April 2017

T H E U N D E RG R A D UAT E M AG A Z I N E O F C O LU M B I A U N I V E R S I T Y, E S T. 1 8 9 0

THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. XXIII No. III

April 2017

Walking the Line That joke isn’t funny anymore: Exploring the limits of Columbia’s comedic code

What Can Columbia Do for You? The weird and wonderful perks of being Columbia alumni

Also Inside:

Witnessing Revolution, Urban Mortality

DAVID ALEXANDER SWANSON, CC ’18, Editor-in-Chief CAROLINE HURLEY, CC ’19, Managing Editor ESMÉ ABLAZA, BC ’20, Senior Editor VIRGINIA AMBELIOTIS, BC ’19, Senior Editor SAIF MAQBOOL, CC ’18, Senior Editor NED RUSSIN, GS ’19, Senior Editor AARON SU, CC ’19, Layout Editor LENA RUBIN, BC ’18, Literary Editor SHULIE WEINBERG, BC ’20, Online Editor KRISTINE DUNN, CC ’18, Senior Illustrator

Staff Writers GAGE HODGEN, CC ’19 JASMINE PARK, CC ’20 UFON UMANAH, CC ’20 Contributors BEN SCHNEIDER, CC ’17 ALEXANDRA WARRICK, BC ’17

Staff Illustrators RACHEL CHIN, CC ’18 NATHANIEL JAMESON, CC ’18 Artists LANI ALLEN, CC ’18 RANA IRMAK AKSOY, CC ’17 AMANDA BA, CC ’20 JIACHEN FENG, CC ’19 NATHANIEL JAMESON, CC ’18 SARAH GALE, CC ’18 WALLACE KALKIN, BC ’18 ANNA KAPLAN, BC ’18 JACQUELYN KLEIN, CC ’19 MATIAS LIRMAN, SEAS ’18 JACK PIERSON, CC ’19 ANNE SCOTTI, CC ’16 ALEXANDRA WARRICK, BC ’17 KELLIE ZHAO, CC ’19 JOANNA ZOU, CC ’18

THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. XXIII

FAMAM EXTENDIMUS FACTIS

No. III

Columns

4 Blue Book 6 Blue Notes 8 Campus Characters 12 Verily Veritas 18 M easure for Measure 26 Campus G ossip 27 Digitalia Columbiana

Alex Swanson & David Alexan

Features 10 At Two Swords’ Length: Will You Give?

Our monthly prose and cons

Virginia Ambeliotis & Cori Lin

13 What Can Columbia Do for You?

The weird and wonderful perks of being Columbia alumni

Alexandra Warrick & Nathaniel Jameson

14 Walking the Line

Exploring the limits of Columbia's comedic code

Jessica Call

20 Urban Mortality

A look into Columbia's mysterious DeathLab

Lena Rubin

21 Witnessing R evolution

A conversation with Colm Toibin

theblueandwhite.org

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Cover by Jennifer Bi

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR March has stormed in like a lion and left as a lamb.

All the hallmarks of campus spring are in full flow. The once Canada-Goosed hermits have left Butler 209, sheathed their cigarettes, and now play soccer on the freshly-unrolled lawns. Campus livens with the influx of prospies naively blunderingly into insidious camp festivities not noticing the thorn beneath the rose. Soon marquees and steel framing will mark the end of the calendar year, Commencement, where we say farewell with tearful eyes to those who have so impressed our experiences here.

But before our school year melts into the liberty of summer or the real stress of adult life, we have compiled for your entertainment one last issue! For those of you who graduate, if ever you’ve wondered what your privileged status as a young alum gets you besides monthly reminders to donate, check out page 13.

Additionally, for responses to the inevitable hailstorm of donation efforts the Prezbo weather machine will subject you too, I would suggest reading pages 10 and 11. And for those of you who still have vested interest in campus, the maelstroms of Morningside debate have ne’er wandered from our gaze, nor will they ever yet.

Alexandra Warrick explores where the “line” lies in campus humor on page 14.

We hope the years to come see all Class of 2017 members happy and successful. Your guidance and involvement for your successors at Columbia will leave a long and lasting legacy. And, for those of you who will greet our new pages in September, we wish you a most propitious summer, and we hope, as always, to see you at our opening recruitment meetings.

Congratulations to all for completing so stoically the trials and tribulations of the 2016-2017 academic year!

— David Alexander Swanson

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TRANSACTIONS ARRIVALS Decent weather The Swim Test Martin Shkreli

DEPARTURES Class of 2017 Bacchanal drama Bacchanal crowds Martin Shkreli

Come Again?!

“Dear Barnard community, we have made significant progress over the past week on the erection of the steel structure even with a few days lost due to weather..”

The Blue and White

BLUE BOOK

Graduation Cap Slogans Here at The Blue and White the impending sentiments of Commencement hang heavy in our minds. As seniors don the robes and pose beside Alma, we remember once more the hilarity and insanity, the deep, brooding wisdom on the graduation caps of our most valued classmates. As tribute to our graduating staff, each staff-member of our humble magazine has written their very own inspirational cap slogan.

Congratulations to The Blue and White, Class of 2017!

“I made it” “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end: I’m going into consulting!”

acknowledge that it is our responsibility to seek clarification of proper forms of collaboration and use of academic resources in all assignments or exams”

“Goldman Sachs, Class of 2021”

“I wrote for Spec cause I have no self-esteem”

“Taking Some Time Off To Travel, Class of 2028”

“I wish I had written for the Blue and White”

“Day-of editing, $50. I take Venmo”

“JJs?”

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for … Send nudes”

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might end up at Butler 209”

“We, the students of Barnard College, resolve to uphold the honor of the College by engaging with integrity in all of our academic pursuits. We affirm that academic integrity is the honorable creation and presentation of our own work. We

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one single protest on Low Steps” “Do or do not, or P/D/F”

POSTCARD FROM MORNINGSIDE

April 2017

Postcard by Maya Lin-Bronner

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BLUE NOTES

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n January 9, 1912, a day that will live in infamy, Barnard’s Honor Code was ratified by a historic student vote and has since been an integral component of Barnard’s campus culture, binding students to act with honesty and integrity at all times. In the words of a board member, BC ’19, Barnard’s Honor Board serves as the Keepers of The Code: “promoting academic integrity” and educating the student body about the consequences incurred by violations of its policy by “providing resources and guidance for proper working habits and ethics.” Handling the appeals process, the Honor Board tribunal convenes a

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couple of times a year in order to adjudicate the most contentious of cases. Additionally, the Honor Board meets monthly in the heights of Sulz Tower, vigilantly preserving the integrity of the institution.

Barnard students pledge themselves to the Honor Code during orientation in a cult-like fashion, complete with fake candlelight and harmonious chanting. For some, the recitation is the highlight of NSOP and the closest experience to a sorority initiation in which they will ever take part. Without the Honor Board fostering trust between faculty and students, anarchy would reign supreme and rampant cheating and dishonesty would abound. Although Barnard’s Honor Board does not directly advocate on behalf of students, it serves a unique peer-based resource for students to solicit relatable perspectives and actionable advice.

Contrary to popular belief, the Honor Board is not comprised of vindictive, stodgy students who actively seek to incriminate or indict their peers; rather, its members are regular, affable Barnard students who are far from boring or dull. Sometimes the meetings even include mini-muffins! Its goal is merely to function as a resource for students by creating a healthy environment in which teachers and students alike can communicate without constant suspicion clouding interactions, allowing mutual respect to prevail. A little known fact: all students that participate in a Barnard course are subject to Barnard’s Honor Code, regardless of affiliation. Evidently, presuming that people are inherently honest individuals is far too naïve a notion, hence the Honor Board’s purpose: to enforce and facilitate adherence to the school’s honor system.

— Hadassah Solomson

Illustration by Jennifer Bi

The Blue and White

BLUE NOTES

P

erhaps you spotted them while making your way to the Hungarian Pastry Shop or maybe you gave them confused side-eye while drunkenly stumbling back from 1020 after a long night of avoiding creepy regulars.

You might not have noticed the gargoyles that adorn 527 Cathedral Parkway at all, but if you look up while traversing West 110th Street, they’re there.

What gives? In 1909, architects Waid and Willauer decided to design a more “homelike” apartment building. This building, which would become the Britannia, would have nine floors instead of the other twelve-floor buildings on the street. Although a shorter building would bring in less revenue, they figured the architectural effect would be worth it.

The Britannia would stand out as more homey than the other apartment buildings on the block.

Somehow, gargoyles got in the mix, too. They perch a mere ten feet off the ground, nearly at eye level and each section hosts a different series of figures. These grimacing gargoyles include a cook sampling food from his pot; a man greedily spooning food from his bowl; another holding a platter of chicken; and a bearded man recording figures in a book with his quill.

There is very little reasoning to be found behind the design of the gargoyles. According to New York’s Real Estate Record and Guide, each carved man is “symbolic of some form of the homely art of housekeeping.” Although gargoyles are not usually considered a cozy addition to a home, these ones are meant to depict the best parts of a household.

So next time you are missing home, take a stroll down to West 110th Street and check out this series of unusual gargoyles. Perhaps the one scratching notes with his quill will even inspire you to start that essay you’ve been procrastinating on.

Or maybe the porridge-eating one will just inspire you to go to Ferris.

— Casey Davis

L

ions, hammers, and B’s, oh my! Decorated in the fine shade of Pantone 292 that constitutes Columbia University’s commencement regalia, excited graduates stride towards the illustrious Low Steps with shiny, balloon caricatures of their school in hand.

The practice began as a way to distinguish between graduating schools amidst a sea of identical

April 2017

gowns. Instead of simply stating “I’ll be in blue,” students could now tell their enthusiastic family members that they would be unmissable marching with toothbrushes next to their fellow dental students. And so it was the hopeful oral hygiene professionals, numerous years ago, that started a trend that would cause Columbia College to carry apples, SEAS paper planes and physics gadgets, Barnard confetti and flowers, General Studies checkerboard flags, Business monopoly money, SIPA international flags, and Journalism newspapers.

However, these (now school-provided) humorous objects made their way into the age of the plastic around seven years ago. Apples were exchanged for ever-smiling, goofy, oversized Roarees, paper planes for attention-grabbing red hammers, and confetti for B’s larger than the faces of the women who wield them. Thus the once intensely academic Commencement gained an element of pure joy and exhilaration. Pleased to be done with endless hours spent in Butler, yet proud of their accomplishments, the new graduates vigorously wave their school pride – in the form of inflatables. They toss blow-up crowns onto the heads of their peers in pure happiness, and, in 2013, even managed to get Deantini to give his address crowned in squeaky, rubber glory.

The custom of inflatables at graduation lives on because it is representative of the sheer delight that plays into a ceremony honoring academic accomplishments, and is reflective of students’ grasping onto their last moments of silliness before being released into the real world. Embodiments of fun, hand-held school mascots remind graduates to not take themselves too seriously.

— Ottilie Lighte

Illustration by Alex Swanson

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Campus Characters You might not know the following figures—but you should. In Campus Characters, The Blue & White introduces you to a handful of Columbians who are up to interesting and extraordinary things and whose stories beg to be shared. This issue, we bring you two people with interests in social justice.

If you’d like to suggest a Campus Character, send us an email at editors@theblueandwhite.org.

Noah Zweben

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t’s grizzly out when I spot a North-Faced figure clutching a Nalgene, smiling goofily, and sheltering inside Mudd. Noah Zweben, SEAS ‘17, has one of those stances you can make out a mile off in dense fog.

His voice is even more distinctive, a perfect portrayal of his wider character: warm, effervescent, and, as he would put it, “out-there.”

Noah graduates this year with a degree in Computer Science and will then participate in “Venture for America,” a program which partners grad students with startups in various cities across the country. He is this year’s SEAS Valedictorian, which he modestly describes as a “surprise.” Upon receiving the email from Dean Boyce, he “was like, ‘what is she talking about? The only thing I’ve done this week is try vaping for the first time.’” He tells me about the user interface work he’s done in the major, combining technology with visual and musical arts and thus melding computer science with his two great passions: music and dance. Noah is a valued member of Notes and Keys, the “oldest and most famous” a cappella group on campus, and he urges me to take West African Dance before I graduate.

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However, by far and away Noah’s biggest joy at Columbia is being a COÖP leader. His eyes sparkle as he recounts his experiences and friendships within the program. “COÖP has really shaped my time here,” he explains. “It bookends the year. We go on a trip with freshmen at the beginning of the year and a trip with just leaders at the end. It’s such a privilege to be surrounded by such a group of weirdos and passionate people who just care about each other and Columbia and making that experience great for everyone.”

For Noah, since “Columbia doesn’t have a built-in community,” he thinks “the most important thing you can do at Columbia to guarantee a great time is just pouring energy into the communities you’re in and creating events that bring people together, because that benefits you since you’re surrounded by people you care about. Events lift up everyone in that community through bonds and memories.

Surrounding yourself with happy people and contributing to their happiness seriously contributes to yours.”

Noah’s eyes gleam once more as an example of this springs to mind: “can I please talk about my ‘Bar Mitzvah Party’ Party?” I barely say yes before he begins: “Set the scene: I’m 21, Bar Mitzvah was eight years ago but my parents never let me have a party, so, obviously, I needed to relive that. And one of my suitemates never had her Bat Mitzvah. So we organized a 200 person Bar Mitzvah themed party with Shirley Temples (alcoholic this time, never making that mistake again), grape juice galore, Coke and Pepsi, the Horah, which is like a Jewish dance, we lifted people up on chairs, the limbo. We even had a slow dance. So it was all I could ask for. I feel like that really exemplifies what I mean by saying ‘put things together and pour energy in them’ because then both you and your friends can reap the rewards.”

The last thing Noah adds is that he’s become more comfortable with the absurd through his time at

Illustration by Kristine Dunn

The Blue and White

Columbia. “It’s such a privilege to be surrounded by so many passionate people at Columbia and to engage with their viewpoints through conversation, lurking on Spectator op-eds, all of it. Even if you don’t agree with them, it’s so incredibly important to listen. Especially for me, coming from an all-Jewish background growing up where I literally had one non-Jewish friend, and coming from a pretty observant family. The amount of difference in views and the number of diverse people I’ve been exposed to had been a huge gift, and I’m very thankful for that.”

— Alex Swanson

Cooper Lynn

T

he funny thing about Cooper Lynn’s, CC ’17, appearance on Late Night with David Letterman is that at one point it never should have happened.

Lynn, who was born and raised in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn, vividly remembers declaring “New York City is a shit hole, I need to get the fuck out of here” during his freshman year of high school. Yet four years later, he was a freshman at Columbia sitting alongside other raffle winners in their Columbia sweaters (“because we all had to wear our fucking Columbia sweaters, right?”) watching Letterman do his opening monologue on national television.

After seeing the group of Columbia students, Letterman went down the line asking their majors.

When it came to his turn, Lynn replied saying he was majoring in Comparative Literature and Society, and David Letterman just went off. “He just goes straight into, ‘You’ll never get a job, don’t tell your mother because she’ll stop paying your tuition,’” Lynn recalls. “I became the poster child for useless majors for a solid week.”

Before this moment, Lynn spent the majority of his high school career playing jazz piano, coleading a group and playing regularly in The City.

Despite being torn between the academy and the conservatory, Lynn decided to stay in New York so he could engage “with music and culture more frequently” before ultimately deciding to take a break from music. “If one thing is defining your identity,” Lynn says, “then it can be sort of overwhelming. That’s something I’m sure everyone realizes.”

The break, however, wasn’t completely successful.

Lynn can be found frequently playing on campus, be it with a saxophone player in his dorm or with the Columbia Free Jazz Ensemble. He also programs “Out For Lunch” for WKCR-FM’s jazz department

April 2017

(Thursdays 12-3pm!).

Finding Comp Lit may not have been entirely unlikely for Lynn, as literature has always been something that he’s “passionate about and interested in.”

But what Columbia provided him with that he didn’t have previously was an interest in language that has “only grown since [he’s] gotten here.” What initially started as a desire to take Russian because he wanted “to take a language that nobody would understand why [he] took it” quickly became something that would become a new passion. He calls comp lit the “best major at Columbia” and a “Choose-Your-OwnAdventure” that allows you to “just take whatever classes you want and basically make them count.”

Now, as Lynn approaches graduation, he is faced with the same decision he has always faced: pursue music or academia. There are many options, all of them equally appealing, different, and uncertain.

While finishing up a translation of Argentine author Antonio de Benedetto’s Absurdos, he’s considered working as a translator but “no one makes a career as a literary translator.” Or maybe Lynn will pursue further education, but that contains further decisions.

Rutgers offers a M.A. in Jazz History, or there’s also the potential to pursue a Ph.D. in Russian literature “because [he’s] invested so much time in it.” Even simply working at a record label is a possibility. “If I could write liner notes for the rest of my life, I’d be so into that. It’d be fantastic,” Lynn says. Or maybe even none of the above. “Otherwise I’m trying to find a job at a library,” Lynn tells me. “I’m boring, so I think that I would do well at a library.” Lynn’s story, however, says otherwise.

— Ned Russin

Illustration by Maya Lin-Bronner

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AT T W O S W O R D S ’ L E N G T H

Will you O

f course I’ll give! Oh my god, the thought of message will get out, don’t worry. Soon everyone will not giving just horrifies me. Knowing that out give to this noble cause. Gone are the days of past there something that so desperately needs our help injury and suffering; I’m here to help. is suffering because we don’t devote a small piece And I know what you’re thinking. If I do seem of our privilege, oh my the thought is unbearable. like quite the upstanding citizen, it’s because I am.

Why can’t we ever look past our own prejudices on You can read all about in my Common App. I care campus, rally, and use our unfair advantage in life for about people; I care about doing my part in this coma fair cause! munity. I want to help those who aren’t as fortunate It’s our as me, and I want duty as true Ivy people to folLeaguers to low my example. give. Not doing That’s why I’m so is sadism. We running to be on watch, clothed in Student Council. privileged indifIt’s as simple as ference, as those this: I’m a giver. who don’t posI give it all and sess our riches I take nothing. suffer: we go Just ask my girlto Mel’s when friend. I always some have to tip at least 10% suffer 1020, we on cab fares, I have complete blackout gave control over the the remnants of AUX cord when my Koronet’s to others have to the homeless one Uber pool, we time, and I usualdrink Miller Highlife while others ly always contribute in class. Think have to settle for Kirkland Light. It of me as a Robin Hood of sorts, takffirmative ends here! When are people going ing from those who don’t need their

By Alex Swanson to get #woke? When will we check wealth and giving to those who do. our collective privilege? The world So, considering the blight at needs equality, and we must give to hand: let’s strike it away! I will give ensure that equality begins to take place. to your just cause; I will give and get everyone I know Let’s get on Low Steps now, let’s start a riot to give. We will solve the problem as a team using on a class page, comment “^this” on comments we everything at our disposal. And people will know glance over briefly and think we agree with but can’t our selflessness. Hell, maybe I can even put this on be bothered to consider properly, steal cardboard my resume. (I’m sure Goldman will love it). But more somewhere and a megaphone and chant incoher- importantly, we will help the helpless. The giving ently. The sun’s out too so it will be even better for starts now. How much would Columbia University in us. Let’s write a Spec oped and assassinate dissenting the City of New York like me to donate?w viewpoints in the comments section! Let’s pick on marching band members! Let’s break into Low! The

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Illustration by Kristine Dunn

The Blue and White

AT T W O S W O R D S ’ L E N G T H

give?

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ope. Not interested. You’re sweet to waste your you with menacingly friendly hellos and direct questime doing this, going around acting like a tions about your willingness to help. I mean, leave me heroic troubadour singing the woes of the weak, but alone! Can a citizen not walk in peace in this city? you’re also stupid. The world has winners and losers; What if I just want to indulge myself. My it’s as simple as that. Aristotle knew it. Others on apartment is messy, my loafers need resoling, a few the CC syllabus I didn’t read knew it too. Capitalism of my French collars need a press, it rained while prevails. The strong I was wearing suede, get rich and the weak International just got in get to cling on to McCallan 18, I need some socialism. You should petty cash for my numerembrace my way of life ous Tinder rendezvouses and you’ll do better. this weekend—don’t Trust me. worry, I’m not one for Besides, if I waste: strictly Prosecco, help you out how are no Champagne—and, I you going to help don’t know, I just like to yourself? Charity is carry a few hundos in my fallacy, a last-ditch wallet so that people can mirage for those stusee them. Is that too much pid enough not to take to ask?

Econ growing up. I By my reasoning sweat into my $40/ it isn’t, and you’re not hour at McKinsey, and going to let me feel bad I have a right to the about this. To condense rewards. It’s incenand repeat my expert ecotive. And, just in case nomics from earlier: my you didn’t realize, money, my rules. The only incentive breeds willingness to thing I’d remotely consider giving work. Bingo, that’s how the econmoney to is a hedge fund. Or maybe egative omy works. I won’t risk the finanactually a trust fund.

By David Alexan cial security of my beloved nation Wait. over some warped view of distorted I’m being selfish, aren’t I. My morality. It’s not right and it’s not natural. god, I get it now! I think I may see why this world And if I help you, who’s not to say that every needs givers, people like me. How else are my chilloser on campus won’t come up to me and start dren going to end up like their old man?! No, I will prattling on about justice. It’ll be just like running give my money, I will give it all away. But not now; the gauntlet between my apartment and class with now is my me-time. I still care little for your instituthose charity freaks insidiously sequestering money tion or your “values.” However, as my son (it will be from innocent passers-by. God, each encounter is a son) fills out, or rather as his tutor fills out, the last traumatic: they dress in horrendous, bright rain gear, few pages of his Columbia app, then, good sir, I shall carry clipboards for no reason as no one ever signs ask: “how much would Columbia University in the up, and then, worst of all, they stare at you like a wide- City of New York like me to donate?”w eyed narcoleptic with basilisk gaze, trying to petrify

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April 2017

Illustration by Kristine Dunn

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V E R I LY V E R I TA S

TOLD BETWEEN PUFFS

S

In which our hero finds himself at odds with a College Tradition

pring had indeed sprung in Morningside Heights, but down in Manhattan Valley a winter wind still whipped. Our hero shivered and embraced himself as he emerged from his Uber. Amsterdam Avenue was a blur of colorful awnings; all, it seemed to Verily, signifying nothing. There he stood on the crowded sidewalk, semiotically incapable of interpreting the scene. The panic rising in his chest triggered memories of his high school charity trip to Nicaragua, much of which he spent searching in vain for macaroons.

At least here he knew his prize was nearby. Amid the crush of pedestrians, he observed people closer to his own age, with an unmistakable sheen of cleanliness and health, carrying heavy black plastic bags that clinked with each step. These had to be his fellow collegians. He cast his gaze for another clue.

There! A beggar drinking from a paper bag; crouched beneath yellowing posters of what appeared to be food.

Verily stepped inside the “bodega,” as he had recently learned they are called, and nodded to the swarthy cashier. A group of men–construction workers, it would seem–were talking loudly by the deli section. Verily kept his head down as he slipped past them, and immediately regretted his decision. At knee level, behind the glass of the deli counter, he observed a fly land on a purplish meat product. He retched and swooned, his entire body paralyzed with disgust. The construction workers stopped talking and looked at him. He felt like a young woman in a yellow summer dress under their gaze. Before they could say anything he proclaimed, “No, I will not give you a smile,” and lightly jogged to the back of the store.

Yes, here were the libations–just as colorful and confusing as the street outside. Verily had never drunk beer before, let alone malt liquor. Freshman year, he had led the Campus Temperance League,

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but since then he had been known to indulge in an occasional glass of tokay. He had, however, written a paper on the social and cultural history of the “40” for his American Studies major, so he knew what they looked like. He picked up a heavy glass bottle of St. Ides–for some reason the name struck a chord–and sighed. It made him sad to think of all the lives ruined by the drink: the old beggar outside, his stepfather, those construction workers, probably. But tonight he would not let his beneficent heart get in the way of fulfilling a College Tradition.

After purchasing the bottle, Verily awaited his car beside the construction workers, daring them to speak degradingly towards him.

They did not, fortunately, although his activist side partly wished they had. The 40 in his hand had given him a certain street credibility, he surmised.

Moments later he was in a midnight blue Audi that was turning on to College Walk. There were already a great many inebriates milling about. Consequently, the car's horn remained engaged nearly continuously.

The air was no warmer here, Verily thought, as he completed the fifteen paces to Alma Mater. There, indeed, were his fellows, but little distinguished them as such. No one was singing the fight song, no one was wearing his class tie. They all stood in their petty little tribes, united solely by the 40s in their hands. He took a swig from his bottle out of sheer nihilism. His grip slackened as the poison hit his uvula, causing the bottle of St. Ides to smash on the flagstones. Suddenly, all eyes were upon him, including those of the custodial workers, who would have to clean up this ill-begotten mess.

White hot guilt coursed through his veins. As he sprinted back to his car, with tears in his eyes and the lingering taste of bile in his mouth, he began mentally composing a letter to the University President about abolishing this backwards tradition.w

The Blue and White

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

What can Columbia do for you?

The weird and wonderful perks of being CU alumni

By Virginia Ambeliotis and Cori Lin

W

hile you seniors were scrambling with peers and panhandling for jobs, The Blue and White did a little digging to see if a CU diploma offers anything actually useful, like free stuff. Our findings were not incredibly sexy, but have a look anyway; some might surprise you.

First off, you should definitely spring for a Columbia University Club of New York membership!

It’s located in a beautiful neighborhood (Midtown) and the mission statement on the website emphasizes, among other things, the Club’s commitment “to instill a deep and abiding pride in Alma Mater” and to provide “excellent facilities for the social, business, and certain recreational needs of members and their families.” This February, 2017, commenced an affiliation with Penn’s Club, so members can hang out there too. (A recent search unearthed an “Inter-Club Young Alumni Speed Dating” event on the website.1) Barnard and Teachers College grads are also welcome. And anyone else with money to burn, presumably.

American Health Care Act meltdown got you nervous? Buy more insurance! You might be eligible for discounts on Auto, Home, Renters, Liability and all Personal Line coverage thanks to Columbia Alumni Association’s partnership with Liberty Mutual. For your medical needs, CAA has a Healthcare Discount Card that can help you save “up to 75 percent on prescription drugs and up to 50 percent for laboratory tests and diagnostic medical imaging procedures” at participating locations. CAA has also created “high-quality, affordable insurance [that] can help fill the temporary needs of alumni who may be without Medical insurance after graduation or have temporary gaps in their medical insurance”.

Caveat: it’s currently unavailable to residents of Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Washington (state).

If you’re sad you didn’t get to study abroad, participate in Columbia’s Alumni Travel Study Program! Faculty lead trips to various locations each year. It’s your best chance to have that Eat, Pray, Love

April 2017

experience you’ve always wanted, and postpone contemplation of your relationships and overall future.

Barnard grads, travel accommodations are available in Toronto and London at the The University of Toronto Faculty Club and The University’s Women’s Club, respectively.

Barnard grads can also audit most Barnard classes for free! Just reach out to the professor beforehand. (You can audit Columbia classes via its School of Professional Studies, but that costs money.) You can take Barnard classes for credit as a Postbac student, just obtain permission from the instructor and the Dean of Studies and pay only for the number of credits taken. If you withdrew from Barnard before completing your degree, you can apply to the College’s Resumed Education Program. You just pay for the number of credits taken, plus a readmission fee.

Finally, should you want to keep your nose buried in a book and never go outside, Barnard and Columbia alums have access to all Columbia University libraries for life. (You might have to fill out some paperwork depending on your affiliation.)

These amenities should hopefully equip you with everything you need to navigate the adult world.

Get out there and show them what you’re made of.w Alumni can get hitched for cheap at Faculty House or St. Paul’s Chapel, but no pressure.

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Illustration by Kristine Dunn

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WORKING (COLUMBIA) BLUE

Walking the Line That joke isn’t funny anymore: Exploring the limits of Columbia’s comedic code

By Alexandra Warrick and Nathaniel Jameson

H

ere’s a riddle: think of a slippery, slippery thing, Columbia’s comedy scene, the answers to these quesa cast-off bit of refuse that, if not handled prop- tions are far from cut-and-dry, warranting sincere, erly, is liable to cause laughter…and serious hurt. empathetic consideration by any would-be Wanda, Yes, comedy is a banana peel of a medium: you can Wiig or Wilmore. cause a lot of wreckage–and schadenfreude-soaked titTracing The “Line” To foster either community ters–if you drop it thoughtlessly. On the flipside, no conversation or experimentation without the aroundMuch comedian wishes for their comedy centers on zingers to possess mashed- other is to miss a critical element the concept of the “line”–the banana softness, with edgier between the acceptto comedic success,” Bannister border jokesmiths publicly kicking able and the sacrosanct. explains; “a lack of community However, conceiving of this back against today’s perceived climate of baby-food as a clearly delinparalyzes the members’ comedic boundary barbs. eated line might be misleadOrange you glad we mobility within the group, mak- ing, as is conceptualizing didn’t make another banana as a “crossing our campus comedians less transgression metaphor? While this is an ing” of a line. “The ‘line’ is examination of joking on free to participate, speak up, and a weird amorphous thing,” campus, the jokes stop here; ultimately, create. Likewise, an says Mark Lerner, CC ’18; the balancing act of campus Zane Bhansali, CC ’17, coninhibition of experimentation comedy-making is no laughcurs, claiming “the ‘line’ is ing matter. An aspiring paralyzes the scope and growth really more of a zig zag” for campus comedian is faced its conditional nature. of the comedy we create.” with serious considerations Bhansali, co-presiif they plan to “work blue”– dent of semesterly anthology that is, perform risqué mateLatenite Theatre and origirial–on campus; unlike those of a Carlin or a CK, our nal member of video collective Columbia University undergrad humorist-hopeful’s audience is more often Sketch Show (CUSS), would articulate the zig-zag than not made up of classmates, neighbors, friends. as “synonymous with society’s standards–or the Context is everything; Patton Oswalt’s stand-up bit standards of whatever environment we might be about wanting to commit suicide to Toto’s “Africa” in,” confirming the importance of “push[ing] those absolutely brought down the house on CONAN, but standards” in comedy; however, the personal border would be utter grotesquerie if dropped by a sopho- he commits to is that between comedy that rustles more in the basement of St. Paul’s. audiences andvs. comedy that causes pain. “Taking Or would it? Where’s the line? How do offense,” he explains, “is not always equivalent to you push the limits and when have you pushed too being hurt, but I think it’s important to acknowledge hard? When are these risks constructive, when are if comedy actually hurts someone.” they cathartic, and when are they just plain cruel?

Lerner, a comedian who has contributed writFurthermore, in a shared space like a college com- ing to Latenite, CUSS, sketch group Chowdah, seamunity, how do politics intersect with comedic per- sonal parody XMAS and this year’s Varsity Show, formance? According to the prominent leaders of possesses a comedic ethos of responsibility—“the

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The Blue and White

WORKING (COLUMBIA) BLUE great thing about comedy is that when you do cross the line, people are allowed to react and you can hear that reaction”—and an understanding of the variables that allow line-crossing gags to sink or fly, claiming it all “depends on the joke and the writer and the performer and the delivery and the audience and the time and the place, always.”

What drowns a joke, Lerner asserts, is tabooflouting for its own sake, especially by campus comedians who “witness a social problem but lack personal experience on it” and so choose to mimic its problematic tropes. “If you’re just talking or writing about something that’s problematic or oppressive to do it, you’re not going to have a good joke because you’re not subverting your subject in an interesting way.”

He cites an elucidating meme of a bro in a tank top that reads “Satire Requires a Clarity of Target and Purpose Lest It Be Mistaken For What It Intends To Criticize,” concluding that irreverence-gratiairreverence can only hope to be boring at best.

Olivia Rodrigues, BC ’18–stand-up comedian, Fruit Paunch improv performer and showrunner of the form itself for progressive purposes, the act itself campus comedy series Memento Mori–agrees, risks constructing an out-group regardless. In this asserting that while pushing boundaries is one context, it may not matter if one is ‘well-meaning.’” thing, “playing off of a painful truth of oppression from the place of the majority” is another. She Club Contentions shares a particularly blue example: “I probably say ‘I’m a dumb c--t’ at least once a day and most days I To lead an extracurricular comedy group, one call someone else a dumb c--t. I’m appropriating the must guide comedians as they develop their work in language of misogynists and using it towards my own a way that both fosters a sense of community among end, which gives it power.” She concludes with an them but also supports their freedom of expression edict: “Don’t touch shit you don’t know.” and experimentation. These two endeavors might Rob King authored a book appear to contradict one another on slapstick and is a Columbia when there is inter-group contenFilm professor currently teaching Don’t touch shit you tion regarding appropriateness; a course on the American comedy. however, Control Top Improv coWhen asked about the distincdon’t know.” president and Chowdah performer tion between problematic comedy Sophia Bannister, BC ’19, mainand comedy that endeavors to contains one cannot exist without the other. “To foster structively utilize problematic themes, he posits that either community or experimentation without the the latter may still result in alienation: “a comedian other is to miss a critical element to comedic sucor a comic performer [doesn’t] automatically have cess,” she explains; “a lack of community paralyzes license to engage with problematic material freely the members' comedic mobility within the group, simply by virtue of them not explicitly constructing making our campus comedians less free to partician ‘out-group’… I think that the very act of engaging pate, speak up, and ultimately, create. Likewise, an problematic material in a comedic context can have inhibition of experimentation paralyzes the scope the effect of constructing an out-group even when and growth of the comedy we create.” that’s not necessarily how the laughter is intended.”

Ultimately, she asks, “how can we successCiting the “extreme” example of racial mimicry, he fully and confidently experiment with new forms and concludes that, “even if it is used as a way of critiquing

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April 2017

Illustration by Alexandra Warrick

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WORKING (COLUMBIA) BLUE new jokes without being able to rely on our peers to circles, content warnings are an important key to support our efforts and give meaningful feedback?” maintaining the integrity of divisive comedy while Lerner agrees, insisting on the paramount impor- still having a community’s back, according to tance of allowing members comfort in speaking up. Anastassiou. “They allow the work to be presented “I don’t think you can have honest criticism without while providing people with fair notice to decide for a strong, tight-knit community of people who want themselves whether or not they want to engage with to help each other, so personally I’d say community that content,” he says. “I can’t think of something has to come first.” However, Bhansali acknowledges I’ve written or directed in the last few years that hasn’t that maintaining a sense of an equality of voices can needed a trigger warning and it’s definitely been an be challenging: “To be a leader in a group means that effective system in my experience, not only to me as you already take on some an artist, but also, as far as degree of authority, which I can tell, to every audience I’ve always thought that the means that you run the risk who’s come to my shows.” of overpowering other peo“Content warnings mark of good writing… is that ple in your group even when exist so that censorship it leaves its reader or audience shouldn’t be necessary,” not intending to.”

It’s worth noting the polarized,” he asserts. “If I write Bhansali contributes. That tricky boundary between being said, “a discourse the notion that fostering a play and half of the people who about what is appropricommunity is healthy for see it think it’s hilarious and the ate does not always equal comedy-making and the censorship... It’s hard. I’m other half despise it, then I’d notion that one should avoid not sure I entirely believe divisive comedy. Frequent in the slippery slope arguconsider that a job well done.

Latenite contributor Philip ment regarding censorship.

That means you’ve said some- I think that’s reductive and Anastassiou, CC ’18, says that, while he “[doesn’t] ignores where the pressure thing worthwhile. You’ve hit think there are any compelto censor or restrain is comling reasons a student-run people with something they obvi- ing from. It’s something I club at a college should feel think about a lot, but I do ously need to talk about.” obligated to put on work think censorship should be they don’t agree with as a avoided. Criticism, however, community,” he “encourage[s] any group of people does not equate to censorship, no matter how harsh.” who are interested in doing comedy together to In reference to the free speech fracas visitwrestle with material they may find uncomfortable, ing our campus and beyond, Lerner dovetails with because wrestling with voices that are unlike yours - a comparison between political and academic disassuming they’re not hateful or advocating any sort of course and comedic performance, where he feels negative “-ism”—makes your own comedic voice and the “expectations are different.” With one, he says, convictions stronger.” the audience absorb in silence; with the other, you “I’ve always thought that the mark of good “verbally react”—you “laugh, groan, boo”—and you writing… is that it leaves its reader or audience make your feelings known. “A lot of right-wing troll polarized,” he asserts. “If I write a play and half of artists, Milo Yiannopoulos for example, do what is the people who see it think it’s hilarious and the essentially a comedy routine but cloak it in politics other half despise it, then I’d consider that a job well and say their speech is being violated,” he says. “They done. That means you’ve said something worthwhile. bait people [to]boo and jeer and yell—like they’re You’ve hit people with something they obviously need supposed to—and then they turn around and act to talk about.” like… their levelheaded academic discourse has been censored. And it’s like… no, you’re a troll, free speech Censorship Concerns means people are allowed to boo your bad jokes, and stop pretending otherwise.”

Despite their maligning by certain comedic

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The Blue and White

WORKING (COLUMBIA) BLUE to handle offensive comedy is one that is, according to Professor King, “tremendously enabling to This brings us to recent statements made by the right,” affirming that “the areas of sensitivity professional comedians–Jerry Seinfeld, for one–stat- that are being voiced are areas where there needs ing an aversion to performing on college campuses to be sensitivity.” In teaching a course on the hisfor fear of backlash. “I can understand how after years tory and development of comedy as a genre, Professor and years of playing to older audiences, audiences King maintains that there is much that is “pedagogifrom all around the country, cally useful” about engagthat liberal bubbles like caming with “bad taste” matepuses necessitate an entirely rial but believes an educator A discourse about what is different comedic skill set,” must always “acknowledge Rodrigues says. “The joke the capacity of films, humor appropriate does not always he complains he’s being and so forth to give serious ‘censored for’ is the ‘gay equal censorship... It’s hard. I’m offense.” While the converFrench king’ joke,” Lerner not sure I entirely believe in the sation surrounding campus explains–a joke wherein sensitivity is a vital one, he Seinfeld compares the swip- slippery slope argument regard- believes it can come with the ing motion one uses on ideological risk of enabling a ing censorship. I think that’s their phone to that of a “gay “kind of ‘free-speech’ right, French king,” accompanied reductive and ignores where the which is to say a right wing by a flourishy hand motion. pressure to censor or restrain is that can claim that it stands “To me it’s a blatantly homofreedom whereas the coming from. It’s something I for phobic joke and he blames left doesn’t - [that] the left the audience for reacting think about a lot, but I do think is censorious… priggish… honestly to it… which is political correctness censorship should be avoided. [and] their job as an audience. The gone mad.” bottom line for me is that Ultimately, Professor Criticism, however, does not Jerry Seinfeld can probably King believes that actively equate to censorship, no matter circulating marginalizing do better, but he doesn’t try to and he doesn’t have to. maliciousness on campus in how harsh.”

He can blame his audience the guise of goofery is not because he’s already rich and worth defending. “The free famous.” Bhansali concurs: “This is a case where I speech that is worth defending is the freedom of a just gotta say, suck it up. If a large portion of people kind of speech that can say things that are inconveare saying that your comedy is hurtful to them or nient to power and inconvenient to privilege,” he people they care about, especially young people, then says. “That’s the free-speech left.” When involving you should probably examine your comedy before just oneself in comedy-making in a college community, throwing the blame on them for being insensitive.” one can never forget that there’s weight in the silly Furthermore, the discourse branding college and the screwball. When it’s your turn at the standstudents as “special snowflakes” who must learn up mic, what will you stand up for?w Tom’s Whiner

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April 2017

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M easure

for

M easure

In 1832, everybody in Holland wanted tulips. That is a fact. Tulips don’t taste very good. That is another fact. Well, not everybody wanted. Words are hard. A rich few rebought and resold chrysanthemums and narcissi for thousands of florins. Some poor speculated and usually lost. But not always.

And words are not exactly hard; they’re, in fact, rather malleable. They can mean what you want them to, even if other people don’t totally get it. Or you. Like confusing a tulip for an onion. The limits of my language means the limits of my world. I am writing my world for you on a scratched wooden stool, while across my eyes, a little girl, with rolled 501s, writes pretty notes to her mother, smiling tiny tic tac teeth that may or may not have ever touched tulips. Did they taste good? Would she even tell me? I don’t know her, so frankly it’d be kinda weird to engage in conversation. Not weird but uncouth. Not uncouth but not okay. Maybe. I can well understand why children love sand. Fact: A sailor once mistook a tulip bulb for an onion and was jailed for wrongful consumption. Troll toll. Pretty. Yes, because I have taste, and this is my world, and mother chin on daughter shoulder, little left hand making crooked circles, lips locked; could you really convince me that they are not so ensnared in each others’ universe? So daughter spits out water onto page. So the words are now gray and unreadable. So fucking what.

Even if the whole thing goes to smash, the manic bubble bursting, if you will, we still have Paris and wobbly p’s and tulips that meant something to somebodies a long long time ago. Maybe even now. Can tulips grow in the sand?? Do you know what I mean?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: tear it all to shreds, if u must. I’m nothing babe, just getting sea legs.

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— Alex Saltiel

The Blue and White

M easure

for

M easure

Steely Dan Lyric or Jaden Smith Tweet: A Quiz 1. You wouldn’t know a diamond if you held it in your hand.

2. The things you think are useless, I can’t understand.

3. I hope it doesn’t take for me to die for you to see what I do for you.

4. Unawareness is the only sin, and if you were aware you would know.

5. And one more chimp who isn’t here I can see the ladies talking.

6. There is no nutrients in our food anymore or in our soil or in our water.

7. The head of the Sphinx will fall off in the near future.

8. A world become one of salads and sun only a fool would say that.

9. You taught me how to play the piano but have never heard me.

10. If he’s holding it high, He’s telling a lie.

11. Anybody on the street has murder in his eyes, you feel no pain, and you’re younger.

12. How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real?

13. The Great Gatsby Is One Of The Greatest Movies Of All Time, Coachella.

How did you do????

KEY: 1. SD 2. SD 3. JS 4. JS 5. SD 6. JS 7. JS 8. SD 9. JS 10. SD 11. SD 12. JS 13. JS

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P O E T RY O F I M P E R M A N E N C E

Urban Morality A look into Columbia’s mysterious DeathLab

By Jessica Call

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n the website for DeathLab, a project by the Graduate School of Architecture, Planning, and Preservation, a haunting video of pixelated urban life in miniature loops behind text that reads: “Revolutionizing how we live with death in the city.”

The DeathLab, founded by Architecture professor Karla Rothstein, is a response to the ecological, temporal, and philosophical questions posed by death in New York City. According to their website, there are six deaths per hour, 144 deaths per day, 1,008 deaths per week, and 4,320 deaths per month. New York’s five boroughs do not provide the space or technology to sufficiently address these corpses. The DeathLab approaches mortality with close attention to environmental concerns as well as the complexities of ritualism, memorialization, and remembrance. Through intellectually rigorous architectural designs, the Lab is able to approach death as

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a deeply personal, social incident as well as a public health concern of urban life.

The two most frequently used words on DeathLab’s website seem to be “intimate” and “infrastructure.” The Lab’s projects, according to their website, are the physical embodiment of the “poetry of impermanence.” The projects seek to integrate the reality of death with the daily lives of New Yorkers. They boast names like the “Sacred within Mundane,” in reference to a hybrid memorial-soil separator, as well as “IMPERMANENCE,” a porous, element-sensitive structure meant to hold a corpse’s bone residue. The most ambitious and widely-discussed project is Constellation Park. In the images, which can be found online, a bridge is backlit by an urban night sky and strung with delicate, futuristic pods. At Constellation Park, the pods are short-term shrines for the urban dead. The website features animated people placing mementos and elaborate flower arrangements on the pods. Inside of the pods, like a futuristic tomb, corpses decompose. The gasses released from decomposition power a light show reminiscent of lightning bugs on a summer evening or a Carman dorm adorned with Christmas lights. If successful, the project would be a stunning, although admittedly heavy-handed, symbolic representation of the contradictions of individualism and community implicit in urban life.

The DeathLab’s leaders are well-versed in fermentation, biotransformation, decomposition, and microbes. In addition to science and architecture experts, they consult philosophers and religion experts, particularly Mark Taylor, the chair of the Religion Department at Columbia. The DeathLab’s ideology is a product of a seemingly robust dialogue that is at once academic, sentimental, and hopeful. Interwoven in their grand plans for innovative architectural sites is a respect for some unspoken vow of New Yorkers: even in the face of post-mortem—despite the scarcity of space, the impracticality, and the myriad arguments for the death of the city itself—New Yorkers will find a way to stay within the five boroughs.w

Illustration by Kristine Dunn

The Blue and White

T H E C O N V E R S AT I O N

Witnessing Revolution A conversation with Colm Toibin

By Lena Rubin Colm Toibin is a professor at Columbia as well as a novelist, essayist, critic, poet, playwright, and journalist.

He is the author of the upcoming novel House of Names and has been shortlisted several times for the Booker Prize in fiction. Toibin talked to the Blue and White about his craft as a writer, his involvement in both Irish and Spanish radical traditions, and gay beaches.

The Blue and White: Our magazine tries to combine the literary and journalistic genres. I wanted to ask you about your time editing for different journals in Ireland and how that played into your desire to write fiction, or if you still feel like you have journalistic aspects to your work.

Colm Tóibín: I started as a journalist but really I had tried to be a poet, but the poems weren’t really very good, and I kind of drifted into journalism and I found it very satisfying. It was an interesting time in

April 2017

Ireland when a lot of things were ready to change and a lot of people were eager for this [political change] to happen sooner rather than later. I had a lot of very good colleagues. I remember there was one particular magazine called In Dublin, it was like Time Out [New York] but we began to expand it.

I eventually became Features Editor. It’s a funny thing. When I put my first foot on the stairs to arrive working there [at the beginning of the work day], I would be very happy. The whole day was going to be great. And making decisions and putting the magazine together and the magazine had a certain impact. That was a very good time. Times like that always go very easily. You don't understand how ready that is to crumble. A group of people together who are not being well paid, we’re young... it probably has a three year maximum where people begin to think about other things. So I got offered another job to be editor of another magazine and a new Sunday newspaper started and then in effect we broke up the group… we all remained friends and I suppose it had to break up. You sort of run out of steam for a way even though it wasn’t the plan… And I became editor at age 27 [in 1982] of the main Irish current affairs magazine. That was called Magill. And that was extremely influential, the readership was very high, and the pressure on me was very high.

I had lived in Spain. I graduated when I was 20 and I went to Spain on my own and stayed there for three years and came back an adult… I had something a lot of the other adults didn’t have which was witness to revolution. Franco died while I was there.

Then, the pressures on me and on the magazine were just too great. I think I was the editor who lasted the longest. No one else could deal with that.

Whereas previously it had been drift now it

Illustration by Kristine Dunn

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OVERSTRESSING STRESS was deliberate. I was thirty years old and it was deliberate to drift out of journalism and into the realm of fiction, but that seemed an impossible dream in a way and I… did it.

B&W: There are a lot of different ways in which people talk about politics, especially right now. You witnessed a revolution in Spain, you experienced the political climate in an area… that’s one type of “talking about politics.”

CT: There are people who are just political, and they love the day-to-day business of who’s in which job. It’s almost personality led, and they could watch CNN every night… There are a lot of people like that and, if you’re in conversation and you find any other subject comes up, their eyes glaze over.

Spain at that time.

CT: Yes, in a way, that’s what I was seeing.

B&W: How did that awareness of politics translate into your fiction?

CT: In my first two novels, the tension was provided by [the fact] that… I was teasing out that distance between private life and public events, public life… I was thinking about other novelists who did the I went to Spain on my own and same—V.S. Naipaul, Nadine Gordimer—people who stayed there for three years and were thinking about the came back an adult… I had some- large questions to do with the situation in the counthing a lot of the other adults try but concentrating on a didn’t have which was witness to single individual in those contexts.I was reading those revolution.” novelists and I was trying to write those novels.

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B&W: Leaving journalism, what made you lose interest in talking about politics in that way?

B&W: When you say people, do you mean political actors or everyday people?

CT: I was interested in poetry and then I was interested in novels and that became sort of private life, the life I was sort of holding onto, and it was important.

CT: I mean the everyday [people]. In the first book one of the characters was a painter and wanted to get away from politics or history, but it was following her, so there were tensions—

B&W: But you said that being in Spain— CT: But that was going on with many, many other things. There was a sexual revolution at the time. I was going to concerts at the time. You were falling out of a great Beethoven concert… meeting friends, laughing about something, and eventually on your way home, you realize there’s a big demonstration tomorrow, let’s go to it. And that’s just a part of life.

B&W: It’s like the line from Joyce. I forget which book it is.

CT: Which one?

B&W: History is­— CT: A nightmare from which I am trying to awake.

B&W: I think politics is a part of life and, in a way, people are always talking about politics and we’re always in politics. Do you know Mary Gordon?

B&W: You don’t purposefully go into discussions about the history of politics, and history itself, but they just happen. And… your father was in the IRA?

CT: Yes, she’s marvelous.

CT: Yes, it was a political time in a way. My grandfather had been in the 1916 rebellion, and my uncle had been in the civil war. It was a civil rights movement, one that was very inspired by the civil rights movement in the American South. Slowly it built its way up into an insurgency. And the insurgency took on

B&W: I just went to a reading where she read a book about the early stages of the Spanish Civil War. She doesn’t try to make any large proclamations about human nature. It’s just a story of someone’s life in

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The Blue and White

OVERSTRESSING STRESS things like car bombs in a shopping mall. That sort of thing was going on. I began to rethink the entire business of what this was about and the idea… of territory rather than people…

listen to Bob Dylan. It wasn’t a sudden moment when Franco died, it had already been happening. But we wanted those freedoms to be put into the statute book.

B&W: I think a lot of people think today that radical politics should be more about people than about territory.

B&W: You wanted these things to be protected.

CT: Speaking Catalan became trendy, because it wasn’t taught in school, it wasn’t part of the old CT: But at the same time... regime. [You would] use it During the hunger strikes with your friends. When I in the North for example, the went there everyone my age Whereas previously it had been was talking Catalan and I prison conditions were really extreme. There was no drift now it was deliberate. I was learned it. The police did simple day when you could not speak it and you didn't say, “I’m right and you’re thirty years old and it was delib- hear it on television or in the wrong.” There was a dark erate to drift out of journalism radio. vision of Ireland that not He [Franco] dies in only excluded protestants and into the realm of fiction, but November and the real fun but excluded gay people that seemed an impossible dream starts in February or March. and women… the Catholic It was like out there [he in a way and I… did it.” church had a large amount of points out the window of his control that they used. office]. You see beautiful, often middle-class kids walking for freedom: and it B&W: How did these struggles play out together? looked extraordinary; it was something to see. People waving from the windows. It was really remarkable.

CT: Until the 1960s, to sell a contraceptive was ille- It was a time when news would come every gal, abortion was illegal, and obviously the anti-gay day. It was like the first 100 days of Trump, every day Victorian laws which put Oscar Wilde in jail were was news but every day was good news… “oh, they’re still in full effect in the Irish statute of books. And going to have a referendum,” “oh, there’s going to there was no divorce. It was a daily battle on our be a new political party that’s going to represent the side, against what we saw as a very intolerant idea of working class,” “all the trade unions are going to a Catholic country. Anyone who’s living in Poland merge”… It was that sort of time. at the moment is seeing this, and even in the United States.

B&W: Do you think the newspaper was a way of spreading revolutionary ideas? Were there any leftist B&W: Going back to your life in Spain, going back to newspapers? the demonstrations—could you talk a little bit more about daily life in Spain?

CT: It was all word of mouth. A [leftist press] would have been out of the question under a dictatorship, CT: Franco dies in 1975 and it is as if, Spain is a big no one felt free to do that. There were big issues. For country, but the area around Barcelona had already example, pornography was banned under Franco, freed itself from him, even about a decade earlier, and there were some women who wanted to keep that from about ‘65 onwards. banned, and others who said there should be freedom of speech. There were many, many arguments. The B&W: In Catalonia? gay movement was a mixture of “let’s be really silly,” or, “let’s be really earnest.” Some people were saying CT: Yes. Young people had just developed a way of “let’s not get involved in this terrible nationalism, we thinking. You could have long hair, smoke dope— need to make our case in this jokey outlandish way.”

I’m sorry, smoke marijuana: we called it ‘dope’—and

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April 2017

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OVERSTRESSING STRESS B&W: But maybe the goal was actually to have that freedom be protected?

clusion requires a huge amount of work. And I saw this in Northern Ireland. You know that if you look to a single killing, you always look to the context of it. That CT: Yeah, yeah. But I mean, killing happened because of when I went in ‘75, there were You were falling out of a that killing, and then followno gay bars in Barcelona. ing all of those, this happened.

There was a lot of cruising on great Beethoven concert…

And that nothing could ever the street. And it was before meeting friends, laughing be contained as one. But it’s heroin. Heroin really changed those cities. When I went about something, and eventu- very much “here we go again.”

You just draw a line, even what back in the 80s, people were ally on your way home, you was happening in Egypt, in shooting up in the street. And AIDS. But this hadn’t begun realize there’s a big demonstra- Palestine, in Israel, all of it looked over. It’s a spiral, [in the 70s]. You had five years tion tomorrow, let’s go to it.” issomething has been opened. or six years of sort of pure My last novel [Nora Webster] freedom. Where bars were was very personal, very calm. starting, where people were holding hands in the street, where there was a gay But this new one… I think it feels as if it’s been written by someone else. beach.

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B&W: Well that sounds great. (Both laugh) We see that sort of spirit coming back in certain ways. It seems like something that’s recurring. What about the creative expression that can come out of this time period?

CT: Out of that time came a lot of great Catalan singers, and painters...Culturally, people didn’t waste their time.

B&W: How is your style inspired art that comes out of revolution

B&W: That sounds like an exciting feeling.

CT: It might be the wrong idea, but you never know...w

Interested in writing or illustrating for The Blue and White?

CT: I have a novel coming out in two or three weeks. It’s called House of Names. It’s the story of Clytemnestra and Agamemnon and Orestes and Elektra. It wouldn't have been possible to have done it without Syria in the background, Assad, ISIS, and even the earlier demonstrations [of the Arab spring]… even though it is set in ancient Greece, it is in fact a contemporary novel.

Drop by our weekly meeting Mondays at 8 p.m. in Earl Hall.

B&W: Are you allowed to say more about it? What’s the style like?

Or, email editors@theblueandwhite.org.

WE WANT YOU!

CT: Yes. What I’m interested in is the idea of violence. Once a spiral begins, it can’t be put back—the genie cannot be put back into the bottle. Each killing occurs and it’s as if the appetite is whetted for further killing and further killing, and for it to come to a con-

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The Blue and White

PAY I N G T H E B I L L S

Book Culture 536 West 112th Street between Broadway and Amsterdam Monday-Friday 9am-10pm Saturday 10am-8pm Sunday 11am-7pm 212-865-1588 Book Culture 2915 Broadway at West 114th Street Monday-Friday 9am-11pm Saturday 10am-11pm Sunday 10am-10pm 646-403-3000 bookculture.com

April 2017

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CAMPUS GOSSIP On the eve of Barnard Admitted Students’ Weekend, a current Barnard student posted in the Class of 2021 Facebook page, “Can one of you tell me your schedule for admitted student weekend? I’m a host but I lost my copy of th[sic] schedule lol so I don’t know when/where to pick y’all up. And I like actually rly need this info tonight otherwise 2 of you won’t have a host lol.” An admitted student then replied with a screenshot of the schedule, taken from the Admissions Office’s website. e Overheard the day after Bacchanal: Someone describing Bacchanal to a friend but referring to it multiple times as “Spring Fling.” e White-collar criminal Martin Shkreli took to Columbia Buy Sell Memes to ask, “Excuse me, but is there a favorite bar in the area I can buy everyone here drinks at this evening? 21 and over only.” e A flyer in Hamilton reads: “How can we solve homelessness? Join the discussion and enjoy free Sweetgreen.” e The BWeditors had a party on April first. At least one editor emeritus thought that it was an April Fools’ joke but a good time was still had by most. e Lurknyc, a New York City skateboard crew, recently posted the 21st installment of their “New York

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Times” montage series which features footage from East Campus. In the video, a skateboarder successfully ollies (and unsuccessfully hardflips) from the top of the raised, grassy area in between IAB and the Law School over three trash cans before being told by a do-gooder that, “This is, uh, not a playground.” e A BWeditor and friends strolled into Delta Sigma Phi on the day of Bacchanal, unaware that the fraternity was hosting a closed mixer with Delta Gamma. After 10 minutes of mingling, the group was asked by a member of Delta Gamma, ~very politely~ to leave the party. e Rafael Ortiz, campus meme lord, added multitudes of Columbia and Barnard students as friends on Facebook, in addition to following them on Instagram. e One student, whilst black-out from the effects of alcohol, signed up to host three prospective students. e A few dozen students showed up to the Barnard Class of 2019 Majors Toast to collect the complimentary champagne flutes they were promised in the emailed invitation and, presumably, to toast to their futures by imbibing the same fluid that said flutes were advertised to be purposed for; the celebratory beverage distributed at the event was, however, of the nonalcoholic variety.w

The Blue and White

DIGITALIA COLUMBIANA These excerpts were culled from documents left on Columbia’s lab computers. We encourage our readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via email, at bwgossip@columbia.edu.

Extra credit is truly ‘extra’ in this course. Extra credit will only count for a small number of students on the knife-edge border between two grades. Students on the border who have done well on most of the course’s extra credit exercises will receive the higher course grade. This policy suggests that you should not attempt any extra credit problem unless you are confident that you’ve first made your best effort on the required portion of the assignment at-hand. e I will tell the students what they are going to learn: the location of metals on the periodic table. I will also provide some relevant background information, namely that the table is arranged into three elemental groups: metals, semimetals, and non-metals. I will then pass out the periodic tables and coloring pencils.

First, I will briefly describe the physical properties of metals in order to give the students some helpful context. Next, I will show the students where metals are located on the periodic table and will have the students trace around this group with coloring pencils. I will have them show me their work when they are done. Next, I will have volunteers give three examples of metallic elements using their periodic tables. I will also have them give me two examples of elements that are NOT metals.

Finally, I myself will name four elements.

I will have the students find these elements on the periodic table and identify whether they are part of the metal family or not. I will also ask them what the atomic numbers of these elements are (this is a throwback to a hypothetical previous lesson).

I will have the students turn their period tables over and, using only the blank periodic table on the board, identify whether three different ele-

April 2017

ments that I name are metals or not. I will assign them homework (to pick out a metal and write a report on its atomic and physical properties) and tell them that the next lesson is going to be about semimetals. e I was prepared for a dressing down over the phone, as my employer was impossibly strict on attendance.

Strangely, I thought to myself, the mean old manager is a pleasant human being today, how strange!

I began feeling guilty for having been dishonest, but before I could scold myself, I heard a voice from the station call out, “that was the last ferry,” and my attention was suddenly taken up to the sky by a commercial airliner. I wouldn’t know why for days, until I read or heard it reported, but that the American Airlines jet that had accidentally protected me from self-punishment was speeding. Pilots generally obey the rules of the airways and the orders issued by air traffic controllers, it turns out. Terrorists do not. No wonder I couldn’t stop staring. They were speeding. e Engineering E2261: Introduction to Accounting and Finance COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, School of Engineering and Applied Science Homework 1 - Accounting Basics B) A yacht offered for sale is currently assessed at $350K but offered for $450K. The purchaser of the yacht believes that the yacht is worth $375K, but ultimately purchases the yacht for $400K. The purchaser records the yacht at: a. $45K b. $450K c. $400K d. $350K e. $375Kw

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E AT I N ’ G O O D I N T H E N E I G H B O R H O O D

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The Blue and White