The beestonian issue 19

Beestonian

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Contents University of Beestonia / BESTonian / Shot in Notts / Keeping it brief / Now you cinema; now you don't / A ViTaL legacy / little sod / Au contraire: CINEMA / Beeston Beats / Famous last words / Horace's half hour

Keeping it reel Our Shane: Meadows gets caught off-guard relaxing with his favourite local read, or hounded by yours truly to nearwetting-himself outside the Gents'?

You decide.

The Beestonian is…

Editor; lead writer and master of punnery – Lord Beestonia Assistant editor, print design; chivvying – Tamar Award-winning* scribes this issue: Lord B, Ali Catterall, Nora Dimitrova, Jimmy Notts, Christian Fox, Lottie, Prof.J, Jimmy Wiggins, Tamar

Contact us: thebeestonian@gmail.com * the Pint Offa Lord Beestonia Award, 2032

A while back, I posed a simple question to Beestonians: What does Beeston really need? A wealth of replies came in. Some silly, some vague. A couple obscene: shame on you. But the overwhelming longing?

A cinema. We crave the flicks.

As Jimmy Notts details in his article on page 4, we’ve had a few silver screens here before. It’s a no-brainer really: not only is there not a cinema in Beeston, there isn’t one in the whole of Broxtowe. If you want to watch the latest blockbuster /arthouse flick / Fast and Furious 78: Mobilty Scooter Madness you have to

trek into town and back. Broxtowe Borough Council is looking for ways to stimulate the evening economy; The University of Nottingham is full of students with disposable incomes; and I know at least three locals with a full-on addiction to Pic 'n’ Mix. A cinema here could be a roaring success: and much better for Beeston’s soul than another moneylending shop or bookies. Imagine: an evening where you can go from the finale of The Hangover series to working on your own version by strolling out to a local pub.

Guardian critic and Q magazine

columnist, Ali Catterall, explains how our links with film are rich and fulsome, in his article for us on Page 3. Nottinghamshire is attracting producers like never before, and bringing forth home-grown talent (see inside for our piece on local short-film wiz Steve Deery). Tamar and Nora argue about cinema-going in Au contraire, and our BESTonian this month is the star of one of my favourite films. No, Harrison Ford didn’t come from Inham Nook; Robert De Niro wasn’t from Rylands. We’re talking a true star.

We love a bit of film here in Beeston. Bartons successful drive– in season, and Chilwell’s monthly 'Paradiso Cinema' are testament to this. Can we have something more permament, something more frequent? A proper picture palace in our town? I think we can. As always, we’d love to hear your opinions.

Grab some over-priced popcorn, stick your mobile on silent and settle down to the latest featurelength issue. But a quick teaser before you go: you may see cameras 'round Beeston this summer, with a awkwardly-fringed bloke in Tweed barking orders at a struggling production crew. Beestonian: The Movie? Could be coming to a screen near you soon... . Lord Beestonia

The University of Beestonia

The Prof Js get brown and dirty... for Salsa! (and Nottingham Hospice)

Over the last few weeks I have bought and applied fake tan, false eyelashes, butter, glitter and cheese, amongst other things. The butter and cheese weren’t for the same reason as the other items, just in case anyone’s mind was wondering, and none of them was for my work.

The recent articles in this column

by Mrs Prof J and Prof S about the role of women in academia, and in the sciences in particular,

has led to much discussion in the editorial office about work/life balance, and I was challenged to write some words on this topic.

Given that in the same week as this discussion someone lofty (not the BFG) described our paper as having 'developed a unique irreverent and witty style', this particular topic comes with extra challenge.

One way around this would be to spend the first three paragraphs just wittering-on about nothing in particular in the hope that someone will still be reading by the start of paragraph 4 and I’ll have used up half my word allocation by the time we get there...

I have worked or studied in the education sector for most of my life so I come at the work/life balance thing very much from one direction (whose work/life balance issues are presumable quite different to my own). Many of us who have fallen into academia have always had some geeky interest in our subject area and the fact that we are lucky enough to be paid for something we are interested in means that work/

life balance is a strange issue for us.

For example, I’ve seen colleagues 'escape' into their work when life has been difficult, but I’m not sure this is a good balance long term.

But then our job is more than just about researching the things we are interested in. Recent discussion around contact hours for students in the new fees regime, for example, has highlighted, or should have highlighted, the work that university lecturers (see also school teachers) do behind the scenes, administering the degree programmes and conducting the research that means the students can be taught at the cutting-edge of their chosen subject. All this work is currently being fitted into a workload model by the university based on a 37.5 hour working week, even though our contracts state we have to do whatever it takes to get the job done – balance that!

I’m not sure what the answer/s is/are, or for that matter what the questions should be. What are we trying to balance for? The ‘perfect life’ is as subjective as a very

subjective thing (you’re the writer Lord B, help me out here…)[Sorry.

Looking after my own balance in the pub. - Ed.] and one person’s skiver is another person’s workaholic. So I’ll just crack-on trying to balance my own life I think, and as long as I can regularly apply butter and cheese to something, preferably a soft crusty loaf or a cracker, then life can’t be too bad, and work is providing what I need.

Can anyone explain to me why fake eyelashes are called false and false tan is called fake?

Prof. J To donate online towards the Prof Js fundraising efforts for Nottinghamshire Hospice – and please do, it's such a worthy cause – go to:

BESTonian - Beeston’s Finest: Richard Beckinsale Our monthly salute to the Best of Beestonians.

Sitcoms being made into full-length films is always a bad idea.

Ninety-plus minutes of jokes and ridiculously contrived situations that were already wearing thin in 30 minutes. Think the depressing exploits as the staff of Grace Brothers jet off to Costa Plonka in the feature-length Are You Being Served?, or the excruciating sexism and sub-Carry On humour of On The Buses franchise. Yet there is always an exception to the rule. That exception was the movie of Porridge, the last work of Beestonian, Richard Beckinsale.

Beckinsale was born in Carlton, but soon moved to Beeston; attending College House and Alderman White schools, working in the upholstery

Richard Beckinsale

department of Barton’s Garage and even once buying a motorbike off our very own quizmaster, Horace.

His career in TV comedy whisked him down south, and that boyish, cheeky face and tousled mop of chestnut hair became a common

Image: richardbeckinsale.co.uk

sight, first with Paula Wilcox in The Lovers; then to Porridge and Rising Damp. Porridge was where he truly shone: the chemistry between his character, Leonard Arthur Godber (L.A.G., geddit?) and Ronnie Barker’s Fletch was

exquisite and incredibly convincing: they were good friends in real life. Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais (who also wrote Auf Wiedersehen, Pet which used Beeston as a location) scripted, and although Beckinsale was originally intended for a minor part, he swiftly became indispensable as the youthful innocent counterpoint to Fletch’s world-weary sarcasm.

We can only guess where his career would have gone if he’d not suffered a massive heart attack in 1979, at the age of just 31. His daughters Samantha and Kate are both successful actresses in their own right, but there could be a more local legacy. A blue plaque for Beckinsale in Beeston? Those lovely people at Beeston Civic Society will be making it happen later this year.

LB, Christian Fox

from the opening ceremony of the Paralympics. Teresa doesn’t want to sell these but instead use them for the charity’s work.

Theresa says, “London 2012 was Young Potential is dedicated winding down, and they had all to providing emotional and of these specially made clothes educational support to young and stationary for the athletes, the people aged 13 to 18 with learning games makers and the torchbearers. disabilities. They offer programmes Rather than throw them away, and training, all of which revolve they decided to donate them to around their music, arts and drama charity, and by a lucky coincidence I facilities, all designed to increase managed to get it.” self confidence and produce healthy, Theresa tells me they have 400 emotionally literate, responsible and Not Ghana fit, eh? Our Christian at ViTaL. games makers’ tracksuits, 100 happy adults.

When ViTaL opened on Beeston pairs of tracksuit bottoms and Theresa and Young Potential trainers, 400 Olympic torchbearers’ are doing really very, ahem, High Street, they were hoping for tracksuits, as well as over £10,000 the usual lot of donations. You can vital work, and this is a totally worth of limited edition stationary imagine: clothing, books, jigsaw unique opportunity to get your It’s a lot of stuff. There’s so much in hands on some fantastic Olympic puzzles, novelty Billy Bass singing fact, she still hasn’t got it all. fish… merchandise. So please get down to “I’m the founder of the charity, and However, what happened was ViTaL on the Beeston High Street.

I’ve had to personally hire a van four Let’s keep the feel-good legacy of beyond anyone’s expectations. Due times and drive to Canary Wharf to a lucky chance meeting between the Olympics going… while stocks the charity’s founder Theresa Cullen and Coventry to pick it all up.” last!

She goes on to explain that in a and a member of the Olympic If you would like to volunteer day’s time, she is going again to Committee, the charity received you can e-mail them at enquiry@ collect more. Not everything will an enormous donation from the youngpotential.org.uk or call 0115 be sold however. Some of the most Olympics.

9677819 exciting things are the costumes “We are massively excited.”

CF

A ViTaL legacy

little sod June:

It may not be flaming, but it is the month of the longest day of the year. Which means everything’s discovering a hunger in itself to be more giant-size. And this means weeds too. So unless those weeds were put there deliberately by you (I’ve nicked road-side cow parsley,

white campion and sedge grasses for my garden this year. I am aware that the ‘romantic idyll’ I have in my head may turn out more like ‘squatter’s paradise’ but bear with me…) you need to weed regularly.

Now also a good time to brush down the garden furniture and give it a coat of varnish/stain/paint and a squirt of oil in the joints.

By now, you should be cutting your grass once a week. If you have a lot of moss in your lawn, be wary of using ‘feed & weed’ and ‘complete’ lawn treatments. You may find you have no lawn left after using them because they kill the moss and weeds underneath the structure of your grass, therefore killing the grass too.

Check on your veg – pinch out any side shoots on tomatoes and tie-up any tall or trailing plants to their supports or frames.

If you have a small garden why not

Johnny Pusztai at Est. 1884

pot up some large pots with flowers and veg mixed together? Rosemary, thyme, sage and curry plant smell gorgeous and look great mixed with chilli or bell pepper plants, bright dahlias, nasturtiums and marigolds for an exotic mini-plot that you can move around your garden to follow the sunshine.

Last but no means least – think of the BEES. Those small holes in your borders or lawn may well be front doors for solitary bees. The female Miner Bee lays her egg in a nest hole, fills the gap and abandons it to fate. So don’t turf them out – they’re fending for themselves!

Solitaries are better pollinators than humble bumble honeybees. So entice them into your garden with plenty of flowering plants. You can find more ways to encourage them at solitarybee.com/blog/ After all, a garden without bees is a garden without buzz.

TF

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flying goose café

33 Chilwell Road, Beeston, Nottingham NG9 1EH 0115 9252323 Open 10 ‘til 4 Tues to Fri / 9 til 4 Sat ▪ freshly prepared food ▪ good coffee ▪ relaxed atmosphere flying goose cafe has been described as ‘Nottinghamshire’s smallest arts venue’ and ‘Beeston’s Left Bank’!

A café with an emphasis on Vegetarian, Vegan, Fair Trade & Organic food, freshly prepared to order.

We would love you forever if you support us whilst the tram is being built as we shall remain open throughout this time.

Now you cinema; now you don't Local historian Jimmy Notts sheds light on a piece of local legend.

Jimmy is part of Nottingham Hidden History, a fantastic group who have been unearthing some incredible stories over the last half-century. Find more at: nottinghamhiddenhistoryteam. wordpress.com The very first time Beeston witnessed its first experience of the motion picture, was during the early years of the 1900s. Waller Jeffs came to the town with his travelling show. Jeff’s show consisted of bands, light opera, dramatic lighting and sound, novelty acts and for the very first time, film was available to view in public. The performances were soon attracting huge crowds and it was reported it attracted as many as 3000. It is believed that Jeffs and his show set up in a field near the top of modern day Regent Street. Many people were seeing motion picture for the very first time and Jeffs knew just how to attract the huge crowds.

As the 20th Century took off so did Cinema. After the success of

"On 18 April 1959, The Palladium became the first of the real cinemas to close in Beeston."

Waller Jeffs show in the town, local people started to cash-in on the success. One such man was local Greengrocer, Henry Peberdy. From the back of his shop on 115 Queen’s Road, Peberdy started showing films for a few pence a time for those who were willing to pay. Willing they were and he soon set up in a much bigger way. In 1907 he set up the Cozydrome and later Kozy Kinema, it was accessed down the alleyway which still exists between Gregg's and the card shop. Hallam (2012) explains, “Patrons paid a few pennies and set on wooden benches to watch a programme of short films and lantern slides, interspersed

The Majestic Cinema during floods, c 1947

with intervals which Peberdy, an accomplished violinist, filled in with pieces on various instruments.

At first, the projector was handcranked, and oil lamps provided the lighting but, as the enterprise developed, the projector became motorised and gas lighting was introduced which helped maintain its popularity”.

Soon 'picture houses' started spreading across Britain. Beeston soon had its fair share of cinemas for residents to choose from.

The Palace Cinema: Opened in 1913 on the High Road. Built as a replacement for the Beeston Electric Picture Pavilion. The Palace closed its doors on Saturday, 20 February 1960.

The Palladium Cinema: First opened in 1914 on High Road. D’ Auvergine in his bookBeeston Characters in the Twe nties and Thirties (1996) explains a little about the Palladium experience, “In the days of silent movies there were two performances nightly from Monday to Saturday, a childrens' matinee on Saturday afternoon and a change of programme twice weekly. At the Saturday matinee the front seats were 2d and the rear stalls 3d, this included free sweets or chocolate distributed by the long suffering doorman. There were often cartoons, Felix usually, Westerns and serial thrillers which left one on the edge”. On 18 April 1959, the Palladium became the first of the

Image Credit: Picture the Past

real cinemas to close in Beeston. The cinema building was demolished and now the Iceland Store stands where the cinema once did.

The Astoria Cinema: The Astoria was opened in 1936. It was the first of a new generation of cinemas to be built in Beeston. It was located on the corner of Boundary Road, Beeston and Derby Road, against the City Boundary at the rear. It was well located to draw audiences from both the Beeston Fields and Lenton Abbey Estate. It showed its last film on 11 October 1975.

The Majestic Cinema: Opened

The site of the Palladium Cinema. Image

on September 1, 1938. It stood on the south-east corner of Station Road and Queen's Road. In 1952, like the Astoria, it was taken over by the Essoldo Group. So for a short period there were two cinemas in the town with the same name. After the take over there was a decline in audience and the cinema eventually closed.

After the Majestic, the building was used as a Bingo Hall, until it was finally demolished in June 1988.

The site is now occupied by the Cooperative supermarket.

It has been many years since Beeston had a cinema. Someone once said that “A visit to a cinema is a little outing in itself. It breaks the monotony of an afternoon or evening; it gives a change from the surroundings of home, however pleasant. When you go to the cinema you can leave behind your troubles or worries, and escape into another world. Cinema gives you this and always will”. This quote, I am sure, is still very true of today and if there was once again a cinema in Beeston, Beestonians could escape for those brief few hours into the world of Cinema.

JN References: D’ Auvergine, P., 1996. Beeston

Characters in the Twenties and Thirties. Nottingham: Beeston and District Local History Society.

Hallam, D., 2004-2012. Cinemas in Beeston (online) Nottingham: David Hallam. www.beeston-notts. co.uk/landmarkcinemas.shtml

Credit: The Geograph

Shot in Notts…

We asked Ali Catterall, co-author of Your Face Here: British Cult Movies Since the Sixties; The Guardian TV Reviewer, Q Magazine Cinema Columnist and walking film-encyclopedia to tell us a bit about how Beeston and environs have been the back-drops to a wide swathe of classic film.

From the MI6 building in Vauxhall, to a certain residential blue door in Notting Hill, London is still far and away the most popular British city among film location scouts. But there’s still been many a great movie shot on your Nottinghamshire doorstep.

Over the years, films as diverse as the Mitchell and Webb comedy Magicians (utilising Nottingham’s Theatre Royal) and Anton Lord B seeks out a local maverick Corbijn’s Control (shot in and movie-maker in the most unlikely around Beeston) have seen movie of places... crews humping their equipment I’m sure you’re meant to meet around the City in search of local award-winning fim producers in the atmosphere. In Control’s case, the Groucho Club, or over some crazily Albert Hall Conference Centre, expensive meal at the Ivy. So it’s a North Circus Street, doubled for bit odd to find myself seeking out the exterior of Manchester’s Lesser Steve Deery, founder of Pondweed Free Trade Hall, where the nascent Productions, in the rather Joy Division caught that influential incongruous settings of a huge book 1976 Sex Pistols gig. 1960s Kitchen depot on Beeston Business Park, a Sink classics The Loneliness of the bibliophile's Nirvana. "Yeah, this Long Distance Runner and Saturday is my job when I’m not producing.

Night and Sunday Morning were Makes a great set though. We’ve also shot here; the latter featuring filmed a few things here". Which everything from the old Raleigh probably explains the 7ft terracotta warrior standing guard by the door. Bicycle Works on Cycle Road, to Norton Street and Beaconsfield Steve set up Pondweed a couple of years back to make short, pithy films Terrace – areas now changed almost beyond recognition. with high production values. I’ve During 2009, Mighty Boosh seen a few and they are faultlessly director Paul King commandeered professional, rather darkly humoured vignettes that demand a the University of Nottingham’s replay. Steve has been writing for King’s Meadow Campus for 5 years for a variety of publications, so weeks to shoot Bunny and the moving into mini-screenplays was Bull, a brilliantly absurdist road a natural step. He has a writer's eye movie. Transparently influenced for the implicit act; dialogue is kept by Withnail & I, it’s a bizarre yet to a minimum: this is a visual art surprisingly touching meditation afterall. He enjoys the constraints of on male friendship, impotent the shorter form, this keeps things bravado and grief. For all its disciplined; tight.

Boosh-style surrealism, the most More films are in the pipeline, indelible impression is left by and he’s already attracting a fair Simon Farnaby's cheerfully bit of interest at film festivals.Will disgusting shagger-gambler – the he be off to Hollywood once that ‘Bunny’ of the title – who with first BAFTA comes in, riding in his second-hand sheepskin coat stretch limos and quaffing Krystal and accompanying stench of with a Kardashian? "Nah. Not my thing. 'Prefer The Vic to be honest. mid-strength own-brand lager Plus, the light is better here than in resembles nothing less than some utterly disgraced 1970s polytechnic California".

LB lecturer. He also looks as if he's

Steve Deery:

not falling short

carrying at least three varieties of STD… if those STDs happened to be uniquely English ones.

More recently, in June 2011, Christopher Nolan transformed Wollaton Hall into Wayne Manor for Batman threequel The Dark Knight Rises, its Elizabethan splendour perfectly complimenting the classic curves of cat burglar Anne Hathaway’s cat suit.

Talking of criminals, Nicolas Winding Refn’s weird and wonderful Bronson, starring Tom Hardy as the notorious British jailbird, was also filmed here.

Locations included Sherwood and Worksop, with Welbeck Abbey doubling for Rampton – the psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane. In a movie overflowing with startling, hallucinatory moments, it’s the scenes set at the latter that particularly lodge in the skull, featuring drugged, drooling inmates dancing woozily to The Pet Shop Boys' 'It's A Sin’, against a cinematic palate of reds and blacks; Hell colours. With visual nods to Francis Bacon and Magritte, this film is practically an art installation, or contemporary performance piece. It’s also one of the most impressive gigs Hardy has ever signed up for; the former slip of a pretty-boy actor pulling off one of cinema's most impressive bulkups to play a strange little boyman incarcerated inside endlessly replicating walls of muscle, a selfmade prison of bone and gristle.

That said, when it comes to dishing out a bit of the old ultraviolence, Bronson’s got nothing on Mum and Dad from Steven Sheil’s 2008 horror film of the same name. Perry Benson and Dido Miles play the eponymous Fred and Rose-style serial killers, who kidnap and torture a Polish Heathrow airport cleaner, in this smart and extremely splattery satire on the nuclear family and (especially) Little British attitudes to the issue of immigration. A house in Hucknall Road became Mum and Dad’s suburban abattoir for the shoot, while the former Carlton TV studios, in Lenton Lane, served for Heathrow airport.

Almost as grim is 2003’s One for the Road, from Sheil’s fellow Nottingham director Chris Cooke.

Unspooling like some diseased offspring of Ricky Gervais and David Mamet, this sees three blokes with nothing in common except a charge sheet embark on a rehabilitation course for drunk drivers. Led by their selfloathing, sandalled team leader, the Booze-ual suspects are soon obliged to endure spirit-sapping role play games and paintball weekends – shot at The Paintball Jungle, in Mapperley Plains. With an ingenious visual style lurching from sober to sozzled via some kamikaze editing, this cocktail of acrid comedy and dramatic pathos occasionally jars, but mostly slips down easy.

There’s one name, obviously, that we can’t pass over; the one director who’s lately become completely synonymous with his Nottingham home town, in the same way, say, Martin Scorsese is with his native New York. For the past quarter century, Attenborough resident, Shane Meadows has been among the foremost and most accurate chroniclers of English workingclass life. Having initially shot dozens of shorts around the City, this most compulsive of filmmakers had his first breakthrough with 1997’s Twenty Four Seven, starring Bob Hoskins as a boxing trainer.

The superb A Room for Romeo Brass followed, marking the debut screen appearance of his old mate Paddy Considine. (If Meadows is a British Scorsese, then Considine’s his De Niro.) This seriously enigmatic actor would go on to star in the lo-fi vigilante thriller Dead Man’s Shoes – Meadows’ one stand-out masterpiece, as far as this writer’s concerned – before the director made a real splash with the BAFTA-winning 80s-set drama This is England, his most personal film to date, encompassing everrelevant subjects such as absent and surrogate fathers, Western imperialism and white workingclass marginalisation, particularly in the post-industrial suburbs. Yes, This Is England packs a lot into its 100 minutes, and yet it never feels hectoring. Therein lies its power.

(The terrific, danceable soundtrack helps too.) At time of writing, Meadows’ clattering, eccentric Stone Roses Rockumentary Made of Stone is just about to hit the big screen, like a big red pot of paint.

We wish him the very best of luck with it.

Ali Catterall

Au contraire: THE '

CINEMA

Will they ever agree on ANYTHING? We're hoping not. Tamar and Nora empty their scabbards and clash swords. This month: CINEMA.

NORA: You know when you go to the cinema and the first thing you see is the age old “Why would you watch this at home when you can watch it at the cinema?!” advert? Well that precise advert embodies human stupidity.

Everything stupid that anyone has ever done has culminated to this one advert.

Why wouldn’t I want to watch a film at home? And why wouldn’t I want to pirate said film? At least my living room fits a tolerable amount of people, all of whom I can slap should they decide to talk when expressly forbidden from doing so.

At least when I’m done watching said film and have decided it is the worst thing ever made, I don’t have to agonise over the fact that I spent £8 on it. Or that I wasted 2 hours of my life which I will never, ever get back. Or that I missed some crucial event during the film because I had to trek to the toilets which, in most cinemas, may as well be situated in Mordor.

‘Hate’ would be a strong word to describe how I feel about going to the cinema. However, cinema trips aren’t something I agree to very often. Yes, I like the fact that there is literally nothing I can look at apart from the giant screen and that I can hear everything very clearly.

However, I have an extremely long list of things I don’t like about cinemas. For starters, it isn’t socially acceptable to cry like a infant during the opening scene of Finding Nemo.

It also isn’t socially acceptable to laugh or snarl all through whichever stupid Twilight film your deranged friend has dragged you along to.

And in case you’re wondering, crying out “Iron Man, noooo!” doesn’t go down well either.

It's probably a blessing...

But let’s move away from social attitudes and swiftly onto more serious issues, such as seating.

Perhaps this only happens to me, but I find it hard to enter a cinema and later leave while not feeling like a bag of scrambled bones.

There are only so many ways in which I can sit without putting my legs on the annoying kid in front of me, and frankly if I wanted to feel like a nurse trying to prevent her patient from experiencing the joys of pressure sores, well, I’d go be a bloody nurse. But all I want is to be able to watch a film without running out of ways to sit so that my arse doesn’t hurt.

And while discussing seats – here’s some friendly advice from me to you: if you think leaning on your boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever you bribed to take you to the cinema is going to be remotely comfortable for you or them, you’re in for a shock.

Unless bruised ribs are your thing of course, in which case good for you, perhaps you should consider a career in professional wrestling.

I however, will stick to making cinema dates less frequent than Prince Phillip’s hilarious, non-racist remarks.

ND

TAMAR: Personally, I think you could probably divide the world into two

kulfoto.com

kinds of cinema-goers: those who think of it as seeing a film, and those who see it as an opportunity to annoy hundreds of people at once. If you relish a trip to the likes of the Showcase with all its neon lights; queues to rival the Earth’s circumference; adhesive carpets and the pervasive odour of popcorn, nachos and the sweat of a million brows reminiscent of a large, damp doghouse steaming in high summer, AND the film itself comes second to tweeting your mates, kicking the chair in front, eating constantly and talking through the ‘boring’ bits then I’m afraid you are the latter, my friend. But we will have to cover that in another Au Contraire entirely. It will be headed ‘Annoying Nobs’ and will run to four pages long.

Going to see a film and heck, even buying a bag of Minstrels (so long as you OPEN THEM DURING THE TRAILERS) and picking the best seat (are you a ‘back-row’, an ‘endof-aisle’ or a ‘right-at-the-front’ type? Careful. Experts say it reveals an all together deeper meaning about the Real You.) are some of the simplest pleasures in this world.

But you have to be in the right kind. It’s no good pootling down to Cineworld expecting to catch a matinee of an Ealing Comedy, nor would you get to take a hot dog, reservoir of Pepsi and a box of popcorn as big as your front door in to a screen in Broadway. And neither do icecream intermissions, like at the Savoy.

It was not so long ago when cinemagoing, like churchgoing, appeared to be in decline. The

digital age meant that reel/real cinemas had a hard time keeping up with technological developments.

The film industry had to work harder and harder to keep the faith.

Since then, however, technological evolutions have come thick and fast, and filter-down quickly. Films don’t take half a year to come out on DVD, 3D movies can even be watched at home (though, in my house, this still involves me standing behind the TV and chucking ice at you while we watch Ice Age 90 or whatever it's on by the time we go to press). But none of these things detracts us from the thrill of the big screen. And it is a big screen.

However gargantuan a TV you manage to purchase by selling your soul to SONY, you will never beat ‘Screen One’. It’s great for a first date, any date, a night with friends, killing a few hours, sheltering from bad weather/an apocalypse. And there’s something special about finally getting ‘round to seeing that classification screen with David Cooke’s loopy signature (he must be about 150 years old now?) after a whole week’s worth of trailers which turn out to be basically made up of all the best bits of otherwise ultimately disappointing films. One highlight of going to 'the flicks'/ the movies/cinema/a fillum - aside from the film itself – is dissecting it afterwards. Whether this be on the bus on the way home or over a few beers in the pub ‘round the corner, verbally pulling apart something you’ve bought a ticket to to see projected onto a wall can be lifeaffirming stuff. It sorts the wheat from the chaff; people you hitherto thought of as kindred spirits turn out to be shallow dunderheads in one fell swoon (Robert Pattinson’s face is strong stuff. Kind of like my own, personal, drug or something...) and that lad you thought was intimidatingly funny and smart? Turns out he thought Donny Darko was A GOOD FILM. Thicko. Fewer things continue to reassert your faith in humanity than sharing a beautifully timed joke, or a numbingly sad ending, with a room of hundreds of strangers. You just won’t ever get that in your front room.

TF

s t a e B n o t Bees Our resident music reporter, Jimmy Wiggins, continues his relentless quest to find the cream of Beeston music. And moaning about it.

Sometimes we don’t see the downside of technology when it’s all shiny and new. I mean, we all aren’t so stupid that we purchased Sinclair C5s en masse. However, some more subtle elements do slip by us.

By the time we all got online with a connection faster than 56k, an almost Cronenberg-style mutation happened. Many loved it at first, except for the affected party. I’ll get to the point, eh – it is this: people stopped paying for music.

It started with a few nerdy adults.

Obviously the victims of sexual humiliation at school, they spent the rest of their time showing you how clever they are ‘cos they hadn’t paid ten quid for a CD; they just downloaded it for free along with all the disturbing pornography that they tell their missus they have ‘no idea how that got there...’ (only joking. They don’t have girlfriends – and neither do I, but that’s ‘cos I’m rock and roll). Unfortunately, the flood-gates opened and through the younger generation’s adoption of illegal downloading, the recorded music industry had a big

problem. To call it a ‘big problem’ is to perhaps avoid the elephant in the room… . The recorded music industry, as we know it, is fucked.

Society now, across all age boundaries, sees recorded music as a free commodity. In a nutshell, the downside is less well produced and distributed music. Artists can no longer afford studio time; record companies are less willing to take a chance and invest in more diverse talent – but the one thing that grates me is that no one seems to have a problem with this. Everyone carries on consuming for free while musicians struggle to make a living.

It seems difficult to get across to people that all musicians are not Madonna/[insert millionaire pop star here] and can suffer having their work stolen without much consequence. Some people actually have to eek out a living from music.

So what has the music industry done to stop this?

Well, they seem to have a rather strange policy that has filtered down rather quickly: to give recorded music away for free. It makes my mind boggle a bit, but there you go – we have a young generation of musicians who give away their music for free and even play free gigs. This was not in the handbook when I signed up (one pissed-up guy once gave me £30 for one of my bands CDs. ‘Bet he regretted that when he put it on the next day).

Being, as I am, an open-minded kind of guy, I decided to take a listen to a local talent who has taken up this rather interesting approach of ‘selling yourself for

Wiggins with the Bailey Brothers: Benji (left) and Chris (right).

nothing’ musician lark.

Chris Bailey is a foppish, crazyhaircut-wielding Beeston musician.

I taught his brother guitar for years – in fact, I traumatised both brothers on work experience at my shop. None of my efforts – including a rather terrible impersonation of their mother – seems to have harmed either party.

Chris is in one of those ‘futuristicsounding’ bands, monikered The Harmonics. They are doing rather well, with a mooted tour of Danish boys’ schools in the offing (careful lads, might catch up with you in twenty years!).

Chris has chosen a great promotional tool of recording songs on his iPhone and giving them away for free via Soundcloud (soundcloud.com/iphonecovers). Here’s the fun bit… the songs are all covers, and you get to request them. He claims he has to do them, although I've had a few requests rejected, mainly due the (unprintable) swears - in the titles alone. He did, however, agree to do me a cover of a favourite of mine: Kevin Coyne’s ‘Marlene’ (he

was from Derby – near enough to Beeston, eh?).

Give this kid a listen (sez Tony Blackburn) – he has a great voice and can play guitar as is he learnt something from a genius.

There are echoes of Jeff Buckley and Thom Yorke in his style, which means we could probably offer him up as Beeston’s answer to Jake Bugg. If Jake Bugg was a fucking question. Which I guess he is.

Either way, unless you are Madonna, Thom Yorke, Jake Bugg or - if he wasn’t dead - Jeff Buckley, there’s no money in making music anymore, and poor old Chris will probably end up drinking Special Brew in a park… perhaps with me.

Free music? Novel idea. 'Just can’t see how it will help those who make it.

JW

Jimmy can be found selling all things guitar-based, and teaching Blues guitar, at The Guitar Spot, Chilwell Road, Beeston (and in most local pubs of an evening).

Famous last words…

Facebook us, Tweet us, email us or even scribble us a proper, handwritten letter (we love those the most). We’ll publish it here, usually unedited, for all to see…

Dear Beestonian, We are a non-profit community-based volunteer organisation holding a charity fundraising event in June, and would very much like you to feature our event on the back page.

Joss Jamboree Charity Fundraiser Saturday, 15 June 4 pm til late The Beeston Browncoats* would like to invite people to their Joss Jamboree - a Costume Party and BBQ at the Johnson Arms (just behind the QMC on Abbey Road) - all in aid of fundraising for the Nottingham Rape Crisis Centre, a very important part of our community that directly helps local women and girls.

Come along to the party dressed as a character from any of director Joss Whedon's works - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Serenity, Avengers Assemble and Toy Story!

There are prizes for Best Dressed, themed drinks, a cake stall, BBQ (including burgers, sausages and vegetarian options for £3), and much more to enjoy. Families very welcome!

So, dress UP, come DOWN and have some FUN!! (*Browncoats being the affectionate term given to fans of the TV sci-fi series Firefly

by Joss Whedon) – Matt Goodwin (via email)

If you would like to sponsor us, post an advert or become a stockist of The Beestonian, please email us at: thebeestonian@gmail.com Dear Beestonian, Please could you tell your readers about our local event?

Chilwell Carnival Saturday, 15 June 11.30 am – 3 pm College House Junior School, NG9 4BB Lots of attractions icluding 'have a go sword fighting/archery', petting zoo, face painting, 'Pulp Friction cycle yourself a smoothie' bar, games, rides, food stalls, raffle and a car boot sale!

Entry: £1.50 Adult, £1 child (50p reduction if bought in advance from the school) t: 07760 237 485 e: friends@collegehouse.notts.sch.uk w: friendsofcollegehouse.wordpress. com/chilwell-carnvial (sic) Sorry but no dogs are allowed on site.

– Roisin Kirby (via email) [Beestonian says: how spoilt are you lot?

These are on the SAME DAY, but as one finishes - the other starts!}

THOUGHT FOR THE MONTH A film is a petrified fountain of thought.

– Jean Cocteau

Contact us: the thebeestonian@gmail.com /thebeestonian @TheBeestonian

Greetings from London.

Issue 18 - the fantastic article ('Auf weidersehen, pet') dedicated to my parents and their former business. I want to give you guys my thanks and appreciation for what was a genuine, heartfelt account which summed up my parents absolutely perfectly.

I will get this article and your small but sincere supplement more recognition and reward.

Many, many thanks.

Keep up the good work, – Joey Zlotowitz (via email)

Massive Book Clearance – Steve Deery Books We have thousands of titles to clear: Children’s, Educational, Cookery, Fiction, Stationary and more From 50p to £1 Great bargains for schools and nurseries too!

We are by Beeston Business Park (nr. train station) Call for an appointment: 07985 199 054

Horace’s half hour

Is Horace Too Quizzilicious For You Now?

issuu.com/thebeestonian (our back-catalogue) The Beestonian, c/o 106 Chilwell Road, Beeston, Nottingham NG9 1ES

About Us: We are a locally-run, locallybased, regular, free paper for Beeston and its environs.

We are independent in all ways and not-for-profit, so if we say we like it, we really mean it.

You’ll find us in good Beeston coffee shops, pubs and other places we love.

(ANSWERS BELOW, but cheat and we get all end-of-brazil on yo' ass...)

1. What type of business occupied where the new Conservative Club now stands?

5. What date was on the front of the Beeston Lad's Club on Station Road?

2. In what year was the level crossing at Beeston Station replaced by the road bridge? Was it 1967, 1968 or 1969?

6. What was the name of the pet shop which closed to make way for the Tesco store?

3. During the '20s – '60s, Beeston was home to the largest manufacturing unit of which telephone company?

4. Between 1988 and 1990, what type of sports saloon cars were made at a factory on Lilac Grove?

7. For many years Miss Herring was the Headmistress at which Beeston School?

8. In 1965 the fire station opened on Station Road, but where was it sited prior to that?

9. Which Nottingham Brewery once owned the maltings on Dovecote Lane, opposite the Victoria Hotel?

10. What was the name of the coach company who were based on Ellis Grove?

11. What business was on the site of The Bar on Chilwell Road?

12. Which cafe used to be on Villa Street?

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Huge thanks to all of our contributors, sponsors, stockists, regular readers and anyone who has picked this up for the first time and vows to again.

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NETHER STREET / STONEY STREET / SHIPSTONES / ALEX SMITH / MORLEY’S BAKERY / VILLA CAFE PROVISIONS WHOLESALER (BOSTOCKS) / 1969 / ERICSSONS / SCIMITAR (MIDDLEBRIDGE - 78 WERE BUILT) / 1913 / PET MART /