The Beast - October 2017

BEAST The

October 2017

PATRICK McGORRY

Fighting the Good Fight

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Restaurant $115 Start your celebrations with a flute of Chandon NV and move on to a three-course meal curated by Jordan Toft.

Keep it casual Watch the race downstairs over a drink or two.

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Contents 08 09 10 12 20

Contents Welcome Note Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Bloke

22 24 24 26 27

October 2017 Issue 153 Local Chick Thumbs Doggie Rescue Local News Beastpops

Solid Cemo's, by Nick Bourdo, @bourdophotography.

40 42 43 44 50

Satire Calendar Trade Directory Interview Fish ‘n’ Tips

52 54 56 58 60

Tide Chart Unreliable Guide Sporting Life Travel Bug Sexy Time

W

62 64 66 68 70

Street Style Enviro News Local Photos Bandage Reviews

72 76 80 82 82

Arts Bits Food & Wine Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

elcome to the October 2017 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. Wow, October really sounds like the year’s nearly over, doesn’t it? It’s probably the month your primary school teacher would start trying to think up Christmas craft activities back in the day. But it’s also the month when you really start thinking about what you’ve achieved during the year - probably not a great deal - and how much you can possibly squeeze into the remaining months.

This being the case, we’ve got some rollicking good times ahead for you, folks. From October 19 to November 5, Sculpture by the Sea will once again be returning to compliment our coastline, this time for its 20th year. If you’ve been living around these parts for a while, we’re sure you’ll be as proud and impressed as we are to see how far Sculpture by the Sea has come. Or, if you’re one of those twats who chooses to go for a jog in the middle of the day on a weekend, you’ll just bitch and moan about it and be miserable.

We’ve also included a piece about the resurgence of the live music scene that’s been taking place in Sydney of late. Well, let’s be honest, it’s a blatant plug for our clients, but that's okay, isn’t it? Talking to the men and women behind the venues that are giving local musicians a go has really reminded us of the earnest drive and tenacity that exists in so many wonderful people in our part of the world.

For those of you who are propertyminded, we also take a look at the local housing market, since this is the only thing that people around here actually give a shit about, other than money. Will the bubble burst? Probably not while we’re importing 250,000 people a year.

We also catch up with the legendary owner of TONI&GUY Bondi Beach, Kelly Wright, who is working with remote Indigenous communities to provide sustainable housing. She is a formidably passionate woman, who has always supported The Beast. We wish her all the best.

Finally, October is Mental Health Month, and we had the pleasure of interviewing the 2010 Australian of the Year, renowned psychiatrist, and founder of national youth mental health service, headspace (with a lower case ‘h’), Professor Patrick McGorry. We hope you enjoy.

Thanks for reading our little magazine, we had fun putting it together for you.

Maddy, Dan, and James - Publishers

$

A crusader for the downtrodden developer.

ROBERT'S REALITY CHECK Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Sunny Setclause

R

eaders, when you think of a group that is maligned and vigorously attacked by the government, which one comes to mind?

The ABC? Refugees? Centrelink recipients? NGOs? Bikies? I surmise none of you are thinking of the building industry, an all-powerful parasite with interests represented by manipulative lobbyists and secured by large political donations.

Yet there is one man who believes the building industry is discriminated against by the government, the banks, Lucy Turnbull, social housing occupants, and first-time home buyers, and as such, deserves our sympathy. That man is The Australian columnist, Robert Gottliebsen.

10 The Beast | October 2017

Pearl never reads The Australian - it is as unpalatable as a breakfast of bone broth with whisked eggs, filled with fear-mongering and hate for the common man. But with the Eastern Suburbs under constant threat from the development scourge, I suggest readers put aside any bias and take a serious look at Gottliebsen’s article, “Home Building Fears Realised,” online. It reeks of pure desperation and hysteria, employing the same bully-boy tactics the building industry is known for. It is the ravings of someone either out of touch with reality or doing the lobbyists’ bidding. I relished picking it to pieces for its pure hypocrisy, and I hope readers do too.

In his article, Gottliebsen

admonishes anyone - including the “meddling” Lucy Turnbull - ungrateful enough not to appreciate the land-grabbing greed of an extremely wealthy industry intent on covering every square metre of Australia with cheaply built crap for their own financial benefit.

Not only are Australians ungrateful, but Gottliebsen “can’t recall such a widespread, vigorous attack on any Australian industry.”

Interest rate rises, lending rules, a glutted market, falling house prices, inefficient development approvals; all the evils of a free-market democratic society, out to destroy the poor property developer and create a crisis, and no one is intervening to help the industry out!

Even the “vandalism inflicted on the South Australian power supply” comes in for a hysterical serve. Where’s our gratitude to the Chinese developers who have created the boom in eyesore innercity dwellings? Why aren’t the banks prepared to risk exposure and help them out? Why are state governments imposing taxes and charges on Chinese investors who “feel unwelcome”?

I recall Gottliebsen with some fondness from the early 1990s; I remember listening to his Business Review Weekly’s Business Essentials series on cassette. At the time, he had a cult following, and if he’d been imparting right-wing dribble, I certainly would not have bumped The Band’s Big Pink record for Gottliebsen’s economic wisdom.

Revisiting his work via The Australian, I feel nothing but disgust. The building industry represents all that is wrong with Australia: overt greed, destruction of habitat and heritage, cheap and nasty corner-cutting, not to forget corruption. Ask anyone who has bought an off-the-plan apartment that has been faced with legal loop holes, leaking shower recesses, and poor-quality fittings whether they think the building industry is discriminated against. Ask refugees and Indigenous Australians about feeling “unwelcome.” You need a reality check, Gottliebsen!

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NORTHBONDIRSL.COM.AU

THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs HERE WE GO AGAIN Dear Beast - Five years after the Bronte RSL sub-branch engaged a developer to redevelop the Bronte RSL site on Macpherson Street, we are headed back to a Land and Environment Court hearing at the RSL site on October 4 to discuss yet another non-complying DA. It beggars belief, but if the Land and Environment Court approves this bigger and taller DA we will end up with a building that is similar to the original plans that were rejected by the Joint Regional Planning Panel in 2013 for being too big. Five years of community effort, countless hours of hard work by our council planners and elected councillors, together with who knows how many taxpayer dollars, could be thrown out the door by the court.

So now, five years after being promised a development that would save the Bronte RSL Club, what are we left with? No RSL club, no RSL sub-branch meeting place, and no community space. All we have is yet another proposal to overdevelop the site and significantly breach the planning controls - controls that have been put in place after an exhaustive strategic planning process, and that have been endorsed by the head of the NSW Department of Planning.

This is a story that is bigger than Bronte. It is about cashed-up developers coming into everyone’s neighbourhood and getting the rules re-written to suit their money-making ventures through a relentless, never-ending manipulation of the system.

If you are sick of the overdevelopment of our suburbs, sick

12 The Beast | October 2017

of cashed-up developers getting whatever they want, and sick of having no say in the future of your own neighbourhood, then you need to join us on October 4 at 9.30am at the Bronte RSL site. We will be there telling the Land and Environment Court Commissioner that the planning controls, i.e. our laws, must be enforced and that developers Danny Avidan and Rafi Assouline should stick to their word and build what has been approved.

Stephen Lightfoot Save Bronte Spokesperson THE BITTERNESS OF THE PELL In The Beast’s September edition, two letters defended George Pell because The Beast had the audacity to call a spade a spade: “Pell, the pompous old prick.”

The first letter feels that The Beast has an “animosity” against the Catholic Church. Perhaps this is well founded, given the long and unsavoury history of the Catholic Church kick-starting the last thousand years with a little crusade, under the heading, “Let’s massacre a few Muslims.” Finishing this, the church went off to kill countless Indians in the newly discovered Americas, all the while engaging in a little witch burning at home and torturing and killing up to 200,000 people, mostly women.

Having invented the word “propaganda” (Congregatio de Propaganda Fide, 1622), a 30 year-long war devastated Europe with the blessing of the Catholic Church.

More recently, the Catholic Church did not excommunicate Adolf Hitler (a Catholic). Instead,

it organised a Nazi escape route to (mostly Catholic) South American countries. Before that, the Catholic Church aided the invention of the Italian Fascio (Fascism) and supported Spain’s crypto-fascist Franco.

Only very recently, it came to light that the Catholic Church made the Lost Children of Francoism in Spain possible.

As recently as last month, we learned that “two brothers were told by their foster father that he had bought them from a priest.” Those brothers still live today.

The list of crimes is endless and also includes the septic tank full of dead children in Ireland, etc. Given the rather incomplete list of crimes, some might understand a certain animosity towards the Catholic Church.

The first letter also says that The Beast “is entitled to offend.” Well, yes it is. This is modernity, and the Catholic Church’s Index Librorum Prohibitorum no longer prevents The Beast from doing so, thankfully.

Nor can its editors be tortured and burned at the stake. Perhaps it might just be possible that having sex with young boys (one of the Church’s more recent crimes) offends some people.

Thankfully, today the Catholic Church can no longer determine that The Beast “sticks to what it is good at.” Now it is up to The Beast to decide what it publishes. It is no longer up to the Catholic Church who, incidentally, told the same thing to a certain Galileo Galilei (1564-1642), only to admit roughly 400 years later that “The Catholic Church was dead wrong.” By the time of Galilei’s death, a certain Isaac Newton (1642-1727) had continued Galilei’s work, perhaps because nobody told him to stick to what he is good at. Hence, the Roman Catholic world declined, and the English world rose, and we speak English - not Latin - today.

The second letter mentions “my faith to be trashed.” Well, some people’s faith in the Catholic Church was trashed when they learned what had been done to children under the Catholics’ watch and by some of the Catholic Church’s hands (and other body parts). Thankfully, today it is no longer the Church’s victims that “rot in jail” (second letter), but some of the Church’s sex offenders.

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Finally, nobody really “happens to be Christian”; people are made into believers, or perhaps are indoctrinated – since Nietzsche, we know as much. Today, many are still indoctrinated by an institution that has, for thousands of years, made it their cause to torment others and prevent modernity. Modernity means, thankfully, the ruthless investigations of the Catholic Church’s sex crimes, and this includes Mr Pell. It also means that The Beast can say what it says without being prevented from doing so by the Catholic Church.

Thomas Klikauer Coogee DON’T BE A BIKING IDIOT I am appalled at the story encouraging parents to disregard their children's safety by putting them on, in front of, or behind, push bikes, electric or otherwise (Enviro News, The Beast, September 2017).

And, for local magazines condoning it, how can their partners wave them goodbye in the morning?!

These parents are pathetic showoffs, and I hope their wake-up call isn't a tragedy. We aren't in

Amsterdam or Holland; we are in the busiest peak hour traffic in the Eastern Suburbs. Being eco-friendly is fine, but not at the risk of kids' safety. Shame on you!

D Richards Clovelly NEW FACILITIES AT COOGEE BEACH Now that the new facilities are almost finished, it was with disbelief that I looked through the gaps and saw that, in this new, modern facility, we still have the same old unworkable lifeguard's lookout. I can't believe a lookout can be so close to the ground that anyone in trouble can't actually be seen by the lifeguards. It doesn't seem to matter how many times this has been pointed out to the decision makers, this fact is simply ignored. The actual swimmers and the lifeguards grasp this fact only too well.

I know the lifeguards have been so happy in their temporary accommodation, because they say that for once they have actually been able to see over the top of the water. For goodness’ sake, let's get an old, portable lifeguard tower to sit on the sand, so that people swimming can

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14 The Beast | October 2017

actually be seen by them.

Secondly, what's with the opaque glass, yet again? How do people even find the lifeguards to report a problem that they have no way of seeing?

Quite frankly, what is the point of employing lifeguards if they are invisible and we are invisible to them?

Weekends are great and so safe; those kids on patrol are so visible all over the beach, and anyone in trouble is immediately visible to them.

Pancherino Coogee Beach EASTERN SUBURBS BEACHES ARE JUST 'ALRIGHT' While I am all for positive self-talk, a dose of reality is also somewhat necessary from time to time.

The continual references to our Eastern Suburbs beaches being among the best in the world is a bit of a stretch in my opinion. Bondi, for example, may be iconic, but as far as beaches go, it's way down the list.

That is, unless you like tiny beaches with rough sand and cold water.

I'll continue to visit these beaches, but I'll never refer to them as being among the best in the world.

Jason

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THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD DO ITS JOB Dear Beasty Boys and your readers - What would The Beast be without a word on our Constitution (no, I don’t mean your condition the morning after you’ve been switching between the Bledisloe, AFL, and NRL matches with a slab or two the night before!).

What a load of hoo-haa! First, a postal ‘survey’ on same-sex marriage, then, a decade from now, a plebiscite on recognising our first Australians, and then, somewhere leading up to the next millennia, a referendum to recognise local government in the Constitution, instead of keeping them beholden to a bunch of motley state governments around the country when local councils seem to be the only sector of government that can get anything done on the ground. As if any of these constitutional changes will ever get off the ground in the climate of political self-interest and short-term politicisation that federal and state governments seem to thrive in.

Get off the couch, get on your Facebook page, contact your local useless member, and just keep

telling every politician you meet trying to kiss your baby - what you really want: a constitutional amendment that says politicians should look after the country before they look after themselves!

Give us a Bill of Rights and a federal anti-corruption squad so we can really keep the bastards honest!

Ima Watt Angry stall holder NEIL PERRY INTERVIEW A FEAST Dear Beasties - Congratulations to Madeleine Gray for her interview with Neil Perry. Many interviews with Neil Perry have been published over the years, but I’ve not previously read one that so honestly and straightforwardly set out his early influences, his career, and his hopes for the future.

My thanks to Madeleine, and to Jeremy Greive for a very fine photograph.

Sandra DESIGNER VAGINAS Dear Beast - I am a local GP in Bondi, and too often see young women who are unsure/unhappy as to whether their genitalia are normal.

It is often a topic of discussion among colleagues that ‘unwaxed’ genitalia are extremely uncommon, and I can only ponder whether this has led to more uncertainty regarding what’s normal. It was previously all covered by hair that has a role in protecting the sensitive labia.

An excellent resource for your readers is www.labialibrary.org.au, which shows the wide variation of ‘normal’. I tell my patients that labia are a bit like noses - every one is different!

Dr Linda Lombard GP in Bondi RESPONSE TO MR MAIDMENT Dear Editor - I’m astonished Mr Maidment continues to insist Queen Elizabeth Drive will remain merely, in his words, “an access road for police, ambulance, and variety of other service vehicles,” (Letters, The Beast, September 2017) if the car park is removed from it.

Can you picture the scene? An empty Queen Elizabeth Drive with no cars parked and no pedestrians, whose sole purpose is to wait for the occasional emergency/service vehicle to drive along? Despite

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council fact sheets saying otherwise, Mr Maidment insists it will not be pedestrianised.

I start work early in the CBD, and my walk takes me through Pitt Street Mall. In the early hours you see delivery and all manner of vehicles servicing the many businesses in the mall. I’ve seen police and ambulance vehicles access Pitt Street Mall in the middle of the day. I’ve seen trucks access it to put up the Christmas lights.

Under Mr Maidment’s definition, Pitt Street Mall is merely an “access road’’ for service and emergency vehicles. To the rest of us it is a busy pedestrian mall.

There are other examples of former streets that are now pedestrianised including, but not limited to, Oxford Street Mall and the eastern and western sides of Circular Quay.

I can picture Mr Maidment writing letters of objection against those as well. “No, no, Dear Editor, it will only be an access road for service vehicles, only an access road!

Please, don’t do it!!”

Alan Doyle Bellevue Hill WAVERLEY COMMUNITY PLAN Dear Editor - It was timely to read the letter in last month’s edition of The Beast regarding Waverley Together, Council’s current long term community strategic plan.

It is a legislative requirement for all councils, following ordinary elections, to review the Community Strategic Plan by June of the following year. So, Waverley Council is required to consult with the community and develop a new community plan, or review the existing one, by June 2018.

The development of a new Waverley Community Plan will involve engaging broadly with our community, in order to set the vision and priorities for Waverley for the next 10-11 years. The first step is that, by about November 2017, the elected Council will need to finalise and approve a community engagement strategy to guide this consultation.

Officers have also raised the possibility of adopting 6-10 ‘themes’ as the structure for the community plan, rather than the four quadrants previously used. Initial consultation at a community meeting provided positive feedback about the idea

18 The Beast | October 2017

of applying themes. The elected Council will decide on a structure for the plan that can best reflect community priorities.

There will be significant information provided to the community to assist with considering priorities, vision, and strategies, and this will be provided once the community consultation begins. In the meantime, Council’s existing community strategic plan, delivery program, operational plan, and financial statements are all available on Council’s website, as well as other corporate information.

Cathy Henderson Acting General Manager, Waverley Council THE GAYS CAN’T MARRY Dear James and Dan - I like The Beast as it is a very interesting publication, giving a fair voice to all.

With so many screeching, howling, crying babies around, your mag has a nice sanity about it, with many varied opinions freely printed. A very nice equilibrium I often find in Pearl Bullivant's page. Bravo, Pearl!

My humble input, if I may, is about the present same-sex marriage debate. Having a gay person in the family, I am told that “any couple living as partners have the same legal rights as represented in a legal will and testament re: property.” That fixes that, okay?

I will not go into the subject of gays’ children. I’ve met a few. Our young ones have enough problems to deal with in this fast age. Tests have also shown that they are not doing as well at school. Just listen to a child saying, “This is, hmm...

Mum, and this is, hmm... Mum too,” or vice-versa, be as it may.

My only objection is to use the word ‘marriage’. Come on guys! The word was used in the Bible! Millennia ago! Specific. Old-hat. Passé.

We are space-age!

Gays are so clever; so verbose.

They are! Why not come up with a word of their own choice? A spanking-brightly-new one?! (I'm ruminating for a suitable word for a gay ‘divorce’ also).

I have faith that they can come up with a new twist. Bless them if they do. Thanks for your time, James, and my congratulations on The Beast and Pearl again.

Francine

EDITOR'S NOTE IN RESPONSE TO ‘THE GAYS CAN’T MARRY’ Hi Francine - While we appreciate your enjoyment of our magazine, we would like to take this opportunity to publicly state that we at The Beast are strong supporters of marriage equality.

Many words had definitions in the Bible that do not hold now, because language and meaning evolve (as we do, now that women are not considered chattel, as they were in Biblical times, for example).

No doubt the LGBTIQ community could come up with a new word for ‘marriage’ but then it wouldn’t be marriage, and that wouldn’t be equality. Your decision to refer to gay people as ‘Gays’ is demeaning - they are gay people, as you yourself are presumably a straight person, and not a ‘Straight’.

Further, there is literally no evidence - that is not blatantly made up - to support the idea that the children of homosexual couples are worse off educationally, let alone in any other way.

Kind regards, The Beast

THE BEAST Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month.

55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in shopfronts by our trustworthy distribution team.

PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

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Not a bad quiver, Pat.

LOCAL BLOKE... PAT CAHILL FROM BONDI BEACH Interview James Hutton Picture Andrew Froggatt

W

hen local surfer Pat Cahill isn't running the show out at Tama Reef, you'll find him playing with the immense quiver of surfboards at his Bondi surf shop, Sunburnt Mess. Pat shares his local faves with The Beast...

pretty epic too, and Mojo’s for tapas and sangria.

How long have you lived here?

I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs my whole life, but I’ve lived next to the beach in Bondi for the past ten years.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic on Bondi Road does my head in.

What's your favourite beach?

Tamarama and Mackenzies Bay. It's home, and although most of the time the waves are pretty average, it does get fun from time to time, and there’s a good crew to surf with so that makes up for it.

Where do you like to have a drink?

North Bondi RSL is always good for a sunset beer.

What's your favourite eatery?

There are so many options. Post surf, the bacon and egg roll at Deluxe is dangerous. Porch and Parlour or Drake for dinner are 20 The Beast | October 2017

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? We're lucky to have the beaches and coastline right on our doorstep.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? A few of my crew are into fantasy surfing, so whoever is on my team for that. I like the NRL, but I don't follow any specific team.

What music are you into at the moment? Dinosaur Jr., The Cure, Ariel Pink, Nothing, Brand New, White Fence, Warpaint, The GoBetweens, and Joe Strummer, to name a few.

Who is your favourite person? That would be my girlfriend, Tina.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I work over the weekend but

I’ll usually try and sneak a late surf in, and then catch up with friends for dinner and drinks afterwards.

What do you do for work? I own and run a surf shop down in Bondi called Sunburnt Mess.

We specialise in custom and alternative-shape surfboards, plus all the extras you need to keep you surfing. I also work a couple of days up at Surf Culture, Bondi Junction.

What's your favourite thing about work? I wanted to create a space where surfers can come and check out different surfboard designs and share knowledge and ideas with each other. Surfers are an eclectic bunch, and getting to meet so many interesting people who you become friends with and learn from is great. I love it when a customer comes back from a trip and says their new board is “the best ever.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Be excellent to each other, and if you see any trash on the beach, pick it up!

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Hat Trio lately, I like their folkjazz fusion. I’m also super lucky to get to see and hear the Sydney Symphony Orchestra a lot, as my daughter is a violinist with them.

Who is your favourite person?

Well, to be honest, it’s my hubby!

I am also inspired by Maggie Beer.

She is always so positive, smart, and creative. She makes us all happy; she seems like a joy bubble.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I run music and movement classes on the weekend for my business, Ukubebe. And, apart from facilitating some family drumming classes on Saturday mornings, I try to have some down time. I love to get to the beach for a walk in winter and a swim in summer. My husband and I eat out mostly and catch up with friends from our church.

Joanne knows where the fun's at.

LOCAL CHICK...

JOANNE STEELE FROM RANDWICK Interview James Hutton Picture Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

J

Where do you like to have a drink?

The Double Bay Sailing Club, or anywhere on the water.

How long have you lived here? I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs for eight years now, between Randwick and Double Bay.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The fabulous small pockets of local communities that are really connected through parent’s groups, markets, schools, and beaches. I love that I can bump into friends and families everywhere I go.

oanne Steele is the owner and director of Ukubebe, providing fun musical activities that parents can enjoy with their kids. Joanne shares her local favourites with The Beast...

What's your favourite beach? It’s a toss-up between Bondi and Coogee, both are really fab. I love the expansiveness of Bondi and the family vibe at Coogee.

What's your favourite eatery?

There are too many amazing restaurants around here to mention them all, but I do enjoy an icecream from Gelatissimo when I'm at the beach.

22 The Beast | October 2017

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The cost of housing and the traffic, especially on the weekends.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Brumbies - I’m from Canberra originally. I’ve endured lots of cold weather at Bruce Stadium while watching rugby there.

What music are you into at the moment? I’ve been enjoying the Tin

What do you do for work? I’m an early childhood music educator, and I'm proud to be the owner and director of Ukubebe Music.

I teach music and movement classes to young children, as well as the ukulele, African drumming and percussion, and a dance-yoga class. My classes help children to unlock the potential of music and movement, without the traditional stresses and pressures they experience when attending competitive classes. You can check out our website, www.ukubebe.com.au.

What's your favourite thing about work? I’m always inspired by meeting families and sharing the joy of music-making with them.

It’s a great way for local mums and families to meet and watch their bubs have a great time. Music provides an endless source of beauty, connection, history, and passion; it has the power to transform us.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Find joy in the ordinary things.”

- A.A Milne (Pooh Bear).

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Don’t let the past define you, it’s gone.

YOU MUST GROW OLD, BUT YOU CHOOSE TO GROW UP!

October 2017 | The Beast 23

HARMONY Age 4 years old Sex Female Breed English Staffy Weight 19kg

Ladies, this is not a good look.

THUMBS UP LIVE MUSIC Nothing beats the adrenaline and exhilaration of a pumping live performance, and it's good to see locals investing in its resurgence.

HEALTH PROFESSIONALS Those precious members of society who are around to look after you when the shit really hits the fan.

KINGSFORD EATERIES Just about every cuisine you can imagine, within a couple of minutes’ drive from the beaches, and plenty of parking.

ALFY, BIG AHMED & LITTLE AHMED A big shoutout to the legends that deliver a semi-trailer load of Beasts to our garage each month.

GRANDPARENTS Making city living with kids a lot more manageable than it otherwise would be, especially when every childcare centre is full!

THUMBS DOWN PLASTIC FACES We're noticing a lot more of these hideous creatures infiltrating the beaches lately. Do us all a favour and stay in Double Bay. DODGY PROPERTY DEVELOPERS Knocking up lemons to make a quick buck, then pissing off to leave the locals to deal with the fallout.

WIND Unless you're a windmill, or trying to fly a kite, wind is easily the most annoying thing you'll be required to deal with on a regular basis.

LOCAL MAILBOX NARKS To the argumentative idiots with too much time on their hands: if you don't like the magazine, just put it in the bin.

DUMB U-TURNS You don't need a town planning degree to know that there should be a roundabout at the corner of Macpherson and St Thomas Streets.

24 The Beast | October 2017

Harmony is an athletic, good-natured girl. She can get very excited, but she is also anxious when placed in new and unusual settings. She is a strong girl, who appears to have not been walked on a lead before. She is very focused on food and is easy to train. When she is scared, she drops down and crawls on her belly.

She needs an active, strong family to do some basic training with her. She has a smooth coat and comes de-sexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free, and microchipped. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

TASHA Age 3-4 years old Sex Female Breed Sharpei x Labrador Weight 24.4kg Tasha is a friendly but slightly timid girl, who loves to give you licks. She has a very affectionate nature.

She is keen to walk on a lead but can be a bit scared of cars and other dogs. She needs a family to give her confidence and training. She really likes to jog and enjoys pats and cuddles with volunteers. She knows how to sit on command. She would prefer not to live with cats. She has a short coat and comes de-sexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free, and microchipped.

For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

MILLY Age 12 months old Sex Female Breed Mini Foxy x Chihuahua Weight 3.5kg Milly is a timid girl, who is slowly learning to trust us, and is getting more comfortable with being picked up by strangers. If you move too quickly she can snap. She needs slow hand movements and a gentle voice. Milly is social with dogs of a similar size. At present, she is experiencing a lot of new things and does tend to bark when placed in new, frightening situations, which is her way of dealing with it. She has a short coat and comes de-sexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free, and microchipped. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

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ART EDUCATION TO PLAY CRUCIAL ROLE IN 20th YEAR OF SCULPTURE BY THE SEA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Salvador Dali

F

rom October 19 to November 5, Sculpture by the Sea will once again be returning to the Beaches of the East, and this time for a particularly significant milestone: 20 years of Sculpture.

It is hard to get our heads around the fact that it has been 20 years since 1997, but hey, the facts don’t lie (unless of course they are alternative facts).

David Handley, the festival’s Founding Director, cites an outdoor sculpture garden in Prague, “running away from the corporate world,” and the natural wonder of the Bondi to Bronte coastline as three of his major motivations for founding Sculpture by the Sea back in that time.

He remembers, “Returning to Sydney in 1996, friends who knew about my idea suggested I take a walk along the Bondi to Tamarama coastal walk (thanks Marie-Violaine and Matthew). All around me I saw natural plinth after natural plinth where sculptures of all descriptions could be installed.”

He adds, self-deprecatingly, “At the time, I was expecting to land a 26 The Beast | October 2017

major film job any day, so the idea for the exhibition was put on hold until I realised the film job was not going to come through.

“With nothing scheduled in my life for several months, I thought I would set ‘Art by the Sea’ in motion, as I was still thinking of including paintings. It did not take more than a day to realise paintings would be an absolute liability in the wind - and sometimes rain - of the cliff-top walk. So that idea was dropped.”

And so Sculpture began.

This year’s line-up of local, national, and international artists is unsurprisingly stellar, as ever.

Internationally, there will be sculptures by sculptors from Japan, Denmark, Slovakia, the United States, and more.

Milan Kuzica, for example, from the Czech Republic, will be exhibiting his work, Green Life, which won him the Andrea Stretton Memorial Invitation after its showing at Sculpture by the Sea, Cottesloe, earlier this year. The work is a towering but organically shaped bright green pylon, and we

cannot wait to see where it will be exhibited along the coast.

A focus of this year’s festival, which has been increasingly at the forefront of Sculpture for some time now, is art education for school children. An education program has been compiled to stimulate teachers and students, expand language and observation skills, and encourage creativity. Students are encouraged to cultivate individual responses to the art through directed interactive discussion and art-making activities with exhibiting contemporary artists and Sculpture by the Sea educators. Talk about lucky kids!

Says the team at Sculpture, “Visual art plays an important role in the social, cultural, and spiritual lives of individuals. It offers a wide range of opportunities to appreciate meaning - personally, culturally, and as a form of communication. By developing a unique, affordable, creative, and accessible education program, Sculpture by the Sea hopes to provide quality education experiences to an increasingly diverse audience.”

ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS YEAR'S SCULPTURE BY THE SEA? Words and Pictures Catriona Stirrat

Alan TAMARAMA

I think Sculpture by the Sea is a fantastic event, and it’s completely free to the public, so I am really looking forward to it this year. Seeing all the art and sculptures really creates that atmosphere of fun for everyone.

Alana COOGEE

I always look forward to Sculpture by the Sea because it’s the perfect way to spend some quality time with my family.

Ray BRONTE

Jodi BRONTE

I love Sculpture by the Sea because it invites a lot of people to see the beautiful Eastern Beaches.

It is a wonderful walk with really incredible art.

Sculpture by the Sea is always a bit of fun. I really enjoying looking at the new sculptures each year along the coastal walk.

Sye BONDI

The best part of Sculpture is that it brightens up Bondi and reminds people of what Bondi is about. I think Bondi really needs that lately, especially with the departure of lots of artists due to the rising cost of living here.

Novella COOGEE

I am looking forward to seeing Sculpture by the Sea, but I hope it is pram-friendly because I would like to take my little boy along too. I prefer to go on a quiet weekday when it is not too crowded.

October 2017 | The Beast 27

Hiaground's charismatic frontman, Jimmy Heathwood.

IS COOGEE SYDNEY’S NEXT LIVE MUSIC HUB? Words Madeleine Gray Picture Nick Fraser

I

n case you haven’t been paying attention, there appears to be a burgeoning renaissance in the live music scene in Sydney’s East – particularly in Coogee.

Three live music venues, in particular, have garnered our attention in recent times as they have metamorphosed venues and businesses that are not necessarily traditionally geared towards live gigs into extremely supportive creative spaces for young, local musicians and their fans.

Old Dave’s Soul is a restaurant as well as a gig space, Coogee Pavilion is a gargantuan Merivale bar establishment, and Coogee Diggers is first and foremost an RSL. And yet each of these venues is doing their bit to give the local 28 The Beast | October 2017

music industry a go.

Dave Treacy, the Managing Director at Old Dave’s Soul, explains, “Our aim is to provide friendly, relaxed service, showcase great local artists, offer amazing food and beverages, while building a sense of community. We finish tunes at 10pm on weeknights, 11pm Friday and Saturday, and have music pretty much all day Sunday.”

Dave says the most memorable performances “would have to be Abby May’s debut gig (what a cool young woman) and BALKO’s EP launch (keep an eye out for these young legends). However, my favourite act would have to be ‘Old Dave’s Bandits’ – our house band, who are amazing and part of the family now.”

Over at Coogee Diggers, Phil Vannan opened The Bunker in late 2011, which has gradually been gaining a real reputation. “It was a tired old space that had snooker tables and worn out carpet, which lent itself perfectly to be the Juke joint/ dive bar space it is now,” he says.

When asked if local venues have a responsibility to foster local talent, Phil replies, “You only get big acts that everybody knows if they get to play somewhere enough times to get good. We will keep trying to fight that good fight! We have also maintained a songwriter’s night every Tuesday now for over four years, started by the late Karl Brodie. That’s something everyone is very proud of.

“Plus, we just have amazing gigs, including Ian Moss, Diesel, Ed Kuepper, Thirsty Merc, Tex Perkins, Justin Townes Earle, Steve Poltz, and Sydney boys, Little Bastard.”

Over at Coogee Pavilion, electronic music is the thing, with DJs playing throughout the week, and even more acts for the Sunday Sundown Series on the rooftop during summer. Yolanda Be Cool, PNAU, The Preatures and Safia have all played, and venue coordinator Sara Jones confirms that while “gigs certainly do make people thirsty, we really want to give something back to our regulars.”

It’s clear that each of these folks is passionate, not just businessminded, about providing a musical platform.

Explains Dave, “Music is a creative expression. Old Dave’s Soul allows artists to express themselves in a productive and creative manner. Plus, it’s a fun night out. We aren’t pretentious wankers. We feature different genres such as blues, soul, rock, and indie, so no matter what your demographic we’ve got something for you.

Talking about charging for gigs, Phil discussed pros and cons, and ended up just saying this: “Honestly, I’d prefer to just get the tunes out there.”

So there you have it folks, the tunes are there. You just have to go listen.

BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Jean Dominique Martin THANKS TO FOREVER JOHNNO Rowena, from the Clancy Ward at Westmead Children’s Hospital, would like to give a big ‘Thankyou’ to Mal Ward and all the folks who gave generously to the Forever Johnno raffle. “We have been busy acquiring all the items on the wishlist since you popped in after the May raffle night with our huge cheque; we’ve already got new mattresses, parents’ beds, portable oxygen machines, and a blood pressure machine. You have an amazing team of helpers and supporters; please pass on our thanks to all of them.” Thanks, legends!

CLEAN CAR, CLEANER ENVIRONMENT WipeHero, known as the new ‘Uber of car-cleaning’, will come to you and wash your car on the spot at the push of a button. They’re helping thousands of drivers across Sydney to take back their weekends and save time on car washing, and they’ve just expanded their operations to include the Eastern Suburbs. With each wash you save 200

Morning has broken.

litres of water, using their waterless polymer technology. You can book a wash by downloading their app, or you can book via their website, www.wipehero.com.au. Use the code, THEBEAST, to get $10 off!

ON DEMAND PUBLIC TRANSPORT Well, if we haven’t heard just about everything: Member for Vaucluse, Gabrielle Upton, and Member for Coogee, Bruce Notley-Smith, have announced that public transport is coming right to the customer’s front door in the Eastern Suburbs, with the first trial of transport ‘On Demand’. The On Demand transport pilot, run by Transport for NSW, will connect commuters from their home address or local pick-up point to destinations including Edgecliff Station, Rose Bay Wharf, and Westfield Bondi Junction.

A CINEMA FOR DOUBLE BAY? Excellent news for cinephiles and bored teens with nothing better to do: Woollahra Council is one step closer to bringing a cinema back

to Double Bay, after reaching a principle agreement on a publicprivate partnership between Axiom, Built, and Palace Cinemas for the redevelopment of the Cross Street carpark in Double Bay. Fingers crossed that this possibility comes to fruition; Double Bay is a fabulous area that could do with a bit of revitalisation.

SEE POLO, BE FANCY The XI FIP World Polo Championship will take place at Sydney Polo Club, Richmond, from October 21 to 29. The world’s best players from Australia, Argentina, Chile, England, India, New Zealand, Spain, and the United States of America will compete, and while the competition promises to be fierce, the event will also host a myriad of activities off the field, including: food offerings, fashion, divot stomping, jousting, kids’ rides, live entertainment, and art exhibitions. Tickets are available online via www.wpcsydney.com, or at the gate, with children under 15 granted free entry.

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October 2017 | The Beast 31

The great Australian obsession.

THE EASTERN SUBURBS REAL ESTATE BUBBLE MAY SHRINK, BUT IT PROBABLY WON'T BURST Words Madeleine Gray Picture Anthony Deren

I

f you live in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney, it is actually quite a challenge to get through the day without someone mentioning the local property market and just how inaccessible it is.

For years now, median property prices in the East have continued to rise and rise, leading to the question on everyone’s lips: “When is the bubble going to burst?” Surely exponential growth is not a plausible market model when salaries are not rising accordingly, and the cost of living also grows stealthily higher?

Jodi Birch, a Residential Property Project Manager at BIS Oxford Economics, explains, “If we look at the quarterly median house prices in the East (defined as Randwick, Waverley, and Woollahra) over the last three 32 The Beast | October 2017

years, growth has been consistently strong, although you can see a tapering off in annual growth to June 2017.”

She elaborates, “The June quarter median house price is actually lower than it was in March 2017 and December 2016, although we expect this to be revised upwards somewhat as more sales information is recorded from these quarters.”

Without further sales information, though, the numbers do seem to speak volumes: in September 2014, the median house price in the East was $1,913,000. The median continued to steadily rise, reaching its peak in December 2016 at $2,612,300. Since then, it looks as if it is beginning to drop off ever so slightly, with the median being $2,592,100 in March

this year, and then, most recently, at $2,352,900 in June.

Birch confirms, “That said, we do expect prices to have peaked, with Sydney house prices overall expected to contract over the next two years.”

Principal of McCrindle, demographer Mark McCrindle, proffers another element to consider when it comes to housing prices: “Unsurprisingly, where population growth is strongest, house price rises are the highest.

Sydney is growing fast, having averaged 1.8% per annum for the last five years. It will add almost two million to its population by 2037, which is the equivalent of adding a new Perth into Sydney.”

This being the case, younger people looking to buy into the housing market – especially in the Eastern Suburbs, where demand is very high – are increasingly looking to either rent elsewhere, move interstate, or, if they are lucky enough to have parents or family living in the East, to continue to live with their parents into adulthood.

Says McCrindle, “More than two thirds of local residents (66%) have considered moving out of Sydney, with a quarter of all Sydneysiders (23%) saying they have seriously considered it. Additionally, while the ‘couple with kids’ household remains the most common household type in Australia, making up 32% of Australia’s households, household structures are changing with a noticeable rise of the multi-generational household.

“This type of arrangement is a significant financial advantage for Gen Y’ers who may be saving $15,000 per year on rent alone by living with their parents. For mum and dad, however, retirement plans are delayed and retirement savings significantly decrease.”

No matter which way you look at it, the current Eastern Suburbs housing market is not really helping anyone, unless they already have property. Anyone else better bunker down with the parentals, move an hour out of the CBD, or hitch a ride to the hinterlands.

Deciding to make a difference.

BONDI HAIRDRESSER DOING THE WRIGHT THING WITH REMOTE INDIGENOUS COMMUNITY Words Madeleine Gray Picture Anthea Williamson

H

airdressers are notoriously good talkers, but they’re also excellent listeners. They build up huge social networks comprising people from a vast cross-section of industries, and as anyone who has left a salon looking 100 times better than when they came in knows, hairdressers can also be totally ingenious.

Hairdresser and owner of two TONI&GUY franchises in Bondi and Randwick, Kelly Wright, has decided to utilize her “absurd skillset” to make a difference in the lives of remote Indigenous communities in Australia by working with them to create sustainable housing from the very plastic pollution that fills our world more and more every day.

Wright’s journey to running her now registered charity, Deciding To Make A Difference, began in March last year. A friend of hers was working on a charity project with the remote community of Jilkminggan in the Northern Territory, running a clothing drive to stock an op-shop in the community and raise money for a female Arts and Community Centre.

Wright shared a post on social media, asking people to drop off clothing to her TONI&GUY store. The post went viral, with 34 The Beast | October 2017

28,000 shares, and it became a national project with donation drop-off points at TONI&GUY stores around the country.

Wright was invited to the op-shop opening, and instead of feeling satisfied with her help, she instead realised how much more needed to be done.

“I thought, ‘they really don’t need the clothes; what they need is houses,’ ” she recalls.

New housing had not been built in Jilkminggan in 17 years. There was, and is, limited access to electricity, clean drinking water, and sanitation. Frequent flooding means only a small amount of houses are inhabitable at any one time.

Wright says, “Australian people are living in rural Australia in dilapidated housing that you would not let your pet live in. These people are Aboriginal, but that is not the point. They are Australian, and they are living in third world conditions and housing. That is not okay.”

By the time Wright arrived back in Bondi, she had started a blog, and the beginnings of her charity.

“As most hairdressers do, I thought that I could solve one of the world’s biggest problems.”

Wright has now teamed up with Nev House and architect Ken Mc-

Bryde to design and create sustainable housing for the community of Jilkminggan using plastic waste.

Crucially, though, the community is being continually consulted throughout the process.

One building, to be a drug and rehabilitation centre, has now been funded and will work as a model.

“Every house after this will be created by consultation with the family who will live there, as everyone has different needs and desires,” explains Wright.

“We’ll build around eight houses with similar engineering, but different elements, like height, windows, and so on, and then families can make informed decisions about what will work for them.”

“Further, we will help community members get accredited in various trades, and then they will build the houses themselves,” she adds.

The next step is acquiring corporate funding and getting volunteers with skillsets, like web development and graphic design, which will reduce the amount of charity money going into administrative costs.

To learn more and to get involved, please visit decidingtomakeadifference.org, and email hello@ decidingtomakeadifference.org.

MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture James Whelan Instagram @aquareve HEADSPACE BONDI JUNCTION SUPPORTS MARRIAGE EQUALITY Headspace Bondi Junction have released a joint statement with headspace centres around the country in support of marriage equality, urging individuals to vote ‘yes’ in the upcoming postal survey.

Coming from the perspective of youth mental health, it stated, “LGBTI people have poorer health outcomes, not because of who they are, but because of societal stigma, discrimination, and prejudice that results in their ill treatment and social isolation.” Get in the right headspace, vote ‘yes’ to equality!

THAT TROPHY LIFE The media underrepresentation of women in sport, particularly professional sport, is not only disheartening for female athletes and young girls, but actively contributes to a lack of corporate sponsorship and increased professionalisation.

Edgecliff local, Amelia Gilbert, has set out to change this with her new

Poolside princess.

female sports news website, www.trophylifesport.com.au.

Amelia and fellow writers document and discover the amazing achievements of women in sport in Australia at present, and scrutinize condescending attitudes to female sports and sports players.

DOLPHINS HELP SICK KIDS The annual Patty Byrne Sports Lunch, run each year by the Coogee Dolphins Sports Club, went off with a bang this September, raising $21,750 for Ronald McDonald House in Randwick. This is by far the most the lunch has raised in the last few years, and takes the team to a total well over $200,000. Who knew dolphins were smart, sporty, and benevolent?!

GARAGE SALE TRAIL Are you a bargain hunter? Have you got unwanted items that you’ve been wanting to get rid of ? Well, we’ve got good news for you: get to know your neighbours and be part

of the nation’s biggest weekend of garage sales on Saturday, October 21, and Sunday, October 22. There will be hundreds of stalls around the east and there are bound to be some diamonds in the rough, given that pretty much everyone around here is fairly cashed up these days.

To register your sale and see what’s happening in your neighbourhood, visit www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

THINK INSIDE THE BOX Think Japanese food is just about sushi? Think again. Enjoy a selection of Saké Double Bay’s Japanese dishes in the convenience of a traditional bento box express lunch from 12-3pm daily. Each compartment of this premium bento box boasts a different item, including popcorn shrimp, ginger garlic chicken, edamame, spicy tuna shiso, and grilled eggplant.

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October 2017 | The Beast 37

Vale Franciscus Oscar Oudenhoven. December 3, 1957-August 17, 2017.

WHAT A CHAMPION, WHAT A BLOKE Words Brenton McHatton and Brett McInnes Picture Supplied

O

n Friday, September 1, we had a great send off for one of the most well-known and colourful members of the Eastern Suburbs community, Franciscus Oscar Oudenhoven, better known as ‘Well Dressed Frank’, ‘All Day’, ‘Frank Smith’, or just plain old ‘Gherkin’.

A crowd of over 600 people spilled out of Matraville’s Eastern Suburbs Memorial Centre and onto Military Road, listening to hilarious tales of an Eastern Suburbs icon. The day was a great celebration of a life that was lived to the absolute fullest.

Frank was born in Holland in 1957 and moved to Australia when he was four years old. He didn’t speak English when he arrived, and he was still trying to master the language 55 years later.

Bondi ran through Frank's veins. He grew up in Reina Street, North Bondi, and attended Bondi Beach Public and Dover Heights Boys Schools, and he never moved very far away from that famous stink pipe up north.

His school days were the learnings of life and sport for Frank, and he got through study the best he could. He sometimes got himself into trouble, but his golden tongue usually got him out of it.

38 The Beast | October 2017

He loved all sports and tried his hand at just about all of them.

“In 1977, at the NSW Junior Squash Championships, Frank made the final against Australia’s second ranked junior, Alan Loveday. The final went all the way to the fifth set, with Frank leading 8-0 and needing only one more point to win the title. At that point, Loveday went down with a cramp and the umpire gave him three minutes to get rid of it and resume play,” his friend, Grant Donald, recalled.

“Frank stepped in and said ‘No, we will start again when he is ready.’

Twenty minutes later, they resumed play and Loveday went on to win 10-8 in the fifth, securing the NSW Under 19’s championship.

“That day said a lot about Frank. He was all about giving people a fair go - the chance to be their best - and he didn’t want to be a winner just because someone else couldn’t compete. That was Frank, he never wanted the easy way,” said Mr Donald.

Many local residents have played touch football, tennis, or squash with Frank, or enjoyed a night out with him. He was a man that took time to get to know everyone, and everyone that he met was touched by his genuine nature.

“On a holiday to one of the Greek Islands, I was taken around and introduced as a ‘good friend of Frank’s’, which immediately provided a warm welcome and an array of Frank stories - Frank had been there a few months earlier,” said another close friend, Trevor Stegman.

“When Frank met someone, he made a lasting impression. This was the magic of Frank: the ability to make long-lasting friendships with a truly amazing variety of people from different parts of society and different backgrounds, and then bring them together and mix these people, at sport, or at the table (for Frank loved a good feed),” said Stegman.

“I had so many nights out with Frank, and half of them I can't even remember. That was what Frank was about: the unplanned bender or the simple joy of having a beer at any Eastern Suburbs pub,” close mate, Brett Mcinnes, said.

“Frank was welcome everywhere, from Randi Wix's to the old Dolphin Street, and even the old Rugby Club. Our mate Frank was part of the furniture.

“But Frank was more than that - just ask all of his friends and family. I loved Frank for the company he kept, his quick wit and lightning tongue, and I’ll miss the random beers and bets we used to have. You would find him at the strangest places with the weirdest of people, but he loved everyone and he had time for everyone.”

My highlight of the day was being honoured to call the Frank Smith Cup - a phantom race call with some of Frank’s favourite names and phrases - and to say farewell to a very dear friend of mine. In the race, and in life, the people’s champion got up to win: It’s a bob of the heads as they hit the line together. And it’s Franciscus Oscar Oudenhoven by a nose! And a long nose at that. The people's champion gets up. What a win, what a champion, what a bloke!

And on that day, Franciscus Oscar Oudenhoven raced into Eastern Suburbs immortality.

The original pioneers of community acupuncture in Sydney are returning to Bondi Junction in early October

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Smarter than their owners.

FREE LITERACY CLASSES FOR EASTERN SUBURBS DOG PARENTS Satire Kieran Blake Picture Al Satian

L

ocal councils will provide free literacy classes to every dog parent in the Eastern Suburbs, in order to ensure that dogs are kept within designated limits at public places throughout the region.

A joint statement from Woollahra, Randwick, and Waverley Councils, in conjunction with Centennial Park and Moore Park Trust, outlined the innovative program.

“No considerate, thoughtful, and caring dog parent would ever knowingly walk their dogs in areas that are off limits.

“Clearly, they are simply incapable of reading the many signs that are posted in public spaces.”

The classes promise to teach all dog parents how to read signage and to act accordingly, in a progressive course.

“The highly recommended, and highly remunerated, educational consultancy company conducting the courses base their methods on the philosophy of Mastery Learning,” stated the spokesperson.

“Thus, once students have mastered the early units, such as ‘How

40 The Beast | October 2017

to Read’ and ‘What Is a Beach?’ they will progress to more complex units such as ‘Identifying Signs and Symbols’ and ‘Obeying Signs and Symbols’. Upon graduation, they will receive a certificate and specially designed poo bags.”

The classes will be conducted at community centres, schools, parks, beaches, and cafes.

“Councils recognise the very real time constraints facing local residents and have endeavoured to deliver classes in locations that are both accessible and desirable,” said the councils in a statement.

“Furthermore, we are acutely aware of the severe financial hardship suffered by many Eastern Suburbs residents and their subsequent inability to access quality education, which is why dog parents will receive the classes completely free of charge.”

Cost and location are not the only innovative aspects of the program. The teaching method is also unique.

Much of the course’s content will be taught by dedicated council rangers and lifeguards with mega-

phones. Other course modules will be taught by a faculty of dogs barking throughout the night.

Components of the course can also be accessed online, via an app, “because no self-respecting modern Sydney-sider would ever take action these days without first consulting an app.”

The electronic delivery method also recognises the increasing future demand for the classes.

“As high-rise developments are inevitably built in the region,” the spokesperson explained, “the number of dog parents and dogs will be so great that they simply won’t fit in the on-site training locations.”

In addition, course material will encourage residents of densely populated areas to own nothing larger than a Legally Blonde Chihuahua.

“Councils are extremely confident that free literacy classes for all dog parents will garner the desired results and ensure that public spaces can be enjoyed by everyone,” said the spokesperson.

“And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just teach the dogs to read.”

COUNCIL NEWS Waverley Cemetery Landslip and Coastal Walk Restoration Works We are thrilled to announce that works to restore Waverley Cemetery’s landslip and coastal walk commenced on Monday 18 September and will last for approximately 9–12 months. This work will address safety issues, reopen the coastal walk and secure the landslip from further slippage. While this work occurs, no vehicles can enter the cemetery. The cemetery can be accessed by foot only. The footprint of the site will continue to be fenced off and a number of traffic and safety measures will be in place. Help us keep you safe by keeping your eyes and ears open, and following instructions.

If you would like more information on this project, please visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.

South Head General Cemetery becomes Heritage Listed We are excited to announce that South Head General Cemetery has recently been listed on the State Heritage Register.

South Head Cemetery, located on Old South Head Road in Vaucluse, opened in 1845 and had its first interment in 1869. Today, over 6,000 gravesites and memorials span the four acre site.

It is the first general public cemetery in the eastern suburbs and which means it does not have sections reserved for particular religious denominations.

If you haven’t already, we urge you to visit the cemetery and take a look around. It’s an impressive historical site for Waverley.

Sculpture by the Sea It’s that time of year again, where the Coastal Walk comes alive between Marks Park and Tamarama Beach for Sculpture by the Sea. This year the event runs between 19 October and 5 November. There will be road closures in the area to help manage traffic.

Information will be available closer to the event, keep up-to-date by visiting waverley.nsw.gov.au.

CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events School Holiday Program 25 September–6 October Across Waverley Our Spring School Holiday program is here! From silent discos and coding to T20 cricket and Archibald Prize Inspired painting – there’s something for everyone!

Bookings are open at waverley.nsw.gov.au/ holidayprograms.

Screen Citizens Film Festival 5 October–30 November Bondi Pavilion Theatre To celebrate the talent of Australian and local Bondi film makers, Screen Citizens is a series of film screenings and talks with nationally and internationally recognised film makers. Hosted by local media professional and film reviewer, Peter Castaldi and will include talks with producers, directors and writers who will share their stories and experiences after each film.

For more information visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/theatre.

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

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DECIDING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE Bondi local, Kelly Wright, has started a charity that works with remote Indigenous communities to build sustainable houses. If you have some spare cash, or better yet, spare time, get in touch and see how you can help out at www. decidingtomakeadifference.org.

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BLUE KNOT DAY On this day, the Blue Knot Foundation asks everyone to unite in support of the 5 million Aussie adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse. Activities will be held from today until 22 October. For more info, please visit www.blueknot.org.au/BlueKnotDay. INTERNATIONAL PINK RIBBON DAY Every day, fifty Australian women are diagnosed with breast cancer.

Unite in pink and show your support for the Cancer Council.

You can contribute by buying merchandise today or by hosting a Pink Ribbon fundraiser anytime.

Visit www.pinkribbon.com.au.

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ART CLASS Adult colouring in books not doing it for you? Unleash your creative potential, and develop your artistic skills, under the talented guidance of artist and teacher, Lily Oen, at Bowen Library from 10.30am today. It’s only $3 per session. Call 9314 4888 to register.

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FOOD ADDICTS ANONYMOUS Are you struggling to control the way you eat? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall, Boyce Road, Maroubra, and every Tuesday at Cross Street Studio in Double Bay from 7pm. Visit www.foodaddicts.org.

THE WIZARD OF OZ @ THE RITZ Follow the yellow brick road down to the Ritz at 12.30pm today for a special screening of the classic film, The Wizard Of Oz, presented in glorious technicolour in a breathtaking 4K digital restoration. Tickets are only $10. Bring the kids if they haven’t seen it.

BRAN NUE DAE @ BONDI PAV Waverley Council has teamed up with Bondi film makers to run ‘Screen Citizens’, a series of screenings at Bondi Pavilion this month.

Tonight at 6.30pm, see musical comedy drama Bran Nue Dae, with guest speaker Graeme Isaac.

Tickets at www.eventbrite.com.au.

SUPPORT FEMPOWER fEMPOWER is a series of feminist workshops for high school students, started by members of Sydney University’s Wom*n’s Collective.

It’s an awesome initiative that relies on donations and volunteers, so dig deep and change the world! Visit www.fempoweraustralia.com.

INTERNATIONAL COMING OUT DAY Since 1988, October 11 has been ‘Coming Out Day’, a day to celebrate our LGBT community and the bravery and grassroots activism inherent in the act of coming out. We love and support all our Beasts - those who’ve come out, and those who are yet to!

BURNING MAN @ BONDI PAV Waverley Council has teamed with Bondi film makers to run ‘Screen Citizens’, a series of screenings at Bondi Pavilion over the month of October. Tonight at 6.30pm, see local drama Burning Man, with guest speaker Jonathan Teplitzky.

Tickets at www.eventbrite.com.au.

EUROPEAN OUTDOOR FILM TOUR For the first time ever screening in Australia, the European Outdoor Film Tour will be on tonight at 7pm. There are no actors, no scripts, and no second takes; this is real people doing adventurous, dangerous stunts, while being filmed. Please visit www.eoft.eu.

THE ROCKET @ BONDI PAV Waverley Council has teamed up with Bondi film makers to run ‘Screen Citizens’ at Bondi Pavilion.

Tonight at 6.30pm, see Aussie drama The Rocket, set in Northern Laos, with guest speakers Kim Mordaunt and Sylvia Wilczynski.

Tickets at www.eventbrite.com.au.

INTERSEX AWARENESS DAY Tomorrow is Intersex Awareness Day, an internationally observed awareness day to highlight human rights issues faced by intersex people. In light of all the shit that Caster Semenya had to deal with at the Rio Olympics, this day couldn’t come soon enough.

EYE OF THE STORM @ BONDI PAV Waverley Council has teamed with local film makers to run ‘Screen Citizens’, a series of screenings at Bondi Pavilion over the month of October. Tonight at 6.30pm, see drama Eye Of The Storm, set on location in Centennial Park.

Tickets at www.eventbrite.com.au.

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SCULPTURE BY THE SEA Today is the sixth day of this year’s Sculpture by the Sea, which runs from October 19 to November 5. This year there are a vast array of local and international artists, whose works will be spanning our scrumptious seascape. Pack a picnic and make a day of it.

Now you can upload all your local events for free

Removalist Zak Clark Clark Removals Ph: 0409 808 866 Builder/Electrician Matthew Olive Sydney Power House 8007 4229

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NRL GRAND FINAL DAY The pinnacle of the rugby league season is here. It’s a day all players dream of, and this year is shaping up to be bigger and better than ever. Visit www.nrl.com for plenty of activities that will appeal to all ages, including seeing Macklemore perform at the game.

ALEX LAHEY @ OAF Alex Lahey is a head-bangingly good Aussie singer and songwriter, whose emotional rock ballads are queer AF and super catchy.

She’s just announced her new album, and she’ll be performing it tonight at Oxford Art Factory.

Get in quick before tickets run out!

FOO FIGHTERS TRIBUTE BAND Tribute bands are always fun and you know it. Bring your mates, your mum, your squeeze, your ex, or whoever, to North Bondi RSL tonight and give in to the gloriously old school fun of having your favourite rock ballads revived by a bunch of talented musicians.

THE KITE STRING TANGLE @ OAF We don’t know how Oxford Art Factory does it, but it continues to draw the biggest names in indie music. Starting from 9pm tonight, The Kite String Tangle will be playing tracks from his new, selftitled debut album, with electronic queen, Austen, in the opening slot.

80s HORROR MARATHON @ THE RITZ This Friday the 13th, prepare to be terrified! Prepare to scream!

Prepare for the Ritz Cinema’s ‘Graveyard Shift’. With films including Near Dark, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Re-Animator, and Poltergeist running from 7pm to 3am, it’s set to be a horror feast.

AUSTRALIAN TRILOGY AT THE RATS What’s better than one tribute band in one night? How about a tribute band that honours four of your true blue music icons Crowded House, Midnight Oil, Hoodoo Gurus, and Split Enz? It’s free, it’s groovy, and it’s on for you tonight at North Bondi RSL.

BECOME AN AIME MENTOR Do you have some spare time?

Why not volunteer with AIME, a dynamic educational program that supports Indigenous students through high school and into university or further education at the same rate as all Australian students? Go to aimementoring.com.

AKOVA AT ONESPACE Musician, Akova, will tonight be performing at Onespace HQ, 66 Bondi Road, Bondi Junction.

Dubbed by music media as ‘The Rhythm King’, Akova enchants audiences with his proficiency in wielding his many instruments.

Visit www.onespace.com.au.

GARAGE SALE TRAIL This amazing national event was launched in Bondi and encourages households around Australia to hold garage sales on the same day.

Get rid of all that old junk of yours, and raise some coin for a good cause. It’s on from October 21-22.

Visit www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

BONDI MARKETS Bondi Markets have been going strong every Sunday from 10am to 4pm at Bondi Public School since 1993, because they continue to deliver the goods. Think hipster vintage meets flowers meets weird Billy Joel posters, and you’re half way there. Head down today!

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I WANNA SEE YOUR BAND Yes, that was a poorly executed pun on the Beatles classic, I Wanna Hold Your Hand, because tonight at North Bondi RSL, Beatles tribute band, Beatnix, will be performing - free of charge! Yep, get in and get jiggy with a schooner, while enjoying the best view in Sydney.

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Drain Jet & CCTV Steve Kova metrojet.com.au Ph: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Carpenter Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Concrete Head Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

by visiting www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

Fighting the Good Fight

PATRICK McGORRY Interview Madeleine Gray Picture Supplied

P

rofessor Patrick McGorry is a luminary when it comes to youth mental health in Australia. He is the Executive Director of Orygen, Professor of Youth Mental Health at The University of Melbourne, and a Director of the Board at headspace. In May last year, headspace opened its doors at Bondi Junction, offering a prolific range of services, like access to GPs, a sexual health clinic, an oral health clinic, employment support, family therapy, psychologists, and social workers. The Beast caught up with Prof McGorry to talk holistic approaches to youth mental health, why Australia’s asylum seeker policy is abominable, and how the power to change Australia’s mental health problems rests in our hands…

Where are you originally from?

Well, I was born in Dublin. My family is Irish. We had a two-step immigration to Australia via South Wales. My childhood was in Swansea, and then to Newcastle, north of Sydney. Newcastle was such a great place. My dad was actually a chest physician who specialised in the diseases of coal miners. My mum was a nurse, but we had four kids in the family, and she tended not to work after that.

You now specialize in the development of early intervention services for youth experiencing symptoms of psychosis, which is obviously not a rookie’s game. What planted the seed that made you want to pursue study in the area of mental health? Well, I definitely wanted to do something to help people, but I thought medicine was a bit limiting. My dad, I guess, put on a bit more family pressure to do it, because there are a lot of doctors in my family going way back. My

dad sort of said, “You've got to find something within medicine that's going to suit you.” And he was right, really, because once I learned a bit more about psychiatry, I could see that that was the thing that needed to be done. It was such a neglected area, and it still is, really.

In any other area of medicine, there’s plenty of smart people who are doing a great job and making a difference, but I thought, “This is where I can do the most good.”

It's the most fascinating thing, too, understanding how people think and how people will behave, and what could go wrong with that. I can't understand why it's not more popular amongst doctors, actually.

Can you give us a brief rundown of the path you trod between finishing high school and founding EPPIC, which is now ORYGEN’s early psychosis prevention and intervention centre? I did medicine in Sydney, and then I went back and worked in Newcastle for a few years. Then I got an opportunity to come to Melbourne to do some research into schizophrenia, and that’s when I really started doing this early intervention with young people with mental illness. That began in the mid-80s.

Founding EPPIC was really the watershed, which got everything going, because we could see that these young people were coming into these old Dickensian mental hospitals, where I was working, and they were terrified and traumatised.

The treatment was very custodial, and too much medication, and not enough humanity. We had to develop a new model.

We also wanted to help them earlier, because they were coming in after months or years of being seriously ill in life-threatening states, psychosis, and psychotic

states, usually something like a suicide attempt or some kind of crisis. It wasn’t because people had recognised they weren’t well.

That usually meant the police were involved, which was completely ridiculous. Here’s someone with a mental illness, and they're being treated like a criminal.

So we had a lot of work to do, first of all, to try to make sure that the problem was picked up earlier, and also that the person was engaged in treatment in a much more engaging and non-traumatic way. And secondly, when they did get treatment, that they got a whole range of things, like psychological support, social support, vocational support - not just medication - because medication alone was really insufficient to help them recover.

So treatment has to be holistic if it’s going to work, basically? Absolutely. And we developed that holistic model for a few years, which over the last 20 years has really transformed care in many, many places around the world about early intervention for psychosis. That was kind of the first wave of reform that we kicked off.

On the back of that, when Orygen was set up in 2001, we decided to go for the full range of mental health problems in young people, not just the more severe end, but everything. We also realised that, if we were going to help young people, there were tens of thousands of them - even in our own local area - that needed help, not just a few hundred that we were treating. So we developed something called headspace, which became a national programme. headspace was like the entrance hall, and maybe the front room, of our new youth mental health system for young people. You didn't

October 2017 | The Beast 45

have to go through the third degree to get in and get help, and that’s still the case.

What is it that makes headspace a trusted space for young people to go to? What's going to make them feel comfortable? Well, first of all, young people had a major role in designing the décor and the style of the practice. Youth participation was a big thing, and it is at Orygen as well. We wanted to make the services that young people had a stake in, so it would feel right for them.

The other thing is, being in primary care, any problem is okay to go in and talk about and get help with. You don't have to have a really serious or definable problem.

There's no kind of screening-out of people. I think that blanket acceptance, coming in, is very important.

And then word of mouth spreads the trust. headspace has opened a branch at Bondi Junction. Are you familiar with the particular mental health needs of the youth community in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney?

Do they have particular needs? I guess there are some differences in the needs of different communities around Australia. Like in Collingwood, Melbourne, where we have a headspace, something like 48% of them are LGBTIQ. It just happens that that local community has got a lot of young people who are gender diverse.

So there are some variations, but you know what's very interesting is that, even though everyone thinks their community’s different, the needs are pretty common across most communities for young people.

They just want to have a good social life, have good vocational opportunities, jobs and training, and education. They want somewhere that’s safe to live. By and large, young people are just young people.

We try to help young people in this transition from childhood to adulthood, because it's challenging for anyone, even if they're the most resilient person in the world. If they develop mental health problems during that period, it really makes it very difficult for them. If you're going to have mental health problems, they will have mostly appeared in 75% of cases by the age

46 The Beast | October 2017

of 25. I’d say especially in that 18 to 24 period, when young people are kind of a bit more adrift from their family of origin, and their peer group’s a bit fragile, maybe. That’s when they’re really at risk.

Is financial situation a barrier to accessing help at headspace? No. Services at a headspace centre are either free or have a low cost, and you can ask if there is a cost when you make your appointment.

Although we are having trouble with that, because the grant that the government gives has not increased for six or seven years, so the headspace centres are struggling financially now, for the first time.

You've said mental health is like the “poor relative” in terms of budget policy... Financially, it's just a disgrace. I've used the word “apartheid.” 5% of the health budget is spent on mental health.

Somewhere between 13% and 20% of the burden of disease is caused by mental illness, and we get a lousy 5% of the health budget.

It’s simply the result of discrimination. You've got a serious health problem, which kills people, which disables people at a level that's greater than cancer and heart disease, actually, and has much greater economic impacts because of the time in the life cycle, but governments do not fund it.

If you had unlimited funds, how would a coherent national mental health strategy look to you? Okay, well, I think that first of all we've got to have a really strong, easy-to-access front end that is like headspace in our world. Then you've got to back it up with really specialised expertise, which you do get if you have, say, chest pain and you go to the GP. You can access a team of cardiovascular experts, who will make sure that you get world-class care, no matter where you live. But in mental health, even if you get in the front door through headspace, the specialist expertise is very sparse.

About a third of the young people in headspace centres cannot get the next level of care that they need. It's like a war zone. If you go to an emergency department on any night of the week, you'll see all these young people in absolutely

desperate situations, who can't get into anything better than the basic level. When you look at something like eating disorders, or like complex mood disorders, there are hardly any specialised units in Australia for that.

You've said in the past that a firm environment can be particularly conducive to fostering ill mental health. I don't know if you're aware, but the proportion of lawyers living in the Eastern Suburbs is off the chain. Could you give some advice to people working in such firm environments about how to sustain positive mental health? I think the legal profession is beginning to realise that its culture is pretty toxic and unsupportive of young people with mental health problems, and that there has been tremendous pressure to not actually disclose and seek help. There's something about the culture of these big firms and the professions. It’s very shortsighted, because you’re wasting these incredibly powerful resources and talented people.

In terms of how individuals can help themselves, aside from systemic change, physical exercise is very important. When I was at Uni in Sydney, I lived at Maroubra and I used to surf at Maroubra and Bronte all the time, which was very calming. Also, don't self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. The work-life balance is interesting as well. If you really love your work, and you're not burning out from overwork, then I think it's not a problem. But if you're really not getting fulfilment from your work, that's something to think about.

If you want to change cultures, like workplace cultures, it's not just a matter of convincing the bosses and letting them take it from there.

Organising grassroots initiatives in a firm culture is another way to do it, bottom-up as well as top-down.

You have called detention centres “factories for producing mental illness.” Can you speak to this?

Well, this has been a massive failure on the part of both sides of politics.

I mean, they've both really sunk to the bottom, the lowest common denominator, on this issue. They've pretended it's about saving lives at sea, and obviously that was a prior-

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ity, but the boat turn-back seemed to have done that, so I just ask the question: “Why do we feel the need to continually persecute genuine refugees who have been heavily traumatised, just simply because their timing was wrong at the point that they tried to get to Australia?”

I think this is something that probably the majority of Australians now feel very uncomfortable about. I've seen hundreds of asylum seekers as patients over the years, and I think if any Australian really sat down and put themselves in their shoes, they would behave in exactly the same way to try to come here. If that's the case, then why are we treating asylum seekers this way?

Well, if you go off something like the taped conversation between Turnbull and Trump about the refugee exchange policy, it seems to be a case of dehumanisation being politically expedient.

Yes, I found that very hard. I know Malcolm Turnbull personally, and I know Bill Shorten personally, and I get on very well with them. I think they're very humane people, but it just shows the power of this issue to lock people into things that probably both of them realise are not the right thing.

Somehow, we've got to break out of this straitjacket of terrible policy.

That leads us to another big issue that politicians seem to be straitjacketed into, which is the marriage equality debate - something that affects the mental health of LGBTQI Australians, certainly. Yeah, I mean, it's bizarre, because both leaders are 100% behind it, and yet internal dynamics with minorities within the government seem to be dictating what's happening, and it's clearly harmful. We have a lot of LGBTQI patients who are affected by this. I mean, it sounds subtle, but what people are saying to them is that whether they have equal rights is debatable, and there's a debate about whether their sexuality is acceptable or not. No one else is able to debate those sorts of issues about heterosexual people, you know?

I have a son who was part of the campaign in Ireland for the marriage equality referendum there, which was necessary in Ireland.

It's not necessary here. He's very

48 The Beast | October 2017

clear about how damaging it was for LGBTQI people in Ireland, because of the kind of intolerant attitudes that were given platforms publicly over a period of weeks.

Popular culture has long embraced stereotypes of the ‘psycho’ and the ‘crazy chick’ for narrative and shock value. Why does this need to stop? Well, why is it not okay anymore to use racist or sexist terms like it was 20 or 30 years ago, but it's still okay for anyone, including politicians or media, to use words like ‘psycho’, ‘nut job’, ‘crazy’, or whatever? You hear leading politicians using those terms, especially ‘nut job’, when they're describing behaviour they don't agree with or think is irrational. That's very hurtful to people with mental illness, and to the people that look after them, and the people who live with them. That hasn't been challenged very much, has it?

And are pop culture attempts at ‘nuanced’ representations of mental illness, like Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why, a detriment or a benefit to global dialogue about, and progress in, mental health?

Yeah, well, I think I've got mixed feelings about 13 Reasons Why, because I think it's really important that suicide is front and centre in public discussion. It was covered up like domestic violence for years.

It was covered up with the support of the mental health professions, because of their fear of contagion and copycat, which is an issue, but they didn't think about the much greater damage of not talking about it at all, and how many deaths that's actually caused because of the fact that people don't feel it's okay to talk about it. Also, the public have not realised it is such a huge issue.

It's twice as big as the road toll.

So I think we should have an account. I think we should actually report individual suicide cases, in the same way that we report road deaths. We can manage the contagion risk in other ways, like by not glamorising it, not sensationalising it, not making it look attractive as an option, which has been some of the criticism of TV programmes like 13 Reasons Why. But I don't really think it glamorised it, actually. I watched it, and I don’t think it was

realistic, but I also don't think it was a problem to show the actual act.

A number of other mental health professionals got very upset about them actually showing it. I mean, everyone knows if you cut your wrists you might die. I don’t see publicising suicide as so much of an issue, unless it's a celebrity.

If you yourself are fighting this uphill battle all the time, obviously you need to rely on other people.

So who are the people in your life that you get strength from, to keep doing what you do? Well, my colleagues. We have a whole range of people who are absolutely committed and determined, especially at Orygen. I've got friends, like Ian Hickie, who works in Sydney. He's another fearless campaigner for mental health reform and investment. There's quite a lot of people.

But the one thing I'd say about that is, we need a grassroots movement if we're going to change this issue. We need to have hundreds of thousands of Australians mobilised to demand the same sort of rights that people with cancer and heart disease get in terms of healthcare.

Even sympathetic politicians - and I think the Prime Minister in your electorate there is sympathetic, he does care about suicide and he's actually tried to do something to prevent suicides at the Gap - won’t do anything unless they see that it’s high up in the public’s agenda.

So we’ve set up an organisation called Australians For Mental Health, which is going to be a grassroots campaign/organization/ social movement. That's going to be getting stronger over the next few months, and readers should get involved in that.

What do you see as the future for headspace, and for yourself? Well, every community in Australia should have a headspace, or access to one, and every headspace should be backed up with expert care, so it's not just sitting out there like a shag on a rock, doing the basic stuff without real solid support from multi-disciplinary teams of experts.

I just want to remain involved, and playing a part.

Keep fighting the fight, basically?

Yeah. But I want to win it.

Holy tuna!

FISHERIES MANAGEMENT AT WORK Words Dan Trotter Picture Sonny Gordon

A

little over eight weeks ago, the Federal Government proposed to change laws relating to the extensive Marine Park network that will essentially cut conservation efforts. While this was met with elation from some in the fishing fraternity, many of us fishers - and a lot of scientists - were left disappointed by this move and worried about the ramifications it will have on a sustainable future for the animals that live beneath the surface.

We all know that the oceans are in a battle for their lives, and while many readers feel that recreational fishing has a major impact, there

50 The Beast | October 2017

are many more real factors endangering the future biodiversity of the oceans, which is why they need protection and careful management.

Sure, some of us recreational anglers catch fish, and some catch more than others, but the vast majority of us are a law-abiding bunch, and the rules and regulations already in place are doing a great job of looking after important recreational and professional target species.

Conservation of the ocean is vital to the planet’s future, our species’ sustainability, and to the wider health of the entire biosphere. It seems irresponsible and flawed, es-

pecially after so many hard-fought years to establish a broad and defined network of Marine Parks, to have these marine protections repealed.

On a more positive note, it would appear that the strict management of the Southern bluefin tuna (Thunnus maccoyii) stocks over the last few decades by the Department of Primary Industries (DPI) and other state and federal fisheries management departments, has managed to halt the decline in numbers of this majestic fish. The strict management could possibly lead to the slow rebuilding of the total number, with yearon-year incremental increases in recruitment.

While this is nothing to celebrate just yet - stocks are currently estimated to be at a mere nine percent of their original biomass - it is a positive indication.

Even with such a small increase, recreational anglers have really noticed the difference, with many large Southern bluefin caught in Victoria and New South Wales over the past few months.

The photo accompanying this month’s article is of an estimated 130 kilogram tuna, caught off the south coast of New South Wales by a very good mate of mine. We even managed to get a few kilos sent back to Sydney for a rare and delicious culinary treat. A fish like this is a fish of a lifetime!

Back in home waters, the spring snapper run should just have started. If you’re keen, search for broken reef, interspersed with gravel patches in the fifty to seventy metre depth belt. Anchor, set up a burley trail, and float well-presented fish baits down the current. Fish an open bail arm and, when the line starts zipping off the spool, close it, wind like crazy, and say a few prayers.

If Kingie fishing is more your thing, numbers have been good along the headlands and the inshore reefs all winter, so it’s worth towing some large live baits around on heavy gear and holding on. Here’s to a healthy start to spring!

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October 2017 | The Beast 51

OCTOBER 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Annie Elliott Instagram @aello18 MONDAY

30 0516 1059 1715 2351

1.27 0.69 1.45 0.46

2 0041 0645 1230 1849

0.45 1.30 0.56 1.56

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

31 0605 1.36 1157 0.60 1809 1.51

THURSDAY

•

0.22 1.67 0.25 1.69

7 0347 1002 1614 2223

0.22 1.74 0.23 1.65

1.28 0.56 1.63 0.41

13 0327 0907 1536 2231

1.24 0.61 1.60 0.40

14 0443 1023 1649 2334

1.27 0.60 1.60 0.37

19 0232 0847 1458 2101

0.31 1.63 0.34 1.57

20 0307 0924 1539 2141

0.33 1.66 0.34 1.51

21 0339 1000 1618 2219

0.38 1.67 0.35 1.45

26 0106 0639 1309 2001

1.20 0.67 1.49 0.56

27 0202 0733 1402 2102

1.17 0.72 1.44 0.58

28 0308 0839 1506 2206

1.16 0.75 1.41 0.57

4 0157 0802 1358 2012

0.31 1.49 0.38 1.68

5 0232 0841 1442 2054

0.25 1.59 0.31 1.70

9 0512 0.31 1134 1.78 1759 0.27

10 0005 0600 1225 1858

1.46 0.39 1.74 0.32

11 0104 0653 1321 2005

1.36 0.48 1.69 0.38

12 0211 0755 1425 2119

16 0029 0640 1233 1848

0.34 1.43 0.47 1.64

17 0115 0726 1327 1936

0.31 1.51 0.41 1.64

18 0156 0808 1415 2020

0.30 1.58 0.36 1.62

23 0443 1108 1738 2337

0.49 1.64 0.42 1.32

25 0019 0554 1224 1907

1.25 0.61 1.55 0.52

•

•

SUNDAY

1 0559 1.22 1138 0.64 1803 1.49

6 0309 0920 1526 2137

0.37 1.40 0.47 1.63

Smoke on the water.

SATURDAY

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

3 0120 0725 1315 1931

24 0516 0.55 1145 1.60 1820 0.47

FRIDAY

•

8 0429 1046 1704 2313

0.25 1.77 0.23 1.57

15 0547 1.34 1132 0.54 1753 1.62 22 0411 1033 1658 2258

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October 2017 | The Beast 53

RELIGION HAS RULES THAT MUST BE OBEYED Almost half of Australians identify as having no religion and choose to have a civil marriage ceremony, as opposed to a religious one. Yet the religious bodies of Australia have taken it upon themselves to wade in and decry same-sex marriages.

It is, they say, against the rules of their special books.

Fair enough if you’re a same-sex couple who follow and believe in the rules of these special books, but otherwise, I don’t think that religion gets to have a say. If you disagree, you might want to read those old books and see just how much of our modern world they disapprove of.

Celebrating marriage equality in Ireland.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO...

THE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE POSTAL VOTE Words Nat Shepherd Picture Aidan Crawley

A

s you are no doubt aware, a ballot will soon appear in your letter box, asking you to vote on whether or not the Australian Government should consider legalising same-sex marriage. This postal vote is costing $122 million, and even if the majority of us vote ‘yes’, the government will still only consider changing the law.

Sound crazy? Well it should!

The civilised world is looking at us and wondering why we’re making such a meal of ratifying this obvious human right.

Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Colombia, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta, Mexico, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, the United Kingdom, the United States, and Uruguay have all legalised same-sex marriage. But our government prevaricates, and now we have to vote. To help you decide, The Unreliable Guide has whittled down the key arguments.

54 The Beast | October 2017

THE LAW IS THE LAW The ‘No’ campaign argues that marriage should be kept between a man and a woman because “that’s how nature intended.”

Except nature has nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is a social and legal construct that has ramifications in law. Laws have to be applied equally to everyone otherwise there is no justice. That’s obvious, but at present we have a law that states it’s not illegal to be in a same-sex relationship. It is, in fact, illegal to discriminate against a person on the basis of their race, religion, or sexuality.

But, apparently it’s okay to discriminate against same-sex couples if they wish to ratify their relationship with a marriage ceremony.

Two legally consenting adults, who love each other and would like the world to recognise and celebrate their union, cannot, because they are in a same-sex relationship.

You see my problem here? Equal should mean equal.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN Eighty-eight percent of same-sex couples don’t even have children, and yet arguments against samesex marriage almost always focus around them. They assume that children living with two mums or two dads are “missing out,” and hence must be traumatised and disadvantaged.

This approach plays on the prejudice that “kids shouldn’t be raised in same-sex marriages because homos are perverted freaks and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children.” This is what the Tony Abbotts of the world would have you believe. And be warned, it’s a short journey from this kind of thinking to making all LGBTQIA people sew triangular pink badges on their jackets (Hitler), or to the Sudan, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Mauritania, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Qatar, UAE, Nigeria, Somalia, Syria, and Iraq (to mention just a few), where you can be put to death, just for loving someone.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests you use your vote and use it well. If you’re still in doubt and think the same-sex marriage debate is just “political correctness gone mad,” remember this: For equal rights to work, they have to be equal for everyone.

Yes=Equality, No=Bigotry.

Surprise, surprise.

RUGBY LEAGUE: INTERNATIONAL GAME OF MYSTERY Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Tommy Raudonikis

“

It’s who you don’t know that can hurt you.” What emotion do those words instil in you? Fear?

Concern? Or a raging excitement for an upcoming sporting event?

I’m going to take a punt that it’s not the last, but you guessed it, that’s what they’re spruiking! The Rugby League World Cup! An event so big, I almost forgot it was happening.

Most sports marketing campaigns aim to give you goose bumps and make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. I won’t lie, they’ve certainly achieved that, but only because I’m imagining Blake Ferguson whispering those words into my ear at a bar in Coogee and I’m unequivocally terrified.

It’s important to note that this is not an official slogan, rather a Fox Sports one, but the official campaign hasn’t been much better. I can honestly say that before I started researching this article, all I had seen was one billboard on the way to the airport. I imagine they intend to ramp it up closer to the date, but

56 The Beast | October 2017

why not now? Are they afraid of stepping on the NRL’s toes?

A few not-so-quiet whispers are saying that NRL headquarters would be more than happy if the tournament wasn’t going ahead at all. Which, if true, shows an incredible lack of foresight on their part. It may not be an official NRL event, but it’s still showcasing their product and should be the perfect ointment for Australia’s itchy sporting gooch.

I know it’s a challenging thing to promote and garner interest, given Australia’s expected dominance, but it can be done. Look at rugby union. Sure, it’s struggling a bit here presently - because the Australian Rugby Union are so ridiculously out of touch and Australians simply can’t fathom not being the best at something - but, given the All Blacks’ dominance for, well, a hundred years, it’s still relatively healthy worldwide.

The best thing that happened to rugby union was the All Blacks repeatedly choking in World Cups.

So, ironically, if the NRL truly want the international game to take off, they should be investing in New Zealand and England. The game would receive a huge boost if either of them could spring an upset, like New Zealand did in 2008. Another positive side effect of this is that it might also help the Wallabies by diluting the New Zealand talent pool a bit.

But I don’t think the NRL really cares about the international game. If they did, they would have at least given the guys running it the number of their marketing agency. Then maybe we wouldn’t have guys like Jesse Bromwich still proudly displayed on the official website, despite the fact he’s been banned from the tournament after being caught snorting cocaine.

Or curious tweets with pictures of Corey Parker, even though he retired last year. It’s as if they’ve farmed out their entire marketing campaign to a group that knows nothing about the game. The NRL Bunker, maybe?

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Cruising on Yellow Water.

TREKKING IN KAKADU NATIONAL PARK Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

R

ecently, on a trip to the Kakadu National Park in the Northern Territory, I saw a saltwater crocodile so huge I thought it had just swallowed a Volkswagen Beetle. Actually, it was so large he may have even devoured a Kombi.

Though he was only sunning himself on the riverbank and looking innocuous, this prehistoric behemoth, with his beady yellow eyes, was still terrifying in his silence. He possessed a hideous grin, exposing what seemed to be a thousand bacteria-filled, serrated teeth.

During the Yellow Water Cruise our guide explained to us that, even though we couldn't see all the crocodiles, for every kilometre travelled there were about fifteen crocodiles lingering in the murky waters, waiting to get prey in their infamous death roll, before ripping their victims apart and swallowing them.

The Yellow Water tour is like a zoological movie – I watched sea eagles, pied kingfishers, trees full of white egrets, and a squillion whistling ducks going about their business. And then some more crocs, of course.

Nearing the end of our cruise, Kakadu puts on a sunset spectacle so beautiful and serene that it would’ve been worth doing the cruise just to see this colourful phenomenon.

With only three nights at Kakadu, our first adventure was

58 The Beast | October 2017

the renowned Bardedjilidji walk.

At the start of the track there are two prominent signs regarding crocodile and buffalo safety. The first sign recommends keeping well away from bad tempered, prehistoric monsters with lots of teeth and bad breath, another advises to beware of buffalos. If you see a buffalo, they’re big, unpredictable, and definitely have the right of way! Thankfully, we didn’t encounter either of the beasts.

This walk took us through some of Kakadu’s most beautiful scenery.

You can virtually feel the spirit of thousands of years of Indigenous occupation.

From the Bardedjilidji walk, it was only a short drive to our next destination, Ubirr, which is in the East Alligator region of Kakadu and is very well known for its rock art and dramatic sunsets.

Many of the ancient artworks depict drawings of barramundi, catfish, mullet, goannas, ringtail possums, wallabies, and long-neck turtles. Many of these dreamlike creatures feature in contemporary Indigenous paintings too.

The following morning we visited the Nourlangie and Anbangbang areas, which are rich in Indigenous rock art. An easy walk snaked around all the sites where the ancient art can be found. This walk shows you some of the best examples of Australian savannah bushland, and we were lucky as the

weather was a perfect thirty degrees with practically no humidity. After our rock art walk, we visited the Warradjan Indigenous Cultural Centre.

Our three-night stay was divided up with the one night at Kakadu’s well known Crocodile Hotel. From there, it was only a short drive to Cooinda Lodge, where we spent the next two nights. Cooinda is where the Yellow Water Cruise is based.

Our last day in Kakadu was spent doing the Spirit of Kakadu’s 4WD Adventure Tour, in a car that looked as if it could be used as a Mars exploration vehicle.

The next day, we were picked up at Cooinda Lodge at 7.30am. After an hour of driving through the lush national park and passing wallabies, buffalos, and one hideously ugly, big, black boar, we arrived close to our first destination, the Maguk Gorge Waterfall and Swimming Hole. The water here is crystal clear and crocodile-free the perfect Kakadu combination.

The next stop saw us hiking up to Gunlom Falls, which was quite a challenging trek. We took lots of breaks, which gave us time to enjoy the classic views. The waterfall fills three separate natural pools and is so beautiful that if it were a travel brochure, you’d think it had been Photoshopped! The three pools are all different sizes, and the colours are postcard perfection.

The front pool is nature’s answer to an infinity pool, with gorgeous views of the valley and surrounding escarpments. We couldn’t get into our cozzies quickly enough, and for the next hour we indulged in a Kakadu National Park rock pool party.

Our stay in Kakadu was only short, but it’s hard to put into words what an extraordinary time we had.

For the Crocodile Hotel, Cooinda Lodge Kakadu, Yellow Water Cruise, and 4WD Tour, please visit www.crocodilehotel.com.

For everything else, please call Vicki Gilden at Rose Bay Travel on 9371 8166.

It's all about options and choices.

WHY DO WOMEN PAY FOR SEX? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Deuce Bigalow

W

e tend to think that only men are willing to pay for sex, but in the past decade more and more women are seeking out sexual experiences they are willing to pay for.

For one, it’s easier and more convenient than going to clubs or bars. Some high-paying career women are just too busy for relationships. Others who have had a painful break-up or divorce find it easier to have sex without strings attached.

The thought of trying to date again and meet somebody new is just too difficult for many but they miss sex. They may want a sexual massage or just to be touched.

Often, some women just want to be intimate with somebody.

However, women do not want people to find out; they want their paid sexual experiences to be kept private.

One of my clients told me she answered an advertisement in the paper from a man named James who offered erotic massages. She 60 The Beast | October 2017

was very lonely after a break-up.

She was tired, had gained weight and lost all her confidence.

She didn’t really know what to expect but was pleasantly surprised. James was a massage therapist who found some women were desperate to have an erotic massage that led to an orgasm, in a place where they could talk and feel comfortable. He also offered further sexual encounters if a client requested.

My client saw him for months and ended up having sex with him.

“He was wonderful,” she said.

He gave her back her confidence and she gained more knowledge about her body.

She came to see me because she wanted to tell somebody. Deep down, she felt guilty and certainly would not have confided in her girlfriends. In the meantime, she has found a new love interest.

Several agencies cater entirely for women or cater for women as well as men. Most agencies also cater for home visits and so do

many of the escorts who work privately. When I researched the topic, I found out that these type of services give women options and choices in a professional and discreet environment. Others simply want an exciting experience in a safe environment. Some women with disabilities may choose to pay for sex when they find it difficult to find a partner. Others just need a date for an important work dinner or wedding and do not want to go on their own.

However, society still finds the idea of women paying for sex quite unacceptable. But on the other hand, is going to a bar, getting drunk, and going home with a complete stranger more acceptable?

It’s not a secret that some men pay for sex; they always have and probably always will!

So why is paying for sex such a stigma for women? Why can’t they have the same freedom as men? If you are a woman, would you ever pay for sex?

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tone, and type of hair. For me, a new blunt bob brought about more change than anticipated, and now I feel like a different person!

BE CREATIVE No need to break the budget or even buy anything new. Love the cropped, frayed jean trend?

You can do it yourself with your favourite pair and some scissors.

Be inventive with the way you wear what you already own.

DECLUTTER YOUR WARDROBE You know that skirt you’re hanging onto just because it’s expensive?

Or those pants that haven’t fitted you for years? Well, it’s time to let go of them, re-organise, and make some space so you can start getting creative. Believe me, it’s refreshing to clear out the baggage and guilt that can come from unworn clothes.

Trish and Michelle from Bondi.

IN THE MOOD FOR CHANGE Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

I

t’s Spring and I’m in the mood for change! I don’t mean the ‘toss-everything-out-of-mywardrobe’ kind of reinvention, but a subtle one that reflects the new season and prevents my wardrobe from feeling ‘meh’. Whenever my outfits seem repetitive and lacklustre it affects my mood. It’s not necessarily retail therapy I need. Rather, I need to be moving forward and challenging myself to try new and exciting things.

It only took a few tweaks to feel motivated, creative and fresh. If you’re ready to make a change, try these for yourself !

TWEAK YOUR STYLE Choose a new overall aesthetic to 62 The Beast | October 2017

subtly filter into your wardrobe.

For example, it could be to dress with more femininity - think skirts and floaty blouses, floral print dresses, and a softer colour palette.

It doesn’t mean purging your entire wardrobe; just adding a few ladylike pieces that you can wear with your existing gear.

NEW HAIR A dramatic colour change will definitely spice things up, but you don’t even have to go that far. A few shades lighter or darker will do the trick. Be brave and try a fringe to frame your face, or opt for a shorter cut. Collate images of hair you love, but consider how it will work with your face shape, skin

On the streets I found: Name Michelle Lives Bondi Occupation Co-founder of online store DeadPretty.com.au Street Style Michelle wears a Ginia silk Cami, Reliquia jewellery, Superga sneakers (all from DeadPretty.com.au) and Rolla’s jeans.

Fave Item for the Season A cane clutch, purchased at the Seminyak markets in Bali.

Name Trish Lives Bondi Occupation Co-founder of online store DeadPretty.com.au Street Style Trish wears a Marle ruched skirt, Ironic tee, Superga sneakers, Le Specs sunnies, Brie Leon jewellery (all from DeadPretty.com.au), and an ACNE denim jacket.

Fave Item for the Season A vintage summer floral dress, bought at a Byron Bay vintage store.

In the mood for a Spring change?

Contact personal stylist, Sharmin Musca, on 0405 518 155, or visit www.personalstylist.net.au to find out how she can help.

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IT’S A GREAT INVESTMENT Prices have plummeted. You can expect to pay around $1,500 per kilowatt of capacity installed. For example, for the average-sized house in the Eastern Suburbs, a good quality, four kilowatt solar system should cost around $6,000.

With typical payback periods of three to six years, with ongoing savings enjoyed over the twentyfive year lifetime for panels, solar makes for a great household investment. There are still upfront discounts from the federal government that reduce the purchase price, but these are decreasing each year.

Luxury living.

FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT SOLAR POWER FOR YOUR HOME Words and Pictures Nicola Saltman, Sustainable Waverley

W

ith recent electricity prices soaring up to forty percent, it’s no surprise that solar power is on homeowners’ minds. By using solar power, you can generate free, green energy on your own rooftop that can help you take back control of your power bills.

With the highest rates of household solar power installation in the world, Australians are living up to their reputation as sunlovers. Around 1.7 million Aussie homes now have rooftop solar, and that number is on the rise. Low prices, climate change awareness, quality systems, and killer bills are the driving factors in this rooftop revolution.

Thinking about getting a slice of the sun-kissed action to reduce your energy bills? Check out these facts to help you make your decision.

NOT EVERY HOME IS CREATED EQUAL Solar power is ideal for people who can use power during the day, like retirees, young families and those 64 The Beast | October 2017

who work from home. Things are changing with battery storage, but prices are still too pricey for most households to make these batteries cost-effective.

MAKE SURE THE SOLAR POWER SYSTEM SIZE IS RIGHT FOR YOUR HOME The size of the solar power system perfect for your home is dependent on a number of factors: your electricity use during the day; your roof size, its orientation, and shade; how many people live in your home and what time they’re usually at home; and, of course, your budget.

Ask suppliers about these factors when they quote. Currently, it’s best for your wallet if you use as much electricity that your solar panels produce, as opposed to exporting to the grid. Having said that, energy retailers have increased how much they pay households for exported power, so don’t rule out larger systems that make the most of the available roof space.

WARRANTIES COUNT Like most investment advice, it’s best not to skimp on quality for a cheaper price. A good warranty period for panels is at least twenty-five years, and ten years for an inverter. Ask the supplier for these details. If the manufacturer you find has a solid track record in Australia, then you’re probably onto a good thing.

BATTERY STORAGE ON THE HORIZON There’s plenty of hype surrounding home batteries like the Tesla Powerwall. However, with a typical twelve to fourteen year payback, the financials don’t stack up currently. The good news is that they’re getting cheaper. In a couple of years they could prove costeffective by storing excess solar for use at night. It’s definitely a space to watch.

Please join us at our free home solar and battery information session on November 2 at the Waverley Library. The session will run from 6.00pm to 7.30pm.

You can register your interest by calling 9083 8023, or by visiting www.solarforyourhome.eventbrite.com.au.

You can also call the Solar and Energy Savings Helpline for advice on 1300 339 915, or visit www.ourenergyfuture.org.au for more information.

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SUBJECT Bronte groms LOCATION Stanwell Park, 1990 PHOTOGRAPHER Robert Bruns

SUBJECT Uncrowded LOCATION Wylie’s Baths PHOTOGRAPHER Sophie Graus

SUBJECT Wonky lines LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Amaury Tréguer INSTA @morningbondi

SUBJECT Summer’s coming LOCATION Tamarama PHOTOGRAPHER Bronte Roseberry

SUBJECT Spyhop LOCATION Bronte PHOTOGRAPHER Luke Brown

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

SUBJECT Yogi LOCATION Centennial Park PHOTOGRAPHER Caio Martins INSTA @aello18

SUBJECT Crazy surfer LOCATION Bronte PHOTOGRAPHER Jamie Street INSTA @bondiwakeup

SUBJECT Shady Bondi LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Jamie Street INSTA @bondiwakeup

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Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

empty promise, we all stuck to our word. Miracles do happen!

If we could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be… ‘Cold Turkey’, by John Lennon. The grittiness of the guitar, the thumpin’ bass, and the tight drums have an instant head-boppin’ feel, and each instrument plays such a strong role.

Our favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘Don’t Tell Your Friends’, one of the singles off our EP. It has a real groove that I think we all lock into and just go ham on.

Our new single, XXX, is… a riffladen romp through hazy nights and rumours. It deals with bravado warfare between two lovers.

Quite mesmerising.

LET YOURSELF BE MESMERISED Words James Hutton Picture Alice Cloutier

M

esmeriser is a rock trio from the East, keen to inject the local scene with biting riffs, strong baselines, and sweet melodies. Their new six-track EP, These Few Hours, is the culmination of months of recording and writing in Tamarama.

We caught up with Myles (guitar and vocals) last month...

If I had to describe our sound in one sentence… A mixture of rock and blues with a splash of psychedelia. It’s a bit Tame Impala, Arctic Monkeys, and Jimi Hendrix.

My first memory of music is… listening to The Beatle’s song ‘Octopus’ Garden’ on my parent’s sound system. It was easy listening for a kid. When The Wiggles came on the scene, then it became ‘Henry the Octopus’ Garden’.

Growing up my parents listened to… Led Zeppelin, The Beatles,

68 The Beast | October 2017

Queen, Cher, Madonna, and ‘Hit the Road Jack’, by Ray Charles. It was all I listened to as a result.

Our dream gig would have to be… playing the Enmore Theatre.

It may not seem like that big of a venue, but the atmosphere is amazing, and some of our musical heroes have played there.

People should come to our gigs because… you'll be treated to a good ol’ fashioned rollicking rock show! Expect dancing and flying hair. Someone might even play the guitar with their teeth.

There was one time when we were starting out… Sam, Oscar, and I were at our graduation. Perhaps some drinks were consumed, I don’t recall, but there was talk of doing something with our music outside of school. Instead of it becoming just another drunken,

The best thing about the local music scene is… a lot of the bands are our mates from high school.

We all started playing around the same time, and it’s been heaps of fun playing together and seeing how everyone is developing their own unique sound.

One person we’d still really like to record with is… the legendary producer, Rick Ruben. He’s worked with bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Johnny Cash, and Beastie Boys. Need we say more?

We’ll know we have made it when... writing and performing music is our full-time job. Just spreading as much love through music as we can.

To find out more about Mesmeriser... check us out on iTunes, Spotify, Triple J Unearthed, Soundcloud, and Facebook.

These Few Hours is launching Saturday, September 30, at Brighton Up Bar, with supports from their friends BALKO and Cosmic Flanders. Tickets are on sale now and you can find out more details through their Facebook page.

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ALBUM #1 Artist Gang of Youths Album Go Farther In Lightness Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  When my friends and family are getting late, drunken texts from me about a new album, you can be pretty confident that it’s an absolute bloody ripper. No Mum, I’m not sorry! Listening to this for the first time was like one of those joyous moments where you just want to drop everything and be happy, kind of like the feeling you get watching a funny cat video.

If you prefer your rock ‘n’ roll rollicking, dramatic, and thoughtful, with a dash of the classics thrown in, you’ve not only got good taste in music, but you’re in for a real treat here.

ALBUM #2 Artist Paul Kelly Album Life Is Fine Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

MOVIE REVIEW TITLE Victoria & Abdul GENRE Drama REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador Stephen Frears (Philomena, The Queen, Florence Foster Jenkins) has once again teamed up with the exceptional Judi Dench (Philomena, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Iris, Mrs Brown) to direct this charming biographical drama, based on Shrabani Basu’s book, Victoria & Abdul: The True Story Of The Queen’s Closest Confidant. Adapted for screen by Lee Hall (Toast, Billy Elliot), Victoria & Abdul tells the extraordinary story of an unlikely, yet long lasting and genuine friendship, that developed between an Indian servant and Queen Victoria ( Judi Dench).

It’s 1887 and the queen is extremely bored, sad and lonely, as well as thoroughly disillusioned with her inner circle of stuffy, close-minded advisors and family members. When Abdul (Ali Fazal), a young Indian clerk, is appointed to serve in the royal household during her Golden Jubilee, her life is injected with a fresh source of inspiration and joy.

This is not one of Frear’s best films. Yes, there are a few cringeworthy moments of colonial servitude, but it was the 1800s, and we can’t change history. All in all, it is a pleasantly entertaining and beautifully stylised period drama that allows us a glimpse into the personal life of Queen Victoria during the latter half of her reign.

70 The Beast | October 2017

I know it's a little bit cynical, but I must admit, every time I see one of the old guard releasing a new album these days, I think, ‘streaming has taken its toll and the royalty cheques have dried up’. Usually, I’m probably not too far from the mark, but this album feels different. Paul Kelly’s music feels like an old family friend who has been a constant presence throughout your life. You know he’s always good for a yarn, a wise word, and a friendly smile. Maybe that’s why I like Life Is Fine so much - it feels like a family barbeque from my youth.

ALBUM #3 Artist Queens of the Stone Age Album Villains Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I decided to play some QOTSA word association with myself, and this is what I came up with: black jeans, flannelette, Josh Homme, tight beats, grunts, redheads, Dave Grohl, Wayne’s World. Then I got distracted and started looking up Wayne’s World gifs. The reason I did this - played the word game, not looking up gifs - was because I didn’t know what to write for this review. We all know what these guys sound like. The people who love them will think it’s brilliant. The people, like me, who think they’re ok, will think it’s ok. And the world will keep on spinning.

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi GET LOST IN PARADISE The full Lost Paradise line-up is now here, and it is pretty phenomenal. Held over New Year’s from December 28, 2017, to January 1, 2018, in Glenworth Valley, acts will include RÜFÜS and Matt Corby leading a line-up of 76 local and international artists, including Swedish electronic outfit Little Dragon, the magnetic Meg Mac, Sydney trio DMA’s, and Melbournian indie-pop band, Client Liaison. Tickets are now on sale at www.lostparadise.com.au, so you can go and get lost.

WHAT IF ROMEO & JULIET WERE TRUE BLUE? Just when you think that there can’t possibly be another take on Romeo & Juliet, a new production proves once again that Shakespeare’s masterpiece has still got it. A contemporary version of the classic play will be showing as part of Sydney Fringe 2017 from September 21-30 at the Bondi Pavilion Amphitheatre. Set in the Hunter Valley, the Capulets are rich from coal, the Montagues are

Bondi surfer girls.

rich from horses, and they have been feuding bitterly for generations. Yes, it's as entertaining as it sounds, and you can get your tickets at www.sydneyfringe.com.

LIVE MUSIC AT NORTH BONDI RSL It’s understandable if you don’t automatically think of North Bondi RSL as a live music hub, but every local with a finger on the pulse is only too aware of this important fact. Cast your aspersions about tribute bands aside, because we all know that they are bloody good fun. Let your snobbery drift away, and enjoy sounds of the Foo Fighters, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, and many more, all performing at North Bondi RSL over the coming months. For more info, visit www.northbondirsl.com.au.

CALLING ALL EASTERN SUBURBS ARTISANS Randwick Council’s inaugural Best Gift Christmas Markets are being held on November 25 and 26 at the Randwick Community Centre & Village Green. They’re bringing together all our local

talented artisans, creatives, homecrafters, and designers to establish the ‘best gift’ Christmas markets in the Eastern Suburbs. The Best Gift market criteria focuses around locally made, original, high quality, and environmentally responsible gifts for Christmas.

For expressions of interest, please contact Suzanne on 9093 6883, or email suzanne.williamson@ randwick.nsw.gov.au.

STRESS-FREE KIDS' MUSIC LESSONS Randwick local, Joanne Steel, runs Ukubebe, a centre that provides early childhood music and movement classes to help children unlock the potential of music and movement, without the traditional stresses or pressures they experience when attending competitive classes. There are no graduations or ‘wrong notes,’ just positive encouragement and a love of music. Plus, it’s also a great way for the local community of young mums and dads to meet and connect. For more information, please visit www.ukubebe.com.au.

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October 2017 | The Beast 75

Perfect for a spring evening.

TAMARI BEEF AND CARROT NOODLE SALAD Recipe and Image Jacqueline Alwill

S

pring is the perfect time to ‘lighten up’ the way we eat, but that doesn’t mean we have to lose nutrition or robust flavour. This recipe will give you a taste of just that.

I’ve used a simple cut of rump steak and teamed it with Asianinspired herbs and a peanut lime dressing. The little twist comes with the carrot noodles in place of the denser carbohydrates (rice or wheat noodles) that we might usually eat with this mix.

It’s the perfect meal for an easy spring evening and makes for the best leftovers too. Oh, and it's gluten, dairy, and sugar free.

INGREDIENTS (Serves 4) 600g rump steak, cut into 5cm strips, approximately 1cm thick 6 carrots (600-650g), peeled, ends trimmed and spiralised into a noodle 2 red capsicum (400g), seeds removed, sliced into thin strips 1 cup coriander leaves, stalks finely chopped 1/2 cup mint leaves 2 spring onions, white part only, finely sliced

76 The Beast | October 2017

Beef Marinade 1/4 cup tamari 2 tablespoons sesame oil 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar Peanut and Lime Dressing 3 tablespoons natural peanut butter 1 tablespoon lime juice 1 tablespoon tamari 1 long red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped (or more to taste) 1/4 cup boiling water METHOD 1. In a bowl, combine rump steak strips with the beef marinade; 2. Toss to coat evenly and set aside to briefly marinate while prepping remaining ingredients for the meal; 3. Heat a large wok or fry pan on high heat. Add rump steak strips and cook for 2-3 minutes, then remove from pan, cover, and set aside; 4. Whisk together ingredients for the peanut and lime dressing in a small bowl; 5. On a large serving plate, arrange layers of carrot noodles, red cap-

sicum, rump steak strips (leaving liquid remaining aside), and spring onions; 6. Serve with peanut lime dressing on the side for guests to drizzle over the noodle salad.

This delicious recipe was provided by local nutritionist and author of Seasons to Share, Jacqueline Alwill. For whole food catering, nutrition workshops, recipes, and much more, please visit www.thebrownpaperbag.com.au.

Owen enjoying a sniff.

LATTA VINO: THE GROUNDBREAKING WINE LABEL TO WATCH Words and Picture Alex Russell Twitter @ozwineguy

T

here are so many new wine producers popping up, breaking all the rules, doing weird things with wine, and coming out with wonderful results. Latta Vino is a case in point.

Based in southern Victoria, they’re all about natural winemaking: indigenous (rather than cultured) yeasts, natural malolactic fermentation, and nothing added or subtracted. Many of their wines have no sulphur either.

They’re also breaking all of the rules: Want to buy a Pinot Noir that’s bottled in one of those long Riesling bottles? They’ve got you covered! Want a magnum of Nebbiolo Rosé in an even longer Riesling bottle? Step right up!

THE STORY You may or may not have heard of Eastern Peake wines. If you haven’t, look them up. They’re doing some great stuff, particularly in Chardonnay and Pinot Noir.

Eastern Peake is a familyowned winery, and Owen Latta is now running the place. He’s also put out his own label, Latta Vino.

WHITES Latto Vino’s current releases include a couple of whites. Both are Sauvignon Blanc and both are anything but typical.

Usually, Sauvignon Blanc is crushed, removed from its skin, and then popped into stainless steel vats. No skin contact, no oak; just pure fruit juice coming through.

But not this crew. We’re talking whole bunch pressed and fourteen to seventeen months on full lees, so you end up with a complex wine.

Don’t think of it as Sauv Blanc, think of these wines as textural, soulful whites that go perfectly with Asian food.

REDS In the reds, you’ll find a few different drops. I’ve tried a couple of their Nebbiolos and three Pinots, and all are just stunning. Some of them also have zero SO2 (sulphur dioxide), which is great for those of you who react to the chemical.

They’re funky, feral little numbers that pair pretty much with all types of cheeses.

Nebbiolo is really growing on me as a grape to watch. It’s pretty famous in Italy, but it’s popping up more and more here in Australia.

If you’re interested in Nebbiolo, I would suggest signing up to The Winefront for reviews of top Nebbiolo wines. That’s actually where I first heard about Latta.

If you like your Pinots with that earthy, complex nose, then you’ll be right at home here. For about thirty-five dollars per bottle, they’re an absolute bargain. You’ll also find a Shiraz, a Cabernet, and a blend of Shiraz and Cabernet. I haven’t tried these yet, so I’ll hold off on reviewing them, but if they live up to the other wines, then they’ll be pretty spectacular too.

They’ve also made a rosé based on their Nebbiolo. Once again, I haven’t gotten around to this one yet, but if they see fit to put it into a magnum bottle, you know it’s special booze.

These are stunning wines, particularly when you take the price into account. To order, please head to www.lattavino.com.au and put together a mixed dozen.

October 2017 | The Beast 77

Coastal staples done to perfection.

NORTH BONDI RSL BISTRO MAKES A NEW SPLASH Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Amelia Jang

T

he North Bondi RSL is as much a part of Bondi Beach as the Pavilion and the lifeguard tower. Anyone who frequents the beach occasionally has likely stopped there for a cold schooner and the majestic view of the waves crashing in from the great oceanic beyond. After a three-month hiatus to give itself a fresh look, the RSL’s dining area has been reborn as The Bistro, with a new approach and a spruced-up menu.

My companions and I arrived at The Bistro at 7pm on a Saturday night and were impressed with the physical changes. Yes, the main room still has the familiar elements (such as the stage), but now it’s brighter, with a newlywhite interior. The main change is

78 The Beast | October 2017

the expansion of the bar to include some high-top tables, and a refit of the food ordering and kitchen area, with its new white tile walls impressing a more upscale décor.

The Bistro menu has kept the old classics but has added some modern twists, as well as some share platters and new seafood dishes. These new menu additions provide something for everyone, and are perfect for large groups.

We were welcomed by Holly, who brought us to our prime table overlooking the beach. Even at night, the sounds and the view of the waves will put you in a relaxed mood. With some ice-cold schooners of White Rabbit Pale Ale in our hands, we perused the menu and chose our starters: pork belly

sliders with creamy cabbage slaw; white anchovies on Turkish bread with rocket and olive oil; salt and pepper calamari with chilli, lemongrass, and ginger sauce; Spanishstyle prawns in spicy tomato and garlic sauce with bread and salad; and chunky chips with herbs, salt, and aioli. We enjoyed the pork belly sliders the most, which were very fresh and flavourful. The prawns were the other standout starter.

After another round of ales, we met Lee, the night manager, who gave us welcomed recommendations. We loaded up on the following mains: nachos with chili con carne; garlic prawn pizza; chicken schnitzel with gravy, chips, and salad; and a 300 gram rib-eye steak with mash and steamed veggies.

It was a ton of food. The portions are quite large, so you’re getting a lot for your money. The chicken schnitzel was the king of the four dishes, with its tender, juicy, lightly fried breast fillet that just melted in your mouth - a classic for good reason. The steak was tender and delicious, and the pepper sauce really brought out the flavour of the beef, making it a hearty meal that we all enjoyed digging into.

We stayed in The Bistro for a while to let our huge dinner digest (no room for dessert) and take in the salty breeze on the patio with an eclectic mix of revellers.

With its new bright look, reorganized interior, and revamped menu, the North Bondi RSL has made a statement. After a long and hot day at the beach, The Bistro will cool you down and lift you up.

North Bondi RSL Club www.northbondirsl.com.au Address 118-120 Ramsgate Avenue, North Bondi Phone (02) 9130 3152 Instagram @NorthBondiRSL Facebook www.facebook.com/ NorthBondiRSL Open Mon-Fri, 12-9pm, Sat-Sun, 10am-9pm Prices Snacks from $5.50, Mains from $18 Cards Accepted Yes Licensed Yes

Retain the good, omit the bad.

SALTED SNICKERS BLISS BALLS Words and Picture Catherine Noonan

W

hat do you think of when you read the words ‘Snickers bar’? For me, it's a variety of thoughts. On the positive side, it's chocolate, caramel, and peanuts - how good?! But on the flip-side, it's energy highs and crashes, sugar spikes, nutrient deficient-calories, and mood swings. I really don't do well eating refined sugar, and you know what, nor do most people young or old.

So, here’s the deal: how about we keep the chocolate, caramel, and peanut themes, but ditch the negative side-affects? We can easily do this by omitting the inflammatory ingredients (vegetable oil, wheat, refined sugar, dairy, and soy). This is exactly what I've done to makes these Salted Snickers Bliss Balls, which feature delicious whole-food ingredients as follows:

• Shredded coconut - avoid brands that contain preservatives (a.k.a. anything with the ‘200’ number).

• Cacao powder - high in antioxidants, and the perfect gear to knock out those free radicals that can cause premature ageing.

• Raw honey - nature’s medicine, adds a bit of extra sweetness.

Raw honey is proven to be antimicrobial and is excellent on a sore throat or to heal a wound. New Zealand Manuka honey is the best you can get when it comes to medicinal value.

• Coconut oil - this versatile oil is great for your body inside and out, and it also boasts antiviral properties.

• Celtic sea salt - is that sticky, grey salt that you see in the health food shop. It’s loaded with healthy minerals and is actually good for you.

• Peanut butter - be sure to choose a brand that contains 100% Australian peanuts.

• Natural Delights Medjool dates naturally high in potassium, with a chewy texture and caramel flavour.

INGREDIENTS (Makes 8 large or 12 small balls) 6 tbsp peanut butter 8 Natural Delights Medjool dates, pitted 1 cup shredded (or desiccated)

coconut 1/4 cup cacao powder 1 tbsp raw honey 1 tbsp coconut oil 1/4 tsp Celtic sea salt Extra cacao for dusting METHOD 1. Add all ingredients to a food processor and blitz until perfectly combined and a dough-like consistency is formed; 2. Shape the mixture into either 8 golf-sized balls or 12 slightly smaller balls; 3. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours until set firm; 4. Keep chilled and serve as required.

Cath Noonan is a self-confessed health-foodie, recipe creator, and nutrition student, as well as the founder of healthy food blog, I Heart Scratch. Check out the delicious food pics on her Instagram account, @i_heart_scratch, and find more recipes by visiting www.iheartscratch.com.au.

October 2017 | The Beast 79

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ACROSS 1. NBA team from the Disney World city (7,5) 7. Bali is in ... (9) 10. Change direction suddenly (4) 11. Closest galaxy to our Milky Way (9) 13. Psychic power (12) 15. Pound abbreviation (1,1) 16. 365.2422 days (4) 18. Type of vehicle (3) 19. Subatomic particle, produced by the decay of radioactive elements (8) 21. @ (2) 22. Tertiary education facility (10) DOWN 1. Power structure that has a small group of leaders (9)

2. Member of the royal family who passed away 20 years ago (4,5) 3. Female member of religious community (3) 4. French ‘me’ (3) 5. ‘Do not pass ...’ (2) 6. Peanuts cartoon character (7,5) 8. Herbivorous dinosaurs, known for the spade-like plates on their backs (10) 9. James Cameron sci-fi movie (6) 12. Shrek (4) 14. Group of people (4) 17. Garden of ... (4) 18. Large town (4) 19. Originally called (3) 20. Protagonist of the film Ratatouille (3)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Scott White Instagram @scotty9952 1. True or false: Before she launched her solo career, Madonna was in a band called ‘Pop Cherry’?

2. What is the first single off Taylor Swift’s new album?

3. Who was the first ever Sydney Swans captain?

North Bondi tinnies.

80 The Beast | October 2017

4. Which actress played protagonist Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect?

5. In which Sydney suburb did Paul Keating grow up?

6. What is the national animal of Sweden?

7. Which chromosome determines the sex of the child; male or female?

8. Does a ‘bocaccio’ have feathers, fur, or fins?

9. Who directed Scarface?

10. Name two of Waverley Cemetery’s advocacy groups.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 Deep down you’ve known this for quite a while, but you need to acknowledge the crush you have on your boss. They feel the same way.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 You’ve heard the saying about the darkest hours being just before the dawn; well, it’s true, and things are about to get a whole lot better for you.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 A pleasant encounter with an exotic, foreign penis will change everything you thought you knew about yourself, forever.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 You’re going to find more stray hairs popping up in new places all over your body, and every time you pluck one out, two more will grow.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 For goodness’ sake, sort out your oral hygiene before you gas some poor sod to death with your horrendous breath.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 Set something aside for a rainy day to avoid getting into a position where you have to sell something in a rush - that’s when you get slayed.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Remember to ‘clear history’ if you sneak onto someone else’s computer without permission and give yourself a little touch-up.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 Not only are you ridiculously good looking, you also know more about everything than everyone around you. It must be good to be you.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Everyone just assumes you are about to say something really clever and insightful, so you don’t always have to have the last word.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Invest some time and resources in your own skills and education, because you’re going to find yourself replaced by a robot pretty soon.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Stop blaming stress for your woes; you have no reason to be stressed.

You don’t really do anything, so what’s there to stress about?

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 At some stage, someone is going to try to convince you that letting ‘gays’ get married is bad. Grab the nearest fork and stab them in the eye.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. False 2. Look What You Made Me Do 3. Bill Fraser 4. Helen Mirren 5. Bankstown 6. The elk 7. Male 8. Fins 9. Brian De Palma 10. Save Waverley Cemetery, Friends of Waverley Cemetery, Residents for Waverley Cemetery

Individuals Small Business Cloud Accounting SMSF Specialists Home Loans Property Advice martinco.com.au 02 9570 6699 info@martinco.com.au

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Proudly supporting

Lovingly & Locally Handmade.

FASHION HOMEWARES ACCESSORIES JEWELLERY BEAUTY GIFTS MUSIC Sunday 1 October, 10am - 4pm Level 1, Royal Randwick Shopping Centre

73 Belmore Road, Randwick royalrandwick.com.au/artisanmarkets @royalrandwicksc /RoyalRandwickShoppingCentre

$1 Oysters In our Public Bar & Cocktail Lounge.

Thursday Nights in Spring.

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