The Beast - March 2020

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When It Rains, It Pours Words James Hutton, Publisher Welcome to the March 2020 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s balmy beaches of the east. It’s pissing down rain outside as I put the final touches on yet another edition of this wonderful little publication, and it’s about bloody time!

On January 20, an interesting email arrived in my inbox.

It was from a Saudi print journalist and TV producer who had just moved to Bondi after he and his partner were targeted by the authorities for their work with the foreign media and for being gay. They arrived in Australia to seek asylum, had their tourist visas cancelled at the airport, then were promptly arrested and sent to Villawood Immigration Detention Centre.

I met up with Sultan the day after receiving the email and decided to publish his story.

Again, it’s a long one, but I think you’ll find it interesting.

There’s a lot going on at this time of year, and we’ve got some excellent articles to reflect that, particularly the piece about Kimberly McRae that was sent in by a local reader. There’s also an article about the Bronte Boardriders Club’s Boards for Bushfires fundraiser, which raised a whopping $40,000 for bushfire charities, as well as articles about all those ugly concrete blocks at Bondi, the Mullet Pro surfing competition and the ongoing fued between people who think their dogs are humans and everyone else.

Cheers, James

Thank you to all of our volunteer lifesavers and local lifeguards for keeping The Eastern Beaches safe

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies are delivered every month; 56,000 are placed in mailboxes and 5,000 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters to the Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.

Simon Exleton 0414 549 966 Mackenzie Dale 0429 142 802

mcgrath.com.au

8 The Beast March 2020

CONTENTS Ma rc h 2020 Issue 182

8 9 10 12 20 22 33 34

Welcome Note Table of Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Chick Local News Thumbs Calendar

35 36 50 51 52 54 55 56

Hot potato, by Mark Clinton @markclinton.

Local Tradies Interview Satire Tide Chart Sporting Life Headnoise Unreliable Guide Marj's Musings

60 61 62 64 64 65 66 66

Food Review Recipe Local Photos Film Review Album Reviews Brainteasers Beardy from Hell Trivia Solutions

Scary stuff indeed.

The End is Nigh Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Sonya Wuhan There are so many issues to cover within my 500-word limit this month, but let’s see if I can achieve a seamless merger between topics. First up, the deadly coronavirus...

The virus’ source is suspected to be linked to an illegal wild animal ‘wet market’ in Wuhan, China, but are we confronting the porcupine in the room? No, the Australian media seems less concerned about the cause, the fatalities and the potential spread of the disease than they are about the virus’ impact on the stock market and travel industry.

The end is indeed nigh. The ASX200 has slumped 1.35 per cent as the virus gathers pace, and the coronavirus has even hit mining shares! Every day, the headlines are the same, with big business and the mainstream media completely losing the moral plot.

On the topic of mining shares and moral plots, how good is Andrew Forrest?! The ‘Benevolent One’, who has been a vocal opponent of a mining/carbon tax, has raided his coffers to ‘donate’ $70 million to bushfire 10 The Beast March 2020

relief, most of the money being used to develop a ‘national footprint’ for fire resistance in conjunction with other business leaders. By business leaders, I assume Andrew includes the ‘Big Gina’, who prefers to blame the fires on ‘red tape’ rather than climate change. I expect that Twiggy’s ‘national footprint’ will focus on avoiding his own carbon footprint and will instead involve land clearing (a huge boon to property developers) and mega dam building.

And while New South Wales burned, the news that 725,000 litres of water has been carted to Lithgow each day to save 140 coal mining jobs had Pearl reaching for her 1952 revised standard version of the Holy Bible to check whether Jesus was in fact a coal miner, not a carpenter. What type of nation have we become when it’s okay to squander a precious resource (at least carpenter Jesus turned water into wine) to save 140 jobs in a dirty resource industry, while Telstra is applauded by investors for planning to slash 8,000 jobs to achieve higher profits?

Surry Hills once had a thriving clothing manufacturing industry until it was moved overseas. Did I hear outcry and political blackmail from the machinists who were predominately working class, female and migrant, and had backgrounds in no other industry? Why are Australians so quick to swallow the rural jobs and growth crap (which includes the environmentally devastating forestry industry) yet are blind to where the real job losses are?

Speaking of the clothing industry, it comes as no surprise that Jeans West has gone into administration, with 988 jobs at risk - many in rural areas.

But why is consumer confidence to blame? When is the retail industry going to face up to the facts - Australia is a market economy, not a command one, and the populace cannot be forced to spend.

Alas, if only Jeans West management had taken Pearl’s advice on the ills of high-rise and skinny jeans, I could have been the hero who saved 988 jobs - with not a drop of water involved.

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Wonderful People of the Eastern Suburbs THE BEAST'S MISSION STATEMENT I have always viewed The Beast as a local monthly magazine, published and distributed for the benefit of those residing in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney, to inform them of local news and events happening in their area and as aptly described in James’ introduction on Page 6, “the monthly magazine for Sydney’s beautiful beaches of the east.” Definitely not as a vehicle to espouse eccentric, left wing, anti-government views, mocking our democratically elected heads of state and government by a majority of voters, such as the article on Page 8, “Australia's Wake Up Call”, and the satirical article on Page 50, “Celebrate Your Patriotism This Australia Day”, as well as the article on Page 52, “The Unreliable Guide To... Leadership”.

But what really stunned me was the interview with Dave Sharma... Really James, who gave you those questions? ISIS? Hamas? And were you even paying attention to Dave’s answers?

But James, your one question that literally had me Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud (ROFLOL) was on Page 43, and I quote: “What if all the Russians, Eastern Europeans, Americans, Australians and Brits who moved into an Israeli settlement on Palestinian land just moved back to where they came from and let the Palestinians move back in?”

Well, Mr James Hutton, I think I can safely assume by your name that you, just like myself, are a white, non-Indigenous, non-

12 The Beast March 2020

Aboriginal, Australian who is living here in this country because either you or your parents or grandparents or great-grandparents, et cetera, moved here following white man’s colonisation and settlement of this country in 1788 without the consent of the original Indigenous people of the land.

So, Mr Hutton, following your line of questioning put to Mr Dave Sharma, I put to you that you and I, and all other white, non-indigenous, non-Aboriginal people currently living on land which clearly was not legitimately acquired, should just move back to England, or Russia, or China or whatever other country we came from and vacate our homes and land to let the Indigenous Aboriginal homeless people sleeping on the streets of Redfern, et al. move in.

Sounds ludicrous and absurd?

So did your line of questions put to our local Federal Member for Wentworth. Let’s keep The Beast free of political and - might I add - anti-Semitic rants and raves and just stick to news and events happening in and around “Sydney’s beautiful beaches of the east”!

Zak Bondi ON THE ISRAELI/PALESTINIAN CONFLICT Dear James - Well done for the multiple remarks you have put forward to challenge Mr Sharma’s comments about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict (Dave Sharma - The Comeback King, The Beast, February 2020).

Those views are dangerous and appear to justify the terrible violence that is taking place against Palestinians. Those who are not very familiar with the situation Palestinians are actually experiencing (and Mr Sharma, to be honest, seems to be one of them) might actually think that what he has presented makes sense.

I particularly liked your question, “What if all the Russians, Eastern Europeans, Americans, Australians and Brits who moved into an Israeli settlement on Palestinian land just moved back to where they came from and let the Palestinians move back in?” This is the key question. I would also add, “What if Israel, along with the settlers, removed its armed forces from Palestinian land and let people live as human beings entitled of their rights?”

The important ideas of peace and co-existence that Palestinians, according to Mr Sharma, continue to reject, will remain a very complex topic on the table for as long as Palestinians have to endure the terrible reality of Occupation.

Valentina Bronte KUDOS TO THE BEAST Kudos for calling out David Sharma on the Liberal Party immigration Ponzi scheme, identified as such by the eminent economist and columnist Judith Sloan in The Australian newspaper.

What precisely is the purpose of jamming 100,000 people per annum into Sydney? You might think it’s to employ all those people that arrived the previous year in the construction of cheap and ugly dwellings for the newcomers, but you would be mistaken.

According to Sloan, it is a mechanism, conjured from within the Treasury, for the generation of a “budget surplus”, a meaningless signifier of competence in the management of the economy; pointless too with Chris Bowen as Shadow Treasurer.

So now you know - your qual-

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ity of life has been sacrificed on the altar of a piece of fatuous political propaganda. Ponzi schemes always end in tears, so be assured that the tears will not be shed by our masters in Canberra.

Gareth Davies BELLEVUE HILL KEEPING THEM HONEST Dear James - Congratulations on a great interview with Dave Sharma. I was shocked to see his face on the front cover, but thrilled to see your probing questions that didn’t allow him and his climate denying, press freedom inhibiting, Palestinian human rights evading, lackadaisical bushfire noticing party to get away with much.

Nicolette Boaz Bondi PRAWNY BINS Here’s a tip: Place all of your stinky seafood waste in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer until bin night. It keeps the smelly bastards whiffless. Nullification.

But be sure to warn friends who like to smoke the ‘funny smelling cigarettes’ as they might get a rude shock after foxing for midnight snacks.

Olive Oyster Bondi BONDI JUNCTION INTERCHANGE Dear Editor - Those of us who use this interchange know that you have to be on high alert around the periphery. It didn’t occur to me that this alert was necessary when walking to my bus inside the terminal. I couldn’t have been more wrong!

Just before Christmas, peak time, as I was walking towards the buses to Waverley I was struck on the right arm by a toilet door, opening outwards, which took up half the width of the passenger thoroughfare. The door opened quickly and without any warning. As per the photos I took it was clear that the damage was not a mere bump.

I have required that this wound be attended to every day

14 The Beast March 2020

since then, which necessitated providing/purchasing my own sterile dressings. I am about to visit the doctor for the third time.

I was under the illusion that Sydney Buses/Trains would at least pay for my medical expenses. Wrong again! Yesterday I received a letter saying that Sydney Trains is “unable to accept responsibility for customer injuries caused by the action of third parties”. And as for that toilet door that swings over half of the pedestrian way - well, it complies with the building code!

Really? It might comply with the code but not in that location!

Are Sydney Trains going to wait until that door hits a small child’s head before it sinks in that the toilet needs to be relocated? If that door can cause that amount of damage to my arm I dread to think what it would do to a child.

Cathy Davitt Waverley NO-ONE HAS LOST THEIR MINDS To ‘Name and Suburb not supplied’ (Have You Guys Lost Your Minds? Letters, The Beast, February 2020) - I can only say, “Get a grip.” Are you not aware that this, our favourite mag, is full of satire and innuendo?

Where is your sense of humour? The comment referred to in ‘Thumbs Down’ gave me a huge chuckle.

Please try and find a sense of humour and relax a little. And big kudos to James for restraining himself from making any editorial comment at the end of the letter. Love your work.

Pancho Coogee PROBING DAVE Dear Sir/Madam - I write to comment regarding the article and interview with Dave Sharma in The Beast (Dave Sharma The Comeback King, The Beast, February 2020).

I was very disappointed with the standard given what we’ve come to expect from The Beast.

It seemed to be the softest probing of a politician I can imagine, especially given the topical issues of electoral funding and especially climate change.

As for electoral party funding - I’m not sure I remember any significant reference to corporate entities’ donations influencing policy on either or ‘both’ sides of politics as being something we need be concerned about? Did I read anything about reducing emissions and Mr Sharma’s stance on that? I must have missed it, right?

Anthony Coogee MOSAIC MONSTROSITY I arrived here from Poland in 1986 and have lived in Bondi ever since. The old North Bondi mosaic was a beautiful and amazing artwork, full of memories and very precious to me.

I used to go to the North Bondi pool with my daughter and friends often. What is currently on that wall is yet another cheap and ugly graffiti.

Shame on you Waverley Council for replacing traditional and original with cheap and ugly.

I am so very disappointed.

Magdalena Bondi A REPLY TO LUKE Re: The article by Luke Kennedy (Riders on the Stormwater, The Beast, February 2020): The writer correctly notes the impact of rainfall on water quality at our beaches. Waverley is a highly urbanised area and, unfortunately, run-off from our streets including petrol, oils, chemicals, soil, vegetation and dog poo can make our beaches dirty.

Waverley Council has lots of great initiatives and infrastructure in place to help address these issues. These include: • Gross pollutant traps at Bronte, Tamarama and Bondi beaches, which prevent around 18 tonnes of pollutants from getting in our beaches each year. These traps are emptied at least every eight weeks.

• Stormwater harvesting

schemes at all of our beaches, which clean stormwater and also occasionally capture sewer overflows that we can then pump back into the sewerage system.

• Bioretention gardens to help capture smaller pollutants that can enter drains.

• ‘Sucker trucks’, which we use daily to clean our streets and clear drains.

Council is upgrading the gross pollutant trap at North Bondi and is planning to build more stormwater quality improvement devices in the coming year.

This includes putting in a swale at Dickson Park in South Bondi and installing additional tree pits in Bondi Junction.

Sydney Water is also planning to fix untreated sewer outfalls at Eastern Reserve, Diamond Bay and in Clementson Park in the next 12 months and will be consulting on this in March.

Once completed, these works will have a major improvement for our water quality and marine environment.

The local community also plays an essential role in helping limit the amount of pollutants that enter our drains and waterways. While littering is a big no-no, overfilling your rubbish bin can also lead to rubbish being blown around our streets. It is also a good idea to sweep up excess vegetation and soil around your house as this removes sediment in stormwater which can harm our marine life.

Council recognises that water quality after rainfall at beaches isn’t always recommended for swimming. This is the case at many Sydney beaches but we're trying to improve the health of our coastal environment for future generations.

Sam McGuinness Executive Manager, Environmental Sustainability Waverley Council ABORIGINAL FIRE MANAGEMENT Dear James - Amidst the tragedy and compassion of this 20192020 summer bushfire season, the sovereignty and knowledge

16 The Beast March 2020

of First Nations Peoples needs to be respected and implemented in ongoing fire management across the Australian landscape.

I will be proposing that Waverley Council, through the peak body Local Government NSW, lends its support to Aboriginal burning off practices combined with Rural Fire Service Aboriginal Community Volunteer training. This occurred recently at the NSW South Coast Shire of Eurobodalla.

It is the eve of the 250th anniversary of the colonial invasion.

This interrupted our people’s management of the land and ignored ancient cultural and spiritual practices on country.

It is time to re-integrate our First Nation’s wisdom into fire management, alongside science informed emissions reductions, to temper the effects of climate change.

Dominic Wy Kanak Greens Councillor CLIMATE CHANGE Now that both sides of local, state and federal parliament seem to agree that Climate Change is real, and in view that you interviewed Dave Sharma about the past but not the future, I would suggest you start putting all of the current and future politicians on the spot regarding how they plan to tackle climate change in the immediate future.

I notice that Waverley Council has started to use recycled materials in at least some of their road resurfacing. Dave Sharma recently in the Wentworth Courier acknowledged that Government needed to do more.

You could begin by asking the following questions: Will you push for your party to stop using Kyoto credits to meet their emissions targets in the immediate future?

Will you phase out fossil fuel power stations and replace them with solar farms in the same geographic location to preserve employment opportunities in those areas where mining and coal power is active?

Will you ban logging and

destruction of all native forest to ensure we have adequate natural environment for the diversity of flora and fauna that is part of the uniqueness of Australia?

Will you go public with your beliefs despite what your party might believe?

What else will you fight for to achieve lower emissions?

Will you actively support Australia being a world leader in lowering emissions?

I think this is one of the most important things The Beast could do. What percentage of federal, state and local government facilities - universities, schools, hospitals, railways, bus stations, council chambers and sports and leisure grounds - have solar power facilities on their roof and tank water for all their non drinkable water requirements?

James, I am hoping you will agree with my thoughts. Will you put them into action and include this in a section of The Beast so your readers can see whether our state, federal and local politicians agree?

Judy Davidson Bondi Junction THE IRONY OF THE CHRISTMAS GREETING In the January 2020 edition of The Beast I responded to a letter from a reader who hated the expression, “Happy Holidays.”

My response, in disagreeing with that sentiment and saying that I thought it was a perfectly neutral and pleasant alternative to “Merry Christmas” that gives people from all creeds an option, wrought a particularly nasty response indeed (Letters, The Beast, February 2020).

From reading it, you could be forgiven for thinking I had mounted a campaign to ban the use of the expression, as he went so far, in a virtuosic (and vitriolic) attempt to stir up even more hate-filled sentiment, as to falsely claim I was proposing we no longer be able to wish each other “Merry Christmas!”

Silly really, because I made a point of saying, “I have no par-

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ticular issue with being greeted with ‘Merry Christmas’, or indeed returning the greeting.” I just didn't hate what he hated.

Now, the letter to which I responded started with, “Don’t you just hate…” That was the whole point of my letter! It was about the hate thing. And at Christmas time, no less, when those who do subscribe to its ethos talk about peace on earth and brotherly love, etc. Oh, the irony!

He then took the opportunity to have a nice ole dig at the greenies - you know, those awful folks who care what happens to our planet. It doesn’t bear repeating. By the time he finished, it looked like I had ruined or even cancelled Christmas, Easter and all other holidays, religious or secular put together (It’s that political correctness phobia again). Hey, more important we should be unfettered in expressing our hate.

I just think it’s bizarre and terribly sad that, with so much tragedy, loss, fear, suffering and

disaster in the world (and much of it so close to home right now), that people go to lengths to make hate their mission statement.

Tina Harris Bondi GET OUT OF THE OFFICE Dear Editor - I think the Randwick City Council representative who replied to Margy (Response to Margy, Letters, The Beast, February 2020) needs to get out of their office and go for a walk.

Surely Council needs to have a good look at our streets if it genuinely believes in its “campaign to raise awareness that what goes down our drains ends up on our beaches”.

I nearly fell out of my chair with laughter when I read, “Council will continue to sweep streets.” Let’s get back to reality.

Council hasn’t swept our streets since they stopped employing street sweepers on foot with brooms - how long ago was that?

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sweeper truck, which is driven down our streets, actually gets anywhere near our gutters. It’s impossible with the increased number of cars parked on our streets. As a result, most of the gutters on the streets we walk every morning are full of leaves and other refuse that all gets washed down to our beaches every time it rains - if the drain isn’t blocked, which a lot of them are because they aren’t being cleaned regularly.

Is it any wonder our roads flood every time we get a heavy downpour? The water can’t get down our stormwater drains because they are blocked by all the leaves and refuse that’s washed into them. I notice Botany Council still has foot soldiers sweeping their streets, why can’t Randwick City Council do the same? Would Council like the ratepayers to adopt a street gutter too, and maybe give them a discount on their rates?

Dave Maroubra

country and western singer Paul Costa, and when Teddy Tahu Rhodes sings ‘Some Enchanted Evening’ - OMG! Who is your favourite person?

My favourite person is my husband, Max Presnell. He’s good fun, talented and my inspiration.

Local author and all-round legend Colleena.

Local Chick...

Colleena Presnell from Waverley Interview James Hutton Photo Beau Geehole Local chick Colleena Presnell lives with her hubby Max in Waverley. She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here?

It’s been 38 years now.

Why do you live here? I love the access to the beaches, both Bronte and Bondi. It’s a fiveminute walk to Charing Cross for great coffee shops, a few really good restaurants, the Robin Hood and the Charo. And it’s a ten-minute walk to Bondi Junction and the train is seven minutes to the CBD. What's your favourite beach? I love Bondi for an early morning swim, and it’s beautiful to swim in the evening as the sun goes down in summer. It’s great to walk along the boulevard and breathe the fresh air in winter.

What's your favourite eatery?

We like the Uyen and Bronte Bistro in Waverley, but there is nothing quite like La Piadina in Bondi on a Sunday afternoon.

20 The Beast March 2020

Where do you like to have a drink? Either in our garden or the Charing Cross Hotel. I’m quite partial to a Scarborough Chardonnay or a Robert Black Shiraz, and Max likes the beer on tap.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Golf clubs, tennis clubs, movie theatres, beaches, green gardens and the security of two great local hospitals.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic can be incredible, especially when it’s school time. We are surrounded by six schools!

Do you have a favourite sporting team? Yes, I’m mad about the Swans and I love footy season. Max has always been a Rabbitohs supporter.

What music are you into at the moment? Anything Jazz, blues or rock ‘n’ roll. I like Ella Fitzgerald, Satchmo, Kenny Rogers, Elvis, Beccy Cole and Melody Gardot. I like local

What do you get up to on the weekends? We’ve been having our little grandchildren over most weekends but sometimes I go to the races. On Saturday nights Max and I eat and play music over candlelight with a good bottle of pinot noir. On Sunday it’s church for me, then Bondi, Piadina, Harris Farm and home to relax. Sometimes we see a movie, but generally we leave that until Monday.

What do you do for work? For the past fifteen years I have been writing a book titled Lash Me Fair, which is an historical novel based on an amazing man, Henry Passmore, and his arrival in Fremantle in 1865.

Before that I was a trainer in business communication.

What's your favourite thing about work? My pick would be writing, making up characters and bringing them to life in a story, although I really enjoyed training people in business and seeing their communication skills improve interactions within a company.

Do you have a favourite quote?

I have two favourites. “I have no yesterdays, time took them away, I may not have tomorrow but I have today,” and, “Don’t think about it, just do it.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Buy my book, Lash me fair, it’s a great yarn. You can grab a copy at www.colleenapresnell.com.

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A beautiful human being.

Kimberly McRae... More Than Meets the Eye Words Kathleen Allen Photos Kim Mcrae My partner, Roland Fishman, and I run The Writers’ Studio, which Roland founded in 1992.

We were both shocked and saddened to hear of the recent death of one of our writers under suspicious circumstances.

Even though it was 10 years ago now, I can clearly remember the night we met her.

It was the start of the first night of our regular 4-Week Unlocking Creativity course and, as always, it was a full class. Everyone else in the group had arrived by the 6.30pm start time, except a woman by the name of Kim McRae. We have so much to get through in the first session that we can’t wait for latecomers and we always begin right on time. About 10 minutes into the class, we heard someone push through the door downstairs.

Until people come up the two flights of stairs at the Lugar Brae Uniting Church Hall in 22 The Beast March 2020

Bronte, where our Studio is situated, we never know who will be taking part. But we can guarantee it will be a diverse crowd of various ages and backgrounds, who are all in that first session feeling very anxious and nervous.

I said to the class, “That’ll be Kim, let’s wait.” The room was silent. With a smile on my face, I turned to the entrance of the studio.

The vision standing in the doorway was both striking and confronting. I kept my smile firmly in place. A lean six-foottwo woman with a massive mane of long blonde hair and, well, there is no getting around it, a set of enormous breasts.

Kim politely apologised for being late and I stood up and showed her to her seat. I have no idea what the rest of the class were thinking, but we see the studio as a creative space where everyone who wants to write is welcome.

In the break, I noticed Kim was hanging back on her own and I made a point to go straight to her, to make her feel as comfortable as possible. She was polite and softly spoken and so grateful to be with us that I immediately fell in love with her. There was definitely something about Kim. So started Kim’s three years at the Writers’ Studio, writing her memoir. And everyone in our classes who worked with Kim, likewise fell in love with her. She and her fellow course participants would often meet up after classes to share their work, and no doubt some tales of her incredible life.

Why am I writing this, you may ask? Kim McRae was the woman who was apparently murdered in her Coogee unit in January. Police are investigating her death. In most media reports, Kim was described only as a transgender sex-worker, and I want to pay tribute to

this beautiful human being, and bear witness to the Kim that I and others at the Writers’ Studio knew.

As Maya Angelou says, we do better when we know better.

Kim was very dear to not only me, but to a whole community of very special people who were all on a path to tap deep inside themselves and write their stories. We learnt so much from her.

Kim was very open about the life she led. Many years ago, she became a Buddhist and a vegan. She didn't drink, take drugs or smoke. She was a twin. She was erudite and she loved literature, mythology and poetry, which didn't surprise me, as she was such an evocative writer.

And after many, many years of hard intense work, Kim published her memoir in December 2018, under the pseudonym Isabella Lawson,

titled Hey Boys, She’s Got a Gash and Other Tales of Gods A Memoir.

The following is from the back cover of Kim’s memoir: “Isabella Lawson lays her soul bare in this intense and beautiful memoir. Lawson’s life is rich in experience, she’s pretty much tried everything and built an anthology that she articulates with bold poetic prose.

Maintaining a hopeful outlook without blame or regret, she shines a spotlight on conservative Australia in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, the harsh values and gender repression and expectation. Her forbidden love affair with Emin, relayed through a series of intimate text messages and emails, provides an insight into her deep desire to be loved and the lengths that anyone might go to for love.” Clare Gillis

Kim was so proud of this book, and I of her. I last spoke to Kim a few months ago and she told me she was off to London to promote it. The last thing she said to me was, “I love you Kathleen,” and I said “I love you too Kim, now go get ‘em!”

I have no idea if Kim ever got to London, and I probably never will. I am grateful, and so happy for Kim that she achieved her dream, and got so much pleasure from it, before this terrible tragedy occurred.

And that she took a risk and walked up those two flights of stairs one Wednesday night back in 2010.

I saw in one of the articles about her death, a friend of hers said, “She was certainly an icon of Coogee for over a decade.

She was ‘out there’ but she’s the kindest person I’ve known.”

Yep, that’s Kim. Vale Kimberley McRae. RIP. Love, Kathleen Allen.

March 2020 The Beast 23

Bronte's Tom Giutronich with Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos.

All ‘A-Board’ for Bronte Bushfire Fundraiser Words Duncan Horscroft Photo Bill Morris Instagram @billmorris Here in the Eastern Beaches we are lucky to have escaped the catastrophic bushfires that have ringed the nation. One cannot imagine the heartbreak associated with the devastating loss of property, livestock and pets and our heart goes out to those who have tragically lost family members during these apocalyptic conditions.

The massive loss of wildlife has also added to the trauma, with many species now feared to be facing extinction.

Bronte Boardriders Club recently banded together to raise money for those affected by the fires, organising a very successful Boards for Bushfires fundraiser at the Clovelly Hotel.

What was originally planned to be a small gathering at 24 The Beast March 2020

Bronte Beach to auction off unwanted surfboards soon snowballed into a huge gathering at the Clovelly Hotel after inclement weather forced the cancellation of the beach venue.

Boards for Bushfires organiser Tom Giutronich said he was gobsmacked by the response and never anticipated the event would be so big.

“It was a spur of the moment thing,” Mr Giutronich told The Beast, “I was watching the reports of the bushfires at home and thought ‘how can we help?’”

“My brothers and I had about 27 boards sitting around at home and I came up with the idea of auctioning off the old boards to raise money for the bushfire victims.”

Mr Giutronich contacted the local boardriders clubs through Facebook and couldn’t believe the reaction from so many people with boards to donate.

“We had a small day in mind with a barbecue and about 20 to 30 boards, but after looking at the weather we made a call on the Friday night to relocate to the pub,” he said.

“The Clovelly Hotel are legends and welcomed the idea with open arms. They even gave us free use of their function room for the day.”

“Everyone had a new idea for the event and suddenly we had raffles, badges, t-shirts, a cake stall, a barbecue and an auction ready to go.”

The event raised an amazing $40,000, with the bulk of the money to go to Treading Lightly, an Ulladulla-based group focused on helping local communities in times of need.

“The group has done a lot of work during the bushfires and is focusing on wildlife and bush regeneration as well,” Mr Giutronich explained.

“They will provide vouchers for people to use at local businesses in and around Ulladulla to help boost the local economy, which has suffered terribly from the lack of tourism due to the bushfires.”

The late Daniel Hutton passed on his legacy through his six year-old son Monty, who came up with the idea of selling koala badges to raise money for the World Wildlife Fund.

Many thanks go to the event organisers and everyone who helped out on the day, as well as all the kind-hearted locals who came down and threw their support behind the initiative.

Boards for Bushfires is a prime example of community spirit at its very best. It just goes to show how a bunch of knockabout surfers can make such a difference to those in need.

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March 2020 The Beast 25

Welcome to Legoland.

A Blocked Future Words Danny Cameron Photo Con Crete The placement of blocks along Campbell Parade in December, and extending to North Bondi in mid-January, are here to stay for the foreseeable future.

Waverley Council has said it is responding to the Federal Government’s Australia’s Strategy for Protecting Crowded Places from Terrorism guidelines and sought specialist risk advice to ensure the beach precinct is protected.

“The works undertaken have been based on specialist risk advice sought by Council from public security experts and is not in response to any specific threat,” a Waverley Council spokesperson explained to The Beast.

Council said the placement of blocks was directed by staff based on the specialist advice.

The concrete blocks, placed approximately one metre apart along significant stretches of the southern end of Campbell Parade and along the northern end of the promenade, are designed to prevent hostile 26 The Beast March 2020

vehicles entering large crowds of people. As we know all too well, the golden sands of Bondi can be home for up to 50,000 beachgoers on a busy day.

But many locals are questioning whether the placement of the blocks is a little extreme and unedifying. For example, consider the placement of blocks along Ramsgate Avenue near the Rathouse. Here, one would have suspected the cars parked in the dedicated parking spots are natural barriers to hostile vehicles and do not require concrete blocks in front of them. The placement of these blocks suggests the specialist advice is concluding a terrorist looking to drive their hostile vehicle onto the promenade on a busy summer’s day would firstly wait patiently in the traffic snarl approaching the Rathouse roundabout, and then wait even longer for a car park to become available prior to driving onto the promenade and attempting to skittle everyone. Either that or they would get a park early in

the day and wait for their moment, only to get the attention of the brown bombers.

The new security strategy seems to usurp Waverley Council’s planning document, People, Movement and Places: where we go and how we get there, which planned to make our streetscapes more inviting.

Major improvements for Bondi Beach aimed to improve the streetscape along Campbell Parade to provide better pedestrian access and amenity.

This includes the major works planned for Notts Avenue, where 98.3 per cent of local respondents are in support of creating a shared zone for the avenue, providing an important pedestrian link between the promenade and the coastal walk. One wonders how a shared zone can be created at one end of the beach, where the residents support the notion of cars and pedestrians mixing freely, yet the pedestrian-only promenade needs hostile vehicle blockers.

Substantial effort, architectural design and investment has gone into making Bondi beautiful and welcoming, with new street furniture, park benches and upgrades along Campbell Parade a welcome sight.

The hostile vehicle blocks have been placed all around this beautiful street furniture as if to render their beauty in design worthless. Waverley Council informed The Beast it was aware of the visual impact of the blocks and will be looking at ways of improving their aesthetics. Council also said it would now embark on a longerterm solution of landscaping and street furniture that enhances both amenity and security.

“Once an ongoing solution is arrived at the blocks will be removed,” Council’s spokesperson said.

Niji

From delicious Asian food, to vibrant cafes and pubs where locals and students mix as one. Dine in, take away or have delivered, all of your options are covered.

Speciality shops that offer everything from fabulous flooring and lighting to herbal medicines, something for everyone. The parade is perfect for a weekly shop, booking a holiday or new hair style.

Places to meet, eat and drink, to workout or just rock out it’s all along Anzac Parade.

There’s an abundance of activities and experiences from acting classes to concerts.

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Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Lisa Anderson Photo Josh Faulks BONDI BOWLO COMEDY NIGHT Drop into the Bondi Bowling Club on Sunday, March 15 from 7.30-9pm for some big belly-laughs at the first Bondi Bowlo Comedy Night. Barbarella Productions presents some of Sydney’s best up-and-coming comedians for an evening of side-splitting stand-up comedy entertainment and a line-up including Karim Moulay, Bryce Lavery-Jacko, Christine Aldridge, Sue Thomas, Chris Nguyen, Aj Lamarque and Oliver Twist. Kids over six are welcome, so come and raise the roof with the community, support a great cause and have a heap of fun.

BONDI DREAMS Bondi photographer Martin Smith presents Bondi Dreams, a suite of his photographs of Bondi Beach taken on his daily walks through the changing seasons over many years. His beautiful, technically accomplished photographs are collected by an avid group of fans but before now have only been shown in group exhibitions. It is a visual presentation, a love letter to a place that he has long held dear. Bondi Dreams will run from March 24 to April 25, from 10am-5pm

Happy as a dog with two boners.

daily in the Bondi Pavilion Gallery, and everyone is welcome to come and enjoy the work of this Bondi legend.

CARDIAC SURGERY TO BE RETAINED AT RANDWICK After multiple reviews and public pressure, NSW Health has announced a commitment to maintaining elective and emergency cardiac surgery at Sydney Children’s Hospital, Randwick.

The hospital will remain in a network with The Children’s Hospital at Westmead, however a new chairman and CEO will be appointed to implement the changes in the next 12 months.

Staff are awaiting the speedy restoration of a parallel cardiac service program to allow the provision of comprehensive care.

NEW ERA FOR POW HOSPITAL FOUNDATION The Prince of Wales Hospital Foundation’s CEO and founder, Professor Leanne (Lulu) M Zalapa, is retiring. Since the inception of the foundation the charity has provided over $25 million in funds for infrastructure, research, equipment, professional development and patient care for the POW Hos-

pital. Lulu will be replaced by fundraising industry expert Andrew Giles. Mr Giles previously worked as CEO of The Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia, where he launched the Movember campaign in 2004.

WAVERLEY MARKETS Get down to Waverley Primary School from 10am-4pm on March 15 for a fantastic car boot sale, new and secondhand stalls, jumping castle, face painting, kids games, coffee and more.

The Waverley Primary P&C organises this event each year and they always do a bloody good job. Please call 0498 687 555 for enquiries, or visit facebook.com/ waverleymarketsandbrickfair.

ST ANTHONY’S COUNTRY FAIR St Anthony’s Primary School has organised a community event to showcase their school and to celebrate what a great neighbourhood we live in. The Country Fair will be held in the school grounds at 58 Arden Street, Clovelly on Sunday, March 29 from 11am-3pm and will have various stalls and entertainment throughout the day, including ceramics, a chocolate wheel and a barn dance.

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March 2020 The Beast 29

Kuey on the slide.

Business at the Front, Party out the Back Words Nicola Travers-Robinson Photo Mark Clinton Instagram @markclinton The Mullet Pro, a local surf competition that raises funds for, and awareness of, mental health, will return to Tamarama for the fifth time on March 7. The Mullet Pro isn’t any ordinary surf competition, with entrants paddling out in colourful costumes on foam boards to compete for prizes donated by the community and local surf brands including Mullet Boards and Softlite.

The unique event is the brainchild of Bondi’s Earl Weir and his good mates Josh Ku and Perth Standlick, all handy surfers, who shaped the event to be a fun day for the whole community.

“It’s great because you don’t have to be a great surfer to do well,” Mr Ku explained. “You can barely stand up in a colourful jacket and win your heat.”

The scoring system runs differently to a normal surf competition too.

“You get points for nudity, best dressed, party waves, and we have a dance competition 30 The Beast March 2020

and a catwalk too,” Mr Standlick told The Beast.

The aim to get as many people involved as possible was born from a dream to use the competition as more than just a competitive event.

“It began as a comp for friends, just getting mates together to have a fun time, but then we wanted to make it more meaningful too and use it to do something good,” Mr Ku said.

The charitable aspect of the competition was particularly personal for Earl Weir, who had just lost a friend to depression when the competition started.

“It’s super important for the surfing community, to get your mates talking about their mental health and do it in the sun when there’s good vibes around,” he told The Beast.

The Mullet Pro aims to raise money and increase awareness surrounding mental health, with all the proceeds from entry donations going to One Wave mental health charity. One Wave was founded in 2013 at

Bondi Beach and aims to battle mental health stigma with surfing through their Fluro Fridays, which now run at more than 200 beaches globally.

After five years, the three friends from Bondi show no signs of slowing down.

“The more people who get involved, the further the message can go,” Mr Weir said.

The friends all agree on the reason the competition has lasted so long - because it’s fun.

The community atmosphere is one of the most important elements of the day.

“A lot of people are scared to get out there and have a go, and we’re just about making it as fun as possible,” Mr Ku said.

“It’s just a day to come down, meet people and make friends, because that’s what everyone in Bondi is about - good community and making friends.”

The Mullet Pro will be held at Tamarama Beach from 8am on March 7. For more information, please follow @mulletpro on Instagram.

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The debate rages on.

Freedom for Dogs vs Freedom From Dogs Words Nicola Travers-Robinson Photo Josh Faulks Local dog owners are rallying around a campaign to make Mackenzies Bay an official dog off-leash area following recent crackdowns from Waverley Council. Former Tamarama resident Joshua Faulks is spearheading the campaign, launching a change.org petition in January. The petition had already gained nearly 1,200 signatures at the time of writing, reflecting frustrations at the lack of dogfriendly areas in Waverley.

Waverley Liberal Councillor Tony Kay has lodged a motion to investigate making Mackenzies Bay a dog off-leash area in support of the campaign. The motion requires Council officers to prepare a report for Council to consider public exhibition/ community consultation of any proposal.

Although Mackenzies Bay is officially a dog-prohibited area, it has been used by locals as an off-leash spot for many years.

While rangers typically rebuke owners who take dogs to other popular spots around the Eastern Suburbs, Mackenzies Bay stands out as a haven where people can take their pets for a swim and some sun.

32 The Beast March 2020

Mr Faulks described Mackenzies Bay as “a slice of heaven” for dog owners. However, recent ranger activity seeking to clear the beach of dogs has generated discontent in the community.

“I started the petition to measure support, and the support just flew in,” Mr Faulks explained to The Beast. “I think the over-regulation in public spaces is making people in the area feel stifled and Mackenzies used to be a haven from that.”

While 38 per cent of Australian households have dogs, the issue of how to include them in public spaces has become a divisive one. Councillor Kay told The Beast that previous debates surrounding dogs on and offleash at Bronte Park “created such a robust debate that it polarised the community.”

Greens Councillor George Copeland agreed that while this group of residents is quite vocal about dogs being allowed offleash, it may not represent the views of the entire community.

“There is a very close call between dog likers and dog dislikers - possibly 50/50 - so it’s a very tricky problem,” he said.

“The issues are that they pee and they poo, and they disrupt people who are trying to enjoy the public spaces.”

Mr Copeland, however, believes that it is less about community sentiment and more about the realities of the Waverley Council local government area.

“It’s impractical in Waverley to have a dog-only beach because there are just too many people,” Mr Copeland told The Beast.

But for those who use Mackenzies Bay regularly, freeing it up as a legalised space for offleash dog walking is a change that they feel could be a win for the whole community. Bondi resident and dog owner Ella Ballhausen says Mackenzies Bay is part of the social fabric for dog owners.

“I 100 per cent see other dogs down there. It’s local knowledge - everyone around here knows to take their dog there,” she said.

Miss Ballhausen feels that this might be a positive thing for the council.

“If you can isolate specific locations where everyone can take their dogs, rather than having them on every beach, it's great! You need these spaces to exist and Mackenzies is a good spot for that because it’s out of the road.”

Mr Faulks agreed. “If it’s signposted well [as a dogfriendly area] then all residents know and they can be safer with the proper protocols in place.”

The campaign comes at a time where Mr Faulks perceives a shift in the atmosphere around dogs in public spaces in Australia, as cafes and pubs across Sydney are becoming more welcoming to them.

“There’s momentum behind this change,” he said of increased dog inclusivity, “and Waverley could be at the front of the pack.”

Making good things happen.

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BOARDS FOR BUSHFIRES Who’d have thought a bunch of knockabout surfers could raise $40,000 for charity with only ten days’ notice?!

EPIC SUMMER SURFING Consistent swell, light variable winds and plenty of perfectly placed sand at our local beaches has made for the best summer of surfing in a decade.

THE SOUTH COAST Our favourite stretch of coastline on the planet has copped a battering lately, but it's a good excuse to get down there and pump some money into their economy.

NICK KYRGIOS We know he can be a knob sometimes, but he’s way more entertaining than any of the other boring tennis players.

THUMBS DOWN SURVEILLANCE It’s slightly disconcerting when foreign technology companies know more about you than you know about yourself.

CLUMSINESS Dropping your iPhone on concrete twice in one week is not a good way to start the month. Thanks to Fone Fix for sorting us out (for half the price of Apple).

HEATSTROKE Delivering magazines in 40plus degrees with no water is guaranteed to give you a splitting headache.

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March 2020 The Beast 33

March 2020 Monday

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English Conversation Class Migrants from all non-English speaking backgrounds are welcome to join this weekly class for elementary level English speakers to help improve their conversation skills. It’s on from 10am-12pm every Monday at Lionel Bowen Library, Maroubra until April 6.

Art Classes with Lily Oen Unleash your creative potential and develop your artistic skills under the guidance of artist and teacher Lily Oen, every Tuesday from 10.30am-12.30pm at Lionel Bowen Library, Maroubra.

It’s only $3.00 per session and you can register your interest by calling 9093 6400.

To The Centre Coogee artist Julius Malkin has an exhibition of new works at M2 Gallery, Surry Hills until March 3. His new show will bring together a body of abstract work in various types of acrylic-based paint on canvas.

The gallery is open from 11am7pm. Visit juliusmalkinart.com.

Potts Point Big Band Michael Griffin’s epic 8-piece band, comprising some of Australia’s best musicians, will be performing on level 1 of the Potts Point Hotel every second week from 7.30-10pm. The Legendary George Washingmachine will be joining them this evening. They’re bloody good.

Food Addicts Meetings This evening, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra.

Please call 1800 717 446 or visit foodaddicts.org.

Women's T20 World Cup Semis The semi finals of the Women's T20 World Cup are being played at the Sydney Cricket Ground today from 2pm. The Aussies are firm favourites to go all the way so it should be a happy day. To purchase tickets and for more information, visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Join Waverley Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Brilliant Creatures Bondi artist Amanda Baby Pie will be holding her first solo exhibition in the Bondi Pavilion Gallery from today until March 15. Amanda’s brilliant creatures are beautifully crafted and need to be seen to be believed. The Bondi Pavilion Gallery is open from 10am-5pm daily.

Bondi Junction Markets Discover art, fashion, jewellery, delicious food and more from 9am-5pm every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday under the shades at Oxford Street Mall, Bondi Junction. Rain, hail or shine, they’ve got you covered!

For more information, visit thejunctionmarkets.com.au.

MindBodySpirit Festival Australia’s largest health, wellbeing and natural therapies event is on until March 15 at the International Convention Centre. Learn from over 200 exhibitors, attend free inspirational seminars, book yourself a psychic reading and more.

Please visit mbsfestival.com.au.

Learn Something New Based in the Eastern Suburbs, City East Community College offers a huge range of courses for people wishing to learn a new skill or try something different. For the course list and more information, please visit cec.edu.au and use discount code ‘BEAST’ for 10 per cent off.

Bondi Ocean Lovers Festival Get involved in this celebration of ideas, art, music and actions, showcasing the latest innovations, ideas and science for helping the oceans. The Ocean Lovers Festival kicks off today and runs until March 22. For more information, please visit oceanloversfestival.com.

Join Randwick Bushcare Keen to do something positive for your local environment? You should join a bushcare group.

There’s a group for Malabar Beach, McIver’s Ladies Pool, Maroubra Dunes, the Prince Henry Centre and Gordons Bay Reserve. For meeting times, visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Randwick Council Meeting All residents are welcome to attend the Ordinary Council Meeting from 6-9pm on the 4th Tuesday of each month at the Council Chambers on the 1st floor of Randwick Town Hall.

The agenda for each meeting is available on Council’s website at randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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Woollahra VIEW Club Meeting Woollahra VIEW Club meets at 10am at Woollahra’s Gaden Community Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of every month, with a guest speaker followed by an optional lunch. If you’d like to come along, please call Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com.

2040: Join the Regeneration Enjoy a three-course plantbased dinner and sustainability focused discussion with Transition Bondi at the Margaret Whitlam Centre this evening from 7pm. Kids are welcome to join. For more information and to book online, please visit transitionbondi.org.

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Rose Bay Beach Clean-up Come to Tingira Memorial Park, Rose Bay this morning from 8-10am to do your bit for Clean Up Australia Day. Grab a bag and some gloves and give the crew a hand helping to protect our incredible harbour and marine life. Visit woollahra. nsw.gov.au/beachcleanup.

Each for Equal Make your way to Woollahra Council Chambers this evening from 6-8pm to network, celebrate, renew and come away with a positive view of how the future can be brighter for all women. For more information and to book, please visit woollahra.nsw.gov.au/IWD.

The Mullet Pro Returning to Tamarama from 8am today, this local surf competition involves entrants paddling out on foam boards in colourful costumes to compete for prizes and raise funds and awareness for mental health.

Please follow @mulletpro on Instagram for more information.

Urban Beehive Learn the basics of backyard, urban and rooftop beekeeping with hands-on experience. This one-day beginners beekeeping course from Urban Beehive is on today at Centennial Parklands. For more information and to book, please visit centennialparklands.com.au.

Australia v New Zealand The Test series has come to an end and the Kiwis are sticking around to take on the Australian cricket team in the 50-over format from 2.30pm today and 10.30am on March 15. Big crowds are expected so leave the car at home. For tickets, visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Bronte House Open Weekend Wes and Anna van der Gardner and Waverley Council welcome you to have a look around the beautiful Bronte House today and tomorrow from 10am-2pm.

There will be plant sales, coffee and cakes to help you enjoy the day. For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.

The Spot Festival Randwick’s biggest free outdoor festival combines the best that the local area has to offer in food and shopping, with an awesome entertainment program from 1-8pm at The Spot in Randwick. For more information, please visit thespotfestival.com.au.

Art Science Check out fine art photographer Matt Draper’s first Australian exhibition at Justin Miller Gallery in Paddington, in association with Ocean Lovers Festival. Draper breaks barriers between human and animal, revealing life beneath the surface.

Visit oceanloversfestival.com.

The Wilderness Society Frustrated with yelling at the TV? Meet The Wilderness Society’s Eastside Group at Bondi Farmers Markets on the third Saturday of each month.

You’ll feel better when they’ve explained how you can help the environment and its creatures.

Please visit wilderness.org.au.

Bondi Sunday Markets Every Sunday from 9am to 4pm at Bondi Beach Public School you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, one-off vintage pieces and more. Please visit bondimarkets.com.au.

Sydney Swans v Essendon The Sydney Swans will take on the Essendon Bombers tonight at the SCG in their first home clash of the 2020 AFL season.

Can Buddy finally help the boys bring home a premiership?

First bounce is at 7.30pm. For tickets and info, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Bondi Farmers Markets Choose from a huge range of fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, organic meat and poultry, fresh flowers, breads, jams, cheeses, seafood, herbs, spices and more at Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday morning from 9am. Please visit bondimarkets.com.au.

Jazz @ the Pav Bondi Pavilion Theatre will come alive with the sounds of jazz, flamenco, latin and soul when Jazz @ the Pav, presented

by Waverley Council and the Sydney Improvised Music Association, returns to Bondi this weekend from March 27-29.

Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.

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S U LTA N J A M A L F R O M R I YA D H T O B O N D I Interview James Hutton Pictures Jeremy Greive Instagram @jeremygreive

On January 20 an email arrived in my inbox. "My name is Sultan Jamal," the message began, "I am a Saudi print journalist and TV producer that just moved to Bondi Beach."

It went on, "My partner and I left Saudi Arabia after being targeted by the authorities for our work with the foreign media and for being gay. We arrived in Australia to seek asylum, had our tourist visas cancelled at the airport, then were promptly arrested and sent to Villawood Immigration Detention Centre." I met Sultan the following morning...

How are you this morning Sultan?

I'm good. We woke up in Bondi, just went out, down to the street. Life is happening and there's cafes, there's people mixing, there's music, there's birds chirping. It smells like the sea. It's just gorgeous. Over the last couple of days we've had these... they look like parrots. You know, those birds that are so colourful.

Rainbow lorikeets? Yeah, there you go, lorikeets, exactly. A day before yesterday I woke up and I was out on the balcony and two of them just landed on the balcony, so I put out some bread and some water. They came and they let me get close, they let me touch them and stuff. It was really cool. Then the next day, I put out some water and bread and I just whistled and they came right back.

It was such a great experience.

They're so colourful and they have no fear of human beings. Birds, cats, dogs in Saudi Arabia and Egypt and the Middle East, they're terrified of people. It's a testament to the kindness of the people here because people here don't hurt these birds, so they've kind of gotten accustomed to people, and this is just the spirit of Australia. Everybody's just so good.

You guys are living in Bondi? Yeah, we're a five-minute walk from the beach, literally just down the street.

What are the biggest differences that you notice between Saudi Arabia and life in Bondi, or Australia more generally? A lot of differences, major differences. First of all, we don't live in fear here. In Saudi

36 The Beast March 2020

Arabia we were constantly worried that the authorities would break down our door in the middle of the night and walk in and find us both in bed, just sleeping, and we would get carted away. That's the fear that we've had to live with for 16 years since we've been together. But what are the major differences? People are just easy going here. You're walking down the street, somebody says hello. Another thing, crossing the street, when you arrive at the crosswalk - even before you arrive at the crosswalk - people actually stop.

People are very welcoming and so relaxed. That's what I like about it.

It's such a beachy environment too.

Everybody's young, everybody's great looking - men and women. It's just a fantastic place. There's a lot of cafes and little restaurants and it feels like a community.

We had just been released from Villawood and we were walking down Glenayr Avenue, because we were staying at a friend's place there.

It was hot and we felt like a beer that's another thing we can't get over there. We saw this hamburger joint called Bondi Tony's and I noticed that he had beer taps in the window.

It looked open, so I went up to him and I was like, "Hey, can we get a couple of beers please?" He's like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm closed." I'm like, "Okay, well do you know where we can get a couple of beers around here?" We were new to Bondi and beer is everywhere, you know. So he's like, "Oh, why don't you just come in and have a couple of beers on me?" And that was very kind and that was just... you just don't get that in parts of the Middle East. People tend to be a lot more reserved there, so it was very welcoming. I mean, it's just a couple of beers, but the whole gesture...

I'm glad you met him so early in the piece... It was actually him that really made us want to stay in Bondi. It was that gesture. We went back later and he wasn't there, so we wrote him a little note saying, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know how much this gesture meant to us. I know It's just

a couple of beers, but it embodied everything that we hoped Australia would be."

The one thing that really sticks out is everybody who hears our story, they tell us, "Please let us know if there's anything you need, anything you need at all." Everybody's just been so welcoming.

We feel privileged being able to live around here and maybe feel a duty to help those who need a hand. It's been really evident lately with the response to the bushfires... Indeed, and the fires are such a tragedy. I mean, a billion animals and so many people dead. Hundreds of homes destroyed. We don't get that back home. I grew up in California for a bit and you get fires there, but nothing like this.

This has never happened before...

Australia tends to keep out of the news pretty much, but this was all over the world. Even back in Saudi people are very upset about it.

You were born and raised in Saudi Arabia? No, Nassar was. I was born in Cairo because my mum's Egyptian. I stayed there until I was nine and then my dad got a scholarship to study in California from the Saudi government, so he took me with him.

Your father was from Saudi and your mum was from Egypt? Yeah, and Saudi Arabia at the time was having scholarships for students, usually for connected students - it wasn't for everybody like it is now. My dad was lucky to get a scholarship when I was nine years old and he took me with him to the San Francisco Bay area. I stayed there until I was 14 and then my dad decided he wanted to buy a boat and sail to Australia.

He arrived in Cairns and it was his favourite place in the world. He's been to all these places and he said that Australia was a lot like America, but with much better people. That always stuck in my mind.

At that point I was sent to boarding school in the UK, where I stayed from 14 to 18 years old. I did economics, politics, computer science and A levels. At 18 I went back to Saudi. That was the first time I really

went to live there. I stayed there from 18 years old to 20 and then I decided to go back to the States. I went to the same college that my dad went to in California and ended up staying there until I was 30. Saudis were given five-year visas at the time, multiple entry, so I just decided to stay from the time I was 18 to 30 in the US. Then 9/11 happened and it was time to come back.

That must have been a crazy time...

Well, yeah, especially as a Saudi, it was a bit rough. Immediately I saw people switch how they would look at us, look at me. People were always friendly and then right after that everybody was suspicious. I remember flying a couple of weeks after that and the way people would look at me on the plane, it was very uncomfortable. My parents told me, "It's time to come back."

I don't really want to get into what happened to me over there, but let's just say I had a bad experience and it was time to leave.

I'd lost my passport and I couldn't go back to Saudi, because in Saudi Arabia if you lose your passport they make you stay there for six months as a punitive thing. I didn't want to do that because I was in a relationship with somebody for seven years, so I decided to stay. At the time there's thousands of people that had overstayed, but because 9/11 was done by these student pilots from Saudi Arabia - 15 out of the 19 - the FBI and the immigration people and all the federal government started looking for Saudis. I was never formally charged with anything - no serious crimes, no violent crimes, nothing at all.

You weren't in Guantanamo were you? No, but I was threatened with it. People were telling me, "You might end up in Guantanamo." That was just awful to hear.

You hear all these conspiracy theories about the Saudi government being involved in 9/11, is there any truth to that? Absolutely impossible.

It's absolutely impossible. Saudi Arabia, as a government, would have nothing to gain. In fact, we'd have everything to lose. There were so many Saudis that had millions of dollars - hundreds of millions - invested in the US. America was our number one ally. At the time,

they were protecting the Kingdom.

Back in 1991 when the first Gulf War started, America came and they sent troops and they protected us.

Saudi Arabia wanted America to go in and deal with Saddam Hussein while the rest of the Arab World wanted an Arab response to the crisis? The invasion of Kuwait was just totally wrong. So many people were killed and raped, it was just a terrible, terrible thing. There was a concern that the Iraqi regime, Saddam Hussein's people, would actually come in and try to invade Saudi Arabia as well, so the US were very quick to come and send thousands of troops to the country. Saudi Arabia would have had a lot to lose with the government being involved.

Now, in my opinion, when we hear about these cases where the embassy

sent money to these hijackers, it had nothing to do with terrorism, because I, as a Saudi outside the country, if I have a problem or I need money or any kind of support, I go to the embassy and I say, "Hey, I need money," and they give you money.

So that's the little bit of truth that fed that story? It is, exactly. I mean, there was the 9/11 Commission and there was all these separate investigations that were done after 9/11 and nothing ever was found that proved that the Saudi government did that.

There's nothing for us to gain, absolutely nothing to gain.

Why did those terrorists attack the Twin Towers? It depends who you ask. The conspiracy theorists will tell you that this was something that was done to get America into other wars and so on, but let's keep away from

the conspiracy theories.

America just goes to war whenever it likes, it's not as if it needs any justification... Exactly. War is an industry, a lucrative industry. It creates jobs, weapon sales, all kinds of things. 9/11 really changed the world, and it changed my world as well.

Is there a general animosity towards the West and America in the Middle East? Among the people, generally no - just normal everyday people, no.

If you go to Saudi Arabia, you'll find that the people there are very, very welcoming, very hospitable indeed.

Even if you're American? Just if you're generally foreign. Our culture is one where it's dictated that you have to be good to your guests. If somebody shows up at your door, a foreigner, and he's got nowhere to stay, you have to let him in your house and stay there for three days that's prescribed in the Hadith and the Koran about being hospitable and being generous with others, especially foreigners.

Is Australia's foreign policy of following America into all of these stupid, pointless wars a smart long-term strategy for our country? Well, that's what Saudi Arabia does too. We look after the US interest and the US looks after our interests. Australia, the way that it's viewed from Saudi Arabia, is it's one of those countries that just doesn't get involved. I mean, your true presence, fighting ISIS, for example, is quite minimal compared to other countries that are fighting that war. Australia tends to not get too involved, but just involved enough where its interests are also protected. The impression of Australia and Australians is we just don't think about it because it's just not so much in the news.

Barbecues, beaches, koalas, kangaroos... Exactly. What did I know about Australia before coming here?

Steve Irwin, kangaroos, koalas, Crocodile Dundee, Paul Hogan... We don't hear much about Australian politics. I couldn't even tell you who the prime minister was before I came here. Australia's smart by not getting involved.

After that period in America surrounding 9/11, were you then deported back to Saudi Arabia?

March 2020 The Beast 37

To Riyadh, yes, and they were real bastards about the way they did it.

Instead of going from San Francisco to New York, New York to London, London to Jeddah, which is the usual route, they flew west. We left from California and we landed in Thailand, Bangkok, Manila... Being deported was a bitch because you're handcuffed until they put you on the plane, and once you're on the plane the stewardesses come and tell you, "Don't move. If you want to go anywhere on the plane, you let us know."

When you arrive at the transit point, like Bangkok or Manila, you're held at the airport jail cell until the next flight. The whole being imprisoned thing continued until I got on a Saudi Airlines flight, and that was for the last leg, Bangkok to Riyadh.

And then you just walk off the plane and everything's normal... Yeah, we just walked out, although they sent me to Riyadh and my family is not from Riyadh. I had $2 in my pocket.

I arrived in Riyadh, it was 11 o'clock at night and I didn't have a mobile phone, I didn't have anything.

Fortunately I remembered my aunt's phone number, she has a house in Riyadh. The housekeeper was there so I took a taxi, went to the house and took the first good hot shower I'd taken in a while. The next day I flew to Jeddah, where my family's from, and my grandfather met me at the airport. Then my dad flew from Cairo and it was just like starting all over again. It was the first time I really had to do that.

An emotional time? It was. I had a boyfriend I was with for seven years.

Understand the situation, imagine you're walking out of your house right now, you're going to the grocery store or going to go buy something - I was going to go buy a printer and you're never able to come back.

While you're at the stationery store, you get pounced on. Suddenly you get arrested without explanation and you never see your house, you never see your surfboards, you never see your cat. It sucked because I was in a relationship with somebody for seven years, we had two cars, we had a house in Las Vegas, and everything was just suddenly taken from you and you end up basically disappearing for nearly a year.

Then that bastard boyfriend I was with for seven years, he only came to visit me once. It sucked in every possible way. Going from my house, to the stationery store, into detention, then being deported and sent back to Riyadh was a big shock. I spent five and a half months in solitary.

Literally, you'd go months without

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shaking anybody's hand. You're shackled anytime they take you out.

When they bring you back, you're strip searched completely naked and they made you bend over and spread your cheeks and they would take a look up your butt, and that's every time you go out of your room and are brought back. That was a horrific experience.

But it did not represent the American people, it was just their immigration system and their federal system. America was in shock and reeling from what had just happened - it was the most disgusting and largest terrorist attack that ever happened in human history - so I understand the animosity, I understand the worry. I just don't think it's right to take people off the street and throw them in solitary confinement.

"Any kind of story or incident that makes Saudi Arabia look bad or exposes things can land you in trouble - it can land you in jail."

No, of course not... So that led to me going back to Saudi Arabia at the age of 30. I arrived there, I barely spoke Arabic, and I thought to myself, "Well, shit, what am I going to do with myself now?" I had a distant relative that was the editor-in-chief of Arab News, so my aunt said, "Why don't you go talk to him?" I went and met with him and he gave me an assignment about Filipinos cleaning up the beach and I finally found out that I could actually write.

I continued on with them and then they sent me off to cover the war in Iraq. I started in Southern Iraq, crossed the border illegally, twice from Kuwait to Iraq. I went through Basra, Najaf, all the way up to Baghdad. I ended up staying there for a month. I did some really good reporting, I must say. Then I came back to Saudi and started doing investigative journalism, dressing up as a beggar in a wheelchair to see how much money these guys make, driving taxis... just really experiencing the story. I actually like to get into it and try to do things myself.

How did you come to find yourself in a sticky situation with the Saudi government? The authorities? Well for 16 years, since 2003, 2004, I've been working with the foreign media.

I've always admired Nic Robertson who works for CNN - he's a reporter

and he covers wars all over the world. I've always admired this guy and really wanted to meet him. We used to see him on TV and I told Nassar, "I have to meet this guy one day, I really want to meet this guy."

One day I switched on CNN and I see he's in Jeddah and he's doing a TV report there. I figured out from the background where he was exactly and I just got in the car and rushed over there and I happened to catch him. I was like, "Hey, my name's Sultan, I'm a reporter. I work with Arab News. If there's anything you need at all, please let me know." He was like, "Well, I actually need a fixer. I need somebody who knows the local culture or the interesting people to talk to, how to get things done. Do you want to help me out for a few days?"

I was like, "Okay!" I helped him out for three days, setting up interviews for him and he paid me $1,000 for three days work. He said to me, "You're good, I'm going to pass on your phone number to my friends at CNN and BBC," and he did. People from CNN, when they would come to Saudi, they'd call me and then the BBC would call me and then ITN would call me, National Geographic, The Oprah Winfrey Show, they called me as well. That's how I got into fixing, which is basically your field producer facilitating things for major news networks. It was quite lucrative because there was a lot of interest in Saudi Arabia ever since 9/11, even up to the present day.

I became the go-to guy in Saudi Arabia for the foreign media. Along the way, I had to learn where the red lines are - what you can do, what you can't do with the foreign media - because the government's always watching. Any kind of story or incident that makes Saudi Arabia look bad or exposes things can land you in trouble - it can land you in jail. From 2003 up until about 2016, 2017, I knew where the red lines were. You do not insult the Royal Family, you do not attack any prince directly in the media, you do not attack the religious establishment, and pretty much that's it. The rules were pretty clear cut. I managed to work with the foreign media producing hundreds of reports over the years, up until about 2017 when King Salman came into power and Mohammad Bin Salman (MBS) came into power as well. They created the Presidency of State Security, which is a whole new enforcement arm for the government, and this branch of enforcement was above the Ministry of the Interior. In fact, it was above all the other security branches that I

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Sunday 15 March is going to be a busy day, so I thought we’d give you a bit of time to think about how you’re going to squeeze in all the events!

First up, starting at 6am, is the annual Lifeguard Challenge, which will see lifeguards from Randwick, Waverley and Sutherland Shire take on a gruelling 30km fitness challenge from Bondi to Cronulla via Maroubra to raise money for the Sydney Children’s Hospital Foundation.

What’s On 1 MARCH CLEAN UP AUSTRALIA DAY

cleanupaustraliaday.org.au for more information

6 MARCH FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIES AT LIONEL BOWEN LIBRARY: CALVARY

6.30pm | Lionel Bowen Library

7 MARCH NURSERY AUTUMN SATURDAY OPEN DAY 9am – 4pm | Randwick Community Nursery 2B Barker St, Kingsford

15 MARCH YARRA BAY FLOTILLA PROTEST

11.30am | Yarra Bay Beach 21w Kooringai Ave

We’ll have some details on our website about where you’ll be able to see and cheer on our Lifeguards as they run, swim and paddle their way down the coast and how you can make a donation to support their efforts.

I have absolutely no doubt the Randwick crew will do us proud in the Lifeguard Challenge because they work hard all year to keep their skills, training and fitness levels at the top of their game.

15 MARCH THE SPOT FESTIVAL

Later that morning there will be a protest flotilla at Yarra Bay, starting at 11.30am, opposing the State Government’s plans to build a cruise ship terminal at this beautiful family beach. The aim is to cover the Yarra Bay with anything that floats and is safe - boats, kayaks, canoes, yachts, inflatables, surfboards. If you plan to take part, send an email to saveyarrabay@hotmail.com to let them know.

20 MARCH FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIES AT LIONEL BOWEN LIBRARY: UNITED KINGDOM

Afterwards, you should head to The Spot in Randwick for our annual The Spot Festival. From 1pm until 8pm, the corner of St Pauls Street and Perouse Road will be closed down for a huge community street party, complete with market stalls, food, kids’ activities, performances and live entertainment.

Councillor Danny Said Mayor of Randwick 1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

1pm – 8pm | Corner Perouse Road and St Pauls Street, Randwick

6.30pm | Lionel Bowen Library

27 MARCH DEAN KELLY: THE OCEAN GIVES US LIFE

6.30pm, $30 | La Perouse Museum 1542 Anzac Parade, La Perouse

had to deal with along the way when working with journalists. Suddenly the rules changed.

Canadian television came, a reporter named Marie-Eve Bedard, she came to Saudi Arabia. She told me she wanted to do a story about all the changes that are going on there. The Crown Prince had said that in a few months he's going to allow women to drive, there was a creation of the General Entertainment Authority, a lot of good things were happening in the Kingdom, positive changes.

A lot of the corrupt people - corrupt politicians, corrupt princes, people that were milking Saudi Arabia for billions and billions of dollars - were suddenly being arrested and they were being forced to pay back the money that was taken from just people. It was a good thing and we were happy about it.

I was working at the time at the Ministry of Media as an advisor to the minister when it comes to foreign media matters. Canadian TV approached me, they wanted to come.

They'd been trying to get a visa for nine months to come to Saudi Arabia and, because I was head of media, I decided to grant a visa to Maria-Eve Bedard and her team to come to the kingdom and report on all the positive changes that were happening.

While she was there I got a sense that she was sniffing around human rights abuses, which is fair enough - I mean, that's what reporters do.

"We arrived outside the prison. Nassar went with me. He parked outside, waiting to see what would happen.

A white van pulled into the parking lot..."

She should have told you though...

She should have, but she didn't. I told her, "Look, Marie-Eve, you can do the story. There's a lot of Saudis that have left Saudi Arabia, they can tell you about the human rights abuses, but don't do any interviews here. If you do interviews here, you're probably being watched. If these people are well known, they're probably being watched too and it's just not going to end well for people."

Well, she went to Jeddah without me knowing and did interviews with a couple of dissidents. One of them is the sister of Raif Badawi, a blogger and a journalist that was sentenced to ten years in prison.

40 The Beast March 2020

She was the one who was speaking out against all the oppression of women? He was, her brother was.

And then after he was arrested, Samar Badawi, his sister, started being outspoken as well. She was arrested, held in jail for about a month and then released.

Raif Badawi is still in jail? Yeah, he is. So, Marie-Eve went and spoke to Samar Badawi and she also went and spoke to somebody named Zuhair Kutbi, another writer. He had been in jail for about a year for writing some things about wanting change in the Kingdom and so on. He alleges that he was tortured and beaten and so on. When he got out, he got the medical reports and he joined a network of Saudi Liberals, they're called, and they started releasing information, leaking documents out to the world. Marie-Eve Bedard had heard about him and then given him a call and she met him at a cafe - him and his wife with her camera man and a local fixer. I didn't know about any of this. She finished her interview, she left the country and then suddenly Zuhair Kutbi and Samar Badawi get arrested. As soon as Samar Badawi got arrested, Canada got really, really upset and the ambassador - the Canadian Ambassador in Saudi - put out a tweet about Saudi Arabia's human rights abuses.

Right after that, about a month, I was called in. The Presidency of State Security called me on a Thursday and told me, "Can you come in on Sunday? We want to talk to you." I thought it was about flying a drone, because drones were illegal at the time and I'd been flying one at the moment they called. I went in on Sunday. We arrived outside the prison. Nassar went with me. He parked outside, waiting to see what would happen. A white van pulled into the parking lot... They took my phone, they scanned me with the metal wand and put me and three other people into this van. It was completely blacked out with some kind of thick black tarp material so you couldn't see out of it. Then the van drove from the parking lot into the prison grounds and we were taken to a porta-cabin kind of thing.

There was a little waiting room where we all sat. I was the first one called in. There's a room with a desk and a chair, and another chair on the other side of the desk, and there was a camera on the ceiling, in the corner. I looked at the camera and I saw that it was pointing up. I found that very disconcerting because they could do anything to you and it wouldn't be recorded.

The interrogator, he comes in, he sits down and he's dressed in civilian clothes and he's like, "Do you know why you're here?" I'm like, "I have no idea why I'm here," and he's like, "How do you feel about Canada? What do you think of Canada?" Canada? It was the last thing I expected. I was like, "I don't think about Canada. I don't really have an opinion about Canada."

He's like, "Well, have you had any dealings with any Canadians lately?"

I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I was like, "Yeah, there was a team from Canadian television that came." He's like, "What happened?" I told them my involvement, which was giving her a visa, allowing her to come to the Kingdom, setting up various interviews and facilitating things for them on the ground. He said, "Why did you set up the interviews with Samar Badawi and Zuahir Kutbi?" I was like, "What? I didn't set up those interviews," and he was like, "Oh, they met and Zuhair gave Marie-Eve documents that were supposed to be given to Jamal Khashoggi," and this was before he was killed. Documents were given to her that she was supposed to give to Al Jazeera. They knew everything about the meeting.

So I said, "I had nothing to do with that. I had absolutely nothing to do with that at all," but he was like, "Look, you need to stop working with the foreign media." I said, "This is my job, this is what I do, this is what I was hired by the minister himself to do." His response was, "Well, it's got to stop."

That was the point where I got the sense that these guys are more powerful even than the minister. Then the questioning took a very odd turn.

"So, are you married?" "No." "Do you have any kids?" "No." "How old are you?" At the time I was 45 or 46.

Then he said, "Well, who do you live with?" I'm like, "I live with Nassar," and he's like, "Is he married?" "No." "Does he have any kids?" "No." "How many rooms do you have in your house? How many beds do you have in your house?" I knew where he was going with this. He was making it very obvious to me that they knew.

Before they called me in, they had been following me around. They had come into the Ministry and asked loads of questions about what happened. How were these people given visas? How were they able to meet these dissidents? It was just very, very uncomfortable and he told me, "It's obvious that you guys are more than just friends and you are keeping it a secret. And you know secrets don't always have to stay secrets. So

Mayor’s Message I continue to be heartened by the generosity of our local community through this ongoing bushfire crisis, including volunteers from our local surf clubs for all they’ve done to help our coastal neighbours.

If you would like to help our bushfire affected communities, I encourage you to consider making a donation to not-for-profit organisations such as GIVIT and other groups and charities helping to provide relief.

The NSW Government, on behalf of all local councils, has commissioned national not-for-profit organisation GIVIT to coordinate the provision of much-needed goods and services in bushfire-affected communities across the state.

All monetary donations received by GIVIT are used to buy essential items from local businesses to help generate local economic recovery. It’s the type of assistance that the NSW South Coast community needs from us now as they embark on the challenging road ahead.

GIVIT has previously assisted the government to coordinate donations for drought-affected communities.

The best way we can help now is by making a donation to the bushfire relief effort and by visiting and spending money in these coastal regions.

Find out more at givit.org.au Paula Masselos, Mayor of Waverley

Join us at Bronte House Open Weekend on Saturday 14 and Sunday 15 March.

Events Bronte House Open Weekend Saturday 14 and Sunday 15 March, 10am–2pm Bronte House, 470 Bronte Road, Bronte $2 Wes and Anna van der Gardner (residents of Bronte House) and Waverley Council welcome you to have a look around the beautiful Bronte House; its living and dining rooms, and gardens.

There will be plant sales, coffee and cakes! Relax and stroll around this amazing landscape and experience the beautiful botanic garden.

Jazz @ the Pav 27–29 March Bondi Pavilion Theatre Bondi Pavilion will come alive with the sounds of jazz, flamenco, latin and soul when Jazz @ the Pav returns to Bondi for one weekend only. Waverley Council and the Sydney Improvised Music Association join forces again to present a weekend-long program of Australia’s premiere jazz acts set against the spectacular backdrop of Bondi Beach.

Find out more and book your tickets at eventbrite.com.au For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/ events

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au | Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

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you need to stop working with the foreign media." He was basically telling me that if I didn't stop working for the foreign media they were going to tell everybody about our secret.

And that's the worst thing in the world over there, to be gay? Yeah, yeah it is.

Didn't your family and friends already know though? The Saudi side of my family doesn't know. The Egyptian side of the family knows.

The Saudi side still doesn't know?

The Saudi side still doesn't know.

How could they not know though?

Well, generally I tend to avoid the family. Remember I grew up outside of Saudi Arabia, so the Saudi side of the family, I never really had much interaction with them. My dad was like one of those macho tough guys, you know, so I'd never acted effeminate, I'd never acted gay. I was able to kind of hide it all these years.

My 'gaydar' isn't particularly strong, but I wouldn't have known that you were gay if you hadn't told me... And that's me relaxed in Australia, you should see us back home in Saudi!

We were able to keep a secret for a long, long time. Immediately after that interview, by about a week or two, I was removed from my role being in charged of the foreign media.

I had gone from being in charge of foreign media coming to Saudi Arabia, to becoming the assistant cameraman and assistant video editor to Nassar, who was working there as well.

You guys were together at that time... Yeah, we've been together for 16 years. All this stuff I'm telling you now, it happened in early 2018.

When I left the Presidency of State Security, after they let me go that day and I went back to work, it became obvious that something had happened and I was being sidelined. I was demoted and my salary started getting delayed. I was making very good money but suddenly that was gone. My salary started getting delayed by a month, two months, three months, and because it was getting delayed and I was being pushed out, eventually I had to leave working for the Ministry and was kind of destitute. What am I going to do for money? I had to continue fixing, because there were so many changes going on in the Kingdom that people were constantly coming.

I ended up doing a series of about 12 films for Vice Documentaries, assisting them, and apparently that upset the authorities because they made good on this threat to out us.

Around the second or third week of August, Nassar's mum called him.

42 The Beast March 2020

"We got information that your relationship with Sultan is one that does not please God, you need to stop seeing him," she said. He told her, "No, I'm not going to stop seeing him."

People take their religion pretty seriously over there? Oh yeah, oh yeah.

So then his brother called in the last week of August and told him, "You need to stop seeing Sultan," but Nassar said no. His brother put pressure on Nassar and he broke down and said, "Look, I love him, I'm not leaving him," at which point he told him, "Look, you need to watch out for the cousins because they're coming after you guys. What you're doing is bringing shame to the tribe." His tribe is very, very well known in Saudi.

So your own cousins, your own family, would come and kill you? Oh, yeah. Not my family, his.

Just because you're gay... Yeah, I mean, his family are ultra conservative, very Islamist. The fact that we were able to have a relationship for 16 years was actually quite miraculous. I mean, that we were able to do it and get away with it for so long. But we constantly have to live with the stress of just hiding it, not being able to be true to ourselves.

Like I said, we used to be afraid that people would come in the middle of the night. We bought a German shepherd just to give us an alert if something was happening.

How old were you guys when you knew that you were gay? I knew I was gay I think when I was eight or nine. I knew that something wasn't right. I remember being a little scared and saying, "God, what is this? Please change it. This is not good." But it didn't change, that prayer wasn't answered.

The same percentage of the population would be gay anywhere in the world, wouldn't it? They say it's 10 per cent.

So what do all the gay people do in Saudi Arabia? Just live double lives with wives and kids and pretend to be happy families? Because in Saudi Arabia there's the separation of sexes, men and women are not allowed to get together unless they're directly related - blood related - to one another. Nassar's brother recently got married and he's not even allowed to meet his brother's wife.

Until now he's never seen her, never spoken to her. His brother's been married for a few years now.

You can't meet your brother's wife?

Yeah, women are just kept separate from the men.

Why are they so scared of people having sex with each other? It's not Islamic.

Is it like that in all the Islamic countries? I mean, even in Australia and the Western World, the Ten Commandments, one of them is to not commit adultery. They take that really, really seriously over there.

When you separate the boys from the girls, it becomes kind of like a prison.

Straight guys end up going in prison and they're in prison for years and they've got no contact with women and end up having gay prison sex.

So that's pretty much how it is in Saudi. There's a huge gay community but it's very much underground.

They know it's always a concern that boys are going to play and girls are going to play with each other. Boys are going to play with boys and girls are going to play with girls, and it's not really accepted but it happens so much that people just don't talk about it. Boys fool around with boys, girls fool around with the girls, until they reach a certain age when it's time for them to get married, at which point there's an arranged marriage and a man marries a woman and you don't talk to your gay friends anymore, you keep away. Then you have children and that's it. They consider it a phase.

So heterosexual males would do that as well? They would experiment, yes. It was quite rampant.

That would happen in Australia too but I'd imagine it would be very rare, but blokes here can go and meet a nice lady whenever they like... Yeah, you can. Yesterday we were in Liverpool and we saw this couple, they looked like they were 15 or 16, a boy and a girl, they were sitting under a tree and they were making out.

That just would not happen in Saudi Arabia, they would be arrested immediately. In our culture, virginity is very, very important. If a girl is going to get married and her husband finds out that she's not a virgin, that's just terrible, because it brings shame on her and her family and it's just a completely different culture.

Is it just male insecurity? The thought of, "My wife might have had a better dick than mine," is that what it's all about? What is this all rooted in, excuse the pun? You tell me. Why do we have this crazy separation, separating the men from the women?

I think it's just...

A cultural thing that's been around forever... Yeah, it's just a cultural thing that's been around for thousands of years, I think.

So, you've been demoted and had to leave your job, then they outed you?

Yeah, I was being demoted. I had to leave the Ministry. We didn't know what was going on. I knew that the

Canadian reporter really screwed things up for me because I couldn't work any more at the Ministry - they pushed me out - and I needed to work to make money. The only thing I knew was journalism and fixing, field production, so I continued doing that. Then Nassar's mother called and told him, "Stop seeing Sultan," and then his brother called and told him, "Look, the family's going to come after you guys." Nassar still said, "Nope, I'm not going to stop seeing him." Then on September 5th, 2019 I get a phone call in the afternoon asking me to go into the Criminal Investigation Division at the local police, Presidency of State Security.

They called me and I was like, "Oh shit, they're calling me again, I wonder what it's about this time." But they called him as well, asking him to come in, and he had nothing really to do with working with the foreign media - Nassar did video production for the Ministry - so we figured that his family had made good on their threat to have us separated.

If we both get called in by the Criminal Investigation Division and we both have to go in, it's pretty much clear what this is about. It's going to be about our relationship, especially with his family threatening that they're going to use whatever power they have to separate us - they'll either kill me or have us arrested or whatever. I got the phone call and a few hours later he got the same phone call, asking us both to come in on Sunday. That night we had a panic reaction, "Oh shit, what are we going to do? What if we show up on Sunday and they end up separating us?"

They'd already killed Jamal Khashoggi at that point? Jamal Khashoggi had been killed by then.

They'd been knocking off people left, right and centre hadn't they?

Well, Jamal Khashoggi was the most high profile murder that happened.

But what was really scary was that dozens and dozens of journalists were being arrested.

So they put you in the clink? They put you in jail, yeah.

They wouldn't just go and assassinate you in your bedroom or something like that? No, even the Jamal Khashoggi murder, I don't think it was a government sanctioned murder. I think the order was to bring him back to Saudi.

How come they had a surgeon there?

Well, Jamal was a good guy, I used to work for him. I know Jamal well.

He was a good guy. He's not the kind of person that's going to give up very easily and just be like, "Oh, okay I'm

going to go back to Saudi Arabia with you." No, he fought.

Why did they have a surgeon there to chop him up? I think that was just very, very bad planning. I think they had the order to bring him back and if that order failed then to do away with him. I think that's the orders that they got. But that could never be proven, that's never been proven.

"When we were faced with the decision to escape or to separate - make the family happy or we make a run for it and make ourselves happy - we decided to make a run for it."

And that's come from the top, right? I would have to say... I mean, not very much happens in Saudi Arabia that they don't know about, especially members of the assassination team or the team that was supposed to bring him back, they were very close to the top. They were part of the Royal Guard. That's why there's a good suspicion that they had something to do with it. But they've denied it absolutely.

We don't really know the facts.

Saudi Arabia hasn't put them out, but if the intention was to kill him, it could have been done a lot more smartly. This is a horrible thing to say, but if you want to kill somebody... just a random street robbery, you know? Just have somebody come up, stab him, take his belongings, that's it. You could have him run over by a car, you know? Saudi Arabia does have a history of kidnapping people from other countries and bringing them back to Saudi.

They've done that with a few princes that were outspoken against the Saudi government that were living in Switzerland and Germany and other parts of the world. They were actually tricked into being put on a plane.

Are you scared of the Saudi government now? Do you think they're going to try and do something to you here? Well, implying that they had something to do with Khashoggi is not going to go down well.

But it's blatantly obvious, right?

Everyone knows that... Nobody really knows because it hasn't been proven. The CIA came out with a report saying that he definitely knew about it.

Yeah, which Donald Trump totally ignored... He just sort of disregarded it, yeah. But am I afraid of our government? Yes, of course. What can they do to us here? Australia is a very good country to be in. There's a lot of Saudis that escaped from the Kingdom that are living here that haven't had any problems, but our embassy is so powerful and money talks. The ultimate nightmare for us would be walking down the street one night, having a van pull up, sliding door open, you get yanked inside, you get a needle to put you to sleep and next thing you know you're on a private jet to Riyadh.

And you reckon that could happen in Australia? That could happen anywhere in the world. It just depends on the local government. Diplomats can do anything, they don't get searched coming into a country or going out of a country.

So it's quite realistic that the Saudi Arabian government could come and kidnap you and take you back to Saudi Arabia... They could, but I don't think we're that important.

We're not that important. I mean, I'm not Jamal Khashoggi, I'm not outspoken against the government.

Don't forget I spent 16 years trying to ensure fair and accurate reporting about the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia through the foreign media.

So when you got called in, what happened from there? September 5th, when they called, we had to sit that evening and kind of analyse the situation, look at our options. We can either separate and leave each other or we make a run for it. We decided that night that we were going to make a run for it. We'd been together for 16 years and he's my best friend, he's my boyfriend, he's everything to me. When we were faced with the decision to escape or to separate make the family happy or we make a run for it and make ourselves happy - we decided to make a run for it.

The next morning we put our dog in the car and we drove to Jeddah. We didn't want to fly out of Riyadh because we were called in to Riyadh on Sunday. If there's a register of us being on a plane going to Jeddah they might realise that we're not showing up for that meeting on Sunday and then they'll block us from travelling.

We drove to Jeddah, left the dog with friends, and on September 7th booked the first flight we could get out of the Kingdom to a country where we wouldn't need a visa, and that was Egypt. We got the first flight and we flew to Cairo. We did that the day before we were supposed to go and meet up with them. We

March 2020 The Beast 43

landed in Cairo and we had enough money where we could live for a few months. We had to start looking at countries where we could go. We didn't want to stay in Egypt for too long because if the government wants us they're going to be able to get us in Egypt. Money talks in Egypt and Saudi has a lot of money.

We applied for tourist visas to Canada. We could have gone to the UNHCR offices and we could have gone to the Canadian Embassy and spoken directly to them and been frank with them about what happened, but the Canadian Embassy doesn't let anyone in except for Canadian citizens. If you want to apply for a Canadian visa, they have an office that's staffed by a subcontractor - all Egyptians - and it's not very secure. We didn't want to go to the UN refugee offices because those were probably being watched as well, especially with the number of Saudis that are escaping Saudi Arabia now.

We decided that planning for a tourist visa to Canada was the best thing, but we stayed about a month in Egypt. Canada came back with a response for Nassar saying he didn't have enough travel history where they felt comfortable enough issuing him a visa. That was a day of panic, "Oh shit, what do we do? Where do we go?" The longer we stayed in Egypt the more money that's being depleted, and we wouldn't have enough money to get out.

Nassar did some research online and he found that Australia gives Saudis instant electronic visas. We went online to the immigration website, filled out a form and paid the $160 fee. I got a response back within two minutes. Australia had granted me a two-year, multiple entry visa. So we did the same thing with him.

It was that easy? It was that easy.

Instantly, I swear to God. I filled out the application, put in the credit card number and hit send.

I thought we made it really hard to get here... You make it really easy to get a visa, but you fly half way around the world down under and you arrive here and then that's when they really analyse you.

When did you leave for Australia? I got the visa instantly, his visa came back three days later on Monday, and on Wednesday we were on the next flight over. When we arrived here in Sydney, we went through immigration. They stamped our passports, we went through immigration, then we got our bags and were heading out, going through customs.

The doors were right there, it was

44 The Beast March 2020

like 20 metres away - there, just 20 meters away, was freedom. The plan was for us to come here, contact gay and lesbian organisations, refugee organisations, asylum organisations, get an immigration lawyer and apply for asylum within Australia, which the immigration website said you could clearly do.

"Next thing I know, these five enormous f*ckers come in from a company called Serco, all in uniform."

As we were going through customs we were approached by an Australian Border Force (ABF) officer. They said, "Please stand in queue number one." It was only us they stopped from the flight, probably because of our Saudi passports. We went to the desk, and I recognised this desk and the inspection hall from this TV program called Border Force that I used to watch. I made sure we filled out the landing cards correctly and everything was legit.

They call us in, the ABF open up our bags. They have Nassar on one desk, I'm at another desk, they're going through our stuff, and then they take away our phones. They're like, "Under section whatever of Australian law, we're entitled to check your phone." They took my phone and his phone from us and they went into some room. They made us unlock the phones and they went through our phones and then the ABF woman comes back to the desk and she's like, "I have reason to believe that you're going to be applying for asylum here. Are you going to be applying for asylum?" I said, "Yes we are," at which point they took us into the interview rooms. I was in one room, he was in another. They talk to us for about three hours and then at the end of that three hours, the woman comes to me and says, "Well, we have reason to cancel your tourist visa, you've got 15 minutes to think of a really good reason why we shouldn't."

By this point we had been flying for 32 hours, we had been in the interview for three or four hours, and I'd had enough. I told the woman, "It's obvious you're going to cancel the visa anyway so I don't have anything to tell you." She comes back 15 minutes later with a notice of intent to cancel our visas. I said, "Well what are you going to do now?" She's like, "We're going to send you back

to Saudi Arabia." I said, "You can't send me back to Saudi Arabia. Right now, I'm telling you, I'm making an official asylum claim. If you send us back to Saudi Arabia, we're going to be killed."

Would they kill you or would your family kill you? His family would kill me, I'm sure. Then they told us, "We're cancelling your visa, you can't come back for three years." Suppose they had sent us back to Cairo or Manila, which was the last destination we came from, that would have been okay. But if we're going to go apply for a visa for another country, we're going to have to say we were denied entry to Australia that our visas were cancelled - and that doesn't help anything at all. I told them, "You can't send us back.

We're going to end up being killed."

Then she asked, "Are you making a permanent protection visa request now?" I said, "Yes, officially, we are."

She's like, "Okay, we're going to have to put you in immigration detention.

On Monday a decision will be made on what we're going to do with you.

We're just going to have to hold you in immigration detention for a couple days." I was like, "What's that like? Is it like a jail with bars and criminals and sodomy and rape and stuff like that?" They're like, "No it's a really nice facility, it's like a college campus. You'll only be there for a couple of days." I was like, "Okay, we can handle a couple of days." They put us into a holding area together, a room with a couple of beds in it. We were in there for about an hour. Next thing I know, these five enormous f*ckers come in from a company called Serco, all in uniform.

I was like, "Oh my God, what is this?" They pulled out the handcuffs.

"It's just policy, we have to handcuff you," they said. They handcuffed us in the front and then they walked us out through baggage claim. At that time there was a flight from Dubai that had just arrived. It was so embarrassing being marched in handcuffs in front of dozens of people from the Middle East. They were looking at us like we were drug dealers or we just got arrested for bringing heroin into Australia.

We arrived at the facility, at Villawood, thinking we were only going to be there for a couple of days. I asked them, "How long are we going to be here?" They're like, "Usually it takes two, three months, eight months, nine months, to get you an approval." I'm like, "But the ABF told me that we're going to be out on Monday. They're going to make a decision." They told me, "They say that

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to everybody so that you don't have a panic reaction in the airport." I was like, "Shit, we need a lawyer."

I called up Holly Williams, an Australian friend of mine who works for CBS News. She's the one who told us, "Oh, you should check out Australia, it's a great place to be gay if you ever want a new life." I called up Holly, because they let you keep your phones, fortunately. "Holly, we just got arrested, our visas have been revoked and we're in a place called Villawood." She's like, "Oh f*ck, keep your phone with you.

Wait, let me make some phone calls."

She made a bunch of phone calls and half an hour later she says to me, "Call Alison Battison, she's with Human Rights for All. She's the top immigration lawyer in the country that deals with refugees and stuff like that, give her a call." So I called her up and she's like, "Yes, I got a phone call from Holly Williams, I'll take your case."

"I want to be able to travel but I can't travel with my Saudi passport because it will be too easy for them to get us."

Five days later, she came to visit us there at Villawood. She gave us hope that we would be out soon but soon was two or three months. She said the average time is six months, but she has gotten people out in two months, three months. She said to be prepared to be here for a couple of months. I was like, "Oh my God, okay. Well at least we're in Australia.

At least there we have a permanent protection visa thing in progress."

When they started to process our applications, part of that was to get a health check. They did a chest x-ray and found that I had cavities in my lungs and that Nassar had something starting in his lungs as well. It ended up being tuberculosis. We had covered the Hajj pilgrimage, which brings three million people into a seven square kilometre area, people from all the f*cked up areas in the world like Bangladesh.

You had tuberculosis? Yes, we had TB, but we didn't know it because we were not coughing up blood, we were not coughing badly. There was no weight loss, no night sweats, no fevers, we felt fine. Next thing I know, the International Health Medical Services (IHMS) people - they run the medical facilities in all the deten-

46 The Beast March 2020

tion centres - came over to the unit we were housed in with gloves on and masks and they're like, "Here, put these on," and we're like, "What's going on?" They said, "The doctors will tell you." They took us to the clinic and the doctors explained that they suspected we had TB, at which point we were taken to the hospital.

Nassar went first. They kept him there for a couple days in the hospital. After that, they took me to the hospital as well and we were put in adjoining rooms. It took Nassar 17 days to no longer be infectious. It took me 47 days. After 17 days they released him from the hospital and took him to Villawood and I ended up at the hospital by myself without him. He's my baby. We've taken care of each other since 16 years, so for us to be separated... I mean, we left Saudi Arabia to not be separated, to not be thrown in jail, to not have what was happening now to us. We were in jail, we were being separated.

He was in one place, in a facility that's considered somewhat dangerous, and I was in the hospital not knowing when I was getting out. It was scary. It was very, very scary and it was very upsetting.

F*ck, mate... After 47 days I was no longer infectious, that's when the visas started getting processed quickly.

While I was in the hospital, while we were both in the hospital, after 30 days of being in detention, I'd had enough. I told the lawyer, Alison, "We need to activate the media. Who do you know?" She knew a reporter named Helen Davidson from The Guardian. Helen called and did an interview with me over the phone.

That story just exploded all over the world. It was kind of a sexy story because Jamal Khashoggi had just been killed. It was also sexy because we're gay Saudis, which is something that was practically unheard of. That story started the ball really rolling.

Gaudis... What are Gaudis?

Gay Saudis... Oh, there you go. That's right. Maybe we should change our last name to Gaudi then? Helen from The Guardian wrote the story and it gained a bit of attention, but it got the attention of ABC National Radio.

They have a morning show that apparently all the ministers and people listen to on their way to their different offices. I was on ABC Radio and then The Project got in touch with Alison and they interviewed me over the phone twice. Then I started calling my friends from the international media, from CNN, ITN, BBC... I'd been working for 16 years with the top tier media. We're talking about people like Lindsey Hilsum, Peter

Greste, just so many people, all those big names. I was like, "Help!"

"Get me out of here"... "I need your help." Reuters did an amazing story that went all over the world. The gay community, Australian gay community, were awesome. A guy named Ivan Hinton-Teoh - he's an Order of Australia Medal recipient, he's one of the people that got the marriage equality bill passed - came and visited us at Villawood. He came with a lady called Joe Ball, who runs Switchboard. They did a little video about us that went out to the gay community. Then the gay community started getting outraged. There was a petition started to get us out.

People were calling various ministers to try to get us out. Everybody was using their clout, and apparently the gay community here is extremely powerful. Senator Janet Rice from the Greens, she heard about our case as well. She put out a press release asking the government to release us.

When I read that press release from the Greens, demanding our release, I asked Alison, "Can you please find some way of us reaching her office?" She got me her phone number and I called her up. "Hey, I'm one of the two Saudis, I wanted to say thank you very much for your involvement.

I mean, your voice is extremely powerful as a senator." She was like, "Oh, it's not over yet. I'm going to try to get a motion passed in the senate to push the government to expedite your release and recognise that you guys are in danger being a gay couple in detention here." Janet Rice went in front of the Senate. She ended up talking to... who's the person who runs One Nation?

Pauline... Pauline. The one that wore the hijab into the parliament.

Sorry about her... Well, you know what? Janet Rice told me, "I have never, ever, ever spoken to Pauline Hanson." She said, "I've never ever spoken to Pauline Hanson - absolutely refuse to - but for you guys I went and I met with her, and I met with Jacquie Lambie," which is another difficult one apparently.

Interesting lady, yeah... They both agreed to go ahead then agreed with the motion, which is unheard of.

Let me get this straight, Pauline Hanson and Jacquie Lambie helped two gay Arabs get out of Villawood Detention Centre? Can you imagine that? Just saying it makes me emotional.

Bloody hell... But that was because Senator Janet Rice went and spoke with them. The day that our motion went in front of the Senate was the same day that they cut medevac.

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March 2020 The Beast 47

We were given clear health, we were no longer contagious, a motion was passed in the Senate, and then things just started to move quickly to get us out. December 13th came and our lawyer called up. "I have good news and I have average news," she said. "Nassar's getting out today.

The minister has decided to sign off on his visa, but you're not going to be released." I was like, "What?" I mean, this is the worst thing in the world. They're going to release Nassar, keep me in detention, and he's going to be out in Australia without knowing anybody. Of course you get a bit insecure too. He's going to be out clubbing and partying and meeting people and I'm going to be stuck.

At 12pm the guards come and they tell Nassar, "Pack up your shit, you're getting the f*ck out of here." That's exactly what they said. It was a very difficult day. The most difficult day for me was the day he was released from the hospital and I was not.

The second worst day was the day he was released fromVillawood and I was not. The third worst day was the Monday that I was supposed to be released a few days after he was released, and I wasn't, especially with the Christmas holidays coming up. If I didn't get out that week then I would be in for the whole holidays, probably until February.

Then Peter Greste got really cracking. He called up Peter Dutton's office and spoke to an assistant. He told them, "What the heck? This has generated a lot of bad press internationally. You need to release these guys." Dutton's assistant was like, "Okay, let me see what we can do."

They went through our paperwork quickly and signed off an order for me to be released soon after.

If you were his nanny you would have been allowed straight in...

Now, looking back on the experience, coming here and finding out that we had TB and getting hospitalised and treated for it, all that must have cost the Australian taxpayer well over $200,000. The TB had advanced in our bodies to a point that it had created cavities in my lungs. If it had not been discovered at a certain point it would have been fatal. TB usually takes two to five years to kill a person, so coming here literally saved our lives. We will be eternally grateful to Australia for that. We were treated with great dignity and respect by the Serco people, believe it or not. We were treated with great respect by the people in the hospital.

What did you do when you got released? We called up Alison, our lawyer. She put Nassar up in a hotel

48 The Beast March 2020

near her for a few days at her expense, God bless her for that. When I was released I called up our friend Holly Williams from CBS News.

Holly said, "I'll put you up in a hotel.

Whatever you guys need I'll pay for it." She felt terrible because she's the one who suggested Australia.

How long did you end up spending in Villawood? Nine weeks, 47 of those days were in hospital. From there we went to a little hotel in Casula because we got cleared from the TB but we still have to go to Liverpool every day to continue with the medications. We have to take 15 antibiotics a day. Then we started counting on people's generosity to set us up. A bunch of organisations had heard about us by this point.

They were calling up Alison, they were calling me up, saying, "If you need anything... what do you need?"

I said, "Well, we need a place to stay." A family were going on holiday to Cambodia for three weeks and they said, "You're welcome to stay at our house, just feed the cat and water the plants." Then Mark Isaac - he's another journalist - said, "Hey, I've got a place in Bondi, would you like to come and stay in Bondi?" I was like, "Hell yeah," because in Saudi we used to watch Bondi Rescue and The Bondi Vet.

"There's drugs all over the facility. They're being passed from one unit to the other under the fence."

Who's your favorite Bondi Rescue star? There's the one that looks like David Hasselhoff - Harries - and they've got this really cute young one now, he's got long blonde hair down to here - Jethro.

Are you staying here forever? I sure as shit hope so! Where else are we going to go? Our permanent protection visas - our asylum visas - are being processed in a much faster fashion than before. We've already gone through the interviews.

When will you find out? In a couple months. We've got visas for five years that will be cancelled once the decision is made whether they're going to give us permanent protection or not.

Then you'll become Australian citizens? You've got to stay here for two or three years. They want to make sure you're a person of good character, at which point, yeah, we'll hopefully become Australian citizens, which would be amazing. It

will be really, really amazing. But the great thing is, you don't have to be an Australian citizen to be given an Australian passport, so we're hoping that once our permanent protection visas are approved we can get Australian passports. My dad is really sick in Egypt and he's probably got a year left. I want to be able to travel but I can't travel with my Saudi passport because it will be too easy for them to get us. If we're travelling on Australian passports we'll be pretty safe.

What's so dangerous about Villawood? The drugs mainly. It's not doing the drugs, or getting involved in the drugs, but it's the drug gangs.

Villawood is full of crims? This is one thing Australia needs to change.

Around 90 per cent of the people that are in Villawood are people that had visas who are not Australian, visas to be out in the community, to work and live life. Many people had been here for nine, ten, twenty years, but then they go and commit a crime, and if it's a crime that they're sentenced to more than 12 months in prison for, they are sent for automatic deportation once they're released from prison. So they go to Villawood.

These are people that have a prison culture, that prison mentality. They come with those prison addictions to Villawood. The same tricks and the same games they play in prison are now being played in Villawood.

The government needs to separate refugees and asylum seekers that have committed no crimes, that came to Australia legally, like us. We came with valid visas, we did not come on a boat and try to sneak in on Bondi Beach or something. We came in with a valid visa and we didn't commit any crimes.

When you have really dangerous criminals in with people like us, it's not ideal. People start hitting you up for money. From day one we were offered marijuana and ice, from day one. There was one guy in there, he had a problem with a couple of other Arab guys at Villawood. We actually saw one of them assault him one day.

They didn't like this guy at all.

He had a drug test that was coming up in order for him to possibly be issued another visa. These guys knew that he had a drug test coming up, so they suddenly started being very nice to him. They called us over, "Hey can you help us carry these oranges?" so we carried a bunch of oranges in these plastic bags and they started making orange juice.

I'm thinking, "Oh, how nice, they're making juice for each other, what a great community." Well, we had a couple of glasses of orange juice and

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There's drugs all over the facility.

They're being passed from one unit to the other under the fence.

How do they get in there? I thought it wasn't so much the guards, I thought it was more the visitors. Australian law does not allow pat searches of this area [genitals] - you can't touch anybody there - so visitors would come into Villawood, they would pack the cannabis and the drugs.

Sit it under your ball bag and Bob's your uncle... Exactly, put it under your privates. Then they go into the bathroom, they leave the drugs there,

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and during visiting hours the inmate would go in the bathroom as well and he would place the drugs down there as well. They would scan you with the wand and pat you down, but they don't touch you there. You could put half a kilo of meth down there.

Depending on how big your balls are... One way that we thought it was getting in at Villawood, when the guards come in for the day they're not allowed to come in with their own backpacks - they have bags that are see-through - so I didn't think it was the guards so much. But when we were at the hospital, after the media attention started, they started allowing Nassar to come visit me at the hospital three times a week. One day he was in the hospital elevator with the guards and they had a bag. It wasn't a see-through bag or anything. The guard was getting something out of the bag and as soon as it opened the smell of marijuana filled up the elevator, the strongest smell of marijuana, from the Serco guys that were guarding him.

Are you already looking for work?

Yeah, I'm desperate for work. Nassar is a very talented cameraman and video editor. I'm looking for something in journalism. When we came to Bondi it seemed like a small com-

munity, everybody knew each other.

We thought this would be a great place to have some kind of newsletter or little magazine. A couple of days later I open up the mailbox at our apartment and there's The Beast. I read it through and was like, "Wait a minute, who puts this together?"

Then I found James at The Beast.

That's when I emailed you hoping that I could contribute somehow, which you've kindly offered.

In a perfect world, what does the future hold for both of you? A perfect world would be both of us having full-time jobs doing what we know me being a TV producer and Nassar being a cameraman and editor. Ideally I'd love to work for SBS or Channel 10, both of us together, because that's what we did in Saudi. A perfect world would be for us to be able to bring our dog back, have full-time jobs, get Australian citizenship, pay taxes... We actually want to because Australia spent so much on us, on our health, that we feel we have to pay that back. So yeah, good jobs, have our dog back, Australian citizenship, buy a house, have kids, find a surrogate, and just finally live a life without fear and stress. That would be perfect. We just want to live like everyday normal Australians do â—?

March 2020 The Beast 49

Laughing all the way to the bank.

Every Waverley College Student Guaranteed a Successful Career Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Photo Bill Derr Students of Waverley College were elated to learn that they are guaranteed a long and prosperous career after old boy Scott Cam was appointed National Careers Ambassador.

The ambassadorial role was created to encourage young people to take up trades and apprenticeships, and Cam received the lucrative post from another famous Scott who grew up in the Eastern Suburbs.

“Waverley boys can do anything,” beamed Cam during the announcement in Randwick.

“They can work in business, nursing, finance, medicine, defence, design, health care, 50 The Beast March 2020

tourism, IT… anything. Whatever path they choose, they will now be guaranteed a job.”

The appointment entrenches and enhances the system of the old school tie, and means that students from Our Lady’s Mount need only list their alma mater on their resume in order to secure an appointment in any field.

“In the past a lot of Waverley boys might have considered business, engineering or real estate. They might have even dreamt of following other old boys into the Wallabies, but none of the students are Fijian-born NRL players. For

that reason, they need to open their minds to new possibilities, heck, they could even go and coach a cycling team in Africa if they want.”

Cam is expected to visit many schools throughout the country, including Waverley College, and deliver talks and workshops under headings such as ‘Money for Nothing’, ‘How good are Tradies’, ‘Earn More Than Your Teacher’, and ‘Reality TV Star is a career’.

Cam graduated to the new role after serving as Australian Apprenticeships Ambassador for many years, during which time he encouraged young people to take up trades and apprenticeships. Critics of his recent appointment have suggested that if Cam had done his job as apprenticeships ambassador there would be no need for a careers ambassador, and that his pay packet could have been directed to TAFE colleges or government schools.

Cam refuted these claims, saying, “The government throws thousands of dollars at someone to serve as Governor General, so why not do the same for a careers ambassador.

Remember also, renovations don’t pay for themselves.”

According to sources, fellow Waverley old boy Costa Georgiadis was approached for the role, but was rejected when he refused to shave his beard for the interview. Dougie the pizza boy was also considered, but reportedly kept asking for tips.

Ironically, the writers of Utopia, the satirical TV show on the ABC, appointed Cam to exactly the same role during one episode, prior to the official appointment in late 2019. The Utopia script was written for purely comedic purposes.

It seems that future graduates of Waverley College will be laughing all the way to the bank.

March 2020 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Chris Hall Instagram @languages_sydney Monday

Tuesday

30 0033 0704 1302 1845

1.59 0.61 1.29 0.69

31 0119 0800 1357 1933

2 0200 0824 1416 2015

1.45 0.69 1.23 0.69

3 0257 1.45 0935 0.70 1526 1.17 2116 0.72

9 0225 0847 1520 2124

0.35 1.97 0.16 1.63

16 0225 0915 1510 2049 23 0231 0846 1509 2114

Wednesday

Thursday

4 0401 1.48 1054 0.66 1649 1.17 2230 0.72

5 0510 1203 1803 2339

1.55 0.57 1.22 0.66

10 0316 0.28 0937 1.99 1603 0.14 2210 1.71

•

11 0408 1026 1647 2257

0.25 1.95 0.17 1.76

12 0501 1116 1730 2345

0.26 1.84 0.25 1.77

1.65 0.54 1.24 0.70

17 0332 1031 1631 2200

1.59 0.58 1.19 0.75

18 0444 1144 1748 2315

1.57 0.57 1.21 0.75

0.54 1.66 0.43 1.51

24 0306 0920 1538 2144

0.50 1.66 0.42 1.56

25 0342 0953 1606 2215

0.49 1.63 0.44 1.59

Seagulls and the sun.

•

Saturday

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

1.56 0.65 1.23 0.75

•

•

Friday

Sunday 1 0113 0726 1323 1927

1.47 0.65 1.32 0.63 0.45 1.90 0.23 1.53

6 0612 1.66 1300 0.45 1901 1.32

7 0039 0707 1350 1951

0.56 1.78 0.33 1.43

8 0133 0758 1436 2038

13 0558 0.31 1207 1.69 1815 0.36

14 0034 0657 1300 1900

1.75 0.38 1.52 0.48

15 0127 1.71 0801 0.47 1400 1.36 1949 0.60

19 0551 1.58 1243 0.54 1846 1.27

20 0018 0645 1329 1930

0.70 1.61 0.50 1.34

21 0110 0731 1406 2008

0.64 1.63 0.47 1.41

22 0153 0811 1439 2042

26 0417 1027 1634 2246

27 0454 1101 1702 2319

0.50 1.53 0.51 1.62

28 0533 1138 1733 2354

0.52 1.45 0.56 1.62

0.48 1.59 0.46 1.61

0.58 1.66 0.44 1.47

29 0616 0.56 1217 1.37 1806 0.62

happen at the Knights this year.

If they finish in the top four, strawberry milkshake sales will go through the roof in August.

New Zealand Warriors Will finally discover consistency and consistently lose.

North Queensland Cowboys Holmes is home and there’s a buzz up north that has nothing to do with the fruit flies, but it’ll be the Taumalolo train that carries the side into the finals.

Signing his life away.

An NRL 2020 Vision Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Con Tract Some blurry team predictions for the 2020 National Rugby League season from the crystal football...

Brisbane Broncos The post-Bennett era hits new lows, with white ants discovered in club headquarters and the player’s changing rooms.

Anthony Milford will finally complete his transition into full Lego man.

Canberra Raiders “Robbed!” Raiders’ fans have been screaming all summer.

“Who cares?” The rest of us yelled back. Sticky and the boys will give it a red hot go and possibly go one better, but the only certainty is that they’ll blame everyone else if they don’t.

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs Having learned how to win ugly, they’ll learn that ugly is out and crowd numbers will hit a record low. Lincoln Lewis will quit the game to star on Home and Away.

52 The Beast March 2020

Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks With Paul Gallen finally gone, the rest of the nation will stop hating Cronulla, and they will happily slip back into mediocrity.

Gold Coast Titans Does anyone really care?

Manly Warringah Sea Eagles Tony Abbott’s continued denial of climate change will see him come to sideline blows with Des Hasler after Dessie’s Collaroy home slips into the ocean. Daly Cherry-Evans will finally reveal he is a lizard.

Melbourne Storm With the shine of success beginning to wear thin, Craig Bellamy will resign at the end of the year on doctor’s orders - no one wants to see a head explode on live television. Cam Smith will announce his new career in mathematics.

Newcastle Knights Mitchell Pearce kicked off the year by channelling Robert Mugabe, so anything could

Parramatta Eels Parramatta will win it this year, just ask any Parramatta fan.

They won’t though, they’ll flop harder than a fat man falling off a pier.

Penrith Panthers Daddy issues will tear the club apart and Nathan Cleary will start seeing older men.

South Sydney Rabbitohs They enter the post-Burgess era with a bright new Arrow pointing them forward, but with that still a year away and Wayne Bennett on a short contract, they’ll need Latrell to really step up.

St. George Illawarra Dragons They need a Daenerys, but all they have is a Mary. They’ll be slain by May. Sydney Roosters Chasing a rare Premiership Turkey, but with no Cronk, their rudder is a bit wobbly.

They’ll need to watch out for Icebergs, both big lime green ones and the venue itself.

Wests Tigers The club no one wants to play for will find it even harder to sell out Leichardt after the suburb’s demographic becomes entirely young professionals, with two children and absolutely no interest in rugby league.

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Hello, you handsome devil.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Reef Flection “Who is the fairest of them all?” We all know the legendary question asked by the narcissistic Evil Queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. We also know the mirror’s reply. But what is not so well known is that research has shown that most of us, like the Queen, also possess a touch of vanity.

In fact, such studies have also shown that the average person believes they are superior to most other people in both their abilities and qualities.

Why do the majority of us believe we are better than most others? It’s known as the ‘better than average effect’. It does sound a bit silly, a conveniently coined phrase for the ultimate Narcissus, but there is merit to the argument. Across a broad range of life domains, people tend to see positive traits as more descriptive than negative traits, they rate themselves better than others, and they also tend to rate themselves higher than they are rated by others.

This form of self-enhancement also includes a tendency for one to overestimate their own importance and how much one actually contributes to a group or an event.

54 The Beast March 2020

But it gets better. The research goes further, stating people tend to think they are more attractive, honourable, capable and compassionate than others, as well as overestimating their popularity, including how much they would be missed if absent.

It’s worth pointing out that although most of us are influenced by the ‘better than average effect’ to some degree, and despite this effect creating the appearance of having tickets on ourselves, it does not of itself make us a Narcissus. To have a healthy sense of self is quite different from being excessively preoccupied with oneself or lacking in empathy.

Let’s leave our Evil Queen pondering her looks in the mirror and bring our ‘better than average’ concept closer to home - the men’s Australian Open tennis final. A bit of a segue perhaps, but it does add weight to the argument. I’m sure both players went into the match thinking they had the goods over the other, therefore we could fairly assume they both had the better than average effect going on. With only one player being able to win, you can see that, despite each

player’s sense of self, something else comes into it, ultimately allowing someone to win.

Djokovic beat Thiem in a gruelling five-set match. In the first half of the match it seemed Thiem would win quite comfortably, but as the match progressed into the fourth and fifth set it seemed like Djokovic flicked a switch. He morphed into a robot-like state, relaxed and got the job done. Earlier on, he seemed so self-focussed that he choked under pressure.

Perhaps he was thinking too much or trying too hard, which can be viewed as the flip side of self-control. This is what sports psychologists call an ‘ironic process’, where the harder you try to control a thought, feeling or behaviour, the less likely you are to succeed.

Maybe, at the end of the day, Djokovic just had more ‘better than average’ effect than Thiem did. Despite any effect or process that one player was trying to pull over the other, one thing was apparent: the crowd was rooting for Thiem. Australia loves an underdog and we had well and truly hit Thiem with the ‘halo effect’, a tendency for positive impressions of a person (or company, brand or product) in one area to positively influence one’s opinion or feelings in other areas. Our tall poppy, Djokovic, got slapped with the ‘horn effect’, a form of cognitive bias that causes one’s perception of another to be unduly influenced by a single negative trait. Despite this, he got up in what will no doubt be touted as one of the best finals of all time and certainly worthy of a mind game analysis.

As for the fairest of them all, it’s you, right? I beg to differ.

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a growing trend of political divisionism. In the UK, the Windrush scandal persecuted citizens born in the West Indies, sending many ‘back home’ to a place they legitimately left forty years ago. As the world becomes more and more overpopulated, we seem to be moving back towards this stance of ‘us vs them’ and it scares me.

There's still a long way to go.

The Unreliable Guide To... Hate Words Nat Shepherd Photo Ray Sist The Unreliable Guide has been thinking about hate. The first stage of professor Gregory Stanton’s paper on ‘The 8 Stages of Genocide’ is the division of people into “them and us”. Once you’ve decided who’s excluded you can define them with a symbol, discriminate against them and declare that they’re less human than you.

Once you’ve got that in place all it takes is a bit of organisation, some media propaganda and, Adolf’s-your-uncle, you have mass extermination.

But what fuels and perpetuates this madness? It’s hate, that most destructive of emotions. The problem with hate is that it often stems from fear. Hate is easy to embrace because while fear makes us feel weak, hating feels powerful and controlled. But hate does not make us strong, it makes us vulnerable to manipulation because it’s an emotional reaction and not a rational analysis of facts. As the saying goes, haters always gonna hate, but you can

be smarter. Open your heart and mind with some of these tips and tricks...

Racism Racism is the most obvious example of “them and us”, because the belief that your race is superior to another creates an instant division. Fear of the unknown is a primal reaction, knowing how to categorise things keeps us alive - these berries are yummy, those are poisonous. If the first purple person you meet attacks you it’s easy to develop a lifelong aversion to all purple people, but overcoming these knee-jerk instincts is essential for social evolution.

Modern man must be more sophisticated. Superficial indicators like colour are simplistic and reductive classifiers, but they are powerful ways to define groups as “not us”.

Trump’s controversial “send her back” statement last year about Congress member Ilhan Omar acted as a rallying cry to white supremacists and reinforced

Hate as a political tool If you want to be manipulated, just start hating. I know I’m always quoting it, but Orwell’s novel, 1984, demonstrates this with his representation of the regime’s enforced “Two minutes of Hate”. Hate is a powerful emotion that unifies a crowd into an unthinking, obedient mass. First create an enemy and then focus the people’s hatred onto that enemy. They’ll follow you like sheep. The notion that our summer of bushfires was caused by greenies or arsonists is a classic example of this.

Don’t be angry with me for not doing anything about the drought or climate change, hate them! Hate the ferals. Hate!

Finally, if you don’t hate anyone, good for you, but you should be aware that apathy is another symptom of the divisive power of ‘them and us’. I leave you with this rewrite of Martin Niemöller’s famous poem about the Nazis,‘First they came…’

First they came for the ABC And I did not speak out Because I watch Netflix.

Then they came for the climate protesters And I did not speak out Because Extinction Rebellion made me late for work.

Then they came for the journalists and I did not speak out Because I can’t be arsed to read.

Then they came for me.

And there was no one left To speak for me.

March 2020 The Beast 55

Formerly government-owned.

The Pitfalls of Privatisation Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Alan Joyce There was a time when Australians believed in the importance of government-owned enterprise. This was how things got done, people’s needs were met and great institutions were built. The Commonwealth Bank, established by the Australian Government in 1911, was the first bank in Australia to receive a federal government guarantee and set a standard of service that others needed to follow. Qantas, initially privately founded and owned, was nationalised in 1947, with the Australian government buying the shares and then building the great iconic source of national pride. Telstra was founded by the Australian government in 1901, because it understood the importance of communications in this vast country and the need to provide access to dispersed and ‘uneconomic’ populations. Medibank Private, established in 1976 as a not-for-profit private health insurer, began as an operating division of a statutory authority (the Health Insurance Commission) to inject competition into the health insurance industry.

The tide of public opinion changed as people perceived 56 The Beast March 2020

inefficiencies (workers having a smoko around a hole in the ground), lack of customer service (alleged rudeness at the post office), lack of competitiveness (Telstra service poor?

Tough luck!) and an unfair tax burden born by the diligent to subsidise the lazy. The perceptions were real and, no doubt, to varying degrees legitimate, although smoko breaks might have been just as common in the private sector, most post offices were lacking much amenity for staff, no one else actually wanted to provide public phones in isolated and poor areas and the actual distribution of tax burden is a whole different story!

So, from the 1990s, we saw the privatisation of many public enterprises - Qantas in March 1993, Commonwealth Bank in three stages from 1991-96, Telstra - also in three stages from 1997-2011 and Medibank Private by the Abbott government in 2014. The percentage of the workforce engaged in public sector employment has also steadily declined from over a third in the 1970s to about 30 per cent in 1987, then 22 per cent in 1997 to a current low of

around 16 per cent. The largest public employers in Australia are the State governments, which employ more than three quarters of Australia’s public servants - not surprising given that they deliver education and health services.

The big question of course is whether privatisation has produced the efficiency gains that many envisaged. In 2016, the then CEO of the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, Rod Sims, stated that privatisation was severely damaging the Australian economy. In an article published in The Guardian, Mr Sims said, “Governments have repeatedly botched the sale of airports, electricity infrastructure and major ports - making things worse for consumers - because, when selling the assets, they have been motivated by maximising profits rather than making efficiency gains.” In doing so, governments have created private monopolies without sufficient regulation to stop those monopolies overcharging users.

The public is well aware of this and has a right to be angry.

Four years on, and with many more assets already privatised or destined for privatisation, including the last remaining public bus services and our state-owned forests, it is time to stop and reflect on what this means, not only for competition but also for equity, citizens’ rights and the New South Wales government’s balance sheet.

The consequences of some privatisation initiatives appear easier to calculate than others.

For example, prior to its sale in 2017, the Land Titles Office NSW generated $130 million profit a year for the NSW government. A 35-year lease to run the office was sold to Hastings Funds Management and First State Super for $2.6 billion, representing just 20 years of

profits at 2017 levels. How is that a good deal for the people of NSW? It is obviously more difficult to assess the longer term implications of many other privatisations.

There are a range of guiding principles that we can utilise in assessing the worth of privatisation - will the service be more efficient, quality improved, major required investment secured and the best interests of citizens protected? It is difficult to argue that the private sector should not aim at making profits. After all, this is the dividend we expect from our investments and the basis of our superannuation value. Yet there are many investors who have become increasingly vocal in their opposition to profit maximisation at the expense, for example, of the environment.

Whether citizens’ and consumers’ rights will be better or less protected under a

particular privatisation is a further concern. It would seem somewhat self-evident that government-owned enterprises and not-for-profits are more likely to protect and service the needs of the disadvantaged and marginalised than organisations whose purpose is to make financial profits for investors.

Within government-owned businesses, cross subsidies could be (and were) utilised to provide discounted phone, transport and other costs for the geographically isolated, the old, the very young and those otherwise in need of financial assistance. Buses, filled with the fit and employed at peak hour, helped subsidise the cost of transporting the old, sick and unemployed during non-peak times.

We should also apply the competition test. For the free market to thrive and work effectively for consumers, it

requires healthy competition.

What better competitor is there than government? Competition is important as it drives innovation, something that Australian companies lack - StollzNow Research revealed that innovation is not core for 75 per cent of Australian businesses. Innovation is important as it keeps us up-to-date with global change and maintains our economic productivity.

The NSW government has proudly declared that it will be privatising our buses, and many thousands of local residents have expressed their deep opposition to this plan. The government has also proposed to privatise NSW forests. As we face the next wave of privatisation, hopefully issues associated not only with equity and fairness, but also the health of our market economy and the need for competition, will be properly considered.

Thank you to all of the community members who have helped save our children’s hospital!

CONTACT MARJORIE Address: 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Email: coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Phone: 9398 1822 Fax: 9398 1044 Authorised by Dr Marjorie O’Neill MP, 15-53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031.

March 2020 The Beast 57

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Not Your Average Coffee Shop Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo Jacqui Turk Coffee consumption has changed dramatically over the past few years, especially in the Eastern Suburbs. Our taste has developed to the point where instant coffee is considered powdered diarrhoea and the complexity of our orders have increased from two syllables to short stories.

This migration away from the regular was put into perspective recently when the new guy at work put in his first order for the morning coffee run.

We were all so shocked by the simplicity of his request that he is now affectionately known as ‘Flat White’.

“We are a country of coffee enthusiasts,” explains Josh Passaro, director of Will & Co coffee, the guys who supply Bondi’s Porch & Parlour and the Coogee Pavilion, “which is fantastic as it means we are well educated, know what a good coffee is and have an opinion on favourite brands and blends.”

“Every week there seems to be an interesting new café opening, the standard of coffee and food in cafés is the best it’s ever been and a large majority 60 The Beast March 2020

of people are experimenting with alternative brews outside of the traditional milk-based coffee.”

Given these recent changes highlighted by Passaro, in December last year Will & Co decided to open a concept store and boutique roastery in Bondi, on the corner of Gould Street and Beach Road.

The innovative micro roastery is a hybrid space, predominantly used for training and education purposes, coffee roasting, retail and as a community hub for locals to gather and work together. The space also provides an opportunity to explore the flavour profiles of different coffee origins and experiment with alternative brewing methods.

There are plans to host a variety of events at the store including latté art smack downs, barista competitions and educational talks with the aim to further educate the local community on coffee culture and the science of coffee. Coffee lovers will have the opportunity to take part in home barista courses and will be able to

purchase freshly roasted Will & Co coffee beans and a range of specialty goods such as coffee brewing equipment and ceramics.

Will & Co worked with Sydney Architects Alexander & Co to create an airy space that reflects the coastal lifestyle of Bondi. Steel joinery sets a backdrop for resin coffee counters and exposed painted brickwork.

A Donald Judd inspired pivoting partition hovers while the coffee grinder and bean sacks sit centrally with pride of place.

Custom, artistic murals bring the space to life, designed and installed by local artist Steve Smith.

The store is not trying to be a traditional café - there’s no food - but there is of course coffee on offer, made using an impressive custom Probat coffee roaster.

Celebrating the theatre of coffee, the Probat drum roaster uses a slower, more controlled method of roasting and will be exclusively used to roast the world’s most exciting coffee beans.

Will & Co’s signature blend is the 808, a blend of Brazilian and Guatemalan beans grown in rich volcanic soil in Antigua, delivering a unique flavour.

In keeping with the brand’s ethos of supporting the local community, the store has made a conscious move to minimise the use of plastics. The space features a milk juggler, which uses milk bladders instead of cartons to minimise waste, and all used coffee grounds will be recycled back to the local community for use in compost beds and gardens.

“We want it to be a space where local community members can come and meet each other, and if they can learn something about coffee or sustainability at the same time then fantastic,” Mr Passaro told The Beast.

Fiji's take on ceviche.

Kokoda - The Taste of Fiji Words and Picture Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Although the month of March is officially autumn, Sydney’s weather still calls for an effortless summery meal. Drawing inspiration from a recent Fijian holiday, this recipe is a tasty, fragrant celebration of seafood that has been gently cured and paired with key ingredients.

The passionfruit is the unexpected element, however the tang and sweetness is well balanced against the lime and coconut milk. The traditional version of the dish usually features fish exclusively but I’ve added scallops for a little decadence.

It’s all about buying the freshest seafood available, taking a bit of extra care with the preparation and chopping, and allowing plenty of time for the lime to work its curing magic.

After the simplest assembly, add a generous sprinkling of fresh coriander for some green goodness. This is a tropical dish that works perfectly as an appetiser for two, or you can prepare a larger portion and serve it as a share plate for entertaining your friends.

Ingredients 300gms snapper, skin and bones removed 12 sea scallops, sliced in half ¼ red onion, finely diced ½ Lebanese cucumber, finely diced 1 cup coconut milk 4 limes 1 long green chilli, finely chopped 2 passionfruits Small bunch fresh coriander, chopped, extra for serving

Method 1. Carefully cut the snapper into small bite-size pieces and place in a bowl; 2. Slice the scallops in half and add to the bowl with the snapper; 3. Squeeze the juice of 3 fresh limes over the snapper pieces and scallops and gently stir through; 4. Add the coconut milk to the seafood and gently stir through; 5. Cover the bowl with cling film and place in the fridge for 3 hours to cure. This will ensure the fish and scallops are cooked through by the juice of the limes; 6. In the meantime, finely dice the red onion, cucumber and green chilli, chop the coriander and cut the passionfruits in half; 7. When the seafood has been cured for 3 hours, remove the bowl from the fridge. Drain a little of the coconut milk, ensuring there is plenty of moisture and enough coconut milk remaining to coat the seafood generously. Don’t discard the drained coconut milk as you may wish to add a spoonful or two at the end to serve; 8. Add the chopped ingredients and scooped out passionfruit pulp to the mixture. Lightly stir again to combine all the ingredients; 9. Sprinkle over some more fresh coriander, add a wedge of lime and serve.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

March 2020 The Beast 61

Subject Nankeen kestrel Location Kensington Photographer Neil Paton

Subject Watch and learn Location Bondi Photographer Ingeborg van Abbema

Subject Backhand bottom turn Location Bronte Photographer Laurie Miller @lozzapix

Subject Splash Location Coogee Photographer Brody Vancers

Subject Gloom Location Bondi Photographer Sam Daniels

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Local rivalry Location Bronte Photographer Lisa Anderson

Subject Concrete contemplation Location Coogee Photographer Janet Wood @photobyjanet

Subject Wylie's wonder Location Coogee Photographer Janet Wood @photobyjanet

Subject Firing line Location Coogee Photographer Jennifer Winstanley @jenny4735

Subject Tandem Location Bondi Photographer Reece Queue

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Eminem

MUSIC TO BE MURDERED BY Label Shady/Aftermath/Interscope Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  This is atrocious. In every single way. It is so incredibly, unapologetically offensive to just about everyone, I can only tip my hat to him. The weird thing is, I kind of like it. It’s liberating. We live in an age where you must so painfully toe the line of beige, that it’s wonderful to hear someone like Eminem just decide, “F*** it, I’m going all in.” There is no doubting the man is a lyrical superstar. He can make you laugh out loud, then cringe, then empathise with him, all within a verse. Not for the faint-hearted.

Sløtface

SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY Label Nettwerk Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

HONEY BOY Genre Drama Director Alma Har'el Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador In his latest film, Shia LaBeouf (Transformers, Borg vs McEnroe) takes on his most challenging and personal role to date by portraying his manipulating and unreliable father in the heartfelt autobiographical drama Honey Boy. Written by LaBeouf as part of his therapy during a two-month court-ordered stint in rehab to recover from PTSD and drug addiction, he has said of the process, “It is strange to fetishise your pain and make a product out of it,” but lucky for us he has. This is a courageous film filled with bitingly sad, persuasively raw and intensely moving performances which, by way of a series of flashbacks, takes us through his tumultuous childhood as a rising young actor and the complicated relationship he had with his obnoxious and insecure father.

Honey Boy may sound self-indulgent but the multiple awards garnered for its cast and crew is proof that it’s a film that appeals to the masses. Shia is definitely back on track with this one.

64 The Beast March 2020

High energy pop-punk, heavy on the bass, with clever lyrics, may just be one of my favourite things.

Screw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens and brown paper packages tied up with strings, give me an angry punk band any day. It’s nothing new, but they’ve found their niche and they’re doing it well. It’s not all just yelling and carrying on either, there are some fantastic quiet moments too.

Vocalist Haley Shea has found that perfect balance between shouting and crooning that leaves you both enamoured and terrified. Get around it!

Bonny Light Horseman

BONNY LIGHT HORSEMAN Label 37d03d Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Bonny Light Horseman are a folk “supergroup”, but I daresay only the most diehard folk fans would be able to pick the members’ backgrounds.

The reimagining of songs hundreds of years old is not something that would usually draw me to a record, but that is exactly what they’ve done here and they’ve nailed it. After one listen, you’ll realise why these songs have stood the test of time.

Did I think I’d spend 2020 listening to people sing about Napoleon? No, I did not. But I really should of, all things considered.

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ACROSS 1. Something awarded in recognition of loss (12) 7. Covered passage with arches (6) 8. Black and white horse-like animal (5) 9. Hereditary material in humans (1,1,1) 10. Fine (US slang) (6) 12. Faith (5) 14. Essential body part (5) 17. Generation that followed the Silent Generation (6) 19. Norwegian band with the hit, ‘Take on Me’ (1-2) 20. Relating to the Sun (5) 21. Set in motion (6) 22. Figurine toy (4) 23. Ludicrous (12)

DOWN 1. Final game or series to decide overall winner (12) 2. Coffee with chocolate (5) 3. Insecure (5) 4. Remembered on April 25 (1,1,1,1,1) 5. Inspire (5) 6. Palaeolithic cave men (12) 11. Government intelligence organisation of the USA (1,1,1) 13. Hopping Australian animal (colloq.) (3) 15. In abundance (6) 16. Australian fern, Marsilea drummondii (6) 17. Performance dance that requires strong toes (6) 18. Sovereign city-state that borders France (6)

Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Brody Vancers 1. What is the main alcoholic ingredient in a Manhattan?

2. What is the literal meaning of vermicelli?

3. Where does the relish ‘chutney’ originate from?

4. What does the Fijian dish Kokoda resemble?

5. What is another name for the wasabi plant?

6. At what temperature is an egg typically known to be slow cooked in its shell in water?

7. In the ten-day lead-up to his race in Beijing, what did Usain Bolt eat one thousand of?

8. What is kefir?

9. Also the name of a frozen food brand, which Clarence revolutionised frozen food technology?

10. What is the name of the sugar substitute used in CocaCola Life?

Peace.

March 2020 The Beast 65

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 Selling out your morals and values for a few bucks is not on.

It has to be at least a hundred dollars to make it acceptable.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Anyone you consider a friend, who doesn’t reply to texts within 24 hours, must be immediately and permanently deleted.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Your urge to help others is driven by a deep desire to feel as if you don’t need help yourself. Alas, it is you who needs the help.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Why teach someone how to actually do something, when there’s way more money in just teaching them to teach it?

Visions Beardy from Hell

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Make sure the fortune that you seek is the fortune that you need. Instagram won’t provide the answer to what’s missing.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 Stop complaining about how much your partner spends on their appearance and just be happy they’re a bloody good sort.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Quit whining about the temperature and enjoy this hot weather while it lasts. You’ll be freezing your tits off in a few months.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Bushfires? What bushfires?

Forget about all that nonsense and move onto your next charity fad. Oh, you already have.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 You may think you’ve shafted someone and gotten away with it, but you’re the one getting shafted, on multiple fronts.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 You can escape to just about anywhere in the world, but you’ll still be stuck with what you’re trying to get away from.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 An exotic temptress with a fetish for faeces is putting your self-control to the test. It’s not worth it, I can assure you.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Beware of those annoying people with seemingly perfect lives. A wise person once said, “No baggage is your baggage.”

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions

Ears blocked with wax?

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