THE UNDESIRABLES

BY HEATHER STARK

I've been thinking a lot about personal revolutions and revelations. Those moments I awaken to a truth so profound that I have no choice but to let go of draconian beliefs and set myself free. I have wrestled with beauty culture for decades, a battle many who identify as women unknowingly enter My personal truth: the most revolutionary thing I can do is embody my authentic self by defying society's beauty expectations Whether it is with or without makeup, it is a woman's birthright to define beauty on her or their own terms

The evolution of makeup from Victorian vulgarity to 1980s housewife proper is a revealing historical read Doing so exposes the antiquated beliefs that still cling to us in 2023 The lack of conversation around the origins of beauty culture protects the idea that all women must fit into specific standards. Whereas giving words to oppressive practices oxidizes the cages of expectations. We are breaking free, but not all of us feel secure enough in our own beauty to befree And there is a good reason for it

The ways in which society doled out its beauty expectations that earnest women swallowed is a study of how shame manipulates the psyche. The only commodity our foremothers had was their bodies. What other choice did they have but to acquiesce? A patriarchal culture must ensure its hierarchy of unbalanced power by inventing ways for others to stay powerless This was accomplished by the policing of womanly beauty They conjured up ways for women to occupy their time with unrealistic beauty goals Herding them into believing their power lay in their appearance whilst telling them they lacked allure Women ran in perpetual circles, too busy to challenge man's illusion of control

The swiftness with which Beauty Culture took over the lives of our foremothers is stunning. A quick and accurate cut that went unnoticed until the bleeding of shame was already upon them. Strict expectations came in the form of defunct values passed down in advertisements, books, and pamphlets reminding women of their roles to be man's chosen ones

They melted her with searing humiliation until her self-worth was in small malleable pieces, ready to be manipulated Marriage and family is the reward for pretty girls who meet expectations Making those who dared to hold onto original thought The Spinsters, The Undesirables

Those malleable pieces of self-worth were creased in places not meant to be folded The edges rolled over, forced, and compressed into a shape that no longer resembled a woman's authentic self but, rather, a self now owned by man-led culture. This is evidenced by the manufactured shading around the eye, darkening of lashes, cheeks in peach and pink, and lips a shade of soft plum that won't smear when kissed Only after these faces are covered, pressed, blended, contoured, and glistening at all the right angles were they fit in enough for presentation

It goes deeper than peach and pink expectations Makeup is the manifestation of how culture requires women to fit in The cheeky rogue, and a dewy complexion, signify a pleasant, youthful, and energetic compliance. She is content with her role, silent in her struggles, and at peace with her place behind him. Culture understands the risk that comes with her unmasking. A woman who believes in authenticity topples fragile structures Truth leaks, foundations break, and cages crumble New ways of keeping her makeup-ed and silent were employed Patriarchal constructs are quite slithery, tricking women into becoming the policy enforcers of their own sex Gossip is the weapon used to police the faces and bodies of their own kind

But as the generations roll through time, we find words to condemn the shame that made fitting in desirable As a result, those undesirable women are suddenly the story's heroes But there needs to be more of us willing to step into our own definitions of beauty. We still feel moments of doubt when we are without the armor of makeup. We worry the absence of rosy pink cheeks signifies a lack of energy We want others to notice our long black lashes with a slight curl at the end We grab the tinted gloss "just for a little color "

While there is no shame in applying these modes of beauty enhancement, there is curiosity about the inadequacy we feel when going without Is this dearth the lingering effects of patriarchal beauty control?

Encouraging those who identify as girls and women to embrace beauty on their own terms is the revolution I am here to fight Inclusivity in beauty embraces all. It's the personal revelation that awaits us all. It is the stepping stone leading to our most stunning authentic self, the hero of our stories. The Undesirables win in the end.

Heather Stark is a writer, business owner, public speaker and podcast host Her girl empowerment company, Grace & Grit, helps girls discover their worth and potential through the stories of historical women She is the author of Her Story: A Hilarious and Heartfelt Conversation About Why Beauty Milestones Should Be Options And Not Expectations Her podcast, Stark Conversations, explores feminist topics, highlighting the need for advocacy and social equity She holds a Masters of Education in School Counseling and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. Stark speaks about best practices when raising those who identify as girls and the shame that develops when society expects them to meet unrealistic beauty standards. She has received multiple awards, including the 2018 Girls Scouts

Women of Distinction Award Stark lives on North Padre Island with her family and two energetic dogs