A SENSE OF BELONGING

Addressing the Concerns of Those With Special Needs at Church

Alan Millhouse, 17, with the garden he helped build at St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Kettering.

Alan Millhouse has all the interests of a typical teenager. He plays second base on his baseball team. He plays basketball, soccer and the drums. Math is his favorite subject. He has a girlfriend, loves XBOX, and is starting his sophomore in high school. Alan, 17, also has Down Syndrome.

“When they gave us the prenatal diagnosis, we were told he would probably not walk or talk and that he would be very limited,” said his mother, Dawn. “The next question was ‘How would you like to proceed today?’ That was hard to hear.”

There was never any question about how she and husband, Rob, would proceed, but Dawn admits there was a lot of praying. The couple knew they wanted as many opportunities for their son as their two older daughters had. One of those opportunities came a few years ago at their parish, St. Charles Borromeo in Kettering.

“The former usher captain came up to me and asked if Alan and I would to do the ushering,” said Alan’s dad, Rob.

They took a section of the church at 11 a.m. Mass each week. Sometimes Dawn and her daughter, Jacki, would also help. The rest of the team looked forward to seeing their new, young usher.

“Alan is big on hugging,” said Rob. “Each guy looked forward to a hug from Alan.”

The pandemic put restrictions on hugs and ushering duties like passing the collection baskets and handing out bulletins. Alan hopes that will change soon. In the meantime, he continues to be part of his parish youth group and a member of the Columbian Squires, the youth organization of the Knights of Columbus.

HELPING PARISHES FOSTER BELONGING The Archdiocese of Cincinnati created The Office for Persons with Disabilities in May of 2020 to help parishes address concerns of those with special needs. Autism, intellectual and developmental disabilities, blindness or vision impairment are some its main focuses. Plans are for deaf ministry to eventually have its own accommodations. The goal is to not only include people with special needs, but to really make them feel welcome and comfortable.

“Inclusion has been the big buzz word for a really long time and it’s important,” said Noelle Collis-DeVito, Associate Director for the Office for Persons with Disabilities. “I like to go one step further and say that we’re trying to foster a sense of belonging. Because, inclusion means you have a place at the table but belonging means that your voice is heard.”

The office can guide parishes on how to prepare those with special needs for receiving the sacraments. It can provide resources for families on where to find adaptive missals, fidgets and manipulatives with religious themes.

A few parishes now offer sensoryfriendly Masses. The lights are lower, music not as loud, the readings come from the children’s lectionary and homilies are shorter. There is no clapping and lowgluten hosts may be offered. St. Francis of Assisi in Centerville, St. Henry in Dayton, St. Christopher in Vandalia and St. Albert the Great in Kettering all offered sensoryfriendly Masses pre-Covid and plan to resume them.

St. Maximilian Kolbe parish in Liberty Township has a separate room in the church where families can sit to watch a live-stream of the Mass. Parents who feel their children aren’t ready for the big sanctuary are welcome to use it. The room hasn’t been used since the pandemic as many of those families haven’t returned to worship in person.

“It’s a room where they can feel safe, comfortable and enable them to generate this kind of community within these families so these children are able to have friends,” said Mary Ella Wielgos, Pastoral Associate for Worship and Sacraments at St. Maximilian Kolbe. It was a beautiful thing.”

St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish plans to hold a sensory friendly Mass at 2 p.m. on Nov. 14.

The former usher “ captain came up to me and asked if Alan and I would to do the ushering.

Lucas Zwiers, 4, has special needs and is a member of St. Henry Parish in Dayton. A RESOURCE FOR OTHERS The Millhouse family is grateful to the people who came before them and made it possible for Alan to be part of the community. They’ve become a good resource for other families with Down Syndrome children. The family is constantly reminded of the value of their son’s life, sometimes in the least likely of places.

A favorite memory is when 4-yearold Alan approached an elderly man in a donut shop, who clearly wanted to be left alone.

“Alan locked eyes on him and is dead set on sitting next to him,” recalled Jacki, Alan’s sister. “By the end of the day Alan was sitting on his lap, having a good conversation. The old man comes up to my mom and says, ‘Thank you for your son. This was the one-year anniversary of my son’s death.’”

Those working to create a stigmafree environment in church say it’s important to focus on the gifts people with disabilities have to offer and make it possible for them to share them. Alan’s mom says she sees the value in many small things and appreciates that now Alan can help inspire others, just by being Alan.

“It’s neat to see the impact he has on the world,” said Dawn.

For more information on creating a sense of belonging in your parish, contact Noelle Collis-Devito at ndevito@catholicaoc.org.

SHINE ON ARE YOU A LAMPSTAND OR A BUSHEL BASKET?

There is this guy at my office who everybody loves. He is always singing, speaking with an accent or cooking weird food in the kitchen. He greets every person on his way in, usually with more than a passing hello. He sometimes asks how they are doing and actually seems interested in their reply. He’s the kind of guy who knows everyone and always has something kind or encouraging to say. He’s positive and funny and it always seems to be in a good mood.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.” (Mt. 5:14-16)

We have all read these verses before and most of us have considered its most straightforward implication: “Do you let your light shine?”

But there is another, less obvious, reflection these famous verses invite us to: Are you a lampstand or a bushel basket? Do you raise people up or put them down? Do people routinely feel better after interacting with you? Do you support others or discourage them? Do people leave an encounter with you shining a little brighter?

Most of us believe we’re the lampstand. We generally like ourselves and confirmation bias is real. But I want to invite you to a little honest self-reflection. I’ll start.

I don’t think I’m always a great lampstand, even though I want to be. At work, I often tell others about some stressful thing that’s going on or how busy I am. I can get absorbed in my work and not even acknowledge people when they walk past my desk. At home, I am often short-tempered with my kids, or I’m flying from activity to activity because life is hectic. My wife and I can get lost in the schedules or budgets or chores and forget to stop and really acknowledge the other. Schedules, activities, work, chores, busy-ness, are the things real life is made of. None of those are bad things – they just are. Those are the conditions; the circumstances.

People who are lampstands tend to rise above those conditions, those circumstances. My coworker, for example, has kids similar in age to mine, is also married and works in a demanding of a role. He probably experiences a similar set of circumstances and conditions. And yet, you can’t leave an interaction with him without feeling better about life.

Now, stop for a moment and really consider yourself: Do people tend to leave an encounter with you happier, holier, more positive, encouraged, grateful or more joyful? Of course, not every interaction can be like that, but generally.

We’re celebrating a lot of important causes this month: World Missions, Respect Life and our Catholic Schools. We shine a light on them because they make the world much better for many. It’s a great invitation to reflect on your own life.

Shine a light on yourself this month. Everyone wants to be a lampstand, and most of us intuitively know how to spread joy, encouragement and hopefulness. It doesn’t cost you anything and it returns a tremendous reward.

Raising other people up isn’t hard, but you have to be intentional about it. Look for opportunities in your daily interactions to encourage and spread God’s peace, joy and hope and help others walk away shining a bit more brightly.

DOMINICK ALBANO

is the director of digital engagement for The Catholic Telegraph, as well as an author and national speaker. He and his wife have been married for 14 years and have four sons.