Feb. 12, 2019 by The Collegiate Times

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February 12, 2019

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WHEN LOVE HURTS: THE WOMEN’S CENTER IS HERE TO HELP YOU

If you or someone you care about is in an abusive relationship, the Women’s Center at Virginia Tech may be able to help. Resources range from advice to counseling.

SAJANEE CHITHRANJAN / COLLEGIATE TIMES

MEG CONNORS social media editor

Oftentimes, love can be a healthy, fulfilling part of life. But sometimes, it can turn dangerous. That’s where the Women’s Center comes in. Founded in 1994, the Women’s Center seeks to help victims of genderbased violence at Virginia Tech. Christine Dennis Smith works as the co-director of the center, specifically overseeing counseling, advocacy services and outreach concerning gender-based violence. “(The mission of the Women’s Center) is to

promote a Virginia Tech community that is safe, equitable and supportive for women and that celebrates their achievements, experiences and diversity,” Dennis Smith said. “And we do that in a lot of different ways.” While a vast majority of patients who use the center’s services are women, the center provides assistance to any individuals who experience gender-based violence. “We see a majority of women that experience gender-based violence, (but) we are seeing more folks that don’t identify as women coming forward.” The Women’s Center sees

patients who are experiencing a range of behaviors, from sexual harassment to sexual assault and rape, to dating violence and stalking, according to Dennis Smith. The occurrence of these behaviors, she said, are comparable for any institution the size of Virginia Tech. According to Dennis Smith, the Women’s Center saw just over 200 students last school year. The number, however, is a reflection of the students coming forward and not necessarily the total number of students who are impacted by gender-based violence. “We certainly know

based on national research as well as climate surveys that the university has put out that a lot more folks are being impacted than are necessarily forward,” Dennis Smith said. “We are also seeing a dramatic increase in the number of people coming forward to the Women’s Center as well as to other university services like Title IX.” Relationship violence Dennis Smith said she feels that relationship violence is a topic that is not widely discussed despite still being prevalent among ABUSE / page 6

Students discuss how disabilities can affect relationships Three students with disabilities describe their experiences in relationships. TAHREEM ALAM

assistant news editor

“I think that everyone, regardless of physical disability, is capable of love and being in romantic relationships, and I feel like sometimes people are not taken seriously or even given a chance,” said Mary Frances Kastelberg, a junior majoring in human development and psychology. While experiences with disabilities differ for each individual, three students agree that their own cases do not and have generally not affected their relationships negatively. Kastelberg has had primary lymphedema in her right leg since she was 12. Born without lymph vessels in her right leg, she has had six surgeries and is careful about performing certain daily activities to ensure her leg does not keep swelling. She also wears a customized

compression stocking every day. “It has not (affected romantic relationships), but as far as confidence goes, it takes a lot of trust for me to take my stocking off in front of people,” Kastelberg said. “I have 21 surgical scars and it looks a little bit different than my other one.” She said that in the sense of romantic and sexual relationships, it can be harder for her to open up, but in general, her disability has not affected her severely. Like Kastelberg, Sarah Gorski and Brady Robshaw, two fifth-year seniors who are majoring in mining engineering, said that their disabilities only somewhat affect their relationships. Gorski, who is diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression, said her friendships have been impacted by her disabilities because they DISABILITY / page 5

Fun Facts and Fake News about Sex

In college, many believe they know everything about it; however, there are plenty of wives’ tales and myths surrounding sex. When you read through the rest of the paper, take note of these pink boxes to learn more fun facts and myth-busters about sex. Can you tell the difference between fact and fiction?

lifestyles

From HokieBirds to love birds: Tech relationships From class to Hokie House to the laundry room, Virginia Tech alumni and students share how they met their significant others. JESSICA BRADY JOHN MCBRIDE editor in chief copy editor

Laundry room love Alicia and Corbin Stone met one fated day in the Ter race View laundry room in 1989, but their love story begins with Alicia’s parents 21 years earlier at the German Club formals. Alicia’s mom was visiting Blacksburg from Texas when she was set up on a

blind date with a cadet, Alicia’s father, in February of 1969. Little did they know that this would lead to a Hokie tradition. After marrying eight months later in October 1968, Alicia’s parents began their lives together at Terrace View. Alicia was born in 1969 and lived there until she was 3 years old. “When I was growing up, my dad brainwashed me to be a Hokie,” Alicia said. Years on down the road,

COURTESY OF ALICIA STONE Corbin and Alicia Stone at Ring Dance in 1991.

LOCKER-ROOM TALK IN WOMEN’S SPORTS Low self-esteem causes unhealthy discussions. page 4

Alicia was back at Terrace View, this time as a student studying accounting in 1989. One day Alicia was doing laundry, and after she put her clothes in the only working dryer, she went out shopping for the day. When she came back for her clothes, she saw Corbin for the first time. With her underwear in hand and laundry on the ground, Corbin was caught. Three months later, Alicia’s roommate invited her to do shots with some friends upstairs. Lo and behold, there was her laundry room love. They’ve been together ever since, marrying in 1991, which was also the year they graduated. Alicia and Corbin have three kids, one of whom, Grayson Stone, is a junior here at Virginia Tech. New phone, who this? Hokie House is a staple in every legally aged Virginia Tech student’s liquid diet. It turns out it’s also a staple in Augusta and Kevin Bowen’s Hokie love story. Augusta, a class of 2013 alum who studied English and

professional writing, and Kevin, a Pamplin student who graduated in 2011, didn’t get it quite right the first time, or the second time for that matter. Kevin and Augusta had a mutual friend in her best friend and roommate, and they were all out together playing a few games of pool at Hokie House. However, they were quickly separated by a girl in their group storming out of the bar, tears streaming down her face from some drama. Overall, it sounds like a normal night downtown. All they had to go on after that were names, but apparently that wasn’t enough for Kevin the second time around. Night number two comes and Augusta is back at it at Hokie House when she sees Kevin at the bar. After talking to him for a minute, it was pretty obvious that he didn’t remember her name. The hint that finally tipped him off was “the Masters,” which is played in Augusta, Georgia. “I guess, maybe, I gave him my number that night,” Augusta said.

OPINION: CASUAL SEX, END OF DATING Hookup culture is toxic, artificial and boring. page 2

The third night kicked off at Champs when Kevin saw Augusta from across that bar and texted her. Augusta replied to the unknown number, “I got a new phone, who is this?” After her response, Kevin found her at the bar and asked about

her new phone, which didn’t exist. After they laughed it off, she beat him in pool and darts, a feat she hasn’t been able to do again. They’ve been together ever since and got married in 2015.

STORIES / page 8

COURTESY OF AUGUSTA BOWEN Augusta and Kevin Bowen, Virginia Tech alumni.

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After Class

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The dating apocalypse is upon us — take cover Romance has died at the hands of a pernicious hookup culture that renders young people apathetic and lost.

You still up?” Truthfully, yes. I’m a night owl — glasses included, feathers and wisdom not so much. It’s a quiet summer night in for me and my roommate, who is curled up on the couch next to me. A sitcom plays in the background, but neither of us is really watching. I break the silence, letting out a derisive snort and muttering, “He can’t be serious.” My roommate looks up. “Is that the guy you’ve been talking to?” “Yep.” “What does he want?” “Guess.” She smirks. “Are you … gonna go over to his place?” “It’s one in the morning.” “Hm.” “I’m pretty sure he’s drunk.” “Yeah...” “Trust me, he’s probably seeing like eight other girls, one of them is bound to come through.” “You don’t have to justify yourself, you know.” And with that, I dismiss his booty call and bid him goodnight, fighting a sudden impulse to chuck my phone out the window. *** Sometime during the hours following my 20th birthday, I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw a spinster in the making. Let’s get her a cat, I thought, that’ll round out the picture nicely. A year later, the sentiment still sticks. I think I’ve been jaded by a string of awkward dates with the types of feckless and lackadaisical boys who drink IPAs and are looking solely for a “hit-it-and-quit-it” type of dynamic. It’s also possible that I’m just bad at dating. However, there is a more plausible explanation: I am trapped in a hookup culture comprising young people who forfeit authenticity and connection for callousness and hypersexuality (the “whateverists,” as one Washington Post columnist has dubbed

our late teens and early 20s are a chance to let our hair down and have some fun. I could argue that casual, perfunctory sex is a rite of passage for a college student. We have, after all, come a long way since the blatant sexism of a bygone era: one of hoop skirts, hot rollers and sock hops. Nobody even uses the term “courting” anymore, and unlike the Wellesley women of “Mona Lisa Smile,” I did not come to college to find a husband — a conviction that is well-deserving of Julia Roberts’ megawatt smile. Newton’s Third Law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I think the same holds true for concepts and ideas: Hookup culture is just as repressive and detrimental as compulsory abstinence. It is a microcosm of everything wrong with the social spheres of college life. And — for all the talk of third-wave feminism and the generally progressive zeitgeist of the digital age — it is hurting women. The rise of this so-called culture is neither liberating nor revolutionary; it is a toxic aggregate of widespread attitudes that can be attributed to persisting biological, psychosocial and institutional constructs. When I started college, I was under the impression that dating around is supposed to be an integral part of the undergraduate experience. After all, most people are at least somewhat aware that college is where they will likely meet their future spouse. From an evolutionary perspective, the whole point of dating is to find someone you can tolerate enough to wed and produce progeny with so you can contribute to the gene pool. As a result, women must grapple with the mounting pressure to reach traditional milestones — like getting married and having children — while working high-powered jobs and maintaining a social

“Everyone wants to know if you’re having sex, who you’re having it with, if you’re in a relationship or just hooking up.

them). My generation — forever continuing its assault on the English language — is more concerned with “catching feelings” than they are venereal disease. Instead, I am surrounded by peers who take a boorish pride in flexing their body count like an overworked muscle. Before going any further, I would like to make one thing clear: There is absolutely nothing wrong with having casual flings, and this is not an attack on people who choose to do so. On the contrary, the point could be made that

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life. But by the time a woman turns 30, her fertility begins to decline. We are in a race against our own biological clock that is steadily ticking away. This catch-22 especially hits home with young women. The trajectory that the modern woman is implicitly expected to follow just isn’t feasible for most: How on earth can we be expected to complete the entirety of our education, become financially stable, emotionally mature — oh, and somehow find the love of our lives — all before the age of 30?

Yes, there is always the option to wait. But older mothers — those who become pregnant at age 35 or higher — are at a much greater risk of producing a baby with Down syndrome and other genetic disorders. Yet most people don’t achieve the financial stability necessary to have children until their mid-30s, and it is even more expensive to raise a child with special needs. These concerns might seem overwrought in the context of hookup culture, but if all the men we meet just want to have sex, our worries are not so outlandish. The scientist in me turns to the basics of human sexuality to explain this phenomenon; in other words, to explain why a friend of mine insists that “guys are a bunch of disgusting, horny fucks.” It’s OK for him to say it, ‘cause he’s a dude. Men reach their sexual peak in their 20s, and women in their 30s, which is why human sexuality is “essentially one giant, missed high-five.” And women are less likely to get off during a casual encounter than are men, which is unsurprising; I have a friend who said her ex-boyfriend believed that girls pee out of their vaginas. Then again, not all women even want children, which presents a dilemma of its own: preventing and dealing with unplanned pregnancy. Hookup culture unfairly targets women in this way, forcing them to deal with the aftermath while permitting men to walk away, unscathed. The advent of emergency contraception like Plan B has definitely helped combat pregnancy scares, but I get the sense that people have started using it as an alternative to birth control. Just the other day, my friend showed me someone’s Snapchat story, featuring an empty Plan B pill pack, captioned: “It be like that sometimes.” I privately wondered whether “it be like that all the time.” The risk of unplanned pregnancy and its consequences is just one of the many obstacles that hookup culture hurls at women. Not only do we have to worry about getting pregnant; women are also more susceptible to STDs and more vulnerable to sexual assault. Worse, the psychosocial stigmas and biases facing women are obtrusive and unyielding. Our sexuality is scrutinized relentlessly: Everyone wants to know if you’re having sex, who you’re having it with and how often, if you’re in a committed relationship or just hooking up. These attitudes perpetuate a lingering double standard between the sexes: If you’re a woman who has a lot of sex with multiple people, you’re a

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PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY AHMED MUSTAFA

Photo illustration of a woman’s bedroom, Feb. 11, 2019. from page 2

slut; if you’re not having sex or aren’t into hooking up, you’re a prude. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Meanwhile, a guy can sleep with 10 girls in one week and no one would bat an eyelash. The pervasiveness and acceptance of hookup culture among college students is, on a larger scale, an institutional problem. For one thing, academics are a challenge. We’re in college to learn, and believe me when I say that professors make sure we understand that school always comes first. For example, I once had a chemistry professor tell us that if we wanted to get an A in the course, we should be completing every single problem in each chapter before the test. That entails doing the mandator y homework assignments, practice homework assignments and problems in the back of each chapter. One chemistry exam can cover up to three chapters of varying length. I’ll let you do the math on that one (here’s a hint: it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours to complete one problem set, depending on the difficulty). Every fall, wide-eyed freshman enter their first

than investing the time and patience needed to build something real. It’s a low risk, high reward venture — and who wouldn’t want that? *** “Hey there, can I get a Corona Light please?” I flash the bartender a smile, which quickly vanishes when I see the bill. I hand over my credit card with a small twinge of regret and leave a tip, silently hating myself: I just paid six dollars for what should be a two dollar beer. A stranger — buzzed hair, button down, borderline blackout — sidles up to the bar and orders a tequila shot. I bet he says “bro” unironically and uses Axe 3 in 1. “Do you have … like … a boyfriend or something?” he slurs. I’m confused. This is the sort of question that typically truncates a conversation, the tongue-in-cheek yet concurrently obvious guy-code for saying, “Why aren’t you interested in me???” It was possibly the worst pick-up line of all time. I turn in my seat to face him head-on. His vacant expression — with the heavily lidded, red-rimmed eyes and lazy smile playing around a mouth that can barely form the words — suggests that he’s approx-

“Hookup culture reflects

a generational dearth of patience, authenticity and the acumen to achieve either.

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college classes, where the professors — after assigning chapters upon chapters of reading — urge them get out of their dorms, and join everything they can. “Go to Gobblerfest,” they say. “Make the most of out of your college experience.” And those freshman, looking at the syllabus they just received, wonder: “How?” Things never really change after that first year — college is all about the hustle. Everything is a competition: how much you study, how little you sleep, how good your grades are. Every day is wake up, go to class, eat, go to class, go to the lab, work out, eat, study, sleep, rinse and repeat. At the end of it all, it’s 1 a.m., and I don’t know where the hell my day went. There’s just never enough time. In relationships, no one wants to make an effort to cultivate something serious anymore, and to be fair, why should they? Hooking up is both quicker and easier

February 12, 2019 PAGE 3

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imately two drinks away from waking up in someone’s yard the next morning. “Um … it’s complicated.” Wrong. The cor rect answer is a definitive and resounding “No” — my relationship status is as uncomplicated as my drink order. “Ah, so I should fuck off then.” It sounds like a question. “Yeah, you should.” Tequila Guy downs his shooter, sucks on a lime and dutifully departs with a smirk. I return to my own drink, which I have been nursing for the past 20 minutes. The night is cold and the beer now warm. Another swig — this one gets me a mouthful of shredded lime, whatever is left of the wedge I managed to coax into the bottle. Gross. My friend, who is sitting next to me at the bar, seems too absorbed in the extravagant plate of nachos in front of her to have noticed that little exchange (I hope). She drains her glass of

vodka cran and looks at me expectantly. “You’re gonna finish that beer, right?” “Of course I am.” Next stop: Hokie House for one last drink, then homeward bound. *** I have one of those unfortunate “looks” that makes anger difficult to hide. A single stab of irritation, however small, seeps into every harsh contour of my face, like a slow-acting venom. Luckily, almost every poison has an antidote. So, I tilt my head and toss my curls and plaster on my prettiest smile like the nice girl I am, brimming with “Yes, please’s” and “No, thank you’s” and, my personal favorite, “Oh, you’re totally fine, don’t worry about it!” *** “Oh my God, it’s him.” I feel the blood slowly draining from my face. My friend turns around as discreetly as she can, but she knows who it is before she even lays eyes on him. “Let’s leave,” she says immediately. “This can’t end well.” “But we just got here,” I remind her, raising the glass of Blue Moon (still full) that she had brought me. “Don’t you want me to get your money’s worth?” “Fine,” she says. “Hurry up and finish it, I’m going to get water.” She’s one of those water aficionados. It’s her Advil, her cure-all. Whether she’s had a beer, a bottle of wine or half a handle of pineapple Amsterdam, she’s a firm believer in its magical powers. I have my doubts. I dutifully sip my beer as she vanishes into the throng of bodies, weaving around the pool tables and jukebox to get to the bar. We’re at Hokie House, the air thick with tobacco smoke and the stench of impending bad decisions. I lean against the wall next to one of the pool tables, waiting for her to return. And as I’m standing there, he and his friends leave the shuffleboard table and start heading in my direction. He’s about to walk directly into me in about five steps. I stand rooted to my spot by the wall, quaking inside. After what seems like an eternity, he sees me and smiles. Whatever color had drained from my face comes flooding back immediately. He pulls me into a one armed hug, and as he does so, I can’t help but hear him say, over and over: “Sorry, I’m not really looking for any kind of a relationship right now.” The two other guys he’s with introduce themselves

to me and my friend, who shoots me a furtive look, which I return with an imperceptible shake of my head. We exchange pleasantries, inquiring about finals and winter break plans. He and his friends are planning a bar crawl of sorts. “You two wanna come with?” My friend and I glance at each other, both apprehensive. “Uh … yeah, sure. We’ll come,” I say, not knowing what I was getting myself into. We decide on Sharkey’s and Champs before ending the night at TOTS. Just then, a girl saunters up to our little group — to him, really — by the pool tables. She’s taller than me, leggier and just in general “more.” I’m Lizzie Bennet, she’s Lois Lane. All of a sudden I am acutely aware of my outfit: a Christmas sweater and peacoat over jeans and riding boots. Prim, proper and completely un-sexy. I mentally chide myself for not wearing something a little more revealing; then I remember that I wouldn’t fill it out, anyway. And why the hell did I decide to wear my glasses tonight? They’re talking and he’s laughing and I don’t know where to look. She’s got her hands all over him like poison ivy, but he seems to welcome the itch. I raise my glass to my lips, wishing I had ordered something stronger. “I think there’s something going on between them,” my friend says, as if she were Columbus “discovering” America. “No shit.” The girl disappears with her friends, and the rest of us start our crawl. *** TOTS, for once, is not packed tonight. No cover charge, either. I know it’s just two dollars, but if you think about it, that can get you a meal at Taco Bell. There he is, lounging on a barstool, drinking a rail that he definitely doesn’t need. We’re talking and his arm reaches for my waist, pulling me closer — his signature move. Now, standing just a few inches away from him, I see his mouth curve into a smile. In retrospect, maybe he felt happy to be with me in that moment, but more likely, he was hammered and I was just another pretty face. The moment is so intimate that I barely notice my friend tap my shoulder. “Hey, I’m really tired,” she says pointedly, eyeing the two of us. “It’s okay, you can go home,” I tell her.

“You sure?” “Yeah,” I reassure her. “I’ll be back soon … get some rest.” She deposits her empty cup at the bar and leaves. Then I realize — the guys are gone, too. It’s just me and him. I am now standing close enough to notice his bloodshot eyes and slightly dazed expression; he’s drunker than I thought. I wonder how exactly he plans to get home. Just as I pull out my phone to call him an Uber — I’m sober enough to walk — the girl from Hokie House appears. “Oh, don’t worry,” she sneers, putting a hand in my face, “I’ve been fucking him for the past five months.” For the second time that night, I feel myself blanch. I shoot him a look; he won’t meet my gaze. He looks angry, embarrassed and — could it be? — a little hurt. He puts his face in his hands, mumbling, “This is so fucked up.” “Congratulations,” I tell her firmly. “We’re leaving.” I take his elbow and guide him out of TOTS, down the stairs and onto College Avenue. Before I can stop them, before I even know they’re coming, the tears spill from my eyes and slide down my face — thick, fast and hot. A quiet sob escapes my throat. And all I can think is this: He had left me for the girl with the skintight jeans and “do me” eyes. Idiot girl, snarls the voice of reason in my head. He didn’t leave you, not really; he was never yours — nor was he ever going to be yours — no matter how much he pretended otherwise. I didn’t know it was possible for such a sweet guy to leave behind such a bitter aftertaste. Hindsight is 20/20, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my suspicions. Look — I’m a writer. We are brooding, sensitive creatures who love a good story and love to hate cliches, no matter how pertinent. Here’s one: If a guy seems too good to be true, he probably is. I learned that the hard way. At this point, he is barely able to walk. Remnants of the past week’s snow, now iced over, coat the sidewalks.

As we approach a lampost, he seems to fall in slow motion, landing facedown in a mound of snow at the base of a tree. I cry harder. I have no idea what’s come over me; I’m equal parts drunk, upset and more than a little alarmed. “Come on, just get up,” I plead. “Your Uber is almost here … let’s just go home.” Then, somehow, he manages to stand. He looks down at me, now barely coherent, his gray-green eyes rimmed heavily with red. “I’m sorry … I … I have to go back to her.” In that moment, I realize I need to get the hell away from him and everything he represents; this hookup culture that I can’t seem to escape. And so, I turn on my heel and run — all the way back to the warmth and comfort of my apartment, even if it’s just for a short while. I’m just grateful that he won’t remember any of this in the morning. *** It feels as though we have entered the age of a so-called “dating apocalypse.” They say chivalry is dead; it seems that plain old decency has perished with it. Hookup culture reflects a generational dearth of patience, authenticity and the acumen to achieve either. We Gen-Z-ers are restless yet reticent, craving instant gratification with the click of mouse, the blink of an eye or a right swipe on Tinder. We want change, and we want it now, sweeping the streets with our political malcontent in the thousands. Simply put, no one is willing to wait for anything (or anyone) anymore. I refuse to settle. I want to feel a spark; even the smallest flicker of a flame would suffice. Maybe it’s all just a vicious cycle, rinse and repeat. But maybe, just maybe, change is on the horizon.

NEHA OGALE • opinions editor • junior, psychology and neuroscience

MYTH: You can use a condom more than once, as long as it has been washed properly

This is wildly incorrect. Please, do not do this. Though it seems like common sense, many will wash and reuse condoms to save a bit of cash and be more eco-friendly. Reusing condoms increases the chance that the condom will break, which diminishes the intent of the condom in the first place: to prevent pregnancy. Additionally, doubling up on condoms does not serve as “double protection.” Yes, some people do this. It actually just increases the chances of the condom breaking.

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ALEX NAGELI / COLLEGIATE TIMES

The Virginia Tech volleyball team’s locker room, Jan. 30, 2019.

Women’s ‘locker-room talk’ due to low self-esteem Social, academic and athletic pressures cause self-deprecating comments that compose women’s locker-room talk. ASHLEY LONG managing editor

Locker-room as an adjective is described by Merriam-Webster as “of, relating to, or suitable for use in a locker room, especially of a coarse or sexual nature (locker-room talk).” However, when locker-room talk comes up in conversation, most people think about it in the context of men’s sports, and society has given them reason to do so. In October 2016, The Washington Post obtained audio footage of President D on a ld Tr u m p and former Access Hollywood employee Billy Bush engaging in a controversial discussion. Trump and Bush can be heard on the tape talking about groping women and how easy it is to do it when you’re famous. Once the tape was released, the number of discussions about locker-room talk went on the rise. At a presidential debate two days after the audio was released, Trump apologized for his remarks. “This was locker room talk. I am not proud of it,” he said. Just within this past year, former linebacker for the San Diego Chargers, Colton Underwood, became a contestant on the ABC series “The Bachelorette,” on which he detailed conversations he had in the locker room and how they affected his life. “There was a lot of open dialogue in the athletic community, and to be different in the locker room is something I never wanted to be,” Underwood said in a clip from an episode of “The Bachelorette.” “I made up a lot of lies just to fit in, and it really threw me for a loop.” W h ile Under wood’s remarks differed in context

from President Trump’s, the fact still remains that celebrities were publicly classifying “locker-room talk” as crude and oftentimes sexually pressurizing discussions by groups of men. What many fail to consider is how “locker-room talk” presents itself in the locker rooms of women’s sports teams. Rather than locker-room talk having sexual undertones as it often does in men’s locker rooms, discussions in women’s locker rooms seems to revolve more around self-confidence issues. In a post on her blog, Kelly Jones, a registered dietitian and board certified specialist in sports dietetics, reveals statements she had heard women say in locker rooms, including “I wish I could be as skinny as her,” and “I need to wire my mouth shut.” Statements like these characterize just how much of an effect competition can have on self-confidence. Although certainly not all conversations in the locker room stem from self-esteem issues, there is evidence that it is the cause of more remarks than many may recognize. Jill Wilson, head coach of the women’s volleyball team at Virginia Tech spoke to the dynamic of the team both on and off the court. “Our players, even outside of practices, outside of weight lifting sessions, outside of the academic center, the training room, not only do they hang out together, but they all live together. So, it’s pretty much a 24/7 relationship that they have,” Wilson said. The team consists of members from each grade, and while each player forms friendships with different

people throughout her four years, being constantly surrounded by athletes with the same goals can cause conflict. “What I like to say about the locker-room stuff is, it’s never perfect, but I think as long as you’re working towards making it a more productive locker room environment, we all have our moments,” Wilson said. “What we’re trying to teach our players is, you don’t have to be perfect, but more and more when we have those teammates have those moments, how are we helping them? How are we empowering them to be better the next day?” One of the hardest jobs for the coaches of female teams

on a competitive team, assistant coach for the women’s basketball team Britney Anderson believes that a lack of trust between teammates only makes the issue of locker room talk on college campuses a bigger problem. “I think it can become a more serious issue if there’s not trust in the locker room. So, things being recorded because of Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and then leaking or being put out there, I think kind of teeters that line,” Anderson said. “Are there things that are said in the locker room that will never be repeated? Absolutely.” Anderson also has the unique opportunity of

clinical side and just helping our student athletes deal with the kinds of problems any college student experiences,” Bennett said. “Stress, depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and you add a layer under that of the demands of being a student athlete. They have really stressful lives.” While all student athletes undoubtedly feel stress at one point or another, being a woman on a team impacts self-esteem in a different way than it affects males. Bennett believes this is due to society’s way of treating males versus females. “In general, I think there’s more comparison that goes on maybe with females than males,” Bennett said.

“Stress, depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and you add a layer under that of the demands of being a student athlete. They have really stressful lives.

”

Gary Bennett licensed clinical psychologist is navigating how to build up players’ confidence. “In society today, young women are still trying to overcome stereotypes, and our players are no different. We talk about it all the time … but it has impacted them and it’s hard to overcome that over 18 years of hearing those stereotypes or feeling a certain way.” Wilson believes that the environments the players grew up in also have big impacts on their abilities to comprehend and manage pressure and stressful situations. In addition to differing environments affecting players’ abilities to handle the potential academic, athletic and social pressures that come with being

ANTHONY WU / COLLEGIATE TIMES The Hokies walk off the court as they defeat the Highlanders 55–44, Dec. 4, 2018.

knowing what it’s like to be a player on a team as well as a coach. She played on the women’s basketball team at Virginia Tech from 2003 to 2007 and returned as an assistant coach in June 2015. “On the court, there’s just the competition of you want to play more, you have to beat people out for a spot. I think it’s a competitive nature. As far as it being pressure … I think you put pressure on yourself from an individual standpoint,” Anderson said. The pressure that these student athletes feel can manifest itself not only in performance issues on the court, but in players’ personal lives. Licensed clinical psychologist Gary Bennett works at Virginia Tech as a sports psychologist and works with individual players as well as whole teams in order to strengthen their athletic performance and address any issues. “Some people hear sports psychology and they think strictly about the performance aspect of psychology, just helping people develop the mental skills to improve their performance. Our jobs here are more on the

“If somebody doesn’t feel good about the way they look, the way they perform, then being in a locker room with people they feel maybe inferior in some ways to certainly can impact your self-esteem.” When treating student athletes for self-esteem and stress-related issues, one tactic Bennett uses is feminist therapy, which focuses on how stereotyping and biases affect people and often draws on how issues in society could contribute to the challenges individuals who are discriminated against face. “I really just in general try to empower the student athletes that I work with and the whole empowerment thing has its roots in feminism,” Bennett said. A lt h o ug h B e n n e t t, Wilson and Anderson each emphasize that each athlete is different, Bennett sees cognitive-behavioral therapy used most often to treat self-esteem issues. Cognitive-behavioral therapy involves identifying any irrational thoughts that may be causing feelings of lowered self-esteem, rationalizing those thoughts and

moving past them. H owe ve r, Bennett believes that this type of therapy is not always effective, as human nature makes it very difficult for people to control the thoughts that the brain is wired to constantly produce. “I really try to focus more on accepting what’s going on, letting those thoughts come and go, but focusing more on values and aligning our behavior with what’s important to us instead of what random thought just popped in my head,” Bennett said. “It works really well with athletics because most of our athletes have a value around their role as an athlete.” The amount of time players spend on and off the court with each other can range to anywhere from eight hours a day to 24. While the players form strong bonds with each other, self- and team-inflicted pressures take large hits to women’s self-esteem to the point where therapy may be required. The self-deprecating comments that are made in women’s locker rooms may not be of a sexual or vulgar nature, but they remain manifestations of destructive thoughts. In terms of how society could solve the issue of locker-room talk and combat any damaging messages that are being communicated, Wilson believes the best strategy is honesty. “I think a lot of it is really being open and talking about it. I think a lot of times a player goes to practice and that’s the end of the discussion,” Wilson said. “There’s no discussion of, ‘how are we talking in the locker room?’” “I think the standard message to all of (the players) is that, OK, you’re going to have to work hard. You’re going to have to be the hardest worker,” Wilson said. “You’re going to have to empower your teammates the most, and then you’re going to be able to do whatever you want. Not just ‘you can do whatever you want.’ Let’s earn it.” @AshleyEL26

FACT: You can contract HIV or an STI through a tattoo or piercing While the grand majority of tattoo and piercing parlors are safe and are legally required to sterilize their equipment, there are certain instances where getting a tattoo could be physically risky. Tattoo parties are events where participants are looking to receive inexpensive tattoos, usually taking place in someone’s basement with a home tattoo kit and no licensing. Due to the lack of licensing and proper sterilization, participants are at a large risk for contracting HIV or a skin infection through a tattoo needle.

EMMA CHAN / COLLEGIATE TIMES

editor@collegiatetimes.com

February 12, 2019 PAGE 5

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DISABILITY: Kastelberg advises ‘don’t assume or judge’ from page 1

influence how she interacts with other people. For example, Gorski said that her depression can make her want to hide away in a corner and that her ADHD makes her more distractible and energetic than most people. “It can be really hard to make friends and kind of explain, ‘Oh, why is Sarah way more energetic at night or more rambly,’ because my medications have worn off and there’s a difference between medicated Sarah and non-medicated Sarah,” Gorski said. She recalled a time this past summer when she was having a conversation with someone from work who had

described a short-term relationship near the end of her freshman year of college in which she now realizes that she was more withdrawn than her partner. “I didn’t know how to act,” Gorski said. “So, that made it challenging for me to really connect with him and (to) be able to have a relationship with that connection is really important.” However, Gorski said she doesn’t believe that her disabilities primarily affect how others connect with her, because she typically does not open up about them unless she fully trusts them. With the most common depictions of ADHD being characters saying “Oh look, a squirrel,” and knowing students use ADHD medications more

“Whenever (anxiety)

starts interfering with your daily life is when you should really start to think about seeing a doctor first.

”

Sarah Gorski fifth-year senior, mining engineering

asked if she had any plans for the weekend, and she had a panic attack later that night because she remembered that she hadn’t asked him if he had any weekend plans. “(This) isn’t really a make or break thing if you can think about it logically, but in that state, I wasn’t able to, and so it can really throw me off sometimes,” Gorski said. “It seems logical, but it really isn’t.” In another example, she

for study aids or recreational drugs, Gorski said she doesn’t volunteer any information unless asked because of the tendency people have to make light of something that she has been struggling with for a long time. “It’s very difficult in college,” Gorski said. “I can’t pull all-nighters. I’d be the least efficient person ever. And as an engineer, I just can’t stand low efficiency. I’ve had

to really learn how to manage my time and how I learn and how I study in a way that most of my peers never have had to think about.” Gorski noted that in college, anxiety can be a really big thing that people don’t realize they have because everyone assumes it’s the average college stress. “It shouldn’t have been so easy for people to go, ‘Oh, you’re in college. Of course you’re stressed,’” Gorski said. “Whenever it starts interfering with your daily life is when you should really start to think about seeing a doctor first. You don’t realize it’s interfering with your life until it already really interfered with your life.” Brady Robshaw expressed similar sentiments when he said that people tend to underestimate the severity that his disability can sometimes reach. Although, Robshaw said being dyslexic hasn’t seriously impacted his relationship with his girlfriend, Claudia, who he has been with for four-and-a-half years. But, there are many little things that the two go through. For starters, Robshaw and his girlfriend, who was also his high school sweetheart, have been in a long-distance relationship for the entirety of their college years, but text and call each other daily. “My spelling is about the level of a second-grader,” Robshaw said. “It’s just a lot of her learning how to read my spelling, and at this point now because we text every single day, she’s probably the best person in the world at reading my spelling.”

study break

Additionally, he said dyslexia affected some of his behavioral aspects. Dyslexia is a specific learning disability with very broad categories, or has lots of different “flavors.” His particular kind of dyslexia makes him better at math, but spelling and time-telling are difficult for him. “I don’t have a sense of time,” Robshaw said. “It took probably two years to remember her birthday. She wanted me to learn it because we had been together for a while at this point and it’s an important thing to know, so she just ... told me her birthday probably every day for four months. Now I still get it wrong sometimes, but I know it’s the third day of the first month, and that’s how I have to remember it.” He made it clear that it is not patience that he needed from others, but the willingness from people to switch their techniques when they talk to him. “It’s just knowing that describing certain things fit in this special category for me,” Robshaw said. Robshaw said that one misconception people tend to have with dyslexia is assuming that it only makes spelling difficult and, for some reason, makes people see things backwards. “I look at words and I see it backwards,” Robshaw said. “And I’m like, well I’d just learn how to read them backwards if I did see it backwards.” He said his own dyslexia has more to do with phonemes. Underestimating the severity of dyslexia was an issue, but

Edited by Rich Norris and Joyce Lewis

ACROSS 1 Enjoys Breckenridge, say 5 Cries out loud 9 “If I Had a Hammer” singer Lopez 14 In the past 15 Geometry calculation 16 Pay by mail 17 Metered work, usually 18 Duck that lends its name to a color 19 Word from the wise 20 100-mile-an-hour fastball, often 23 Vent opening? 24 Stein filler 25 Classy neckwear 33 Total confusion 34 Made public 35 Summer Games org. 36 Admission of fault 37 Less clumsy 38 Back up a step, as in an app 39 “__ is me!” 40 For all to hear 41 Good feature 42 Bike storage bags, e.g. 45 Partner of to 46 22.5 deg. 47 What a plus sign indicates on a golf match scoreboard 55 Pick up gradually 56 Crafted, as a tale 57 Keep for later 58 Wonderland cake message 59 Morales of “NYPD Blue” 60 Express line unit 61 Jacket material 62 Bakery product 63 Fiddling emperor DOWN 1 Soaks (up) 2 Wood imperfection 3 Cake finisher

2/12/19

By Roland Huget

4 Part-time players 5 Glossy fabric 6 Layered Nabisco treat 7 Belle’s counterpart 8 Basic food preservative 9 Was behind in the match 10 Herbal brew 11 Apple since 1998 12 Soon to happen 13 Suffix with urban 21 Songwriter Kristofferson 22 School research assignment 25 Slap the puck toward the goal 26 Get to the point? 27 Cameroon neighbor 28 Prepare for a bodybuilding competition 29 Middle Corleone brother 30 Salon procedure 31 Rich ore deposits 32 Many a clan member

Previous Puzzle Solved Monday’s Puzzle Solved

overall his disability barely affects his relationship. Mary Frances Kastelberg said that luckily for her, her condition isn’t something that inhibits many aspects of her life, but had she not been blessed with the opportunities to have all of the surgeries, she could easily be in a wheelchair with a huge leg, something that people would notice first of her. Furthermore, she said this would be like a “hindrance to allow people to get close to you because when people see something that they are not used to or that they don’t recognize, they’re afraid to reach out.” The biggest thing she advises people to do is to ask questions and don’t assume or

judge. She continued, “make yourself knowledgeable, and you’ll find out that people aren’t so different from you after all.” “I’ve been taken to many different places and met a lot of people,” Kastelberg said. “And I think that the people who really recognized the strength it took and how many obstacles I have overcome just physically, then that gave me the confidence to be like, ‘if I’ve come this far, what can stop me at this point?’”

@Tahreem304

Today’s Birthday (02/12/19). Thrive this year with help from your friends.

Organization provides stability and strength. Things could get chaotic at home. Summer amps up your physical efforts, before a change in plans. Winter introspection motivates a switch with health and work. Your team is your greatest inspiration.

FOR RELEASE FEBRUARY 12, 2019

Los Angeles Times Daily Crossword Puzzle

ROBERTO RAMOS-DIAZ / COLLEGIATE TIMES

Valentine’s Day H

M M A

Q G

O C

M V

O F

W H

Q M M M

W Z

O X

M A

O E

Q L

O L

Q V

O A

Q Q

O L

O M U

Q N

O D

M N

Q E

O C

O O V

W D

O Y

Q Y

W K

O X

O O V

W F

W D

G B

Love Kiss Flowers Chocolate

Romance Date Heart Red

Candy Bear Dinner Cupid

Brewster Rockit: Space Guy! by Tim Rickard

33 Farm moms 37 “Take __ at this!” 38 Signals the arrival of, as a new era 40 Dressed like a chef 41 Embarrassing spots 43 Typical chalet 44 Launch, as a new product

2/12/19

47 Side with a sandwich 48 Head of Haiti 49 Vessel with a spout 50 Ho-hum 51 Avocado shape 52 Canapé spread 53 Say with certainty 54 San __, Italy 55 “__ it?”: “Comprende?”

xkcd by Randall Munroe

xkcd.com

PAGE 6 February 12, 2019

editor@collegiatetimes.com

collegiatetimes.com

ABUSE: Women’s Center helps victims fight self-blame from page 1

college students. “We talk a little bit less about relationship violence with

college students and don’t necessarily realize the level of relationship violence that sometimes folks are experiencing, and that there’s ways to also be active bystanders

when we see folks that may be in abusive relationship,” Dennis Smith said. When helping students who are experiencing abuse, the Women’s Center first

ETHAN CANDELARIO / COLLEGIATE TIMES Portrait of Christine Dennis Smith, Feb. 5, 2019.

evaluates what the individual needs. “First we’re going to want to know where they are, and what they need and want. And then we’re going to go from there … Our role whenever we work with someone is not necessarily so much to give advice but to help people, empower people to do what they need to do to take care of themselves and to then be successful students at Virginia Tech.” Eliminating victims’ guilt is an essential step in the recovery process, Dennis Smith said. “One of the things that we hear a lot about is folks that have been in abusive relationships or assaulted is there is a lot of self-blame, and there’s a lot of guilt and shame. And so part of it is also helping folks recognize that things are not their fault ... because it’s often really hard to see when you’re in a relationship, and that’s part of the abuse.”

How do I help someone experiencing relationship violence? Even if you are not personally experiencing abuse, there is a lot that students can do if they suspect that someone they care about is experiencing abuse. But Dennis Smith cautions to be careful with the advice that you give to victims, as it may actually put someone more at risk. “I also think people who haven’t been in an abusive relationship don’t necessarily fully understand what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship and that it’s not just a matter of leaving that relationship, because there’s a lot of safety implications with that ... when they try to leave an abusive relationship, that can actually be one of the most dangerous times for people in terms of physical violence.” So what can active bystanders do to help? “I think you certainly can

let folks know that you’re concerned about them and you’re concerned about their safety and that you want to provide support to them,” Dennis Smith said. “And then be aware of what the resources are on campus, because I think part of it is you want to be a supportive friend, but it also may be beyond what a friend can do.”

Resources: Emergencies: Call 911 Women’s Center: 540-231-7806 Women’s Resource Center of the New River Valley: 540-639-1123 Cook Counseling Center: 540-231-6444 Virginia Tech Police: 540-382-4343 (non-emergency)

@Meg_Connors7

Sex trafficking closer to home than Virginians may think Sex trafficking is a crime that affects Virginia, including local communities like the New River Valley, but often goes unseen. ISABELLA ROSSI managing editor

In October of 2018, the Human Trafficking Institute released a report in which Virginia ranked sixth in the nation for active human trafficking cases. Federally, sex trafficking is defined as “the recruiting, harboring, moving, or obtaining of a person through force, fraud, or coercion for the purpose of sexual exploitation in order to gain money or favors.” The International Labor Organization estimates that there are over 40 million victims of human trafficking globally, with hundreds of thousands in the United States. The International Labor Organization also states that the United States remains the world’s largest consumer of child abuse content such as child pornography, stripping and sex trafficking. Out of 783 active criminal and civil human trafficking cases being pursued through the United States federal court system, 33 of those cases took place in Virginia. Many Virginians would be surprised to hear that human trafficking and sex trafficking happen so close to home.

One group that is helping to bring the issue to light in the New River Valley area is It Happens Here, a Virginia Tech student organization that strives to raise awareness for sex trafficking. “This semester we’re going to be really focused on going out to different organizations, whoever will let us come and talk to them and inform them on this subject. Part of that is being aware of the signs,” said Kirsten Mitchell, co-founder and president of It Happens Here. “We also have a side goal of putting on fundraising events to raise money for a safe home in Roanoke, Virginia, that houses minor girls that have been rescued from sex trafficking.” It Happens Here also aims to clear up some of the many misconceptions about sex trafficking. One major misconception is that it’s taking place primarily in other countries. “When people think of sex trafficking, they normally think of hundreds of girls on a boat coming from another country,” Mitchell said. “That definitely happens, but most trafficking happens within the same state a woman is taken from, she’s just moved

to a different part or moved up and down the coast.” Another misconception about sex trafficking is the way that traffickers lure victims. “I think when a lot of people think about sex trafficking they automatically think about kidnapping, and that definitely does happen, but a lot of times it’s more like being coerced slowly through the internet or through a process we call ‘boyfriending,’” Mitchell said. ‘ B o y f r i e n d i n g’ is described by Mitchell as a common tactic used by traffickers where young girls are first treated well by those looking to traffic them, often giving them gifts and attention. “T hese people a re preying on the vulnerability of young girls who come from foster care or homelessness or homes where there’s already abuse,” Mitchell said. “The girls have this obvious, innate desire to want to be loved and cared for. Then the person comes in as this, usually older, male presence and treats them well by their understanding.” Once the girl has become comfortable, the relationship can quickly become

ETHAN CANDELARIO / COLLEGIATE TIMES 460 sign on Toms Creek Road in Blacksburg, Feb. 7, 2019.

abusive. “There’s usually a predatory sexual nature to it, even from the beginning, but most of these girls come from abusive pasts, so they’re not able to recognize that it’s not healthy,” Mitchell said. “Over time the abuser will say like ‘Well if you love me you’ll sleep with my friend and he’ll give us money.’ Then it turns into the cycle of abuse; things like physical abuse, controlling where girls go, what they do.” A contributing factor to sex trafficking occurring in Virginia and the New River Valley area is the highway

system which runs through the area and allows for easy transportation of trafficked persons. “I81 is a huge highway that goes up and down the east coast, so there’s a high volume of trafficking that occurs there, so sex traffickers and victims are often driving right through here,” Mitchell said. “It’s pretty common to not keep girls stationary, but to have them moving around because it’s less trackable.” Mitchell stresses that awareness can play a bigger role in ending sex trafficking than many may think. “People hear about the

issue and want to go out and be on the front lines immediately, but there’s reasons why you can’t do that, both for the safety of the women and yourself,” Mitchell said. “You can still make a difference by being aware though. Doing research, knowing the signs and helping other people to be aware all make a big difference.”

@IzzyRossiCT

SAJANEE CHITHRANJAN / COLLEGIATE TIMES

MYTH: Vaginas are “loose” or “tight” depending on how much sex a woman has had Here’s a fun fact: the vagina is elastic, meaning it will stretch to accommodate certain things (i.e a baby, a penis, etc.). The vaginal muscles will naturally expand when a female is aroused and retract when a female is scared or nervous, like snapping a rubber band. A female’s vaginal elasticity may be adjusted when she gives birth to a child; however, a woman’s vaginal elasticity has nothing to do with the amount of sex she has had. Truthfully speaking, a “loose vagina” is just a derogatory term used to shame women’s sexual habits.

lifestyles

editor@collegiatetimes.com

collegiatetimes.com

February 12, 2019 PAGE 7

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FACT: Origin of “birds and the bees”

CELINA NG / COLLEGIATE TIMES

If you’ve ever had “the talk” with your parent or guardian, you know about the birds and the bees. Everyone throws around the phrase “the birds and the bees” when referring to sex, but little know the real meaning behind the phrase. The term is metaphorical, creating an image of a bee pollinating, representing male ejaculation and an egg hatching, representing female ovulation. Poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge is credited with writing about the birds and the bees in his set of poems, “Work Without Hope” in 1825: “All nature seems at work … The bees are stirring — birds are on the wing.”

Waiting on the one: My decision to hold off on sex until marriage

For Emily, the decision to stay a virgin until she says, “I do,” is hard to keep around Valentine’s Day, but she’s sure it’s worth it. EMILY CARTER

lifestyles staff writer

I am a virgin and I plan to stay that way until I get married. In no way, whatsoever am I persuading people to wait until marriage. This is not a Christian Crusade to convert you, but I feel that not many people are vocal about their decision to wait to have sex. I am just a person, bringing this subject to light. I grew up in the church, so it was drilled into my head from a very young age that sex was a bad thing and you were supposed to wait until marriage to have it. Me, being naive and young, never really questioned it. I never had to. Until my freshman year of college. One night, all of my

people would be disappointed in me if they found out I didn’t wait? What was my reasoning behind this important life decision? Yes, my decision originated in my religion, but it is not the sole reason for me deciding to wait. Havi ng a physica l connection is an important factor, but it is not the most important factor to me. I would rather connect with some one emot iona l ly and mentally first, rather than rely on just a physical connection. I want to love a man and not his manhood, and I want him to feel the same way toward me. For example, when you get a present on Christmas, the package is under the tree with pretty wrapping paper and a bow. I care more about

“When I fall in love with

my husband, I want to fall in love with his life experiences, his stories, his family, his habits, his hobbies and his flaws. friends were talking about dating and relationships. Eventually the topic turned to sex. My roommate knew my sexual status and I had told another friend that I had made the decision to wait. That friend, who knew of my decision, told the other people in the conversation. I was kind of embarrassed. I was mad in the moment, but after that happened I decided to really question why I was waiting. Was I waiting because God told me to? Was I doing this because I thought

”

the present inside the box. The packaging won’t affect my life as much as what’s inside the box will. When I fall in love with my husband, I want to fall in love with his life experiences, his stories, his family, his habits, his hobbies and his flaws. I want to know his favorite Christmas present, how he fell out of a tree and broke his collarbone, how he watched Disney movies for a whole week when he was sick with the flu, how he stayed up all night making a birthday present for his

mom. I truly believe that sex is a wonderful and beautiful thing. When I have sex for the first time, I want it to be with my forever person. Props to the people who can have one night stands and hook up with people and walk around with confidence. I went on two dates with a guy and I still avoid eye contact with him when he’s near me. Having one pair of eyes seeing my body without any clothes on is enough for me. I don’t mind if my husband hasn’t waited to have sex. I just want him to respect my decision and not pressure me into having sex when I’m not ready to. My husband needs to love everything about me and not just my body. He may have chosen a different path than me when it comes to sex, but as long as we both love each other and he respects and supports my wishes, there will be no love lost between us. I cannot speak to how hard it is to restrain myself when being around someone I’m extremely attracted to because I’ve never had a true boyfriend. For once in my life, I’m glad that I have been single for essentially all of my life. Being single and a virgin is a struggle, especially around Valentine’s Day, but if it means waiting around for my forever person, it’ll be worth it.

CAROLINA HERNANDEZ / COLLEGIATE TIMES The expectations of losing your virginity, Jan. 23, 2019.

My decision to not wait to ‘lose it’

Rachel’s decision to lose her virginity in high school was complicated, but helped her gain some critical perspective. RACHEL KISER

lifestyles staff writer

Being told that sex was meant to be cherished after marriage only validated my promise to premaritally “pop my cherry.” Six years of priests indoctrinating that sex meant keeping your legs closed and Bibles open in anticipation for your one spiritual soulmate, left me bewildered on the significance of this Hallmark moment. Why are we putting our virginity in a glass case, like a priceless action figure, and being so reluctant to play with it? I felt so disenchanted by these scriptural fables of monogamy, celibacy and … heterosexuality, that when I entered the supposed cesspool of public school, I felt it was necessary to use it and lose it. That’s what 13-year-old me thought. Public school was a culture shock from my small private institution; the only sex education I received prior involved covering up hickeys poorly with foundation and watching over-pixelated SkinaMax soft porn. But as I thrusted myself into the dating world, I began to feel the pressure to go underneath the boxers since “it feels better” or “you would be so good at it.” The pressure was a turn

off, and my urge to have sex went into remission; I wanted to wait for my freshman-in-high school idea of Mr. Forever. I met my first serious boyfriend at a house party; I guess he was turned on by my ability to drunkenly take swings at a junior football player. After two months of dating, “I love you’s” turned into “I need a way to show you I love you’s,” and heavy petting turned into mild penetrating, but I would not give myself away. I was 14 years old. I lost my virginity a couple times: two strokes on my green bean bag chair, and three strokes on a friends couch after a three-day party binger. It was enough to fear getting pregnant while on the pill, and enough to force him to stop. The day of my sophomore-year homecoming is the virginity story I tell, either on a blow up mattress with someone smoking crack in the next room, or in his Jeep Cherokee after skipping school. Sadly, I can’t say I remember which. All I know is: I was 14, maybe 15, and the first time was consensual. We had some very consensual, but some very blurred encounters where consent was not given, but instead, coerced, manipulated or ripped out of me. He

dangled my virginity, sex and loyalty over my head like a carrot for two years. Then I left him, and I spent four years treating dozens of bodies as he had mine: detached and unemotional, because I craved the power over people that I had lost on a blow up mattress or in the back seat of someone else’s Jeep. Losing my virginity was a decision to denounce my religious education and every spiritual sermon uttered in my abstinence classes. However, I realized it was a display of devotion that I thought would repair an already terminal relationship. Sex cannot create, or heal, a connection with the absence of “love.” I am still thankful, regardless, to have had this awfully cringy and mildly terrible guy steal my virginity, since it taught me that this “pinnacle” moment is miniscule in comparison to what life has hidden for you. Whether you wait for The One or The First One, your virginity doesn’t characterize you, nor does it define your worthiness of stupidly-smiling-out-yourcar-window, constant-tearsof-joy love.

@Kiser_Rachel

@EmilyNic_12

ALEX NAGELI / COLLEGIATE TIMES Emily began to question her decision to wait until marriage during her freshman year at Virginia Tech, Feb. 5, 2019.

CAROLINA HERNANDEZ / COLLEGIATE TIMES The reality of losing your virginity, Pheasant Run Apartments, Jan. 23, 2019.

FACT: Apples can get you in “the mood”

CELINA NG / COLLEGIATE TIMES

Dark chocolate, oysters, red wine, apples? Studies show that apples are a proven aphrodisiac for younger women. A 2012 study proved that when participants consumed two apples a day, they experienced an increase in vaginal lubrication and overall sexual satisfaction during sex. The secret? Apples contain antioxidants and polyphenols that promote blood flow, and contain a phytoestrogen similar to estradiol: the female sex hormone that increases female sexuality.

PAGE 8 February 12, 2019

editor@collegiatetimes.com

collegiatetimes.com

STORIES: Virginia Tech romances in 2016.

COURTESY OF ISABELLA ROSSI Andrew Phelps, Virginia Tech senior, and Isabella Rossi, Virginia Tech junior and managing editor of the Collegiate Times.

from page 1

The news never sleeps Andrew Phelps, a senior in computer science, met Izzy Rossi, a junior in multimedia journalism and managing editor for the Collegiate Times, second semester of his junior year. Around midnight one evening, Andrew heard loud sounds, so he went outside to investigate. At the bottom of a hill behind his house, there was a man stuck in a fence. Izzy had also come outside because of the noise, and Andrew and Izzy learned they were neighbors. “Um, do you know this man?” Andrew asked Izzy. She did not. Weeks went by without them speaking again, until Andrew’s apartment invited Izzy and her roommates over to hangout. Over time, the two apartments grew closer and closer, but Izzy and Andrew only interacted in group settings. Andrew would stay up really late so that he and Izzy could talk to each other alone. Event ua l ly, A nd rew spoke to Izzy’s roommates about his feelings and learned that she felt the same way. He was very excited and nervous to talk to her about it, but Izzy was stuck on campus producing the newspaper. “She very often says to me, the news never sleeps and neither do I,” Andrew said. She finally made it home that night for their conversation, and now — in Andrew’s words — “things are going good.” “The weather’s here. Wish you were beautiful.” Scott Hart originally attended Virginia Tech in 1989, but then left school, returned and then graduated in 2005. During his time away from Tech, he worked at Sharkey’s in Blacksburg. As he was one of the general managers, he hired a recent graduate — Kalen Harvey. On her first day, she pointed to Scott and asked her trainer, “He’s very cute, is he dating anyone?” “And at the time I was dating the lady who was training her. So they started off on a very bad foot,” Scott said.

Eventually, Scott and the woman broke up. While Kalen was on a trip for spring break, she sent Scott a postcard that read “The weather’s here, wish you were beautiful.” After that, they started dating, and on May 18, 2003, they got married. Kalen studied political science and received her Master’s in Education from Virginia Tech. A D2 meal to remember Jessica and Steven Florig, both Virginia Tech alumni, met in the fall of 2009 at a frat party, and neither of them are “the frat party kind of people,” in Jessica’s words. “I ended up dancing with (Steven) because ‘What the heck, I’m here,’” Jessica said. “The next day he asked me out on a date to D2. So, super romantic, but as a freshman he didn’t have a car.” They have been together ever since and got married

Something unpredictable This story comes from one of our own writers at the Collegiate Times, Dylan Hanes, a first-year grad student studying national security. He met his now fiance Amanda, an alum who studied interior design and theater arts, in 2014 while they were both studying abroad in London. “The Victoria and Albert Museum was the first place that I really remember thinking that ‘this is a cool person. I could really spend time with her and be with her,’” Dylan said about one of their first encounters. When they were walking back from the museum, they hit another turning point, a fork stuck in the road: A street performer was playing Green Day’s “Good Riddance” in the underground, and they were having the time of their lives as they sang along, discovering each other’s love for the band. But, alas, they had to return to America, where Amanda had a boyfriend at the time. A few months went by, though, and Dylan and Amanda figured out that they shared a class. By then, Amanda and her boyfriend were broken up and she was looking for a friend. She and Dylan spent “every day together for a month” before he asked her out on Nov. 7, 2014. They now have a dog together, a husky shepherd mix, and are getting married in August. Young Dems dates Gabi Seltzer Newell and Riley Newell, Virginia Tech

alumni, met in the Young Democrats at Virginia Tech. Overtime, the two developed a friendship. “We knew we have similar values,” Gabi said. “We just kind of enjoy being dorks together.” When they met, however, they were seeing other people, but over time broke apart from their significant others. Right after Riley and his girlfriend broke up, he asked Gabi out. She said to give it some time since he was just coming out of a relationship. “The whole summer of 2010, we sort of just talked and you know, were friends. And then I had this epiphany one day in late September 2010 where I was like, you know what … Riley is a person I want to date,” Gabi said. “So I called him up — he wants everyone to know he was at the gym for the one time in his entire college career. He calls me back and I tell him, I have feelings for you, I want to date you. And he was like, great, okay.” They went on their first date the following Friday at Backstreets. They two got engaged in 2014 and were married on March 10, 2015, in Puerto Rico. They now have a child, two cats and a dog. “I didn’t even know I was gay.” Olivia Chowning, a senior in human development, and Jesse Acfalle, a senior in computer engineering, both worked at Hokie Grill at the end of first semester their sophomore year. After seeing her at work, Jesse sent Olivia a message on Facebook because she

COURTESY OF GABI SELTZER NEWELL Gabi Seltzer Newell and Riley Newell, Virginia Tech alumni, in 2011.

COURTESY OF OLIVIA CHOWNING Hokie couple Jessie Acfalle and Olivia Chowning.

wanted to be friends – Olivia wasn’t out at the time. When she did come out, though, they quickly became close. They would give each other relationship advice, and Olivia even helped Jesse when she was in a toxic relationship. In the middle of a cold February night, Jesse texted Olivia because she was arguing with her girlfriend. Olivia quickly came over to support her friend, and they ended up taking a 9 mile walk that night while talking it out.

“We would go through any length to hang out with each other without a beat,” Olivia said. Soon after Jesse got out of her toxic relationship, she and Olivia began dating. “I didn’t even know I was gay. She says she has a really good gaydar,” Olivia said. They’ve been together since.

@CollegiateTimes

COURTESY OF JESSICA FLORIG Jessica and Steven Florig, Virginia Tech alumni, in 2018.

• Spacious 1, 2, and 3 bedroom apartment homes! • Private balcony or patio • Majority of utilities in monthly value rate COURTESY OF CHRISTIAN STERLING Hokie couple Dylan Hanes and Amanda Wright pose during an engagement photo shoot.

COURTESY OF SCOTT HART Scott Hart and Kalen Harvey, Virginia Tech alumni, at Sharkey’s on Halloween in 2001.

• Wired for high-speed internet access • Large Walk-in Closets • Animal friendly (restrictions apply) • Private laundry facilities in each building • Optional washer/dryer in apartment home • Optional furniture and all-inclusive packages

750 Hethwood Blvd. #100 G • Blacksburg, VA 24060 877-746-1676 • www.HethwoodLiving.com 800-828-1140 (TTY)