The Beast - October 2019

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Welcome to October 2019...

Words Dan & James Hutton, Publishers Welcome to the October 2019 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s increasingly unaffordable Beaches of the East.

Please take care when stepping over the pile of filthy, rotting, plastic-wrapped Couriers on the footpath to collect your pristine copy of The Beast from your mailbox. We’ve noticed their distribution has been even worse lately, while ours is perfect, because we care.

Local personality and gifted wordsmith Derek Rielly features as our cover interview this month. It’s a bloody long read but he’s a bloody interesting bloke so just make yourself a nice cup of tea, get comfortable in your favourite chair and read it cover to cover. You’ll be

happy you did. If not, you can have your money back.

Every month we receive some pretty amusing correspondence from our wonderfully broad spectrum of readers. This month was no exception. A few emails came in from irate South Africans after some lighthearted banter in last month’s interview regarding their contribution to the local area was misinterpreted. The Beast has a policy of printing these interviews as they happened, and the Rugby World Cup is about to kick off, so political correctness is currently on hold, especially for Springboks supporters.

Come on, ja, we were just having a good old jol! Anyhow bru, we’ll see you just now.

Lekker reading, Beasts.

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/ advertise Circulation 61,000 copies are delivered every month; 56,000 are placed in mailboxes and 5,000 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.

Spring is here !

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6 The Beast October 2019

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CONTENTS Oc tobe r 201 9 Issue 177

6 7 8 10 17 18 20 32

Welcome Note Table of Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Thumbs Local Chick Local News Satire

34 35 36 52 53 54 55 56

Calendar Local Tradies Interview Enviro News Tide Chart Unreliable Guide Sporting Life Marj's Musings

Morning mal rider, by Ashlea Hingston @ashhingstonphotography.

57 60 61 62 64 65 66 66

Headnoise Recipe Food Review Local Photos Reviews Brainteasers Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Free the gut!

Has Australia Reached Peak Commission and Inquiry?

Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Kenneth Hayne Australian politicians love a good old Royal Commission or Parliamentary Inquiry to divert the media’s attention away from the plight of fluffy animals and climate change. There’s nothing more cleansing to the soul than to squander taxpayers’ dollars shifting the job of finger pointing onto a higher authority, thereby shirking the tough responsibility of calling out wrongdoers and admitting the deficiencies of one’s own government’s policies. And, even better, if the judicial recommendations are not to one’s liking, they can be scrunched into a paper ball and discarded as rubbish. What is there not to love?

Royal Commissions and Parliamentary Inquiries have come 8 The Beast October 2019

a long way from investigating thrilling topics such as “secret drugs, cures and foods” and “stripper harvesters and drills”.

Now their purpose appears to be investigating greedy, unethical individuals and corporations who have taken full advantage of state and federal governments’ ideological obsession with privatisation-at-all-costs.

How stupid are politicians to think that corporations will do anything but follow their own private interests when handed control over what was formerly in public hands? At the end of the day, the corporations and greedy people go unscathed and Corporate Socialism triumphs - boring, predictable and a total waste of taxpayer money and resources.

Since it appears that Australia has reached ‘Peak Commission and Inquiry’, Pearl is calling for a return to the glory days of investigation. Any dude eking out an existence on Newstart could have deduced that ruthless property developers would construct dodgy apartments, greedy irrigators would harness the Murray-Darling, low-life nursing home operators would kill off the aging and bankers would just do whatever bankers want to do. It’s about time more worthy subjects were selected for scrutiny, so Pearl is requesting the Governor-General call a Royal Commission into Women’s Jeans.

As we know, retail spending is having an absolute Debbie Downer and I’m blaming the lull on women’s jeans. The RBA may be desperate for me to open my wallet but since the classic Riders Bootcut low rise jean is no longer available for me to squeeze my aging frame into I’m closing the Glomesh until Lee Jeans brings them back. In the meantime, Pearl wants the head of whoever is responsible for the demise of the classic hipster cut (how can there be so many hipsters without the hipster cut?) and for the literal rise of those vile, uncomfortable skinny jeans that resemble sausage skins, as well as those equally revolting high waisted ‘mom jeans’ with a footlong crutch that suck the guts like a girdle with a waistline up around the navel. No wonder Irritable Bowel Syndrome is on the increase and women are turning to the more flattering waistline of the annoying gym pant. It’s time for the return of the hipster jean, and to the good old days of the 1913 Royal Commission “Into Certain Charges Against Mr Henry Chinn” and the 1983 “Nugan Hand Group”.

Free the gut and stop Corporate Socialism!

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs HOW GOOD IS GOD Dear Pearl - Your most recent article (How Good is God, The Beast, September 2019) misrepresents the truth three times in the first paragraph.

You wrote that PM Scott Morrison “commandeered the podium of Hillsong Church”, when in fact he was an invited guest. You wrote that “evoking the name of God (in a church) on behalf of all Australians is an attack on a secular Australia”.

Australia’s democracy seems to have survived such attacks every Sunday since the first open-air Christian Sunday service held on February 3, 1788.

Christians believe that the oncekilled, now alive-for-ever Jesus is the key to life for all people.

The prayer that Jesus taught his disciples is said in Parliament each sitting day. A secular state can happily coexist with people of faith or no faith so long as no one expression of faith or no faith is favoured over others by the State.

You also wrote, “this merger of state and church” (your false claim) “has gone unnoticed by aspirational Australian masses and the tabloids”. Pearl, when you write about the “masses and the tabloids” we hear your patronising, ‘progressive’ accent. We hear echoes of Hillary Clinton’s speech about ‘the deplorables’.

Actually, people of all types and backgrounds noticed that Scott Morrison likes to sing in church with raised hands. So what?!

10 The Beast October 2019

So, Pearl, please rediscover your sense of humour, deal in truth, stop demonising people you disagree with and have a go at respectful disagreement instead.

Christopher Bellenger Clovelly PEARLS OF BRILLIANCE Dear Beast - Please thank Pearl Bullivant on behalf of many grateful readers for her last Pearls of Wisdom (How Good is God, The Beast, September 2019). Brilliant! So much so that it’s being circulated beyond the boundaries of the beachside suburbs.

Eva Cermak Randwick GOD-BOTHERERS Gee, those God-botherers sure are a thin-skinned lot, judging by the angry, humourless rants of Liz, James and Kiara in the September edition of The Beast.

It seems all very well for these people to attack gays, safe schools, feminists and other progressive groups but when their narrow, bigoted, entitled views are challenged, all hell (or heaven) breaks loose.

Don’t be intimidated by them James, Dan and Pearl. Keep telling it like it is. And well done Pearl for your excellent piece, How Good is God, and for correctly giving God the personal pronoun She so rarely gets!

John Randwick

BONDI'S LATEST CLANDESTINE BACKPACKERS HOSTEL I write with anger and dismay at finding out that 19 Ocean Street, Bondi, which used to be a building consisting of six 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom flats, has recently been converted to six 4-bedroom, 1-bathroom, fully furnished, short-term rental flats, managed by Express Realty. My theory is that this was done as it is an old building and there is only so much you can get for an old 2-bedroom 1-bathroom flat, whereas if you fully furnish it and add 2 more bedrooms and get 8 backpackers in it... well, you do the maths - there's all of a sudden so much more income for the landlord!

When I raised concerns with Express Realty about maximum occupancy (in my opinion, and from the clear unobstructed view from my apartment into said flats, it seems that there are far too many people residing in a flat with just one bathroom and one toilet), Express Realty said they had explicit permission from Waverley Council for each flat (which is now a 4-bedroom flat, achieved by converting the former dining room into a third bedroom and the back sunroom after the kitchen into a fourth bedroom) for eight occupants in each flat!

Multiply that by six flats and you have 48 short-term dwellers (mainly backpackers from South America including countries like Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Bolivia, etc.) whose aim is to party on like there’s no tomorrow, no matter what day of the week it is, talk real loudly at the top of their voices, shriek as loudly as possible when greeting a fellow lodger and then keep up that decibel for as long as the ensuing conversation lasts. You get the picture.

My question to Waverley Council and Express Realty is when were the residents of Ocean Street told that a hostel business with 48 short-term dwellers (which is really what this is) was going to be

unleashed on them? When were the residents given the opportunity to object to this?

Instead, the residents have to put up with the constant barrage of disrespectful attitude from said dwellers and chaotic noise on almost every night of the week to late hours of the night, to the point where Waverley Police have to be called out to said address (like they don't have better things to do or our taxpayers' money couldn't be put to better use).

The latest police call-out was on Tuesday, August 27, when after midnight (it was about 1am by the time two uniformed policemen attended the scene) I was told by Waverley Police that they had already received several calls about the excessive noise coming from 19 Ocean Street again and they would attend to it as soon as they could.

I also saw a poor hapless neighbour in his pyjamas, obviously at his wit’s end, who also turned up at the same time as the two policemen were in attendance, as he had had just about enough of this ongoing intrusion of noise keeping him up when he had to get up early to go to work the next morning.

I think Waverley Council have a lot of explaining to do and that these flats should not be allowed to be let on a short-term basis.

If they are, then they need to be to permanent citizens and definitely not to itinerant travellers on travel or similar short-term visas, otherwise it just makes 19 Ocean Street a backpackers hostel in disguise.

Yours Truly, A very disgruntled, sleep deprived and unfortunate neighbour of said building!

Bondi MISSING THE POINT Dear Beast - I just read your article on The 3 Steps Cafe (3 Steps: Original, Brave and Exciting, The Beast, September 2019). Was this article supposed to be funny? Ironic? A pisstake? Intentionally patronising?

12 The Beast October 2019

It was a lost opportunity to profile a Bondi Road institution, run by people with a massive heart, who provide more than just a great value feed for the local community.

Sometimes it’s better for media to just leave such venues alone, so that the locals can enjoy it in peace.

3 Steps friend and patron Bondi 50 YEARS OF 3 STEPS Hi - I found the article regarding The 3 Steps Cafe most interesting (3 Steps: Original, Brave and Exciting, The Beast, September 2019) as it is the backdrop for many of my younger memories.

When did The 3 Steps actually open? My parents, Jim and Fay, opened the original 3 Steps late in 1969, replacing what was a defunct aquarium/pet shop.

I’m glad to hear that it’s still going strong today after 50 years.

Back then it was the classic Greek takeaway but also serving meals in the Laminex dining area with the mirrored walls.

Hamburgers were 15 cents and many Kiwi ex-pats would sit down and order a mixed grill or a T-bone steak with three eggs and chips. It was an icon in the early ‘70s, frequented by all types late at night and in the early hours of the morning, from the wine bar three doors down to the taxi base across the road, to the Waverley and Paddington Police, all looking for a late feed.

Hope it kicks on for another 50 years.

Michael Bournazos Coogee UNBALANCED REPORTING Dear Beast - I know you are small, but must you abandon journalistic standards? The unbalanced reporting of the glyphosate debate is very poor journalism. Yes, Roundup has just joined a long list of commonly encountered substances which can, in very uncommon circumstances, cause cancer.

Examples from the list include radium in concrete, ethanol in alcoholic drinks, formaldehyde in furniture and various components of tattoo ink. Can we look forward to shocking news of the “frightening health risks” associated with these items?

Since you have mentioned Slasher Weedkiller, the active ingredient in this product is an acid (naturally occurring, just like tobacco or ricin). It must be handled with greater care, and at greater risk, than Roundup, and is at least 11 times more expensive.

Thankfully you included the voice of reason near the end of the article, where Waverley Council General Manager Ross McLeod states that glyphosate “can be used safely”, however the article is clearly biased towards the banning of a substance which is used responsibly by many, including myself, in order to maintain the outdoor spaces we all enjoy so much in acceptable condition.

An appropriate outcome to the glyphosate debate would be to call for greater restrictions to its use. I would like glyphosate removed from the shelves of supermarkets and hardware stores, etc., and only available to trained and certified chemical users. I would like to be able to continue using glyphosate when it is appropriate to do so.

So, no, not “everyone is soiling their undies over exposure to glyphosate”. Some of us would actually prefer a world in which responsible discussions could be had, not trials by public opinion supported by unbalanced, Murdoch-style sensationalism.

Robert Parkinson AUSTRALIA POEM IN CENTENNIAL PARK Good morning James - I am a lover of all things ‘East’ and its part in the Australian psyche and what it brings to our blessed way of life.

One of the great traits of our Australian character has always

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been to see through bullshit, realise we are being conned by the establishment and big business and smile at them and hope that they don’t do too much damage.

This of course is very annoying to our masters and they use various means to try to make us more subservient and less cheeky and inquisitive.

Now, while we are all used to the psychotic ramblings of the Murdoch media and Alan Jones, Andrew Bolt, etc., this new paranoia has taken a sinister turn with the removal of the poem ‘Australia’ from Centennial Park. A line from the poem was around the Federation Pavilion and it has been surreptitiously rendered unreadable, and the whole poem was on a brass plate under a tree nearby and that has disappeared completely.

The poem was written by a great Irish/Australian political figure, Bernard O’Dowd, and posed the question, “Would this great newly discovered island become a tribute to Mammon or could it be a millennial paradise?”

How paranoid are these conservative folk and what on Earth are they up to that they feel threatened by a beautiful poem that is part of our heritage.

Best Regards, Bob Thomas Coogee WENTWORTH COURIER MAJOR POLLUTER Does anyone else’s heart sink when they see The Wentworth Courier strewn across our suburbs every Wednesday?

The plastic wrap around this abomination is the biggest contaminant of recycling in our community (source: Waverley Council).

The Wentworth Courier claims to reach 64,000 readers per week... imagine the wastage per year! Friends, let’s all remove that soft plastic before putting the magazine in the recycling bin (soft plastics can be recycled at Coles or Woolies).

14 The Beast October 2019

And if you agree that News Corp’s advertising-driven, sliphazard of a publication needs to do better, please join me in contacting our local councillors and other elected officials.

Chloe Watts Vaucluse THE DANGERS OF GENERALISING I’m not sure whether Dan Wyllie was trying to be clever, funny or just stupid when commenting on his dislike of South Africans in the Eastern Suburbs (Dan Wyllie - The Real Deal, The Beast, September 2019).

Having a personal preference or dislike of any group should be a private matter. However, making these sentiments public and then having the editors of a magazine publishing such opinions is not only hurtful but potentially damaging and threatening to social cohesion.

I’m curious as to how Dan Wyllie identifies these South Africans? Is it the cars they drive, the clothes they wear or how they speak?

As an ex ‘South African’ who has lived in the Eastern suburbs for the past 40 years, I wonder if I am one of ‘them’? As with everyone, I like to be treated as an individual, not a member of a group that someone has decided to assign me to because of some superficial characteristics.

Prejudicial generalisations are based on ignorance and can be dangerous. They are often the precursor to the rise of discriminatory and repressive regimes such as the Apartheid system in South Africa.

I expect better editing from The Beast!

Charmaine Randwick WHY ENCOURAGE HATE SPEECH? In the recent interview with Dan Wyllie (Dan Wyllie - The Real Deal, The Beast, September 2019) Mr Wyllie was asked two questions by interviewer James Hutton.

“What really annoys you about the Eastern Suburbs?” and, “What do I hate about the area?”

“South Africans,” was the answer provided by Mr Wyllie.

Mr Wyllie then asks Mr Hutton if he was allowed to say “South Africans”.

Mr Hutton then answers, “You can say ‘South Africans’ if you like”.

What if Mr Wyllie’s answer was instead, “South Africans, Brazilians, Israelis and Jews”?

Ex “South Africans” who immigrated to Australia are actually “Australians” and deserve an apology from the editors of The Beast for allowing and encouraging such racist hate speech to be printed.

Steven B An ex South African living in Clovelly SOUTH AFRICANS In reply to your questions put to Dan Wyllie (Dan Wyllie - The Real Deal, The Beast, September 2019), “What really annoys you about the Eastern Suburbs?” and “What do you hate about the area?”, Dan's reply: “South Africans”.

I find his answer hurtful and offensive. For such a high profile person to single out an individual group can be very damaging to that group.

We are Australian citizens formerly from South Africa, who have lived in Australia for thirty-one years. We love our adopted country and try and contribute and give back wherever we can. We have worked extremely hard and contributed to the tax system. We have always tried to pave our own way and not rely on handouts.

We are quiet and respectful to all who cross our path. Our fellow ex South Africans who we know are law abiding respectful people who have contributed to the well-being of the country in many spheres.

There are all types in the Eastern Suburbs, some pretentious but mostly decent people.

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Dan, while you are entitled to your opinion, as a high profile person you have a responsibility to be fair to your fellow countrymen, so please think before you single out a group of people that you may not be fully informed about. After all, we live in a multicultural country and everyone should be treated fairly with understanding and respect.

Sharon Randwick I'M INSULTED During the course of a short interview (Dan Wyllie - The Real Deal, The Beast, September 2019), Dan Wyllie managed to insult lawyers, NIDA, Logies, Hollywood and South Africans (repeatedly).

I am amazed such an obnoxious actor returned from Tinseltown, still unheard of and with his tail between his legs. With an attitude like his, he should fit right in there and leave the Eastern Beaches to people just trying to enjoy the sun and sea.

Lorin Clovelly THE BONDI MURAL I’m glad the temporary mural provoked such a strong response amongst local residents, even if it ended up focusing on freedom of expression. Here in Bondi we are lucky enough to have freedom of expression. The irony is that people seeking asylum, whose plight inspired the mural, do not have such freedom.

In your article (This Was Never Supposed to Be About Us, The Beast, September 2019), you suggested that your readers help people seeking asylum by donating to a particular Victorian-based charity. As a local magazine, why not support a local charity? The dedicated team of human rights lawyers at Refugee Advice & Casework Service (RACS), hosted by UNSW in Randwick, have been providing crucial legal support for over 30 years to families and individuals seeking Australia’s protection. It receives no

16 The Beast October 2019

Commonwealth Government funding and is reliant on the generosity of the community to support thousands of people every year through the very complex and difficult legal process of seeking protection.

People don’t choose to be refugees, they are fleeing persecution in search of a safe life, but without the all-important visa they will be returned to danger. So, yes, it’s uncomfortable to reflect on this mural on a glorious winter morning but, as a community, let’s make a difference and help provide free legal support to desperate people reaching out to us for protection.

Visit www.racs.org.au.

Shauna Wolifson Randwick VANDALS OR VIGILANTES? Your correspondent Pearl Bullivant will undoubtedly have something to say about this, but how good is the way that mural on Bondi Beach was defaced?

I mean, I’m all for freedom of speech but that doesn’t mean marauding lefties can just willynilly criticise the government.

With art, no less.

Sure, art has never hurt, defamed or vilified anyone, unless you’re the government of course, which has been cut to the quick by all this truth-telling on asylum seekers and whatnot.

Speaking of which, don’t get me started on Indigenous recognition. Hint: no.

So, good on you anonymous mural defacer. Your country thanks you from the bottom of its cold, black heart.

Sincerely, SloMo* *not his real name Bellevue Hill PS. The cheque’s in the mail.

WOOLWORTHS METRO Hi Joanna Savill (Letters, The Beast, September 2019) - Come down to Coogee someday. The butcher, baker, pharmacy, florist, newsagency, takeaways, cafés and also Ella Bache, Vinnies, Maloney’s and a couple

of dress shops, not to mention The Coogee Bay Hotel and The Legion Club, all manage to get on with Woolworths Metro.

I have lived in Coogee for 80 years. There is a lovely checkout “chick” in Woolworths, whom I always talk to when bagging my own groceries. She gives me extra Ooshies for the grandkids. For a heavy shop I drive to Woolworths at South Maroubra, when I am on my way home from The Coast Centre for Seniors at Little Bay. Flat parking so I can take my trolley straight to the boot of my car.

The staff there are also friendly and helpful. South Maroubra has the added advantage of The Sands Hotel, who stock my preferred brand of Scotch. The Coogee Bay Hotel doesn’t.

Cheers, Lesley N Taylor 4th Generation Coogee-ite SCOMO, SCHOOLS AND SOLAR In the August 2019 edition of The Beast, Dan Hutton writes that “Randwick, Waverley and Woollahra Councils’ Solar my School programme has won the Local Government Professional NSW Excellence Award”. This has happened not “because of” but “despite of” coal-into-parliament-carrying and Adaniapproving ScoMo. ScoMo’s coal antics show that the man is either incapable or unwilling to understand the magnitude of what we are facing.

One man who has understood what the world is facing is Leonardo DiCaprio (youtube. com/watch?v=D9xFFyUOpXo), another is Australian actor Damon Gameau, maker of the movie 2040 (whatsyour2040. com). While ScoMo is, most likely, not going to watch Leonardo DiCaprio’s After the Flood or Damon Gameau’s 2040 (now showing in Australian cinemas), more schools (and private residences) will put solar panels on their roofs - whether coal-loving ScoMo likes it or not.

Thomas Coogee

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Introducing Mr and Mrs Sailer! Pic: Nicole Fazeli.

THUMBS UP THE SAILERS A big congratulations to Carl and Nicole, who tied the knot on the picturesque banks of Centennial Park’s Lily Pond in what is being acclaimed as the wedding of the year.

PETER MOSCATT The former Eastern Suburbs rugby league legend and Waverley Mayor passed away last month. Thanks for being such a lovely bloke and supporting us in the early days of The Beast magazine.

BONDI2BERRY Hats off to Felix Clark and his courageous crew, who cycled from Bondi to Berry last month raising over $180,000 for Dementia Australia along the way.

LOCKOUT BACKFLIP Finally it’s time to start rebuilding Sydney’s nearly non-existent nightlife after it was destroyed by the knee-jerk reaction of our nanny state.

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THUMBS DOWN TOO MUCH LENIENCE The notorious paedophile that killed nine-year-old Bondi girl Samantha Knight was released from Long Bay Jail last month, despite never showing any remorse or revealing the location of her body.

5G CONSPIRACY THEORISTS The frequency and energy of 5G is way too low to damage our DNA and there is no evidence that nonionising radiation causes cancer.

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don’t love about living in the Eastern Suburbs, other than the distance to my family back home in the UK. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I’m a big fan of the All Blacks.

What music are you into at the moment? I’ve been listening to Kiwi band Six60 for a few years now and have been playing them on repeat since seeing them at Bluesfest earlier in the year.

Who is your favourite person?

There are too many to mention, but my former roommate Brit and her husband Ben are definitely top of the list.

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

Local Chick...

Lucy Pearson from Tamarama Interview James Hutton Photo Jane Turner Tamarama lass Lucy Pearson runs The Literary Edit, a book blog featuring book reviews and literary-themed travel. Lucy shares her local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here?

I moved to Bondi almost four years ago now, and after a three-month stint living in both Los Angeles and Ubud, Bali, I now get to call Tamarama home.

Why do you live here? The list is endless, though the beaches, coastal walks and weather are certainly key factors. I love the community vibe in the Eastern Suburbs and the laid-back way of living.

18 The Beast October 2019

What's your favourite beach?

Tamarama. It’s got more of a chilled vibe than Bondi and is less of a tourist trap.

What's your favourite eatery?

I love Bar Machiavelli in Rushcutters Bay, and Totti’s at The Royal for a local bite to eat.

Where do you like to have a drink? I enjoy a good sundowner at the Coogee Pavilion and Watson’s Bay Hotel.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The beaches, Gertrude & Alice bookshop and the close proximity to everything.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? There’s nothing I

What do you get up to on the weekends? In the summer you can find me lying on the beach with a book. Now that it’s cooler I tend to station myself at Gertrude & Alice most weekends, curled up with a book and their delicious lentil stew.

What do you do for work? I run my book blog, The Literary Edit, where I feature book reviews and literary-themed travel. I also do freelance writing and social media management on the side and I host the bi-monthly Bondi Literary Salon at Gertrude & Alice.

What's your favourite thing about work? I’ve been a voracious reader for as long as I can remember, so getting to surround myself with books for a living is a pretty sweet set-up.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“I can resist anything except temptation.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Read and read, more and more, longer and longer.

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October 2019 The Beast 19

The old girl could certainly use a facelift.

Speak Now, or Forever Hold Your Peace Words Siriol Dafydd Photo John Koestner When the current Bronte Surf Life Saving Club was built, the club had around 250 members.

Now, forty-five years later, this local gem is bursting at the seams with community participation and membership is now nearing 2,000 across men, women and nippers.

But so much more than membership numbers has changed in the last forty-five years. Contemporary surf life saving is different from what it was four decades and countless industry advancements ago, and the Bronte SLSC today is so much more than just lifesavers and first aid.

As a central hub for socialising, surf safety and community facilities, the Bronte SLSC building needs a bit of a facelift to say the least. That’s why the club has partnered with Waverley Council, as well as the state and federal governments, to pump $9 million into its redevelopment.

The current building will be completely demolished and a new, sustainable building will be built in its place. The new club will provide facilities specifically designed for life saving 20 The Beast October 2019

and first aid purposes, as well as accessible public amenities, administrative offices, a kiosk, gymnasium, function room and training and meeting rooms.

In addition, Waverley Council’s lifeguard tower will be relocated to a more suitable location in accordance with requirements and recommendations set by Surf Life Saving Australia. The promenade will also be upgraded for visitors and local users of Bronte Beach to enjoy.

Waverley Council itself is pumping $4.625 million into the project (over half the total estimated budget) and a joint project control team made up of club and council representatives will oversee proceedings.

Meanwhile, Bronte SLSC is contributing $2.03 million to the project and the state and federal governments are chucking in $345,000 and $2 million respectively.

Waverley Mayor John Wakefield told The Beast, “Waverley Council is very proud to be delivering a state-of-the-art facility so that Bronte Surf Life Saving Club can continue its tradition of helping keep our beaches safe since 1903.”

“The project will result in significant improvements to amenities, provide better lifeguard facilities, improve workplace health and safety requirements and will ensure the service the club provides to the community will continue into the future,” he said.

Club President Basil Scaffidi hopes the new facility will benefit the entire community by helping to attract more new members and lifesavers.

“This new building will cater for the ever-increasing demands of life saving operations, all year training and better interaction with the community,” he explained.

But while funding has been allocated and the project is confirmed to be going ahead, the building design is yet to be finalised. This is where we get to pipe up and have our say.

The project will be open to community consultation on two separate occasions. The first opportunity to have your say is from September 16 to October 6, so if you’ve grabbed your copy of The Beast hot off the press you’ll have plenty of time to provide feedback now. Otherwise, the second opportunity to share your opinions on the new building will be from November 19 to December 6, 2019. The community feedback will inform the design of the new clubhouse and shape the vision for the overall project. Once all of these details have been ironed out and the design has been finalised, construction is expected to commence some time in mid-2020.

If you’ve got some big opinions about this new building, don’t wait for the final coat of paint to dry before piping up and having a moan. Get your thoughts off your chest now and help shape the future of Bronte… literally.

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State Level Leadership Required on Single-Use Plastics Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Michael Husky Whether you received this magazine through your letter box or read it at your favourite cafe, you obviously live near the beach. It’s therefore safe to assume that you give a shit (or at least should) about the damaging effect plastic has on the ocean. Of course, this global epidemic affects far more than oceans but, as a coastal community, we have a particular duty to take responsibility for our destruction of marine life.

Human beings as a collective are ruining the planet. Driven by convenience and profit, we continuously choose whichever option is most beneficial to us rather than going a little out of our way for an environmentally friendlier alternative. From buying produce in new containers rather than refilling the old ones, to getting take-away coffee cups rather than bringing our own, we need to understand that our modern consumption habits are actually luxuries, not necessities. Many of us already carry our own keep cups and so on but if we’re going to see significant change we need to implement it on a bigger scale, 22 The Beast October 2019

and that means getting businesses involved.

The small town of Huskisson on the South Coast of New South Wales made headlines in 2003 when local resident Matt Cross partnered with the Chamber of Commerce to make it the first plastic bag-free town in mainland Australia. Business owners were initially concerned about costs and the pressure on their profits but gradually more and more businesses came on board. Since then, although some of the enthusiasm has waned, countless other initiatives have surfaced with Shoalhaven Council, Shoalhaven Transition, Boomerang Bags and Plastic Pollution Solutions working to educate locals in order to get rid of single-use plastic. This is great for Shoalhavenites, but what are we doing here?

Woollahra Council no longer uses single-use plastic bags or straws and banned water bottles from meetings in 2009. Since 2018, all local festivals and events that Woollahra endorses or participates in are free of single-use plastic. A spokesper-

son for Woollahra Council told The Beast, “We’re committed to making a difference by reducing our own consumption of plastics and we encourage our community members to follow suit… but we can only speak on behalf of Council and to what we have in place for our own properties and events.”

Meanwhile, Waverley Council has followed a similar path. In March 2018, Council updated its guidelines to rid any events on Council land of single-use plastic. Furthermore, Council works with organisations including Responsible Runners, Plastic Free Bondi, Plastic Free Bronte and Transition Bondi to deliver plastic-reducing education programs.

Like its neighbours, Randwick Council has also phased out plastic bags, drink bottles and straws from Council operations and events since July 2018. A motion has also recently been passed to develop an education campaign to partner with and support local businesses to phase out singleuse plastics.

This is all wonderful progress but we need to get all businesses (and patrons) involved to see real change. The best option is for something to be enforced on a state level but, assuming that hell will freeze over first, we must keep fighting for change ourselves.

Of course, banning plastic bags isn’t going to save Earth or magically fix humanity, but it is a huge step forward. It’s the gateway to taking responsibility and understanding the downfalls of our convenience-driven habits. And while remembering to carry a reusable shopping bag might be an adjustment, I guarantee that having toxic plastic nanoparticles rotting your gut from the inside out will be far more inconvenient in the long run.

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October 2019 The Beast 23

Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Dan Hutton Photo Ashlea Hingston Instagram @ashhingstonphotography TOP GONGS FOR RANDWICK Randwick City Council’s muchloved Eco-Living Expo was recognised at last month’s 2019 Local Government Awards night, picking up the top gong in the RH Dougherty Innovation in Special Events category. Council’s internal values program, ICARE, was also awarded, picking up a highly commended in the Planning Awards Culture Change Innovation and Excellence category. The Eco-Living Expo was established in 2006 and has grown to become the Eastern Suburbs’ biggest free community and sustainabilityfocused festival. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/ecolivingexpo.

SPOOF ON THE SHITBOX Coogee resident Nigel Pearson and his son Stephen have entered the 2019 Spring Shitbox Rally in October to raise money for cancer research. The objective is for participants to procure a vehicle for less than $1,000 and rally it through the outback from Melbourne to Townsville and raise funds for the Australian Cancer Council’s research program. The rally sets off on October 19 and is due to arrive in Townsville on October 25.

The pair has scored a 24-yearold Toyota Tarago with nearly 400,000 kilometres on the clock for $1,000. They decided

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to call the vehicle ‘Spoof’, after the game of that name in which a group of participants, holding between zero and three coins of equal size in clenched fists, have to guess the total number of coins held by the group. To date they have raised nearly $7,000 and they are hoping to raise substantially more. If you would like to donate to their cause, please visit 2019spring.shitboxrally. com.au/SPOOF. GIVE US A WAVE Applications are now open for the second Bondi WAVE program, an 8-week course that teaches primary and high school bands how to write and arrange original music. Bands are mentored by industry legends like The Go Betweens’ Lindy Morrison OAM, Jim Elliot from The Cruel Sea and Dan Mac from Art vs Science. The course will run from October 21 to December 13 in the Bondi Pavilion Music Studios from 4.30-6.30pm and is open to new and experienced musicians. Please visit waverley. nsw.gov.au/youthmusic to enrol.

Applications close on October 18.

LOCAL ART SALE Randwick Art Society will be holding a sale of paintings and crafts on October 5, 6 and 7 at Randwick Literary Institute, 60 Clovelly Road, Randwick. Artists

will be present to sell their own works direct to the public and the sale will be open from 10am until 5pm on the Saturday and Sunday, and 10am to 4pm on the Monday. Don’t miss this opportunity to purchase beautiful work at a reasonable price. For all enquiries, call 9665 1831.

REFUGEE INTERNSHIP Starting in 2020, Randwick Council will offer a 12-week paid internship to a refugee with tertiary qualifications to support refugee entrants seeking entry to the Australian workforce. Council will work in partnership with Career Seekers, a not-for-profit organisation supporting Australia’s humanitarian entrants into professional careers.

THE BERRY BEST Fresh produce veterans Wendy and David Agostino have taken out one of the top gongs at this year’s Sydney Markets Fresh Awards. The industry awards recognise the best greengrocers, florists, growers and wholesale businesses across NSW and the ACT. Freshworld Maroubra was awarded first place in the Knowledge in Action category.

Wendy and David have been in the industry for over 35 years and have owned and operated Freshworld Maroubra for more than a decade.

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October 2019 The Beast 25

A possible alternative.

Waverley Council Commits to Phasing Out Glyphosate Use Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Lorna Mower In the August edition of The Beast we published an article detailing what our councils were doing to minimise the use of Roundup and other glyphosatebased weedkillers in the local area. We promised to keep you posted as events unfolded.

As many of you may recall, Roundup came under the spotlight when the World Health Organization’s International Agency for Research on Cancer ruled in 2015 that glyphosate was “probably carcinogenic to humans”. This of course opened the floodgates to all sorts of lawsuits.

A landmark case was settled earlier this year in which Bayer, the makers of Roundup, were ordered to pay AUD $2.9 billion in damages to a couple claiming their non-Hodgkin lymphoma was a result of using their weedkiller. This of course made worldwide headlines and once again raised concerns about the use of and exposure to Roundup weedkiller across the globe.

Naturally, many of our readers wanted to know whether our local councils used this stuff on our local gardens and public 26 The Beast October 2019

green spaces. When we looked into the issue a few months ago, Randwick Council had already decided to phase out Roundup and introduce an organic alternative named Slasher Weedkiller across parks, open spaces, garden beds and footpaths.

Meanwhile, other herbicides and non glyphosate-based weedkillers would be used to tackle weeds like clover and bindii in parks and sports fields.

Woollahra Council informed us that chemicals were only used as a last resort and that all glyphosate-based products used were in compliance with the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority. As for future protocol it was, and still is, in the process of reviewing its practices and exploring alternative weed control techniques including steam weeding. Once investigations are complete, a report will be presented to Council and a decision will be made accordingly.

Waverley Council was in a similar situation but has recently announced that it will immediately cease using glyphosate-based weedkillers

such as Roundup in sensitive areas. Despite The Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority stating that glyphosate can be used safely if the directions on the label are followed, Waverley Council has also committed to phasing out glyphosate-based herbicides completely across all of its operations by 2020/21.

What are these sensitive areas, you ask? They include all playgrounds, areas surrounding schools, sporting fields, Bondi Park, Campbell Parade, Biddigal Reserve, Bronte Park and Gully and Tamarama Park and Gully - basically anywhere likely to encounter a lot of children and heavy public use, which sounds fairly sensible.

Waverley Mayor John Wakefield said the unanimous decision of Council follows an independent review of Council’s policies and procedures governing herbicide use, as well as interest from parts of our community to see glyphosate use phased out.

“While Council officers believe that glyphosate could be safely used, the review presented alternatives to chemical use and ways that Council can continue to protect its employees, the public and the local environment,” Mayor Wakefield told The Beast.

“We will now immediately begin using non glyphosate treatments for controlling weeds including hand weeding, brush cutting, chipping, mulching and suppression of seed heads and mowing.”

“We will phase out any rostered, scheduled glyphosate applications to Council’s footpaths, kerb and gutters and stormwater infrastructure and implement alternative management options as they become available and feasible.”

We’ll continue to keep you updated.

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Richard (centre) with St Anthony's students Ella, Oliver, Grace and Edgar.

Put Away Your Phone and Put Pen to Paper Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Samara Sanchez I’m genuinely surprised that there aren’t more accidents and general chaos as a result of our ridiculous dependency on mobile phones. Whether you’re on a bus, at the pub or walking down the street, you’re guaranteed to see someone glued to their device as if it were about to conjure up a million dollars, a lifetime’s supply of Tim Tams and the doorway to Narnia.

Author and Coogee resident Richard Simpkin is also concerned about our overuse of mobile devices and is doing his part by encouraging people to step away from social media and go old school by writing letters.

For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, letters were communication devices used in the pre-Facebook era. People expressed feelings by pressing a small apparatus called a pen against a flat sheet of compressed trees and sent the end product to a fellow human by postal service. Kind of like a status update, but for people who actually give a stuff about 28 The Beast October 2019

your life.

Richard has long been fascinated by letter writing but when his son, Oliver, was born in 2012 he began thinking about his childhood spent writing to pen pals. He remembered how much he looked forward to opening the mailbox and seeing a letter addressed to him. He realised that Oliver would never get to enjoy that experience.

Without action, the art of letter writing ran the risk of following in the footsteps of the Dodo and the concept of eating a meal without first taking a photo of it.

So, in 2014, Richard launched World Letter Writing Day with a workshop at Waverley College. Parents, teachers and students were thrilled with the results and after attracting the interest of local radio, Richard heard from countless people who said they missed writing and receiving letters.

He knew then that he was onto something special.

Five years later, people all over the world celebrate

World Letter Writing Day on September 1. With Twitter endorsements from the likes of The Roger Federer Foundation and over 11,500 followers on Facebook, it’s growing rapidly.

But Richard isn’t stopping and still hosts workshops at local schools to encourage kids to write letters.

Writing reduces stress, improves focus, increases creativity and helps with anxiety. It’s also a way to process feelings and deal with trauma.

Richard witnessed this first hand when he received a letter from an 11-year-old boy addressed: ‘To God - Heaven’. The little girl next to him explained that it was a letter to his mother who had passed away. A few weeks later, the boy’s teacher informed Richard that he had never spoken about his mum before but, since the workshop, he now writes regular letters to her in Heaven. This touching story proves that something as simple as writing a letter can have a positive and lasting impact on a child.

“I feel a great sense of pride that so many people in Australia and around the world are now writing letters again, and they are really enjoying it. It’s also helping kids with Social Media Anxiety which is a global epidemic,” Mr Simpkin told The Beast.

Richard currently volunteers his time and finances to keep World Letter Writing Day alive. But naturally, that’s not sustainable long-term. If you’d like to see more people taking a break from their smartphones and connecting with other humans, you can help by writing to your local MPs, councils, schools and businesses and urging them to lend their support. After all, any activity that gets a child away from an iPad incessantly playing ‘Baby Shark’ is time well spent.

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More Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Dan Hutton Photo Dov Frazer Instagram @dovman A TOUCHY SUBJECT The UNSW Rabbitohs Junior Touch Competition is a brand new competition aimed at bringing the sport of touch football to kids in the local area. Developed in partnership with UNSW Touch and the South Sydney Rabbitohs, the competition is open to both boys and girls aged 6-18 and will run on Tuesday afternoons at Heffron Park, from October to March. At only $60 per player, the competition is among the most affordable sporting activities offered to kids in our area. To register, and for further information, please visit www.unswtouchfootball.org.au or send an email to juniors@ unswtouchfootball.org.au.

UNDER TWENTY-SEVEN Dr Ella Dreyfus’s latest solo exhibition, Under Twenty-Seven, presents a series of poignant portraits which began in 2005 as black and white photographs of her son and his soccer team when they were finishing primary school. The artworks track their growth with a new portrait every seven years, each of them displaying their own unique posture and subtle facial expressions, giving the works an intensely intimate quality. Under Twenty-Seven is open from October 22 until November 3 in the

Sunset swinger.

Bondi Pavilion Gallery. For more information, please visit Ella’s website at www.elladreyfus.com.

SCOREBOARD HONOURS FOR MIKE WHITNEY AND THE ELLAS The scoreboard at Coogee Oval will be named after four local sporting legends following a request from the Randwick Petersham Cricket Club and Randwick Rugby Union Club. The names of Australian rugby union legends Mark, Gary and Glen Ella and Australian test cricketer Mike Whitney will grace the board in acknowledgement of their impressive sporting accomplishments.

DISENCHANTED Having just completed the first leg of their South Coast Tour, supported by Arts on Tour, Bondi’s Eliane Morel (writer and performer) and Daryl Wallis (musical director and accompanist) return to bring you Disenchanted, a cabaret of twisted fairy tales at Bondi Pavilion. Witty, musical and totally original, Disenchanted transports you to a 17th Century Parisian salon hosted by the real-life salonniere and Godmother of fairy tales, Madame d'Aulnoy. Here you will be entertained, amused and aroused by fairy tale characters gathering to re-tell their stories,

but with a twist. Disenchanted is on at the Bondi Pavilion on Saturday, October 5 from 7pm.

Tickets are $25-$30 and can be purchased by visiting www. bonditheatrecompany.com.au.

SUPPORT FOR BUSINESSES GOING PLASTIC BAG-FREE Randwick Council has announced its intention to work with local businesses to support moving towards a plastic bag-free environment. Council phased out single-use plastics such as plastic bags, drink bottles and drinking straws from its operations and events back in July 2018. Many local businesses are also making the move and the council will develop an education campaign to partner with and support local businesses phasing out single-use plastics.

TERIMA KASIH Are you about to purchase a new car seat? Help NeuRA researchers to improve child safety and reduce errors in car seat usage by taking part in their study and you’ll earn $100 back on your car seat. For more information, please visit www.neura.edu.au/ car-seat-study, text ‘car seat study’ to 0488 844 611 or call 9399 1234.

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Bronte Surf Club and community facilities upgrade Waverley Council in partnership with Bronte Surf Life Saving Club (SLSC) are upgrading the Bronte Surf Club and community facilities. The upgrade aims to deliver a modern and sustainable new surf club and community facilities.

Further information:

Visit haveyoursay.waverley.nsw.gov.au to find out more and get involved in the project.

October 2019 The Beast 31

Welcome home.

The Shire Sends ScoMo Back to Where He Came From Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Photo Dee Port Scott Morrison and his family have been forcibly removed from the Sutherland Shire and sent back to Morrison’s birthplace, the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney.

The Prime Minister, his wife and two daughters were kicked out of their home in The Shire during a clandestine operation conducted by members of numerous federal agencies, the details and motives of which have only recently been revealed.

The family’s idyllic life in The Shire came to an abrupt end when they were bundled into vans in the dark of night and taken back to the East. Leaked reports indicate that Morrison and his wife were deliberately separated from their two young 32 The Beast October 2019

daughters for the duration of the trip, despite the girls’ tears and the protestations of the desperate parents.

Federal officers reportedly taunted the girls as the convoy passed Sydney Airport, asking them if they would like to take a short trip to Christmas Island. Apparently, when the girls showed excitement at the prospect, the same officers replied, “There’s no Santa on that island.”

Morrison, or ScoMo as his brand manager prefers him to be known, was born, raised and educated in the Eastern Suburbs but was drawn to The Shire in search of greater opportunities and a superior lifestyle. He and his family may now be forced to live out their

lives in the Eastern Suburbs, against their will.

A small number of ScoMo supporters attempted to halt the removal, uniting behind #PapaSmirk. They cited the family’s standing in the community.

“The Morrisons must be good people, because they go to church all the time,” they argued.

“Plus, ScoMo is part of the furniture at Sharks footy games.”

Other ‘Hobbits’, as residents of Sutherland Shire are commonly known, supported the removal, voicing their opinions on various social media platforms.

“We don’t want a chubby, smirking, religious nutcase in our land!!!” tweeted one supporter.

“Eastern Suburbs unlivable?

Not our problem, go back to where you came from,” wrote another.

“Go back to the Roosters ScoMo,” mocked another.

The authorities responsible for the removal refused to answer questions, instead issuing a brief statement.

“The Shire is paradise, and we understand the attraction to the region,” read the official statement.

“However, we must protect existing residents, with greater claim to the territory, from outsiders. The decision to remove Mr Morrison and his family is complex, but ultimately came down to character. Put simply, swilling beer, smirking and attending football games does not guarantee a person’s good character.”

Another Hobbit was rather more circumspect about the status of ScoMo and his family in The Shire, stating, “At least we had someone to blame if the Sharkies don’t end up winning the comp this year.”

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Kids Eat Free at The Cloey Mouths to feed? Sick to death of slaving away in front of a hot stove? Well, you’ll be happy to hear that kids eat free every Monday from 5-6pm at the Clovelly Hotel and the food is bloody delicious! For more information and other specials, visit www.clovellyhotel.com.au.

Join Waverley Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For information, visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

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Blue Knot Day Today is Blue Knot Day, the Blue Knot Foundation’s annual awareness raising event and a day when all Australians unite in support of the five million Australian adult survivors of childhood trauma. For more information, please visit www. blueknot.org.au/BlueKnotDay.

Marine and Coastal Discovery Get ready for hands-on adventure with Randwick Council’s spring school holidays Marine and Coastal Program. Discover and touch the unique marine and land animals that live on our coast, taste bush tucker and more. Bookings can be made at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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Maloneys Home Delivery Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo.

Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. Please visit www.maloneysgrocer.com.au.

Randwick Council Meeting All residents are welcome to attend the Ordinary Council Meeting from 6-9pm on the 4th Tuesday of each month at the Council Chambers on the 1st floor of Randwick Town Hall.

The agenda for each meeting is available on Council’s website at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Under Twenty-Seven Ella Dreyfus’ Under TwentySeven is a series of portraits depicting the same group of men as they evolve from childhood into adulthood. It’s on in the Bondi Pavilion Gallery from October 22 until November 3. For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/events.

Food Addicts Meetings This evening, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra.

Please call 1800 717 446 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.

Join Randwick Bushcare Keen to do something positive for your local environment? You should join a bushcare group.

There’s a group for Malabar Beach, McIver’s Ladies Pool, Maroubra Dunes, the Prince Henry Centre and Gordons Bay Reserve. For meeting times, visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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Woollahra VIEW Club Meeting Woollahra VIEW Club meets at 10am at Woollahra’s Gaden Community Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of every month, with a guest speaker followed by an optional lunch. If you’d like to come along, please call Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com.

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Beach Burrito Happy Hour Get down to Beach Burrito Co. Bondi or Coogee from 4-6pm on weekdays and treat yourself to $8 frozen margaritas and $5 beers. If you’ve got kids to feed, you’ll be happy to hear that the little buggers can eat free all school holidays! Visit beachburritocompany.com.

MindBodySpirit Festival Australia’s largest health, wellbeing and natural therapies event is on from today until October 20 at the International Convention Centre, Darling Harbour, with over 200 exhibitors, seminars, psychic readings, body pampering and more. Visit mbsfestival.com.au.

Sculpture by the Sea Sculpture by the Sea is back again on the stretch of coastal walk between Bondi and Tamarama, with a better line-up of artists and sculptures than ever before. The exhibition runs from October 24-November 10.

For more information, please visit sculpturebythesea.com

Happy Halloween Yes, it’s another example of American culture infiltrating the Australian way of life, but you have to admit, Halloween is pretty bloody fun. After all, who doesn’t like dressing up (or dressing the kids up) and going door to door in search of tasty treats?

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Work Hard, Play Harder The Golden Sheaf proudly presents Out of Office every Friday evening from 4pm. Handshake Happy Hour will run from 4-6pm, with DJs until late.

Clock off the 9 to 5 week with a well-deserved drink at The Sheaf. For more information, visit thegoldensheaf.com.au.

Sydney Night Noodle Markets The eagerly awaited Night Noodle Markets will transform Hyde Park into a bustling Asian street food festival from October 11-18, with sizzling hawkerstyle stalls served alongside live music, DJs and the city’s stunning nightscape. Please visit www.goodfoodmonth.com.

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Rites of Passage Featuring over 250 of the best tattoo artists from Australia and across the globe, the Rites of Passage Tattoo Festival is on from October 25-27 at the International Convention Centre, Darling Harbour. For more information, please visit ritesofpassagefestival.com.

Australia v Uruguay The Wallabies take on Uruguay in their third Rugby World Cup Pool D match at Oita Stadium today from 3.15pm Aussie time.

Hopefully Israel Folau said a prayer for his former team mates and God helps them get the win. For more information, visit www.rugbyworldcup.com.

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NRL Grand Final The NRL Telstra Premiership Grand Final is on today at ANZ Stadium. It’s always an unmissable day filled with familyfriendly fun, fireworks and the ultimate on-field spectacle.

To score yourself a spot right amongst the action, please visit tickets.nrl.com/grand-final.

Learn Something New Based in the Eastern Suburbs, City East Community College offers a huge range of courses for people wishing to learn a new skill or try something different. For the course list and more information, please visit cec.edu.au and use discount code 'BEAST' for 10% off.

Garage Sale Trail This amazing event, now in its ninth year, launched in Bondi and encourages households around Australia to hold garage sales on the same weekend (yep, today and tomorrow). Get rid of all your junk and raise coin for a good cause. Visit www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

Bondi Sunday Markets Every Sunday from 9am to 4pm at Bondi Beach Public School you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, one-off vintage pieces and more. Visit www.bondimarkets.com.au.

Bronte House Open Day Join Waverley Council and the Van der Gardners for the Bronte House Open Weekend today and tomorrow from 10am-2pm at 470 Bronte Road. Experience the beautiful interior, stroll through the garden, pick up some plants from the stall and enjoy some tea and cake.

Seven Bridges Walk The Cancer Council's 7 Bridges Walk will take place today from 7.30am-4.30pm. Walk 28 kilometres through some of Sydney's most scenic locations and raise funds for a cancer free future. For more information and to register, please visit www.7bridgeswalk.com.au.

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Plumbing Steve Kova Local Plumber P: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing P: 0405 543 530 Builder Mark Potocki Against The Grain P: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Alfy Issa Alfy's Truck P: 0411 216 103 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive P: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley P: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons P: 0414 293 396 Concreter Jay Rodney Oceanside P: 0411 989 565 Plumber Michael Grimshaw Pipe Up Plumbing P: 0415 493 706 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths P: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical P: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees P: 0412 280 338

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D E R E K R I E L LY THE WORDSMITH

Interview James Hutton Pictures Richard Freeman Instagram @freemanphoto

Bondi wordsmith and surf fanatic Derek Rielly has enjoyed a successful publishing career. After co-founding Stab magazine with his friend Sam McIntosh, Derek went on to establish surf website BeachGrit.com with his buddy Chas Smith, before a move into biographical writing saw him release his hugely popular biography of former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke, Wednesdays with Bob. The Beast caught up with the best-selling author and multi-faceted storyteller as he prepared for the launch of his biography of Australian icon David Gulpilil...

How are you this morning Derek?

I'm great thanks Hutto. It's 24 degrees in the middle of winter.

I can tan quickly. What takes people hours to do, I can tan in half an hour.

You grew up in Perth? Yeah, that's right.

What were some of your fondest memories of your childhood?

The fondest memory of my childhood was leaving Perth when I was 19. It was a surfing thing.

The waves there sucked. Otherwise, I had one of those idyllic suburban childhoods of football and cricket, as well as a lovely big brother. I was a horrible, horrible younger brother, though. He was kind, patient, would always buy me presents and we'd kick footies together all day. My response was to throw darts at him, goad him into fights and destroy the gifts he gave me. And then when I was 13 I discovered surfing, but I lived half an hour from the beach so I either had to get a ride from my dad or ride my bike the thirty kilometres.

38 The Beast October 2019

What was the closest break?

Leighton and Cottlesloe.

You surfed at Cottlesloe? Yeah, Cottlesloe was fun. There was another place called Cables, a joint with a semi-reef setup.

And your old man was a prowrestler apparently, is that true?

No, it’s all bullshit.

Is it actually? It's from when Matt Warshaw was doing the Encyclopedia of Surfing and he was working on my entry. I thought I'd colour it up a little bit.

I was trying to work out if he was one of those ones that dresses up or not... My dad actually worked in education his whole life. First he was a teacher, then he taught teachers to be teachers and then he worked in the education department. An academic.

"But I always considered myself as someone who was just trying to make enough money so I could go surfing and take my kids on cool holidays and hit the snow occasionally."

And your mum wasn't a diplomat? No, but she was diplomatic, very diplomatic. I got a lot of my mum's characteristics. My mum used to love to sing, is outrageously positive, exercised every day and worked hard and did so many wonderful things. My dad

gifted me some sort of academic heft, I guess. He would sit me down at the kitchen table and explain to me - and this is when I was eight years old - the different forms of voting, like first past the post versus preferential voting.

And he'd always do things in a non-partisan way because he said all of them were a pack of c*nts.

He had no political allegiances. If anything I guess he swayed left.

Mum might've swayed right a little bit, although old-school right, not Fox News right. I’m lucky to have them.

Do you call yourself a journalist or a writer, or something else? Lately, I’ve started calling myself a journalist. I guess I have felt like a journalist after I did the Hawke book because I was putting my busted old iPhone in front of Gareth Evans, Kim Beazley, John Howard, Bob Hawke and so on. But I always considered myself as someone who was just trying to make enough money so I could go surfing and take my kids on cool holidays and hit the snow occasionally.

Were you interested in journalism from a young age? No, my brother was a really good writer and my dad had published a textbook about politics. I had no interest really, only to surf and tan, pretty much. Then I lucked into a job at Surfing Life magazine on the Gold Coast. I had submitted a story that my brother had written to get the job and then I realised I had to learn how to write really quickly. The surf writer, Nick Carroll, had done this mini-interview in some mag and he had listed all of his favourite novelists and writers so I read them all, each for different reasons. Hemingway

for economy of writing, Steinbeck for storytelling, Evelyn Waugh for satire and Tom Wolfe for its New Journalism. I read all their books and that was my writing education.

Are you still a prolific reader as well as a writer? Yeah, I feel like the day isn't long enough to read enough. I need to read all the time. Before bed, in the morning, mid-morning, afternoons. I try to have multiple books going at the same time.

I don't know how people do that... I just read Bret Easton Ellis's book of essays about social media, called White, which I loved. Now I'm reading Sapiens and before that I was reading Blanche d'Alpuget's book, The Lions’ Torment. It’s like Game of Thrones.

Blanche is a writer? Yeah, oh my God, she was a writer before she was Hawke's wife.

I thought she was just some famous socialite? No, hell no.

That's the great misconception about Blanche, that she was some gorgeous air-head that Hawke had taken a fancy to. But she'd written this seminal book about Sir Richard Kirby, a judge on the Arbitration Commission, called Mediator. That's how she got to know Hawke. She interviewed him when he was an advocate for the ACTU before the Arbitration Commission. She knew more about the Arbitration Commission than probably anyone else in Australia besides Bob Hawke.

And then she wrote R.J. Hawke, which is the book that convinced the Labor Party that he had the intellectual muscle to lead the party. The great thing about Bob was that he didn’t come from a faction, either left or right.

You wouldn't have called Bob Hawke 'left', even though he was the Secretary of the ACTU? No, no. Bob was one of a kind. He slanted right in his economic policies and left in his social policies.

He had that right wing economic

foundation for society but then he’d swing left on human issues.

People who might struggle or people who are unfairly treated, minorities, whatever, he cared deeply about that. He lost his prime ministership because he was defending Aboriginals' right to veto, or try and veto, mining at Coronation Hill.

So he was an economic conservative and social progressive, would you say? Conservative would suggest he was scared of change, like Fraser who controlled both houses but did nothing. Hawke and Keating made radical reforms to the Australian economy. They wanted to reduce the economy's reliance on government subsidies and to loosen the shackles on banks and to enable more credit. More of a free market view. Hawke got these radical changes through because of the sheer weight of his personality.

When you went to the Gold Coast, was that when you were 19, straight from Perth? Yeah.

So me and a buddy of mine, we'd seen photos in surf mags and wanted a taste of warm-water points. Initially the idea was to get a bus to Sydney and then to buy a car at the auctions. You know, we're 19, we had no clue, no money either, really. So we got the bus, two-and-a-half days to Sydney. We're from Perth where everyone’s front lawn is manicured, the buses are spotless and everyone's white Anglo-Saxon.

We woke up, looked out the window and it was raining, and because we were in Parramatta the beat-up buses were full of people with dark kinky hair and brown skin. The little Perth boys were… freaked. We didn’t know what the hell we had gotten ourselves into, so we went to Central Station and we went, "F*ck this," and got a bus straight to Burleigh Heads.

We had two hours before the bus to the Gold Coast and because we'd sat next to each other for two-and-a-half days we split up to have a look around Sydney.

Departure time loomed. No pal.

Just as I was thinking I was going to head north solo he came running into the bus. He'd been scooped up by Scientologists and came back with L. Ron Hubbard's book, Dianetics, convinced about the righteousness of Scientology and twenty bucks lighter. So we got on the bus and went to Burleigh Heads. It was sunny and the surf was probably one foot, the water was crystal clear and we thought they were the greatest waves we'd ever seen. We rented ourselves a caravan back then, thirty years ago, for $250 a week, which is like paying $3,000 now, in the Burleigh Heads caravan park. We pawned a few things and eventually got on the dole and had a marvellous start to our new lives.

"It went from being gentrified with the creatives to being wolfified by the bankers. We had a Wolf of Wall Street kind of thing, which is fine too, but it's changed dramatically."

Those days are long gone now though? I remember at the time I was getting $80 a week plus $10 rent assistance and the rent on our little joint in Coolangatta was $56 and it was a one-bedder with a couch one of us could sleep on.

It even had a swimming pool. We used to live near D-bah. Food was severely rationed so it'd be four Weet-Bix in the morning, two eggs for lunch and lentils, rice and potatoes for dinner. My pal’s mum visited one day, flew over from WA, took a photo and we look like emaciated inmates fresh out of Changi prison in 1944. But with beautiful tans.

Were you were working full time at Australia's Surfing Life? No, it was before then, before ASL I was on the dole for a bit. I'd just

October 2019 The Beast 39

lay by the pool and sun tan. We had tan accelerator, we'd rub oil all over ourselves. It was called Ebony and cost thirty dollars for a bottle. We didn’t eat for two days each, but the sudden deepness of our tans convinced us it was worth it. Then I got the job at Surfing Life and then I worked as a croupier for a little bit.

to see how much has changed since when I moved here in 2000, when it was still pretty old school. There were no fancy restaurants, Icebergs wasn't here yet and even though it had this vibe supposedly as the Venice Beach of Australia or whatever, it wasn't really, but it wasn't rough either, like in the '80s.

A blackjack dealer? A blackjack dealer, yeah, and two-up dealer.

I had no ambition, all I wanted to do was surf and that's why I'd moved to the Gold Coast.

I wanted a job I could work at night. Back then in the mid to late '80s, and unlike now when people actually stick signs in windows looking for staff, there were no jobs. You had to do internships as a waiter. A week of shifts for free in the hope you might get a paid gig. I remember working for free for weeks and weeks at restaurants for nothing. I eventually got a job as a croupier and that was great. Then, while I was on my break as a croupier, I saw an advertisement for an editorial assistant at Surfing Life, so I went for it, got the job and that changed my life.

Kiwis bashing people out the front of the Royal and stuff like that? So I've heard. When I got here it was just starting to become gentrified. And then it was, the classic thing, gentrified by socalled creatives, photographers and writers and whatever. And all my friends moved here from the Gold Coast and Northern Beaches. Everyone moved here, it became this real hub. Every designer in Sydney, every photographer, pro-surfers were moving here, which was hard to believe then. It was the place to be. And then about six or seven years ago it suddenly changed. The prices of everything went through the roof, the creatives left and the pro-surfers who moved here realised the waves, while fun, aren’t exactly world class.

"Once I'd finished the journalism major and the literature major I had to do these periphery subjects to complete the units needed to finish the degree and I just couldn't be f*cked."

You can surf most days though...

Yeah, you can always surf. But then it just changed. It went from being gentrified with the creatives to being wolfified by the bankers. We had a Wolf of Wall Street kind of thing, which is fine too, but it's changed dramatically. Rather than guys cruising around in felt hats and girls in hippie dresses, it's mums in stretchy pants and dads in suits, which ain’t a bad thing, just different.

How old were you when you moved to the Eastern Suburbs? I think I was 30, so about 20 years ago.

You’ve always been in Bondi?

Always been in Bondi, yeah.

Are you still loving it here? It's certainly a place in a constant state of flux, and it's interesting

40 The Beast October 2019

Is a similar thing taking place now in Byron? I think so, yeah.

It's definitely happening there.

But when people move to Byron, the wealthy kind of bankers try to mimic that lifestyle so you have these beautiful Hamptons houses and these women in diaphanous maxi dresses and men, instead of being in suits, they're in $300 Oliver Brown shorts and terry towelling polo shirts.

Will you stay here forever now?

No, I mean, it's hard to know, you can never say never. I'll always have a place here, but I'd like to spend more time in Hossegor in the south-west of France.

Can you speak French? A little bit. I speak memorised song lyrics mostly. Both my kids go to a French school in Maroubra. Their entire schooling is in French, history, maths, the whole thing.

Why did you send them there?

I want my kids to have two languages because I felt, well, firstly that someone has to go and take over the United Nations and jazz it up a little, so one of them could do that, and driving super yachts in the Med would be pretty sick so the other kid can do that. They've got two choices really, head the UN and streamline its murderous bureaucracy or drive a super yacht in the Med. It doesn’t matter who does what, as long as they live my dream.

Do you have any favourite local haunts around here that you'd like to mention? Pretty much anywhere Andy Ruwald is - The Bucket List, Public Bar - because he always shows you a good time.

God, what a legend he is.

I had a meeting with him the other day and there was a Bloody Mary in front of me within two seconds of sitting down... The good thing about Andy is that anywhere he is involved with is going to be a success. The Bucket List could've been such a failure, just another bar on the beach, but because it was him, because he was there, always, you’d go in and he’d make you feel like the king of the world. He loves kids, too. A rare thing.

He's a one-man party... He is a one-man party. I lived with him for a year and it was such a good time I still get cramps from laughing thinking about it. He’s one of the great Bondi characters.

What gets your goat about the area? I know you're not negative

Mayor’s Message Glyphosate ban I am pleased to report that Waverley Council has stopped using glyphosatebased weedkillers such as Roundup in sensitive areas and will phase out all use within the next 18 months.

Sensitive areas include playgrounds, areas around schools, Council’s sporting fields, Bondi Park, Biddigal Reserve, Bronte Park and Gully and Tamarama Park and Gully.

Council’s decision follows an independent review of Council’s policies and procedures governing herbicide use. It also acknowledges the strong support from our community to phase out glyphosate use.

The review presented alternatives to chemical use and ways that the Council can continue to protect its employees, the public and the local environment.

Diamond Bay Reserve After the recent tragic death at Diamond Bay I urge all residents and visitors to take care when visiting our coastal parks and reserves.

Council has unanimously agreed to undertake an independent risk review of all our coastal reserves, with Diamond Bay as a priority location.

We will also explore additional measures including fencing, additional multilingual signage, increased ranger patrols and messaging on social media.

John Wakefield, Mayor of Waverley

Join us for Bronte House Open Weekend on Saturday 26 and Sunday 27 October.

Events Garage Sale Trail 19–20 October Declutter your space and give your stuff a second life. Host a garage sale on Saturday 19 and Sunday 20 October.

Registration is free and you keep all the money you make.

Join thousands of households across Australia on the Garage Sale Trail. garagesaletrail.com.au

Bronte House Open Weekend 26–27 October, 10am–2pm 470 Bronte Road, Bronte Wes and Anna van der Gardner (residents of Bronte House) and Waverley Council welcome you to have a look

around the beautiful Bronte House; its living and dining rooms, and gardens. There will be plant sales, coffee and cakes!

Under Twenty-Seven

by Ella Dreyfus 22 October–3 November, 10am–5pm daily Bondi Pavilion Gallery Under Twenty-Seven is a series of portraits depicting the same group of men as they evolve from childhood into adulthood, and their development from boyhood in 2005, through adolescence in 2012, into young men in 2019.

For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov. au/events

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au | Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

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but you've got to complain about parking like everyone does... It used to be the parking cops but my view of parking has shifted so much since I lived here. I used to get the shits when I saw parking cops walking around, but if they didn't do it people would be getting parked in, you'd never get a park. It's not that hard, you see the sign that says two hours, you park for two hours, you pay your money, otherwise you can't cry when you get a ticket.

What if you want to have a threehour surf? Go down to Maroubra, parking is free.

You studied at Deakin Uni; did you study journalism? Yeah, I actually did. It was an arts degree, I did it by correspondence when I was working at Surfing Life. I did a double major in literature and journalism. Once I'd finished the journalism major and the literature major I had to do these periphery subjects to complete the units needed to finish the degree and I just couldn't be f*cked.

So you didn't finish it? No, but I completed the actual stuff that I thought I needed, which was journalism and literature.

You did a stint at Fairfax? Yeah, I had a weekly column at Fairfax.

Was that the Top Ten one? No, it was called the Tiger of Happiness. They gave me carte blanche to write whatever I wanted. One week I could write about Tony Abbott, the next could be about abortion, the next could be whatever, and they liked polemics, you know, everyone in the internet biz likes a polemic.

What's a polemic? When you polarize people, when you write a very black and white opinion and there's no shades of grey.

Someone on the left could be a polemicist, someone on the right could be a polemicist. It's hard to be a centrist but I wanted to be a centrist, I wanted to say things that were common sense but were polemic at the same time.

42 The Beast October 2019

Like the NBN. This was when the NBN was starting and it felt like we were creating something that would be obsolete by the time it was finished. It felt like we were in the early 20th Century with someone saying, "These cars will never take off, let's build blacksmith shops all around Australia, we'll build 40,000 of them." My suggestion was, instead of spending $40 billion on having these guys come round to every house, digging up the lawn to put the cables in and whatever, we spend that money gathering the finest software designers in the world and working together to create a game-changing file compression software. Because the reason that you need all this power, all this bandwidth, is to get these f*cking 10gb files through that everyone's trying to send. Imagine if you could turn 10gb into 200kb, it'd just go through whatever line you had, any sort of shitty copper line.

"We probably wasted $150,000 dollars of it, money we could've had in our pockets if we hadn't done stupid things like printing thousands of extra copies."

Can you do that though? No, because we didn't spend the money on a file compression software, we spent it on the NBN. But is that possible, to do that though? Anything is possible.

We should've given the money to Elon Musk and said, "Son, give us a file compression software."

Imagine, a supercharged version of JPEG. The whole world would go nuts for it.

How old were you when you went from Fairfax to Stab magazine? I was doing Fairfax while I was at Stab. After the Gold Coast

I got a job in France and I started a surfing magazine there called Surf Europe. It was pan-European and written in four languages.

I lived in Hossegor for two years but I couldn't get a visa to live there permanently, which is what I wanted to do. This is before the great migration started happening, of course. It was very, very serious to emigrate to France back then and I just couldn’t work out how to jump through the various French bureaucratic hoops. I came back and edited Surf Europe remotely, then ACP rang me up and asked me if I wanted a dazzling salary to edit one of their men’s interest titles.

My job was to make it ‘cool’.

Which magazine? It was the biggest selling men's magazine in the country, selling 500,000 copies a month and it had a budget of $30,000 dollars a week just for contributors.

FHM? It was The Picture, The Australian Picture Truckies' Magazine!

Yeah, I read it every week... Back then it was the biggest selling mag in the country that no one admitted to reading and they wanted someone to make it cool.

The circulation was declining because it had a bit of a whiff about it, because it was the truckies' mag, so they wanted to sort of help usher it into the new, cooler world. The editors rang me up and I said, "Yeah, I'll do it." It was amazing, I had my own office and my own car park at ACP, which was unheard of.

They tried to buy it back from me at one stage for an extra ten grand a year and I told them to beat it. I had two assistants and seventeen staff but I hated it, I hated the magazine. It's not fair to say I hated the magazine, it wasn't that...

You just hated the people who read it? No, I just didn't like the approach to sexuality, I thought it was pretty gross, and I didn’t like being in the city. It was in one of those high-rises where you

If you have any issues at all that you require assistance with, please do not hesitate to contact my office on 9398 1822, email coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au, or come in at 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick.

CONTACT MARJORIE

Electorate Office Details: Address: 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Email: coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Phone: 9398 1822 Fax: 9398 1044 Authorised by Dr Marjorie O’Neill MP, 15-53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031.

Printed by Jeffries Printing, 5/71a Milperra Road, Revesby 2212 using parliamentary entitlements. July 2019.

can't open the windows. I gave the window cleaner $20 to open it for me. It was the only window in Castlereagh Street that could actually open. It just didn't work out, I didn't want to be there and they knew I didn't want to be there.

I left Picture and then my buddy Sam McIntosh said, "Why don't you come and work at Waves?" It was a really cool time, I was still getting money from Surf Europe and money in itself wasn't an issue - my wife and I didn't have kids or anything and she worked full time - so I just thought, "Yeah, I'll just go and hang out with my buddy and write about surfing again," which I loved to do more than anything.

We had a really good time at Waves for a year or so and then we decided to start our own men's mag.

Like Picture? No, definitely not like Picture. It was funny, we eventually decided not to do the men's mag. The market had started to get crowded, FHM, Loaded, Ralph. We just thought, "Fuck it, we'll do something we know," which was surfing. A friend of ours had an idea that we should sell Billabong a 30th anniversary book, so we sent this proposal to Billabong and they said yes, because they were awash with riches at the time. We walked out of that particular deal with a quarter of a million dollars, which we squandered starting Stab. We had no business plan or anything, it was only because we had this massive amount of cash that we could just f*ck up, f*ck up, f*ck up until we started to make some money.

During that time, ACP asked if we would give them a framework to start a young man's magazine, which we did. We called it Beef.

For some reason they didn't like it and told us they weren’t going to pay. We said, "F*ck it, we own the property, we're going to start our own magazine called Beef now," and they ended up giving us the cash and that was good, so that was a handy little injection too.

44 The Beast October 2019

That was once Stab had started?

Yeah it was, once Stab had started. And they said Stab wouldn't last, "You’ll only do three issues," that was all the stuff we were hearing. And it wouldn't have lasted if we didn't have this quarter of a million dollars that we almost whittled away.

We probably wasted $150,000 dollars of it, money we could've had in our pockets if we hadn't done stupid things like printing thousands of extra copies.

It never really cut through saleswise though. We had a really good reputation and the advertisers loved us, and in the end they were subsidising this magazine more than they probably knew.

Did you sell Stab to Sam or did you guys sell it to SurfStitch?

What happened was my circumstances changed and I had kids and Sam didn't, so we were all just going in different directions personally in what we wanted out of the company. I wanted security and I wanted to build up a nest egg and Sam was single living in Bondi. He didn't want to act like a couple of frumpy conservatives and so I thought, "Well, before we spend all the money, I might as well get out and get some cash."

He bought some and another guy from the Gold Coast, Harry Truscott, bought another piece of it. I can't remember the exact circumstances, but I worked for a bit and then I thought, "F*ck it, I'm going to leave now, I've had enough."

I was going to do a magazine for Ksubi Sydney called Sex and Fashion but that fell through because Ksubi were having their own issues, then Sam asked if I would come back and keep doing the mag as an employee. That worked for me because I was relieved of the pressure of ownership while getting a relatively secure income. I stayed there until 2014 when I left to do BeachGrit.

It felt time to stake out my own piece of real estate in the online space. So I started BeachGrit, contacted my best pal, Charlie Smith in San Diego and asked if I could get all these old stories

that he'd done for Stab and everyone else and put them in the back end. When we launched we had a couple of hundred stories in there. Then I got my friend Jeremy Hancock to do branding he did a great job - and then I got some guys in Poland to build the site. It's clean, it's classic, I think there's about five or six thousand stories on there.

" It wouldn't have mattered if it was the WSL or the ASP I suppose, but the ASP did feel like it was run by surfers, the WSL feels like it's run by classic VALS (Vulnerable Adult Learner Surfer)."

How did you meet Chas? Chas remembers it more than me but I think the way it goes is I saw a story of his in Vice about surfing in Somalia and I just contacted him. We just started back-andforthing and then I got him to write for us, then he became pretty much my only writer. He used to write probably half or two-thirds of the magazine.

Why do you think your relationship with Chas has been so enduring and successful? I think it's because we both have a similar world view. I don't think we see people as colours or religions or whatever, I think we see everyone as brothers and sisters and I think we both realise the absurdity of life and that, of all the sad and tragic things that can happen, if life's going good it's a beautiful thing and you have to soak up every second. We're both absurdists, realists, and we both love our time on Earth while we're healthy. And that affects the way we write and see things.

Every day I wake up and I read a story and I can't believe the way

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he can write. He can just sit down and just riff thousands of words whereas I can't, I'm more of a reporter where I have to interview someone and observe someone and then I'll write about it. But I'll wake up in the morning, read his stories and it makes me smile, it makes me laugh and makes me thankful for Chas Smith. And I think surfing, for all the times he takes the piss out of it, is a better place for him.

You're quite critical of professional surfing and the WSL; is that a strategy to increase clicks or do you really feel that way about the professional side of the sport? Yeah, I think criticism is a good thing. As the saying goes, you should always seek criticism, not praise. Pro surfing existed long before the WSL. So the critique is more of the actual organisation rather than professionals? It wouldn't have mattered if it was the WSL or the ASP I suppose, but the ASP did feel like it was run by surfers, the WSL feels like it's run by classic VALS (Vulnerable Adult Learner Surfer). I love watching the surf contests and the broadcast is great but it's still an '80s formula where you have people go to a contest place for two weeks, even if there's no swell on the horizon, they'll fly all these people there, all this infrastructure. They'll have women's contests and men's contests and they have to have five days of waves to run these events. It's only after day three or something, when you are down to the last sixteen surfers, that it starts to get really good and you think, "Yeah, this is what I love."

My thing has always been and we’ve always agitated with the WSL - to make it sixteen surfers, run it over two days, don't have these contest venues locked in, have permits at multiple sites and there's a squad coming from Hossegor or Sydney, you've got this private jet, all the surfers jump on the private jet... The rest of the people, like the commentators, can do it from a studio. The surfers jump on this private jet,

46 The Beast October 2019

they land at Tavarua, they surf ten foot Tavarua over two days and it would be the most wonderful and extraordinary thing ever in sports. Adventure, thrills, money, indulgence.

That's a sick idea. Wouldn't you need to pre-organise shit with foreign governments though?

Yeah, but you just have permits.

So many places are happy to have this moneyed organisation throw a million bucks or something just to use their beach.

They could have Bali, Tavarua, anywhere. We've always spoken about it. For me it's always been about sixteen guys and a two-day competition with private jets.

And you could make it like the Rolling Stones jet, you know, the big mouth. Put the massive WSL logo on it and have this super cool f*cking private jet. Even if they looked like they weren't going to get a private jet, they could film them climbing up the stairs of a G650 and then they can get on a commercial flight. It would be like the Premier League, you'd have the WQS and the Premier League.

"You have so many different emotions when you surf and when you think about surfing and the whole experience, and it really just gets its hooks into you, it’s something that’s very hard to let go."

Just how big a part of your life is surfing? It's so corny but there is something about surfing, and I always hang shit on the metaphysical aspects of surfing, but it is a mood accelerant.

When you say 'metaphysical', do you mean like the spiritual thing and stuff like that? Yeah,

the spiritual. There's something about it and it's something that, say, skating, which is the closest thing to surfing, doesn't have.

Skating has its constant proximity to death and brain damage, whereas surfing, and it's cheesy as hell to say it, that first duck dive and that moment you paddle into a wave and your tail lifts and you’re looking down the line at this green face, well, I haven’t found too much else that gives me that sort of thrill.

As a bloke who grew up in Leeton and took up surfing in his thirties, the only time I really appreciate nature in Sydney is when I'm in the ocean - the tides, the wind, the swell direction and all that kind of stuff, even the sunsets. If I didn't surf I wouldn't notice any of that... It's funny because I've been investigating the indigenous world for my Gulpilil book. I think that could be it, it gives us a connection to the environment that you don't have otherwise. The fact that you’re at the whims of swells, tides... you notice things. You notice when you feel the wind turn south-west or if it has suddenly gone onshore a little bit. You see it luffing, you see the direction the clouds move, you see wind lines on the horizon, you know that the sun is going to move according to the seasons. You see the movement of the rips, the cross-currents, you develop a relationship with the ocean that most people don't have.

If you had to choose between never having sex or never surfing again, which would you choose?

Oh, never having sex.

And you're a horny bugger as well, aren't you? Oh God no, I’m terribly ordered in that part of my life. Rather like a Southern belle. It's funny, someone in the water asked me the other day whether I'd rather have 100 perfect sessions but never be able to surf again after that, or keep surfing Bondi until I die. I'd choose 100 perfect sessions. We discussed it at length.

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Where's your favourite spot to surf in the Eastern suburbs?

I've started to warm a little to Tamarama, purely because of my buddy Richard Freeman who's been talking it up for the last twenty years, and sometimes Bronte, when it's biggish and it wedges on the take-off.

Favourite spot to surf in the world? I reckon it's got to be the BSR wave park in Texas. I love wave pools so much. I've been to the one in the Canaries, the one in Malaysia and in Kelly's pool and they're so much fun. I like the idea of repeating moves over and over.

You've been described as someone who's been shaping some of the more unique ways we view surf culture since the late ‘90s; do you think you play a role in shaping surf culture? It was never my intention to shape surf culture, and if I did, which I doubt, it was accidental and only because of an intention to show that surfing didn't have to be serious or overtly metaphysical, despite what I said earlier. I think the way I write, and my biz partner Charlie writes, is a reflection of the way we see the world.

I’ve never really had a self-censor button whereas writers always pull back a lot. I work with people who are incredible writers, better writers than me, and yet there's stuff that I read on the page, it just doesn't sing because they've censored themselves at so many points.

I remember interviewing Brock Little once, the great Brock Little, and he said to me, "I like what you're doing in Surfing Life because you don't take it seriously." The whole thing was for surfers to laugh at it, the absurdity of it, because it's so awesomely absurd and so awesomely fun and challenging at the same time. You have so many different emotions when you surf and when you think about surfing and the whole experience, and it really just gets its hooks into you, it’s something that’s very hard to let go.

48 The Beast October 2019

Frustration is probably my most felt emotion when I'm surfing...

Oh me too, I have nightmares about my stance.

You published your first book, Wednesdays with Bob, back in 2017 after a series of Wednesday meetings with ex-Prime Minister Bob Hawke; what gave you that idea and how did you make that happen? So this literary agent who had bought Chas Smith's Welcome to Paradise for Australia thought I could do something similar here. She said, "Let's have a drink and you can give me some ideas for a book," and I kind of went there and my wife had said, "Why don't you offer them something like Barbarian Days or Breath?" So I sort of came in with this half-arsed thing that it'd be like Barbarian Days meets Breath and the agent sort of went, "Hmmm, anything I can sell to a publisher?"

I thought that I'd really love to meet Bob Hawke and it felt like, at that time, there hadn't been anything on Bob for years and years, it really felt like his star had started to dim. So I said, "I'd really love to do a book on Bob Hawke," and she goes, "Give me a prop and I'll put it to the publisher". The publisher loved it. Then she said, "I'll put it under Blanche’s nose and come to lunch with us". So I'm going, "Oh my God, Blanche d'Alpuget!" I had read some of her books. Before I met her I'd read nearly everything she'd written so I was just under her spell when I went to this meeting. She liked the idea and said, "I'll have to get it past Bob's office manager and it'll probably be very difficult to get it past her," and then she said, "Bob loved it, no need to put it past the office manager, come by next Wednesday. If you need to come more than once a week let me know."

Within a week I was out the front of Bob's house in Northbridge with my three tape recorders and I felt like I'd pulled off this ultimate deception. I was still just this kid from Perth who wasn't really a serious journalist and I was about to interview

Australia's greatest living politician. I went down there and the moment I saw him, it was like looking at an old mate. I'd seen him so much on TV as a kid. He'd occupied so much of my cultural life. The moment I saw him, it was like seeing your favourite uncle or something.

"I just walked into this tiny townhouse up this battleaxe driveway and I’d walked straight into the face of Australia."

How many sessions did you guys have together? I'd say about a dozen. The way it worked was I'd go and buy a cigar, it was always Wednesday arvos, I'd go and buy a cigar from this joint in Double Bay or somewhere before I went.

I was amazed at how the prices of cigars could vary so much, it'd be the same cigar from multiple outlets and it seems to vary from $20 to $40, sometimes from the same guy. So, I'd go there with my cigar and Bob would be sitting out in the terrace doing his Sudokus, one of these dementia busting Sudokus and crosswords, and he’d say, "G'day mate, where’s the cigar?" and I’d set up all of my stuff and we'd have a bit of small talk, but I always made sure I had my voice recorder on the second I was walking through the door because you didn't know what was going to happen. Even when we had publisher meetings I had it on, just because I knew he'd tell jokes and he'd be a bit looser. He told these wonderfully bawdy jokes that he wouldn't have told in the formal setting of an interview. I'd set up, we'd have a chat and then I'd always have an assigned topic, which could be about finding love through infidelity or it could be about fatherhood or it could be about China.

It could be about Paul Keating, about death, all those things. I saved the two juiciest ones for last, Paul Keating and death. It

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was such a fitting coda because he did die only a couple of years afterwards. He never thought about death, he told me. He said his life was perfect and that he'd done everything he wanted to do and that he was living with the woman he'd loved for the last 30 years.

How many copies of Wednesdays with Bob have you sold so far?

I think it's around 26,000, and I believe 10,000 is a best-seller, so I did alright. But honestly, you write books for the love, I would've made more picking up glasses at The Bucket List.

"Even though I might have felt sympathetic to Indigenous issues previously, now I feel an embarrassment at my ignorance."

You're currently putting the final touches on a biography of one of the most iconic Aussies of all time, David Gulpilil; can you tell us about that? After I finished Wednesdays with Bob, Pan Macmillan wanted me to do another book, and in a similar vein, I guess. The guy who was my contact and internal publisher at Pan Macmillan was a guy called Angus Fontaine and he came up with a bunch of names. He said "What about Jack Thompson, Paul Hogan, David Gulpilil?" and I was like, "David Gulpilil, it has to be David Gulpilil." It was a similar feeling I had when I did Hawke, because nothing had been done about Gulpilil for years. I felt like the aboriginal questions had gone off the agenda. We'd been beating ourselves up about so many things immigration, the economy, etc. whereas our indigenous brothers and sisters were just being totally left behind, and they were people who had been here for, depending on what archeological dig you're at, between 40,000 and 60,000 years.

50 The Beast October 2019

David Gulpilil is a living connection to 60,000 years of continuous culture, who sees the world conceptually in ways that we can never even imagine. And he's one of our greatest actors.

I think Jack Thompson, in the book, talks about how he's as significant as Donald Bradman, Ned Kelly and all these people, probably more so. And Phillip Noyce, the director, said there's no one like him in the world. I thought, "F*ck it, we've got to get David Gulpilil."

It was one of those great cosmic coincidences, we were trying to find him and I had a meeting with John Mundine, the aboriginal artist, curator and activist, and he said, "I'll try and find him for you, I think he's up north." Then we just came down to the beach and Dan Wyllie was down here and he goes, "Who you doing next after Bobby?" and I said "I'm trying to find David Gulpilil.” He looks at me and says, ”Mate, you’d better hurry, he's got lung cancer." Then he explained that he was in Charlie's Country with him and knew Rolf de Heer, and that Rolf would call me. Rolf did call me and within a few weeks I was down at Murray Bridge in South Australia where David lived and where he is unfortunately dying from lung cancer. I just walked into this tiny townhouse up this battleaxe driveway and I’d walked straight into the face of Australia.

Mate, f*ck, that would've been a great moment... It was even more extreme than Hawke. The first time I saw Hawke, it was through a stair void - I saw him in the distance - but I was probably just 10cms away from Gulpilil, and it was… Gulpilil… you know.

My parents were reading me David Gulpilil Dreamtime stories when I was a little kid, about an injured wonga pigeon that landed on a waratah and turned them all red... We sat there and we talked, and English is his sixth language so he doesn't talk a lot. He has this wonderful carer living with him, Mary Hood, this

retired nurse, and she sort of drove the conversation. Then she goes, "Okay David, what do you think of Derek, do you want him to write your book?" Then David, in his beautiful accent he has, goes, "Write a book? I want him to write a book, yeah, write the book!" So we made plans that I would come back, and I probably came back six times, usually for two days. Often he didn’t have much to say so I'd just observe him, just hang out with him. In one of our last meetings, I knew that I couldn't get any more quotes from him, especially after Rolf had warned me that I'd be lucky to get more than a dozen out of him, so I put his favourite movie on, The Tracker, and we just sat watching the movie together. After being with someone for six months and asking them very intrusive questions and sitting around together, you really fast track the relationship process.

If anything, I hope the book serves as a legacy to his career and his life. It asks many important questions that we need to ask ourselves about our treatment of Indigenous Australians and our past. It’s extraordinary that when we went to school we were taught that Captain Cook discovered Australia, we didn't get taught any aboriginal words, we get taught nothing.

Brooke Boney spoke about truth telling as a foundation for reconciliation, that you have to start by acknowledging what actually happened... The important thing to remember when you start swinging your righteous axe is you can't do it by attacking people. I think the problem at the moment is everyone does it in attack mode and that doesn't seem to serve anyone's purpose going forward. We have to recognise that we're all brothers and sisters.

But obviously you have to change Australia Day. It's such a f*cking no-brainer, but because it's done in such a militant sense, the average person who hasn't really investigated it just thinks, "Jesus, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not racist,

why are they doing this to me?"

But it's obvious that January 26, 1788, the day the prison hulks came and spat out the convicts on the beach, it's hardly a moment to celebrate for us either.

When David appeared in Walkabout in 1971, there was a consciousness awakening with our relationship with Aboriginal people, because suddenly you had this gorgeous full-blooded Aboriginal appearing as a sexual being - a sexual being with a white woman - and people saw it and they loved him, and he was feted around the world. I thought that Gulpilil was going to elevate Indigenous issues in such a way that there'd be this mass consciousness raising. But I think it got stuck in bureaucracies and all these well-intentioned policies with terrible results.

I think we need to have Aboriginal history in primary schools, high schools and in universities. Maybe we should be renaming pretty much everything with an Aboriginal name.

During the whole thing, I became ashamed at my lack of knowledge. Even though I might have felt sympathetic to Indigenous issues previously, now I feel an embarrassment at my ignorance.

"Just write whatever comes into your head. Just write, write, write, write, because you can always edit something on the page."

First Australians should be compulsory reading for all school kids in Australia... And so should Why Warriors Lay Down and Die, so should Dark Emu, Sapiens, everything.

When's the book due for release?

Can we pre-order? In October. You can pre-order on the

website. It's PanMacmillan.com. au/gulpilil. And if anyone wants their book signed I'll be happy to sign it for them.

Will you do a book signing in Bondi, at Gertrude & Alice perhaps? Yeah, I'll do a book signing.

I love Gertrude & Alice. Gertrude & Alice is a Bondi institution, a hold-out against the wolves.

What advice do you have for young writers and journalists keen to follow in your footsteps?

To read well and to write often and to never be stuck on your first line. Just write whatever comes into your head. Just write, write, write, write, because you can always edit something on the page.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Derek Rielly? A job in a wave pool, a swinging apartment in Bondi, a little joint in Hossegor, acres of love and the continued health and wellbeing of my three kids, Jones, Gard and Shawnee â—?

October 2019 The Beast 51

5. Solar for your rental?

If you rent your house or business, you don’t need to own your roof to get the benefits of cheaper renewable energy.

Check out Suntenants, a new innovative model Council is trialling in the Eastern Suburbs.

Learn more at suntenants.com.

Bronte Public School leading the way.

Capturing Climate Opportunities Words Suzanne Dunford, Waverley Council Sustainability & Resilience Albert Einstein said, “In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity.” As carbon concentrations increase, so does the rate of climate change. Call it a crisis or emergency, it’s hard to stay positive while glaciers disappear, fires rage and drought extends across our land.

Unlike the natural world, humans have the ability to plan ahead and coordinate actions.

Taking action locally, through technology and social networks, can help minimise impacts and also capture opportunities for resilience.

Here are some climate solutions available in the Eastern Beaches right now.

1. Solar your school Top marks go to the many local schools that are shrinking their own carbon footprint, saving money and learning first-hand about low emission power. By the end of 2019, over 40 schools in our patch will have solar panels, with the help of the multi award-winning Solar my School program. This council program is now rolling out across Sydney. Visit solarmyschool.org.au.

52 The Beast October 2019

2. Get Prepared for Emergencies September 23-29 is Emergency Preparedness Week. You can download Get Prepared, a free and easy-to-use app to help you prepare for any type of emergency. Establish your key support people, review your local risks, and create and share an emergency plan. Visit getprepared. app.link/Waverley_Council.

3. Renovate your energy bills From solar power to LED lighting, aircon, draught-proofing and pool pumps, you can get free home energy-saving advice and quotes via the Councilbacked Australian Energy Foundation helpline and website. Phone 1300 23 68 55 or visit aef.com.au.

4. Get a MOOC on (Massive Online Open Course) Brush up on climate science and solutions through a free online course. The recently launched Climate Change and Health MOOC explores the nexus between planetary and human health. Please visit iversity.org/en/courses/ climate-change-and-health.

6. Take charge of low emissions mobility Charge your EV at one of eight on-street charging stations as part of the Tri-Council Electric Vehicle Charging Network. Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/electric vehiclecharging, or ride a bike!

7. Track your carbs and connect You can now track daily actions and their impact to cut your carbon pollution, and connect with a like-minded community with the 1 Million Women App. Council-supported, it’s free and easy to navigate. Visit 1millionwomen.com.au/campaigns/1million-women-app/ .

8. Speak up Like many councils and governments around the world, Waverley Council has recently reaffirmed its commitment to urgent action on climate change and commended school children for exercising their democratic rights and their fears about the future.

One of the first in Australia to adopt community and council emission reduction targets, we are delivering communitybased programs to help make low-carbon living second nature, while investing in better street lighting, solar power and energy-saving upgrades, plus buying renewable energy from a solar farm in Moree.

Share a bright idea or question at secondnature.org.au or by emailing secondnature @waverley.nsw.gov.au.

October 2019 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Andi Perdana Instagram @andiperdanaphoto Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

2 0424 1045 1711 2315

0.31 1.76 0.29 1.45

3 0508 0.43 1134 1.70 1810 0.38

4 0010 0554 1227 1915

1.30 0.55 1.62 0.47

5 0111 0646 1324 2025

1.19 0.65 1.54 0.53

6 0322 0849 1529 2233

1.13 0.72 1.48 0.55

8 0541 1.18 1111 0.70 1739 1.47

9 0023 0630 1209 1830

0.50 1.26 0.65 1.50

10 0103 0710 1258 1913

0.45 1.33 0.58 1.53

11 0139 0.41 0745 1.41 1339 0.51 1950 1.56

12 0211 0818 1416 2026

0.38 1.47 0.46 1.57

13 0241 0850 1453 2100

0.36 1.53 0.42 1.56

•

15 0339 0954 1607 2211

0.38 1.62 0.38 1.49

16 0410 1029 1646 2249

0.41 1.65 0.39 1.43

17 0442 1105 1729 2330

0.45 1.66 0.41 1.36

18 0518 0.50 1145 1.64 1815 0.44

19 0016 0559 1230 1909

1.29 0.57 1.61 0.48

20 0111 0647 1321 2012

1.22 0.63 1.58 0.51

21 0215 1.18 0749 0.67 1424 1.55 2124 0.49

•

22 0330 0903 1535 2233

1.19 0.68 1.56 0.44

23 0445 1022 1648 2334

1.26 0.63 1.61 0.36

25 0027 0640 1233 1848

26 0115 0728 1330 1942

0.21 1.63 0.31 1.77

27 0200 0815 1425 2032

0.18 1.74 0.23 1.75

•

29 0326 0946 1610 2214

0.24 1.87 0.18 1.58

30 0408 1032 1702 2304

0.32 1.87 0.22 1.47

1 0341 0959 1615 2222 7 0437 1.13 1001 0.73 1638 1.45 2333 0.53 14 0310 0922 1530 2135

28 0243 0900 1517 2123

0.36 1.58 0.39 1.53

0.19 1.83 0.18 1.68

0.20 1.78 0.21 1.61

Felix styling on a Luke Daniels single fin.

24 0547 1.37 1131 0.54 1752 1.69 31 0450 1117 1755 2356

0.42 1.83 0.29 1.36

Friday

0.27 1.50 0.42 1.75

Saturday

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

Sunday

•

that they can grow separately without growing apart.” So what is a true, or best friend?

It’s been said that a best friend is the type of person who will help you move a dead body, no questions asked, but this criterion is somewhat limited. A best friend is someone with whom you can be your uncensored self and they still love you. A best friend reminds you of your best self when you are feeling your worst. A best friend is always happy to see you, but understands when you are busy. And a true best friend is someone for whom you do all these things too. Reciprocity is the name of the game.

I'll be there for you.

The Unreliable Guide To... Friends Words Nat Shepherd Photo Jake Friend Recent events have reminded The Unreliable Guide of Euripides’s quote, “Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.”

Being a fairly wise bloke, he also realised that, “One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”

Friends - as Joey, Phoebe, Chandler and Co. will attest claim, “I’ll be there for you,” but there’s much more to friendship than that. Anaïs Nin suggests, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” In other words, you will never know who you could be unless you make the right friends.

Having friends has been shown to improve mental and physical health, but how many friends should we have and what makes a friend worth having?

The Unreliable Guide is here 54 The Beast October 2019

with some tips and tricks on how to find and keep good friends.

Old Friends vs New Friends Old friends can be great, they remember all the old times, but that might leave you in a rut if they expect you to be the same person you were ten years ago.

Good friends grow with you, but you can outgrow a friendship.

If your mate is still insisting you slam shotties in the Cross at 3am and you’d rather be at home in your jim jams it might be time to move on to a new friend that shares your love of Bonsai topiary or synchronised swimming.

What Makes a Friend a Best Friend?

But if you change, do you have to lose your old friends? Not necessarily. Elisabeth Foley suggests, “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is

What is a Toxic Friend?

The key to true friendship, reciprocity, is often exactly what is missing with a toxic friend. A toxic friend expects everything and gives little. They expect absolute forgiveness from you yet have no tolerance for your own mistakes or shortcomings. Their focus is always on themselves; they’ll talk at length about their own problems but grow tired after five minutes listening to yours. Instead of bringing out the best in you, they bring out the worst and then bitch about you to others. Sometimes they’re so rude you have to apologise for them. Sound familiar? Clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior suggests that a friendship is toxic if it “emotionally harms you, rather than helping you.” Cull these so-called ‘friends’ from your life.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests you probably only need two really good friends; quality is far more important than quantity. Take a moment to consider your friends, do you bring out the best in each other? Is seeing them always a delight? If not, it might be time to start culling.

Seems like a long time ago.

A World in Union Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Jannie de Beer We all have our favourite sporting events. Whether it be the extremely corrupt FIFA World Cup, bingo night at the local RSL or Wimbledon, we all have that one sporting event that gives us a heightened sense of anticipation months in advance.

Enter the Rugby World Cup. Given that it’s being held in Japan this time adds a little extra bit of excitement. I know we’re not meant to say ‘exotic’ anymore, given we’re a global society, but geez it feels exotic.

The geishas, the cherry blossoms in full bloom (they won’t be, but I’m picturing it anyway), the Tokyo vending machines punching out all sorts of sinister filth, and amongst it all, the game they play in Heaven having its showpiece event. Don’t tell me the thought of giant lock forwards bending to enter through one of those dainty paper doors doesn’t make you feel giddy with colonial nostalgia.

What chance Australia? None, if you ask the perennial cynics.

Those who relish in the grim and giggle at missing puppy posters.

Yes, if you don’t think the Wallabies can win, you are evil, dead inside or a New Zealander.

But I think even New Zealanders would give us a slight sniff. They know full well winning a World Cup is no sure thing. If it was, they would have won them all. I could ask one, but I’ve been hiding from all my New Zealand friends for several years now and will continue to do so until we win the Bledisloe Cup back. I may never speak to them again.

The obliteration in Perth gave us hope. Sure, they pounded us to a donut the following week, but it was wet, windy and held on their home soil. They won’t have that luxury in Japan. It will be sunny, pleasant and extremely polite. And strange things happen in Japan. Stranger things than the Wallabies winning a World Cup, that’s for sure. We’ve all seen the TV shows.

Our team has a bit of everything. Even a few Australians.

The redemption stories of Kurtley Beale and James O’Connor add to the underlying storyline of backs-to-the-wall redemption.

Are we comfortable with our sports stars turning their lives around by joining new age cults, as long as they perform on the paddock? I certainly am.

As long as they don’t think all worthwhile people are going to Hell (if you didn’t make Izzy’s list, I don’t want to know you).

Should the dream come to fruition, the ARU deserve no credit, but they will take it anyway. Perhaps the cash injection will allow them to at least hire a marketing team. Or pay their legal expenses. Maybe they should set up a GoFundMe if the Wallabies lose?

But now is no time for negativity. With opportunity comes hope. If Australian rugby was ever to rise from the ashes like a phoenix, it would be fitting to do it in the land of the rising sun.

October 2019 The Beast 55

Keeping the country running.

In Praise of Small Business Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill, Member for Coogee Photo James Hutton I love small businesses. They keep my life afloat. Just about every aspect of my personal life has me interfacing with a small business. Whether it’s a leaky tap, messy hair, a quick meal or a bunch of flowers, my needs will be almost always met by small businesses. It is their locality, ease of access and personal service which I greatly appreciate. I have even been able to have an account with the Bendigo Bank Clovelly Community Bank Branch. You will not get more local, accessible and friendly than that!

The impetus for my wanting to discuss small business with you this month arises from a fear that some of them are under threat. I noticed that in the Waverley Council area in 2017 the number of ‘retail trade’ businesses actually fell by 22, which was the largest sector decline by far. My disquiet with this apparent trend was intensified when I visited my local chicken shop, The Char, and was gobsmacked by the number of signatures on a petition opposing the proposed Woolworths in Macpherson Street.

I am not suggesting that all small businesses are under threat. The irony is that small business is huge and pervades 56 The Beast October 2019

every industry. 43 per cent of all employed Australians and around 1.51 million people in NSW work in the small business sector. Approximately 27 per cent of all wages and salaries in Australia and $41.61 billion worth in NSW are generated in small businesses. The sector also contributes approximately 31 per cent of total Australian sales and service income including more than $270 billion from NSW. Like most things in life, a closer examination of the nature and role of small business thus raises a lot of issues for public policy consideration beyond my initial focus on local shops. For example, there has been a good deal of concern expressed by parents in Coogee seeking trade apprenticeships for their children who believe that the system of sub-contracting is severely limiting opportunities. Similarly, while growing numbers of professional and administrative specialists are working from home, many do so because they are unable to secure a more traditional employment relationship. Twenty per cent of all NSW small business operators work from home, compared with only five per cent of the total NSW workforce. While undoubtedly

preferred by many, feelings of social isolation and increased stress have been associated with working from home.

Evaluating the contribution of small business to our community is complex. Certainly, some small business growth is associated with a decline in employment, career and apprenticeship opportunities. Some small business opportunities look a little like ‘buying a job’, and at a low rate of remuneration (or profit).

Yet small business is an innovation hub. Got an idea? Go for it!

If we include everyone with an eBay account, there are not too many of us who are not small businesses. Our local Chambers of Commerce do a great job of connecting our small businesses and ensuring their success.

Think Bondi Winter Magic and the Coogee Taste Festival.

Both events are run by their respective Chambers of Commerce and are designed to help invigorate our local economies during the colder months when there is less foot traffic.

While our views about the implications of growing numbers of small businesses across different industries may vary, it seems that most of us want to preserve our neighbourhood shops. Most, if not all of us, enjoy our big retail centres but we love our more traditional strip shops which have defined our neighbourhoods for generations. We like our chemist, our butcher and our friendly store, our local dentist and our small medical practice. We love having a local cinema in Randwick and a little shop a few doors up that stays open late at night for the purchase of the odd trinket.

Let’s enjoy the great shopping opportunities at Eastgardens, Westfield and the like, but let us also preserve our neighbourhood centres. Enjoy the difference, the diversity. Everywhere does not have to be the same.

"F*ck off back to Bondi, ya f*cken kook."

Nature and Nurture Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Keanu Swayze As we head into summer the population of Bondi begins to swell. The famous stretch of sand and its surrounds transform as people from all walks of life come to experience what it has to offer. Bondi Beach is the ultimate melting pot, with every person bringing something special to the mix. No one individual is ever exactly the same as anyone else, and every person on that beach has their own unique personality.

If you had to describe yourself, where would you start?

It’s harder than you think. You might automatically start with the physical. You’re six feet, two inches tall, 87 kilograms, brownish hair, blue eyes, etc.

But when it comes to describing your character it can be tricky.

“Um, I’m pretty laid back and have a fairly easy going personality…” but what then?

Personality is something of an elusive concept and can be hard to describe. At its core, personality is really all about individual difference and can be described as a pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving that differentiates us from someone

else, ultimately leading us to act consistently across situations.

In other words, our personality puts us on a predictable path to act or behave in a particular way. Once we know what type of personality someone has we can accurately predict how that person is likely to behave in a specific situation.

Let’s put it to the test. Say you’re surfing at Bondi on a Sunday morning. It’s summer, there’s a clean 2-3 foot swell rolling in, the banks are great and a light wind is puffing from the north-west.

Before you paddle out it’s worth considering what draws one to surfing in the first place. Surfing magazine White Horses says that although surfing feels like an escape from normal life, the line-up out the back is very susceptible to be influenced and governed by individual personalities and can thus be considered a microcosm of society at large. But unlike most sports that have an umpire or referee to officiate, the surfing rules are left to the individual to interpret and adhere to as they see fit.

Because personality is generally considered to be consistent it would be fair to assume that the personality traits you bring to the surf are likely to be the same type of personality traits you have back on dry land. So, the guy patiently sitting out the back waiting his turn in a seemingly relaxed manner and not getting too stressed by the crowd is likely to be that way at home, at work, while he’s driving the car or during a shopping spree with his mother in law.

The angry, aggressive idiot who’s howling at people to get off his waves is likely to be the type who gets road rage, shouts at his girlfriend and probably hates his mother in law. In either example it’s worth considering that both these guys would have shown similar traits when they were teenagers and even as young kids.

So, mothers in law aside, this begs the question, “Are we born with our personality or is it something we develop over time?” I don’t like to sit on the fence but psychological research throughout history has tended to swing back and forth with regard to this matter.

However, today the pendulum seems be hanging somewhere in the middle. Rather than ‘nature versus nurture’, it’s now more like ‘nature and nurture’.

There will always be internal and external forces at play that influence our personality and thus our behaviour. The younger we are, the more these influences come into play. It’s kind of like concrete that sets slowly, making it very hard to alter once it’s dry. It’s not an excuse, but it’s worth considering next time someone drops in on you.

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October 2019 The Beast 57

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Ingredients For the wontons 1 packet wonton wrappers (supermarkets or Asian grocer) - you will need 10 200gm pork mince ½ clove garlic, minced 1 spring onion, finely chopped (use the white and green) 3cm piece of fresh ginger, skin removed and finely grated 2 tsp soya sauce 1 small red chilli finely chopped 1 tsp sesame oil 400ml canola oil for deep frying For the salad 1 bunch fresh coriander 1 bunch fresh mint 2 spring onion 1 bunch broccolini, trimmed and halved 125gm (½ packet) fresh bean sprouts For the caramelised pineapple 3 thick slices fresh pineapple, skin and core removed, cut into small chunks 1½ tbsp caster sugar 80ml water

Modern Asian cooking inspiration.

Crispy Pork Wontons with Asian Salad and Caramelised Pineapple Words and Picture Dana Sims Insta @stone_and_twine Wontons are one of my favourite things to eat. In soups, salads or just on their lonesome with a drizzle of soy, they are moreish and delicious and they take me back to my childhood, having noodle soups at my local Chinese down at Coogee Beach on a Sunday afternoon.

The pork wontons in this salad are used in a more modern way. As they are fried, adding crunchy Asian salad ingredients will give it the added freshness it needs. There’s a little chilli 60 The Beast October 2019

heat (of course, you can always add more), sweetness, saltiness and texture, with the wontons being the hero of the dish.

It wouldn’t be an Asian salad without an aromatic dressing and this recipe has flavour in spades. The caramelised pineapple adds some sticky sweetness and a generous amount of fresh herbs will keep it fragrant and light.

I hope this flavour-packed salad gives you some modern Asian cooking inspiration.

For the dressing 1½ tbsp soya sauce 1 tbsp rice wine vinegar 1 tsp sesame oil Juice of ¼ lime 1 tbsp caster sugar 1 small red chilli, finely chopped (seeds removed if you prefer) 2cm piece of fresh ginger, skin removed and finely grated Method 1. Add all ingredients for the wontons except the wrappers and canola oil in a large bowl and mix to combine; 2. Lay 10 wonton wrappers on a board and place a heaped teaspoon of the pork filling into the centre of each wonton; 3. Brush the four edges of each wonton with a small amount of water, then fold it in half to create a triangle and seal the edges by pressing each side together

with your fingers, then set aside and cover with cling film; 4. To prepare the salad, blanch the broccolini in boiling water for approximately 1½ minutes and then plunge into a bowl of ice water to keep the broccolini crisp; 5. Roughly chop the coriander, mint and spring onion, then drain the broccolini well, pat dry with paper towel and add to other salad ingredients; 6. For the pineapple, spread caster sugar into a frying pan and cook on a high heat until it melts and caramelises (about 1 minute), add the water and stir to combine, then add the pineapple and turn occasionally until caramelised (about 4 minutes) and remove from pan and set aside; 7. To fry the wontons, heat a wok or deep pan on mediumhigh heat, add the oil and, when hot, carefully fry the wontons (in 2 batches) for 3-4 mins, turning once, then remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towel; 8. For the dressing, combine all ingredients in a small jar and shake well; 9. To assemble, toss the salad ingredients and caramelised pineapple in the dressing and place onto a large serving platter, then place the wontons on top and serve.

This recipe will serve 2 fairly hungry humans.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

Lenka and Jacob are making a difference.

Specialty Coffee, Zero Waste Words Alasdair McClintock Photo James Hutton If you’re wandering down to the corner of Clovelly Road and Gilderthorpe Avenue to do your laundry anytime soon, you will be sorely disappointed. Gone is the laundromat and in its place, Cat & Cow Coffee, a fine little café that isn’t just about making great food and coffee, but also the world a better place.

Cat & Cow are the real deal, on a mission to “reduce our reliance upon single-use plastics and offer re-usable solutions for your everyday coffee experience.”

They’re also very much about the community, with locally sourced food, Sydney-roasted coffee beans and staff that actually smile and chat to you when you enter. Sure, that can be annoying when you’re hungover and just want your coffee, but that’s on you, not the friendly team at Cat & Cow, my friend.

The vibe was laidback and calm when I went there. Given it was near closing, there were only a few people seated, so I can’t speak for the busy periods, but I got the feeling this wasn’t much of a place for yelling or

passive aggressiveness. It’s in Randwick after all, not Bondi.

I ordered a large flat white and a pulled pork sandwich with kimchi and avocado.

Twenty bucks even. That may sound like the higher end of the price spectrum, but this was no ordinary sandwich, and I’m happy to pay a couple of extra bucks for sustainability.

The coffee was great. It was strong, which I like, but I daresay it wouldn’t be too bad for the strange folk who don’t like strong coffee either.

The sandwich was incredible.

My only criticism? It reminded me I have no self-control and I devoured it like a ravenous Cocker Spaniel. It’s not often one is shamed by a sandwich.

Cat & Cow Coffee Specialty coffee, zero waste Web www.catandcow.coffee Address 49 Clovelly Road, Randwick Open Tue-Sat 7.30am3.30pm; Sun 8am-3.30pm; closed Mondays October 2019 The Beast 61

Subject Locals only Location Coogee Photographer Hanna Hensen

Subject Spring spray Location Coogee Photographer Nicola Blackmore

Subject Lazing in the lawn Location Waverley Photographer Sam Daniels

Subject Bondi boardriders Location Bondi Photographer Mark Hunter @bondihunter

Subject Mahon Pool rapids Location Maroubra Photographer Jonah Zeiderman @jz.photos_

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Steeplechase Location Tamarama Photographer Kristen Roy

Subject Jess in Speedos Location Bondi Photographer Mark Hunter @bondihunter Subject Port Botany peelers Location Yarra bay Photographer Emma Neems @emmaneems

Subject Infinity pool Location Bronte Photographer Natasha Parsons

Subject The splash Location Coogee Photographer Matt Cicciarelli @2034designs

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

BROCKHAMPTON GINGER Label Question Everything, RCA Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  There is a lot going on with BROCKHAMPTON. Given I’ve lost track of how many members they have, that’s probably to be expected. Usually they make it work with a captivating, upbeat and chaotic flow, but GINGER feels a little disjointed and less accessible. Listening to it is like doing that awkward sidewalk dance, when you both get in each other’s way, with an attractive person.

You kind of enjoy it, because they’re a total babe, but on the other hand there is also an underlying self-consciousness that leaves you a little frazzled.

TOOL Fear Inoculum Label Volcano, RCA Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

FREAKS Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein Genre Sci-Fi, Drama, Thriller Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Freaks is a low budget breath of fresh air in the steady stream of slightly predictable blockbuster, superhero, franchise films that we have been served over the past few years.

Yes, there are plenty of the usual genre tropes here, but they are delivered in a refreshingly newish and mysterious manner.

Written and directed by frequent collaborators Zach Lipovsky (Afflicted) and Adam Stein (Mech-X4), Freaks tells the story of Chloe (Lexy Kolker), a feisty 7-year-old girl, whose life has been spent living in a shabby, boarded-up house. She is forbidden to go outside because her loving yet overly protective and somewhat paranoid father (Emile Hirsch) wants to protect her from the people and dangers that are lurking in the strange world outside.

This is a film you will either love or hate.

For those of you who like your low budget, off kilter stories with a unique twist and don’t mind a few minor plot flaws, you should be pleasantly surprised. Just don’t expect highend CGI effects.

64 The Beast October 2019

Asking a non-Tool fan to review a Tool album is akin to asking an apprentice cartoonist to draw Muhammad. I fear what might happen to me. Do other people think of dwarves with big beards and hammers when they hear prog-rock too? If Gimli from the Lord of the Rings started a rock band, it would sound like Fear Inoculum. It’s intense and epic, and my eyeballs hurt after I listened. I also felt a little anxious, like I was going to war. Is that what’s meant to happen? This is a bloody ridiculous album, but I think I dig it.

LANA DEL REY Norman F*****g Rockwell!

Label Polydor, Interscope Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but Lana Del Rey represents the root of all evil in Western culture.

The affected, ‘I take drugs because I’m so rich and bored’ persona eats at the core of all civilised decency. If you’re so f*****g bored, share the wealth and help those less fortunate! Regardless, I tried to like Norman F*****g Rockwell! but found it immensely boring. Then I heard the cover of Sublime’s ‘Doin’ Time’ and fell into an irrational rage spiral. It was like seeing one of your best friends having a sandwich with Kyle Sandilands.

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ACROSS 1. The bickering over unimportant matters (12) 7. Lacking order or control (10) 8. Occupational Therapist (1,1) 9. Hurting (8) 11. Small scale con man (Aussie slang) (6) 12. Movie star, ... Reeves (5) 13. Clifford Joseph Harris Jr. is a rapper that goes by this name (1,1) 14. Mode of transportation in the snow (4) 16. Land turtle (8) 18. Kiwifruits were originally called Chinese ... (12)

DOWN 1. Copying someone else’s work and claiming it as one’s own (12) 2. A sad book, movie or other medium (4-6) 3. Brought upon oneself (8) 4. Countries in East Asia (6) 5. Tiny flying insect that moves collectively in clouds (4) 6. The fact of being young (12) 10. Street art (8) 12. Out of balance (6) 15. Grave (4) 17. Jordan Peele’s film after Get Out (2)

Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Ashlea Hingston Instagram @ashhingstonphotography 1. In computer terms, what does CD stand for?

2. How heavy is a discus in a men’s Olympic competition?

3. What object is used as the ball in disc golf?

4. What are the tissues between the bones in your spine called?

5. What does DJ stand for?

6. If a $60 shirt is discounted by 15 per cent in a sale, what is the exact sale price of that shirt?

7. How much data could a standard floppy disk store?

8. How many primary disciples did Jesus have?

9. Which popular English Electro music duo released albums Settle (2013) and Caracal (2015)?

10. Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a score of 3.14/5?

Sea level.

October 2019 The Beast 65

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 Invest a little more time in your real friends instead of the drug-f*cked dickheads you’ve been hanging out with lately.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 Try not to freak out when you discover something strange in one of your socks, even if it’s a small animal or a mystery load.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 The things that annoy you the most about others are exactly the same things that others find most annoying about you.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Once again you’ve left your diet and exercise regime too late.

Try and make the most of yet another summer of shame.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Joining a swingers club is all well and good, but perhaps be a little selective with whom you choose to tell.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Stop trying to help people who don’t appreciate you generosity and focus solely on maximising your own utility instead.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Despite leaving no stone unturned, the origin of the foulsmelling fluff in your undies will remain unknown.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Try and avoid kissing people where possible, especially if you’ve recently munched on a dirty kebab.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Avoiding a problem rather than dealing with it is a proven short-term strategy for a stress-free life.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Your parents may be bloody annoying, but at the end of the day you’re just a slightly more tech savvy version of them.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Ostracise the annoying factchecking friend from your group so they can no longer sabotage your exaggerated stories.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Stop worrying about the material wealth of those around you.

Your mates may seem rich but they’re just as miserable as you.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions

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Marine & Coastal Discovery Program 1-12 October 2019

Get ready for hands-on adventure these school holidays as part of Randwick City Council’s spring Marine and Coastal Program.

Bookings essential!

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au