UC M3 Rapport Building Skills Manual

RAPPORT BUILDING SKILLS Manual

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Copyright © 2017 Global Success Institute

RAPPORT DESIRED OUTCOME: To be able to establish rapport with anyone, at any moment in time.

Keep in mind, the people who noticed this did NOT then say you must have rapport with everyone. Sometimes it’s not a good idea to have rapport with someone.

Sometimes you don’t want to have rapport.

‘…If you need rapport – which I don’t think is necessary, most of the time – you could establish it by matching behaviours.’

Richard Bandler’s Guide to Trance-formation

Also, remember that to achieve rapport, it’s enough to be fully present to them. The more you feel you need to match their movements etc., the less you are being present and the more you’re probably thinking about rapport, instead of thinking about them.

The basis of rapport is that when people are like each other, or want to be like someone, they like each other. When people are not like each other, they don't like each other. When you like someone, you are willing to assist them in having whatever they want. Remember that 38% of all communication is tone of voice, and 55% is physiology. So, most communication is outside of our conscious awareness. A tremendous opportunity exists for communication outside of normal channels, and that's what rapport is all about.

Too often, however, communication takes place in a system where people are unconsciously mis-matching modalities.

SO THE FIRST MAJOR ELEMENT OF RAPPORT IS TO MATCH THE MODALITY THE PERSON IS IN.

If you're meeting with someone, for example, who is in high visual, and you're not quite there, sit up in your chair, breathe from the top of your lungs, and be excited.

Or at least act in a way that matches what they're doing. On the other hand, if you're meeting with someone who is auditory, you want to slow down a bit, modulate your voice more, and “listen, really listen.”

If you're meeting with someone who is kinesthetic, slow waaay dooown. And talk to them about feelings. Actually change your voice tone so that it matches theirs, and really “get a sense of it.”

THE SECOND ELEMENT OF RAPPORT IS PHYSICAL MIRRORING OF THE INDIVIDUAL'S PHYSIOLOGY.

Actually physically copying their posture, facial expressions, hand gestures and movements, and their eye blinking will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind, “Hey, (s)he's like me!” It's undeniable to the nervous system.

THE THIRD ELEMENT IS TO MATCH THEIR VOICE:

The tone, tempo, timbre (quality of the voice), and the volume. You can also match their key words. Perhaps they often say, “Actually.” You can use it in a sentence several times. Say it back to them.

THE FOURTH ELEMENT IS TO MATCH THEIR BREATHING.

You can actually pace someone's breathing by breathing at exactly the same time as they do (matching the in and out breath). By matching their breathing, by pacing their breathing, you can then begin to lead them out of the representational system they're in, into another one.

THE FIFTH ELEMENT IS TO MATCH THE SIZE OF THE PIECES OF INFORMATION (CHUNK SIZE OR LEVEL OF ABSTRACTION) THEY DEAL WITH.

If someone usually deals in the big picture, they will probably be bored with the details. On the other hand someone who is into details will find that there's not enough information to deal with, if you only give them the big picture. So make sure that you are matching the content chunks that the person deals with.

THE SIXTH ELEMENT IS TO MATCH THEIR COMMON EXPERIENCES.

This is what's usually called rapport. When people first meet, often their early relationship is about matching common experiences, common interests, background, and beliefs and values and their ideologies and common associations.

Those are the critical elements of rapport. Next, how do I establish rapport, and then how do I know when I'm in rapport?

To establish rapport, the process is to match and mirror completely, what the other person is doing. When I'm training people in rapport skills they often ask, “Well how can I do that, they'll think I'm making fun of them.” You do need to be subtle when doing matching and mirroring, but typically most people are in a trance when talking anyway. They're so caught up in what they're going to say next that they are rarely fully aware of what you're doing. And if they do, you can have a good laugh about it.

THEORY: A. Communication is: 

7%

WORDS



38%

TONALITY



55%

PHYSIOLOGY

B. When people are like each other, they like each other. 

Rapport is a process of responsiveness, not necessarily “liking”.

PROCESS: A. Rapport is established by matching & mirroring B. The major elements of rapport: (Key elements marked with *) a. Mirroring b. Matching PHYSIOLOGY (55%)  Posture *  Gesture  Facial expression & blinking *  Breathing TONALITY  Voice

(38%)

 Tone

(pitch)

 Tempo

(speed)

 Timbre (quality)  Volume WORDS  Predicates

(loudness) (7%)

 Key words  Common experiences & associations  Content chunks

CALIBRATION Calibration is simply the ability to ‘tune into’ your client and what level of energy, conversational pace, movement and attitude they are choosing to operate at that moment. When you match and mirror your client, you will constantly calibrate the nuances of these aspects, and adjust your own energy, conversational pace, movement and attitude to match your client.

Calibration is one way of testing whether you're in rapport with someone. Simply, that means you need to develop your sensory acuity to such an extent that you can begin to see people's reactions to your communication. Watch their eyes, the muscles around the eyes, the lower lip, the color of the face and hands, the breathing. These are all indicators of rapport.

In addition there are some indicators that happen in your own body that you can notice. As you begin to go into rapport, there's a certain, specific physiological feeling that begins to occur in the body. It happens in the area of the legs, and chest, and could almost be described as a feeling of nervousness or anticipation.

The next thing that happens is that you can feel the color in your own face begin to change. It's a feeling of warmth in the face that rises up from the neck. As you notice this, you can also notice, within about one minute, the color in the other person's face increases. The change in color usually happens one minute after you notice the internal feelings. Usually within another minute or so, the person you're talking to will say something like, “...and (your name), my good friend here...” or “I feel like I've known you for years...” They may even use the word “rapport” or “trust” to describe what they're experiencing.

Even if you don't have an experience of these indicators of rapport, there's another way that you can tell. This process is pacing and leading the other person. After you've matched and mirrored a person for say, 5 or 10-minutes, you can then begin to lead them and to lead their behavior. Successful leading is another way you can tell if you're in rapport with someone.

MATCHING AND MIRRORING People who get on well together tend to adopt the same body posture when communicating and use similar gestures and mannerisms. We get on better with people we like or wish to be like and therefore we are able to communicate with them more effectively. Matching and mirroring as it suggests involves matching and copying what the other person is doing.

People are attracted to people they like or people they want to be like.

It is essential to remember the importance of subtlety and respect. Do not mechanically copy gestures. As you change your physiology to match and mirror others ensure that you make any change gradually and imperceptibly. Match only some of the gestures, not all of them. Aim to match 50-70% of the other person’s body language, gestures and mannerisms.

IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE MATCHING AND MIRRORING WHEN YOU FIRST START LEARNING THIS TECHNIQUE. TRUST YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN KEEP PRACTISING THIS SKILL UNTIL IT FEELS COMPLETELY NATURAL. .

INDICATORS OF RAPPORT When you establish rapport the other person will have a good feeling inside about you and will feel as though they have known you for a longer time. Their face may flush or change colour slightly and they will also subconsciously start to match and mirror your movements.

In learning the skill of matching and mirroring, it is important to recognise that mismatching and/or mis-mirroring will break rapport.

There are 4 main indicators to ascertain that rapport has been established:  You will notice in your client (and perhaps in yourself) a change of colour, or flushing.  You will have a feeling inside  Something will be said (for example, “Do I know you from somewhere else?”)  When you move your client will follow you (this is called leading)

HOW TO CREATE RAPPORT THROUGH MATCHING & MIRRORING Creating rapport with someone is not guesswork. It is simply a matter of discovering the meaning that the other person gives to their world and reflecting it back to them.

One of the key techniques for this is to match and mirror as you communicate. You can build rapport by matching:  Physiology  Voice  Language  Beliefs  Experience  Breathing

PHYSIOLOGY BODY POSTURE AND MOVEMENT People who get on well together tend to adopt the same body posture when communicating. They use similar gestures and mannerisms.

Look for things like:  Body posture and position  Leg position  The angle they rest their body  Repeated patterns of movement with hands or feet  Pace at which they drink

VOICE TONE, SPEED OF SPEECH AND OTHER VOICE CHARACTERISTICS Notice the:  Tempo  Volume  Pitch  Tone  Rhythm  Phrases and timbre they use.

LANGUAGE & THINKING STYLE CHOICE OF WORDS Use language to reflect their thinking style and to help you understand where the other person is coming from. Representational systems (covered later in this course) should also be matched.

BELIEFS & VALUES WHAT PEOPLE HOLD TRUE AND IMPORTANT Match the other person’s values and beliefs by showing an acknowledgement of them. For example, if someone values time, then a comment that would be appropriate would be, ‘I wouldn’t want to waste your time,’ or ‘How can we make best use of this time?’

EXPERIENCE FINDING COMMON GROUND Establish common ground in interests and activities. This applies even to simple observation such as the weather or the traffic.

What would be appropriate responses to the following comments?  I like sunny days  It’s warm today  I always make my decisions quickly  I learnt computers at school  I am married

BREATHING As you develop your sensory acuity you will notice that we even breathe in different ways. Matching breathing patterns is a subtle way of building rapport.

TIME TO COACH! Practice matching and mirroring with friends, family and colleagues. Once you have confident that you are consciously incompetent (able to do it, but aware that you have not yet mastered it), select a client to coach through the DARE model from Module 4. Coach the client through the DARE model, matching and mirroring their language, tonality and physiology as you go.

THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES IS THE QUALITY OF OUR COMMUNICATION WITH OURSELVES AND WITH OTHERS.

PACING & LEADING Pacing and leading is used to test rapport and used to effect transformation once rapport is established. Pacing is matching and mirroring the behaviours and the leading is moving the other person forward or towards something.

For example a client who is apprehensive may be leaning back with their arms folded. The coach would match this behaviour, by sitting with their arms folded initially and then gradually start moving towards more open gestures (unfolding arms, sitting forward, etc). If the other person follows the coach, the coach knows that they are in rapport and have moved the client into a more receptive frame.

Pacing and leading means matching and mirroring and then moving forward.

Matching can also apply when dealing with someone who feels angry or negative.

First pace (match) their behaviour, within reason, then lead them to your (and probably their) outcome.

MODALITIES INTRODUCTION Every day we interact and build relationships with everyone we meet. Have you ever considered why it that you just ‘click’ with some people and others you just don’t and why we, ourselves, think and act in a certain way? It all comes down to our own internal representational system: which means how we represent the world using our senses.

We have the following senses to rely on when processing information:

WHAT WE SEE WHAT WE HEAR WHAT WE SMELL WHAT WE SENSE/FEEL WHAT WE TASTE WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES

VISUAL MODALITY AUDITORY MODALITY OLFACTORY KINEASESTHETIC MODALITY GUSTATORY AUDITORY DIGITAL

We use our visual, auditory and kinaesethetic modalities most often when making sense of our world. For example; we will feel what is good (K), we will see what you mean (V) or we will hear a bell ringing (A) when something clicks. Some people are primarily auditory digital, which means that they want to know how something works (AD).

We use a combination of these modalities when communicating with ourselves and others.

There are primary modalities (senses) that influence how we learn and how we experience the world around us. Understanding these modalities enables us to understand how we process information and also to understand how others are interpreting the world around them and what they are experiencing. Modalities are also sometimes called representational systems.

The three core sensory preferences (‘modalities’) are:

SIGHT

VISUAL (V)

SOUND

AUDITORY (A)

TOUCH

KINAESTHETIC (K)

Modalities are important for building rapport and understanding the true identity of others. Later in the course we will cover the essential role that modalities play in creating transformation.

VISUAL PEOPLE Visual people see the world by constructing or remembering mental images. They respond to what they see either in their minds or in reality. They ‘see’ what you mean. A visual person will often use words like (and respond best to words) like:-

 See

 Focus

 Paint a picture

 Look

 Show

 Naked eye

 Illuminate

 Flash

 Murky

 Gaze

 Dawn

 Glimpse

 Watchful

 Reveal

 Brilliant

 Picture

 Imagine

 Go Blank

 View

 Hazy

 Lacklustre

 Clear

 An eyeful

 Snap shot

 Bright

 Short sighted

 Dim

 Observe

 Sight for sore eyes

 Looks good to me

 Focussed

 Take a peek

 Foggy

 Colour

 Tunnel vision

 Paint a picture

 Watch

 Bird’s eye view

 Naked eye

People who are visual often stand or sit with their hands and/or bodies erect, with their eyes up. They will be breathing from the top of their lungs. They often sit forward in their chair and tend to be organised, neat, well-groomed and orderly. They memorise by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise. They often have trouble remembering verbal instructions because their minds tend to wander. A visual person will be interested in how your program LOOKS. Appearances are important to them. They are often thin and wiry.

AUDITORY PEOPLE Listen to the world around them by constructing their thoughts and feelings based on what they hear. They tell themselves what’s happening, or how to interpret an event. They ‘hear’ you. An auditory person will often use words like (and respond best to words) like:-

 Voiced as an opinion

 Mute

 Amplify

 Clear as a bell

 Loud

 Quiet

 Loud and clear

 Babble

 Announce

 Purrs like a kitten

 Talk over

 Harmonise

 On another note

 Sniff

 Tune out

 Accent

 Recall

 Rings a bell

 Jingle

 Roar

 Quiet as a mouse

 Discord

 Melody

 That clicks

 I hear you

 Make music

 Hear

 Sound

 Be all ears

 Tell

 Resonate

 Call

 Hush

 Listen

 Say

 It rings a bell

 Silence

 Clash

 Squeak

People who are auditory will move their eyes sideways (remember Richard Nixon?).

They breathe from the middle of their chest. They typically talk to themselves, and are easily distracted by noise. (Some even move their lips when they talk to themselves.) They can repeat things back to you easily, they learn by listening, and usually like music and talking on the phone. They memorize by steps, procedures, and sequences (sequentially). The auditory person likes to be TOLD how they’re doing and responds to a certain tone of voice or set of words. They will be interested in what you have to say about your program.

KINAESTHETIC PEOPLE Feel the world around them. They interpret their world through physical contact and feelings. They will have ‘gut feelings’. They will sense or get what you mean. A kinaesthetic person will often use words like (and respond best to words) like:

 Grasp

 Make contact

 Slip through

 Feel

 Get in touch

 Slimy

 Concrete

 Firm foundation

 Catch

 Scrape

 Hang in there

 Smooth

 Solid

 Get to grip

 Tight

 Touch

 Warm

 Soft

 Get hold of

 Rub

 Tough

 Catch on

 Sticky

 Sharp

 Tap into

 Pressure

 Bounce

 Heated argument

 Handle

 Stumble

 Pull some strings

 Texture

 Smooth operator

 Heavy

 Grasp

 Firm

People who are kinaesthetic will typically be breathing from the bottom of their lungs, so you’ll see their stomach go in and out when they breathe. They often move and talk verrrrry slooooowly. They respond to physical rewards and touching. They also stand closer to people than a visual person. They memorize by doing or walking through something. They will be interested in your program if it ‘feels right’.

AUDITORY DIGITAL This person will spend a fair amount of time talking to themselves. They will want to know if your program ‘makes sense’. The auditory digital person can exhibit characteristics of the other major representational systems. Auditory digital will be covered in more detail in the business of coaching module.

 Need…

 Methodologies

 Identifiable issues

 I’m certain..

 Accurate representation…

 Constructed

 I think…

 KPI’s

 Capabilities

 This is accurate…

 Foreseeable issues

 Results driven strategies

 This needs clarity…

 System-wide…

 ROI

 Direction

 Compounding

 Synergistic relationships…

 Overhaul of systems…

 Data

 Everything considered

 Projections

 Progression

 Good sense

 Process of

 Outcome

 Thinking logically…

 Procedures

 Systems analysis…

The building blocks of building rapport include matching and mirroring the client’s…

 Representational system (modality)  Body language  Tonality  Values  Breathing  Blinking We can add a further layer to our understanding of modalities by noticing the client’s eye movements. People access particular representational systems by looking in certain directions:-

 Visual people tend to look up  Auditory people will look to one side  Kinaesthetic people will look down to their right or your left

This means that you can determine how a person is processing information by where they look. If they look up towards the ceiling, they are seeing something. If they look to one side they are hearing something and if they look down to their right they are having a sense or feeling about something.

Great coaches notice where their client’s shift their focus as they speak or think. This is an incredibly powerful skill that can be utilised in face-to-face coaching.

In your next coaching session start to notice where the client looks when they are thinking or speaking. Someone who says ‘I see’ or ‘I’ll look into it’, are demonstrating that they are primarily visual in their representational system.

You can determine this just as easily by noticing where they look.

People not only look up when they are seeing an image in their minds. They will also look either up and to your left or to the right (or their right and left), depending on whether they are visually constructing something or visually remembering something.

So, if you ask a visual person ‘what colour was your room when you were a child’, they will generally look up and to your right, as they recall what their room looked like.

If you ask the same person ‘What would your room have looked like if it was red?’ they will probably look up and to your left, as they construct an image of a red room.

Ninety percent of people are organised as follows, it is the reverse of this diagram for the remaining 10%.

MODALITIES & EYE PATTERNS

Visuals also look straight ahead when they picture something.

AD: Auditory Digital: Like the specifics, words like ‘details’, ‘assess for yourself’, ‘the numbers’, ‘the analysis’, etc. AD can also be where people look when they recall Self Talk – (what we tell ourselves) or the client’s perception (which can be changed).

The same patterns can be observed in someone who is hearing a remembered sound or constructing a sound. They will look sideways to your right if they are recalling a sound and sideways to your left if they are making a sound up.

If someone looks down to their right or down to your left, they are having a sensation or feeling about something.

When they look down to your right, they are telling themselves something. If the coach notices a client look down and to the right, the coach should ask: ‘What are you telling yourself?’

 ‘What could you be telling yourself?’  ‘Would you like to change that?’  ‘What could you tell yourself?’  ‘What could someone else tell themselves?’  How to utilise the primary representation system This ability to tune into the primary representational system someone is accessing at one moment of time is an extremely powerful skill to utilise in coaching. If the coach notices the client looking up, they can ask the client, ‘What are you seeing?’

Gazing straight ahead and appearing that the eyes are a little out of focus, also indicates that a client is in visual mode.

If a client is staring down and to their right, the coach could ask them, ‘How do you feel about that?’

A client who stares down and to their left could be asked, ‘What are you telling yourself about this situation?’

All of these questions ‘match’ the way the client is currently communicating with themselves. When the coach shares this language they will build stronger rapport.

Utilising the same language to suit the modality that the client is currently experiencing will also fast track the coaching process for the client.

LISTENING GREAT LISTENING Great listening is based on the presupposition that the map is not the territory. This means that how we perceive reality is based on how we represent the world to ourselves‌ it is imperfect, but it is all we have.

We have over 2 million bits of information coming at us at any one time. We cannot process this amount of information so we filter out all but about seven plus or minus two chunks of information. We are HUGE deleters, distorters and generalises. It is the only way we can survive.

As coaches it’s our job to listen for what our client is distorting, deleting or generalising about and to then get curious about whether these choices are going to serve, support, nurture and challenge our client.

This takes practice, the removal of assumptions about what something means, patience and above all a willingness to be wrong.

Earlier in this course, we explored what it takes to be an outstanding listener. Most people believe they are good listeners, yet to be truly heard is a profound experience.

This part of the workbook is going to look a little deeper into what it takes to be an outstanding listener. Even after hundreds of coaching hours, it is important to continue to work on developing listening skills‌ it is definitely a journey.

In coaching, as in selling, there is no greater asset than listening. People generally care more about what they have to say than what you have to tell them. Clients like to feel that they are important to you. You are there to meet their needs, not the other way around.

Being a great listener means having a lot of influence in the conversation. Your words, when you speak, will carry great weight. The outcome the coach wants from listening is to allow the client to trust them and to open up, so that the coach can best assist the client in their transformation.

WHAT IS GREAT LISTENING? We each have the ability to listen at the level needed to create the space needed for transformation to occur. We need to remember that the simple act of observation will impact the outcomes. To observe without 100% focus will have consequences. When we are listening, we are listening for:

□ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □

The client’s modalities The client’s tonality The client’s concerns Opportunities to stretch the client What they are saying What they are not saying Silence Sighs Holding of breath The client’s emotions Presuppositions in their language What the core issue is The client’s beliefs The client’s values The chunk levels Vagueness or specificity Opportunities to acknowledge the client Opportunities to celebrate

Great listening is the ability to:

□ □ □ □ □ □

Remove our own assumptions about what is best for the client

□

Clarify

Notice when the voice tightens or relaxes Notice when the client shifts physically to a new place of relaxation or stress Notice colour shifts Pressure behind the words Hear yes… and yet mind read there is a but

Great listening is the difference between hearing the client and deciding how you would respond - and hearing the client and helping them to find how they would respond.

WHAT IS POOR LISTENING? □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □

Making assumptions Waiting for the client to finish what they are saying before we speak Interruptions without volition Changing the subject Not validating the client’s suggestion before making one of our own Saying BUT… Mismatching the client’s modality Fidgeting Poor eye contact

MORE ON HOW TO LISTEN EFFECTIVELY Verbally pace to give the client evidence you are listening. To do this, match something they are doing, that is undeniable. Match breathing, modality, body posture, pauses and chunk sizes. Listen for nominalisations (i.e., you feel pressured, we don’t like that…) and for deleting, distorting, generalising such as:

□

I can’t ever do it

□ □

No one can do it It will never work

There are many ways of responding to the above types of comments:

□ □

Reflect the back to the client; ‘Ever? No one? Never?’

Ask a possibility question such as ‘What would be different if you could?’

□ □ □

Elicit a time when they were able to; ‘Have you ever been able to…?’

□ □

Ask the consequences of not changing the belief

3rd person it; ‘What would someone else do if they could?’

Ask permission; ‘Is it something you would like to do?’

Ask the benefits of changing the belief

Consider whether the client is honouring their values? Are the choices they are making keeping them on track for their desired outcomes? Are they focusing on distracters? Is this the real deal?

Just ask… is this what this is really about? Or is this a distracter?

UTILISING WHAT WE HEAR By listening for the client’s modalities, the coach is tapping into an incredibly powerful way to maintain rapport and to allow the client to stay ‘in state’ or in the moment. When the coach doesn’t match my current modality, the client feels a jarring disconnect.

For example: Client: I guess I feel that’s the way to go…

Coach: So I’m hearing you want to do this…

The coach has reflected back, which is great, but has totally missed the opportunity to match the client’s current representational system.

A better example is: Client: I guess I feel that’s the way to go…

Coach: So I’m sensing you want to do this…

This is a very simply yet powerful way to stay congruent with your client.

7 STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING (Based on the book by Kerry L. Johnson)

STEP ONE: VALUE THE SPEAKER Your client may not be as articulate as you are. They may have many pauses and ‘um’s’. Let them find their way without interruption. They will love the space you are giving them. Resist finishing their sentence, or moving, which indicates impatience.

The more patient you are with your client, the less resistance they will experience to the coaching process.

STEP TWO: LISTEN TO WHAT IS NOT SAID Deletions and distortions are a part of what we say. We delete what we don’t believe or don’t value and we distort to uphold our view of self. If you practice listening to what is not said, or what is ‘between the lines’ you will hear much more in the conversation. An example of this:

Coach:

Can we look at that?

Client:

Yeeeeees…

Wow! What are they really saying? Yes, BUT!

Coach:

Yes, but…?

Client:

I guess I’m scared…

Coach:

Okay, how would you like to do this?

Notice that by asking the last question, the client is empowered and is in the driver’s seat. By taking the time to notice the BUT, the client is able to reveal what the real deal is. Never be interested in glossing over, of in having a ‘well behaved’ client. You want the truth.

STEP THREE: TRY TO HEAR THE TRUTH Sometimes what the client says will be the truth. The coach may miss this and tune out, either because it seems way off track or because of a ‘blind spot’ the coach has and is not aware of.

To ensure that the coach focuses on everything that is said and do not make any ‘deletions’ of their own, ask a question about the statement made by the client...

For example, if the coach was deleting or distorting this might occur: Client:

This exploration isn’t working for me.

Coach:

But it’s going to become valuable.

If the coach was careful to check that no deleting or distorting occurred, a better response would be: Coach:

Hmmm…Tell me more…

Notice the difference? In the second example there is no attempt to justify or defend the status quo. The coach must go with what they hear, not what they believe is right.

STEP FOUR: LIMIT THE TIME YOU SPEAK This is especially true at the beginning of the session. By going into ‘listening mode’, the client will have a sense of familiarity about the session very quickly and this will fast track the rapport building.

Generally, it is good to make one observation or ask one question. Avoid making more than one comment or one question, or having a question run into another.

When we ask two questions, the client feels that the coach does not care enough to hear the answers and that the coach likes the sound of their own voice.

STEP FIVE: AVOID PLANNING WHAT YOU WILL SAY IN RESPONSE TO THE CLIENT’S COMMENTS This is challenging for new coaches because the coach wants to look like they know what they are doing. What this does is ‘tunes out’ the client. On a subconscious level, the client will sense this. The coach may miss a crucial piece of information or a subtlety in the client’s voice.

Silence is okay! If the coach is not sure where to go – it is fine to allow silence for thinking. Another alternative is to put it back on the client:

‘Hmmm…what would you like to do with that thought?’

‘Where would you like to go with that?’

‘How can I assist you right now?’

STEP SIX: REPEAT YOUR CLIENT’S COMMENTS This is about the coach ‘clarifying’ what they are hearing. Clarifying has two benefits. It allows the coach to check that what they have heard is actually what the client meant. Secondly it enables the client to feel valued.

STEP SEVEN: DON’T TAKE EXTENSIVE NOTES Only make notes of key words or issues. The coach does not need a transcript of the session. Note taking is time consuming and is a distraction for the client. The coach is there to facilitate the process, not to get in the way of the process.

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SHARON PEARSON RAPPORT BUILDING SKILLS MANUAL Ultimate Coach Edition 1 | Version 1 | April 2017 Published by Global Success Institute Copyright 2017 © Global Success Institute All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

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