UC M6 Questioning skills manual

QUESTIONING SKILLS Manual

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QUESTIONING TECHNIQUES CHUNKING Chunking refers to the size of the bites of information you or your clients prefer to deal with and focus on. For some people, huge chunks are perfect. They love the abstract, the non-specifics, the concepts and the big picture. They don’t like details or the specifics.

People who like to chunk down prefer the details, are into the micro-management of a situation and like to talk about the processes involved in doing something.

Calibrate your client to see which chunk size they have a preference for. For example, if someone says; ‘I would love to look at the overall concept’, we can surmise that they enjoy larger chunks.

If someone says; ‘Can you give me all the details on how this would work’, you can calibrate them as preferring to chunk down.

As with most things in coaching, there is no right or wrong. The chunk level someone prefers is simply a way of them making sense of their world.

To match someone who chunks up to the abstract, you would chunk up too.

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To chunk someone up, ask them:-

□ □ □ □

‘For what purpose would you want this?’

‘What would having this give you?’

‘What is this an example of?’

‘What is the positive intention of this?’

For example, if someone admires a painting, you could chunk them up by asking:

Q:

‘What is this painting an example of?’

A:

‘It’s an example of art.’

Q:

‘For what purpose?’

A:

‘For pleasure.’

Q:

‘What is the positive intention of pleasure?’

A:

‘To feel good.’

Q:

‘For what purpose?’

A:

‘For love.’

…And so on.

Eventually, if you chunk someone up high enough, you will arrive at a nominalisation - which is verb or adjective frozen in time. A nominalisation is any noun that can’t fit into a wheelbarrow! For example - love, hate, passion, time, war, peace, existence, God, connection, relationship, communication, anger…

To match someone who chunks down to the detail, you would chunk down.

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To chunk someone down, you ask:

□ □ □

‘What specifically?’

‘How specifically?’

‘What is an example of this?’

If we are looking at a painting, you could chunk someone down like this:

Q:

‘What is an example of this?’

A:

‘The Mona Lisa.’

Q:

‘What specifically?’

A:

‘The colour.’

Q:

‘How specifically?’

A:

‘The way it’s used in the background.’

And so on.

People who continuously chunk in one direction will benefit from coaching on developing the behavioural flexibility to be able to go both ways. Anything that gives your client more choices is going to benefit them.

To do this, ask them questions that go in the opposite direction to their usual choice, and then let them know what you’re doing. Often a client faced with this will have challenges answering the question, because it is outside the boundary conditions of their thinking. That’s normal. Let them know it is normal. Then ask them a possibility question: ‘If you did know, what could it be?’

Let them take their time with this new thinking. Don’t rush. They will develop the muscle needed to be able to go in both directions with information.

If two people are in disagreement and you chunk them up, they must eventually arrive at the same nominalisation. This makes this technique a powerful negotiation tool. To get agreement with someone, chunk up one level, then laterally chunk… this means you go across…

‘What is another example of this?’

Once you have done that, chunk down and land somewhere else. For example:

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…’I DON’T LIKE BLUE FURNITURE.’ Q:

‘What is this an example of?’

A:

‘Different types of furniture.’

Q:

‘What is another example of furniture?’

A:

‘There’s red.’

This is called the agreement frame and is a powerful Meta Dynamics™ technique used in coaching teams.

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MODEL FOR BELIEFS □

Beliefs about who we are, what we are capable of, how people will behave and how the world works, determine a large extent how we will live our lives.

□

Our actions are the tip of the iceberg… what is happening underneath the water, out of sight, are the beliefs that determine these actions.

□

The question to ask your client is… ‘Does that belief assist you in creating the desired outcome?’ If the answer is ‘no’, ask, ‘What belief would?’

□

Every belief we have is ‘made up’. We make it up based on prior experiences, what we are told, what we see and what we feel. No two people will assign exactly the same belief to a situation.

□

If it is all made up, why not create a set of beliefs that will support us as we go about creating our ideal lives?

THE MODEL WE USE IS: □ □ □ □ □

‘Does this belief serve you?’

‘Does your belief support you in the attainment of your goals?’

‘Does this belief nurture you mentally, emotionally and spiritually?’

‘Does this belief challenge you to achieve the next level of your success?’

‘Is your belief going to sustain you as you go about building your ideal life or business?’

COACH TIP Include the exploration of beliefs with your client as often as possible. If you are coaching in a business environment, use the word ‘thoughts’ instead of beliefs.

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THE QUESTIONS TO ASK TO DISCOVER THE CLIENT’S BELIEFS: □ □ □ □ □

‘What do you believe will happen’?

‘What has happened before?’

‘How do you decide what action to take?’

‘What do you think other people do?’

‘What did you focus on to come to that conclusion?’

QUESTIONS TO SHIFT CLIENT BELIEFS: □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □

‘Will that belief assist you in creating your desired outcome?’

‘Is it a belief you need to keep?’

‘If you didn’t keep it, what could you replace it with?’

‘What belief do you think someone else might have in this area?’

‘What would you think you could tell a valued friend to believe about this?’

‘What belief would serve, support, nurture and challenge you?’

‘What belief will sustain you throughout this journey?’

‘If you were to create a new belief around this area that was fun and made you laugh, what could it be?’

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META DYNAMICS MODEL FOR QUESTIONING The GROW model is an excellent place to start the journey towards becoming a coach. Another layer to add to the GROW model is the Meta Dynamics model for coaching. The Meta Dynamics model adds more layers of awareness for the client.

This model is taken from the Meta Dynamics Level 1 series of training run by The Coaching Institute.

KEYS TO AN ACHIEVABLE OUTCOME 1. State in the positive What specifically do you want?

2. Specify present situation Where are you now?

3. Specify outcome What will you see, hear, feel, etc., when you have it (1) As if now (2) Make it compelling (3) Insert in future 4. Specify evidence procedure How will you know when you have it?

5. Is it congruently desirable?

What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do?

6. Is it self-initiated and self-maintained?

Is it only for you?

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7. Is it appropriately contextualised?

Where, when, how and with who do you want it?

8. What resources are needed?

What do you have now and what do you need to get your outcome?

(1) Have you ever had or done this before?

(2) Do you know someone who has?

(3) Can you act as if you have it?

9. Is it ecological?

(1) For what purpose do you want this?

(2) What you will gain or lose if you have it?

(3) What will happen if you get it?

(4) What won’t happen if you get it?

(5) What will happen if you don’t get it?

(6) What won’t happen if you don’t get it?

This model allows us to explore the payoffs and the costs of maintaining choices that no longer serve us. It is also another way to raise the awareness of our clients.

Practice using parts of this model when you coach. Only utilise one or two of the questions to begin with and as your confidence increases, add more of the questions, as and when you feel are appropriate.

Remember this is not an ‘all or nothing’ model. None of the coaching models have to be utilised in their entirety every time. As you build your skills as a coach you will get a sense of which direction the coaching conversation needs to go.

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REFRAMING We have around sixty thousand thoughts a day, whether we are aware of them or not! What we tell ourselves over and over, again and again becomes who we are, regardless of the accuracy of what we are telling ourselves.

REFRAMING is about being aware of what we tell ourselves and making the

conscious decision to ‘reframe’ thoughts into new thoughts which are resourceful, able to sustain us and will support us as we create transformation in our lives.

Example: A client wanted to change absolutely everything about her life. She wanted to do everything she could to get what she wanted.

Instead of focusing on what she could DO or HAVE, we focused on who she needed to BE to transform her life.

We started with asking who she believed she was. One of her beliefs was that she was someone who didn’t deserve success.

What would her chances be of transforming her life if she kept this belief?

The outcome was that by focusing on her thoughts, by choosing to be self-aware of what she was telling herself every day and then by choosing different thoughts, the client was able to totally rewrite her self-talk.

COACHING TIP: If a client uses ‘third person’ (the plural ‘you’, ‘we’, etc.) speech when speaking challenge them to speak in the first person.

You should…

That’s what we do…

You always…

becomes… becomes… becomes…

I should That’s what I do I always

To reframe from third person to first person, ask the client: ‘Do you mean me? I think you mean I always don’t you?’

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HOW TO REFRAME Ask questions or turn negative thoughts into something that will serve and support the client.

Example: Client:

I can’t do this.

Coach:

What if you could?

The coach should reframe through a question `and then turn the statement around.

Unless the client becomes consciously aware of what it is that they are telling themselves every day, they will be relying on sheer will power to create transformation, rather than a genuine sense of purpose.

THE QUALITY OF OUR QUESTIONS DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES

‘A changed thought system can reverse cause and effect as we have known it. For most of us, this is a very difficult concept, because of our resistance to relinquishing the predictability of our past belief system and to assuming responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and reactions. Since we always look within before looking out, we can perceive attack outside us only when we have first accepted attack as real within.’

GERALD G. JAMPOLSKY

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REFRAMING QUESTIONS WHICH WILL ASSIST IN CREATING TRANSFORMATION

Instead of…

Ask…

I can’t do this.

If I could do this, what would I do?

I don’t know how.

If I knew just 5% of what this would look like, what would that 5% look like?

I don’t understand.

How can I look at this differently?

I blew it.

What will I do differently next time?

Things are tough.

What can we do to create opportunity?

I never get it right.

This has been challenging until now. What do I need to learn so that next time I succeed by just 5%?

What is it about this situation that I need to approach differently?

What if I did?

Why can’t I do it?

I don’t know.

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SHARON PEARSON QUESTIONING SKILLS MANUAL Ultimate Coach Edition 1 | Version 1 | OCTOBER 2017 Published by Global Success Institute Copyright 2017 © Global Success Institute All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

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