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Discover the All New Your Success Program For Yourself

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THE COACHING INSTITUTE Suite 40, 37-39 Albert Road, Melbourne, VIC 3004, Australia.

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SHARON PEARSON Your Success Live Event Workbook

Edition 1 | Version 1 |

November 15

Published by The Coaching Institute

Copyright 2015 Š The Coaching Institute All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

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Contents Day 1 - Section 1:..................................................................................... 5 Day 1 - Section 2:................................................................................... 33 Day 1 - Section 3:................................................................................... 92 Day 2 - Section 1:................................................................................. 159 Day 2 - Section 2:................................................................................. 199 Day 2 - Section 3:................................................................................. 236

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Day 1 - Section 1: (Indistinct chatter and music) Morning.

Morning.

Shall we have some fun?

Yes. [general agreement] Shall we do serious stuff with a sense of fun?

Yes. [general agreement] Did everybody get their gifts?

Yes. [general agreement] We’re accepting all types of gratitude, yes. So you should have someone next to you right now – I think you should do that right now. [indistinct talking] You're all badged up. Nobody has got the awesome badges? Interesting editing decision on the part of our team. If you don’t know us, we have another badge. We have beautiful, tell me I’m fabulous badge which is very nice, would you agree? And we’ve got a lovely give me hugs badge and ladies and gentlemen, what’s the other badge?

I’m f***ing worth it.

I’ve [indistinct] to use that language. We are going to have to see how that plays out, what do you think? [general agreement] You can help me out, can’t you. If I pause you can imagine the fill in, yes?

Yes. Who is excited? [general agreement] Do we have people who are live-streaming all throughout the world. We’ve got somebody in France live-streaming. I have wanted to say that in years, so if we can just wave and say G’day to everybody who is live-streaming. [general agreement] Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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Bonjour. Bonjour, I appreciate the spirit. Good gifts, is everybody badged up?

Yes. If you need to exchange your badge to the other badge, fully on board, go for it. So who saw my Facebook post that I did about 10 minutes ago? [general chit-chat] I did a thing – so what we’re doing, for those of you who know me, I’m Sharon Pearson. If you don’t know me I’m still Sharon Pearson, which is working out nicely. You guys are the pioneers and here is why. First time ever, so I developed a methodology called Meta Dynamics which is – it’s a researchbased methodology to help people create change. Who is loving Meta Dynamics, by the way? [general agreement] You've got to make noise when you say it, it’s that kind of weekend. Who is loving it? [general agreement] That’s the standard.

And I developed another methodology in my spare time and you guys are

pioneers, I’m going to be sharing that methodology with you this weekend. That’s what we are going to be doing together. So if you're working in change, working in serving people and helping people you will go away at the end of these two days, not just with the personal experience of methodology, but with a way of serving others as well on a really profound level. Because I think – can we get into it?

Yes. Are you badged up for this? You need to be badged up, like free hugs. Go. So the methodology – I’ve given it a name. Hey, how are you doing? It’s called the Empowerment Method or the Empower You Method. Who is on Facebook saying I’m in the room ready to learn? Make sure you tell me something.

I can’t be alone with saying that. [general chit-chat] Trying to find my – how am I not a favourite at the top? Everyone is frantically looking for their Facebook. So here’s the thing. Let’s get into it. Who does work with people and serves people and wants to help, if you've got a family then your hand should be up. Nobody cannot put their hand up and be in this room. You can’t be on the planet and not be here to serve others and help others have a better experience of life. How am I doing here? [general agreement] So if you didn’t put your hand up immediately, man, reflect back to yourself. You think you're an island, you think you're isolated on this journey? Who here believes anyone – I want you badging up, look forward to getting the hugs. Who here believes that you can do this journey of life alone? [general agreement]

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It’s insane. So try to – who has tried to? How is that working for you?

Yeah.

I [indistinct] cruise along in life believing I had no support, and I had entire legions of people who have supported me. Anyone done that and has been oblivious to the fact that [indistinct] that’s me. We humour ourselves in so many ways, in ways that we think we’re alone doing this, but I’ve been doing some research and here’s where we’re at. I would like your thoughts on this. We’re in an age where there’s more convenience and comfort for all of us than at any other time in history. But there’s less resilience. Study after study is showing that resilience of the human population in the western world is going which way?

Backwards.

Down and down. So I call it the discomfort level that we can withstand. So comfort is going up and convenience is going up. People get cushions. You have a cushion, that’s total comfort, enjoy it. I don’t have a cushion, that means my resilience is going up. [indistinct] metaphorical comfort then we have convenience, so everything is a push of a button. It’s so easy to get by in the western world at the moment by being little, doing little and giving little. How am I doing with this so far? [general agreement] Now, you need to help me out during these two days, I’ve never taught this before, so if you are with me on it say so. If you've got a different thought I’ve certainly got a lot of advanced people in this room, I expect you to speak up. Are you with me on that?

Yes. [general agreement] Yeah, have a view because this is the first time – you're literally standing up with agreement. I love that.

The level of commitment is extraordinary. Got you back, sister. So never experienced things like this before, but if convenience is going up I do believe there is a correlation that means resilience has to go down. And our level of discomfort and willing to tolerate goes down. Here’s the other thing, try this on; we mistake control for personal security.

Yes. Try it on. Don’t just – just try it on. Have you noticed in your life and the lives of others around you – I’ve done this, that I think if I have more control I’m going to be okay and I mistake it for a feeling of certainty that I am within me. So be creative, because resilience is going down a western world of people fighting for what? Control. How am I doing here?

Yes. I reckon that’s how the world looks. And I’ve just got to ask how is that working for us?

It sucks.

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Sucks, thank you. I can’t use language like that but I can reflect about what you said. Try this one on: we think we’re here and if you're into our industry at all in any way – yeah, we’re all about empowering ourselves and we’re finding our best lives, but many of us are still carrying around and even more so being impacted by the need to impress, conform to, fit into more messages than ever before in the history of mankind telling us how we are supposed to be and how we are wrong. It’s everywhere. How did we be immune to that? I don’t even know that I could be. Anyone here achieved immunity yet to parents’ opinions and friends and even strangers have impact. How am I doing here? It’s an epidemic of it. What an epidemic implies is it’s catching, so you're screwed. [general laughter] Just infecting the room. What about this; choice has gone up more times now than any other time in history. There is more choice – there are 36 brands of tomato something. I got it down to one choice.

Who here can’t even deal with supermarkets and all of the choice it’s like come on. [general agreement] We have more choice, but the flip side of more choice is more uncertainty than ever before. This is the supermarkets overwhelming. Now imagine the rest of what our kids are going through and what teenagers are coming through and what the so-called millennials are experiencing. I call them the “what about me” generation. [general agreement] How can it be any other way? More convenience equals less resilience. More choice equals more uncertainty and insecurity than ever before. We’ve got all these tribal pressures from every source, including social media and helpful people telling us how we are supposed to be. And through all of that we’re supposed to find a way to feeling good about ourselves. Can I add one more in this joyful presentation? [general laughter] Yeah, I can keep going. How the hell are you? Good to see you. Good to see you. I have forgotten what I’m going to say now, I looked at you and got thrown. You look fabulous, you do that, yeah. Yeah, there is one more. There is one more. Add to that – who can relate to this? We want to be a success however we define it, we want more, better, different, deeper, more meaningful, but it seems to be alluding us more and more. Has anyone noticed that? The only reason I’m saying this is I’m seeing an epidemic of it with my clients and students. I’m not saying this because I’m in my own little bubble thinking oh, that must be reality. I just – this is what I’m coming across, I’m coaching people who on paper look incredibly successful and should have everything. Everything. Everything. Oh, and then you scratch the surface and you find insecurity, interestingly people who are starting to experience success, you know, they’re starting to break through, break out, starting to get some of the gusto going and it’s happening, and more insecurity comes out. It’s almost like success on the outside is the perfect moment to f*** it up and realise it’s screwed up on the inside. [general laughter]

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Okay, I lasted 15 minutes. Sister Now, that’s resilience. [general agreement] Didn’t even see it coming. Didn’t even see – don’t break that down. Where was I? Where was I? F***ing it up.

Oh, my gosh, thank you. From you as well, very fine. Who has noticed that? You get a bit of something happening and it seems to be the moment where the stuff is going to bubble. And you're almost like I’ve got to deal with that now? And then the math becomes – I thought I dealt with all that s***. Who is relating to this? [general agreement] Because damn it, success was meant to mean my s*** was dealt with. The s*** got bigger. I don’t remember s***ting that much. I didn’t. Who did this? I get that, who can relate to this? I’m not alone with this? [general agreement] Because I am definitely experiencing this as well. On the surface, oh, Sharon I used to like you – bulls***, luck. You know if you've been around me for any period of time you know I earned it. But I seem to have earned the right to realise how much stuff I have to deal with. And the more things on the outside start looking good, the more inside gets a bit fragile and I realise wow, the real journey was here. How am I doing with the premise?

Yes. [general agreement] If we spend our weekend looking at this and maybe dealing with that, that’s what I thought we would do. Because that’s kind of the journey I’m going through. I’m 51 by the way on Monday. [general agreement] Whoo.

All beauty products and disguises welcome. And it really is a case of – and if any of you can relate to this you get to a certain age and you get to a certain results that you thought amaze you and then it’s like wow, now the real journey begins. The real journey was always in here. I work with a client right now. He’s so successful, he’s incredibly famous beyond the surface, he drives a Mazerati, it’s got it happening, but the more that happens the more insight is wow, who am I being and how do I be when – how do I define me, because he’s never done that. And the stuff is coming out. The parent issues.

Was your parent like you, perfect? Don’t listen to this worry at all – you didn’t f*** them up yet. Years to go for that. Wait until [indistinct] There’s this wonderful story, I’m going to try and do it justice, where there’s a beggar on the side of the road and a stranger comes past and the beggar is begging for money. Please sir, can you help me? And the stranger says I have nothing to give. The beggar said there must be something. The stranger says I have nothing, but what’s that box you're sitting on? You guys hear this story?

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No. What’s that box you're sitting on? I don't know, it’s just a box for me to sit on so I can beg. Let’s open it, says the stranger. So the beggar opens the box and it’s filled with treasure. It’s the opening to the power of now. That’s as far as I got in the book, just so we know. Don’t start looking at me as too on the spiritual plane. I’m human, very human. Who has read the whole book past that beggar’s story?

Wow, come on team. Don’t do what I do here, do something else. But anyway, and that just told me I love that story because that’s the truth. We spend our lives hooking onto – searching for – measured by – seeking approval by – understanding with others, avoiding the actual point which is to understand ourselves. So I developed this method called the Empower You method I think. We’re working on the name. What I thought we would do together for the next two days, we’d spend today clearing out the baggage so we’re free, so you don’t do what I did, get to what you thought wow, that’s really cool and then go oh, it sucks. What do you reckon?

Yes. [general agreement] So I thought we would spend today clearing some stuff with [indistinct] I’ve never shared before, and then we’ll spend tomorrow filling that void with stuff that’s going to matter to you personally. So I’m not going to be giving you what you're going to put there. I’m going to give you the questions, I’m going to give you some great handouts. I’m going to give you some guidance. I’m going to ask you some great questions, hopefully. And maybe some bad questions and you can figure it out. This will be your journey. Who is up for that?

Yes. [general agreement] Wow, that’s amazing. Let me just check in, anyone not? That would be awkward, wouldn't it? I’m not up for that. I thought we were going to like talk or bake or something. So Richard Bark said the only journey that truly matters is the life where you get to be your full self. That’s really hard. That’s really tough to be your full self. I challenge anyone to say I’m all of me – and even people who have been what they think is all of them, when I get into it a little bit I discover this, they’re really a reaction to the past, a rebel from the past. And they’re still reacting to or still proving people wrong or proving people right which is even more messed up. You’ll never make it, you're right. So you know, however form they’re doing that there’s still a reaction to – I reckon the toughest most courageous journey is the journey of finding how to be our true selves, when we scrape it away. I really do. Who else has thought about these thoughts as well?

Yes. [general agreement] It can’t just be me.

No, no.

And if your coach is in the room or your teachers or educators or parents, have you noticed that there are these layers going on? There’s the layer of – that we’re trying to hide, and the layer that we present to the world. And when we say we’re living, being ourselves, if anyone is doing that you don’t need this weekend, rock on, but you do need a few clients. Because anyone who is truly being themselves, that is

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just an incredible quest because most of us aren’t being ourselves, we’re being the layer we think we need to be so people don’t discover what we think we’re hiding.

Yes. [general agreement] Because we don’t want to be found out. I’ve kind of played with this over the years. Those of you who have known me for a long time, you've seen me express my flaws, my mess ups, you know stuff I haven’t done well, stuff I wrestle with. And you know, you've always been so kind with me when I’ve shared my humanity and I really appreciate that. And that’s not always an easy thing to do, especially not when you're in the public eye. You know, to be on stage and to be known in this industry and to talk openly about where it’s not working is tough, because again the same thing is happening. A lot of people have an expectation that if I’m going to pay good money to go out and see her she’d better have her s*** together. That’s the longer vision.

Yes. [general agreement] And there aren’t enough people saying that so I’m f***ed up too. Woo hoo. By the way no one isn’t, and you know if you're thinking oh, then why listen to you, it’s okay Tony Robbins also declares he’s f***ed up too. You know, even Tony. Yeah, I know, shocking. So we’ve got to let go of this ideal, this absolutely ridiculous religion of perfection we think we’re pursuing. You hanging out with me this weekend is not getting things perfect. If you can give that up I think we’re going to feel an enormous relief. Give it up. For someone who pursued it for years, man a lot of you watched me pursue it, it’s not worth it. It’s way over-rated and it’s more of the same surface stuff that’s not really dealing with the real stuff. How am I doing with this?

Yes. Amazing.

So are you guys cool that you're with a bunch of f*** ups? [general agreement] Yeah, it’s true. Because here’s the next thing I’m going to add to that and something I’ve begun talking about events recently is we all carry shame. But here’s the thing about shame. Shame only works if we hid it. But if we all agree we’ve got shame and we’re not hiding anymore, maybe we can do something about it. And if you're working with people and you are here to transform people, please keep in mind that even if you're a coach or you're into helping people move forward with their lives, until – you can help them move forward but they will get to a point where they will self-sabotage and they will procrastinate and they will mess it up and they will experience complete overwhelm. Because the success they’re experiencing they haven’t prepared for that because with that comes dealing with this; the stuff, the gunk, because we’re never allowed to be our true selves. Think about places where you can be your true self. The farty, scratchy, dancing ridiculously – that true self. Not out there while getting drunk – you know what I mean? It all happens, it’s very rare in this world. How am I doing here?

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So most of us have stopped even accessing it. Would you agree? [general agreement] There’s a study done that I find absolutely tragic that 97% of children when they start school are creative and imaginative and by the time they leave high school less than 3% have hung onto their creativity. That’s us.

Yes. That’s us. We’re exposed to a world that prizes the thinking and the logic and the get ahead and the get ahead and get the grade and move forward, and never spends any time on who are you? What about you shall we celebrate? What about you do you admire? What about you are you hiding that perhaps we could talk about. That is not the conversation that’s happening. For any of our children, for any of our teenagers and certainly for any of us. What are your thoughts? I’ll open it up to you guys and just get some thoughts on that opening, not just yeah, but what are your thoughts and your ideas? Yeah?

I absolutely love it. It’s actually funny because – the content, just before I came to this event my intention was that I should find out what is this? I’ve reached a level of success where I’ve ticked all the boxes and every now and then [indistinct] or something is not quite – and it doesn’t make sense. But looking at this of course, because you strive for success.

For this?

Yeah, but it wasn’t a what do I really want, it was a who do I need to be?

And you did it. A lot of people in this room are doing really well and you're getting there, but it’s going to happen.

Really cool thinking.

Thank you, and I appreciate this. Yes. The balance between you know allowing your kids to express themselves and embrace and enjoy the expression that I have, but also to get them to learn and understand that there are boundaries because you know, a full expression of going out and being violent or rude and aggressive, it’s not a social ----How did you get to violence? I want to ask the question. How did you get to violence that that’s a natural essence of a child?

I’m not saying it is a natural essence of a child. I’m simply saying that when children have a tendency to want to express themselves at extremes and you embrace that as much as you can, how do we balance that whole situation of accepting who they are and appreciating the joy and the gifts that they have, but also allowing them to understand that there are ----Boundaries?

----- boundaries.

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Yeah, so that’s a way longer conversation that I’m hoping to get to, but over disciplined children turn out to be stayed, sceptical, judgmental and [indistinct] digital. [general agreement] And under disciplined, over emotional, over dramatic, over reactionary and lacking in trust.

Yes. Sweeping generalisations. Sweeping, because I have to come up with some content, but this is based on a bit of study. But I actually did say when I said what I said, I’m not talking about the extreme versions of that, I actually said that, but you didn’t hear that. So remember I did say that. Yes. Yeah, I did, I was standing here and I said I’m not talking about the extreme, do you remember me saying there’s the extreme versions, I actually did that with my hands. I am talking about the true expression of cells. I actually said that, so I did the hand movement with my statement. But over disciplined and under disciplined is also a problem. And part of the reason why we’re in this room paying attention because a lot of us were over disciplined or under disciplined. How am I doing?

Yes. [general agreement] And the hands are pretty true. And by the way, if you're wondering if you're here to become better coaches, this is where I coach from as well. This level, this depth, it isn’t just where do you want to go, yea. It’s well, hang on, have you dealt with this? Have you cleared this? So if that’s interesting to you and I’m happy to keep feeding in, you know I’m going to give you models of what I do with my clients.

Because a lot of them are super-successful on paper and miserable inside, because they’ve never taken this journey. So is that useful?

Yes. [general agreement] Fantastic. Did you have your hand up?

I was just there thinking about you know, how your children, to show their pure selves with society the way it is, that you have to kind of [indistinct] for their safety. You know, like you want them to thrive but at the same time society kind of makes you protect them.

It does. I think every message from society, nearly every message from society – can I get green tea, please, thank you. Nearly every message is tone it down, fit in, you know, if you look at the way the schools in America are heading and what that tells us we’re heading to in the next 15 years, it’s police in schools. It’s administrators controlling rebels instead of understanding and hugging rebels.

Yes. [general agreement] The flip side and the wonderful thing, is in New Zealand there are three schools who have decided to opt out of our entire system and they have turned over the entire school to the kids and said, because we’ve got too much bullying, go figure it out. What you've created and what we’ve created is horrible; what would you do and now there is zero bullying in those three schools. So there are – if you do [indistinct] there is wonderful pockets of hope to expose your kids to. Because the message will have Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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to be for the kids, yes, you are getting told that in mainstream. But I want you to have a look at where there’s some alternative views and how beautiful it is. And maybe we should relate to those spaces more than this. So they don’t feel alone because that’s the shame.

Yes. Thank you, thanks Ros. That’s where the shame starts for a kid when in mainstream they’re told that’s wrong, that’s bad, tone it down, turn it off. That’s not you know, all that stuff, that’s when they first learn shame. And the moment they learn shame they learn to deny part of themselves. The moment they deny part of themselves, they’re going to be my future client. That’s it. That’s pretty well the pattern. Does that help? [general agreement] Yes, thank you, and then – yeah.

Wherever you go you are dead.

Yes. Excellent.

One of the observations I’ve had, especially in my childhood and all that, is that sometimes when the parents and society culture says don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, they don’t say but you can, can, can, can, can.

Yes. It’s all a matter of you can’t do this, you're not allowed to do this, you're not allowed to do this. But they don’t give you the answer of well, instead of doing that why don’t you do this?

Yes, or is that the best way to approach this? Yeah. [general agreement] We’ve got Tania Booth, hey Tania from France. She’s the lady in France. Yes, I’ve been wanting to say that so she can hear me. Yes. That’s wonderful. She says teachers ask the parents on what’s going on with our children? Why not trust the children to answer for themselves?

Yeah. [general agreement] Yes, we are creating remedial reliance children and we’re creating – there is no more joke here. And we’re creating the clients of tomorrow. Yeah.

Is it 3% at the end of the schooling you said?

Yeah.

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Well, my son is a perfect example of that. He’s totally right brain. Highly creative. It took him one year, one year of schooling to have learned everything, All that confidence, absolutely everything. And you know, reading, writing all of that. He had to go to a mainstream school, no options. Well, the kind of schooling anyway. We’ve got him through to the end, he’s just finished a Fine Arts degree at ECA, so that right brain just stood in beautifully. But it was hard in the mainstream system.

Well, art is the least represented along with physical activities. They’re so under represented compared to the maths and the English and the other brain stuff. Yes. Are you looking at me, Sharon?

I am.

I’m wondering, this is my – my brain is going nuts at the moment, we’ve always over populated ourselves with choice.

Yes. And in doing so to control that, we say you can’t. You've got to conform, we want you to do this. And we actually do want to – or I’m assuming, I’m talking for myself, create that curiosity. It’s that curiosity which is being dampened.

Yes it is. We don’t have control.

That’s right, and in this room I’m sure there’s some of us that would love to be more curious but feel constrained by whatever it is that we feel we have got to be certain about.

Yes. And we feed that down to the younger generation.

Yes that’s the next thing I was going to say. The stuff that was given to us by our [indistinct] is what we give to our kids, unless we deal with it. We cannot, that’s the thing. There was something else you said at the beginning, just say it again, it reminds me of something. Can you just start off what you said again?

I have no idea what I said.

It was really good.

Was it really good? [general-chit-chat] That’s what I was going to say, so the idea is not just to encourage curiosity, because curiosity without boundaries is pointless, because then you don't know what to prioritise and you become a hoarder.

Yes, you become a hoarder of everything, you don't know how to prioritise anything. So instead, what we’re going to do, I’m going to show you tomorrow how to install values. And a lot of you have done this work already but a lot of you haven’t. And when you do values guide to decision making the choices get much easier.

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Yes. [general agreement] So values become the boundaries, self boundaries. You know, I value this, so that’s a decision I would make. I don’t go with that, that’s a decision I wouldn't make. And then it becomes self-perpetuating, self-reliance rather than reliance on outside forces saying yes, no, and it also relieves us of a lot of this – I need the world to tell me what a good thing to do is. So we don’t need to go to the outside for approval for answers, for security, for comfort, for control, it can just be within ourselves. And then we start being a bit more of the wild child we’re meant to be. Does that make sense?

Yes. [general agreement] Just to be conforming and bland and fitting in is not really – it’s designed for survival.

Yes, yes.

So does everyone get that where we came from, the way we survived was by getting together and fitting into the claim, it’s survival. But everything after that, once survival is taken care of, doesn’t happen if all we do is stick together.

Yes. [general agreement] We just hang around approving of each other, all we do is survive. We never get beyond that. So the idea is, well, I’ve got me and mine, we love each other, support each other. Survival is taken care of.

Now what do I do with my life? Not keep making sure the group and clan approves of me.

Yes. [general agreement] Yeah, so take that to your speeches, moving forward, team. It’s gold.

A lot of it we talk about boundaries, but for me with my children, I’ve been talking to them about what works for them in terms of their rituals and their daily patterns that I don’t have to dictate to them, you have a shower in the morning or the evening, you eat this, you eat that. What is it that you enjoy? And they’re at that age where they can make that decision and go oh, wow, we used to have this for breakfast. Well, what do you want? Have a look in the cupboard and discover that. When is it good for you to have a shower. I don’t want to tell you take care of yourself, you can take care of yourself.

Yes. So when does it work for you and we get those rituals moving along and a rhythm for them that works for them.

Good. There’s a study that’s just shown recently – are you guys impressed I have studies [indistinct] really, you've met me really. And 90% of our results are determined by our rituals. So our rituals are everything.

We use the word boundaries but for me it works – I can make up my own ritual.

I love it.

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If it hasn’t worked today I’ll do something else.

Do something else, yeah. The freedom of flexibility within knowing who we are and what we care about is everything. Most people have no idea. They have no idea.

We’re pre-programmed – Yes. Or constantly reminded. Yeah.

I notice with my own kids that when they’ve been jammed full of information, and I’ve seen this with their friends, they get so jammed full of information you think – in the education system, that there’s very little room for mystery and there’s very little room for questions.

It’s all deductive.

Yeah, and so they just don’t – It’s no go figure it out.

Yeah, the mystery and just going with what if?

There’s a couple of countries in Europe have a maximum of half hour homework a night and they’re out-performing our kids. So just cramming kids with information, content, guys if you've hung out with me, what’s my view of that?

It’s ridiculous.

What’s my view of just cramming content into you and making you take lots of notes. What’s my views?

It sucks.

It’s bulls***.

I need you guys to be thinking about these ideas for you to get value of out if. It can’t just be because I said. That’s complete reliance. I reject that I have that power or that knowledge. I reject that notion.

That’s bulls***. And if that’s what you need from me you're in the wrong room. Because we need to be empowered to figure some s*** out together, not because I said so. Which is more of a parent teacher bulls*** that I don’t love. Yes. Yeah. We live by the rules for about trying, which is I never let my schooling intimidate my education.

My kids just – I love it, wow. I never let – I never let my schooling – I never let the schooling system interfere with their education. [general chit-chat] It’s gold.

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It’s true.

It’s gold. That’s really great, that’s fantastic.

For me and my family, the change of control and the value of contrast – so my house was very – I controlled my house. I controlled everything. I thought this was the best way to be, regimented, we were – anger was a daily part of our household. Getting ready you know, being on time, everything we had to do, had to do, had to do. The shift in my house in 10 short months is phenomenal. People walk into my house and it’s so different. If somebody raises their voice, and we’re not even talking about a yell that we lived every day, we’re talking about if somebody raises their voice, it’s harsh. It actually hurts our bodies. And to be in that and live that change, that phenomenal change in such a short space of time, it’s absolutely unbelievable.

How is it impacting the family?

Everybody is different. My two youngest are going through VCE – year 11 and year 12 right now and there’s – the lack of stress it’s just ----Fantastic.

----- the conversations, you can sit on the couch and go tell me something good that happened today.

Nobody ever asked before telling something good that they’ve done today. I sat down after an event and my son said it to me. So it’s just wonderful.

Thank you. Thanks, well done, that’s wonderful. Was there somebody else had their hand up? Yeah.

Hello.

Hello, how are you?

I’m so well, good to see you.

Good to see you, thanks. I’m a music teacher so I’m in the arts field and I so get what you're saying.

But I find – I have two boys, one has just completed year 12, bright, academic kid. And my second son actually has learning difficulties and cannot go down that whole VCE academic life. And it’s been such an amazing journey because I’m an academic. I’ve been through that institution since I was 4½ and it actually opened my eyes to actually look that there are other ways to do things. And even though we have this supposed [VECAL] in our system, it really sucks because it’s a waste of time. And so they don’t actually really do much so it’s like ----So what have you done for your child?

----- well, he’s doing a VET program in Game Design which is like really foreign to my way of thinking but we’ve also got him doing a course in parks and gardens. So he’s actually going to be doing two courses – So experimental which is perfect for – Yes, hands on.

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He’s equally bright.

Yeah.

I’m a genius until you make me make a fish ride a bike or something?

A fish climbing a tree, yeah, but it’s really good because empathetically, he’s actually a lot smarter than the other one so – but the problem with our system is that we’re just teaching kids to pass tests.

Yes. [general agreement] And it’s not really learning.

I’ll go further and say that as most adults we’re still thinking we’re trying to pass tests.

Yes. [general agreement] Tests of approval and tests of fitting in and we never actually deal with the stuff that matters. I need to keep moving. I’ll take one more and then I’ve got to keep moving. Go. I used to like being kind of a lazy parent, I used to be the lazy parent where I would say to the kids – I have two boys as well, I’d say convince me, you can do whatever you want as long as you come up with the argument to convince me. So you do you do your research and come back with ----How did it go?

Really well.

And to think – [general chit-chat] I quit.

I’m not doing your thinking, figure it out. You want to change, go figure that s*** out.

Get yourself to school, miss the bus you know, you figure it out you know. I used to go you can come with your argument to me. Do your research.

Yeah, do some thinking. So kids that think – adults that think. So we have another gift for you. Can we please hand out the workbook I designed.

Whoo hoo [general chit-chat] So please, this is the workbook that – I’m saying that – thank you. Thank you so much. Haven’t they done a beautiful job of the mop-tails and the room, isn’t this beautiful?

Yes. [general agreement] Just extraordinary.

Thanks Shazza.

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You're welcome. It is so beautiful. [general chit-chat] Isn’t it beautiful.

Make sure you thank Glam – isn’t this design just extraordinary.

It’s amazing,

everyone is enjoying it. I’ll let you all enjoy it for a minute. Yeah, that’s what we’re talking about, the three cells. So has everyone taken it in enough for us to keep going, what do you reckon, give it a go?

Yes. [general agreement] So can we keep going, has everyone oo’d and aar’d enough? Can I have it out loud, please, an ooo and an arr?

Ooo arr [general agreement] That was wonderful. So let’s get into it.

The live-streamers say thank you.

Thanks for taking care of them. Shall we keep going?

Yes. [general agreement] I only finished writing this the day before yesterday. I was editing this until Thursday night, yeah. I just keep coming up with the new words, right up until the last moment. Thank you, let’s enjoy it, let’s enjoy it. So a couple of premises for the weekend. One of them we’ve set up and established and that you guys are into, we can get this far, but unless we deal with this far, this is not feeling as good as we wanted to feel. Everyone – that was called?

Yes. [general agreement] The other thing I started with is who here is to serve others, help others with their change? And you kind of answered, but not everyone did, so I asked the question who here is – and everyone’s hand needs to go up. Everyone’s hand needs to go up. Thank you, thank you. Thank you both hands up.

Because if we just think it’s about ourselves, we’re kind of missing the point. Because have you noticed yet that you know how you're doing when your with and relating with others?

Yes. [general agreement] I’ll give you an example. Years ago when I was single and even more messed up, I did this. I had a terrible relationship – there’s a shock, I had a terrible relationship which is a little more shocking. And then worked on myself whilst I was on with a guy. And I really worked on with myself and I did really good work. And I made a lot of progress and I felt really good and strong about myself. Then I got in a relationship. Ain’t nothing changing here lovey. Anyone exploding to this?

Yes. [general agreement] We kind of have to bump up against each other to work on our s***.

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Yeah.

And I’m meaning that literally and yeah, Roger, you get that?

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, we’ve got to kind of bump up, it’s when our s*** is bumping. My best friend in America, I pushed her buttons around something, so we got together and we talked about it and she felt I needed – there was a whole bunch of stuff going – and she goes I’ve got it. Your shut bumped into my s***. I was like that’s it. And then we got drunk as you do, therapist and a coach, what else are you going to do, you're going to drink? And we realised this bump was bumping and it was only through being together and expressing and exploring it that we realised what the bumping was about and we did something about it. Now it’s something we can move forward on, it’s not something we feel ashamed about or we’re hiding. Who here can relate to that even on the relationship front?

Yes. I really put lots of work into that, I’m going get coached on that. Years of therapy on that and you get a relationship, yeah, I done nothing. Who has had that?

Yes. Well, that’s I’ve done that, and then I fell in love with my husband which is handy, it works out well, it’s going nicely. Always a good thing. And then the issue really started coming out and I remember this moment, I think some of you know this story where he said I went in being my dramatic self and perhaps a tad emotional and maybe a little needy and maybe a little argumentative. I think he’s overstating it, he’s over-stating it, it really wasn’t that bad. And the tears were simply a measure of my passion. So it’s simply a matter of how deeply I care for you. He says the fuzzy words, I will not deal with that s*** like this. [general chit-chat] As I’m going I said I’ll be with you when we can be. So I went outside and I’m not kidding, I bit a tree in frustration. Have I told this story?

No. Oh, you know me even more. I bit a tree and has anyone seen The Minister of Funny Walks?

Yes. And then bounced across the floor in frustration because he wouldn't pay attention to me when I needed him dramatically most. Here’s the interesting thing, I thought I had worked on a lot of that. I worked on a lot of that. I was never going to be dramatic. Anyway.

Speak the truth.

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Minister of Funny Walks. None of that is exaggeration, it’s literally what I did and the fear I felt if I couldn't control a relationship by me doing what I perfected was just terrifying, because I thought I had worked on it. And there is this man, because he’s a man, if you know my husband he’s a man, not a boy. Saying that’s now how we’re going to be. I had no idea what to do with it. So I can’t be hysterical, out of control, zombie b****. I lost. I got nothing, coming up with nothing. You mean zombie b**** is not appropriate for an Aussie relationship? Is that what you're trying to say? I’m not getting it.

It’s Halloween, it’s Halloween.

So I went in and I didn’t make it about me. And I didn’t do zombie b**** and I didn’t do the hysteria and I stayed quiet about it and I thought what if he doesn’t have to rescue me right now for me to be okay.

Oh – good question.

And I was. And I’ve never bitten another tree.

The trees are safe. [general chit-chat] It’s all about the trees. So how did we get there? So my point being we know how we’re doing through how we’re doing with love.

Yes, yes. [general agreement] That’s the only way we know. We only know how we’re really doing when we get to bump up, when our s*** bumps each other and we go wow, how are we going to do this? Because you can’t conceptually solve your s***. Who has tried? I’ve read so many books, I’m a friggin expert on f*** ups. Ask me anything. But then you put me in the situation, I only know when I’m in it if I’ve really grown in it. Are you guys relating to this?

Yes, yes. [general agreement] Full on in it, who can tell they’re in it in some ways that conceptualising some things and they think they’re doing so well and they get into situations, oh, I bet it’s like nothing happened. You know that Jack in the Box, when you open everything and it spits out?

Yes, yes.

You think you've got the Jack in the damn box and then your s*** bumps. It only gets resolved through this, through what we’re willing to share, what we’re willing to do with as it’s happening, if it could be solved conceptually, everyone would be having their s*** together and it just isn’t the case. So I’m a big believer that we – the next level down I’ll go – this is cool stuff, by the way.

Yes. [general agreement] Is this working?

Yes. [general agreement]

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Never taught it before, hope you're loving it, hope your looking forward to the hugs, salvation, reassurance you know, all my s*** being validated. [general chit-chat] The next level is we think we’ve dealt with our fears. Fears, oh, the biggest, the biggest issue going on in western society is that we are fearful of shadows and bumps in our heads, not even bumps in the night any more. We’re afraid of bumps in our heads. We’re afraid of shadows in our heads, not even real shadows. The amount of things we can cause alarm and anxiety on ourselves simply by imagination.

All the choice we’ve got, all the comfort we’ve got and all the free time we’ve got because right now if we were in 200 years ago Australia, please describe this scene. [general chit-chat] We wouldn't be here, what would we all be doing?

Working. Working hard. [general agreement] Working hard, 7 days a week. Church on Sunday.

Shopping.

Huh, no Facebook? I’ve gone too far. [general chit-chat] Exactly, so 200 years ago in places where they don’t get this luxury the unconscious fears and the fearful fear of the shadows in our minds, that’s not the luxury a lot of people get to have. So we need a big wakeup call that we are – the more luxury we experience the more fears we can indulge. So the more indulgent we experience the world the more indulgent our fears get.

Because the more

comfortable we get the more free we are to worry about losing it and every study shows we are going to do more to hang on to what we’ve got than we are to fight for something we want. The hoarding mentality, once we get to a certain level of what we think is a comfortable level for ourselves, what you've seen is the desire to hoard it, keep it, not lose it. And we’ll fight to keep it and stop fighting to build the next level of our lives. And what we do, who has done this? Then the fears kick in. Oh, I couldn't do that because then I might lose this. [general agreement] I couldn't do that because this might not work out, or what about that? And instead of moving forward and having an adventurous life it’s don’t touch my s***.

Yes, yes.

So now we are guarding – not only is our s*** not bumping, we’re now guarding it. And with big fences.

Yes, yes.

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And alarm systems. And loud music and ways of keeping us away from anyone bumping.

That’s right. Business.

Business. So what we do we fill ourselves with the business or we talk about our problems instead of doing something about the problems. [general agreement] That’s why we’re here. That’s why we’re here to do something about our fear.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Oh, talking about it feels good but I’ve been doing some research on addicts and what addicts do is they talk about it and I think a lot of us are addicted to fear. Talk about it a lot as a way of saying I’m dealing with it, I’m working on it but you're not. You're still an arsehole who is ripping off your family and is not functional at all. So if talking about it stopped it and you changed, I’d say awesome. But don’t show me your bumps, so we’re not bumping unless we’re going to change something. How are we doing here?

Yes, yes. It becomes part of the identity.

It becomes part of the identity. But I’m really working on it, I’m in therapy, I’m talking about it. Yes, but if you're not changing it you've replaced – you've now got two addictions. You've got the addiction and the addiction of needing to talk about it to feel good about the fact that you're not doing anything about it.

Yes, yes.

Addictions, there are activity addictions. Business. Workaholic. Over-exercising. Over-coffee-ing. [general agreement] Over-spending.

Pardon – over-spending. Any of the addictions. Then the second type of addiction is the conceptual addiction which is the addiction of the mind where people give very auditory, digital, very factual, very conceptual and everything is experienced through our disassociation, so they keep analysing and discussing it but they don’t experience it.

Yes. So the addiction of disassociation. That’s the second disassociation. Who can relate to that one?

Yes. [general agreement] Yes, just very, very good at analysing it, looking back away from it. This is what I do when I’m looking at my clients. I’m working out which addicts are you based on the fears you're expressing or which addicts are you, you will tell me the fears you're going to express and the third type is the feeling

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addict. People who are addicted to an emotion and over-tap into it as a way of getting control of their world. All these are about control of our world. So the over-anxious, the over-angry. The over-weepy, the over-dramatic.

Yes. The over-needing reassurance emotions. Whatever. What about this one; the most annoying addicts in the world, this is a big statement and I am going too far with this, this is complete exaggeration and I don’t mean it in case anyone is offended, but potentially the addict – how are you good? How is everyone doing? Oh good. How’s everything? All good. Anyone else [general chit-chat] It’s exhausting.

It’s exhausting. [general agreement] Always acting happy. Not happy but always – because remember this addiction is what we’re living to hide what we – shame of what we don’t want people to know. So who can relate to this in terms of addictions? I can.

Yes. [general agreement] I’m sure I qualify for all three in different parts of my life. Okay, I’m alone with that?

No. [general agreement] The silence was not condemnation, was it. Oh, yeah, that’s a good point Sharon.

You were saying before what addictions you can identify here, so can you identify those here and actually see the addiction?

Well, okay, wow, we’re doing this already. I had this all saved up for this afternoon. I can do it, here we go. Here we go team. Do you want to help me because I have never taught this and it’s like this long at home on my desk of the winding steps. We end on the addiction. We have to start here for me because I’m going to map out the bloody desk right now. So I’m at home at the desk. So we start out – yeah, I’m a human being. I love. I have joy. I have creativity. I’m wonderful. How am I doing? Isn’t that exactly how it is?

Yes. [general agreement] I have courage. And no matter how many times I fall down I’m going to get back up again. I’m not like you, mamby pamby adults.

Yeah.

I’m resilient. Isn’t that how it all begins?

Pre-child.

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Yeah, the child before adult comes along. Dong, dong, dong – that’s not on my desk but I love it. And any parent or adult that has stuff going on is going to be helpful for that.

Sure.

So stage 3 – so child in pure state of (1:00:00) Adult, if they’ve got stuff going on, if you've got stuff going on and you got it from your parents and they had stuff going on that they gave you and so it goes, they’re going to pass it on and they’re going to deny you expression, being consistent with your expression, ignore expression. For example, don’t raise your voice around me young lady.

Be seen and not heard.

Show some respect. Some parents are going nuts right now.

Why didn’t I meet you 23 years ago.

You didn’t want to meet me 23 years ago. [general laughter] Pretty sure I was in bed, watching myself. Refusing to leave the house so – it’s fine. [general laughter] So we deny access to child emotions. So don’t do that so we stymie their approach, tone it down, stymie the joy. Not right now, stymie the load. You know, that whole list, it’s in the hand out I’ll give you. There’s this whole list of who we are – a parent with stuff going on is going to start denying. Who has had the experience of this?

Yes. A show of hands, I can’t be the only one who is with that, yeah. There is nobody who can be a perfect parent, it’s just not possible because everyone has got stuff, we’ve just established we’ve all got stuff going on, we’re bumping into each other. I’ve done this as a whole map for you. I’ve done it. So rock.

I’m still going, I’ve still got to do all these tests.

Are you going to like – pre-child – and then adult and then sort of you seem to be (1:02:19) – Yeah, that’s the one you're relating to, I’m drawing on that and about four others. If that’s fitting for you, rock on.

Yes, it’s interesting – It’s good stuff.

Yes, excellent.

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So the parents are going to deny any of those expressions or some of those expressions. Or they’re going to ignore it. Thank you. Or they’re going to criticise that expression – this is like when you're 2 or 3 or 4, you're not exactly dangerous to anyone. Or only reward certain expressions.

Yes. So in my household only positive feelings are allowed. No anger, no upset, no tears. That was denied.

So of the list, your free expression, creativity, love, knowing myself, not allowed. Is anyone following this?

Yes. [general agreement] I’m not alone with this am I? No. So it’s denied, ignored, rewarded.

It’s the 70s you know.

It’s happening now. If it starts bumping honey, I’m with you and I love you, you're all good. Let the stuff bump, we’ll be okay. Out of that the child learns shame.

Yes. Basically shame but a bunch of other stuff too, and you know, I’ll explore this as the weekend goes on.

And if we’re over-disciplined we’re going to come out as the critic, as I said. If we’re under-disciplined we’re going to come out as the over dramatic. So are you guys relating to this when you think about your upbringing. If there’s inconsistent boundaries we come out with a lot of low-self trust. Very low self trust. Inconsistent boundaries. So one day it’s okay and one day it’s not. Or one day it’s done by the parents but then you do it and you're in trouble. The inconsistent boundaries, they can really – who has had inconsistent parenting? Oh, my god, look at us all. It will never be different wherever you are in the world. This is the truth so as a result of that we have a lot of low self-trust. And then so just going to fast forward because I’m going to come back to this, then I get clients who tell me, or you guys saying to me (1:04:43) Don’t ask me how the hell you do procrastination. Do you get that now? Because way back here when you learnt shame and the defence system you learned the following sentence: I’m not enough. So why would you procrastinate? I’m not worthy. How could you do anything else? Self (1:05:00) What did you think would happen? You told yourself, or you told yourself this story? I’m going to do all this today, but I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough. I’m going to get judged. It’s not rewarded. I should tone that down. So I ask you why procrastinate, it’s a waste of a question on me, go back here. How am I doing here guys? Making sense?

Yes. It’s not just what you tell yourself, it’s what you've been told – don’t think big or don’t think I covered that here. So the parents – I covered that in this step.

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[general agreement] Yes, then we internalise it and we give it the meaning of what I just said, not enough, not good enough, what if I get judged? What if I get critiqued? What if I’m not lovable? Hang on, I’m going to give you guys a really big – this blew me away when I heard it, I’m really looking forward to your insights on this and your feedback, that parents who do this more, who are even more f***ed up with us, we actually idolise and fantasise that they are even more perfect. So the more f***ed up the parenting the more we idolise them and make them perfect, and we take on if they’re that hard with me, it actually says something about me. Because my parents couldn't be wrong.

Yes. [general agreement] Parents can’t be wrong because we rely on them for our survival as the only source of love we have. So if they’re wrong we’re f***ed. We’re going to die. That’s the mass of a child. So the more you experience any illusion of this inconsistent denial whatever, the more you doubt yourself. Because you can’t doubt them, because to doubt them is to think as a child you're going to die. Is this making sense now?

Yes. And out of a bunch of students you know, a lot of you in the room, a lot of you have broken through, only hang out with (1:06:50) the reason you do that and want to be together is because you stop here.

I’m not enough so I’ve got to hang out with people and get reassurance and reliance on them because I can’t go any further. But it makes perfect sense doesn’t it? What else could you do? Because here is the – so firstly do you love what I just shared? Because that blew me away?

Yes. [general agreement] So we get more fantasised and more idealistic about our parents the more they hep it on us and take it on as our fault and our blame and our shame rather than theirs where it belongs because as a child, to take it on, is to mean death. Because then our parents can’t be trusted with our survival. So we are wrong the more they f*** us up. The more the upped the – whatever the form of abuse, neglect, denial, just being parents who aren’t paying attention who are tired and too busy to talk to you. The more they do that the more we think we’re at fault. So the more self doubt we get and the more shame we get. We’re intimidated with the world we get. Because we’re told in all those different ways through all those different years by people who are reliant on everything and who are magical to us that we’re crap. Next step. Getting addiction, remember? So as a result of that, we are going to take on different identities and we are going to do an exercise on this in the next segment if you guys are up for it.

Yes. [general agreement] I think we need alcohol – no, just me.

[General laughter} Yes, of course it’s alcohol time.

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That would be nice.

Yeah, that would be nice. Get some red wine in, crackers. So then we take on labels, I’m alone, I’m shamed. There’s a whole list I’m going to hand out to you guys really soon after this break and we take on these labels and out of that we get the fizz. And the addictions. Yes. Sharon, I’d just like to ask a question. You're talking about the family, because I come from an Asian society and we’re a very collective society, particular for China and oh, basically the empowerment to tell us we have to self criticise. Right, so we grow up and we say everything we’re doing we have to selfcriticise first. And then we can contribute to society, that’s where normal society is. So I would like to ask how to change the perceptions because – How to change society? [general chit-chat] I love your confidence in me. [general laughter] We have 230,00 Asian people living here, right and the Chinese society isn’t much, we are growing like this society, and then the culture.

Yes, everything you are saying is true. Let’s start with you. If you want to change the world, start with yourself, what do you reckon?

Yes. [general agreement] (1:10:03) family and this society imbalance.

Yes, the cultural norms, yes, you're spot on. And that is a particular deep version of f***ed up-tom, the way Asian parents – it is a really big version of f***ed up. Not all families but you've got to be perfect – you're the dragon mother and you're going to be perfect.

Everything.

And all they do is information cram, so they’re very deductive logical thinkers, unfortunately, but lacking creativity, inductivity and don't know self. Get them in the room. 230,000, let’s do it. We’ll start with you. Great observation. So what do you think of this model.

Love it. [general agreement] It is amazing and are you guys relating to it, feeling it, getting it, thinking yeah.

Sharon it’s (1:10:50) so we grow through these stages and we convince ourselves that (1:10:56) be it physically, mentally or verbally is okay in a particular environment and the more we convince ourselves that that’s okay, then even if we don’t want to reproduce it, because we’ve got the belief that it came from a loving space and it didn’t really hurt us that much –

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Well, violence in households is even worse because again we’re going to idolise and fantasise their perfection.

Yes. And the more the hit on us the more they must be right because we must be s***, yeah.

We caused it.

Having said that, I’m not letting anybody off the hook. That doesn’t mean to say you then perpetrate violence because we have choice. And that’s what we’re getting to. You know, the whole point of this training isn’t just to say oh, my god it’s all f***ed. It’s okay, so what are we going to do about it and flip it and start owning our stuff instead of sitting in.

And you can change it.

Of course you can, absolutely. So the next thing I want to share – hang on – the next thing I want to share about this later approach I have with this mode, are you guys liking this model?

Yes. [general agreement] The issue I want to share is this: at any point where our development is stymied, is stopped through this, we are now as an adult still living at that stage.

Yes. [general agreement] So if we’re parents or we’re change agents, we are walking adults with the mind and the thoughts and the heart of that 4-year old who didn’t – because here’s the thing, all of this is leading to self-trust and self-love. You guys are on to me aren’t you?

Yeah.

It’s all about - you guys had that and you saw that coming didn’t you? Just say yes?

Yes. [general agreement] It’s all about self (1.12.29) laughs, but that’s what we’re still fighting for and we think we’re on this journey of self love, but until this is uncorked and we can get going again we actually try to self love a 3year old – how are we doing here?

Yeah.

But we haven’t dealt with – I’m going to stop running soon, but we haven’t dealt with this.

Yeah. ([general agreement] I reckon. What do you reckon.

Yes.

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That’s where I’m at and you know, I’ve been in this industry for 13 years now, a lot of you have known me for that whole time and you know, ups, downs, successes, and on the surface looking great and underneath pretty good too. But it’s only pretty good because I am really mindful that whatever is going on on the surface, will be a wonderful opportunity to reflect whatever shame or pain I took on board back then from my parents who meant well. And this has to keep up with me, or I’m going to get to a point where I’ll be miserable with my success. Or I’ll say is this all there is.

Yes. Or what’s the point?

Yes. Or I’m throwing it all in. I see it happen all the time. It becomes unsustainable because there’s nothing deep here knowing how to sustain all of that. So the trust and self love we’re aiming for, which I think is everybody’s – it’s upon all of us if we want to live our true lives and be our true selves, so we know through self trust and self love, everything else is fear. How am I doing?

Yes. It’s kind of got to be that’s the ticket, that’s the cost of admission to have the life we want and to live our true selves, the cost of admission is self love and self trust. Wow. That’s to get back to where we started.

That’s to get back to core. The joy, creativity, the courage, the resilience. Expressiveness. And I’ll just say it again, whatever trust we’re trying to build over here is a House of Cards if we don’t onboard this, because these – what we learnt as trust levels as a 2-year old or a 3-year old is nothing compared to what we need to learn now, because then it’s all about ourselves. Now we’ve got the complication of other relationships and people are relying on us. And business relationships and family and friends.

There’s a lot more. It’s not just us. So we have got to re-learn and earn all the steps. You don’t just unplug it and go yep, I now trust. So that’s what I thought we would do. [general agreement] Hanging out for a couple of days, do some stuff round that. Get it wrong, get it right. Yeah.

Does birth (1:15:11) come into it along the way?

Yeah, I can do a whole thing on that but not on this weekend. Not when I start at 11, what the f*** was that about? [general laughter] So you guys have got a number. You guys have a number?

Yes.

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We need some stuff bumping into some stuff. Has everyone got a number?

Yes. Yes, I know. So before I go to a break what I want you to – guys – what you are going to do is you've got numbers 1 to 7. Has everyone got a number?

Yes. Excellent, that’s fantastic. And that number 1 to 7 is an indicator of the group you will be in. So it will be group number 1, group number 2, etcetera. When you go to your break you are going to at least say hello to your group. Or you can do it in the room – just go to your groups. So you guys figure out where you're going to stand and figure it out and groups 1 to 7 go ahead. Find your groups.

END OF RECORDING (1:16:10)

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Day 1 - Section 2: Let’s get into it. I keep going to start and then – I’m not too sure what to do. My singing perhaps doesn’t quite receive the respect it deserves. How are you all doing? Let’s just take a minute and start getting back – you guys are obviously on time – you can spread the word amongst your teams, because we’re 15 minutes behind and now we’re 20 minutes behind. And that’s the way it goes, so yeah, would you do that for me? [general agreement] Yeah, thank you. So how are you doing? How was Segment One and what did you learn? What did you love? Let’s have a chat and we’ll get into it as people dribble in. [indistinct] Covered a lot?

Yeah.

Carry on. Yes? The more I learned the less I actually know.

Oh, I feel the same. Oh yeah. How many people can relate to that one? Yeah, I’m a big believer in that one. I love having that feeling about myself with my learning journey. Yes? I learnt about how it comes from [indistinct] and then where we are now, [indistinct].

Yes. That’s the journey. That’s this technique that I put together. I’m so excited. I’ve gone really happy.

Who else? What else would you like to share? Please.

I loved the more you learn the better you become. The more s*** comes up.

And do you relate to that? Because when I was saying that I saw you nodding frantically – yeah, you get it.

Yes, I’m glad I’m here.

Yes. Good. Who else can relate to that, that something goes well and then the realisation that if that’s not well – I’ll deal with that later. [general agreement] I’m working on that. What else? Yeah.

I like that you get somewhere and see its s*** but you can keep going and not be dealing with it. It doesn’t keep up with – yeah.

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Yeah, this gets a bit crumbly and not on a very good foundation. Yeah, I’m working with a client right now in Sydney and their business has just boomed. It’s gone from in one month doing $500k I think they did $5 million plus last month. Just in a month.

Wow. Yes.

Yeah, approach.

Not the bottom of my story but have you tried their place?

Anyway, the

problems they have when they’re doing $500k a month are still there. [general agreement] It’s kind of the same thing. All you did was magnify what’s not working. You’re just going to get more of that.

Wow. Mmm. So – yes?

I love it how it also gives us that thought that we’ve never actually arrived.

Oh, yeah.

Like I’m not there yet. But we’re on the roll.

Yeah. And hopefully you’re – part of my being so open about the fact that I’m not all together and neither is anyone, is the realisation you don’t arrive. It’s all a work in progress. I face a new challenge or a new opportunity and other stuff presents itself and often I’m like, okay so this is my life. This is living. There’s not an arrival of – that’s it, I’ve got my s*** sorted. Yet. And does that give you guys’ permission to just have the journey instead of thinking I wonder when I have money, that will somehow equal I feel good and loving. There’s no equation. [general agreement] There is no equation. Having said that, I’d rather be rich and get pressured together than poor and get it.

Mmm. Is that okay? [general agreement] And it’s just where I’m at. It’s a stage that seems to have caught on for a number of decades now. Who else? There was someone over here. Yeah, here then there, then here.

And also when you’re explaining the stepping stages to the addiction.

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Yep. Because it’s something that happened for myself in my business is that the business is going really well the last couple of years but in temptations and a bit of gambling, things like that. So that was good.

Yep. Thank you for honesty. I appreciate it.

That’s alright. I’m just helping understand maybe why that happened.

Yes. And so I’m really curious about the next stage you do it.

Yeah, except all the steps – we’re going to do it all today. A whole clearing process. Here’s the thing.

The addiction you’re experiencing or the beginnings of that, it sounds like you’re just dabbling with getting committed to cracking that up. How am I doing here?

Yeah.

It’s - you’re dating. Heavy petting. [laughter] You’re almost down his pants. [laughter] And I saw it coming. And you could say it’s because I’m under so much pressure. How am I doing? I’m under so much pressure or you don’t know what I’m going through, or – and you think it’s – but it’s actually the pressure valve back here that hasn’t been dealt with. That seems to be wearing out with the work I do. Do you relate to that? [general agreement] Yeah. But that’s simply a trigger, because of that. And if that’s resolved, this trigger’s not needed.

Yeah, cool. Yes? Thank you. And then we’ll go over here.

I like the fact that you talked about – this is centralisation and you’re going to help us doing it.

Yeah.

Steps that we can do to do that.

You’re going to do the steps. Yeah.

Yeah. You’re going to show us the steps that I can do.

Yep. Good. And they are really little steps. Who thought the game I set you guys up to do, invited you to do with the groups – it’s actually a pretty easy game. What are your thoughts? Talk to me.

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Yep. Yep. Mmm. So seeing none of the ribs got together and decided to be kind to Sharon was one of the commitments. [general laughter] There I go again. It was easy game. [audience: yay] Hang on, we’re going here next. There was behind you and then – Oh sorry. I was listening to this gentleman about an addiction thing and what I’ve noticed is that some people use that kind of thing as a kind of celebration of their success.

What? Addiction?

Yeah, like I’m going to go out and have a great time and then it becomes a habit that you have of celebrating your success. Like throwing it all away. It’s crazy, like.

Yeah, well that’s the whole – I don’t know if I’m worth crappola – yes. Yes, go you.

It’s interesting to see how well sometimes we – well, most of the time we’ll avoid losing what we already have.

Yeah, who liked the hoarding idea that we’re going to – thank you – we’re going to hang onto what we’ve got rather than pursue where we think, who we think we want to become. [general agreement] I’m finding that right now in business, it feels like I’m reaching a certain level of success, is even as things are creeping in about order and to perhaps not lose that.

Yes. So if I’m innovating and changing and growing----It becomes repetitive and guarding. I get it. Yes? My take was labelling the shame. Being able to label it and once you do that then you can cope with some of it.

Yeah. And knowing everybody has that. No one’s alone. Is everyone convinced of that? [general agreement]

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Everyone’s got secrets and shame and stuff they hope no one knows. Everybody has. No exception. I find that very comforting knowing you’re with me on this level. Thank you for keeping me in such good company. [laughter] Yes? It reminds me of an old thing I heard once. It’s says “You’ve got to sing to be saved.” Sort of about the awareness of – well, we all f*** up. We all do.

I love that. So when I hear that, what I hear is – again, I can’t work it in isolation – conceptually I work on it with you and through our relationship. And this thing’s going to appear in our relating. Because conceptually we’re perfect. When we go and read about this stuff and work on ourselves alone and read and study DVD’s, oh yeah, I’m totally into that. Oh Sharon, totally resonates with me. F***ing love it. Great message. Totally describing what I am here. And then – S*** is back.

S*** is back there. Oh okay, go back to the DVD. And we think we’re going to hell. I’m not a fan of – you go back to the DVD – no, that’s just a vehicle if you like for getting the sin happening. [general agreement] To have the fear come up and learn in the fear how to be different. [general agreement] Yeah, good insight. Yeah?

What resonated with me was when you mentioned this ruby gel of perfection and how this is used around our lives to [indistinct]. All the same. All listening the same way. All learning the same way.

Yep. All learning the same stuff.

The same stuff, or not learning. I’ve got 3 kids and 2 of them are artistic, you know, creative and all that and in their primary school I apologised every time for my kids not doing anything. And at the end of the day I said “Look, you’ve got to work a finer system to fit my kids.” That’s what you’ve got to do.

They are ordered in their own way. You can’t make anyone----Yes. That’s not going to happen but I love the dream. [general agreement] Yes, I just said to them next [indistinct] happen.

Yeah.

That’s it. Get on with it. I’ve always thought well I’m from Africa so I’m different, and so I can----Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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I’m digging this lady’s accent right now. Just digging it. Man alive, I love it. Keep going.

I just told them “Bulls***” all the time. And I felt, you know, this rebellious Mum that is always fighting, it’s always so comforting for me to hear people talk about their own kids and the way that they’re handling. And I’m like “Yes, this is it.”

You feel validated. That if your kid doesn’t fit into the mainstream, they haven’t been squashed yet. [general agreement] That’s what I’m at, what do you reckon? If you’re kids are outside the mainstream, awesome. [applause] I love it. Apparently we’ve got enough people doing mainstream. Mainstream’s covered. That job’s taken. Hallelujah. Let’s go and find the other stuff. [general agreement] Good on you. Thank you. We’ll take one more and then we’ll get into the next bit. Michelle?

For me what’s landed Sharon is the 3% that you said about creativity.

Oh, yeah.

That’s like the 97% therefore is the adults. It’s us. And if the journey is to go back to there, then creativity must be brought into the space. However it can.

Yeah. And how I learned that was so many years with you guys. You were the students and wonderful members and the question was constantly “Sharon, how do you do inductive thinking?” Requests I get a thousand times at any event. “How do you think outside the box? How did you come up with this?”

They’re asking me of creativity and self-expression. [general agreement] So we’ve got to do this because there’s only so many ways I can answer it based on who I am as an adult because it’s something I did clear back then – thank goodness – I had to do something, so I can tap into that. Because it’s in us. [general agreement] And it’s everyone, so you’re – given that one figure – that 3%, that is just a scary number.

It’s horrible.

Because if we’re all along this timeline and the role is really to go back, we need to get back there as soon as possible.

Yeah.

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Yeah. Well said, yeah. So we can tap into our true selves. [general agreement] Yeah, love it. So shall we do the next bit? [general agreement] So how did your discussions go with getting together as groups? Don’t just say good, okay, great.

They’re not words I respond to. Yeah?

We’ve already experienced buffing, and now we can celebrate it, because we know that it’s pumping and let’s----Something to learn. Yeah. Great.

Yeah, let’s have a look at it. Really, really, good.

Great. Who’s got some secret whales happening already?

Yes, here.

Yeah? We need to get that numbers everybody. So I’ve just done a post on my Facebook fan page – of course, you’re all members and following – just say “Yes” to make me feel better. [audience: yes] Some of you look a bit blank about this thing called Facebook. You need some help there, but if you’re on Facebook and you’re following, I’ve just done a post. A wonderful photo of all of you guys out there and waving. It’s fantastic. And the person who writes the very best expression of this and what we’re creating together, I’m going to give a complete set of all my books as a gift for you to give as gifts to people. So let’s just keep learning how to put it out there, keep sharing generously – I can do that – keep expressing but also I want to reward the kind of stuff that’s going to help you get out there, contribute and give and give. So are you guys excited about that? [general agreement] So there’s not a rush to do it. It’s just over the next two days, whoever has done it, we’ll just decide together, as to the one that contributes the most in terms of the post. We’d love to reward you and give you a hug. What do you reckon? [general agreement] Okay, so we’re going to do some stuff. Okay. Never done this before in a group so are you with me? [general agreement] Okay, here we go. Blow streamers – this is for you. Okay. So before we do this stuff, we need to be very clear on who we want to become. So if in everything I teach, I’m always thinking to start with the Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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end in mind. And I know if you’ve been with me at all, you’ve done endless exercises on writing down your true selves and writing your goals. We’ve done this. So I’m going to do a complete unconscious exercise. We’re going to do it differently. But feel free in the break to do it the more traditional way if you want to. So what we’re going to do is I’m going to ask you a question and then we’re going to do some unconscious work if you guys are up for it. It’s completely voluntary. You don’t have to close your eyes and photo over your timeline if you don’t want to. You can just stare at me and go “I don’t believe in this s***. I’m okay too.” Do you get that it’s for you? So are you guys in? [general agreement] Yeah, okay, so great. So what we’re going to do is we’re going to start with a question. Go forward in time to the end of your life, and what would the three lessons you’re so grateful you learnt? And why?

Just go forward in time however you choose, and you’re standing before – you with your last breath.

And what are the three lessons you learned and you’re so grateful you learned? And why? And you can write them down. Are you conceptualising any of them? Watch me do this.

I was randomly going to.

I want you to feel it. Because remember there’s three addictions, and one of them is conceptualising.

Remember that? We talked about it. Feel it. So has everyone got one?

Yep. Mmm Yeah.

Has anyone not got any? Has everyone got one? You’re still waiting to get one? It’s just at the end of your pen. Write it. Okay, we’ll just wait for her.

Sorry.

Who taught you to apologise for taking your time with something that matters to you? What’s your name?

Anna.

Anna, that’s right. Who taught you that you need to apologise to take the time for what you need to do? Cut that. Take your time. Has everyone got one? Anna, have you got one?

Yeah.

Great. So just put pens down and please stop conceptualising. Please. That is my reputation. If you’d like to you can go ahead and close your eyes and just enjoy the journey we’re about to go on. Feet flat on the floor is always best. Not worrying about the flicking of the pen and that stuff. This is just a gift for you if you’d like to. And I want you to just go ahead now and take a deep breath in and close your eyes and notice if you like to that you can just float a little way above you in this room and look down on here and know you’re safe. And just nod when you know that you’re safe. Please nod when you

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know that you’re safe. Wonderful. And just go to the position where you feel the safest. Just floating above you now. And notice – if you will – that you can see your past behind you, maybe in form, filling, shape, colour, and you can see your future. And for some of you it might be a little bit fuzzy and that’s okay. Just make it a little bit more focused and nod when you can see your future laying out ahead of you. You don’t know what’s there. It might be a feeling or a shape or it might be a silver lining. Mine’s definitely silver and pink. However you experience it. And just nod when you can see your future timeline out there ahead of you. That’s wonderful. And drifting along your future timeline, go and meet your future self now. And stand before them. I think it’s polite to say hello.

Hello.

And what is it you want your future self to know right now? In your mind. Just go ahead and tell your future self what you want them to know. Some people can bring emotion up. That’s absolutely fine. It clears it, just your own conscious mind telling you it’s time to deal. Wonderful. And what is it you want your future self to know? Is it about love? Forgiveness? Maybe you’re saying to your future self “Wow, relax.” And now I want your future self to tell you what it wants you to know. What does your future self want you to know? Is it about love? Forgiveness? Is your future self saying “Relax, we’re going to be here anyway?” Is your future self saying “You’re so much more than that?” Maybe your future self is hugging you. And just telling you “Look how far you’ve come?” I’m sure your future self and you need to give the biggest hug. And coming back to now, only as rapidly as you bring all of that with you.

Knowing it always is, it always was you, always will be you. Coming back into the room and open your eyes and you’re ready. Wonderful. Wonderful. How are you all doing?

Good.

That’s a good space to be in. [general agreement] Really normal for stuff to come up. Who hears a coach and thinks that might be something worth doing with a client? [general agreement] Show of hands? So I’ll just give you a moment to take it in and enjoy and as I said, really normal for stuff to come up. Please let the tears fall. Don’t catch them before they’ve fallen from your eyes. Please trust me. Let them fall. Let the makeup fall. The moment you wipe down – away tears when you’re going through a forgiveness exercise, if you wipe away the tears too soon you’re saying you’re shaming yourself. It’s not okay to cry. It’s not okay to express. That’s the whole point of it, to express. I get snotty with my clients. And I’m not being funny. I get snotty with my clients. If my client is going through a big deal, I get emotional with them and I let it all hang out because I want them to know that there is no shame in your experiencing something that’s strong emotion. How many of us were shamed when we experienced strong emotions? Show of hands or look around the room? Who were ashamed or denied the strong emotions? Show of hands and look around the room. It’s everybody.

So if you’re client or you, you’re experiencing emotion, there is no shame in that view. If you want to

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take your time with something, you should. This is your life. Don’t apologise for you. You’re hearing me? [general agreement] Yeah? Good. So how was that exercise? Other than good, what did you discover from doing that? Or who would like to share something from that other than “Wow”? Yeah?

I’m worth it.

You’re worth it – wow. Someone give the man a hug. [applause] Wonderful. Who would like to go next? Please.

I had a conversation with my future self on how well we did.

Yeah, wonderful. And I think the man needs a hug and a hand please. [applause] I want you to see there’s a hug and a hand. What we’re doing is un-shaming and we’re awesome. Get some physicality going? Be okay with accepting love when you feel the most vulnerable. Isn’t that something we need to do?

Yes. So especially the conceptualists and the addicts among you, put your hand up. Accept the hug, accept the love. In the moment you feel it, accept it. I think you’ll really notice the difference. Please?

I just need to get on with it.

You saw you’re into what you were doing. You have permission to go.

I just need to get out there and love.

Yeah, good. I think you need to get a hug and I think we’re going to give you a hand. [applause] Who’s next? Yes, Rebecca.

Oh mine was about letting go of ego. You are absolutely beautiful and you’re all loved. For your own love.

Yeah. Wow. Did you feel it when you did it?

Oh my God. That’s amazing.

I held life.

Good for you. I think you actually deserve a hug and a hand. [applause] Yeah? Go. It was really cool.

Thank you. It was really cool.

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It was completely warped. I was sitting with my future self on this old swing and talking and it was like she bestowed upon me all the myths of the universe and then she said “And this is just scratching the surface. There is always going to be another level, it’s always going to be more. There’s never a time in your life when you’re complete, so stop chasing your end game and just enjoy the present.”

Oh my God, Gabby. That’s amazing. Hugs and a hand. [applause] Apparently I own a four wheel drive and kids, but [laughter] it’s all going to be okay what happened in the past actually isn’t hurting me anymore.

Yeah. How did that feel?

Yeah, it’s great.

Oh, wow. I see a hug coming your way and a hand. Wonderful. [applause] We have Leanne saying my uniqueness is beautiful and rocks. We’ve got Tanya saying “I’m okay. I will be okay. I can see that and I can do amazing things.” We’ve got Jill saying “I love this exercise we just did with Sharon. It’s okay to be me and tears and all around.”

Wow, so virtual hugs coming their way and a hand. [applause] Fantastic. Who’d like to go next? Yeah?

I had a beautiful reminder that everything that we need is within us, and we need to create the space to do that and where it will take ourselves.

Wow, wonderful. Hug coming your way with a big hand. [applause] Mine was my future self encouraged me to be curious, and then my future self was telling me courage to be me.

Wow. Mmm. Yeah.

How did you feel about that?

I love it.

Yeah.

Yeah. That it’s okay to be me. And it’s okay to be wrong and it’s okay that – yeah.

Wow, wonderful. You have a hug coming your way with a big round of applause. [applause] I learnt that I am now [indistinct].

Wow. That’s a big one.

Yeah. Really huge.

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How’s it feel?

It’s like trying on a new pair of shoes. You just need to sit with it. It’s not something you’re quite ready for. So – yeah.

Thank you for sharing that. That’s a big one. Yeah. You have a hug coming your way and a big hand. [applause] It actually took me a while to find my future self. I was thinking oh well, places really – hold our future me – and then when I expected that, I’d never had this kind of exercise before, and I was surprised because I wasn’t expecting that.

And what did you discover?

And my future self told me that I could actually relax and do this because I’m going to live for a long time.

Okay, wow. And that’s a good thing, right? Yeah. A hug for you and a round of applause. [applause] Mine was let go. Let’s the walls come down and go deep.

Wow. Hug him immediately now. [applause] Whenever someone shares and it’s about vulnerability and letting go and you’re having the feeling of letting go which you just did – immediately reward it.

Always reward openness and vulnerability with love. Always. So that was great. Thank you. Yeah?

I like just asking for a hug from Nathan there, when he was expressing how he felt, just the honesty and vulnerability, I thought it just put me in place just like – zen, yeah.

Yeah. So what happened? When a man – so Nathan is considered a man, his size, the way he holds himself, man not boy – when a man expresses vulnerability we all grow. [general agreement] Did you feel it? They’re the moments, because their assumptions about who will express vulnerability and assumptions about who will not. [general agreement] And when a strong man does, if you don’t reward it, what are you telling other strong men? That it’s not okay. We’re perpetuating the shame of everything we talked about in the first segment. [general agreement] So whenever you see a strong man expressing vulnerability, a truth, a feeling of let go, of trust, and not holding on so tightly which is what these guys are trained and conditioned to do from a young age – how am I doing Nathan? That was your conditioning. The moment you see that – all love. [general agreement]

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All love coming their way. Are you loving it? [general agreement] So another hug for him immediately. [applause] Let’s look at that for a moment. Remember the first segment, where we said there is a moment when we are denied – remember? Ignored, or other behaviour is rewarded. [general agreement] So when you do this exercise and you face one of those moments, and you express it, man, you want to do anything but shame it. So we can’t ignore it. We can’t deny it. And we must reward it. And we’re starting to reverse what happened. And it feels pretty good, doesn’t it? [general agreement] Did you feel it?

Mmm. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that. Is there anyone else who would like to share?

You get a hug. It’s really good. Yes? I’ve experienced gratitude from my future self to my current self for not giving up and giving in. That was – thank you for doing that, because now we all enjoy this and it’s not just my thing but the people that I served. I see a whole bunch of people and so my future self says “Thank you for not giving in or giving up.”

Wow. You have a hug your way and a big round of applause. [applause] Is – there is room to move and I can play a bigger game.

Yeah. I wonder if you didn’t. Mmm. I feel – ah.

That fried you. That just fried you. All your knowledge just went – pfft. [laughter] Someone share something that just happened, because I do know you a little bit. May I share? Openly?

Yeah.

Thank you.

I knew you would say yes, but I just wanted to check.

What happens is back here,

somehow you’re family – your tribe – taught you to go for it. How am I doing? So when you just did that exercise you’re just confirming the expectations they have of you.

Right.

That wasn’t you. That’s for you they moulded you to be.

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Right.

Mmm. That’s you confirming – yeah. And I could tell by the way you said it, it was just regular Kelly – going for it. I didn’t hear the – I know when you’re on a message, there’s a softness and a kindness to when you go to speak, and there’s a deep sense of wow, that’s new. That is not new from you. That is the Kelly that I know. So I know it’s more of this crust.

Right.

Yeah.

You’re right.

And that’s why I said to you, what if you didn’t – because you’d be letting down all of them firstly. [indistinct] There it is. I can tell you now back in core your identity was not to be a go-getter.

No, I got pushed, like.

Yeah, and cool. We created, we’re being, we’re in the moment, we’re loved and joy and curiosity and courage and zillions of able flexibility and expressiveness. I’ve got a hand up for you on all of this. So it must be true. [laughter] Because I want you to question it too. And then external forces come along and start moulding us because of their own neurosis.

Yeah.

Yep. Yeah.

And they don’t mean to do anything. They just think they’re doing well by you and they’re going to get creative go-getters who will always be safe and always be happy, but the price of that is you adopt it and this is kind of the punch line to the whole training – It’s never good enough.

I can never be, because it’s constantly measured. Yes, you’re getting there. [general agreement] Yeah.

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And what’s – to me – worse, and I use that word carefully, is we begin living this life that we’ve been shaped to live really well. And so we forget that it’s not who we really are. How am I doing here? [general agreement] So we were wondering when we get to here and things start happening, this doesn’t feel right.

Yeah.

What the f***? It’s meant to be better than this. I was promised this would be really epic. [general agreement] Where’s the epic? [laughter] I want my epic. And it – and it – and it – You’re in the uncomfortable zone though.

Hang on. Stay with me on this logic path. So we’re going for it based on confirming an identity that was given to us was never us. So we just get really good – and you’ve got really good at that.

I get to chasing, but when I get to comfort I’m like, got nothing. I’ve got no motive----So I’m going to suggest that the next exercise is going to be great for you. Yeah. Who wants to get related to Kelly and what she just shared? [general agreement] Yeah? That maybe the future self you met was still confirming the story. [general agreement] So you do get a hug and you get a round of applause. [applause] [indistinct] Hopefully you got more than just that. That’s great. We’ll go over here. Yes? I just wanted to share – happy to share my thing but I don’t know anyone else – I really struggle to see the future. She was quite – couldn’t get – She was running away from you?

No. She wasn’t a lot into the future. She was pretty much a couple of years older than me, like not – What meaning did you give her?

Just not letting go, you know? I couldn’t get to there, so one of the messages was just be present because I’m finding for the future and forgetting to look at today.

You got what? Sorry.

Just to be present in the moment because my visions are so far in the future, that you actually forget today’s happening.

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Good.

So it was just to----Sounds like it was a great message.

Oh it was a wonderful message.

Yeah. How does that feel?

Oh it’s beautiful. I had to sit with it. I couldn’t put my hand up because I didn’t know if anyone else was feeling that, but yeah, it had to come and I had to sit with it for a while, but – Do you feel your present now?

Very much so.

Wow. Give the lady a hug. [applause] Cheryl’s saying “I was brought up to be seen not heard. Not to have an independent thought. My purpose and goal is to get over that limitation.” I’ve got Carol saying “We started to be really good at living the life that we were shaped to live in. We forget who we really are.” I’ve got May saying “I was brought up with lots of rules so for me it’s do not have to play by the rules.”

Wonderful. Who was that last one?

May Tan. May, what I’ll say with you with that one – again to me, I’m hearing a reaction to, rather than getting back to the core. Do you know what I’m saying? Like, oh I’ve always been taught to follow the rules so now I just break them, is a reaction to that identity we’ve been given. It’s not going back to who we really are. And our essence – we may be someone who goes with the rules. We don’t know. But to decide now that I’m going to break the rules – do you get how the polarity isn’t necessarily an indication of the progress? [general agreement] Why were you told to do that? So now you’re not going to. It’s not necessarily the answer. We could still just be talking to the identity we’ve taken on board. [general agreement] How are we doing with this? Yes? [general agreement] Yeah, so it’s isn’t just oh my future self and then – for you Kelly it’s very much. You just met this version of you.

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[general agreement] Because remember the first question I asked you “what are the lessons you have learnt?” [general agreement] And it can’t just be “all good.” Because your answer was – the lesson you got was “I’m all good.” Just more of the same, more of the same. That can’t be the lesson.

My three lessons were different. My three lessons were to actually love unconditionally and to give unconditionally and to be my own true self.

No, it’s not what your future self was talking to you about though. Your future self just gave you an echo of more of the same of who you’ve become. Does that make sense?

Yeah, that was feelings and this was – yeah.

Head.

Yeah, it was [indistinct].

Good. Glad I was here to reflect it. Do you guys just learning a lot about how – we’re going to conform to some version of identity until we’re willing to face who we want to be. How are you guys doing with this? I don’t want to give it too much meaning because I want you guys to express all you want to experience it. Yeah?

Mine was that it’s okay to be me. Raw and vulnerable and okay with that.

Without having to be the

person that I think that I should be.

Yeah. That’s wonderful. How’s that feeling for you?

Oh, it feels horrible actually. My stomach’s churning like a scribe and I can’t – yeah – so I’m still really – I want to be that raw and vulnerable.

It comes home for you doesn’t it? That’s a big one.

Yeah.

Great. You’ve got a hug coming your way and a big round of applause. [applause] There was someone here who had their hand up. Yeah?

When I met my future self, she was a glorious and kind and so wise and so when she looked at me she saw that in me. And it’s what I’ve forgotten until now.

Wow, hug immediately everyone. [applause] Wonderful. Anyone else who’d like to share? Yes? Hello.

It’s different, really different. It was beautiful. I felt that my future self was saying to me [indistinct] and also be not frightened to give people love. Unconditional.

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Do you know the two people either side of you? You do? [indistinct] Do you know Tara? She’s going to stand up to receive unconditional love from you right now. You’re going to stand up and receive unconditional love from this woman right now. Go for it. And give them a hand. Wonderful [applause] Yes? Can I say that is just so special?

Yeah. Thank you. [general agreement] The trust. What happened just then was significant to me when I’m thinking about the work I do when I work with clients. That was significant for me because the moment – again with Nathan and with you – when someone does the thing that they’re wanting to tap into, immediately reward it. Immediately get them doing it. [general agreement] And without shame. Just get them to do it and it’s totally relevated. By a stranger. So it must be good.

Yeah.

So the re-wiring begins. How am I doing here? [general agreement] So for years that would’ve been denied in her. That’s the message she got. Yeah?

I gave whatever back then, but if other people were happy then I was happy.

Yes. Wow. For the future I was thanking me for going through the s*** and doing it and doing the hard work so that she could be magnificent.

Wow. How does it feel?

Well, I know that – my God, it’s just – if you’re happy, then of course everyone else around you is happy.

But it’s got to come from you first.

Yeah.

It was great.

That’s a big one.

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Actually that future self is almost devouring the previous, for just doing the work and to – because my future is just – What does this mean?

Oh, magnificent.

There it is. Give her a hug. Give her a hand. [applause] Any comments or observations about the exercise? Does anyone feel they need to express something at this point? Yeah?

It’s amazing and really humbling that what people are willing to share amongst others. I mean, we are all in this on the same plate if you know what I mean, but it’s really humbling. And we all have stuff.

Actually all the same sort of stuff. It’s just the details and the fluff that is different.

Yeah, well said. What’s your name?

Sam. Give Sam a hand. That’s wonderful. [applause] Very well said. Yes? For me the most surprising outcome of that exercise was when my future self was telling me what I still need to correct and that I need to work them off. It’s surprising.

That’s your addiction. You’re conceptualising.

Uh? The things I need to still work on myself.

Okay, so – here we go – excuse me. This could take a moment. So I’m going to say to you again – that is your addiction.

Yeah, my addiction.

So there is nothing surprising because you didn’t meet your future self. Who did he meet? We’ve done it already. [audience: his own self] The same confirmation of something you were taught and got rewarded back then. Does that make sense?

Yes. What if there was no – I’m going to do what I did with you – what if there was nothing you want to learn? What if what you needed was in you now? That f***s up your – yeah, I thought I’d wreck you with that. [laughter] What if all you needed was within you now and there was nothing more to learn?

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I don’t know. I – I – I think there is.

But if there wasn’t. I’ve got this.

I would be fully reliant on this then.

You would be. Fully realised. And what would that mean?

I’m at the end of the journey.

Ah, so it means the end of the journey. So what if you’re in this moment and it was about loving this moment as the end of that journey and the new one’s about to begin? What would you do then? Do you see how he tried to trick me with the concept? Did you see that? Did you see how I came back with a – I can have conceptualised. [indistinct] So what if this is the end of the journey, that moment was at the end of the journey and you were fully realised to this moment, what would that then mean?

I need to learn?

You could. You absolutely could. You could help with that feel.

Fresh?

Fresh. Good. Yeah. So you’re addiction is to conceptualisation. Just remember the three addictions?

To the [indistinct] the concept and the feeling. And we do different versions and some of us are very, very multitasking and manage to pull off all three which is quite an achievement. You do that one. So we’re going to keep working. Let the journey unfold. And then we’ll see if you would like to mess with that.

I do.

Yeah. On certain conditions because there’s skeptic in me.

Don’t worry. I want to get better.

Get better at what?

Whatever I can. I like to better myself all the time.

Okay. Guys, be present to what we’re doing. I might be working with one but surely we’re all here to serve. How am I doing here? [general agreement] So if you guys start having conversations what are you communicating to somebody who might be heading towards a vulnerable moment?

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It doesn’t matter.

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It’s not important.

My stuff’s more

important.

Guys, this is when stuff funks into stuff.

What do you reckon?

So again, you’re

conceptualising. Instead of what – your pathway won’t get you to self-love. It will get you to more knowledge. And they’re not the same thing.

Okay.

Thank you for approving of my answer. I’m glad it was right. You’re doing it again. You’re doing it again.

Yeah, I just realised that.

Yeah. So it can’t be resolved in this conversation. Let’s do the weekend together. When I said you didn’t meet your future self, if you’re wanting to really experience self-love, because self-love wouldn’t be about “I’ve got to get better.” It’s about it all. I am a one. [indistinct] Yeah, okay cool. Thank you. Who else has got something they want to share? Yeah? We’re just doing insights but go on, he can have a hug.

I want to say something because I felt shamed just before and I want to express it.

Yeah, go.

And I also want to thank you and thank you Sharon because I realised when you said what said that I don’t acknowledge somebody – I don’t even flinch my hand for anything open like that enough. And I’m going to do it more.

Yeah. He’s in the room?

No. Oh. He’s actually moving our whole family through.

Oh wow, so you can be here?

Yeah.

You have a text don’t you?

Yep. Get your phone out. What do you reckon? [audience: yes] [applause] While she’s doing that remember the questions, what are the insights you want to share about this exercise? Yep, okay?

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The insight I had was that everyone just described their future self as a being and when I did along that journey it was like different colours. And I didn’t know what that meant but – It will mean what you want it to mean. Wonderful.

Yeah, but the colours went brighter at the end.

Yeah? Good. That’s wonderful. Thank you. Thanks for sharing. Give her a hand. [applause] Yeah?

This is really special this weekend, because noticing that we can be in a room full of strangers and actually show ourselves and be vulnerable and not buried in all the s*** we’re holding onto.

Yeah. Thank you for saying that Yeah, that is just such a hit. Like, I feel I can cry because I’m always kind of holding together and this is just – not anymore.

Yeah. Give her a hand everybody. [applause] I’ll come to you. The delight for me – if I may – is this is the first training I’ve ever conducted where it’s not about you get what you – you don’t get a client or you don’t get the techniques. You get you. [general agreement] That’s – you’re doing well if you be. How’s that for a training? [general agreement] First time ever, so I’m in heaven right now that you’re responding this way to it. So thank you. Yes? Thank you so much for that gift.

You’re welcome. For sweating buckets for six weeks before this training? Yeah. [laughter] For the gift of love.

Let’s keep it real.

For the gift of the last 10 minutes for all of us.

Yeah. Thank you. Huge step to give, because that was for you. Yeah. I am so grateful. Yeah?

I was wondering if there was anyone here who did not see a future of themselves then.

Yeah, there will be people who didn’t. Yeah.

Okay. Because I didn’t.

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I know. I appreciate you looking for confirmation. I get what you’re doing there. So what meaning do you want to give it that’s going to serve you? You put your hand up. [laughter] So firstly, who else had trouble and didn’t see their future self. Show of hands, so she knows she’s not alone. A bunch of people. So remember whatever you think you’re ashamed of about a billion other people have the same secret. Are you guys onto that yet? [general agreement] Whatever you think you’ve got to hide, there’s like a billion other people hiding the same stuff so nobody knows everybody else has got the same s*** going on.

Yeah.

Does that help?

Yes, are you saying that losing yourself is willing to show?

Well, the reason you asked if anybody else is that you’re ashamed that you didn’t or that you were embarrassed that you didn’t or that you didn’t want to be different.

I was just wondering.

Okay. Well, maybe I’m helping other people who may be worrying and sitting here thinking I didn’t see my future self. Yeah, cool. Now, does it worry you because you didn’t ask just for no reason?

Yeah, I was just wondering what it was, because I’m very good at – What meaning did you give it?

I don’t know. Probably who I am now, so I come.

Okay, some work to be done. Is that okay?

Yeah.

Yeah. Is it okay for people who’s like man it didn’t go perfectly? That means I’m flawed. [indistinct talking] Come on. She got us there. [general agreement] Don’t go to new content when people respond that way. Take it on. If it didn’t go perfectly is it okay that we have a flaw, that things don’t go exactly – isn’t that the whole thing about control versus selfesteem? [general agreement] Self-esteem would be “That’s okay.”

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[general agreement] I gave it a go and I learnt something. Control would be is has to go perfectly. Why didn’t it go that way for me? Even that we can turn into a competition if you try hard enough. [general agreement] Just following on from that, for me the process wasn’t long enough. I only got to – it was only like a little bit of the future. Maybe there’d be more stuff to do.

We’re going to do it again.

Yep. Yay. And I did it that was deliberately because I could see a lot of people were getting a house and other people – man, they were going to take a little while to process it. Let’s just do it in two or three chunks throughout the day because something will need rehearsals to be able to do the event. [general agreement] Do notice that? Who knows the more you’re a rehearsal kind of person? Show of hands. There’s a bunch of people that need to rehearse it before they get comfortable with the thing, so we did the first one and then we’ll do it – how is that doing? [general agreement] I’ve got this. [laughter] I didn’t get any words or colours or anything. I just got the hug. And that was really weird because I’m very, very English and no touch.

Oh wow. Yes. [laughter] Don’t touch. [laughter] How is that feeling?

Weird.

Yeah.

We were so tense.

Yeah. If your future self gave you a hug, I’m figuring – Because we must be doing something right.

Yeah. Good on you. Anyone else got something to share about the exercise? Yeah?

She’s huggable though.

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Yeah, she’s huggable. She is. Okay, so let’s bring it back. We do the next stage and just do it. So what we’re going to do is if you just stand up for a moment, and I just want you to get some clean energy in.

So I just want you to go down low for yourself and just sweep it up. Just do that. Sweep it up. Don’t sweep down. You do your hands out, feel everybody and you sweep up. And now I want you to do it with someone with you. So I’m going to do this. [laughter during exercise] Much better. Wonderful. That feels better. That feels great. So we’re going to move into the next part of it. Who here has heard of kinesiology? [audience: yes] We’re going to have some fun right now. We’re going to have some fun. Nathan, I’m going to borrow you. Can you come down please? Give him a hand. [applause] So now we’re going to get into emotions. I’m going to start – how are you doing? Are you good to come up here? [laughter] [indistinct] Yeah. It’s – who here has those keys? Can I just have them, the bunch? So some of you might have done this experience. Some of you may not. We’re not going to get into the realms of emotions and I’m going to do a handout for you and start doing the first stage of the process. How are we all doing? [general agreement] Great. So did that feel good? [audience: yes] So if you can face me please. So that’s an energy giver, when we do that. Who’s done this before?

Yeah? [indistinct] Isn’t it wonderful?

Yes. Now as an energy giver, so what I’m going to do is I’m going to ask you to put your arm out. He’s a big strong bloke. And I don’t want you to resist – have you ever done this before?

No. I don’t want you to resist to the extent that you’re going to injure you or injure me. But just resist enough, and if you can just hold it firmly. So it’s about your strength. Yeah, you’re being a bit soft on me or is that about your strength?

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Bit soft.

Yeah. Wonderful. We’re starting to get to that. So now put your arm back out.

Wow. [laughter, applause] Or I just took your energy away.

Would you like to try again. [laughter] [indistinct] You’re right. Forward your arms out please. Cool. Good thoughts. Try now. [laughter] [indistinct talking] Good thoughts. Give it back to him. [laughter] [indistinct talking] Being our true selves. Isn’t this fabulous? [general agreement] You will get to play. When you’re strong, you’re strong.

Did I do it right? I need someone to come and [indistinct] You do. And never do that near you.

Yeah. What’d you----Exactly. Okay, so you’re quite strong when you’re strong. I want you to say your real name please. Say I am – I am Nathan John Evans.

Now I want you to lie about your name.

I am Bernard Sullivan Smith. [laughter] [indistinct talking] Your eyes are bulging. [indistinct talking] Can you say the truth please, again, and we’ll put everything back the way it’s meant to.

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I am Nathan John Evans.

Easy, isn’t it?

Mmm. Isn’t it amazing? So when you’re strong, you’re strong. Just saying. I want you to feel addition powering emotion. Don’t conceptualise it. Feel it. Go. Yep. Now I want you to feel the power in your emotion.

Oh bloody hell. [laughter] That was a good one.

Yeah, it’s good.

Yeah, isn’t it?

Yeah, you felt it.

I felt it. I knew I was going to sprain something. You need to even it up. So now what I want you to do – and this is hilarious – I want you to think about sugar.

Mmm. Yum. Got it? Yep? Now I want you to think about healthy foods. Vegetables and fruits. [laughter] Wow. So any other demonstrations you want?

No. No. Are you convinced that he’s a pretty strong man? Reckon I’m doing my best here? Give the man a hand. Thank you. [applause] We’re going to have an exercise now. It’s taking kinesiology – who has done this before? This particular thing? Some of you? Make sure you partner with someone who hasn’t, but how wonderful is this to start learning that it is your energy, that right now what’s going on, what we’re putting in here is coming out into the world.

Mmm. That the sugar thing – I just add for my own – just because I have a thing about diet and health, so that was just a sort of – if any of you were wondering where to sit on the health plane around unnecessary.

Sugar is one of our necessary ones. That was me just maybe over-delivering to a couple of people who need to put some addictions away maybe. Not looking at anyone. But the real thing is the emotion around who we load ourselves, and the emotion around when we tap into what’s not going to serve us.

I’m going to do one more demonstration with Nathan and you guys are going to break into pairs and just start working some stuff out. So Nathan, can you just come up for a moment again one more time? You guys had enough instruction? Just to figure out what works energy and what doesn’t.

Yep.

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Don’t tell me which one you’re thinking, a lie or a truth. Really go into it. Commit completely whichever way you go. Got it? What were you thinking? [indistinct] Now think of [indistinct] Slip it. Oh my God. This is obviously about me. [applause] I’m not worthy. I am worthy. Yeah. So I would like you – my invitation is to work in partners, with partners. Someone you haven’t worked with yet please, if you could find someone new to be wonderful with that would be great. And I just want you to start finding out, experiencing with truth. Do the contrast. So do the negative with the positive, disempower with the empowering, the energetic – whatever you do must end of the energetic. So energy taking is which direction?

Down.

Down, yeah.

Yeah, down.

And? [audience: up] You do that, it’s gone. Taking energy? [audience: up] Up. Why is – which way does the energy go? [audience: down] Truth? [audience: up] Right. Disempowering? [audience: down] Empowering – always end on the up. And at the end you can go nuts. Give each other – feel good?

The lies and the truth, Nathan did great. So do a lie. I’m not worthy. I’m not loveable. Whatever it is and then see what happens. Yep. And then do a truth. Now, the last question I want you to do is one where they don’t reveal what they’re doing.

So please when you’re doing that, don’t just do the

negative first and then the positive, because otherwise everyone will be onto it and think oh it’s just because you knew I was doing a negative. Does that make sense? So mix it up however you want, but just do a third one and end on a positive. So I might do a truth first and then a lie, but make sure you end on the positive. Does everybody understand? So I want you to rock out. I want you to have a good – until ten to three – in the room please. Playing – make sure your partners get plenty of time each, and just learn about the energy of empowerment. Go for it.

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[exercise] So what did you learn? Firstly, how cool is that? How amazing was that? Very. So what did you learn?

Yeah, what did you learn? [indistinct] That’s so weird. Yeah, I love it.

You’re trying to trick yourself.

Yes. With [indistinct] words.

Yes, I love that. I love that. Yeah?

I like the thought of trying to trick yourself because sometimes when your client is telling you something and we were like to you, it’s not that. You can actually test it.

Yeah, you can test it. Yes? Who – if you’re a coach – you do change work is going to integrate this immediately into their life? [general agreement] Yes, absolutely. Fantastic. Yeah?

It’s not as innate intelligence or complicated.

I love it. You see it way better than I taught it. Thank you.

Sharon it was the----You’re going to ask me a conceptual question aren’t you? [laughter] Over the phone, there’s no way we can do this too?

I have no idea. Yep. So as soon as you talk to a kinesiologist – that was the extent of my kinesiology expertise. Who else here knows more – acts more than that? Show of hands. Then the people who don’t will do. That was it. That was my entire kinesiology. But it’s a pretty good one. [applause] Who else? Any other insights? Anything else you loved? Yeah?

I think it’s amazing that we tell ourselves through our life journeys so much bulls***, how much we actually disempower ourselves.

Yeah. I love that. Well said. Yes. [applause] Yes? The change was instant.

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It changes in an instant when we speak the truth? [general agreement] Wow. Well said Sam. Well said. Yeah, give him a hand. [applause] I like that. Yes? Is there any way of doing it----Oh my God. Experts? Get ready for the question. Go. Is there any way of doing it on ourselves so that we can test ourselves about “I’m lying”?

Speaking from the experience. You have my entire knowledge of kinesiology. Really, that was it.

Who? Okay.

See me later.

Go, go. Come and speak to this lady. I love that you’re asking me what if questions. I’ve got nothing.

My answer is I don’t know. Yes? It made me rethink a whole thing about meditation. I never did believe in meditation but now I’ve meditated using the empowering thoughts like the energy difference acclamation.

Energy makes a difference. [indistinct] Yeah, wonderful. Yes? I can’t wait to practise this with my kids.

Oh, wonderful. [general agreement] Hey, if you want to get them off sugar, and this is outside the point, it’s okay. Have them have sugar and then do it. And then have them have healthy food and vegetables and have them do it. That’s what they’re doing to their body. [general agreement] The other thing we noticed was that if there wasn’t a decision it was indecisive and there was no power either.

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Yeah. Oh good.

That was pointed out nearby by my friend. Yeah.

Yeah. Good. Thank you. Yes? It was just interesting that while I was busy doing this, that it just automatically just goes down. Like, just down. So it wasn’t even the motion of watching it. It just literally happened.

Who felt it when that movement was done? [general agreement] I want to do that movement. Yes? Yes I did.

Great. Anyone else before we do the next?

I just love it how it kind of – when you asked those others it was like f***, I am good. [laughter] I passed the test.

It was like I am not worthy and if it goes – and it’s like oh f***, I am worthy. Empowering.

Yes. Oh it is. Because you accept the premise of the truth and then you say you’re not and it goes down. You’re kind of stuck with the truth. [noise] I know. [general agreement] This is really cliché. It’s really bad I suppose but the truth will set you free. It’s it.

Wow, hallelujah sister. [laughter] Yes? [indistinct] Did you do the test? Did you test?

Yes, I did.

Did you text?

Yes, I did.

Yes, wonderful. Go. Now I’ve lost it.

It’s just here. There it is.

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For working with people with poor health and I can resonate with myself, just the things that we tell ourselves that are bs about ourselves, it just drags that energy down, and of course you’re feeling like crap all the time. So when you – now, coming across other people like that you can help.

Yeah, you can help. Who’s never doing that action again for the rest of their lives? Who knew? Who knew? I can’t keep my hands to myself. Trainer stance, for those who know. Now it becomes very valuable, doesn’t it? [general agreement] Okay, shall we do the next one? [general agreement] Okay, so we have a handout for you. I went crazy these last couple of weeks. You can tell, can’t you?

This is me. With workbooks and stuff. [indistinct] Who is cranky?

Crazy.

Who isn’t crazy? Exactly. Yes, wow. Go you. Do you want to be a model? So this is the process. This is it.

Wow. Yeah. I know. Did you all get one? It’s coming. It’s coming. So has everyone got their beautiful thing?

No. Yeah? That was a trick question. Has everyone got the beautiful thing beside them right now? Did you see how I did that? Yep. Okay. Well done. So people who cry in the audience are just giving people energy. Isn’t that wonderful? Just walk around doing that every now and then. We know what we mean. So who is ready to go? [audience: ohh and ahh] Okay, so what we’ve got – the first two pages I filled in some of it as an example of what we can do.

And then I’ve given you blank ones if you want to do something else, or you want to summarise these two days, you’re going to need two pages to sum it up. So you can have a choice. We’re going to work with the one that’s partially filled out, because this is actually how it goes. It’s very, very accurate. So I’m going to walk you through a little bit of the process. I don’t want to just – here’s the danger of moments like this as a trainer. If I tell you all the steps, what do some people then do? [indistinct talking]

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They say they’ve done it. Because I explained it, people are addicted to concepts, it’s all they need. You told me the steps – already done it. Because they heard it they think they’ve done it. [general agreement] So I’m going to be a little bit vague about the steps and I’m drawing from the manual in different places so conceptual people can’t follow it logically. So their need for that addiction and control can’t be met.

How are we doing here? [general agreement] Yeah? Who’s relating to that and it’s pissing you off that I’m doing that? Yeah, I’m here for you. Our stuff is bumping. Did you see that? Our stuff is bumping. I love it. [laughter] So the big picture. In the first segment – by the way I’ll be explaining to you later today or tomorrow who do you think this piece might be pretty valuable to share with people in the world? This kind of – I’m going to share with you if you’re part of your success, we’re going to help you deliver this workshop. The whole thing. [general agreement] So we’re putting together as a facilitation box and gift and everything for you guys, so we’ll talk about it at some stage, but I heard some of you saying “I want to share that.” We’re taking care of that.

So it’s still available?

This is available if you’ve decided to get the facilitation kit, yes. The workbook, this, DVD’s edited, no Fbombs.

Oh really?

No F-bombs. Not one. For schools.

Oh. Yeah. We’re doing the whole thing. We might do an adults only version though because – some of you would be a little lost without Shazza dropping it but anyway. [laughter] [indistinct talking] Yes. Yes. So this is how it works. What we’re going to do now is we’re going to identify privately just a couple of significant – do you remember I did the first session here? The timeline? [audience: yeah] A couple of significant emotional events that have – and you can – and conceptual people are now worried, what if I can’t remember one. Okay? So I’m taking care of you first. It’s okay if you don’t remember exactly what it was. It is just a feeling of ickiness. Are you guys hearing me? [general agreement]

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You don’t need to know the exact event. You don’t need to know your age. You don’t have to recall anything. It is absolutely fine for it just to be a sense. Is everybody on board with this, yes? [general agreement] Anyone still thinking you have to know it for this to work?

I don’t know.

You don’t know? Perfect. Absolutely perfect. You don’t know – it will work absolutely perfectly.

Covered everyone? [general agreement] Great. And as a result of that, you’re just going to trust your intuition to pick – because we’re going to do the emotional conversations and emotions right now – how they’ve caused you to feel. And I want you to pull it from this list. Just trust me. Yeah. There’s a thing. [indistinct talking] No, you’re going to circle.

Oh. So don’t do it yet. And so you’re activity addicts, rushing to do the activity. [laughter] So is everyone following me? You’ve come up with significant emotional event. It can be how many – any significant emotional events. What’s the right number?

Three. [laughter] What’s the perfect number?

Six. Five.

2.3. Yeah, so the perfect number is whatever perfect number is for you. And if that answer is none, guess what? That’s – Bulls***.

Perfect. You can’t get this wrong. We’ve covered it. So people are freaking out already like it’s a test.

It’s not. So you’re just going to put down whatever significant emotional event is, if it’s just a sense it’s fine. And as a result of that you’re going to circle which one do you relate to the most, or the most strongly. That’s all we’re going to do. That’s it. And then the next step is – we’re going to do the next step in the next session, and we’re moving towards the three layers of self. So the three layers of self which is the whole point of this workshop is at our core. Who are we at our core?

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Love.

Love.

Love.

Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Creative.

Arty.

Creative.

Creativity. Curiosity. Courage. Resilience. Behavioural flexibility. The passion and the compassion and the I-am-ness, and knowing of me. [general agreement] Then giants come along. Big people. With their stuff and it bumps into our stuff and their stuff wins. [general agreement] And their stuff must be right which means we need to be wrong. And then so we take on that we feel.

Is everyone following? [general agreement] And then we feel we start telling ourselves – which we’ll do in the next session – don’t rush to complete – we start telling ourselves stories to make that what? [audience: truth] Truth. And we keep building evidence that it’s truth. Who’s relating to this? [general agreement] Yeah. Thank you. And we keep telling ourselves. And then we decide who we have to be based on all of that and that’s the crud we want to hide. How are we doing here? [general agreement] We’ve got to present ourselves to the world as together and how am I doing? [general agreement] Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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So we present a crust. People pleasing. Addiction, or whatever the pattern is that we do and there’s a whole list I’m going to share with you. And that’s how we get to that. So procrastination is on that list I hope.

Yes, it is.

Yeah. And that’s how it happens. So when you guys ask me – procrastination – I’ve got a few steps we’ve got to talk about. How are we doing? [general agreement] So that’s where we’re heading. But right now all we’re going to do is have a chat about emotions. It’s all we’re going to do and then we’re going to go back into the significant emotional events exercise. So there’s different schools of thought, and I’m so glad to have this conversation with you. I’ve never really had an opportunity to do this so it’s wonderful. If you follow Dr John Demartini – who’s followed him?

Great. His school of thought is all emotions are valid, have a place and should be, need to be validated, included. There is the Tony Robbins school of thought. Who’s heard of Tony Robbins? [general agreement] That was funny. It really was. And his school of thought is what?

All leads out.

All the leads out. Come on, what’s your school of thought and emotions? All empowering emotions.

Manage the stage. Super on. I am not comfortable with either of them. Neither of them are working for me. [indistinct] Yeah. Say what? So here we go. With the Demartini school of thought where all emotions are valid, that’s true to a point. But if the emotion you’re addicted to – Is not empowering you.

Is causing you to live a lie, I’m sorry but how much validation does it need? [general agreement] Before you’re going to change it.

Mmm. Is that sitting okay with you guys? If it’s not please let me know. I’ve put a lot of thought into this. [general agreement]

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True? So if we’re here and we had shame and we’re now hiding who we really are to please the giants, and we’re living a life based on that lie and we then think we should validate all the feelings that lie has, I’m sorry but I reckon we’ve got some work to do. [general agreement] So I’m not comfortable with every feeling that gets validated and I’ll tell you why. I know there are three patterns that go on.

There’s the – we’ve either got over disciplined or under disciplined or

inconsistently disciplined. And if we’re under disciplined we are overly dramatic – as a generalisation, I’m sure there’s plenty of exceptions – overly dramatic, tap into emotions way too easily particularly that empowering one because that’s the way we control people around us. I’m not validating that. [general agreement] I’m not going you’re just being yourself because why?

Because they’re not.

Because they are not. Do you guys get the logic? They’re not being themselves. Who are they being?

Someone else.

Who they were taught to be and what for their reward is. So how much validation does living a lie get? [audience: none] Not much.

Mmm. Yeah? So that’s why I’m not that into John Demartini where all emotions have validity. If you’ve done the work, absolutely. But if you’re addicted to particular emotions that are causing you to stay in this loop that we’re talking about, how much validation do you want before it becomes an addiction. You get addicted to the validation rather than doing something about it. [general agreement] So that’s the first school of thought. The second school of thought I’m really familiar with is Tony Robbins work, which is it’s got to be empowering, a resources based is the only way to go. You can have anger resourceful states. It’s the extreme of mass [indistinct], massive self-belief, pump yourself up seventy, seventy, seventy. That’s really harsh to me. [general agreement] Anyone else? I love Tony Robbins. I think he’s an amazing human being. I have bought everything he’s ever sold. I endorse every program he’s got. Huge fan. Not criticising, because some of you might be thinking you can’t say that about Tony. Yeah, I can. But I need us to be mature enough to have a

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conversation with it. So how are you guys doing with this no s***? Does it strike you as a little harsh that no matter what we’re going through, I’ve got this? [general agreement] Oh, I’m tired. [general agreement] Yes. It actually sometime does.

Yeah.

Sometimes we have s*** days.

Sometimes we have s*** days. And sometimes we don’t want to be resourceful. We want to be something else. [general agreement] How are we doing here? I’ve got a husband who indulges that a little bit and it ends happily. I’m good.

Don’t mess with it. Oh, it’s funny. What are your thoughts on this? You’ve gone kind of quiet. Are you processing the differences? [general agreement] And then there’s another school of thought that however you feel, that’s you being yourself. [general agreement] No. No way.

No. No. Unless you’ve done some work on this, who are you actually being?

Who the giants want you to.

Who the giants have told you to be. [general agreement] Unless you’ve done the work, in which case rock along with your good self and have those emotions.

Absolutely. Because they’re appropriate and they’re in context and they’re suitable to the situation.

And they’re going to move us forward and they’re going to – all of that. Rock on, but we’re not here discussing how we’re rocking out. What’s the point of learning? If you’ve got it you’re got it. We’re here

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to deal with the stuff that maybe is not working, so these are the major schools of thought that I’ve been looking at. And none of them are sitting that well with me. Anybody else got any thoughts on this? Are you with me so far on this? On my logic trail?

I was going to say sometimes a little bit of gratification at not being able to hold yourself up anymore.

Just wallow for a little while.

Yeah. Yes, and I do wallow. I’m particularly good at it. Thank you for noticing. But when I’m doing the Tony Robbins version I get tired. [general agreement] It’s exhausting.

I do too.

Just not the energy – is it high energy? No, it’s just – I’m certain – there are other flavours of me that are a lot more flow-y and vulnerable and warm.

Yeah.

And trust me, I know, if you know me for all the years I’ve been doing this journey – I modelled Tony Robbins for the first three years. Everything except for the size of the man’s head. [laughter] I nailed it. Everything. Like how he did interventions. His attitude. How he set goals. I can do Tony Robbins. I can model him. You’d think it was except for some noticeable differences.

Does it take the natural flow of life away? Like----Yeah, because there can only be one beat.

Yeah.

And it’s denying me personally, some of the flavours of me that I want to experience.

Yeah.

Mmm. Yeah.

Sometimes I don’t – hang on, I don’t want to be certain, I want to be curious. [general agreement] Sometimes I don’t want to be certain or curious. I want to be observer. Sometimes I don’t want to be observer or curious, I want to be intuitive at that moment.

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[general agreement] I want the flavours. I don’t want – here we go, we’ve got to do it, we’ve got to find a way. I also don’t want to be the person – and you might’ve noticed if you’ve come to my other events where I do some more interventions – where I don’t want it to be no matter what, you’re going to turn this around. How many times have you heard me say yep, let’s build a site for you. [general agreement] Let me know if you want to do something about it. It’s not that you’ve got to. You’ve got to change it.

Sometimes self-awareness is enough for some people and let them be comforted by the fact they’ve got awareness. So that’s where I am at.

Yes. Mmm. How’s it sitting with you guys? [general agreement] You’ve never spoken about this. I’m hanging out there right now, swinging in the wind. [laughter] Yes? That Tony Robbins model, which I love as well----Totally.

There’s a real expectation. Do you notice it’s really high? You feel like you might win it or might fail as well.

Yeah.

So you then decide you’re only letting your clients down. I find it’s a coat. Some clients are not actually ready for that massive change. They actually just need that awareness.

Yeah.

Mmm. Yep. Yeah. And I’ve got to say for a lot of my clients, they just want love.

They want love.

Yeah.

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Oh my God. Can I say how many clients – and maybe it’s where I’m at in my life – is really just about love. [general agreement] It’s not about certainty or conquering or we’re going to go do stuff. It’s more I just want to be enough being me. [general agreement] So that’s more where I’m coming from with this exercise. Thank you for sharing. Who else?

I think at sometimes I get extremes of like, the emotions and such like work. Some people think you need to be or this is a good place. People are actually quite complex and end up somewhere drifting in the middle. So extremes aren’t helpful for them. So like with Tony Robbins, it’s like if you’re on stage, that emotion pumped, 5,000 in front of you----And love it.

Rocked on, you know. But if you’re one to one and they’re crying their heart out, come on! Rock on!

That’s not going to work is it? [laughter] And I will say he doesn’t do that.

No. He is incredibly – he’s the best coach I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen all the good ones. He’s not that. But I’ll give you a point. Has anyone seen him do – like when he does one on one work? It’s unbelievable.

I’ve seen some of his stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, so to me, the vulnerability and closeness to self and closeness to love is a more valuable experience we’re going to have than certainty. Because certainty comes as a result of moving closer to self. [general agreement] How am I doing here? [general agreement] Yes? I need you to follow my logic. So it’s not really about – I’m not going to be really certain because I call that faking to your Maker. And I don’t like faking to my Maker. I like to have made it and then shared it. That’s just my personal flavour. So I don’t fake it. If I don’t have it. If I don’t have the confidence, I’m not going to fake it. Yeah?

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[general agreement] That what I was going to say. I tried that other model and I didn’t feel real.

Yeah, it’s exhausting.

Yeah.

Okay, so we’re I’m at is – and this isn’t on the handbook or anything but I just wanted to share with you where I’m at – is I’m assessing when I work with someone.

Is the emotion they’re experiencing

something they’re addicted to? That’s one of the things. So the question you’ve got to ask yourself, is the emotion – this isn’t part of the assessment. This is just me chatting and helping hopefully. Are you – what emotions are you constantly going to and are you addicted to that emotion? Good or bad, wrong or right, not the point. Just is it an emotion you keep going to? Because I wonder what else you’re not experiencing if that’s the place you go. [general agreement] It’s part of it. The other thing I’m thinking about is – and then the next step – is that addiction serving love? [general agreement] Is it going to move you closer to love or further away? I don’t know. I don’t know what emotion we’re talking about. I’m not doing the content. We’re just doing the questions. And then my other great question is – is it really true? [general agreement] Do you really feel that way? There’s some of us breathing fire of anger over something that perhaps maybe – do you really feel that way? Really? That’s really the feeling. Because you’re talking about the extremes of emotion, when you see someone just blasting off with their emotion, they’re not with you anymore. They’re with their addiction. [general agreement] They can’t be with you. Does everyone get that? [general agreement] Like if someone does extreme anger or extreme sad or extreme – whatever. The extremes are very isolating. [general agreement] And they’re excluding, I would say. If it’s helpful I will share with you. I attempt to and don’t always succeed but I certainly strive to be someone who’s a bit more rounded with my emotions. Because I find I’m more accessible that way.

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[general agreement] And I want you to hear that because your – the journey is about self-love, so we can connect with and bump up with others to learn. Remember that first segment? If you really – yes? If it’s really that, we can’t keep bumping up with the same emotions because we’re controlling the person. Do you get that? [general agreement] If you keep bumping up with the same emotion, you’re controlling them. Because they know you’re going to get angry. They know you’re going to get sad. They know you’re going to get defeated. They know you’re going to get upset. Defensive, take it personally. So they are now doing what, knowing that’s how you – what you’re going to do? What do they now do?

Tip toe.

Tip toe? They adjust. [audience: they adjust] They adjust. So you’re not having a relationship with the person. They’re having a relationship with your addiction. [general agreement] Cool.

Yeah.

Yep. That’s the question I would put to you. Have any emotion you want and feel the need to get it validated. But please, if it’s any of those questions isn’t a great answer. I would question when we do this, where it came from. [general agreement] Based on this, it’s going to be on the ‘we feel’ list. [general agreement] And that causes you to – because once you’ve had a significant emotional event that shapes the feeling, after that you’re just going to spend the rest of your life until you’re working at confirming that feeling is right. Because if it’s not right your parents are wrong, and that can’t be possible. [general agreement] Because remember they are magical beings. What else can I share around this? I just want to be really careful because if you don’t know me you could’ve heard that saying I’m not allowed to feel bad emotions. I’m not saying that. Please give me the benefit of lots of grey in me. I’m not an absolutist at Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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all. It’s just what you’re addicted to and where you go consistently around others is forming the relationships you’re experiencing. And if you’re wondering why you’re feeling alone or your wondering why the relationship seems to be sabotaged or you’re wondering why you feel righteous and misunderstood and people don’t get you, probably there is emotion there that you automatically tap into that they’re having to respond to. [general agreement] Yeah?

When I shared my experience with this – so we’d run lots of patterns in my house that have completely changed now. One of them for me was when I would become un-resourceful and yell at my husband, he would go and do the dishes. And that drove me insane. And I would say to him “You know I hate you going to do the dishes when I want to have a real conversation.” And now that I’ve been working through a lot of what I’ve been working through, I now know he was going to do the dishes for certainty. He was being certainty in the situation. So he would----Yeah.

And now, he never has to go and do the dishes. Ever. Just that realisation of – he wasn’t trying to rile me more, because I formed a belief about it that he was trying to piss me off back. But not loudly. And here we were doing this dance and it was a habit and it went on for years. And then as soon as we had the awareness rep – and I said to him “I know why you go and do the dishes.” You’re trying to find certainty. And just the awareness on both sides----And the trigger was?

The trigger to do it or the trigger to----Yeah, why did he need certainty? What was the trigger?

My un-resourceful behaviour.

Yeah. It was whatever you were addicted to.

He was ahead of maybe losing me in the relationship so he was hiding----So he retreated into something he could control. Makes perfect sense. Who else can spot perhaps in people around you or yourselves where perhaps the people are relating to an emotion that you’re kind of hooked in, rather than all of you? Anyone else? Don’t put your hands up fully because you don’t want to admit to this. We’re all perfect. [laughter][indistinct] Thank you. Something to think about isn’t it? Yeah?

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Mine is sort of the opposite because over the last 4-5 weeks – I usually change now from - my behaviours have changed. And my wife has found that uncertain because she’s not sure who she’s now living with.

Wow, that’s a big deal.

Which we’re working through but it’s all cool, because she understands----So you just rescued me. I don’t need rescuing.

Sorry.

Don’t need to apologise. Don’t need rescuing.

You don’t, yeah. No. So maybe something to think about. You just wanted me then – can we do this? Are you comfortable if we do this?

Yes. You just wanted me not to relate to you. But to just deal with the apology and the minimisation you put in the middle of us. But trust people around you to be able to handle you. As you explore this such important journey you’re having, it’s just an important journey.

Yep. Yep. It really matters. But when you just minimized it, you know, it’s all good – bulls***. Sorry, f*** off. By you doing that, you were causing me to feel okay about you. It’s okay that people feel differently than what you’re used to. You’re so used to managing us all being okay. Good feedback?

Yes. Let it be what it is. We’re okay.

Yep. Do you love it guys? [general agreement] Yeah. And if you don’t know me, I will just say what we just did for us, is okay. So if anyone’s freaking out saying she said f*** off and that, I’d hate it if you spread that around. Can you just speak to him and he’s okay. He doesn’t need you worrying or rescuing him as well. Is everyone cool with that? Even if you don’t understand everything that happened, it’s okay and so is he. Everyone is okay in that exchange. Cool? [general agreement]

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Yeah, great. Thank you. If you were new to me and you’re hearing that, it’s like – she can speak to me that way. But we’ve been together how long?

About a year.

And I’ve had so many exchanges recently. We’ve done so much work together. Phenomenal journey.

You’re all amazing.

So are you.

Yeah, give him a hand. [applause] anything else you guys want to share about emotions, the models, yeah?

Is it alright if we added our own? Like, if it wasn’t on the list?

Yeah, it’d be kind of curious what it is, because this is my first time so I’m figuring it out with you.

I heard you say defensive before, and that was----So defensive sits here. So the outcome of all of that is you will appear defensive.

That’s what I mean. So----With this list, you can add – my original list had sixteen. It wouldn’t fit.

Yeah, great.

So yes. Yeah?

Can you add to the green list too?

I’d be interested to know what you’re going to add.

Anger.

Yeah, me too.

Same as me. I saw you----No, it’s not there.

Not there.

Yeah? Yeah, absolutely. I think we can. I’m figuring this out with you, so right now I’m not being an expert here. I’m being a collaborator.

Justified?

And it feels good so f*** off, Sharon. Got it. I love it. Anything else you guys want to discuss about their conversation? How’s it sitting with you? What’s coming up for you? Yeah?

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I never actually noticed until now that there is – I have a slight issue to being pissed off and angry.

You’re not the only one.

No. Oh. So can I just see the list again? You wouldn’t just do number two and save us all the time?

Mmm. Mmm. [indistinct] Yeah, you would. Winner.

I noticed I forgot [indistinct] addiction could hurt.

Okay, so keep in mind what we’re doing here. This is the significant emotional event that happened when you were younger. Not as an adult, and as a result of it as a child, what did we go into? [indistinct talking] That’s what you do. It’s not where you go now.

No, no.

That’s playing out, out here.

No, no, as a child.

Yeah, great. [indistinct] You wouldn’t be alone. Or victimized?

Um, yes. And----But it hurts – more you? Yeah, go for it. Yeah, but I reckon number two. [general agreement] Yeah?

I’m not so good at this. What about abandoned?

So isolated.

Isolated.

Yeah.

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Justified?

I’m sorry?

Sorry, the word justify. Would that be green or red?

So definitely that does not go in with feel.

No. That’s red.

No. Yep. That’s going to be the crust. That’ll be the outcome when you got older.

Yep. Good questions. Gosh. Anyone else?

Where will frustration fit in?

That’s a good one.

So you were frustrated as a four year old child? It’s generally not an emotion a child experiences when big people do s***. So again, we’re only on the green, guys. Shh. I’m just going to say – when you’re really young and s*** happens, frustration is not the emotion the child has. It’s hurt or betrayal or – it’s not frustration implies what? That you have a say in how they’re doing. But they’re perfect so you’re not frustrated with them. You’re just trying to conform.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm. How am I doing here? [general agreement] So they’d – no, I wouldn’t say it. Yep? I was going to ask what is that significant emotional event. It’s not child chart. What if it’s as a teenager?

What age?

Um, fifteen.

Nope.

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So smarts----Nope, the patterns already set. No exceptions.

Oooh.

Patterns are set by the age of 7-10. No exceptions, yeah. That might be the defining moment that you consciously remember, but for it to impact you the way it has. Go back. Yes? Sharon, just a little bit of a story. When I was 7 years old my foster mother told me to “Get and I couldn’t be loved because I was evil.”

Oh my God. And someone said here last night “Why can you not see how much we all love you.” It’s because I keep going back to “I am evil.”

Yeah.

And so I only came aware of that today.

I’m so pleased you’re here. You just sit with it – we’re just going to take it - she doesn’t need hugging right now.

Let her sit with it.

Very – warning.

You don’t comfort someone when they have a

breakthrough like that. Please continue and I know you can trust, so I just want to talk for a moment.

Please keep having your moment. When someone has a moment like that or a breakthrough like that and we go to do this, what are we saying? [audience: aggressive] Quieten down. [general agreement] Or turn it down. Again, we’re shaming the very thing we’re meant to be releasing. So just trust the emotion. Just trust that this wonderful emotion – she’s having with a breakthrough like that – because someone told her that. And she’s just made that connection. You’ve got to trust that she can run its course and not interrupt it as it was when she was younger. [general agreement] Making sense? [general agreement] And if it does make sense, can you trust my 20,000 hours on this subject. [general agreement] Yes?

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[audience: yes] Good. That was a big one.

Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, thank you. Could we have a conversation for a moment?

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that. I love that you feel safe enough to say that. You are loved, but it makes no difference to you, does it? Do you guys get that? [general agreement] It makes no difference to the person who’s had that equation when the giant’s told them that. Because all the other giants can say is many times – you can reassure as much as you want – her complex equivalence is evil. How’s that? I don’t know what to say for you, what would work for you. Is there something that would work for you on your list from green?

Um, the only think I can come up with is I’m very judgmental on myself and I’m ashamed.

Yeah, I think its number one. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, circle one for you. And I think quite a number of us need to circle one. What do you reckon? [audience: yes] Absolutely.

I think for most of us, it’s really facing the shame. How am I doing with saying that? Like, when I do this work privately with clients, I’d love to know – you know, my first audience ever having this discussion.

Does it sit well or maybe uncomfortably but truthfully? [general agreement] Yep. Pain? Pain would----Go with shame.

As a child though you could definitely have that? Pain?

No, the pain – well, pain is a conceptual word for a feeling.

Yeah, yeah.

It’s very non-specific in conceptual. So just think about the addiction of conceptions. Yeah.

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Yeah.

Sharon, my addiction to over-apologising, I’m sorry I’m knowing me.

Yes. Yeah. Have you stopped apologising yet? Yeah, good on you. So you guys, apologies – alright, go.

Sorry, what was your name?

Grace.

Grace, hi. When she said that I was still searching for the incident person in her, right down to take a number and keep going through the person and I just got this intense feeling in my gut. It was cool. [indistinct] my granddad said to me “Go away, you’re a girl. You’re weak. You can’t play.” And I think I might have [indistinct] trying to shut it down. That girl was strong. And so things----I agree. Yeah. I agree for you. I agree just the little content we’ve had. I reckon that’s sensational.

Wow. May I share something?

Mmm. Like what?

No, no. I’m talking to her. But thank you though, I appreciate you support. She’s got this. [laughter] You’re an amazing woman. You really are. You have such an essence of love and compassion and my first meeting with you, you were reserved, which I get. But you don’t need it. And when you get that, all of that’s going to come out, because you have so much love. You’re pure but you’ve got a call it for you and her name’s love. And the desire to express it. So trust that. Isn’t that interesting how one negative comment from a giant can erode a thousand positive comments? We don’t even remember them. [general agreement] And we just sit with whatever. Whatever’s happening and if you trust in safe hands, the tears will come when they need to, you’ll experience it the way you need to. If you’re not experiencing it, you’re still okay. Just covering all the bases. [laughter] However you’re experiencing it is perfect. So this is the exercise. My invitation is that you jot down a significant emotional event. Again, there are no rules around how you are doing this right. If you don’t recall one, just trust and you know the feeling. Yeah.

And just circle the feeling. And that’s all you’ve got to do. It’s such a simple process. Has anyone got any concerns about the process that they need to have heard? Yeah?

Well I just can’t think of anything. I can circle words.

Just circle the word that you trust.

Where it came from?

Yes. As I said a number of times, it doesn’t matter if you don’t remember a significant event. It just makes no difference. Just which word do you relate to the most?

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Only one.

Who said that? I love it. Can I have all of them? Okay, so thank you. That’s a great point made. So what I’m going to have you do – if you relate to more than one of the words. If you have a couple of colours of pens, circle 2-3-4 words with one colour, and then my invitation is during the break give it to one. So we’re just going to play a couple of tunes, just take a moment. You don’t need to write the details of the significant emotional event. You can just draw a symbol like Grr. Any of the words. We – just don’t sing them. Mike? Did you commit to a couple of words?

Yeah.

No, the other – front.

Couldn’t?

Is there one on a wedding?

How number eight for you? Just trust. Trust. Hey, what’s your name?

Elisha.

Elisha. Can you share? Would you mind if we spent a moment together?

Maybe.

I won’t come with you to a maybe. So it is – you own this journey my darling. I’m here for you if you like me to be. And I’m certainly not going to push myself on you.

Not at the moment.

I’m here when you would like to chat about that. Okay? In the meantime I’ll just say generally to everyone, just trust. There’s no wrong answer. We’re still going to have a journey. We’re going to go through a process. It’s all good. Getting it right would be to me, if you had to get it right, it’s about judgmental. What do you reckon? [general agreement] And you’ve got to get it right, and fear of getting it wrong. [general agreement] But it may not be for you. So if you’re hugely stressed about getting it wrong, probably shame, like number one. Just keep going to one. Anybody else? Anybody else got anything to share? Yeah?

So----You had a harp. I saw you. You were like – So the feeling that I translate [indistinct] my job. Disempowered and as a child ashamed?

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Where are you at?

I fell.

Yeah, back then. Not as an adult. Back then.

That’s a creepy word for [indistinct].

Yeah, you’re trying to label what then would’ve just been yucky feelings of yuckiness.

Yeah. Yeah.

That’s it.

I felt ashamed of that.

Yeah. Trying to get it right? Circle number one. [laughter] [indistinct talking] Yeah, it’ll be fine. It’s all good. Yeah?

There was a word and then there were other words and I was just like have I added to it over my life?

And it just feels like I add – like, I felt like I’m still adding.

Yeah. And that’s what we’re going to do in the next exercise, the next segment on stories.

And then I’ve added to that misunderstanding and then shame and then other things.

Yeah. [indistinct] I know. All from that.

Yeah.

Gosh. How are you guys doing? Stuff coming up with some people? [general agreement] Guys, talk to me. Stuff coming up with some people? [general agreement] Is that okay? [general agreement] It’s okay?

Yeah.

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If you feel safe, it’s going to come up. That’s kind of the point. So trust that. Trust yourself that you can handle what you’re experiencing. And I’ll say to other people if nothing’s coming up, trust that and trust what you’re experiencing. It’s okay. Is everyone cool with that? [general agreement] Did you want to have a chat? Did you want to have a chat?

Me? Yes. Yes. How can I help you?

Well I just feel like I’ve put a lot of layers on it too.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So a lifetime of – Trying to be good enough.

Yeah. I saw you going through that.

Getting it right.

Yeah. Yeah. How does it feel facing that?

I feel very vulnerable.

Yeah.

But I feel like I can.

Yeah, good on you. Only go as far – it’s your journey. Thank you. And I saw you were going through it when you were doing it and I was thinking right now, if only you knew how I was just gently holding.

Because I could see what you were facing.

It was solid.

Yeah, thank you. It can be confronting don’t you think? For some people. Guys, talk to me. [general agreement] It can be confronting to face – I’ve been living not me all this time. Or I’ve been living because of that all this time.

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[general agreement] Does it make sense now when we say I’m living a certain life now, and I’m questioning it? Why perhaps are we questioning it? [general agreement] Yeah? Because we’ve been living off this premise that we should be ashamed or impatient or alone or whatever. Anybody else got anything they’d love to share at this point? Yeah?

It’s interesting. Number one – and you can start to see patterns based around one. And then you can start to see – so when I was doing that, a conversation with that, that didn’t work so then I felt that. And then all these other layers and so it just----Back you go. Back you go. Yes. [general agreement] It was getting heavier and bigger and – yeah.

Yeah. That’s it. You’ve said it really well. Who can relate to what Nathan just shared? You said it really well. It does get heavier and bigger.

Yeah.

And we’re not dealing with the original baggage with the shame. We’re now added to all the other ways we’ve tried to hide the shame.

So you need to get a bigger shoulder.

Yeah.

To carry more and more.

Yeah, so we think anything else would be like more and more stuff, because of that burden.

Interesting. Yeah?

We’ve got a mask. We’re wearing the mask and I was just thinking today is Halloween. The one day we get to wear one. But we’re actually dressing up every day.

Yeah, well said. You’re very insightful. I love it. [general agreement] Anybody else before we go to a break. Anything you’d like to share? I just want to make sure you get a couple of sharing so you feel safe expressing when you feel vulnerable. So I’ll just share with you – some of you have gone vulnerable and into your heads. Like, is that okay? Isn’t that part of the pattern?

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[general agreement] Yes? So maybe we could be okay just saying “You’re vulnerable.” Or whatever, because this is part of the pattern. This is where you are now, is what was denied, criticised, not rewarded. [general agreement] So let’s do – we’re here to do the change on us. Let’s do that now. Yeah?

I don’t know how old I was. I think 5-6, or school age. I took a block of Old Gold chocolate, put it in my red cover. And got to the check-out and the woman doing the scanning said “And how does she want to pay for the chocolate?” And – oh my God – it was just like – you know? I think I actually wanted to wet myself. But I didn’t. But I put ashamed, paralysed and fearful. My mother threw me in the car - an old EH Holden – drove down the block to my father’s work, grabbed me out of the car by the arm and said “She’s yours.” And then just whizzed through. She’s just pitched it and left me with him. He didn’t say a word. Not a word. That was it.

Can we have a conversation?

Sure. Yeah.

So your laughter is you rescuing me. I don’t need rescuing. I see you. I don’t need any rescuing. You don’t need to take away my feelings in this, and it is okay if it’s not okay.

Thank you, yep.

I see you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I’m very grateful. Anyone else? Yeah?

I mentioned the story of possibly I could relate to, of when I was fifteen. In China, we were very - care about the boys close, right? And we very wanted to be perfect. But we had no idea what a girl-boys thing. I remember I bought a handkerchief, which is – has a boy and a girl – and my Mum saw me and said “Is that you take to the school? To the Principal?” She said “This girl had a bed of thorns and we shamed on her.”

Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Actually for the – it’s society – basically when we were 18 we still don’t know where baby comes from.

We still use – there were talking about – when we’re 18, when I was 18 I believe we have a keys or perspirant together. We get a permit. So that’s us. Grow up. But that’s why we always want to drive.

Stronger. Perfect. And we do things – let it alone. We are ashamed. And sometimes we always are having off these or don’t want to share it with other people because we don’t want to be people misunderstanding ourself or looking down to ourself. That’s why.

Thank you. Thank you. I can see you.

So I just think through this exercise, it will be really great.

It’s already begun.

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Yeah.

Thank you for sharing what you would’ve been ashamed of. Thank you so much. I see you. Thank you.

Thank you. [applause] Who can tell us a big deal for people who’ve been burying stuff? [general agreement] And when you hear these stories – and thank you so much for your remarkable honesty and I acknowledge your resilience to have come through what you’ve come through. Truly acknowledge that. Don’t you? [general agreement] It’s extraordinary. Who here knows they also have a story inside them? Show of hands – who else has a story of shame, story of keeping it hidden, not know? So I see you and thank you. And I’m just going to share with you, if you’re ever fortunate enough for someone to share with you their shame, their pain, their hurt, just be with them. If they laugh they’re trying to rescue you. Just tell them you don’t need to laugh. I see you. I see your pain. I’m okay. I can handle what you’re feeling. I feel emotional saying that, because what do most people do when someone brings their pain? What do people do with it? [indistinct talking] Shame down. There, there. This’ll pass. Time will heal. Really? We’re talking to some people in the room who are 50-60 years old. How is that working? Right? Tie doesn’t seem to be healing. [general agreement] So it’s bulls***. [general agreement] And what happens is we keep going around – here’s the thing. Do you mind if we take a few moments before we have a break just to – thank you. We know it’s wrong and we know it shouldn’t be like that, but what happens is we go around shocking with our pain, hoping but not even knowing we’re hoping someone will see us and our pain and still love us unconditionally.

Yeah.

That’s our ultimate prayer. That someone will see our uglies and love us. All of us, because then we don’t need to live the lie anymore. That’s all we’re trying to do here with each other. That’s what we’re wanting to create here because if you and I can be with each other, and be the – this is my ugly. This is my thing. This is my shame. This is my burden. And we don’t laugh or shut it down or say anything of the bulls*** that society’s trained to say. If we can just say I see you. Thank you. I see your pain.

That’s f***ed. Let them fully express it. What’s the feeling when it’s done? [audience: relief]

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Finally, someone could handle my ugly. And they’re okay and they still love me and they still look at me right in the eyes and they’re still present to me. That becomes an equation – maybe I’m okay. [general agreement] That’s why this is so important. How are you all doing? [general agreement] So I have no idea how to sit, wet or break. [laughter] Just putting it out there. So we’re going to have 20 minutes and be back at five past. I will be starting at five past, because we’ve now lost half an hour.

So if we can be back in here that would be wonderful. I will ask that if you’ve experienced emotions with this, if you want a hug, absolutely request it. I’m going to start asking you to – can you please just grab a seat until I’ve finished? I really appreciate that. If you feel emotional and you want a hug – is everyone here okay if you get asked for a hug to give that hug? Show of hands. Is anyone not okay – just to put it in a spot – people not? So everyone’s in. So if you feel that you want a hug, I want you to start learning how to get what you need and have your needs met. [general agreement] If you feel vulnerable, request a hug. And guys, do you know how to hug well? [general agreement] Oh yes.

All the body. [general agreement] All the body. And then your shoulders. What do your shoulders have to do? Relax into them. And the tummy? In. And then you’ve got to drop your neck. It has to drop into them. And then you’ve got to pull and just when you think you’re pulling what have you got to do? Pull more. [general agreement] And when they think that’s long enough, what do you do? [audience: pull more] Pull more. At least three times. [general agreement] Because what they’re doing when they go and feel your release – when someone says can I have a hug – they’re going to release first. Why did they release first? [audience: shame]

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Feeling guilty. They’re taking up your time and they’re not worth it. Sorry to be a bother. You’ve got to start teaching – let’s teach each other now – you want a hug? Honey, you’re getting a hug. And they’re going to start going uh uh. So at the moment they go right-o, that’s done. Pull a little bit more, and by about the third or fourth time, when they indicate that’s enough, do you release and look them in the eyes. [general agreement] That’s an outstanding hug. Do you think we need to test it? [laughter] I think we need to do that before we go to a break. Share an amazing break and then go to a twenty minute break.

END OF RECORDING (117:11)

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Day 1 - Section 3: How is everyone doing?

Very well.

So take yourselves to a safe place. For some of you, maybe I might [indistinct] a little bit and I’d love to get your feedback if this is an anchor. For some of you it’s quite new to the experience a level of vulnerability and to face some of this stuff. How am I doing there?

Yep. So take yourself to a safe place and know that you’re okay and you can trust yourselves with what you’re experiencing because you can.

Mmm. Yeah?

Mmm. Gosh, let’s stupefy it. [laughter] Yes. Yes. Hello.

Hello.

So next steps. Do you want to go to the next step? I just want to touch in with how you’re doing. So you’re not giving me your love back. I just want to calibrate how you’re doing really. Don’t just say good, fine, that’s bulls***. Yeah?

I’m struggling to try and find the safe place, because emotion is something that I don’t do well. I do the – everything really good, and when emotion does come up for me, I generally in my life get pushed away. And so I’m finding it really hard, especially having my husband sitting here, because when I get upset or anything like that, that’s what happens. At home or just in my life. Or you’ll be okay, be strong.

Is that what your husband says?

Yep. And so I’m sitting here really struggling, because – Breathe.

Because I feel like I need to cry, like I need to let go but I’m so scared that if I do then I’m going to have a roomful of people do that.

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Yep. And I’m not – I’m just choking.

You’re doing great. Thank you for putting that up. Firstly I just want to honour you for your courage. [general murmur of agreement] Roger, are you up to this journey?

Yes. Put your stuff down. All of it. Hands free. Unlock your leg. Kylie, are you up to this? Put your stuff down. Uncross your legs. Okay, so can I come through please? Thank you. So firstly, thank you for being in the room and assisting your beautiful wife with this. Can I just ask that you stand up? Are you comfortable that we do a thing you don’t know what’s going to happen?

Yep. You can. Thank you for your presence.

I’ve got goose bumps.

Good thing. Good. And we may help you as well.

I’ve got sweat.

Yeah. [laughter] I don’t need to minimise this with humour. Okay, got it? I want you to face in. Move your stuff out of the way. Just get your s*** out the way. No metaphor required. Just a little bit closer Roger. You need to move to her and you need to move a little bit closer to her. And I want you to hold her eyes no matter what she does. You’re going to be the man. So what’s happened is – I need you to hear this – you can do whatever you want. Whatever you want to feel like doing. You can push them away, whatever. You can bail – it’s your choice. She needs to know she can trust you not to be a boy but to be the man with her ugly feelings.

Yep. [giggle] Yeah? And she doesn’t have that trust at the moment. So that’s what we’re going to be doing. Yeah?

No matter what, you can do nothing but look at her. I am not part of this. Trust me. It’s all about her. [sniff] So she’s not looking at you yet. That’s feedback. No matter what, you never look away. I just want you to move a little bit closer to her. Yeah, good. Did you feel that? Yeah. [sniff] Reach for her. She may do anything. It’s all okay, you’re not going to move.

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[sniff] Move closer. Move closer. You know that hugging thing we were talking about? Yeah. Hold on for dear life. You’re holding onto your woman. [sniff] More. She’s almost there. [indistinct] Don’t be put off by her humour. Did you feel her leg go in and give to you just then? Yeah. Hold her.

She’s nearly there. She’s still holding on a bit. [sniff] Okay, now I want you to look at her. I’m going to ask you to do a big thing. Don’t worry about the mess. I want you to look at him. And I want you to tell him what bugs you. You’re not going to look away no matter what.

I need you to be strong for me sometimes.

You can put your hands over the top of her. You’re going to own this woman. Over the top. That’s it.

I can’t always be.

Tell me more. Just say tell me more.

Tell me more.

I need to know that regardless that you’re going to be there and not push me away. Bad or good.

I’ll be there for you. [whispered] Yeah.

I want to be where you are.

I want to be where you are, Mr Theory. That was weak. That was a get out.

It was all you.

Yeah. Yeah.

I’m fighting there for you.

I’m here for you. There is over there. We’re here right now. I’m here for you.

I’m here for you.

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She doesn’t believe you yet. Tell him. Feel it? You’re not going to be able to sell it to her. She’s going to take you over. She knows what to do. Tell him.

I feel like I need to save you.

Keep your hands firm.

I’m not your Mum. I’m your partner.

What do you want to say?

I love you. And I’m here for you. And I’m sorry for what you feel like. It’s not my intention for you.

And when I’m weak.

I don’t see you as weak.

So what’s she’s needing is validation for when she’s ugly, hey? [sniff] Tell her.

I’ll be here for you.

I am here for you, not be. It’s theoretical.

I am here for you.

She doesn’t believe you. Say it.

I don’t believe you because when I can’t hold myself together and I need you and even just a simple hug, you push me away. And it f***ing hurts. It really f***ing hurts.

I feel that pain.

I can’t always be strong. Actually I don’t even want to always be strong. I want to be the – I just want you to have my back. I want to know that you’re there regardless. So you say now that you will be.

How do I know that?

Testing. Push him away. It may be ugly. [small laugh] He’s kind of holding me really tight.

Do you hold – it is your physical strength, to hold her in. You have to – you’re going to take this. Don’t laugh. And don’t reassure him. Test him. You’re not going to look away. He’s doing pretty well, Kylie.

He is. He’s doing really well.

He is. I know he’s not there yet, but so far he’s showing he’s got what you want him to do for you.

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Yeah.

Test him. This isn’t nearly overly enough.

What does----If he’s doing it, you can’t give up on him. He’s doing what you asked him to do. And now you’re getting what you’re wanted, you’re giving up.

Oh. Yeah? Go on, test him. You said you wanted this.

I just want to give you a big hug.

I’m frozen.

Tell him you’re not going anywhere. Tell him no matter what, I’m right here. [indistinct] Now tell him is that all you’ve got, because I can handle a lot more, baby. [laughter] Tell her. If that’s all you’ve got I can handle a lot more. Say baby, trust me.

Trust me. Baby, [indistinct] Hold of her and keep holding her hard. Keep hold of her. [loud sobbing] You’re not going anywhere.

Keep telling her. Tell her is that all you’ve got? I can handle a lot more, baby. [indistinct] more, baby. Is that it?

No, no. That can’t be everything. There’s always more. Trust me. We’re women. Must be more.

We’d better stop.

Yeah, that’s the problem with bulls***.

Yeah, give it all to me. Give it all to me.

Yeah, give it all to me, honey.

Oh. I love you.

Yeah, I love you too. Give it all, baby.

Who’s got your woman?

Oh. Oh.

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And keep holding on. Now you’re going to say “Is that all there is? There’s got to be more.”

Is that all there is? There’s got to be more. I love you. You’re beautiful.

I look like a mess now.

I can handle it. I can handle whatever you’ve got.

I can handle it.

Thank you. [kiss] [sniff] I needed you.

Keep holding on.

I love you. You are beautiful. [indistinct] Just hold on. Cup her neck. [sniff] Yeah.

Oh, f***.

Yeah. [laughter] F***. Oh, God. He had all of you. He did it.

Yay. [laughter] Amazing.

He was going to fight everything.

Oh, baby. [indistinct talking]You are still there.

Oh. I’m still alive.

Oh my God, look at all these people. [laughter]

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That was the boy. Don’t do it. F*** the people. It’s only about her.

Yeah.

You’ve got to get her back again. It’s all about her.

Yeah.

She could do this on a world stage and you’d only see her. It’s all that matters. He’s doing really well Kylie.

Yeah, he is.

Is there anything else? Ask her is there anything else.

Is there anything else?

There must be more.

There must be more. [laughter] Complicated and f***ed up, of course not.

I love you all f***ed up though.

Wow. He’s doing really well.

He is. You are adorable.

Don’t let her off the hook. Is there more?

Is there more? I can take it all, honey.

Well done. Well done.

I – I want us to both be able to be agreeable. I want to be okay and not just surface s***. Do you want that?

Yep. Yeah? Always?

Yeah. I love you. Always. Yes. I love you doesn’t fix it all.

Yes. Yes, what?

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I’ll be vulnerable.

Can be or will be?

I will be. [indistinct] Be careful what you’re asking for here Kylie.

Yeah.

Because sometimes us chicks being vulnerable we need the man to be the man.

Yeah, I need you to be the man. That’s what I’m meaning. That’s what I want.

Yeah. Be careful what you wish for. Two of you crying. Chicks don’t dig that. Man – chicks don’t dig that.

No. When we want to cry we have the stage, so f*** off. [laughter] It’s true. Ask him some more. He’s doing great. Is there any concerns you have? Anything you’re not believing? He has not looked away from you once.

Yeah. My head just keeps going back to – it’s always been like that so it’s the way it’s going to stay like.

I understand why you’re saying that. I’ve asked for something different today, with the future ahead.

It’s not always going to stay like that because it’s always been like that, so that’s bulls***.

She’s going to test you on that. You know that. Really soon. [laughter] You’re night’s going to be interesting. [laughter] Keep asking. Anything else? There must be more.

There must be more.

You think you’ve got all the layers, we’ve got more.

There is just one more thing.

Nothing to do about my farting?

No, you can’t do humour. Remember I told you that you can’t. It’s only about her. Just apologise. Just say “I’m sorry.”

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I don’t need you to be my teacher in any way, and my parent. I’ve f***ed parenting enough. I just need you to be my man.

I’m here for you. I’m that man. I had no idea.

She believed it. Look at you. You did. Good on you Kylie, because that’s a big deal what you just did.

I do believe you.

Thank you. [kiss] Ask if there’s more. Just because they say there’s one more thing – There must be more.

What do you think I’ve missed the [indistinct]? [laughter] I don’t know but I’m sure it’s beautiful. There must be more. Tell me?

Wow, well done.

I’m here for you. There must be more.

He’s earned it Kylie. You’re doing it again.

One thing I love about you is your gentleness. Sometimes it’s just that – ahh.

Women want to be a little afraid of their men, Roger. Every now and again, you’ve got to f*** her on the table. [laughter] I’ve got this. See, that wasn’t so bad, was it? [laughter] Tell her you’re going to bonk her – you’re going to f*** her on the table. Trust me. [indistinct] on the table.

Promise? [laughter] [indistinct talking] Tell her you’re going to f*** her outside. Trust me.

I’m going to f*** you outside. Trust me.

It’s what she wants, by the way.

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[laughter] Yeah, well we’ve had this discussion for quite some time. [laughter] I feel like saying class dismissed. They are – who’s got a table? [laughter] Well, he’s earned it. How’s he doing Kylie?

Yeah, really well.

He is.

Really well.

So did you notice how you went to pull back when you thought he was going to succeed? When the man comes through, you come through. That’s how you get closer together. Does that make sense?

And you did great. Twice you went through. It was fantastic. Check in. Check in.

I’m here for you.

Is there anything else?

Is there anything else? Would you like butter on it?

Yeah, yeah. No, dirty talk. How about it? [laughter] She’s got a great laugh.

Yeah, just a bit of spice and a difference.

Ask her is there anything else.

Is there anything else? I can take it.

Good on you, Roger.

I can feel that.

No, no. That’s not what she meant. And I know tend to go Kylie, to the joke, but she’s feeling the love right now. [general agreement] Yes.

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I can feel your strength. I don’t feel like I have to protect you or save you.

I’m sure you’re honest now.

Please be [indistinct] So Roger? When she’s not expecting it and she’s busy with soap suds, f*** her on the table. Trust me.

I’m very serious right now.

Yep. Yep. I’m so glad that Sharon said that because it’s been awhile and I’ve been saying it.

It’s different when your coach says it. [laughter] And generally what you says goes in our house, so that’s good. [laughter] So Kylie, how are you feeling?

I actually feel really good. I’m surprised, because it’s unusual.

Yeah. Test.

Normally it would’ve been a really big four hour argument in front row.

You don’t know me. Is there anything else?

Yes. Well done. Yeah. Test.

No, there’s not.

Just check again. There must be more.

Are you sure there’s nothing else?

And you keep going until the woman convinces you there’s nothing else.

Nope.

There must be more.

Ah, you did it Roger. You did it. Hold your woman. Hold your woman. Give them a hand. [applause and cheer] Fantastic.

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Mmm. Phew. Wasn’t that amazing? [general agreement] Wow. A couple of couples are thinking you can do me next. [general agreement and laughter] So that was meant to be tomorrow. Yeah. I’m just giving them time. Guys, there’s no rush. We’ll just let them.

Is it okay if I go and get a glass of water?

Somebody will grab it for you. It’s coming. How’s everyone doing?

It was great.

Yeah.

Any comments or questions or anything before we – keep going?

Can I just say it was [indistinct] Thank you. Yes, that was the half hour piece. Yeah. That was time. [indistinct talking] Yeah. Who got lost out the back? [general agreement] Show of hands. Yeah. They’re amazing. Really amazing. Thank you. Anyone else. Anything else you want to share? Yeah?

Putting your hand on their back----Guiding Roger. Yep. And that – when you do that – it’s about the man being the man.

Yep. Kylie let’s go when he’s the man. And only when he is the man. And some men – most men – no men are ever taught this. So we get to do that. Yeah?

I’m looking forward to verbalising some of what you showed Kylie for my man. Like, in a way that he can hear me, because this is what I need from you right now, can you do that for me? You need to do it until I feel safe with you. Something like that.

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Yeah, absolutely.

Because I can use that for my own.

Yeah. Wonderful. Good. Immediately. Immediately.

Yeah.

Who can relate to that as a woman? That you need your man. Show of hands. We need our man. And a man who realises that we don’t want the boy, we want the man. And we do want to be a little bit scared of our men. Not of our fathers. Let’s be clear. But just they’ve got an edge.

Yeah.

They have the unexpected. They’re going to take us – women admit it – we’re all feminine energy, you know, if you’re gay or whatever. But come on, we want a good pounding every now and again. And we don’t want to know what’s coming. How am I doing here? [general agreement] [laughter] Amen.

Amen.

Amen, sister. I’m just saying what we’re all feeling.

How does that make men feel in the room, though, to be able to be that guy?

Yeah.

It’s an advantage for them, really.

Yeah, and men. They don’t generally volunteer information at this point, but I can give it a go. Because they go all manly. [laughter] Men, how do you feel knowing that it’s – yes?

It’d be really nice if the ladies in our lives would step up to the plate sometimes. It would be good.

I knew you were going to do that. That’s your pattern.

Yeah, I know, but it’s----You’re being the boy.

Mmm. What does that mean?

That was me – sorry, I have got an invitation – men, that is all good and that is nothing to voice about because I can handle everything.

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I was invited to ask the men how you feel and you got that

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permission and you merely blamed the women. So I’m not going to accept that. I’m going to ask the men, be the man and not the boy, how do you feel knowing that that’s what we’re wanting. Yeah?

It’s amazing. It’s free. It’s um – Yes, it is, isn’t it? Yes. Because you feel good to be the nice guy.

Well, not so much, but----[laughter] It goes like this.

Yeah, love it. Fabulous.

I recall when I began to understand this, and I recall the way it changed. We’ve been married twenty years and it changed. Didn’t it?

Yeah.

Yep. When you went into that power?

Because I started to understand I could be that, have that.

Fantastic.

But like you said, we don’t get taught that as boys.

No. Boys are taught tone it down, be gentle around women. And you still are, please – gosh, I don’t want anyone misunderstanding what I’m saying. I am not advocating violence in any form. Does everyone hear what my intent is here? And I’ll simplify it down to be rough with women. Does everyone appreciate it? Thank you. I am not saying that is ever okay. Are you hearing that? Yes. [strong agreement] But every now and again, we want a good pounding. We really do. And no matter if we’re already taken, we want to feel owned. We want to feel that our man has all of us. [general agreement] We have to know they can do that because if they can’t do that when we’re vulnerable in sex, they can’t do it when we’re vulnerable in childbirth, so we can’t trust them with our nest. Yeah?

When I went through my divorce and I went on a bit of a journey, what I learnt for myself was to create a – my role as the man was to create a space for my partner to be all she can be in her feminine space.

Wonderful.

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And that’s what I’m really striving to try and do.

So by feminine space you mean creative space?

Whatever that means for her.

Okay. We need to be careful here because then it becomes do I have to be feminine all the time to be loved by the masculine and – no. So there’s lots of grey in this, but that is absolutely an example of you need the polarity.

Yep. Yeah.

We need the polarity for the passion to be alive for our relationship to progress.

The polarity’s

everything. At that moment, Kylie had to know she could be the vulnerable one because he would tower over her with strength. Metaphorically. It’s not about height but bring the strength. How are you doing, Kylie?

Good.

He’s holding onto you isn’t he?

Yes. How is that feeling?

Yeah, it feels good.

Yeah? Do you – is there a part of you that wants to push away, because that was part of your pattern?

Um, if it happened before then I would have because I would’ve felt like he was being needy, but I don’t feel like that now.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel now? What is he doing it for now?

I think he’s just taking care of me.

Wow. How’s that feel – new?

Really new.

Yeah. It gets off and I can hear it in your voice. I think this is care. [laughter] As unfamiliar as I am - So that’s feedback to you Roger. [laughter] That when sometimes she feels that when you hug her or when you move towards her it’s your needs – the boy.

Yeah.

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Rather than the man desire to have her feel taken care of.

Yeah, yeah.

And it’s absolutely fine to sometimes need a hug but men can’t live as boys and be loved by a woman.

Wow, that’s amazing.

Boys can only be loved by girls. [general agreement] With all the drama and the bulls*** that goes with that. But women need to be held by the man. So when you go to hold her, come from pure intent. I love you. I’ve got this, baby and pull her in.

Yeah.

Yeah?

It sounds very simple.

Yeah. There should be a guide book shouldn’t there? Anybody else?

What about when a man needs to feel vulnerable? Does it----I said – I actually just said it. It’s interesting how we hear parts of what I say. [general agreement] I said it’s absolutely fine for you to need hug too when you’re vulnerable. I actually said that.

I’m sorry. I didn’t hear that. I meant more than just needing a hug, but you know, if it was reversed with Kylie and Roger for example.

If what was reversed?

What happened before.

You’re meant to be very specific.

So if it was Roger that had said what Kylie originally said.

That I can’t be ugly? So – okay. This is not the conversation I was planning. Okay, we can do this. Does everyone feel that we might’ve left the program a little at this point? [general agreement] Is that okay? [general agreement]

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Oops. It was going according to plan. So the man has to be the man. He can’t come to the woman as a boy and grow up through what the woman gives him. [general agreement] The woman can’t get the boy to grow up. The man has to turn up. And then in that space, can be vulnerable. Can need. But the guy can’t turn up as the boy going “I actually need some content here.”

I’m needing to know I can be vulnerable when I’m around you. Men don’t get – Boys don’t get to do that until they’ve earned passage into manhood. And then they can be vulnerable. But otherwise it’s a boy wanting reassurance by his mother. Wrong fricking woman. [general agreement] It’s your wife. Yeah? [general agreement] So that’s my answer. Is that okay? How are you guys dealing with this? Forthright and getting this from some of the men. It’s like yeah, baby.

So I just would like to ask a question. If – like, I’m a single Mum of two boys----Oh, a single Mum. How can I teach this to my sons, because they’re Dad’s not very resourceful? Even though they love him, that’s fine, but Teach this. He’s not demonstrating manhood?

Um, no.

Do you have men around you who have masculine energies that can demonstrate manhood?

No. Hmm. How would I teach them this?

Okay, wow. There’s so much I can share on that. So – I feel like I’m selling everyone short on these soundbites because I have about six days of content on this topic.

Sorry.

That’s absolutely nothing to apologise for. I’m just mindful of what we have to cover today because I’ve kind of left you on this precipice of facing an emotion and I’ve got to get you to the other side of that before we go home. [laughter]

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Does that make sense? I’m kind of mindful of where we are right now. And then we had an important interlude, I believe, in terms of expressing vulnerability. It had to happen. But now, unpack whole masculine-feminine energy? I reckon we need to go back to – does that make sense? Because to do that answer justice, I’m going to be here for an hour. Because I don’t have a soundbite for this. This is important stuff and I want to do the question the justice it deserves. Is that okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, thank you. So any other thoughts on that to help me step back into where we are? Yeah?

I was just saying an observation when you were asking Kylie about testing. And that’s crucial because in my personal case, I test it and test it and test it. After the tenth time, the boy – the man never shut up so we go on. So testing was really crucial.

Yes, absolutely. It’s a really important point that women – we are going to test the man. We are going to test for pulp. What is the penalty for the phone ringing?

Five bucks.

Five bucks.

I didn’t think it was. I thought it was ten. I thought it was twenty tomorrow. [laughter] Yeah, good thing it was today. So everyone’s got to turn their phones on tomorrow. It’s for a good cause. Okay, yes?

So just playing out with that, is it possible that some men don’t become men because of what happens to them with their giants?

Yep. Yes. Because there is a fair bit of – in my opinion – a fair bit of boys, whose current and time----Who are rewarded because boys will be boys. What a load of bulls***. [general agreement] Yeah, I agree with you. I reckon it’s quite a bit deal to have a man.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

It really is. Who would agree with this? It’s a big deal to have a man and for a man, it’s a big deal to be that man. [general agreement]

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Yes, were you going to say something?

Yes, I was. Just going on from what I think Gabby said about experiences at an early age, and then what we make that mean – I have recollections of my Mum turning to me when I was her son, rather than my Dad for certain things. You know? And it’s still going on. And----She had to be responsible for ever.

And----So where do you fit into all of that? I take it this weekend’s about you discovering you have needs as well and validating them.

Um, no. Not really.

Have a go. What’s this weekend about to you now? Now we’ve got to here. Because I imagine it’s the oldest boy who had to take the role of spouse. Your needs were subjugated to your mothers.

Yep. So I’ll ask you again.

So for me, what I’m learning right now is opening up a whole understanding of certain aspects of the way I am and----And I offered one of those aspects and you said no, but I’m going to say it again. And your wife’s pretty happy I am. [laughter] All good. Please, guys, you don’t need to apologise. This is all part of the exploration. But anyone who grows up in the role of spouse to their mother as a man, as a boy expected to be a man, has had to subjugate their own needs. Because your needs are meant to be second. You wife is nodding. You should pay attention to that.

Yes, that’s right.

Good idea. Well said.

Yes, that is true.

And that’s an example if you’re not – your needs.

Yeah.

So yeah, I would say this weekend for you is learning, tapping into your needs. Because I reckon you must link a lot of – if she’s happy, you’re happy.

Mmm. Yes. [laughter and applause]

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I’m going to go with yes. Yeah, so that could become a conversation, but you’re amazing doing all the silent cues you’re giving me to know where to take this conversation. Just something to explore, because generally we don’t come out of being a boy-man, being a spouse to our mother – which is incredibly inappropriate and too much pressure – without having learned to deny and subjugate our own needs and feelings. So getting back in touch with them kind of has to be important.

And I think too, where I said letting – dropping down the walls, and allowing myself to be deep and embracing that.

Yeah, I’m going to go further. It’s all the feeling I get from you is almost like you’re waiting for the cue from them to know how to be. How am I doing?

Yep. Yeah, I get that. I do. And that happened because of the giant – your Mum – insisting the only way you knew love was to play a role of responsibility and out of – way beyond your capability. So you’ve constantly – your neurology has literally you’ve got to take care of others to know I am okay. Does that make sense? That’s what I meant by what I meant about you scrubbing your needs, because I wonder how in touch with your needs you can be. And I trust you with a woman who’s amazing enough to know that and encourage that.

Yep. You can nod again now. You’ve done so well. [laughter] Good point?

Oh, spot on.

Yeah. And it’s not because I’m magical. It’s because literally the dynamic of what you grew up with I don’t know how else you could be. Does that make sense? So literally you’re a boy-man insisting on being an adult responsibility and playing the role of spouse, which is emotional support, mental support. Probably running around doing things for others, you’re neurology has to be “I know I’m okay when I take care of others.” So how do you feel when you don’t take care of others? Not okay. [general agreement] Yeah?

And so Sharon, is that the same as – just say its mother to daughter. It is the same?

Yeah. Yeah. So for the daughter it’s about – if it plays out the daughter – the generalisation. And also I am calibrating lessons. I know some of you well enough to know I’m going to be on the map with this, but generally for women, when the girl is forced into the woman role, they become overly helpful, stoic, supressing their own feelings, very responsible, quite judgmental, isolated, fairly alone, yep. Is that tracking to someone you might know?

Yeah.

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Yeah. I wasn’t meaning you at all but I’m sure you can see the pallor, the similarity there. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Was anybody else – did you have your hand up? [indistinct talking] I said cool stuff. I’m sorry you missed it.

Just that little bit.

That little bit? [indistinct talking]Sorry Sharon.

Oh. So the woman – thank you for your help. Yes, so the generalisation – and again I am calibrating who’s in the room to know that I am on the map with this generalisation – is the girl-woman becomes overly responsible, overly stoic, shut down and repressed on emotions, isolated, fairly lonely, judgemental – Yeah.

You might want to add angry.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, yes. Can you guys see anybody here relating to this?

Yeah.

Yeah, it’s not that big a generalisation. It’s actually very accurate. Did you have your hand up?

I did Sharon. It was for what was happening before that conversation. Is that okay?

I’ve no idea.

Sure. So I’m triggered by the idea of proving myself as a man. So – and I’m not sure if that’s the boy speaking or the man feeling he’s okay to have standards too.

Yeah. Great question. Open the next two or three steps, will give you your answer on that. Because I don’t have a generalisation on that. I imagine its part of your people pleasing in the red zone, but let’s find out and then you’ll know.

Did you have something you wanted to add?

Thank you Matt, I

appreciate it.

I just wanted to know is there like an age related thing when boys are sort of told to step up into that role? Or like your situation where your Mum said oh you need to step up or come to you – is there an age where that happens where that has the most effect? Or does it happen at----Upsurge of ten.

Upsurge of ten.

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That’s pretty well when our neurology’s just this open blank map and we’re just laying railroads in our brain. And how we think the world’s going to be. After that we just confirm it. It can happen later, but generally up to the age of ten. We need to change gears. We do. Thank you everybody. Was that valuable? [general agreement] Can we give these wonderful couple a hand please? [applause] All good. Notice the swan-like demeanour I’m taking on right now. Next steps. I’m an exotic to have on your lap so I can see it. Thank you. So we need to tell ourselves stories. So yellow section, here we go.

Did you manage to pin the green section to one that you’re prepared to date? [general agreement] Yeah? If you’re still circling, that’s okay. Probably can I request that you bring it to one, if you could. [indistinct] If that’s alright. So the next section we tell ourselves stories to keep our secret shame. To keep the secret – whatever the word is – but generally it comes down to shame. And it doesn’t really matter if you don’t feel that. It’s in that world of guilt, shame, it’s my fault, and I’m not worthy kind of pattern. As a result of that, we start collecting stories that confirm that view we have formed of ourselves. Now, let’s go back and fire up the neurology around the previous conversation. Remember the green section that decision, that’s how we should feel was caused how? [audience: by giants] By the giant doing what? [indistinct talking] Denied – [indistinct talking] Ignored – [indistinct talking] Not rewarded – criticised. Yep. Follow it through the logics. You get how that happened. Because part of this process is if we conceptualise this and feel it – because we’re doing both the whole tome – you’ll get to a point where you’ll go “Oh, it’s not my fault.” [general agreement]

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Does – is everyone getting that? And some of you – who’s got there already and said oh that’s not my fault – that’s the process. There’s this journey going on of logic in it which is why I’m getting you to explain to me, but also feeling it through the exercises we’re doing. To get to the realisation it isn’t my fault, because as children we had – dependent on our parents – on the giants – for our survival. Does everyone get that? [general agreement] You didn’t live if they weren’t there. [general agreement] Yes? [general agreement] So whatever they – any stuff they pushed on us, we had to accept. We can’t deny them. To deny them is to deny our living. [general agreement] So we have to idolise them and make them magical so it’s not their fault. It must be ours. So how we arrived at the green word – was because we couldn’t face it being them. We’re adults now. Do you reckon we might be in a position to question that? [general agreement] Yes? [general agreement] That well maybe it wasn’t my fault. Maybe me being naughty is what kids do. Maybe me swiping chocolate – who hasn’t done that? I have – is what kids do as they explore rebellious boundaries. [general agreement] It’s the beginnings of questioning because most of us have never done this before. Most of us have never uttered a word. How am I doing here? Talk to me. [general agreement] Don’t just stare at me. Give me something you agree or tell me if you don’t. So we’ve never uttered a word, and then we’ve got the word shamed or impatient or whatever, how did we decide to label ourselves with that feeling is that what the giants did, or didn’t do for us. [general agreement] So we took it on to make them feel okay.

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[general agreement] Oh. Stay with me. Because we couldn’t – we didn’t have it in us to say “You’re kidding, right? That’s no way to treat a child.” [general agreement] But now, as we look back as adults – and I want to take you through a beginners exercise to wrap up the day – surely we can look back and just think for a moment. I took that label on, but where did the label belong?

Yeah, on them.

Yeah.

I took the label on but where does it truly belong? With them. That’s their s***. [general agreement] Yeah?

I’m just wondering Sharon, in that sense of what we feel, feel ashamed, alone, it’s them feeling ashamed, them feeling alone, them feeling paralysed, them feel misunderstood or used or whatever.

Yeah. Yes, yes. There was someone here.

Yeah. I just wanted to ask, with the event, does it have to be that it was a giant? Can it be an older sibling?

Absolutely. I should’ve said that it could definitely be a sibling.

Okay.

Just someone else. The external – this is the maths – the external force, whatever that is, however that is experienced, forced on us to question our courage, our joy, our love, our – all of those qualities in such a way that we forgot that’s who we were and instead took on this label so we could protect our feelings towards them. An elder brother.

For a long time I thought that it was my parents’ divorce was the reason why I had a lot of issues, but that happened when I was fourteen and so you’re telling me now that it couldn’t have been. But – It’s probably before the age of ten.

Yeah, and I’ve struggled to think of anything but one thing that did – I have recalled – that does bring a lot of emotions, was that my older sister – she used to put me down all the time.

There it is.

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She used to call me stupid.

Trust your emotions right now. I see it. Trust it.

It’s a little hard to. I’m nearly 40 and I’ve spent the last 30 years thinking it was my parents, when in fact it was my – she wouldn’t have known what Dad used to say. Don’t worry about it, she’s just going through a phase.

So her treating you that way was minimised as she’s going through a phase? So there’s your shame. [general agreement] So in your child mind, well you decided well it has to be me. For her to be that way, there must be something wrong with me.

Yep. Yeah, thank you. What’s your name?

Eryn.

Thank you, Eryn. Your addiction is conceptual. You conceptualise things. Yeah. Analyse things.

Very much.

Yeah. It must really hurt you to realise you got it wrong.

Um, It’s uncomfortable.

It’s surprising, yeah. But it’s good to know that now. Yep. It is. I realise that’s what you’re getting to. I just want you to know that I can see what this would cost you, to be so intellectual and so together and to value your smart, because you value your intelligence.

I don’t know you do it, but I’m spot on. Yeah. By valuing that to then realise it was misdirected in these years. You now are going to question a lot of things. Can that be okay?

Yes. Yeah. Also I want to acknowledge you for feeling your way into that rather than conceptualising your way. That must be quite the breakthrough.

Wow. Yes. We won’t bring any more attention as you enjoy, but I just wanted to acknowledge all of that in you, because that’s a lot. It isn’t just “It was my sister” and what happened. It’s a huge amount of other things, stories you’re going to have to give up, blame misdirected, things she had to make sense that now aren’t true. Can you imagine? It’s a big deal. Thank you. I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah?

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Has the giant, meaning me being the parent – the giant – and the child having articulated an event, and me being totally aware of it and knowing it, is there any possibility or option of revisiting it in that?

Because it’s already been acknowledged and apologising and putting it out there with----So apology with eye contact?

Owning it.

So apology with eye contact?

Absolutely.

Yeah, and saying I should’ve protected you?

Yes. Well done. That’s amazing. That’s really rare. Yeah.

So that would be made?

Pardon?

So would that be [indistinct]?

If you did that? That’s phenomenal. And then revisiting it. Bringing it up.

Yep. So shame is caused by burying it and not talking about it. Would you agree? So let’s never speak of this again. Or our family doesn’t discuss that, or we don’t need to keep revisiting that. Any of these lines ringing any bells for anyone? Yeah. [general agreement] Do the opposite. When she’s feeling good and not vulnerable – so she’s not enjoying her own happy thing, so you don’t go and sabotage her happy thing – she’s just being. Say “Hey, I just want you to know - not Mummy’s here, that’s disassociated – I’m here if you want to discuss that. Or if new ideas come to you around there, or any concerns. Just know I’m here for you and I’m sure there must be things you’d like to discuss and if there are I’m here for you and if not that’s okay too.” However you want to experience it. Yeah?

Yep. And eventually she – he, my apologies – is going to say Mum you don’t have to keep bringing that up.

You know what? I’m going to because then I want you to know I really, really care about you and I believe if I keep this open and you know that I’m available to you, if any day something does go on, you’ll know I’m here for you.

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Because I will never let you down like that again. I’m here for you. And then it’s the reassurance over time, because we as we grow up give it different meanings.

Yes. So if the event happened when he was four or whatever, by the age of six it means something else. So by eight it means – because we’re stuck going out into the world and assigning meaning. [indistinct talking] Yeah.

Yep. So that would be what to say. And then always know what you see bubbling up in him, that is a reflection of perhaps where he felt not expressed around that – whatever the event was. So if he plays out in any way, it’s probably somehow he felt he couldn’t express his ‘insert feelings here’ around that event.

Yep. Yeah.

And so he’s adopted one of the green words. Does that make sense?

Yes. Isn’t knowledge power here? [general agreement] Thank you for that.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, of course. So – it’s Lauren, isn’t it? No, Laura. Eryn. How are you doing?

Good.

Did you get all back together again with the good? Well done. Dammit, I had her there. We were in the feelings. And you’re back to the concept. I missed my window. I’m away.

I just wanted to say back to you over there that as a child who my Mum – I was bullied back in primary school. There were a lot of people who were aware of it that I felt that – looking back on it now – I feel that they should’ve done more.

Yes, they should have.

And that I would have loved my Mum here. I would have loved her to –

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To say that. Yeah. I agree. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, who else experienced bullying at school?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our parents said – if they haven’t said – “I’m really sorry you experienced that, darling. We should’ve done more.” Thank you. Yeah?

My Mum was the bully.

Yeah, wow. Who is blown away by the depth of what we experience? This is humanity. This is going on right now for seven billion people. Thank you. Definitely number one. Yeah, did you feel it?

Of course, yes.

Yeah. Yep? What’s mind boggling is having three children and just contemplating interaction and how to be better and how to create and help these children become----All of tomorrow is on what we do about it. Today we’ve got to go real deep and face it.

-----great tradition.

We have to get our ship bumping. [general agreement] We have to, or else we’re in denial and we’ll carry on people pleasing, procrastinating, being frustrated people losing our tempers and think its fine and I’m just being myself. Do you get how we’ve got to back track through it all? Well this is why it’s this way. It’s not because it’s just who you are. It’s who you’re lying about who you are. [general agreement] Then tomorrow, we’re going to start undoing it. We going to start doing this forgiveness exercise and then tomorrow we’re going to start going through the process, the five steps to releasing it and doing something about replacing the stuff that’s actually going to serve us and our children. So today’s the dig in, tomorrow we start digging away that. How are we doing? [general agreement] Okay. So the stories we tell ourselves are what confirm the green. The feeling. So this exercise is just to take a little bit of time and figure out what stories do you tell yourself about why you can’t insert wherever you’re heading in your life now. That’s all it is. So I’ll just talk about it a little bit more. So I used to have a story – my Dad was reasonably harsh. And it’s hard for me to remember because I don’t want to remember. Yeah, so negative things were denied. He sold my pony and I wasn’t allowed to be upset. So the comment was that the float drove off with my pony on – 11 years old – come on Sharon, get over it. It’s not that big a deal. And walks away. We’ve all got our stuff. But guys, we’ve all got our stories. Show of hands. Turn to your partner and say “I’ve got my stories too.” [audience repeats] Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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And I’ve lots of incidents and so has my sister like that. So the feeling for me was shame. That my feelings were shameful. Makes perfect sense. How else could I feel? I’m 11 years old growing up in an environment where my sad feelings were denied. If I got angry I was told – not that often – “You don’t get to use that tone with me young lady.” That was my upbringing. We’ve all got stuff, guys. Truly.

Does everyone get that? We’ve all got stuff. [general agreement] So the feeling I gave myself was definitely shame. I was ashamed of me having feelings. So I thought I always had to be on. Interestingly, I became a coach. True. Do you get that? [general agreement] I think a lot of us came to this career because of the conversation a lot like this one. What do you reckon? [general agreement] Oh yeah. I can - The story I told myself as a result of that was I’m not worthy of support. [general agreement] Ah, thank you.

Yeah. The story I told myself was if I’m sad, I’m ugly and unworthy. If I have negative feelings – so they were labelled negative – what was the rule? I had to hide and not reveal it. Can anybody else relate to this? [general agreement] A bunch of us. Yeah, thank you. My story was people who love me will hurt me.

Oh my goodness. [general agreement] Of course.

Yeah, of course. It makes perfect sense an 11 year old gets treated that way. What else? If you show vulnerability, you will get hurt and judged.

Yes. Mmm. That makes perfect sense doesn’t it? So they’re how I came up with my stories. That’s how I created my world. So that’s an example of it. I’m trying to think of others. My Mum – I love my parents, you do get this? They’re doing the best they can and this isn’t like b****ing out on my parents. They’re awesome, you get that don’t you? Yeah – my Mum – I wasn’t allowed to be intelligent so I got called thick as s***.

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Oh my.

Oh goodness.

Yeah. Genius like you – thick as s***. So if I dropped anything you’d just say “F***ing clumsy.” If I didn’t do smart things “You’re thick as s***. You’re just so dumb.” And then stare at me to watch me drop something so they could prove I was clumsy. Shame. Do you get that? [general agreement] And alone, for sure. So the story I told myself was I have to hide my intelligence. [general agreement] Hang on. And I told myself “Don’t reveal.” It has to be shown. So one of the things my Dad used to tell me all the time was “Don’t be too smart around a man. They won’t want you.”

Oh God. Oh. Yeah.

Ladies? Who can relate to that one? [general agreement] A bunch of us. “You’re too smart by half, Sharon. You need to tone that down because people won’t want to be around you if you’re that smart.” So shame. And the story became I’ve got to tone it down.

I’ve got to be quiet about my abilities because I am smart. I didn’t fail school. I got straight A’s, but I kept it really quiet. Really – I was really understated about it. And when I could apply for some genius program I didn’t go for it because then people might know and then I’d get more judgement. Doesn’t it make perfect sense when you look at it? [general agreement] So that’s how I created my story. You can almost see how this is going to play out. What do you reckon I was on the orange? [indistinct] Yeah. Not worth it. A fake and not worth it. It makes sense doesn’t it? Come on talk to me. Don’t leave me alone here. I’m hanging out in the wind right now. [general agreement] And then I wonder how I started thinking how I had to be in the world to hide the truth that I’m not worth it.

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Conceptual.

Yeah. You getting how this works? [general agreement] So who can imagine or who’s starting to recall or think of what we might have told ourselves as a result of one of the green labels. Has everyone got something? [general agreement] Yeah? Any questions? Yeah, real quick.

I’ve got a sharing.

Oh, go.

From Tanya. She’s saying everybody abandoned me growing up. I have been waiting for my husband to leave. He is strong and I’ve been feeling like this for 22 years.

Oh, f*** I get that. Thank you so much for sharing that. So the bigger significant emotional events are around feelings of abandonment and neglect.

And abandonment doesn’t have to be physical

abandonment. It can just be I don’t have time for you. I’m too busy. Come and talk about that later. As children we’re what’s called an absolutist, so we only think if it’s one thing it’s everything. So if you don’t have time for me, Mum – what does a child think? [audience: I’m not worth it.]

You’re not worth the time. Not worth it. Does that make sense? [general agreement] And we’re completely egocentric for all the good reasons. For our survival. So we don’t understand other people are busy. All we do is understand if they’re too busy they’re too busy for us.

Me. And that becomes the mass. So that’s an example of that. So whether the abandonment was physical, mental or just in the moment seeking attention because you did something good, and your parents or the significant giant denied you that moment. As an absolutist, the only way you can respond is they don’t have time for me because I’m not worthy. It’s not because – it’s just how – who can relate to this? [general agreement] Children are the centre of the world. They have no idea how to keep it any other way. So for her, I don’t know if it was literal. I’d love to know if it was real abandonment or mental abandonment or just time abandonment. But that’s – what happens is we get ashamed and not worth it and the stories we start telling ourselves, we start seeking examples and find things amazing how we’re a heat seeking missile or finding relationships that confirm people who don’t have time for us.

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Yeah.

We keep getting abandoned. How am I doing here? [general agreement] That’s another example of that playing out. So has anyone else got anything to share? Do you have enough information? Yep? I was just going to share - because it’s come across in my mind when that was mentioned – that my father died when I was 14 but before that I didn’t really know him and I’ve never felt – I don’t remember him ever----What was his addiction?

My father?

Mmm, busy-ness?

His parents.

He was addicted to his parents?

Yeah, he was always with his parents. So I don’t actually remember him telling me he loved me.

Yeah.

And my mother was busy with the family because he wasn’t there very often. So we got – neglected maybe.

Abandoned.

Yeah, abandoned with love. So she was there for us but she didn’t show us as much love as I think we possible needed.

Of course she didn’t. You’re absolutely right.

Yeah, love abandonment. Emotional abandonment.

Emotional abandonment, which is why your addiction is conceptualisation. Does that make sense? It has to make perfect sense. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Did you have something to add?

Tanya’s just responded that she’s saying dumped on the side of a road four times, left after a function.

I didn’t hear that last bit.

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She said dumped on the road four times, left after a function. So after a function I’m presuming she was left on the side of a road.

Yeah. Thank you, Tanya. God. Isn’t there some sucky stuff that happens to people? [general agreement] Yeah, sometimes I hear that and think Wow. I had it okay with my stories. [general agreement] Isn’t it interesting? Thank you so much for sharing that. So I see you and I thank you for sharing that.

And thank you for your approach and sharing that, wouldn’t you agree? That’s from the other side of the world sharing that. And I trust this next step in the process is facing the stories you’ve made up to protect them is going to be useful. Do you see what we’re doing here? [general agreement] So has everyone got enough information to have a go and start digging up some of the bs we’ve told ourselves to protect that nonsense? Go for it. Have as many stories as you can come up with. There’s a place to do it in your workbook. You can do it on the handout. However you want to do it, we’ll get some tunes going, but at least 10 minutes figuring out. And if you’re wondering how to do this – because some of you want to get it right and struggle with getting it right – just think what do you tell yourself now when you face something you’re fearful of. What do you tell yourself? You’ve found your story. It’s that easy. So some things are important to you but you’re fearful of, what do you tell yourself is why you can’t do it – you’ve found the story that validates the giants being the way they were.

I snorted on myself.

You snorted on yourself? You’re in good company. I think this is the room for that. So guys, 10 minutes, get some tunes going. I’m available for questions or anything you guys want to discuss. I’m just going to hang out with you. Has everyone got enough information to do this? Is this worth doing? [general agreement] Okay, go for it. [exercise] How everyone doing? I felt it in that exercise. I could’ve spent time with every one of you individually, and it would’ve been good use of our time. So that you for everybody I got to spend time with. That was extraordinary. How did you go with your exercise? Yeah? Who’s got some interesting bulls*** that they’ve been telling themselves? Who would like to get the ball rolling with some interesting bulls*** that they’ve been telling themselves? Yeah, what have you been telling yourself?

Listen Sharon, I have been----Yeah, I am listening.

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There’s nothing. I’m been getting a massive headache and my eyes are really hurting and I know what it is because it seems I’ve been shutting out of my life [indistinct] sexual abuse.

Thank you for sharing. [indistinct talking] So you know that’s very significant when someone shares that because 20-30% of the people in this room have had that experience.

I’ve been sitting here shaking. I’ve been really cold. You know, I’m nervous now talking about it. It’s something I have brought up and exposed when I was in my late teens and went on to [indistinct] Yeah, was it acknowledged when you were in your teens or was it denied?

I told it to my best girlfriend and she didn’t realise. So it took many years for me to bring it out again what her----Yeah.

And it was very hard-----Was it accepted or was it denied?

At first it was denied.

Mmm, isn’t that difficult?

Oh he couldn’t because he was in a trusted family and----Do you get the obvious link to shame there and what we started telling ourselves how we’re not worthy? [general agreement] In that moment. Because I experienced sexual abuse as well and it’s just – not with my parents. It was a friend and it couldn’t be true. And when they did accept it as truth, I got worthy again.

It was so hard. It was like – his name is Peter – and he’s a second cousin who then was now allowed into the house and they wanted to save him and rescue him from that – perpetual----So your parents also----Loved him and adored him.

-----abandoned you----Not knowing.

-----and didn’t protect you.

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Not knowing.

Well, as a child you don’t know that.

Yeah.

You just think I’m not worthy of protection or – do you get that? As a child. As an adult it makes perfect sense but a child is like I can’t be worthy of protecting and taking care of.

Wow. And I felt very paralysed. I actually felt – it’s really weird talking about this – I actually felt like my role was as protector because if he was abusing me he wasn’t abusing all my brothers and sisters.

Wow. So I took on that protector role. I thought well okay, I can take this because I’m strong enough so do whatever you need to do to protect the others. Don’t you f*** with my brothers and sisters. And of course I was threatened he’ll kill me if I told – all that stuff. It makes me feel – it did make me feel really strong but incredibly vulnerable. And I couldn’t----Stoic?

Stoic, yeah.

Yeah, that’s where you get your stoic-ness from.

Yeah, so – That’s where it comes from because you’ve got to be stoic – strong for others.

Yeah.

Calm, centred, grounded, s*** together for you. Stoic. No matter what I can handle it. Stoic. That’s how you’ve played it out.

It’s played out.

Yeah. [indistinct talking] Yes. Good on you for seeing the connections. So we’re going to ask you now have a story that you’ve told yourself that’s bs?

Oh yeah, a lot of it. All this is bs. My role as protector. It’s bulls***.

Yeah, good on you.

I need to protect others – that’s bulls***. I can’t protect others. I can do my best. [indistinct]

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Yeah, but you can’t do that because that’s control, not security.

And that’s right.

Yeah.

I can take it for the family because I’m the strongest. That’s bulls***.

Good on you.

Because I’m not the strongest. I’m actually quite vulnerable. Yeah, that I’m not good enough. I’ve also had a belief that----I reckon everyone in the room might’ve written that one down.

Yeah.

If they didn’t they’re about to. [laughter and agreement] Oh yeah, that’s it.

That love is not everything. You can’t drop love. People who love you the most will betray you. So I’ve had that belief for a long time.

Yeah.

And also that I’m [indistinct] Wow, yeah.

I don’t necessarily believe that now but that’s certainly what I believed all through those years.

Yeah. What’s it like seeing that and realising that’s what you’ve walked around?

Oh – How you relate to people – that’s the s*** that’s bumping into people.

Yep. You make your decisions from that place. So how’s it feel realising that’s the s*** you’re going to change?

It just – even talking, like the headache behind my eyes has lifted. So that says----Shining some light on the shame. Can we give her a hand? That was fantastic. [applause] Thank you.

That was amazing. Thank you so much. Do you get how significant it is for someone who’s been so strong for so long, to say I don’t have to be that for everyone anymore? It’s huge. Thank you. Who would like to go next? Who wants to share something? Yes. Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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Remind me – the rule basically----Don’t do the blue. Do the story.

The story – I needed to learn more to become better. I was not good enough. [indistinct] was treated like s***. And that has led to a lot of heavy [indistinct] see in me. I have tried to overcompensate and actually [indistinct].

Wow, well done. You got there.

Yep. You did. [indistinct] arguments, everything. Logic.

Yeah. Yeah.

How do we overcompensate this?

Nothing to compensate. You did great. Didn’t he do amazing?

Yeah. [general agreement and applause] Thank you for sharing. I love what you’re sharing. Who’s feeling moved by what we’re hearing? [general agreement] Gosh, I am. Who’s next? Yes. Sharon, I just had a call – and it didn’t go well. I just don’t want to leave that energy there.

You don’t need me. You said it.

I really – I don’t know what just happened and I really don’t want to leave that where it was. Whatever it was. I’m not sure if we can even work it out. I mean, I’ve worked on we’ve all got s*** and I’m trying to work on my s***, but I really honestly don’t want that any more or anything. You take that off or anything like that. I just want to keep going and deal with it. So I really am sorry that you felt that – whatever that was – if you wanted to press that to me again so I can understand what it was.

I didn’t actually feel anything. I wasn’t feeling anything so I haven’t taken anything on board. Yeah, so there’s nothing to apologise to----Isn’t it amazing what we tell ourselves? [general agreement] Nothing to apologise for.

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It’s perfect.

I heard you say that I was being aggressive and I wasn’t listening to you and that hurts me because I actually do want to own you by listening to you and how I could----Well, I actually didn’t say aggressive. I said very argumentative. Yep. So – I mean we were having a discussion----No, no, no. Yeah, thank you.

No, just bout Pat and – yeah, I didn’t feel that I was being listened to and I said “Well, we don’t have to have this conversation unless you want to have the conversation.”

I reckon she was really serving you. What did you hear?

That I was being argumentative and I didn’t understand how me sharing what I was sharing was argumentative. I thought I was asking can you help me see how that is to you because I can’t see that and I want to – yeah, and I don’t want to abuse someone else.

So s*** bumping.

Absolutely. Like I was saying, I think I should bump into you.

You said that? That’s awesome.

But yeah, I’m – yeah, this is a pattern for me. A big one on top.

Is it a pattern for you?

I think it is. I think that there are people in my life that don’t think I’m listening. When I think I’m listening. And I really want to straighten that out.

Yeah. Do you get feedback sometimes that you’re argumentative or defensive?

Yes. Okay.

And I want to get past that.

Thank you. I really appreciate you sharing that. Can I just share a pattern that maybe some of you may relate with? If I may, around that?

Yes. Yes? But a little bit of encouragement? [general agreement]

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Thank you. I realise you’re all doing stuff but being present. What can happen is you – if you have a story, which I believe you do about defensiveness and argumentativeness. So you might not have noticed it but there’s a story there around that or that doesn’t happen.

I here to notice it and do something with it.

Yeah, so let’s assume there’s a story there around that. What then happens for a person who has that story is then set up conversations to experience that. Oh no. Yeah, whatever the story is. So this is just one example of the story, but whatever story you’ve got, have you noticed how you go around setting it up to have confirmation of that story? [general agreement] Who needs to know that? Show of hands. Should be everybody. Or it’s not in your story. [general agreement] Why write it down? It’s not like I got this story and I never experienced it. You just wrote down bulls***. [general agreement] How am I doing here? If you wrote down a story, you go about setting up situations to make that story true. [general agreement] Or it ain’t your story. Is everyone relating to this? [general agreement] Yeah. So that’s what you do. You go about setting it up to have that experience. By the way did you circle in the green misunderstood?

Yeah.

Good. And that’s how the story from misunderstood becomes why don’t people understand me? A bit of righteousness. I didn’t mean anything. I don’t understand how we got there. That can become the story. So does that – are you relating to this?

Yes. I know a green tea is turning up here. I just know it. I just keep turning and going to grab it. [laughter] Yeah, so to change it, it’s never sell your belief. Surrender the need to sell a belief. Just give it up.

Surrender. Any need to have anybody ever understand you again. The key for this pattern – because I know this pattern’s quite common – is to spend all your time seeking to understand and none of your time being understood. [general agreement]

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Some of our s***’s bumping. Yeah. When you put it like that. Go ahead.

The fight is that I’ve never felt understood, from a kid.

I know. I get it.

So I give up. Give up that f***ing fight and just go with you’re okay, you’re loved, you’re----No, no. Don’t bulls***. Slow down. You’re doing it again.

Well, You’re trying to sell me how I have to understand you.

No, I’m trying to understand me.

And it’s coming across as I have to understand you.

Yeah. Yep. I’m telling you the feedback you’re getting is right now it sounds like you need to be understood. Yeah.

Are you called to do this?

Yes please.

Right.

And the reason I know with such confidence that what I’m suggesting is a pathway that’s

appropriate, is you’re not my first client. You shared with me. But I never understood – you’re not the first person. You’re like one in 200.

Yep. And every time they’ve tried to create the code of being understood, they get more and more frustrated. Anybody else tried this pattern? [general agreement] Get her to put her hand up. [laughter] Yeah, you’re in. So truthfully, who here relates to what I just said? [general agreement] You’ll never get there. You’ll never get there. Has anyone ever succeeded in feeling better about themselves when they’ve finally convinced somebody of their point of view? Has anybody ever felt better? [audience: no] You can’t. You actually can’t. It won’t work. No matter how many times you keep trying to do it. Thank you so much.

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But the flip side is true though.

Sorry?

The flip side for me, is true. I’m possibly putting my energy into understanding other people and perhaps it’s the same pattern that they do that they have to be understood and I have to give it to them.

Most of them it does, which is why I have a huge advantage and do really well. Did you hear what I said?

I need to hear it again please.

Most of the world does have that pattern, so I have an advantage and why I do really well.

Yep, okay.

My success is that pattern. Guys, I’m telling you. Yeah.

Understanding others?

Yeah. Really getting into, digging, appreciating, and I don’t feel I’m sacrificing me because me, I’ve linked – and we’ll do this tomorrow – huge values and pleasure for others feeling understood because that’s what the world craves. [general agreement] Yeah.

So I get huge energy. I get a buzz. I get love. I get all my values met when I get into you. Whereas for most of the planet – and this is my competitive advantage – only feel good if I do it for them. I’m sitting right here. Guys, it makes sense doesn’t it? [general agreement] Come on, give me something back. [general agreement] You’ve gone really quiet and you’re kind of freaking me out. Thinking? Do it louder. Yep? I have Jill saying I was raped when I was 14 and begged my friends’ father not to tell my parents as I was afraid I would be punished.

Yeah. Thank you. Who was that?

Jill.

Thank you Jill, for your honesty. I am staggered, moved and humbled by your courage in saying that.

The answer I want to know is – I know there’s a bit of delay – is have you spoken about it since?

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Because the stories will be bigger and you’ll have a lot more to defend about our past the less we’ve spoken of it. Does that make – it makes good sense, doesn’t it? [general agreement] Like what we bury is going to pop up. It’s like trying to push and pull. You don’t try to push a balloon that’s blown up under water, what keeps happening to the balloon? Boing! And it becomes exhausting just keeping the balloon under the water. Thank you. I’ll wait for that answer. Shelly, how has what I’ve just shared sitting with you? It’s a different paradigm isn’t it? Yeah.

But you have years of experience in putting down rituals that work for you to keep you in a place that you’re happy with you in understanding the----I began where you are.

-----others. Absolutely. And that’s why I look and watch.

So I’ll give some more feedback, if I may?

Yeah?

You need to stop starting questions – sentences with but. So every time we’ve spoken so far you’ve started with but, and now you’re looking defensive. So that – and I know you’re not meaning to – but if you don’t have someone to share this with you, you’re not going to break the damn cycle.

Absolutely.

So right now when I share that with you, rather than looking defeated, look me in the eye and go thank you. Thank you so much. You would be into me in that moment. So knock off the buts.

Thank you. Thank you Sharon, so much.

Yeah. So in that moment, we were able to come with you. Did everyone feel it? [general agreement] You’re getting feedback. When we’re with you. You are not understood. You achieved it through giving. You cannot achieve everyone with you through getting. You simply cannot because everyone else is after the same f***ing train. [general agreement] We’re all chasing the same train. So the moment we pause it and just be and give, everyone else just takes a breather. How am I doing here? Oh that’s right, there is a higher level of existence. There is a better way to go. That is a kind of way to be. And in that moment we’re connected to you at a humanity level, rather than you being right – which you may be but no one gives a f***.

No, and I don’t either.

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[laughter] Love it.

Yeah, so whatever happened just became a catalyst for a pretty powerful

conversation. So knock off the buts, eye contact when you’re hearing feedback that frustrates you about you. Because again, you’re going into you and my desire as a human being is to protect me from hurting you. I’m human. It’s a whole thing. So when I’m planning to fall out with you, if you look defeated or hurt or misunderstood, I go wow, maybe I need to go easier on you. Because I would hate to hurt you and ever see you look defeated because of something I said or did. I’d be really hurt that I did that. For you. So now I’m going to plan on rescuing you, so why did you go with that addiction – and that’s what’s happening. [general agreement] That’s the pattern.

Now, it happens that I’ve done this conversation up to know when you look

defeated, that wasn’t about me. It was about your hurt. About disappointment in you. I get that. The planet does not – nor should they, because they don’t need to – understand that about you. Did you like that?

Yep. So moving forward, what’s one little thing? We’re skipping to the red. You could do differently instead of – because right now your pattern – I would say your crust – is to be all together, capable person. A capable person? I’m coming back. What could you be instead? I don’t know – for the weekend perhaps?

Which colour are we in?

Red. So right now in the crust, in the page we’re on – don’t change pages – you have a pattern you play out. It might not be on that list because I have a list of 60 things, but it’s all I could write.

No, it’s all argumentative.

Argumentative, yeah. So what perhaps is one situation where you could choose maybe not to argue?

Just surrender. And not be defeated. Just let them have – be heard. What’s one situation you could do that? In this weekend.

Right here, in our conversation.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. See what happens. That’s it. That’s all it takes to create this change. That’s it.

How does it feel?

I know I’ve done that and I can continue to do it. And I’ll----But it didn’t get you the bang for your buck that you wanted?

What you just said?

Yeah, so when you tried what I’ve just suggested, you didn’t get the reward you wanted?

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You’ve just given me the feedback that I needed to hear so I can continue to do what I’ve been doing and just turn that up a bit more.

You haven’t been doing it.

Not consistently.

Yeah.

I forget.

Yeah.

I forget to remember that it’s not about me.

Yeah.

But I am here to give.

Yeah, so tonight when you guys work on your stories – your new stories on the next page – maybe it’ll be a really great opportunity for you Shelly to come up with some great stories about your future self and how you want it to be. Yeah? Because it’s not – do you mind if I spend a couple of minutes here guys? Is that okay? Is everyone learning something from this? [general agreement] It’s not – you’re an absolutist. There’s something happened way back at the age of like, 5, where you got told you’re wrong. And you then took forward you stories that what has to be right or wrong. You see the world in black and white, good or bad, right or wrong. And you’re fighting to experience grey and it’s so frustrating for you because you keep defaulting to black and white, the polarity. Which is why you thought there was a thing and she was just great. You saw it as a black to your white or vice versa and she just saw grey and thought what’s the big deal. For you to notice the world that way you’re an absolutist. There’s a right way and a wrong way. I don’t get it or I do get it. It’s absolute for you. The world is all f***ing grey. The moment you dig that, it gets a lot easier. You’re not having the right answer right now. That’s the thing to dig.

No. Now you’re just being agreeable. You’ve done the polarity thing. And you’ve just done the frustrated look. That’s all it took to get you there. [laughter] There is it. You’re doing it now. You said you wanted this conversation----I do. I really----You don’t. You’re doing the defeated look again. You’ve just done it twice. Yeah?

I’m looking for a new path. I really am.

I gave it to you. It’s not the one you wanted.

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And I missed it.

And that’s not a reason to look defeated.

It’s not. You’re right.

Yeah, thank you. Because again, you disconnect – who felt the isolation? You must spend a lot of time feeling isolated and alone, because of that one look. [general agreement] That one look. How do you guys feel when she does that face? [indistinct talking] How do you feel if you saw the face?

Separated out.

Separate? What else? Give her the feedback so she can learn. She’s asking for help.

Doesn’t care.

Doesn’t care, wow.

Man that hurts because I really do care.

Yeah, you’re hearing it though. What else do you see or feel when Shelly does that defeated look?

Lack of [indistinct] Looking for a fight.

She’s looking for a fight. Defensive.

It’s so not what I want.

I really do want to do something else.

Yep. I do.

You just heard the feedback that when you do that look, when you make it about you like that, we can’t connect with you. And the very thing you want, you’re stopping because of the story. So what’s something you could do differently? To me it’s so obvious. I know we all know the answer. What’s one obvious thing you could do that you just got major feedback on?

Don’t do the look?

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Yes. Everyone’s feeling oh f***ing hell, she said that. [laughter] Don’t do the look, because you doing it all on the outside means we’ve got to rescue you or avoid you. [general agreement] That one thing will make a difference. Yeah?

Yeah.

Can you do that?

Absolutely.

Yeah, great. I would thank the room because we want to be with you – don’t you reckon? [general agreement] We’re not going to pull her, she’s going to give to us. Just thank the room.

Thank you guys, I really appreciated it.

That was awesome. That was worth a round of applause. [applause] Sharon?

Yeah?

Sharing this space from an observation perspective – becoming aware of feedback as feedback instead of right and wrong – I’ve sat in that black and white, right and wrong for a long time, and I had a – I thought people thought something of me. And I moved forward with that thought and it was nothing like it. Nothing. And I had to become aware of the feedback. Once I was getting the feedback from different sources and the feedback from all the different sources was the same thing and I was argumentative. And I didn’t realise I was. I wasn’t meaning to be. I was trying to help everybody, but my feedback came. They all – in lots of different spaces – the feedback was, so I had to accept that, that if I wasn’t meaning it to be that way, that’s how other people were perceiving it. And then realised and think well I could do differently.

Yeah. Yeah, good on you. And did you change it?

Absolutely.

So have a chat with Shelly about how you did that.

Absolutely.

Yeah, that’d be great. It’d be wonderful. I have no idea where we were. You were going to say – Jill?

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Jill said that yes, it came out when my now ex-husband’s brother was charged with molesting a young girl. I was accused of seeking attention. And I’m done with secrets, with hiding and shame.

Give her a hand [applause] You’re not alone. There’s 20% of people in this room who have been molested or sexually abused. There is just stacks of us. Stacks and stacks. Can I have a hell, yeah? [audience repeats] Yeah. Isn’t it just amazing of her doing that? [general agreement] Just so courageous. Imagine – it’s been shamed every time she spoke about it and she still had the courage to say it again. The courageous self that she’s meant to be. [general agreement] You just claim it. When you – see this is where we’re heading. You guys are doing great, by the way.

Do you think you’re doing great at this point? [general agreement] We’re taking a pretty big journey. [general agreement] Turn to your partner and say “I think you’re pretty magnificent right now.” [audience repeats] Yes. So now we’re going to do the next stage. Has everyone written down their bulls*** stories that they were conditioned to tell themselves? [general agreement] Anyone not? Not written them all – there’s more?

There’s more.

I love it. But you’ve got some down?

Yep. [general agreement] Okay, put your pens and papers down. We’ve done the concept. Now we’re going to do the feeling. Oh no. Put the pens and papers down. That includes you. So I’m going to ask you a series of questions.

Do you recognise that the story is what you were taught and adopted to keep them happy? [general agreement]

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Yeah? Does anyone still think it’s true? [audience: no] Good on you. Just try it on. And if you want to be tested, you can. It’ll come out as bulls***. Do you recognise it as the bulls*** that it is? [general agreement] Anyone want to do something about that? [general agreement] You can stand up only when you’re willing to never use that story ever again.

Oh God. And replace it with something else. Only stand up when that’s your commitment and for real. Wow, go you guys. Think about it. What it means. What you’re going to have to change. What you’re going to have to commit to. You’re going to have to give up that bulls***. [general agreement] It’s going to take some of you a little longer. It’s cool. Some of you, you won’t be ready to stand up today. That’s absolutely fine. Please only stand up when it’s your truth. It has to be your truth. This is you claiming it for you on your terms. This isn’t because I’m a giant telling you to. I’m sitting down. You stand up when you’re good and ready on your terms, because you want to claim you and you’re tired of living from the past. And there’s no rush. If we’re standing up, we’re all good. Just waiting for people to process some holy s*** moments right now, aren’t we? Can I have a yes? [general agreement] Yes. How’s it feel standing up?

Awesome.

Yes. Awesome.

Liberating.

Scary.

Very scary.

I remember the first time I stood up for this. I remember I did this. It’s pretty amazing. Anybody else need a little bit more time? Some people are wrestling with demons right now. Good on you – you won the wrestle. I saw that. You literally arm wrestled somebody and you stood up. How’s that feel?

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Real good.

Yeah, it feels good. Good on you. Are you really meaning it?

Yep. Yeah, good on you. Anyone else want a little bit more time? Yeah? Okay, we’ll just chat. And then we’re going to do a forgiveness exercise. Yeah. How are you doing?

Amazing. It feels good.

Relief.

Yeah, relief.

Relief.

For some people, it’s just enough having stood up. So wow, I’m’ not going to do that again. And next time you hear yourself saying oh man that old bulls***? That old bulls***? Really?

That’s not serving you.

That’s bulls***.

I don’t need to keep listening to that.

Okay, anyone else who didn’t stand up,

absolutely fine. I need you to believe that. Does everyone get that? That a lot of stuff we do when we’re taught by the giants to be different, we take on judgement and we think everything’s a judgement. And it’s actually not. Just stand when you’re ready. It’s a commitment to you on your terms. Good for you. And if you’re not ready to commit to that, good for you. You know you and you’re trusting you. That’s a f***ing hallelujah. Isn’t it? [general agreement] Give somebody a high five. Give somebody a hug. And tell them why you’re awesome. [audience action] Grab someone next to you and grab a seat. Now just grab someone appropriately and grab a seat.

Let’s go. Okay. Big day. Big day. So now I’m going to do the last two steps. As a result of all that bulls*** that you just let go of, what crud have you been leaving until this moment? Choose. Oh, it’s that one. Should be easier by now. Circle your crud. It’s the orange.

How many are we allowed?

Yeah, exactly. As many as you want. Now you should be good at this by now. Don’t over think it. And then I’ll assume you’ve done it because by now if you haven’t got your response, getting better at this – the last step, the red step, they are just examples of what I’m giving you. There’s another 60 where they came from. How do you hide your crud? What is your version of living the life? So much. And you can write it there. You can write it on the back. You can write it on the new one I gave you. Wherever you want to write it, but how do you live the lie to protect the lie? Do you get what I’m saying?

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[general agreement] So in our core, who are we? [audience: love, courage] Love. Joy. Come on. Courage. Creativity. Generosity. Resilience. Favourable flexibility. I-am-ness.

And then neurotic giants come along and deny – stop, criticise. How are we doing? And it’s on that weird dot’s a certain feeling around shame. Are you guys following? [general agreement] Yes? Are you following? [general agreement] Yeah, we adopt a feeling generally around shame. And it’s – shh – we create stories because we want to make sure the giants feel right. [general agreement] Because they couldn’t be wrong. Because if they were wrong we’re f***ed. How am I doing here? [general agreement] So we create all these stories. But now we’re old enough and we’re now living out those stories in some really interesting ways. [general agreement] Which leads us to the orange. Circle away. As a result of that, we feel ashamed because of that. So we’ve got to hide that. So who we present to the world is the scrubbed up version to hide all that. And what’s your version of scrubbed up? Over achiever. Addict. What is it? What’s your version of hiding all of that? It could be procrastination. I think this is true for you. Procrastination. Because if you’re a procrastinator you don’t commit to anything.

You don’t need to be found out to be the fraud.

Remember fraud is the crud. You guys following? [general agreement] Because you’ve forgotten your core. So now when you say to me you’re a procrastinator, guess who I’m thinking? [indistinct talking] You’re avoiding. You’re trying to hide from the crud that says you’re not enough, that you’re not worthy. And so by procrastinating which seems to be a very common pattern, you don’t have to commit to anything. And by not having to commit to anything, you don’t have to find out what you’re made of and you don’t have to find out whether or not you’re with it.

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[general agreement] Well done. Well played. You’ll never have to face the truth. Which is the lie that you’re not worth it.

This is what you’re protecting. [general agreement] I know. How cool is this? [general agreement] So what is your version of bs to protect all this crud?

I’ve already done it.

You’ve already done it? Yeah. So who’s got something to share? Who – what are some versions of bs – yeah, what’s yours?

Oh my God, I just said out loud, I’m having a head f*** right now. I really am. [laughter] It just ridiculous.

Ah! Because I spent – you know – and I’m not denying that my life hasn’t had wonderful moments. Of course it has, but my joy in serving others is also masked around this over-reliance and this people pleasing element. My motives have got to be a bit more pure than that. They don’t need to be conditional. I just saw that.

There it is. [indistinct] forward.

There it is. Give her a hand. That’s awesome. [applause] Awesome. You’re right. Because even kind acts have selfish motives a lot of the time. It’s like people will like me. People will approve of me. [general agreement] Who else can relate to that one? [general agreement] That could be one of the patterns. What’s some other patterns? Some other wonderful, unique ways?

What have you got?

I am a people pleaser and live in a world of escapism and I’m very judging of myself.

Yeah.

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Blaming others for my feelings because if they didn’t mess with me I wouldn’t have them in the first place.

Yeah. Damn them, these them’s! So that’s all going on. Why is that all going on? Because she’s got to hide the crud that she was taught by the giants. [general agreement] How’s that? [general agreement] It’s ridiculous.

It’s weird because I don’t actually see that I was taught that by my parents. But obviously maybe I----Oh, giants. So some version of authority figure that had power over you.

It will be my parents because it was only the three of us.

So a lot of pressure to be very loveable.

Yeah. Yeah. I’ve never felt like I belonged anyway.

Yeah, so isolated is the one you circled?

Yes, and alone.

So to me, I’m amazed you don’t see it because isolated and alone, well clearly that’s your crud so the crust has to be people pleasing and judging others to confirm that you have stay alone to make that bulls*** true.

Yep. It makes perfect sense.

Because I wasn’t allowed to express the negative emotions.

Of course you weren’t. It would be ridiculous in an only child. You had to be the perfect princess.

No, I was never a princess. [laughter] Happy princess. You had to be the happy one.

Actually it was – I don’t know – it wasn’t even that because my parents----What emotions were you allowed? None? No emotions.

Happy emotions only, but we----What emotions were you allowed? Happy?

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Happy.

Yeah, I said happy and you said no.

No, but it wasn’t that princess syndrome sort of stuff.

No. Only child is called only child’s princesses. So you see the pattern? Because you said you didn’t get it but did you see the pattern?

Yep. I do.

You’re this to protect this line because of this pressure they put on you about how you had to be. So I wonder if any of that’s true.

I’m okay. Yep. Yeah.

Now I’m getting it. S***.

Give her a hand. Well done. [applause] Yes? I guess I’ve always been in the people pleasing category.

God, there’s a lot of people pleasers in the room.

So I guess my whole life around my career of people pleasing, so attentive assistant and all of those sorts of things.

Yeah. Yeah.

So going back to cover up that I wasn’t deserving of love and I wasn’t good enough.

Yes. So if I do everything that these people need then I’ll be good enough. But I shouldn’t.

Yeah, you’ve got it. Good on you. Good on you. Wow, give her a hand. [applause] You’re amazing.

Who’s next? Yes? What’s your pattern?

I’m quite hassled.

Well that was the question.

Yes. Give me your red.

I’m not good enough.

No, that’s the crud. What’s the red? How does it play out? What do you do with the world?

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Procrastination.

Procrastination? What’s it protecting?

I’m not good – um, I’m not worth it.

Not worth it. So that’s what you were taught and that’s what you’re trying to protect. Wow. How’s it----I haven’t moved very far with my coaching business.

I can’t hear you.

Which is why I haven’t moved very far with my coaching business.

Yeah.

Yeah, how could you.

Because if I did, I’m worth it. I know. I know. [audience: ooooh] Give her a hand. That’s gorgeous. [applause] [indistinct talking during applause] I am just gushing all over because it’s a 43 years’ experience and if you can share a moment?

Yeah.

I survived the Khmer Rouge War. I lived through it. My sister didn’t.

Oh my gosh. Thank you for sharing.

And at this point – and one point I just said – I was about 6 years old where the world changed upside down and where in my life I see that, because my Mum yell at me for eating the food that was meant for my dead sister. And I took that on board. All this crud.

You had to. So how did you internalise it? What was it that you told yourself or what was the story you created from it?

Well, I lied to her and said I didn’t eat it. But the evidence was there, like any kid.

Yeah. Of course. But what was the story you told yourself after that?

It’s not that. It’s afterwards she kept comparing me to my dead sister. My dead sister was perfect. I was the un-perfect one. So I couldn’t satisfy her.

She can’t possibly succeed with that story because if you succeeded you’d be denying your perfect sister and denying your mother. And no longer honouring your parents.

Well, here’s a catch 22. My Mum said – and my Dad never loved my sister – so I was really confused.

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So if you’re perfect your Dad might not like you.

Yeah.

Oh my God. I know.

You’ve done some good work. Well done.

I’m like – you can see my blood flowing. [indistinct] Yeah. I know. How empowering is that for you to get – that’s what you’ve been living.

All the workshops I’ve been doing in the last few months was hard work because of this.

Yes. Does everyone get it? Of course it would be.

I was like, wow.

Yes, that’s the bulls*** you’ve been defending.

I know. That’s why I stood up. I knew that was the story for some time.

Yeah. I’m very humbled that you shared that with all us. Thank you.

One question – and I remember asking myself constantly at aged 6 or 7, why was I forsaken because death was much better. But why was this daughter left alive and not the other one who was perfect?

Why was the imperfect, useless one alive, saved? Why not the perfect one who is sold for her value, was killed? And she’s two years younger than me. And I have this love-hate relationship with my little sister, because my Mum painted all this picture “I never appreciated the gift she gave me.”

Yeah.

And now I do.

What a gift you’ve just given yourself.

I know.

Wow. Can I say?

Yeah.

Thank you.

You’re so welcome. Thank you. Thank you and a huge round of applause. [general agreement and applause]

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Wow. Are you noticing you’re seeing your future a little differently already? Just by realising that?

I knew that the day I walked in here.

Oh wow. Wonderful. Who’s next? Yes? So mine is procrastination and----Shocking.

------and blame. For the story of----So hang on. So that’s the crust.

That’s the crust.

That protects which lie?

That I’m not smart enough. Sorry.

Yep. Do you get how that – you never need to apologise. When the emotion appears----Over apologising.

Over apologising you’ve circled? I was going to say if you need to a couple of you might need to have circled that one.

When I finish it. I haven’t worked it all out yet.

Yeah. Did you stand up when I asked you to dump your story? How does that feel?

Amazing.

That’s huge. That’s huge what you’re giving yourself. So my invitation to everybody tonight – we’ve got one more exercise to do if that’s okay – is everyone cool we’ve got to make up for the 15 minute late start? [general agreement] Thank you. My request of you – if you’d love to tonight – and for everybody, if you stood up to dump the story, start thinking about well, what’s the story that I’m going to start to tell myself. [general agreement] If I dare, what could it be? What would my future self – go into your future self – what would be future self say to the story if it became, to create that extraordinary life? And I know you didn’t see your future self, but I think maybe you will now. [indistinct] share it. She told me I was amazing.

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She told you that you were amazing? You’ve got a great first story already. Wonderful. Thank you.

Give her a huge hand. [applause] Who’s next? Yeah?

I’ve already spoken about my stories----Yeah, lots of fun stuff.

Yeah, and I use clutter to stop me from moving forward. If I say I’ve been aware of it, would it still be around?

How do you mean?

Well, I’ve been aware that it trips me up. And moving into my future, but if I get into the clutter, then I can’t stay with coaching and get on with my business because there’s lots of stuff needs doing in my house. So if I say I will----Well, pause. I have a good question. What happens with people who hoard or clutter, is the piles get so big they become seemingly overwhelming and insurmountable.

Yes. And then the excuse becomes well I can’t do anything about it because then I can’t do that. But are you doing that?

Yes. Are you doing the coaching thing and out there doing things?

Yeah.

Then just start taking one pile a week.

Okay.

Just one – or whatever you believe is a measurable time frame, because again the absolutism of it’s all or nothing, you have absolutism as well. It’s – I’ve got to keep more. I’ve got to keep more. It’s the absolutism is what’s messing you up. And that’s a child’s response to a situation. Children – yeah – children respond with absolutism. Whatever happens it’s all or nothing. And if we’ve had this event happen as you have and you described our event, you stay locked in absolutism.

Okay.

The all or nothing. Shelly, you’re all or nothing. That’s the pattern some of you are showing. Does that make sense? [general agreement] It’s the all or nothing. So it’s not all or nothing. It’s not that you give up the coaching and clear the clutter. It’s that you manage the clutter and prioritise it within what you’re doing well.

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Do I stop creating it once I start doing the cleaning?

Yeah. So each thing – and then I’ll also tell you you’ve got to start prioritising. You pick up your bit of paper, you’ve got to choose “Do I need to keep this? Is that really true?”

Yes. Yes. And you literally have to file it when you get it. Can I just say for a number of you – hoarders, clutterers, gatherers, busy-ness, whatever your version of mess is, when you get it, you file it or you ditch it.

Change your life. You have to do something when you get it. Are you guys going to do this? [general agreement] Yes? Oh my God, that was so wishy-washy. I don’t mind if you do or you don’t. I’m just saying when the piles come up, you’ve got a really good reason and another story to not get on and do some things, because you’ve got to clear the pile. Or you can’t possibly think with all this clutter. [general agreement] So stop the story. Yeah?

Is the opposite of that someone who is a minimalist to the extreme?

So they’ve got the addiction conceptualisation? And about those – learning about feelings. So it’s learning about trusting feelings because it’s about trust. We’ll do more on that tomorrow. Yeah?

Thank you Sharon.

Yeah, of course. Give her a huge hand. [applause] Yeah?

You said child responses is something [indistinct].

Absolutism. Yeah, it’s the all or nothing, right or wrong, it is or it isn’t, I accept it or I reject it, if you don’t accept my argument it’s meant you rejected me. That’s the absolutism that a number of you have. Did you hear that? [general agreement] If you don’t accept my argument, you’re rejecting me so it feels like life and death. Which it is to a child. [general agreement] How’s everyone doing? [general agreement] Enjoying the story.

How’s the day so far?

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[general comments] We’ve just hung out, a couple of chats. [laughter] Can we do one more exercise? [general agreement] Are we going to keep going because I’m aware of the time? You can put your stuff down. Feet on the ground is always a good way to go. If I could, I would. So this is an invitation exercise and it’s going to be a forgiveness exercise. So we’ve conceptualised and felt our way through the day. We’ve figured out some interesting patterns that possibly we don’t have to keep. How are we doing with that? [general agreement] Yeah. We’re recognising how it happened and it doesn’t make perfect sense.

Yes. Yes? That we’re that way, when you look at what happened and who we are in that moment as a child, it makes perfect sense that we’re going to respond and take it on to keep them safe. Because if they’re safe, we’re safe. But now we’re adults. And we can make some new choices. So my invitation if you’d love to join in, is just to take a deep breath in and close your eyes. And I just want you to notice – again, you can just drift above now. As safe and as far as you choose to be, knowing you’re completely safe and you’re feeling great as you do that. And above now and looking upon the day and everything you’ve gathered, to prepare you for this moment. This wonderful moment. And your eyes look to be opened to the moment, knowing you’re safe. It’s your choice. You can experience it however you want.

Just nod when you know this is your journey. This is for you. Just nod when you know this is for you.

Wonderful. And I just want you to notice now, that along your timeline, along your past without going there, you can see darker moments. Maybe a giant who hurt you. You don’t even have to know what the event was. Significant moment. Don’t go there. Just observe it where we are from the distance.

Just dark moments. Where the shame came from. Or a moment where someone thought they should teach you you’re not worth it. Just notice that you can see that moment. And just nod when you’ve identified – just imagine a couple of those moments. You don’t have to know what they are. You don’t even have to know who they are. Just notice that you can see a couple of dark moments and just nod when you can see it. Very good. And going back to that first dark moment and floating way above it now. And nodding when you’re above it and knowing that you’re safe. Completely safe. And asking the question “What is it time to learn? The positive learning that’s been waiting for me in this moment right now?” What’s the positive learning? What’s the truth? And allow yourself a little smile when you see the truth. The positive learning that was waiting for you as a gift for you for this moment, and for your compelling future. And see the positive learning. And if you don’t see it, just go a little bit higher and a little bit further back, and you will. And you can just nod when you see the positive learning.

Very good. Very good. And allow yourself a little smile, knowing that you were ready to receive that gift, that positive learning. You’re worth it. And then just go into the event now, and notice how the negative feeling has gone, or they are flat now. They’re gone. Yep. And just say out loud “They’re gone.” Or “They’re flat.” Whatever it is for you.

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[audience responds] They’re gone. And just check around. Look around the scene. Notice how it’s different now. The emotion is flatter. It’s gone. And drifting up above the event, I want you to listen carefully. Coming above the event only as rapidly as you can forgive all those who were there or should have been. Only as rapidly as you forgive all those who were there or should have been. And notice you are on that list.

Going further back now before this ever happened. Where you’re safe and wonderful. And gather the learning, that when you were a child you did the best that you could, didn’t you? And for that to happen, you did the best you could, didn’t you? You couldn’t have done it any differently. Wonderful.

And knowing you’re an adult now, and able to make a new decision. Ready to let go of living as that child. Knowing you’re ready to make a new adult decision. And coming back to now only as rapidly as you accept and forgive yourself, knowing you did the best you could. You couldn’t have done anything else. You couldn’t have been any different. You were all you could ever have been expected to have been in that moment. All you could have been expected to be. And when you know that’s true, come back to now. When you notice you know that’s true. Very good. When you notice you know that it’s true, come into the room and open your eyes. Knowing you did the best you could. What you felt was normal, you couldn’t have felt any other way. You had no choice and when you know that, come back to now. Welcome back. Knowing it is okay. Well done. Is everyone back? How are you guys doing? [indistinct talking] Wow. That was a big one. I’m just going to do one more exercise, again, by invitation. I want you to go out into the future to a time that hasn’t happened yet, and notice the learning that you’ve already gathered. It could be that you’re worth it. You were always loved. It could be that what happened in the past doesn’t define you anymore. Whatever your learning is. Notice your future self’s already got it now? And bring that back to now and now to a time further in the future that hasn’t happened yet.

And create a special moment just for you. Hear what you hear. See what you see. And feel what you feel, as you feel the love. And notice there’s a band and an orchestra singing a song for you, saying “You’re worth it and you’re loved.” And your foot’s tapping along to the music. You’re worth it and you’re loved. And the song includes your name. And your foot’s tapping along, you’re worth it and you’re loved. And it’s really unusual to be taking that on. Is that okay? I’ll go with this. I wonder what the world will deliver if I go with this. And even further into the future to a time when it hasn’t happened yet, where it’s so true and now give thank you to others. And coming all the way back to now. Welcome back. How’s everyone doing? [audience comments] Great.

Thank you. Thank you for participating so fully. How was that? I’ve never done that with an audience?

I’ve only ever done it privately.

It was good.

Mmm, it was beautiful.

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Has anyone got anything they could share, just so I can know what the experience is?

I think it puts you in a place of such peace.

Yeah, good. Good. [general agreement] Yeah?

It’s like resolution.

Wow. So stuff that’s resolved itself.

That’s wonderful. More than I could have hoped for. More than I could’ve hoped for. Yeah?

Everything’s going to be okay.

Wow. That was your point? That was your gift? That’s fantastic. Yeah?

Everything’s softer. At the start of the day it was very sharp for me. Now just softer.

Yeah. Good. Wow, that’s great. Yeah?

It clears your head.

Wow. Wonderful.

It feels like that’s the first time since forever that you’re in the core you.

Yeah. Who went to a place of love? [general agreement] Oh, wow. This is wonderful. What was it for you?

Despite in that moment making up a story, underneath it I was loved, I was created, I was basically all there. All were there.

Yes, wonderful. How did you go when I invited you to forgive your younger self for doing the best you could? [general agreement] That was a moment? Was that special for – did you do that? [general agreement]

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Because that to me is very significant. Where we begin to separate the adult who knows better – us apparently – from the child who doesn’t know any better. And who only knows that. To forgive that child – to me – is a great gift. [general agreement] Yeah?

For me, I was forgiving everyone else. The people who weren’t there who should’ve been there, and I thought oh my God. Yeah, and then I said forgive you.

I’ve got me. Oh. Yeah, when I do this exercise privately, very rarely does a client realise they need to be on their own list.

Yeah, good. [general agreement] Anyone else? Yeah?

I was happy to get the gift of patience and [indistinct] and then move forward to being able to now confirm what my future self told me that I can actually relax now. I am no longer responsible for that.

Everybody – I would add. Everybody. It’s just amazing, I can’t express.

Wonderful. So I’m just going to ask the next question. How do you now feel about the old story and bulls*** you used to tell yourself? [over talking] Doesn’t matter? Irrelevant?

What story?

Gratitude.

Yeah, you had what you needed to help you get to where you are. [general agreement] That’s what you needed. Yeah, so what else? What else do you tell yourselves now about that old thing? Yeah?

The story was crippling.

Yes. [general agreement]

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Yeah, wonderful. [indistinct talking] Yeah, we can only be here today if we had that. So there’s gratitude around it as well.

Imagine when we’ve got s*** with our clients.

Absolutely. Yeah.

A sense of appreciation of having had those events in my life.

Yeah. Did everybody – and I saw you and I just want to check in, just for my satisfaction – did you, when you went back to the event, get the positive learning? [general agreement] Out of the significant event, you got a lot of positive learnings? I tend to get a lot. And you went in and it was flat and gone? [general agreement] So now when you look upon that event, how do you feel about that now? The thing that you wrote down for the whole day, how do you feel about that now?

Child thing.

Can I share something quite powerful that I learnt?

Yeah.

You just said earlier on not to – do not seek to be understood but to understand. What I found in that was don’t seek my mother’s love but to love my mother.

Oh, that’s it. [applause] Great. Wow. That’s powerful. Shelly.

My old story was that I need you for whatever reason, but actually I really do need you all in this room and I’m so grateful. Thank you.

Give her a huge hug. [applause] Hug her. Hug her. I want to give you, you as well. Yeah, go and give her a big hug. Yes, you. Do you mind if I call a couple people to go give her a big hug? If you’re up for it, can I invite you to go and give her a big hug please.

Me? Yes, you. Yes. Go and give. You, get over there. [laughter] You, commit, go. Go and see your man in action. Roger, you’re up. Give the hug we talked about. Let it just keep accepting. You’ve got more coming. Do it. Good. No one rescuing anybody in the hug.

I’m so grateful.

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Yeah. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. She’s – Thank you. So while they’re having that, how are you guys doing? How’s Day One been? [audience: awesome] [indistinct talking] What do you say? [indistinct talking] We need – oh, as every good coach knows, we need alcohol. [laughter] So the people I was picking is just that you shared you’ve got a pattern of holding on, holding back, over thinking, whatever. So it was just – you know – when you get opportunities in this room to give where it’s not about you and there’s nothing you can process, take those moments so you can recondition your mind to get out of conceptualising, the addiction of conceptualising. Making sense guys? [general agreement] Yeah. And I just need you to feel when you’re invited to give somebody love and give somebody a hug, do you make it about you, or is there a bit of noise going on? Is it like, yeah of course, I’d love to, or you chose me, that’s awesome.

What’s your story you tell yourself when you’re invited to share

vulnerability with someone? It’s an interesting question, and is it really true? [laughter] How was that Shelly?

Awesome.

Yeah. [applause] So we’re back tomorrow to start flipping it. Now we’ve begun the recovery process – wouldn’t you say? – with those last two exercises. But I think we can go so much further. What do you think? [general agreement] So much further. So we’re going to do Page Two tomorrow. So this was Page One of the process.

Tomorrow we’re going to complete the process. We’ve dug our way into facing how we got where we are and what’s holding us up. And now we’re going to start thinking about and feeling our way through how to change it. If, for any reason you’re not satisfied with how you experienced you today. I’m not asking how you experienced me, but you experienced you today, maybe add that to your story. [general agreement] The crud story. I don’t feel I’m good enough with I’m asked to do an exercise, or whatever it is. If you’re not content, satisfied, with how you experience you today, add it to your story, because there will be something in there that’s the barrier – whatever bs you’re telling yourself about why you can’t fully experience a moment that I would’ve thought was designed for experiencing fully. What do you think? [general agreement]

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I mean, any day that’s designed for a full experience – if this ain’t it, what is? [general agreement] And there comes a point really. How would – what does the experience have to be for you to feel it?

Do you get what I’m saying? [general agreement] Like, what standard does it have to be for you to get in touch with you?

Wow. Because this is a pretty good standard, I would’ve thought. [general agreement] So there comes a point where – oh sorry, - and you go away – I don’t – the story can’t be – oh, Sharon did – or the trainer didn’t – or whatever. It’s going to take away the blame, which is the red page – red list. You. What is it that you’ve been taught to tell yourself that causes you to hold back fully? And I’m only doing – telling like 1-2 people. Most of you are just full on, but as we’ve really got to serve everybody in the room, and I don’t want anybody going home worried that some people had Wow moments and breakthroughs and transformations and someone’s sitting there worrying because that part of their pattern is shame and isolation and judgment. If they didn’t have that, there must be something wrong with their f***ing story. I do not want to be part of that. [laughter] Yeah, someone had their hand up here? Yeah?

I was wondering – letting go of that story. What do you put in its place?

That’s what we’re going to do tomorrow. If you have a look at Page Two, story – and I actually invited you tonight to replace it with stories you want. There’s – we’re creating empowering stories.

My story still sort of exists on its own. It’s something that happened that I can’t change. And so it’s still there.

The event’s still there, but how are you relating to it? You get your own empowering story. [indistinct] That’s putting away the energy.

Yeah, well, we’ve done that with the forgiveness exercise. And now you’ve got a positive learning, or several. I would’ve thought the positive learnings would become your new empowering stories. [general agreement] Let’s start building new empowering stories. It’s a good start, isn’t it? [general agreement] How did we do Day One?

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[general agreement and applause] Okay, so we’re wrapping up. We’re starting at 11:00 tomorrow. It seems crazy to me. Is anyone game for starting at 10:30? [strong agreement] Can we? [strong agreement] Crazy? Can we start at 10:30? Is anyone not okay with that? We’re here at 10:30. Can we go crazy and start at 10:00?

Yes. [strong agreement] Oh, yeah. So everybody’s in for 10:00? [strong agreement] Anyone feeling they feel left out at 10:00 please speak because we can keep it 11:00. I want everyone to feel included. It’s just – a lot of feedback on it. 10:00 it is? [general agreement] Okay. The other thing I want to share with you – if you’re part of Your Success program, please take one minute for just a little bit of information for you – if you’re part of Your Success program or you’re here as a guest, I’m honoured that you’ve chosen to be here with us experiencing this weekend. And it’s our gift to you. We’re just delighted that you’re part of it. We’re delighted that you’re sharing this.

We trust that you’ll keep sharing the message. I think this message is important. I don’t think this message is spoken about nearly enough. Again, it’s that shame thing. It’s behind locked doors and closed doors and the lights are switched off. You know, if we’re having this journey and we have an opportunity to share it with someone, that would be my invitation, that the best they can give this school and me, is to share this message if you believe it’s valuable and it’s serving you, so that others don’t have to live in the darkness of their shame. You know, there some people in this room – like me – you know, 50+, its 30-40 years of living the way we didn’t have to. [general agreement] And if we can maybe short circuit that a little sooner for some people, they can experience some very different realities. Are you guys up for that? [general agreement] That would be great. So thank you for coming along. I know some of you have flown in. You’ve made such an effort to be here and I really trust we’re honouring your effort that’s with our efforts and that

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you feel that we’re giving back enough that you feel this is worth your time and I really trust that’s your experience. Other than that, we’ll see you tomorrow at 10:00. And thank you all. Please hug people as you leave, and thank them for your day.

END OF RECORDING (136:36)

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Day 2 - Section 1: Who was the person who reminded me of that song?

Yeah.

Who – someone in the – was that the song?

That was a different version.

A different version?

Yeah.

We were actually looking for I’m Free and we didn’t even get the one you wanted.

Okay.

But I was [porking] out, it’s like that.

I appreciate it.

How’s everyone doing?

Good.

Yes, great.

Okay, visualise with Diego. [cheering] That was lame.

Yeah.

Right, so we’ll----Ready?

We’ll try it again.

Yeah. Here we go. [cheering] It’s better if you get some [indistinct]. [applause]

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So how’s everyone doing? [indistinct talking] Yeah.

Fantastic.

Yeah. [applause] [cheering] What an opener. Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. [indistinct talking] We know what you did. [cheering] Yeah, we do. [cheering] [applause] Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

That is fantastic. I got the visual; anyone else get the visual? Who got the visual?

I did.

You’re very creative, Roger, well done. How’s everyone doing?

Good.

Day 2. Loving the colour I’m seeing in the room. Who’s loving the colour?

Yes. It’s fantastic. You know it’s Melbourne, right? So who realises they’ve already popped?

Yep. Oh, yeah.

It’s okay. Just because we’ve got day 2 we’ll find things to do, but for many of you – oh, thank you. Give her a hand. Thank you so much. [applause]

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Go Jennings. Thank you. How much was it? It was like a hundred bucks for day 2. No, really, how much was it? [indistinct] It was 20 bucks for day 2.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yesterday was 10; today----Um---------I love her just - keep your phone on, I love it. [indistinct] Yeah, it’s a good cause.

Oh, I’m lucky [indistinct].

You know we save moon bears in China, don’t you? [general agreement] That that’s the cause we support and Sacred Heart Mission Women’s House, all the children there.

Every year we get them everything they could imagine that they’d never get in their lives. Thank you.

Very grateful, thank you. So it goes to very good causes, very grateful.

Yeah, we all donate.

Yeah, I know, we’re making it. [applause] Yes, so some of you are already feeling different and – well, nearly everybody’s feeling different. I just want to acknowledge you for all the wonderful posts and how you shared and contributed to each other last night. Didn’t that feel amazing? [general agreement] It really did. So where is it different for you? Let’s get the conversation started and then we’ll get into our first exercise of the day. Where is it different for you? Yeah, please go ahead.

I broke a habit yesterday.

Did you?

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Yep. I said to you I was going to go to the lake and write it out, but I thought if I went there and it was really easy for me to keep driving and not actually do it and procrastinate. So I went down there [indistinct]----And you did it?

I did.

She broke a habit of how many years?

Oh, yeah, I won’t say.

Absolutely. Give her a hand, that’s wonderful. [applause] And can you give her a hug? Keep rewarding me. Hey, do you want to sing? It’s amazing. [cheering] [applause] Well done. Now Leah?

I just feel so relaxed and yesterday when I drove - I drive back to Macedon each time I’m here – and I drove----Wow. -----with peace in my heart and watched the beautiful sun setting and I thought, “Wow, what a different drive I’m having today.”

You were present?

Really present, yeah.

Wonderful.

It was awesome, stop a bit and slowed down.

Wow, it’s fantastic. Give her a huge hand. Someone give her a hug. [applause] [cheering] So we’ll definitely come to you; I want to hear all your stories. Here’s the thing: The hugging for some of you you’re still at the point of like, “Can’t we just get on with it?” That’s the impatience thinking, it’s about you getting value. It’s actually about giving. Has everyone made that connection yet? [general agreement]

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That if you can link feeling really good when others receive love, you’re on your pathway to healing. [general agreement] But if you’re still sitting there thinking, “Well, I’m making a lot of money for the moon bears at the moment,” what just happened? It won’t stop. Awesome, thank you so much. Give everyone a hand; that’s very generous of you. [applause] Thank you very much, very grateful. He gave it to me like it was a tip; did you see that? [general agreement] Little bit for yourself. Spoiler for yourself. Thank you much, very grateful. Give him a hand. It’s wonderful, thank you. Give a hand. [cheering] [applause] If we can link huge pleasure to others receiving love, that’s us noticing love. If we’re still thinking, “When’s the training going to start? When am I going to start taking notes?” whatever, you are missing the point of life. [general agreement] How are we doing, conceptual addicts in the room?

Getting and doing it better?

I’m looking at

someone right now who’s not looking at me when I ask that question.

Me. Hi. How are you doing?

Good, no.

No? Sorry, right here, I know you’re free – talking to Gabby.

Really well.

Really well? Present to it?

Yes. Oh, wow, this is awesome. Who else is going to give her a round of applause too? [applause] I can hear it, thank you.

Thank you. No change given in this, thank you. Thank you. If you get a hand, we’re grateful.

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[cheering] [applause] Are you guys like just setting your phones to ring----Yeah.

-----more. This is [indistinct]. [applause] [indistinct talking] This is hilarious. [indistinct talking] [applause] [cheering] [indistinct talking] Oh, my God. [indistinct talking] [cheering] [applause] [indistinct talking] Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, SP. [cheering] [applause] Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. [applause] [cheering] [indistinct talking] Thank you. I was a little slow this morning getting there and you did it so beautifully. Thank you everybody. What a difference to so many lives we’re going to make with this. Thank you so much. I do

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think we’re going to need that song for the – when we come in the next time and get to the climax of it.

Were you not here yesterday?

Thank you.

Me? Yeah.

No. He wasn’t here yesterday.

Welcome.

Nothing happened. We were just hanging. So someone else wasn’t here yesterday?

There’s three people in the room.

Yeah, we were just hanging out, chatting about muffins. It was all good. What do you think? Thank you so much. I kind of just want to blow. Yeah, and I’m meant to be a trainer and I got nothing, sorry. Hi, feel a little stoned with love right now, sorry. [cheering] [applause] Yeah, thank you. Oh, wow, that was beautiful. I really don’t have it in me to be a trainer at the moment, so if we can just be together?

Yeah.

And I feel I’m just hugging you all and you’re hugging me, and regular viewing will return momentarily.

All the live streamers are yelling and screaming happy birthday, Sharon. Happy birthday [indistinct]----Thank you. [applause] That’s amazing. So you guys need to do the talking so I’m just going to bask. How are you?

Awesome.

Is that why you were all quiet when I came in? You were working out how to do this. God, very well done. No, really you have to do the talking. How are you doing? Over to you, no really. No trainer here. Just chatting, hanging out.

What are you doing for your birthday?

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I want this. This has been – I was just shut in, I wouldn’t leave my home. Thirteen years ago I did not leave my home; it was too scary. So I’m celebrating my birthday right now. Nothing more would need to happen. It’s incredible. Has anyone ever experienced that level of fear where you can’t do anything?

Yeah.

Yep. [general agreement] So I’m feeling it right now. Joe Pane and Silvana – my dear friend Joe and Silvana – my husband and I and that couple are going to Grossi Florentino upstairs for dinner tomorrow, very nice.

Yeah.

And that’s it. Actually I will tell you the – some of you already know this – that my legal name is Teresa.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah. And I’m called Sharon because my mum put Teresa down on my birth certificate and as we walked out and she walked out with me of the Birth Registry – as she walked out after signing Teresa, changed it to Sharon as an afterthought. So I’ve never had a name that I cared about. So tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.----You’re what?

-----I’m changing my name. [cheering] [applause] So I’m still going to get called SP, Shaz, Shaz Bucket, all the names you know me as. I don’t expect anyone to be different with me, but I’m owning the name that means a lot to me, and my mum’s really happy for me, and I’m changing my name to Remi. [cheering] Wow. Yeah, R-E-M-I. So I’ll start signing all legal documents Remi. Everywhere I go in the world, officially I get called Teresa. So at airports, when I hand over a credit card, ID, it’s Teresa, and it’s not my name. My parents changed my name as they walked out of the birth registry and called me something else, so I’ve never identified with the name. Does that make sense? [general agreement]

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Thank you so much. I know how to put you on the spot; come here. Does everybody know Roz Bishop? [general agreement] [cheering] [applause] Happy birthday, thank you. This amazing woman contributed a substantial donation to the moon bear cause for my birthday. She gave us $2,000 as a gift. [cheering] [applause] We love you, Roz. [indistinct] This extraordinary woman has been in our community for years; just gives and gives and gives. And just so you know, everybody who’s volunteering here this weekend has never done this event ‘cause I’ve never done this event, and they could have been here as participants – they had every right to be in the audience with you and instead they’ve flown in from all around the place, including Melissa, Teesh, everybody – Deb – everyone who’s volunteering has flown in to be here to give back because we needed help to make this possible.

And so instead of having the experience, they’re giving the

experience, so I think they deserve a standing ovation. [cheering] [applause] Thank you. Yes, so I’m changing my name to Remi at 8 a.m. tomorrow morning and I’ll officially have a name. So when people don’t know me, they’ll just go, “Hey, Remi, thank you for being here. Remi, you’re booked in for your flight.” I’ll actually have a name I chose for my 50 tomorrow, but in my 50

th

th

birthday. So I’m 51

year I chose and claimed Remi. So that’s a pretty big deal. Yeah, that’s my

real birthday.

Good morning, Remi.

I don’t mind what you – I’m really cool with Sharon, but thank you. I do answer to either because I’ve been Remi for a year in my mind. So I’ve signed – I’m signing documents, right. You can have it sort of---[general agreement] -----that’s a big deal. So that’s my real birthday when I change my name legally and officially to a name I claim and I identify with. Yeah.

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[applause] Thank you. And then my husband’s taking me to breakfast for a renaming ceremony, yeah, and that’s my birthday. It’s a beautiful day.

It is.

Really significant, and it’s – a lot of what we shared yesterday was what the process I’ve been through in reclaiming me. [general agreement] And it’s been a lot of work, as you’d imagine – as you did. It doesn’t just happen because you think, “Oh, yeah, it wasn’t my fault, I should be better.” It’s not resolved with that; we actually have to go through some stuff. So I’ve been through that and part of it was reclaiming – or claiming – me. So it’s very significant to me. Years ago when I had some haters on Facebook around the place, they found out that my legal name was Teresa and I’m called Sharon, and they started spreading the rumour it’s because I’m a criminal and----[Poppyism].

Yeah, that’s completely the link you should make. And I apparently have a hidden identity and it’s not even my name, so therefore I must be a criminal. So this is very much a cleansing thing for me and a fresh start. Just – you can say anything you want, but that’s my name. [general agreement] So it means a lot to me in many ways. So thank you for listening and asking what am I doing on my birthday; I’m changing my name. [applause] Okay, I’m back. Hang on, let me just check. Yeah, I think I’m back. We’re going to test it. I believe I could be a trainer again in a moment. Here we go.

Put your arm out.

I’m back in my – oh [indistinct]. Brilliant. Oh, my God, it’s brilliant. Where else have you popped?

There we go, I’m back. I can do it. That’s it. So what else is different for you? What else are you celebrating? There was a bunch of people. Anna, what have you got?

Um, can I read my account I wrote last night? Because----I believe you can.

-----it’s just something that I’ve been wanting to write down for a really long time and I’ve not actually faced it until about 2 a.m. this morning. So I wrote, “I’ve become this person that is wanting to receive.

I’ve always been a person to give and want to make people smile, feel valued and loved, but I’m not

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feeling it back. This person has arrived in my inner body that I don’t like. I’m being a dickhead. I’m wanting to be noticed and heard, but yet all I talk is textbook bulls***. Where has me gone? The me who I want to be. I’ve gone through moments in my life that I’m using as an excuse to be heard and noticed, but yet everyone experiences bad times. Why should mine be any more valued than other people’s? We are all equal. I feel I have to prove something, rather than do something just because I want to, which in fact is repelling and not working for me and is making everything seem s*** which makes me want to prove things even more, but yet I know it doesn’t work like that. I’m going around in circles and I just need to cut the circle and break free into the open. I feel everything and everyone is against me, when really I’m against myself.”

Wow, thank you. [applause] Thank you for being you. [indistinct] You are so special.

Wow, this is so important. I imagine that Anna’s not the only person who’s felt that. [general agreement] Yeah. Yes, good idea. So if we can get a few of you around you, Roz just suggested get the – going, if you wouldn’t mind. Just you’ve seen it for yourself what happens when you do it. Just this…guys, the – get the healing energy going. Wonderful.

Thank you.

Thank you. What a great idea; thank you, Roz. Who knew that would be so powerful? [indistinct talking] Really? Yeah. Have you chased the other one?

Thank you. [indistinct] has the other one.

Yeah.

You’re so welcome. You are so welcome.

Yeah, we do have it here. [indistinct talking] She’s shaking.

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[exercise] Good on you, Roz. I think one of the things we’ll keep going in all our trainings. I think it’s just become a TCI thing. We’ll just keep this going. Don’t you reckon? [general agreement] Everywhere. If we weren’t a pulse before, we can definitely get called that now. [cheering] [applause] Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing for your truth. [indistinct] Of course. Ah, again. [exercise] [applause] [cheering] Thank you so much. What a wonderful truth that we share what we thought we had to hide and it’s loved. [general agreement] We share what we thought had to keep buried all these years and we are loved. That’s why it’s so important to say, “I see you.” Do you get that now? I see you. I see all of you. The stuff you thought you had to hide, the stuff you thought nobody could handle. [general agreement] And we get you. How’s that feeling?

Um, quite----Different?

-----taken aback.

Yeah, it’s very different. Is that the first time you’ve let people-----

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In about three, four years.

Wow. You know there’s people in here in the room 30, 40 years who have never let people in the way you just did?

Yeah.

Yeah. It’s true, isn’t it? [general agreement] Yeah. Some of us are a bit older than----Yeah.

Well, [indistinct] Sharon, I’m in the [light world].

Enjoy, enjoy. Who’s next? Yeah, thank you. Hello.

Hi. I’m going to read also due to nerves ‘cause I’m all very new to this.

How new?

I’ve been doing Your Success program for about eight weeks today and then five months of coaching about six months.

Wonderful. Welcome.

Thank you. I’m nervous. “After I wrote my initial story about being sexually abused at the age of three, feelings of doubt and insecurity escalated. Comfortably dealt with this issue with my coach and felt that I was dragging the issue up for the sake of a story. Frustration”----And I bet you didn’t want to be a bother to anyone with it?

Mmm. Yeah.

Just [indistinct].

“Frustration then set in as I felt there was something I had to remember, but I couldn’t. And then it occurred to me; that was my story. I was subjected to abuse every day for my first seven years and my coping mechanism was to delete it all. So I can’t recall anything specific to write or tell the story. I feel like I’ve been jilted because I know deep inside the s*** that happened, but my two little girls in my head helped look after me as I grew up and they did too good a job. I feel I’ve been denied a chance to tell my story with feelings attached because I cannot recall anything specific. I see it as the block of deletion – see it as blocks of deletions in my head.

I doubted my initial story because I cannot

remember.”

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Yeah, so you doubt yourself?

Mmm. Yeah, thank you so much. I’m going to share something with you and then we’re going to give you the biggest hug. It is really – I want you to hear me – it’s Maureen, isn’t it?

Mary-Ann. Mary-Ann [indistinct]. Mary-Ann, I want you to hear this: When someone experiences what they experience as you have, to protect yourself, to get through it, you do what’s called dissociate. You did what you needed to do to survive. Anyone in your situation would have done what you did. Anyone in your situation would have done what you did. It’s remarkable that you still experience love for yourself and for others, particularly for others, given what you came through. Remembering the specifics of the story will not change or deny what happened to you; it happened. Thank you for sharing your truth with us. We see you. We see you, all of it, all of it. Will you take care of her, please? Especially you in the – yeah.

Anybody else in the room?

I know there’s a lot of people in the room who have

experienced sexual abuse.

Yeah. [indistinct] Yeah, good on you, thank you. Whoever feels that they can give her – please. And make sure you’re taking care of the healing energy as well.

Yeah.

And I’ll just say, anybody else who’s experienced sexual abuse, if you don’t know this about me, that was my specialty; working with people who experienced who sexual abuse. Denying it, blocking it, dissociating it is normal. It’s normal.

Sorry.

So she just associated into it for the first time. Now’s the time to reward. Does that make sense? Give her lots of love ‘cause she’s – yeah.

Yeah. [applause] You can’t let go of her, hon, keep hold of her. She’ll want to pull away; you keep holding her. If anyone coaches this, you hold on. You hold on. F*** professionalism, distance, sitting on different chairs; you hold on. They’ve never been held when they’ve felt they were ugly. Do you get that?

Yes. They never felt beautiful. You must hold on.

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[exercise] The song should be You Are Beautiful. [indistinct talking] I can’t breathe. [indistinct talking] Perfect. You guys are doing so well supporting each other. Does it feel good to give this around? [general agreement] It’s extraordinary. [exercise] Wow, give her a hand. [applause] [indistinct].

Thank you everybody. I’m just going to carry on and you guys carry on. Here’s the thing: When we reveal our hidden shame and it’s greeted with love and acceptance, we can heal. That’s why it’s so important. The other piece I’m going to give you is this – and if you’ve arrived today and you weren’t here yesterday, what do we say?

Welcome.

Welcome.

Welcome. And maybe in the breaks help them catch up with some of the how we got here.

Yeah.

‘Cause they must have walked in the room going… So help them out with – yeah. Here’s the thing: What happened for this wonderful and beautiful woman – thank you for your courage - and for others who experienced that, is when it happens what we need is to be protected, rescued and held by our mother and we’re not. And I know this is going to bring up some stuff for you; absolutely fine. You needed to be held then, you needed to be loved then, you needed to have someone look in your eyes and say, “I’ve got you,” and it didn’t happen. So that’s what we’re doing. So in that moment when the person – that’s why I’m being so thoughtful and taking my time with this with you – ‘cause if you have that moment where you reveal your hidden – up until now - hidden shame, you’re back as that child saying, “This happened to me. This wrong happened.” And in that moment if we can be the mother and just be all-encompassing love and all-encompassing giving and only about the child within that was hurt so wrongly, the healing can begin. You can’t logic your way through it. You can’t write a note. So

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that’s why we be all we can be for this wonderful woman ‘cause in that moment when she says, “I want to reclaim me,” we’re going to be the mother for them. Yeah? [general agreement] You did great. You’ve come so far. Yeah, it feels good to give, doesn’t it?

Correct.

You had so much to give, so much to give.

Thanks, Sharon.

And I’m not saying all of this is healed; the journey is still ahead for you.

Yeah.

Just because you got some hugs doesn’t make everything right. What happened to you was wrong.

And I don’t want you to think for a second I think – or anyone here thinks – because you got lots of wonderful hugs, it’s fixed and we don’t think of you still. It’s not like that. The journey is ahead and the people who are close to you and the relationships you form here, I know they want to help and serve moving forward. You’re not alone.

Yeah.

It doesn’t end with the hugs; it begins.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you hearing that? It begins. We see you, we hear what happened and we’re still with you and noone’s looking away. Yeah? So if you need the hug, it’s there. Just if you want someone to be present to you - which is the next step we’re going to go to – just being present, so I’ll be present for you; am I right? [general agreement] Yeah. You’ve got an amazing community to draw on. Thank you, thank you so much. Who’s next?

Who else has – yes?

So particularly yesterday when people were getting up to hug for that final hug, it made me really think about----I’m sure you did think.

Yes. And----Conceptual addict.

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-----and it sort of made me think how closed off I am like with people.

Yeah.

And thinking about the time when I tried for attention through crying----How old?

Throughout Grade 2 to 7.

Yeah.

I was just really sensitive and know I turned – everyone was just running away from me when they heard me cry and I just felt so low.

So now it’s okay. It’s going to be really weird being held when you cry, really strange. Just let it happen to the level you’re comfortable with and only to the level you’re comfortable with. So be still. Ladies next to him, just be still and just hold him. No, you’re doing great, just arm and stillness. Let him decide the movement. Feeling okay? Yeah.

I think [indistinct].

You’re doing great.

And I wanted to move away from my conceptuality and start feeling with my heart.

Yeah.

Which is why I missed consistently people and even my parents when I told them [indistinct] now.

[They said, “What you’re doing? You shouldn’t be doing this.”]

Standard conceptual path. Wow. Yep, different.

You are different.

You are different.

You are; you’re not them.

We are here for you.

It’s new, isn’t it? Yeah. Notice no-one’s looking away? Still with you. Yeah, let’s just be present. You don’t have to thank them; just accept it. It’s all about you. You don’t have to say thank you to anyone, and even if you didn’t thank us, we’d still be present. So I’m just going to turn and talk to the room while you be present. The next part of healing and so on accepts a hug or accept – they do their uglies, whatever that version or secret is, and you want to be present for them, they’re going to want to rescue you.

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[general agreement] They’re going to want to say, “Oh, thank you,” or “I don’t want to be a bother,” or “I’m so sorry, I don’t know where that came from.” Are you with me? [general agreement] They’re going to start dismissing, minimising, denying, distorting, making it smaller and manageable so you’re okay as they – ‘cause they’re worried that they’re trying to prepare themselves for you pulling away and not being there for them, which is what happened to them repeatedly. So whenever they try to do anything nice for you, stop it, because otherwise it’s becomes a transaction. [general agreement] They do a nice thing for you and earn a hug; no. Just being gets the love. Are you getting this? [general agreement] So whenever anybody or you don’t do the thank yous or “I’m sorry to be a bother,” or any other crap that we do, just accept it and it’ll be really uncomfortable. How am I doing here? So it’s getting uncomfortable ‘cause you can’t thank people, you can’t stop it. It gets uncomfortable ‘cause he’s really unused to accepting it unconditionally. [general agreement] ‘Cause it’s always been with conditions if he’s smart, if he’s conceptual, if he’s intelligent, if he gets his s*** together, if he acts together, if he’s cold, that got rewarded. This never got rewarded so his desire is going to be to push it away. This is very – the emotion is just normal. It’s just – how long has he been shut down for? I mean all his life his parents have said, “No,” so – yeah?

And is that when you just say----“I see you.”

-----“I’m there for you and I see you.”?

“I see you.”

And that’s all you need to say?

And then he goes, “Oh, thanks so much.” Don’t thank me. [general agreement] You can be anywhere you want, it’s the unconditional love we’re giving. It has no conditions. It does not require a thank you or politeness or neatness. You know, the more snot, the better, because that means – I’m not kidding – the more snot, the better, truly. ‘Cause what they’re saying is, “I’ve finally let go and I know I can trust you with all of me and I’m safe with you being all of me.”

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[general agreement] Not the fake one we talked about yesterday. [general agreement] That’s who we’ve been. If you’re a coach, that’s who I am when I’m with my clients. So you can be all of them, all the ugly bits, the hidden bits, the secret bits, the shameful bits. The more of those and they can see I’m just “I see you.” [general agreement] They go, “Wow, so I’m not a freak. I’m not alone. I don’t have to shut it down. I don’t have to hide anymore.” And that one moment can be enough to instigate what’s happening now. Isn’t it beautiful? [general agreement] You guys are super quiet; just reflecting? [general agreement] The place? [general agreement] Yeah? Great. Are you guys – can I just ask you to just keep being with him? He’s going to get uncomfortable again and keep going. Yeah, bit of this…

Is it okay just to wrap your arms around them or----Just be still with him. So I don’t want you moving. Moving implies he’ll have to do something and I just want him to learn he doesn’t have to do anything, be anything, prove anything to receive love. Does that make sense? The stillness is important. If you start - may I use your arm? If you start moving, it’s like, “Oh, am I supposed to be moving?” [general agreement] And now they’re going to worry about how they’re supposed to be in receiving love. Who’s relating to this? [general agreement] This is what’s going on in people’s minds who didn’t experience unconditional love when they were younger, and you start moving and it’s like, “Oh,” and we start patting them, “Oh, am I supposed to pat?” [general agreement]

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“Does that mean they want to end it?” You’re communicating with movement so just be still. Totally still, nothing has to happen, it’s perfect the way it is. That’s how you create the space. Who’s getting some ideas on how they can be with their kids and loved ones and just present and still? [general agreement] Thank you.

Beautiful.

Beautiful, Sharon, thanks.

Yeah, thank you. And I am so grateful that I get to share what I’ve never had a space to share ever. This is the essence of the being for our clients and for each other. How are you all doing? Doing great. I want to ask that you stay there if that’s okay? And he will want to pull away at some point and you just stay there. ‘Cause I want him to process that people don’t leave. Does that make sense?

Yep. That’s really important. Thank you, I appreciate it. Who’s next? Yeah, hello.

I felt so pissed off and angry and disappointed with myself yesterday when I left the room that I didn’t put my hand up to share and use the opportunity to actually be vulnerable, that my s*** does matter and I matter.

Yeah, good on you.

That I’m just as important as everyone else.

Yeah.

‘Cause I found when I come to this room and everywhere else I go, I’m so happy to give to everyone else and – but not to myself. And I’m so over this addiction we were talking about, I’m so over it.

Yeah, good on you. Good on you. So have you - you just spoke up so you’ve made the change there.

Yeah, it’s what [indistinct]----There is plain view; how does that feel?

Mmm, good.

It’s much easier than you thought it would be, yeah. What changes in you when – ‘cause we’re moving now from the behaviours that harm, so the people-pleasing in the present, all about – do you get we’re starting to flip that? What would you replace it with? How would that be different?

By not speaking up how would I replace this?

So I don’t know what your pattern was; I think it was people-pleasing probably or-----

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Yeah, and addiction.

Addiction to conceptualise----To sugar.

Sugar? Oh, wow. Okay.

Massive, massive.

So activity addiction? I call it an activity addiction.

Oh, okay.

Any behaviour we do repetitively that is stopping full function is an activity addiction.

Yeah, consumes me.

Really? Okay. And how is this different? How is you speaking up helping that, helping change that?

I don’t need it.

Okay, good. Look forward to seeing what happens. Thank you, I appreciate it. Give her a hand. Thank you so much. [applause] Who’s next? Yeah?

Sharon, yesterday when I said that my mother called me evil, what I didn’t say was she used to lock me in the room with my uncle and I asked her to stop doing it and could I – could he not come in tonight, and she said, “No, I have to let him love you like he wants to love you because you’re so evil no-one else wants to love you.” And I was a foster child and had three mothers before I was one year old. And she said that they all gave me up because I cried too much.

And did he sexually abuse you?

Yes [indistinct].

What age?

From three and a-half.

Yeah.

And this morning I came not knowing who I was. As I drove up here----Totally get that.

-----I thought I’ve always wanted to be someone else ‘cause I’m evil. And so so many people here were happy and I couldn’t get happy.

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No. And I said to someone, “How did you get happy and they love you?” and then Roz Bishop came out and she said, “Can I give you a hug?” and I froze practically. But she helped me see that the problem wasn’t with anyone else, it was me; I had to learn how to love me. And so I took all of my stuff and I felt so raw and vulnerable and I gave her a really true hug because I can love me.

It’s a start.

This is – I realise it’s a very little----It’s a start.

-----start.

Yeah. And I’m not going to minimise this by saying it’s all fixed now.

Thank you.

Yeah. And it’s important that you hear me say that.

Yeah, I know, ‘cause I want the event over.

I know you do, but you’re also a people-pleaser so you don’t want to be a bother, so by you speaking now, you’d be tempted to think, “I’ve had my say, now I should be okay.” Doesn’t work that way; there’s no-one you need to please. Okay? So you are going to experience pain. So can I talk about what’s going to happen and what you’re experiencing?

Yes. Thank you for sharing, by the way. Can we thank this amazing woman? Thank you. [applause] What happened to you was wrong. Has someone ever said that to you? They have?

They have said that it happened to me and it was evil.

Yeah.

So that all I had to do got [indistinct].

Yeah. Do you still think that?

No. No. I [indistinct].

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Yeah, good on you. So what happened to you was wrong and no child is – like .001 per cent to be accurate – is born evil, psychopaths. You’re not a psychopath. So you’re not born evil; that’s the science. So you weren’t. Does that make sense?

Yes. You’re not a psychopath.

Thank you.

No, I’m asking you are you – you’re not a psychopath, are you?

No [indistinct].

No. So----[indistinct talking] So you’re not evil. So that was her – I wonder what challenge she experienced, I wonder what f***-up she experienced to think she should visit that on a child. I wonder what life she experienced for her to want to create that in you and tell that to you. I can’t even imagine that woman’s life. Can you? That she thought that was the way to treat a child. What kind of f***-up parents did she have? [general agreement] And so it goes; generation, generation, generation. Have you ever thought about that? What kind of childhood she had?

Yes. Yeah.

And I can imagine that it was----Pretty bad?

Yes, horrible.

Yeah.

[And I had to follow Father and not get annoyed when my mum’s done all that abuse].

Yeah. [indistinct]. I just sort of----So the victim becomes the – makes – victimises.

Victimises.

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I wonder how much compassion someone’s feeling for her right now? ‘Cause I can’t imagine she has much compassion in her world. No. She’d be alone. And she tried to make you alone.

I feel alone [indistinct].

Mmm, yeah. I don’t want to rush this. I think we just did a lot, but we see you and the conversation continues, and thank you for sharing your truth.

We see you.

And thank you for sharing what

happened. You’re amazingly courageous. You always were, by the way. Me saying it doesn’t make it so. [general agreement] I don’t have that power. I need you to hear that. Me saying it doesn’t make it true. At a core every child is born; love, joy, courage, curiosity, compassion, passion, resilience, behavioural flexibility. I am this.

That’s our natural state. So I’m just reporting to you what is always true. It always was.

I can feel the joy.

Mmm. Good, it’s a start.

Thank you.

Don’t thank me. No, no. And don’t feel ashamed when you thank me; knock that s*** off. Got it?

Got it.

Yeah, that’s better. That’s better. I don’t need your thank yous to serve you. You don’t need to be pleasant to me for me to just serve you; I need you to hear that. You don’t have to have s*** together for me to serve you. You don’t have to have it together or sound articulate for me to serve you. You can reveal anything you want that you’re ashamed of and I will serve you and I don’t want your thanks.

Got it? Yeah. Better. Give her a hand. That was better. [applause] Who’s next? Hey? So I realised that actually I could see my whole life when it happens and it all relates back to when I was a child. My dad was an alcoholic and he hurt my mum.

Yeah, and you.

And I had to stand up to protect her----Wow.

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-----and my sisters. And I’ve always had to protect everyone else and when I realised this turning and flipping back the message I got was that I’m not doing enough because [indistinct]. And so my whole career based on saving other people so that they would----Yeah. So you didn’t take up space.

-----hear me and like me.

Yeah. Well, the other thing – it’s Fiona, isn’t it?

Yeah.

We’re there. Got the name.

Yeah [indistinct].

With alcohol or any addiction is the activity addiction like that. You also were abandoned.

Yep. Because I don’t remember my dad loving me.

Yeah, you----And I have chosen poor relationships in the past----People who abandon you?

Yep. Yep. Who hurt you?

Yes. Probably sleep around on you?

Yep. Of course.

Yep. And the way to receive that love was through sex.

Yeah.

And so my poor choices up to a few years ago were based around giving this act that should be so much deeper.

Yeah. So you got into relationships with men already planning their departure?

Mmm, mmm. And I could see their behaviour and I still accepted that. And my challenge now is I’m in a relationship with a very different type of person and----You’re trying to help him leave.

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Yeah, I do do things as well as we – he views sex on a very different level so it’s not an essential part of our relationship. It is there, but it’s----So you can’t use that.

Yeah.

He’s awesome.

How does that feel?

He’s messing up your strategy; bastard. Yeah.

It’s like he doesn’t do anything.

He doesn’t do the f***-up.

And I put what I thought I was getting confused back onto him early on so he dragged me out for a night with friends and I was like he’s clearly going to do this and there is no proof whatsoever that he did that.

Yeah.

And my challenge now is that little things when he is being too independent and being too boy for me to lean on so when I went through depression last year, I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to have to lean on him.

Mmm, yeah. ‘Cause if you leant on him and he let you down, it’d be your dad all over again.

Yeah.

So thank you. How did you go with the forgiveness exercise yesterday?

Okay. I filled a big blank from yesterday.

Yeah, okay, good. I’ll take that as progress.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Yep. I think in current recent years I’ve certainly I guess moved on and with forgiveness of my dad. So we hadn’t spoken for 15 years and----I’m going to stop you there.

That’s not true ‘cause if that were true you’d be experiencing your

relationship fully with this man who sounds pretty good, so bulls***.

Yeah.

But nice try.

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Yeah.

Yeah. So how did you go with the forgiveness exercise? Did you forgive yourself for the patterns of the old?

I think I’m ready to.

Okay.

So we’ll do the exercise again today once we’ve done a couple of other things ‘cause the

resolution can’t be conceptualised.

Yep. Everyone’s empowered now with understanding how they got where they are – you will get it. [general agreement] But now the feeling exercises are the ones that matter because that’s where you choose to resolve it, and again that’s volunteers only; we choose it, we don’t have to. You don’t have to stand up when I invite you to dump the story. You don’t have to do the forgiveness exercise ‘cause for some people, hanging onto it is a lot safer than letting it go. ‘Cause what the f*** do you do when you let it go?

That’s – for a lot of people that’s very scary. And they don’t know who they are without the addiction.

Are you guys hearing this? A lot of people don’t know who they are without the addiction so it’s easier, safer, feel protected to stay within the patterns of the old and that’s why everything’s choice – everything’s choice. And if you don’t choose this weekend to let that go, it’s okay as well. None of this is the s*** you put on yourself. No-one gets to go out of here saying, “Blaming myself ‘cause I didn’t have the breakthrough.” Don’t do that s***; that’s not what this weekend’s about. It’s empowering you on your terms, your way, when you’re ready, how you want it to be, not according to me. Yes? [general agreement] Yeah. Turn to your friend and say, “I love that.”

I love that.

It’s for you. You decide, you choose when you’re ready ‘cause I’ll say it again, for someone like Fiona to dump all of that and then go, “What the f*** do I do now if I don’t have that?” How am I doing? It’s a big deal. Now, we’re going to do a bunch of stuff today on what to do instead. So we’re going to do values work, we’re going to create some new stories, we’re going to do a couple of forgiveness exercises [indistinct] patterning around it, but the work just begins with that, doesn’t it? [general agreement] And then we’re going to develop some new habits so if you’ve already got ahead and looked at the second page, there’s the invitation in the red section. So what am I going to replace these old crappy habits with? What am I going to do instead? If I’m empowered, if I am love, if I am joy, if I am courage, if I am curiosity, if I am compassion, passion, resilience, if I am behavioural flexibility and I am myself who I am at my core, what would I do differently? That’s how you start filling the void. That’s where we’re

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going to start heading. But again it’s by choice, its invites, the invitation’s there, no one has to accept the invitation. So it’s your choice. Make sense?

Yeah.

For you Fiona I would say all of those years having a father abandon you, so emotionally, spiritually and mentally, physically, in every way, the abandonment is if he just moved out.

Yeah.

And you didn’t have a relationship with him. Huh? [indistinct] So you didn’t have a relationship with him you had a relationship with his addiction?

Mmm. So for you to have a healthy relationship with a man, that’s a big ask for someone who hasn’t done any work on dealing with what that means. Does that make sense? Totally normal to feel the way you feel. I will say this, you’re in the rare situation, you’ve got a man who sticks, and that’s extraordinary so you did that, part of you, the love of you, the joy of you, the courage of you, saw enough to know him. That’s pretty awesome. Yeah? And scary.

Yeah. [laughing] [indistinct] Yeah. ‘Cause then you’re going to worry about f***ing it up.

And my reflection of him sitting on the couch watching TV while I do my life is [indistinct] and it’s not that at all.

Yeah.

Give me my space to do my thing.

Yes. And you already know it’s not about him?

Yeah Yeah.

I know.

Yeah.

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And that’s hard ‘cause I just wouldn’t say anything and then you can go ‘cause it’s you, go, leave, and he won’t. [laughing] That bastard. [laughing] It’s like he might never ever love me but I just want to, I really want to know the reason why the f*** would you want to be with me? [indistinct] Yeah. Thank you. I see you. Stop smiling. You’re being a people pleaser. F*** off. [laughing] Knock it off. Seriously. Stop thanking me.

Sorry.

F*** off. [laughing] We’re doing it right now. Let’s change it right now. F*** off. Stop smiling through a f*** off. You’re not to please me and I’m not joking in anyway. Tell me to just f*** off. [indistinct] You can tell me to f*** off. Surely you want to tell me to f*** off bad, I’m being kind of rude. [indistinct] No. F*** off.

That’s better. Okay. Fair call. Are you still okay? No one left. And you claimed your space. And you spoke your voice. And you didn’t try and please me and no one looked away. F*** you. What have you got?

Feel it, f*** you. I’m in your face. Come on. [indistinct] F*** you.

That was good. That was good. How you doing? No one’s looking away. I know it’s new. No one’s looking away, still see you, you’re absolutely okay claiming your space, you have every right establishing your boundaries, something you’ve never done. So I’m now going to get in your space and too close, I’m going to get too close, you’re going to stop me. Just put your hand up and stop me, physically stop me when I get too close. I’m already too close. F***ing own your space. I can tell by the way your eyebrows Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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are going up. Put your hand up and stop me. Grab here and push me to the distant – that’s it. Excellent.

I’m going to do it again. Excellent. Really good. Grab there. Yeah? Really? Do it. Yeah. Grab there. Stand up. When I get too close you’re going to claim your space. You can touch, it’s okay and you can do what you want. As much space as you want. Good. Back there. Really good. Come on, do it, push. [sighing] Better. You got this. Claim it. Better. You almost mean it. You meant it. You established a boundary. I still see you, no one left you and you’re okay. Well done. Well done. How’s it feeling? Different?

Yeah.

Yeah. Take it in. F*** you. F*** you. F*** you. F*** you. Doing good. Doing good. So if anybody comes into your space inappropriately you’re going to do it. Good. Claim it. Really good. Now come to me in a way that you feel comfortable on your terms. Totally your terms. I’m in no rush. You don’t have to come any closer, you can do whatever you want with this space. It’s your terms. You can let it go if you want and do anything you want. It’s up to you. You’re doing great. I’m not going to look away, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got this. It’s your terms. You’re doing really well. Hello. Wow. On your terms, your speed, you can back away, you can do anything you want. I’m here no matter what, there are no terms. It’s all your way. You’re doing great, you’re not pleasing me, you’re just being with me. You’re doing great and I’m still here. Well done. You’re there, yeah, well done. Well done. Now I’m not going to hug ‘cause I want you to know you don’t have to give me anything.

Mmm-hmm.

I’m here no matter what and you don’t have to give me anything. Got it?

Yeah.

Claim your space however you want. It’s on your terms. How’s that feel?

Mmm. New? Yeah.

And? So beautiful.

So beautiful. You just learned you can trust you. It’s pretty important.

Yep. It’s a good start.

Mmm.

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How will you be different with him now?

I’ll just be.

Yeah. And sometimes enough isn’t it?

Mmm, yeah.

You’re there. Did you feel it? Give her a hand, that was amazing. [clapping] That’s when you enjoy you being a strong, powerful, has boundaries woman. And it really suits you. Just say, “Yes it does.”

It does.

Yeah. See she’s not getting hugs, she’s just going to be strong and powerful and better boundaries and she’s got s*** to kick, she’s awesome. Feeling it? [indistinct] Yeah. Thank you. Can we give you a round of applause? You got through it. [clapping] That isn’t the whole journey for this wonderful woman but now she knows she – what do you now know? I’m not going to put words in your mouth, this is your boundary, what do you now know is possible?

Anything.

Wow, that’s a lot. Can you be a little – can I have a green tea please? Can you be a little specific?

Trusting [indistinct] Yeah. [indistinct] Good on you. Is that you pleasing me?

No. I think it’ll be fine.

Yeah. Is that you pleasing me?

No. Good on you. That’s outstanding. Good for you. What a big morning. [general agreement] Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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Wow. Who’s next? Yes. [indistinct] Yeah.

The video I was posting, I start this posting I think the day I came to TCI so [indistinct] thank you----Can you speak up a little bit?

Thank you for thanking me but actually I did it for me. Right? Because I came from a very traditional family same as the other ladies, who where kids don’t say anything, you’re a child virtually, so when I came to TCI all of a sudden had this opportunity to express myself, so what changed for me yesterday was I changed my lens, I no longer looked at life through my mum’s eyes and that was the wow I had.

Yeah.

Was I didn’t understand it and that’s why I posted to for me was to confirm what I saw by having witnesses but if I say it to myself then you know your mind plays with you and then you start questioning it. So what changed for me, I saw life through my eyes, yeah.

Can I tell you what a gift that is to give yourself? For anyone else who’s giving yourselves it, that is a big deal.

Oh it is.

Who gets that most of us have been living our lives through the eyes of the giants, whoever they were---Yep. -----to see life through your own eyes, that’s a big deal?

Yeah.

That’s you getting back to life, courage, joy, your true self.

So I wore yellow today because my mum always said I look ugly in yellow. [laughing] Ha ha, give her a hand. [clapping] Love it.

As Sharon said, that’s not to bag my mum, I actually love her more than I ever loved her before.

Yeah.

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For 36 years I’ve been very bitter towards her, any words she would say, I would jump at it, criticise, negative, which it was, as a lot of parents you know sometimes say stuff and it stick, it does matter. I changed my life and my daughter’s life because I knew what, how I was parent was not right and how did I learn that? Well I didn’t marry my father, I married my mother.

Mmm. I had two people, I did, I married my mother but yesterday what Karlie and her husband, I also let my husband was a boy, couldn’t be a man, I learnt a lot yesterday.

Yeah.

My life changed and all of a sudden I realised all those stories that people have been telling me and I’ve been following, actually they’re just stories, I have my own stories.

Wow. [indistinct] what’s the truth and I didn’t stick with it, I choose to lean to my mum because that’s what you do as a child so yeah, and the reason why yellow was ugly because Asian culture, we want to be white, western culture you want to be black. [laughing] Yellow and darker is ugly.

Okay.

So anyway I just want to say that I finally saw life through my own eye and wow, what amazing life is.

Yeah.

Really.

Your life.

And everybody’s here and as they say, wherever you are your reflection, well I love my reflection. [laughing] Amazing, give her a hand. Thank you. [clapping] It’s different isn’t it? Yeah, it is. Well done. Hey. Hi. Hi. Last night----Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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Were you walking different when you came up to me? [laughing] [indistinct] [laughing] That’s the first time I’ve ever said that. Last night Roger and I went out for tea and anyway we had a fight so it all started what it normally is, he pulls away and then I shut down.

Yeah.

And from there to getting back to the motel was Roger trying to convince me that what he was doing was okay and very black and white and I’ve just completely gone into, I’m f***ed again.

Yeah.

So to reclaim my space of what I stood up for yesterday was that I’m working on my pain and so that’s then when I started to tell myself, we got back to the hotel and things were still really sort of a bit cold and distant and I started putting my shoes back on so I could run, which is just what I do, anyway I started saying to Roger, “I need you to be that man that you were in that room in front of all those people today, just stop telling me so that I have to admit, agree with you----Yeah.

-----I just need you to be and understand what’s just happened, be my man”. You know. And it changed.

He actually sat there and he just looked at me and you know, there was no more needing to defend his position on what happens.

Yeah.

And he didn’t become this weak, whimpering boy, which was really nice, but he was able to just sit there and hold me and that was just so amazing and beautiful.

Yeah.

It didn’t need to be a big woo hoo thing.

No. And for me that was massive because I didn’t need to run and we didn’t need to go through six hours of silence or arguing or me trying to say, “Just feel me, just hear me, just be with me.”

Yeah.

Which was just absolutely amazing you know regardless of everything else that happened afterwards----

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[laughing] -----that was amazing.

Yeah.

You know and I truly believe that from now we’ve got a really good journey you know.

Doesn’t it feel like you put a load down ‘cause he picked it up?

Yeah.

That’s it.

Yep. Yeah, give them a hand, fantastic. [clapping] Wow. Wow, wow, wow. We need to be - yeah please?

One more? I’ve got Tanya Booth who’s got a sharing.

I was physically and emotionally abused for six months, sexually abused for 11, at 12 I was blamed for not saving my sister from getting hit by a car. She was 8 because I was one metre behind her. At 14 I was blamed for my mum’s and dad’s marriage failure. This is why my mum kept leaving me in the gutter. Yes, the gutter. So I made it real. It feels so different saying the details now but saying the details not just a phase, if you say it fast nobody will hear. Thank you for being there. I am now a great mum and wife just by living. My husband knows but nobody else does. I’ve wiped my whole family due to the shame.

We see you, we see you, all of it Tanya, thank you so much for your courage. You’re important. Isn’t that incredible what she just shared?

Yep. Thank you so much, you give her a huge hand for being so courageous. Amazing. [clapping] [indistinct] So we need to do an exercise and I’m just going to tell you, wow. How you doing? You’ve done so well, thank you for giving so much. [indistinct] Yeah, good, wonderful, thank you for everybody who’s contributed so much to this morning.

Extraordinary. So we now need to do an exercise, we might be an hour and a half behind.

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[laughing] We went where we needed to go.

Yep. I truly believed, do you guys believe? I understand we went where we needed to go. [general agreement] [indistinct] Sorry? [indistinct] Oh yeah well we all, yes, I saw it ages ago, thank you. You’re got to just keep reminding me its time, I love that. We do need to do an exercise before we go to the break and so this is – who enjoyed the Forgiveness exercise yesterday and meeting your future self?

Yeah.

It’s like that. Did anyone not? ‘Cause like everyone put their hands up. You just freaked me out. [laughing] The next one.

You’re ready for the next one? Okay, let me ask the question. Did everybody enjoy the [indistinct] and I really hope you like it. So we’re going to do an exercise where we’re going to, again it’s going to be all our stuff can go down and our feet can go on the ground, which would be great. Get some soft tune going, really soft. Nothing to write down, just to experience. Remember we can only conceptualise so much and then we have to experience it. Is everyone really loving that? We’ve got to feel it to know it.

Wonderful. So again this is volunteer exercise. You can just close your eyes and just meditate, if you don’t want to join in the instructions, however you want to experience it. Is everyone clear that you have boundaries, you have every right to experience it how you want to experience it? Can I have a yes on that? [general agreement] Yeah. No one has to, no one is making you, no one is judging you, no one is worried whether or not you’re doing it or getting it and your involvement is your choice. Own that.

Yep. Yeah? And now I’m just going to cover the other pattern that can happen at this point is, someone who has been over-disciplined as a child or inconsistent discipline as a child, could play this out as to be a rebel, “F*** you Sharon, I’ll do what I want.” That is also not helpful. So if you just want to mediate and

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zone out, mediate and zone out, if you’re going to play full out, play full out. You can’t sit on the fence going, “I’m going to wait and see how this goes before I decide whether I’m in.” Does that make sense? [general agreement] So whatever those patterns are let them go that, was the child, be the adult who has healthy boundaries, claim them, own them, they’re yours. Isn’t that just freeing? It’s up to you. Yes? [general agreement] Okay. So feet on the ground would be great and just close your eyes. Again just mediate or join in the exercise, however you want to. We might just dim the lights a little bit thank you. [music playing] That’s great. A bit more. A bit less light. And I just want you to go ahead and drift above now, so you’re looking down on it now as safely as you choose, so you can go as high and as safe as you want or as low and as safe as you want, it’s your journey. And when you’re above now I want you to see that you can see into your future and see into your past and whatever direction that goes. And just trust it. And I want you to drift back to the past, all the way back before any of this happened. Back to when you were a baby. And you’re going to see yourself as a baby. And if you were abused at, after birth, go back before then. You’re pure love, pure joy, pure courage, pure as [1:23:52], pure compassion, pure passion, your halo of flexibility, knowing I am this, knowing you are the one. And I want you to go up to you as a baby and hold you as a baby. And just hold you. And if you want to reach out and hold you, hold you and hug you. And what is it you want to tell you? Just go ahead now and tell you what you now know to be true. And hold them tight because they are love and they are joy and creativity and courage.

And tell them all you want them to know. A couple of you who perhaps a little conception do need to reach out now and pick up you and hold you and hug your arms. Trust you’re allowed to feel the process. And for an adept concept hold you, have the feeling and feel the love and tell you all you want you to know. Tell you how much you deserve love. Tell you how much you’re worth it. That this is your life. [laughing] Tell you the adventures you want you to have. The love and the support you want to give and have.

Hold on tight and tell you, “You’re so worth it.” And all those unique qualities that others might try to discourage in you are what make you who you are and they’re so important and they’re still there and they’ll always be there. And tell you just you’re so loved. [laughing] With all that love and all that joy and courage and resilience and compassion and passion and curiosity and playfulness and adventure and bringing all that with you, all the way back to now. Your truth. [laughing] And coming back into the room only with all of the truth.

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[exercise] And coming back into the room when you’re ready. With all that truth. Yeah, perfect. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Who are you?

I’m beautiful.

You are. Yes you are. Who are you?

I am a loved person.

You are. Appreciate that. You’re loved. Who are you?

Courage.

Huh? Courage.

Courage. Wonderful. Who are you?

Creativity.

Creativity. Who are you? Who are you?

Safe.

Wonderful. Who are you?

Enough. [indistinct] Enough. Yeah. Who are you? [indistinct] Strength. Who are you?

Universal light.

Wow, that’s who it was who was the one. Who are you? [indistinct] Who are you? Guys let it happen.

F***ing awesome.

F***ing awesome. [indistinct]

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I love that. You are. How does that feel?

Yeah, great.

It feels amazing?

Yeah.

Glorious.

Yep. How does that feel?

Wonderful.

Who are you?

Joy. Joy. Who are you? Come on, just yell it out. [indistinct talking] Okay. We’re going to go three, two, one and you’re going to yell out who you are. Three, two, one. [indistinct yelling] [clapping] How was that exercise?

Beautiful.

Amazing.

Beautiful. [indistinct] Yeah.

Yeah I have more structure to it.

Well you now have a lot more content now, a lot more self awareness. How wonderful. And when you were born you were all of that.

Perfect, yeah.

Just pure joy.

Yeah.

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[indistinct] And with all of that now just stuff happens and we start to forget the truth.

Yeah.

How messed up’s that? So we’re going to go to a break. We’re doing good. Back at quarter past 12.00?

Yes. [general agreement] Yeah, quarter past 12.00. [indistinct] Yeah okay, half past 12.00, fair call. [laughing] [general chit chat] No you’re right, Shaz is settled. [laughing] [indistinct] half past 12.00 and I was just going to say, I think you guys should end with a hug and a huge round of applause for yourselves ‘cause that was amazing. [clapping] [music playing] END OF RECORDING (92:10)

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Day 2 - Section 2: [general chit chat] [indistinct] beginning, do you get what I’m saying? There’s this wonderful flow going on and I feel reluctant to interrupt that. I think what you’re doing in that time is part of the journey so I trust you’re enjoying having that time when it’s not here and formal. Have I read that accurately? [general agreement] Wonderful. Who’s made some wonderful connections in this room so far? Show of hands. Where’s the wonderful Kay? Being hugged.

Oh being hugged. [laughing] Yeah, I would love us to give this woman an extraordinary round of applause for her courage. [clapping and whooping] That’s a lot, that’s a lot to receive isn’t it?

Yep. Yeah. You’re welcome.

And if anybody hasn’t hugged me yet I’ll----[laughing] [clapping and whooping] [indistinct talking] Here I come. [laughing] I think Kylie’s going for a second and then you, wow.

Phenomenal.

Phenomenal.

No, not up close.

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Yeah. I’ll give you that. Extraordinary. [indistinct talking] As I said, I think what happens away from me being here is as important to this journey. Yes. Sorry for holding you all up.

Enjoy. I think we’re way past apologising for falling into people’s laps. [laughing] I think that was like six stops ago. So when you have hold don’t move.

Yes. Be still. Wonderful. Do you guys get the importance of not jigging around when you’re holding? You’re communicating your stuff rather than being there for them. It’s the smallest things.

Yeah.

Just imagine when your mum was hugging you when you were younger, when she hugged you like there, what was your feeling, what was your thought?

She’s in a rush.

She’s in a rush.

Yeah.

Yes? And you knew the hug when it was present to you. What was the difference? [indistinct] Still. Be still.

I don’t think I ever got any hugs from my mother.

Oh. [laughing] And you should have, you really should have. I’m sorry you didn’t. [indistinct talking] There’s no excuse, you are the most important. My mum used to say, “I’m too busy for you”, and I used to say to her when I was 7, “You shouldn’t be too busy for your daughter.”

Yeah.

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And it’s true. Your mum should be present for you. You’re that important.

She couldn’t [indistinct] We’re here, I see you. Thank you for accepting my hug. How’s everyone doing?

Great.

Cool.

I have very mixed emotions going on. Is anyone else feeling like there’s a lot going on?

Yeah.

Who knew that it was all bubbling away? I – yeah? Please. [indistinct] talking with others about how helpful that is and how we take it home to our partners and family and tell them all and then somebody reminds me, just do the love and let them do theirs.

Yeah.

And let that way do the job.

Yes. It’s not us doing anything.

Yeah, not fixing anything, yeah. [indistinct] just do us.

Good. This whole weekend is for who?

Us. You can say, “Me.” Like who’s this for?

Me. Yeah it is. And that’s enough for me.

Yes. That’s the gift in this and I get for some people pleasers, overachievers, gung-hoers, it’s not enough because you’re go away and you’ve got to share it and then its just, let’s just have this for us and the sharing will come but it’s not a measure of what we’ve created. How you doing?

Yeah, good.

Yeah it’s a lot isn’t it?

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Yes. It is. So do you get how overwhelming it’s been to never had that and then have it in abundance? Just try that on. What that would be. To be told repeatedly, “You’re not worth that”, and then to receive it over and over again. Remember the story I told you Day 1? [laughing] Yesterday. That was yesterday? How is that even a thing? What happened?

It’s a mind warp.

It’s a mind warp. It is a mind warp. [indistinct] The story I told you about the beggar who finds the treasure. [general agreement] That’s what we’re experiencing sorry, that’s what we’re experiencing, the treasure or unlocking the treasure within us, however we’re experiencing it. Is everyone at the point now where they’re validating how they’re experiencing it is valid? [general agreement] Is anyone still thinking it’s a test, am I getting it right? A little bit?

A little bit.

Yes. So a lot. A lot.

I’ve got a lot of pain.

Yeah. So people pleaser I’m guessing? Total people pleaser.

Absolutely.

Who’s the other person who said, “People pleaser?” People pleaser. Yeah there’s patterns, there’s patterns. So I don’t have a sound bite for you. Are you following? I don’t have a sound bite for that. Did you do the activities? Did you come up with some activities that you would do that would be not people pleasing? What is one of those activities that we could perhaps do now?

One of them is spontaneous activity.

You should think about that. [laughing] That was good.

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[indistinct] bound to be in this room and I thank you.

You’re so welcome. I think you know we’re all feeling it. That was spontaneous.

Yeah.

So it is going to be with you. Well done. So that’s not people pleasing. Stay with her because she’s making it about her. I can tell you now the most loving thing you can give yourself from any of these people in this room is a selfish act, the most loving thing you can do for yourself is a selfish act of accepting love. Please believe me. She just did a selfish act, the most beautiful thing she can do is say, “I am ready to receive some love”, then spontaneously exactly the activity this is the time to give it. Lady in green you’re up again. You’re good. You’re good. [laughing] You did it, you did a spontaneous act and you got rewarded. And you’re going to want to say thank you.

Do not, no, no, no, do not, do not, it’s all good. I know you’re also going to want to, do you get the pattern? So you guys now should know the patterns.

Yes. What are some of the patterns that someone’s going to want to do right now? [indistinct talking] [indistinct] Get thirsty.

Sorry.

I’m all good, sorry about the time.

Yeah.

That’s how people pleasers or people who are dissociated stay safe. It totally makes sense. What are you going to do? [indistinct talking] Stay.[indistinct] We’ve learnt a lot.

Yeah.

Let’s take that out into the normal world shall we? [laughing] You’re not helping. Where did you learn to jump on people? TCI? Oh.

You’re with

me right? Yeah.

Hello.

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Well done.

Well done the spontaneity it got rewarded big time. So what we’re doing you might have worked this out we’re rewiring some neurology that said, “When I’m spontaneous I get shut down”, so when I see spontaneity and with Alison as well, go for it and jump on it and just have the joy. It was great wasn’t it?

Just to have, yeah.

It was fantastic.

Look at her just yeah, it was fantastic. So in the moment when they want to experience different, create different, and reward it with masses of love, unconditional love and they start rewiring, wow, it doesn’t get punished, it doesn’t get ignored, it doesn’t get denied, it doesn’t get shut down, it doesn’t get punished, all the crap that happened back here. It can be different. What a wonderful gift.

Mmm. How you doing?

I feel relieved.

Yeah, good on you for putting your hand up. Good on you. And there was someone over here. Hello. So did you come up with some activities? [indistinct] adventure.

Adventure’s really quite big. Can we narrow it down to a particular adventure?

Well I’ve done the jumping out of a plane thing.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing, remember make it a little thing that you do ongoingly for you. When was the last time you had a bath for you?

A while ago.

A little while? Could you admit the years for my amusement?

It was two.

Only two? You know my bath gaps? 40 years. You tried that but just you got impatient. [indistinct] And what did we discuss in the break? [indistinct] I didn’t just say that. [indistinct]

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Okay, so I’m going to help you because yes, all about, what I said was, “Keep doing the bath thing until you get past impatience, indifference and into treasured time for me.” And I would say if you’re rejecting the simple thing of having a bath and enjoying being with you, it’s probably the thing that needs to be on your list because I would have thought, now on the other side and quite proud of my bathing ability, I can do this now, it’s like you know the mother’s friends, the child guru who said, “Make him stop eating sugar” and he goes, “Go away for two weeks”, the mother takes the kid away, comes back in two weeks and the guru goes, “Stop eating sugar”, the mother goes, “Why did I have to go away for two weeks? I had to give up sugar.” So as a bath aficionado after 40 years of not to get to a place where you can just be with yourself, loving and enjoying it, is a wonderful activity for a people pleaser because you’re only doing it for whom?

You. Me. Yeah. And I know right now it’s not doing it for you, that’s kind of the point. Are you making the connection?

Yeah.

But bathing doesn’t do it for me, yes because you’re a people pleaser and you can’t please anybody if you’re in the bath, so why would you have a neurology that wants to have a bath? Unless you’re solving problems or on Facebook or helping someone, it is totally worth the time. Yeah. Are you guys getting the connection, the thing you’re denying or saying it’s not worth it, is kind of the point, insert activity here. Do you read for pleasure?

Yes for my work.

You read for a purpose?

Yes. Yes. What would happen if on your activity list was reading for pleasure? [indistinct] You could do that. And what if, I have some expertise in this so, my mother was if I was sitting reading or doing something relaxing, “What are you doing just sitting there? Isn’t there something you could be doing?”

Yeah.

Anyone else? [general agreement] “Go outside and play.”

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“Go outside and play, get out in the fresh air, what are you doing sitting inside all day watching TV?” No. Not allowed. So there was this constant need to be proving I was busy and active. Who can relate to this? I had to keep doing things. So reading a book for pleasure now is I tidied the space, no more than five metres around me because I always end up having to do the whole house before I can sit and have a cup of tea. Who can relate to this?

Yes. So you have a five metre limit. Is that helpful? [general agreement] A five metre limit on tidiness so the whole house does not need to be done for you to do the ritual of a candle, a cup of tea or whatever your flavour is, mine’s green tea with a beautiful teapot, a candle, flowers within sight, if I don’t have flowers just a piece of fruit, five metre clean zone, don’t even notice outside five metres and a book for a pleasure. And then I know I’m giving myself a gift for me and it’s not for anyone else. Could you do that? With a five metre lint limit. Yeah. Could others perhaps write that down on the activity list? [general agreement] Yes, do you want to? What are some other things we could put on our activity list? Let’s help each other out before we move to the next segment. Please.

Regular----Holly? [indistinct] Huh? Regular massages.

Massages.

Saying----Yes. Still, what’s the point?

Yeah, so a massage if you’re going to have that on your activity list don’t keep thanking the masseuse.

Yep.

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Yep. And don’t keep worrying how they’re doing. I’m just taking care of some of the patterns that are going to come up. So – yeah?

Isn’t that being rude?

Well an occasional, “That’s great”, but to keep thanking them during the massage rather than at the end, you’re going to say thank you.

Yeah.

But just not constant reassurance so they keep liking you enough to massage you. That’s a f***ed up pattern. We’re breaking that neurology. Make sense?

Yep. So enjoy the massage, that’s great, oh I like that spot and if you want more of something say it rather than hoping they can somehow read your magnetic mind, communicating you’d really like it if they did it more there thank you. Oh they didn’t. Oh well maybe the next one. How am I doing here? [general agreement] These are the patterns. If you love a spot get them to do more of that spot. Say thank you at the end.

This seems like simple stuff and I know some of you, you know, if you’re really hanging onto the conceptual addiction you’re thinking that can’t be all there is, it’s got to be harder than that, surely it’s got to involve some agonising and working on it, but really we are getting to the crux of how we rewire the crud and get back to core. Loving acts to self, the little, loving acts, it doesn’t have to be grand, in fact the grander it is the more off base we probably are. Yeah? ‘Cause the moment it becomes grand it becomes perhaps measured by what?

Results.

Others.

Results and others. It’s a result-free, others-free zone. Digging it? What else do we have in our activity list? Let’s get some more discussion and we’ll get into visioning. Yeah?

For me ‘cause I have clutter it will be to follow through and actually tidy aspects of my house.

Wonderful. Is that on your list?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great.

Tidy my house and then finish tidying my house.

Yeah. Yep. So for that because I used to have, perhaps some cluttering issues. I’ve done a lot of f***ed up things, standing here letting it all swing out right now. Are you still loving me?

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[general agreement] But I’ve done all these patterns yeah so thank you. I did one room so I started with my bedroom, so sacred space, and then a few days later another room, rather than all or nothing. The all or nothing thing is what’s been f***ing you up.

I’m an absolutist.

Absolutist.

I didn’t know that was a word.

Well it is with me, it’s a great word, you can use it.

Thank you.

That’s three times and then yeah, don’t use it. Yeah who can relate to absolutism? It’s all or nothing? [general agreement] Break that pattern that’s, more of the perfectionist s*** that was put on you. You know, it’s either get it right or don’t bother, so that’s the pattern there so your activity needs to be small enough, loving it? So you can do the little thing.

That’s actually stopped me doing things before.

What opinion’s that?

You look at it and go, “Well if I’m not going to master it, I’m not going to bother.”

Why bother?

If I can’t win I’m not going to do it.

Yeah, result or others yeah, change that so put the activity down as little enough that you know its evidence of you taking care of you, not evidence of success. Did you hear that? We’re not looking for success, we’re looking for evidence of caring for you. That’s it. Loving it? The bar is so low in the coolest way.

Yeah.

Mmm. Thank you, it’s a great example, thank you for saying that because it actually gave me the opportunity to teach something I might have not otherwise said. We’re going to go here, then here, then here. Yeah?

You gave me some paints.

I did.

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In Meta 3 I think.

And an easel. And a canvas.

Canvas. And so I’m going to draw a painting, I’m going to paint, how do I do it? Paint a painting.

Yep. It’s not going to be wrong, it’s just going to be whatever it is. And that’s going to be cool.

Good. So what if you didn’t complete the whole painting? What if it was just to put the paint on the canvas?

That’s probably what it’s going to be. [laughing] Okay. Yeah. I’m just a bit yeah sorry just if you haven’t done it before you’ve got to sneak up on it. The best advice, and this is why I love Tony Robbins but I’m not a fan of the massive action, all in mentality he’s got because that’s really hard, who else has found that hard to maintain when you’re dealing with s***? Show of hands? It’s pretty well all of us. And sometimes we can can’t we?

Yeah.

Sometimes we can do the massive but if it’s the only song we play, how do we start to feel after a while we just keep hitting the same beat?

Exhausted.

It’s exhausting. So I’m advocating for the patterns we’ve got what we’re going through and what we’re wanting to resolve and experience, massive action isn’t the answer. In fact it’s to be avoided.

I was thinking finger painting.

Yeah.

I was thinking----That’s what I studied, I studied finger painting to become an artist I just started with finger painting, just moving paints around like a kid saying, “It mustn’t look like anything and then I know I’ve succeeded”, so it took away measures.

Cool.

Yeah.

Now that is not in any way, now I’m going to hand over the other side, to, I’m not saying anything, if you’re a high achiever in an area, as I am a high achiever in a number of areas, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s not, it’s awesome, because you’ve only conquered it in that area. Who’s got some areas

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like in athletes or in business or in something? I’ve got a couple, show of hands. When you rock out.

Yeah. It’s not applying to that. Rock out, but they’re the bits that you were allowed to be great at under the rules of the game to that used be played. Yeah. They’re approved of.

Yes. Yes. True? [general agreement] Yes? True. Trade on.

Yep. Although complete rebellion of the, against it, either way it’s a response to that. We’re looking to go for the grey areas that have been neglected through being discouraged, penalised, denied, ignored. The little things that will bring so much richness and texture to our lives because for those who put your hands up you’ve had massive success in the area, do you ever feel yeah the emptiness of it because all this isn’t filled in? Show of hands who’s felt that. All the same people’s hands went up. That’s because these treasured moments haven’t been explored yet, embraced and taken and these small steps. Is everyone believing me? And I know maybe you’re thinking oh, but that doesn’t sound like enough. Can it be enough? [general agreement] Can it really? [general agreement] Turn around and say, “It sounds like plenty.”

It sounds like plenty. [indistinct talking] It is, it’s plenty. It is plenty, try it on and see you’re convinced that learning to love a bath or learning to have a sacred space of five metres, five feet if you’re on a Sunday and who gives a f***, Sundays definitely no more than five feet clean zone don’t you reckon? [laughing] I mean that’s pretty hard with newspapers like really, I’m down to a three feet zone on some Sundays.

Who’s relating to this? Around the whole house. Okay. Let’s get some admission going. I’m not alone in saying who here has to do the whole house before they can relax? Show of hands. Look around the room. [indistinct talking]

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Yeah?

And so I don’t clean the house.

So you don’t clean the house, you never give yourself your time. How are you going with the five feet zone?

It’s a [indistinct] How are you going with it?

It needs to be there.

It needs to be there.

In order for me to relax.

Yeah.

I have created as a result of that so much clutter that I can’t even look at it.

Yeah wonderful. So do you get the gift you’ve just given yourself? Only five feet zone or a three feet zone on a Sunday. You know its Sunday rules, three feet zone, excluding newspapers. Do you see what I’m doing I’m like? [general agreement] I’m getting rid of all the brutal, harsh rules that stop me enjoying me.

Yes. You getting it?

Yeah.

And you wonder why you have your illness. How we doing?

Yeah oh, no, I’m seeing it.

You’re seeing it. Yeah.

And I see more all the time.

Yeah, good.

Yeah.

So are you going to give this a go from now on? I’ll come to you, you’re going to do a three to five----I’m going to do it.

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Sunday rules and rest of the week rules?

Yeah.

You’re going to do it?

Yeah.

And any clutter outside that and if there’s clutter within the five feet what are you going to do?

Um. No, you’ve got to do the five feet zone, you need the zone, so whatever your feet just pick, just pick your distance, say its five feet.

Yeah sure. [indistinct] push it out, so what are you going to do?

Well that’s what I was doing.

You’re pushing it, oh I thought you were planning it.

I had my foot I was like----Push it out of the five feet zone just all this is just, I’m not kidding, because you’ll never, ever know being with you if everything has to be perfect.

Yeah.

You’re never going to get there.

Yeah.

Never.

So good enough. How do you feel when you say, “That’s good enough?” Now give me some time. How does that feel? A bit stressful to some people?

Yes. What do you mean it’s good enough, it’s got to be perfect. Okay. Here we are again. Really because how’s that working for you? Is it working at all, ever? Yeah? [indistinct] exercise.

Sorry?

I can relate to that with exercise, so in my mind I have to be in the right gear, going for an hour, sweating, instead of I’ve just written down, just walk the block.

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Oh I love that. That’s fantastic. Who’s going to take that one? Give her a hand. I love that one. [clapping] Yes I agree and that’s where I began.

Yeah.

It’s like, is enough just for me or is enough just to have a pair of sneakers? This is 13 years ago to have enough, I owned a pair of sneakers. Yeah?

I’ve got Jackie saying, “Go dancing, laugh, go walking for pleasure”, I’ve got Jill saying, “Buy a colouring in book and some pencils and lose myself in that activity.”

Yep. Yeah great.

I’ve also got Jackie saying, “Listen to music and understand the words.” [laughter] Yeah it’s not my benchmark.

Kay saying, “Learn to sew and public speaking.”

See public speaking’s big.

Yes. Can we break that down into a sneaky step that meets the three feet rule? So we creep up on the fear?

Speak to a stranger.

Speaker to a stranger is the first step, then speak to two strangers at the same time. That’s a big deal.

Who’s done public speaking and had to sneak up on us through some steps? I did, it’s not like you’ve got 1000 people and you’re good to go. It’s kind of a process.

Yeah.

And I’ve got one more. Trish says, “Dancing lessons, painting, exercise time and learn what the cloud forms are.”

Learn what the cloud forms are? What’s a cloud form? [indistinct talking] This is really good. You guys are really good at this. Can I have that one too? Give them a hand, it’s fantastic. [clapping] I like that. So what are some of the activities that move us closer to our core? Yes? Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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Is this too visual? Creates a vision for me and why I want my life to be like that. Is that too big or is that?

So a vision board or just a vision statement or?

A vision statement for how I want my life to be and create [indistinct] So here’s the thing, I’m so glad you said that. If you’re going to do a vision statement as you do the other activities, awesome. If you can’t do the activities until you have a vision statement, no. [indistinct] So pardon?

Yeah absolutely I can. If you’re going to do the vision statement as you do the other nine activities of self love, go for it. If you will only do the other nine activities once you have a vision statement, no.

Oh no [indistinct] So all of those things are going to happen at the same time.

Yeah.

Because high achievers can have a tendency to do what? What do you think I’m onto, the pattern? [indistinct talking] Its absolutism, sorry until I get in a vision statement I can’t move forward.

Oh no, no, no.

Good. [indistinct] Great, as long as the other activities are happening, yes.

All right.

Rock on, wonderful, worth the time, worth the journey. [indistinct] activity. So who here suspects they may have absolutism in them? Show of hands. Yeah. This is why these activities are so small and so significant, we’re breaking out of the habit of absolutism where it’s all or nothing, which tends to be after a while more of what?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Oh yeah that’s me, I was thinking I don’t have that but I got that.

Yeah.

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[laughing] So that’s the solution. Is everyone comfortable with this, sees the value of it and is going do it? Have we got any other ideas around activities? Yeah? [indistinct] looking after myself lately and I’ve done a ukulele class and that’s the best thing out.

That’s wonderful.

Awesome.

That’s really awesome.

I really suggest go for a ukulele class they’re so funny. Just awesome.

That is awesome. Give her a hand, I love it. [clapping] Yeah?

Mine is passion and wonder and [indistinct] Oh wonderful. Laying on your back, blanket over you for the mozzies, yeah many time doing that, that’s fantastic. Wonderful way to connect. Yeah?

I’m going to frock up, take myself out to lunch.

Oh wow, oh that’s really significant to you, that’s wonderful. Give them both a hand. [clapping] Good on you. Good on you, mate. Yeah? [indistinct] Creativity what I choose to do or what I need to do?

I need and yeah that’s what I need to do, what I want to do.

You want to do.

Yeah.

Wonderful, yeah.

I need it, I want.

Yeah, so just on reading my future language right now because if you need to do it I’m very careful is that part of what you thought you were told you needed to do or is it for you?

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It’s what I want to do.

It’s for you, wonderful.

Figure out constellations, I have never been able to see the [indistinct] Wonderful. Wonderful. That’s fantastic isn’t it? Give yourselves a big hand. Well done. [clapping] Is everyone there these little things mean and add up to a lot? [general agreement] Yeah. When you think about the patterns, the little things you did yesterday, the little habits around people pleasing, the little habits around over achieving or whatever that list of from yesterday, well they all added up to a pretty big f***ing thing didn’t they? How am I doing?

Yeah.

They added up to where we are. So I reckon the little things going the other way doing some other stuff that was denied, I reckon that might add up to a pretty big thing too.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Yes. What do you reckon Monica, sit well?

Yes. Yeah, how you doing?

Yeah much better.

Yeah good on you. Where have you got to?

Just feeling a lot more comfortable with not having to be and feel a certain way.

Wonderful.

And also the small steps are not I’m not looking at you know absolutely hilarious but it’s that I’ve got to be really good at this then I feel significant at something.

Yeah. Let me how to know to succeed at a bath.

Yeah. [laughing]

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That’s why I keep coming back to you because there’s no gold standard.

No one can give you any significance for it.

Yeah you can’t crowd please, you can’t people please, there’s no right or wrongs, no benchmark, so a certain amount of time I nailed it, I lasted six minutes, I’m good.

Sitting on your own.

Yep. Not being significant and not being so nice to everyone else. Yeah, huge, huge.

Yeah. Wonderful. How are we [indistinct] something else? We need to go somewhere else.

Can I ask a question?

Okay let’s see.

I’ll probably f*** this up but just wondering how often we do this? Like is it once a month or once a----Oh you want to get the answer right? What if I don’t tell you? [laughing] And then I’ll be wondering what to do.

Exactly. [indistinct talking] What will we do?

Yep. You’re still looking at me. I think she’s asking you. You’re an expert of her life. Oh you know she’s looking at you, you’re the expert of her life.

You do it when you want it on your own terms.

Yeah and when do you think? How often do you think you’d like to do it?

Probably need to do it more often than you are now. [laughing] I have to start somewhere.

Yeah there we go.

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Yeah, sounds good. That’s good. This may be a little bit aside, I don’t know who it was, but one of my team was sitting in the office, you can hear some of the women from this group talking and they were saying, “Oh its late, I’ve got to get home, I’ve got to get meals for the kids, I have to organise some things, I’m really running late because no one’s done it”. I don’t know who it was, it doesn’t really matter but I’m wondering if next time you come into an event like this how maybe you could approach that differently given that someone at home not called mum.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well I’ve had an experience ‘cause I do some retreats with Michelle and I’ve left my family like, okay good luck you know, and I’ve left the house in a complete mess and it turned out really horrible it was, they felt abandoned they really did, my husband was quite distant when I arrived back, I had a really great weekend and----Yeah and you walked into the other world.

And then I walk in the house and you know he’d cleaned it up and everything had happened but the fact that they really felt like I just went to do something all about me and abandon them so coming here ‘cause I travelled from Newcastle, Lake Macquarie, you know, I’ve got to do this better, like how can I make this serving them and serving me?

Yeah.

And yeah so I took the time and did a spreadsheet like I really planned out, I gave them more information as to how they could succeed at it without feeling angry and----Resentful.

Yeah and its they’re like yeah mum we’re cooking we’re doing all this stuff.

Wow. We’re being empowered by----That’s a great insight.

Everything’s in the fridge, its not made or anything but I left them with that.

Yeah.

It’s like, got to go, because I wasn’t responsible and I didn’t----Wonderful.

So I’m learning that you know-----

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You’re their mum.

Yeah and that they can but they can do it too.

They can yeah. Thank you, it’s a great insight, thank you, what else? Yeah give her a hand. [clapping] I love that. And you’re probably thinking that I’m judging it, I wasn’t there for the conversation, I’m not judging, is everyone cool? It’s simply an observation, I’m thinking, really you put yourself into this wonderful environment for two days and then you go back to hell on earth getting joe from people you love the most because you didn’t rush home and make them dinner? I’m thinking that’s probably an activity that needs to go on, no let’s change that s*** list. How am I doing? [general agreement} Because I’ll ask a couple of questions for absolute challenging. Why is it upon the mother when she’s at an event like this to go home and rush and do the dinners? I don’t get that at all and if that’s your world, what can you do as an activity to change that? Even if it’s just pre-done meals in the freezer that perhaps they can defrost them. Don’t go all quiet on me now we’ve come so far. [indistinct talking] Restaurants.

Restaurants.

Takeaway.

Takeaway. Yeah?

Beans on toast.

Yeah.

This is kind of, it sounds slightly controversial but I think, why not just let them figure it out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let them deal with it, you know they won’t starve and they can get creative with sorting out how they’re going to solve their problems.

Depending on their age. [indistinct] solutions.

Yeah.

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[laughing] Of course of course the person who’s responsible for them.

They may be six months old they’re going to do something. [laughing] And turn into a person who’s----Totally. Yeah. I am more with you, I don’t think it’s controversial, it’s just another view. But hang on if the view is, I have to do everything and be present at this event, I don’t know how you’re serving anyone there least of all yourself. More?

Yeah, just a little bit. I’m not saying this is about anyone in the room but sometimes I notice, I’ve got friends who do this and I see it in them, is it that they feel that they need to be needed?

Yeah.

And they put themselves in a role where if they’re removed from that particular type.

Great insight Yeah, yeah that----That’s part of the pattern isn’t it? The addiction.

Absolutely, yeah.

Who’s getting that that it’s also part of you, if I’m not needed who am I? That’s correct, yeah.

So what if you create an environment where they didn’t need you for those, what I call quite petty things, survival things but they needed you for stuff that matters like life stuff and thriving stuff and living value stuff and knowing life stuff.

Yeah.

You know if your children are a certain age, age appropriate, no one’s getting abandoned, but if they’re old enough to get around the kitchen and you’re still worrying about getting back on time because you got to rush and do everything for them, I’m going to say, isn’t that part of the pattern of you staying hooked in the addiction of being needed and not knowing how to define yourself without that? Maybe not, maybe it’s how you want it to be. But I am here to ask the question and reflect it back because I just found back on the session a little troubling that you’re experiencing this at this level and your conversation with other participants as you leave, not everyone, just a few of you saying, “I never rush home and make dinner”, that’s the conversation you left here rather than, this has been extraordinary, my man’s got a meal in the oven, I’m going to go home and share with them, I’m going to share our day

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and I can’t wait to share some of my experiences because I know how much they’re going to love it.

There’s a different reality that is available to us, that’s what I’m sharing. Yeah? Mary and then you.

It’s even more than that, I was at lunch last week with a group of mums and we’re all in about the same space in our journey, that our children are finishing off high school and three of the mothers at the table were distraught because they’re not ready for nothing to do next year, they’re not prepared, they’ve got no purpose and no future.

Yep. And it was terrible, two of them were crying.

Yeah.

What are they going to do next year? They can’t handle this.

They can’t yeah.

So thank you, so if anyone relates to that and I don’t want to get in, I don’t anyone to feel its personalised, no one is being criticised, rock on because I understand motherhood, a lot of identity’s caught up in motherhood for mums, not all mums.

Yeah.

But if it’s you, I would suggest it’s something to have a look at and just think about if your identity is only through that what that is costing your kids.

Mmm. Not you, what’s it costing them that you made them reliant on you to the extent that they can’t think without you. I’m not sure you’re creating the adults of tomorrow. Is that a fair message? Did I handle that respectfully and civilly? Yeah, we need to on. Yeah, quickly.

Actually was just going to say that your family needs to be part of this in the sense that they----If they want to be.

If they want to be but I mean for my own journey for the past three months my family they’re actually waiting in expectation of----So I’m going to pause you there, that’s not everyone’s experience and what you’re saying is too big a bar. So no, that’s your experience, and that’s awesome, there are plenty of people in this room whose tribe doesn’t even want them to be here, let alone know how they’re enjoying it, and that is the reality and I would say your family does not have to enjoy it because if you want to know what activity you’ve got on the list of things you do for you, it’s this. Do you get me? Do you feel me?

Yes.

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So no, everyone does not have to agree, go along with it, love it, dig it, it is enough that you do. Or is it enough that you’ve reaching to because it’s for who?

Me. It’s for me. Fair call? Yeah?

Just a quick one. My husband asked me what I’d like for dinner tonight.

Oh wow that’s amazing, that’s fantastic, yeah, wonderful. So is that everyone? I need to get moving.

One last one. [indistinct] situation and we’re dependent on the mother, what I’m trying to say is, if you don’t teach them to be self sufficient when you’re not around if something does something happen and in an emergency situation, it all becomes overwhelming because they can’t live up to----They’re alone.

-----the basics.

Yeah. I think we’ve got it, I think that’s the point we’ve made. [indistinct] Yeah, absolutely the trauma of letting people down because they’re too alone.

Yeah.

Of course. So is everyone cool with that message? There’s something in that you can take away perhaps and-----Yes. -----do a little different and even if you’re not a mother, I’m not a mother, but I know where I cause reliance and where I’ve had to really grow up and own, no one’s a victim, no one needs rescuing by me, no one needs fixing, as shocking as that may seem, and I’m still okay without having to be needed, to be loved is enough. How’s that? [general agreement] It’s a big one. It’s a really big one. So we’re going to go back to the next step now and we’re going to come up with some stories. Yeah, thank you. So we’re going to do the yellow.

Awesome.

We’re going to do the yellow, we’re going to come up with some stories, they’re going to serve where we’re heading. [indistinct talking]

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And by now a lot of you have already have done that I believe but it’s time to talk to a partner, so you’re going to stand in the room and you’re going to share as much as you’re comfortable sharing, again respecting boundaries, you own this journey. So who owns this journey?

Me. It’s up to you, you’re going to share, please don’t get into a whole bunch of content, it’s enough to say, so my empowering self is centred and at my core I know I enjoy it. Move on, don’t need the whole, don’t need more, don’t need the old story, it’s just time to start creating new stories.

Yeah.

So for example for me, when I did this 13 years ago, it was enough of a story to say, “I’m willing to consider a f***ing life.” I get emotional saying it, it was that big a deal, my new story. I am willing to consider that I’m free of expectation. I’m willing to consider - do you see my language is so soft and grey? This is another way I did my story. I wonder what would happen if I loved unconditionally? I wonder what would happen if I did the activities? I wonder who I’d become if I did take that bath. It wouldn’t make any difference and it’s like I would argue with myself but until we ask the question and ponder different possibilities we’re going to be neurologically linked to the crap. Who here is very familiar with their crap? Who can write books on it? Come on, show of hands. Look around its everyone.

Who can write books on their destiny and where they’re heading? The numbers just changed radically. [indistinct talking] That’s great, were talking to everyone so there’s five people in the room who wrote about their destiny out of 100 people and everyone could write a book on their biology, on their past. That s*** has to change. Wouldn’t you agree? [general agreement] Turn to your partner and say, “That s***’s got to change.”

That s***’s got to change. [indistinct talking] Yeah. That s***’s got to change.

That s***’s got to change.

That s*** has got to change. So you’re going to work with the partner and say, “What if I am magnificent?” Well that would mean----I am.

I have a choice. That would mean, I wouldn’t be able to make excuses, holy s***, that would mean, I could be more loving with my partner and that would, and that’s what you’re going to do. Out loud.

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Out loud.

Out loud with your partner. And that would mean, and I wonder who I’d become if I did exercise. Holy s***. I would become fit. What would that mean? That would mean I would feel more empowered I’d be back to my truth and if I’m empowered I’d know more go back to the red, I’d definitely know more and you’re going to keep linking it back to your empowered self. Love it? [general agreement] Got to start verbalising your destiny. You guys up for this exercise? [general agreement] So when we do this we’re going to be standing up.

Woo. You can move chairs, do whatever you want to do, you’re going to be standing up. You’re going to do it, shh, with energy. No mice allowed. So it’s not this, may I borrow your body please?

Yes you may.

Thank you. So yeah, I don’t know, what are we doing? What did she say?

I don’t know.

I don’t know. Yeah. So are you flying home?

Yeah.

Yeah it’s been good though, huh? Yeah I’ve learnt lots. Yeah. Yeah so I don’t really know how to do this because I haven’t really put much thought into it. Yeah. Do you reckon someone could help us?

Yeah.

Yeah. Why don’t you go first?

Yeah all right oh no you go first.

No you go first. [laughing] So we’re not doing that. [laughing] We’re going to do this. Okay, Michelle.

Yes.

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I wonder so my red was love, so what was a no for me was joy and love but I’m going to go with love.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. So if I was love----Yes. Jeff said you were love.

Oh God that would mean I could be with people.

That would be amazing.

That would be amazing, thank you, and you just keep validating, thank you, that would be wonderful and wonderful, that’s awesome, that’s huge, that’s huge, continue validating, cheering them on, lots of energy. Okay. Hang on a minute, so if I have other people in my life that means I get support.

That’s awesome.

And if I get support holy s*** I’ve never had support, if I got support----What would it mean?

I don’t know, God, that would mean, help me out, I think that would mean I could go ahead and I wouldn’t have anymore more excuses.

Absolutely no more excuses.

Holy s***, holy s***, holy s***.

Yeah. [indistinct] You know what? I would get on with my life and stop blaming my parents because its time, that’s the truth, that would be amazing, thank you, I really appreciate it.

Woo. Thank you.

Woo hoo. [clapping] So that’s what you’re going to do. Now you don’t have to be as jumpy as I am, I am naturally super, so I jump, but you must be the essence of what you chose. So in the green whatever you chose it must be centred, you’ll be centred, if it’s to be passionate, whatever it is in the red or the green, you will be that.

Oh. Are you guys digging this?

Yeah.

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You’ve got to start trying on a new neurology. This is it. Who’s in? [general agreement] Can I have a hell yeah?

Hell yeah.

Go for it. Work with a partner, have some fun, take some time, enjoy.

Woo. [indistinct talking] [exercise] What did you discover? Was that fun? Wonderful. So what did you discover about you? What’s your new stories, yeah? [indistinct talking] If that’s okay.

Yeah sure.

Maryanne’s area was, her red was courage and we discovered she’s actually already [indistinct] and it was new but it wasn’t new and it was just, it was beautiful to see her realise and see, holy crap, I’m pretty f***ing awesome.

Wow. Look at you.

It was just, it was so wonderful.

Oh how wonderful. How’s it feeling for you?

Oh f***ing awesome.

F***ing awesome. [laughing] Give her a hand. [clapping] [whooping] Is this on? [indistinct]

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Yeah you earned that. Who’s next? Yeah?

So I find all these little things doesn’t matter, that means that I matter and I matter to me.

Wow. I don’t discover my passions that way because when I matter that means what like I said who I am matters.

Yes. Because I’ve never really felt passionate about something, no message and now I do.

Give her a hand. [clapping and whooping] Who’s next? What did you discover? What’s cool? What did you love? Yeah?

Through the affirming of it with someone and being so awesome at it like there’s no turning back.

Yeah. [indistinct talking] It’s it.

Yeah. How’s that feeling great?

Great.

Yeah, and I think it’s an absolutely appropriate and normal way to feel, would you agree with that?

Yeah.

A bit of both. Give her a huge hand. [whooping and clapping] [indistinct] kiddies.

What age?

10 and 12. [indistinct talking] Because they certainly don’t know that language. [laughing] Who’s next? What else did you discover? Yeah?

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The thing is I only need to be myself, I don’t need to excel.

Wow. That’s a big one. And that’s enough. Give him a huge hand. [clapping and whooping] Yes? [indistinct] immediately so by settling into being at core straight after that because like remaining [indistinct] presence so by being curious and holding presence you can actually create the change in both----Immediately.

-----immediately.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree with you. That’s fantastic. Give her a huge hand. [clapping and whooping] [indistinct talking] Anyone else? Yes? Yes. I discovered that vulnerability is actually quite powerful, I discovered that to be vulnerable actually means I give myself permission to be all of me, which means that I can grow, expand, create like it really raises the roof on absolutely everything.

Awesome.

How’s it feeling?

Awesome.

Yeah. How is it awesome?

Because of what it makes available. Because----So what wasn’t available before that now is?

Me choosing how I want to succeed, how I want to create my life, not based on what I’ve learnt but based on what I’ve been told is the measure, the benchmark, to be a certain level of fear----Yeah.

-----status. I get to actually create my own, I get to expand a little bit, I actually get to create the world as I want it to be when it’s [indistinct].

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That’s it. [clapping and whooping] Roger?

I’ve discovered that if I surrender my bulls*** I could be present with somebody else.

Oh. Oh. Yeah, well done. Give him a hand. [clapping and whooping] Okay. One more. Yes? Yes, so one of my small ones was to say no to something I’ve already committed to and by saying----Oh interesting, thank you for your honesty.

Yeah by saying, no it’s going to be okay, that the people I’ve said yes to may not like me for a while.

Mmm. And that’s okay.

Wow. Yes. So your pattern was people pleasing? Wow. Why stop at one, hey? Yeah. So this is about truly nurturing you.

Yes. That’s extraordinary. How’s that feel?

Current.

Yeah. That’s, what do you reckon? [general agreement] [clapping and whooping] How wonderful, how wonderful. Is anything that you want to share from the exercise, any challenges? I want everyone to feel included, it might not have gone smoothly and perfectly for some people and that means its-----

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Okay.

Okay. Yes. One of the things that shocked me that you said are passion Grace was I get told by my friends I’m so passionate about refugees, you know Israeli, Palestine conflict, all that sort of stuff Syria.

You’re trying to fix the world hon. It’s exhausting stuff. You’re busy.

And when you said, “It’s not to be results driven or people pleasing”, I went, “Oh s***, it’s about me.”

And all of a sudden I realised you were telling me to be passionate about me and I had to change nine out of the ten activities.

Yes. It was extraordinary.

Awesome.

Well, well done. [clapping and whooping] Yes? I want to share that watching people and when the neurology changes, the face changes.

Yep. The lines go away.

Yeah.

Everybody is becoming younger.

Yeah.

Letting go it’s a visual----It’s a lot of responsibility carrying around all the angst of the giants.

Yeah.

It’s a lot. And plus f***ing wrinkles. Don’t you reckon? And then just get to figure out what am I going to be if I’m not carrying that? That’s like a load off.

Thank you, it’s great, give her a hand, thank you. [clapping] Was it a challenge for you?

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No not really.

Tell me.

I’ve done this sort of stuff before and yet----Right.

-----I still found it really, really challenging I actually chickened out and said to Dean, “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Well played.

And then I came back and I had to put down my guard and cry and I’m still feeling that way because I over think it and I feel like I have to [indistinct] Yeah I get that. Thank you for sharing. Really appreciate your honesty. Is it okay if we stay with you for a tick? Are you sure? Just checking that you’re not pleasing by saying yes?

No. It’s for you?

Yes. This is a selfish act, you’re saying, yes it’s for you. Good for you. And you were partnered with Dean.

Yes I was.

Yes. Okay. Just wondering if we can partner you with someone else during the break.

I actually said to him, “I wish you’d have separated.”

Yeah I think we’ll do that. Can we have just one volunteer? I know there’ll be a 100 putting their hands up and who would be? There we go. So you’re going to work with the amazing Shane during the break and you’re going to do it and feel free, please hear these instructions, to f*** it up and experience it anyway you want, there’ll be a people pleaser in you, there’ll be the runawayer, there’ll be the denier, the person who says, this doesn’t really matter, the person who says, “I’ve done this work before”, all those ways you get to let yourself off the hook, it’s all normal, it’s all just the fear going, I’ve got to keep you under control, it looks like you’re about to break out and have a great life here, we can’t have that, so you’re just going to cool it, that’s what the - how am I doing here? [general agreement] You look like you’re going to break out and do something extraordinary, f*** that, I’m going to keep you right where you belong, that’s what’s going on. This one will hold you through all of that and all of that is absolutely fine. Sound like a plan?

Yeah.

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Yeah, good on you. You were ready for that weren’t you?

Yes. Yeah. Get on with it she’s thinking. Give her a hand. [clapping] Anyone else found it a challenge? Just make sure you’re validated. Yeah?

Earlier you were talking about being present and that activity [indistinct] Yes it is.

And it slowed down time enormously and we experienced, Jane and I experienced time [indistinct] Good.

Yeah.

If you look at the perhaps the green list that exercise, no, the other one, the empowered list, maybe that exercise was about experiencing all of them? [laughing] Maybe?

Maybe.

To be present to someone else, to be in flow because time got distorted. Expressing inner strength.

What do you reckon? [general agreement] It might have been the green list.

Awesome.

How awesome’s that? Thank you. I appreciate it. Well done. Give her a hand. Thank you. [clapping] Did you experience the challenge?

Pardon?

I’m asking did anyone experience the challenge? I just want to, you experienced the challenge?

Mmm. Yeah.

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I found it really great when I was writing it down here I was really [indistinct] Conceptualising. [indistinct] Yeah. [indistinct] Yeah. Oh good. And did you find some words?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You did? You got them.

Yeah.

I commend you for pushing through because if were unaccustomed to developing language that’s selfish language, how can I experience more of me, familiar with that kind of imagine the blanks are normal. [indistinct] Yeah.

She grabbed me and she wouldn’t let me go.

Yeah. And you found some language?

Yeah.

So I got to this point and I didn’t have a partner and I literally didn’t have any language so past I f***ing which seemed like bulls*** I had nothing, I had no idea how the language, experiencing true me, no clue, so what I did was start reading and connecting with people who had the access and I tried it on for me. And for the first year it wasn’t me but at least it was me having a go and moving away from, and not indulging the crud anymore.

Yeah. And that’s a lot.

It is.

And then I noticed like 18 months later when I looked back oh I’ve actually become me, I found me in the journey, so if anyone can anyone relate to what Kelly shared? Anyone else a bit of blank [indistinct] language show of hands. Yeah, you’re not alone, there’s a few people who felt the same way. All you do is start immersing yourself in language of people who have, no knowledge of self and self love, not successful people, not people who look surface successful, but people who may be surface successful but deeply connected to self. That’s why I read a lot of [indistinct] books, so I can be, because I know a lot of people who make a lot of money and don’t make a lot of life, and we’re really about making a lot Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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of life. And then I started developing a language all the time until it became and I realised one day it’s actually me. Good advice?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it’s a journey. Who gets that as this weekend closes the journey’s just beginning? Show of hands. [indistinct] Yeah. Turn to your partner and say, “You’re so worth the journey baby.”

You’re so worth the journey baby. [indistinct talking] Is there anyone else who had a challenge or something you want to share? Yep. I, as Edmond started to read it I decided what I chose before was wrong, so I wanted to come up with other things and now I kind of went, f*** it.

Oh finally.

It doesn’t matter.

We’re all relieved. [laughing] Because I can still be those other things and have those other things in me.

Yeah.

It doesn’t mean that just because I’ve chosen that one thing that that’s all there is.

Look we were all of the red, we all those core activities just which way are we going to highlight, magnify, focus on for a while and then we’ll notice that others begin to appear through the process of the activities. [general agreement] So you can’t be love activities and not experience a little bit of joy, I’m just saying.

Yeah.

How I’m doing here?

Yeah.

And you can’t just be curiosity and not notice perhaps a little bit of compassion for yourself or passion, I mean they’re kind of designed to flow, you need to be absolute just by creeping up on it. [laughter]

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Yeah wonderful. So I think you should give yourselves a huge hand and thank your partner. [clapping] Amazing, amazing.

END OF RECORDING (60:59)

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Day 2 - Section 3: Final session. It’s the beginning, would you agree? The beginning? [indistinct talking] The beginning. So thank you for everybody who supported us with the book and for sharing how much you're loving it and giving it to friends and acquaintances and colleagues, give them a nudge in the good direction.

Wonderful, and all the photos, I look forward to seeing it all on Facebook.

Has

everybody who wants to receive a copy of all my books put a post on my Fan Page. Not on Your Success, which I’m loving, but on my Fan Page. It’s a photo of every one of you out in the [indistinct 00:42) Cafe on my Fan Page. Or it can be on the one with me saying he, he, he, I’m about to do something – it can be either of those and we’ll have a look at a bit later and make sure that we announce on Your Success and is that good if you post it out?

Yes. But on your success you can share who you think maybe you wd like to see them go so that would be wonder. How are you all doing?

Great.

Are we ready for the final part of this part of the journey?

Yes. [general agreement] Yeah, we are, aren’t we?

Yes. I think so. How are you doing?

Really good.

It’s a lot isn’t it. Your present to us.

I [indistinct 01.20) hugs any more.

You're not getting any more hugs?

No, I’m getting them at the same time.

Good. Now it’s about you giving. Well done. How is it feeling, very nice. You look so much softer. I’m always reluctant to describe people physically because it’s very much a personal journey but I will say for you you're looking softer, and if that’s how you're feeling inside at any level I’m delighted for you.

Just a little bit of the thawing going on, it’s wonderful. Maybe you won’t have to fight every day, yeah.

Just moments of relishing the moment. Wow, moments of flow. Moments of being present. And that

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all adds up to a pretty wonderful life. It kind of is life. If you think it’s the success and the money, it ain’t. I’ve had all of that and it’s not life. I can tell you with complete certainty and I remember a multimillionaire years ago saying to me it’s not about the money and the success and the sports car, and I remember thinking – guess what I used to think – yeah, right, yeah, sure. Easy for you to say, you've got it all. I’ll find out for myself, thanks. And I did. And here I am with the Success, I appreciate it is to many people success. Got the money, got the sports car, got the beach house, got the whole lot, you name the list of wish list things. Have them all any time I want, 100% of the time. It ain’t what it’s about. If I can help you get that and not have to prove me right for a decade, that would be pretty awesome. And I know some of you are thinking it’s easy for you to say and I get having money, having stuff feels good. It feels like a form of control. Gives you more stuff to worry about. More stuff to hoard. More stuff to protect. It’s security for. It’s a weird thing. A weird thing. Do I regret any of it?

Absolutely not. What I’m saying is the journey that has really mattered, the true success, the whole point of this program, my success is not measured by the numbers. It’s measured by the lives I can touch and by how I build my life on my terms. And that’s what I go home with. I don’t go home and count the money; I go home and count the moments. And if we can get that without having to prove it right or wrong we get there to ourselves a lot quicker, and a lot easier. It’s the moment. And I’ll save some of you a whole bunch of years – if you think putting all your energy and become a workaholic to get stuff and make money and make something of yourself will mean when you get there, now you can start – I’ll do all that and then I’ll start building a life. Sixty jumps fast.

Certainly does.

Says Ross. And your family is growing up and the people who love you are doing their thing and you're not doing into them. You're busy saying I’m going to build all this empire before I build a home. It’s f***ing backwards. And the home is literally where you are and where your loved ones are and where you give the most and where you feel you're all of you, uglies and everything, bumping, s*** bumping happily. Building empires, nobody is happy with your s***. Are you guys hearing me?

Yes. [general agreement] I have an empire. My public does not want to hear my s***. You're very kind on how you have accepted my s*** this weekend. But I see you as colleagues in this journey. You do understand I’m not walking around sharing this level of my s*** out there in the world. You get that don’t you?

Yes. It’s a very personal journey that I’ve shared with you. As you have shared with me. So I hope I have honoured that with sharing my uglies and bumped up with yours appropriately. I trust that’s so.

Empire builders do not get to share their uglies because they have to have it altogether for everyone else. There is no space in an empire for vulnerability. There is only space for vulnerability in a home.

And that can include a little business, if they’re with you because they’re there with you. If they’re there for what they’re going to get you've got an empire. And it ain’t real. It’s just not real. Oh, my god if I could – I remember Tony Robbins giving this speech 12 years ago and I remember I didn’t have all what I have now and I was sitting there going – doodle. I just doodled past this entire presentation going yeah, I’ll get there and then I’ll decide for myself thank you very much. Who is relating to that. Come Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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on, admit it, come on get your hands up. Come on, there’s more of you than that. Yeah. All right, we’ll keep the secret. Your success is living heaven on earth. So [indistinct 0:6:38] hell on earth is in your last breath realising – being in front of the person you were meant to have been. Heaven on earth is being who you're meant to be right now. That’s it. You get to do that and you've got the Holy Grail.

You've got what everybody else is striving for, ignoring, denying, running away from pretending it doesn’t matter and fearful of experiencing. That’s it. That is the bench mark of ethic. So we’re going to finish with one last exercise. Before we do that, I just want to chat with you and acknowledge – I’m reluctant to bring commercial reality into such an incredible weekend but a number of you have said how excited you are to be sharing this with others, or just giving it away as a gift, the recordings and the workbook. Can I say how wonderful it is that you're doing that and you've taken the time to come and share with me how much it means for you to do that. It means a lot to me that you're doing that, and so many of you have said to me you've got to give this to the world. No, I don’t. We do.

We do, that’s it.

Again, it just can’t be on me to carry – if you love this message prove it. Fair call?

Yes. [general agreement] Prove it, if you love it do something about it. I’m doing what I want to do. Now, you've got to do what you want to do with this. If anything. And that’s cool too, however you want to experience it. For all of you who said you're loving it, you're going to be sharing it, I’m delighted. And even if your version of a workshop is you are just going to give it to someone who you love or who needs love, what a wonderful gift to have under the tree. Or for a birthday. Yeah? To give themselves the time to sit in a bath and watch how to self love. And experience self love. Wouldn't that be something? So thank you for everyone who shared that, I’m so grateful. The other thing I want to share with you – this technique, it’s going to be called Empower Self Technique. Are you guys happy with the name?

Yes. [general agreement] The Empower Self Technique. So if you go and share it, it’s the Empower Self Technique, that’s what you're going to be sharing, and we’ll help you with the branding and everything like that. I’d love to see you incorporate it in your coaching. Could you imagine that if you were a coach and you shared this journey with a client?

Yep. [general agreement] It’s what I do.

When I started coaching this is where I began, coaching at this deep level. Because

clients would come to me and say I want to conquer the world, I want to build an empire, you're building it on sand, dude. You're going to build that and you're going to look down and the only way is down. Because you didn’t build something on your truth. You built it on the stuff. It’s empty. So this work to me is very important, if you're a coach in the room I would be honoured and you would honour this weekend if you shared it with your clients. In your own way. Would that be perfect?

No.

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Does it need to be?

No. [general agreement] If we start with I see you, yeah, just start with I see you. Which is where this all began. Thank you.

Thank you for everything you've been bringing this weekend. So the last box to fill is on values. That’s for you to go and do in your Success program. It’s for you to do. I am not going to do the next step with you. This next step is for you.

Cool.

Cool, yeah. It’s for you to figure out your values. How to do it is all there. What to do is all there. You can do it with a partner, you can find someone in the room who is pretty good at this. Who is pretty good and done Meta 2 with me and done values – show of hands? Look around the room. Keep your hands up. There’s a bunch of people who can help you do the values work. You're clearing your values. It’s your journey. It’s a cognitive process. And I’m not going to do any more work with you, we’re just going to do feeling work from now on. So this is our last exercise. Is anyone feeling inside – oh, but I really want you to show me – is anyone worried about that? Is anyone feeling yeah, what I can perfectly figure out, my f***ing values. Shall we make a mess as we do that? Is that all right?

Yes. [general agreement] Everyone say please make a mess.

Please make a mess.

3-foot rule applies. So I would like you to work with someone different for this exercise. Someone you perhaps don't know. Don’t work with an intimate partner, please find someone else and you're going to do – we’re going to bring this home with the final exercise. It’s so on the green – number one is present. We’re going to do a presence exercise. Yeah. Yeah?

I’m sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say thank you for the room.

Wow. You are so welcome, and thank you. [general applause] Ah, that felt good. Didn’t that feel good?

Yes. [general agreement] She finally says you're going to work with someone you don't know yet, and it’s time to know them. I want you to find the person that would probably press your old buttons the most. Everyone is looking around going – or not looking around going there’s no one. No one pushes my buttons. Or going who is going to help me work on this most? It’s trust. Look around and find someone that probably in the past would press your buttons the most. The person you're least likely in the past to have been with.

Remember we’re here together to have our s*** bump. Do you like this? Yeah?

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Yeah.

Not really. You're going to do it anyway?]

Yeah.

Yes, it’s really important to find the people who would cause you problems. Did you hear what I said?

It’s important to find people who would cause you problems. Remember I started this whole – She’s the only one –[general laughter] [indistinct 13:06]

I love it.

So the idea when we began this training was we’re together, it’s the

problems we experience for our relationships when we get to know our growth. Remember I opened with that? It is through our relationships, the buttons that get pressed, the s*** we bump into that helps us to know our growth. So that’s what we’re here to do. To bring it full circle. Back to core and to know love, to know joy. Hello, how are you? You made it, I’m so please.

I’m sorry.

That’s all good, you're here and that’s what matters. Please come in for the final exercise, yeah, welcome. Come on in. [general applause] She’s driven from – where have you driven from to be here?

Mornington.

Yeah, she’s here from Mornington, popped in. So the exercise is going to be – may I borrow you? No, you. May I borrow you? Yes thank you. So it’s going to be a presence to each other and I’m going to share a truth about my core so part of the red, I’m love. I know me as love. I am joy, I know me as joy.

That’s all we’re going to do. And the partner is just going to say thank you. With eye contact. Okay, Lisa?

Yes. Yes. I am love. I know I am loved. I am joy, I know I am joy. I am joy. I am joy.

Thank you.

Thank you. You're going to go through the whole list just doing that. And then you return the gift to the other, eye contact the whole time, you're amazing by the way. This is a person, I hope she pushes someone’s buttons because you would want to work with her. Thank you so much, yeah. Any questions about the exercise? Very straight forward. Give the gift of full presence. I tell you what we’re doing here. For many of us, as we now know, backwards and forwards expressing our true selves was denied. And when we went to express it, what happened? [exercise]

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Denied, squashed, anger, whatever. This is our opportunity to go full circle and be with someone, expressing it fully. I am joy, I am love. I am. I’m love. And when you realise it, when that partner sees that you are that, they’re going to say thank you, you are. You are. Yes. thank you. And then you have a go at joy. I’m joy, and you're going to say it a couple of times too. I’m joy. I am joy. I know I am joy.

And your partner is going to say – Thank you. You are.

And you go down the list and you might have to do it a couple of times. You might just say yeah, I am courage, really give it all. If anyone isn’t sure that you are that, how could you be sure? [exercise] If anyone in this rooms they’re not that list please put it to the test and discover you are. You're loving this?

Yes. You have the evidence, you are. Try it on something that you've been told you are. For example, you're evil and see the lie. So this isn’t a truth test of you, this is a universal test of ultimate truth. Do you get that?

Yes. This is not about whether or not you're telling the truth; it’s about whether it’s a universal truth.

Everybody’s hand will go down if you try I am evil. It will have to or I’m not liked or I’m not lovable.

They can’t be universal truths. The universal truth is you're love, you're joy. You are courage, you're certainty, you're all that and your arm will stay. Is this amazing?

Yes. So that’s what you're going to do. And if you are get emotional saying it, if you get uncertain put it to the test and discover you are. Pretty amazing?

Yeah.

So please, it’s a standing up exercise in the room, enjoy the last exercise fully. Go for it. [exercise] Welcome back. Everyone back. Give yourself a hand. [general applause] What did you discover? Who discovered you're all those things?

Yeah. [general agreement] Who put it to the test?

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Yeah.

What did you discover? It’s true. Who tried to say something like I’m not worthy or some other things you got told, what happened? [exercise] Arm go down? Yeah. So you're not testing your belief, you're testing the truth. And out of the core where we’re born, who are we? [exercise] It’s the truth. It’s the universal truth and you can be taught for years that it’s a lie. But it’s a universal truth. That was the lie. So did you test it?

Yes. It was fantastic, were you amazed because you were so sure your [indistinct 19.10] belief was true and then your arm – oh, what happened when you did I am love? What happened, rock solid? [general agreement] Isn’t that incredible. So find your partner in the crowd and point to them and say I see you? [exercise] I see you.

We’re coming to the close of this part of the journey and I am honoured at what you have shared, what you have brought. How you have supported, how you have loved one another and willing to love yourselves. It’s been an extraordinary journey. A journey I will prize for ever if I never run this training again. I don't know that I’ll ever run it again. It was a gift for you. That was it. It was a gift for the members of your success program and whoever else wanted to come into the room. This was my gift because you're part of this amazing journey that we’re doing, so thank you for coming along, being part of it and I trust it was all and so much more than you could have imagined and dreamed.

Thank you, Sharon. [general applause] It’s been extraordinary. I think maybe all in the room – I believe we really do need to thank our amazing crew, and if we can have [general applause] [indistinct names 21:00] So wonderful what you do and thank you so much. Haven’t they been extraordinary and supportive?

Yes. [general agreement] So they’ve never experienced this training, they didn’t get to do this training, and they’re still out there cleaning up, doing dishes, moving things around. Checking on toilets. They spend as much time out of the room as in the room in service to what we’re doing and they’ve all flown in to do this. I just think it’s extraordinarily generous what they’ve given us. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you. You're amazing.

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[general applause] I would really, really love to be able to say thank you to Sharon for this amazing gift that we have all received, and I would like you all to show Sharon just how much you've loved this experience. [general applause] Thank you, everybody. So now for some of you this was your experience of us. I trust that you feel honoured and seen and taken care of in the TCI community, and if you have then we feel very grateful you were part of our journey. For those of us who are continuing our journey I’m so grateful that you are the people who we get to hang with. You are simple extraordinary, every single one of you. And what I’m seeing reflected back, just the love I’m seeing reflected back, you are all magnificent, and I have loved that you've embraced this extraordinary journey with us this weekend. It’s meant so much to me. Do you know me well enough to know I never praise or flatter and I never say what I don’t mean. Is everyone there with me?

Yep. [general agreement] This has been the most extraordinary training I’ve ever, ever delivered in 13 years.

Whoa. [general applause] Amazing. Thank you, thanks for what I’m experiencing. Share a photo here with everyone together, exchange many hugs, telephone numbers, and much love, appreciation and gratitude. Then we have to have chocolate cake for those of you who are not sure free. I am sugar free, I will be partaking as an audience member. And feedback forms. That’s it and then the journey is up to us. So with that said, if we can have masses of help because these people have to leave in 5 minutes. Get all the chairs away and everyone out to the front of the room. [general chit-chat] Okay for those of you who have done this before you know how we have an explosion of energy. And for those of you who are new we would love for you to join us. Are you ready? On the count of three here we go. One, two, three.

Yeah.

That was wonderful, give yourselves a hand. [general applause]END OF RECORDING (24:56)

Copyright 2015 Global Success Institute. All Rights Reserved.

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“As Sharon would say, “never be beige”; be passionate, playful and courageous.”

Julie Alexander Founder of The Private Coach

“I wake every morning more passionate than the day before about supporting people, growing my business, making others even more successful and living a life of passion and purpose.”

Kim Rowe Founder of The Business Bootique

“As a professional coach, mentor and trainer, I’ve referred Your Success countless times with clients. It is a must in every personal library!”

Angelina Cirelli-Salomone Founder of Serendipity Me

“Your Success is full of effective yet very simple tools and techniques that I use in every area of my life.”

Kate Welk Director of Emerging Leaders Academy

“Seriously, it will be a magnificent life-long journey catching up, absorbing and learning how to share the level of awesomeness that is exceptional training.

Sharon is the exquisite pinnacle of being a world-class trainer and facilitator.”

Natasha Williams Business Development Manager at VicSuper

“So much practical application and actually getting to ‘do it’.

Getting to pick Sharon’s brain in 100% detail. Wow!” Henrike Schreer Coach & Mentor

“I cannot adequately express the gratitude I feel for Sharon Pearson, Joe Pane and the incredible team at TCI. The level of support they offer is second to none.

The training is world class.”

Tara Whitewood Relationship Coach & Founder of The Sugar Doctor

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Call WOW Team on (03) 9645 9945