BQ5 | Psychology + Lifestyle

the b. quarterly

the b. quarterly

P h o to by A l e x B u t s 2

all the ways in which we b.ehave

Dr. Sarah Gray, PsyD D r. M i h a e l a I v a n H o l t z , P s y D, L M F T D r. C a r l o s G a r c i a , P s y D B e n K i n g, M F T M o u s h u m i G h o s e, M F T

P H O T O G R A P H Y & A RT

A l e x B u t s , A n n a L e s ch e n ko , I g o r N o r m a n n , A l e x a n d e r G o g o l i n , M a k s i m S h e b e ko , C y n t h i a M a l o n e, D o m i n i q u e M c G h e e, V e r o n i k a G a l k i n a , R o b e r t L e r i ch , R . G i n o S a n t a M a r i a , V i c t o r Z a s t o l ' s k i y, S o u p S t u d i o , Fo t o l i a , B i g s t o ck P h o t o .

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P s y c h o l o g y + L i f e s t y l e BQ5

FOUNDER & EDITOR IN CHIEF

D r. B a h a r a k S e d i g h , P s y D, M A DrB@TheBQuarterly.com

SENIOR CORRESPONDENTS

D o m i n i q u e M c G h e e . Houston | TX DominiqueMcGhee@TheBQuarterly.com C y n t h i a M a l o n e, BA . Kansas City | MO CynthiaMalone@TheBQuarterly.com

CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

D a n i e l S h e r, M A Pa u l a H . C o o k s o n , L C S W

S E N I O R W R I T E R S

M . K . A n g e l e s G i n a M a r i e G u a r i n o , L M H C

COLUMNIST

D r. C o l l e e n M u l l e n , P s y D, L M F T

CONTRIBUTORS

SAN DIEGO . LOS ANGELES . HOUSTON . KANSAS CITY

There is a b.it of psychology in everything we do.

@TheBQuarterly

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© 2017 by The B. Quarterly, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. The B. Quarterly LLC and its editors reserve the right to edit and use, for prom ion and publication, all submitted material such as articles, interviews, advertisement, or any her related material turned in. All work submitted to The B. Quarterly LLC is assumed to be the author's authentic and original work, previously unpublished (unless herwise disclosed) in format submitted. This publication may n be reproduced, in whole or in part, on any platform in any format, without the express prior written permission of the publisher. The views expressed in the articles, interviews, advertisements, and general content of The B. Quarterly are those of the authors, interviewees and/or contributors and do n necessarily reflect the views of the editors, publishers, or their agents. All psychological, medical, legal, clinical and health related views, and all articles, opinions and/or information depicted in The B.Quarterly by its editors, writers, staff, contributors and advertisers are for informational purposes only and do n claim to be a substitute for any medical, clinical or professional advice or consultation. © 2017

by The B. Quarterly, LLC. Printed in The United States of America.

As a society we are caught in a happiness and mental fitness fallacy. We create sets of premeditated steps, a ladder to climb financially, behaviors to follow socially to get to the top where the golden goose of happiness is apparently laying eggs for days to come! We pursue happiness, chasing it as though it is a thing to be caught, to be had , constant and unchanging. But, the idea of achieving a place of constant happiness is an ad sold to us by marketing experts and pop scientists, and bought by us because the carrot on a stick trick still works to one degree or another.

The danger of putting happiness on this pedestal is not unlike a young man seeing his new-foundlove as perfect and unchanging. A love that will leave both lovers in shambles and unfulfilled in the end . One for being loved in a superficial way, unseen and untouched . And the other forever unfulfilled, always chasing the impossible! Ultimately, the greatest disservice we can do to ourselves and to each other is to deny the pain and discomfort that coexists with existence.

Because our psychology is a fluid act of balancing endless variables, crucial to everything we do, but also a fluctuating , and at times even contradictory, aspect of our being. And, moments of happiness and moments of pain can, do, and must co -ming le.

Even the greatest athletes catch a cold, get ill, and even work with more serious physical limitations. Yet we, as a society, cannot fathom psychological issues or fluctuations coexisting within the context of success and happiness, or even casual everyday life - integrated and impacting every aspect of our lives - because, by in large, we cannot yet allow our psychology the same space we give our biology. We cannot yet see that our psychology impacts everything we do.

It truly impacts everything we experience, do, perceive, think, and even not think!

Imagine if we did not teach biology in schools from early on, and did not teach children how to brush their teeth , to shower, or keep their food and environment sanitary. But expected them to remain healthy. Imagine if we built homes, apartment complexes, hospitals, and schools without taking into account our biological needs. And then expected these places and systems to not be overwhelmed by human waste and eventual chaos. It almost seems ridiculous, right?

We include very little psychology, if any, in our systems, in our institutions, in our education, in our businesses, in how we raise our families and communities. Couples sign up to see a physician as soon as they find out they are going to be parents, but the thought of going to a psychologist,

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those same months to learn to parent and transition into parenthood , is still largely a foreign idea .

That example applies to many other transitions in our lives individually, as families, or even as communities.

Imagine if we did not have a family physician, and did not go to the dentist for checkups, never saw a professional until things got really bad physically —but fully expected a healthy society! That is what we do when it comes to our psychological health . To those who say, people did not have this for thousands of years….etc. To that I say, in the last century alone we have added 60% to our life expectancies, and now also communicate in emojis. That was then, this is now.

We have to bring psychology out of the back alleys of conversations and society. We have to think of mental health as part of the science of psychology, to be taught and included, as knowledge that applies not only to disease but to everything we do - to how we create systems, build structures, and grow societies. Unless we do that, the number of suicides will increase, so will depression, anxiety, and all other psychological issues that inevitably increase when living in growing cities, systems, institutions, and neighborhoods that continue to misunderstand and even neg lect our psychological needs…. Because our psychology is always alive, always at work, always in need, and like a heartbeat always the foundation to..... all the ways in which we b.ehave!

Dr. B.

Baharak Sedigh, PsyD, MA

b y Pa u l a H . C o o k s o n 8

REVOLUTiON

the

TiNY HOME

Sprawling mansions and excess are the quintessential i n d i c a t o r s o f s u c c e s s i n m a n y c i rc l e s . T h e c a r y o u d r i v e , t h e s q u a r e f o o t a g e o f y o u r p r i m a r y r e s i d e n c e a n d t he number of luxuries at your disposal are signs that you have arrived!

While these standards still exist in some socioeconomic brackets, there is a rising subset of the culture who have rebelled against this pre-packaged definition of success. Minimalism has been a design and decorating trend for decades, but the tiny house phenomenon goes well beyond the sparse spaces and clean lines of minimalism. Tiny houses demand people to peel back all of the layers of our pre-conceived n ions about “domain” and stare only at what is essential. It dares a buyer to consider and redefine what is needed in a home and how to get those needs met in the smallest space possible. The tiny house phenomenon casts off the idea that bigger is better and disavows the n ion that the accumulation of stuff is the American dream.

Along with this abdication of the status symbols of excess, the tiny house phenomenon redefines the homeowner’s relationship with money, time and work. A tiny house also comes with a tiny mortgage, or none at all. A tiny house also brings tiny taxes, minimal time for household upkeep and chores; it allows owners to redefine what is important.

With less debt and far less financial demands of a larger home, a tiny home owner can use their time as a commodity rather than being hyper focused on a costly mortgage and staggering interest over a span of 30 years. An average of 78% of tiny home residents do n carry a mortgage and own their home outright. The peace of mind that a tiny home owner experiences is the ultimate rebel-yell against all things in excess 10

The greatest wealth is to live content with little.

PLATO

the

TiNY HOME

in the last few years listings of tiny homes have increased 84% 12

and materialistic. It is this peace and freedom of a tiny lifestyle that draws people in. It is the rejection of being enslaved to “things” and playing along with the capitalist game of chase that we have fallen into by default.

It’s hard to say when exactly the tiny house phenomenon began. Some would say that the move toward simplification has been brewing in our subculture since the 1850s when Thoreau detailed his time at Walden Pond. More recent trends toward tiny homes have been emerging as more people become conscious of our global impact and the carbon fo print each of us leaves behind. Considering that a third of our greenhouse gas emissions are from buildings, the use of tiny homes reduces n only the carbon fo print but the cost of building materials and the overall use of our natural resources.

Tiny homes vary in size, but average between 100-400 square feet. The movement of tiny homes seems to have taken on a bit of a friendly competition amongst its followers, as we see tinier houses emerging all the time. It’s a healthy competitive spirit, as tiny dwellers are testing the limits of habitation and simplification of a lifestyle. If anything, it’s an anti-competitive competition. Who can be the least materialistic? Who can show society what is truly important, leading by example? There is a certain statement that tiny houses make about their owners. It is a statement about wisdom, independent thinking and commitment to simplicity.

In 2017, the architectural site Arch Daily hosted an international competition for the design and construction of a tiny home. The competition asked that the finished results be no larger than 250 square feet, sleep two people and have kitchen, dining, toilet and work space. The winners of that competition, Chan Ting Leung Henry, Lau Yuan Lei Flora and Yuen Tung Hing from Hong Kong, focused on designing a home with nction and a human-friendly space.

In an interview with Volume Zero Competitions, the design team shared their criticism of some tiny homes that are compact but feel restrictive and uncomfortable to owners. Their goal in the competition was to achieve b h comfort and nction, and that is what they did. The winners of the competition showed us that form and nction matter. Sustainability is an important factor for those endeavoring on a tiny-home adventure. People who are committing to tiny-home living are also committing to the lifestyle changes that go along with that. The effort to move beyond just “tiny” to creating a comfortable living space may make tiny home living a more long-term option.

As the tiny home trend grows, we are likely to see a gradual evolution in the lifestyles like any her subsets of culture. It’ll be interesting to watch the butterfly effect of this trend and to observe the ways in which it shapes her subsets of our culture. Tiny homes have the power to transform aspirations and turn the American dream into something much more attainable and satisfying. But it would also require a dramatic shi in perception of what is important and what is necessary.

Paula H. Cookson, LCSW is a writer and psychotherapist from Belfast, Maine.

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social media by numbers

500 has ve m a r ti g Insta daily ac 95 on ut m i l l i a n d a b o re

s r s o a use ! p h ot

n d ay o i m i ll each

d e ad uplo

Currently, total worldwide population is 7.6 billion, and 4.2 billion are Internet users, with an average of 5.54 social media accounts per person.

Time spent on social is about 116 min per day.

81% of parents say their kids start using Facebook between 8 & 13 years of age.

Twitter suspended 70 million fake accounts in 2018. And, the most retweeted tweet to date is by a kid who wanted a year of free chicken nuggets!

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Facebook Messenger & Whatsapp handle 60 billion messages a day, & Facebook now sees 8 billion daily video views from 500 million users.

social media by numbers By 2014, Google had indexed over 130,000,000,000,000 (130 trillion) web pages. In 2015, social networks earned an estimated $8.3 billion from advertising alone. And, the most liked non-Facebook owned page is Cristiano Ronaldo’s with 122.6 million likes.

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MUSEUMS ART PEOPLE S P A C E S & SOCIAL MEDIA a 2 1 s t c e n t u r y i n t e r a c t i o n

a 21st century intera ctio n A random conversation made us think about social media’s impact on museums and art pieces, and how people interact with them.

As we look at platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, it is interesting to see that the spaces around art pieces and museum buildings often become more “popular� because they do well as a background to an Instagram-worthy-photo!

So at a museum, a well-placed, well lit, and well-designed staircase suddenly becomes more viewed and more popular than the otherwise coveted work of art down the hallway. Consequently, the art, the spaces, and the people all become part of new artistic visions posted across the globe, across a growing array of platforms.

But in the end, this is a good thing!

Through that interaction, a new community is built. New art is created. This is another way that art can now impact, influence, and ultimately bond people together.

Los Angeles lifestyle and beauty blogger G i g i takes her readers to The San Diego Museum of Art for more of her adventures find her @gigi_experience

thegigiexperience.com

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Without a doubt seeing a work of art in person has the greatest impact. But, if that is not possible, isn’t it amazing that now we can at least see these pieces through another's eyes and social media account?

Although, some of these interactions may be passing, as is the nature of these platforms, others can be consistent and deepen into genuine exchanges of ideas, and being introduced to people, things, places that we would otherwise not know.

Art is about bringing people together, it is about connecting thoughts, moving ideas forward. And social media platforms can be used to amplify that by millions instantly.

That possibility in itself is beautiful.

Social media gives us a new way of seeing and representing artists we believe in, finding new ones we don't yet know - a new way of adding to the beauty of the world as we see it‌ if we choose to use it that way.

Nathaly Aguilera at The San Diego Museum of Art Art Alive event

wearing one of her own handmade floral hairpieces find her and more of her work on Instagram @LaCasaDeFlores @GirlWithRedShoes

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BODY AS A WORK of ART an exhibition

on social media & b o d y i m a g e B y Do m i n i q u e M c G h e e

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Twitter…Tumblr…Facebook…

Instagram…Snapshat….Hashtags…

Followers…Trending topics…

Comments…Likes...Instafame...

Going Viral...Algorithms…Filters...

social media & body image

....and the list goes on....

These are all social media sites and terms that have not only become a part of our daily lives, their existence now has a bit of control over our actions and thoughts. Social media, and its use, definitely affects our mental health, sometimes in ways that we may not even notice. Statistics show that as of June 2018, there were over 1 billion active users on Instagram, and that more than half of the users in the United States are between the ages of 18 and 29! That one statistic can give us a general idea of the kind of influence social media has on our society at large.

I recently had the opportunity to be a part of a new exhibit at The Health Museum of Houston, a Smithsonian Affiliate, that talks about social media and its effect on our lives. As explained by the museum, “Body as a Work of Art: More than Skin Deep” is an interactive multimedia exploration of how society imposes external concepts of beauty. Visitors are challenged to redefine physical beauty from an intrinsic and diverse perspective. Social media and its impact on mental health are explored, as well as the hidden beauty of the scarring, diseases, and genetic conditions that affect millions. Visitors also get a glimpse into the history and future of medical advancements and the molecular marvels of the human body.”

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Our Senior Correspondent Dominique McGhee taking part in the interactive exhibit at The Health Museum of Houston

Matt Johns, creative director and co-creator of the Social Media Lab within the exhibit, created a space that creatively sparks conversation and highlights the power of social media.

Walls covered in a “Millennial Pink” hue, emojis hanging from the ceiling, and a giant neon heart for capturing photos are elements that gain attention and are popular amongst social media users.

The more in-depth portion of the experience is the video that plays during the exhibit and the statistics showing the immense power of social media. During the video interview various Houstonians share their personal thoughts and experiences with social media.

Whether giving a voice to a transgender teen that once felt voiceless to raising social awareness about injustices- everyone spoke about how social media has given a platform to many people that did not have that same opportunity before.

There is a sense of community that is fostered on these sites that connects you with other people, often in the farthest parts of the world, who may be feeling exactly the same as you; suddenly you’re not “alone.” We’ve all witnessed how social media can help positively promote and spread causes, raise funds, share/spread ideas, and so much more.

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Body as a Work of Art: More Than Skin Deep

is on display at The Health Museum of Houston until January 11, 2019.

Conversely, the world of social media creates a false sense of reality, false expectations, and affects our ability to have meaningful and genuine human interactions. As evidence by recent events, the prolonged use and time spent on social media has led to an increase in depression, body image issues, and cyberbullying. While social media is a big online “community,” it is often easy to forget that there is another human being on the opposite end of our device.

Being part of this project gave me the opportunity to look introspectively at my habits on social media, the amount of time I spend interacting/engaging, the feeling I have while awaiting likes on a photo, etc... As an avid user of several social media platforms, I’ve personally witnessed the positive and negative effects the platforms play in my life and in that of others.

Aside from the Social Media lab, “Body as a Work of Art” also, “empowers individuals to acknowledge the beauty of the human body and their own body. Ultimately, each person walks away with a fresh perspective, free of society’s preconceived notions of beauty.”

Bodysuits by Los Angeles artist, Sarah Sitkin, provide visitors the opportunity to literally step into someone else’s skin via hyper-realistic human skins that are made into wearable garments with realistic features like moles and freckles. Positive Exposure (by Rick Guidotti) and Scar Stories (Cody Duty) are both photographic exhibits that highlight the individual participants in ways that celebrate their differences and promotes inclusion.

“Body as a Work of Art: More Than Skin Deep” is on display at The Health Museum of Houston until January 11, 2019, and touches on a subject that everyone, young and old, can now relate to. The way our bodies and minds function truly is a work of art, and that is #MoreThanSkinDeep.

THINK before you post.

Is what you are posting: Truthful Helpful Inspiring Necessary Or Kind

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CAPTURE the POWER in EACH MOMENT

FiveSe7enMarketing.com

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The Human Bum Factor Just a thought!

It has been evident even to the non-scientific eye that derrière surgeries have been on the rise. Consequently, much has been written about the reasons behind this sudden spike in our bum fascination.

Most articles have pointed to research showing men’s attraction to a certain curvature that gives the appearance of a more, shall we say, prominent rear end on a woman. A male evolutionary knee jerk reaction to the type of body some believe is most conducive to child bearing. Hence, women suddenly wanting bigger bottoms to attract better mates!

This has consistently been the explanation given for the 252% increase in buttock augmentation surgeries between 2000 and 2015. Except that male buttock implant surgeries have also increased 208% between 2013 and 2014 alone. So, male patients are also a substantial portion of the recipients of theses bigger bums.

As a non-scientific observation - could it possibly be that ads, media, photo filters, and bottom-obsessed-celebrities, and in turn our obsession with them, have now tricked us into believing that a bigger derrière means more love?

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A sparkling wine by any other name…. well, it’s not Champagne...

Champagne!

Champagne is sparkling wine, but other sparkling wines can never be Champagne.

Sorry to those who want to sneak Prosecco in, no can do. Only Champagne can be Champagne. What’s in a name you say? In this case everything. Legally only that which comes from the Champagne region of France can be called Champagne.

Here are a few fun facts about the drink of choice for most when celebrating – from Kings and Queens, to celebrities, for Grandma’s 85th, or the limo ride on your 40th. Popping a bottle of Champagne is one of the most commonly recognized and repeated behaviors when it comes to celebrating special events all around the world. There is something to be said for a drink that transcends time, culture, and even age range.

The champagne region of France was once the floor of an ancient pre-historic sea, and now it’s the perfect foundation to grow grapes. Early champagne manufacturers believed spirits (the ghost kind) were involved in their Champagne making process.

Because when they came down to their cellars to see corks had blown out of their bottles prematurely, they believed ghosts to be the culprits. Of course, science showed them it was the recipe and process needing adjustments. But, determining the right amount of sugar and the correct process required to avoid bottle explosions took chemists almost a century to perfect.

The term Sabrage refers to opening a champagne bottle with a saber, made popular by Napoleon and his army because of their post-battle-celebrations.

According to new research, Champagne limited to 1 to 3 glasses each week could counteract memory loss associated with aging! That is good to know because drinking Champagne to mark celebrations started in the royal courts of Europe prior to 1789, and it shows no signs of slowing down!

by GinaMarie Guarino

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a simple break down of

PEOPLE & SUGAR

a simple break down of 42

One of the weaknesses most of us share is our deep love and craving for sugar. People love sugar. Despite the health concerns that come with regular sugar intake, we can’t seem to get enough of the sweet treats that seem to bring us such happiness.

The link between mental health and sugar is complicated. It may seem as though sugar is good for overall mood, since it makes us feel so good. But, our psychology behind sugar is not as sweet as you may think.

Sugar tastes good, and tasting good things makes us feel good. Naturally, we want to regularly indulge in the things that bring sensations that make use feel good. Our love for sugar is actually caused by a chemical reaction in our brain.

The intake of sugar causes a flood of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine causes a “feel-good” sensation and when the brain makes the connection between dopamine and sugar, it begins to crave sugar more often. It makes sense, why wouldn’t our brain crave something that makes us feel good?

Have you ever noticed that you are particularly anxious to get your hands on some sugar when you’re feeling a stressful emotion? Stressful emotions like anxiety, depression, fear, and sadness tend to trigger our craving for sugar. This is because our brain associates sugar with a sense of relief from the stressful emotion being experienced. Makes sense, right?

The interesting thing is, while sugar elicits an immediately positive response emotionally, in the long run it can actually have devastating effects on our overall mood and mental health.

Recent studies suggest that those who ingest high levels of sugar in their diets are more likely to experience symptoms of chronic depression. In fact, these same studies found that depressive symptoms tend to significantly improve once sugar is eliminated from an individual's diet.

According to professionals and researchers alike, there is a counterintuitive connection between emotional health and wellness and the consumption of sugar. While eating sugar may help you feel good in the moment, long term and frequent consumption of sugary foods and drinks actually have a negative effect on overall mood and mental health.

Using sugary snacks to cope with upset feelings can be particularly dangerous because when a person’s primary means of coping is through sugar, he or she will only use sugar to feel better. This causes an increased risk of depression and anxiety, and can lead to other mental health disorders, such as binge eating disorder and bulimia. It may also take a toll on a person’s physical health, as eating too much sugar can cause obesity, diabetes and kidney disease.

PEOPLE & SUGAR

a simple break down of

There are developmental consequences that can also occur as a result of high sugar intake. Regardless of a person’s age, the natural maturation of the brain and cognition will be affected by high sugar intake.

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For example, if a child regularly consumes sugar throughout the day, he or she is at increased risk of suffering from attention difficulties, learning difficulties, and behavioral issues. Research suggests that children are at increased risk of these cognitive issues when they consume large amounts of sugary snacks or sugary drinks each day.

Research also supports that high consumption of sugar in childhood is linked to more serious mental health issues, like depression, anxiety, and conduct disorders. This means that children who consume high amounts of sugar are at an increased risk of suffering from mood and conduct disorders than children who do not.

Sugar also has a significant impact on adults in the later stages of life. Studies support that there is a significant link between the consumption of sugar and the decline of cognitive function in elderly patients. Those who suffer from Alzheimer’s disease and dementia will see their conditions mature differently, based on their sugar intake. Patients who have a diet higher in sugar tend to have significantly more aggressive cases than those who follow a diet limited in sugar.

With so many devastating consequences that come with eating sugar, it is easy to think, “then why do we eat it so much”? Of course, the simple answer is, “because we love it!”. But is the experience of eating sugary snacks worth the devastating consequences it has on your health? And, is it only our willpower at work trying to maintain a healthy level of sugar intake?

Take a step further and consider the subliminal messages we are sent each day.

Consider the commercials, advertisements and promotions that heavily push us to indulge in these sugary snacks. We are regularly exposed to the messages that tell us, “it’s okay to just have a little”, and while it is true that it is okay to occasionally indulge, is it okay to do so regularly?

While we do all share a love for sugar, we are also capable of making healthy, responsible choices for ourselves. Understanding our own psychology and acknowledging our society’s sugar obsession can help us find our own right balance when it comes to the sweet treats of life!

PEOPLE & SUGAR

THE secrets WE KEEP

secrets

by

Cynthia Malone 46

secrets We all have secrets in the deep dark corners of our minds. Secrets, there for as long as we can remember, in the dark damp recesses of our psyche.

Those that only reveal themselves at 3 p.m. on an idle Tuesday. Secrets we try to bury, secrets that consume us and those only a few are privy to.

A secret is the concealment or willful hiding of information from others. Often, the suppression of secrets is the hardest part.

Keeping it in, keeping it far from the view for fear of someone finding out. What if it slips? The anxiety that comes with the burden of it all can take a toll and manifest itself in other ways.

Julie Lance and Daniel Wegner, in a paper published in 1995, wrote “Secrecy is something one can do alone in a room. It’s not a minor aspect, it’s the bulk of experience.”

In Russia, there is the folklore that is sometimes attributed to Tolstoy, that goes like this: A man tells his younger brother to go in the corner and not think about a white bear, only to realize that is the only thing his brother could think of.

A white bear is symbolic of anything ‘meaningless’ but what if the white bear in your life is the hiding of your homosexuality, keeping hidden the fact you’ve had an affair, or even being forced to leave out details to make a sale go through? Often times the attempt to not think about it is more frustrating than the thinking about it in the first place. It becomes all-consuming and changes our perspective about the most innocent of things.

Is this why people feel the need to share their secrets with strangers?

To get it off their chest in some small way? It can be cathartic to look at the blank canvas that is someone else and divulge our history to them because there is no consequence. There may be judgment, but the fact that they know nothing about you outweighs that enough to share.

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Why do we do these things? From our hair stylist to the person next to us on the plane. We’ve all experienced or have been this person. A lot of it has to do with proximity and false intimacy. A hairstylist is touching your hair, something even those closest to us rarely do. Arm to arm for hours on the plane, we let people in where we normally wouldn’t. Sharing an experience on the subway or on the street -this can trigger the need to over share and to reciprocate.

Have you been in a situation where someone has divulged something extremely personal and you’ve found yourself reciprocating? This is called the ‘norm of reciprocity’, we feel since they shared, we should as well. Likewise, if someone is similar to us in background, interests or appearance we can fall ‘victim’ to the similarity bias and disclose personal information much quicker than we might do otherwise. It’s common and quite easy to fall into these situations. As humans, connection is important to us and if caught in a vulnerable state, whether we are aware of this or not, this need can lead us to oversharing.

This could potentially be dangerous depending on the situation.

Just because someone else feels the need to go deep, does not mean you need to do the same. In fact, the trigger to do so is strongest after the initial exchange. If you can wait, usually the feeling to reciprocate passes and you won’t have the desire to respond in kind.

In the era of Post Secret and the Whisper App, it is far easier to share secrets, big or small, with the world, anonymously with no repercussions. It’s putting the secret out into the world as a cathartic release and perhaps it will help others in the process.

The Post Secret Community is all about bringing people together.

Sensitive topics like suicide are discussed and the founder, Frank Warren, along with the community of readers has gone as far as to create the International Suicide Prevention Wiki that is the most thorough resource of text lines and hotlines to date.

We all do our best to get through life with our secrets in tow, often not realizing that no matter how we choose to handle them, we’re all in this together. Every stranger you see or every secret on the internet is someone’s reality. Being cautious with your secrets or sending them out into the world is up to you, but understanding your own psychology around secrets is the best way to find that personal balance.

P h o to by

Ve ro n i k a G a l k i n a 50

the radical radish

the radical radish

T h e r a d i s h does not get enough billing considering all the health benefits it packs in its crunchy little body. It has traveled quite a path to become part of kitchens all around the world, so every bite comes with a long history. A radish adds a fresh taste to the palate and does a lot to help you digest your food, so more of us should add it to our daily dishes and snacks.

An expat, if you will, the radish was first cultivated in China, made its way to Europe in the 16th century and finally found passage to Massachusetts by 1629.

Member of the cabbage family, radishes are related to kale, broccoli, cauliflower, and horseradish among others. The radish has a big family with well-traveled ancestors who were, obviously, survivors!

Radishes grow quickly, so they are a good choice for home gardens and new gardeners testing out their green thumbs. Considered to be a low-calorie food (about 19 calories per cup) radishes also have tons of benefits:

- Radishes and their greens are a great source of vitamin C - The leaves contain six times the vitamin content of the root - They can help increase the flow of bile and help improve digestion - They can help maintain a healthier liver and gallbladder - Radishes also have vitamin K, B6, niacin, folate and panthothenic acid - But wait, there is more. Other minerals include Potassium, calcium, magnesium, iron, zinc and manganese - And when you get an allergic flare-up radishes can help clear up congestion due to their anti-congestive properties

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P h o to by M a k s i m S h e b e ko

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As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life – and travel – leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks – on your body or on your heart – are beautiful.

Often, though, they hurt.”

Anthony Bourdain

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suicide a round table discussion

Dr. Sarah Gray Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz Dr. Carlos Garcia Ben King, MFT Moushumi Ghose, MFT

When it comes to suicide, what are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

And - How can we improve?

We ask five psychology experts these two crucial questions to start a conversation we hope to continue...

Dr. Sarah Gray

Ben King, MFT

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The Panel Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz

Dr. Carlos Garcia Moushumi Ghose, MFT

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

Suicide is still one of the taboo dark subjects that people, including clinicians, are afraid of.

We don’t want to hear about it. We are scared about it. I think it’s time to build some equanimity with hearing about someone feeling suicidal. This equanimity doesn’t mean we tolerate the act of committing suicide. We just need to build some comfort with this scary dark thing, so we can actually help people move into a glimmer of hope and get them in touch with that sense of agency that they can make some changes.

First, let’s ask ourselves what can cause one to feel suicidal at some point in life?

From my experience as a clinician, every single person, I have worked with who had suicidal ideation, was unique. They had their own unique story and what caused them to feel suicidal.

However, there was one thing that all had in common: the senses of desperation about something pain l with no hope that it can be improved.

When one feels desperate about something, but, that person can see the light at the end of the tunnel, there is hope. And when you add a sense of agency to that sense of hope, then that person will be OK. There is that internal trust that “I can pull myself out of this. I can get the help I need to change this.” When people struggle with suicidal ideation, there is some e reme pain about something, with no hope and no sense of agency to change that situation.

It’s the e reme desperation combined with hopelessness. Very important is the sense of agency, the trust that one can use inner and outside resources to make a change.

What is at the ro of this feeling of desperation combined with hopelessness? In a very simplistic explanation, we human beings have a life energy that needs to be expressed. We need to create and need to accomplish the things that makes us feel safe and lfilled. Also, that life energy needs to be expressed through love. We need to feel connected to ourselves, hers, and the world. When this life energy is expressed and allows us to feel genuinely connected, we are in touch with our sense of trust, agency, and hope. Fears, anxiety, selfdoubts, shame, sadness, loss are just feelings that come and go. Normal part of being alive.

Over all, there is love, work, and play that prevail.

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Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz

Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz, PsyD is the Founder of Creative Minds Psychotherapy™ developed to help creatives and performers live with the emotional freedom to create their own careers and lives. She practices in Beverly Hills California, is certified in psychoanalytic therapy, trained in neuroscience of psychotherapy, and is licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist.

CreativeMindsPsychotherapy.com

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

At the same time, there is also a dark side to us. That part of us that wants to destroy and end things. Sometimes, even ending our own life. As we have a drive for life, we have a drive for destruction. It’s a tricky concept to grasp, because it operates in our unconscious.

We have aggressive and destructive tendencies. We get mad and we feel we want to destroy something. These tendencies are very primitive. They lie into our reptilian brain that doesn’t have the ability to process and make rational decisions. In our reptilian mode, we feel raw, impulsive, and wild. We all operate in this reptilian brain at times.

The combination of desperation with hopelessness and lack of agency can really hook one into aggressive and destructive tendencies. When we are in this dark place, we don’t see options and we don’t trust that we can make a change. We are n in touch with higher mind abilities. Like our ability to see beyond the problem, to see solutions, and possibilities.

We lose our trust that we can access our internal and e ernal resources to make a change.

Anything that interferes with the expression of our life energy can put us into the dark side of aggression and destruction.

Any unresolved em ional trauma can interfere with our abilities to be who we can be.

Em ional trauma can be anything that, at some point in time, has interfered with us being able to become what we can become. It doesn’t have to be some major traumatic event.

It’s anything that keeps us stuck.

Underneath unprocessed trauma there is unhealed anger, shame, self-doubts, fears, anxiety, hopelessness and more. We all experience these feelings at times, but when we have some unprocessed em ional trauma, difficult experiences in the present can get us stuck in some pain l place. From there on, we can easily get from being in touch with our life energy into our aggressive and destructive tendencies. We flip form expressing our life energy into self-destructiveness.

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Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

I think the most important thing is to educate people.

Suicidal ideation is more common than we think. We have attached to it a certain “stigma” that you have to be “crazy,” it is shame l to feel this way, or that it makes someone “less than” because of having suicidal thoughts. My message is that it can happen to anyone.

Untreated em ional trauma, depression, anxiety, and addiction may make one more likely to have suicidal ideations, yet, there are those who have no such history who have suicidal ideation. Suicidal feelings and thoughts are temporary.

They come and go like waves, just like any her feelings and thoughts. They are n permanent. But, in the mind of the one in pain, it feels permanent. Feelings can have a deceiving quality of permanence. While the suicidal ideation is a temporary feeling, the act can be permanent, with permanent scars. Buckle up, ride the unbearable wave and go find help. The world is filled with well-trained mental health professionals who are very happy to see you change, transform, become something more.

I think it is time to normalize that suicidal thoughts are part of life. It can be triggered by anything. People need to be able to feel that it’s “OK” to feel like this. There is no shame or being “less than” or “something major is wrong with me” for feeling this way.

Education is also very important so people can make conscious choices on how to help themselves or someone they love. There is a need for more open discussions, on TV, Social Media, schools, doctors.

Last but n least - suicidal feelings and thoughts don’t define who you are.

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Dr. Mihaela Ivan Holtz

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

Suicide is such a complex and multi-layered problem with no easy solutions, compounded by the fact that although we can identify risk factors, we are n always able to predict suicide, and therefore miss chances to prevent these tragic losses. Although improving, there unfortunately can still be a stigma around seeking mental health treatment, or misconceptions about what treatment involves, and this is getting in the way of getting treatment to people who are hurting and could be helped. We are also still n supporting families, parents, children enough around mental health needs, b h early on when some aspects of mental illness could be prevented or mitigated, as well as later on when there is clearly a problem and families/parents/loved ones are desperate for help but unable to access it. This may be due to n knowing about which types of help are available, but also is directly related to a lack of coverage by insurance for more comprehensive, and/or wrap-around care and more effective treatment coverage at the beginning phases, acute phases, and more long-term care needs of people struggling with mental illness.

There is so much good work going on already to help with suicide prevention, and yet more that can be done. All of us can play a role. We need to continue to work very hard at eliminating any stigma around reaching out for help. This can happen in many ways: continuing to implement policy changes that value mental health care, especially preventative, at all developmental stages; increasing insurance coverage for treatment and increasing access to care by reducing barriers to care, especially those driven by socioeconomic factors; increasing nding for research on prevention tools and strategies; rther exploring the use of technology, such as telehealth, especially in terms of accessing underserved areas; increased training and screening, especially for medical providers who may be able to make referrals that can be life-saving. There is also a need for everyone to be kinder. Yes- it sounds simple, perhaps too simple, perhaps too idealistic, but if each of us took steps to be less judgmental, less critical to ourselves and hers, we could go a long way to preventing the kinds of loneliness, shame, bullying, feeling ‘ her’ or ‘unwanted’ that can sometimes contribute to an end result of a tragic suicide. When we start having kinder and more inclusive dialog, internally, e ernally, societally, and actively reach out to/check in with hers who may be struggling, we would be on the right track.

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Dr. Sarah Gray

Dr. Sarah Gray, PsyD is a Clinical Health Psychologist and Instructor at Harvard Medical School who specializes in behavioral medicine, pain psychology and rehabilitation psychology with multiple clinics at local Boston hospitals and at her private practice, Integrative Psychology and Behavioral Medicine.

D r S a r a h G r a y. c o m

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

I want to get into some important statisti first before anything else. In 2016, 45,000 people died by suicide - that rate comes to about 13.5 per 100,000 individuals, or 123 suicides per day. Of these people, 35,000 were men, and 10,000 were women. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US, with 51% of victims using firearms. Fi y-four percent of these people didn’t have a previously known mental health issue.

The answer to what we are missing is staggeringly obvious: our society doesn’t put nearly enough of an emphasis on mental healthcare. To give some perspective, think about all of the attention on school sho ings. Since the start of 2016, there have been 64 deaths from school sho ings; each day there are about 120 individuals who die by suicide.

Furthermore, if you look at the top 12 causes of death, suicide is the only one that is intentional (heart disease, cancer, chronic lower respiratory diseases, accidents, stroke, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, influenza and pneumonia, kidney disease, suicide, septicemia, and chronic liver disease & cirrhosis).

My point is that suicide has b h the scale and the ability for the process to be interrupted to make it an issue that should be heavily focused on and improved. “Scale” meaning the large amount of deaths by suicide, and “ability for the process to be interrupted” meaning that since suicide is an intentional and o en impulsive act, we can theoretically interrupt the process - unlike cancer, accidents, etc.

So, how can we do that - how can we interrupt that process so that someone doesn’t complete suicide, or even consider it? Many people will talk about gun control, and making it more difficult to acquire firearms quickly (seeing as 51% die by firearms). I think that could be a great start, could save many lives, and it would be easier than what I will be advocating for, but has the limitation of only making it more difficult for one method of suicide. What I advocate for is a new way of looking at our own mental health and mental health care.

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Ben King, MFT

Ben King, MFT is an Individual, Couples and Sex Therapist, and the Founder of Ben King Therapy, he currently practices in Philadelphia and West Chester, Pennsylvania.

B e n K i n g T h e r a p y. c o m

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

The (albeit difficult) key to making suicide plummet down the list of top causes of death is by putting a priority on one’s mental health. When we’re growing up, and even into adulthood, there’s rarely a focus on mental health - coping skills, managing stress, social/ relationship skills, ways to resolve conflict, and problem solving.

Just like we put a priority on physical health, there should be at least an equal emphasis on mental health. Instead of having a societal belief that only the weak or mentally ill need help with their mental health, we should strive to prom e the belief that everyone will need help at some time or an her. Similarly to how we expect to get a cold here and there, we should expect and know how to deal with a depressed or anxious state.

I’m advocating for this more systemic change because we need to n only be able to help those in a suicidal state, but also make it so that less people will be susceptible to getting to this place.

As mentioned above, one of the most difficult parts of suicide is that 54% of the victims didn’t have a previous known mental health issue. This means that it isn’t just mentally ill individuals who commit suicide, but people that have a l of difficulty dealing with life’s stressors because they don’t have the skills, or access to get help.

In short, it all comes down to teaching these tools of coping with life when we’re growing up and throughout life, providing adequate and easily-accessible mental health services, and creating an environment in our society that prom es mental health care.

Suicide isn’t a mystery - there are variables that pr ect from it, and those that make people more susceptible to it. It’s something that could drastically improve given the resources and effort, so why n make that change happen now?

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Ben King, MFT

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

I think one of the things we o en miss when talking about suicidality is the hope it brings.

For many people who have thoughts of suicide it suggests an option to an herwise hopeless situation. It brings agency and power to the individual who herwise feels stuck, and at the mercy of hers. Working with them to give them power, a sense of control means supporting their decision, which is scary for most clinicians.

It's required to break conďŹ dentiality in these situations which provides a double-edged sword. We encourage clients to open up, but at the same time, we will break conďŹ dentiality if they tell us they are suicidal. This then supports the idea that they have no agency, no one to trust.

Too many clinicians particularly those in private practice where the work is o en isolated, right lly so, are afraid of losing their license and this renders us a last resort for suicidal clients to be open, honest, truth l and trust l. We can do better. By going by the book too rigidly we rob ourselves and our clients of the opportunity to get better. We perpetuate the helplessness.

By working outside of the box, and creating a more trustworthy center we can support our clients and inspire them to pull themselves out of the hole. By creating support teams within our circles and our clients' circles, we can build community and trust. I strongly encourage clinicians in private practice to reach out, build support systems that encourage and inspire the clients to be stronger and to have their own agency so that we are n working from a place of fear.

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Moushumi Ghose, MFT

Moushumi Ghose, MFT is a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in positive sexuality. Author of several books on sex and relationships, creator of Temples and Brothels docuseries and The Sex Talk webseries, she is also a TV and media sex expert.

MoushumiGhose.com

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

I believe the first major issue is that there continues to be a great deal of stigma, n just around suicide, but also around mental health in general. It continues to be a taboo topic that no one wants to discuss. At least we don’t discuss it until we are forced to because a loved one or someone close to us has completed suicide. Parents are n discussing the topic of suicide at home with their kids. Schools are n discussing the topic, at least n until they experience an incident where one of the students in their own school completes suicide. N only is there a lack of awareness about the frequency of suicide, there is also very little awareness on how to approach and deal with a friend or family member who may be suicidal. We get scared that if we “talk about suicide” with the person, it may encourage them to do so. This is a complete myth.

An her problem we face is the way we talk or ask about suicide. One of the things that o en comes with suicide is that individuals have thoughts of self-harm or actually engage in self-harm. Self-harm is when a person cuts themselves intentionally somewhere on their body. People who self harm use sharp objects, mostly razors or knives to inflict wounds on their body. Most o en they cut on their arms or legs. Many people who selfharm make sure to cut in places where they can conceal the wounds as to n let hers know that they are doing it. People who self harm report cutting themselves because, “It helps me feel something when I’m feeling numb,” or “I cut myself because I have no her way to express my feelings of anger, frustration, guilt or shame,”

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Cutting is a pervasive problem and it o en goes hand in hand with suicidal thinking. Here is the problem. I’ve seen doctors, yes, even some psychologists ask a client if they have thoughts of “harming” themselves. These doctors believe this is the appropriate way of asking if the person wants to kill himself or herself. They may n understand that the person has no interest in “harming” themselves but they do want to kill themselves. The appropriate way to ask this question is, “Do you ever have thoughts of wanting to die or killing yourself,” or “In this moment, do you want to die.” I think this problem partly arises because people are afraid to use the more direct language. But if we are afraid to use that language or to even have a conversation about suicide, how do you think the suicidal person is going to feel?

Dr. Carlos Garcia

Dr. Carlos Garcia, PsyD is a former Marine and Firefighter now a Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Tampa Counseling and Wellness where he practices specializing in depression and anxiety.

TampaCounselingAndWellness.com

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

An her big problem I see as a clinical therapist is the lack of support or understanding that clients who are suicidal get from family and friends. Clients will o en hear things like, “It will get better,” “You are just going through a rough time,” or “You just need to think differently.” I have even heard statements such as, “Why do you want to kill yourself, your life is n so bad,” or “It can be worse.” These statements greatly minimize what the suicidal person is going through and makes them feel invalidated.

People who are suicidal are already experiencing e reme feelings of guilt and shame.

These statements only make them feel more shame and isolation.

An her factor contributing to the problem is the way the media portrays mental illness.

Research has shown that many people get their information about mental illness from mass media. Obviously what they see can color their perspective, leading them to fear or discriminate against individuals with mental illness. Most media portrayals of mental health are stere yped, judgmental, and o en flat out wrong. Unless you majored in psychology or attended medical school, chances are the bulk of your knowledge about mental illness comes from television, movies and social media.

I think we need to better advocate for individuals who experience depression and suicide.

We need to do this, n by focusing on the suicidal individual (there is mental health counseling and her avenues to address this), but by focusing on society and culture. We need to find ways to decrease the misunderstanding and stigma of suicide.

We need to teach people how to become more comfortable with the topic, learn how to respond when someone they know is suicidal, and ways that they can get that individual the help that they need without making them feel victimized. One of the ways I get the average person to understand suicide is that I ask them to think about the worst and saddest day they have ever experienced, to multiply that feeling by 10 and then to think about what it would be like to feel like you will never get better (hopeless about the ture) and that n hing you do can make it better (helplessness.)

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Dr. Carlos Garcia

When it comes to suicide, what are we missing?

What are we doing wrong?

As a society, as clinicians, as individuals.

How can we improve?

I think one way to reduce stigma is by getting suicide survivors and those who have experienced suicidal thoughts or tendencies to step forward and share their stories.

I saw a commercial the her day where NBA players talk about their experiences and em ional struggles. While it was good to see this happening, during this commercial there is zero mention of depression, suicide, or what the actual “struggle” is. The only thing that flashes across at the end of the commercial is “Your mental health matters.” I think we are headed in a better direction but we are still n addressing the issue head on.

This is part of the reason the stigma continues. This is the same stigma that prevents people dealing with mental health issues from getting help.

I think we need to be able to create more programs that raise awareness about the signs of suicide and what a suicidal person actually goes through. We currently seem to be more interested in knowing why there is suicide and the rates of suicide, but we don’t b her to learn why this unique individual wants to die and what they may be going through em ionally and psychologically.

Perhaps implementing a suicide awareness week in every middle and high school could help teach students about some of these issues. We need to be more focused on prevention than post-vention. It seems the only time schools and universities talk about suicide is a er it is too late.

We also need to find ways to create more realistic portrayals of the everyday struggles associated with mental illness. If media representations of mental illness aren’t improving, individuals can at least become aware of the insidious portrayals that shape their perceptions of real-life people with psychological disorders. That way, they can distinguish between fact and fiction, stere ype and reality and the characters on screen vs. their real life peers.

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Dr. Carlos Garcia

THE LOVE ADDICT

understanding love addiction

a Q&A with Therapist

Sarah Zipfel

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It is hard to define love, or what limits one can put on it. So, can you help us differentiate what it means when we say 'love addiction' and what differentiates that from what it means when we talk about someone who is very loving and giving...? What is the difference?

Great question. We cannot deny that falling in love feels amazing!

People, by design, are hard-wired to seek connection…science proves it, as do the thousands of years of procreation of humans.

Our brains and bodies seek the pleasure-filled psychological and physiological firings of love nearly as readily as we do our most base survival needs, such as food and shelter. Most of us can agree, then, that love is a universal human need…a legitimate one, which, when satisfied in a healthy way, allows humans to safely form fulfilling connections with self and others. “Unconditional love” sounds enticingly romantic at first pass, with its warm, fuzzy dopamine effects hooking our hearts and minds to the object of our love. While it is, of course, tempting to succumb to the siren sound of this type of limitless affection, healthy love has clear limits and boundaries.

Differentiating between healthy love and addicted love can certainly be tricky. An all-important first step is that healthy love is classified as adaptive, whereas love addiction is maladaptive.

Let’s briefly dig into characteristics of both in order to highlight the differences. Healthy love is safe, interdependent (rather than co-/in-dependent), allows for growth and change, bolsters selfesteem, encourages individuality of its parties, enables true intimacy, has nonporous boundaries, and cares without controlling.

Conversely, the relational red flags of love-addiction include an all-consuming focus on the relationship and/or partner, insecurity and mistrust, controlling power plays, projection, codependency, punitive withdrawal of affection, giving only to get in return, boundary violations, a lack of genuine intimacy, and often abuse.

It is important to note that a love addict is motivated in a diametrically opposite way than a healthy, loving person is. Unlike a healthy partner who, from a sound ego state, loves freely within limits, the love addict engages in what appears to be a loving way… but is genuinely driven by fear, insecurity, and the need to control. The idea of loving without strings attached feels far too risky to a love addict, yet they innately crave the intimacy healthy love will bring. As an attempt to quiet this inner conflict, a love addict will literally “put on” a loving persona, complete with modeling classically loving behaviors in a selfish attempt to keep the relationship safe, and their own needs met. This fools their partner into believing that the love addict is capable of meeting genuine needs for love and connection. Love addicts have been known to evolve into remarkably believable actors over the lifespan of their practice.

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As one might imagine, relational entanglement with a love addict does a number on a partner’s sense of reality, intuition, and sense of core worth. In hindsight, partners of love addicts report having felt confused, as if “something was off” relationally, but initially were unable to put their finger on what they now realize was their love addict’s gamesmanship. Love addicts are truly intimacydisabled and incapable of genuine love, relying instead upon a manipulative smoke-and-mirror type engagement. This leaves those in relationship with them questioning their own capabilities, doubting their intuition, disconnected, traumatized, and even abused.

Upholding a key tenet addiction studies, love addicts report powerlessness over their pursuit of their substance of choice, honestly believing that they cannot survive without their partner, or a partner in general. In the mental health field, we go as far to describe the partner of a love addict as their “object,” just as we would classify the drug/substance of choice of an addict. As with any dependency, a love addiction progressively becomes debilitating to both the addict and their object. Over time, the love addict becomes frustrated as the relational risk-to-reward is unmet, and eventually can no longer uphold the loving act well enough to receive a sufficient “ego high” off of the relationship.

Around this time, their object may begin to realize something is amiss and express their frustration to their love-addicted partner.

This triggers the fragile ego of the love addict, more often than not resulting in an amped-up pursuit of control of the relationship in dangerously abusive ways.

Are there some common behaviors to look for, in ourselves or in others, that may be signs that unhealthy dynamics are at work - because like food, we all also need love, but what are some signs that may be clues that other emotional issues are at work?

Absolutely!

In addition to the characteristics listed above, love-addicted relationships generally start out with a massive bang, rather than the kindling spark of healthy love, which steadily grows over time.

Due to their insatiable ego needs, love addicts become experts at appearing charming, engaging, loyal, self-sacrificial, caring, and overly invested early on [read: prematurely] in relationships. The love addict is very much the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” of relational dysfunction; they appear to be genuine, and are often charismatic in their efforts to secure and maintain love relationships. Love addicts eventually become highly practiced at identifying a needy, naïve, weaker-than-they partner, and systematically manipulate that person into believing their loving façade.

As the veneer fades over time, a love addict will begin to crack under the ever-elusive quest for true intimacy and belonging. In this fruitless pursuit, love addicts eventually start to exhibit unhealthy relational traits in their attempt to meet what has

THE LOVE ADDICT

mutated into a pathological need for love and connection.

Partners of love addicts often feel as if they “walk on eggshells,” so as not to upset or offend the love addict, are always to blame for disagreements, and can never seem to do enough to convince the love addict that they truly do love them.

We live in a world of social media and entertainment. Movies, Instagram accounts, and Facebook posts consistently show us perfectly captured moments of love. In movies, couples with bad boundaries, deep emotional baggage and bad behavior added on top, often, somehow, against all human psychology, end up riding off into the sunset together. How do we understand, or how do we misunderstand love as society, would you say?

The role of culture in love addiction cannot be ignored. From birth we are exposed, via media, to exceptionally unhealthy mores of romantic engagement. Literally everywhere we look, we consume a contrived, perfected ideal of how love ought to look: web, print, social media, advertising, the big screen, etc. Depending on who our significant role models were, we may have been taught at an early age that we are incomplete without a love relationship, that love is something we ought to chase to ends of the earth, and that “sacrificing all for love” will ultimately bring us happiness.

These unhealthy relational dynamics modeled by the box office (hey… dramatic conflict is what rakes in the bucks after all!), have led consumers to believe that healthy love requires a “bad boy” image, passionate chase, glamour, high drama, a bit of insecurity, suffering, risk, and even harmful elements of power and control.

The result? We average people, in our normal relationships, find ourselves feeling unfulfilled and discontent when real life love does not seem to measure up to what we see on our screens.

The mental health profession has known for quite some time that media has sold us a damaged bill of relational goods. Only recently, within the last thirty years or so, has the self-help movement begun to reply to an entirely dissatisfied population of people.

Thankfully, the comparison-trap wrought by [social] media is coming to light in circles beyond our profession. Campaigns now abound with messages of relational equity, respect, loving our “real” selves, etc. Perhaps we are ready to remove our blinders to the relational ills, inequity, and abuse that are the fruit of bad boundaries and contrived portrayals of perfection? Seeds planted by this shift provide some hope that we might individually, and hopefully collectively, question our drives to mimic on-screen idols. The ultimate goal from a mental health standpoint would be that greater preeminence be given to healthier relational schemas, on both sides of the camera.

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The mention of love addiction makes many people only think of married couples, but it manifests in other dynamics as well. What are other relationships and dynamics where you see it?

Although love addiction most often plays out on the relational stage, the effects of love addiction compromise much more than marriages and relationships. Correlational factors resulting in love addiction are generally traceable to very early childhood: e.g. trauma, attachment deficits, sexual abuse, etc. Therefore, a love addict may exhibit dysfunctional tendencies in other roles, years in advance of entering a love relationship. Similar to most people struggling with addiction, a love addict has trouble insulating other areas of life from their addictive methods. The uniquely immature, fragile ego state known to drive a love addict’s connections with others practically guarantees that life and relationships (work, friends, family, etc.,) have also historically been affected

Where and how would someone get help?

Consulting a licensed mental health practitioner is always an effective route for those who may identify love-addicted characteristics in themselves, or their partner. Additionally, support groups can be a safe, low-to-no cost resource for love addicts and their partners. Groups do a fantastic job of meeting us where we are, while encouraging us to break free of unhealthy relational dynamics.

R e s o u rc e s : Love Addicts Anonymous www.loveaddicts.org Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous www.slaafws.org Codependents Anonymous www.coda.org

Sarah Zipfel, MA, LAPC is a private-practice Counselor in the Greater Atlanta, Georgia area. “My goal in every therapeutic partnership is to provide hope, education, and compassionate insight to my clients, as they learn to apply the healthy tools which ultimately improve their lives and relationships.”

Find her at restoration23.com or @sarahzipfel

THE LOVE ADDICT

The Entrepreneur Inside 86

The Entrepreneur a Q&A with

SABINA SOOD We often get a skewed image of the entrepreneur.

Or of the inventor. Or the business owner. But, the path to an idea is always as unique as the individual behind it. And the story often more inspiring than even the product it creates, as it usually reflects a sense of creativity and true adventure we all search for......

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Waterproof Hats

The Entrepreneur Inside

...and her Shaya Brims

Sabina Sood, already the owner of a successful 7 Eleven and mom to two active kids, decided to follow her desire to solve a problem for herself and became a hat maker and inventor in the process. This is her story.

What started you on this journey of a side/ second business?

When you’ve been in a business for a while, you can see trends in your industry and I could see clearly that the convenience store business was getting harder… it was becoming much more difficult to grow with 7-Eleven. Government regulations combined with changing Franchise agreements and other factors led me to believe that growth in this business would be less and less while the time and effort required was increasing. When I bought the franchise in 2006, I thought this was my career for life and didn’t think I could ever do any other work (or that I would want to). But, after 10 years in 7Eleven, I was ready for something totally new and it took a lot of courage to give myself the permission to dream, to be open-minded to a new career. I was looking for growth, for freedom, for creativity, for independence and for a new challenge… aside from that, I had no idea what I wanted to do. The book that influenced me most at this time and encouraged me was

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The Science of Getting Rich written by Wallace D. Wattles over 100 years ago.

I have worn hats for over 10 years and believe it has helped me maintain healthy, youthful skin. The one place I needed a hat most was always in the pool or at the beach because there is almost never any shade there. My girlfriends and I were planning a weekend at a resort and I looked online for a cute, stylish waterproof hat that I could wear and feel good in at the resort but I couldn’t find anything close to what I was looking for. I was about to just forget about buying the hat when I stopped for a second and wrote down “water hat” on a scrap of paper nearby. Then I asked myself “is this the opportunity for a new career that I was asking for?". That was the start. Oh, and at the resort, I still remember seeing a mother in the pool with her baby… she was wearing a straw hat and trying to keep it dry… but it wasn’t working. I took that as a sign that I was on the right path.

What are the top lessons learned so far?

Trust your instincts. Never hurry. Focus on one thing at a time. Maintain your work-life balance.

Don’t sacrifice everything for your work, new or old. Make time for Health, Family, Hobbies because they will create positive energy in your life that you can channel in to the creative process or into your new goals. Focus on progress. Focus on the big picture. The daily and weekly steps will become clear.

Have confidence in yourself. When I was trying to get my prototype made, I spent 6 months looking for a company or person to help me. I never considered making it myself. One hat maker agreed to make the prototypes but then stopped returning my calls.

There were very few hat-makers in San Diego, and they were not responding to my calls so then I turned to sewing shops. A small sewing shop agreed to make a prototype based on my drawings and the material I provided. After 2 months I got the sample and, while I was excited about this huge step, it needed A LOT of work. It was taking too much time to use the sewing shop and I didn’t know what to do.

I happened to run across an article about an ophthalmologist who had invented a hair styling device… and made the prototypes herself (after going part-time at her work and taking classes).

That article gave me the confidence to try and make my waterproof hats myself and I immediately signed up for sewing classes. There is no way I would be at this point in my new business if I did not take that initiative and have the courage to try and do something totally new… with no training, no one to guide me, and little family support.

I believe the product I have created… the way that I am producing hats is totally novel, not being done by anyone, anywhere and that is an exciting feeling. It also feels amazing to know that I have studied and dissected every step in the production process and I now feel like a “professional” waterproof hat designer… like an expert in my field (though, I’m the only person in my field, haha). Of course I have much more to learn, but I can see so much progress in the last year. Using the power of my mind and my ideas, I have solved challenge after challenge to get to this point and that feels amazing. Every time I find another solution, I believe in myself more and more.

Most importantly, you have to stay positive toward your current business/work, toward your home responsibilities, toward everything… and be thankful for it. Give your full attention to whatever you are doing at the present moment. Do your best at it. Stay positive toward all your responsibilities.

Then, bring that positive energy to your new business. No one can grow without happiness so make sure to always think strong thoughts, happy thoughts, successful thoughts. I am paraphrasing a bit here from the book “The Secret of the Ages”, another very instructional read if you want to change careers. If your mind is on your new business while you are doing other things, it will deplete your energy, you will be constantly distracted and you will make mistakes… Fun story… my entire idea for a waterproof hat stalled for months when the material I ordered did not arrive.

From the beginning, I had believed that a certain material, neoprene, would be the best for making the hats. I never considered or researched any other material. I called twice to find out a status on my material delivery and I even reordered it. The company could not explain why it wasn’t sent out. During that time that I was waiting for the neoprene, I had a new idea for a totally different product and started to move forward with it. I did a patent search and had encouraging results, so I ordered a completely different material for my new idea.

The material I ordered for the new idea arrived within 3 days and ended up being perfect for my hats!!!

That was a miracle. I still remember the moment I was looking at the material and had the thought, “This could work for the hats”… I remember where I was standing and holding it and looking at it. I immediately made a basic hat with it and it was absolutely perfect. The new material solved so many of the challenges I was having… cost, structure, weight, etc. For a while, I wanted to do both ideas at the same time but one of my advisors wisely recommended I start with just one.

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So, I’ve put the new idea on the backburner until I’m ready for it… But, it just shows how, when you keep an open mind, the ideas just flow in… one after another.

What has been the greatest challenge?

Believing in myself… that I can do all these things that I have no training or education in, such as making hats! It took me almost 6 months to have the courage to try and make them myself. I had 2 prototypes made by a sewing shop that were so far from my conception. I had planned to just make basic prototypes and to let a professional fix them up, but the more I worked on them… the more confident I became and didn’t trust anyone else to improve them. The more challenges I solved, the easier it was to believe in myself… that I could bring my idea to life.

Patience. Not getting discouraged. Not getting too excited. Maintaining a calm, steady course.

Maintaining balance. Mindfulness. Keeping your mind on what you are doing at the present moment. Staying positive toward my current work… accepting the times when I can’t work on my dreams because I have to focus on my current work.

Another challenge was developing the patience not to force plans before I was ready. After I made my first, functional, decent prototype I thought I was ready for manufacturing and selling. So, I hired someone in marketing, booked a photoshoot and decided to run a Kickstarter campaign. My goal was to sell and make 200 hats, get feedback, make improvements and then do bigger production volumes.

Well, my Kickstarter campaign did not end up getting funded and it turned out to be a huge blessing because I was months away from being able to manufacture the hats. Also, I have made hundreds of improvements to the original model… I truly had no idea what I was doing at the time of the first Kickstarter campaign but I’m so glad I didn’t just give up when it didn’t get funded.

Another time when I refused to be discouraged was on my solo trip to Paris in April 2018.

I had a big plan, a big dream to take 4 perfect hats to Paris and to have professional photos taken in front of the Eiffel Tower to launch my social media… since the hats had kind of a “French look” to them.

I spent a lot of money on the trip and also many hours preparing the hats. The night before my trip, I decided to pay extra for a separate suitcase for only the hats, to make sure they didn’t get crushed.

Well, I didn’t end up securing the zipper well, and one side of the suitcase ended up completely smashed in… crushing all the hats on one side.

When I arrived in Paris at the airport and saw the damage, I stayed completely calm. I just used whatever tools I had available to repair the hats the best I could and I decided to move forward with the photoshoot.

The pictures ended up amazing and you could barely tell the hats were damaged at all. I was thrilled.

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The Entrepreneur Inside

What is your ultimate dream, or goal, for this venture?

My goal is to create several styles/lines of hats… hats for women, kids and men. I want to expand into related waterproof products and accessories… to innovate, to continue inventing and creating. I want to work on more and more ideas… I want to be an idea factory. I want to grow my business indefinitely. Hundreds or thousands of employees…

I would like to go on Shark Tank, and for my hats to be on Oprah’s favorite things... One of my dreams was to be in a magazine and that seems to be coming true.

My dream is to know that my hats are helping protect people’s skin and giving them confidence, too. My goal is to play a small part in helping people feel good and be healthy.

I want to produce more cruelty-free products, ecofriendly and sustainable products. I want to leave something behind, when I die, that is unique, functional and memorable…

What do you want us to know about your business/product/idea?

Most hats are made of cotton, straw, wool or felt and are not useable in the water. However, there is rarely any shade in the water… either at the pool or at the beach.

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So, I saw the opportunity to serve a very real need for sun protection by creating a widebrimmed, waterproof hat. My original focus was on functionality… wide-brimmed, structured, waterproof and light. But, as I went further on in the process, I began to change from “inventor” to “designer” and I became very focused on things like a beautiful shape, proportional and attractive size, and a colorful smooth finish.

I also spent quite a lot of time improving the softness and flexibility of the hats… as comfort and style are both equally important. I also made modifications to the original prototype that improved durability and plan to offer a support piece to fit inside the crown when packing hats for vacations… to prevent damage.

I am also researching disposable, sweat absorbent bands that could be attached when users wished to wear their hats on dry land.

The end result is something I hope consumers will find highly functional, stylish and comfortable. I’ve created the simple, classic kind of hat that I would want to wear, in the water and out.

To follow Sabina’s progress and find out more about her Shaya Brims waterproof hats you can follow her on Instagram @ShayaBrims

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The FRENCH RiViERA

by Cy nthia Malone

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The FRENCH RiViERA Have you ever been to a place that has captured your heart so intensely you can’t imagine having lived life without it? Maybe you have yet to discover that place that makes your heart sing, but for me that is the French Riviera. I knew as soon as I arrived I would always be nostalgic for this place I barely knew.

The sea shines beautifully blue against the coast. The air fresh and crisp, briny from the sea breeze. Mixed with scents of the extraordinary cuisine – the seafood, the rich butter, the Herbs de Provence. It’s a treat for the senses.

Forever is not enough time for me to spend in France, but even when you are limited to much less, you can still do and see a lot, even in a few days. You can still plan for a couple of long lunches, a few leisurely strolls and some afternoon naps on the beach. With Nice, Cannes, St. Tropez, Eze and Monaco being near one another, it’s easy to have lunch in one port and dinner in another!

The azure waters, fresh seafood and some of the best wine in the world harvested at a vineyard meters away makes France my paradise found.

This guide only scratches the surface of the endless possibilities Côte d’Azure can offer, but it’s the perfect little guide to some of the most wonderful places I have discovered on my many visits to my favorite place on earth.

The Promenade des Anglais stretches the length of the shoreline that has led myself and others alike to gasp aloud at the magnificence of it all. It’s an open-air architectural museum with buildings adorned with their 19th and 20th century edifices. The shores of the Costa Brava in Spain are a mere six hours to Nice. Six hours of gorgeous vistas that makes even the journey a holiday.

Nice is France’s fifth-largest city but is largely overlooked as tourists flock to ritzy St. Tropez, film fest-haven Cannes or luxurious Monaco. However, Nice is the gem of that coast – retirees know what they’re doing. One of my favorite spots to have a drink upon arrival is Le Negresco hotel.

Built in 1912, this belle époque beauty has a lovely terrace where you can sit and enjoy a glass of wine or a coffee and watch the world go by. Pay a visit to La Rotonde Brasserie inside, where a gorgeous 18th century carousel awaits you. A landmark hotel with tons of character, it’s a comfortable place to start getting to know the city.

Place Massena is the main square in Nice and one of the most beautiful. Spacious and lively, the tram runs through it and it is bustling with bars, restaurants, fountains, and shopping, including the famed Galeries Lafayette. One of the most striking details are the seven crouching men that sit upon seven tall pillars high above Place Massena.

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Nice

Designed by Catalan artist Jaume Plensa, they represent the 7 continents and the relationship between the different communities that are part of today’s society.

Standing in the middle of the square, with blue skies above, dotted with white clouds, the edges of the buildings rising up to meet them, the splish splash of the fountains in the background, the bell of the tram and melodic rhythm of the French language will make you melt. Just when you think things cannot get better, visit Cours Saleya Flower Market. This is a quaint square right off the beach in the heart of the Old Town.

With four different markets combining both produce and flowers, it’s a sight for sore eyes. The most famous of the four is the Marché aux Fleurs, or Flower Market, held Tuesday through Sunday. This market dates back to 1897 when Nice became the first place in the world to open a wholesale cut market. Tradition and beauty; in Nice you get both.

The market isn’t just for roses, you must stop by Chez Theresa and try the Niçois specialty: Socca. Made of chickpea flatbread, it can be found in a little cart pulled by a scooter and at 3 euros each, you can’t say no!

For a more upscale experience, try L’Autobus. Nestled between Cyprus and Olive trees, this hidden oasis is perfect for a leisurely or romantic meal. This bistro, established in 1928, is family-run and a great way to experience local flavor. With dishes like gnocchi, beignets and home-made tiramisu, it’s popular through the season so be sure to make a reservation!

All in all, Nice is a very livable city. I highly recommend making this your home base as you explore the surrounding areas. It’s close to most things, more tranquil and relaxing than the other cities (remember the retirees?) yet still has something special for every taste.

The FRENCH RiViERA

Monte Carlo

A trip to Monte Carlo would not be complete without visiting Joel Robuchon (2 Michelin Stars) at the Hotel Metropole. Even if you aren’t looking to splurge, you can enjoy an amazing meal in a beautiful hotel at 62 per person. You will feel like royalty here, that is no question.

Crisp, white linen tablecloths, herringbone patterned hardwood floors, expansive and luxurious rugs underneath your feet. It’s a palace you will never want to leave. Chef Robuchon has amassed 28 Michelin Stars - the most of any chef in the world. The hotel itself is gorgeous and offers many spectacular options, including Yoshi which has 1 Michelin Star.

The beaches and scenery of Monaco can rejuvenate you in seconds. The beauty is unparalleled. Larvotto Beach, located on Avenue Princess Grace stretches 400 meters and offers state-of-the-art amenities for the blind, by using sound beacons to indicate their position in the sea.

The natives of Monaco are not allowed to gamble or enter the Casino de

Monte Carlo, opened in 1863.

The government says it

does not want its citizens to gamble away their

money. But, the casino is a source of income for

the country and it

provides employment for

the locals.

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When I visited Monaco, it was days before the Formula One race. Yachts of all sizes lined the port and parties went on well into the early morning.

We drove in for dinner around 5 p.m. After dining next to the sea, we took our rental car, which happened to be a new Audi and drove the path of the race.

We traveled up Avenue Princess Grace, past the shopping centers, casino and through the tunnels. You can do this anytime and it is a very cool experience even if you aren’t that into cars.

Have a coffee on a swanky terrace, peruse the high-end shops, visit the famous Monte Carlo Casino and try your luck. If you don’t gamble, peek in and stay a bit at Le Salon Rose. Surprisingly reasonably priced, you can enjoy gorgeous views either inside or on the terrace.

The FRENCH RiViERA

The birthplace of perfume, this charming town 40 minutes inland from Nice cannot be missed. As you enter Grasse, making your way there is harrowing for someone not used to the narrow and winding roads.

If you decide to take the train to Grasse from Nice, you will need to catch a bus from the Grasse Train Station to the Old Town so you don’t have to make the long steep climb.

The main attraction is the perfumery, Fragonard.

Also a museum, it is situated at the tippy top of Grasse. In the 16th century, Catherine de Medici ordered a scientist to visit the Provençal shores of the Mediterranean where fragrant flowers bloomed, to make a perfume out of their essences. Grasse was famous for its tanneries. To rid themselves of the odor, the leather makers would use the region's natural scents to mask it.

Grasse

After some time, the Glovers Perfumers was born. At the time, a place where gloves were made for the noblest of families. It was also a place where poisons were created. There’s a story of a French Duchess who was murdered when a poisonous perfume cocktail was rubbed into her gloves and was slowly absorbed into her skin.

Eventually, perhaps wisely, the town abandoned gloves and became known primarily for its wonderful scents.

Grasse remains the world capital for perfumeries even today. What I found most interesting is that even if the essence of a flower is distilled from its country of origin, it will arrive in Grasse to transform into the perfume, a delicate step that happens here.

Fragonard is extra special because it is a family-run business that has been passed down since its beginning by Eugene Fuchs in 1926. In homage to the French painter from Grasse, Jean-Honoré Fragonard, Fuchs gave his business his name.

But there’s more to this picturesque village than just perfume. Art museums, little shops and the beautiful 13th century Notre Dame du Puy Cathedral should not be overlooked. If you enjoy art, there are three Ruben paintings to be found inside!

Be sure to make it on time to have lunch and try the Michelin-starred La Bastide St-Antonine which is inside the only 5 Star Hotel in Grasse (48 av. HenriDunant, Grasse, France.) This restaurant is nestled inside a floral garden, with perfectly landscaped grass lined with chestnut and olive trees.

Chef Jacques Chibois is a culinary master and the restaurant always offers events so be sure to check the calendar (and make a reservation) ahead of time to take advantage of this lovely place.

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The FRENCH RiViERA

Glitz, glamour, film, shopping – this gem is the epitome of fun and is THE place to be if you want to be in the heart of the action.

A trip to Cannes is not complete without visiting the stunning pastry shop – Laudree (79 rue d’ Antibes, 06400 Cannes). For me, their macarons are the star, from classic to more exotic flavors it’s hard to try just one! Continue down the rue d’ Antibes and you’ll find one of the most famous shopping streets in the city.

Lounge about with a drink in hand on the rooftop of the Radisson Blu, (2 Boulevard Jean Hilbert). The views will not disappoint. It’s near Le Susquet beach and near the Old Town so it won’t be hard to spot.

Cannes Walk along La Croisette, where many celebrities have walked before you. You will pass Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana and oh look – is that Jude Law inside?

You never know when you’re in Cannes. The history of film, the old Hollywood glam is what gets me every time. Dine like the stars at the famed La Palme d’ Or, (73 Boulevard de la Croisette, 06400 Cannes,) the only two star Michelin restaurant in Cannes.

Located inside the luxury hotel Martinez on La Croisette, every detail is thoughtful in its presentation from the handmade plates made by Chef Christian Sinicropi and his wife to the art that is plated on them.

Panoramic views of the Mediterranean add to the aweinspiring experience. Every year La Palme d’Or creates a special menu for the Cannes Film Festival’s Jury Dinner. Menus range from 70 for lunch to 225 per person for the Chef’s seasonal menu. Down the street, out of the usual range of tourists, you can have an equally pleasant experience at Fred l’Ecailler.

This is a place for locals. The terrace, covered with white canopies is a respite from the hustle and bustle of La Croisette. Try the Sea Bass Tartare or the Chef’s Sole Meunière. The best part? They offer a mid-day menu for 28 .

After a leisurely day of shopping, eating and drinking, visit Villa Rothschild. Now a public library with manicured grounds and walking paths, this rosecolored villa was originally built for Betty Rothschild; the widow of James Mayer de Rothschild (a GermanFrench banker) in 1881.

Surrounded by nine distinct gardens in the form of a ship, the thirty gardeners who maintained the grounds were dressed as sailors and wore red berets! A truly magical place that cannot be missed!

Our Senior Correspondent Cynthia Malone getting a little shopping done at Juan Les Pins Juan Les Pins 108

The FRENCH RiViERA

Cynthia Malone and the famous Cannes red carpet Cannes

Eze Village. Talk about a fairytale. Only 30 minutes from Nice and 20 minutes from Monaco, Eze Village is straight out of a Roger & Hammerstein Novel – but even better. Cobblestone streets and stone buildings that sit high above the sea, Eze is a francophile’s dream and offers the best views I have ever seen. The village is high on top of a rock, 1400 feet above sea level.

Make your way up to the top and visit Château Eza (Rue de la Pise, 06360 Eze Village), the terrace overlooks the sea and the village below. It is unbelievably breathtaking, day or night. Enjoy a light snack or share a bottle of top-notch French wine.

Romantic, gorgeous and an absolute must if you’re on the Riviera. The medieval village is small. You will find artisan shops, quaint places for lunch, but you cannot miss the Jardin Exotique – for 6 euros you can spend time wandering around the luscious botanical garden with views of the Mediterranean surrounding you.

Though small, it is worth the trip for the beauty of this tiny village alone. Others not to be missed are Juan les Pins, Menton, Antibes and the special gem YOU find while exploring the endless beauty of the French Riviera.

Eze “As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.” –

Ernest Hemingway

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The FRENCH RiViERA

If I'm an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food. It’s a plus for everybody.”

Anthony Bourdain 112

T h e Fa c e l e s s Tr a v e l e r

I t ' s a l l a b o u t t h e t h i n g s t h a t le ave a n i m p re ss i o n !

It's not

about who I am.

It's about

w h e re I go.

Airport Edition 114

Smoked Salmon & Dill Breakfast Sandwich

Established in 1919, KLM is the world’s oldest airline, and since then international travel has come a long way. In 2013, overall total global passenger numbers finally surpassed the 3 billion mark, and that number will likely continue to rise, as it has thus far!

Traveling and tourism is one of the largest global industries and contributes, directly and otherwise, close to 8 trillion U.S. dollars to countries around the world. Countries like France and the United States are consistently popular destinations, but with the emergence of the Internet, travel bloggers, and food and travel shows, smaller less known places are quickly gaining popularity and reaping some of the economic benefits of the industry. In this traveling game, airports play a large role, and so here is one specific thing - well loved, well tested, and a must try at three of the world’s busiest and most frequented airports.

The general rule of thumb, if one were to venture a random guess, would be to stay away from raw fish at airports. Not if you are in Vienna. If your travels take you to Vienna International Airport, Flughafen Wien-Schwechat, make sure you get there hungry. If you are a sandwich lover like me, get there extra hungry. They have the best sandwiches I have ever tasted. Multiple spots and coffee shops to buy from, many with similar menus, frankly they are all good! I say get the smoked salmon, eggs, and dill sandwich – best I have ever tasted, bar none. Paired with a cappuccino that could also stand tall on its own. Vienna definitely wins the airport raw-fish-sandwich-game for me.

Fruit Salad at Goethe Bar

If you find yourself traveling to or through Frankfurt Airport, Flughafen Frankfurt am Main, I recommend making your way to Terminal 1 to Goethe Bar. Open from 6 am to 10 pm, this spot, right in the middle of everything and open all around (perfect for people watching), might not be large in square footage but it is huge on impact.

They make delicious homemade German sausages and have a great breakfast menu, but what stands as a true testament to the quality they deliver is their fruit salad.

A good, crisp, cold, fresh and simple fruit salad is surprisingly hard to find. At airports, even more difficult. Not at Goethe Bar. Their fruit salad is always perfect, and you will be hard pressed to match it even at some of the world’s top restaurants. It’s cold and crunchy and just the kind of refreshing healthy food you need when traveling. Of course, their sausages and perfectly poured beers do not hurt either.

All bartenders are multilingual and little flags on their aprons tell you which languages they each speak – after all the bar is named after Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, one of Germany’s most influential writers – so communication is key! If you are an international traveler, chances are you will travel through this airport at some point because as of 2017, Frankfurt Airport became the airport with the most direct routes in the world, serving more than 300 destinations in 5 continents.

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Rome Airport, also known as Leonardo da Vinci Fiumicino Airport, is the largest airport in Italy, and there is a lot of good food, wine, and shopping to be had at this place. Compared to other well-known and popular international airports this one is small in size, but it certainly delivers on quality and service.

This airport even offers a personal shopper service available in Italian, English and Mandarin Chinese. This service is available every day from 9am to 9pm at the E boarding area, it is completely free and can be booked by emailing: personalshopper@adr.it up to 4 hours before departure time or you can request it directly at the airport.

If impeccable service makes your heart sing like mine, make your way to The Plaza Premium Lounge located on the upper floor, where they will make you the most perfect Espresso and if you are a lover of Bloody Marys pre-early-morning-flights this is the place to go for one. They will make it with freshly made tomato juice and spicy enough to wake up your taste buds just right!

These are the brands available among the 200 restaurants and shops at this airport: Bottega Veneta, Bulgari, Burberry, Damiani, Diesel, Dolce&Gabbana, Ermenegildo Zegna, Emporio Armani, Fendi, Ferrari Store, Furla, Gucci, Hermes, Hour Passion, Just Design, Max Mara, Michael Kors, Moncler, Montblanc, Omega, Pandora, Pinko, Piquadro, Prada, Rolex, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sunglass Hut, Swatch, Tod’s, Unieuro, United Colors of Benetton, Valentino, Versace, Yamamay. So, suddenly that personal shopper service makes better sense.

Bloody Mary & Espresso at The Plaza Premium Lounge Bar

P h o to by A l e x B u t s

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all the ways in which we b.ehave

the b. quarterly

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the b. quarterly