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SESSION 4:

BECOMING SELFISH 1

Copyright © 2017 Global Success Institute

SESSION #4 BECOMING SELFISH Often misunderstood…

Introduction •

A word that can bring up some interesting ‘stuff’

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Is your client governed by what others want and expect of them?

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Is your client a prisoner to outside expectations?

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Where does your client’s own dreams, desires, needs and wants fit?

The question to ask is…

Who runs your life?

The ideal answer…

Me. Most people…

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Want to be liked

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Worry that if they don’t ‘go along’ they won’t belong

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Sacrifice, unconsciously, their own hopes and dreams to keep others placated

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Don’t know how to say ‘no’ to others and ‘yes’ to themselves

There’s a difference between being selfish and needy…

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Selfish – you put your needs first

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Needy – you expect others to do the same thing and give you what you need – that’s a ‘black hole’ that can’t be filled by others –

NEEDS are what is required to be yourself, fully at your best, and it’s up to you to meet these needs

Your client will have made progress when they…

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...put themselves first

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...attract others who are comfortable with a strong person

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...need less from others

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...do the ‘thing’ they’ve dreamed of that they’ve been putting off

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...feel more independent and like it

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...are less reliant on what others think of them

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...become more generous with others as they have more to give

Coaching: Discuss the following…

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For you to grow you need to be selfish – you need to be willing to take care of your needs and to prioritise them – as in, put them in your diary, set aside the time, focus on them, nurture them and care about them

Coaching: Discuss the following…

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What will it take for you to pay attention to the call of your heart rather than pay attention to what your tribe wants of you?

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Do you have a vision of you that is greater than what your tribe sees you as?

Coaching: Discuss the following…

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Can you accept that it’s reasonable to put your needs first?

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What is something you could say ‘yes’ to that would make YOU happy?

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What if you didn’t mind not ‘keeping the peace’?

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What if you were okay with a little ‘rocking the boat’?

Coaching: Discuss the following…

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How much of you is spent playing the role of ‘eager to please’?

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Can we give you one month of you first?

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This doesn’t mean ignoring others, being rude, being unnecessarily blunt or shutting people out

You the coach need to know…

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People who put themselves last are seen as fake and overly needy

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It’s difficult to be seen as authentic if you are a martyr

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Not being honest about what you want can come across as having a hidden agenda

You the coach need to know…

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By claiming what you want you start on the path to having a life of meaning

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Many people are lost, and lack meaning in their lives and are confused about their purpose –

They’re experts at fitting in, but not at claiming their own special moments

You the coach need to know…

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People who know what they want and have invested in pursuing this have more to give to others

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Pursuing a dream builds self-esteem, courage and compassion because you learn it takes a lot of commitment

You the coach need to know…

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Get clear on who your client spends their time with – –

Is it people who expect them to stay the same and never change or grow?

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Is it people who celebrate or denigrate their successes?

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Is it people who pursue dreams or are ‘dream snatchers’?

You the coach need to know…

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Selfishness is not getting your way in everything or ignoring the needs of others –

It’s daring to pursue your passions, interests, wants and needs, and sometimes actually doing something for you before you do something for someone else

Help the client with language…

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Instead of saying ‘yes’ because you don’t want to say ‘no’, say – ‘Can I get back to you?’ and give yourself some space to consider the request calmly

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Instead of saying ‘yes’ say ‘I will, but first I want to...’ and put your own desires first (gasp!)

This will take a couple of months to see results and is linked to your first session where you explored their Ideal Average Day – how well they are doing with the outcomes of that first session will impact this session

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SHARON PEARSON Session 4: Becoming Selfish Ultimate Coach Edition 1 | Version 1 | November 2017 Published by Global Success Institute Copyright 2017 © Global Success Institute All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

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