BQ11 | Psychology + Lifestyle

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CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

Daniel Sher, MA Paula H. Cookson, LCSW

S E N I O R W R I T E R S

M.K. Angeles Adriana Michelle Ferrell

CONTRIBUTORS Th e P s y ch e d B l o g :

A r e e j S ye d A l a m , M D E u l a l e e Th o m p s o n , P h D S ye d a H a j r a h R a z v i Q u r a t u l A i n S h a h z a d , M A

P H O T O G R A P H Y & A RT M a k s i m To o m e, S t u a r t M i l e s , G a z e l l e M e d i a G r o u p , S h a r k Ta n k ( A B C ) , N y n kev a n H o l t e n , C o n r a d o , A l t a O s s t h u i z e n , Jo h n S i l v e r, P r o m e t e u s , P H . O K , K a n o k p o l P. , D m i t r y L o b a n ov, L e n a O g u r t s ov.

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Dr. Baharak Sedigh, PsyD, MA DrB@TheBQuarterly.com

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Dominique McGhee . Houston | TX DominiqueMcGhee@TheBQuarterly.com Cynthia Malone, BA . Kansas City | MO CynthiaMalone@TheBQuarterly.com

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"The cure is in the pain," Rumi wrote many centuries ago. Possibly the shortest explanation of what psychotherapy is, at its core. Pain is a form of communication, a guide.. A physician, who presses on a patient's body to find the location and level of pain, is looking for the way to a cure. The pain that starts to alert of trouble - to the lack of pain giving the signal that things are, for now, at a more expected equilibrium.

Psychological pain is no less powerful, but it is a bit more elusive. It's less linear, less tangible, less predictable, and often longer lasting. Psychological pain is usually rooted in experiences and stories so deeply entrenched in our psyche that we, ourselves, are not always aware of the deep trauma experienced and how the lingering pain manifests in our behaviors until - well, until the mental light goes on when we have faced said pain.

That insight – to face our subjective pain and combine it with the ability to understand the trauma with a more objective view, as part of an entire life story – is not a quick or necessarily pretty place.

It is hard and delicate work, and it can, in the wrong hands, do more damage than good. For some the pain is chronic, and there is a need for a long-term psychotherapy, if not life-long. For others, the need is more sporadic and short-term.

But, the same way physical activity and physical checkups, by a physician, are needed for everyone - young and old, seemingly healthy or not - we all also need some psychotherapy and checkups by a psychologist to help us gage our psychological standing. Because, we cannot always do our own assessment correctly.

And, the same way getting a massage from a massage therapist, or having a great work out with a trainer, or feeling physically great on some days (although all positive experiences) do not replace seeing an actual physician, and cannot cancel the need for more serious clinical care as needed at times – in that same way, talking to a life coach who helps cheer on and motivate, or having a great friend who listens, or talking to an insightful fitness trainer (although again all positive experiences) cannot replace seeing an actual psychologist, and none of the activities above can be a replacement for psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy with a psychologist is hard work, and often long term. It usually feels worse, before it feels better. Not unlike having physical surgery in that way! But, hard work done with a trained clinician truly changes us from the inside out, healing unconscious patterns, changing our emotions and our thoughts, quieting down our pain, and in turn improving us individually and collectively, further connecting us through our unique stories and ....all the ways in which we b.ehave.

Dr. B. Baharak Sedigh, PsyD, MA Founder & Editor in Chief

A LOOK AT FOOD INSECURITY

& I T S L O N G L AS T I N G I M PAC T Food insecurity is defined as a lack of consistent access to an appropriate amount of food for a healthy life. It differs from hunger, which is the

physical discomfort of lacking food. While hunger is related to food

insecurity, food insecurity is the lack of available resources to consistently provide enough food at the household level. In 2018 (pre-Covid times)

an estimated 1 in 9 Americans were food insecure, equating to over 37 million Americans, including more than 11 million children.

Recent research, published in The Journal of Health Psychology, shows

that food insecurity has a long lasting negative impact on our psychology – looking at young adults with or without a history of food insecurity,

researchers found that those with a history of food insecurity had higher

levels of depressive symptoms, stress, and higher disordered eating scores than individuals with no history of food insecurity. Participants with a

history of food insecurity also had a higher body mass index, and waistto-height ratio.

Suggesting that more efforts should be targeted at improving psychological health outcomes for those who experience food insecurity, because the psychological impact lasts much beyond the physical hunger.

A LOOK AT FOOD INSECURITY

& O n e W a y To H e l p .

Ultimately, each of us can start by doing something, to lend a hand to one child, one family, one organization. We want to highlight one non-profit in Houston (we are in no way affiliated with them) that has caught our eye because they are attempting to help the youngest, and the most vulnerable, by tackling food insecurity in a more comprehensive way. Kids' Meals Inc is a great non-profit helping feed very young children who often fall through the cracks because they are not yet of school age.

Harris County has the 2nd highest rate of child food insecurity in the nation, and among Houston's preschool aged children - 1 in 4 is food insecure. Kids' Meals Inc feeds children under 6, who do not yet attend school and do not get school lunches. However, when school is out for their siblings, they also feed every child under 18 in the same household.

They provide food security by giving meals on regular basis to all the children in the household, and not just an occasional meal – creating a greater sense of security around food for the children from early on, those very crucial years.

They also provide families some access to training and mental health services to tackle the issue of food insecurity more comprehensively. They help about 6400 kids on their daily route, and these are some ways to help them:

- You can donate - just $2 buys a healthy meal for a child.

-

- If in the Houston area, you can volunteer. They need about 20 volunteers every day.

- Make DIY lunch bags (no sandwiches / health code / they will add the sandwich) but with items on or similar to suggested list found on their website. KidsMealsInc.org

DO WE NEED MORE PSYCHOLOGY TRAINING

IN MEDICAL SCHOOLS?

by Areej Syed Alam As a medical student, medical student, with a deep-seated love for psychology, I often heard the question, does psychology have a place in the curriculum for medical students?

Physicians, who have written about this issue, often agree that psychology is applicable to medical sciences and should be taught to students more extensively. George Dearborn, of Tufts Medical School in Boston, wrote that psychology is beneficial to medical sciences in two main areas: 1) in the explaining of normal mental processes so that a physician could recognize a deviation from the norm, and 2) in explaining the psychological factors in the relationship of physicians with their patients, especially as this may affect the patients and their recovery from illness.

Also, in addition to those two areas, it is important to remember that much of one’s health also depends on adhering to a certain regiment to take medication, or keep a healthy lifestyle. In essence following “the doctor’s orders” often boils down to behavior, habits, and the patient’s psychology and ability to follow through.

In order to treat people effectively, two things need to be done. Namely, the patient has to be accurately diagnosed and then treated adequately.

Psychology can help in both of these areas. Psychology can help the clinician understand a patient’s help-seeking behaviors, perceptions, and their reporting of symptoms. Psychology can help in treating patients. More effective treatment plans can be drawn by understanding the patient’s decision making skills, what makes people adhere to treatment plans and goals, and give a broader understanding of the influence of their state of mind and beliefs about their health.

It is difficult to distinguish between mental health and physical health because they are interdependent. For example, chronic illnesses are related to an increased rate of psychological disorders. People with psychological illnesses are more likely to fall ill as well. Greater knowledge of psychology could help medical students become better physicians by looking at both physical and psychological components of an illness and the individual. However, it is difficult to ascertain what part of psychology and how it should be added to the curriculum in medical schools globally, but certainly that shift needs to happen, and this is a discussion worth continuing!

Breaking the silence around male sexual abuse

2

by

Eulalee Thompson

It’s difficult to forget the middle-aged man who broke down and wept uncontrollably during his first therapy session. I didn’t see that reaction coming. But when he started to talk about his childhood, and disclosed that he was forced, on several occasions, into sexual intercourse with an older female relative, he became overwhelmed with emotions.

It was the first time he was disclosing this period of his childhood to another human being. He thought he had forgotten it; he had no idea that it was so painful and he did not even know that he had been abused.

Talking about the abuse, even after so many years had passed, triggered the feelings he had back then – feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, anger, shame, and guilt. He had never before felt safe enough to process these feelings.

As a child, he expressed his anger and powerlessness by acting out and he was soon kicked out of school during his teenage years to enter a life of illicit drug use and, later as an adult, to experience several interfaces with the legal and prison systems.

Sexual Initiation

This case snippet highlights the characteristic issues in child sexual abuse, particularly in cases involving boys.

Sexual abuse of boys, especially by an older female abuser, is not often discussed and, when it is raised, it is not unusual that even the victim will minimize the abuse as ‘sexual initiation’.

Based on the socialization of boys into men, to describe the abuse any other way, would call into question one’s masculinity and sexual orientation.

Especially, if the abuser was another male, it is sometimes believed that the sexual orientation of the abused would have been changed.

In the book The Sexually Abused Male: Prevalence, Impact and Treatment, Hunter writes about the complicated issues at play and the unique problems in sexual abuse involving boys as they grow into men. For example, men have difficulty identifying some acts as abusive as they are expected to be able to protect themselves, and this ability is wrapped up in the way men are socialized to define their masculinity.

originally published in initial format on thepsychedblog.com

To accept that one was not able to protect oneself is to call into question one’s masculinity.

Psychological Impact

The American Psychological Association (APA) points out in one of its publications that “a central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of an adult that allows him or her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity.”

The APA also notes that sexual abuse includes physical contacts such as fondling a child’s genitals, masturbation, oral-genital contact, digital penetration, and vaginal and anal intercourse and non-physical events such as exposure, voyeurism, and child pornography.

The impact of sexual abuse can range from more minor effects to complicated issues with life-long post traumatic stress disorder (symptoms related to reliving the event, avoiding reminders of the events and hypervigilance), increased rates of depression, anxiety, anger, suicide, addiction, difficulties in interpersonal relationships and more.

Children who are abused may exhibit regressive behaviors (such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking) or sexual acting out behaviors, including displaying sexual knowledge and interests which are not ageappropriate.

Children exposed to sexual abuse may also display other learning and behavioral problems such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and other conduct disorders.

Therapy, and speaking up about it to a trained psychologist or psychotherapist, can help the adult individual or youth process the events and the attached feelings. Additionally, as a society, we need to break the silence around the issue, and begin to see sexual abuse of boys and young men for the terrible experience that it is, and not as an acceptable behavior as part of a man's sexual development.

Most researchers and clinicians seem to agree that in general sexual abuse of boys and men is under reported. Most experts seem to conclude that the problem is more common than we believe, it is under-reported due to its unique social stigma, under-recognized because many boys and men may not even realize that abuse is taking place because ‘guys’ must love all things sexual, and it is undertreated for all the reasons mentioned above.

· In one study

- only 16% of m en who had documented histor ies of sexual abu se (by a social worker, whi ch means it was s ub stantial) believed themselv es to have been s ex ually abused, in the sa me study, 64% o f w om en with documented histor ies considered th em se lves to have been sexual ly abused. This is w hy m any are certain that th e issue is grossly underreported.

Pills by Numbers In the U.S., we now take more pills than any other time in recent history. We take more pills than any other country.

Each year, an estimated $200 billion is spent as a result of improper use of medication, and all related medical costs.

In the last 2 decades, the number of prescriptions filled by adults and children has increased 85% while the population has increased 21%.

In 2020, an estimated 4.55 billion prescriptions were filled throughout the United States.

Opioid-involved overdose deaths rose from 21,088, in 2010, to 49,860, in 2019.

Every day in the U.S. 2,500 children, ages 12 to 17, abuse a prescription pain reliever for the first time.

Percent of persons using at least one prescription drug in the past 30 days: 48.6% (2015-2018).

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W hy D o We R o l e P l ay ?

The way we dress impacts our mood, and throughout history people have used clothing to dress up! We use clothing to role play, to entertain, to mark transitions, to communicate to the world around us, and to entice and ignite our imagination.

A study by Columbia University Psychologists found that simply wearing formal clothing made people feel and seem more powerful, and it also impacted their thinking, and even changed their speech. It makes sense that wearing a costume and taking on a character for a period of time does impact how we feel and behave in that moment. In childhood we use play and pretense to spark our imagination. Role Play gives us the chance to imagine many different possibilities, and realize new ‘realities’ within that context.

As we get older, we may wear costumes for a play and test out what kind of Juliet we would have made.

We dress up for Halloween, or for the 1920s party our friend is having – and under those socially accepted norms we temporarily experience a different side of our selves. As adults we can still use role playing in our intimate relationships (for example) to add a bit of spice to things, or to take on more ongoing characters as a relationship-alter-ego. A way to let go and have fun with each other, to fulfill some contrasted needs, or just realize some passing fantasies.

The ability to role play can provide ways to experience different sides of ourselves with our respective partners, it can also open up the lines of communication about other things – because it allows for a certain level of trust. The shared vulnerability and the acceptance that can come from role playing helps to create a safer space to communicate openly about other things.

The term “role-playing” appeared in psychological literature as early as 1943, and the studies on pretend play among children is a lot more common than formal studies of adults taking part in pretend play or role-playing. However, the minimal available research shows that adults do engage in role playing, though generally with limitations, and often under circumstances facilitated by social structures, e.g. stage acting.

Adult pretend play undertaken outside of these circumstances is often viewed as unusual, but despite the slight stigma attached to it, those who do take part in intimate role-playing consistently report that they experience lots of benefits from these leisure activities, including but not limited to improved problem solving skills, identity exploration, increases in self-awareness and empathy, and sometimes even extending to experiences of community building and community growth!

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Emotions & Rationality

By Syeda Hajrah Razvi

If you are asked to think about someone who is very rational, what kind of characteristics come to mind? Your imagined rational being is likely to be someone very logical and intelligent; someone who is objective and can be reasoned with; possibly someone very level headed and stable. In other words, this logical someone is not likely to be an ‘emotional’ person!

Why do I say this? Because the characteristics we generally associate with rationality rarely leave much room for emotions. If you look at characters in movies and TV series, those who are portrayed as extremely competent, intelligent and rational, often lack a certain degree of emotionality – and this lack of ‘emotion’ helps them make smart and calculated moves. But, emotions are what drive us – from getting out of bed, working towards our goals, to being protective of our children and taking precautions against possible dangers.

Emotions are built-in survival mechanisms, without them the question of rationality would cease to exist. In his book “Descartes’ Error”, Antonio Damasio talks about one of his patients Elliot, who lost a large part of his frontal lobe during the removal of his brain tumor. After the surgery, what Elliot had lost along with portions of his frontal lobe was the ability to prioritize.

He could not hold down a job because he would keep shifting between tasks, unable to decide what was more important. Our emotions are guide posts, per se, to help us prioritize, to pay attention, to adjust….etc.

Emotions help us to set priorities, like going to college, having a career, getting married – they tell us what we care about. Thus, a loss of emotional capacity will not suddenly turn you into a smart intellectual creature like the famous rational Spock character, instead it will cause your rationality to fail.

Our rationality exists because we have emotions.

But taking a rational decision has nothing to do with being emotional in the moment. You may punch your boss in a burst of anger, which is not a rational thing to do, but that doesn’t mean that anger itself is irrational.

Our decisions are influenced by how we evaluate things. These evaluations depend on a number of things, one of which is how we feel at the time i.e. our current emotional state. And contrary to what many may assume, failure to recognize those emotions increases the likelihood of an irrational act or behavior… like punching your boss!

As important as emotions are, they do, at times, interfere with objective judgments and that was shown by Schwarz and Clore, back in 1983.

They surveyed people about their life satisfaction and found that people who were in a better mood because of being surveyed on sunny days reported higher levels of life satisfaction than those who were in a worse mood because of being surveyed on rainy days.

emotions & rationality

This is a common phenomenon that we all experience. We tend to attribute our current emotional state to whatever is the focus of our attention. There is nothing wrong with this when the object of our attention is actually the cause of our emotion. What makes this irrational is when we wrongly attribute our feelings, specially to things that may be completely unrelated.

From an evolutionary perspective, the prefrontal cortex - which is responsible for conscious decision making and judgment - is relatively new. Thus, when confronted with a choice of options, an emotional response comes more readily than a logical one.

The neuro economist Ernt Fehr has done extensive research on the neural pathways involved in decision making. He used fMRIs to study the brain activity of participants playing games involving finance and economics.

His research shows that when a player takes calculated, logical decisions to take down an opponent, emotional and social pathways in the brain also light up.

This finding has also been confirmed by other research that suggest similar links between rational and emotional decision making. In other words, no matter how much it looks like it, even our most logical decisions are not completely unemotional.

One of the most common reasons why our rationality fails is because we are loss aversive.

Thus, our judgments are easily influenced by whether something is presented as a gain or a loss (framing effect), something that advertisers love to cash in on!

This effect is nicely illustrated in a research by Levin et al in which subjects were urged to participate in some activity (e.g. wearing a seatbelt). It was found that individuals were more likely to participate when the plea emphasized the disadvantages of not engaging in the activity as opposed to its advantages.

An interesting aspect of our rationality can be understood by looking at the Wason Selection Task. Imagine a deck of cards in which each card has a color on one side and a number on the other. There is only one rule to be remembered: if a card has an even number on one side, it must be red on the flip side. The dealer places four cards in front of you: a three, an eight, a red card and a brown card. Which card or cards must you turn over to prove that the rule is true?

In 1977, Peter Wason conducted a slightly different version of this experiment and though the puzzle is quite simple, he found that less than 10% of the participants got the answer correct.

Now, for the fun part, let’s look at your answer. If you answered three or eight, or only the red or only the brown card then your logic was duped like 90% of Wason’s subjects.

Photo by

Maksim Toome

Photo by Maksim Toome

emotions & rationality

The color on the back of the three card doesn’t tell you anything, and the red card can have any number on its back without violating the rule.

The answer is to turn over both the eight card as well as the brown card. If the eight card doesn’t have red on its back, that violates the rule.

Similarly, if the brown card has an even number on its back, that also violates the rule.

Research has found that the same task becomes much easier when looked at in a social context, partially due to the emotional cues.

Suppose you are a bartender and you cannot let people under 21 buy alcohol. The four cards, in this case, have a drink on one side and the age of the person drinking it, on the other.

So your cards show: 26, wine, coke, 17. Which of the cards do you turn over to see if the drinker is obeying the law?

The cards 26 and coke tell you nothing. So you must check the age of the wine drinker and the drink of the 17 year old to see if the law is being broken. Thus the answer is wine and 17. The same problem now seems pretty simple, doesn’t it?

Emotions give us a lot of information about our surroundings and ourselves, and the most rational decisions are always made while including our emotions in the equation.

DEATH ACROSS CULTURES

by Nicolette Campbell

In the multicultural world of the 21st century we are, In the multicultural world of the 21st century more than ever, exposed to the vast variety of our fellow human beings. We have the chance to observe the amazing differences in the foods we eat, the fashions we wear, and the holidays and traditions we observe. Yet one subject that fascinates most of us on a cultural level is one that many of us are reluctant to discuss, as it calls the end of all these experiences, and that is the subject of death.

Death is the one universal absolute that we all must eventually accept. Everyone in the world, whether rich or poor, regardless of race, age, gender or creed is going to die. Now, how one handles this statement, whether with utter horror or calm resignation, will depend a great deal on what culture(s) one is brought up in.

These different beliefs have certainly lead to different ways of mourning the dead. While it is usually common and expected for the survivors of the deceased to go into a mourning period, the methods for mourning will greatly differ. Some mourning periods take place the first few months after death occurs, others are a lifelong event. Different behaviors for expressing grief range from crying and withdrawal from social events, to celebration and expressions of happiness for the deceased’s moving on.

Despite the fact that death is experienced in every corner of the planet, mankind’s approach to dealing with death is anything but generalized. On the contrary, different cultures of the world each have their unique ways of both viewing and accepting death.

A particularly interesting rift in the cultural view of death is the one that exists between the western world and other countries. In western civilization death is often viewed negatively and is a subject of great fear and dread. It is considered taboo to even talk about death in most circumstances, especially around children. This bleak outlook is said to stem from western societies’ great emphasis on individuality and the value of personal achievement.

This diversity begins with the very definition of death itself. A typical explanation of death is “the permanent cessation of all vital functions: the end of life”, yet in some parts of the world death would be defined very differently. Some societies would classify death as something that occurs at a certain age, even though the body continues to function afterwards.

Others consider death to occur when the soul detaches itself from the body, which may not happen until days after the body has shut down. Then there are the various ideas about what happens to people after they die.

For example, in Hinduism death is something that is experienced multiple times by people as they reincarnate into new lives.

Most Christian religions determine that once dead the soul must transcend to another plain forever, and that souls must account for their deeds in life before meeting their final destiny. Other viewpoints include the concept of the souls of the dead remaining on earth in spirit only, and involve customs for keeping the deceased happy while they are here.

The various customs and rituals surrounding the burial of the dead range from the practical to the bizarre, and encompass the values of their society. Factors that influence burial rites include religious views and the issues of public health and safety regarding the disposal of corpses.

Death being “the great equalizer” and the ultimate end of personal identity inspires the fear that one becomes insignificant and easily forgotten once one has passed on. Western cultures’ preoccupation with the pursuit of happiness also makes talk of death seem counterproductive. Ironically, this approach to the idea of dying has been shown to actually increase death anxiety for individuals.

On the other side of the spectrum; in cultures with higher emphasis on the importance of tradition, community, and family, death is shown in a far more agreeable light.

“Dia de Muertos” or “Day of the Dead”, one of Mexico’s most memorable holidays, portrays the dead as vital members of the community the same as the living.

Children are an essential part of the holiday and are encouraged to discuss death and dying with their elders.

Whole communities gather in graveyards to decorate the graves of their dead family members with flowers and to

celebrate with them as though they were still alive.

Asian civilizations’ devotion toward ancestors and family also embrace this more accepting and integrated view of death. Contemporary Halloween in the U.S., featuring flesh eating zombies and vengeful ghosts, stands as quite the contrast to Dia de Muertos’ iconic images of dancing, partying, and all-around-funloving-dead-folk.

The fear of death, which is constantly with us, is said to be a driving force for many of our actions. This fear is known as “death anxiety” and is usually found in all human beings to some degree, regardless of where they come from or how they were brought up.

DEATH ACROSS CULTURES

Another reason death can be controversial is because of its inescapable ties to all our religious and social world views. All of our most personal beliefs come into play when thinking about what happens to us after we die.

Therefore, what religion you practice, or whether you have religious beliefs at all, will often help determine how you handle your own death or the death of another.

At times, people with clashing beliefs can become shocked or angered by each other’s different approaches to such a momentous event, as these beliefs have deep psychological roots in most of us.

What is important to remember, however, is that these differences, no matter how drastic, all stem from the same basic feeling; the desire to understand the mystery of death.

Diversity is part of human nature; we, as individuals, cannot possibly be one hundred percent the same.

Inevitably, each culture’s history combined with the stories of the individuals within it, create unique experiences which shape our views of death and dying. In this way, looking at how we each deal with death can be the best window into how we experience and live our lives.

Photos by Prometeus

La Folie à Deux

Folie à Deux translates into ‘madness of two’, or more formally known as Shared Psychotic Disorder - it is a shared delusion. It is when delusional beliefs are shared by two (or in some cases more) people, and often the delusion is transferred from one primary individual to another. The individuals often have, or develop, very close emotional ties – and cases have been known of folie à trois, à quatre, or folie à famille – where the entire family is entrenched in the delusion, creating an entire system around the symptoms of the disorder.

In the DSM-5, Shared Psychotic Disorder was removed as a separate disease entity and was included with specified schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic disorders. Research seems to show that those who suffer from this disorder require long term treatment including separation, medication (like anti-psychotics), along with long term individual psychotherapy, and also family therapy.

There are four different types: Imposed Psychosis: delusions are transferred from one individual to another with the existence of an intimate relationship. This type responds well to separation, where the delusion dissipates more quickly when individuals are separated.

Simultaneous Psychosis: partners share the psychosis and delusional beliefs simultaneously.

Communicated Psychosis: this type is similar to Imposed Psychosis but there tends to be more resistance to the delusion by the second partner.

Induced Psychosis: additional new delusions are induced to the secondary partner by the primary partner. This type is more prevalent among two individuals with mental illness.

Some key factors: Length of a relationship seems to have an impact, as studies show that a long relationship duration is a big factor for developing this condition.

Untreated Mental Illness in the primary individual. Untreated chronic mental conditions can be a risk factor to influence partners or other family members.

The nature of the relationship seems to matter, a majority of cases are among family members.

The most common being married or commonlaw couples, and the second most common cases are among sisters.

Cognitive Impairment: It has been noted that secondary individuals may lack good judgment, and those diagnosed with a mental disorder, i.e., schizophrenia, bipolar affective disorder, depression, dementia or mental retardation carry a higher risk to be influenced by another.

Social Isolation is another contributing factor, with most cases showing poor interaction with society. This also influences the need to agree with certain ideas to maintain a mutual relationship in lack of other social connections or options.

Additionally, stressful life events could influence the individual to accept certain delusions or lessen the ability to resist the feelings/emotions they would otherwise reject.

ways to reduce fear of failure

By Qurat ul Ain Shahzad

We all fear failure to some degree. No one likes to be defeated or be marked as a failure in life. There is also an increased tendency—for humans in general—to take failure and rejection very personally. The reality is that some failure is inevitable, and needed for growth, but the trick is to try and minimize our fear of failure. The best way to understand the deeply ro ed reasons behind our particular fears is to dedicate time to therapy, and to see a Psychologist, to understand the psychological ro s of our specific fears. But there are a few habits we can pick up to help us better face and overcome our fears around failure: DARE TO EXPERIMENT - Challenging yourself to take small steps outside your comfort zone can help acclimate you to the feelings one must face when doing something new and/or challenging. If an idea pops up in your head, about a new activity or place, something a bit outside your comfort zone, give yourself permission to be curious and try it.

FEED YOUR CREATIVITY - Do something creative like painting, or dancing, or putting on a play. Write a poem for someone you love. Even if your lifestyle does n allow you to try completely new things, do the old things in new ways. Re-arrange your rniture, try cooking new dishes without a recipe, dance to a foreign song.

Creativity can help us see that sometimes there is no right and wrong, and being able to relax and create can teach us to use the same level of calmness…. and be creative and problem solve when facing bigger challenges. Being creative can also increase self-confidence, and improve productivity.

TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN! - Bear in mind one thing, people who tell themselves that they will, are o en the ones who do. The conversation within yourself is important. Tell yourself that you can accomplish things beyond your fears.

You have p ential to grow from your fears, and evolve past them.

LEARNING IN THE PROC S - Even if you fail at something, do it with the confidence of knowing that in the end you will end up learning important lessons, and will do a better job ne time by avoiding these very mistakes.

S I D

C O S

T A I

N O I

DISSOCIATION a lack of continuity Dissociation is a disconnection or ns, memories, surroundbetween one’s thoughts, perceptio ciation is one of the ways ings, behaviors, and identity. Disso ss, often during and after the mind copes with too much stre dissociation can be short – a traumatic event. Experiences of through a difficult for minutes to maybe hours to get ving or finishing a task. experience or even to focus on sol nscious and the result of But, dissociation that is more unco use often lasts longer… experienced or current trauma or ab r more – and it often as in days, weeks, and months o of an individual’s permeates multiple (if not all) areas psychological functioning. blems with memory, identity, Dissociative symptoms involve pro sense of self. Examples of emotion, perception, behavior and chment or feeling as if one dissociative symptoms include deta f memory or amnesia. is outside of one’s body, and loss o e disruptive in many areas Dissociative symptoms that becom sually symptoms of a more of psychological functioning are u iative Disorders are often serious Dissociative Disorder. Dissoc ce(s) of trauma. There are associated with previous experien s: three types of dissociative disorder • Dissociative Identity Disorder • Dissociative Amnesia n Disorder • Depersonalization / Derealizatio

b.elieve patterns

W H AT I S E M A I L OV E RW H E L M ?

Email Overwhelm, also referred to as Inbox overwhelm, happens when there is such a large number of unread emails, and so many emails to respond to, that we get overwhelmed and become a bit stuck and anxious – feeling as though it is impossible to catch up – leading to anxiety, leading to avoidance, and leading to more anxiety.

This is not an actual clinical disorder (as of yet) but, it would be difficult to live in today’s society and not connect with this concept – and it would be almost impossible, for a clinician, to deny the level of anxiety that people keep reporting when it comes to work and emails, or emails in general – How and when to catch up? How much to say, or not say? How personal or nonpersonal should it be? But, most crucially – when and how do I get through all these emails every day?

From professional, to personal, to our shopping, and all the little weird and fun things in between – these days, there is an email attached to everything. Many of us now have a love/hate relationship with many of these emails. Was ignorance truly bliss back when we hoped that our package was shipped and would arrive any day?

Hard to tell. Now, each purchase comes with 6 emails announcing purchase, shipping, tracking, delivery, and a few advertisements in between.

Add to that our professional, personal, and all the somewhere-in-betweenemails we get, it is not surprising that this is a new source of anxiety for many. How to help minimize Email Overwhelm? First, accept the reality.

And then, organize and triage. Allocate time, emails, and boundaries for different things.

Organize by separating – different emails for different categories, or different folders within the same email for different things. Separate things so you can triage what to attend to first, so that emails are organized into categories, creating smaller ‘chunks’ to get to.

Delete items you know you do not need or want right away.

Give yourself some boundaries on time – this may seem counter intuitive, but allocating a certain amount of time to reading work emails, or answering personal emails etc… can help you focus on getting the task done during that time, freeing up your mind before and after - and doing more work in less time.

Take short breaks. Get up, take a walk around the room, get some movement and then get back to answering some more emails.

Give yourself some email-free time. Do this weekly if possible.

a photo series by PH.OK PH.OK

we're all kids in the summer

we're all kids in the summer

PH.OK

we're all kids in the summer

PH.OK

we're all kids in the summer

PH.OK

of the proverbial closet

coming out

By A. Hutchison I stepped out of the proverbial lesbian closet 19 years ago, not just to friends and family, but also to myself. Like every other little gay boy and lesbian girl, I knew for a long time I was different from my friends, I just couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what that difference was. But when I finally figured it all out and I realized I liked other girls, I felt the weight of not knowing lift off my shoulders, just as the weight of dread settled onto my chest. My mother and her family were not shy when it came to sharing their religious beliefs about anything, including homosexuality, and I knew what they were all going to say about my revelation. Little did I know those same beliefs would lead me to more blessings than I could ever imagine. Not long after I turned 19, my best friend told me she thought she was bisexual.

She told me she’d been going to lesbian bars and clubs with lesbian friends and was finding herself intrigued by other women. I felt like this was my chance, I could safely tell the first person ever how I had feelings for girls too, specifically the girl I was talking to. Needless to say, my best friend was shocked, but welcomed me with open arms— eventually quite literally. This was just one more thing we had in common. At the time, I was living over two hours away, attending college, but I started making an effort to go home every weekend I did not havd to work so I could experience the lesbian bar scene as much as possible. My mother still knew nothing.

One day, I was sitting staring out the window while my mother, who had just had gall bladder surgery days before, kept drifting in and out of sleep - and somehow I decided that this was the moment I was going to tell her I was dating women, and that I was a lesbian! I stuttered and stumbled through my words, and my mother kept guessing what things were wrong: “Did you wreck your car? Did you get fired from your job?”

When I finally blurted out the truth, she sat in silence for what seemed, to me, like eternity. I should have expected the words she finally said. I knew her opinions, what she was reared to believe, and what she had reared me to believe. My mother simply told

me my feelings and actions were “from Satan,” and she wouldn’t have “that stuff” going on in her house.

Those words were just the beginning of years of questions and accusations, demands and ignoring.

My mother and her family, especially the elders of the family, refuse to acknowledge my sexuality. I’m sure it was hard for them to understand when I dated a couple boys in the middle of everything, my last ditch efforts to please my family and convince myself…maybe…I wasn’t living this extremely difficult path.

But when Rachel and I finally fell in love, in the spring of 2007, I prayed that their minds would change. But instead, it seemed like things just got worse. I had been friends with Rachel’s cousin for about 4 years before, and Rachel worked for and with my mother for a couple years before I ever even knew she existed. Myspace was popular then, and Rachel randomly decided to send me a message there, telling me to “text a chick” when I got the chance. I waited a couple nights, then I did. One text message changed my life. We talked all night long till I fell asleep, sending incoherent messages while Rachel laid on the floor of a hospital emergency room, waiting to hear her grandmother’s prognosis. She came to my apartment the next day and we’ve been together ever since.

Rachel and I come from the same backgrounds. We were both reared in Pentecostal Churches, me in a Holiness church, and Rachel in a Charismatic church. We both had fairly strict upbringings, Rachel more so than me. We started doing Bible study lessons, listening to Christian music, and living our lives not as lesbians who happen to be Christians, but as Christians who just happen to be lesbians.

My family wasn’t and still isn’t satisfied, and I am fairly certain they never will be. But I’ve found the woman of my dreams. I can live my life by my faith and my sexuality, both at the same time. I pray, on a daily basis, that my mother, her family, and everyone who shares the same beliefs will come around, to see past their limited views, and realize as they’re judging–that they, too, can be judged.

by Cynthia Malone

THE ALLURE

of

CURATED DATING From the promise of love to the hope of getting laid, dating apps are targeting your desires to get you to download and start swiping. With each match you are closer to finding your soulmate or at the very least good company for an evening. Capitalizing on societal pressure to get married and fitted with a mortgage and a minivan, apps like Bumble and Hinge work their magic to make their app the most desirable; but how does one do that if anyone can sign up?

Do we really need more options?

Enter niche dating sites that cater to very specific tastes. The people that elect to download these apps know what they want and do not want to waste time sorting through hundreds of profiles in a ten-mile radius. Take, Farmers Only, where their tag line is: “City folks just don’t get it”. The founder created this site for the reasons you might think. Living in a rural area doesn’t offer many options, in fact, you might know most of your neighbors so outsourcing is crucial. It’s the isolation and odd hours that make dating difficult. “Going to bed by 8:00 at night is a real buzzkill when the women you want to take out are used to still having dinner at that time.” said a rural farmer from Nebraska who wished to remain anonymous. “It’s not a lifestyle that suits everyone and that’s why I chose it [FarmersOnly] I want someone who understands - or is open to understanding – my lifestyle because it’s not changing. I’m fifty years old, there’s no city life in my future”.

Making a profile opened me up to an entire world I was only vaguely familiar with. Having dated a farmer once before, I got some insight into what it takes, but I never made it to the point of living the farm life. Perhaps proof that people who seek out a site like this, know what they’re getting into. All the messages I received were kind, and, all led with the crops they tended - and how many acres they had like an unwritten rule of how to court a lady looking for a farming man.

On the other end of the spectrum, are sites like Raya – for celebrity dating. I remain on the wait list and honestly have no hope that I’ll be promoted to a member any time soon. Raya caters to the elite, exclusive and fascinating.

Whose eyes wouldn’t light up at the prospect of matching with Henry Cavill or Ana de Armas?

Passions Network takes a well-rounded approach to niche dating allowing people to date in a number of categories specific to what they are passionate about. Boasting over 260 niche sites within, you can match with fellow vegetarians, equestrians, cosplayers, and plenty more. Take it a step further and join Alikewise – a dating site that matches you based on your favorite book genres.

Think you’re attractive? Be bold and sign up for Beautiful People. Anyone can sign up but once in, you have 48 hours for existing members to vote on your profile. Not beautiful enough? You’ll be removed from the site. If you’re not confident, give this one a miss.

I suppose this site is just more upfront about what every other site does anyway, this one just comes with a consequence. Be warned, you’ll come across profiles of people who claim their diet includes mineral water from the alpine mountains, salmon and blueberries and find themselves incredibly stunning.

Elite Singles and Luxy might be a better match, though Luxy comes with a hefty price tag and virtual roses are as popular as the real ones on the Bachelor. Men flaunt their networth, and the women advertise their ability to be good arm candy, but it’s not without value.

After a few weeks on the site, I made genuine connections. The League has a similar format, though it pulls from your LinkedIn page so the intel you get has nothing to do with liking tacos, and everything to do with your current occupation and where you went to university.

After joining many dating sites for the sake of research, I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody knows what they’re doing but everyone is trying. Every dating app is doing their best to simulate the auntie matchmaker and find you your person – and if they can provide a good enough baseline experience to keep you trying, they likely won’t be mad about that. The League, J Date, Our Time, and Match all have their benefits and their drawbacks. No matter the site, if people are joining for nefarious reasons, nothing will work.

Still, we are human and the heart wants what it wants, along with the hope of something wellfitting and long-lasting. If joining a dating site exclusively for vegetarians or farmers helps achieve that, then so be it. As our world evolves, so do we – and the key to surviving a swipe right swipe left culture is to have better insight into what we want in a date, partner, or spouse!

CHANGING THE GAME...

To say that Tyla-Simone Crayton, CEO of Sienna Sauce and a recent Shark Tank investor recipient, is impressive and spunky would be an understatement. From working with family to running a business during a pandemic, this young titan is on a mission to make Sienna Sauce a household name. Tyla shares what motivated her to start her company at such a young age, her advice for other young entrepreneurs, and what the world can expect from her brand.

Photo by Gazelle Media Group

a candid talk with CEO Tyla-Simone Crayton

by Dominique McGhee

You’re young and have a l of passion. How did you get started? What inspired you to create your brand? It all started when I was just 8 years old. My favorite wing place closed down in NYC and I asked my Mom if I could try to recreate the flavor by playing with ingredients in my kitchen. What I ended up creating was even better, and this was the birth of Sienna Sauce.

As a young entrepreneur, working with family, and growing a business during such a piv al time - what skills have you learned that have helped you? I have learned that as a young entrepreneur, challenges will come. It’s very important for me to surround myself with people that I trust and I have been really blessed to work with my M her. My greatest skill is to trust my instin cts because it is my instincts that has brought me to where I am now.

What’s your favorite way to enjoy Sienna Sauce? I enjoy Sienna Sauce on everything! My favorite sauce flavor is TANGY and I love to use it in many ways. I love using it as a dipping sauce with fried shrimp and when I want to use it as an ingredient, I include it in my Mom’s meatloaf. It's really good!

What advice do you have for hers, especially young women, regarding following their dreams? You don’t have to do 1 thing or be 1 person. You can be a multifaceted person, and n be tied into what hers think you should be.

What are some of your most memorable experiences? I have so many memorable experiences but , I will say, Shark Tank is a recent memorable experience for me. We came on the show at a unique time .

Shark Tank moved to Las Vegas, it was in the middle of a pandemic and we had to quarantine for 14 days in our h el before taping the show. Securing a deal with Kendra Sc t was great but what made the experience AMAZING for me was that I did it with my M her. She is the one who believed in me, supported me, sacrificed for me and built this business with me. It was such an honor to experience that together.

You’ve been a part of several accelerators, won competitions, and most recently, as you mentioned, won an investment with Kendra Sc t on Shark Tank - Congratulations! How does it feel to have hers see/believe in your vision for Sienna Sauce and what’s ne for the company? Thank you so much! It feels very rewarding and I am so m ivated to do more. This is about more than me. One of my biggest passions is to work with young aspiring entrepreneurs, and I am developing a youth sales program to inspire and incentivize the ne generation. What's up ne

for Sienna Sauce, we are doing a re-brand! I am so excited. We will be bringing n to the creative of the brand, because I am young. I originally wanted it to be timeless, but now I want it to reflect more of my generation, which means everything INSTANT. We are in over 70 stores across the U.S., that includes HEB stores in Texas, and Wegman stores in Brooklyn and New Jersey. We plan to expand to more stores and markets within the year. That’s just a few things I can mention. Stay tuned, we have some saucy stuff coming up and be sure to stay connected with us at www.siennasauce.com

A great childhood memory led to a growing business built on passion. Tyla-Simone Crayton is creating a lane for herself, and she hopes to inspire hers to follow their dreams. If you’ve n heard of Sienna Sauce yet, you likely will very soon. This young CEO has already caught a shark, what will she do ne ?

& catching

Photo Courtesy of Shark Tank, ABC

a SHARK

The Faceless Traveler all about the things that leave an impression it's only about where i go

San Diego Pier Cafe | San Diego, California San Diego Pier Cafe, the little blue building sitting on top of San Diego Bay at Seaport Village is a bit of an icon – and the views are hard to beat. It has been part of the community, and tourists’ pictures since 1980. This family run restaurant offers a seafood-heavy menu and unobstructed views of the bay as you are basically sitting on top of the water! Inside and towards the back gives you some of the best views of the bay, where I like having an occasional brunch while watching birds, sail boats, and jet skis fly by.

Yogurt Bowl house granola seasonal fruits and berries

Gaslamp Breakfast Company | San Diego, California Visitor or local, everyone always needs to know a few early morning breakfast spots. Gaslamp Breakfast Company is exactly that – opens early (7:00 am), familiar breakfast dishes you’d expect with some vegan choices, some healthy options, lots of cocktails and many mocktails, to accommodate most of your breakfast or brunch needs. Inside and outside seating that allows the mandated Downtown people-watching – and a friendly and pretty consistent service. A newer baby from the Rise & Shine Restaurant Group, whose Founder Johan Engman is also behind the Breakfast Republic mini empire. With a location just a few blocks away, consequently – Gaslamp Breakfast Company being the solution to ease the wait time at their other spot!! Check out their fried rice Eggs Benedict, coffee cocktails, and pancakes if you're feeling a bit indulgent. Or try their yogurt bowl with granola, seasonal fruits and berries if having a lighter appetite.

Youngblood | San Diego, California Where is the best place to hide a speakeasy? Well, inside another speakeasy. Youngblood, the latest speakeasy in San Diego, offers pre-paid ($65) seats, no set menu, and a ticking clock. Not totally unlike real speakeasies that still exist around the world!

Entered through a camouflaged door, the tall ceilings and warm lighting create an element of surprise – a glass of bubbly to welcome you, followed by three cocktails with a 30 minute ticking clock on each, to end your journey at 90 minutes. Tended by two bartenders, each guest gets 3 cocktails based on their personal preferences, without a fixed menu. The time limit is annoying, but it's a fun experience, and I enjoy taking friends who have not yet visited.

all the ways in which we b.ehave

the b. quarterly

the b. quarterly