How to train your roommates

It’s much better to say something along the lines of, “Derrick. Clean. Now.”

Whether you’ve known your roommate since birth or are only meeting the guy on move-in day, there is one inevitable outcome: You will hate them by the end of the year (unless you had my roommates, those guys are cool dudes). OK, you probably won’t hate them, but they’ll get annoying really fast.

They’ll refuse to put in earbuds, invite their copy-and-paste friends over, watch TV while you’re working and just act like animals. So, when it comes to setting boundaries and trying to adapt to sharing a living space with new people, there is only one possible solution: You have to train them.

I have listed out several methods — both good and bad — that you can use while dealing with a roommate.

A simple and e ective way to mold your roommate into your image is through positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is as simple as giving your roommates a reward after they’ve done what you’ve commanded. For example, if your roommate nally picks up his stinky socks, give him some Skittles. This treat will make your roommate more likely to repeat the behavior in the future.

According to the Humane Society, when training dogs, it’s crucial to keep your commands short so that they can easily understand what they’re being told. Like dogs, sometimes roommates have di culty understanding complete sentences like, “Hey Derrick, I was just thinking that for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been doing all the cleaning around the dorm, and I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out some.”

When using positive reinforcement on your roommates, be careful when choosing your reward. If you decide to give your roommate a treat like Snickers or beer, you might be turning their freshman 15 into a freshman 50. Sometimes just saying “Good Boy!” will do.

Oh no! You’ve completely run out of treats for your roommate and they’re still a menace, whatever are you to do?

Don’t worry. If your roommate isn’t responding to positive reinforcement, you can always turn to punishment.

No one wants to punish their roommate, but when push comes to shove and your roommate is on the PlayStation ‘til 3 a.m. while you are preparing for the midterm that’ll push your grade from a D to a C, make sure to use a rm hand so you don’t have to teach them the lesson twice.

My favorite method is making things disappear. Maybe your roommate can’t nd their computer mouse, or maybe their essay somehow gets deleted. Who knows how these things happen, but they’ll de nitely make them think twice.

If your roommate requires a more direct approach, try setting your alarm for 6 a.m., 6:05 a.m., 6:10 a.m., 6:15 a.m. and so on until noon. It’ll put a damper on any night plans they might have.

Adam is a junior in LAS.

Scan the QR code to visit our website and read the full story for more methods. Or, if you prefer to listen to your news, we’ve got you covered. Try our new narration feature!