BQ7 | Psychology + Lifestyle

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the b. quarterly

P h o to by E . Fre e o n e 2

all the ways in which we b.ehave

RECRUITER Juliet Jones, BA . San Diego | CA JulietJones@TheBQuarterly.com

CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

D a n i e l S h e r, M A Pa u l a H . C o o k s o n , L C S W

S E N I O R W R I T E R S

M . K . A n g e l e s G i n a M a r i e G u a r i n o , L M H C

COLUMNIST

D r. C o l l e e n M u l l e n , P s y D, L M F T

CONTRIBUTORS Tasha Jackson, MA, MFT Chris Mullins

P H O T O G R A P H Y & A RT

E . Fr e e o n e , C h r i s M u l l i n s , K a m e l i a P h o t o g r a p hy, Ti a Fe n n e l l y P h o t o g r a p hy, S a n t i a g o S a l a z a r, C h r i s t o p h e r A n d e r s o n / S o l o m o n S i x t e e n t h , M y n o r Ve n t u r a , S e r g ey N i ve n s , A l ex B u t s, Kev i n C a r d e n , S o u p S t u d i o , Fo t o l i a .

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by The B. Quarterly, LLC. Printed in The United States of America.

I was the only non-Catholic non-French kid at my Catholic elementary school, and one might assume that this story is one of ostracism or contempt. But, it's not. I met my first teacher there, Mademoiselle Franรงoise, when I could only speak a few French words and I was trying to join her 3rd graders, well into their year - because my family had moved to Paris on a New Year's Eve flight from Tehran - dead smack in the middle of the school year!

So, here I was with my parents and a translator, facing Mademoiselle Franรงoise and the school Principal, Sister Marie-Pierre, as they took turns looking at me while they spoke - a combination of kindness, concern, fear and curiosity crossing their faces in turn. They were trying to decide what grade I should sit in, as my parents insisted that I needed to stay in my own grade! Personally, I was offended that this was even a question. All standing in a circle around me, I remember the decision came down to Mademoiselle Franรงoise, who would be the one teaching me. She bent down to look me in the eyes - green eyes, short red curls, and round cheeks - I liked her immediately. She stared at me for a bit and announced that I would sit in her class, my grade, and that she was confident I could catch up. I was not about to tell her that I was not quite as confident as that.

When life strips away language and presents you with a set of behaviors yet unfamiliar - it's difficult, but it also teaches you a lot about humanity. You become sensitive to body language, and notice that much is said by gaze, by tone, by gesture. And, by heart. And, in these moments there is nowhere to hide.

By the following year Mademoiselle Franรงoise had created the kind of space that allowed me to become a fluent French speaker and reach the top of my class. We had our battles, and it was hard.

She was demanding and believed in rules - I believed in challenging them. But she was fair, and I was willing to meet the challenges she set in front of me. I came to love her, and I know she was proud. As I moved on from her classes to other teachers and higher grades, I always kept the parting gift she gave me - a little hand painted jewelry box that still sits on a little dresser in my closet.

And, on that first day I did not know that Soeur Marie-Pierre was one of the kindest people I would ever meet - as I became one of her kids for the following years - finishing my elementary and middle school years under her care. Soeur Marie-Pierre put up with my tendency to test rules, limits, and authority. She was fair, kind, and even a little lenient on occasion. She understood my unique challenges in combining cultures, and never showed any resentment for these differences. In turn, I kept my grades up, partly to impress her and partly to keep her on her toes, and I put up with Bouboule for her!

Bouboule was short, wide, and as mean as they come. We all only called her Bouboule when we spoke of her, and mostly tried to avoid her otherwise. I truly cannot remember her given name. She was the equivalent of a Hall Monitor for our school, gathering us after recess, for lunch, and in the mornings to start class; and she was so unpleasant that even the other Sisters would roll their eyes at her constant complaints. Her power was limited and none of us took her too seriously. Although, she made every one cry at least once, at some point. Additionally, she taught a craft class each year, and anyone who was unlucky enough to end up in that class got teased and joked with all year long.

Eventually it happened to all of us. Of course, all of us also gave her a bit of a hard time.

She was harder on the girls than the boys, and hardest on my classmate Karen and me. Me because of my background. And Karen - because of her beauty. Bouboule would often wrongly accuse her of wearing make up! Thankfully the most she was allowed to do was to send us to Soeur MariePierre's office. So we felt protected, I think. I know I did.

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Looking back I hardly remember any of the things Bouboule ever said - save for one particularly mean comment during my punk phase in 6th grade! - instead, my memories of those occasions of being sent to the Principal’s office are of Soeur Marie-Pierre and how she would step up to me, sometimes even cup my face, and give her full attention to my explanation, no anger or assumption in her demeanor. How her thick silver braid would always poke out from under her head covering, and swing from side to side, as she walked away with quick short steps, when she went to investigate the situation at hand!

The outcome was usually fair, she was always our champion first, and could even dish out the rare detention with a certain level of respect and gentleness. In my story, her love drowned out any sound of hate, teaching me that the best way to counter negative voices, wherever we want to drown them out, is by increasing voices of love and acceptance.

If words of love are glaringly loud and consistently clear it becomes harder to hear random whispers of anger or hate. If love is the norm, hate cannot help but lose its power. If you want to drown out hate don't face it and scream angry words at it - that gives it power - instead, turn and face in its same direction and scream louder words of love. In the end, that universal truth is part of everything we do, and ...all the ways in which we B.ehave...

Dr. B. Baharak Sedigh, PsyD, MA Founder & Editor in Chief

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indigo

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Chef Jonathan Rhodes “Meals make the society, hold the fabric together in lots of ways that were charming and interesting and intoxicating to me. The perfect meal, or the best meals, occur in a context that frequently has very little to do with the food itself.�-

by Dominique McGhee

Anthony Bourdain

all photos by Christopher Anderson / Solomon Sixteenth

Chef Jonny Rhodes

Chef Jonathan Rhodes is creating more than award-winning food at his Houston restaurant; he’s telling stories, igniting conversation, and highlighting the value of community.

You use a lot of smoked/preserved techniques in your food, why is this special?

Here’s a quick look into the mind of Chef Jonny and what drives his passion for feeding your your soul at Restaurant Indigo in Houston.

I didn’t open the restaurant for awards, so I don’t really think about it, honestly. My goal is to educate people about food apartheid and make food more available to people living below the poverty line.

Historically, minorities and other people of color had to survive using these techniques of preserving food. So, I use food to forge the narrative and re-envision how household food Restaurant Indigo seats 13 people around a is made. curved, communal table and serves a 5 course tasting menu to diners that venture In the last year, you’ve received a lot of press into this Houston restaurant for a history and even got nominated for a James Beard lesson through food.

Award, how does that feel?

What motivated you to become a chef?

I grew up in Houston. I was led to become a chef because as a child I didn’t have sustainable food, and it caused me to question myself and my self-worth. I wondered why couldn’t I have the same thing that other people had.

With only 13 seats, why was it important for you to create a space that fostered communication through food?

We wanted a space that was small and petite; my wife, Chana, and I own everything in the restaurant outright…that was important for us.

We wanted to create a space that was comfortable for people to talk about sensitive issues. Honestly, I really want people to see the superhero within themselves.

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Self exploration and passion led Chef Jonny to open a restaurant and give back to a community that added so much value to his life. Now, diners from around the world, can share in his life experiences and enrich their lives through his food.

Enter through the doors of the restaurant with an open mind and palate…take in the flavors and techniques that Chef Jonny uses to tell a story… appreciate the history of the food that he prepares… There’s much more than what meets the eye at Restaurant Indigo and you’re just a reservation away from experiencing the bold flavors and rich history of soul food.

indigo

a candid talk with mariam khosravani Founder of IAW Foundation

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I A W F women celebrating women When an idea becomes a movement, there is a sense of divinity and transcendence; it even overwhelms the person trusted with it - like a rock rolling down a mountain, picking up speed and momentum - hard to keep up with, but even harder to stop.

The Iranian American Women Foundation, a non-profit organization, is the result of one such idea that so readily connected with its targeted audience, that it took both its Founder, Mariam Khosravani, and its supporters by surprise!

Mariam Khosravani laughs lightly and says, "This was not planned, initially it was meant to be a single conference! Mainly to empower and support women, and showcase who we are."

She explains that the initial idea was for a single conference where women had the chance to recognize each other's achievements; specifically Iranian American women.

A group growing in numbers, but often lacking equal representation and recognition with mainstream media and platforms.

She explains, "There are so many Iranian American Women doing amazing things, Professors, Doctors, women in NASA, and Entertainment. This recognition is important, but so often we, women, shy away from recognition for our work."

The first conference, in 2012, was based on this idea of getting women together to recognize each other's often unrewarded achievements and maybe meet and connect. Her voice picks up momentum as she recalls that first conference day; a sold-out conference in Southern California, an area with a large Iranian-American community. She says, "At the end of that day everyone wanted to come thank us, women were hugging each other and crying, everyone was crying! There was so much energy. People were hugging us and crying. It was incredible."

This was something beyond a sold out and well executed conference. The attendees' overwhelming emotional reaction spoke of a deeper void being filled, a certain cultural need being met for a sub-section of society doing a

a l l p h o t o s by

Kam e lia Ph otography

a candid talk with mariam khosravani Founder of IAW Foundation

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I A W F fair amount of contribution without some of the usual recognition - but, this was also about something more fundamental - a safe space for vulnerability and acceptance.

Mariam says, "I remember when I finally went back to my office, I had all these emotional emails, there was one from a mother thanking me because after the conference her daughter said she felt proud of her heritage for the first time. I finally broke down, and I had to get up to close my office door, because I could not stop crying. I got very emotional, and I knew I had to do something. There was such a need in our community."

Thus IAWF was born, as a non-profit organization, to create a place for this movement to grow and a platform where the community could connect and receive support and recognition.

As Mariam talks it is easy to hear the teacher and the leader in her, the perfect conductor for this particular movement.

She understands the importance of education, and has dedicated much of her professional life to supporting students. She is the Executive Director of the Coastline Community College Foundation in Orange County, California, and she explains that this too influenced the initial idea for the conference.

She says, "You know, because I work in a college community, I see organizations always giving out awards, but we do not do that in our community. It's not part of our culture. And I thought I'm going to do that, to give awards and recognize these amazing achievements.

However, nobody is there to speak about what they have, but just to share their story. And, the pride I see on women's faces....." She briefly pauses. "They seem uplifted," she finally adds.

Now 18 sold-out conferences later, the organization has grown exponentially, branching out internationally with sold-out conferences in Toronto, and London.

Mariam hopes that the organization continues to grow to give women, specially the younger generation, a place to belong.

She is very proud of a recently added program called Mentorship to Internship. As she explains, this program has four crucial pillars that take a mentee through 4 phases of support to help assure future academic and professional success. She says, "It's important to give access to the younger generation, to give them exposure."

The Mentorship to Internship program matches mentors with mentees in multitude of fields, where the matched pair spends a year working together and meeting at least once a month.

a l l p h o t o s by Ka m e l i a P h o t o g r a p hy

a candid talk with mariam khosravani Founder of IAW Foundation

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I A W F The second phase focuses on "life academy trips or weekend seminars" meant to expand the mentee's exposure to different opportunities and experiences.

Pillar three focuses on scholarships and supporting those mentees in need of financial aid.

And last but not least, pillar four is the Internship phase, where the mentee gets an internship for some real time life experience in their chosen field! "See," she says proudly, "mentorship to internship!" I do see, and fully appreciate the comprehensive outlook of it all.

Her organization is growing and its influence with it, helping to celebrate yesterday's success stories while lending a helping hand, and a few words of wisdom, for the new generation who is building tomorrow's society.

Ultimately, Mariam says it best herself in describing her point of view behind the foundation's ultimate vision, "I want it to grow and remain a place for everyone, specially the younger generation, to belong, ...because all our goals, all of us, are really the same."

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ADHD in children

A Q&A with Dr. Dorian Crawford

It can be confusing for the general public, and for new parents, to know fact from fiction when it comes to ADHD in children; what behaviors and/or symptoms should parents and caregivers pay attention to?

Behaviors that are most notable in children who have attention modulation issues vary depending on the type of problem that is diagnosed. A child diagnosed with a primarily inattentive presentation may fail to pay close attention to details, making careless mistakes, even when they know the correct answer.

Sometimes they seem dreamy or lost in their own thoughts. They may have trouble organizing themselves, their desk, their closet, and their bedroom. If a child is always losing or misplacing something important (like keys or a cellphone), they may have attention problems.

In addition, they might have a lot of trouble getting started on less preferred activities, often referred to as a problem with initiation. Finally, they are easily distracted by irrelevant information, thoughts or auditory/visual stimuli.

A child diagnosed with a hyperactive presentation may have trouble sitting still, may fidget or seem restless, might be “bossy,” may speak out of turn, spoil stories or movies for others, or skip the line when it is expected they will wait. They also may have trouble settling down and engaging in relaxing activities, like reading quietly. Some parents feel like their children are constantly moving or on the go, almost as if they are driven by a motor. Finally, emotional dysregulation, like temper tantrums, arguing, and melt-downs are a common part of ADHD.

ADHD has become more ‘mainstream’ – it is a term now used, at times casually, to refer to non-clinical tendencies, maybe an active child or someone not focusing well that day, people will joke “she is so ADHD!” or my “ADD” is acting up" – This can add to the general public's confusion around ADHD: So, what do we get wrong about it as a society and as caregivers?

If a child has an amalgamation of the abovedescribed behaviors…meaning a bit of both, they may have a combined presentation diagnosis, which could include inattentiveness, poor sustained attention to non-preferred activities and impulsive behaviors.

Time loses meaning for people who engage in hyperfocusing and makes them much less efficient. Over-focusing to the point that it interferes with getting less preferred tasks completed often is an unrecognized symptom

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ADHD is a term often used colloquially. That does add to the confusion many parents, and even adults, have about the actual neurodevelopmental disorder. The reality is that a diagnosis requires a pattern of behaviors that are consistent across environments (home, school, work, play) and were first noticed under the age of 12. In addition, as with all mental health conditions, a diagnosis requires impairment in functioning or an interference in what would be expected of a person with solid cognitive skills.

Other diagnoses can mimic many of the symptoms of ADHD, so it is important to make sure that a person is not distracted by persistent worry or agitation associated with an anxiety disorder or depression, for example.

Neuropsychological testing can help differentiate between true ADHD and some other mental health condition that interferes with functioning, productivity and successful persistence required to complete activities.

One other important note is that parents will often say that their child does not have ADHD because they can focus on activities they like (video games, drawing, legos, sports) for extended periods. But it is important to recognize that is called “hyperfocusing.”

ADHD in children

of poor attention regulation. People might call that person lazy, which is an inaccurate and pejorative description of their functioning.

When should families seek a psychologist's help?

Psychologists should be consulted when functioning is impaired. A psychologist can use an interview to make assessments. Some psychologists do testing or use checklists to help clarify between different options. This is called making a “differential diagnosis.� What is important to remember is that ADHD is not always a simple diagnosis to make.

While primary care physicians know a lot about a lot of things, it is better to go to a specially trained professional to make sure you are getting an accurate read on your symptoms and not just a prescription. Medications may be a good choice, but if ADHD medications are given for what is actually an anxiety disorder, for example, the medications could actually make symptoms worse.

What options / treatments are available to families?

There are many ways for families to manage an ADHD diagnosis. Medication can be very helpful. Medication helps the brain maintain focus where focus is needed. It allows a person whose brain does not know where to focus and how much attention something deserves to feel more control over their tasks, time, and productivity.

Younger patients will need to be taught very specific skills to aid in attention and organization. Executive functions are the skills that contribute to the higher-order thinking involved in long-term planning, creative thinking, and problem solving. They include the ability to initiate action, inhibit competing

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impulses, monitor performance, and shift attention from one task to another. Executive functions are frequently underdeveloped in people with ADHD, and coaches or tutors can help develop these skills.

Parents can also help by posting lists or instructions, limiting demands to only 1 or 2 at a time, and giving a child time to form habits around organization.

Parents may also find that discussing their frustrations about their child’s behaviors or lack of executive functioning with a therapist can alleviate the stress associated with a child with this diagnosis.

Acknowledging annoyances and impatience in therapy can help with managing those feelings better in the moment (like when a child has still not gotten their backpack ready to go to school and everyone is running late) in order to avoid a blow-up.

Regardless of the specific struggle, it is not easy for parents to come to terms with needing help, what do you say to them?

It can be hard to receive news that your child is struggling with a diagnosis. What can be helpful is to assist parents as they put pieces of a puzzle together.

Most people do not go to a psychologist unless they have an underlying inkling that something is wrong, so filling in the blanks can be a relief.

Also, the problems that are occurring at home, school or on play-dates are likely causing distress that parents will own as being the fault of their parenting skills.

While they may need to make some adjustments in their parenting approaches, it is frequently valuable to understand that they are not bad parents and their children are

ADHD in children

not willfully behaving in ways that can be hard to manage. I encourage parents to give themselves a break (mentally and emotionally), take pride in the things they have done well, and move forward armed with knowledge and solutions.

What can untreated ADHD look like in adulthood?

ADHD is frequently missed in adults. This is because many children who were never diagnosed appropriately grow up and accommodate their weaknesses by setting up systems that help them stay better organized. In addition, the frontal lobe finishes developing, thus increasing mastery over many executive functions.

However, ADHD is also diagnosed in adults. It looks a bit different but may have more serious consequences, if left untreated.

Some symptoms include: internal restlessness or frequent fidgeting (like tapping your foot, shaking your leg, or fiddling with items like pens or paperclips), trouble meeting deadlines at work or in your personal life.

Often, strained relationships with peers or loved ones who get frustrated with a lack of timeliness or poor follow-through on plans, impulsive actions (like getting into a fight, indulging in road rage, or interrupting the flow of conversations), and being distracted by many thoughts at once, resulting in difficulty communicating an idea or story, missing important information being shared by others, or feeling overwhelmed.

However, as with children, it is important to rule out other diagnoses that can have similar symptomology by meeting with a qualified professional, like a psychologist.

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Dr. Dorian Crawford, PsyD., is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Co-Founder of C&C Psychological Services, a boutique Psychological Assessment practice in Massachusetts, where she offers services for children and adults in need of assessment and evaluation – and specializes in high risk behavior consultations. Dr. Crawford is also an Adjunct Professor at Williams James College. For more information you can find her at: C C P s yc h S e r v i c e s . c o m

ADHD in children

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GRIEF understanding

a Q & A with Dr. Monique Savoie Grief is an inescapable experience, as life comes with the reality of loss - from small to overwhelming, the nature of existence is intertwined with grief and grieving. The passage of time is the ultimate mandate of life; if you are breathing, time is ticking away - and time, in the most bitter-sweet way, is a killer of things!

From dreams, to people, to trees and these days even the bees lives and loves are lost to time - and for those left behind, there is no escape and no other choice but to feel the pain, and grieve.

And yet, we speak little of grief. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's that grief is hard to quantify. In the most extreme circumstances, we give grieving a bit of time, a few steps to get through, and then as a society we pretend to have moved on.

From our loved ones gone, from our dreams shattered, or even from the natural losses that come with time. But, grief cannot be so neatly packaged and dealt with. Grief evolves and takes different shapes as an individual progresses through life, through environmental changes, and initially through the grief process itself.

We get trained on how to brush our teeth, how to care for our environment and home, we learn to multiply and conjugate. But, most of us are thrown to the wolves, when it comes to dealing with loss, endings and/or death.

Grief comes from small to large disappointments, from death, even from one's own shortcomings. We must learn to grieve at least as well as we aspire to love; but poems and weekend workshops on grief, by and large, are few and far in between. If they exist at all.

We hope to slowly change that as we continue to tackle these difficult subjects.

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GRIEF understanding

a Q & A with Dr. Monique Savoie We turn to Dr. Monique Savoie, Psychologist and Grief Recovery Specialist, to ask a few questions about grief and the process of grieving - to help us better understand this universal and unavoidable human experience.

Grief is a difficult subject many of us try to avoid; how do we, psychologically speaking, misunderstand this unavoidable human experience?

Many people try to avoid talking about or feeling the unpleasant emotions related to grief because it is uncomfortable. Another reason why people try to avoid these emotions can be due to statements they have heard such as “Don’t cry,” “Go to your room if you want to cry,” “You are too old to cry,” or “Be strong.” As a child, an adolescent or an adult, these statements can be perceived as if it is “wrong” to feel or to express unpleasant emotions.

The more one tries to avoid talking about or feeling emotions related to grief, the less he or she understands them and is able to cope with them effectively. This can also lead to not knowing what to say or do when a loved one is grieving.

Unfortunately, there is nothing one can say or do that will take away the person’s grief. However, listening to the griever’s story, keeping them company, offering them a meal, giving them a hug are examples of actions that can help soothe their emotional pain.

Grief is a normal and natural emotional reaction to loss.

There are over 40 different types of loss one can experience through a lifetime including the loss of a pet (The Grief Recovery Method).

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GRIEF understanding

a Q & A with Dr. Monique Savoie Unfortunately, there is no way around it; we have to go through it now or later. Some might try to suppress their intense emotional pain, which can lead to more complicated emotional challenges.

How is complicated grief different from what would be considered a regular grief process?

Complicated grief is a term that is still being researched and debated among mental health professionals. Although people experience similar reactions to grief such as having difficulty concentrating, feeling numb, feeling hopeless, sleeping more or less, and having an increase or decrease in appetite, grief is unique to all grievers.

Therefore, grief can be more challenging to some than others.

I believe that the grieving process can be more difficult due to various factors. For example, the griever’s mental and physical health prior to the current grief, accumulated emotions from past griefs, the intensity of the relationship with the person or the pet who was lost, the lack of education around grief and the intense emotional pain that accompanies it, are some factors that can make grief more “complicated.�

Regardless, of the terms we use to label the grief the person is experiencing, there are effective actions that can be taken to recover from emotional pain related to loss.

There is an excellent blog that was published on complicated grief that can be found on the Grief Recovery Method website: www.griefrecoverymethod.com.

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GRIEF understanding

a Q & A with Dr. Monique Savoie If someone is struggling with loss, what can they do to help their process along and to help evolve through their grief?

Recovering from grief requires talking or writing or both about one's feelings. The Grief Recovery Method, which is now an evidence-based program, offers strategies to recover from grief effectively. Certified grief recovery specialists around the world including myself help grievers take specific actions to recover from grief. The Grief Recovery Handbook (James and Friedman, 2017) includes the education I believe everyone should have on grief including the effective actions for grievers to take. It is important to consult a health care professional if you have any emotional or physical concerns regarding grief.

Dr. Monique Savoie, Ph. D., L.Psych., is a Registered Psychologist in New Brunswick, in private practice.

Dr. Savoie is also a CertiďŹ ed Grief Recovery Specialist, and was a speaker at the Grief Recovery Method International Conference in Los Angeles this past year.

D r Mo n i q u e S avo i e. co m . photo by Tia Fennelly

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GRIEF understanding

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REDACTED LOVE

b y R. Adams

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Kyle LeBlanc up close

& personal

Natural talent is difficult to define, as what comes naturally to someone who has a propensity for something, might take years for another to learn and imitate. And excelling beyond a certain level, regardless of the ability in question, is not achievable for all of us.

A combination of passion, luck, fearlessness, dedication - but beyond these things natural talent has a life of its own. Endlessly waiting to be discovered. Slowly putting the puzzle pieces together, and hoping that the individual in question is willing to listen to its calling.

Talent is about potential, not perfection. It's about the manifestation of something greater than the individual, and yet - it is not a separate entity all together. It mandates a balance between power, confidence, and humility. A combination that requires a level of maturity regardless of age - to blossom fully to its ultimate potential. And, when that talent is discovered, ready or not, there is no going back.

I dare say, for Kyle LeBlanc, there is no turning back from here...

When first introduced to his work, I was intrigued by the fresh edge he brings to otherwise popular and previously seen images.

Retro but new. Urban and sophisticated. Part beachy sands, part grimy city streets.

Suspended between the past and the future.

I caught myself staring at his colorful painting of Ice Cube for a long time. I've seen similar paintings and prints before, after all 'It Was a Good Day' came out the same year I got my driver's license and first car - I've seen this before.... but, I haven't. It's new. It's memories in a new light. And, I'm immediately curious to see more. There is a voice here, and I want to hear the story behind it.

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I meet Kyle at his current place, with gorgeous views of San Diego - where he spends much time working, and where I could see some of his work up close. We sit at the table by the kitchen, with San Diego views to one side, and a Muhammad Ali mural looking down on us on the other. And, as we sip coffee Kyle opens up about his vision and his path to creating LeBlanc Company, an art and fashion startup, focused on creating one of a kind designs and art.

Kyle is talented and relaxed, with an edge that comes from passion, and maybe a little from youth. But he's deep and confident - although enough doubt trickles into his conversation to make him likable - he has vision, and even a hint of arrogance in contrast, enough to believe that he can change the world with his art. And by the end, I leave believing that he will be able to do just that.

A former college athlete, with a background in graphic design, maybe surprisingly that combination makes sense. Physical dedication is often part of creating art - you may be disorganized in other areas of life - but you cannot flake out on your art. It takes dedication.

It needs its own kind of physical discipline. Its own practice meetings, its own alone time, its own focus on repetition.

And yet, all the discipline in the world cannot give you the creative magic that moves people.

I can feel that intangible magic in the air around him. That thing that wants to be seen, and yet cares little what others think. Kyle, for sure, pivots that line.

"It may sound strange," he says when I ask him what motivates him to create, "but, I saw this video of a school shooting, and seeing this child... I mean actually seeing it happen. It really

vibes leblanccompany.co

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Kyle LeBlanc had an impact, and I thought maybe if that shooter had had a positive experience, something positive... then maybe he would not have done that. Maybe he would be a different person..." He stops unsure if he is making sense to me. "Does that make sense?" He asks. "I totally get it," I say.

I am not sure what I expected but that answer has power, it has humanity in it in loads, and something about it speaks of the maturity underneath the modern vibe of his designs.

Every few minutes I lock eyes with Muhammad Ali on the wall and I'm shocked how vibrant he looks. Just black paint on a white wall. Shapes of black paint aligned in such a way that I immediately recognize the person and can't keep my eyes fully away, because there is so much life there. At one point he laughs and says, "I only use the black paint, I don't paint in the white. I like it like that." "Me too," I agree. "Plus, I save on paint." And we laugh.

Admittedly, I'm a little surprised because it's so simple and yet so impactful. I turn to look at him and the surprise on his face at my reaction is priceless - I realize he does not yet fully know how good he is!

I get to look at a large number of paintings in this new room, and I can see his style forming through the multitude of canvases on display his style stands out. Like a hand writing being developed. So, I turn to him and say, "You are very talented Kyle." He stares at me a bit, and thanks me. As a moment of shyness crosses over him.

I wonder how long he has been doing this; how long since he's taken it seriously. "How long have you been doing it full time, I mean, that you have been doing it seriously - as an artist?" I ask.

"About a year," he says casually.

"Only a year?! Only a year that you've been doing this seriously?" I cannot contain the surprise in my voice.

There are pieces of his fashion line on display, black and white daily wear items; and custom made one of a kind pieces with his art painted on "No!" He says calmly. "A year since I started them. There is a parallel in his taking seen, painting." experienced, recognizable items and presenting them in a new light.

"What!?" I feel my jaw drop. My heart starts to beat faster. "You mean you started painting for We walk to a back room where he keeps more the ďŹ rst time, a year ago? You've done all these paintings and one particular painting on the wall paintings, all of them, in a year?" I'm having a in the hallway, a simple body contour but with hard time wrapping my mind around it all. the paint dripping down, stops me in my tracks.

It feels like that body is going to move at any "Yes." He says simply. moment. There is energy in those lines. "Wow."

Words escape me as I try to tell him, as honestly as I can, as calmly as I can - that he has something that's not teachable, or buyable you cannot even practice your way into this type of natural ability for something. I guess my animated body language speaks volumes about how I feel.

"This is the ďŹ rst thing I drew," Kyle says, handing me a painted picture of a sitting panda on a white background on a small rectangular canvas.

"And, this was about a year ago?" I ask, still shocked.

He sort of laughs and shakes his head yes. And, as I stare at a simple picture of a panda - a good attempt for a 1st drawing but nothing too special - it is hard to imagine the accelerated growth that has brought him this far in one short year.

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He adds as we talk, "It's strange, I wake up and feel this need to paint, and I don't know... I sit down to paint and next thing I know it's a few hours later... and I've ďŹ nished the painting. I don't know, it's like I need to paint." And that's the thing with creativity that demands to be discovered and expressed, because this kind of talent comes with a certain level of pressure and responsibility. Because, when raw natural talent chooses you, there is no escaping its beautiful, yet overwhelming, grip. I'm conďŹ dent, though, that Kyle is up to the challenge.

Kyle Leblanc, is at the start of his long career, I have no doubt. I am thrilled to have seen his work, and look forward to watching his professional growth. Undoubtedly, he is on a mission to change how we view fashion and art - to change the world one creation at a time... and I, for one, became a true believer by the time I left.

Kyle LeBlanc

leblanccompany.co

at The Fairfax with Chef

ricardo Planas 48

The Sally

Chef Ricardo Planas

ph os by Mynor Ventura

Old buildings often have great stories to tell, but times change and we must change along with them. As lifestyles transform, those most successful among us adapt to new ways of seeing and doing things. Hotels and restaurants may be more bound by this reality, accelerated by the competitive nature of the services they provide. The Fairfax Hotel on Embassy Row, in Washington D.C., is in the midst of one such evolution, coming out as a more modern, less fussy, and on the go version of its former self.

The building that first opened in 1927, and once housed the famous Jockey Club restaurant - where the likes of President Kennedy, Nancy Reagan, Frank Sinatra and Jack Nicholson were regulars - is now a sleeker and more laid back version of itself - catering to a more modern lifestyle and traveler.

The Sally, their new restaurant, spearheaded by Chef Ricardo Planas, takes center stage in this transformation. Although classically trained, Chef Planas brings a modern vision to small plates served in a contemporary lounge setting - a contrast to the Colonial architectural lines of the surrounding building. I can see the parallels, as we speak, between his vision for his food and how the hotel is changing.

ph o by Mynor Ventura

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The Fairfax

Ahi Tuna Wakame-Kimchi Salad + Avocado Ginger Puree

at The Sally with Chef

ricardo Planas

The small-plates-menu concept has been gaining popularity everywhere, because it offers flexibility and variation; it also accommodates a more casual environment, as opposed to what a full sit-down menu would require.

Chef Ricardo explains, "Listen I'm a Chef, so there is a part of me that will always like a full menu... but, what I like about the small plates menu is that it lets people try different things, it's less of a commitment for someone who may be hesitant to try something new, and I like the idea that it may get some people to try things they would not otherwise try!"

The food and decor certainly aim to create a place where guests can stay, lounge, socialize, and taste a few cocktails while slowly working their way down the variation of dishes set up to share.

Located in an open area, it is a place to meet other guests, and to spend some time getting to know the great bartender Eduardo, and have a chance to say hi to Chef Planas, himself.

A very hands on approach has him coming out of his kitchen, to greet guests, to talk to those who linger on a bit longer, and even to lend a hand to his staff as bright, simple, fresh - and yet, edgy - plates come out to waiting palates. If you sit at the bar and observe you quickly see that it all works as intended.

This feeling of socializing and mingling is very much at the root of his love of food and his culinary passions. He says that his family "always congregated around the kitchen, and around food." So, it's very much about that human contact through food. Learning through food. Trying new things through food.

That's apparent in the way he seems to enjoy interacting with guests, his staff, and becoming the point of connection to make guests feel as though they are mingling with friends - and not just sharing space with strangers. It makes you stay to lounge, taste a few more dishes, and ask for a few more cocktails!

Cheese Board Selection of Cheeses | Local Honey | Daily Accoutrements 52

Strawberry’s Field a Pride month special cocktail created by Restaurant Manager Ti f f a n y S c r u g g s

at The Sally with Chef

ricardo Planas

Trained at the French Culinary Institute, he credits Chef JeanLouis Palladin, and the years he spent under his tutelage at Jean-Louis Restaurant at The Watergate Hotel, to be the most influential of his career - although, some of the credit for his passion for food also goes to his mom who, he says, is a great cook and baker.

But, Chef Planas wants to push taste buds forward, while keeping in some of the classics. Like his roasted beets dish that has a rustic French feel to it - but done to fit a more refined taste, and also allow room for a cocktail or two. At one point, he laughs, looks at me and says, "But, there is no chicken on the menu!" And, I laugh. I appreciate that. There is, instead, a delicious Lobster Ceviche I would recommend.

The Sally takes center stage at this newly sleeked out Fairfax Hotel - and, it should. It feels like the heart of the hotel, creating a place you want to go back to - not simply for the accommodations, but to eat the food again, to try another cocktail or two, and to chat with Chef and his team. To sit and listen to Eduardo, who has been tending bar there for decades, tell you tales about how a certain Princess from Monaco once ordered her cheese and charcuterie board for her dinner, after you order yours!

The Sally is a reflection of Chef Ricardo's love of food, it's where guests go to congregate, mingle, relax... stay and eat.

Where they go to connect and reconnect, not unlike the kitchen and the moments he remembers at the core of his love affair with food. When it comes to traveling and hotel rooms, it can all start to get fuzzy in one's memory, as they all start to blend in together.... but, great food, and environments that create true human connections stand out in memory, and they turn passing guests into returning friends and lifelong fans!

Lobster Ceviche Serrano Chilies | Grapefruit Pearls | Mint | Shall | Radish

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Roasted Beets Fennel | Goat Cheese Pistachios | Citrus Vinaigrette

at The Sally with Chef

ricardo Planas

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To know how to eat well, one must ďŹ rst know how to wait.

Marco Pierre White

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ART by

ROBERTO

ARAMBULA

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ROBERTO ARAMBULA

ROBERTO ARAMBULA

Your work is powerful, does it carry a specific message?

Yes. It's an attempt to evidence the dysfunctional parts of the system. To do this I play with analogies between social, economic and political phenomena matched with the animal world to show the essence of its nature, and its negative-inhumane impact on our way of life. With this I seek to provoke reflections over our habits and existential purpose. Concepts mostly muddled by consumption in present times.

How were you first introduced to painting?

I've always been drawn to painting since I was a child, but I didn't have any formal orientation towards art. My family saw this as a hobby, or maybe a problem because my drawings cost me a couple of visits to a therapist. I mistakenly studied and worked as an industrial engineer,

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ROBERTO ARAMBULA 64

All Photos by Santiago Salazar

All Photos by Santiago Salazar

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however, after a couple of years I was disoriented and dissatisfied. I started drawing again as a way to drain the existential void.

One of my childhood friends had great influence on my life and had established himself as a fairly young professional painter. When he saw my drawings he told me I should continue with painting. He believed it came naturally for me, so I asked him if he was willing to teach me and he said yes. But, his mentoring lasted a month because he couldn’t stand me asking so many questions!

So, I quit my job, left my girlfriend, and risked it all to take this road that, in a way, has been kind to me. I started collaborating with other artists who then became mentors. One situation led to another, and I ended up moving to Germany, where I still live.

How does art impact us, in your opinion?

It's a complicated subject. I think art is the human essence which is also the foundation for its development. Art allows us to generate theories, analyze ideas, experiment different ways of feeling and perceiving. It broadens the understanding of time and environment.

A friend of mine (also an engineer) asked me what I thought set the course of things: art or science? I think that both did. Science spurs knowledge, creates technologies and radically changes our society, but lacks awareness because most of the time it serves a purpose other than what it sought.

Art on the other hand makes proposals, generates contexts, scenarios and enables consequences over these changes, generating in turn ideas which later stimulate science to search for new knowledge.

ART by ROBERTO ARAMBULA

Whose work has impacted you the most would you say?

Louise Bourgeois, Francisco De Goya and Mark Lombardi among several others.

Louise Bourgeois. I think that both her personality and career are totally honest as well as a reflection of life itself. Her conceptualization is simple and brilliant, showing sensitivity and a deep understanding of the environment. Her work is capable of touching anyone regardless of their interest in art. Her work speaks for her, she doesn't need to sell any characters - and that inspires me.

I like Francisco de Goya very much for his critical social drawings that are quite complete, so transparent that they allow you to see everything he thinks just as clear, complex, sophisticated and ruthless as need be.

Mark Lombardi’s obsession with history and geopolitics‘ Interpretation has impacted me. He is capable of digesting all of it and presenting it in such a graphic-understandable way that amazingly reflects the way our world works.

ROBERTOARAMBULA.COM

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b. you

& FARINA

CHEF MICHAEL SMITH 70

an interview by Cynthia Malone

FARINA His enthusiasm is infectious. The way he speaks about his life, his food and his experiences captivated me and drew me in. I did not want to simply know about his new concept, Farina, recently opened in the Crossroads in Kansas City, but also about what got him to that point. Not only the milestones that marked his path, but everything in between.

I arrived at his restaurant a couple of hours before they opened for the evening. It was the first time seeing the space without guests and what a gorgeous space it is.

Expansive yet welcoming, every detail meaningful and eye-catching. The striking marble oyster bar set against the back-drop of the Kansas City skyline is the pearl of the space; the buildings and life on the street art in motion as you dine on east and west coast oysters, or indulge in a glass of crisp and light Italian Sauvignon Blanc while watching the sunset - the change of light mixing with all the colors in the restaurant and changing the ambiance as you dine into dusk.

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Was there anything you thought you would do before you became a chef?

Chef Michael Smith: I was in the restaurant business since I was 12 because my mother was in it. I went to college to get a psychology degree because I’ve always loved psychology but I realized after I graduated and when I was applying to grad school, that maybe I didn’t want to do that, maybe I wasn’t smart enough to be a psychologist, and I knew I didn’t think I’d fit in an office or that I wanted to sit behind a desk all day, either.

Then, I took a trip and bag packed through Europe and it changed my life. So, I answered an ad in the paper, and I got this job in a kitchen and that changed my trajectory. I didn’t really know the chef world existed. I applied for the CIA in New York and got accepted but my chef at the restaurant said, “Look, you can pay $35,000 to go to school there or I will pay you to learn everything I know.”

– I trusted him, I don’t know why – you attach yourself to certain people, but it worked, and I was happy and it was great for me.

I know you lived in Nice for a while, how did that impact your path to becoming a chef?

What struck you so much about the Quilted Giraffe in NY that you are emulating those here at Farina?

We have the Beggar’s Purses of Caviar here which is something that came from The Quilted Giraffe in NYC, that was wildly popular in the 80s and 90s.

When I landed in Nice to work, I thought I was going to France to learn French cooking that was old school - It was the 80s at the time and so [French cooking] at the time was a lot of heavy creams and sauces and burr blancs, but I got there and it was tomato Provençal, lemon, basil and I thought, you know, this is just Italian cooking, quasi-Italian.

And at one time I was working at Gordon’s in Chicago, and I had to put 120 of these things together for him one night, and when I was thinking about putting caviar on the menu I was thinking of burrata and tomato, I thought about weighing it out in ounces at the table for people but I wanted one more thing and I remembered those purses and I thought – that’s it!

Growing up in places like Lubbo, Texas, Amarillo and Tulsa, we didn’t have the Italian food New York had, so it wasn’t as known or respected as a cuisine. While I was there, I was captured by this cuisine of the sun and the herbs and it all comes together, and you sort of get it. It took about a year to think; this is good cooking.

Ever since then, it doesn’t matter if it’s Spain, France, Italy, Israel or Istanbul, all these countries might use different spices but it’s all Mediterranean, and it’s the same cooking.

You know the guy, he was a crazy guy [who had X restaurant in NY] and I don’t think you could get away with it these days but you know, if there was a starlet who came in or an attractive woman, he would bring out a beggar’s purse and handcuff their hands behind their back and have them eat it that way.

The lemons, the olive oil, the tomatoes. When I worked in Denver, there was a guy, and I got really lucky. The Chef that I went to go work for in Nice, Jean Pierre, he left and the guy that replaced him, George Mavro, who has a restaurant in Hawaii right now and has had it for 25 years, and he was from Cassis, so I had a guy from Nice and a guy from Cassis and I was able to work in both of their restaurants. It was incredible and perfect timing. Learning how to make rouille and real aioli – it was amazing.

At the time when we were cooking in America, because the chef thing hadn’t taken off yet, there wasn’t this excess of ingredient on plates, and so I didn’t come from a world that was already too much and this was simple. Simple in Denver, simple there but I didn’t realize at the time how food would eventually change, and then you have all these chefs trying to get every technique and ingredient on the plate - but they know when, really, all you want is a simple three or four flavors on a plate.

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And, one night at the end of dinner, it was 2 a.m. and everyone was wasted, I went back to the kitchen and he had brought 20 pairs of handcuffs and everyone was handcuffed to this machine and that machine and each other, it was like Twister!

It was a thing that happened, and I thought that’s interesting, this dude is different! So that stuck out to me and I thought I could make those here. And I wanted caviar here, and I thought that would be a good avenue to do that at Farina.

People don’t always think they can afford it, I was reading an article or an interview about this woman who took over the Playboy Club in New York and she had a great resume, she cooked at all these places and they asked her how she ended up there and she said she was doing some R&D for the chef for the place or the GM, and one thing led to another and they talked about all the things they wanted to do with this, and she took the job because it’s what she wanted to do. And she wanted to bring back the Quilted Giraffe Beggar’s Purses and I read that and was like, “Yes, that’s it!”

F A R I N A All Photos by Chris Mullins You have always made your pastas in house, is there one you are particularly excited about?

One of the dishes we have that people are surprised by is the Squid Ink Pasta and we do that but with the swordfish bolognaise, yellow tomatoes, saffron and I just think people are kind of unsure about it, and they end up really liking it.

What is your process for coming up with your menu and your dishes?

I am not as creative as people think I am. (Laughter) I’m creative enough but not incredibly creative. When I say that, they don’t know what I know about all the recipes, there are guys out there that are incredibly creative and I’m not one of them, but I can occasionally come up with some things. I’m telling all my chefs, start thinking about peas and fava beans, asparagus, ramps, it’ll be here in about 6 weeks and for spring and summer

it’s all about the vegetable component. In the winter, because I don’t love beets, turnips, cabbage, I don’t crave it, I don’t love it, I try to think about what I can get away with for 7 months, it’s just not my thing. If I lived somewhere where there were tomatoes year-round, I’d be in heaven. I like the four seasons but I’m not a huge winter food guy.

I love the heartiness of it but I don’t love all the ingredients you need to make it hearty. By the time, after 6 weeks of asparagus, I’m tired of it and after a while I’m done.

So, let’s say you have your menu, does it happen often where you’re bored of something, you scratch it, and do something new?

Yep, we print every day so if we need to we can change on a dime and we like doing that. And in the last 10 years, social media has changed, and we have a couple things we don’t change. People were upset with

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us if we changed too often because they had a dish they loved and they wanted it to be there, but we find the more we change and the more we put on Instagram or Facebook, that drives business. Where you could sit on a menu for a few months, we are always looking to change something or add something, something you can photograph to create business, and people are more forgiving of that, than they used to be.

delicious. It’s good and it looks right on the plate and Yotam Ottolenghi. I love when his stuff came out because it really – I’ve always loved the food from Morocco and Israel and I think Israel especially wasn’t getting the respect and there have been chefs in this country cooking Moroccan food for forever and Square 1 in SF, she was way ahead of her time and I love all those flavors and what we kind of do with Extra Virgin.

In your mind, what’s the dumbest thing you’ve done in the kitchen?

So there was this dish that I thought was going to be really good. I did a piece of bass or a filet of char, it was beautiful, it was orange and we peeled the skin off so you would see the herringbone look on the back and I did it with some roasted beets, some cucumbers and a little cucumber broth.

Oh, I see where this is going.

Yes – I forget what was on top but it was supposed to be light and refreshing, it was spring and maybe there were a few peas int here or something, but anyway it goes out and by the time it came back, because the beets and the light green from the cucumbers- it was this mucky, ugly brown, it just looked like shit. [Laughter] it looked awful, so we took it off. It tasted pretty good, but it didn’t taste good enough to overcome the visual.

If I want stuff that is Mediterranean, for EV, I sometimes look to the Asian foods because they have spice elements, glaze, sticky, sweet and sour, I just have to figure out how to do them in a Mediterranean environment not with soy sauce and mirin and stuff like that. So anyway, he helped me to think when you see some obvious things with herbs and spices and putting them with vegetables that we’ve been eating forever. “I was like oh of course!”

Who are some of the Chefs that you are inspired by?

You know a lot of the chefs that I look to, I like the guys cooking good Italian. Would it be Mossimo Batura, no, because I don’t know how to cook what he is cooking. I look at his food and he’s very creative, but I don’t get inspired by it because I don’t know what he’s doing. I’m like, what the hell is that?! That’s incredible but I don’t know how to do it. I always say this but if I could cook like Suzanne Goin, Barbara Lynch, Nancy Silverton, their food just has this – it comes from their gut and it’s a natural – I’ve cooked a couple times with Suzanne Goin and it’s always very provincial French, though it could easily be interpreted Italian. Their food is just

Italian food has evolved, thinking about Mossimo Baturo that you mentioned, but it doesn’t vary too much – where do you feel the future of Italian cuisine is going to go?

There is something pretty guttural when you eat pasta, so that’s not going to go anywhere. One of the reasons why I wanted to have the Four Kings of Rome on the menu because my name is Michael Smith, people don’t know or think of me for Italian cooking necessarily, but I didn’t want people to walk in and think this was another contemporary environment of cooking, I wanted them to walk-in and think of an Italian place.

I wanted these four dishes to be on the menu; Bucatini Carbonara, Spaghetti Cacio e Pepe, Tagliatelle Bolognaise and the Rigatoni All’ Amatriciana and that will say to someone this is an Italian place. I was reading something the other day that Cacio e Pepe is having its moment! Even in Rome, people and tourists are coming in to have cacio e pepe somewhere and comparing all over town who has the best – so I think it’s never going to go away. There’s always going to be these incredible and crazy chefs like Mossimo who are going to think outside the box.

More and more chefs will realize that this American / Italian food that has been sort of bastardized over the years they can be really good they just have to be lifted and reinterpreted in a lighter way, not quite so smothered in cheese and as Americans get a little more used to eating contemporary Italian meaning lighter, real Italian, they will accept the revision of those classic dishes maybe better. I was going to put Eggplant Parmesan on the menu but whatever version of it they are used to, this won’t be good enough, because they are used to this, probably wasn’t always this heavy thing but it has become that, and it's what people expect and that’s not what I want to serve. I think that, well Carbone brothers in NY, they have done that, they have taken some of these old dishes, re-worked them and they’re delicious.

When you make cacio e pepe, you have to have the pasta water – it takes time and you can’t do that to order. I figured out that I could cheat – if I’m going to sell 40 of them, all 40 of them need to taste the same.

I create pasta water, we get a gallon of water, pour semolina in it, boil it for 30-40 minutes and we have pasta water. We put it in a blender, take all of our cheeses and blend them until we have a thick sauce and it stays emulsified, then I hit the pan with pepper, hit it with the sauce, pasta and toss. Then fresh pasta, fresh cheese. That way we can blend the cheeses how we want, and it’s emulsified. The problem is if you don’t get it all emulsified you have clumps of cheese or too thin a sauce. So that’s how we do it, we cheat but it works.

Jacques Pepin has said that a recipe is a living document, it’s never going to be the same way twice which I think, just makes us home cooks feel better, but I also agree with him, it’s as good as the ingredients that you have. It says a lot when you can turn out cacio e pepe like you do and it’s always on point.

I was talking to somebody last week, they’ll say, Oh, my mother bought that recipe 25 years ago, I’m like, I don’t care about giving recipes out, I’ll give them out all day long because nobody is going to make it like I make it.

It’s going to be different; I’ll give it to chefs, I don’t care; it doesn’t matter. If you know how to cook, you’ll make it right, if you don’t, then it won’t.

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You and your lovely wife Nancy love wine, what was your process for creating the wine list?

In Kansas City, we’ve found there are Pinot drinkers and Napa Cab drinkers, so we were always going to keep those on the list. We wanted to bring in more Italian; more Piedmont wines, more Sicilian wines.

Not for the name but because they’re getting better.

Calabrian wines, everything south and so really we were trying to beef up the Italian part of it and we wanted to maintain our relationships with all of the Napa Cab producers - Today we were tasting Opus One, Kahn Valley Vineyards by Todd Anderson the new vintages, and really, it was about kind of upping our game. Nancy might know that customers like a Napa Cab but she can get them to try a Barolo or a Brunelo, she can move them because they’re going to be similar in profile. So, that has helped her decide what she can bring in, and our guests have been receptive.

And I love that you have Lambrusco.

Yes, it’s making a comeback, people are using it in cocktails everywhere, it’s refreshing. When you think about it, it was made poorly, or rather, it started to be made poorly because of the amount they wanted to export and the whole thing got out of control. Now it’s a good product and it’s like, how do we control it and make it better? Now we know this is good Lambrusco and what can we do with it?

There are two camps with this; where do you fall with red wine and fish?

Never been a problem with us but if I think about red wine with fish, it’s always going to be on the dark side of everything. It can be a mushroom sauce, pancetta, bacon, something roasted, charred, something – it can’t be a lemon burr blanc, or cucumbers and halibut. We have plenty of guests that come in and they want to drink Opus One with that or Silver Oak and it’s not a problem, it could be 100 degrees in August but that’s their drink. But I’m going to do charred beets, charred scallion, mushrooms and marsala – so you have some kind of backbone that can carry the red wine. but I’m never afraid of that ever.

F A R I N A All Photos by Chris Mullins Do you Sous Vide? We did it in France when I worked over there, we did it at Charlie Trotters a little bit, I really started with it at The American ( a now-closed upscale restaurant in Kansas City), here we cook our chicken that way at 143 degrees, we cook our pork roast that way, it’s called 8 hour Pork Roast on the menu but really we do it overnight with the sous vide, we do our octopus that way, too. It gets really tender, really nice.

I collect cookbooks and I noticed you have a few decorating the shelves of Farina, do you have some that you reference that are favorites?

I usually reference a lot of Moroccan, Middle Eastern cookbooks for flavors at Extra Virgin. Georgio Locatelli, Italian and Britain, it’s huge and great – Paul Bertolli, his cookbook – it’s a great reference book, his book is incredible, it’s his first, but I, what I’ll do is, well, I run a business so I gotta check on the garbage that’s not being picked up, I gotta do checks so my mind is not always thinking about food. So, when I want to get inspired, I gotta sit down with books and I just look at

photos. I don’t need a recipe, I don’t care, I need to look. I tell my cooks all the time, if they don’t know what they want to cook for their culinary life and they don’t know if they want to be in fine dining or casual, I tell them when you’re looking through magazines, and you see something that makes you want to eat that photograph, hold onto that, that’s telling you that looks delicious. I cook food I want to eat and I hope my guests want to eat it. When I’m on vacation, I’ll just look at books and get inspired.

He is passionate but humble. When he speaks about his career, his restaurants, his family – his eyes light up. His hands gesture to match his animated personality. Greeting patrons old and new, he knows their names and welcomes them into his “home away from home,” as his lovely wife Nancy presents the wine list and guides guests to a table by the window, looking out into the Crossroads and the skyline. The space only enhanced by the warmth of the hosts; the story told, through Farina’s cuisine, is love on a plate.

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Embracing Your Inner leader

a Q & A with Dr. Colleen Mullen

Your book 'Stop Bitching, Just Lead!" focuses on women, although the leadership skills can be universal, it specifically speaks to a female audience. Why this focus, and why this title?

Yes, the leadership skills I speak about are essentially universal and many men are being inspired by the book as well, but I wrote it for women because I think we, as women, can easily fall prey still to societal expectations and perceived norms. These expectations can lead women to feel that they have to “suit up” or even, “bitch” themselves up in order to feel they can hold their own in the professional arena. I wanted to give them permission to embrace who they are without that need to change how they act or what they say.

Here is an excerpt from the book explaining who the book is for and the “why” behind the title” Who is this book for?

“This book is designed to be a how-to book for you, as a strong, ambitious, driven woman to gain competitive advantages to become the best leader you can be. You may not even recognize those traits yet in yourself, but I promise you, they are there and can be strengthened. You are reading this book for a reason. You are searching for ways to tap into or build characteristics you admire in other leaders.

You have a vision for yourself, but you haven't been able to manifest your dreams yet. On the flip side, maybe you are already established in your career and are wondering if this book is for you. I say, “Of course!”. To the experienced woman, there will be exercises and stories in here that will speak to you and help you grow.

Maybe you’ll need to negotiate a higher salary.

Maybe you are contemplating a career change and need tools to overcome the fear that comes with the risks you are about to take. This book

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has something for all of us as women in a world that has told us we don’t hold the same clout as men.

I have not only studied the traits of successful women but have lived it. I did not have a guidebook. I did not have a spiritual teacher. I learned it as I went and then began studying great leaders for inspiration. I have designed this book as a step-by-step guide for you to hone your skills and focus on the traits that will make you stand out in the sea of women who hope to get ahead. Hope is not the way to the top. Mindset, strategy, and action steps are.

This book will give you what you need to succeed.”

Why call the book, “Stop Bitching, Just Lead!”?

“Thanks for asking! I was hoping you’d be curious about that. Well, the title is a command, but it comes with a permission to act differently. I find that many of my clients are seeking “permission” to act differently. They don’t trust their own instincts, so they seek out advice and find relief when they feel someone has granted them permission to take a different action.

For you, the reader, you will hear the command as you need to. For some, you will recognize bitching as complaining. Maybe you are always complaining, or bitching, about how things are, or aren’t going for you. Yet others will recognize themselves as the woman who is always putting on her bitch face before she enters a meeting, or she “bitches” herself up around the office as a way of keeping her boundaries firm and known.

For both readers, the command is “Stop Bitching, Just Lead!”. For both, I want you to give yourselves permission to hold your head

up and move forward towards your career goals and aspirations, only being exactly who you are – no “bitching” necessary.”

out what they truly want from their life, and then be able to embrace it with authenticity and confidence.

What inspired you to write the book?

What is a great advice you received on your path to success as a leader?

As I go through life and people hear my story, I often hear the reflection, “I can’t believe you are not dead!” or “How did you figure out how to survive?” I’ve always seen the fine line between not just succeeding at life, but thriving, and truly failing, possibly even doing things that would have killed me. I wanted to write not only my story, but the stories of other women, relatable, inspiring women so that we could grow into a culture of empowerment and embracing who we truly are, without shame and just focus on what we want in life. In “Stop Bitching, Just Lead! The 60-Day Plan for Embracing YOUR Inner Leader”, I detail 10 traits of strong female leaders, teach the reader how they can uncover that trait in themselves and also share my own journey, reflecting on my experience at each step of embracing my own inner leader.

What do you hope readers take away from the book?

I hope the readers are inspired and upon closing the book have gained a sense of confidence that they too, can embrace their inner leader! So many books on leadership for women are coming from women who a lot of us feel out of touch with. It is not always about incredible success in the corporate world that inspires. Stories of perseverance, climbing out from under the proverbial rocks, redesigning a life after a tragedy – these are the stories that truly inspire. I bring some of these truly inspiring stories to my readers. These stories highlight each step of the process of finding and embracing one’s inner leader to succeed – in life, no matter what that means to the reader.

The point of the book is to help women figure

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Well, my father always said, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch, Collie”. He was right. No one will hand you anything, and if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

However, what I have found is that if you are direct, authentic and believe in what you want to accomplish, others will be willing to help – no reciprocation expected. Another great bit of advice I received was to always know what the big picture is. Too often, people, especially women, early in their career will want to overfocus on the minutiae of their duties. Yes, being detail oriented is helpful, but if you can’t see the bigger picture of the company you work for, the goals you have, or the relationship you want, you will keep stumbling over details that don’t factor into anything significant. In other words, keep your eye on the prize and you’ll be able to find the path there.

Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT

is the Founder of the Coaching Through Chaos private practice. She is also the Host of The Coaching Through Chaos and Shrink to Shrink on Film Podcasts.

Find her @DrColleenMullen CoachingThroughChaos.com

For more info go to S t o p B i t c h i n g J u s t Le a d . c o m Also, look for upcoming podcast Embrace Your Inner Leader

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Life Lessons From Miss Piggy

by Tasha Ja cks o n

I realize a fictional cloven-hooved actress is not on the level of the Marie Curies or Anais Nins of the world, but can we learn a few life lessons from her pig power, can't we? I think so, because for women of my generation, the pratfalling porker with the golden tresses and bawdy attitude, was a trailblazing feminist.

For starters, Miss Piggy’s biggest fan is unapologetically…Miss Piggy—and shouldn’t we all be our own biggest fan?

Self-Actualization In the Muppet universe, one could say she was the classic rags-to-riches story.

Wikipedia reports she came from humble beginnings from a small mid-western town.

After her father died in her youth, she was raised by an unkind mother. It even goes as far as to say that Miss Piggy “had to enter beauty contests to survive.”

As an outsider from the sticks, she got ahead not by her looks, but by grit, resilience, and chutzpah.

With early traumas, people can often get stuck in time, but this babe moved on. She hoofed her way to Hollywood stardom, achieving the holy trifecta of hits in film, television, and books. She even had her own perfume line, Moi —which, thanks to its certain, “je ne sais moi,” convinced the world that it’s sexy to smell like a pig.

So, she’s kind of a branding genius, too.

As a psychotherapist, I cannot ethically diagnose an individual I’m not treating (nor can I legitimately diagnose a fictional character), so this is purely speculation. But, I feel like Miss Piggy became what Abraham Maslow defined

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as a self-actualized person, which is the “full realization of one’s creative, intellectual, or social potential.”

In today’s parlance, we’d say Piggy was the “best version of herself,” nailing every step in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: food, water, shelter, safety, job, community connection, and yes, feeling loved….by a frog, no less.

My guess is Miss Piggy transcended her past by doing a lot of self-work to heal her deep childhood wounds before she could reach her full potential. Surely, she didn’t merely slap some lipstick on and suddenly become an authentic, multi-dimensional, and happy individual.

More likely, Miss Piggy put in the work and found a way to turn her wounds into a warrior spirit. I mean, just look at her. She wears her strength of character right on her leopard print sleeve.

She Practices Self-Acceptance & Positive Body Image In a world of tummy tucks and butt-lifts—Miss Piggy embraces her natural body. While managing to stay in tremendous shape, she still preaches “snackerizing” over jazzercising.

She owns her sexuality too, never hesitating to display it to the world. She flirts wherever, whenever, and with whomever—no one is off limits… Sorry, Kermit.

Back in the 70s, a culture obsessed with objectifying women while slut-shaming anyone who dared to color out of the societal lines, this was freaking revelatory. Miss Piggy may not be in the limelight as she once was, but her powerful presence lingers on in today’s pop culture landscape.

I feel like women everywhere can learn valuable lessons from her story (good and bad) so that we may embody the confidence of a pig, and turn her personal mantra, “Hi-yah!” into a calling card for empowered free spirited women everywhere!

Tasha Jackson, MA, MFT is a San Francisco based Psychotherapist who was an early advocate for the LGBTQ community, and one of the first to openly advocate for gay parenting.

Find her @TashaJacksTweet and @Shrink_shots *a different version of this article was published on ShrinkTank.com

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Meeting

Alyssa Razo fluid artist

Alyssa Razo Some artists seem to transfer energy. A certain feeling, as if conveying movement and a certain level of comfort, their work more abstract in nature, and maybe more universal because of it.

The work is not meant to challenge your belief system or shake up the status quo; rather its purpose is to make you feel beauty, movement, luxury, ease, blue waves and sunny skies.

I can immediately see the connection to her work. I feel as though she is exactly who she is, not too many walls or filters, and that feeling of authenticity comes through in her pieces.

It takes clarity and confidence to convey that, it takes the ability to let go in the moment to transfer a feeling through an abstract representation - to make another feel a vibration contained in a piece of art.

She looks over at me, sitting to her right, and laughs and says, "I would have never guessed I would be doing this, because I studied photography, I'm a photographer! But, I was a bit tired of that, and wanted to try something different...." And so, she tried painting with resin and something stuck!

Alyssa Razo is able to do exactly that with her art pieces. It's California, sunny skies and blue waves meeting sand. You feel relaxed just looking at her work. I wanted to meet this artist whose creative frequency felt so positive and confident. Because in order to convey the sea appropriately, you have to be free and a little fearless.

Appropriately, we meet for lunch at an old staple in La Jolla, Brockton Villa, with sweeping views of La Jolla Cove - and I think to myself that her pieces would fit right in! Alyssa seems open and confident, with a big smile and a laid back vibe.

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As she opens up, it feels as though she really loves what she creates, that she would spend hours doing it, out of pure joy.

Alyssa has a Bachelor's degree in Media and Cultural studies from University of California, Riverside, and a Master’s degree in Studio Art from California State University, Fresno.

She formally studied photography but was drawn to fluid art and is a self-taught fluid artist. Her formal training is perceptible in her sophisticated eye, because although her pieces are very beachy and relaxed - they look and feel sophisticated. There is focus and taste at work here.

A ly s s a R a z o . c o m

ALYSSA Razo She credits her mom as being her biggest supporter, and adds that may be why she needed other people's feedback to her paintings to start seeing and believing that she had something special going on. She laughs, "Of course my mom would always say how good they were, but she likes everything I do, so....it was hard to tell!"

Alyssa has lived in California her whole life, from Northern to Southern California - the coastline has always been her home and that transfers in the waves she creates on canvas as if a bit of her DNA is being transmitted.

A former college athlete, her art is also very physical, because of the use of resin her creations are very movement oriented, something she often displays with behind the scenes videos on her social media platforms.

She finally realized that this passion could also turn a profit and eventually become a full time profession when she received a call from a gentleman who had seen a small painting of hers, and wanted to commission a very large version of it for his place of residence. And, he was willing to pay very well for it.

She laughs and says, "that meant a lot to me, that someone really wanted my art in their

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home." She says that was the moment she started thinking, ok, maybe this is really happening.

She also started donating some of her art pieces to charity, and she says that means a lot to her. Knowing she can make a difference with what she creates, as she continues to grow a following.

She is finally realizing that her mom had been right all along, her work really is that good. It's mesmerizing. It transports you to your favorite summer days, spent on a sandy beach, watching waves go by. It's a piece of nature at your fingertips. The sea - wild, fearless, free and contained within the corners of a canvas for your pleasure only.

a new highway to highwayvodka.com

Heaven

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Please drink responsibly. Adults 21 and older. Do n drink and drive. Alcohol by Vol 40%. Houston, Texas.

T h e Fa c e l e s s Tr a v e l e r

I t ' s a l l a b o u t t h e t h i n g s t h a t le ave a n i m p re ss i o n !

It's not

about who I am.

It's about

w h e re I go.

Summer Sips Edition!

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B a n ke r s H i l l B a r + Restaurant | San Diego, California S o u t h e r n E x p o s u re - G i n | C u c u m be r | S pe nt M i nt G o m me | Mo r i n g a | L i me

On a h day, a refreshing cocktail can really do wonders! This green beauty can be found at Bankers Hill Bar + Restaurant – a popular San Diego sp spearheaded by Executive Chef Carl Schroeder – their food and their unique cra cocktails go well together, served up in an industrial but sophisticated atmosphere. This drink is smo h, refreshing, and goes down easy. Will definitely go back for this one!

Red Bar and Lounge | Irvine, California L o o s e H o u n d - Chopin Vodka | Pamplemousse Liqueur | Lemon Seltzer

The Red Bar and Lounge located inside H el Irvine has a more modern feel to it than one might expect from a h el in suburbia. Situated in Irvine, a master-planned city in Orange County, California, the (fairly) recently renovated h el is attempting to cater to a more hipster crowd.

Young professionals, travelers on the go, and locals looking for more casual eating options in addition to great cocktails served in a comfy mingle-friendly lounge setting would enjoy this sp .

The perfect pairing with Live Jazz

T h e C u l v e r H o t e l | C u l v e r C i t y, C a l i f o r n i a Chipping For Birdie - House Infused Earl Gray Vodka | Fresh Lemon Juice | Fresh Lime Juice This cocktail feels light, delicate, and the Earl Gray smell adds to the appeal – a so hing feel added to the delicious citrus taste. The Lobby is set up as a lounge, and in the evenings it all turns into a Jazz and piano bar with live music being played, while guests and locals sip on cra cocktails, and dig into tasty dishes. This has to be mentioned, their truffle fries are also a must try. The Culver H el was first established in 1924, although remodeled with a modern and sophisticated edge, it retains its 1920s feel and has a certain Parisian charm to it.

To keep with the 1920s vibe, the h el also houses a Speakeasy style – dark and cozy – Velvet Lounge where you can enjoy small plates and drinks in the dark little corners that allow for some privacy. This is a sexy, sleek, sophisticated h el that has managed to keep its historical charm, while feeling new and modern at the same time.

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We s t E n d B i s t r o | Wa s h i n g t o n , D. C .

Fo g g y B o t t o m R i c key – Botanist Gin | Rhubarb | Fresh Citrus

On a h D.C. day this little cocktail goes down like lemonade. West End Bistro, situated inside The Ritz Carlton H el in D.C., has some delicious drinks – on this day courtesy of the great bartender Ismail, who goes by Ish - and is originally from Turkey but now really enjoys living in D.C. They serve some bistro classi but with a modern touch, and a focus on produce from the farms of Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania.

Juniper Restaurant | Wa s h i n g t o n , D. C .

S p a r k l i n g Co l l i n s Roya le – Belvedere Vodka | Veuve Clicquot Champagne | Mint | Cucumber | Lemon

The Juniper Restaurant and Courtyard is inside The Fairmont H el in Washington D.C. – with the bar situated right in the lobby to allow guests to gather and mingle – and the h el itself is located in the fashionable West End neighborhood and very close to Georgetown. You can walk to many restaurants, bars, coffee shops; and many historical attractions are only a very short Uber ride away!

P h o to by E . Fre e o n e

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all the ways in which we b.ehave

the b. quarterly

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the b. quarterly