The Beestonian issue 22

ISSUE 22: THE REINCARNATION ALL TREES ASPIRE TO FREE

A New Deal for Beeston?

The University of Beestonia / BESTonian: Shane Meadows / Oxjam update / Out of mind is out of date / Why the long face? / New sign at The Vic / Phenopti-whatnow? / Beasts / Au Contraire: Etiquette / Beeston B(l)eats / High (and dry) street / Bow selecta / little sod / Auteur space / Beeston map /Kick like a grrl? / Horace’s half hour / famous last words...

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eeston is undergoing great change. You don’t need us to tell you that, just poke your head outdoors and you’ll have a huge digger fly by. It’s a mess, but is it a means to an end… or an open sore that won’t heal? Will the tram bring prosperity, or merely feed into the city, draining the town of business?

This is a very important time, yet people feel powerless and ill-informed.

We’ve been working with former Broxtowe MP Dr Nick Palmer to start a non-partisan, civic-minded initiative to give Beestonians a say in what’s happening. It’s called New Deal. We’ll be holding a public meeting in January to hammer-out some ideas, we’d really like you to come along.

Demands already on the agenda are: • NET must agree to operate free-of-charge for the first week, giving people in Nottingham the chance to come and see what we have to offer, and Beeston/Chilwell residents a little bit back for all they’ve had to put up with.

• NET must work with the Beeston BID and local traders to offer a discount scheme for the first three months, with free advertising for

participating traders on the route.

• Once the December deadline is met, we throw a mega Christmas Party including a Christmas fair and music into the night – if we can do it for Oxjam, we can do it for Beeston.

• Bus companies need to be drawn into the planning with trial feeder buses and combined ticketing.

• The Beeston Square plans need to be revisited. Either the current leaseholders need to come up with a better plan, or they need to be nudged into selling (by compulsory purchase if necessary) to a more imaginative developer.

Inside, we have an article from our local columnist Poolie that really hits the nail on the head. We must not let despair rule: we have a great opportunity for Beeston to not only survive the wake of the recent swathe of development, but to thrive. We really want to hear your ideas, so get thinking and then please get in touch! We have a great town: let’s take the power back and become greater still.

Lord Beestonia

HeX Productions

Web Design & Maintenance Horlix new ad dimensions 98mm x30mm

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BESTonian: Beeston’s finest The University of

Beestonia

Shane Meadows

Our monthly salute to the Best of Beestonians.

Resident uni ‘insider’, Prof J, gives us a peep into the world of academia; the world of Geography ... and the world of, well, the World.

T On fields… (or maybe just in them)

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had a very bizarre conversation with a colleague recently about ‘literal fields’. His research, his ‘field’ work, involves working in archives and reading books, whereas mine clearly involves actually being in a field, at least occasionally. Although there aren’t many hedgerows in Jordan and I’m not sure a lake counts as a field. It was one of those ‘divided by a common language’ moments; happens quite a lot in Geography…

It’s field work week in The Department this week; exciting times.

Lectures are put on hold as the students get the opportunity to leave the campus and get some hands on learning/experience. Fieldwork is a key part of our discipline (our field?!); getting out and about and using the 6 senses we’ve been given makes us better at what we do, and for many of us it’s what enthused us about the subject in the first place. I certainly didn’t dream of sitting in front of a computer administrating when I thought about being a Geographer…

Field work can be hard work, especially when we get office soft, but the opportunities to travel, work with amazing people in some of the less visited corners of the world have given me many memories to treasure. I spent a beautiful sunny week in the Lake District this summer taking mud samples from the bottom of some of the lakes (we do get the odd funny look), and then a few weeks out in the Jordanian desert working with archaeologists on early human occupation sites. See, it can be a tough job this!

Fieldwork week is a staging post in the academic year too, it marks the end of Crazy October and the beginning of the run in to the vacation, which by reading through what I’ve just written, I’m in clear need of.

I have a colleague called Field…

Prof J

Shane Meadows (right): patience of a saint. © Lewis Stainer

his month’s BESTonian was chucked off the photography course at NTU, and shoplifted the film used to make his first short feature.

There were no film festivals in Nottingham then, and no film clubs that would have him as a member, or that he would want to have had him as one, at least. So he went DIY on that too. During these early years, Shane Meadows lived in Sneinton. It was to prove the perfect backdrop, as many of his memorable scenes were shot around the streets Meadows came to call home. Much of his earlier - unreleased - body of work involved these surroundings, and the people in them; friends, neighbours and the wider community.

‘This is all well and good’, you may well say, ‘but how can you claim him as a BESTonian? Sneinton is not Beeston, and NTU is not Beestonia?’

Well, yes. Quite. However, not only does Meadows now live just down the road - where Beeston ducks, geese and Lord Beestonia also reside, but he’s recently been hoodwinked into lending a great deal of film-based inspiration to The Beestonian Film Club at Cafe Roya. Providing short films and his very own presence to our celluloid cause to get Beeston firmly on the independent film map. A map that’s very hard to get on successfully, let me tell you. Few probably know this more than Meadows himself.

Ask any local film buff, wannabe director/actor/scriptwriter/auteur their favourite films and inspiration and if Meadows isn’t on there near the top I’d be pretty gob-smacked. Who could fail to be influenced by his work’s genuine theft of your attention; the lifelike contrasts between the mundane and shocking or fear and calm? Meadows’ scenes stay with you forever after the DVD’s back in the box or the telly’s on the adverts already. The voices are real voices, and the pathos and humour in equal measures make them fit to be the classics of the future.

Who better to buoy-up our burgeoning Beestonian film-makers than someone from where you’re from; who made similar choices to you and made it big. But big in a good way; the kind of big that still lives in the area they made their name filming; drinks in the same boozer as you do, and buys their coconuts from Hallam’s like the rest of us. The sort of ‘made it big’ that comes to a tiny cinema in Beeston to sit around watching short films no one’s ever heard of to inspire a whole swathe of local of meddazTF in-the-making to keep their reel rolling after all. That’s how.

It’s a fairly inconspicuous place, just down from Tesco on Station Road, occupying a building I remember was once a dingy cafe and pool hall, a scabby old dive I would regularly bunk off college to visit 20 years ago. It’s also done previous as a dance studio before being taken over and totally refurbished by kickboxing champ Avinder Panesar and his partner Anna Jermakova, who meets me when I visit.

Anna is instantly engaging, grasping my proffered hand tightly (through the course of my visit I come to find kickboxers have VERY strong handshakes, my wrist is tingling for hours after), and keen to show me around. Although small, she exudes power, her frame muscularly wiry, energy seemingly radiating off her. She hops from foot to foot as she talks, and her speech is rapid, enthusiastic, and an utter gift for a journalist who often finds it frustrating to have to drag answers from his interviewees.

I shed my shoes and go through to the main room and emit a gasp. It’s fantastic. When they took over the building, the place was in a pretty sorry state. It’s now a padded, trophy lined space, packed with training equipment that ranges from the familiar to the downright bizarre. This place is professional, evidently.

I ask about the trophies “All ours’ Anna tells me, ‘We’re doing well, building a strong reputation.

There isn’t any official body in Kickboxing as such, and we’re still © Lewis Stainer trying to make it an Olympic sport, but we’ve been successful in all the disciplines so far. We’re still a new sport, but one day we’ll be seen as the equal to judo and taekwando.

Taekwondo already scouts kickboxing for talent, and we’ve sent three students up to train professionally. They had to undergo a rigorous selection process, competing in a selection of 500 fighters, but all made it through”. The three, Darren Chapman, Nicole Huntingdon and Tony Stephenson are all now training in Manchester, and could potentially be fighting in Rio in 2016. No mean achievement from a centre that’s only been open two years. How did you get into this? I ask Anna.

Until a few years ago, I’d never fought, wasn’t even really aware of kickboxing. I came to Nottingham to study Media at Trent University (she’s originally from Latvia) and only got into it when I met Avinder. He’s been into martial arts for 20 years, and I very soon came to get into it more and more. We set up classes round the area around 6 years ago, a class at Fernwood once a week, and gradually expanded. That really took off, so we began looking for premises. Beeston seemed the natural choice’. She now is full-time there, running the centre’s official Team Blue Blood, taking fitness classes, acting as a personal trainer, as well as writing for martial arts magazines and numerous other activities. Like I said, she has more energy than a Duracell warehouse.

Students for that evening start to arrive, and are keen to tell me how much they love kickboxing. I chat to Finn, a pleasantly smiling 13 year old from Chilwell. He started kickboxing less than two years ago, and has already got himself to purple belt level, two grades below black belt. “I didn’t do any sport before this, nothing attracted me. I looked around for

I chat with Karen, who has just broke sweat on the training floor when I ask for a quick interview. She’s 22; with a distinct Southern accent “I’m from Lewisham’ she explains, ‘I moved up here to train here. I’ve been kickboxing for ten years, competing for Team GB, medalling at Junior level and needed to find a place that I could develop.” She moved up here 18 months ago, living in Lenton Abbey and training regularly “The standard here is incredible. Plus, the family element, the social events...it’s ideal.”Ambitions? “I WILL be World Champion’”she tells me with a steely gaze. I nod in acquiescence, not just ‘cos she could so have me in a fight, but because I believe her.

Kickboxing. You might have in mind a sweaty John Claude Van Damme arsing around with a mullet, kicking people’s heads clean off with an unlikely roundhouse. But think again. That bears about as much reality to true kickboxing as a drunken post-pub kebab shop barney does to Raging Bull. We have, in our midst, a world class centre that is changing lives for the better. Pull down your socks, and sign up.

LB

HORACE’S HALF HOUR QUIZMASTER IN RESIDENCE, HORACE, TAKES YOUR BRAINBOX ON A LITTLE WALKIES...

(BRAIN A BAD DOG? ANSWERS ARE BELOW)

1.Leparine refers to which animal?

7. In which city was Florence Nightingale born?

2.Which film won the best film Oscar in 2011?

8. Who did Alan Partridge punch with a turkey covered fist?

3. On TV, who played the role of police detective Wycliffe?

9. How many pawns are in a chess set?

4. Who plays Dr. Alex Cross in the 2012 film of the same name?

10. A fish, a punch and a plane can all be what?

5. An ophthalmologist deals with which part of the body?

11. Nirvana, Jarvis Cocker and Flogging Molly have all had albums produced by which punk rock legend?

6. Who did Freddie Flintoff beat in his heavyweight boxing debut?

HARE / THE KING’S SPEECH / JACK SHEPHERD / TYLER PERRY / EYES / RICHARD DAWSON /

t’s one of our jobs here at The Beestonian to snuffle out where our town truly punches above its weight. With Team Elite Kickboxing (TEK) that’s as true figuratively as it is metaphorically.

FLORENCE / TONY HAYERS / 16 / LANDED / STEVE ALBINI

Kick like grrrl?

I

something different and found this. I tried it, and found I was becoming more confident, finding it easier to talk to people I now train 5 days a week, 10-16 hours per week”. He loves the extra-curricular too “We go to the cinema, have parties, and do stuff together. It bonds you as a team.” He wants to turn pro “and win tournaments, loads of tournaments. And be World Champion”. He says this with so much confidence it’s all I can do not to rush down the bookies and sling £20 on him doing just that.

Auteur space Lord Beestonia himself keeps us up to date with the regular goings on of the Beeston Film Club, and quite typically October’s event was creepier than a doll on a tricycle singing Tiptoe Through the Tulips.

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t’s been a busy couple of months at The Beestonian Film Club at Café Roya, after our relaunch in September. Now that the summer heat has died down and we don’t need emergency dishing out of ice lollies during screenings; and the introduction of a meal cooked up by Roya herself, Film Club has hit its stride nicely of late.

We’ve been actively seeking out talent, so opened our Autumn season with a local fim maker, John Currie. Originally hailing from Southport and still retaining a scouse twang, runs Arrondissement Films and popped in to give us the World Premiere of the harrowing short, Go With God. An examination of the last hours of a British man’s life spent in a Tehran prison before his execution for adultery, this carefully toned piece hits you like a blow to the solar plexus. Arrondissement aim to make films that “make the audience think... about life... about themselves... and about the world we live in”. Go With God certainly does that, and we await their next offering keenly.

If you don’t count the chip shop on the corner of Abbey Road, Café Roya is the closest restaurant to legendary Beestonian Sir Paul Smith’s childhood home. So we were delighted to have Benjamin Wigley, documentary maker and head of production company Artdocs, who developed an incredible short about Sir Paul, based around the curious things The Stripey One has been receiving through the post for the last 20 years. It available online at youtube.com/watch?v=--8jpeQ0Iew. We also saw stuff ranging from his abstract student pieces through to his latest project, a documentary about Ghanian coffin maker Paa Joe, a craftsman who makes incredible, eccentric, imagination drenched coffins in the shape

✃cut out and keep We were sent this ingenious little

of anything from beer bottles, cars and, in one case, a huge, stylised lion.

Watch the brilliant trailer at paajoe.artdocs.co.uk

Roya LOVES Halloween (see photo), so spent many hours decking out the restaurant in spooky finery. Guests turned up adorned in fake (we hope) blood and fantastic costumes; supped on some very odd cocktail concoctions and ate a huge amount of chilli, before sitting down to watch a selection of oddities our resident horror-buff, Tim Pollard, had picked out before the main feature - the uber-camp and gory Theatre of Blood.

If you’ve not seen it: it’s a confection of silliness, and Arthur Lowe gets decapitated by Vincent Price. What more can a film offer?

We have exciting times ahead with local hero Shane Meadows curating an evening; rising stars The Turrel Brothers hosting another; a night based around rock music in film and films in rock music; and a fascinating look at how William Burroughs influenced cinema, hosted by his most acclaimed biographer. This is all happening in a tiny room in Beeston.

Want to be part of it? Find us on Facebook: facebook.com/TheBeestonianFilmClubAtCafeRoya Like us, and pop down sometime. We might even start our own range of popcorn soon…

LB

map of Beeston

by gifted designer and Lenton blogger Robert Howard.

Based on the classic London Underground map, we think it’s great and a fantastic snapshot of Beeston in 2013. Robert is hoping to eventually produce a fold out A4 version with more information, and always looking to improve his cartography skillz so if you have any suggestions, or just want to know more, have a look at parkviews.blogspot.co.uk

Lord Beestonia offers a summation of events and sincere thanks to everyone who got involved in the OXJAM festivities.

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limey Beeston. You did us proud. For a glorious 13 hours you rocked, rolled and sank many, many pints of FestivAle, all in the name of charity. You picked up our special edition, and only a few of you used it as a beer mat, planned your bands and then hit the venues.

From Broadgate Park to Bartons, and taking in 9 other venues between, you danced, sang along and promise you’d take up guitar when you were sober. You were (mostly) nice to our small army of volunteers, didn’t (overly) heckle my occasional appearances behind a microphone, and were (generally) quite lovely to me when we chatted, despite my manic appearance as I flung myself round the venues on the steel horse I ride.

Well, my pedal bike.

Image credits (clockwise from above left): © AA Productions, © Christopher Frost, © AA Productions.

The music? The barbershop harmonies of Oldish Spice, the teenage deck wizardry of Genius, the guitar shredding delights of The Irish Chemists, the angular cuts of I AM LOMO, the rain-defying sing-along rock of The Leggomen… there was more talent over our stages then a dozen series of The X Factor. We hope you saw stuff you liked so much you’ll seek the artists out again: every act gave their time for free, but played like they were headlining Wembley.

Emma Bladon Jones pulled off the Herculean task of playing a set at EVERY venue through the day, despite being dogged by bronchitis and stalked by a BBC news cameraman. She then celebrated with a plastic cup full of gin and coke. Rock.

To all the volunteers, sponsors, venue owners, techie people and bands, a huge thank you. And for everyone who had a great day out, bought a wristband, a raffle ticket or just stuck a few coins in one of our gaudy

Out of mind is out of date R

eaders of our last, non-Oxjam issue may remember a rather lovely poem on the back page by Steve Plowright, about the two silver birch trees he’d pass on his daily walk taking his kids to John Clifford school. Steve is a gentle soul; a poet and singer-songwriter. You may have seen him busking with a squeezebox in town.

Steve rings me one day to invite me down to The Middle Street Resource Centre, (now known officially as the Broxtowe Day Centre) where there is an open day. I’ve never been there before, but have heard a fair bit about how much it has helped many people in town. I duly find a path round the tram-works and drop in.

Blimey, it’s lovely. It’s recently undergone a £550, 000 renovation and is now an airy, light, open place. I find Steve and he gives me a guided tour, out to the rear garden where volunteers and service users have created a well-tended vegetable garden, an unexpected oasis between Middle Street and Queens Road. I’m shown a tree that Steve planted when he first started accessing the services: it now towers over the garden.

One of the greatest challenges for those with mental health issues can be the stigma attached. Despite the fact that 1 in 4 of us will experience mental

collection tins: I would marry you all if that sort of thing was legal. You managed to raise a staggering ELEVEN THOUSAND POUNDS, well over double our target. You also proved conclusively that even when Beeston looks like a bombsite, even when getting between pubs is akin to that assault course round in The Krypton Factor, you prove that Beeston is not just alive, but kicking as well. And dancing in an embarrassing fashion – yes, you know who I mean…we’ll let that slide.

LB health difficulties, it’s only through impassioned campaigning by mental health advocacy groups that this has begun to change. Mindset, who run a vast set of projects from the Resource Centre are one such group, bringing Mental Health out into the open, providing its members with a vibrant social network with self-health and recovery groups, creative and craft groups, including music, jewellery making and writing and outdoor activity clubs for gardening, walking and trips away.

Steve goes off to set up for a performance in the well equipped and modern music room, and I chat to people who provide, and those who use, the services on offer. Their oozing enthusiasm is inspiring. Even the most hardened cynic would find it tough arguing that this was anything other than a Bloody Good Idea.

I go to see Steve perform. He has struggled with his bi-polar illness for most of his life, and has been through some barbaric practises, which he speaks of in painful, startling detail through his collection of songs, poems and folk recitals. His illness has proven to be a deep, dark seam to mine from. In his 40 minute performance is at times hilarious, at times visceral, at times heartrending and tear-provoking. Steve lays his soul bare, and finds acceptance here. The Centre and Mindset have proven to be invaluable to him, often one of the only positives he can rely on when his bi-polar is at its worst.

We have a wonderful thing going on in town - a real asset. A place where those who are all too easily marginalised in society find routes back into it, and to express themselves through whatever means they can; a place that is challenging out-dated attitudes with aplomb.

LB • If you are suffering from mental illness, or worried about someone who is you can find more on up and coming events, services and helpful information by contacting Mindset by phoning the Centre at (0115) 9252516 or email them at mindset.information@gmail.com

Image: Nottingham Hidden Histories (by permission: Picture the Past)

Why the long face?

Local historian, Jimmy Notts, sheds light on another piece of local legend.

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he first railway station at Beeston - which was little more than a cottage, - was built to service the Midland Counties Railway in 1839 (opened 4 June 1839). In 1844, this company merged with the Birmingham and Darby Junction Railway to form the Midland Railway. In 1847, a much larger station - the current building - replaced the old station to accommodate the ever increasing passenger numbers.

It is true to say that the expansion of the rail network in Queen Victoria’s reign changed the face of the country and produced the modern Britain we see today. Fast, reliable transport meant that goods and passengers were able to accomplish journeys that formally took days in a matter of hours. In fact, the railways brought about such a revolution that it was necessary to standardise time throughout the country.

The Victorian zeal for railways and the necessary stations was matched only by the building of new inns, public houses and hotels to accommodate the mobile population. Apart from the casual visitor - those wishing to explore the new horizons brought by the railway - these hostelries were primarily built for the use of the business classes like the commercial traveller. Just about every town or village with a station has within walking distance its own Railway Hotel or Commercial Inn. Beeston is no exception.

The Victoria Hotel was built on land alongside the railway. With the licence granted on 13 September 1839 to Mr John Stothard, the Hotel was opened on the 12 March 1840. John Stothard remained the landlord for 20 years and established a business that is still around today. No longer a Hotel, The Victoria is now a successful real ale dining pub.

There the story might have ended, were it not for the actions of an eccentric landlord in the early 1970s. Then free from the modern constraints of keeping exotic animals, he was able to establish a mini zoo in the extensive outbuildings to the rear of the property. Among the collection were three big cats - a puma, a lion and a leopard - a bear and a baboon, as well as a python in the main house.

The good folk of Beeston became used to the sight of the bear, tied to end of a rope, being taken for a walk. Two of the big cats brought their own problems - the landlord caused some alarm when he was bitten by the leopard, and the puma once leapt into the main bar area and terrified the regulars.

And imagine the horror of waking one morning to find a large baboon staring through your bedroom window. Such was the case for an elderly couple who were neighbours to ‘The Vic’. The animal had escaped and had shinned up the drainpipe and was attempting to gain access through the window. The matter was reported to the police and, at the orders of the authorities, the zoo was closed.

JN • Jimmy is from Nottingham Hidden History, a fantastic group who unearth some incredible local stories. Go to nottinghamhiddenhistoryteam.wordpress.com

New Sign At The Vic

Bow selecta Who do I think I am?

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found my Mum. For most people that’s probably not something out of the ordinary as it might just involve popping round, nipping into the next room or making a ’phone call but I’m adopted and never thought I’d know anything about my birth mum... until recently. All I knew from my utterly brilliant adoptive parents was that she loved me but for some reason couldn’t keep me, something I presumed must have been a very traumatic experience for her as mid-1960’s society was very different and attitudes to young single mothers were really quite unforgiving. Plus I realised that I was very lucky anyway, having avoided the introduction of legal terminations in 1967 and truth be told I was OK with all of that, as John and Paula Pollard had loved me, brought me up well and happily and so for very nearly fifty years I thought that was just how things would stay.

My adopted sister (from a different family) had successfully found her family years ago but I was a little more reticent, probably selfprotectively, not knowing who or what I might uncover. All I had was a birth certificate in my adopted name and a letter from the adoption agency with my original birth name (which brilliantly was still ‘Tim’, even though John and Paula used to tell me I was named after their pet tortoise)! But in the past couple of years life has changed out of all recognition and I think I’ve matured (as much as a man who dresses up as Robin Hood for a living can), found True Love with Sally Chappell (my Maid Marian) and we’re now expecting our first baby. All that started me thinking about family and contacting my birth Mum.

“John and Paula had loved me, brought me up ... for very nearly fifty years I thought that was just how things would stay. ”

Talking with Sal, listening to radio programmes about women who couldn’t contact the children they’d had to give up and, frankly, the march of time meant if I was going to try it should be sooner rather than later, and with great trepidation Sal and Joy, her very talented amateur genealogist mum, started digging. And it was so simple; stupidly, easily simple. A name, a couple of websites and the final piece – the ‘phone book(!) and we had an address. So I wrote a letter. It took me ages to write and longer to post it but... it was her. And I was right, it really hadn’t been an easy time - but she was overjoyed, never thinking she’d hear from me and a few weeks ago we met her (and her lovely, welcoming family) for the first time in nearly fifty years and it was perfect, glorious and joyous (brilliantly we even like the same bands)!

Sadly John and Paula, who were and will always be my parents are both gone now – but as I start a new life with Sal and our first baby I think they’d be really happy for all of us. I found my Mum. It was astounding, life-changing and utterly wonderful.

TP

little sod

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t’s November. So I’ll forgive you for thinking there’s not a lot going on, garden-wise this month. Because you’re sort of right. But Autumn is my favourite season, because everything’s turning over in to the most glorious colour show; and then the leaves fall in ones and twos as we prepare things for the seasons to come. Gardening is always about multitasking - half is about the here and now, and half about the there and then. If you want roses flowering in your garden next summer, now is a good time to be planting them. You may well think it a bit weird sticking a ball of dead-looking sticks in the ground, but come next summer you’ll be wondering what on earth you were thinking; feeling all ‘well done ME’.

The onset of autumn and winter doesn’t mean all colour disappears from the garden, either. Many shrubs and trees are just coming into their own around now - with colourful berries, fruit and leaves to add interest in even the smallest of spaces. My top recommendation would be a Callicarpa bodinieri (or Beautyberry to Latinphobes). This hardy, deciduous shrub has lilac like flowers in spring and clusters of tiny bright purple berries from around October onwards, and once the leaves all fall off, the berries are left on its bare branches through winter. It really is startling, to the point where many people who stumble upon one think it’s not actually a real plant. Honestly, Google it. You can usually pick one up for around £9.

Now is a good time to refresh summer pots, hanging baskets and bedding with ivies, small shrubs and interesting winter plants such as pansies, asters, cyclamens, wallflowers, hebes, skimmias and heathers. Protect your non-hardy plants and planters with fleece, bubble wrap or sacking. Else you might lose all your hard work to the nearest frost.

Last but not least - don’t forget to stock up on the bird food. It’s starting to get to the time of year when we cover our car windscreens at night, get out the big duvet and crank up the heating another line on the dial - so imagine how tough it is for the tiny feathered fellas out in the cold, day in day out who might travel a fair way further for their breakfast only to find the feeder empty, manky or both. Leave a few apples on the tree, a couple of fat balls on the bird table and some peanuts in a feeder and you never know, they might bring their more exotic mates along with them next time TF too. Well done YOU.

Fancy writing something interesting about Beeston to share with more than 2000 Beestonians in our December issue?

Get in touch - we’d love to hear from you.

Email us for further information: thebeestonian@gmail.com or see our page on Facebook

High (and dry) street I

At the moment I don’t think anyone knows what the landscape will be like in this area come late 2014. Will it play host to waste ground, grassy knolls, retail units or a duck pond? As this will be a ‘transport interchange’ or whatever the latest buzzword will be for a tram stop next to lots of bus stops, it will be a focal point for the passengers. I’d hate to think they’d just be staring at Tesco, B&M, concrete and the flats.

My job for the last few years has involved selling and installing EPOS tills (touchscreens, scanners, chip and pin devices and what have you) to independent retailers, ranging from gift shops, jewellers and boutiques, to garden centres, toy shops and furniture stores. This nearly always involves a visit to the shop in question, and as our nation of shopkeepers are, well, nationwide, I’ve been to most of the cities and larger towns throughout the UK to do this.

residential streets to the University. The eagle-eyed traveller may well spot the High Road extending beyond the square, but unless they get off and have a wander around, are unlikely to appreciate Beeston town centre in all its glory. Which is a crying shame, as it’s got a hell of a lot to offer all kinds of folks.

What would be ideal for this area is some kind of nice independent café/ restaurant like Belle and Jerome which has plenty of outdoor seating, the kind of thing that makes people want to ‘dwell’ and watch the world go by. If Beeston is going to tempt those from outside the area, offering a ’m full of visions for the future, mainly involving what I’ll look like with deeper wrinkles and grey hair. I also occasionally ponder about the meeting/eating/drinking place in a hot spot like this is an essential starting point. appearance of my wider surroundings, and what Beeston will finally look like when NET have finished.

From here the tram will wend its way round Tesco, then out along

This has given me a fair bit of insight into the many different shopping areas of our green and pleasant lands - from gargantuan out-of-town retail centres to tiny villages and everything in between - and the variety of ‘the high street’ never ceases to fascinate. I must confess that I don’t really like shopping unless its for food, but I have always been interested in the science and machinations behind it all, including the catchment area and local shopper demographic without which a retailer won’t survive.

Nottingham has long been renowned as a retail destination, but as the vast majority of the shopping experience on offer is chain-store anytown, I really think Beeston could prove to be a mecca for those in the Shire and further afield who appreciate independents. One thing about Beeston is that it already has a culture of quirky independent retailers, restaurants/ cafes/bars etc. It wouldn’t take too much of a groundswell to snowball the area into one where empty retail units are soon snapped up, and not by bloodsuckers offering easy finance at over 2000% APR.

And where’s the proof? When Tesco opened, I really thought it would do for a lot of the retailers in Beeston. I’ve been back to once thriving small towns a year or two after a big supermarket pitches up, and its like the heart and soul has been sucked out of them. My biggest fear was that the fantastic food retailers would be the first hit - Hallams, the butchers, the bakery opposite Broadgate Park – as they are typically the first to go. But Get it right and you can mine no, three years on a large number of the good folk of NG9 continue to a rich seam. Get it wrong spurn the big boy in favour of the local heroes. and you will struggle to pay As I mentioned earlier, the surrounding demographic of a town centre the rent, rates, and other overheads which can quickly plays a big part in what kind of shops thrive or wither. Beeston’s population is very mixed, although being a long-established area, there is swamp the modern retailer. one key element present - a fair amount of ‘old money’. This term, along Obviously a bucket and spade with its ‘new money’ counterpart is considered by many to be a bit vulgar, shop is better suited to the but is nonetheless a good description of the kind of solid, in-the-bank Cornish coast rather than a disposable income available to (usually) discerning shoppers. The sort Stoke suburb, and you don’t who don’t mind paying more for better quality, be it clothes, gifts, food or see clusters of pound shops garden gnomes. in the Regency splendour of My guess is that they have been increasingly doing their shopping Royal Leamington Spa. elsewhere over the last few years, particularly since the tram works Which brings me on to Beeston town centre. It’s fair to say that there are started, but I really don’t think it would take much to lure them back. far too many empty units at the moment, and while it is easy to blame the Those in charge of such things - the council? - should do their level best to tram works, the same thing is happening all over the country. High street encourage independents to proliferate, which will have a positive effect on retail may never reach its pre-recession peak, but in some towns its hard to many more things than just the retail landscape. see anything replacing the depressing payday loan outlet/betting shop/gold If nothing else, Beeston is already becoming recognised in much wider buyer/charity shop stranglehold. circles as a real ale pub destination, particularly since The Crown was However, I think there is great potential for Beeston when the tracks awarded East Midlands’ Pub of the Year by CAMRA two years running. are laid, the diggers have buggered off and the trams are running. One The ripple effect of this has seen a rise in the number of beers available thing it will do is bring commuters who’ve parked at Bardills to ride in the rest of the pubs in the area, as well as mini-festivals which are through Beeston town centre, where at present they crawl along Derby becoming increasingly successful. And this is against a nationwide Road, oblivious to its charms. All those good folk who work in the city backdrop of struggling pubs, with several thousand having closed over the centre, QMC, University, Science Park and everywhere else which will be last few years. If Beeston’s pubs can buck the trend, so can the shops and connected by the tram. eateries.

When the carriages swing round from the side of whatever the college will I’ve heard rumours that an ‘anchor store’ or two will open near the square. be renamed as next year, it will enter the High Road ‘independent quarter’.

These aren’t places selling nautical equipment, but shops which drive high This is not a bad introduction to Beeston (even if you are technically still levels of footfall, particularly from people with a few bob to spend. Think in Chilwell until you’re past the Hop Pole). For starters there is an antique Waitrose, or M&S Simply Food. I’m undecided on this, as they would shop, plenty of eateries, the craft shop and much more. Then it will glide definitely bring the spenders into Beeston, but chains like these have been alongside the post office and turn into something of a no-man’s land by the known to demand a kind of rent in reverse to councils for the privilege of square and bus station.

P them opening a store. I think Beeston can thrive without them.

What makes shops popular and successful is driven by a combination of factors. Primarily it is down to the owner or those making the decisions about how big the shop should be, what they should sell, and most importantly where it should be. Location, location, location and all that.

“I think there is great potential for Beeston when the tracks are laid, the diggers have buggered off and the trams are running.”

Phenoptiwhatnow?

Christian Fox talks to Ben Gray – recent beardy man, father of three, and electronics entrepreneur. Was it illuminating? Definitely!

B

en Gray sits down for a coffee with me. He’s quick to apologise.

He’s tired and dishevelled, with two young children and another imminently on the way. Though after talking to him, I wonder if his exhaustion might be for another reason as well. Perhaps it’s because Ben seems to be doing to Beeston in the 21st Century what Steve Jobs did for Los Altos, California, in 1976.

Ben is the co-founder, with his brother Dan, of Phenoptix, a web business that describes itself as a ‘purveyor of cool things’, though that’s being pretty modest. In their premises, where I first meet Ben and Dan, they pointed out a microwave in the corner.

“We paid £30 for that,” Ben says, “then I attached an Arduino board to it and made it a reflow oven. Now it’s a £2000 piece of equipment.”

This example is somewhat at the heart of what it is Phenoptix does.

Ben and Dan build and sell their own electric devices using open source hardware and software, and they sell open source stuff too so customers can make and build stuff of their own. For example a piece of hardware they sell, the Raspberry Pi, is essentially a tiny computer.

It uses open source Linux software and you can programme it to do anything you want. With open source hardware and software, the end of the conversation doesn’t end with buying a product, but begins there.

“We paid £30 for that… then I attached an Arduino board to it and made it a reflow oven.

Now it’s a £2000 piece of equipment.”

In the office Dan says to me, “Sometimes people get back to us to tell us what they used one of our products for, and it’s always a surprise.”

And now, with an excited smile, though that could be the coffee hitting, Ben puts it plainly. “We sell open source stuff, we also open source our own stuff. We put out a design and people can use it and modify it. By open sourcing,” he says, “we can share ideas, get feedback. It removes a lot

of the time it takes to develop new ideas.”

And this works as a business model? Ben tells me that in the USA, where open sourcing has a much larger community currently, the business is worth billions. And a little closer to home, Ben and Dan started in a spare bedroom, then moved to a small shed in the garden of Ben’s old home in the Rylands, and now their business is housed in a 1200 square foot room just off Derby Road on the high street. That is undeniable growth.

Ben’s aspiration? “To get a community going here in Beeston.” He wants to set up places where people can share equipment and training. Ben tells me about communities such as Hackspace and Maker Faire, both of which Phenoptix is massively involved in. Each takes that basic idea of pooling resources and creates a viable, and incredibly creative, marketplace that anybody can be involved in.

Ben admits to me that he’s become rather obsessed with the whole idea.

“It takes over. It’s all encompassing.” I can see why. The potential seems limitless. In the future, if Ben gets his wish to help create a community here in Beeston, who knows how big Phenoptix will get.

As we sit and drink our coffee, Ben tells me how this all began. Phenoptix started up in 2003 as a side project for Ben and Dan. Ben was studying chemistry at Nottingham Uni, Dan was unemployed, and they decided to sell LEDs to make some cash. It wasn’t until they started talking to customers and realised all of the different things they were doing with Ben and Dan’s LEDs, that they realised this was potentially a huge business.

Beeston has of course long been synonymous with great business entrepeneurs, from Jesse Boot, who helped make Boots the world pharmaceutical giant it is now, to I think it’s safe to say that Ben and Dan are already well on their way to adding their names to that list.

• Phenoptix will be at the Derby Mini-Maker-Faire, 23 November makerfairederby.com They’ll have a stall at the turning-on of the Christmas Lights on 30 November.

Visit their website at phenoptix.com CF

AU CONTRAIRE...

With Nora away in The Homeland this month, we let Jimmy have a go at filling her belligerent shoes. Guess what? They fit! This month: ETIQUETTE.

S

Tamar

how me someone who’s never: turned up late, slurped their soup, not bought a round, not bothered to introduce everyone at their own do, forgotten someone’s name or honked on about themselves oblivious to who they’re talking to and I’ll show you a fictional character. We’ve all done it. We all have someone we love who does it a lot.

Ignoring basic social etiquette is annoying and rude, but not as annoying and rude as people who make a living out of going on about it. I’m glad there’s none of that ‘ladies have this glass, chaps have another’ rubbish down my pub now, as, when I worked behind a bar, anyone kicking up a stink about my having given them the wrong kind of lager glass really ground my gears and got a short measure. But anyone who needs a prescribed code of behaviour to refer to in all social situations clearly doesn’t get out enough.

The earliest civil virtues, written by Ptahhotep, an Egyptian vizier and author of what is believed to be the first book in history, said that social order could be maintained if a few precepts were observed, such as: truthfulness, self-control; kindness towards one’s fellow beings; learning by listening to everybody; knowing that human knowledge is never perfect; avoiding open conflict wherever possible should not be considered weakness; and the importance of justice and morality. These make sense – and I think we should all have a read of the rest of them. Quite how we got from this to suggesting I need to be told which fork to use for my starter, or how to say hello to some fella who owns a bit of land is beyond me.

Social etiquette sometimes conjures up a very ‘English’ picture. There’s etiquette for just about everything – think of any Jane Austen book or period-piece drama on TV and you’ve a hotbed of English pernicketiness right there. But all cultures on the planet have their own forms of it.

Japanese good manners, for example, suggest that blowing your nose in public, and tipping is wrong, but that making a noise while eating is OK. Give the ‘thumbs up’ over here and we’ll be chuffed – do it in Germany and we’ll be miffed; in Turkey we may well thump you. International cultural ‘manners’ can sometimes merge into some sort of recognised national ‘stereotype’ though, and when they do you’re on very dodgy ground...

Of course there’s only a point to etiquette if everyone knows what it is and has a decent stab at following it. Else, kind of like now really, you end up with a few old, posh, fuddyduddy folk getting their knickers in a twist because someone showed them the soles of their feet or I butted-in when they were mid-flow about their train-set - while everyone else is going about their lives not thinking one jot about personal space/hygiene /social behaviour. What’s the point? Why bother treating others how you would like to be treated if, statistically, it’s not ever likely to happen in return? It’s so depressing.

If there was a social revolution, I’d suggest we chuck out the Debretts and get along in the world purely on our wits and gut instincts; and that all the forks be big forks.

TF

I

Jimmy

n response to my fringed friend, I would like to open with a quote from the late great George Carlin, that to me at least explains why we need social etiquette drilling back into folks (perhaps literally with large drills): “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realise half of them are stupider than that.”

Let’s face it, ever since Moses came down off the mountain we have always liked a bit of guidance. Yeah, OK, at some point we have all accidentally fallen foul of social etiquette, but there are some out there who seem to be in a kind of denial or just plain rude.

Lets start with a general one – Lateness – and then take it to my favourite environment to illustrate: the pub. So, Lateness. Since the event of the mobile phone, and latterly social media – many people have abandoned the idea of punctuality. If I say I am meeting you at 5pm – that doesn’t actually mean I just wanted to fuck around waiting on you for forty minutes, getting text updates on why you are late and a blow by blow account of your lateness. It means I want to see you at 5pm. Put it this way if I was going to give you a million quid only valid at 5pm - I bet you would be there.

Right, off to the pub. A place that makes us as a country unique, we have pub culture and an etiquette for a reason. Firstly, unless we need name badges - fucking well introduce people to each other, it’s really easy.

The amount of people who just start babbling away to others without introducing each other is just plain wrong. What’s wrong? Forgotten their freakin’ names? I cannot understand how people have got to their 30s and 40s and still don’t get this. Next: The Buying of Drinks. If you are in a group of people, or even with one person for that matter, who you do not know at all and they have an empty glass and you are about to go to the bar - what do you do? Old school pub etiquette would deem that you announced you are going to the bar and ask anyone if they want a drink.

Hardly happens these days… I still do it. I can think of nothing worse than coming back with a drink for me and not having offered. Next: Queuing at the Bar. Let the right person get served next, don’t jump the queue, you weasel – it’s just manners. Perhaps we need tombstone like signs in pubs featuring the commandments of social etiquette.

Generally speaking, saying hello to people is good. It’s more likely to help make you new friends than making cartoons of yourself online will. Try holding doors for people, not just wimmen - blokes too. It’s polite. Two of you at the table? Got your food first? Why not wait for the other person to get theirs before you start tucking in.

You get the idea - I could go on for days - I might have gone to a school where they taught you to shake hands (limp handshakes: ‘hate ‘em). We need to bring back more of the old etiquette - it’s not all about slurping yer soup and you might find you make/keep more friends.

JW

s t a e l B n Beesto Our resident music reporter, Jimmy Wiggins, has come over all avuncular this month - and shows it the only way he knows how; by dishing out a bit of friendly advice... which you totally take at your own risk.

F

inally my prediction came true. There is a music drought in Beeston. After Oxjam and the special edition, I don’t want to write about music. And besides, everyone jumped in my grave and did it for me, leaving me to moan about charity events under a picture of Joe ‘too-big-for-my-boots’ Barber.

Luckily Uncle Jimmy has more than one string to his... erm... guitar. Over the years many folk have used my shop as a drop-in advice centre (judging by the state of the west wing of my mansion - they weren’t buying guitars).

I consider myself one of Chilwell Road’s best dispensers of backstreet advice. Go on, write in – I assume you can all make a better job of this than sending me any of your music to review… .

Dear Jimmy, How do I get out of going to my friend’s house on Christmas Day? I said yes ages ago - but have since had a better offer from the man of my dreams.

I don’t want to upset her, but her cooking is abysmal.

– A.N.User, Chilwell Well, there are a lot of issues at stake here.

Christmas can be a time of immense loneliness and desperation for some, in fairness you did say you would go round full well knowing the details, however being as most modern people are crap at arranging anything I might make a suggestion to you. Usually a good way out of this situation is the pre-emptive strike. Invite her to yours for pre-Christmas drinks; make sure

your cooking is similar to the contents of a bin that even a tramp wouldn’t touch (or just go to Iceland). Then proceed to get rat-arsed, make rude comments about her and complete idiot of yourself; maybe end the evening by flashing at her. This should work for her suddenly making your invitation null and void. Bonus is you can repeat this with the man of your dreams on Christmas Day, and he will probably enjoy it and ask for a second date in the new year. (Which we’d have to advise you NOT to go on. – ED.) Dear Jimmy I don’t like my best friend’s new girlfriend. Yet every time we meet up he always brings her along. She’s smart and always buys a round, but really draws attention to herself by her weird dress-sense. She also has the most embarrassing laugh. Fortunately, she has no sense of humour, so I only have to cringe occasionally.

What do I say to my best friend when he asks me what I think of her (which he will)? Help!

– Jay Alous Well Jay, usually society would deem that you lie to him, say you like her. After all if he is happy you should be happy for him, a sign of true friendship and that. But being as you are most likely a vacuous seething pit of jealousy like most people, the following is something I might suggest After all it sounds like she will ruin all your fun.

Start meeting him and her in really rough boozers, maybe try and out-zany her in the zany clothing – maybe a black leather gimp mask with a zip? Start ordering more expensive drinks – half a brandy? Make her laugh more… soon that annoying laugh will get on his tits.

Not working… ? Give him an ultimatum: you or her. Maybe make up a story that she has been unfaithful or something. Pretty soon one of these will wreck his relationship and you can feel all happy with yourself.

Dear Jimmy I pay my mum rent. What’s my legal position on getting a lock on my door? She keeps going in my room and finding my stash, man.

– U Sluzwankowski U, it seems we have a few small issues here.

Have you and your mum discussed your minor drug problem and I assume innate laziness? I would have a guess that she is only going in there when you are stuck to the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle? You may be suffering from depression? The positive is you pay rent, I would assume that that may give you some rights, try going to Citizen’s Advice Bureau, if you can be bothered that is. Question is: what is your mum doing when she finds your stash? Is she an avid toker?

To be honest U, I smell a rat here; I don’t really think that there is a “stash” involved. Sounds to me like you just stay at home playing with your self all day and are getting fed up of your mum catching you cracking one out. Get a job (assuming you can still see…) and get those dishes done, instead of jerking-off to Cash in the Attic, you lazy wanker…

JW

Dear Jimmy...

Have a problem you like to share?

Need advice on a subject you think Jimmy might be able to help with?

Email him at: thebeestonian@gmail.com All names have been changed.

Jimmy can be found selling all things guitar, and teaching Blues guitar, at The Guitar Spot,Chilwell Road, Beeston (and either The Crown or The Hop Pole of an evening. His is a lime & soda, though please...) theboozeworldofjimmywiggins. blogspot.co.uk

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Editor / lead writer / founder – Lord Beestonia Co-founder / resident don – Prof J

FROM THE EDITOR.

Assistant editor / print design – Tamar Illustrator –Lottie Top-notch scribes this issue:

• HOORAY! to Natalie and Sergio at The White Lion, who are holding little Estrella Rose, delivered in the pub (well, the flat above) after paramedics got caught up in the tram works. (thanks to Lewis Stainer for the picture). BOOO to the Daily Mail, however, who took the story for themselves and threw in a load of madeup, offensive quotes. Shame on them: a formal complaint to the PCC is underway...

• Cheers to Hilary at The Flying Goose for being the first to spot this bit of face-palming incompetence in Beeston Square. If reported crime falls in Beeston, it’s because victims will be trying to get a crime number off a tram-worker at the bus station.

• Congratulations to local musician Emma Bladon Jones, not just for her heroic success in playing every venue in Beeston for Oxjam (see inside), but for also winning the prestigious Hop Pole Song-writing Competition for the second year running (thanks to Tim Anderson for the picture, above). Honourable mentions to The Brian Taylor Trio, Jon Hardy and The MonoQs for making the judging an extremely tough job indeed.

• Local poet, writer and general man of letters Dave Wood is running a Practical Creative Writing session on 21 November 2013 at the Other Space, Beeston. 6.30-8.30pm. £5. Please confirm if interested, email: davewrite2002@yahoo.com CIVIC SOCIETY - update.

A huge happy birthday to the Beeston and District Civic Society, those hidden guardian angels of our town. While not helping put up blue plaques round town to show how amazing we are, they’re ensuring that a trained eye is kept over Beeston. Their work has been vital in preventing here becoming an AnyTown. Happy 40th!

HALLAM’S - update.

Beeston’s favourite, and perhaps oldest shop, Hallam’s grocers is branching out with new premises on the other side of the High Street, in the former Roma Flowers premises. Top and tailing the High Street, we’re glad they’ve set down new roots even if its just so we get to make a few crap veg jokes when reporting it.

If you would like to sponsor us, donate, post an advert or become a stockist of The Beestonian, please email us at: thebeestonian@gmail.com If you’d like to receive future issues in the post, please send a SAE (one per issue) to our postal address - we’ll send the next issue direct to your door!

Christian Fox, Horace, Jimmy Notts, Poolie, Prof.J, Jimmy Wiggins, Recoverykidd, Tamar

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