind of fun, and I made many snow demons.”

SWORD CLUB? MORE LIKE SWORD CULT

One brave Profile writer infiltrates a weekly Sword Cult bloodbath on the Houses lawn. This is what he saw. This is his story Phillip Powell |Staff Writer If this story ever makes it to print, just know that I just barely made it out with my life. Even now the forces of Sword Cult regent Mason Mason are searching for me so they can silence me once and for all. The things I witnessed last Friday outside of the Houses would make a lesser Profile writer forget how to write in disgust. But not I! The people need to know. The Hendrix student deserves to know what their hard-earned Student Activity Fee is being spent on. And you, curious reader, are probably wondering what, exactly, your student activity fee is being spent on. You’re also probably wondering what the hell the Student Activity Fee is. Well, I’ll tell you! Sword Cult. Ritual sacrifice of an innocent freshman.

Gasp. Quiver.

Last Friday was just like any other. I woke up and made it through two sit-ups and almost half a push-up.

New personal best. Brushed my teeth quietly to the beat of “Heartbeat Song” by Kelly Clarkson, then threw up a couple of times just for the hell of it. I skipped class because it seemed lame before filling my stomach to the brim with chicken tendies’ and Mac n’ Cheese from the caf. Afterwards, I received my top-secret Profile assignment from Editor-in-Chief Monica Martinez. I read the first sentence before throwing the entire thing out and throwing up a couple more times just because it felt right. The editorial staff was asking me to infiltrate the Sword Club because several freshmen had recently gone missing. The only thing that could be more dangerous is infiltrating the Cat Club. I smelled something foul, afoot, and aloof immediately. Clearly, the Editorial Staff were trying to get rid of me because they know I don’t have the capacity or willpower to say no to anyone. But, why? And how did they know? I thought on it for a couple of days and came to one conclusion. Everyone, the Profile has been compromised. However, the revelation didn’t stop me from meandering over to the Houses to complete my assignment.

I arrived at the scene of the atrocities at approximately 4:30 pm. Blood everywhere. The screams of the fallen haunted the scene. The actual corpses of the fallen haunted the scene as well. I approached, creeping forward through the gory Houses grasses. I tripped dramatically over the beheaded and bloody lump of a freshman. As I tumbled through the gore and dirt I came face to face with the beheaded head of a former friend.

Owen Edgington. My god, what have they done to you Owen? I whimper a little and come to the realization that

the bloody headless corpse I tripped over was in fact the corpse of Owen Edgington. Hands grab me. I hit record on my iPhone and come face to face with a sword that is not at all made of tape and PVC pipe. Who carries the sword? Mason Mason carries the sword. He tells me he’s upset. I ask why. He tells me they killed Owen. I say I know. He smiles. I’m creeped out. I roll around in the gore for a little while and wish for better days. I stand up and see his posse. A collection of violent individuals named Rachel Petelle, Gabrielle Skerpan and Nathan Evans flank Mason Mason. They smell my fear. He knows too much they say in unison. I’m creeped out again. The world smells of urine. It is not mine. They circle me and begin chanting. Gabrielle looks uncomfortable. This is not the way she says. He is not a freshman, she says. This will not prevent rain, she says again. The sword rises in Mason Mason’s powerful, freshman murdering hands. A small, dashing figure drops from the tree behind me and I shudder as I realize the smell of urine is me. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Stay tuned for next April when we find out what will happen to the most courageous Profile Writer to ever write! Will the small, dashing figure save our hero? Will the small, dashing figure murder him? Who’s to say?

Photo by Becca Burks APRIL 2022

9

CULTURE Maggie Ryan|Staff Writer

Campus Histories: Martin and Veasey

As two Hendrix’s dorms are set to re-open here’s what you need to know.

After the spring of 2019, Hendrix closed two historic residence halls, Martin and Veasey, for updates, aiming to complete renovations and re-open the halls the next fall, in 2020. But things haven’t gone quite as planned. Now, in 2022, the college hopes to have Martin and Veasey up and running in the fall of 2022—after most Martin and Veasey alums have left campus.

Anyone who’s asked about party culture at Hendrix will have heard of the legendary events thrown in these dorms for decades past. The class of ‘22 remembers experiencing Martin Rain—the term coined for the liquid that dripped from the ceilings throughout a party night, a result of packing so many people into Martin’s first floor, that their sweat would condense on the walls and ceiling—for the first time their freshman year with many-a teary eye.

But Martin and Veasey weren’t only about the parties. The culture of these two dorms wasn’t like anything we’ve seen in the past three years, according to Seniors Lauren Berry and Phineas Chapman.

Berry, who lived in Veasey her freshman year, notes that—aside from the glitter embedded in every crack of the building—the community was what really made these dorms special; “It was this weird, magical place, where we all supported each other,” Berry said. “It’s what made me love Hendrix.”

Chapman, a Martin man, shares similar sentiments about his beloved freshman dorm, sharing stories about the sophomore rooms on the first floor that—in

10

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

addition to opening their doors on the weekends to maximize party-square-footage—were open at any time for Martin residents to vent, study, hang out, or just say hey.

“There was a big emphasis on grades,” Chapman adds.

“There was a fridge in the common room where if you made an ‘A’ on an assignment, the hall president would buy you a bottle of alcohol of your choice and put a sign up Photo by Victoria Horan with your name on the fridge so people would congratulate you on it.” It was a scholastic community, Chapman says.

“When we weren’t partying, we were studying.”

But Chapman isn’t shy to say that the parties did get pretty intense. The fire department would often visit the hall on party weekends when people pulled alarms, and once even visited three times in one night.

Veasey and Martin hall councils threw a variety of parties and events throughout the year, some of which have survived in the dorms’ absence, but others have yet to be renewed for the new generation of Hendrix students. A few campus favorites include 80’s, Veasey’s Moonlight Harvest, Ghost Roast, and Robots.

Overall, the thing that most Martin and Veasey alums call back to is the community formed in those to-be-updated halls. Both Berry and Chapman agree that their freshman year wouldn’t have been the same in another dorm, and some of their closest friendships were formed in those halls.

As we leave campus for the summer and look forward to the year ahead, the question on all of our minds is this: what will happen to these long-beloved halls next fall, and will these communities ever be the same again?

Photo by Margaret Sampson-Green

FLEA-ING CAMPUS

Exciting new Living-Learning community wraps up first year in Clifton.

Photo by Emma Sampson-Green

Residents of the Clifton Apartments for the 202122 school year are coming to the end of a year unlike anything they’ve ever experienced before. In spring of 2021, a new, exclusive living-learning community was proposed to potential Clifton residents: The Flea House, an opportunity for students to live in pest-filled apartments and earn Odyssey credit while doing so.

“It’s not so much an ‘infestation’ as an opportunity,” comments senior Biology major and current community leader for the program, Paige Arthur.

“Thanks to this community, I don’t even need to get out of bed to start my entomology homework!”

Other departments have also jumped at the opportunity to conduct research right here oncampus. The Psychology department is currently conducting exit interviews for Clifton residents, trying to better understand the psychological effect of sharing an apartment with a plague-level swarm of fleas throughout the academic year.

When asked about the potential decrease in student mental health, a representative of the college responded with the following statement: “The more resilience we can build in our students before they’ve left our campus, the better equipped they’ll be for that first post-graduate apartment. And hey, at least here they’re getting a discount on their housing for participating in this program!”

The Clifton residents aren’t the only ones getting a financial break, though. The college is saving an estimated $30,000 on fumigation costs for the Clifton apartments.

In a recent meeting of the Student Senate, senior senator Abigail Rose offered up a concern about the health and safety of Clifton’s smallest residents.

“A group of fleas tried to get my attention before class, and I nearly squashed them before I could hear their concerns.” Rose asked the Dean if there

Maggie Ryan|Staff Writer was anything the senate would do to make campus more accessible for these new members of our community. The Dean responded that Facilities is already working to make campus more critterfriendly, starting with drilling holes through the entry-doors to each academic building.

Residents admit that at first they were pretty hesitant about the program, but now that the year is up, are grateful to have experienced these unique living circumstances.

“The Flea House was a great way to end my Hendrix career!” Exclaims one senior resident of the community. “After living with the Couch roaches my freshman and sophomore year, then sharing a hallway with the Browne raccoons, the Clifton Fleas were really the only way I could wrap up my life with campus critters. I just hope the housing near my grad program has the same kind of accommodations!”

Another resident expressed concern about what to do next year if their application for re-entry into the community isn’t approved. “I’m trying to get these guys registered as ‘emotional support fleas’,” they said. “We’ve formed such a strong bond in the past year, I just don’t think any of us could handle being apart. Plus, these guys still need a lot of help getting around campus.”

Thanks to the success of this pilot program, the Biology department is considering a shift to primarily entomology courses to satisfy the growing interests at Hendrix.

“Bugs. Students need more bugs!” exclaimed Dr. Gantz, in response to a question about the future of the entomology program. In order to show his support, Dr. Gantz has committed to wearing his roach costume—usually reserved for his halloween ‘Creepy Bugs’ lecture—full-time around campus.

“It does get a little hot in the afternoons,” Gantz admitted. “But when I walk into class and see the smiling eyes of all my smallest students, I know I’m making a big difference.”

Close-readers of communications will be familiar with the following ad for next year’s Flea-House cohort: Are you interested in a unique living-learning community? Do you have an itch for new experiences? Apply to live in the Flea-Houses in Clifton, a special living-learning opportunity for students of any major to study and form relationships with local wildlife throughout the academic year. SP and UR Odyssey opportunities included!

APRIL 2022

11

PHOTO OF INTEREST

Photo by Rebecca Burks 12

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

SWIMMING TO SUCCESS THE BRUTAL LIFE OF A SWIMMER Reilly O’Neill|Staff Writer

Over the course of the 2021-2022 season, the swim team has had its fair share of setbacks and successes amidst the continuity of COVID-19. For many, this was the first time in two years that the pandemic regulations were relaxed, with the athletes transitioning into a more typical routine. Of course, the “typical” season comes with its own obstacles, and for freshman Jacob Petitta, the biggest struggle that he’s had as a swimmer is balancing schoolwork with performance in the pool. This won’t come as a surprise to anyone participating in Hendrix athletics, but the practice requirements for the swim team are particularly rigorous.

According to senior student Oli Steven-Assheuer, swimmers are mandated to attend 2-hour pool sessions six days each week, with additional conditioning from 5:30-7 a.m. each morning. These sessions run from September to February, with few opportunities to rest between days. What’s more, the swim team returns back to campus at the beginning of January for Winter Training, which spans the roughly 2 ½ week period until the beginning of classes.

Steven-Assheuer refers to these sessions as “doubles”, indicating that they last for 4 hours as opposed to the typical 2 hours. For those commitments alone, there is an implicit understanding of the resilience it takes for these swimmers to stay in shape and remain on top of their grades.

What could these athletes be doing for so long that justifies the two hours of practice each day in the pool? Well, a lot. One of the primary objectives of the swim team is to increase tempo, which is defined as the number of stroke cycles executed per minute.

This is achieved by practicing breathing and kicking sets, with an emphasis on “repetition and technique” in the words of Petitta. The swimmers and divers also work to improve their strength and flexibility, which is great considering that this is applicable to all sorts of athletic activities. Additionally, there are opportunities for the different swimmers to split up into subgroups based upon their competition specialties, which are sprinting, stroke, and distance.

For all of the hours that the swimming and diving athletes put in to be successful, there is a

sympathetic coaching network for the students to fall back upon. Steven-Assheuer describes the trio of staff as a “coaching trinity,” which is an excellent representation of the different roles that the coaches fill in order to help the players succeed. Petitta describes charismatic head coach Tony Marleneanu as “the one who makes it happen,” directing practices and working to ensure that the players are ready to compete through technique improvement and drill work. The assistant coach, Kane Klimczak, operates in a more supportive capacity, giving pep talks and recognizing the effort that the team members put in to reach their goals. Diving coach Craig Barton is also enthusiastic about working with the Warriors, fulfilling his passions of swimming and diving in an advisory capacity after having swam for UALR nearly 30 years prior. All three coaches were instrumental in the successes of the team over the season, giving athletes the tools to shatter multiple records over the nearly 6-month period.

The students themselves were also active participants in their team’s triumphs. In particular, the two team captains for the men’s and women’s teams (Paxton Higgerson and Mckenzie Tucker respectively) were key figures in fostering an atmosphere of success. Whether giving pep talks on the bench or shouting passionately at the swimmers to give it their all, the captains each shared a piece of themselves in the hopes of building a better, more connected team.

They swam their hearts out and brought a well-needed energy that was sorely missed from the years prior to the pandemic.

In spite of the complications that occurred throughout the season, which resulted in lessthan-perfect performances at times, the Hendrix Warriors were able to cultivate a sentiment of interconnectedness that overshadowed the setbacks that occurred. The team members are proud to contribute to a community that’s bigger than themselves and to make great friends along the way, and are looking forward to the 2022-2023 season.

There is no doubt that the remaining members will continue to improve their skills and team dynamic.

Photo Courtesy of Creatuve Commons APRIL 2022

13

SPORTS

CAPTURING THE FIELD Baseball player Ray Miller scores exciting internship with USA Baseball

Sophie O’Reilly |Staff Writer Ray Miller, a sophomore and baseball player here at Hendrix, was recently granted an exciting internship opportunity that will allow him to bring his love of baseball to a new field. He will be working as a

by Paige Guess videoPhoto production intern for USA Baseball in Cary, North Carolina this summer.

“My job will consist of producing short form social media content for USA baseball,” Miller writes. “I will also have the opportunity to travel the country to film top baseball athletes at various USA Baseball sponsored tournaments.”

Miller stumbled across the job while scrolling through TikTok. USA Baseball was recruiting “creatives” to work with them for the summer. After three interviews, he was selected for one of only three positions available.

This exciting opportunity arrives on the heels of a career-changing game against Millsaps. At the bottom of the 9th inning, they were at 5-4 with two outs and a runner on first base, and Miller hit a triple that tied the game. “Then,” he writes, “in the bottom of the 11th I hit a walk-off double to secure a 6-5 win! It will definitely be a moment I will remember forever.”

Miller’s work with USA Baseball will add a new dimension to his passion for baseball. Having been around baseball since he was three years old, it was important to him to find a way to stay close to the game. “Obviously I am not an MLB prospect,” he writes, “but I wanted to find a way to be around guys who are... I have seen some friends have the opportunity or will have the opportunity to play at a higher level. I wanted to be in their shoes, so I found a way to be around it at the highest level. It might not be the most conventional way, but I couldn’t imagine my life without baseball, so I had to find a way to keep it in my life just a little while longer!”

Miller’s relocation to North Carolina marks the first time he has lived outside of the state of Arkansas. He is excited for the big move, to meet his fellow interns, and learn about the field of videography. Additionally, he notes, “being able to produce content that represents the United States is pretty freaking cool!”

We couldn’t agree more.

14

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

Miller’s experience comes with a couple of major takeaways. First, student athletes do not need to compromise their passion for the game if they do not have national league prospects. There are ways to incorporate your interests—even those as broad as baseball and videography—into a unified career.

Second, keep your eyes peeled for job opportunities in places you otherwise might not expect. Finally, take the shot: apply for positions that you are excited by, even if you doubt that you will get the job. You may just be able to land an opportunity as exciting and fulfilling as this one is bound to be.

Congratulations to you, Rally! You said it best: “here’s to new adventures!”

THE STOCK MARKET IS NOT A TOY

OPINION Shayne Brannon |Staff Writer

Why Elon Musk Should Not Own Twitter In March, Elon Musk spent billions of dollars to become the largest single shareholder of Twitter, owning roughly 9 percent of the company. It was then expected that he would take a place on the company’s board of directors, a deal which ended up falling through, but nevertheless resulted in the stock-price of Twitter increasing dramatically.

Musk now wants to buy Twitter entirely, for over 40 billion dollars, and is threatening to sell all his shares unless his offer is accepted, thus tanking the stockprice. He is like a kid who threatens to quit playing a game entirely when they’re not allowed to change the rules, except with severe ramifications to the economy.

If this sounds like market manipulation and an SEC violation, that’s probably because it is. Musk has a long history of clashing with the SEC over tweets about potentially taking his company Tesla private. But regardless of whether or not Musk is playing by the rules, Twitter does not seem interested in his offer to buy the company. That’s a good thing.

His actions in attempting this purchase alone show that he doesn’t have the moral character to be running a major social media platform. Previous business actions

by Musk show the same thing. For example, despite being known as the founder of Tesla, he had no hand in starting the company, he simply purchased the title, “Founder of Tesla” in order to mislead people. Similarly, despite being known for founding Paypal, he actually founded a separate company which merged with Paypal.

So what does Musk actually do, and what does he want with Twitter?

Elon Musk takes money and makes it into more money. His father was a partial owner of an emerald mine in South Africa and Musk used this fortune to hop between various tech companies and amass billions. He also founded SpaceX. But most of Musk’s public work comes via his Twitter feed, where he’s sought to display a friendly, relatable personality via a constant stream of memes and other attempts at humor. He presents himself as a man of the people… from one of his mansions. He’s also taken to appealing to right-wing sentiments, particularly through transphobia and advocacy for more “free speech” on Twitter.

Shortly after purchasing 9 percent of Twitter although still before he announced it publicly - Musk tweeted a poll asking his followers whether they thought the platform needed to improve freedom of speech, to loosen some of their restrictions on users.

Photo Courtesy of Creative Commons While I agree that it is important to find a healthy balance between safety and censorship, completely unregulated social media platforms, ones specifically designed to enforce “freedom of speech,” have a nasty habit of becoming dangerous places. Particulary, they become breeding grounds for bigotry, which, judging

by Musk’s public transphobia, he has no problem with.

If Musk were to become total owner of Twitter and implement the policies he wants, the site would surely go the same direction, and like the others, eventually fade into obscurity.

On a separate note, Elon Musk is the richest person in the world, and has demonstrated time and time again a willingness to exploit people to continue amassing wealth. For example, the entire scheme of buying Twitter stock, manipulating the price, and then threatening to sell unless he is allowed to buy the entire company. We have already seen the effects of extreme corporate greed on social media platforms through Facebook, which has engaged in extremely unethical practices such as selling detailed personal data of its users.

Contrary to the relatable personality he projects on the internet (although very like the transphobic one) Elon Musk is not a good person and should not own Twitter. It would be best if he didn’t have 9.2 percent of the company, but he might handle that problem himself.

Twitter has many problems. All large corporations do. All social media platforms do. But Elon Musk would add to the list of problems rather than solving any of them. He might even drive the platform into the ground.

Photo by Emma Sampson-Green APRIL 2022

15

WE ALL HAVE MAGICAL BELIEFS: Here’s how you can leverage yours Sophie O’Reilly| Staff Writer I love fairies. I can’t remember where the fascination started, but I have always been drawn to their imagery and stories. One of my favorite elements of fairies is their apparent diversity; they are represented in folklore from all over the world, and come in varying degrees of elegance and mischief. Their transient nature makes it easy to find bits of fairy dust in my everyday life.

Here are some fairy related rules I live by: 1. If I find a penny, I pick it up, but I don’t keep it. I find a divot in the trunk of a tree and leave it for the fae to find.

2. If something goes missing—especially something shiny—it was probably the fae that took it. I wait for approximately two weeks, but it usually turns up after that.

3. At the end of a cup of tea, I always read the leaves at the bottom, even if it’s only a brief glance. I often catch a small symbol that I carry with me for the rest of the day. I like to think that the fairies leave those messages for me to uncover.

In this way, fairies feel integrated into my routine.

So many things in my life are structured around this belief that, even though I know they (likely) don’t exist, I allow myself to believe. It goes against the rational side of my brain, but it makes me happy and adds a bit of magic to my day, so I don’t let that stop me.

This conflict—the rational versus the magical— isn’t unique to just me, or just fairies. It is often referred to as magical thinking. This term can refer to religious beliefs, superstition, childhood magical interests, or extravagant thinking in patients with mental illness. It is present in most modern industrialized societies and impacts the way our institutions (such as our education systems, workplaces, and family’s) function (Subbotsky, 2014). By noticing these influences in our greater society, you might be able

to observe your own methods of magical thinking and leverage them in your day-to-day life.

Magical thinking doesn’t always imply that something is supernatural. Instead, it encapsulates any item or action that can influence an event without being logically related. For example, if an athlete drinks from a particular water bottle on game day (and only game day), they are engaging in a form of magical thinking. This can also appear as routine superstition. Do you ever knock on wood to indicate that you are hopeful for a particular outcome, or cross your fingers for good luck? If so, you, my friend, are participating in a culture-wide demonstration of magical thinking.

A study was conducted about what happens when someone feels like supernatural circumstances could influence an activity. The supervisors hosted a few short rounds of golf and told some players that the ball they were using was “lucky”. The mere suggestion increased the players’ performance: they made almost two more putts on average than the participants who were not made to think about the ball they were using (Valdesolo). Clearly, there was nothing that happened to the ball to make it magically perform better than any other ball, but the suggestion was enough to change the outcome of the game. This is part of why I participate in my silly fairy rituals. Again, I know it doesn’t change the situation I find myself in. However, it changes my mood, and causes me to notice things that I otherwise wouldn’t.

This is why I encourage you to find (or hone in on) a little routine or belief that might seem childish or extraordinary. While it may appear to go against the scientific ethos of our society, so many people participate in forms of magical thinking. Ultimately, even if there is nothing that is measurably useful about what you’re doing, it may have a positive impact on how you move through the world. That, to me, inspires hope.

Photo from Creative Commons

16

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

DID WE FOOL YOU?

Here’s our answer key for this year’s April Fool’s fake stories

A E F K

- Step Aside STEM

NE WS

- Beelzebub Comes to Hendrix - Sword Club? More Like Sword Cult - Flea-ing Campus

APRIL 2022

17

THE PROFILE’s APRIL PLAYLIST: heartbreak edition </3 from the dining table: Harry Styles attachment love: Blegh new friends: Orla Gartland world we created: Giveon orbiting: The Weepies family ties: Kendrick Lamar francis forever: Mitski memories: Conan Gray traitor: Olivia Rodrigo the winner takes it a ll: ABBA strangers: Mt. Joy I don’t miss you at all: FINNEAS it’ll be okay: Shawn Mendes I’d have to think about it: Leith Ross

18

HENDRIXPROFILE.COM

STAFF PICKS SHOWS TO BINGE WATCH: New Girl because everyone needs a comfort show Yellowjackets Parks and Recreation for the silly laughs Avatar the Last Airbender because...it’s amazing??

Schitt’s Creek for the drama Community because it’s funny and Donald Glover is in it Downton Abbey--underrated among people below 70 Glee--it’s a feel-good show with singing, dancing, and drama Supernatural so you can understand why its fans are the way they are Hollywood because it reimagins the toxicity of “Golden Age” Hollywood Moral Orel on HBO Max

APRIL 2022

19

1600 Washington Ave. Conway, AR 72032