Issue No. 23 - March 2016

THE BEAT

MARCH 2016

ISSUE #23

To Everyone We Know: Welcome to the March issue of THE BEAT. Okay, so we’re feeling supersitious here. We recently got a chain email that made some hearts skip some beats, got some collective beat-y gasps.

Ususally, we don’t believe in that kind of voodoo here at THE BEAT, but because the Ides of March are upon us, and Mercury was retrograde a bit ago, and someone may have had dreams about ghosts 3 nights in a row -We are going to ask you to send this to everyone you know!!!!!!!!!

If you don't send this copy of THE BEAT as a message in a bottle to 10,000 people within the next 30 minutes, the ghost of Lou Reed will come to whisper naughty things to you tonight!!!!!!!!!1!

If you send this to 15 people you will have good luck for 1 day, and you might find the 5 dollars you lost in your pocket 3 months ago!!!!!!!!!111! <3, THE BEAT staff 2

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

MARCH CALENDAR Sunday

Monday

WHAT KINDS OF ODDITIES DOES THIS MONTH HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU??

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

<3LF Saturday

1 Ty Segall @ Royale, 8p; Easter., Du Vide, We Can All Be Sorry, Tiffany’s House @ O’Brien’s Pub, 8p

2 Frameworks, Donovan Wolfington, Bay Faction, Arrowhead, Light Caverns @ Out of the Blue Too, 7p

3 Horse Jumper of Love, Strange Mangers, Crag Mask, and Mini Dresses @ Banana Hammock, 7:30p

4 Boompa, Lady Pills, Ne-Mate WYDYDE, Den-Mate @ The ER Boston, 9p

5 Soft Fangs, Brittle Brian, Stumpf, and Lady Pills @ The Middle East Upstairs, 7p

6 Leaner, Elizabeth Color Wheel, Mail Thief, Brown, Prom Night @ Out of the Blue Too, 9p

7 The Who Hits 50! with Tal Wilkenfeld opening @ TD Garden, 7:30p

8 Rosie & the Rosies, Alto Jeffro, Birthing Hips, Tiffany’s House @ Out of the Blue Too, 9p

9 Milan & Nina (Coke Weed), Eerie Wanda, Gamma Pope, Hey Exit, Girls and Gods @ The Record Company, 8p

10 Harmoos, Echo Courts, Half Sour, Sports Coach @ Out of the Blue Too, 8p

11 Sports, PALHTH, Lady Pills, Big Boy Club, Pendejo @ The Democracy Center, 6p

12 Old Wave, Wes Buckley, Hollow Deck, John Cushing Band @ Fazenda Cafe, 8p

13 Dronefest @ Out of the Blue Too, 1p

14 Goldlink and Graves @ Middle East Downstairs, 7p

15 Those Darlins @ Great Scott, 9p

16 Zanois, JOSS, Du Vide, Pleasure Gap @ Out of the Blue Too, 8p

17 My Brightest Diamond @ 160 Mass.

Ave, 7:45p

18 The Televibes, Midriffs, Sun Voyager, Beach Toys @ Middle East Upstairs, 8p

19 Scarface @ Middle East Downstairs, 8p

20 Pete Yorn @ Royale Boston, 7p

21 Yung Lean @ Royale Boston, 7p

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23 URSULA, Gravel, Gay Sin @ Middle East Upstairs, 8p

24 Honeysuckle CD Release Party w/ Mother Moses @ Club Passim, 8p

25 Bat House, Elizabeth Color Wheel, Floral @ The Red Room at Cafe 939, 8p

26 Sun Young, JOBS, If Not I Than Who Then, Birthing Hips @ Deep Thoughts JP, 8p

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28

29

30

31

Field Music and the EFFECTS @ Great Scott, 9p

Pure Bathing Culture @ Royale Boston, 7p

Diane Coffee, Abadabad, Bong Wish @ Middle East Upstairs, 8p

Ezra Furman & The Boyfriends, Sleep Kitty, Grace @ Great Scott, 8p

THE IDES OF MARCH

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CONCERT REVIEW:

~ IAN/Mega Bog/EKP/Harmoos @ Out of the Blue 2/18 ~

Harmoos started off the night in “The Best” way possible (and by that I mean they started their set with their catchy, relatable track “The Best” and I just managed to butcher the song in one go with that terrible joke).

Will Henriksen’s peacefully low voice melts your heart when matched with the jangly guitar riffs — a pairing of sounds made in heaven. .....

Following Harmoos was EKP, a self-proclaimed “band, then not a band, and then a band again.” Their sound was a cacophony of keyboard lines, sharp and simple guitar riffs, and blatant, straightforward vocals. (Notable lyrics: “I am a cheese puff/Don’t call me sweetheart/Am I your poptart?”) .....

Mega Bog came on after with their vibey set that made you question whether you were actually physically present or if you were in that lucid, dreamy state between being awake and existing in a fantastical dream world. It’s worth mentioning that Erin Birgy’s vocals were heartbreakingly beautiful. .....

Closing the night was local favorite, IAN. They put on a show full of good energy, and the fans packed into Out of the Blue mirrored that exact energy with exceptional enthusiasm. The lineup was clearly made by the gods of good vibes because the atmosphere generated by these bands could never be recreated on this mundane earth. <3 Olivia Gehrke

<3 TT

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(Local restaurants

recommended by local musicians

and

reviewed by local punx)

Restaurant:

Anna’s Taqueria, 1412 Beacon St, Brookline

Recommended by:

Will Henriksen of Harmoos

Olivia

Beats and Eats?

More like Beats and Burritos. If Kristen and I have learned anything from writing this column, Kristen it’s that musicians love their It seemed like evburritos. And so we found oureryone in Brookline selves at Anna’s Taqueria where I was heading to Anna’s indulged in - you guessed it - a Taqueria on this springburrito. I was scared that no burlike Saturday. This Mexican rito could ever impress me after my eatery’s made-to-order menu has perfect 10/10 Chilacate’s burrito, it all. Burritos? Check. Tacos? but it didn’t disappoint. The burCheck. Quesadillas? Check. Chips rito of Anna’s Taqueria consisted and guac (or salsa if you’re like of rich Mexican flavors swaddled me)? Check. My steak tacos were into a little tortilla wrapped bundle, delivered by a stork flyoverflowing with juicy meat, and ing down from burrito heaven. the chips had just the right Thanks to Will and every other amount of crunch to complement Boston musician I’ve the soft tortilla shell of encountered, I may be the tacos. Everything here developing a serious is cheap, quick, and easy, burrito addiction… but be prepared to make

a mess while eating (well, at least I did).

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<3LF

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When You Walk a Long Distance You are Tired - Mothers Sunday, 12:45 am. You’ve missed the last bus (again) as you leave their house, leaving their bed to return to your empty one. While listening to Kristine Leschper’s lithe voice, a contrasting melancholia envelops you. As Leschper mournfully sings about her haunting past, her pain penetrates you, gently, until it morphs into your own feeling. You find yourself walking a long distance, alone, and as the faint sound of strings caress your cochleas, you begin dry heaving at the thought Leschper invokes of your lover betraying you, even if you have no real reason to believe they are. When You Walk a Long Distance You are Tired is emotionally exhausting to listen to, and yet you forgive this because, much like Leschper finds, you find the things that hurt you the most are absolutely bewitching. <3 Tiffany Topor Here Comes Washer - Washer Here Comes Washer aka here comes the killer Brooklyn two-piece ready to get you hooked on their scuzzy rock album. Had a few too many drinks at the party? “Got Drunk and Ate the Sun” is your anthem. Feeling superstitious after reading this Beat? Vibe with “Pet Rock vs.

Healing Crystal.” Want to experience absolute euphoria?

Listen to the entire album and learn what true garage rock bliss sounds like. <3 Olivia Gehrke Home Demos - Pinc Louds This one man band from Brooklyn is difficult to place in one genre, meshing electronic, acoustic, experimental and even doo-wop vibes while crooning with a voice that sounds like a high-pitched Devendra Banhart meets a lazy Brittany Howard. Freak out to the track “Roaches in my Hair” or do a creepy tango to “You War Blue.” Whatever you do, listen to this album. Pinc Louds’ four track demo record will intrigue you and leave you wanting more. <3 Elise Roche Static - Kevin O’Brien Static’s shy yet energetic love songs remind me of the Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist soundtrack. With lyrics like “we’ll get married at the Macy’s/and divorced in the food court,” the four tracks on Static will steal your teen crush’s heart. On “Where Do You Go?” O’Brien incorporates strong Tomorrow’s Tulips vibes, with more grungy guitar sounds and longing vocals. My favorite track by him is still “Knotted” from 2015’s Punch a Hole in the Wall, but further listening could change my mind. Keep this sweetheart close. <3 Allie Miller

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CONCERT REVIEW:Laura

On 2/17/16, I had the pleasure of seeing Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers play at The Sinclair. Grace is undoubtedly one of the greatest songwriters of this century. However, fans of Against Me! (Grace’s main band) were not as jazzed about some of the band’s records leading up to their 2014 album, Transgender Dysphoria Blues, which was the band’s first after Laura Jane Grace came out as a transgender woman. It served not only to reinvigorate the band’s classic sound, but also to spark much of the public’s interest in both Grace’s story and the band’s tribulations.

These points intersected at the show, which featured Grace playing songs in the Against Me! catalogue in a more intimate setting while reading out of tour diaries from throughout the band’s career.

The show provided an abundance of insight into Grace’s gender dysphoria and how it has shaped her life and her songwriting. While most of these tunes are intended to be abrasive rock songs, Grace played with an acoustic guitar and was supported by electric bass and drums. The instrumentation made many of the songs sound a bit more like country numbers than folk punk classics, but

Jane Grace @ the Sinclair

I still appreciated getting to hear Grace belt out these songs with little distraction.

The crowd was, for the most part, respectful that the show was a far more reserved affair than an Against Me! gig.

Nevertheless, there were a few noisy audience members who interrupted at the least opportune moments.

One guy in the back was repeatedly requesting the early classic “We Did It All for Don.” While Grace clearly had a meticulous set planned, the man kept screaming the request between songs. Grace begrudgingly played the tune after the man obliged her request for a shot. Plenty of those in the audience wanted to hear some of the classic AM! tunes from the early EP’s but were not quite as obnoxious about it. Thankfully, despite the circumstances, Grace came to put on a show, and she did not let us down.

Around the end of the set, when relaying an anecdote regarding shopping for women’s clothing in a Sears so that she wouldn’t be recognized, Grace said something along the lines of “I realized it’s okay to be a freak.” After hearing Grace’s story, this small tidbit seemed like a beautiful revelation she had been working toward all her life.

<3 Andre Orlando

THE IDES OF MARCH

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REVISITING NOVEMBER GROUP

<3TT

I accidentally stumbled upon November Group after revisiting Lou Miami and The Kozmetix last month, since Ann Prim and Karen Kirby of November Group produced Miami’s album. The ‘80s band’s music very much embraces the sound of the decade — there are synths and keyboards galore, matched with the reverbed drums, and the powerful female vocals of Prim. The track “Shake It Off” makes you believe that you’re starring in an old Sega video game. Except in this game, you make it to the next level and are transported into a sweaty Boston club in 1982 (and sorry Taylor, but you’ve got nothing on this “Shake It Off”). “Pictures of the Homeland” is threatening to start a riot with its dark, driving guitar and vocals. November Group is undeniably catchy and if I ever felt inclined to dance, it would be to their music. This is the ‘80s band you listen to and don’t cringe at; their sound somehow still comes across as fresh, timeless, and relevant, even if your mom would’ve probably loved November Group in high school.

<3 Olivia Gehrke

HOW I MADE CHRIS BAIO (OF BAIO AND ALSO A SMALL BAND CALLED VAMPIRE WEEKEND) ADMIT HE IS AN IDIOT: A SHORT TRUE STORY Setting: February 11th, 2016. Brighton Music Hall. Somewhere around 11pm?

Not sure, I had some fruity vodka drinks.

The show is over, Baio meets a relatively short line of fans at the merch table. Seriously, this guy is in Vampire Weekend. I thought more people would be here.

Me and Friend: Hi, we really enjoyed the show, nice to meet you. The piece of paper behind you says you have CDs on sale, but...where are they?

Baio: Do you want to hear a funny story? I accidentally had them shipped to the next show in DC straight from the show last night, so Boston is the only stop on this entire tour without any CDs. I’m really sorry, it’s all my fault really. I hope you two aren’t too upset.

Friend: Oh... well, I guess I’ll buy a tote bag and get a picture if that’s cool.

Me: (Whips out cell phone to take the picture.) Ok, on three say “No CDs!” One, two, three!!

Baio: (On three) I’m an idiot!

And that’s how I got Chris Baio of Vampire Weekend to admit he was an idiot. <3 Dana Amico

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WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

Gemi You n new are The i self -tit Suffers Use ’ l y in e our rec ed albu m. nerg ent be Luck’s in the air, or at least you hope it grou ginning y to st spike a is. Find out what your sign says about you releasp did wits, like t rt new hi h e with another installment of will ge. Funky t their firss soul rack t s t yo crea s s u t ive like tudio album horoscopes. es riou e proj pumped i e “Gwa x r o k c t ects A epti t i o t n” at Vic . L mont onally , which ake on h re ther ow th to f . w u T a i l Don’ aur ll b filli o Y y , n u m o b l g k r o t e u a f ng t anc l us n fo Y be a his Wol er, tura citi but fr your h out a Dri r the re So by moth self nd r aid to na ex - r ve ngs L a . s e e f n b a n e Y r b l o u w t H o a ill u n e N om l Wo ti yo g mor d Bra ome be r r effor d i t c til nda se in ewar t you e flex ille. by An ght wha an s fou to u mov r ded. s c i c d p h e w T b o t e o i

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THE IDES OF MARCH

<3 Elise Roche, Anna Leah Eisner, Dana Amico, and Vinamre Kasanaa

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<3LF

One chilly Friday afternoon in Allston, I had the pleasure of hanging out with one of Boston’s underground stars, OG Swaggerdick. After a stint in Los Angeles, OG Swaggerdick, or Jim, as he introduced himself, has returned to his home turf in Boston. Known for his onstage presence and offstage shenanigans, Mr. Swaggerdick has amassed a following since starting out. I was able to sit down with Marquise “Swaggerdick” Jones and ask him a few questions about his experiences throughout his career. Here’s what he had to say: Kailen: How would you say growing up in Dorchester and around Boston shaped your persona/sound?

OG Swaggerdick: It didn’t.

Nah, it didn’t. I mean I didn’t start doing music until 2012 and everything up until then I learned from like B.E.T. I mean, I wanna say it gave me the power to do ten mollies, I just like always saying I’m on ten mollies. Yeah, write that down, it gave me the power to do ten mollies.

“We Don’t Need Donald Trump as Our President.” What is the most memorable thing that has happened while filming your videos?

OG: Yo, that’s a good question, something wild. When I was out living in L.A., “Money Never Do Me Wrong.” I was shooting that out in a canyon and it was getting dark, like pitch black. We were doing the end of the waterfall shot and it was just me and Syrup Jenkins and we were both terrified, that was the scariest shit yo.

KLN: What has your experience been with the underground rap scene in Boston?

OG: Yeah, you know, it’s been cool. It was a lot smaller when I got into it but it’s just crazy now and there’s so many people just putting out really, really good shit. It’s been cool seeing the industry grow and putting out good content.

KLN: You have some pretty rad music videos, most recently for your Donald Trump diss track,

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WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

(graphic

by Allie Miller)

KLN: Speaking of the underground rap scene, I know you and Michael Christmas are pretty tight. What is your relationship with him like?

OG: Me and Christmas and [Cousin] Stizz all lived together in L.A. It was cool, funny though, Christmas like never left the house. He just smoked weed and watched anime all day.

KLN: Would you say that you’re influenced by them?

OG: I think we all learned from each other in a way.

KLN: Have you always gone by OG Swaggerdick?

OG: Not always, back in 2002 and like 2003, I was in this group. They were called B2K and I went by the name Omarion. Then they replaced me but it’s all good, I still got love!

KLN: Who would you say your influences are for what you’ve currently been working on?

OG: Lil B, definitely. Also like Master P, I grew up listening to a lot of Master P, my dad loves it.

All the songs I thought were Tupac as a kid were actually Master P. Yeah,

like the shit on No Limit.

KLN: What did you think of Lil’ Romeo stealing Master P’s spotlight?

OG: I always preferred Romeo to Lil Bow Wow, Bow Wow is sus. But I also loved Romeo and Master P because I love my dad yo, so it was cool seeing that.

KLN: What is your creative process if you have one?

OG: Sometimes you kinda just know, but like sometimes I’ll have to do all the recording and hear it a lot, but it really depends.

KLN: Are there any artists you would like to collaborate with in the future?

OG: First off, before I work on anything else, me and Christmas gotta drop that joint mixtape. We’ve been planning that since we started. You know there’s a lot though, probably like Samo D and Haasan Barclay.

KLN: Can we expect a 2016 release?

OG: I’ll say you can expect a couple 2016 releases. But if you ask me in person, I’m gonna tell you I’m Frank Ocean.

OG Swaggerdick’s music is available on Spotify and Soundcloud, check him out yo! <3 Kailen Santos

THE IDES OF MARCH

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AN OPEN LOVE LETTER TO AND ABOUT NICK POPE

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Dear Nick and everyone else in the world,

On February 6, 2016 in sleepy, snow-swept Cambridge I saw you at Out of the Blue Too Art Gallery with your bands: Nick Pope, Fortunaut, and Dot and Logic (Boompa rocked too but you’re not in it). You opened the show and ROCKED MY WORLD - literally because you were playing the guitar and singing what some people would consider alt-rock. Your voice sounded like that of a trashboy angel. Your glasses were cool. You were cool.

The way you closed your eyes and did this goofy thing where you vibed and danced while you played the guitar made my heart swoon. You’ve got great wobbly dance knees. Then you disappeared. When the next band started you reappeared on the DRUMS. That’s a lot of roles for someone to cry over like a Beatlemania fangirl (sans peeing her pants).

World, you may think, “holy shit, girl, play it cool” but I already talked to Nick and supremely fucked it up. I sauntered up to the merch table and asked him if the poster of his song about a thousand things really had a thousand things on it. Nick assured me there were but I thought it would be funny and/or cute if I counted the words ~just to make sure~. After I counted four things, I realized what I was doing was not funny OR cute. I then did that thing that Ross does in Friends that’s annoying as hell where he laughs, shrugs, wags his head, looks down, and gets high pitched all at once and I said, “heh I’m not going to count them all.” Nick just looked at me blankly. There was a pause.

I could have used this time to save myself, say something witty, and win him over. He waited for me to say something, and I started to say something, but then, open mouthed, words ready on the tongue, I sprinted away into the crowd while Nick no doubt thought, “wow that girl was really, really weird.”

So, you see World, I’ve already shot that horse in the face. I already weirded him out and I know if there were a second encounter I’d be just as, if not more, scary and weird. Therefore, I’ve decided it isn’t a bad idea to write this. Because, Nick, you deserve to know that a girl out there wearing wire-rimmed circle glasses and a jean jacket four sizes too big, drinking a can of Barq’s (diet :/ ) cream soda, and humming “Mmm Bop” by Hanson has a giant crush on you.

See you at your next show. Don’t worry, I won’t try and talk to you. I’ll save us both the awkward experience.

<3, forever, v. r. russell

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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UR GRAPHIX CUTIES DO A REAL SÉANCE <3 Tiffany Topor and Alison LaFrance T: As I’m sure many trips to City Target progress, I walked in with the intent of buying a new scarf, and emerged instead with a ouija board. I rushed home to unsheath the box and found myself utterly disappointed-- a thin piece of cardboard that only imitated the rustic grain of decayed wood complete with a cheesy sticker slapped on the front, and a fat, plastic, battery operated? planchette awaited me. Under a thin cardboard box Hasbro used to give the buyer the illusion that they purchased something substantial was a half sheet of paper with a half warning urging “be careful.”

Although somewhat skeptical as to whether or not this phony looking board would actually work, I was confident the BEAT’S very own graphics babe Alison LaFrance had enough psychic energy to produce a fruitful experience.

The first séance we performed was mostly just a trial run.

I asked my good pals over at the ER Boston if we could use Griffin’s deserted room on the top floor. Alison conveniently pulled four candles out of her purse, lit them, and the summoning began! We found difficulty using the bulky planchette for the séance. I was beginning to think maybe this whole thing was a scam. We contracted two other housemates to help us move the planchette and summon spirits, but still, the only word we could get out of the spirit was “HI.” What were we to do?

A: When you find yourself in times of difficulty with a planchette that doesn’t want to perform its duty, use a shot glass! It will yield better results.

After a brief interlude at Out of the Blue Too, we headed to our next location on the 47. As we made a pit stop for snacks at the 24-hour convenience store, I couldn’t get Mega Bog’s haunting melodies out of my head. What a perfect internal soundtrack for our mission...

I recommend stocking up on salt, candles, and snack offerings for the spirits at your local convenience store, the later into the night the better. The disconcerted look on your disillusioned cashier’s face will never fail to disappoint.

The second séance of the night took place at a super classified location. Suffice it to say we found ourselves on the abandoned top floor of a somewhat shabby academic building complete with deserted construction equipment and messily painted murals.

This time around our ghost friend was much chattier. Here’s the scoop: they do not like beef jerky, they came to this building when they were alive in 2009, they totally preferred Tiffany’s voice to mine, and they really enjoyed moving our planchette all around the board before giving us a straight answer. Definitely one of the most talkative and yet most incoherent ghosts I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering.

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Lucky Charms were my very favorite cereal growing up. Since then a lot has changed; my favorite cereal is now a tie between Lucky Charms and Honey Bunches of <3E R Oats. Perhaps my love of Lucky Charms stems from a childhood where it was expressly forbidden. But now, I live alone! I can eat as much Lucky Charms as I want and sleep until midnight and avoid washing behind my ears and no one can stop me.

This new sense of freedom gave me the flexibility to test out a horrifying question; what would happen if I ate nothing but Lucky Charms for two days? Now, I am not a naïve man. I was certain that this was not a great idea, but I made the decision to go forward, suggesting that I am either a masochist, or I prioritize writing shitty Vice-lite articles over my own health.

For breakfast I ate three large bowls of Lucky Charms, but the shame did not set in until sometime around the end of the second. This made me feel a whole lot worse when I snuck two additional bowls out for lunch at work.

I intern at Senator Edward Markey’s office. Up until that day, I had never met the senator in person. In our very first interaction, he offered me an apple cider mini-doughnut. When your senator offers you a mini-doughnut, you kind of have to take it. Fortunately, Senator Markey turned around very quickly and I was able to put the mini-doughnut in my extra piece of Tupperware. “Friday morning”, I thought to myself, “I will eat it on Friday morning.” Throughout the day, I heard my co-workers go on and on at how good these doughnuts were. If The Devil was tempting me, he should work on his subtlety.

Throughout the day, I avoided eating with anyone at the risk of having to explain that I am putting my own body at risk for the sake of a bit. And most of the time I felt okay, albeit a little nauseous. Truth be told, the rampant shame was far more nagging than anything going on in my stomach. Unfortunately, I had not accounted for all the excess fiber I would be taking in. By the next morning, I was out. I will put a whole lot on the line for this publication, but I did have to get through a day of class, and I didn’t want to spend a subsequent weekend feeling like I was going to pass out. I ate the mini-doughnut. It was delicious. <3 Andre Orlando

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WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

LUCK O’ THE MILKSHAKE

:

<3 Emma Seslowsky

INGREDIENTS: - york peppermint patties - milk

- lucky charms

- whipped cream

- mint chocolate chip icecream

- green food dye RECIPE: 1) before you make your milkshake, make a wish. i’m not saying it’s gonna come true but it’s worth a try!

2) put a scoop and a half of your mint chocolate chip ice cream in the nutribullet.

3) pour milk on top of the ice cream to your liking (less milk = thicker milkshake) 4) add some green food dye for good luck.

5) blend blend blend!

6) break your peppermint patties into small pieces. throw ‘em into your nutribullet and blend for just a little so they don’t break up entirely.

7) pour it into a vessel of your choosing. garnish with whipped cream and lucky charms.

PLAYLIST: “Magic” by Pilot “Superstition” by Stevie Wonder “Wizards of Waverly Place Theme” by Selena Gomez “Dream World” by Lady Pills “Crystallized” by Melody’s Echo Chamber “Curious and Dumb” by Puppy Problems “Wishing Wells” by Snowhaus “Glow” by Porches “In Touch” by Brittle Brian “It’s Nice” by Horse Jumper of Love

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the 5 unluckiest places in boston if you’re anything like me, bad luck seems to follow you wherever you go. do yourself a favor and steer clear of these incredibly unlucky places to ensure your life isn’t worse than it already is. or, if you’re a daredevil, go to all of these places in one day and see if you can successfully avoid misfortunes.

<3AL

1. the metal things on the bu bridge

don’t even get me STARTED on these things. these stupid metal reinforcements on the bu bridge have caused many a student to slip, trip, and sometimes wipe out. in the winter time, they are covered by several inches of snow, which makes avoiding them nearly impossible.

2. brandy melville

the skirts there barely fit around one of my thighs. also, there is only one size of everything so tough luck if something doesn’t fit!!! shop somewhere else...you’ve been warned.

3. salem

don’t be misled! salem might sound alluring in all of its spooky, mysterious wonder but it is filled with real life black magic and witchcraft. not only that, but when i went there, i spent way too much money on food and t-shirts and almost missed my train back home because i was in this haunted pirate ship. this kind of sounds like a result of my inability to manage time and money but STILL; don’t go to salem!!!!!!! (or just don’t go with me).

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4. allston

an intriguing blend of hipster trash, drunk biddies, and rats, allston can be a recipe for disaster on any given night. this neighborhood plays host to a myriad of bad luck scenarios including, but not limited to, getting puked on, getting in a fist fight with a frat boy, losing your phone, getting rabies from one of the local rodents (ok that doesn’t really happen but what if it did?) or god forbid, getting an unflattering picture taken of yourself in a basement in your drunken stupor. take great caution when frequenting this part of town.

5. the bike lane on comm ave

in the last five years, thirteen people have died biking in boston. death MIGHT just be the most unlucky thing that can happen to you. cars hate bikers, pedestrians hate bikers, even some bikers hate other bikers (just ask the several dozen bikers that pass me on the bike lane because i’m disastrously slow). you are susceptible to the hustle and bustle of the big city every time you take your fixie to the streets. i don’t care if it makes you look uncool, PLEASE wear a f!$#ing helmet!!!!! <3 emma seslowsky

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

I have to start this review with a preface: I am not a regular DCOM viewer. However, The Luck of the Irish came out around the time I actually tuned into these specials, and watching it after 10 years 2 BEAT people check in on the state <3 ER was pretty wild. Early on, pretty basketball star Kyle is having an of a (not-so-forgotten) movie. existential crisis due to his lack We turned on the Putlocker online verof heritage. Already a flag; I guess sion of Disney’s The Luck of the Irish the kid just doesn’t have family at 12:55am on a Wednesday evening after members? Idk mang. Kyle confides in many hours of computer science homework his friends about his crisis, and in and some beef stroganoff. We settled in response, a peer by the name of Bonwith a bowl of popcorn and high hopes, nie states that “Everyone’s family and I, for one, was not disappointed. comes from somewhere else,” to which For those who forgot about this legendbest friend, Russell replies, “Yeah, ary DCOM, the film tells the story of I’m part Cherokee!” Was that a stab a boy named Kyle’s metamorphoat our forefathers for the whole opsis from high school basketball pression thing or just a kid trying star to unlucky leprechaun with to spit game? Either way, quite the orange spiked hair reminiscent controversial joke for a DCOM; get of a ‘90’s punk singer. those minds spinning early, Disney.

What I recalled as a trans The movie progresses and formation story turned out Kyle becomes a “little perto be some bizarre commenson,” as the Leprechauns refer tary about the hardships to themselves as. What I find of Irish-Americans that interesting about this mass somewhat contradictorily species nickname is that it incorporated every bogus actually leads to some preju<3Lindsey Irish stereotype out diced shit. In fact, Kyle’s Fourt there. father--who is not a LepreSome highlights in the chaun, mind you--explains to dialogue include when Kyle’s mom nerKyle that he needed to protect his vously exclaims “We’re Americans, Kyle. mother, calling her “small-minded.”

That’s all the heritage we need!” and Like damn, I’m sure he meant it in the uplifting statement that “Nobody’s a literal sense, but he could’ve at nothing! Not even the Irish!” Ultimateleast phrased that a little better. ly the film left me with a number of The whole hero/villain thing happens unanswered questions. Why didn’t they like in most DCOMs, but these bad just tell Kyle he was Irish? Why did guys were outright terrifying and they agree to let hurling decide the it left me wondering why this movie fate of their family’s precious luck? didn’t scare me when I was a kid.

Couldn’t Disney have made a movie about After everything's said and done and a group of people who are actually the big basketball game is finished, oppressed, instead of a population life is back to normal somehow and that was oppressed over a century ago? the villain gets sent to Cleveland, Pretty sure no one in 2001 was still OH. I can only imagine how the kids facing persecution for being Irish. living in Cleveland watching this Nonetheless, this Disney classic was movie felt. For a DCOM, The Luck of surely entertaining, and who could deny the Irish stole the show. In all enjoying a film that ends with a rousing honesty and I’d watch it again, if sing-along version of the ‘ol favorite not only for the acknowledgement of “This Land is Your Land?” 7/10 Ireland’s prize sport, hurling. 7/10 <3 Elise Roche

<3 Kailen Santos

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“Ur Unluckiest Day Evr”

by Elise Roche

You wake up to the sound of a loud _________.

(sound) You __________ to open your eyes. You fell

(verb) out of your ___________ and onto the floor in

(furniture piece) in your sleep! Ugh. Why is your ___________ (animal) on the bed? Stupid Fluffy. You _________ back (verb) back into bed _________ and pull your covers (adverb) up to your _________. Another ___________. It (body part) (sound) happened again! When you open your_________,

(body part) Fluffy is right there. You feel a little __________. You ________ get up again, and (feeling)

(adverb)

there are two _________ __________ on your (animals) (color) ___________. Then ____ more come in the door! (furniture piece)

(number)

They’re everywhere! You __________ Fluffy (verb)

again, but he’s changing from _________ to (color)

to _________. Oh ________. You’re surrounded

(color) (deity) by __________ __________! You ____________ at

(same color) (same animals)

(verb)

your ___________. You are turning ___________

(body part)

(same color)

and growing a _________. You are becoming one

(noun)

of them. You are a ___________ _____________. (same color) (same animal) 18

WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

SUPERSTITION IN SYLLABLES, CAN WE DO IT? THE BEAT WRITES HAIKUS i found a penny i tried to pick it up but I pulled out my back -EM

did that lamp just move? hello? ah! am i alone? fuq this is scary -ER spilled the salt shaker tried to throw some away but i don’t have fingers -AM

is that a monster? i look over my shoulder it’s a leprechaun -A

fuck you leprechauns you haunt my dreams late at night there is some spirit your red hair is hawt in this world, maybe the next -VR that calls out my name -AL

THE BEAT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WTBU GENERAL MANAGER: WANT T0 VOLUNTEER CHRISTIE LEIST FOR THE BEAT? gm@wtburadio.org We are always looking for TWITTER/INSTAGERM: CONTENT ANGELS: rad writers, @wtbu Andre Orlando illustrators, and layout Elise Roche landlords!

FACEBOOK: facebook.com/The- GRAPHIX HUNNIES: Tiffany Topor QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? BeatBoston Alison LaFrance CONCERNS? LONELY? WE ARE LAYOUT BBY: TOO! TUMBLR: Jessamyn Wallace thebeatofboston.

EDITOR-IN-C. EMAIL: tumblr.com Anna Leah Eisner wtbu.thebeat@gmail.com GET AT US ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!

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WTBU THE BEAT ISSUE #23

“THE IDE(A)S OF MARCH”

JRW