ALove Story - Mother-daughterbond strengthened during difficult times

By Sabrina Bates

Chamara Vaughn describes Feb. 9, 2014, as just a normal day for her and her mother, Vernita Patton. The pair was attending church services when her mom complained of some pain in her arm. Vernita asked the congregation to pray for her. Not long after, Vernita became unresponsive and an ambulance was called to rush her to the hospital.

Vernita had suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, which causes bleeding on the brain. Chamara said that type of stroke can be very deadly and in her mother's situation, everything happened so quickly. Vernita was put into a medical coma and had a trach inserted as well as other surgeries. After 30 days, the medical team brought her out of the coma and she was in a state of full body paralysis. The doctors said the state of paralysis could last a while, but there was no way to know how long it would last.

"The doctors told me she could be like this for a very long time. But they told me that she was aware and could hear us," Chamara recalled. It was three months later when her mother pulled the trach out and not longer after, she started humming.

Vernita had spent her life singing. There was some damage to her vocal cords, but eventually her voice came back to her.

Within eight months, Vernita gained some mobility and was able to get around with a wheelchair. Although her words still get a bit jumbled sometimes, and one side of her body is weaker than the other, Vernita pulled through all of the dismal diagnoses. Nine years later, she lives with her daughter and continues her weekly visits with her church family, as well as her biological family.

Chamara and Vernita spent their lives taking care of others through the family business, Vernita's Love and Care, LLC. Fast-forward to 2023, and all that Vernita had taught her daughter about taking care of others has come into play in their own personal lives.

"I don't have children, but Mom was my baby. She is a miracle in itself and she taught me everything I know about home health and hospice. She took care of me my whole life so I knew I was going to take care of her, without question," Chamara said. When Vernita was released, Chamara set up a hospital bed in her spare bedroom and has been her daily caregiver since.

"It hasn't always been easy. It's labor intensive. But I still have my mom and not everyone can say that. Mom loved taking care of people and thank God I did know how to take care of her," Chamara shared.

She said the daily routines consist of bathing her mom and helping her get dressed. Vernita likes to get out and about. Chamara has a flexible, parttime job that requires her to travel some. It's during those times that her siblings step in and take mom away for the weekend to spend time with family members.

Initially, Chamara took on the bulk of the responsibilities. As a caregiver of a family member, people can sometimes neglect themselves. Eventually, Chamara found some balance, a support system and some time for herself. She said she enjoys listening to Mel Robbins, an internationally-known, inspirational life coach who shares a five-second rule of life. Chamara said she lives by that and her strength in God helps see her through.

"God won't put more on you than you can handle. You have to believe you have a purpose. Find that support system to help you and don't be afraid to ask for help. You can be the best person to take care of someone else if you take care of yourself too," Chamara said. She added that sometimes giving too much can cause a sense of depression and mental health is a priority. She shares resources in her social media page that she feels might help other caregivers in similar situations.

Once she found that healthy balance, she said she and her mother are both happier as a result. Vernita still enjoys her CourtTVand talk-show programs. Her favorite restaurant is Cracker Barrel. She still enjoys getting out and about, but Chamara said it is sometimes challenging to find places that are truly wheelchair accessible. She has found she examines places based on their accessibility, especially in the cases of emergencies. She uses a lightweight wheelchair for travel, while there is a more comfortable, wider chair at home for Vernita. The pharmacy even offers "pill packs" for those who take daily medication. The packs are separated by day and time, making it easy to transport and manage, something she recommends for all caregivers.

Vernita's church family at Ekklesia Ministries in Corinth, picks her up from the house to take her to and from services and all church activities. Chamara praised the love shown to her family by Pastor Jorja Farris and church members.

While Vernita is still able to experience her simple joys in life, Chamara has learned to appreciate her own simple joys as well. She enjoys trips to the nail salon and local hangouts. Some may find her in the park, soaking up the sounds of nature.

"The best way to describe it is when you're on an airplane and they tell you if something happens, put the oxygen mask on yourself first; then try to help others. You can't light a candle at both ends; you'll burn yourself out. Don't neglect yourself. If you have doctor's appointments, go to them. Take care of you so you can be the best version of yourself to take care of someone else. Remember that you are not just a caregiver; you are human and you deserve care and love as well," Chamara said.

"Put love into yourself. I want and need love too," she added.