I SCREAM ON THE BEACH

UNDERRATED HORROR MOVIES PT. 3

Review by Sam Kurd

I Scream On the Beach! is a slasher parody written and directed by Alexander Churchyard and Michael Holiday, with a story by Max Davenport. In the quiet coastal village of Mellow Beach, barmaid Emily (Hannah Paterson) mourns the loss of her father one year ago at Halloween. Though her mother reckons he just abandoned them, Hannah knows the truth: he was murdered. And now, with a gas-masked killer roaming the town, she’s going to find out why.

The film has a unique style in that it’s been downgraded to look like a VHS tape from the 80s. This is achieved perfectly, a retro-style grain added and even tracking lines creeping up the screen at one point. That latter bit gave me a lovely warm feeling as I’m old enough to remember mashing the buttons trying to get those damned lines to disappear. Lovely. There’s also a couple of entertaining trailers, for actual films rather than spoofs, no less (apart from Attack of the Ghost Alligator, more’s the pity) and an ad for that perennial favourite drink brand ‘Beer’.

The video nasty stylings don’t end there. The sound is initially pretty muddy, though thankfully that clears up quickly because the film-makers realise that in 2020 we have the technology to actually hear our films clearly and have got used to it. The dubbing is also intentionally off at times, and while this gets annoying at times it does help sell the illusion. It also plays punchline sometimes,where voices clearly don’t match actors’ expressions, or when two characters kiss with an extremely fake ‘mwah’ sound played over the top. The soundtrack is also gorgeous, with Coeur’s score coming across all Goblin.

The jokes are quite funny, and a lot of the humour is derived from the chatting and chemistry between the actors. Dani Thompson is especially fun in her role as a bitchy wannabe actress, and Rosie Kingston and Ross Howard especially shine as Emily’s best friend Claudine and her boyfriend Bants. The acting is never especially subtle, ranging from hammy to ropey, but that’s part of the charm and the parody. Sadly Hannah Paterson’s performance is too weak to really draw us in and make us feel for the character, though she is endearing in the role. She is at least better than Leigh Trifari as Detective Kinkaid, who feels like she’s been dropped in from a different film and tends to deliver lines as if reading from cue cards. The cast of surrounding weirdos are all great fun, though, especially the spooky nun and her talk of The Beasts. There’s even a great cheesy cameo from Troma’s Uncle Lloydie himself, Lloyd Kaufmann, as a ghost who just about stops short of wearing a sheet and rattling some chains. Delicious. Strangely, apart from the jokes and the film’s stylistic aping of films-gone-by, a large part of the events of the film are played relatively straight. For a lot of the runtime I wondered when we’d get to some good solid slashing in this slasher parody. I found myself thinking of the teenagers from The League of Gentlemen and their disdain for films that don’t have enough killings. ‘This needs more killings,’ I thought – shortly before they began in earnest, with a gruesome decapitation and a glorious head-squishing being the best bloody centrepieces. After spending a little too long setting up its central mystery, the film finally hit its stride and becomes the great video nasty romp it promised.

And then... look, I’m not going to spoil it for you, but there’s a massive twist and a revelation at the climax that sends the film spinning from fun spoof to absolutely silly nonsense. It’s a huge tonal shift, that would have worked a lot better if there’d been more of this kind of silliness throughout. If they’d underplayed the mystery aspect and ramped up the nonsense, then this would have felt like a natural progression. As it is, it just baffles and confuses and leaves the film ending on a bit of a sour note.

That said, it’s still a fun watch, and extremely well-accomplished in the way it harkens back to the days of VHS and cruder, less polished films. Younger viewers will likely be entirely put off, but it’s not a film for them; it’s for folks who pushed those big black cassettes into the video-player’s slot and cursed the last person to rent the film because they hadn’t rewound it.

Dead Score: 7 out of 10

Review by Sam Kurd

interviews the legend sig haig

I was truly honoured to be a guest with Sid Haig at Monsters and Robots in New Jersey, Scare-a-con in New York State, Scare-a-con in New England, and at Mad Monster Party in South Carolina. In South Carolina it was an epic treat to see him marry some horror fans dressed up as Captain Spaulding. Oh yeah, in addition to being an actor he was an ordained minister.

Genoveva: Great meeting with the great Sid Haig today. We are both in Death House, which is a film developed by Gunnar Hansen of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Were you friends with Gunnar Hansen?

Haig: Yes we were friends and had known each other at least ten years. He was a good guy. I am excited about it actually.

Genoveva: Everyone that is anyone in horror seems to be in it: you, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Dee Wallace, Barbara Crampton, Adrienne Barbeau, Bill Oberst Jr,... the list goes on and on. I am honoured to have a cameo.

Haig: And Vernon Wells. Yes everyone is in Death House.

Genoveva: So Sid, I think everyone would be curious to know what your first acting role was and when?

Haig: When I was about 12 years old I played the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.

Genoveva: Very cute.

Haig: That’s how I am. I just do things. I see something and I do it.

Haig: That’s not work. Haha. We did six films together. The director found her working as a secretary and came up to her. He actually talked her into becoming an actress.

Genoveva: Amazing. Here you are; an actor since childhood and Pam Grier had to be convinced to go into acting, and then you ended up in six films together. It’s interesting how everyone gets into acting for different reasons.

Haig: I actually got into acting as a kid because I was growing so fast I had no coordination, so I couldn’t do sports so I got involved in the theatre! Then my parents wanted me to take dance classes. I know ballet, tap, jazz, and more stuff. I have danced in a number of films.

Genoveva: Tell me a bit about how you came to meet Rob Zombie and got cast in House of 1000 Corpses?

Haig: Rob Zombie was a big fan of Jason of Star Command, a TV series that aired 1978-1981 and I scared him in the show. Rob said to himself if I ever make a movie I am putting that guy in it and when he was casting his film he reached out and offered me a role.

Genoveva: What was it like working with Rob Zombie?

Haig: He was great; really laid back and lets you do what you want, gets out of the way, and lets you do your job.

Genoveva: He puts a lot of trust in his actors.

Haig: And that’s how a director should work. You cast the right people and then let them do their job.

Haig: I met Karen Black at the premiere. Unfortunately, we had no scenes together and shot on different days. The clown character has become the role I am most known for. People think it was my first role, but it was probably my 100th. Now all these years later I go to conventions and see people dressed up as Captain Spaulding; with t-shirts, hats, and even tattoos. It’s amazing. There must be 100,000 people with Captain Spaulding tattoos. I go to Spain... they’re there, Germany... they’re there; all over the world.

Genoveva: What was being on set like?

Haig; Well the companion disk for House of 1000 Corpses is called 30 Days in Hell because for 30 days we worked in 103 degree heat. I developed an appreciation for women that waxed. With all the dried blood on my chest and body I was ripping out my body hair every time I took off my shirt. My nipples were hard and painful. It took 45 minutes to brush the crap off my teeth.

Genoveva: What was it like working with Ginger Lynn? I was on her radio show once, about a year ago, and I have to admit you came up when we were discussing our experiences doing sex scenes in films.

Haig: Again, that’s not work. I have the most pre-eminent porn stars of the 1980s riding me like it was the Kentucky Derby. I remember telling Rob Zombie that I have to wear my underwear for this because if I go skin to skin with her it’s going to be a whole different type of movie. Haha. I told Rob I wanted to do something in my sex scene that would piss off every woman watching; leave my socks on during sex. Sex is kind of ridiculous if you think about it. You help another person undress and when it’s over you dress yourself.

Haig: Wow! (pause) Spider Baby. When I was a kid I would wake up Saturday morning and watch Lon Chaney Jr. as the wolf-man, then all of a sudden there I am working with him. For the first couple days I couldn’t even speak. He loosened me up and became my mentor actually. He taught me a lot and gave me some good advice I appreciated at the time. I was a huge fan of Universal Studio Monster Movies and would rush out to see them when they came out. That is my best moment in film and what I’d like to be remembered for.

Yours in Screams, Genoveva Rossi

Twitter: sidhaig1963 Instagram: sidhaigsays IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0354085/