The Successful Coach Magazine - July/August '14

JULY 2014 / AUGUST 2014

THE

Successful Coach MAGAZINE

DARCY SMYTH, 10

HOW GIVING WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS LED ME TO A GREAT OPPORTUNITY KEVIN GAMMIE, 19

SHARON PEARSON, 6

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ELYSIUM NGUYEN International Coach Guild

LAW OF RECIPROCITY

Sharon Pearson 6 THE OLD GIVE AND TAKE THE NEW GIVE AND GIVE

Darcy Smyth 10 THE SUCCESSFUL COACH

Sia Kapeleris Jennifer Lewis 14 HOW GIVING WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS LED ME TO A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

Kevin Gammie 19 GIVE AND GIVE GET IT?

Natasha Williams 21

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Law OF

WRITTEN BY

SHARON PEARSON Founder & CEO of The Coaching Institute

RECIPROCITY DR. ROBERT CIALDINI HAS SPENT HIS ENTIRE CAREER RESEARCHING THE SCIENCE OF INFLUENCE, EARNING HIM AN INTERNATIONAL REPUTATION AS AN EXPERT IN PERSUASION AND NEGOTIATION.

His books including, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, have shaped marketing and sales throughout the world.

Cialdini’s first principle of persuasion states that we human beings are wired to basically want to return favours and pay back our debts.

Direct response marketers consider his book the ‘101’ of marketing and where anyone who wants to generate interest and desire in their products and service must start.

In short… to treat others as they’ve treated us. This idea of reciprocity tells us that people by nature feel obliged to provide discounts, concessions or others forms of reciprocity to others if they’ve received favours from those others. Psychology explains this by stressing that we humans simply do not like to feel indebted to other people.

He created a list of 6 ‘laws of influence’ which marketers and sales consultants (who are smart) are familiar with and know how to bring into their sales processes.

1. The Law of Reciprocity 2. The Law of Commitment 3. The Law of Liking 4. The Law of Authority 5. The Law of Scarcity 6. The Law of Social Proof page 6

CIALDINI IN MARKETING Let me start by saying, using these laws is ethical, as long as the claim you make is true.

If you’re easily offended by the idea of there being a sales process in place for a business to increase its sales, then it’s probably best to stop reading.

Marketing is all about persuading people to buy the product or the service of the business.

Brand advertising is not using Cialdini’s laws.

Direct response marketing does.

Direct marketing is giving value in return for action from the market. That action can take the form of: A person opting into a web site in return for a free ‘something’ and thus becoming a prospect

A prospect receives an opportunity to join a webinar, by opting into the registration page for the webinar

All of these examples require the prospect to do something – to take some action. As a result of this, they become more engrossed with the interaction, they follow the story you tell them, they enjoy the value they receive and they attach high-value to you and what you’re about.

Given we can’t compete with ‘brand advertising’, this sounds like a great way to go. And all of it relies on Cialdini’s laws...

RECIPROCITY IN MARKETING What if you offer something cool in return for an individual’s contact details? This will then give you the opportunity to build a relationship with them over time. Not everyone is ready to make a buying decision straight away.

But over time, by giving great value, when they are ready to buy, you are going to be positioned as a much stronger contender for being chosen than the competitor who only sent one piece of information.

A great example of this is what we do (and it works really well):

The marketer sends an email with a link to a video containing content that helps the prospect

The marketer writes a blog containing great value for their market

The marketer posts a link on their facebook page about something they have that may be useful, like a checklist, and fans can click on the link and go to the checklist

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Let’s say that you run a popular blog that offers its readers highly actionable and practical information that makes their lives better. It’s offered for free, and all they have to do is visit your site and absorb the details.

Based on this, your visitors are going to feel more obligated to buy something from you.

the prospect that the relationship is out of balance. To put things back into balance, the prospect will have to take some action, of some type.

THIS ACTION CAN TAKE THE FORM OF: 1. TELLING PEOPLE HOW GREAT IT IS

A great example of this is Digital Marketer.

You can check out their blog here.

WWW.DIGITALMARKETER.COM/BLOG/

What if you have the prospect’s contact details, and you want them to see you as a trusted advisor? You could invite them to a webinar, like the web page below.

All of these examples share one commonality – they are using the Law of Reciprocity.

By providing something great to someone, the marketer is creating the tension within

2. BUYING SOMETHING 3. CONTINUING TO FOLLOW THE EMAILS/ POSTS ETC AND ‘LIKE’ ARTICLES Whatever the action, it is the prospect ‘reciprocating’ for what the marketer has done for them.

Is there all there is to sales? No, of course not. The product or service must be great, and desired. There are competitors you need to stand away from and never been seen to be ‘one of many’. There’s the importance of the follow up process you have, and your ability to repeat this cycle for everyone with consistency.

page 8

BUT IT DOES INCREASE SALES.

That’s it, right there. So many people are so worried about what they have, and fear losing it, they hoard it.

WE HAVE MANY PEOPLE COMMENT TO US,

‘I loved everything you sent me.

Especially the chocolates.’

And this: ‘You have shown the most interest in me of all the schools I looked at. Of course I had to choose you.’

THEY DON’T SEE THAT BY GIVING IT AWAY, THEY BECOME AN

And this: ‘You guys are different to the rest.

You care.’

IRRESISTIBLE FORCE.

All of this forms a picture in their minds of how it will be once they’ve joined.

The key, of course, is to ensure that this is true!

It’s simple. If most people are hoarding what they’ve got, I’m going to do something else.

I call it the Law of Zag.

THE LAW OF RECIPROCITY AT ITS HEART

If marketers are going to zig, I’m going to do something else.

Since I began coaching, I’ve given away my best stuff, for free.

As a result of this, more marketers in our industry are learning the power of giving, and are doing it.

I didn’t do it to ‘get clients’.

I did it because I was so grateful that people appreciated what I had. I feel in love with giving, because it felt so good.

As a result of this, and not by design, people began to come to me in droves. Coaches would demand to know how I became so successful.

Very few actually acted on the answers I gave.

I received (often!) comments like this:

‘But if I give my best stuff away, why would anyone buy from me?’

That mentality is why I succeed.

So we’ve moved our ‘free line’ even further out, and are now giving away valuable intellectual property to people who are not students.

This has the effect of raising the bar on the ‘free line’ (more must be given to be seen to be valuable and trusted), and also, it means we have to get better to be able to match what we give with even more value when someone joins us.

I consider this a complete win for our members.

I LOVE THIS LAW.

page 9

WRITTEN BY

DARCY SMYTH Master Coach and WOW Team Member at TCI

Give

The Old Give & Take

The New Give

A WORLD IN WHICH EVERYONE KNOWS THIS MEANS A WORLD WHERE EVERYONE TAKES CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE FIRST.

More and more people, particularly in the field of personal and professional development, are beginning to realise and most importantly utilise the power of empathy, contribution and giving first before even contemplating receiving. The reason that so many people are jumping on this bus is because it works!

THE FIRST MAJOR

Yes, yes I know the term ‘works’ is extremely broad and can be interpreted in a number of different areas but it still remains true. The answer to having the business, happiness and abundant life we say we desire is to take care of others first, and although it seems to go against evolutionary logic from an individual perspective there are a number of reasons why this ‘works’.

Robert Cialdini first outlined this notion to eager-to-learn marketers, salespeople and behaviourists in ‘Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion’ when he explained that after receiving a favour from a fellow human being, people feel more compelled to repay the gesture, quite often over and above that which they have originally received.

CONTRIBUTING FACTOR TO GIVING AND GIVING BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR RECEIVING IS THE LAW OF RECIPROCITY.

page 10

THE SECOND SIGNIFICANT TO THE EFFECTIVENESS OF GIVING IS PERHAPS EVEN MORE SCIENTIFIC...

By giving to others we release a number of neurotransmitters, which are chemicals in the brain to help us feel good and to increase our overall effectiveness as humans. Studies show that by giving to others we are subject to chemicals known as oxytocin (ideal for creating relationships) and dopamine (ideal for confidence in achieving goals) and therefore by giving to others we become even more confident in our ability to create relationships.

This results in further options for giving and taking between people and allows for even more give and take for those who give first.

The science adds up.

In business the notion of giving before receiving is changing the way we consume in the marketplace. As consumers we now are hungry for more and more of what we can receive for free first before we buy. We know that there is more demand than ever between companies to attract the masses and have clued onto the fact that who ever gives more to us the fastest will likely receive our attention. For those of us that are business owners we need to realise that the best way to do business it to make it all about the customer or client we are serving because if we don’t then someone else will.

If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.

HENRY FORD

Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together is success HENRY FORD

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals HENRY SHAKESPEARE

The notion of give, give, ask is brilliant because it gives us a process for giving to begin a relationship. A world in which everyone knows of this means a world where everyone takes care of everyone else first.

page 11

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THE

Successful Coach

SIA KAPELERIS Credentialed Master Practitioner of Coaching

Before coaching I had been in business 6 times, (yes 6 times!) and each time it has ended in tears and loss of finances. To say I was skeptical of what coaching and The Coaching Institute (TCI) could offer me was an understatement.

I started to work through and itemise what had gone wrong in my previous businesses and thought about, how this time, it would, and could, be different.

My first discovery was that, in some of my businesses, I remembered having insecurity about my skill set for the business. Not being certain if you have the capacity to follow through on what you’re trying to offer is a sure fire way to crash and burn.

The next discovery was my little knowledge of business and marketing. This led to me floundering time and time again. Struggle Street was a regular hang out to try and find new clients.

THEN FINALLY, I DISCOVERED THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT THAT WAS PRESENT IN ALL OF MY BUSINESSES WAS MY FEAR OF FAILURE. So how could TCI offer me all these answers in one package?

I called the team at head office and spoke to Fiona; who went through step by step of what TCI had to offer. Once I received my info pack, and looked through it all, my excitement grew...

This is how TCI have slam dunked all my fears and resurrected my passion to be a business owner...

SKILLSET: The TCI program is so comprehensive; nothing is left to chance. There was the Foundations Of Coaching Success weekend which introduced us to what TCI will and has

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offered to thousands of practicing coaches.

There were manuals to carry home from the weekend, and since then there are daily webinars, moodle (internet based learning centre), CD and DVD.

From the moment I called TCI, to meeting instant friends at the FOCS weekend, to sharing hopes dreams and visions through the TCI Facebook page has been life changing in itself.

There is no doubt in my mind that the depth of the learning material will give me the knowledge I require to be confident in coaching.

The CD’s are running on a loop in my car, I feel like I know Sharon intimately; her laugh; her courage; her determination, her willingness to give more and then more, and then (just in case that’s not enough), some more.

MARKETING AND BUSINESS: With TCI founder, Sharon Pearson, having 12 years of success in business and marketing, I knew I had access to a model that would propel my business to heights I had never achieved. The DVD’s so far have blown me away; they are pure gold!

Sharon’s generosity in freely teaching these methods and techniques for us to succeed as individuals is a concept that I have not come across before.

There is no question in my mind that the business and marketing skills taught at TCI are world class.

The step by step guide to my self-discovery has been like a lotus flower rising from the muddy waters; I am transformed!

THE BELIEF I HAVE OF MYSELF WITH NO IF’S, BUT’S OR QUESTION MARKS IS THAT:

“I’M CONFIDENT, FOCUSED AND POWERFUL IN MY ABILITY” This is ME, not someone I plan to be, or will be; it’s all me. My goals are set and locked in; my plans to achieve them written down and dates set to achieve them; the steps required to get the plans in motions written down and ticked off, one day at a time.

FINALLY MY BIGGEST AND MOST DIFFICULT PHASE TO CONQUER AS A BUSINESS OWNER WAS MY FEAR OF FAILURE. Being told be well meaning family and friends, “Do you really think you can do this?”, “Why don’t you just stay at your current job and work for someone else?” This fear of failure ran deep! TCI to the rescue again!

Taking those steps daily is a joy as I have a greater fear of staying where I am right now.

That’s not an option!

Self-discovery has been my saviour, now I plan to teach it to anyone who wants to take on their goals and dreams.

page 15

THE

Successful Coach

JENNIFER LEWIS Credentialed Master Practitioner of Coaching

FOR SEVERAL YEARS I HAD BEEN LOOKING AT AND RESEARCHING LIFE COACHING. I HAD NO IDEA WHY I WAS DRAWN TO THE IDEA...

In January 2013 the organisation where I worked implemented a 6 month leadership program and at the very first session I had a light bulb moment... When I left the training room I told my peers that I had decided to quit my job and pursue life coaching. I left the position in May 2013 and in August 2013 I did my Foundations of Coaching Success training at TCI.

I WAS NERVOUS AND EXCITED AT THE SAME TIME... AND WAS LIKE A KNOWLEDGE JUNKIE FOR THE MONTH PRIOR AND THE MONTHS THAT FOLLOWED. Since my early 20’s I have worked in senior management roles. I completed a Bachelor of Business in Finance when I was 23.

I was the first female in Australia to be registered as a licensed finance broker when I was 25 and I set up my own finance broking business in Queen Street, Melbourne that same year. I became bored when there was nothing left to learn and moved on in early 1987, luckily I was out before the share market crash.

I tried many new things, learning and growing all the time until love brought me back to north east Victoria in the early 90’s. I discovered that the only well-paying jobs around here were within Government entities, so soon found a role as a finance manager.

Not being challenged enough I spent the next two and a half years completing a Graduate Certificate in Professional Accounting which immediately gave me options. In 2009 I was working at Murrindindi Shire when the bushfires hit the region. In the same year I lost everything, my husband, my home and my brother. It was a tough time...

page 16

I moved to Euroa, where I knew nobody and threw myself into work. The bushfire recovery took its toll on everyone and I think I drowned myself in work to fill all the voids in my life. I was working 6 and 7 days a week. Until, yes it was inevitable, I became ill and lost control of my life. Until the day I had the light bulb moment mentioned earlier... I have always loved my work and have found the need for change whenever I stop learning. I just got lost for a little while.

My current life successes are definitely as a result of what I have learned since joining TCI.

I LEARNED TO TAP INTO MY PAST EXPERIENCES TO DISCOVER I HAD MANY GIFTS AND TALENTS – EACH OF US HAVE WITHIN US THE RESOURCES WE NEED. I developed a comprehensive business plan which I monitor and review at the end of each month and have structured my life so that I have time to learn, to develop new tools and ideas, to promote what I do and to actually do some work that is providing me with enough to support me through my growth – if you fail to plan you plan to fail. In this process I actually developed a business planning tool that I am now implementing for a local government entity and I have included a lot of the coaching skills in that model focussing on empowering and trusting people.

I have a 6 month contract as a result of that work which more than supports my weekly needs and this was from giving it as a gift to the CEO – when you give you will receive.

Earlier in the year I attempted to rent a premises from where I would run my business and provide workshops. The local real estate entity refused and his reason was “we already

have one training institute in this town that is struggling and we don’t want anyone going into competition”.

I LAUGHED AND SAID ‘IT’S OK, I WILL MANAGE TO FIND A WAY”. AND I DID. I now rent space on an hourly basis in a place that is much better and I have the support of the owner who is a gestalt therapist. She has been so supportive and is so impressed she is now talking about forming a partnership to deliver workshops together.

I also took advice about getting a coach. I engaged Kim Helman and it was the icing on the cake. She helped me realise that I was on the right track and that I had what I needed and I realised that the butterflies in my tummy were ‘taking action butterflies’ of excitement and anticipation. I learned that I was so good at fighting for what I wanted in the past but have now turned that around to being in a position to manage what I want without difficulty.

During my journey I have also discovered that if I read or learn something I immediately ask ‘how can I use this?’ I have developed a knowledge based category management system so that I can draw on this when I am thinking about a new product or workshop idea.

I have always been passionate about helping others succeed and I always knew there must have been something more that I didn’t know about that would help me do this better. I found this through TCI, I have used what I have learned by applying it to my own life and now I know how to do it for others as well. The absolute joy of seeing the change in others (and in myself) is worth more to me than anything I have ever done.

page 17

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How giving without expectations led me to a great opportunity

WRITTEN BY

KEVIN GAMMIE

Thought Dynamics and Meta Dynamics Consultant

“... I THOUGHT, HEY, I NEED TO GET OUT PRESENTING SO WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE. IF NOTHING COMES OF IT SO BE IT. JUST GIVE, GIVE IT YOUR BEST...”

I’d been presenting free of charge for a Network organisation in Brisbane. The deal was simple...

Your presentation must be content heavy, no obvious self promotion, just an opportunity to practice a new topic. There were 6 chapters to present to and with a commencement of 7:00 and some of the destinations being up to 1:00hr from home the commitment was quite reasonable.

I must admit my best wasn’t really that good to start with...

I’ve decided on the 4 types of people. I studied all that had been taught at Advanced Practitioner, I researched further, listened to the CD’s that Joe had sold and built a presentation. There was a fair time investment into that first presentation. So add that to an average of 90 minute meetings, 90 minutes round trips and 6 locations there was about 50 hours of work conservatively.

Now this did have me presenting to around 50-75 people across Brisbane so it wasn’t all about them. I went through the first 3 presentations with little response, later found

page 19

out that the organiser prides themselves on encouraging the network to be largely nonresponsive to the guest presenters and that answered a few doubts I had about my presentations, although clearly I had improved dramatically over the course of the ‘tour’.

The final three presentations were a different story all together.

I was much more focussed on the audience, serving their needs. It was at this point that things started to change. I started getting some opportunities to catch up and discuss other services; the first as a potential client that is still with another coach, they’ve signed to a package and are looking to migrate at the conclusion of this. Another, a bank looking to put together a mini-conference and asking what other material I could put together for them. The third was with Guy, looking to establish a network of my ‘avatar’ around Brisbane.

On catching we discussed their plans, the concept simply resonated with me and my complete response was… “How can I help?”

We agreed that there was plenty more to consider and we should meet again. At this meeting with them still building their offering, oour discussion centred on the clients. We discussed their needs, how we could help them.

My closing statement was simply…

“I’m so excited for the opportunity to help these business owners. I’m really keen to see how I can be of benefit to you!”

Both closing statements were not made with any, “What’s in it for me” angle. They were open and honest statement appreciating the opportunity to get involved.

Then on Friday, I called to organise catching up again. Mark mentioned that he’d been talking with his partner and he’s keen for me to look after an area for them. In fact, they’d like to pay me for the privilege of working with my ‘avatar’, ultimately bringing them together and helping them grow. Did I have anything I could do/promote to them? If so I could distribute or promote that to the entire network…

So from agreeing to present to 6 network groups, free of charge and without pushing business, I landed 1 client, an opportunity to present at a mini-conference & the opportunity to work with my ‘avatar’ across a large portion of Brisbane, getting paid for them attracting my avatar to me.

BEING THERE TO SERVE CAN CERTAINLY YIELD SOME GREAT RESULTS. PARTICULARLY WHEN YOUR FOCUS IS ON THAT, SERVING! HERE’S TO OFFERING GREAT SERVICE TO AN EVER INCREASING AUDIENCE AND SEEING THE RIPPLES AS THEY GROW.

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Give & Give

WRITTEN BY

NATASHA WILLIAMS Master Coach and Mastermind Mentor at TCI

GET IT?

SOME OF MY HAPPIEST EARLY MEMORIES ARE OF MY BEST FRIEND’S MOTHER SUGGESTING EACH WEEKEND WE MAKE SOME PERFUME FOR MRS CROSS OR DRAW A PICTURE OF THE GARDEN, HOW ABOUT PICKING A POSY OF FLOWERS? I got an early dose of significance as her eyes would always light up when we came and she’d delight in dabbing on our floury water with squashed flowers in it. It was many years later all these “relatives” we visited were lonely, elderly women with no family. Mrs Targett would take us to visit to be kind, grateful and present. She was the most beautiful S energy always thinking of a way to make someone smile simply because she had a beautiful soul who saw the beauty in others, and how a simple gesture can make a world of difference to someone.

I don’t know how new this give and give mentality is. I do know it was one of the major reasons I was attracted to this community of coaches. Three years in I continue to love our community so much because it’s so deeply embedded in our culture. I mean who’s ever heard Sharon say “hang on, what’s in it for me?” Seeing the continuing success of this community I’m pretty comfortable Sharon’s on the money when she says “look after others and don’t ask me how but you’ll be taken care of.”

Pardon the paraphrasing.

Think of successful people in your life you’re attracted to. Are they stingy with their ideas? Secretive and evasive? Of course not.

We’re attracted to and want to hang with people who give their knowledge, respect and kindness freely, they share an idea, a possible new angle to a challenge with a smile.

I recently read an article by Sean Blanda who stated when it comes to when and how we help others, most of us fit into one of three categories;

GIVERS who help others unconditionally, demanding nothing in return.

MATCHERS who usually only help those who have helped them.

TAKERS those who demand help but never offer. page 21

Interestingly, he suggests givers are usually either at the top or bottom of their chosen field with matchers and takers in the middle.

two.

At first I thought why on earth would they be on the bottom? That doesn’t make sense? And then I remembered me before I became a coach. I gave because of a lack of self worth, that I might be accepted if I give more. It was some deep reflection and high quality brain frying with Meta Dynamics I began to learn and create a new language around what giving truly means.

I have an absolutely fabulous Gen Y BDO that I work with. He’s consistently surprising our team with thinking ahead and outside the box. He’s a pleasure to work with because he starts most sentences with “thought you’d need this and I’ve done xyz too thinking you’d need that too”

THINK AHEAD, ANTICIPATE OPPORTUNITIES TO WOW

three.

ASK IF IT’S OF INTEREST FIRST

Well I’m still learning of course, aren’t we all?

I admit I’ve had a few over excited moments post TCI trainings where I desperately want to share the gold from a training. Avoid possible indulgent moments and check if they actually want what you have to give! Not everyone’s ready for what you may think is a great share. Give where appropriate.

So what are some thoughts we can play with around giving?

one.

ALWAYS HAVE AN INSATIABLE CURIOSITY ABOUT HOW YOU CAN MAKE SOMEONE’S LIFE EASIER OR BETTER

four.

Coming from a place of love it’s easy to think of ways to make someone’s day. I truly believe in the ripple effect that maybe one day soon, in a similar situation they’ll help someone else too because we really all are one big village.

SHARE WITH EVERYONE, NOT JUST CLIENTS The most successful people I see don’t just give in expectation of getting something in return. Give insights, learnings, highlights,

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gratitude, a kind word to anyone where appropriate. We are one big community.

If we all do this, we’ll all grow even more together.

and teach, consistently. Seems to me the people that give the most work bloody hard to master their chosen field and know they have a tonne to give and keep giving.

five.

eight.

GIVE RECOGNITION AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OFTEN!

CHECK IN WITH WHAT FEEDBACK YOU’RE GETTING

A research report by B Nelson found that 78% of staff indicated that it was very or extremely important to be recognised by their managers when they do good work.

Why just from managers? We can all jump on this easily and effortlessly through all aspects of our daily life.

What are people saying about you? Not just clients, your colleagues, friends and family?

No feedback is feedback too, team.

six.

MENTOR SOMEONE NEW TO THE GAME Do you remember what it was like to be the newbie? Remember the feeling of gratitude to that person that reached out? Pay it forward! It’s the ultimate compliment to your mentor, the easiest way to build your language and experience and spread the ripples!

Take this half way mark in the year as a chance to do a healthy spot check.

Are you a taker, a matcher or a giver?

seven.

Where would you like to sit and what action can you take today to get closer to living and sharing your extraordinary life?

IF YOU’RE HOLDING ON TIGHT TO WHAT YOU KNOW, ARE YOU LEARNING ENOUGH? Read one book on a topic and yes, you may be worried you’ll run out of content. That can lead to a scarcity mentality, so read more, learn more. SP’s the most generous person I’ve met. Where do you think it comes from? I believe it’s her absolute conviction on the value she can and will continue to contribute as she continues to learn. She’s the master at learn, implement page 23

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