The Beestonian: Back in Print Bumper Issue

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W

elcome to the first printed issue for what seems like an eternity.

When we published the issue focussing on community back in early spring, we did so with no idea of what was heading our way. And we still don’t! Hopefully it won’t be another 6 months plus before we are back in print again. We will always continue to be available for free online however.

As we face the prospect of further restrictions and lockdowns, we know that the people of NG9 will continue to help and support each other in the same way they have since the start of the pandemic. We’ve heard dozens (if not hundreds) of heartwarming tales, from simple neighbourly gestures to some really big sacrifices made by many to help the people around them.

As furlough ends and economic reality bites, lots of fellow Beestonians are going to be relying on the generosity of others to survive over the coming months. Please consider donating to local foodbanks as part of your weekly shop. There are two main ones in Beeston – at Hope House on Boundary Road (www.hope-nottingham. org.uk) and at the Labour Community Hub on Chilwell Road. To make things even easier there are also collection points inside Tesco, Lidl and Sainsburys. Just one tin, jar or packet of something really will make a difference to someone in desperate need.

It is going to be a tough winter for many of us. But, as the seasons change, so do situations. One defining character of Beeston is how adaptable it is. It contains a lot of resilient, resourceful, creative and entrepreneurial people. They are going to come to the fore. There is still a lot to celebrate in Beeston, and there will be in the future.

We are really proud of this issue, particularly the people who feature in it. If you want your voice to be heard in future issues, get in touch. Email thebeestonian@gmail. com with anything you think others would appreciate seeing in this mag: stories, poetry, artwork, photography etc. We’d prefer not to have anything on an excel spreadsheet however – not because we have tendered out work to incompetent agencies, it’s just that we see enough of them in our day jobs.

Stay safe, look after each other, be kind and keep on keeping on.

JC

Front cover: The Beeman pen and ink by Daniel Cullen (www.danielcullenart.co.uk)

Personalised Cards and Prints Commissions Welcome www.ritamitchellstudio.com Tel. 07876203353 to view

Editorial

ELLOUISE ROCCIO MANAGER, THE BEAN:

JAMIE IRELAND OWNER, THE CYCLE INN:

Beeston through the

Lockdown

"

Our lockdown? One day! After the first lockdown announcement when Boris said “that’s it, everyone’s got to stay at home” we closed, but that same evening the list of the services that could stay open was produced, and third on the list was cycle shops. I came in the next day and was faced with a High Road with no people walking up and down it - I thought ‘how long can I stay open with no money coming in?”- but by the end of the day I was running around like a headless chicken. A lot of people needed to still get to the QMC to work, and with restricted public transport there was a surge of people needing bikes to get about.

Then people were permitted one form of exercise, and if you don’t have a dog to walk, getting on a bike was suddenly a legitimate reason to escape for that hour.

Wiithin the first week people were rushing to buy bikes -we sold 20 bikes in a week, that’s usually a month’s worth - the whole UK bike trade has gone through the roof. There aren’t any 2020 models left in the country, pretty much all the 2021 stock has been pre-sold. It’s changed individuals and families -my neighbours never cycled much, now they’re a family of dedicated cyclists. Lockdown showed them the freedom bikes gave them.

The Beestonian is...

Lead Writer/Founder • Lord Beestonia Co-Founder/Resident Don • Prof J Editor • John Cooper Deputy Editor • Chris Frost Design & The Beest • Dan Cullen Business Manager • Helen Cullen History Editor • Joe Earp ... If you’d like to be a stockist, let us know by emailing thebeestonian@gmail.com

"... With people spending so much time at home I think it really helped to have somewhere to go.”

The ball is still rolling: people are reluctant to use public transport to get to work, to get to school. I’ve never seen such an epic boom - I’m working 6 or 7 days a week, 12 hours a day to keep Beeston rolling.

But it’s great to see so many discover cycling - the more converts the better!

"... Lockdown showed (people) the freedom bikes gave them..”

Stockists: Berliner, The Hive, Circle Eatery, The Hop

Pole, The Crown, The Star, The Malt Shovel, Broadgate Laundrette, Bubba Tea, The Bean, Beeston Library, Cafe Roya, Metro, Beeston Marina Bar and Cafe, Attenborough Nature Reserve, The Pottle, Greenhood, Beeston Nursery, The Victoria, Canalside Heritage Centre, Oxfam Books, L’Oliva, Two Little Magpies, Local not Global, John Flynn Opticians, Out of this World, lots of hairdressers and suchlike.

Top-notch contributors this issue: Matt Turpin, Matt Jones, John Cooper, Dan Cullen, Scott Bennett, Tim Sexton, Isaac Seelochan, Jo Norcup, Christopher Frost, Matt Jones, Debra Urbacz, Tim Pollard and Lulu Davenport

Trade has been good though - very good. The Bean’s really picked up, even before the Eat Out to Help Out scheme began. We were one of the first places in Beeston to open. With people spending so much time at home I think it really helped to have somewhere to go, to have somewhere open for them. We’ve got our Beeston trade back, and the university trade has began to trickle back in, using our space upstairs to work from due to a lack of space on campus. I’m optimistic, but I’d not like another lockdown: I’ve ran out of things to do at home- I would probably just sit at home and cry *laughs*

Beeston through the

Lockdown was short and sweet: I was furloughed for two months before we could reopen and Alex (owner of The Bean and the city-centre Cartwheel) worked out how we could do it safely. Initially it was good: we’d just see people at the door and they’d keep their distance; it was quite nice that way. It’s been more difficult since we opened the inside. Everyone knows you leave track and trace, everyone knows the rules on hand sanitiser and masks, but not everyone seems to follow them. They’ll walk in, not wearing a mask and then say, “well, I’m in now, so no point in putting one on”, or they’ll think that sitting outside means they don’t have to fill in the track and trace forms.

There are few people who will one day look back at 2020 and not see it changed them in some way. We wanted to find out what lockdown was like for a variety of the population, and how they have emerged as different people. One phrase that was said in nearly every interview was “the new normal”. That means many things to many people, as we discovered:

"

Lockdown

Lockdown Beeston through the

ANDY HALLAM CO-OWNER, HALLAMS GROCERS: Lockdown was pretty horrific. It turned our business upside down: people wanted home deliveries, so we had to create a website to manage that. The Barton family kindly let us use The Garage as a packhouse as we simply didn’t have the space in the shop to get the orders up while maintaining social distancing. We lost all our catering contracts as the businesses we supplied all closed. Because of supply and demand, prices rose, lots of products became difficult to get hold of. People were panic buying things like potatoes - it was a hard time for us all, really. Footfall dropped dramatically, but while we had far fewer customers, people were buying more, often shopping for shielding neighbours.

I’d be working up to 9pm, after being up since 4am. We didn’t have a single day off - in fact we worked Sundays for the first five weeks of lockdown to cope. We had - and still have - early morning slots for NHS workers. Things feel like they’re slowly getting back to normal now. Home orders have dropped right off and people are coming in more, though as many office workers aren’t in Beeston, the lunchtime trade - they grab a sandwich from Boots, then see a punnet of lovely strawberries and buy then on impulse - has not recovered.

We thought the social distancing rules would be a lot more difficult than they have been. Everyone seems to respect

it. We’ve not had anyone come in causing trouble about masks, or anything. People police it themselves now as they have become used to having to queue outside, but in the first few weeks we had to employ a doorman - the first time Hallams has had a bouncer in 110 years!

It’s still difficult work. We have to clean down so frequently, and have to deal with new routines and habits, but there is a normality settling in. The new normal, as people keep saying.

"... in the first few weeks we had to employ a doorman - the first time Hallams has had a bouncer in 110 years!”

Separation beeston speaks

&Serenade How a pair of Beeston creatives joined forces to keep the flame flickering.

W

e are, as this and every previous issue will attest to, a wildly creative town. Artists, musicians, crafters, writers et al keep kicking out staggeringly super work which we happily try and inform you of. A global pandemic and fundamental shift in how the world works isn’t a reason for despair, it’s a chance to innovate. Say hello to Nottingham Stories: Separation and Serenade.

When she realised that the third annual Nottingham Chamber Music Festival was not going to be going ahead due to lockdown, the festival’s director Beestonian violist Carmen Flores didn’t just retire her instrument and bow while it went on. She instead picked up the phone and rang a local professional filmmaker, Tim Bassford of Turbine Creative.

Together, they cooked up a brilliant idea.

Like the best ideas, it's startingly simple. They would visit a well-known Nottingham building, closed due to lockdown, and film Carmen performing Bach within. As Carmen rings out beautiful music to fill the empty spaces, Tim’s camera provides an accompaniment, highlighting the locations beauty. It’s not a film about music, It’s not music with film.

It’s a synthesis. Carmen may be performing solo, but the overall feeling is a duet of eye

and ear. Nottingham Council House, Delilahs, The Royal Concert Hall, St Mary’s In The Lace Market, Nottingham Contemporary and the High School all feature, each familiar, each filmed in ways that make you see them anew.

During the film’s individual premieres, donations to the Help Musicians charity (www.helpmusicians.org.uk/support-ourwork/make-a-donation) were encouraged, to support musicians who have struggled to earn a living while the Covid crisis grinds on.

“the overall feeling is a duet of eye and ear...”

The videos were shot in July, and released on a thrice-weekly basis during September. They proved to be, as the best music does, able to bring out emotions you weren’t previously aware existed. Personally, I felt initial melancholy - I missed these places - hope.

While the empty buildings still wait to fill and surge with life again, a flame of creativity burns, and it burns bright.

The films are available to watch for free at https://nottchamberfest.com/nottinghamstories/ .

MT

I

was born in Beeston on a Goose Fair Thursday, with the Beeston Boiler Company's 5 o'clock hooter heralding my arrival. My parents both worked there, before finding other employment at the nearby university. I was educated at Charles Williams Infants, Roundhill Junior and Bramcote Hills Grammar. At the age of 12, I pulled a young boy out from Beeston Canal.

It made the front page of the Evening Post”.

“I had various jobs over the years, but started at Ford's on the High Road whilst I was still at school, then moving to the Midland Bank, which is now HSBC in The Square.

The next big thing in my life was to marry a soldier and moved to Germany. We lived in many locations over the years, mainly in the South, such as Hamlyn and Herford. I learnt enough of the German language to get by with the help of my German neighbours, and they in turn learned English. We also spent a couple of years in Cyprus. Whilst living there, I helped at our local thrift shop to raise

money for our Brownies and Cubs, also did a sponsored parachute jump”.

“On returning to the area, I got a job at Chilwell Depot. I was fortunate enough to stand in the turret of a Challenger Tank as it went round the test track. I also took an evening BTEC course at Broxtowe College to further improve my knowledge of the German language. I left the area again for several years, but my heart was set on returning to Beeston, so I could be closer to my family. I returned to Beeston almost 2 years ago and was lucky enough to find something central”.

“In general I find the people of Beeston friendly and helpful. It has the amenities and good transport links I require and are within easy walking distance. The local beauty spots I will never tire of, such as Highfields.

I feel I am now at home and looking forward to making new friends and acquaintances.”

CF

i am

This issue: Lynne Bottomley - Enjoying Life

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This issue: Lockdowner

Y

ou – yes you, reading this.

You’re bloody amazing, did you know that? You should, it needs to be said. Obviously it’s a bit of a random way to start an article and it’s a bit sweary, but frankly these are strange times, as I presume you’ll have noticed.

I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed writing my little pieces for The Beestonian but I’ve not done anything for the past three issues (the rather brilliant ‘Lockdown Specials’) because frankly I’ve been struggling a lot over the past few months, and I know a lot of other people have too.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming anything special; after all quite unsurprisingly I’m not the only one affected by the very depressing state of domestic and international politics, recession, the apparent inexorable rise of fascism and a global pandemic.

"I cut my-self off from friends ... the enforcement of lockdown only made things worse...”

I’ve not had much work to do either; as a self-employed Robin Hood my work has disappeared entirely – starting with the cancellation of the Robin Hood Pageant at Newstead Abbey and of course all the city’s parades, festivals, events and tours I used to do. Add in the Castle still being closed and it’s all pretty thin – I have a grand total of two gigs booked in for the rest of the year at the moment and no certainty either will actually happen. A lot of performers, entertainers and others are in the same boat too sadly; it’s the perils of self-employment.

So you’d think I’d have a lot more time to write more silly articles, but lockdown and the space it’s inflicted on a great many of us has meant I’ve been ensconced at home with my six and a half-year old daughter Scarlett who has more energy now than ever and understandably wants and needs my time, attention and company even more than ever.

From the crack of dawn to the time I eventually manage to persuade her it’s bedtime (even though it’s not dark outside) barely three minutes goes by without a call of “Daddy, I need you!”, “Daddy can I show you something?”, “Daddy, watch how far I can jump!” etc. Don’t get me wrong; it’s wonderful, precious and her enthusiasm and love makes me smile and I know every second is precious – but gods, it’s so, so tiring…

And I miss, more than I can ever say, showing my finished articles to my late wife Sal; she loved to read them, laugh (hopefully) and pass sage comments (like ‘Stop being an idiot’). She was a brilliant micro-biologist and geneticist, I’d have loved to be able to talk to her about the pandemic. And Scarlett growing up. And everything.

That for me has been the real crushing part of lockdown; it’s given me the space and time to stop being ‘busy’, deflecting and avoiding my grief over losing Sal just over three years ago now. In some ways I’ve done OK, in others – not so much. I’ve hurt several people and recently ruined a very close friendship by finally collapsing into acute depression. I cut myself off from friends, social media and the enforcement of lockdown only made things worse – and I certainly don’t feel that being blindsided and immobilised by grief, guilt, sleeplessness and fatigue has made me a better father, let alone a fun playmate for Scarlett.

I wasn’t really able to express it to anyone either, even when they could see things weren’t right – when people ask how I am I always end up trying to sound cheerful and that I’m doing OK when in reality it’s even more exhausting keeping up that façade.

"... the only way through this is if everyone carries on pulling together.”

I’m very lucky to have some very close friends and family who support and encourage me to talk about anything but even with them I’m at a loss how to convey in calm, coherent speech the terribly lonely all-pervasive foetal howl of anguish I feel every waking moment – I just don’t have the words.

On a more positive note,Scarlett did go back to her *brilliant* primary school when it first reopened – initially it was just her, one other

girl and her fabulous teacher but numbers grew as parental confidence increased and I was truly grateful for the time but even more so for the positive effects mixing with other children had on Scarlett’s emotional and mental state; at her age mixing with a lot of her peers is so important.

And the best thing is, she seems truly happy.

We play, laugh, go for walks and she talks excitedly about how she wants to have a big party with all of her friends sometime soon.

I don’t know how or when that might happen though, much as I want to be positive about things I think we may be in for a lot more before anything truly stabilises – but I hope we’ll get there, Scarlett, me and everyone.

Because the only way through this is if

everyone carries on pulling together - and I guess that means I’ve still got hope, and hope genuinely is a wonderful thing.

Which brings me back to you, dear reader – you’re reading The Beestonian (for which many thanks) and that means you care about your community, what’s going on and our shared future.

And that’s why I’m thanking you, because through all of this misery (and everyone has different versions of the pain, loss and hurt they’ve endured through the last few months) you still have your innate optimism, your dreams and your hopes. You care, and that’s genuinely inspirational.

You’re bloody amazing. Thank you.

TP

Talking Loud and Clear A chat with The Backboard Podcaster

D

espite the ongoing problems caused by the global lurgy, one Beeston lad has been determined to continue with his dream of interviewing people from the area for his podcast company ‘The Backboard Podcast’. So the tables were turned when I sent Jamie Martin a list of questions about himself and his podcast idea. Firstly I asked Jamie a bit about himself and his background.

“I’m 15, and have lived in Beeston all of my life. I've always had an interest in helping others and gaining knowledge from them.

Also seeing their perspectives on life, and opinions on certain subjects. I've been quite lucky to have a family so supportive, as I'm sure they are sick of me asking questions and rambling on about things. I have siblings, but they don't have a key interest for podcasting. My younger brother is definitely a football man. So am I actually, but just not as passionate as him. My mum is the MD of the Victoria Hotel in Beeston and my dad is a painter and decorator. This year I was meant to be going to Cambodia to help build a school, but sadly it was cancelled due to the pandemic. So for me, setting goals and achieving them is one of my main characteristics, and going to Cambodia was one of them, and next year I will achieve that goal. Talking of goals, I enjoy playing as a defender for my football team, The Attenborough Colts on a Saturday. I've been there since 2012”.

“I started the podcasts because I was feeling a bit anxious about lockdown and realised that so many millions of others felt the same, and so I wanted to bring

them some positivity and try to share my opinions and knowledge”. Jamie’s first podcast was done on the 27th March and featured Beeston’s own Kingdom Rapper, aka Benjamin Whiteman. In the 25 minute interview, Benjamin talks about his life, his music and his religious beliefs.

“I see Kingdom Rapper as a great influence for the young in Beeston, as he has had bad experiences with drugs etc during his younger years, and he now spreads awareness through music. He is also a great friend and is definitely a local celebrity with an inspiring story”.

I wanted to find out about Jamie’s interest in business and whether he has any business heroes, despite his young age. “I've always had an interest in business. My late grandad was Neil Kelso, who was the owner of the Victoria Hotel. He introduced me into the business world and seeing him work as hard as he could and be rewarded for his hard work motivated me to do the same. As for me, it would be Elon Musk of Tesla cars fame. He was the child of divorced parents in South Africa, and started coding. He sold his first game for $500 and went on to create PayPal and sell it for $1bn.

He was criticised for his failure in the early years of SpaceX of which many of his first launches failed, but after many tries, he succeeded. This taught me the valuable lesson that I should never give up and that I should always stay humble, but ambitious.

He was doubted and criticised by his heroes, but he produced positives out of the negatives, and is going to change our planet”.

Being an interviewer, I wondered if Jamie had an interviewer that he admired or followed. “Well, for sure, it would be Louis Theroux. He’s an extremely intelligent man, who is always asking questions and developing his knowledge on subjects further and further and sharing what he has seen and questioned with the public.

So he might not be necessarily a radio interviewer, but he asks many questions and interviews interesting people”.

Finally, I wondered if there was anyone in Beeston that Jamie would love to interview. “Basically, everyone. For me, Beeston can't be put into a specific person that I'd like to interview. The community is so inviting and the businesses are in the heart of Beeston, are mostly family run. They all hold their own unique touch.

Hence that’s why I love Beeston. So the short answer is no, because simply, I want to interview everyone!”.

Recently Jamie invested in some new recording equipment and has created his own studio, rather than using his bedroom. It’s in an old office formerly used by Castle Rock at the Victoria Hotel. “it’s been unused for over a decade, and I've completely renovated it.” Being a web based platform, I asked about viewing figures, and whether Jamie knew how many the broadcasts get. “I do. We are close to 700 people to have listened to our podcasts. 27% of them live abroad, from

New Guinea to Bangladesh and the USA to Peru. We have viewers in every continent except Africa for some reason, but I’m sure we will the more episodes I make. I’ve just created a tee shirt, just to see if anyone would be interested in one. Not necessarily to make a profit, just to test the waters. So far I’ve sold 15”.

If you want to listen to the podcasts that Jamie has produced so far, then these are available on their Facebook page (TheBackboardPod) or through the Internet platform anchor.fm.

CDF

"

LISA CLARKE LEAD NURSE FOR CHILDREN’S ALLERGY, NOTTINGHAM CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL, QMC:

Beeston through the

Lockdown

When it hit the guidelines were changing constantly, so we knew things were moving fast and we’d soon be having to change things majorly. I usually see inpatients and outpatients throughout the day, but that all stopped. The wards became eerily empty, and even A+E fell quiet. Yet you knew there was a crisis, and that was painful, not being able to deal with it when your response is always to care and help.

At home, our daughter went to live with her boyfriend’s family, as there is a real Romeo and Juliet thing going off there - plus, she’s asthmatic, so I didn’t want to put her at risk. It was terrifying at first, when people didn’t know much about the virus and didn’t know what our chances are with it. I’d remove and bag my uniform straight after a shift, and shower before hugging my boyfriend - I still do.

The whole veneration of NHS staff was actually quite scary. We were being treated as if we were going to war, not just going to work. It felt like we were being set up for martyrdom. That said, cycling home one evening when people came out

to clap for carers was quite amazing: I felt like I was winning the Tour De France as I passed down the street.

I worked on mask-testing, and would have to spend hours standing up. I’m fit - I like to run marathons - but sciatica started to set in, and for eight weeks I’d put up with it despite the intense pain as I was so deeply into work. It’s since been under treatment. I also trained to work on A+E, which was an eyeopener. Non-Covid admissions were right down, but it felt good to train in readiness.

My colleagues and the hospital trust were amazing: there was absolute dedication. They would bend over backwards to ensure very difficult situations - family not being able to see dying relatives, for instance - were looked after on a personal level and everything done to help.

As the summer wore on, and cases fell fast, I felt less anxious about the situation, though I still did everything to avoid infection.

Last week though, my daughter’s boyfriend developed symptoms, and we recently found he is positive.

Socio-political Birding We’ve had to subsequently go into lockdown and isolation again, and I’m prepared for the worst. I can do some of my job from home, so will have to.

"... I would advise anyone planning things to do so with caution: be prepared for anything as this is far from over...”

I am worried about Winter, as flu cases and other respiratory illnesses start to return to complicate things.

I would advise anyone planning things to do so with caution: be prepared for anything as this is far from over. I’ve booked time off for Christmas. Will I take it? Right now, I have no idea.

Simon Thompson

Since May the sky has been full of screaming, kids ice-cream-stolen-by-gull pitched shrill just-shagged teenagers slashed gorily, piercing boy band knicker-wetted, but hey, delirious anguish, the agony of St Theresa (not May); now it has stopped, swiftly gone London has been destroyed by bugs before Covid, it was always more about degree… and of course, mortality.

I wonder if Churchill calculated the level of expected deaths then added a few more.

Lives ruined by the rain of Doodlebugs, and more by the Jitterbug pregnancies caused by too much happy relief, wide receivers, bushes and nests full of young.

A Parliament of Rooks, circling Fight Club, but fatter, round a bickering pair, a boastful phut-Pfeffel of wind, white-faced and mostly black, but definitely not BAME, please note flapping Order Paper, clearly showing the diagnostic features of the Etonian sub-species, corvid-19 vulgaris.

Crash-landing in the drink, common in the HoC bars, but these are cliffs and devoid of incoming migrant-boats, smacks, dabbing the roiling families, with a trickle of Bridled Guillemot tears, Stuka Gannets Agincourt-arrow thick and damn the French, sorry Constable.

If I can wear one you can too, Masked says to the Great Grey population, while pinning his lunch to a late-flowering patch of barbed-wire. Prick, he muttered and into a rage, flew.

Kites are the birds most usually flown by politicians, many of them high think Michael Gove, though he’s more of the pigeon family, scrawny, pink thin-shanked things, scabby wind-rats of towns, crapping on everything, arrogant and strutting, for formal identification he doesnt sound like he’s Laughing I do hope he’s Collared.

Simon Thompson is a wildlife fan and poet from the Rylands. Here's a surreal take on the country right now...

This issue: Working nine till five (in your dressing gown)

O

ne of the consequences of Coronavirus is that many of us have had to start working from home. As a stand-up comedian this hasn’t been easy, you can’t just start doing an impromptu gig at the dinner table, treating your kids like drunken hecklers. You can’t do “your mum” style put downs when you’re married to her.

If you ever wanted an insight into what it’s like to be married to a comedian, my wife Jemma once came to a gig with me. Afterwards I overheard her talking to an audience member who said, “was that your husband on stage earlier?” “Yes” Jemma said. They then said, “oh it must be great living with him, I bet you never stop laughing!” Jemma sighed wearily and replied “oh yes, it’s hilarious…”

Over the last six months social media has been flooded with pictures of people’s home office set ups, which range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Some people have a set up like the HQ of Google. Two monitors, a perfectly positioned desk, expertly lit so they can slay all those crucial Zoom meetings.

Others are perched on the toilet, naked from the waist down, with their laptops balanced on an Alibaba laundry basket, trying to stop the cat from flashing its bum hole on the webcam.

When I worked in an office I kept the fact that I did stand up comedy a bit of a secret. The two worlds don’t really mix, an office isn’t a comedy club: “Give is a cheer if you know how the photocopier works!”

Wasted time There used to be the mindset that working from home meant that you were skiving. Rolling over in bed to hit send on an email before going back to sleep. This pandemic has shown that to be nonsense. Studies have shown that people are more productive when they are at home, because they feel like they’re on their own time.

Forget promotions and pay rises, nothing is more motivating than your own inflatable hot tub, a box set and an ice cold beer.

It was all about trust. There wasn’t any. The manager wanted you at a desk where they could see you, like a toddler in a tie. At their disposal so they could drag you into pointless meetings that went on for hours, where the only outcome was “I think we need another meeting”

The commute Nothing starts your day like a two hour journey nestled nose deep into a strangers armpit. Or perhaps you’re pinned against the glass of a train window, as the person next to you unfolds their morning paper like they are trying to change a duvet. Only a psychopath could miss the morning commute. Even in your own car it’s miserable. Sitting there in that little metal coffin, staring at the exhaust in front, listening to Heart FM and wondering what happened to your dreams.

The rush hour just seemed to get earlier every day, with Friday afternoon seemingly the exact point in the week where everyone would synchronize their car accidents, causing hours of tailbacks all across the country.

Lunch

“Right, are you ready for your next meeting? let’s start the applause…..build it up, stamp your feet, go wild and crazy and welcome to the Projector a very good friend of mine, Kevin and his monthly sales figures!”

Why sit in your own garden eating home cooked food you’ve lovingly prepared, when you can spend a tenner on a floppy cheese sandwich, which has been thrown together by someone in a factory who has just recently tested positive for Covid?

The government have tried to encourage people back into the office, but it hasn’t been easy. They assumed that people would relish the chance to get back to normal, pick up where they left off all those months ago.

But they forgot one small point. Most people really hate their jobs.

The amount of money we wasted on Coffee and lunches was staggering. Of course there are the smug people with a fresh pasta salad they made the night before. But the rest of us have woken up fifteen minutes before we have to leave and we’ve had to brush our teeth in the car park.

We’ve all had a taste of a different life and now we don’t want to go back.

You have to have a think about what lunch you bring in to the office. A tuna salad may seem like a fairly innocuous, but not when it’s in a poorly sealed Tupperware. Tuna juice is one of the most potent substances known to man and it’s got a longer half-life than Novichock.

In this month’s article I take a look at some of the things many of us wouldn’t miss about working in an office.

Even a small leak makes your rucksack smell like a fishing trawler. It gets into your skin, on your clothes, everywhere you go you’re followed by hundreds of stray cats.

Smelly food in general should be banned from an office. Anyone who brings in a curry to reheat in a communal microwave needs to get in the bin. That’s not lunch, that’s social terrorism.

I stopped taking a yogurt to work. I had too many accidents. Is there anything more stressful than opening a yogurt when you’re wearing a black suit? They are so highly pressurized, peeling back that film lid is like trying to defuse a bomb. No matter how gentle you are, it just fires itself at you, spitting the stuff everywhere like an angry Cobra.

Making tea When you’re working from home and you get up to make a brew, it doesn’t condemn you to an hour at the kettle, working your way through more orders than a barista in Starbucks. There is always that one person in an office, who waits until someone gets up before asking for a drink, never offering to make one themselves. I feel for them when working from home, just staring at an empty cup, gasping for a drink but not having the skills to make it happen.

Some of the orders are ridiculous too, “Make sure you leave the T-Bag in for thirty seconds, stir three times, sweetener and no sugar.

Make sure you use soya milk for Susan as normal milk will kill her!”

Hot Desking I’ve never been keen on the idea of hot desking. Why do I have to share custody of a mouse with Bryan? It’s not the school hamster? We’ve all seen him idly scratching his testicles near the water cooler. Is it called a hot desk because after he’s been on it I’d like to set fire to it?

Banter “Office Banter” or as it’s now more commonly known “harassment” is another thing I think we’d all like to see the back of. There is nothing wrong with having a laugh with your colleagues, but the phrase, “Is just banter mate!” has been used as a defence by so many bellends over the years.

There is a place for humour in the workplace, but it has to be well timed and well balanced.

A witty remark or an inside joke always goes down well. Saying, “It’s nearly Friday!” at 9.30am on a Monday morning, quite rightly makes the rest of the office want to strangle you with a printer cable.

Cakes An unwritten rule in any office is that when it’s your birthday, you bring in cakes. This is part of your contract. I was once working in an office when someone decided to buck this trend and bring in a fruit platter. People looked at her like she’d left a dog turd on the desk.

There was genuine anger. I swear I saw people taking their money back out of her card.

Team building days Team building events, for when eight hours a day five days a week just isn’t enough for some people. If you don’t like these people now, standing in a cagoule in a forest in the pouring rain, trying to make a den out of twigs certainly won’t improve matters.

Boring people The worst thing to have in an office is that painfully boring person, who sucks the life out of everyone. If you’re thinking that you haven’t got one in your organisation then it’s probably you.

As soon as they start talking, your just thinking of ways to get out of the conversation. You wonder if you could fake a heart attack? Or secretly text a family member to ring you with an emergency?

There was a guy I used to work called Alan Koch, it was a German name I think, ironic really because people called him that anyway.

He’d box you in in the corridor. He knew you wanted to leave, so he never stopped talking.

I think he could probably play the digeridoo because he was doing circular breathing.

Getting away from him was like trying to pull out into traffic at a busy junction. You can be polite and wait for a gap, but at some point you have to just got to put your head down and go for it, otherwise you’ll be there all day.

Wherever he went people would dive into meeting rooms to avoid him, it was like watching a tornado sweeping across a plain.

My boss once got trapped by him near the door, he had nowhere to go and Alan had him in the tractor beam of one of his long anecdotes. With a look of despair on his face, my boss spotted me over Alan’s shoulder and, with tears almost welling in his eyes, mouthed the words…….”help me” So that concludes the meeting for today folks. Please don’t forget to read the minutes when I send them through. It’ll be tomorrow though, I’m off back to bed now until the school run. @scottbcomedyuk | scottbennettcomedy.co.uk Find The Scott Bennett Podcast on SoundCloud and iTunes SB

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proper Prints now available

Rendered in pen and watercolour, 3 of the best from our expanding collection of Beeston's spectacular pubs and restaurants are now available as limited edition, signed Giclee prints.

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High quality Giclee prints, on thick A3, textured paper.

Each print is individually signed and numbered by the artist £65 each, plus £5 postage (free home delivery for Beeston residents) The Crown, The Vic and The Pottle currently available, with more (such as L'Olivia - opposite) available on request!

Interested? Drop us a line at: thebeestonian@gmail.com and we'll arrange payment and delivery. There's more coming as and when Dan (our Beest cartoonist and illustrator) can sober up enough to draw them!

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Autumnal Guide for helping hedgehogs Advice from the Hedgehog Friendly Campus group at The University of Nottingham

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ver the summer, you may have seen hedgehogs scuttling about in your garden in the evening.

I have a wildlife camera set up in my garden, and I was delighted to see footage of hedgehogs munching on the food I’d left out for them, and huffing at each other! This was particularly great to see, as hedgehog numbers have declined by approximately 50% since the year 2000.

As we transition into Autumn and the weather gets a little colder, hedgehogs are beginning to hibernate. Although this means you may not see hedgehogs in your garden anymore, this doesn’t mean they’re not there, and certainly doesn’t mean they don’t need your assistance! The points below are easy tips (and some more challenging projects) for helping hedgehogs in your garden at this time of year:

"Make a hole in your fence to allow hedgehogs to roam between gardens.”

You may have collected a pile of materials for a bonfire. Hedgehogs will find this pile to be a very inviting hibernation site! The best way to ensure that there are no hedgehogs nesting in the pile is to move it before you light it. If you are unable to move it, make sure to lift up the base with a broom handle and inspect underneath using a torch.

Make or buy a hedgehog house. This provides a safe place for hibernation.

Hedgehog houses can be as simple as an upturned plastic box with a hole cut out for a door, or can be much more sophisticated.

Check out www.britishhedgehogs.org.uk/ hedgehog-homes for more information.

Look out for Autumnal juveniles. These are hedgehogs that are old enough to be independent from their mother, but are too small to hibernate. Hedgehogs can hibernate at 450 grams, but will fare better at 600 grams. If the hedgehog regularly visits at night, happily eats and is active, it is probably best to leave it be and put out food and water for it (more on this topic later).

If possible, weigh the hedgehog weekly to make sure it is putting on weight. If you see a hedgehog out during the day in Autumn (this can be OK in the Spring/Summer), having trouble moving around, spending long periods of time curled into a ball when under no threat, or any other behaviour that doesn’t seem quite right, it needs attention.

Contact the British Hedgehog Preservation Society as soon as possible on 01584 890801. If you’re not sure, it’s best to call the number above just to make sure.

In addition to these Autumn-specific tips, below are some tips for helping out hedgehogs all year round: Make a 13x13cm hole in your garden fence to allow hedgehogs to roam between gardens. Go one step further and ask your neighbours to do the same.

Put a shallow dish of water in your garden for hedgehogs to drink; this is especially important in hot weather. Go one step further and put out a dish of meaty pet food (make sure it’s dairy free). Caution – don’t offer milk! Hedgehogs are lactose intolerant.

Written by the Hedgehog Friendly Campus group at The University of Nottingham.

Contact hannah.constantin@nottingham. ac.uk for more information.

Survive & thrive

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nly now we are emerging out of full lockdown can we fully comprehend the extent that all our lives have been affected over the last six months. The aftershock for many has been as traumatic as the immediate impact of the pandemic.

As part of Beeston Rylands Community Association, we pulled together a fantastic band of volunteers who helped deliver food and friendship to the most in need within our community. We discovered the significance of continuity and consistency of twice weekly food prep, activities, and letters and while at times monotonous, it was the only real source of certainty for us and the recipients. As a result, we made new connections and friendships with people we previously wouldn’t have crossed paths with and found that existing friendships were not only invaluable but strengthened as we navigated our way through difficult times.

One of those friendships has been our own. Thrown together through our work, we found courage and support in each other over the last few months. So as we emerged out of lockdown, we decided we needed to embark on a Thelma and Louise style adventure (without the bad bits). We ventured out of our beloved Beeston and drove up the M1 to do The North East Skinny Dip 2020 in aid of the mental health charity MIND.

Jumping into the freezing cold sea was about letting go… of our clothes yes, but most importantly of the past and all the things that can’t be undone. It was about connecting with a friend and pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zones.

Before we ran into and out of the cold North sea together, we agreed now is the time to shake off the past, and focus on the ‘what next’. To use this experience of running into the unknown as a catalyst for evolution into new community projects, our “survive and thrive” plan.

Our BRAND NEW regular column: looking to the future

“Survive and Thrive” is about investing in activities, connectivity, and opportunities for our community. This includes first rate new social facilities, delivering new classes and courses, and developing a community transport scheme.

Our column is about optimism and moving forward as a collective whole. We’ll update you on community matters, whilst trying to uncover the unexpected, the quirky and the brave aspects of Beeston life. It won’t always be full of laughs, but it will use real life case studies to demonstrate what’s possible. We recognize now more than ever that we can’t be sedentary when it comes to community and inclusion.

Naomi and Janet, heading to the rather cold North Sea.

The time is now.

Janet Barnes and Naomi Robinson Community Activists

For us and many other people mental health and its journey can sometimes be an uphill battle, it ebbs and flows and has an irritating ability to disarm us unexpectedly.

Naomi making deliveries around Beeston.

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Unearthing a treasure with Jo Norcup

he Detectorists, that excellent slice of telly that bought a gentle, thoughtful and very funny slice of bucolic rambling to our screens from 2014 to 2019, was a surprise hit. On paper, you can see why: the story of two shy men who spend their free time wandering around fields digging up ring pulls and old nails doesn’t exactly scream glamour and intrigue.

As for humour - well, what com can be squeezed from such a sit?

As anyone wise enough to tune in, gallons.

Mackenzie Crook’s writing was light touch and observant in the way the best comedy is: letting the comedy realise itself by shining a light on those idiosyncrasies that make us human: male friendships, obsession, commitment and growing up. Watching would bring laughter, often accompanied with a lump in one’s throat. It is, like much of our country, a bubbling lake of weird and feeling beneath a seemingly trivial soil.

Great. But what has this got to with Beeston? Since it was set in rural Essex, and rarely strayed far from the small village it was set around, it seems not much. So step forward Jo Norcup, and her co-edited new book, Landscapes of the Detectorists (Uniform Books, ISBN 978 1 910010 24 )

Jo has been a regular at The Beestonian, writing thoughtful and revelatory pieces on local trees and how they form part of our emotional as well as physical landscape.

In this series of essays, she works with her collaborator Innes M Keighren to explore how the show embodied some deeper issues. Jo and her team sweep the ground to dig these up and give them a close examination.

If you’ve read Jo’s pieces in this magazine, you’ll be wanting this. Her essay on gender, expertise and knowledge is fascinating, whetting the appetite for a rewatching of the series, and once again getting lost in the mechanisms of Danbury Metal Detecting Club. Add in a heartfelt foreword

by Mackenzie Crook himself; and an afterword by producer Adam Tandy and you have a real treasure. If you're a fan of the show, buy this book. If you’ve yet to discover the show, buy this book, and you’ll soon be rushing out to find out what the fuss is all about.

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It’s been a long road, but Beeston FC have finally reached the total needed to build a new clubhouse and renovate the old Plessey sports ground at Trent Vale.

We’ve been covering the Bees for several years now, during which time they’ve been trying to raise money to receive a grant from the Football Association and the Premier League.

The near £500,000 grant will cover a large amount of the £600,000 cost of the project which will benefit both the club and the local community.

A statement from the club's development officer Sarah Green, read, “it's fantastic seeing work begin on our clubhouse. The years of planning and fundraising by our hard-working volunteers have finally paid off.

“You can see a real transformation of the old building and the rooms are taking shape. We aim to maintain the history of the building by reinstalling the iconic Plessey Sports Club clock outside and displaying old photographs and articles inside when the work is completed in spring 2021.

“The community room is huge and will be such an asset to local sports, social and community groups in this area - especially now that social distancing demands larger rooms.

Football runs in Ray’s family with his father and grandfather making appearances for Notts County and Nottingham Forest respectively. Although Ray himself never played at the same level as them, he believes that his athletic abilities made him a match for anyone.

“I was never a great footballer. I think Jack Charlton said it best, ‘the one thing I couldn’t do was play, but I could stop other people playing.’ That was me,” recalls Ray. “Being six-foot-three, I was a very physical player. My school always wanted me to play Rugby, the headteacher even tried to get my father to convince me, but it was because of my Dad that I wanted to play football.

“Looking back, I now realise that Rugby may have been the better way to go,” he admits.

It’s easy to see why Ray thinks that. After initially giving up on his dream of becoming a professional footballer when he was 21, Ray returned to the game in his late twenties to play for a club in Long Eaton, however his playing days were cut short after suffering a serious leg injury.

“There's still work to do, and we are greatly helped by our community partnership with the Beeston based company Reckitt Benckiser who are working hard to continue our general site tidy up, replanting and internal painting of the clubhouse in the new year.”

“I went into a tackle which I now realise was a bit silly,” Ray says.

Long term Beeston residents will know that the site has plenty of history to it, none more so than Ray Walker who used to feature for the old Plessey football team whilst his daughter went on to play netball at the same location.

It wasn’t all bad news for Ray though.

With the site having been abandoned for decades, Ray is delighted to see that work is beginning to hopefully bring the ground back to its former glory.

“I’m glad that somebody picked it up. I would love to see it help to build a strong Beeston team,” he said.

Beeston FC look forward to an exciting future as work begins on new clubhouse

“It smashed my leg up. I was in hospital and they operated on it, screwed it all together again and said no more football for you!”

“The sick pay from the government wasn't taxable, so I was better off financially from it. I got two or three quid a week more than what I was earning at the factory. I also got a pay rise shortly after because I’d just turned 30,” he chuckled.

Characters like Ray have special memories of Trent Vale. Now it’s Beeston FC who have the chance to create even more.

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Celebrations as the Bees begin their long awaited clubhouse build. (credit: Beeston FC)

Creative Beeston This month: Sprucing Things Up

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f you are one of those people that have spent far too much time in their home over the past six months, then you might be in need of the services of local Interior Designer Sarah Kirkby.

Her domestic interiors service “Spruce Interiors” offers a range of services from a single room revamp to a full home renovation and is a self-confessed colour addict!

After completing her BA in Decorative Arts at Nottingham Trent University, Sarah secured herself a job at Dulux as an Interior Designer. She not only does the initial colour consultation and manages the project, she also works alongside the client to ensure they get exactly the look they want, and this usually starts with her asking what colours inspire them. When I popped into her new shop at 108 Chilwell High Road, Sarah was busy working on ‘kitchen CAD plans’ and the shop was being expertly managed by a friendly intern, Faaria who was happy to show me around.

Conveniently situated at Chilwell Road tram stop, with its show stopping signage and slatted circular window display, it’s hard to resist stopping to take a peek through the wooden aperture at the tropical richness within. Immediately I spot a familiar grey linen shade of one of Beeston designer Mark Lowe’s table lamps, flanked by a luscious bright green fern, and am enticed inside.

Though not a large space, there are plenty of inspiring things to feast your Ikea weary eyes on. It’s small, but perfectly dressed.

"A new venture at such a time takes a certain amount of courage and self-belief and Sarah has both in large amounts...”

From unique one-off lighting and furniture pieces to small ranges of hand printed artwork goodies, the shop has been selectively stocked to its best advantage.

Simple wood and metal racking houses the array of sculptural plants, soft coral walls show off a row of Sarah’s solid printed wooden clocks and the delicate

framed screen prints of Nottingham based illustrator Laurie Hastings. As I bend low to study the plant selection I catch the musk of sandalwood from the shelf above and notice an attractive row of brown glass scented soy candles from PF Candle Co. Behind the bespoke wooden counter are slim shelves busy with colourful tiles of all patterns, shapes and sizes – we are entering the design part of the shop that leads onto the design office at the back. There is more to this compact shop front than meets the eye. As Faaria leads me to the back room I am impressed how the narrow space has been transformed into fully fitted kitchen, a showcase of Sarah’s design ideas and where some of the initial kitchen design consultations take place.

When I met up with Sarah later in the week, she told me that she bought the building at auction on April 1st. The realisation of how much renovation work was needed momentarily filled her with apprehension.

With help from her Dad, local Beeston based joiner James Crawford from Appletree Joinery, and her helpful plasterer Nick Garbutt they transformed the ex-hairdresser’s salon into a stylish space that could accommodate all of its requirements. She talked me through the process as we walked through to the workshop at the back, where creative evidence of previous products sat on shelves and benches.

A new venture at such a time takes a certain amount of courage and self-belief and Sarah has both in large amounts. We discussed how lockdown, though putting all of her interior design projects in suspension, gave her the time to devote to moving the contents of her rented studio near Sneinton Market to her newly acquired building. Redeveloping the rooms to suit her plans for the place gave her something purposeful to do but she says it also felt very strange to be in a new neighbourhood at such a surreal time.

Having been based at the other side of the city, Sarah wasn’t familiar with what Beeston had to offer until the building came up at auction, but what little she saw she liked.

Slotting her design business into a street that is now home to many creative independents, the location felt right. And although the bulk of her services will remain focused on interior

design, Sarah’s commitment to design and supporting some of the Notts & Leicester based artists and makers she has met along the way meant the shop and business has been able to evolve. As a consequence she has made her business more customer facing now, and as soon as people step inside the shop they get a flavour of Sarah’s style. Her goal is to make interior design accessible to all.

During her arts degree Sarah developed her love for wood and specialised in screen-printing her designs on furniture and other wooden objects. The clocks, coasters and furniture in the window are all examples of products she has made over the years merging surface design and colour, with form and shape.

She explains how the aperture window was conceptualised, first as a way of addressing the gaping space that felt intense in full-sun and then as a way to recycle palette wood. She abandoned the poor quality wooden slats full of unwieldy nails in favour of lengths of stained construction timber, producing the perfectly shaped circle within a slatted divider.

With thirty-six design projects put on hold due to the pandemic, Sarah sees herself suitably occupied until next spring, but is determined to fit in an official launch on the weekend of October 17th/18th.

Why not pop down and have a nosy! www.spruceinteriors. co.uk DU

T

he cheekiest street food cart that you might have seen out and about this summer is the cheery creation of George, who is also a little bit cheeky. He doesn’t think he has ever met anyone who doesn’t like pancakes and decided that 2020 was the year he introduced mini Dutch pancakes to the Nottingham public, who like the rest of the UK at the moment, could do with something to make them smile.

Made with buckwheat, flour, yeast, milk and eggs poffertjes are perfect plain but can also be enhanced with the addition of appetising sweet or savoury cheese toppings. Served warm, with just a sprinkle of icing sugar and cinnamon they are a tasty and wholesome treat, but with strawberries and chocolate they are divine. Gluten free options are available now too, and with outdoor dining the easier option at the moment they are great snacks to catch while you are on the go.

When I cycled over to the Sunday market a couple of weeks ago, the sun was already overhead warming the happy chattering queues of people waiting eagerly at the selection of food carts. My goal was a late breakfast snack, a deliciously filling and sweet Sunday treat, I had heard that a new stand called Cheeky Pancakes would be there so looked out for the sunny marquee with the happy pancake logo I had seen somewhere on Facebook.

It wasn’t hard to spot over in the corner, citrus orange with a honey yellow cart and the aroma of warm batter floating over the heads of the people in line. Intrigued I joined the back of the line and pondered my topping and sauce choices, my belly growling with anticipation as I got closer to the front. I chose the chocolate and banana option and wasn’t disappointed. Fresh and filling, those ten little poffertjes might not look much, but they satisfied my hunger. For those with a bigger appetite, I can recommend getting yourself an extra portion, it can help with indecision too – so many delicious toppings!

You can grab your tray of Cheeky Pancakes from George’s ‘cheeky chariot’ at a variety of venues around Nottingham. Follow him on Facebook, Instagram or check out his website for dates and specific locations. Cheeky Pancakes are also available to hire for private functions and corporate events. contactcheekypancakes@gmail.com https://cheekypancakes.com DU

TREES OF BEESTON Trees of Beeston #9 Spring lockd own: the elder and hawthorn.

"A culture is no better than its woods."

W.H. Auden

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his month’s Trees Of Beeston article comes in two parts: the first to celebrate the Elder and Hawthorn. The second refers to creating our own Trees of Beeston lockdown tree map of Beeston, and how as a community we might share our love of the trees we’ve come to notice more and appreciate while on daily lockdown walks, runs or cycles around Beeston and the surrounding area.

May is a glorious month for trees: the white blossoms of the Hawthorn – sometimes referred to as The May Tree - come into full bloom. The elder with its sweet scented blossoms hang heavy ready for keen foragers to revel in the short window of opportunity to make cordials and fermented beverages.

Privets, when left to grow, produce small highly scented yellowy-white blossoms that attract the bees and pollinators. Along with the presence of heavy hanging lilacs over garden fences and hedges, May is a reminder from our resident tree community of the multisensual gifts of nature’s growth as buds and seedlings begin to flower and shoot, leaves of deciduous trees begin to unfurl.

Our bird community is in full nesting flow: dawn and dusk choruses sound louder with reduced traffic, the busyness of garden birds gathering nesting materials a reminder both of the importance of the ‘wild flowers’ that provide the insect habitats necessary for birds to seek food, but also a reminder that between now and September, tree cutting or felling should be halted in order that resident birds are able to nest and rear their broods.

The swifts have returned. Bats have begun their warm evening flypasts for gnats. Despite the hardships that prevail in the human world, the trees in our communities remind human inhabitants that there is an abundance of affirming life, and more importantly in these hard human times, that hope remains.

In these uncertain and stressful lockdown times, the mental, emotional and physical comfort gifted by the life enabled through the presence of trees (give a tree a hug, hippy sounding I know, but it feels good!), the presence of our tree community feels especially welcomed.

The Elder and the Hawthorn.

These are both wonderful ‘hedge’ trees, and can be seen along canal side towpaths, railways embankments and along the edges of waste-grounds. These hedgerow trees gift a range of culinary and wellbeing gifts for those who wish to research more and forage.

John Wright’s (2016) book A Natural History of the Hedgerow gives fulsome detailing of the history of both these trees in the shaping of the landscapes of the British Isles, and of their ascribed mystical properties, natural history importance as well as their well-being and culinary uses. I will summaries some of these below.

As a caveat to what follows, if you do find yourself inspired and wanting to forage for the flowers, please do follow the forager’s code of practise, ALWAYS double check anything that you might want to pick for consumption, make sure you are legally able to access the plants / have permission, that you only ever pick a few specimens from one plant, that your plants are located away from polluting roadsides and are above large dog height (for obvious non-polluting reasons!), and that what you pick is only for your consumption.

When in doubt, Don’t. (see Richard Mabey’s classic book, Food For Free if you are interested further).

The Elder (Sambucus nigra)

The Hawthorn (Cratagus monogyna)

The Elder is a remarkable tree, and can be identified at this time of year from the multiple headed tiny white flowers that produce a head of flowers all from one stem (panicle).

In addition to attracting pollinating insects, and ladybirds are often to be found on or near an elder for the presence of green and black aphids that are attracted to the flowers. In turn, birds and bats feed on both the flower heads and insects, and Elder attracts a diverse range of butterfly, moth and fungus – the latter most obviously the edible but highly gelatinous Jelly Ear fungus. I personally err on the side of caution around picking fungus, preferring instead to gather the Elder flower heads that can be consumed when processed, either heads individually when lightly coated in batter and fried), the flowers processed to make a light, highly fragrant sweet cordial or fermented to make a fizzy champaigne-like alcoholic homebrew. One only needs to gather one or two dozen dry open flower heads to achieve such a brew, ensuring that all insects are knocked off the stems before processing).

There is a wealth of recipes online, but please if you are tempted, do your research and gather responsibly as previously outlined. Flowers left to grow on the Elder will turn over the course of the summer into dark elderberries in early autumn. While these have trace toxic elements and should not be eaten raw, they can be processed to be made into a cordial or dried.

Through the process of drying and cooking, toxicity is removed, retaining the rich vitamin C and antibacterial properties which has seen elderberry cordial regarded as a hedgerow staple for making cough syrups.

Hawthorns have a long history of being used in hedge planting. The ‘thorn’ of the name indicative of its spikey think branches that interweave, proving ideal in the history of enclosure for dividing up land and discouraging any trespassers through their tightly interwoven branches. Sometimes referred to historically as whitethorn (and so as not to confuse it with the lower lying blackthorn from which sloe berries can be gathered), the Whitethorn’s white flowers that also gift it the colloquial name of ‘May Tree’, turn into dark red haw berries which are much beloved by birds, and can be used when processed in making a bitterish but tasty jam or jelly that goes well with cooked meats and cheeses. A word of caution though: the Haw berries are a challenge to gather (protective gloves and a lot of patience!). The young green leaves of the Hawthorn that reveal themselves before the blossom can be eaten in early spring, and in past times the hawthorn was also known as the ‘bread and cheese’ tree because of the nutty flavour of the leaves that provided excellent accompaniment to bread and cheese to supplement past rural diets – once the tree flowers, however, the leaves are too bitter to consume. Unlike the fragrant Elder, the hawthorn’s blossoms, well, stink. I might be kind and say an ‘acquired’ scent, but it has in the past been compared to rotten fish. No matter, the smaller garden birds, the Sparrows and Dunnocks, Robins, Blue and Great Tits and Wrens love this tree for its contorted branches in which to hide from predators. The blackbirds that nest in my back garden Elder love the high tips of the Hawthorn from which to sing their morning and evening song.

Dr JN

elder

hawthorn.

From Lollipops Lockdown to Lances Writing!

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hen I retired three years ago I looked around for something to fill my time and joined a WEA Creative Writing course that happened at the Pearson Centre every Thursday morning. It was a good choice for me, making new friends and having a writing project every week to keep me on my toes.

One Thursday earlier this year before lockdown, our brilliant tutor Debs TylerBennett, showed us a press cutting that she had found about a box of memorabilia found in the loft of a house that was being cleared ready for sale, the owner of the house sadly was now in a care home suffering with dementia. The memorabilia showed that in 1934 a Mr and Mrs Fuller from Derbyshire had bought a motor home and trekked to the Sahara desert, taking their maid with them, Mary who slept in a tent outside the caravan all the way to the Sahara! The box of photos and press cuttings was sold at auction, which was why it had come to the public eye. We talked about the article as a group and then Debs said ‘ok you’ve got 10 minutes to write something about this story – go!’

It was amazing how, after the 10 minutes had past, the ten of us in the group had each come up with a different take on the story!

I had put myself in the shoes of the maid, Mary, thinking she was probably a young girl with limited education who had never left Derbyshire in her short life and now found herself leaving home for an indeterminate length of time and camping out all through Europe to the African continent at the bidding of her employers.

I found I couldn’t stop writing about this epic journey and the result is this short story, ‘Dear Mam… ‘ which is available to buy on Amazon and kindle.

I have been a volunteer at Attenborough Nature Centre for many years, behind the reception counter and am sad that I can’t be there at the moment, due to Covid. So to keep involved as much as I can I have donated a number of copies of my book to the Nature Centre for them to sell. So please pop along to Attenborough and help them out by buying a copy of ‘Dear Mam…’ You could read it while you’re having your coffee there!

Nottingham, Derby & Leicester 07528322262 christianafox@msn.com FB: Christian Fox Piano Tuning foxpianotuningnottingham.wordpress.com

Between 1st October and 14th October, however, the signs will be featuring her novels, the “Tales from Ragaris”, and the author herself will be available, weather permitting, for a socially-distanced chat at 11 am, Monday to Saturday.

The “Tales from Ragaris” are medieval murder stories, with a twist – the several kingdoms on this fictional continent, although all flawed, pre-industrial and otherwise varied, are all run on strictly non-sexist lines.

The Tales are published by small independent publisher Mightier Than the Sword UK Publications, and there are three so far, “We Do Not Kill Children,” “The Tenth Province of Jaryar,” and “The Servant’s Voice.”

Penelope Wallace has lived in Beeston for 23 years, during which time she has been an employment solicitor and a church warden; she enjoys her current role as a local lollipop lady.

A local writer brings fantasy female-friendly fiction to town

For more details see the author’s website penelopewallace.com – or the posters coming to Beeston/Chilwell in Ragaris Fortnight, 1st – 14th October.

(Why these dates? Well, “We Do Not Kill Children” starts off with a murder trial on 1st October something like 800 years ago, so why not?)

MT

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GARY FOX BUS DRIVER: When lockdown began I was actually on long-term sick leave, but getting ready to return to work.

Eventually, in May, I returned, but things were quite different. My route (the 510) was only running at peak time, and on demand at other times, though we didn’t see much demand. Our passengers are usually more senior people, and I don’t think they wanted to cause a fuss calling out a bus like you would a taxi.

"I sometimes think we’re less a bus service, more a social club on wheels.”

We moved to a full service in July, but numbers have been right down since, perhaps around 30% of before lockdown. We provide a link to other forms of transport - the trams and the buses - so we’re a service that gets subsidised. We’re a life-line to many.

I’ve had no problems with people following rules, everyone has been great. There was one strange event: driving through Stapleford one day, a woman ran to the bus, flagging us down. I stopped, thinking she wanted to get on but when the doors opened she didn’t get on, instead telling me that one of my passengers wasn’t wearing a mask. Mostly though, people have been tolerant towards wearing a mask and those unable to do so.

There have been positives to lockdown: the roads are clearer, for a start. People have been forced to stop, and take stock for a moment. Working from home has probably helped many people, not that I can drive my bus from my front room! But I do miss things. I’m a Quaker, and I’ve missed the meetings. I miss my passengers - you get so used to them, and their routines, their stories. I sometimes think we’re less a bus service, more a social club on wheels.

Beeston through the

PROFESSIONAL TUNING AT A COMPETITIVE PRICE

During lockdown, Ms Wallace’s neighbours have grown accustomed to daily handwritten signs posted on the corner gate, commenting on anything from local wildlife to the US Presidential election.

The author calls this Swords Without Misogyny. Warriors, rulers, priests and murderers can all be male or female.

Lockdown

GH

I

f you’re a bookworm looking for something a bit different, the first half of October 2020 may be an interesting time for you – especially if you live in Beeston. Local author Penelope Wallace is aiming to run a poster campaign with a difference.

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SARAH CARE NURSE:

Beeston through the

It was hard to lose people to Covid - the first resident to die was someone I’d bonded with, and trying to describe the day to day reality to those who had not experienced it

"

Around June I thought I was going to collapse. It was overwhelming, and heartbreaking. We couldn’t send those with covid to hospital, and instead had to keep them here and hope for the best, though i never saw a single oxygen bottle on site. I thought I couldn’t continue, I was so tired and my lack of training meant I had huge responsibilities with little in the way of knowing what to do in often impossible situations.

This was all for minimum wage.

The people kept me going though.

You fall in love with the residents, their beautiful smiles when you help them and you know you have made a difference. You pour your love into them, and when it is returned... well, that’s job satisfaction. No one goes into the care sector for the pay.

Working in care changes you, covid adds another level. You see how precious life is: these people with rich lives beforehand, suddenly taken away so easily.Often the ones who appeared stronger succumbed faster than those who seemed weakest: it didn’t seem to have a logic to it.

“I get angry when I hear people moaning about mask-wearing: I wore full PPE in sweltering weather for 14 hours. You can wear a mask for the time you’re in a shop”.

Our home suffered, but in comparison to others not so badly.

We lost about a quarter of our residents - other homes lost all of theirs, many at least half. I get angry when I hear people moaning about mask-wearing: I wore full PPE in sweltering weather for 14 hours.

You can wear a mask for the time you’re in a shop. It’s not about you.

It’s about the people I was caring for, and those that are vulnerable.

That said, I was proud of Beeston and how it rose to the challenge in the early days of the crisis: we all looked after each other, and it was wonderful. People seemed to have got more tetchy now, more judgemental. We have to rediscover that spirit that united us early on.

We will probably need it again very soon.

For privacy reasons we have changed the interviewees name

“People will always need community, virus or no virus” As we grew, we looked at ways to facilitate getting people to organise

Sara Clarke MANAGER, Jurassic Tattoo: I opened Jurassic Tattoo Company on Wollaton Road in August as a safe, comfortable space to be tattooed. It’s not going to be like other tattoo studios and I'm striving to be very radically different in the way I treat artists and customers.

I was originally a psychology researcher who started my PhD and quit due to a huge mental health breakdown.

After many suicide attempts and little clinical help I worked my way into the tattoo industry to find that the mistreatment and hazing of newcomers was harmful to my recovery. I was shocked at the awful way customers were often treated. I made it my mission to create something different.

Being tattooed is an extremely personal and vulnerable experience. During the tattoo process a customer fully trusts their artist with a permanent change to their body, as well as letting them physically handle them for a stretch of time. They are in pain and experience a rollercoaster of endorphins and neurotransmitters that can induce intense

PAUL SWIFT MUTUAL AID ORGANISER: I anticipated the lockdown, so we prepared early. I have an elderly uncle who is a vulnerable person, and that made me think. While big organisations take time to respond, we could be ready from the start.

Friends in Derby had set up Mutual Aid groups, so I had something to work from. A Facebook group was set up after a bit of research, and promoted on Beeston Updated. I was astounded that within 24 hours we had over a 1,000 members. People wanted to help.

Unfortunately, in the industry, there are often less than ideal atmospheres in studios which intimidate or shame clients, rather than make their tattoo a safe and positive experience. From subtle things like having intimidating decor ("do not enter unless you're a goth" vibes!) to shaming a customer for only wanting a small tattoo... to the small handful of artists who use their position to sexually harass clients.

on more local levels, street by street.

People with different skill-sets offered help so we could run as tightly as possible: for instance, an IT expert worked out how best to set up networks.

thought that these groups were no longer needed. But we aren’t out of the woods yet, far from it. This time though, we know how to look after each other. People will always need a community, virus or no virus.

We didn’t want to step on the toes or duplicate the work of existing charities or local authorities: this had to be hugely cooperative. We had to keep it clear: help others to help themselves help others. The response was tremendous in those dark days: streets came together via WhatsApp and leafleting. It pulled people together, and helped with isolation. Politics and other differences were put aside: we all worked towards that basic human instinct of helping others.

I’d like us to reflect on how we can develop community, how we can collectively aspire to a better future.

We’ve had a taste of lower pollution, cleaner air, communities working together. We proved we can do these things. I enjoyed the opportunity to explore my neighbourhood, and spend time with my nine-year old son Edward. He took it in his stride, interviewing family members, documenting the experience in a journal. He read loads of books, and made the most of the time off. I think we’ll emerge from this better people.

I’m an optimist: you have to be.

As lockdown eased, it might be

Beeston through the

Working in PPE was a challenge: even in March you’d be dripping in sweat throughout. We had to make a single mask last a shift, so removing them for a sip of water was difficult.

The gloves broke all the skin on my hands, that would be constantly sore. All this was necessary, but whatever I expected, whatever I had imagined, well, it was more difficult.

I shouldn’t have really been thrown in at the deep end as I was, but at the time this was a major crisis and you just did what you had to do. It was a baptism not of fire, but of alcohol gel!

was impossible, so I kept it to myself and grieved alone.

Lockdown

Lockdown

I am a student nurse, so when lockdown began I felt I had to do something, so I went to work in a care home- partly out of duty, partly to gain some valuable experience. It was a home for dementia patients who were particularly vulnerable and not easy to contain for social distancing. It became clear it would be a challenge. Staff numbers were down due to shielding and illness

"

feelings. I believe that this neurochemical rush, mixed with the prolonged close contact and the fact that they may be getting the tattoo for a meaningful reason, means the tattoo process has the potential to be either psychologically therapeutic OR psychologically damaging to the person.

Which one it is depends on the professionalism of the artist and the atmosphere in the studio.

I want to change this industry, or at the very least, provide a homely safe space for all clients to come, have a lovely chat and feel valued. After working in psychological support in both the NHS and private sectors, I can honestly say that more therapy can be done on the tattoo chair than can be done in 6 sessions of CBT. People naturally open up as they are already vulnerable and emotional. I believe this should be handled with the most respect and care possible.

Like many others, my business and personal finances have taken a huge beating throughout lockdown. I have scraped through only due to the huge amount of support I've had from my customers who have been booking on to my waiting list, buying my artwork or taking part in my tattoo raffles. I am hugely grateful to all of them and have been really surprised and touched by the amount of interest I have received!

It has been going overwhelmingly well since we opened, with my books being full until January 2021, and we're all working incredibly hard to try and prepare for the possibility of another lockdown. Knowing that I may not be able to work for months with zero financial support from the government is a huge pressure, but I hope I can weather the storm if it does happen.

Jurassic Tattoo is at 76b Wollaton Road: Insta: @ jurassictattoo; FB: @jurassictattoocompany

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beestumped Just because there's a lockdown, don't think you can escape the TOUGHEST QUIZ IN BEESTON...

1. HERMITS

The Hermit's cave in Dale Abbey, Derbyshire was home to a hermit in the 11th Century. Before choosing a life of solitude, what was the hermit’s profession?

A) Butcher  B) Baker  C) Candlestick Maker  D) Knight 

6. GEOGRAPHY

The Scottish town of ‘Dull’ is officially paired with which North American town?

A) Tedious, Texas B) Bland, Utah C) Boring, Oregan D) Dreary, New Hampshire

The first cat in space was a French mog called Félicette. What colour was she?

A) Ginger  B) Black  C) White  D) Black and white 

3. ANIMALS IN SPACE PART 2

8. HUMANS IN SPACE

Which of these creatures have NOT (knowingly) been into space?

A) Tortoise  B) Hare  C) Jellyfish  D) Guinea Pig 

4. CHEMISTRY

What is strange about Pope John XI (931-35)?

A) He was elected pope when a

dove landed on his shoulder  B) He was actually a woman  C) He wasn’t Catholic  D) His dad had been Pope as well. 

12. POETRY

   

   

9. FAMOUS GOATS

Nanny and Nanko were two famous goats owned by which US President?

A) Abraham Lincoln B) F.D. Roosevelt C) Jimmy Carter D) Grover Cleveland

   

   

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13. SPORT

SV Robinhood are the most successful football team in which country?

A) Guyana B) Suriname C) French Guiana D) Panama

How many women have ever been married to a Beatle?

A) 6 B) 7 C) 8 D) 9

After:

   

Blandness guaranteed

or your money back!

   

14. SPOUSE MUSIC

10. US PRESIDENTS

Which US president ran against a corpse?

A) James A Garfield B) Ulysses Grant C) Rutherford Hayes D) Martin Van Buren

Which plant did Wordsworth describe as “Ill befal the yellow Flowers, Children of the flaring hours!”

A) Daffodils B) Welsh poppies C) Celandine D) Buttercups

WALLSPECS!

   

15: OSSES

The Grand National was run virtually this year. But who won?

A) Walk in the Mill  B) Tiger Roll  C) Potters Corner  D) Captain Chips the Cyber Horse 

GLENYS LUFKIN RYLANDER: I’ve just missed chatting to folk! I live on my own,just me and the cat who is probably fed up with me talking to her by now, and although I can message, Skype,phone etc. It isn't the same as face to face interaction. I know couples have had their own problems but at least with two of you conversation is possible.

I had been with Nigel for 16 years. We had weekends together (he lives in Leicester), holidays; long weekends away; meals out; cosy nights in by the woodburner, all those lovely things that keep a relationship going. We got on well, liked the same things,history, heritage, countryside, long walks. Then lockdown happened…

The biggest thing for me,which I fear may be the case for one or two is that I lost a wonderful relationship because of this lockdown.

It affected his mental health badly. He just didn't know what to do and was scared. He stopped phoning and one evening he announced that he wanted to end our relationship. There was no one else involved, he just wanted to be on his own. I believe some sort of breakdown had happened. It’s all very sad, no real reason, but I blame this virus and lockdown.

"He stopped phoning and one evening he announced that he wanted to end our relationship”

www.beestonian.com thebeestonian@gmail.coM

"

I will be ok. I’ve lots of lovely friends and family, gorgeous grandchildren. I’m just sad that he has no one. Apart from all that my garden has been my life saver. I’m out there every day, and grown lots of veg, took on new projects, raised beds,etc. I cannot imagine lockdown without a garden. It is a great healer.

Beeston through the

5. POPES

Buzz Aldrin wore a watch on the moon. What brand was it?

A) TAG Hauser B) Rolex C) Seiko D) Omega

Who is older: Gary Oldman or Gary Numan?

A) They were born on the

same day  B) Gary Oldman is older  C) Gary Numan is older  D) No one really knows 

You need the all-new...

Lockdown

How many elements on the Periodic Table are named after Astronomical objects?

A. 4  B. 7  C. 9  D. 16 

   

7. GEOGRAPHY 2

There are towns called ‘Salsipuedes’ in Argentina, Chile, Colombia, Mexico, and Uruguay. What does that name translate as?

A) Get out if you can B) Unwelcome C) Nothing here D) Abandon hope

2. ANIMALS IN SPACE

11. GARY'S

s Turn ing ryth eve n and w bro ey! gr

• DON'T LIKE CREATIVITY? • SICK OF SEEING TOO MANY COLOURS? • BIT OF A MISERYGUTS?

ANSWERS: 1a; 2d; 3b; 4c; 5d; 6c; 7a; 8d; 9a; 10b; 11c; 12c; 13b; 14d; 15c.

Talk Back B E E S TO N • NOTTI NGHAM

Is working from home

working for you?

Unsocial Distancing

C

orona blah-blah virus continues to strike, quickly destroying 2020 like the alcoholic drink with twice the strength, and all of the hangover. In fact if 2020 was a drink it wouldn’t actually be the fortified wine of the Mad Dog variety, it would in fact be warm cheap tequila reminiscent of supermarket hand sanitizer. I was horrified to learn the American company have actually brought out a special limited edition Gold flavour to celebrate its year and name sake, I don’t think sales are going well....

Anyhoo, I am still ridiculously grumpy, this year I booked off all my festivals, I had them approved too! I sat waiting for this year like a giddy child waiting for Christmas Day, clutching those beloved bits of paper with holiday approved on them, which in exchange would permit me entry to all the music I could cram in my ear boxes, unbeknown to me Corona was to be the typical Disney Villain, screeching in a booming menacing voice” No you shall not go to the ball Lulu!! instead you shall work and be grounded for the summer” with an evil laugh afterwards to pierce even the bravest of souls, “O and by the way I am making a loo roll shortage, forcing there to be awkward rules when out in public and making every person a suspect in being a deadly virus carrier”. Mwhahaha!!!

Well I can assure you this tale does actually have a happy ending, ( its 2020 I take what I can ) as I indeed went to a festival this year, continuing my 16 year reign of at least once a year retreating to a tent after sampling an array of music. This one wasn’t even on my original plan for this year but as most know by now, even the best laid plans...

The future of festivals and large scale events is still undecided, for me the feeling of chatting to strangers and sat in a field with a drink in hand, live music and sun on my face, is still my happy place; my mental health has been hit hard by the continual negativity and hardships this year has inflicted. People talk

Struggling with poor WI-FI and interruptions during important video calls? Try Talkback Meeting Space about the new normal, I quite liked the old one, and I struggle to get to grips with zoom meetings, face-mask rules, new etiquette regarding hugging, elbows?, and pay by app?

Pay at bar? Don’t stand at bar, masks on for the loo, one way system, no way system, no cash? Only cash? Track and trace forms, hand sanitiser, but not no touch dispensers, the possibilities have been endless, I long for the old way this new world is hard and confusing.

While I was endlessly scrolling Social Media I saw a socially distanced and legal Responsible reboot festival to be held on 8th August, hosted by Barking Mad festivals and held at the Vic Inn bikers club. A limited number of 60 tickets were sold at £10 and camping an extra £10 each, I would have probably have given them a kidney to actually get a chance to go, £20 quid seemed very cheap, we brought the tickets online and waited hoping it wasn’t cancelled or postponed.

"my mental health has been hit hard by the continual negativity and hardships this year has inflicted...”

On the day we rocked up nice and early, I pitched up the tent on the grassy bit of the car park at the back as instructed and found the guy on the door, quite ingeniously they decided to give away a safe pack with every ticket, no close contact hand stamps or wristbands, no they decided to stamp the name of the festival on face-masks which had to be worn when going into the pub, which was marked out with one way directions and Perspex behind the bar, so far so good, also was a handy bottle of hand sanitiser with the festival name on a sticker attached to the front, earplugs and a few sweets and freebie badges, these packs had been vac sealed as well, very thoughtful and practical!

The music was to be on the outdoor stage, people had tables to sit at, with limiting tickets and strictly no walk ins, the event was to be all in line with all the latest advice. Starting early afternoon The Jellyfish Are Calling hit the stage and immediately I got shivers, they could have been the worst band in the world but I was happy, I had waited all year for this.

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Professional setting for that important Zoom meeting.

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Reliable fast broadband.

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Reception and Printing service.

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All of our team have COVID-19 prevention accreditation.

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The line up was a mix of punk with Noose, rock and roll with The Blue Carpet Band and a sprinkling of ska with Kid Klumsy. It was all going so well until high energy rap metal and rock and roll band Dog Rotten, a mixture of alcohol, lowered inhibitions and good music led to a surge at the front of the band and a mosh pit was formed. Myself and a friend looked on in horror - it was all way too much. Drinks were being thrown - even the local photographer and reviewer dived in!

Clean and COVID secure environment.

Don’t in any way get me wrong, this time last year we probably would have been straight in too, but it was all too intense and worrying. My friend headed to find the promoter - no sign. Leaving no option but to go to the pub landlord who immediately got the p/a Mr BadAxe to announce about social distancing and the one way system which was being pretty much ignored at this point, the band finished their set and immediately the tension went away, the crowd of moshers too drunk to care, headed off to call it a night, leaving the rest of us to relax and enjoy the evening safe in the knowledge we had done all we can to not get the place shut down. I am all for a good time but not when so much is at risk.

Verdict: I loved the music, however it is too early. I could immediately see why festivals and big events haven’t got the go ahead, after a few drinks all the health and safety went out the window, till next year it is!!

LD

Large rooms just for you or up to 4 colleagues. With 2 metre social distance.

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Quiet with natural light and opening windows.

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Free parking.

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Flexible times to suit you.

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Great coffee included!

£12.50* per hour. £30.00* per 4 hour £55* full day. *excluding VAT Web: www.talkbackmeetingspace.co.uk | Email: meetingrooms@talkbackstudio.co.uk Tel: 0115 925 5566 | Address: 132a Queens Road East, Beeston, Nottingham NG9 2FD

Talkback-Advert-2020-Beestonian.indd 1

"...Myself and a friend looked on in horror it was all way too much.”

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01/10/2020 1

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