The Beestonian The ISSUE 6: Now Incorporating The Ingham Nook Inquirer. ISSUE 5: Keeping Spellcheckers in Buisness Since 2011 University TheThe University of Beestonia: May Fest of Beestonia ********** BESTonians: The Stump Half Horace’s
Horace’s Half Hour Hour
130 Wollaton Road Beeston 0115 9221902 Facebook.com/ thetreasuryhomeandgift (Twitter) @treasuryonline
WILKOS OVERAND ANDTEARS. OUT? LUDD, SWEAT Exactly two hundred years
When it comes to Nottingham’s anti-
It’s possibly Beeston’s best loved shop, employs *********** ago, as the country suffered authority legendary figures, Ned Ludd ** 56 people and is, while retail takes a hit through recession, costly foreign wars and has usually been massively upstaged by Gandhi the downturn, one ofrich theand real high suc- tight-clad, Lincoln a growing gulf between thatstreet be-feathered, Beeston Beats: poor, Green-wearing cessBeeston stories. and Yet,other fromtowns April, it will be no more.poseur with the bow Brian********** Golbey Pt II in Notts saw a sudden surge of and arrow. While Robin Hood has We lookanger into how has been allowed hap- Errol Flynn and, desperate that this shook the had Kevinto Costner, Brian *** Golbey establishment and changed the errr, Michael Praed pretend they’re way worked in Sherwood Thewe news brokeforever. a week before Christmas, and the Forest out- in Hood’s name, *********** poor Ned hasaonly lent his name to cry was unanimously baffled and angry. Wilkinsons, Nora&Tamar V BUSES As we stand on the brink of a Lottie’s long termare andwe popular presence on thethose, High like Street, wasillustration here, recession, due to see Ned Nora Moans who are deemed technology-hating Oxjam To Return! to beand demolished and had new home to go to. Ludd his followers risenoonce dinosaurs. The Beestonian thinks it’s again? Lord Beestonia picked up tram route has sug*********** hisThequill… first part is hardly news. The high-time for a revaluation. gested that Wilkos would be a casualty for around a Rather than hating progress for End of The World decade, so it was assumed a new site would be found for progress’s sake, the Luddites rose it. But when the tram got the final thumbs up of in desperation. midup out New stocking *********** December, triggering a batch of Compulsory frames Purchase (think ‘mechanical knitter’: a Orders, it suddenly became apparent that had stool with an old kindWilkos of upturned Follow us on still not found a new site. typewriter on top. That knits.) were replacing skilled artisans, forcing many Twitter: There have been suggestions of new locations: the old into poverty and condemning families station being just one, but despite fair notice, time to starvation. The frame owners, @TheBeestonian fire has now run out : as such, Wilkos staff will be offered
local Luddites simply crossed through the Trent, laid low in Beeston, before strolling nonchantly back into town. Even Nottinghamshire’s most dashing romantic hero, (and other Lord) Lord Byron mucked in. He was one of only a few men to defend the Luddites’ action. He dedicated his maiden speech in the House of Lords to their cause and later wrote a poem, in a letter to Thomas Moore, supporting their campaign, entitled Song for the Luddites (1816). He then fought a bear, swam a lake then slept with the whole of Italy. Possibly. Who Ned was remains a mystery, and it’s more than likely that he didn’t actually exist, but merely acted as a myth figure for those fighting for their livelihoods to focus on. However, this hasn’t stopped his more famous, oak tree-residing fellow myth becoming a symbol of fighting for what is right.
meanwhile, churning out inferior redundancy or relocation, and there will be awith „hiatus of goods a cheaper work-force, So let’s stop using ‘Luddite’ as an insult, trading‟. pocketed the profits while their and reclaim it as a compliment. As Story: Lord Beestonia with the help former staff languished.and Frustration technocrats and financial institutions „Relocation‟ is hardly an option for most of the staff. Those who work on part-time conof Cllr. Janet Patrick and bubbled-over and Nottingham seize control of governments, austerity tracts will not find travelling around, and possibly outside the county ,economically feasible. other helpful volunteers, took in over start 2,000shrouding signatures in exploded into years of contagious and unemployment Staff have not been given any sort of timeline on when this will happen, and how long this anger, focussed on those Luddites Europe, Ned Ludd may wake from his justthe a few hours, a true example of a community pulling „hiatus‟ will last for. If the inaction and incompetency of the parties concerned originally for together to ensurelong saw as in responsible and come visitingand again. thatsleep Beeston has a voice, not finding a site continues in the same manner it has done for the last few years, no one should merely at the mercy to the whims of developers, planning their plight. And when Hollywood finally gets be holding their breath. committees head offices. round to making the flashy biopic, The government responded with and chain-store However, there maybe some hope. Since the announcement broke, a huge groundswell has PLEASE: let ANYONE butyour a huge show of force, sending If you would like to make yourthem voicecast heard, write to Crowe, or their studios may go developed, attracting, and thus being perpetuated by, media interest in the form to of attempt the BBCto MP/local soldiers quell the councillor,Russell and sign the online petition at http:// the way of the stocking-frames… This only inflamed Radio Nottingham and The Nottingham Post. A petition was swiftly put frame-breakers. together by myself, www.ipetitions.com/petition/savewilkos/ . the troubles. It also proved highly “And down with all kings but King[s] Ludd ineffective when soldiers blockaded [and Beestonia]!” the only bridge back into the city after - Song for the Luddites, Lord Byron. an attack in Clifton, the returning Lord Beestonia
University of Beestonia University of Beestonia * BESTonians * Horace’s Half Hour
In a few months, The University of Nottingham are throwing open the gates of the West Entrance for all Beestonians to come and have a look around. We heartily recommend going, as it’s always a fascinating experience to see what wonders our neighbours across Broadgate are conjuring up. We’ll be keeping you informed right up to the event, so we’ll begin with a brief introduction by the organisers, who are all already busily setting up what will be a brilliant way to see-in the summer: After the success of last year’s May Fest event, the University of Nottingham will once more open its doors to the local community - and with a wide range of activities planned for May Fest 2012 there will be something to keep the whole family entertained.
Ever wondered what scientists do all day in the lab? Discover how exciting science can be with free, interactive workshops designed to inform and inspire. Did you think that history was boring and irrelevant? Take a journey into the murky past with our historians where all is not quite as it seems… Learn more about different cultures from our diverse student community or explore the University’s many gardens and open spaces on foot or by bicycle.
Visit the website for all the latest news on this year’s May Fest programme.
www.nottingham.ac.uk/mayfest Prof J.
Come along to May Fest on Saturday 19 May and experience the fun of learning in a stimulating environment. Be entertained, challenged and inspired at May Fest 2012!
BESTonians: Beeston’s Finest
Who would be YOUR BESTonian? Let us know: info@beestonia.org Twitter : @TheBeestonian Facebook: Facebook.com/Beestonia
The Beestonian normally tries to tread an
Inoffensive (those who claim it has a phallic
to mere gravel. Why the hate? Some point out
uncontroversial, careful path through the
aspect to it, bleach your minds, you mucky
it is was a originally a fountain, denied it’s true
minefield that is Issues of Importance in
gets), we can’t help but feel deep sadness at
purpose when mould bloomed on its (once)
Beeston. We don’t bang on about the tram, we
the antipathy some parts of Beeston seem to
ivory-hued flanks. Cruel Beestonians sneer at
don’t print exactly what we think about Henry
have for it.
it, much as we sneer at those now on skid row
Boot Developers and we certainly keep our
Attending a hustings meeting before last
who once had it ‘all at their feet’. Craig David.
counsel regarding the Local Council. But we
year’s local elections, representatives of all
Neil Webb. Stumpy.
cannot stand by anymore, and not defend what
parties were asked for their opinion of the
Here begins the fight-back. I’m coming out
we truly love: Dear readers, we love the Stump
sad sculpture. To my horror, the previously
loud and proud as a fan of the hated stone. I
in the Square.
polarised politicos gelled into a unanimous
know I’m not the only one. We have just a few
Yes, the weird stone-based, rolled up
rainbow coalition regarding ‘Stumpy’ - as it
months before the bulldozers come rolling in
newspaper thing on a plinth which sits outside
will now be forever known - and the audience
to take Stumpy away. When future art-critics
Peacocks, providing a ledge for kids in caps to
roared with blood-lust as they were told by
recognise this monument as an aesthetic
bunny hop their tiny bikes off, and a canvas
this new political hydra that the stone would
wonder, so far-ahead of its time it’s a miracle
for pigeons to leave their poop-based art on.
be taken away to a far-off quarry and reduced
21st Century Philistines didn’t do away with it, you’ll thank me. LB
HORACE’S HALF HOUR BEESTON’S TOP QUIZZER PUMMELS YOUR GREY MATTER… 1. What do the rings on the Olympic flag represent?
8. What annual sporting event takes part between Putney
2. What type of London driver has to learn The Knowledge?
and Mortlak?
3. In which country was spoonbender Yuri Geller born?
9. Who was the last British Prime Minister not to have a wife?
4. Which river flows through the centre of Bath?
10. What word can go before spinner, maker and bags?
5. St George is the patron saint of England, but in which country
would you find his tomb?
First correct answer received will be giving the Freedom of the
6. Which band had the 1966 hit ‘Pretty Flamingo’?
City of Toton, and allowed to graze his or her sheep on its verdant
7. Brontophobia is a fear of what: thunder, dinosaurs, or
meadows in perpuity; or a bag of loose Mentos from
Wuthering Heights?
‘Beck’s Bargains’.
Follow us on Twitter @TheBeestonian to give us your views.
H
Beeston beats…
In the second part of our exclusive interview with local music legend Brian Golbey, our intrepid interviewer Jimmy Wiggins from The Guitar Stop, Chilwell High Road, dives deeper into a bottle of single malt to find out more about the legend in our midst: Carrying on from last issue’s whisky-soaked interview, we find Golbey going solo circa 1970 and interesting events afoot, “By 1970 I felt that Pete Stanley (Brian’s banjo virtuoso sidekick) and I had come to an end, we were still doing the radio shows and television appearances, but I decided I wanted to move on so I went solo.” Golbey’s first solo album was definitely a lesson for the younger generation on how to make a record… no six months on a Caribbean island or recording all the parts on laptops at their leisure, Brian did it old skool, “When I made my first solo album in 1970, we had eight hours of studio time to cut the album - we did it in six! We did it with all of us crowded around the mic and the mix of the final record is more or less what we played live.” Call me old fashioned, but that’s how I like to hear recordings. Could I possibly meet anyone cooler than Golbey? Well, he saved the best bit till last: the guitarist he hired for the album was none other than Brit Country guitar legend Albert Lee, forgoing his usual electric guitar to accompany Golbey on acoustic. The album is called the ‘The old and the new’, Golbey explains that it’s in reference to the mix of material and another interesting fact, “I was one of the first in the UK to record covers of Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings and stuff like that.” He really isn’t just a guy in a cowboy hat… 1970 continued to be an eventful year, “I forged a solo career pretty quickly. That year, unbeknown to me I had been put forward as British Country Singer of The Year by Billboard magazine [he won]. This led to me representing the UK in Nashville, which was quite an honour, but the best thing about it was that I could meet all the guys I had listened to on old 78s as a kid.” As well as meeting his early idols, Golbey was able to hang out with what were then termed “modern” Nashville writers such Tom T. Hall (anyone remember ‘Harper Valley PTA’, made famous by Jeannie C. Riley…? It’s a cool song). There may have been some moderate drinking activity (a bit like this interview). One character Brian met out there became a long time friend. It was none other than cowboy filmstar and singer-songwriter, Tex Ritter. In fact, they were so close Golbey wrote a tribute song to him, “When he died, I was so cut up. I wrote this song called ‘Goodbye Tex Ritter’ and put it out on a small local label. Some years later I re-wrote the damn thing; made it flow a bit more. It ended up being used by a guy in Texas on a compilation called ‘The Silver Screen Project’.” Being as this is a Beestonian article, we better get some Beeston involved. Using a hazy, whisky-soaked shortcut we are going to arrive in Beeston… Golbey met his wife Sandi who lived in Nottingham. When he moved to the area he first resided in Wollaton, however they decided to buy a property in Beeston. This was all circa 1981, however Golbey’s initial impression of Beeston left a bit to be desired,
“I didn’t like it at first, I thought it was a scruffy place… to me it was almost like something out of an Alan Ayckbourn play… but it grew on me and I found my niche around here. Now I wouldn’t live anywhere else. I’ve been in Beeston thirty one years and it’s the best thirty one years I’ve ever had” A classic anecdote to round this piece off- if anyone knows folk guitarist extraordinaire Martin Simpson, Brian Golbey has had Simpson’s borrowed lap guitar slide since 1973 when they recorded together. My favourite Golbey moment in the whole interview concerns one of his songs being unexpectedly covered by a Japanese band. This netted him quite a nice royalty payment, when I asked what the song was called, I got a typical ‘Golbey’ response, “I don’t even know - I don’t remember writing it! But it’s got my name on it so I must have written it and logged it with the MCPS” And that, people of Beeston, is your local country music star Brian Golbey. There were endless more tales that could probably fill the next few issues of The Beestonian, some of them, unfortunately, are unprintable. So. Next time you see a guy in a cowboy hat in Beeston, tug your forelock - it could be Golbey. JW
Jimmy Wiggins can be found selling guitars and all things guitar-based at The Guitar Spot, Chilwell High Road, Beeston (and most pubs on an evening…)
Oxjam Takeover Returns to Beeston! More news on Beeston Oxjam 2012 coming soon…
Flamin’ Nora Tamar
&
v BUSES
Beeston’s Brilliantly Belligerent Bulgarian Barmaid vents spleen exclusively for The Beestonian. Contrarian Tamar returns fire. This could get messy...
ND:
TF:
It all started in 2006 when I ended up attending the fine institution known as
We’re lucky people in Beeston. We have a good choice of buses into the City. My
Nottingham Trent University. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of
ma, who lives Elsewhere, barely gets a choice of seat on the one bus to town, and
simple maths, I have spent the last 5 years haunting various NCT buses, with the
she usually regrets that once Smelly Bloke No.432, or Mad Alice sits next to her.
36 being a bus I know more about than probably anything else in this life. Hell,
I have tried all three bus options in my ten-rides-a-week working life. I prefer
one of the drivers lives by my bus stop and has a the cutest grandson I have ever
NCT buses for lots if reasons – some of them to do with NCT buses. I’d like
laid my evil eyes on, and I know that because I regularly see the poor child being
to patronise Trent Barton because of its Olde Worlde ‘family firm’ charm, and
brought out to the bus to say hello to his good old grand-pappy.
its friendly bus drivers. But it’s expensive if you live in Beeston and work in the
This, coincidentally, happens to be the only tolerable thing I have felt about the 36.
City. Also, it’s air-conditioned, and they don’t like you opening the windows. I
Get in touch: info@beestonia.org beestonia.wordpress.com Facebook.com/beestonia @TheBeestonian
am not ‘nesh’, and the idea of breathing the overly-warm, stale breath of the Every morning I stand by the big pole deemed a bus stop and have difficulty
journeying folk from t’ sticks doesn’t rock my boat. But mainly, it’s the leather
understanding why the timetable allocates
seats. I can’t relax on a leather seat. I fall off. If
a time for a bus to arrive when it never,
you’re wearing tights you may as well kiss your
ever arrives on time. I would also like to
dignity goodbye; if you have bare legs you end
point out at this point that there used
up with a car seat imprint on your thighs and
to be a bin attached to a lamppost but
friction burns that last ‘til lunchtime. I don’t
now there is neither a bin nor lamppost.
understand the appeal.
Quite frankly, audience, I am not happy.
The newbie Y36 buses may seem tempting;
Whether it’s raining cats and dogs or
certainly, students like the fact the buses are
hotter than Hell itself, I’m often left at a
Mercedes, and that they refer to you being
bus stop, pouting uncertainly like a child
“chauffeured” around. But the fact students
in the Christmas play who hasn’t learnt
like them would be reason enough for me to
her lines. However, the torture doesn’t end when I see the fat old bus, resembling
avoid them, if it wasn’t that they ALSO have Gem AM or some other god-awful,
an orange Santa, slowly walloping up the hill toward me. Oh no, it’s just getting
Dido-playing radio station on all the time. I tried the Y36 when it first started up
started, my beady-eyed friends… Sadly, we now live in a time where over
(with the fleet of buses brought back from Bus Heaven) and I knew I was in for
population and free health care have abolished natural selection and so most
a bumpy ride when I saw that the driver had a blanket over his knees and was
days the bus is filled to the brim with less than the finest examples of humanity.
packing a watering can. It broke down; of course it broke down.
There’s a child running around like his life depends on it while his mother is on
Every. Frickin’. Time.
the ‘phone and when she talks, which is ALL the time, she sounds like a blender
On my NCT 36 bus I always get a seat; I don’t have to deal with personal-space
full of gravel. Occasionally, I will see the strange old man singing about burning
invaders estranged from their deodorant standing up in my face (or against my
our beloved Prime Minister on a stake, but at least he knows what a shower is.
arse). I sit upstairs. I love double deckers because I can see over the wall into
Of course, the low point (or may be it’s the highlight?) of the 36, came not too
Wollaton Park, and I don’t have to watch women with prams/kids get on the bus
long ago when I witnessed 2 classy young ladies have a physical fight in the back
and scream at each other, or elderly people struggle to attain their seat before
of the bus, at which point I was almost disappointed I had places to be, as I would
the driver banks the curb on the corner and kills them. I can relax up there.
have loved to see how the skirmish ended; whether it escalated to more than
Even if some berk is listening to ‘music’ out of his phone’s MOUTHPIECE (how
just common law assault. Understandably, many emails have been sent to the
is this not mortifying for them? It’s akin to me playing a CASSETTE TAPE on a
Travel Centre’s complaints department on freezing mornings when the bus has
dictaphone in public) I can zone it out. Usually. Unless its bad dubstep… you
taken more than 15 minutes to grace me with its presence, and of course these
know, the stuff where a skinny, white lad from Lahndan MCs badly while a hornet
emails have been about as well received as a stabbing. After all, they don’t need
he’s got trapped in a Coke can throbs away in the background and some lass
me kicking their clubhouse door wide open, demanding to be accommodated.
warbles along earnestly via AutoTune. Then I have to tut loudly and request they
Nobody forced me to get on their bus except, you know, everyday life and stuff.
turn it down. Or just tut loudly.... in my head.
Basically what I’m saying is that it’s not very good. IT ISN’T VERY GOOD! Did
I know the bus drivers can seem a little... er ‘glum’ behind their protective
that come across?
screens. But I guess you would if you had to deal with riff raff all day and then get
When contrasting a journey on the 36 to the Y36, it is clear which bus I’d rather
spat-at at night. I find it most effective to conquer them with kindness. This gets
be on and the fact that the YourBus school year pass is £10 cheaper really helps
even the grizzliest of Bus Bear in a confusing tizzy.
make that decision. Set aside my obvious love for savings, the Y36 is also more
The fact is: NCT are Notts buses – they cover the region in all its sublime and
comfortable and it seems like the drivers actually hold a valid licence.
ridiculousness: from the arse-end of the Easssside (I can say that ‘cos it’s where
So I will become a regular customer of the lovely, Heanor-based YourBus, not
I’m from) to the dark and scary North Notts; the nearlyLeicester of South to the
only because I sympathise with them originating from such a terrible place but
glorious wonder that is Beeston. Soooo, I can go to work, then visit my Ma in
also because they’re a better bus service. So, Beestonians, you may now eagerly
Elsewhere aaand get back home to Beeston in time for tea – and all for less than
expect my column on why the Y36 is just as bad as the 36 in the February 2013
a quid! I wouldn’t WANT to, but I could…
issue of The Beestonian. Providing we don’t all die on the the 23rd December
So then. Don’t knock it. Without them I’d be forced to pay through the nose to
that is…
slip about on a hot bus full of mums while being force-fed Chris de Burgh, and
Nora ‘Getting Used to Walking’ Dimitrova
never ever see my ma again.... [shuffles papers; rests case] Tamar ‘Back Seat Warrior’ Feast
Who ARE we? We are a locally run, locally based, regular, free paper for Beeston and itsenvirons. We are independent in all ways and not-for-profit, so if we say we like it, we really mean it. You’ll find us in good Beeston coffee shops, pubs and other places we love.
The Dreamy Team Editing, writing, sobbing, production, puns, control-freakery and Statesmen-like Ambassadorial duties: Lord Beestonia. Gentle Yorkshire burrs and Dean of the University of Beestonia: Prof J. Design n’ Tings: Tamar. IT support and gentle encouragement: Queen Weasel / Benji Biro / Luke. Illustrations and General Feline Matters: Lottie. Top-Notch Scribes: Nora D, Tamar and Jimmy Wiggins. Quiz by Horace. Printing by Nottingham Offset Printers - a Beeston Company. Huge thanks to our contributors, sponsors, stockists, regular readers and anyone who has picked this up and resisted the temptation to fold it into a paper ‘plane. Scan QR code & subscribe to Beestonia’s blog: