Marriage enrichment

The grace that God bestows on a bride and groom on the day of their marriage is not a oneday gigantic salvo of sacramental grace given once and only on their wedding day. Rather, it is a grace that God renews and resupplies each day for the rest of their married lives. The secret to success is to cooperate with God’s grace. And the way to cooperate is for a couple to take steps to strengthen their love and commitment to each other.

A plan for spiritual growth is vital if a couple wishes to advance in grace, and there are a number of key components. It is important for the couple to pray by themselves, together and at church; receive the sacraments regularly, especially the Eucharist and reconciliation; have other couples who believe in the value of marriage as their friends; be open to the gift of life and gladly welcome children; be service oriented and help each other, their children, family, friends and others; and be committed to quality time together each day. Healthy couples take time to converse every day, and not just for a minute or two. It could be over a cup of coffee in the morning, a glass of wine before dinner, a walk outside or a drive in the car. Daily dialogue is one of the most important ways to express love for one’s spouse, and it strengthens the bond of marriage.

In addition to daily time together, a couple should arrange for weekly time together, like a date night, and monthly time together, like a day or weekend getaway, and yearly time together, like a vacation escape. Once a couple has children, one of the best ways to invest in one’s marriage is to budget for a babysitter, so the couple has opportunities to focus on each other.

There will be bumps along the road, and it is important to pay attention to them right away. When one spouse feels hurt and is good news to people who would hear it for the first time. And boats have become an important part of our iconography. angry, St. Paul wisely advises, “Do not let the sun set on your anger” (Eph 4:26). It is best to speak to one’s spouse before the end of the day, to be open and honest, gentle and patient, responsible and compassionate.

But there is a deeper level of meaning at work in our Gospel passage. Already in the days of Matthew’s community, a boat had become a symbol for the Church. They would have understood the significance of this passage to be that no matter what the struggles or trials faced by the Church, we should never lose faith. God will be our protector and defender no matter what storm may beset us. In Matthew’s community, there were struggles and there was persecution. So, this is a message meant to give them hope. But there is a personal dimension here as well. Jesus did not let Peter drown in the midst of a personal trial. He shows himself to be patient with us as well; he will never abandon us in our struggles. Jesus is always there with hand outstretched, ready to lift us up again. Like Peter trying to walk across the water, when we lose sight of who is supporting us and look only to ourselves, it is then that we falter. We must never forget who it is who calls us to come across the water.

But it is not enough to simply seek God at the tumultuous or stormy times of our lives. God is to be found in the ordinary, in the day-to-day. Some of the greatest leaps forward in Christian spirituality came from hearing God speak in quiet tones: Benedict at Subiaco, Francis at LaVerna, Ignatius at Manresa, Teresa in her Spanish cloister. And more recently, Dorothy Day as she simply stopped by a church and knelt before the Blessed Sacrament. Each of them made the time and the space to let God penetrate their lives, to speak in a whisper.

We are people of faith; but faith needs to be nurtured. Just as in the storm we focus on our need for safety, so each day let us spend some time focused on what is safe, powerful and holy: our relationship with God. Then we need fear no more.

Father Snyder is a retired priest of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis who previously worked at Catholic Charities and the University of St. Thomas.

The wife and husband are two unique people, and different people have differences. Conflict is inevitable. It is impractical to think that every difference can be completely resolved. But with mutual love, conflict can be managed. Calm, honest communication and flexibility are key.

If a couple cannot get over a bump on their own, it is wise to get help, and the earlier the better. Just as medical conditions are easier to treat when diagnosed and treated early, so are the snags in a relationship. A couple can turn to another person or couple that they respect, their parents, a pastoral minister at their parish, a deacon or a priest. A couple can also seek the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist, preferably one who is Christian and upholds the Gospel values of marriage and family. Often, especially if addressed early, the program can be as short as a single consultation or a few sessions.

It is advisable for a couple to go on a retreat once a year. It could be informal, like a weekend vacation together, or it could be a formal retreat like a one-year anniversary, newly married retreat, a Marriage Encounter or a Retrouvaille weekend.

Married couples can participate in parish marriage enrichment programs such as a Cana Retreat near Valentine’s Day, an adult education program with a guest speaker on the value of marriage and family, small groups comprised of married couples, and ministry as a mentor couple for an engaged couple or a newly married couple.

Marriages do not flourish without effort. The grace God provides must be put to good use.

Father Van Sloun is the director of clergy personnel for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. This column is part of a series on the sacrament of marriage.

Sunday, Aug. 13

Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time

1 Kgs 19:9a, 11-13a Rom 9:1-5 Mt 14:22-33

Monday, Aug. 14 St. Maximilian Kolbe, priest and martyr Dt 10:12-22 Mt 17:22-27

Tuesday, Aug. 15

Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary Rv 11:19a; 12:1-6a, 10ab 1 Cor 15:20-27 Lk 1:39-56

Wednesday, Aug. 16 Dt 23:1-12 Mt 18:15-20

Thursday, Aug. 17 Jos 3:7-10a, 11, 13-17 Mt 18:21—19:1

Friday, Aug. 18 Jos 24:1-13 Mt 19:3-12

Saturday, Aug. 19 Jos 24:14-29 Mt 19:13-15

Sunday, Aug. 20

Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time Is 56:1, 6-7 Rom 11:13-15, 29-32 Mt 15:21-28

Monday, Aug. 21 St. Pius X, pope Jgs 2:11-19 Mt 19:16-22

Tuesday, Aug. 22 Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary Jgs 6:11-24a Mt 19:23-30

Wednesday, Aug. 23 Jgs 9:6-15 Mt 20:1-16

Thursday, Aug. 24 St. Bartholomew, Apostle Rv 21:9b-14 Jn 1:45-51

Friday, Aug. 25 Ru 1:1, 3-6, 14b-16, 22 Mt 22:34-40

Saturday, Aug. 26 Ru 2:1-3, 8-11; 4:13-17 Mt 23:1-12

Sunday, Aug. 27

Twenty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time Is 22:19-23 Rom 11:33-36 Mt 16:13-20

ST. BERNARD OF CLAIRVAUX (1090-1153) This French abbot and doctor of the Church is considered the second founder of the Cistercians. He entered the relatively new monastery at Citeaux in 1113 with four of his own brothers and 27 friends, and later founded the monastery at Clairvaux, which gave birth to 68 other communities. Despite poor health and his devotion to personal mortification, St. Bernard was an early Western European rock star: He was consulted by popes and kings, battled heresies, and supported the Second Crusade. The sick and maimed lined the roads he traveled, hoping for a miracle. Dante chose St. Bernard as his final guide in “Paradiso,” at the end of “The Divine Comedy.” He is the patron of Gibraltar. His feast day is Aug. 20. — OSV News

TWENTY SOMETHING | CHRISTINA CAPECCHI