Old School

OLD SCHOOL

Two guys, similar age, sitting at split levels, younger cooler guy sitting on the backrest of the cement furniture at carter road.

The other more introspective, quieter, sitting on the seat.

Meet Adheer, and Akarsh.

Both are looking out over the audience, sipping chai from plastic cups, the setting and posture suggestive of a night-time meeting at Carter road.

They share the sort of comfortable silence that suggests they do this regularly.

Adheer is dressed in a Sherwani, Akarsh is wearing work clothes. Both have loosened up visibly, Adheer has opened up his top two buttons and is lounging.

Akarsh is a bit pre-occupied.

Adheer : Oi. So whats your excuse this time?

Akarsh : Means?

Adheer : Abbe Anti-social. I cant figure how you managed 14 years with these guys if you cant even land up to show your face when one of them is getting married!

Akarsh : That’s how I roll.

Adheer : Arrey everyone missed you today yaar.

Im not just saying that. Seriously. Prerna wanted to come with me cos she’s the only one who knew we were hanging after.

Akarsh : You know me man. Cant make so much small talk. I barely tolerate you.

Adheer shrugs, almost expecting this.

It’s a common conversation between them.

Both sip their chai.

Short pause.

Adheer : Arrey Bro I went to school today!

Akarsh : Why? Adheer : Arrey nothing like that, not out of some major nostalgia or anything. I was waiting for my dickweed CA at Costa’s, he was Whatsapping me about being stuck in traffic for an hour. I got suspicious and asked him to send me a pic of his cab.

Fucker just stopped responding only. I figured he was playing some game that I couldn’t be bothered with.

Had kept a whole hour aside. So just walked to school from there.

Akarsh : Hmmm.

Adheer : Yeah was kind of random.

Short silence.

Adheer : Weird how I could just walk in. Not like the guards recognised me or anything. After Reddy I don’t think I knew any of the others. You’d assume that they’d have tighter security no? Being a School.

Akarsh : Hmmm.

Short silence.

Akarsh takes out his phone and starts checking something.

Adheer : Hahahahahhaha!

Akarsh just looks at him without stopping texting mildly surprised.

Adheer : I just remembered how you used to patao Reddy and walk into school half an hour late while assembly was going on, and go stand on the stairs before everyone else.

All the teachers thought you were so conscientious, reaching early to stand on the stairs to guide those KG kids back to their classes like a good Scouts boy. Saluting with the wrong 3 fingers out.

I almost lost it when Radha miss even patted your roughed up hair fondly. She didn’t realise they were all messed up because fucker you had only woken up 10 minutes ago.

And me, I used to get there 45 minutes before time cos Dad had to drop me on the way to the office.

I must’ve lost at least 3 years of sleep because of his office timings.

Akarsh turns towards Adheer, still texting.

Akarsh : So what did you do in there?

Adheer : Arrey nothing bro. I wasn’t even expecting to get in. So when I got in I had no idea what to do.

Akarsh ( sarcastically ) : Déjà vu?

Adheer goes on ( sarcasm lost on him) : So I just stood in front of the ground floor board checking out the crafts projects and SUPW work of some random kids. I forgot how much we used to cut shit up and paste shit down then.

Everything was super messy and rough around the edges. Passport photos of stoned kids with Fevicol all over them. Wet crepe paper. Dirty chart paper with more Fevicol and dirty fingers.

Everything had fingerprints on it for some reason.

Adheer pauses a bit, contemplating

Adheer : So weird how nothing we do now ends up with fingerprints on it no?

They share a moment where Akarsh realizes Adheer has said something deeper than he’s used to. He’s more interested now in finding out what’s made his normally braindead friend introspective. Looks at the phone in his hand.

Akarsh : Except my scratch guard. But yeah.

Im not sure if that’s an improvement or not.

But it's definitely something.

Akarsh zones off into his own thoughts.

Adheer : You know man? I know it’s a cliché but I have this feeling that everything had changed. Yeah yeah I know I know, don’t even start, that’s not what I’m saying. It's not that obvious, I know ok? ( As Akarsh rolls his eyes at the cliché )

Adheer : As soon as I thought it only I realised the cliché in my head, and imagined your stupid face nodding at me exactly this way.

But it’s a physical feeling man, cliché or whatever, I felt it. I thought I’d walk around a bit more, just to see some other things. I was sort of assuming I’d find some actual big changes, like maybe the lawn was converted into some classrooms, or there was some new virtual reality cinema in the assembly hall, or something.

So strange, everything I SAW was pretty much the same, but everything I FELT was completely different.

Has that ever happened to you?

Adheer : I mean it was so conflicted man.

So weird. I was trying to remember if I’d had a feeling like that ever before, but I just couldn’t.

Kept thinking about that all the time I was walking around the Ground floor.

Couldn’t get it out of my mind. Just couldn’t. ( Akarsh is waiting for him to stop )

Adheer : So I thought I’d go up to see the Rollercoaster.

Akarsh : Ofcourse.

Adheer : Arrey I met Merani today. Man he said the Rollercoaster fucked his life.

Akarsh : What?

Adheer : Man I was just telling Prerna that story about you, and she COULD not believe you could’ve come up with a sick game like that.

I told her I tried to stop you, everyone did, but you were so convinced it could be this amazing life experience, and that it would change your brain’s hardwiring like Ayahuasca or something, that you somehow convinced the entire class to ride the Rollercoaster.

Even Manish Rohera shuddered every time Merani spoke about it.

Akarsh : Well it did change lives. You don’t pile on to me bastard. You also were part of it.

Adheer : The guys who helped add the physical effects cant be credited with the movie na? You were the Director-Producer-Script writer combo.

Akarsh : I still think the Rollercoaster was an experience everyone needed to have once. Admit it, I made the 9th standard fun.

( Talking staccato )

Adheer : Whattaguy.

How. Can you.

Use your Head-Boy badge to get the class cupboard keys.

Then empty it off all its contents.

Then take out the shelves.

Then CONVINCE guys to get in.

Lock them in.

And then CONVINCE the rest of the class to throw it down the stairs.

And then CONVINCE them when they came out probably with permanent brain damage that it was a great idea AND they should do it again?

Man you’re a twisted fucker.

Worst head boy ever.

Akarsh shrugs, looks into the distance again. They are quiet for a while. It’s a different silence though, both looked more warmed up and visibly comfortable.

Adheer : Anyway, you’ll be most disappointed to learn that even seeing the Rollercoaster didn’t solve any dilemmas. I walked into class, went and sat on my desk, looked across to see if I could still look into Pritesh maker’s book and copy stuff, avoided the impulse to feel under the benches for chewing gum bombs, looked back to see if I could imagine Rishin getting slapped for giggling again.

I could imagine ALL of those things but, you know, couldn’t figure what the weird feeling was about.

Same Déjà vu.

Akarsh : Hmmm.

Adheer : ( Chuckling ) Arrey you know one more random thing I saw? I saw pictures of Marchpast. Who does Marchpast? And why?

I don’t even know why guys in the army do it. Whats the point of it? Where will you use that skill? Joggers park?

Akarsh : TRIGs detectives do it.

Adheer : What?

Akarsh : Yeah. TRIG’s detectives. That security company who supplies guards and watchmen.

I’ve seen them practicing.

Adheer : Why? Akarsh : It’s a control mechanism.

Adheer: What ??

Akarsh : Pavlov. Read a book you condom.

Adheer : Again. WHAT???

Akarsh : Its conditioning man. By first giving instructions, and then repeating behaviour you create muscle memory.

You have to do this repeatedly, like say every morning.

Why do you think Religions make you chant? First they’ll give you a set of instructions. Then they make you chant, pray, say the words, sing the hymns whatever.

Eventually every time you say the words, even at home in your sanctuary of private worship, you start unconsciously following the instructions.

Why do you need to sing the National anthem before a movie? You go to the movies for a little personal pleasure time right? So you slip in some harmless chanting before the movie begins.

Eventually you start associating the numbing pleasantries of the movie hall with misplaced nationalism.

Why do armies march?

They are first given instructions, and then they march till their bodies internalise that. So the next time they’re charging into someone else’s battle, muscle memory kicks in, skipping all their natural impulses and rational thoughts, those kids rush headlong into certain Death.

You think your Government wants an observant, critical, innovative, free-thinking population?

NO! They want an obedient public.

OBEDIENT. And obedience begins in school.

Akarsh is almost surprised at his rant. Looks away to try and cool down. Adheer is also a bit stunned at the suddenness, and change of mood.

Suddenly he chuckles.

Akarsh : What?

Adheer : Is that why you dragged the school flag in the mud when you were marching?

Worst.

Head boy.

Ever.

Akarsh : Fuck you.

They both get up to leave. Adheer gets down, stretches.

Looks a bit surprised. Sits back up. Gets down. More surprise. Looks into the distance. Squints.

Does this 3-4 times.

Akarsh : Erm. Adheer : Fuck.I just realized what It was.

Akarsh : What?

Adheer : Arrey what I was saying earlier. All the Déjà vu. Why everything looked the same but felt different.

Akarsh : And? Adheer : Eye level Bro. Eye level changed.

Written for the Akvarious Fringe Festival, January 2016