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‘You look hot!’ Mrs W said to me recently Now normally, given my vanity levels, I would have taken this as a compliment However, when it’s followed up with ‘ like a big fat sweaty bag of lard’, I started to wonder if perhaps it wasn’t meant as a compliment The more I thought about it, the more I started to doubt it After a few days of reflection, I finally decided that, no, it wasn’t a compliment But you know what? I don’t care I’m not the one who washes my pants!!! And that cheered me up enormously With that, dear readers, I welcome you to August’s edition of this guff (that’s another pants joke!) I hope you’re all having a lovely summer As I write this, there are 181 days left until Christmas By the time you read this, there will be less than 150 I’ll just let that sink in

Freesat is not the same as Freeview Please do not purchase a Freeview receiver for the reception of UK satellite TV It simply won’t work

For those just entering the world of Freesat, remember that when it asks for a postcode, it is wanting a UK one for the regional BBC One Do not put in your French code postal Any valid UK postcode will do if you don’t have a particular one you wish to use

Sky subscriptions? Yes you can, but technically you shouldn’t However, lots of people do and who can blame them? Any company purporting to be part of Sky and offering subscription cards from locations outside of the UK & Channel Islands are, to the best of my knowledge, not affiliated to Sky Group Ltd However, none of this matters if you have a UK address where you can register the subscription You can use your own address if you still have one, that of a friend or relative (who doesn’t already have a Sky subscription package) or even a third-party company who will ‘front’ the address for you I’m not condoning such action and I do not get involved with it But, should you end up with a Sky box and subscription card, I’m more than happy to install the dish and cabling for you That was a long route to tout for business wasn’t it?

Because I’m on the slightly boring side of dull, I’ve been keeping a track of all the LNBs I’ve replaced this year due to cracked rain covers allowing water ingress Well, the results are interesting (spoiler, they’re really not) The vast majority, in fact 83%, are the LNBs which are specific to Sky mini dishes The stupid ones with the oval necks which don’t fit French dishes As far as I can tell, they are simply not designed for the weather we experience in this part of the world They are also stupid So if you find an installer who wants to use a Sky minidish (they're the elliptical ones, full of holes), tell them no, and ask them to use a proper satellite dish with a 40mm neck universal LNB that’ll last longer than the ones that come with Sky dishes Not sure if I mentioned it, but those ones are stupid And rubbish

Did you know you can set up parental controls on your Freesat box? This can happen as either part of the installation process or at a later date and allows you to set a PIN to watch the TV You can also hide channels from appearing in the TV Guide or Recordings section within the settings menu Simply select ‘Freesat Channels’, then select the channel you wish to hide and press OK to make sure your TV Guide stays family-friendly

Whilst on PIN numbers, please write them down if you set a specific one The standard Freesat PIN is 0000 but if you change this and need to reset the box to factory settings, it’s a pain in the **** if you’ve forgotten it I know a way around this, but I’m not telling

As always, please feel free to get in touch if you would like any further information or would like to discuss your requirements Contact details can be found on the advert Have a great month

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