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THECONTENTS
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
COVER STORIES AND FEATURES GABRIEL VALLEY PRIDE 18 SAN Free To The Public, Sept. 28
18
20
24
AND SERVICE 20 LOVE “My 12 Step Store” In WeHo
28
ON A MISSION 22 MAN Zach Ivey Creates “Kill Meth” ELECTRIC 24 GO Champion Fiat in Downey ACTS OF KINDNESS 28 RANDOM GLEH Honors Tyler Cassity DISORDERS 30 EATING The Path To Recovery OF THE HEART 32 LANGUAGE Paulo Murillo On Sobriety AT LAST! 34 FREE The Canyon, Michael’s House LIES 36 TRUE Life As A Closeted Bisexual
ON THE COVER
MAIN PHOTO: ZACH IVEY. PHOTO BY ANTHONY DURAN. ZACH IVEY’S “KILL METH” SHIRT BY SOLD OUT CLOTHING, soldoutclothing.com
DEPARTMENTS 10 THE LETTERS Rather Than Condemn 12 THE TALK Andy Cohen, Orlando Cruz 14 THE STATE Gov Signs Trans Bill 16 THE CITY Fired After Marriage
22
26 THE ROSTOW REPORT Marriage Bandwagon 38 THE MONEY Financial Planning 39 THE FAMILY Saving Our Children 40 THE LAW Fight Club 42 THE EVENT Pride in OC
30
44 THE CALENDAR Events, Groups
32 4 T H E F I GH T | S E P T E MBER 2013
34
36
46 THE FINAL FIGHT War At Home
THEEDITOR
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
l In recognition of National Recovery Month, Paulo Murillo interviews adult film entertainer Zach Ivey (aka Trenton Ducati) who recently created “Kill Meth”—a drug prevention and harm reduction non-profit organization (“Man On A Mission,” page 22). “Though Ivey is hardly the first man in the adult industry to speak out against the dangers of addiction,” writes Murillo, “he has put his time and money where his mouth is, offering help and providing hope with his “Kill Meth” campaign. Coming up on six years of continuous sobriety and meth freedom, Ivey claims that while he owes his entire life to that clean and sober anniversary, he doesn’t count days. “I enjoy the moment because I’m sober— that's what counts,” says Ivey in an interview with THE FIGHT. “I think day counting is very discouraging and it can be overwhelming. My thing is just aim for a better life, even if that happens in one day or 60 days.” Murillo also writes in this issue about his own recovery journey (“Language Of The Heart,” page 32). “Not all my friendships were superficial during my drinking days,” writes Murillo, stating that “in fact, I have a lot of close friends today who are not sober… These friendships work because I’m not the kind of sober guy who hates on people for getting their drink on, and my non-sober friends recognize that I’m still me— maybe a little calmer but still shirtless and a little twisted despite my lack of a drink. Seeing them get wasted reminds me that I’m not missing much.” Also in this issue, Monique Funk interviews a young gay man from a loving family in the grasp of bulimia nervosa (“Eating Disorders: The Path To Recovery,” page 30.) “Triggers were everywhere and I was in a constant state of turmoil,” reveals Matt. “I used to use sex, drugs and food to numb... When I binged and purged I felt a huge sense of relief from the stress of feeling like a lone gay man in a conservative rural town. But the relief was only temporary, so I had to keep binging and purging to escape. I would sometimes spend hours driving from fast food place to fast food place binging and purging,” says Matt. “Our secrets keep us sick, including the secrets we keep from ourselves,” states Doug Brown, Clinical Director at a New Journey (ANJ) Center for Eating Disorders in Santa Monica. “Visiting our inner pain is a terrifying place to go, but with the right support we can face our greatest fears. I’ve had the honor of watching hundreds of LGBT clients ‘wake up’ when they recognize the link between their behavior patterns and specific ‘triggers’ in their lives,” reveals Brown.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio MARKETING CONSULTANTS John Michael Gamban Paul Vallejo Jake Kale Cassandra Clark SOCIAL MEDIA Tim Kreslake WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio
GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, Inc. DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, LLC. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com
THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine. Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2013 Third Step LLC. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion.
STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief
8 T H E F I GH T | S E P T E MBER 2013
TheFightMag.com For Display Advertising, please call (323) 297-4001
IN RECOVERY
Celebrate Recovery Month Heroes in Recovery has a simple mission: Break the stigma by sharing your story.
Join the movement. Break the stigma. Share your story.
www.heroesinrecovery.com
Call for a confidential assessment. (866) 972-0321 www.michaelshouse.com | www.thecyn.com
THECONTRIBUTORS
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
GRANT GOCHIN Grant Gochin is a Wealth Advisor and Certified Financial Planner professional located in Encino. Grant is married (to a man) and he and his husband have one son. He can be reached at (818) 827-3410 or via email at: grant.gochin@raymondjames.com.
ORLY LYONNE Orly Lyonne is a freelance journalist, focusing on issues related to LGBT equality, culture and art. Her passions include skydiving, community theater and vegan restaurants. Orly can be reached at orlylyonne@gmail.com.
DAVID HAKIMFAR Los Angeles based Attorney David Hakimfar received his law degree from Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego. While there, he made the Honor Roll and National Dean’s List. Currently David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC. He can be reached at: 1-888-789-PRIDE (7743).
PAULO MURILLO West Hollywood resident Paulo Murillo has been writing for gay media for over twelve years. He got his start writing a biweekly column called “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper. Visit his website at thehissfit.com, or friend him on Facebook.
ANN ROSTOW Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. For weekly LGBT News updates, visit her blog at: annrostow. blogspot.com. Ann can be reached at: arostow@aol.com.
ROB SMITH Rob Smith is an author, lecturer, writer, and LGBT activist. His first book “Closets, Combat, and Coming Out: Coming of Age as a Gay Man in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Army” will be released in February. He can be found at www.robsmithonline.com.
8 T H E F I GH T | S E P T E MBER 2013
THELETTERS
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
BEING PROFILED Dear Editor, What I get from the discussion now about the Trevor Martin case (“Black Like Me,” THE FIGHT, Issue 31) is that black media people are saying to us what Harry Hay said about our community, and that is that, being black (or gay) means we see and hear things the mainstream does not-white or even rich members of minorities. Black Americans, no matter how they feel or think about the acquittal of Zimmerman, see and know that it is a lie that racism, and the “stand your ground law” were NOT an issue in the case. They know that walking the street and being black, and for us, GLBT, means we are being profiled. Billy Glover, via the internet
RATHER THAN CONDEMN Dear Editor, In the byline in Zinnia Jones’ article on Bradley (now Chelsea) Manning (“Being Bradley Manning,” THE FIGHT, Issue 31) you ask if Manning is a hero or traitor. In my opinion Manning is a traitor, and a disgrace to our community. Manning passed over 250,000 confidential State Department cables to Wikileaks, just months before DADT was repealed in December of 2010. Rather than condemn her as the traitor she is, many LGBT activists (including Zinnia Jones) have rushed to her defense, portraying her as a courageous whistleblower who brought American abuses to light. By arguing that Manning is not only a victim of the military but also a hero, these activists unwittingly confirm the claim that LGBT people are unfit to serve in the armed forces. M. Blanchett, via the internet
SINFUL DESIRES Dear Editor, God does not create a person with homosexual desires. The Bible tells us that people become homosexuals because of sin (Romans 1:24-27) and ultimately because of their own choice. A person may be born with a greater susceptibility to homosexuality, just as some people are born with a tendency to violence and other sins. That does not excuse the person’s choosing to sin by giving in to sinful desires. Name Withheld, via the internet
> WRITE TO THE EDITOR Email: editor@thefightmag.com Fax: (213) 281-9648. Letters may be shortened due to space requirements. 10 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
THETALK >> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
HORRIFIC REPRESSION
ANDY COHEN
UNDER SUSPICION “Their discriminatory policies make it unsafe for gays who live there and gays coming to work or visit... The law is that anyone under suspicion of homosexuality can be arrested. [I don’t] feel right as a gay man stepping foot into Russia.” —Bravo host Andy Cohen explaining why he will not host this year’s Miss Universe event, which takes place in Russia.
“[I want] to let the Russian gay people know that they have friends and allies in solidarity from people all over the world, and that we’re JAMIE not going to be KIRCHICK silenced in the face of horrific repression that is perpetrated by your paymaster, Vladimir Putin.” —Jamie Kirchick, a writer at large for Radio Free Europe on the Russian governmentowned television network RT (Russia Today.) Kirchick was invited to join a panel discussion about the sentencing of WikiLeaks source Chelsea Manning, but instead insisted on talking about gay rights. RT cut his video feed and removed him from the panel’s discussion.
NICK GRUBER
BELIEVE IN LOVE “I’m not gay, but I don’t believe in labels, I believe in love.” —Calvin Klein’s ex Nick Gruber, in an interview with New York magazine.
WENTWORTH MILLER
I MUST DECLINE “Thank you for your kind invitation. However, as a gay man, I must decline.” —”Prison Break” star Wentworth Miller in a letter rejecting an invitation to a Russian film festival.
ORLANDO CRUZ
AND SHARE IT “I’d like to say, and share it with your friends, and with my friends: Do you want to marry me?” —Gay Puerto Rican boxer Orlando Cruz in a two-minute video posted on Facebook, in Spanish, as a marriage proposal to his boyfriend, José Manuel. The short video response by José Manuel was a teary, “Sí.” 1 2 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
“Black men can’t come out. Why? Because you simply can’t do it. Your family says it. Your church says it. Your teachers say it. Your LEE parents say it. DANIELS Your friends say it. Your work says it... And it’s killing us.” —Director Lee Daniels (“The Butler”) to Larry King on his personal experience growing up as a gay, black man.
JOHNNY WEIR
THEN I’M WILLING “If it takes me getting arrested for people to pay attention, and for people to lobby against this law, then I’m willing to take it.” —Two-time Olympian Johnny Weir on why he would risk jail time to be gay in Russia. Weir is married to Victor Voronov, a man of Russian descent.
PHOTO BY DAN LEVEILLE
BLACK MEN CAN’T
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 13
THESTATE >> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
GOV SIGNS TRANS-STUDENT BILL > California has become the first state to enshrine certain rights for transgender K-12 students in state law, requiring public schools to allow those students access to whichever restroom and locker room they want. Gov. Jerry Brown announced last month that he had signed AB1266, which also will allow transgender students to choose whether they want to play GOV. JERRY boys’ or girls’ sports. BROWN The new law gives students the right “to participate in sex-segregated programs, activities and facilities” based on their self-perception and regardless of their birth gender. Supporters said it will help reduce bullying and discrimination against transgender students. It comes as the families of transgender students have been waging local battles with school districts across the country over what restrooms and locker rooms their children can use, disagreements that have sometimes landed in court. The National Center for Lesbian Rights and the ACLU of California were among the bill’s supporters.
“CONVERSION THERAPY” BAN UPHELD > A federal appeals court has upheld the nation’s first-of-its-kind law in California prohibiting health practitioners from offering psychotherapy aimed at making gay youth straight. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled last month that the state’s ban on so-called conversion therapy for minors doesn’t violate the free speech rights of licensed counselors and patients seeking treatment. The law was supposed to take effect at the beginning of the year but has been on hold pending the 9th Circuit’s ruling. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie signed a similar law that would also outlaw conversion therapy in his state.
COURT TOSSES OUT PROP 8 CHALLENGE > The California Supreme Court refused last month to halt gay marriages in the state, leaving opponents of same-sex weddings few—if any—legal options to stop the unions, reports The Associated Press. The brief, unanimous ruling tossed out a legal challenge by ban supporters without addressing their legal arguments in support of Proposition 8, a ballot measure passed by voter in 2008 that banned gay marriage. Prop. 8 representatives didn’t immediately return phone calls seeking comment, and it was unclear if they might try to take their legal challenge back to federal court. 1 4 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
THECITY >> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
DANTJIER POWELL
DOMONIQUE NEWBURN
SUSPECT SOUGHT IN TRANS WOMAN’S DEATH l Police in Fontana have identified a suspect in the killing of Domonique Newburn, a transgender woman featured in a Web-based reality series, reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com. The authorities are seeking Dantjier Powell, 18, of San Bernardino. Powell may be trying to leave California, possibly on a bus, and is believed to be accompanied by a 25-year-old woman, Jamie Nicole Cotton. Newburn was killed last month in her apartment in Fontana, east of Los Angeles. She had appeared on the Web series Hollywood House Boys, about four friends seeking show business careers; it recently resumed production after a hiatus. Fontana police have requested that anyone with information about the whereabouts of Powell or Cotton call (909) 356-TIPS.
SAN DIEGO GAY INTERIM MAYOR l With Bob Filner’s resignation as San Diego’s mayor amid extensive accusations of sexual harassment, the second largest city in California and eighth largest in the nation will TODD have a gay man GLORIA as mayor on an interim basis, reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com. The San Diego City Council president Todd Gloria became interim mayor in September. The City Council has to call a special election, to be held within 90 days, to replace the mayor.” Gloria is expected to consider running in the special election, U-T San Diego reports.
HILTON AND SON
WEHO SUPPORTS LGBT RUSSIA l In response to the recent anti-LGBT law signed by Russian President Vladimir Putin; ongoing legal attacks; and violent activity against the LGBT population in Russia, the City of West Hollywood is continuing its multi-tiered campaign to assist and support LGBT organizations and individuals in that country. Additionally, WeHo will provide assistance to LGBT people who want to leave Russia and obtain asylum in the United States. For more information, contact Fran Solomon, Deputy to West Hollywood Councilmember John Heilman, at (323) 848-6460.
PEREZ HILTON LEAVES LOS ANGELES VLADIMIR PUTIN
FORMER OFFICER SUES LBPD l Brent Record, an eight-year veteran with the police force, is suing the Long Beach Police Department and the city, claiming his life was put in danger and he was wrongfully terminated in November 2011 because he is gay, reports Press-Telegram. Record claims he reported the alleged harassment, discrimination and misconduct— including officers not being available for back-up calls and harassing flyers mocking his being gay in his work locker and mailbox—to his superiors, but they failed to address it. Instead, Record’s superiors and the department retaliated against him and fired him, according to the lawsuit. A trial has been set for February 4, 2014. 1 6 T H E F I GH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
l According to an announcement last month on PerezHilton.com, the controversial gay media mogul will be moving from his longtime Los Angeles home to New York indefinitely, joined by son “Perez Jr.,” his mother, and dog Teddy, reports www.gay.net. “I want even more happiness and more joy, and I think I’ll be able to find that easier in New York City,” said Hilton. The blogger also said that L.A. has become too focused on work, and he hopes that life in the Big Apple will be more about his adorable kid, plus “being social, having friends, doing cultural things, dating more...” n
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 17
SAN GABRIEL VALLEY PRIDE
FREE EVENT, SAVE THE DATE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28TH FROM 11AM TO 6PM IN MEMORIAL PARK IN PASADENA. THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF SAN GABRIEL VALLEY PRIDE is pleased to present “Pride Is!” on Saturday, September 28th from 11am to 6pm in Memorial Park in Pasadena. The LGBT Pride festival is free to the public. The celebration will feature a Classic Car Show sponsored by Great Autos of Yesteryear; an Authors’ Forum with area LGBT authors reading/signing their publications; the Big Draw LA, a community draw experience where you can create a “road tile” for the “Road to Equality;” family and children activities; community exhibitors and vendors; the City of Pasadena’s “We the
PPL” project collecting oral histories; Drag Queen Bingo with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, an erotic art exhibit from the Tom of Finland Foundation, Food Trucks and a fundraising wine tasting featuring Barefoot Wines. The Pride festival will again participate in the Big Draw LA. Festival-goers of all ages are invited to create an image (materials provided) that represents their interpretation of what “Pride Is!” The images will be added to the “Road to Equality” which was started at last year’s event. The City of Pasadena’s “We the PPL” is a community documentary project, dedicated to commemorating the story of Pasadena through the recordings of oral histories and community stories. “Pride Is” attendees are encouraged to share their life experiences as members of the LGBT and Pasadena communities for a film that
will be published on the Pasadena Digital History Collaboration and the Pasadena Public Library websites. The goal of the project is to inform and enrich understanding of Pasadena history and culture. Adults are invited to join in a FUN Bingo experience that you’ll never forget and your Grandma wouldn’t recognize. Drag Queen Bingo with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence is hosted by the religlious (misspell intended) Sisters that will have you laughing so hard you’ll cry. Go to: www.sgvpride.org for more information and check for any additions to the Festival that the board is working hard on developing even as the date approaches. The Festival is sponsored this year by Great Autos of Yesteryear, Experience LA, the Big Draw LA, Vroman’s Bookstore, City of Pasadena and Barefoot Wines. n For more info visit: www.sgvpride.org.
6641 SANTA MONICA BLVD. (Next to Arena Nightclub) TEL: (323) 469-1951 Monday-Friday: 6:30am-5pm Saturday: 8am-12noon Sunday: Closed
Kitchen Cabinets Starting at Only: $1228.15 Proudly Serving The LGBT Community
18 T H E F IGH T | S E P T E MBER 2013
Fiberon Decking: Starting at $2.99 Per Foot
San Gabriel Valley Pride, Inc. PRESENTS
“Pride Is!”
Saturday, September 28, 2013 • 11am to 6pm Pasadena Memorial Park at Holly and Raymond Join us for a wonderful, FREE community festival!
A Different Kind of Pride!
www.sgvpride.org
sgvpride
Classic Car Show Author’s Forum Drag Queen Bingo Fundraising Wine Tasting Big Draw LA & More! THANK YOU TO OUR WONDERFUL SPONSORS!
@SgvPride
LOVE AND SERVICE
CELEBRATING 10 YEARS, “MY 12 STEP STORE” HOSTS 2ND ANNUAL SPEAKER WATER AWARDS. BY ORLY LYONNE MY 12 STEP STORE—home of the world famous Speaker Water—is celebrating 10 years of love and service on Recovery Month, September 15, 2013 from 5pm to 7pm, in front of the store parking lot at 8730 Santa Monica Blvd, in West Hollywood. The store is also holding the 2nd Annual Speaker Water Awards at the 10 year celebration. Three individuals will be honored for their continued support of the store and for making a difference in the recovery community. My 12 Step Store is also giving back to the community with all proceeds generated during the event being donated to local recovery houses. The store is also happy to unveil a new and refreshing Speaker Water bottle to reflect what’s hot and hip in recovery-staying true to the My 12 Step Store gifts InStyle brand.
20 T H E F IGH T | S E P T E MBER 2013
My 12 Step Store is a boutiquestyle recovery book and gift store in the heart of West Hollywood, that ships recovery-related books and gifts worldwide. Whether it’s beating addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex,
love, food, meth or co-dependency—the store has a huge and varied stock of inspirational gifts and items for you and those you love. The store’s founder, RJ Holguin, has over 27 years of continuous recovery and is operated by a recovery team with a vast amount of consistent recovery in many 12-step Programs. Now in their tenth year, they strive to celebrate the journey of recovery by offering new, edgy and fun gifts, providing ways to make recovery exciting. From the splashiest of medallions styles, Apparel, 12-Step jewelry, Chips, books & racy greeting cards to God boxes and prayer bookmarks, My 12 Step Store has something for everyone. n My 12 Step Store is located at 8730 Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood. For more info, call 310.623.1702 or visit: www.My12StepStore.com.
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 21
AFTER A LIFETIME OF DRUG ADDICTION AND CRIME, ZACH IVEY (AKA TRENTON DUCATI) FINDS REDEMPTION THROUGH SOBRIETY AND CREATES “KILL METH”—A DRUG PREVENTION AND HARM REDUCTION NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION.
“... SEX ON METH IS NOT GOOD. IT IS A FALSE REALITY. YOU’RE GOING TO SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME TRYING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN IN THE BATHHOUSE, BUT THERE ARE EITHER NOT ENOUGH DRUGS, OR YOU’RE TOO HIGH AND NOTHING HAPPENS.” 0 0 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
PHOTO BY ANTHONY DURAN
MAN ON A MISSION
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
BY PAULO MURILLO ZACH IVEY, known to most as gay adult film entertainer Trenton Ducati, is on a mission to send an empowering message of hope to anyone who feels powerless against drugs and alcohol—particularly meth—which continues to ravage the gay community. Though Ivey is hardly the first man in the adult industry to speak out against the dangers of addiction, he has put his time and money where his mouth is, offering help and providing hope with his “Kill Meth” campaign—a drug prevention and harm reduction non-profit organization that seeks to engage people in dialogues about overcoming meth addiction via social media. Coming up on six years of continuous sobriety and meth freedom on January 12, 2014, Ivey claims that while he owes his entire life to that clean and sober anniversary, he doesn’t count days. “I enjoy the moment because I’m sober—that’s what counts,” says Ivey in an interview with THE FIGHT. “I think day counting is very discouraging and it can be overwhelming. My thing is just aim for a better life, even if that happens in one day or 60 days.” While definitely enjoying his Trenton Ducati moment (he has landed gigs with some top production companies including Falcon, Lucas Entertainment, Hot House and Titan)—life, reveals Ivey, has been more than glamorous photo shoots, naked sessions with gorgeous men and public appearances the world over. He has been up against it and he has gone through it, from his early history as a cowboy riding bulls in the rodeo circuit, to sex, drugs, a life of crime, some prison time, and his redemption through sobriety, which has lead to fame in the adult industry.
SOCIAL ANXIETY Alcohol and cocaine were the norm for Ivey, who ran with an older party crowd at a very early age in New Mexico. However, all that changed when he tried meth for the first time at age 13. “That drug completed me,” he said. “It removed any kind of awkwardness or social anxiety I had. It replaced my family and anything I felt I was missing in my life. I was deeply in love with this drug. I remember saying, ‘I’m going to do this drug for the rest of my life.’” Ivey found meth in the form of speed, which wasn’t considered a bad thing at the time due to Dexatrim and other diet pills. He convinced his doctor to prescribe him some Ritalin for ADHD. He eventually went through the entire prescription in two to three days. “I progressed into shooting it and made myself sick until I couldn’t breathe,” he reveals. After moving to Seattle where he was able to sober up for a while—the drugs eventually caught up to him after getting romantically involved with a drug dealer. “I stayed away from it at first,” he says, “but after a year and a couple of months, I started dabbling it in again, because, of course, I had a prescription from a doctor.” Initially, says Ivey, he was able to live a fairly normal life. “Life was good. I was running a construction crew. I was getting introduced to the gay scene and going to bathhouses. I met all these hot guys and didn’t really understand what was going on—not one person discouraged me from getting high, not one person ever mentioned addiction. At that point, everything crumbled. My life fell apart.” “Seeing all the consequences in the world isn’t going to stop a drug addict from doing drugs,” says Ivey. “I lost my sense of self. I remember sleeping on people’s floors. I remember at one point looking at a mirror inside a port-a-potty and I saw my eyes and I was like, ‘I don’t think this is what my mom planned for me.’”
SICK AND DEFEATED Turning to a life of crime, Ivey landed in jail more times than he cares to mention. It became a good place to eat and sleep, he reveals. “Life was not working for me,” he says. “I ended up going to prison at one point. That was probably the best thing that ever happened to me because it gave me an extended time out. They knew that I was gay, so they locked me up in the hole for four to five months. I was quarantined. I felt belittled and so sick and defeated. I had been on the run for years.” While in prison Ivey befriended a sober man, who was in the cell next to his. The man inspired him to write a letter to the state of Washington asking to be sent to rehab. He wrote a letter with a pencil the size of his finger. Ivey believed he would die if they let him out of jail. He was an obvious candidate for rehab services—however, Ivey’s criminal past continued to stack up against him. The FBI stopped his bus on his way to rehab and slapped him with a new criminal charge. He was in a ton of trouble, but the judge in the federal court did not kick him off his path to recovery. “I went to rehab for a year of pre-trial sobriety,” he said. “I felt safe in the hands of the federal government. There was nothing I could do and it felt so good, because my best thinking got me absolutely nowhere... Three years passed from when I wrote that letter. I was helping others, running AA meetings, personal training people. It was actually the best time of my life. I was more free in prison than I was on the outside—ever.”
A MILLION RIVERS At five and half years clean and sober, Ivey says that he feels truly happy and free. “A person can create their own prison that’s worse than any prison that I’ve ever been to,” he says. “Life is beautiful today. I’m not restricted by the bondage of any kind addiction. I’m so thankful every day. Family is the most important thing in my life, like my niece
and being a son for my mom. I also have a universal power that helps me through it. I am very confident in that power. I feel like I can do anything.” Ivey started the #KillMeth campaign via twitter, offering help and hope to anyone having issues with methamphetamine. The first tweet went up on February 25. He has spread that message through tshirts and other apparel, available at soldoutclothing.com. “I am not spreading, promoting or pushing the message of AA,” he clarifies. “My approach is that there are a million rivers in the mountain that all lead to the same ocean. I’m offering harm reduction ideas. Complete abstinence from drugs works for me, but that’s just me.” Ivey emphasizes that he wants to especially focus on men in the gay community who he feels are predisposed to drug addiction. “Meth is a sexual drug,” he said. “I think that gay men can be insecure about their sexual activity. Meth can be kind of a buffer for a sexual situation, but to clear the record, sex on meth is not good. It is a false reality. You’re going to spend most of your time trying to make it happen in the bathhouse, but there are either not enough drugs, or you’re too high and nothing happens.” Ivey is in the process of turning Kill Meth into a non-profit 501c3. His mother—Tracie Zeissel—will head the foundation. Like most non-profit organizations, Kill Meth is in need of support, through community funding to get started. Ivey is also looking for people to join the campaign by taking pictures of themselves wearing the #KillMeth t-shirts and spreading the word. “If one person were to find some sort of hope or help just from reading a tweet on #KillMeththat to me means more than anything in the world.” n You can follow the Kill Meth campaign on Twitter #killmeth, or visit killmeth. com (currently under construction). For more on Trenton Ducati visit trentonducati.com.
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 23
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
CHAMPION FIAT
GO ELECTRIC BRENDA ZAMBRANO, HEAD STUDIO CONSULTANT AT CHAMPION FIAT IN DOWNEY, SAYS THE FIAT 500E HAS BEEN A TOP SELLER AT THE STUDIO SINCE IT WAS INTRODUCED A FEW MONTHS AGO. BY VICTOR MELAMED l The Fiat 500e is one of a growing number of “compliance specials,” or electric vehicles designed primarily to satisfy California’s mandate that 15.4 percent of new cars sold within its borders be electric, plug-in hybrid or hydrogen-powered by 2025. Sold exclusively in The Golden State, the 500e is actually more powerful than the standard, gas-powered 500 on which it is based, and is now available at Champion Fiat in Downey. The 2013 Fiat 500e may be a compliance car, but its engineers created an electric car that's so much fun to drive that seemingly they want it to be more, according to Green Car Reports at www.greencarreports.com. “We drove a bright orange 500e over a varied 60-mile route that included Los Angeles freeways, suburban stop-and-go, and a lot of wonderful winding roads up and down the canyons of Malibu,” states Green Car Reports.
“WORKING WITH THE LGBT COMMUNITY HAS DEFINITELY BEEN EMPOWERING. I RESPECT AND ADMIRE ANYONE WHO HAS HAD TO FIGHT FOR THE BASIC RIGHT OF ACCEPTANCE.” 2 4 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
“The Fiat 500e held its own on the road, handled and held the road as a small sporty Fiat should, and appeared to deliver a real-world range of more than 80 miles in temperate California climates.” Fiat says it has a three-part rollout plan, with California its first destination, followed by a second phase that presumably includes the dozen or so other states that use California’s emissions standards. Fiat's U.S. chief, Jason Stoicevich, revealed recently in an interview that the market for electric cars in California was doing well, which suggests that volumes for the Fiat 500e may be increased given the car’s initial success. Brenda Zambrano, Head Studio Consultant at Champion Fiat, says the Fiat 500e has been a top seller at the Studio since it was introduced a few months ago. “It has been a particularly popular choice with the LGBT community,” says Zambrano in an interview with THE FIGHT. “The community seems to be more environmentally conscious
than others, which is just one of the reasons I really enjoy working with my LGBT clients.” Since she started at Champion Fiat, about a year and a half ago, Zambrano says that she has “learned to be a lot more comfortable with myself and with others.” “The thing I love most about working here,” says Zambrano. “is the ‘at- ease’ environment and family oriented atmosphere. We all work as a team more than competing against each other. The pride I take in making my customers feel comfortable when buying a car is extraordinary.” “It really takes the pain out of buying a car,” states Zambrano. “It is more than just selling—it is a relationship built on trust and mutual understanding with you and the customer.” “Working with the LGBT community has definitely been empowering,” Zambrano reveals. “I respect and admire anyone who has had to fight for the basic right of acceptance.” In general, says Zambrano, most of her LGBT clients, know what they want when they come to the Studio. “Fiat as a brand attracts a different consumer... the Fiat customer is not just buying a car—they are buying safety, security, utility, value, performance, and styling! You truly only get the best. People either love it or hate it but never in between.” “My job is to recognize each client’s particular needs and—to the best of my ability—find them the perfect car,” states Zambrano. “I just want let your readers know that we are changing the car buying experience. We have a fantastic team of young, new and fresh sales consultants and they truly care about people’s wants and needs. We will do anything in our power to satisfy each and every one of your readers.” n For more information, or to schedule a free, no-stress, no-obligation text drive, call Champion Fiat at 888-7737998, or visit: gochampionfiat.com.
JULY 2013 | TH E F I GH T 45
THEROSTOWREPORT
BY ANN ROSTOW
THE HEAT IS ON > It’s the Canicula; the dog days of late summer which normally sap the energy from our LGBT news, leaving us with a desiccated hull of old stories and dry statistics. But not this year. The High Court’s gay rights decisions in late June have flowered into many blossoms of new court cases, new legislative optimism, and new attitudes across a range of public forums. The twin victories have strewn a potent fertilizer on GLBT issues across the land, and it seems as if every case and controversy is taken seriously and/or reviewed in our favor. If I can extricate myself from this labored analogy, I’ll compile some examples.
WE ARE WINNING > For one thing, it feels as if we are winning the sort
“The American team was quickly in the hole and wound up losing by the largest margin in the history of the Solheim Cup.”
of legal disputes that used to be aborted by the first court that took a look. You may remember the two Ohio men, who convinced a judge to order the state to recognize their Maryland marriage on an impending death certificate earlier this summer. (One of the men is dying.) Last month, a federal court in Pennsylvania ordered a law firm to pay a death benefit to the widow of one of their lawyers who died of cancer. Previously, that death benefit of about $50,000 was earmarked for the dead woman’s parents, who disapproved of her same-sex marriage. And in late August, a New Mexico court ruled that another dying woman should be allowed to marry her partner under the Enchantment State’s ambiguous marriage laws.
THE MARRIAGE BANDWAGON > The House Republicans who defended the Defense of Marriage Act across the board have now abandoned any and all legal activities, period. Public support of gay rights and marriage equality is growing or holding steady in the aftermath of the decisions. Politicians are either jumping on the marriage bandwagon, ducking the subject, or issuing vague remarks that would have been hailed a decade ago as a sign of progress. And a raft of new federal lawsuits have been filed by our legal eagles, as well as another handful by individuals acting on their own. Meanwhile, state court marriage litigation continues in New Mexico, New Jersey and elsewhere. Lawmakers continue to work towards equality in Illinois and Hawaii among other states. And next year, voters will consider repealing antigay amendments in Oregon. It’s all good!
DEATH AND TAXES > Our latest breakthrough may be the news that the IRS will now recognize marriages regardless of state law. This means Mel and I can file a joint return here in Texas, which makes me happy. I have no idea if our taxes will rise or fall. I only know that the two of us will be considered legally bound by a massive and feared agent 2 6 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
of the U.S. government. Further, the policy undermines the Lone Star State in a profound way. Before the Windsor ruling, Texas represented the norm and Mel and I represented a rebel faction. Now our roles are reversed. It’s our marriage that is respected and it’s Texas that appears to rebel against federal law.
EATING CHEESE AND POUTING > Speaking of Mel, she and I took a trip to the Solheim Cup in Parker, Colorado last month, a much anticipated excursion that devolved into a zoo of long lines, long waits, long walks and unnecessary mishaps. We tromped around this lengthy golf course in 95 degree heat at an altitude of God knows how high until we approached cardiac arrest. We had no idea what was happening because there were very few signs. When we arrived at a green, we were quickly displaced by more aggressive fans who blocked
any view of the players. When we splurged on the special bar pavilion, they stopped checking passes so the whole place was overrun and the bar lines were 45 minutes or longer. We had a horrible meal at an expensive French restaurant. The next night, after one too many gin and tonics, Mel and I had one of our rare fights because I could not decide on a restaurant. She suggested I drop her off at the hotel and “go wherever I liked.” We ended up eating cheese and pouting in our hotel room. (At least it was cheaper than the French place.) To top it off, as many of you golf fans are aware, the American team was quickly in the hole and wound up losing by the largest margin in the history of the Solheim Cup. Our car rental was double the expected price. The hotel pool was set at the temperature of the hot tub. And we got continually lost, even after four or five days of driving the same route. That said, there were a lot of lesbians! I love lesbians, but not even our many sisters could save this trip from near disaster. n
Center where he serves on its board of directors. Cassity is being honored with the Ron Gelb Humanitarian Award, named after GLEH’s founding chairman and past chairman of Project Angel Food, Dr. Ronald S. Gelb, who worked tirelessly to advocate for low income senior housing for the LGBT community.
AN IDEAL SOLUTION
RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS HOLLYWOOD FOREVER OWNER, TYLER CASSITY, RECEIVES THE RON GELB HUMANITARIAN AWARD, FOR HIS CONTRIBUTION TO GAY & LESBIAN ELDER HOUSING (GLEH) IN HOLLYWOOD. BY MARK ARIEL GAY & LESBIAN ELDER HOUSING (GLEH) has announced that it will honor Hollywood Forever Cemetery owner Tyler Cassity and philanthropist Alison Baumann, granddaughter to Hugh Roy and Lillie Cranz Cullen of Houston at the 12th annual Garden Party. GLEH’s 12th annual Garden Party is set to take place on Sunday, October 6 at a private ranch and vineyard in Malibu. The afternoon’s celebration will include a silent auction reception and hosted vodka bar by Tito’s Handmade Vodka, gourmet hors d’oeuvres, 2 8 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
buffet lunch, seated program and entertainment. “We are thrilled to honor Alison and Tyler this year and it’s been long overdue,” said Eric Harrison, Executive Director of GLEH. “Had it not been for Alison and Tyler’s visionary and generous Capital Campaign contributions back in 2007, our internationally recognized beacon of hope and acceptance simply would not be.” Cassity recently raised over $50,000 for his AIDS Lifecycle ride, a 7-day bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles to raise money and awareness in the fight against HIV/AIDS that directly benefited the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian
In an interview with THE FIGHT, Cassity, 43, says that when it was first announced, he was immediately inspired to get involved and offer assistance. “The idea for a Gay and Lesbian housing prototype was very compelling to me... Discrimination has followed so many of us throughout each stage of our lives; for the generations that have come before me— the degree of discrimination has been worse. I think the gay and lesbian seniors are suffering in retirement communities and nursing homes across the control— surrounded by many of the same straight peers who have never accepted or respected them.” “GLEH is an ideal solution,” says Cassity, adding that “being able to tour the facility years after its conception was an incredible experience. I think each of us, in our own ways, fear being alone in our later years. AT GLEH, I could see the bonds of community were fostered in a beautiful, caring, respectful environment.”
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT Cassity, in a committed relationship with Mat McCarthy, owner of FilmArtGallery, for the past 16 years, grew up in Missouri in the Ozarks. “My family moved to St. Louis when I was 11. Luckily, I went to a very progressive school where a lot of my teachers were freethinking hippies from the 60s—many were themselves gay. I played football—defensive end—and led my league in sacks. I loved tackling boys,” he reveals.
In 1998, during a visit to Los Angeles, Cassity found out that the Hollywood Memorial Park was bankrupt and was on the public auction block. “... WE TAKE NOTHING “I stopped at Hollywood MATERIAL WITH Cemetery on the way to the airport US—LEAVING BEHIND after I heard of the plight,” says ONLY THE RESONANCE Cassity. “It was love at first sight.” OF OUR ACTIONS, “Although only a 100 years old, THE MEMORIES OF US decades of neglect had left the THAT LIVE ON WITH cemetery feeling centuries older. It THOSE WHO SURVIVE was El Nino—raining constantly—I missed my plane and explored the US. I TRY TO HAVE cemetery for the next week. So POSITIVE ACTIONS. much history—so many stories— I WANT TO LEAVE could be uncovered just by walkGOOD MEMORIES.” ing the 62 acres. One day when I was surveying the grounds, a voice in my head said, ‘You’re the only one who can do this. You’re the only one who wants to do this. So you must do it.’” “I ended up buying the cemetery, 62 acres in the heart of Hollywood, for $375,000,” reveals Cassity. “At the age of 28, armed with an English Literature degree—I became a cemeterian.”
A CHANGING CITY “Hollywood Forever has thrived,” states Cassity. “We have welcomed the wide spectrum of Los Angeles communities into the gates—custom-
GLEH Ad-FIN.indd 1
izing our services and our gardens to meet the needs of a changing city. About half of our clients are Latino. We also serve the Russian, Armenian, and Thai communities—as well as ‘Anglos’ and those with a wish to continue to be part of the story of Hollywood. Our Annual Dia De Los Muertos event has over 30,000 attendees—celebrating and ancient and beloved Hispanic tradition.” “In the beginning, when we were trying to figure out how to pay the water bill, we started hosting screenings of silent movies on our open Fairbanks lawn. Over the years our cultural programming has flourished to include weekly Saturday movie screenings, concerts, as well as ongoing live performances in our renovated Masonic Temple. This Friday, for instance, we will be hosting a fundraiser for the Los Angeles Gay Men’s Chorus—a
screening/sing-a-long of ‘Saturday Night Fever.’”
THE INEVITABLE END “With Hollywood Forever as my daily environment,” reveals Cassity, “I’m constantly reminded of mortality—impermanence—the inevitable end each of us must face. And as the clichés say—we take nothing material with us—leaving behind only the resonance of our actions, the memories of us that live on with those who survive us. I try to have positive actions. I want to leave good memories. I want to avoid bad karma. I hope that my intentions to be compassionate and generous continue to be actualized as long as I am able.” For more info on GLEH’s 12th annual Garden Party please visit: www.gleh.org/gardenparty. For more info on Hollywood Forever go to: www.hollywoodforever.com. n
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Eating Disorders:
THE PATH TO RECOVERY HOW DOES A BRIGHT YOUNG MAN
FROM A LOVING FAMILY FIND HIMSELF IN THE GRASP OF BULIMIA NERVOSA, ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ADDICTION? BY MONIQUE FUNK “I started taking uppers and drinking heavily at age 16. By age 19 I was bulimic. It started with binging and purging once a week, then a couple times a week, then by the time I was 22 I was doing it several times a day. I was constantly going to the emergency room with health problems. My heart and kidneys were beginning to fail and nobody knew why. My parents, the doctors, friends, nobody understood what was wrong with me. I kept expecting, even hoping they would diagnose me so that I could get help without having to say the words, ‘I am a gay man with bulimia.’ But they never did.” “TALKING WITH MATT I’M STRUCK BY HIS VIBRANT ENERGY. One would never suspect that just four years ago Matt weighed less than 100 pounds, suffered paralyzing anxiety, and was near death’s door as a result of his eating disorder,” states Doug Brown, Clinical Director at a New Journey (ANJ) Center for Eating Disorders in Santa Monica, in an interview with THE FIGHT. How does a bright young man from a loving family find himself in the grasp of bulimia nervosa, alcoholism and drug addiction? “It’s important to remember that these behaviors serve a purpose. They show up as a survival mechanism, a life raft to help carry us away from the pain of anxiety, PTSD, internalized homophobia, and a host of other painful issues,” explains Brown. The desire to protect oneself from experiencing these emotions is what makes initial recovery so challenging, says Brown.
SPECIFIC TRIGGERS “Our secrets keep us sick, including the secrets we keep from ourselves. Visiting our inner pain is a terrifying place to 3 0 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
go, but with the right support we can face our greatest fears. I’ve had the honor of watching hundreds of LGBT clients ‘wake up’ when they recognize the link between
their behavior patterns and specific ‘triggers’ in their lives,” reveals Brown. “Triggers can be internal or
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
A NEW JOURNEY
“OUR SECRETS KEEP US SICK, INCLUDING THE SECRETS WE KEEP FROM OURSELVES. VISITING OUR INNER PAIN IS A TERRIFYING PLACE TO GO, BUT WITH THE RIGHT SUPPORT WE CAN FACE OUR GREATEST FEARS.”
HELPING THEIR CLIENTS CONNECT TO THEMSELVES AND TO HEALTHIER COPING MECHANISMS.
external. A trigger can be something we see, smell, feel, sense or hear that evokes a strong emotional response. The response can involve pleasant feelings, such as when we hear a song that reminds us of a happy time in our lives; or can involve difficult feelings, such as when we smell an aroma that reminds us of an abuser or traumatic event. Often we are not even consciously aware of being triggered. Learning how to recognize and cope with triggers in a healthy manner, as opposed to trying to numb them with addictive behaviors, is crucial to the recovery process.”
SENSE OF ISOLATION “Triggers were everywhere and I was in a constant state of turmoil,” reveals Matt. “I used to use sex, drugs and food to numb... When I binged and purged I felt a huge sense of relief from the stress of feeling like a lone gay man in a conservative rural town. But the relief was only temporary, so I had to keep binging and purging to escape. I would sometimes spend hours driving from fast food place to fast food place binging and purging,” says Matt. A sense of isolation is common among people who struggle with eating disorders and addiction. According to Brown feeling isolated and denying ones needs is particularly common among his LGBT clients. “Still, what we are dealing with are human needs, not specifically gay or lesbian needs. A lot of LGBT clients deny their own needs because they exist at the margins of society. My job is to help these clients reconnect with themselves and reclaim their sense of value.”
HELD ACCOUNTABLE Doug Brown was Matt’s therapist at ANJ, and according to Matt integral to his recovery. “Doug was not overly intense, we just talked. He and the team at ANJ were good at structuring things so that I was set up to do what I was supposed to do, and held accountable for it. I was held accountable for the things I needed to do to move forward in my recovery and in my life. Every person is different, so what they do is shape the program around what you need for long term success. ANJ’s aftercare really set me up for recovery. That piece was crucial...having a treatment team and support network that included other gay men who were going through the same thing as me. Everything is much lighter now. Nothing is too heavy.”
A HEALTHY, FULL LIFE Matt has been through a lot, reveals Brown. “He came to us from Rosewood Centers for Eating Disorders where he
spent a month getting sober, being nutritionally restored and medically stabilized. With alcohol he was able to abstain, but with food it was much more challenging. He had to engage with his drug of choice (food) on a daily basis. Matt had a great deal of struggle around his eating disorder, but he really wanted his life to get better, so ultimately he totally surrendered to the process. Now Matt is living a healthy, full life.” Matt’s new life, reveals Brown, includes many of the things that he wanted for so long: a healthy relationship, completing his education, and a growing business. But most of all, Matt has been able to let go of the past and embrace himself fully. n A New Journey (ANJ) Center for Eating Disorders is a treatment center in Santa Monica that specializes in treating men, women and adolescents for eating disorders, co-occurring addictions and underlying issues. For immediate help call A New Journey at 800.634.1733. Their specialists are available 24/7 to listen to your concerns and share information about treatment options designed to fit your life. You can also visit their website for more information at www.anewjourney.net.
> BODY IMAGE ISSUES and eating disorders were once believed to be a uniquely heterosexual, female issue. We now know that this toxic disease impacts people of all genders and sexual identities, including gay men. In the United States alone, there has been a 66% increase in hospital admissions for men with eating disorders in the last decade. Media such as men’s health magazines, dating service advertisements, professional sports players, pornography, and figurines all contribute to the unattainable ideals that cause men to compare their bodies and often feel inferior as a result. This evidence clearly demonstrates that eating disorders in men transcend sexual identity and should not be seen as a “gay” issue. That said, toxic media messages for gay men transcend body type to also include pressure to adhere to gender and sexual identity norms. These messages, which reflect societal mainstream, heterosexual, gender stereotypes, are layered over already unattainable, unrealistic media perpetuated messages regarding ‘the perfect body,’ to make media messages doubly toxic for gay men. Studies indicate that roughly 25% of people who enter treatment for eating disorders also struggle with some form of drug or alcohol addiction. When clients get the chemical addiction under control we often see them turn to another behavior to cope with challenging feelings. That’s when an eating disorder might appear for the first time, or when an eating disorder might reappear. These behaviors are a life raft. In a sense all these addictions and unhealthy behaviors are distractions that allows one to avoid feeling, discovering and facing who they really are. A New Journey (ANJ) in Santa Monica helps their clients connect to themselves and to healthier coping mechanisms. For more information visit www.anewjourney.net or call: 800.634.1733. SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 31
I’M GRATEFUL FOR THE SOBER LIFE I LIVE. I MAY NOT RUN AMOK WITH THE PRETTY SPEEDO PEOPLE, BUT I’VE GOT MY SANITY, MY FAMILY AND I’VE GOT SOME PRETTY COOL FRIENDS; SOBER AND NOT-SO-SOBER. BY PAULO MURILLO THERE WAS NO QUESTION that heads were going to roll in the friendship department when I cashed in the cool chips in return for some continuous sobriety over a good six years ago. It’s not that I have any judgments against the people that I partied with, it’s just that once I removed the bar-hopping, the drinking and the drugging, I realized the party was our only common ground. Everyone was my friend when the club was jumping, but I rarely saw my party friends in the daylight, unless of course we were at a tea dance battling it out in our pretty Speedos and sporting a nasty cock-blocking disposition. Needless to say, I got sober and sort of drifted away from those party friendships that are known in recovery as “lower companions,”—a term I detest, because it smacks of prudence. I have nothing against those past party friends who once held my bangs back while I barfed at Motherload, but alas, I had to get my own house in order without any heated debates, speeches, or dramatic exits. However, not all my friendships were superficial during my drinking daysin fact, I have a lot of close friends today who are not sober, or “normies” 3 2 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
as we like to call those who think they can drink like normal people. These friendships work because I’m not the kind of sober guy who hates on people for getting their drink on, and my non-sober friends recognize that I’m still me—maybe a little calmer but still shirtless and a little twisted despite my lack of a drink. Seeing them get wasted reminds me that I’m not missing much, and they hearing me talk recovery makes them swear I’m the closest they’ll ever get to a 12-step program.
WRECKAGE OF MY PAST We sobers speak a language that normal people do not understand—aka, the language of the heart. You best believe my non-sober friends are up to speed on the recovery lingo. Thanks to me, they understand the difference between a sober
PHOTO BY RICK GALIHER
LANGUAGE OF THE HEART
birthday and a belly button birthday and what it means to be “A friend of Bill,” which is code for a recovering drunk. I also feed them a long list of recovery bumper stickers, such “Let Go, Let God,” “More Will Be Revealed,” “Easy Does It,” “Expect Miracles,” and “Keep it Simple Stupid,” to list some of my faves. Words like “I have a resentment,” “I need to make an amends,” and “that’s the wreckage of my past,” are part of our vernacular whether they like it or not. By now my “normie” friends (using the word “normie” very loosely, mind you) know how we do recovery in the West coast a little differently from the East coast. For example, in the East they insist on saying sober anniversary instead of sober birthday when you accrue years of continuous sobriety-which means you don’t get birthday cake and people rarely clap in the East. However, in the West, we
demand sobriety chips, medallions, cake and we clap with enthusiasm after every person utters a word in a group level, which can either make us look extremely happy ... or we look like a bunch of half-wits (depending on my mood).
IT’S NOT THAT I HAVE ANY JUDGMENTS AGAINST THE PEOPLE THAT I PARTIED WITH, IT’S JUST THAT ONCE I REMOVED THE BAR-HOPPING, THE DRINKING AND THE DRUGGING, I REALIZED THE PARTY WAS OUR ONLY COMMON GROUND.
THE TRUTH ABOUT DIRTY CAKES
Speaking of continuous sobriety and birthday cake ... I have learned a lot of tools in recovery that I try to pass on to my friends, which are tools that can work into the program called life—however, my friends are more interested in the darker side of the sober moon; they’re all ears when it comes to twisted shit like dirty cakes, which is what you get when you lie and accept a cake to celebrate a number of years of continuous sobriety, when in fact you only have a couple of months or a couple of days. Stay sober long enough you’ll see some people re-set their time because they popped that extra pain pill, drank a glass of wine, or they tripped and fell into a baggie of cocaine or crystal meth. I think a dirty cake resonates with my friends the most because it’s hard for them to fathom that anyone could be abstinent from drugs and alcohol for five, ten, or twenty years-continuously. When I was new I would see people get up and blow out ten-plus candles for ten-
plus years, and I’d be like, “That bitch is lying.” And some do lie, but it’s been my experience that people who lie about being sober, can’t stick to their lie for too long. I reckon it’s tough admitting that you slipped, but having people you love and respect present you with a dirty shit cake can’t feel too good. To thine own self be true. Then there’s 13-stepping; in some regions the 13th step is when a person dies clean and sober, which is harmless enough, but most people I know attach the 13th Step to sexual predators who molest newcomers (or someone newly sober), because newcomers don’t know any better. I guess some are sicker than others.
ADDICTED TO THE ATTENTION Recovery is not easy. Stick to it and you see miracles hap-
pen when people count sober days into sober years. I’ve also seen people struggle to stay on the path because addiction is a mean mutherfucker. “Keep coming back,” the bumper sticker reads, but keep coming back doesn’t mean keep going out. It’s like people become addicted to the attention and the applause when they stand up as someone new. I’m like, “Really bitch?” It stops being a relapse when you keep getting high every other week. I reckon no one can rob a person of their journey; live and let live. I’m grateful for the sober life I live. I may not run amok with the pretty speedo people, but I’ve got my sanity, my family and I’ve got some pretty cool friends; sober and not-so-sober. n For more Paulo Murillo commentary, visit thehissfit.com.
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 33
With stylish accommodations and picturesque setting, The Canyon at Peace Park is a premier facility to receive treatment that will change lives.
CANYON AT PEACE PARK
For more info please visit: TheCyn.com.
MICHAEL’S HOUSE
FREE AT LAST! FOUNDATIONS RECOVERY NETWORK: PRESERVING THE DIGNITY OF THEIR CLIENTS WHILE IMPROVING THEIR QUALITY OF LIFE.
Located in the foothills of the majestic San Jacinto Mountains in Palm Springs, Calif., Michael’s House is fully equipped to partner with patients on the journey to recovery. By working with staff specially trained to handle co-occurring disorders, patients take a hands-on approach in the treatment process, which includes 12-step principles, life skills classes and group and individual therapy. Using the Foundations model of integrated treatment, Michael’s House provides a stellar clinical MICHAEL’S HOUSE
BY VICTOR MELAMED FOUNDATIONS RECOVERY NETWORK’S state-of-the-art inpatient treatment facilities across the country are dedicated to treating both the mind and body for all disorders. Their motivational approach, incorporating 12-Step principles, has garnered advancement in recovery rates. Because of these improvements, their program has earned countless awards and honors for effective client-driven outcomes that preserve the dignity of their clients and improve their quality of life.
THE CANYON AT PEACE PARK The Canyon is located in the peaceful Santa Monica Mountains of Malibu, Calif., on a 120 acre campus. With a staff of educated professionals trained to treat co-occurring disorders, clients can expect to receive an individualized treatment program for their unique needs. The Canyon’s specialized treatment programs range from the cuttingedge equine and adventure therapies to the more traditional trauma and group therapies. Upon arrival, client’s treatment programs are developed by a master’s level therapist and will be reviewed weekly by the full clinical team to document progress. Privacy is also an essential factor for the recovery process at The Canyon. Clients can expect a high level of 3 4 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
discretion in addition to personalized attention to their needs. The Canyon believes that for clients to achieve a successful recovery, it is integral for them to take an active role in the process. The medical and therapeutic team as well as the client’s personal therapist will work in conjunction with the client to create and update their treatment plan in accordance with treatment goals. As the client accomplishes their goals, new ones are created and the plan changes.
program designed to address the complete treatment needs of each individual. It also provides a number of recreational and therapeutic activities to enable patients to explore the emotional and spiritual aspects of recovery. Surrounded by a warm, rustic environment and a community of supportive professionals, patients find can find a unique healing experience at Michael’s House. n For more info please visit: MichaelsHouse.com.
The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s Family Services Program Presents
CREATING A FAMILY:
A Half-Day Conference for Prospective Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Parents Thinking about starting a family, but don’t know where to start? Meet experts in the field of LGBTQ family formation, get answers to your questions about the many ways to create a family, and leave with resources that will help guide you on your journey to parenthood. Sunday, October 6, 2013 8:30a.m—2:00p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza 1125 N McCadden Pl Los Angeles, CA 90038
Workshop Topics:
Everything you need to know about the
adoption process Legal issues to consider when starting a family using private adoption Insemination and finding a sperm donor Surrogacy and egg donation: Where do I start? Panel of parents speaking about their experiences growing their families
Conference Schedule: 8:30-9:00 a.m.: Registration & Breakfast 9:00-10:15 a.m.: Workshop Session I 10:15-11:15 a.m.: Panel of Parents 11:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.: Workshop Session II 12:30-1:00 p.m.: Outspoken Generation Panel 1:00-2:00 p.m.: Resource Tabling Fair & Lunch
Sponsored by: The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, Family Equality Council, & The Center Long Beach Media Sponsor: THE FIGHT Magazine
Please RSVP online at www.lagaycenter.org/familyservices under the Creating a Family Half-Day Conference bullet or click HERE. For additional information, contact Kim at: (323) 860-3663 or kwedner@lagaycenter.org.
TRUE LIES
A CHANCE ENCOUNTER IN AN EXOTIC CITY LEADS TO ONE MAN’S LIFETIME OF DECEPTION, GUILT AND REGRET.
0 0 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
BY MARK ARIEL AT THE AGE OF 37, Alan (not his real name), a closeted bisexual man, attempts to come to terms with his “exciting, wonderful, horrible, deceitful, guilt-ridden secret life.” Below are excerpts from our late night conversation. ••• You can get used to anything, really... You justify, in your mind, that this is the best way, the only way—and even though you may have this sneaking suspicion that these lies, this life, this constant, ongoing web of deception is slowly eating away at your soul—you rationalize, manipulate yourself into believing that this path you have chosen is the only path that would have worked for you—if you are absolutely true to yourself. That’s not completely accurate, perhaps, but I have to believe that, because if I don’t, then all this pain, and guilt, and stress, would have been for nothing. ••• The thing is, and you must know this, is that people like to be able to label everything. It’s not that they’re bad, or stupid, or close-minded— it’s just that it makes life easier to navigate. Especially with sexuality, you know, it’s such a fluid kind of thing. I really believe most people are not a pure 1—all heterosexual, and not a complete 10, meaning totally gay. Most people, I guess, are 2 or 3—meaning almost completely straight, or an 8 or a 9, almost completely gay. So when you find yourself in those categories, it’s just easier to say, well, I’m straight, or well, I’m gay. But when you fall right in the middle of that sexuality scale— I KNOW THAT FOR MOST PEOPLE it’s not that easy. IT’S EITHER YOU’RE IN THE CLOSET ••• My first girlfriend, I was OR OUT OF THE CLOSET, BUT THE 16, in boarding school. It TRUTH IS—IF SOMEONE LIKE was co-ed, so we were MYSELF CAN TALK ABOUT THE TRUTH—IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE. all together, except for the dorms, of course. We fell in love, you might say, as much as that is possible when you are in your teens. And I believe I truly loved her. The sex was okay, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the explosions I thought it would be. What I’m saying to you—I didn’t find her body repulsive at all—and there was definitely physical attraction, just not as intense as I thought it would be. But emotionally it was great, and for a teenage couple I think we were a really good match... ••• I always felt safe around girls, and liked the way girls have this nesting thing going on. When you’re together it’s almost an immediate unit. Does that make sense? ... What I mean is—when you live with a woman it immediately feels like home; women make a place feel like home, at least for me. So there was that attraction, a place to call home. Yes, I had fantasies, but I figured that was just a phase. I read somewhere that many straight men have “man crushes” growing up and I thought that was the case with me. I never told anyone because it was private. Why did anyone need to know that? That’s personal. I never talked my friends about sex with my girlfriend either. That’s private. You see what I’m saying, right? ••• It was in Morocco... I was visiting Paris for the summer—I have family in France—and one of my cousins wanted to go to Marrakech to visit friends who were studying there. I always wanted to go so I figured hey why not. I was 21 at the time, not yet married, and I like experiencing new places. So my cousin was spending the day with her friends and I just wandered about the city, in the main market place. It was very intoxicating, exotic,
with all the vendors, and smells and food, everyone yelling to get you to look at their wares, everyone is my friend, come my friend, yes my friend... how can I help you my friend? And in the midst of all that commotion, I feel someone staring at me from down an alley, I wasn’t sure if he was a vendor. A very handsome dark young man, white shirt, black trousers with piercing brown eyes, beautiful full lips, probably no more than 18, 19. He smiled at me I smiled back and he motions for me to come. I walked towards him and he says, let’s go someplace private, my friend. I felt like I was in a trance and said ok and started following him, outside the market to a little side street up to a small wooden door that opens up to a winding courtyard that lead to what looked like some kind of boarding house... we enter his room and just jumped on each other, tearing our clothes off and having the most passionate, intense sex I had ever experienced in my life, up until that point. It was the first time I had been with a guy. ••• That was over fifteen years ago. Between then and now—as you know—I got married, I have two beautiful daughters, a nice home, a good job, the perfect life... In some ways it is the perfect life. I love my wife, she is smart and funny and sensitive and beautiful. I love my girls. I would do anything for them... On some levels I hate myself. I hate that I am deceiving my wife... I hate society’s need to label and judge. I hate that for most people bisexuality is just a phase before full-on gay. Yes, sometimes I wish I could be someone else, but on the other hand I think my life would be kind of dull, not being able to experience another kind of connection. As corny as it sounds—it’s the best and the worst of both worlds. This secret life... This exciting, wonderful, horrible, deceitful, guilt-ridden secret life. •••
It’s not an every day thing, or a once a week thing, or even once a month. It can be months and months of nothing and then everyday for a week. I’m not a sex addict. I only do this when I know for sure that it would not compromise my married life. I usually travel two to three times a year for my job—short trips—no more than ten days to two weeks... ... No, not escorts, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. It’s either men in my situation, or guys who are attracted to married guys. It has to be no-strings attached ... that’s why when I can—I prefer guys who are in my situation, basically—in a relationship with a woman—who are attracted men, as well as women, or at least, in love with their wives. ••• Yes, I guess you could call it that. But I don’t like that phrase, having an affair. To me that is cheating on your wife with another woman. When it’s with men—I feel—it’s just a part of me that my wife cannot relate to, it’s fulfilling a need that is not at all connected to my heterosexual married life... Truth is, we all lie. We lie to protect the ones we love. We lie to ourselves to preserve our sanity... Lying is a necessary, almostinvoluntary practice that keeps the fabric of society from unraveling. Everybody lies. ••• Of course—I am very aware of the fact that when people read what you are going to write about me—they are going to think that I am really a gay man trying to camouflage my orientation... I know that for most people it’s either you’re in the closet or out of the closet, but the truth is—if someone like myself can talk about the truth—it’s not that simple... The world is not black or white to me, it is a rich diversity of colors... it is not an either/or kind of thing. But until society becomes more accepting of bisexuality I guess we will be the last ones out of the closet. n
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 37
THEMONEY
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
Having the right to marry does not always mean it is in our own best interests! Financial planning incorporates retirement planning, disability planning, and estate planning, it is not just the process of stock trading or buying a mutual fund!. More and more gay families have children that need to be considered, and many of us are caring for aging parents. Our families and careers are often structured different than the heterosexual community, oftentimes differing career paths, relationship status and family pressures affect us differently than heterosexuals, we need to understand how to maximize our own benefits given our own personal needs. We will seek comments from our readers each month and a segment where readers can write in for financial advice. n
consider our life circumstances, family structure, goal paths, our tax status and our legal status. Without a holistic approach that addresses all aspects of our lives, we will likely be damaged along the path to our financial goals. Since the creation of the tax code in 1913, same gender families have been disadvantaged in law, and in finance, never mind in society. THE FIGHT Magazine is proud to announce that we will begin a monthly series on how our finances as same gender families are impacted, what we need to do differently in our financial and life planning. We will be presenting a series of articles addressing topics such as managing our finances for our own needs by assessing the individual financial benefits or negatives of marriages, the tax implications of each of our financial decisions and how to incorporate every decision we make into our financial planning.
FINANCIAL PLANNING GIVEN THE RECENT OVERTURNING OF DOMA, CONFUSION REIGNS. BY GRANT GOCHIN l Having won the right to marry and be equal under the law, are we? Are our marriages valid retroactively to our marriage dates in our respective States, or are our marriages only valid under Federal law effective June 26, 2013? The answer is, that depends. The Courts have spoken and President Obama has been a vocal supporter of our equal rights and equal treatment under the law, but as of the publication date of this article, we are far, far from equal. The IRS has yet to issue guidance on filing joint, married returns, so a same gender married couple at this time that has yet to file a 2012 Federal return, do we file as single, or married filing jointly?. Every aspect of our lives has been politicized, and everything we do has a financial consequence. If we file separately today, will we need to refile an amended tax return jointly, and if so, how far back will we need to go? The truth is, in many cases opposite sex married couples have paid higher taxes than same sex couples so determining the optimal path for our families, is a planning process. Financial planning has been vastly encumbered for gay couples that have not had the right to marriage; the death of one spouse meant the taxation of our pensions and retirement accounts differently than heterosexual couples, so, do we go back in time and undo that taxation? Which State residents are entitled to do that? In my Financial Planning practice, it has shown to be a requirement that a holistic approach be taken, our financial planning must 3 8 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
The column will be written by Grant Gochin, a Wealth Advisor and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional at 16200 Ventura Blvd # 415, Encino, CA 91436 Ph: (818) 827-3410. Grant is married (to a man) and he and his husband have one son. Questions and suggestions for future articles should be sent to him at grant.gochin@ raymondjames.com. Securities offered through Raymond James Financial Services, Inc. Member FINRA/ SIPC The Fight Magazine is not affiliated with Raymond James Financial Services, Inc. RJFS does not provide tax advice or tax preparation. You should discuss any tax or legal matters with a qualified professional. Any opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of RJFS or Raymond James. The information has been obtained from sources considered to be reliable, but we do not guarantee that the forgoing material is accurate or complete.
THEFAMILY >> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
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BY ORLY LYONNE l Family Equality Council, the national organization that connects, supports and represents the nation’s three million parents who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) and their six million children, condemned this month a proposed bill in Russia, posted to the Russian Parliament’s website, that would make parents’ sexual orientation a basis for denying custody of their children. The proposed bill would add sexual orientation to other categories for denying custody rights to parents such as alcoholism, drug use, and abuse. “No family should have “No family should have to live to live in fear because in fear because of who they are of who they are or who or who they love,” said Family Equality Council Executive they love.” Director Gabriel Blau. “As we work to gain social and legal equality for families with LGBT parents here in the United States, we stand with our families in Russia. Along with our partners in the International community, we will do what we can to correct this frightening and dangerous situation.” “As I celebrate Rosh Hashanah with my own family, I am humbly reflecting on the kind of world we are creating for our children, and I know we can do better” added Blau. “In the face of such hatred, it’s up to each of us to stand witness to the mistreatment of our families, no matter where they live.” This statement follows reporting by the Washington Post and the Associated Press that the author of the law, Alexei Zhuravlev, stated homosexual “propaganda” had to be banned not only in the public space “but also in the family.” n
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SEP TEMB ER 2013 | THE F I GH T 39
THELAW >> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
FIGHT CLUB BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY, AND SOMETIMES BIG BOUNCER TROUBLE. BY DAVID HAKIMFAR l Los Angeles locals and tourists have a seemingly never ending playground of nightlife choices at their disposal. Maybe your scene is the sweaty dance floors or grittier watering holes of “Boystown” in West Hollywood. Perhaps you favor the celebrity it-spots in Hollywood with all of the hopeful wannabes hanging out on the wrong side of the velvet rope. Maybe you frequent the rock ‘n’ roll haunts of the Sunset Strip. You may instead like the laid back hipster vibe of Echo Park or Silver Lake. Whatever your inclination may be, it’s almost certain that there’s something out there to fill the need. The prevailing common denominators in all of these options are likely people and alcohol. And sometimes the two just don’t mix very well. When inhibitions are lowered in public places where alcohol and sometimes other drugs are consumed, people often say and do things that they wouldn’t normally do. A simple misunderstanding between customers can quickly escalate into a potentially dangerous situation. Overzealous bartenders and bouncers may overreact and eject a patron using excessive bodily force. Frequently these altercations result in one or more victims being injured, sometimes seriously. In fact, in July 2013, a jury awarded a patron of a Los Angeles-area bar $58 million dollars for severe injuries he sustained when an untrained security guard crushed his skull when the man tried to break up an altercation between the establishment’s bartender and his brother. The 4 0 T H E F I GH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
victim suffered permanent brain damage, can no longer speak, and will require medical care and living assistance for the rest of his life. What Does the Law Say? California law requires that nightclub and bar bouncers or other security personnel undergo training and be licensed as Proprietary Private Security Officer (also commonly known as a PSO). This program is administered by the California Bureau of Security and Investigative Services. The training includes subjects such as alcohol service rules, regulations and alcohol service liability, fake ID recognition, conflict resolution, guidelines and regulations regarding the use of force and critical information about what a doorman/bouncer can and can not do when it comes to a citizen’s arrest and when the police should be involved. Quite often, nightclubs fail in providing adequately trained security by not complying with state law.
Despite what many people believe, bartenders, bouncers and nightclub security guards do not have carte blanche to eject patrons using whatever force they choose. A common misunderstanding is that bouncers can physically remove customers from the establishment by always using physical restraint or force. Generally speaking, they do not. The training guidelines state that a security guard should not touch a suspect except when they are protecting a citizen, protecting their employers’ property, person(s), or when necessary to use reasonable force in effecting an arrest. A security guard’s legal powers to arrest are no greater than those of any other private citizen. As far as the law and courts are concerned in California, a bouncer cannot ask someone to leave unless a crime has been committed. If the patron doesn’t comply, they should call the police to have him or her escorted off the premises. This doesn’t necessarily mean that if the employee “guides” the person out the door or places their hands on the person that they are guilty of some crime or can be sued in court for damages, but they have no more right to use physical force than any other citizen does. But if a customer starts a fight or throws a punch at them, they may rightly claim self-defense. If you have been involved in a physical altercation with an employee of a bar or nightclub, you may have legal recourse. Beware, however, that they typically play the self-defense card. In many cases, other employees may back up their claims. If the bouncer or another person caused physical injuries and is found to be at fault, they may be liable for damages. The business may also be sued under what is n for known as premises liability, which they should be insured. David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC, and a member-attorney of Pride Legal. He can be reached at (213) 265-9252.
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 41
THEEVENT
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
PHOTOS BY GOGAYTODAY.COM
OC PRIDE 2013
> The LGBT community and supporters came out to Downtown Santa Ana last month to celebrate OC Pride. The theme this year was “Our Day in the Sun,” and was chosen as a celebration of how far the community has come. In addition to dance music provided by headliners Luciana and Dave Audé, the day included live performances on the Velvet Lounge Main Stage by Eva Universe, Shawnee Sheking and PrimaNelle, all hosted by RuPaul’s “Drag Race All Stars.” n
4 2 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
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SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 43
THECALENDAR >> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
NATALIA KILLS. SEE “OUT ON THE MOUNTAIN,” SEPT. 20.
vard, 10am-8:30pm. For more info: www. westhollywoodbookfair.org. The iconic movie musical “Singin’ In The Rain” will be screened at 7pm on the Park Stage. The screening will be the culmination of several Book Fair events for Debbie Reynolds, one of the film’s stars. Actress, singer, comedienne and dancer Reynolds will first appear at the Park Stage at 5:30pm to discuss her new memoir “Unsinkable.” She will then sign copies of her book at the Book Soup booth beginning at 6:15pm. SATURDAY, OCTOBER 5
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14
WANDA SYKES LIVE Terrace Theater, Long Beach, 8pm. For more info visit: ticketmaster.com. Called “one of the funniest stand-up comics” by her peers and ranking among Entertainment Weekly’s 25 Funniest People in America, openly gay Wanda Sykes’ smart-witted stand up comes to Long Beach for one night only. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 20
UPRIGHT CABARET AT GLEH Triangle Square, 1602 Ivar Avenue, Hollywood. For more info visit: uprightcabaret.com. Every third Friday through Nov. 15, Upright Cabaret comes to Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing. Party past your prime (and maybe your bedtime) as hot recording artists belt the best of Broadway and decades worth of divas-all your gay favorites, aged to perfection. This evening features Laura Dickinson & Jill Burke. OUT ON THE MOUNTAIN Six Flags Magic Mountain, 6pm-1am, for more info: outonthemountain.com/thefight. Six Flags Magic Mountain and DJ Ray Rhodes invite you to Out on the Mountain, the annual GLBT Private Party. Includes a live performance by Natalia Kills. The party is closed to the general public for this special gay and gay-friendly event (no regular tickets or season passes accepted)! All ages. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28
SAN GABRIEL VALLEY PRIDE Memorial Park, Pasadena, 11am to 6pm, free. For more info visit: www.sgvpride.org. Featuring a Classic Car Show, LGBT authors reading/signing, Drag Queen Bingo with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and much more! SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 29
WEST HOLLYWOOD BOOK FAIR West Hollywood Library and West Hollywood Park, 625 N. San Vicente Boule4 4 T H E F IGH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
DELUSION: MASQUE OF MORTALITY Bethany Presbyterian Church, 1629 Griffith Park Blvd. Los Angeles. Runs through Nov. 23. For more info: www.enterdelusion.com. Imagine being a character in a suspense/horror film...connecting with actors in a way never experienced. You move through a transporting world, immersed in the most unique theatrical experience in the history of Los Angeles. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 6
GLEH’S 12TH ANNUAL GARDEN PARTY A private ranch and vineyard in Malibu, (address provided upon registration), for more info: www.gleh.org/gardenparty. Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing (GLEH) honors Hollywood Forever Cemetery owner Tyler Cassity and philanthropist Alison Baumann. The afternoon’s celebration will include a silent auction reception and hosted bar, gourmet hors d’oeuvres, buffet lunch, seated program and entertainment. CREATING A FAMILY The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Pl., Los Angeles, 8:30am-2pm. For more info: www.lagaycenter.org/familyservices. The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s Family Services Program presents a half-day conference for prospective lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer parents. Meet experts in the field of LGBTQ family formation, get answers to your questions about the many ways to create a family, and leave with resources that will help guide you on your journey to parenthood. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 13
AIDS WALK LOS ANGELES West Hollywood. Enter at Melrose Avenue and San Vicente Boulevard, 8:30am. For more info: www.aidswalk.net Since 1985, AIDS Walk Los Angeles has drawn over a half-million participants who have collectively raised nearly $75 million. The event serves as a model of grassroots fundraising and community activism for organizations across the United States.
GROUPS ASIAN/PACIFIC GAYS AND FRIENDS www.apgf.org GAY ASIAN PACIFIC SUPPORT NETWORK www.gapsn.org LOS ANGELES GAY AVIATION CLUB Pilots, Flights Attendants, Mechanics. www.unusualattitudes.info CLUB NUR Gay Middle Eastern. www.clubnur.com GAY MEN’S CHORUS OF LOS ANGELES www.gmcla.org THANK GAYS IT’S FRIDAY STANDUP COMEDY Every Friday, 8:30 p.m. MJ’s Bar, 2810 Hyperion Avenue, Los Angeles. (323) 650-1503 GAY & LESBIAN SALSA Every Monday, 8 p.m. Little Temple Bar, 4519 Santa Monica Blvd., Silverlake, 90029. gaysalsanight@yahoo. com or www.facebook.com/gaysalsanight GAY TRAFFIC SCHOOL Third Tuesday and Wednesday of every month, 6-10 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Los Angeles 90038. 1-800-Gay-4-You or www.laglc.org POP LUCK CLUB Second Sunday of every month, 11 a.m. Locations vary. Los Angeles based organization for Gay Dads, Prospective Dads, and their families. www.popluckclub.org PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, at the Gay & Lesbian Center. RSVP to Dennis@malecare.org or call (323) 860-7340. GREAT AUTOS OF YESTERYEAR The largest LGBT classic car club on the West Coast. www.greatautos.org LOS ANGELES PRIME TIMERS Social group for older mature gay men and admirers. www.laprimetimers.org LOS ANGELES GAY BRIDGE CLUB www.communityvisions.org/IAGLBC LOS ANGELES GAY/LESBIAN SCIENTISTS www.lagls.org LOS ANGELES GAY FOR GOOD Gays making a commitment to volunteer for social welfare and environmental service projects. www.gayforgood.org LOS ANGELES GAY NATURISM California Men Enjoying Naturism. cmen.info BI-OSPHERE P.O.V. Every 2nd Wednesday, 8-9:30 p.m., The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Topic-driven discussion for women and men who identify as, or are exploring bisexuality. MEN’S SPEAKEASY Every Tuesday at 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. Fun, alternative space for gay and bisexual men to meet and make new friends. LGBT BOOK CLUB First Wednesday of each month, 7:30-9:30 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302, M-F between 6-9 p.m. USC LAMBDA LGBT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION alumnigroups.usc.edu/lambda/ LOS ANGELES BLACK PRIDE www.myblackpridela.com GREATER PASADENA AID FUND www.greaterpasadenaaidfund.org POSITIVE IMAGES WORKSHOP Every Monday, from 7-9 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. If you’re looking for
> EMAIL YOUR EVENT OR GROUP TO ways to deal with HIV, the Live Life Better Workshop can help you learn coping skills, build a support system, and work toward your health goals. An RSVP is required. For more information or to reserve your place, call (323) 860-7321. The e-mail contact is positiveimages@lagaycenter.org. TRANSGENDER PERCEPTIONS Every Friday, 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Social networking group offers a safe and welcoming opportunity for people of any age and gender identity to learn from others and to share experiences. GET CENTERED Meditation Class. Every Saturday, 10-11 a.m., $10. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7300. SENIORS SERVICES Ongoing, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7359. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT Ongoing, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd., Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-5806. MPOWERMENT WEEKLY WORKSHOPS Tuesdays and fridays, 6 p.m. APLA, 3550 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 300, Los Angeles. More info: Donta Morrison, tel: (213) 2011561. For young gay men of color—ages 18 thru 24—looking for a safe place to hang out. “Each week offers a great opportunity to vent, laugh, make friends, and simply celebrate who you are.” SUPPORT FOR HIV-POSITIVE WOMEN Second and fourth wednesdays, 7 p.m. The David Geffen Center, 611 south Kingsley Dr., Los Angeles. More info: call Women At Risk at (310) 204-1046. SOCAL SOCIAL CLUB For more info: www.Socalsocialclub.com. Southern California’s social & business network for lgbt professionals. 12 STEP GROUPS
editor@thefightmag.com CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS Saturdays, 9:10-10:10 a.m. DEBTORS ANONYMOUS Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 8:15-9:45 p.m. Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 7-8 p.m. SEXUAL COMPULSIVES ANONYMOUS Mondays, 8-9 p.m. Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. Wednesdays, 8-9 p.m. Thursdays, 8:15-9:15 p.m. Saturdays, 12:15-1:45 p.m. WOMEN’S NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Saturdays, Noon-1 p.m. SPORTS LOS ANGELES LESBIAN SOFTBALL www.lagaysoftball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN TACKLE FOOTBALL www.californiaquakefootball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN RUGBY www.eaglerockrugby.com WOMEN’S SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GOLF www.womensgolf.org/wscga LOS ANGELES LESBIAN POKER www.lalpg.com LOS ANGELES WOMEN ON A ROLL Luncheons, Comedy Nights, and Conversation Groups. www.womenonaroll.com
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 << www.sagala.org
GREAT OUTDOORS The largest gay outdoor recreational organization in Southern California. www. greatoutdoorsla.org GAY AND LESBIAN SIERRANS Camping, Outdoors, Hiking Angeles. www.sierraclub.org
HOLLYWOOD UNITED METHODIST CHURCH hollywoodumc.org, 6817 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90028 HOLY SPIRIT holyspirit-la.org, 4201 West Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90029 UNITED UNIVERSITY CHURCH uniteduniversitychurch.org, 817 West 34th St., Los Angeles, CA 90089
CHEER LA Cheerleading. www.cheerla.org LA ROWING www.larowing.org
DIGNITY CENTER dignitylosangeles.org, 126 South Avenue 64, Los Angeles, CA 90042
DIFFERENT SPOKES Cycling www.differentspokes.com Rides start in various locations in the greater Los Angeles area.
HOPE LUTHERAN CHURCH-HLYWD hopelutheranchurch.net, 6720 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BLADES Ice Hockey. www.bladeshockey.com LOS ANGELES FRONTRUNNERS Running and walking club. www.lafrontrunners.com
IMMANUEL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH immanuelpres.org, 3300 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90010
LOS ANGELES GAY SCUBA CLUB www.barnaclebusters.org
ST. MATTHEW’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stmatthewsnoho.org, 11031 Camarillo St., North Hollywood, CA 91602
LOS ANGELES GAY ROCK CLIMBING www.lalgbtclimbing.com
CHRIST CHAPEL OF THE VALLEY christchapel.com, 11050 Hartsook St., North Hollywood, CA 91601
WEST HOLLYWOOD AQUATICS Swim and Water Polo Teams. www.wh2o.org WORSHIP
LOS ANGELES GAY FLAG FOOTBALL www.laflagfootball.com There’s also lesbian tackle football.
METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH mccla.org, 4953 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027
WEST HOLLYWOOD GAY RUGBY www.larebellion.org
BETH CHAYIM CHADASHIM SYNAGOGUE bcc-la.org, 6090 West Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035
WEST HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN wehopres.org, 7350 W Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046 MOUNT HOLLYWOOD CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH mthollywood.org, 4607 Prospect Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027
WEST HOLLYWOOD SOCCER CLUB Comfortable, supportive environment for learning and playing the world’s most popular game. www.gaysoccer.com
LOS ANGELES GAY RODEO CLUB www.gsgra.org
LOS ANGELES POOL LEAGUE Friendly Billiard teams. www.lapl8ball.com
fccla.org 540, South Commonwealth Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90020
V.O.I.L.A. Volleyball. www.lagayvolleyball.com
ST. PAUL’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stpaulssm.org, 958 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90403 ST. MONICA CATHOLIC COMMUNITY stmonica.net, 725 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA 90403 WEHO CHURCH wehochurch.com, 916 N. Formosa Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90046 ST. VICTOR’S CATHOLIC CHURCH saintvictor.org, 8634 Holloway Dr. West Hollywood, CA 90069
All groups meet at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302 M-F between 6-9 p.m.
GAY & LESBIAN BOWLING LEAGUE www.tavernguildleague.com
KOL AMI REFORM SYNAGOGUE kol-ami.org, 1200 North La Brea Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90038
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Mondays, 6:10-7:10 p.m.
SAGA LA Gay Ski & Snowboard Club.
FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH OF LOS ANGELES
ST. LUKE LUTHERAN stlukelutheran.com, 5312 Comercio Way, Woodland Hills, CA 91364
For Breaking Daily LGBT News Visit
www.thefightmag.com
SEP TEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 45
THEFINALFIGHT
>> SEPTEMBER 2013 <<
THE WAR AT HOME I DON’T WANT TO BE AFRAID. I DON’T WANT TO BE A VICTIM. FOR ME, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. BY ROB SMITH l I just can’t care about Russia right now. I can’t care about the horrific campaign against LGBT people they have right now, and I can’t care about the boycott against the corporate sponsors of the 2014 Winter Olympics or the boycott against Russian products. I can’t care about these things because yet another LGBT person was killed in the city I call home, this time on a block I used to call home. For decades now, young gay people have flocked to New York City because of its reputation as one of the most gay-friendly cities in the world. My city is the city where the modern gay rights movement was birthed at Stonewall. My city is where young gay artists and writers and actors and people with all sorts of dreams come to make their mark on the world. Now, my city is the city that is serving its gay population with murder and hate. On that block on 148th street in West Harlem is where a transgender woman was beaten to death just a few nights ago. That is the same block where I lived during my first three months living in New York. Islan Nettles was a young transgender fashion student who was beaten to death by men yelling homophobic and transphobic slurs after figuring out the woman they were coming on to was, in fact, a transgender woman. She was beaten into a coma right in front of the police station I passed so many times on the way to the subway, and stumbled by on the way back from a night out at the club. That person being beaten to death could’ve very well been me on one of the many occasions I drunkenly locked hands with whomever I was seeing at the time. In case nobody has noticed, this is the second member of our community that has been killed in cold blood this summer, following the shooting of Mark Carson in Greenwich Village in late May. When I see the facebook statuses and the tweets and the same tired Gay Agenda talking heads pontificating about Russia’s violence against LGBT people, I’m angered because they seem to be conveniently forgetting about the war that we’re facing as LGBT people right here in America. Right here in our own backyard. I’m as angered at these deaths as I’ve been at anything else in a long time, and I wonder how many more of us need to die before 4 6 T H E F I GH T | S E P T EM BER 2013
All the bold and brave and beautiful LGBT men and women who stood up at Stonewall… didn’t do so for me or any of us to scurry from place to place looking over our shoulders like scared little faggots. we take a real stand against the violence that is being perpetrated against us in our own country. I feel nothing but sorrow for the lives that have been lost and
nothing but anger and disgust at the people who are making me feel unsafe in my own city. I want to take boxing classes. I want to take self defense courses. I want to get a taser, or pepper spray, or a stun gun, or anything that will make me feel just a little bit safer walking the streets as a gay man in New York City. I notice myself working harder in the gym, packing more muscle onto my already beefy frame just so that anyone looking for an easy target will think twice about looking in my direction. I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to be a victim. For me, enough is enough. All the bold and brave and beautiful LGBT men and women who stood up at Stonewall, fought the Reagan Administration for access to better HIV/AIDS resources, and fought for their rights to serve in the United States Military didn’t do so for me or any of us to scurry from place to place looking over our shoulders like scared little faggots. I’ve had enough of being afraid. Now it’s time to fight. n
TM