The Beast - March 2016

Beast the

THE MONTHLY MAGAZINE FOR SYDNEY'S BEACHES OF THE EAST • MARCH 2016

The Family Man

Jared Waerea-Hargreaves

Welcome To March 2016... Festival Season Words Dan & James Hutton

W

elcome to the March 2016 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East.

The stress of Valentine’s Day has passed and you’re all either madly in love or very, very single. Either way, sitting at home twiddling thumbs has never gotten anyone anywhere (except perhaps thumb wrestling world champion James Isaacs). This month, Sydney is swarming with cultural events and festivals to peruse either on your lonesome, or with your loved one in hand.

Highlights of the month include the annual Spot Festival on March 6, hosted by Randwick City Council at the culinary hotspot that is The Spot. Foodies will also love the Foreshore Festival at Coogee Beach on

March 20, which will bring several of Justin Hemmes’ super successful ventures together in one place for one day only.

The French Film Festival will be taking over cinemas around the area this month too, so why not get your Francophile on and purchase some tickets maintenant? Another absolute highlight is the All About Women festival, to be held on March 6 at the Opera House. This event sees fabulous, intelligent women from all around the world come together to discuss, among other things, art, politics, gender bias and the power of the female memoir.

However, the main cultural event of March is, as ever, the Mardi Gras festival. Mardi Gras season is always a jubilant celebration of diversity and acceptance set to the beat of pulsating

dance music and the rhythm of tens of thousands of revellers.

The actual parade is on March 5 this year, but with awesome installations, film screenings and fair days all around the city, it’s more of a month long extravaganza. Let’s dance!

This month in the mag we’ve got everything from raw veganism and cigarette bans, to the return of Bondi Rescue and cover star Jared Waerea-Hargreaves talking best friends and babies. Behind his big, muscly exterior, Jared is basically just a mild-mannered sweetheart who likes playing videos of his five month-old on repeat. He was a pleasure to interview, and we hope you enjoy his story.

As always, have an excellent month.

Cheers, Dan and James

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8 The Beast | February 2016

Contents March 2016 • Issue 134

6 9 10 12 20 22 24 26 28 29 49 50

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Letters Local Bloke Local Chick Thumbs & Dogs Local Photos I Local News Beastpop I Beastpop II Calendar

51 52 58 59 60 62 64 65 66 68 70 72

Local Tradies Interview Rupert’s Rant Beastpop III Local Wildlife Fish ‘n’ Tips Underwater Wildlife Tide Chart Street Style Unreliable Guide QTips Travel Bug

74 76 78 80 82 84 85 86 88 96 98 98

‘Into the abyss’ by Brad Bessant. Check out Brad's Instagram at @10ft_kaos.

Enviro News This Sporting Life Surf Travel Sexy Time Local Photos II Reviews Arts Bits Bandage Food & Wine Beast Brainteasers Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Twiggy epitomises the egalitarian larrikin spirit.

What Is The ‘Australian Spirit’?

Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Fortescue Metals Group

A

ustralia Day is not Pearl’s gig. The flag waving, the hands-on-heart US-style nationalism, the rousing versions of Waltzing Matilda – OMG, it makes Pearl cringe! I’m not one for Anzac Day either, though I’m risking my life admitting it publicly. It’s just another day of congratulatory back patting and political posturing disguised under a banner of ‘remembrance’ and memorial building.

A day that should be reserved for mourning the fallen and reflecting upon the futility of war has morphed into a strange ‘Celebration of a Nation’, and a political and commercial opportunity to market the ‘glories of war’ to the young.

What is the ‘Australian Spirit’ and what are we celebrating on these holy days? Are we celebrating our ‘laid back attitude’, the ‘she’ll be right mate’ mantra that has seen us avoid internal unrest, but has allowed Australia to be governed by mega rich mining companies, banks and property developers? The relaxed attitude that has allowed us to watch, with

10 The Beast | February 2016

little protest, the privatisation of public land and institutions, the disintegration of democracy, the signing of the TPP, the subsidisation of the wealthy at the expense of the masses? Alas, its this laid back attitude, with its focus on the economy and wealth accumulation, that has allowed us to ignore physical and economic perils and the dangers of climate change.

But ‘that’s all right, Jack’, because we Australians have the spirit of ‘mateship’ to see us through adversity, albeit adversity that could have been avoided if we had not been so bloody laid back in the first place. It’s easy to relax in airconditioned comfort while our oceans are overfished, our natural river courses diverted, our land cleared for ugly housing estates, our reefs drilled for oil and our farms fracked for gas.

At the end of the day Australians will work together in the ultimate spirit of mateship and repair what could have been avoided in the first place, even though the end result is far more onerous on the economy

and taxpayers. And once we’ve cleaned up the mess and received lots of media coverage for it, don’t we just love patting ourselves on the back for a job well done? The mateship, the unity, and the ‘egalitarian larrikin spirit’!

Oh, the egalitarian larrikin spirit – that authority-defying, Eureka Stockade-style gutsiness that Our Gina and Twiggy Forrest identify with so well. The spirit that allows us to apply the term ‘class warfare’ to tax impositions on the rich; the spirit that allows us to willingly rip off the next bloke, whether it be via social security fraud, the installation of dodgy pink batts or the exploitation of government subsidy schemes by private training institutions and nursing home operators. The larrikin spirit that bolsters up the stock market, charges up the credit card and idolises the mega-wealthy, yet screams for government assistance when it all collapses in a screaming mess.

Ah, that’s the Australian spirit… and that’s why Pearl is proud to be labelled Un-Australian!

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Sent in by The people of the Eastern Suburbs

TYPO IN PREVIOUS ISSUE I trust that there is a typo in The Beast’s February edition on page 26 (Bondi Gets A Facelift, The Beast, February 2016) in estimating the cost of the pavilion upgrade to be "around $38 billion dollars"?

Please put my mind at ease.

Michael Lakeman, Bronte BILLION OR MILLION? Hi guys, I’m reading the copy of The Beast that was dropped off today. You quote the estimated costs of the pavilion upgrade at $38 billion. That can’t be right, can it? That’s $623K per person who receives a copy of The Beast. Thanks for all your work.

I love reading The Beast.

Matt Hehman It certainly was a typo! It was only a petty $38 million – Ed HELICOPTER HIGHWAY Am I the only one who thinks Bondi Beach is a helicopter highway these days? Is it getting busier or am I just sleep deprived and grumpy. It would seem every time I achieve a bit of calm at the beach a bloody helicopter flies by, or worse, hovers over the beach.

Regards, Cranky Beachgoer (Kat Clarke), Bondi

12 The Beast | February 2016

EZYMART IN UNSUITABLE HABITAT Dear Ezymart, I politely ask that your innocuous and tawdry neon display gracing the Clovelly Village (West) only serve a six-month term before quietly retiring to its rightful and seemingly suitable Bondi Junction location.

If the unyielding debate about amalgamations has taught us anything, it's that geographical boundaries are everything in the Eastern Suburbs.

Yours sincerely, Lucinda Needham, Clovelly

If the unyielding debate about amalgamations has taught us anything, it's that geographical boundaries are everything in the Eastern Suburbs UNFAIR FINES How is this for double standards

by Waverley Council: I have just been fined $106 by Council for being several days late in renewing my residential parking permit. Unlike most companies and government departments, Waverley Council does not send out renewal notices or reminders

as a courtesy. Nor do its rangers leave a note on the windscreen reminding the driver the permit has expired and asking him/her to renew it within, say, five days, as would seem good corporate practice (there is no financial gain involved in not renewing).

Yet - and this is rich - the same council a year ago ran its fleet of 90 vehicles unregistered, and therefore uninsured, over the Christmas/New Year period (Wentworth Courier, January 14, 2015). This included the mayor's car! Officials blamed a “procedural gap" for this oversight, but we do not know if the council was ever fined. Mine also was an oversight, or "procedural gap" in Council Newspeak, and I have been fined.

I have had a permit for about 15 years since the inception of the scheme, and feel I and other ratepayers deserve more consideration from this authoritarian and avaricious council.

Of course, the real reason for the council's "procedural gap" was that it had recently sacked 25 staff without forewarning, including those in charge of the vehicle fleet.

It appears, in Waverley jurisdiction, there is one law for the high and mighty and one for the others.

It is typical of a falangist-like mindset where the rich and powerful think they should be immune to the laws that govern ordinary people.

Philip Grenard, Queens Park CENTENNIAL PARK TREES Dear Beast, The clearing of the trees in Centennial Parklands along Alison Road is a prime example of what is wrong with planning in NSW, where local councils and communities are ignored for business interests.

A light rail route on the south side of Alison Road was chosen and supported only to be changed, reportedly, solely to benefit the Australian Turf Club and its plans for a hotel

and car park at the racecourse.

Randwick Council and the local community were ignored, it seems, due to the intervention of the Turf Club.

Now we have lost a green corridor of mature trees and a chunk has been hacked into the Parklands, which is the lungs of the east. What remains is a wasteland of woodchips - barren and depressing.

The busy Darley Road/Alison Road intersection, at the gateway to our suburbs, will be a future gridlock nightmare and thousands of patrons will be forced to cross Alison Road to reach the racecourse.

All of this could have been avoided by sticking to the original plan. These events could be taken straight from the script of the ABC’s realist comedy Utopia, which mocks such government spin-based decision making, but, more likely, it is evidence that planning has gone well and truly off the rails in NSW. Stephen Lightfoot, Bronte

Now we have lost a green corridor of mature trees and a chunk has been hacked into the Parklands, which is the lungs of the east. What remains is a wasteland of woodchips - barren and depressing.

GLARING ERROR Hi, in your trivia quiz, the language 'Chinese' was offered as an answer to one of the questions. How disappointing. And embarrassing. 'Chinese' is not a language, in the same way 'Indian', 'African' or 'European' are not languages. This is a perfect example highlighting Australia's ignorance about other countries.

C'mon guys, smarten up!

Carol Schwarz, North Bondi

14 The Beast | February 2016

CLOVELLY LIFEGUARDS ROCK Hey! My name is Nathan and I’m from Melbourne. My family and I drove to Sydney on December 30 for a two-week stay in the Eastern Suburbs to visit family.

I was staying with friends in Bronte and spent as much time at the beaches swimming and surfing as I could.

On December 31 we headed to Clovelly for a swim. We were having a ball jumping off the side and into the water. It was a bit rough, but we didn’t care – it was a beautiful day. We decided to go around to the rock shelf and jump into the water, swim around and catch the waves in. While my dad and I were standing there waiting for the right time to jump in, a freak wave came along and toppled us over on the rocks. Our feet, legs, arms and back were shredded to pieces on the sharp as razors barnacles.

Luckily for us, my dad was able to pick me up and get us to safety, but even luckier was that Josh, the lifeguard on duty at Clovelly that day, had recognised that we could be in a world of trouble from the other side of Clovelly Beach and had bolted around to help us out.

He cleaned out my feet and bandaged them up as best he could. He put me over his shoulder and walked me all the way to the road and put me in the car so my dad and I could be taken to the hospital. I spent two nights there as I had to have surgery to make sure all my wounds were cleaned properly and to have stitches in both my feet where there were pretty deep gashes.

I am writing this letter because I wanted to highlight not only how dangerous it can be out on those rocks, because the water can be so unpredictable, but mainly to give a massive shout out to Josh Reading and all the lifeguards on the beaches who are there to help us to stay safe. They are legends and

heroes and I can’t thank them all enough.

I am currently doing my Surf Rescue Certificate in Melbourne at Mordialloc Life Saving Club and have only patrolled the beach once, but because of Josh I am going to keep going with my lifesaving and hopefully I’ll be a lifeguard one day – who knows, maybe in Sydney, starring in Bondi Rescue!

Nathan, Melbourne

I am writing this letter because I wanted to highlight not only how dangerous it can be out on those rocks, because the water can be so unpredictable, but mainly to give a massive shout out to Josh Reading and all the lifeguards on the beaches who are there to help us to stay safe.

BONDI LIFEGUARDS AND WESTFIELD IN THE BAD BOOKS 1. What has happened to the electronic information board down at Bondi Beach at the lifeguard tower displaying water temp, tides and weather? Seriously Waverley Council, if it is broken get a whiteboard and a Sharpie at least to update the daily beach info. It can't be that hard.

2. Westfield Bondi Junction has done away with the Bronte Road side ‘everyman’s food court’ area, apparently to put in a H&M or other similar big brand overseas fashion label. So much for the ordinary people or families who don’t want to spend $15-20 a head on the fancy food

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in the other food court. That really is disappointing, Westfield, but I guess it’s indicative of big business today.

Con Vallis, Bondi Junction

Seriously Waverley Council, if it is broken get a whiteboard and a sharpie at least to update the daily beach info. It can't be that hard.

COUNCIL CLEAN-UPS Attention all councillors, I see that Randwick Council has two clean-ups per year, plus two bookable ones. Why is Waverley Council so mean to its ratepayers in only having one pick-up per year?

Council should do more for its long-suffering ratepayers.

Council has no compunction submitting its ratepayers to horrific greed. It is exploitative. It’s a pity councillors don’t have to put up with the non-stop roar of the gigantic vehicles squeezing along Dellview Lane for months now, and the dirt generated by the whole fiasco.

How the poor victims at the end of the already over exploited Wonderland Avenue are surviving, I don’t know.

Will you ever put a stop to the already over exploited vicinity?

K. Tangney DISABLED AND DISGRUNTLED The silly season has come and gone, and cars circled Bronte Road, Pacific Street and surrounds like mad. Half hour parking does not deter them: once parked they are there all day. A fine split four to five ways is worth it to them, and that's if they do get caught: very few wardens come round on weekends. May I suggest to the drivers of these cars to drop their families and food off at

16 The Beast | February 2016

the beach and go elsewhere up the hill and park, get a bus or walk down? It will be less hassle and allow a disabled senior like myself to find a parking space near my home.

Yours, A tired Bronte senior AUSTRALIA DAY VISITOR Dear Sir, Readers of The Beast may be interested to see the visitor we had in our back garden on Australia Day - a Tawny Frogmouth.

Never seen one before in Bronte.

He stayed around for a couple of days and then moved on.

A koel flew in my bedroom window this morning. Stupidly I didn’t take a photo, as I was more concerned with getting him out before he did any damage. I did, with the help of a towel and some gentle TLC! I know koels are nuisance birds, but up close it was quite beautiful - gorgeous speckled brown feathers.

Best wishes, Tom Jeffrey, Bronte

LIBERAL VANDALISM BIG AND SMALL Instead of building a state of the art public transport system like any other mega city of equal standing – London, Paris, New York and Moscow, for example – with efficient underground transport links, the outdated surface transport model ‘light

rail’ of the Liberal Party in power at local, state, and federal level is being pushed relentlessly, never mind the environmental cost. And the costs are huge with yet another “six weeping fig trees of exceptional significance on Wansey Road getting the chop in Randwick to make way for the light rail; the corner of Wansey Road and Alison Road has already lost 13 trees which stood 20 metres tall. None of the 62 trees already removed along Alison Road, Wansey Road, and Anzac Parade have been relocated, according to the Transport NSW spokesperson, Laura Aubusson” (Southern Courier).

But to maintain environmental cosmetics in the hope of camouflaging its ecological vandalism, Liberal MP Bruce Notley-Smith suggested a Mickey Mouse “2c worth on litter” initiative. This can hardly make up for the environmental wreckage of his party visible to all at Alison Road, Wansey Road, and Anzac Parade. And there are more trees to come – or should I say go – on Anzac Parade in the coming days.

But wait, there is more! The ecological destruction orchestrated by the state Liberal Party is replicated at federal level with land clearing and “more drilling – more spilling”. This comes as “BP explores drilling options off the South Australian coast five years after the Deepwater Horizon disaster” (news.com. au, September 7, 2015).

Meanwhile, at a global level, the Liberal environmental damage continues with the denial of global warming conveniently cosmetised up – camouflaged – by its new “Tony Abbott-light” Prime Minister, Mr Turnbull, offering the same policies only now framed in a nicer way.

Whether at local and state level or at federal and global level, putting lipstick on a pig may not change the pig – it just looks nicer.

Thomas Klikauer, Coogee

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REPLY TO MAYOR Dear Sally, I am overwhelmed at your feelings for me (Letters, The Beast, February 2016), but, as a retired full-time journalist and long-time resident within the Waverley Municipality, I have more time than most to observe the lack of foresight that goes into much of the work undertaken by the council.

1. You state in your letter that the forming of a Global City by the merging of councils “would not have been good for our residents”. Why then is it going ahead with very little input from the residents other than those lucky enough to receive notification from the council and asked for their opinion?

Woollahra Council is still fighting the fight and its residents have taken a firm stand against the amalgamation.

Whether this is considered good, bad, or indifferent, the people have been given a chance to stand up for what they believe in, rather than being dictated to by a State Government that really has no idea of what goes on within these communities.

2. I understand the timing of the project at Bondi was stymied by a major event such as City2Surf, but as this major event only happens once a year, surely there were alternatives.

3. As far as the works undertaken at the top of St Thomas Street goes, it was not until the residents made a stand and objected to the original plan of a roundabout that the plans were changed. Once again people power proved the winner.

4. The work within “our beautiful” Waverley Cemetery is an odd one. You state that the residents had requested that work for a long time, but I find it hard to believe that those living in Trafalgar Street have not protested more about being left

18 The Beast | February 2016

out of the loop as far as a new boundary fence is concerned.

The so-called “new pickets” along that boundary are a joke and there are metal poles jutting out along a well-used path causing a hazard for those who use that path regularly.

There was never really an issue about the orange tape in Trafalgar Street, but surely there is an issue with the amount of red tape that still stands within the cemetery where some of the walls collapsed some time ago.

This to me would be more of a priority than new paths.

Maybe you should take a walk along those newly surfaced paths and observe the unkempt graves and overgrown paths between the graves.

There was never really an issue about the orange tape in Trafalgar Street, but surely there is an issue with the amount of red tape that still stands within the cemetery where some of the walls collapsed some time ago.

5. Yes, I will give you time-out on the installation of a new clock at Bronte.

6. Ah, the coral trees. An issue close to my heart as I regularly walk through the beautiful Bronte Gully and have survived the wrath of these feral trees as they tumble over the wellused path. And, yes Sally, I am familiar with these trees as I have written many a story about them, or haven’t you noticed?

7. I have heard conflicting stories about the RSL site, the latest saying the DA has got the nod and that access would be

in Chesterfield Lane. But after nearly four years you really don’t know who to believe.

The RSL development pales into insignificance with Waverley Council being usurped by the State Government for approval of a massive development at St Catherine’s School.

As if the traffic isn’t bad enough now!

Anyway Sally, love your work.

I’ll have a large cappuccino with two…

Duncan Horscroft, Bronte I’M TRIPPIN’ Hi there, Some years ago The Beast published my letter congratulating it for the "Trippin' with Todd" short stories, which have occasioned me considerable enjoyment. It seems that they will no longer appear in The Beast.

If that is so The Beast will be poorer for it. Please bring Trippin' back.

Greg Maidment, Bronte

The Beast Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month.

55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in local shopfronts.

PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

Dan shows off his impressive wine collection.

Local Bloke... Dan Farrenc From Rose Bay Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

L

ocal wine afficionado Dan Farrenc is, among other things, the owner of Bellevue Hill Bottle Shop. He shares his local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here?

About 18 years with a brief stint in the UK. What's your favourite beach?

Bondi, especially early or after hours when the locals are out.

It’s the most beautiful mix of people enjoying the outdoors.

What's your favourite eatery? I can’t choose just one. Definitely Bondi’s Best on Hall Street and Brown Sugar on Curlewis Street; both have awesome food and friendly, Australian service.

Where do you like to have a drink? I work some hefty hours at the Bellevue Hill Bottle Shop, so I love to catch up with friends with a few favourite wines from

20 The Beast | February 2016

our shop. We solve the world’s problems while enjoying some hidden cellar wines.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? Watching the kids play on the weekend is enough.

What music are you into? I’ve been going back to late 80s and early 90s dance. My kids would be embarrassed to know I was dancing in the car to Bizzare Inc’s ‘I’m Gonna Get You’.

Who is your favourite person?

Nelson Mandela: wise, patient and humble.

What do you do for work? You can find me at the Bellevue Hill Bottle Shop. I have owned and managed the store on Bellevue Road for eight years. We also offer Boozehound, for Eastern Suburbs immediate booze delivery, as well as HalfBottles.com.au and GinHeaven.com.au.

What's your favourite thing about your work? Tasting some truly amazing wines. We taste over 100 wines each week and we share our favourite picks with our patrons.

What do you get up to on the weekends? On weekends I love to unwind in the kitchen. I always go for a swim and maybe a surf at Bondi, and we generally spend some family time together as the week is hectic with school and work. And, of course, it’s my duty to keep our regulars from getting parched!

Do you have a favourite quote? ”What day is it?” asked Pooh. “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.“My favourite day,” said Pooh. - A.A. Milne Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? When visiting anywhere, leave that place in a better state than you arrived.

Lets be honest, the never ending search for the ultimate guac recipe will forever be a harsh and unforgiving journey. The Beach Burrito chefs have spent numerous nights slaving away to perfect our recipe and we’re letting it out of the bag!

Shopping List

3 Ripe avocados 1/2 Red onion 1 Clove of garlic 1 Bunch of coriander 1/2 Lime Salt, pepper & chilli �lakes.

Method.

Items needed Sharp knife Spoon Chopping board Mixing bowl

Add ingredients in mixing bowl as prepared.

Cut avocados in half, deseed and scoop �lesh away from skin. Roughly dice into large chunks.

Finely dice red onion, after removing white core.

Finely dice garlic clove.

Measure out 50 grams of coriander. Roughly chop.

Squeeze juice from 1/2 a lime on top of all ingredients in bowl and beginning roughly mixing through with spoon.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

If you like it a little hot we recommend a dash of your favourite hot sauce.

Tapatio works well for us.

Living the life she loves.

Local Chick... Renee Scott from Bondi Beach Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

F

ormer professional ballet dancer Renee Scott is the owner of Barre Attack Teacher Training and Balance Moves Pilates and Barre Studio on Hall Street in Bondi. She shares her local favourites with The Beast‌ How long have you lived here? I have lived here for 12 years and I love it. I walk everywhere and have everything I desire at my fingertips.

What's your favourite beach?

I really enjoy hanging out at North Bondi. I would like to say I'm with the cool kids on the grassy knoll, but I'm normally running after my two year-old.

What's your favourite eatery?

I'm a huge fan of Gertrude & Alice Bookstore. They are lovely and do the best chai ever! I also enjoy a Bellini and schnitzel at Bill’s and sitting at Earth Food Store with a rice ball and juice.

22 The Beast | February 2016

Where do you like to have a drink? When the sun is shining I like rolling off the beach for margaritas at Beach Burrito or the Bucket List.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I was a professional ballet dancer so my favourite dance companies would be Hamburg Ballet, Australian Ballet, and the Netherlands Dance Theatre.

What music are you into at the moment? Whatever pops up on Spotify. This usually includes Jonas Blue, Fat Freddy's Drop, Adele, Sia and some oldies.

Who is your favourite person?

My daughter Olivia, followed closely by my husband and mum.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I have developed the first Australian based Barre Teacher Training program called Barre Attack. I'm normal-

ly travelling interstate empowering instructors to reach new heights in business, personal growth and education.

What do you do for work? I own Barre Attack Teacher Training and Balance Moves Pilates and Barre Studio on Hall Street.

What's your favourite thing about your work? I educate and empower people in an environment where they feel safe, happy and connected to an amazing local community while guiding them to be the best they can be.

Do you have a favourite quote?

"Live the life you love" and "Life is not a dress rehearsal".

Any other words of wisdom?

You can do anything in life.

Sometimes through movement, creativity, art and meditation, you can find the answers or the contentment you are looking for.

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Bruce Age 11 years Sex Male Breed Miniature Pinscher X Weight 9.6kg

F**k you very much.

Thumbs Up PRINCE - Music legend Prince has oh-so-casually announced that he is coming to play gigs here in late February and perhaps early March. Yes. THE FAMILY LAW - Finally an Aussie TV show that addresses the lives and treatment of Asian Australians with understanding, wit and humour.

SHANNON NOLL - Thanks to the love of the Internet, Nollsie’s career is on the up and up. Next stop: Shannon represents Australia at Eurovision!

FIXED EASTER – The churches are chatting and a fixed date for Easter is allegedly less than a decade away. It’s only taken a couple of millennia…

FOOTY SEASON – Rugby, NRL and AFL will all be returning to footy fields and television screens soon. Apologies in advance to the missus.

Bruce is an amazingly active dog for his age. He would prefer to be the only dog in the household and is uncomfortable being touched around the collar or muzzle until he knows you. He has a calm nature and a smooth coat. Bruce comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped.

His adoption cost is $350, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Belle Age 6 years Sex Female Breed Kelpie x Weight 14.8kg Belle is a very gentle, timid girl, but she is still social with other dogs. She walks on loose lead, ignoring other dogs when she is out for a walk, but she is scared of trucks. She takes food very gently. She hast a short coat. Belle comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped.

Her adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Thumbs Down LOCK OUT LAWS - Sydney is turning in to a ghost town. Why not redress the normalisation of violence, or the culture of binge drinking?

THE US PRESIDENTIAL RACE - Democracy is awesome, but the correlation between political success and billions in private funding is not.

RAINBOW-COLOURED HAIR - It looks whimsical and fun for about a week, until the regrowth comes back and you can’t afford more dye.

BIN JUICE - Nothing is as disgusting as taking out the garbage bins and finding that a trail of bin juice has trickled over your feet and carpet.

AIR NIUGINI – They didn’t crash (bonus), but the damage they did to my surfboards would make you think they did. F**k you baggage handlers!

24 The Beast | February 2016

Blaze Age 2 years Sex Male Breed Cattle Dog x Staffy Weight 15kg Blaze is a happy, friendly, energetic dog. He loves pats and cuddles and knows ‘sit’. He is very social with other dogs and is easy to handle and pick up. He would suit an active family, preferably one that does some jogging. Blaze comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped.

His adoption cost is $350, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Find us on Facebook and Instagram or visit royalrandwick.com.au

Give your rascals the royal treatment

Breakfast with the Easter Bunny Saturday 26 March 9:30am – 10:30am Tickets $5. Available at royalrandwick.com.au All proceeds will be donated to Sydney Children's Hospital, Randwick.

Spaces are limited and bookings are essential.

Giant Easter Egg Hunt Monday 14 March to Saturday 26 March Find 5 hidden eggs in 5 different shop windows and you could win a giant chocolate hamper.

Subject Solitary surfer Location Bondi Photographer Bill Morris - @billmorris

Subject Shark Island Location Rose Bay Photographer Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

Subject Bo Bo Dragonsaurus Location Bondi Photographer Chester

Subject Water reservoir Location Centennial Park Photographer Patrick Kennedy

Subject Aquatic paradise Location Bronte Photographer Miriam Chaplyn

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Black swan at sunset Location Centennial Park Photographer Neil Paton

Subject Spectating Location Maroubra Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Pensive Location Waverley Photographer Brad Bessant - @10ft_kaos

Subject On patrol Location Clovelly Photographer Mike Pollak

Subject Ocean sky Location Maroubra Photographer Emily Scivetti

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

“...the smoke-free trial is an educational campaign, but enforcement may be employed if later required.”

Time To Butt Out: Smoke-Free Trial For Bondi Junction Words Madeleine Gray Picture Nick O'Teen

A

s of February 1, 2016, Waverley Council has introduced a six-month smoke-free trial in parts of Bondi Junction. The trial sees smoking banned in Oxford Street Mall, as well as Row Street, Spring Street and the adjoining sections of Newland Street and Bronte Road between 7am and 8pm daily. According to Council, “at this stage, the smoke-free trial is an educational campaign, but enforcement may be employed if later required.”

Waverley Mayor Sally Betts provided justification for the trial, citing the need to protect communal health.

“The World Health Organisation advises that there is no safe level of exposure to tobacco smoke,” Cr Betts said. “This trial aims to promote civic pride and amenity with a focus on a healthier way of life.”

Cr Betts advised that passive smoking increases the risk of disease and premature death, and said that people should be able to live “their daily lives without having to dodge inhaling second-hand smoke.”

However, as with most policy

28 The Beast | February 2016

decisions regarding smoking and its curtailment in public places, the decision has been met with critical responses from a number of local citizens.

While Cr Betts confirmed that the trial’s current form has been carefully moderated during prolonged dialogue with local business owners over the past few months, concerned citizens (most of them smokers), have contested Council’s right to restrict ‘civil liberties’.

Many citizens, including Bondi Junction resident John Davis, resent being told what they can and cannot do with their own bodies.

“This is just another example of the nanny state going too far,” Mr Davis said.

Jane Bryant, of Waverley, vehemently agreed that the new measures are “patently ridiculous”.

“One of Oxford St Mall’s greatest attraction is that you can just sit down on a bench and enjoy a cigarette outdoors,” Ms Bryant said.

However, some citizens were more than happy to sit on the fence.

“I have mixed feelings about the council limiting people’s freedom and restricting the appeal of the area to a certain type of person, but at the same time, I understand the point from a public health point of view,” Clovelly resident Maddison Costello said.

As it happens, Council already has the statutory powers to prohibit smoking in all public places, including malls and footpaths, by virtue of Section 632 of the Local Government Act 1993, which requires people to comply with certain notices erected by a council in a public place.

As of 2015, smoking is already banned in Sydney City within four metres of public buildings, bus stops, taxi ranks and train platforms, so the issue is not so much the legality of the smokefree trial in Bondi Junction, but whether it impinges on some inherent right to smoke in public.

It is understood that Council will conduct regular surveys and continue to monitor public responsiveness to the trial. If all goes according to plan, smokers will likely be told to butt out for good.

Should smoking be banned in Bondi Junction?

Interview and Pictures Madeleine Gray

Max, Bondi Junction

Estelle, Paddington

I think everyone will smoke here anyway. You can’t follow all the rules.

People from different cultures aren’t all robots like Australians.

Lina, Double Bay

I absolutely hate smoking so I love the ban.

However, each to their own - if you want to smoke, you probably should be able to.

Gabriel, Maroubra

I think it’s good that people who don’t smoke don’t have to be in contact with it.

Give us (smokers) the outdoors.

You’ve taken everything else.

It’s bullshit.

Robert, North Bondi

Smokers have a right to smoke, but we have a right to live.

With an asthmatic like me, passive smoke could be lethal – I could have an asthmatic attack.

Laura, Coogee

I get that people want to smoke, but to be honest it’s pretty gross in the mall with all the smoke and cigarette butts, so the ban is probably a good move.

February 2016 | The Beast 29

“We mourn the loss of a great, true blue, salt of the earth guy...”

A Fond Farewell To ‘Big Wave’ Dave Words Madeleine Gray Picture Let's Go Surfing

T

he Eastern Beaches community was shocked and saddened to hear about the passing of local treasure and all-round good guy ‘Big Wave’ Dave Hannagan last month. Dave was a man who wore many hats around the east – you might remember him as a surfer, a real estate agent, a skier, or just as a mate. Dave grew up on the NSW Central Coast before moving to the Eastern Suburbs, where he worked as Marketing Co-ordinator at Let’s Go Surfing Bondi Beach, and then as a Sales Executive at Raine & Horne Double Bay/ Bondi Beach. Even as his real estate career flourished, Dave’s passion for surfing continued to inspire him, evidenced not only by his personal commitment to the sport, but by the fact that he continued to work with Let’s Go Surfing as a Senior Instructor.

Dave was also an avid skier, and it was this love that led him to the US ski resort of Jackson Hole, a dramatic offshoot of

the Rocky Mountains along the border of Wyoming and Idaho, over January, where he travelled his companion, physical therapist Cathy Grimes. Dave had recently met Ms Grimes on a skiing trip and the two had been undertaking a whirlwind skiing tour, enjoying various US ski resorts including Aspen and Telluride in Colorado, and Oregon's Mt Bachelor. However, at Jackson Hole things went horribly wrong, and Dave and his companion were caught in an avalanche, both dying as a result of the trauma they incurred.

According to Mike Rheam, a forecaster for the Bridger-Teton Avalanche Center, incidents such of these are uncommon, but not unheard of.

“We've had fatalities in this area in the past,” Mr Rheam said. “People who aren't familiar with the terrain... it gets steeper and the avalanche breaks over them... they were carried over the cliff.”

However, it is not Dave’s death that deserves retelling, but rather his life, and all the wonderful ways in which he enriched the local community and the lives of those around him.

Let’s Go Surfing Surf School Director Brenda Miley remembered Dave as “one of a kind”.

“He was the most passionate, exciting, friendly man,” she said. “He was as comfortable with kids as he was with adults, and when he taught, he had a following of people – his minions, his students.”

Dave’s boss and friend at Raine & Horne, Ric Serrao told the Sydney Morning Herald that Dave was “one of our secret smoking guns… he had this smile and people just loved to work with him. We’re all in disbelief ”.

We mourn the loss of a great, true blue, salt of the earth guy, whose presence in the Eastern Suburbs will be truly missed.

Vale ‘Big Wave’ Dave Hannagan.

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Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Bill Morris - @billmorris

BENEVOLENT SURF PLANKS Bondi surfers Emily Walpole and Georgia Kite have been building sustainable handmade wooden surf crafts since 2015. This year they’ve gone one step further and partnered with the Benevolent Society to provide free surf-woodworking workshops for youth in the local community. Emily astutely comments, “There’s no delete button or Crtl Z in the workshop… kids are challenged and build self-confidence.” For more information and to get involved, please email info@surfplanks.com.au.

THE MARCH CHARGE Cancer affects everyone, even fit people, but it is true that one third of cancers are preventable through a healthy lifestyle that includes daily physical activity.

This month, the Cancer Council urges people to get healthy and set themselves a swimming, cycling or running goal that will see them push themselves one third further, faster and harder.

Participants are also encour-

Bondi spray painting.

aged to procure sponsorship if they so choose. Monetary and fitness progress are tracked and celebrated in real time at www.themarchcharge.com.au.

MARCH INTO MERIVALE Do you like delicious food, groovy décor, and feeling more cool than all your friends? If so, it’s time to buy tickets to one or all of the decadent events happening as part of this year’s March Into Merivale Food and Wine Festival. From February 14 to March 20, join world-famous chefs in Merivale restaurants like Ms. G’s, Coogee Pavilion, Mr. Wong and the Paddington for sensory delights at very tempting prices. Tickets are on sale now at www.marchintomerivale.com.au.

SUN SOUND SAFE Lolloping in the sun is a hallowed Australian pastime, but sun safety is sometimes forgotten in the summer daze. This March, the Cancer Council will be playing a ‘Sun Sound’ jingle

around Coogee and Maroubra beaches. When beach-goers hear this catchy tune, they are reminded to slip on clothing, slop on some SPF50+, slap on a broad-brimmed hat, seek shade and slide on some sunnies. Hey, if it works for Nicole Kidman, it works for us. For more info, visit www.sunsound.com.au.

CYCLING SAFETY Cycling is fun, but getting hurt is not. Vaucluse MP Gabrielle Upton and Coogee MP Bruce Notley-Smith have welcomed the new cycling package announced by Minister for Roads Duncan Gay in December, which will improve safety for all road users in NSW. Measures now in place include increased penalties for cyclists not wearing helmets, a rule requiring drivers to leave a minimum distance when passing cyclists, and the compulsory carrying of ID for all adult cyclists. A comprehensive list of measures can be attained by visiting gotogether. transport.nsw.gov.au.

ADRIAN BO Integrity. Knowledge. Results.

If you are considering selling your home, find out how your property is worth more with McGrath, contact Adrian Bo today.

D 8622 4522 M 0418 278 316 E adrianbo@mcgrath.com.au W mcgrath.com.au February 2016 | The Beast 33

It just keeps on getting bigger and better every year.

Randwick Festival Hits The Spot Words Kate Myers Picture Randwick City Council

O

n Sunday, March 6, The Spot Festival, Randwick’s biggest annual outdoor festival, will take place, showcasing the best in local food, shopping and entertainment.

Now in its ninth year, the festival has become an important date in the Randwick calendar, bringing together the diversity and vibrancy of the local community.

Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza said the festival offers something for all ages and interests.

“Our winning formula of live music, food, culture and entertainment means there is something for everyone,” Cr D’Souza said. “The festival brings the community together in a fun and enjoyable environment and is the perfect way to enjoy the end of summer with family and friends.”

The Spot is renowned as a culinary destination, with the festival showcasing the unique selection of cuisines from local businesses including French, Chinese, German, Turkish, Thai

34 The Beast | February 2016

and Mexican food. The annual pizza-eating competition has become a firm favourite at the festival, testing the willpower of local pizza lovers and providing some serious laughs.

Those who enjoy the chance to bust a move are encouraged to rock on down to the main stage on St Pauls Street, where the best in home-grown talent will be on show. Music has become a highlight of the festival, and this year looks to be no different, with a stellar line up including Ky Baldwin, Hot Potato, the ever-popular Martini Club and Victoria Avenue.

For those interested in acts with a more global flavour, the Harmony Stage on Perouse Road will showcase the best in international entertainment including Chinese lion dancers, African music and a Bollywoodstyle performance that is sure to have everyone on their feet.

Families with smaller children fear not, as the Kids Corner will have you covered.

Visit the Bubble Man, feed animals in the petting zoo, go wild

on the jumping castle, or get transformed into your favourite character at the face painting stall.

The day is not just about food and music, with an Instagram booth, live art demonstration, fortune teller and a pop up library just a few of the other fun activities on offer.

Councillor D’Souza said that he hopes that all residents will make the most of everything the festival has to offer and take advantage of the chance to celebrate the local community.

“The Spot Festival has grown to become a favourite in the Eastern Suburbs event circuit, attracting over 20,000 people over the course of the day,” he said.

“It is by far Randwick’s biggest free outdoor festival - a splendid multicultural celebration.”

The Spot Festival takes place on March 6 from 1-8pm at the corner of St Pauls Street and Perouse Road, Randwick. For more information, please visit www.thespotfestival.com.au

Tennis And Cocktails For A Good Cause Words Madeleine Gray

I

Rip, rip, woodchip...

Fig Trees Continue To Fall In The Name Of Progress Words Dan Hutton Picture Randwick City Council

P

rogress generally comes at a cost. While there is no disputing the benefits that light rail will bring to the Eastern Suburbs, seeing century-old fig trees reduced to mulch is enough to bring tears to any aesthete’s eyes.

Thus far around 80 trees have been removed from Alison Road, Anzac Parade and Wansey Avenue, some of which date back to the late 1800s and provide important habitat for native wildlife. By the time you read this that number will have increased significantly and by the project’s completion it will blow out to over 400 trees.

According to Randwick City Council, the removal of the trees on Alison Road could have been avoided if the light rail line ran along the southern side of the road adjacent to the Australian Turf Club, as was originally planned, but Transport for NSW allegedly changed the route without consultation.

It is widely believed that the route was changed to the northern side of the road to better serve the interests of the Australian Turf Club's planned hotel and multi-storey car park.

While the State Government

36 The Beast | February 2016

has pledged to replace the removed trees with new saplings, concerned local residents are far from satisfied with the compromise.

“The cutting down of the trees on the light rail route is environmental vandalism,” Michael Freeman wrote in response to a piece about the tree removal on Randwick Council’s website.

“If the government thinks we are going to be placated with the replacement of 30-metre trees by 3-metre trees, then they have thought wrong.”

Protestors against the removal of the trees, including Jeff Angel from the Total Environment Centre, believe that some of the trees slated for removal along Anzac Parade were planted in honour of our Anzac soldiers in 1917, a suggestion that Transport for NSW denies.

Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that so many beautiful, century-old trees are being destroyed when alternative routes could still be sought.

If you’d like to join the fight against the removal of these trees, search for ‘Saving Sydney’s Trees’ or Total Environment Centre on Facebook.

magine a place where active wear, cocktails, tennis and friends go hand in hand.

Sounds heavenly, doesn’t it?

Miraculously, thanks to the genius folk behind Social Serve, this no longer has to be the stuff of daydreams. This is literally something that you can do.

It all started with two blokes, Andy Percy and Rob Stevenson, from Last Man Stands (LMS). LMS, if you don’t know, is the largest amateur cricket league in the world. They realised that there was a gap in the market for people who wanted to enjoy tennis socially, and to meet new people while doing so.

And so Social Serve was born.

The inaugural Social Serve event will be held at White City in Paddington on March 19, with all drink proceeds going to Primary Club, an Australian charity that helps those with disabilities access sport.

The competition is formatted as mixed doubles, and everyone gets a minimum of three matches. The founders emphasised that all standards of tennis are welcome, whether you’re a dude who serves underarm or a gal with a Williams-esque forehand.

“The winners at our events will be the people grinning from ear to ear with a cocktail in their hands,” Mr Percy said.

Go alone or with a bunch of mates, and get ready to rock out. Game. Set. Match.

Visit www.socialserve.com.au for more information and to purchase tickets.

More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Claire Favre - @miss_barra

FUNDING FOR VULNERABLE FAMILIES Member for Vaucluse Gabrielle Upton has confirmed that Waverley Action for Youth Services (WAYS) will get an extension of its funding until mid-2017, totalling $273,474, for early youth intervention and intensive programs. This comes as a welcome relief for the vulnerable children, young people, families and communities in the electorate of Vaucluse. The funding is part of a $233 million initiative by the NSW Government to introduce early intervention in potentially problematic family environments.

SAMANTHA X KNOWS SEX Ladies, do you want better sex?

Would you like to know the secrets of a high-class escort over champagne cocktails? Samantha X is a 42 year-old author, high-

Triplets.

class courtesan, madam and sexpert. Spend an evening with Samantha X, where she will speak about her book ‘Hooked', how she turned her back on a high profile career as a journalist to become an escort, and the secrets she has learned about men, marriage and female empowerment. More information and tickets can be found at www.samanthax.com.au.

HELP KIDS GET BACK TO SCHOOL For the 150 kids living in shelters around Sydney, the prospect of returning to school can be outright terrifying. It might seem a small thing, but having new school supplies – like pencil cases and highlighters – can give them a world of confidence.

Group Together has teamed with Kids Giving Back and Thread Together to purchase,

pack and distribute backpacks full of school supplies for those in need. You can donate at goo. gl/iwtYn1, or find out about how your kids can help on the next packing day at www.facebook. com/KidsGivingBack.

ALL ABOUT WOMEN All About Women is a flat-out blessing. Where else do some of the world’s most fascinating, strong and funny women get together to talk about the stuff that matters, from equality and unconscious bias to the economy, masculinity and female incarceration? On March 6, with talks from award-winning authors like Miranda July, Muriel Barbery and Carrie Brownstein, and even the real-life Piper Kerman from 'Orange is the New Black', what is not to adore? For information and tickets, visit www.sydneyoperahouse.com.

clovelly optical 9665 3344 213 clovelly road clovelly 2031 tue to fri 9–5pm | sat 9am–2pm

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Family Laughter Memories Christmas Holidays Dinners Weekends Friends

SPECIAL MOMENTS IN LIFE HAPPEN AT HOME

Mary Howell and Donna Burke understand the significance of your home. It is your sanctuary, your haven, and it deserves respect and appreciation - just as you do.

When you're planning to sell your home, call Mary and Donna. You'll receive professional, calm, honest service and you'll also get two highly experienced agents who understand that selling a home is more than just a transaction.

Mary Howell D 8622 4583 M 0414 400 345 W maryhowell@mcgrath.com.au

Donna Burke D 8622 4528 M 0418 213 210 W donnaburke@mcgrath.com.au

February 2016 | The Beast 39

Ben Cook in action for the Dolphins during the 2013 Grand Final.

The Year Of The Dolphin Words Dan Hutton Picture Nick Cook

T

o the Chinese, 2016 may well be the year of the fire monkey, but we have it on good authority that around the Eastern Beaches, 2016 is set to be the year of the dolphin.

The Coogee Dolphins have had a busy start to 2016 under the guidance of club president Ben Cook, who is entering his second season in the role after he took over from club stalwart Brock Thompson at the end of the 2014 season.

“My first season as president was very enjoyable,” Mr Cook said. “I had an enthusiastic and hands on committee to work with, so we were able to implement a few new things and try

40 The Beast | February 2016

to involve all of our stakeholders throughout the year.

“On the field it was a little disappointing. We have been going through a rebuilding phase the last couple of years, but things are moving in the right direction.

“Off the field we were able to increase our participation across our netball, junior and senior rugby league sides.

“We also raised a lot of money for the Randwick Children's Hospital and the Tate Burley Brain Foundation. Socially, it was an unbelievably good year.”

This year the club has already held its annual Mate of Origin touch footy game and they have

another couple of big events in March before the regular season gets underway.

“We have a three-way trial with the Terrigal Sharks and Tumut Blues on March 5 and then we travel to Wagga for our annual match against Wagga Brothers for the Dave Mavroudis Cup on March 19,” Mr Cook said. “The season proper doesn’t start until April 3.”

Despite last year’s disappointing results on the field, Mr Cook is optimistic about the club’s prospects in 2016.

“Our aim is to make the semis in A Grade and A Reserve and then anything can happen from there,” he said.

“We have a number of new players that we are excited to unveil come round one.

“Our major recruit is new A Grade coach Mat Keeley. He comes with a mountain of experience and has brought some great knowledge and energy to pre-season training.

“The boys are really looking forward to getting out on the paddock.”

While Mr Cook told The Beast that the club’s numbers are “really strong across all grades and ages”, he said that they are always looking to bolster their stocks.

“We are primarily looking for any boys and girls who want to play rugby league between the ages of 4 and 14,” he said.

“Junior rugby league is a very safe and enjoyable game for boys and girls. It has modified rules to ensure that the kids can have fun in a safe and friendly environment.

“We have great coaches and would love to hear from any youngsters keen to give it a try.

“We’d also welcome any A Grade and A Reserve players to our ranks.”

Players interested in joining the club can do so by emailing contact@coogeedolphins.com or calling 0420 735 326.

at

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Bronte Train To Replace Light Rail Satire Kieran Blake

T

he famous Bronte Beach train will replace the Eastern Suburbs section of the new light rail network upon the merger of Waverley, Randwick and Woollahra councils.

The much loved Bronte fixture will take over the services that the highly contentious light rail link would have provided and, in doing so, alleviate the anticipated stress on suburbs such as Randwick and Kensington.

"This plan was suggested as a gesture of goodwill," announced a statement from Waverley Council, which currently oversees the operation of the train. “It will be the first motion to be carried when the councils complete the merger."

The plan will include the blending of old and new.

The train will be Wi-Fi and Bluetooth enabled and operate under the Opal system, as well as being linked to existing bus system infrastructure, a move that will reduce spending on the larger project. The train itself will need to be slightly modified to cater for increased demand, especially when it's blowing offshore.

Passengers will also enjoy the convenience of alighting from the train before continuing their journey through the Bronte Cutting in their urban chariots.

Opponents of the plan have ridiculed it and reminded the councils that the train only goes around in circles.

The councils responded in unison by saying: "The journey of the train epitomises the actions and achievements of all three councils throughout their distinguished histories and the anticipated trajectory of the single joint organisation in future years. Plus, why would you want to go anywhere else?"

42 The Beast | February 2016

The good old days.

Bondi Rescue Returns For Eleventh Season Words Madeleine Gray Picture Sam Marshall

I

t’s hard to believe that hit reality television show Bondi Rescue has been around since 2006, and is on to its 11th season. That is a lot of hours of tension-filled surf drama and crying tourists. And yet, there is something about the show’s premise that is innately engaging and timeless.

Bondi Rescue creator Ben Davies explained that while the surf rescue action is obviously a big drawcard, what makes the show continually popular, season after season, is the fact that the lifeguards serve as “an interface between the viewer and the huge mishmash of people that come to Bondi Beach every day”.

“If [the show] was just told from the perspective of the lifeguards, it wouldn’t be as interesting,” Mr Davies said. “You get to know the stories of the beach goers, and that’s fascinating.”

Mr Davies went on to liken making the show to going to a music festival.

“You might intend to see a particular act, but the bands and people that you discover

just from milling about are often the most interesting,” he said.

This season, the show’s format remains unchanged – Osher’s dulcet tones continue to narrate the action, for example – but the cast is switched up after a number of departures and new arrivals. Familiar faces Harry Nightingale and Bobby ‘Yak’ Yaldwyn have left, while newcomers Jackson, Chris and Ryan join the team.

Mr Davies told The Beast that though there have not yet been any out-of-water equivalents to last year’s “penis de-gloving incident”, there have been a lot of rescues, one of which even involved the tragic death of two seagulls. Apparently the lifeguards responsible were “very upset”.

On a more enticing note, Mr Davies also lets slip that quite a few of the younger blokes are single and ready to mingle this season.

“Some are definitely looking for love,” he said.

Warm your seats, ladies and gentlemen.

6 March

12 March

15 March - 9 April

The Spot Festival

Saturday StoryTime (0-5 years)

DRLC Boot Camp

1:00pm to 8:00pm, Corner Perouse Road and St Pauls Street, Randwick

10:30am to 11:00am Malabar Library 1203 Anzac Parade, Matraville

6:00pm to 7:00pm Des Renford Leisure Centre Cnr Robery Street and Jersey Road, Maroubra

Even More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

LOCAL HEROES Congratulations to all those honoured at the 2016 Randwick City Australia Day celebrations!

This year’s recipients were a diverse lot, including a member of the Maroubra Surf Life Saving Club, a volunteer educator with Parkinson’s NSW, and a resident who played a pivotal role in organising the Anzac Day Centenary Dawn Service in 2015.

Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza congratulated them on their efforts, saying, “We are lucky to have such fine citizens in Randwick City.” For the full list, visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURS Tired of every interaction with your neighbour turning into a protracted yelling match? Turns out you are not the only one. The NSW Government realises that tense neighbour relations can simmer in summer, so instead of turning to the law, citizens are urged to utilise the free mediation service at Community Justice Centres. Popular topics mediated include disputes over trees, fences, animals, noise and common facilities. Please visit www.cjc.justice.nsw.gov.au or call 1800 990 777.

City sunsets.

AMALGAMATION WEBSITE Want to know more about the 35 proposed council amalgamations across NSW? Greens MP and Local Government Spokesperson David Shoebridge has launched a comprehensive analysis of council amalgamations, including information on the financial, social and democratic impacts on each local government area. Mr Shoebridge says, “We invite people across the state to log on, get informed and stand up for your local council.”

Visit www.councilamalgamationsnsw.org.

USE YOUR BUTT Cigarette butts don’t scream ‘ecologically-friendly’, so it may come as a surprise that they are actually completely recyclable.

They can be used to make, among other things, garden pavers, watering cans, and even park benches. As such, Waverley Council has teamed up with TerraCycle to install cigarette recycling bins along the Bondi Beach promenade. So next time you’re lighting up and staring meaningfully out to the horizon, remember to chuck your butt in the recycling bin. For more info, visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

DINE IN STYLE Fancy yourself a bit of an interior decorator? Are your Instagram flat-lays on point? If so, Supa Centa Moore Park is giving you the opportunity to flaunt your skills and win big!

Customers at the Supa Centa are invited to compete in a dinner table styling challenge for the chance to win a $5000 gift card. TV presenter and home industry expert Barry Dubois will be the judge of the finale, while Steve Cordony and Vanessa Colyer Tay will be supporting judges. Head to the Supa Centa on February 20 and 27, and March 5 and 12 for your chance to win.

BEACH SAFETY BOOK On January 4, 2014, Moneera Mellick was one of 50 lucky swimmers rescued by surf lifesavers at North Bondi. Filled with immense gratitude, she transformed this experience into the tale of ‘Water Puppy Goes to the Beach’ - an uplifting summer adventure story that teaches kids about sun and surf safety. You can now purchase the book online at lulu.com. All proceeds will be donated to Surf Life Saving NSW.

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February 2016 | The Beast 45

Kerrbox and Yatesy doing good things down at Bronte.

From Struggle Street To The Sea Words and Picture Duncan Horscroft

F

or lucky locals, it’s hard to imagine life away from the beautiful beaches of the east, but there are many people a lot less fortunate than us, some of whom have never seen the beach at all.

In an effort to ease the burden of living in poor housing estates in the western suburbs, the Bronte Surf Club recently played host to a group of kids and adults from the UnitingCare Burnside community centre at Campbelltown.

The day at the beach for these battlers has been running for around 16 years and was organised by former Bronte Surf Club captain and Franciscan monk Ken Cafe, along with Bronte Surf Club life member Col McDermid.

“Ken is a former member of our club and now lives in

46 The Beast | February 2016

Thirroul, and it was through his efforts that this day started,” Mr McDermid said.

“The members of the group are from Housing Commission properties in the Campbelltown area, who really don’t get the opportunity to get to the beach.

“Our role is to make them welcome and see that they enjoy their day and remain safe whilst under our supervision.”

A group of young surf club cadets were on hand for water safety and they were outstanding in assisting the young kids, some of whom quickly overcame their fear of the water thanks to the fantastic effort from the cadets.

Unfortunately the surf conditions were too rough and the beach was closed, but the bogey hole was the perfect spot

for a few lessons on the Nipper boards.

After a session in the water, the surf club threw on a barbecue manned by a number of senior surf club volunteers and after lunch it was back in the water.

Shortly before it was time to go home, Bronte lifeguards Rod Kerr and Kris Yates came over and had a talk with the kids, and some of the mums couldn’t resist the photo opportunity with the Bondi Rescue stars.

“We often take a lot of things for granted in the Eastern Suburbs and don’t realise how tough some people do it,” Mr Yates said.

“Being able to put a smile on the faces of those less fortunate than ourselves, especially the kids, just makes everything worthwhile.”

Mayor‘s Message Vale ‘Big Wave’ Dave We were all shocked to hear about the tragic death of David Hannagan in an avalanche while skiing in the US. Known as ‘Big Wave’ Dave, he was a senior instructor at Let’s Go Surfing as well as a real estate agent and an important member of the Bondi community.

He will be remembered and missed by us all.

Australia Day OAM Congratulations to our wonderful friends who received Australia Day honours this year. We had Kim Jacobs, Prof Gustav Lehrer, Graham Ford, Craig Hassall, David Handley, Robin Crawford and John Winning being named members of the Order of Australia (AM).

Officers of the Order of Australia (AO) were awarded to Andrew Clarke and Elizabeth Broderick. Also, Dianne Gaddin, Prof Kathryn Refshauge and Adrian Newstead received an Order of Australia medal (OAM).

Your contributions to our community is much appreciated.

Making Sustainability Second Nature – Are You In? We live in such a beautiful corner of the world.

We have ambitious goals to make sure its beauty lasts for many generations to come – but we cannot do it alone. We need your help. We want to make sustainability more than just an occasional concern.

We want sustainability to be second nature to each and every one of our staff and residents. Stay tuned to find out how to get involved and build on great habits like recycling, saving energy and taking public transport. I am really excited about working with you to make sustainability second nature and after we unveil our plan of attack, I think you will be too.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events Free Bike Maintenance Workshops Wednesday 3 March, 10.30am–1.30pm Bondi Pavilion These practical beginner workshops will teach you the basics of how to look after your bike. You will learn how to: • remove a wheel/tyre • clean and lube your bike • adjust your brakes and gears Bookings essential. To book your spot, please call 9083 8678 or email carolyn.new@ waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Meet the Author: Mark Dapin Tuesday 15 March, 6.30–8pm Waverley Library Meet Mark Dapin author of The Nashos’ War: Australia’s national servicemen and Vietnam. Marking almost 50 years to the day since the first national service birth date was drawn from a lottery barrel, join author Mark Dapin as he discusses his 2015 Nib People’s Choice Prize-winning book.

Most powerfully, it records with extraordinary intensity what it was like to be a bank clerk one day, and fighting for your life in the jungles of Vietnam soon afterwards.

Bookings at Eventbrite.com.au For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Connect with us:

Immortalised in an iconic and central community facility.

Parklands Honours Fearnley’s Impressive Feats Words Kate Myers Picture Esteban La Tessa

A

s far as Aussie legends go, wheelchair racer Kurt Fearnley is right up near the top of the list. The three-time Paralympic gold medallist has represented Australia at four consecutive games, and has also completed the Kokoda Track, a testament to his determination and ‘never give up’ attitude.

It therefore came as no surprise when Kurt’s name was put forward for the renaming of the recently upgraded cycle track and barbecue area at Centennial Park, highlighted as an area of deficiency in the park’s Master Plan 2040.

“The project not only connects our park visitors through improved facilities and amenities, but eventually all of Sydney with a wider program to create a new entranceway to Centennial Park near Fearnley Grounds linking Grand Drive to the forthcoming light rail station on Alison Road,” Kim Ellis, Execu-

48 The Beast | February 2016

tive Director of Botanic Gardens and Centennial Parklands, said.

The new facilities include the already popular Greenhouse Café and a permanent base for Centennial Park Cycles, a set-up inspired by the pre-existing kiosk and cyclist pavilion that stood from 1908 until it was destroyed by fire in 1946.

On January 18, a special naming ceremony took place at the site, providing an opportunity for the community to witness the dedication of the upgrade.

Mr Fearnley, a regular user of the park and its cycle way, was on hand to receive his accolade.

“It is an absolute honour to have a precinct in Centennial Park named after me,” Mr Fearnley said. “The Parklands hold a very special place in my heart – it is where I go to train, to think, to cycle and to breathe.”

Minister for the Environment Mark Speakman said it was Mr Fearnley’s exceptional achieve-

ments and work as a representative for all individuals with disabilities that made him an obvious choice for the naming of the grounds.

“Many elite athletes have trained and competed here over the years, but it was Kurt’s passion and the inspiration he embodies as a disability advocate for so many Australians that saw his name proposed through our public naming competition,” Mr Speakman said.

It is hoped that the project marks the beginning of a successful upgrade of adjacent areas, particularly the learners bike track and playground, as well as a connection to the light rail stop and a new bridge across Kensington Pond.

Whatever the outcome of the proposed plan, the opening of Fearnley Grounds pays tribute to an inspirational athlete, who is now immortalised in an iconic and central community facility.

What are your thoughts on Centennial Park's new visitor hub - Fearnley Grounds?

Interview and Pictures Kate Myers

Sara, Coogee

I think it’s a good idea to upgrade the park.

The café does get very busy, but it’s what we needed as the other cafés in the park are too far away.

The upgrade will definitely attract more people.

Rob, Bronte

Ethan, Randwick

I like the café, especially the chocolate croissants, but I’d like a bigger bike track to ride around, with traffic lights!

Hildegarde, Queens Park

I think the café is good, but I wouldn’t want to see the grounds overdeveloped.

We could always have more facilities, but the current bike track and playground are great.

The upgrades are great, but the playground needs a facelift.

The café and bike hire are in a great location, and the staff are really friendly, but the café is definitely more adult focused.

Lyle, Randwick Kharis, Randwick

I think the new café is a great addition to the grounds.

Parents are able to have a coffee and relax while their kids play.

It’s a more integrated space.

They’ve needed something at the grounds for a long time, so the upgrade is great. The café does not have as many options for kids as it should, particularly when the playground and bike track are aimed at kids.

February 2016 | The Beast 49

March 2016 Monday

Tuesday

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Wednesday

Thursday

1 2 3 7 8 10 15 16 17 21 22 24 2829 31 ART CLASS! Adult colouring-in books not doing it for you? Unleash your creative potential and develop your artistic skills under the talented guidance of artist and teacher Lily Oen at Bowen Library at 10:30am today. $3 per session, payable on the day. Call 9314 4888.

MOONLIGHT CINEMA The Moonlight Cinema on the lawns of the Belvedere Amphitheatre in Centennial Park screens advance previews, contemporary, cult and classic movies until March 16. Visit www.moonlight.com.au for tickets and screening times.

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ROOSTERS VS. RABBITOHS The South Sydney Rabbitohs take on the Sydney Roosters tonight at ANZ Stadium. Get amongst it and check out the fruits of this ancient rivalry. It’s bound to be a rough and tumble affair with no love lost. For tickets, visit premier.ticketek.com.au.

TALK WITH MARK DAPIN Head to Waverley Library at 6:30pm for a scintillating dialogue with award winning author Mark Dapin about his novel, The Nashos’ War. The book looks at the intricacies of Australian conscription in the Vietnam War. Register at eventbrite.com.au.

ABORIGINAL ART If you live in the east and haven’t visited Coo-ee Aboriginal Art Gallery in Bondi, you’ve been missing out. This month, from March 5 to April 10, the gallery is showcasing work by Warlpiri woman Kitty Napanangka Simon.

Go to www.cooeeart.com.au.

BIENNALE @ CARRIAGEWORKS From March 18 to June 5, Carriageworks will be transformed into The Embassy of Disappearance for the 20th Biennale of Sydney. Allow the whacked out minds of some crazy cool artists to inspire you. Please visit www.carriageworks.com.au.

SRI CHINMOY HALF-MARATHON Why spend Easter Monday bemoaning your chocolate consumption when you could be running it off instead? Jog down to Centennial Park and compete in a 4km, 7km or 21.1km race.

You’d be mad not to. Register at www.registernow.com.au.

FIFA QUALIFIER Head to Allianz Stadium at 8pm tonight and see Australia face off against Jordan to decide who will get to play in the FIFA 2018 World Cup. If football isn’t enough to swing it, Google Mile Jedinak’s beautiful, chiselled face. Buy tickets at premier.ticketek.com.au.

THE ROYAL ROAD Check out the glamorous Golden Age Cinema in Surry Hills at 8:30pm tonight for a Mardi Gras Film Festival screening of The Royal Road, a cinematic essay exploring war, butch identity and unrequited desire. For more info visit tix.queerscreen.org.au.

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FRENCH FILM FESTIVAL Head on down to Palace Verona at 6:15pm tonight for a screening of custody battle comedy Papa ou Maman as part of the French Film Festival, which runs from March 1 – 24. For tickets and information, please visit www.affrenchfilmfestival.org.

TASTE OF SYDNEY RETURNS The world’s greatest restaurant festival, Taste of Sydney, returns to Centennial Park from March 10-13 for four days of foodie heaven. Restaurants featuring this year include Movida and Biota Dining. For info, please visit www.tasteofsydney.com.au.

VIRTUAL VOLUNTEERING Want to volunteer, but are not able to commute? Why not register for the UN’s virtual volunteering program, where volunteers assist with sustainable human development programs over the phone or Internet? Please visit www.onlinevolunteering.org/en/vol.

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CRYPTIC CROSSWORD GROUP It’s time to hone your mind and tackle the cryptic crossword head on with Crossword Master Ralph Penglis. Morning tea and materials are provided in the Library Theory Room at Waverley Library, from 10am today. Register through eventbrite.com.au.

A TASTE OF HARMONY During the week of March 21-27 and coinciding with Harmony Day, A Taste of Harmony encourages all workplaces to celebrate their diversity by gathering together over a lunch made up of foods from different lands. Register at www.tasteofharmony.org.au.

ROOFTOP VIBES Dustin Tebbutt, Gordi and Bluejuice DJs take the stage at Coogee Pavilion’s rooftop bar tonight, crooning their smooth tunes. You might remember Tebbutt’s hit ‘The Breach’ from back in 2013 when it set the indie scene alight.

Visit merivale.com.au/whats-on.

For heaps more local events, just visit...

Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089

Friday

Saturday

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Sunday

5 6 11 12 13 18 1920 25 26 27 MARDI GRAS PARADE Join thousands of spectators lining the route as 10,000 people parade with pride along Oxford and Flinders Streets in an explosion of creative and political expression, with lavish floats, satirical statements and spectacular costumes.

Visit www.mardigras.org.au.

THE SPOT FESTIVAL Now in its ninth year, Randwick's biggest free outdoor festival combines the very best that the local area has to offer in food and shopping with an entertainment program that will have you on your feet and dancing to the beat.

Visit www.thespotfestival.com.au.

AUS BODY ART EXPO Already have a full sleeve of tatts, or just want some angel wings on your shoulder blades?

The Australian Tattoo and Body Art Expo at Moore Park from March 11–13 has you covered, literally (sorry). For tickets, please visit www.tattooexpo.com.au.

ACP’S BEACHIN’ TALKS Listen to a bunch of cool creatives across various mediums discuss how the beach has influenced their work in an afternoon of fast-paced presentations at the Bondi Pavillion Gallery from 3–5pm today. For info and bookings, visit acp.org.au.

WORLD’S GREATEST SHAVE Australians from all walks of life can do something amazing to help beat blood cancer by signing up for the Leukaemia Foundation’s ‘World’s Greatest Shave’, which runs from March 10 –13. Sign up now at worldsgreatestshave.com.

POLITICAL THEATRE If you haven’t had enough of political spills and power plays in real life, head on down to Belvoir St Theatre between February 13 and March 20 to see The Blind Giant is Dancing, starring Yael Stone and Dan Spielman. Info and tickets at belvoir.com.au/productions.

SYDNEY TRACK CLASSIC Coach? Runner? Fan? Lycra enthusiast? Get along and see present and future Olympians battle it out at Sydney Olympic Park on both the track and field in a competition that displays both national and international talent. Tickets at www.athletics.com.au/tickets.

FORESHORE FESTIVAL This Merivale brainchild sees Coogee Beach come to life with fun for the whole family, including face painting and balloon animals, and food from the Coogee Pavilion, Papi Chulo, el Loco and Mr Wong.

Visit www.whatson.merivale.com. au/events/foreshore-festival.

WOOLLAHRA WALKING GROUP Get your inner Kath and Kel on and power-walk it up with fellow over 50s every Friday from 8:15–10am at Rushcutters Bay. Walkers depart from Rushcutters Bay Kiosk, and if you want a bum like Beyoncé, we recommend hightailing it there, stat!

NOEL GALLAGHER LIVE See Noel take to the Hordern stage with his band High Flying Birds. If you’re only interested in the throwback Oasis hits, recent UK set lists have included classics such as ‘Champagne Supernova’ and ‘The Masterplan’. Tickets at premier.ticketek.com.au.

PRIMARY ETHICS BRONTE Primary Ethics provides access to philosophical education for children who do not attend religion classes. Help out by training to become a Primary Ethics teacher, a classroom support team member, or general administrator.

Visit www.primaryethics.com.au.

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Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338 Handyman Cristian The Handyman Ph: 0467 484 459

...www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

The Family Man

Jared Waerea-Hargreaves Interview Dan Hutton & Madeleine Gray Photography Jeremy Greive Where you are originally from?

I was born in New Zealand in 1989, in Rotorua. I grew up in Rotorua until I was nine, when I moved to Brisbane with my mum to meet my father. I was going in a direction my mother thought was not the right one, and she thought that I needed a father figure in my life. My dad was living in Brisbane at that time, so we packed up and left.

As a nine year-old I thought that Brisbane was just around the corner, so it was a bit of a shock when mum explained to me that we had to get on an airplane. We got on our flight and came over here and I grew up in Brisbane.

When you moved from New Zealand to Australia it must have been a culture shock; what was that like? I guess it wasn’t much of a shock because I was so young. It just took a while for me to adapt to the youth here in Australia. I had a bit of an attitude back in New Zealand and I wasn’t accepted here for a while.

It took me a while to adapt to that. Probably my hardest challenge was actually moving from Brisbane to Sydney on my own.

When did you move to Sydney?

When I was 17 I got an opportunity to play some schoolboy rugby down here in Sydney.

My dad sort of kicked me out of home - he said that it was an opportunity I might regret not taking later. I drove down here with six bags of clothing, not knowing where I was going to stay. I was bunked up at a hostel for a few months and then I started living with a mate, Martin Kennedy, who was at the Roosters at the time and living in Bondi Beach. A year later I signed with Manly. That move to Sydney was hard. I had to move away from my comfort zone: my

52 The Beast | February 2016

family, my dad, and my mum.

After those two years I was picked up by the Roosters and have been here ever since. This is home for me now.

as a water engineer, finding and purifying water. He’s pretty old school, so he taught me the importance of providing for my family.

Over the years it has become clear that your mum, Karen, is one of your biggest supporters and influences; what have you have learnt from her?

Yeah, K-Dog; she is just such an independent, proud woman. She stands her ground and if she has an opinion she is not afraid to say it. I’ve learnt that from her.

I think that’s why a lot of people say I’m so much like my mother.

She was here for two weeks recently. I picked her up from the airport and I said, “It’s good to see you,” and she goes, “Yeah, it’s good to see you too, but where is my grandchild?” I’ve obviously realised that it’s not about me anymore. She’s taught me that family comes first.

Do your parents get on well?

They do, because obviously I’m the connection there, but when they are together it’s probably half an hour before they have a shouting match. They are both such strong people [laughs].

It just took a while for me to adapt to the youth here in Australia. I had a bit of an attitude back in New Zealand and I wasn’t accepted here for a while.

You mentioned that your dad is the reason you moved to Australia; can you tell us a bit about how you built that relationship?

I remember meeting my father at the age of nine. I was a little bit shocked to have this man in my life now, but we grew this connection and we still have it to this day. He’s a Kiwi but he is living in Brisbane currently and has for most of his life. He worked for the United Nations

How did the transition to the Roosters come about? It happened because of opportunity I guess. I was playing at Manly and I absolutely loved it, but I was behind a few players. I was just coming through the ranks and the opportunity at the Roosters came up and I wanted to play first grade. That was my dream. My ambition was to get on the field and play consistently, and the Roosters came forward and offered that opportunity. I’ve never looked back. It’s been seven years now.

Where are you living at the moment? I’m living in Mosman.

It’s like I’ve still got this little string attached to the Northern Beaches. I’ve been there since I first moved to Sydney, which was ten years ago. I’ve always been on that side and I’m comfortable there, but my partner and I have just had a baby, so to be closer to everything we are actually looking at coming over here to the Eastern Suburbs in the next month or so, so watch out. I like the idea of taking over Anthony Minichiello’s title of the ‘Mayor of Bondi’.

How is it living in the north when most of your teammates are in the east? I call them all my brothers, but I’m on the north side and they all live so

close to each other and they do things together because it’s so easy and I get left out, just because I live 15 minutes away over on the stupid north side.

They act like I live so far away, so I’m out of the loop.

Do you have any favourite local haunts around this Eastern Suburbs? Everywhere really, I love food. There is one place down in Bondi that we go to maybe once or twice a week called Skinny Dip Café. I’ve been going there for years.

Reuben the owner looks after all the boys. It’s a good vibe and really chilled. And Courtyard in Coogee is great too. Honestly, though, I just really love food so I’m game for everything. We are obviously very lucky to be in the area that we are. The Eastern Suburbs is just amazing.

My ambition was to get on the field and play consistently, and the Roosters came forward and offered that opportunity. I’ve never looked back.

It’s been seven years now.

What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic, I guess. It’s pretty intense, but then again that’s Sydney. I ride a motorbike and my partner drives a car, so I usually get wherever we’re going about fifteen minutes before her.

How did you develop your skill and passion for rugby league?

I guess it’s just hard work. I never really had much skill to be honest with you. I still don’t.

Growing up I was tallish, very skinny; I hadn’t developed into my body. Now I’ve been training full time since I was seventeen or eighteen, so every year I’ve put on two, three, four kilos. I’m still putting on the kilos; I can’t stop it. One off-season I got up

54 The Beast | February 2016

to 135-kilograms. I was travelling with my partner in the US. Thanks America!

Apart from your obvious physical strength, what is it that you bring to the Roosters? I’d like to say a little bit of experience. I guess I’ve found out everything the hard way. The position that I play is probably the most easy and the most hard. It’s physically the hardest position on the field, I believe. I’m not trying to talk myself up, but there’s not one game where you can just ease off. So I bring experience and a bit of confidence, to be honest with you. I know I’m a bit of a character sometimes. If the mood is a little bit dull I’ll spice it up a bit. I can tell when someone is having a down day, so I’ll just throw a bit of chilli in there or stitch someone up.

I love it and I’ll do anything for the team.

Are you at all intimidated by any opposition players? Not really. When I first started playing with and against guys who I had admired for years I guess I was just in awe of them, but now I don’t really focus on who I’m playing against, whether it’s a Kiwi player, a test player, or whatever. I think that’s where players can get into a bit of trouble. When you focus on one opponent, you forget about what’s best for the team and your team plan. I just go out there and play.

I worry about myself, I worry about my own team and I worry about my role in the team. I find that that’s how I play my best footy.

Who is the toughest NRL player to play against? Probably Michael Ennis. He verbally gives it to everyone. There is not one player that he doesn’t sledge, but these days there’s not really that much chitchat. Everyone is just doing what they need to do.

You tore your ACL in August last year and had to sit out the rest of the season; how did it feel having to sit on the sidelines for so long? It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to

do in my whole career. It was disappointing, frustrating… it sucked. Obviously last year I was fairly confident and all of a sudden my footy just stopped.

It took me two weeks to let it go and to realise I had to get the operation. We were going into the semi finals and that’s when I was like, “No, that’s me done for a long time.”

How is your knee going now?

Yeah, it’s getting there. I’ve now done straight line running, change of direction, contact and I’m ready to get back with the team. It’s been a lonely journey.

I’m fortunate to have some great guys here at the club like my physio Adam Bentley. I ruptured my patella tendon, so it’s a 9 to 12 month injury, but obviously having the professional help we have here reduces the time, which is good for us. I’m scheduled in to start again hopefully some time between round six and ten. If it’s not okay by round six then we’ll push it back. It’s just timing with the knees.

How are the Roosters looking for 2016? We’re looking good. So far we are travelling really well.

We’ve hit a couple of pebbles on the highway, but the culture of the club will be right. We’ve worked hard in the pre-season, and if we continue doing that I believe we’ll be there at the end.

You and your fiancée, Chelsea, had just had a baby girl, Zahli, at the time of your injury; did having a baby ease the pain and disappointment at all? It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Having her just gave me another pillar to stand on, pretty much. For me that pillar has always been football, but now I have a reason to play football and that’s to support my family.

Having Zahli put everything into perspective. I absolutely adore her. A lot of the guys in the team have babies now, so it’s like a little daddy care here.

What’s the cutest thing that Zahli does? She said ‘dad’ yesterday. It was her first word.

I looked at it last night about 50

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times on my phone and it just doesn’t get old; it’s just amazing. I feel sorry for my partner.

She does everything, she’s done all the hard yards, but Zahli still says dad first.

How many kids do you want?

Five. I just got Zahli’s name tattooed here [on my chest] and I’m going to continue on adding down. Everyone was like, “Man, that’s pretty small writing for you,” but I’ve got to leave room.

I just told the boys this morning that I want to be that father who drives in a little mini-bus and goes and drops all the kids off at school.

You’ve been with Chelsea for eight years; how did you guys meet and what do you love about her? I love everything about her. She is so supportive, so positive. She’s my rock, the mother of my child. She is just everything. If it wasn’t for her I would be unemployed. We met in 2007 through a mate of ours.

I thought she was pretty hot and we just started hanging out and now eight years later we have a child and we are engaged and we are getting married at Hamilton Island at the end of this year. It’s very exciting.

Do you think that being with Chelsea has made you a better player? Yeah, totally. She’s always the first person to criticise me, in a good way. She’s always there for me. I remember when I’d done my knee, as soon as I walked up the tunnel she was standing there. That just shows what type of woman she is. I am very lucky, very blessed. In a game sense I think she has just made me understand who I am and it’s given me self-confidence to get out there and really do it.

There was talk about you joining the Canberra Raiders back in 2014, but nothing eventuated; do you think of yourself as a Roosters player through and through now? Yeah totally. I had an opportunity to go down south and I considered it. I had to consider it; we’ve only got so many years in our career to try and sort

56 The Beast | February 2016

ourselves out. We found out the day before we went down to Canberra that we were having a baby and that obviously just changed everything. I didn’t want move away from our family. We’ve got so much support around us.

There are 12 of us in the area, so why go if you’re happy?

Coming from New Zealand and then Brisbane, were you aware of the ancient rivalry between the Roosters and the Rabbitohs, and now that you’re a Rooster is that rivalry something that affects you? I never knew anything until I actually got to the club. I never knew the history.

But it grows and grows and I think it’s awesome. There are a lot of emotions in those games.

It’s pretty much two teams on one turf and I just think it’s amazing how the media build it up and the fans get involved. We have no excuse not to get up for those games.

I just told the boys this morning that I want to be that father who drives in a little mini-bus and goes and drops all the kids off at school.

As a Kiwi, do you wish you could play State of Origin? Yes I do. I think it’s definitely up there as one of the pinnacles of our game. Growing up in Queensland, it’s huge.

Was there a time when you had to choose between representing Australia or New Zealand?

Yes there was, and I chose New Zealand. New Zealand for me is my birth country. It’s where I’m from.

Do you have a couple of particularly close mates at the Roosters? Yeah definitely. My roomy Jake Friend. I’ve roomed with him for going on five years.

I’m very close with him. I’m also close with Dylan Napa, Sam Moa, Isaac Liu – the big boppers

in the forward pack. We do the hard work together, so we’ve grown this bond with each other, I guess. And Shaun Kenny-Dowall too. That said, I’ve been here for so long now that everyone is like a brother to me.

Who is the biggest pest in the dressing sheds? That would definitely have to go to James Maloney. Even though he’s left he’s still a pest. In the dressing rooms now it would be Dylan Napa, the big ranga.

Are there any up-and-coming Roosters players that we should be looking out for? Latrell Mitchell at full back, a young Indigenous kid, is one to watch.

He’s got a good head on his shoulders and he just needs to believe in himself.

In your opinion, who is the best player in the NRL? Jonathan Thurston by a mile. He’s the man.

Do you support any charities?

Yes I do. I was an ambassador for KidsXpress and I’m obviously heavily involved in the Steggles Charity Nest.

Do you have any advice for young players who want to make a career out of rugby league? Believe in your dream.

Anything is possible. Work hard on whatever you believe and you’ll fulfil whatever you want to do. Hard work, man; that’s where it’s at.

Do you have any role models in or out of the game? My mum and dad. They are pretty cool.

What do you think you have to do to be a role model for others? Hopefully just continue what I’m doing. I guess I’d like to be as positive as I can be towards the community and give back when I can.

In a perfect world, what does the future hold for Jared Waerea-Hargreaves? Hopefully five kids, a healthy and happy family and a couple more premiership rings. Yeah, that’s it.

FAREWELL BIG WAVE DAVE

FROM YOUR LETS GO SURFING FAMILY

WE WILL MISS YOU EVERY DAY #GRABLIFE Photo: Eugene Tan Aquabumps

Jesus won't mind if we change the date.

Easter Ain’t Broken, But It Needs To Be Fixed Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture God

O

ver the years I’ve been called a lot of things, but never has the term ‘religious’ been attributed to any part of my being. It should come as no surprise, then, that I have very little time for the fluctuating date of Easter. One year it’s at the end of March, the next some time in April, and that’s not even taking into account elements of the orthodoxy using the old Julian calendar to determine a different date altogether. Speaking frankly, it’s a massive pain in the arse.

As with much religious stuff, the actual date of Christ’s resurrection is open to debate. What we do know is that he rose from

58 The Beast | February 2016

the dead on the third day of his burial after crucifixion (can you imagine the stench?), which all took place after the forty days of fasting, prayer and penance that is Lent.

To put that another way, for Anglicans and Catholics, Easter Sunday has been the first Sunday after the first full moon following the spring equinox for a very long time. Confused?

Me too.

While I can forgive humanity for forgetting a date that took place nearly 2000 years ago, it seems odd that they’ve got Christmas on lock, but can’t remember the date the most famous human in the history of

the world rose from the dead he rose from the fricking dead, for Christ’s sake! I remember the date a dog ran into my classroom and stole my pencil case at junior school (August 27, 1973), so surely one can keep record of such a significant resurrection (or any resurrection for that matter)?

Religious history aside, when sitting down to put pen to paper about this annoying issue, little did I know that I’m not the only one campaigning for a fixed date for the chocolatey holiday.

I really thought that the whole concept of a fixed date would offend all the God-bothering crucifix clingers out there, but it seems I was very wrong.

In January this year, news came out that the heads of the Christian churches are close to sealing a deal to fix the date.

According to an article published in the Sydney Morning Herald, “Archbishop Welby, Pope Francis, the Coptic Orthodox Pope Tawadros II and the Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I (head of the Greek Orthodox church) are all working towards a common date.”

If they can reach a deal, it will end one of the most noticeable rifts in the church, and have knock-on effects for schools, businesses and the travel industry across the Western World.

It will basically make planning an Easter holiday a hell of a lot easier, and it will mean that I don’t forget to put the rates up for my oceanfront Palm Beach pad on Airbnb, as I did again this year.

Unfortunately a fixed date for Easter is still some way off, though, with Archbishop Welby telling the Herald that it would likely happen “between five and ten years time”.

After nearly one and a half millennia of confusion, another decade of uncertainty should fly by. In the meantime, a chocolate toting bunny will continue to become more synonymous with Easter than Christ himself.

Is it time that we set the date of Easter to a specific weekend each and every year?

Interview and Pictures Kate Myers

Doug, Randwick

Phyllis, Randwick

I think a fixed date for Easter will benefit businesses, churches, schools and society at large.

It will avoid the irregularity that the Easter break often causes.

I really don’t have a strong opinion. Variation is good, but for people at work and school a fixed date would be much more convenient.

Sandy, Randwick

Public holidays are a privilege in recognition of significant events, so changing the date of Easter for convenience potentially removes the meaning behind it.

Luke, Maroubra

I would like my school holiday to be a bit longer, and I’d prefer to get my chocolate at the same time every year.

Nick, Maroubra

I think the fixed date is a great idea. I think the public holidays for Easter should coincide with the school holidays rather than having two separate breaks.

Ciara, Randwick

I don’t think Easter should be fixed because it is calculated from the lunar calendar. I also like having an extra break from school at different times each year.

February 2016 | The Beast 59

A Diamond Python digests a recent meal in the Royal National Park.

Mostly Nocturnal, Inoffensive, Non-Venomousâ&#x20AC;Ś Diamond Pythons Words and Picture Keith Hutton

I

t was a surprise to read of a big snake run over and killed recently on South Dowling Street adjacent to Moore Park.

The impressive reptile was identified as a Diamond Python, the only python that occurs naturally in the Sydney Region.

Because of its inoffensive, nonvenomous nature and appealing skin colours and pattern, it is also among the most sought after reptiles kept in captivity by enthusiasts. Consequently, this unfortunate snake was considered to be an escaped pet, or maybe an unlucky hitchhiker that had curled up in the engine bay of a motor vehicle and unfortunately dropped off in peak hour traffic. However, there is an alternative possibility: it may be that a few pythons still remain

60 The Beast | February 2016

wild in the Eastern Suburbs. An extensive green area encompassing Moore Park, Centennial Parklands, Randwick Racecourse and the golf courses and parks south of Gardeners Road could, in theory, support a resident population of Diamond Pythons with plenty of food and suitable habitat.

Adult Diamond Pythons are neither robust nor slender, with an average length around two metres. Healthy ones in good condition are impressive reptiles. They are big, attractive snakes with upperparts shiny black or dark olive-green. Some scales are spotted yellow or cream and arranged in uniform diamond-shaped clusters, each inside a black border, along the whole length of the upper

body. Underparts are cream or whitish with dark markings.

Pythons have distinct necks and small irregular head scales, unlike common venomous snakes, which have indistinct necks and large plate-like scales on their heads.

Diamond Pythons have the most southerly distribution of any python worldwide. They occur only in coastal southeastern Australia from the north-eastern Victoria border to Coffs Harbour, and west to the Great Dividing Range. They live in a variety of habitats and are adept climbers that usually favour rainforest, other heavily timbered areas and rocky places. They find shelter in hollow trunks and limbs, disused burrows, caves, rock crevices, and beneath boulders. In urban areas they occasionally occupy out buildings and suburban roof spaces. They are mostly nocturnal but bask in early morning and late afternoon sun, and are often active on warm overcast days.

Birds, reptiles and mammals as big as fruit bats, rodents and possums are all on the menu for hungry pythons, which are ambush predators and patiently maintain a strike position for extended periods adjacent to likely spots. Passing prey is caught by striking with lightning speed, enveloped in muscular coils, subdued by constriction, and asphyxiated before being swallowed. Sharp backward pointing teeth, powerful jaws and relentless tightening coils are usually more than enough to prevent escape.

Diamond Pythons are affected by habitat destruction, specifically land clearing and development; also road kills, collection for the illegal pet trade, and tidying up and removal of old habitat trees. They are not as widespread in Sydney as they used to be, but despite the threats are still considered common in NSW, and of least conservation concern.

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8362 4000 February 2016 | The Beast 61

Pescatarian mixed grill.

Smarter And Wiser Words and Picture Dan Trotter

A

s I get older, I’m proving a few clichés to be true. I’m getting smarter and wiser - on the fishing front, at least - and this is in large part due to my diary records and a keener sense of observation of the seasonal patterns under and above the surface of the ocean. One of the keenest ways to observe life in the ocean is to get beneath its surface and see first-hand what the fish and sea life are doing, where they do it and how they behave at different times of the tide, moon phase and year.

I’m often amazed by what I thought I knew to be true but simply isn’t. True scientific analysis aside, you only need to prove something wrong once for it to be wrong, but on the contrary you can never truly prove anything to be true. It’s an interesting concept, and one all of us should consider when we go fishing, because fishing theories are just that - theories based on vague observations. Enough of

62 The Beast | February 2016

the confusing mumbo jumbo, though, as you probably just want to know what’s going to happen this month on the local fishing front.

Personally, I love March. It’s possibly my favourite month of the year. It’s full of promise and full of fish, blessed with warm water and 31 of the last remaining days of daylight saving. So what are you waiting for? Finish reading this article, grab your gear and get out on the water.

For fishing enthusiasts, March is full of all types of fish. It’s the month when you’re most likely to see spotted and Spanish mackerel turn up in the harbour and on a few inshore reefs along our densely populated coastline.

The big kingies will be about in force too, plus snapper, mahi mahi, marlin, mulloway, morwong, mullet and many more fish that don’t start with the letter ‘M’. They’ll be feeding fast and furiously, fattening up for the winter months ahead.

If you’re keen to get out but don’t know where to start, begin the day early and get on the water an hour before sunrise. If lure fishing is your thing, have your outfits rigged and ready to go, check your knots twice, ensure your hooks are sharp and start casting once there’s enough light in the sky to see where your lure is landing. If bait fishing is your priority, spend the nautical twilight catching fresh bait - start on the squid then chase the slimy mackerel and yellowtail scad (in that order for best results).

Once your live bait tank, bucket or kiddie pool is full, turn your attention to the main game.

Pick your location appropriately, use the right rod, reel and line class for your target species, and say a little prayer to whomever you choose. No matter how good you think you are, there’s always a little luck involved in the most successful day’s fishing!

Another player in the otherwise packed herpes market.

Let’s Give Them Herpes Words Pascal Geraghty Picture Daniel Coddom

G

et yourself out to Centennial Park. Pack the family, some ham and cheese sandwiches, find some shade, lay out the picnic rug and maybe toss a few crusts the way of the peckish poultry floating on the ponds. If you do, you’ll quickly discover that Daffy and his mates are paddling above a seething, writhing mass of carp that rise from the murky depths to join in the feast.

Like many of us, these carp originally lobbed out here from Europe. Think the influx and subsequent explosion of Italians and Greeks, but rather than bringing delicious cuisine, gelati, hairy backs and hot women, carp have contributed absolutely nothing but damage and disaster.

Their ability to multiply at alarming rates and to live happily in even the most degraded of environments has seen European carp (Cyprinus carpio) rapidly overpopulate some of Australia’s most iconic freshwater ecosystems. Not only do they out-compete our humble, native fish for food and space, their destructive bottom-feeding habits upset the ecological balance of

64 The Beast | February 2016

the surrounding waters, making them virtually unliveable for everything else.

This is not the first time an introduced species has wreaked havoc on the native inhabitants and environment here in Australia, though. Cast your mind back to 1788 when white man bundled through Sydney Heads and set up shop on the hill. The carp issue is simply history repeating.

European or common carp truly are an invasive, noxious, feral pest; a worse pest than even Kyle Sandilands and Osher Gunsberg, and on par with Alan Jones. So what can we do to eradicate pests like these (the fish, that is)? You infect them with herpes. Not the burning, blistered ring-piece variety dispensed by the town bicycle, though. This calls for the strong stuff; a lethal strain.

Our friends at the CSIRO have recently been looking into the use of a specific herpes virus, known as Cyprinid herpesvirus 3 (CyHV-3), as a biocontrol agent. Their research indicates that CyHV-3 could significantly reduce the number of carp in

our river systems. The virus kills carp and kills them fast.

Most importantly, too, CyHV-3 has been shown to pose no danger to a broad range of key native fish and invertebrate species, as well as having no effect on some common birds, mammals, amphibians and reptiles.

As for us humans, the virus had no negative effect on mice, so we should be right.

It’s important that we recognise the damage that Cyprinus carpio is causing to our freshwater fish, aquatic plant and invertebrate communities. The size and extent of the problem leaves no doubt that decisive, and creative, measures need to be taken sooner rather than later. This herpes virus may just be the ticket.

And for us, the addition of another player in the otherwise packed herpes market is potentially good news. If you’re diagnosed with herpes you just never know, it might turn out to be CyHV-3. You’re going to want to hope it is, anyway. But how you contracted it? I’d be keeping that to myself.

March 2016 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Bill Morris - @billmorris

MON

TUE

WED

THU 3 0353 1040 1632 2220

1.43 0.66 1.18 0.69

4 0500 1146 1745 2327

1.49 0.59 1.23 0.64

=

10 0347 1005 1624 2233

0.23 1.89 0.16 1.78

11 0440 1055 1708 2322

0.22 1.83 0.20 1.80

=

17 0418 1109 1716 2258

1.58 0.53 1.25 0.67

=

1.44 0.67 1.24 0.66

2 0248 0927 1516 2110

1.42 0.69 1.19 0.70

0.46 1.79 0.28 1.53

8 0207 0829 1458 2101

0.36 1.87 0.20 1.63

9 0257 0916 1540 2147

0.28 1.91 0.16 1.72

14 0105 0733 1338 1934

1.74 0.40 1.43 0.51

15 0202 0842 1444 2034

1.67 0.48 1.31 0.60

16 0307 0957 1600 2145

1.61 0.53 1.25 0.66

21 0145 0759 1424 2030

0.53 1.64 0.42 1.50

22 0226 0837 1457 2104

0.49 1.64 0.41 1.55

23 0303 0913 1527 2137

0.47 1.63 0.41 1.58

24 0339 0947 1556 2208

0.45 1.60 0.43 1.61

29 0027 0658 1256 1840

1.57 0.58 1.31 0.65

30 0111 0750 1346 1928

1.53 0.63 1.25 0.71

31 0203 0852 1448 2029

1.50 0.65 1.22 0.75

Big traps.

SAT

=

1 0153 0819 1412 2009 7 0116 0741 1415 2016

28 0612 0.54 1213 1.38 1801 0.59

FRI

SUN

5 0600 1.57 1242 0.49 1842 1.31

6 0025 0652 1330 1930

0.56 1.68 0.38 1.42

12 0534 0.25 1146 1.72 1754 0.29

13 0012 0631 1240 1842

1.78 0.32 1.58 0.39

18 0527 1.58 1214 0.51 1821 1.30

19 0002 0626 1305 1912

0.63 1.60 0.48 1.37

20 0058 0715 1347 1954

0.58 1.63 0.44 1.44

25 0415 1021 1625 2240

26 0452 1057 1655 2313

0.47 1.51 0.49 1.62

27 0530 1133 1727 2348

0.50 1.45 0.54 1.60

0.45 1.57 0.45 1.62

= New Moon = First Quarter = Full Moon = Last Quarter *Please add an hour during daylight savings time

The Bomber Jacket The original MA-1 bomber jacket is once again gaining appeal. It’s practical and enough of a blank canvas for all style tribes to make it their own – simple solid colours (khaki, black, navy), ribbed collar and cuffs, the punch of the bright orange inner lining, and a small pocket detail on the left arm.

Men’s catwalk versions have appeared from Burberry to Calvin Klein, while Instagram-friendly off-duty models Cara Delevigne, Kate Moss, and Gigi Hadid have also sported the new staple with unisex crossover appeal.

Erica from Bondi Beach.

Maddie from Bondi.

Four Trends For The Cooler Months Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

H

ave you been missing your monthly dose of fashion enlightenment and street style?

This issue I’ve got new styling tweaks to existing trends and pieces for you to look out for as the weather cools.

wore silk scarves as hair and chokers embellished with jewelled brooches, while Christopher Kane used a neon cable tie as a ponytail fastener and choker for his spring/summer 2016 show.

Hair Up or Hair Down?

No need to do either, just tuck it in. The ‘I’m-too-cool-to-pullmy-hair-out-of-my-collar’ look has become a basic styling trick of the fashion set. However, this season there’s an update: the hair-choker. It’s the same curled under silhouette but the hair is tied to your neck with a silk scarf, necklace, or, wait for it, a neon cable tie. On the Dior catwalk printed silk scarves were looped around models’ necks and hair; in London black ribbon chokers and necklaces fastened hair; in Paris models

Head-To-Toe Grey Kim Kardashian loves this look, but don’t let that put you off.

Try it by pairing a pebble-toned sweater dress with slate ankle boots. Or for a more refined outfit, use a cashmere or tailored element, or a cropped turtleneck sweater and fitted midi skirt with thigh split, and finish with a deep burgundy lip colour.

All-over pale grey is more highmaintenance than black, but cooler than white. For casual chic, swap out the impractical soft-grey suede footwear for a pair of white trainers.

66 The Beast | February 2016

The Shearling Jacket You’ve probably considered buying one for a good four or five seasons, but keep worrying that the trend will not last. It has, it will, and this snuggly, fur-lined piece will keep you warm while making the most mundane outfit look cool. For 2016, shearling is adorning leather lapels in a chic show of urban restraint rather than the traditional allover lumberjack fur.

Who Erica Where Bondi Beach What Radio sales director Wearing White jumpsuit by Kookai, heels from Schutz and Ray-Ban sunnies.

Who Maddie What PR and online manager Where Bondi Wearing Box mesh tee by Dead, One Teaspoon denim shorts, Reebok trainers, Alexander Wang Marion cross body bag and limited edition Valley sunnies from the Dead store in Bondi.

First impressions count, but does your wardrobe allow you to make the right one?

To update your personal style, please contact Sharmin on 0405 518 155 or email sharmin@personalstylist.net.au.

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292 Campbell Pde, North Bondi info@sagebeauty.com.au www.sagebeauty.com.au

February 2016 | The Beast 67

A wise lifestyle choice.

The Unreliable Guide To...

Dealing With Smug Childfree Friends Words Nat Shepherd Picture Ayn Alsex

C

ouples without kids are a rising trend. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, by the year 2031 couples without children will outnumber those who have taken the time to reproduce by five percent.

That is a lot of calm, happy people with time to enjoy their clean, toy-free homes. They don’t seem to care that they’ve made themselves a genetic culde-sac, or that no one will visit them in the old folks home when the time comes. If you have kids, but are still trying to be friends with some dedicated nonbreeders, the Unreliable Guide is here to offer some tips, tricks and tactics to help you cope with your childfree counterparts.

Do Dinner At Theirs - Try to have dinner at their place. Yes, you will have to fork out for a babysitter, but these people have time to both buy and read cookery books so the food will be nice. If you invite them to your place it’ll be alphabetti spaghetti again and they’ll probably send you the physio bill for

68 The Beast | February 2016

the ankle they twisted tripping over the Lego death star.

to dry-clean the suit they ruined sitting on that uncapped Texta.

Call Early On Sunday Morning Childfree couples have the time and energy to go out to dinner, clubs, movies and the theatre far more than those of us with children. Hardly any of them fall asleep in front of the TV at 9pm while eating Coco Pops from the packet. Instead they go out on Saturday nights until 3am, secure in the knowledge that they can enjoy a long lie-in the next day. This is unfair, so ‘accidentally’ calling at 6am on a Sunday is no crime - just say one of the kids pressed redial. This may help make up for the fact that you’ve been awake since 5am watching Frozen (again!) with your two angels in an attempt to stop them dissecting the dog.

Avoid The Temptation To Confess - Never, ever tell childfree friends how hard life really is with kids. It will only reinforce their unbearable smugness about their life choices. Instead make them feel inadequate with carefully selected chocolate box moments of love and laughter.

You should have at least one of these a year that you can use.

Never Offer Them A Lift - Just like the mess in your home, your childfree friends will not appreciate why your car smells of stale milk, biscuits and poo.

They’ll also probably charge you

Be Proud - Make sure you tell your childless friends every detail of your children’s latest achievements. It is their duty to be fascinated by little Brooklyn’s potty training successes and to assess the nuances of Jasmine’s Year 4 end-of-term report card.

Finally, decide if you want to be friends with people who you know secretly judge you. Just because little Atticus bit a chunk out of your arm for no reason and you didn’t have the energy to tell him off, does not make you a bad parent.

watssup.com.au

February 2016 | The Beast 69

stroll. I repeat: we must digest.

Once the ol’ metabolism has grinded through the morning’s feeding, it’s time to think about the second meal of the day. Today, you’ll be lunchin’ at Drake Eatery on the corner of Curlewis and Gould Street.

This is a restaurant from Sydney big-wig chef Ian Oakes and it boasts a menu chockas full of seasonal, fresh, locally sourced produce. Take a seat, quench your thirst with the first beverage of the day and order a few entrees to share. The Thirlmere duck and chicken terrine, and the cured ocean trout, pickled cucumber and crème fraîche should start you off nicely.

Insanely delicious.

QTips - A Bondi Food Safari Words and Picture QT Concierge

G

rub. Tucker. Chow. In today’s you-are-what-you-eat age, the foodie culture is stronger than ever. And Bondi hasn’t escaped that; in fact, it’s leading the culinary charge. Every corner, nook and cranny around our trendy, coastal ‘burb has some sort of eatery spruiking courageous flavours, from freshly shucked oysters to black stone eggs, fermented teas to açaí.

In this month’s QTips, we’re sending you on a flavour hunt - an epic day of taste-questing.

Complete this gastronomic mission and you’ll be happier than Pharrell (and possibly about four kilograms heavier).

Brekkie @ Brown Sugar Rise and shine. You’re going to wake up in either of two states: dusty or fresh. Either

70 The Beast | February 2016

way, you should be starting the day in the same fashion – with a dip. Refreshed from the ocean blue, drip dry as you waltz up Curlewis Street and straight into Brown Sugar, a local favourite. If you’re feeling healthy/ guilty, grab the chia, quinoa and coconut bircher, but if you’re feeling adventurous and digging more of a brunch vibe, go for the breakfast platter. It’s got eggs and avo and is loaded with daring morsels like herbed goat curd, labne and za’atar toast.

Needless to say, this joint does an awesome brew too. A great man once said, “Fortune favours the bold”, and no one likes a menu coward, so try new things.

Lunch @ Drake Eatery We must digest, so take a break, a lie-down, a sun bake or a

Dinner @ Bondi Icebergs More digestion. More sun. More lying down. They’re all necessary, because you need space and a hearty lust for dinner.

Whilst getting ready, mentally prepare yourself for a feed with a breath-taking view; it may be the best view in Bondi. You’re headed to Bondi Icebergs.

To follow on from the share plate options, we reckon you should grab the seafood platter for two. It’s a salty smorgasbord full of king prawns, oysters, salt and pepper squid, scallops, mussels and more, and not only will it leave you well satisfied, you’ll be as toey as a Roman sandal.

Dessert @ Gelato Messina Now to finish it all off: something sweet, cutting edge and cool, maaaan. You’re going to Messina.

This place is popular so be willing to wait in a nightclubesque line for a few antsy minutes. Once you see the menu sporting a surplus of combinations like milk chocolate and coconut gelato smashed with house-made lamingtons, you’ll be glad that you’ve got some time to decide. Once you’ve made your choice, cap your day off with a beachfront stroll. Your rig will appreciate it.

February 2016 | The Beast 71

Austria Is Alive With The Sound Of Music Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

R

ecently, on an Avalon river cruise along the Danube River, we stopped for one day in magnificent Vienna and what we saw is indelibly etched into our memory. It’s without a doubt one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.

Our first pit stop was one of the finest examples of Gothic buildings you’ll ever see, St. Stephens Cathedral, Vienna’s number one tourist attraction. Unfortunately repairs on historic buildings like these are ongoing, so some of the church was covered in scaffolding. Nonetheless, it was still an absolute standout.

Highlights of our time in Vienna included the opulent Hofburg Imperial Palace, which houses the Vienna Boys Choir and the famous Lipizzaner dancing stallions, as well as the nearby neo-renaissance Opera House. The significance of having an opera house in a city that once had Mozart, Beethoven and Johann Strauss as local residents is monumental. Other famous Austrian composers who have called Vienna home include Bruckner, Haydn and Schubert.

While walking up one of the main streets of Vienna (Graben) we came across a large baroque sculpture/memorial that depicts the era when the black plague was rampant through Europe in the 16th century and we quickly realised that Vienna wasn't always the wonderful, vibrant city it is today.

Statues are literally everywhere, my favourite being the one of Mozart who spent many years in Vienna where he died sick and destitute. You can visit the apartment where he last lived and where he penned the classic opera ‘The Marriage of Figaro.’

If you ever head to Vienna you must try some of their famous

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cakes such as Sachertorte (chocolate cake) or an apple strudel.

I also shovelled down a triple stacked cone of Vienna’s finest gelato and my only regret is that I didn’t go back for seconds.

The following day our adventure continued to the picturesque town of Mondsee, which is famous for its church, the St. Michael Basilica, where Julie Andrew’s character in ‘The Sound Of Music’ got married.

Here, charming shops, restaurants and a museum thrive on the riverboat tourist industry.

As it turned out, we soon discovered that the hills are indeed alive with the sound of music, metaphorically speaking.

They were awash with brilliant colours and glorious views all the way to Salzburg, the fourth largest Austrian city, which sits on the German border.

The significance of having an opera house in a city that once had Mozart, Beethoven and Johann Strauss as local residents is monumental.

Salzburg is renowned as the birthplace of Mozart and the setting for the film ‘The Sound of Music’, and it’s only a 30-minute drive from Mondsee.

Our first stop in Salzburg was the Mirrabel Gardens Fountain; it was here that the Von Trapp children and Julie Andrews sang ‘Do Re Mi’, and that's exactly what we did, while running around the fountain (thankfully it was a quiet tourist day)!

If you have a love for ‘The Sound Of Music’, which recently celebrated its 50th anniversary, there is a designated tour that

takes you to all the locations where the movie was filmed, but we decided to give it a miss.

Arriving in Salzburg was like entering a fairyland filled with churches and remarkable medieval baroque architecture.

Walking the tiny cobblestoned streets with wrought iron signs above many of the shops, we eventually came across an old apartment block, and this was where the world’s greatest musical genius, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, was born. Today his house is a museum and home to Mozart’s first violin and piano, his original sheet music and other family pieces.

The following day saw us arrive in Durnstein, which is located in the Wachau Valley, a renowned grape growing district. However, it is not the wine that puts this little town of 400 people on the map. England’s King Richard the Lion Heart was incarcerated in Durnstein in 1192 and the castle ruins that held him still stand on the hill high above the town today.

Later that day we went to see Melk Abbey, the largest Benedictine abbey in Europe.

It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site and a piece de resistance of baroque architecture. Its huge library (which has up to 2000 hand written manuscripts), the fresco painted ceilings and the imperial staircases are a tribute to its magnificent design and opulence.

Johan Strauss’s ‘The Blue Danube’ is undoubtedly the most famous waltz ever composed; hearing it will always bring back cherished memories of our short Austrian adventure.

HOW TO GET THERE www.avalonwaterways.com.au Vicki Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166

Heather and Clint Turland are committed to getting off the bags.

Swell Building For Bondi To Go Plastic Bag Free Words and Picture Felicity McCullum

E

fforts are underway to rid Bondi of one of the most common sources of litter: the not-so-humble plastic bag. Last year community leaders, local businesses and Waverley Council joined forces on a campaign called Blue Bondi Green to make Bondi plastic-bag free by December 2016.

Bondi being Bondi, there were already a number of businesses leading the way: Gertrude & Alice Café/Bookstore, Sage Beauty, Organic Republic Bakery, Funky Pies and Pressed Juices, to name just a few.

In the time since the campaign started, more than 50

74 The Beast | February 2016

businesses have signed up to be plastic-bag free. Perhaps the most significant transition has been the Bondi Farmers Market.

“When we realised the markets had the potential to be a powerful example for the school and wider community we knew we had to make the change,” Market manager Ross Alexander said. “Over the last year all 45 stallholders have sought alternatives and gone plastic-bag free.”

But Mr Alexander’s work is not finished there.

“The Sunday markets are next,” he said.

Recently students handpainted totes to celebrate the collaboration. In total, students and teachers sold more than 450 hand-painted totes.

Commonwealth Games gold medallist and Sydney Marathon winner Heather Turland and her son Clint, co-owners of Jo & Willy’s Depot in North Bondi, are the latest business owners to get on board.

“We noticed our customers trending more and more towards sustainable purchasing options, which included requests for better packaging,” Mr Turland said. “As a business you can either keep up or risk being left behind.”

According to Blue Bondi Green member Sam Coffey, there is an observable ground swell in Bondi to ban the bag.

“Bondi is positioned to be a leading example; it is celebrated as an iconic tourist destination and there is a strong community push to make this ban happen,” Mr Coffey said.

“It is our hope that other communities will see what we are doing here and be inspired.

“Of course, it would be great if NSW could ban plastic bags all together.”

Plastic bags have now been banned in four Australian states: South Australia in 2009, the ACT and Northern Territory in 2011, and Tasmania in 2013. The Queensland state government is considering a ban of plastic bags, while the NSW state government has not yet made the move to ban the plastic bag, but that is not to say it won’t follow the wave.

If you want to support the campaign, follow Blue Green Bondi’s Instagram account, @bluebondigreen or jump on to Facebook and ‘like’ their page. If you're a business owner or decision maker and you want to sign up to be officially plastic bag free, visit www.bluebondigreen.org.

A great excuse to enjoy a schooner with your mates.

Lawn Bowls: Pastime or Sport?

Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Evan Wylde

A

s 2016 is an Olympic year, it is a good time to reflect on the obscure so-called sports that seem to serve no other purpose than to gift us with a weird surge of nationalistic pride every four years - “We won gold in the dressage? Yessssss!”

I personally don't think any of these are technically 'sports' and, in all honesty, I couldn't give two hoots about the Olympics in general. I might get caught up in some of the spirit and watch the odd taekwondo bout, hoping earnestly that a crazy bloke kicks the referee in the head again, but for me the best part about an Olympic year is that it falls on a leap year, and everybody knows that you get cart blanche on February 29. That’s right, you can do whatever you want and it won't taint your moral record. February 29 is your God's way of letting you just go absolutely paint-your-face-incumquat-marmalade-and-scream-at-the-moon crazy and not have to deal with the repercussions… or so some drunk guy once told me. He seemed legit. I stand by it.

But February 29 is not a day for lawn bowls.

Nor, I would argue (perhaps unpopularly), is any day. Lawn bowls is for the elderly. For the short elderly at that. As a tall man there is no joy in bending down to pick up one of those weighted little bastard balls that taunt me with their unwillingness to go in a straight line. After six beers, that can be a very challenging thing to grasp.

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So is lawn bowls, as it claims to be, a 'sport'?

If I can get all ‘high school English‘ on you for a second, the Oxford Dictionary defines sport as: “An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment.”

I'm telling you right now, if you are under sixtyfive and not terminally ill, lawn bowls should not be physically exerting. If it is, you need to sort yourself out and hit the treadmill.

And who the hell is entertained watching lawn bowls? Certainly not me, nor anyone I've ever seen near a bowling green. Teammates don't even bother watching their partner bowl! They turn their back, grab their drink and start flirting with the nearest member of their preferred sex. Watching that interaction is often far more entertaining.

In fact, using the above definition, it could be argued that flirting is a sport. It's certainly a competition against other prospective suitors (and often against your target's better judgement) and there is a fair bit of physical exertion in standing up straight and sucking your gut in. Holding in a fart is also worth about six or seven heart beats per minute.

So, if you are over 65, I will allow you to call lawn bowls a 'sport'. For anyone else, you're kidding yourself. Go kick a footy or flirt inappropriately with your friend's partner – now that'd be a sport worth watching!

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February 2016 | The Beast 77

A Journey To The Land Of The Unexpected Words and Pictures Dan Hutton

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he biggest challenge of surfing these days isn’t learning to stand up or getting your first barrel, it’s finding uncrowded surf breaks with fun waves.

As such, surfers are forced to search far and wide, often travelling to exotic destinations to get their salty fix.

For this very reason, some friends and I booked a late January flight to the seldomtravelled shores of Papua New Guinea, a largely untouched frontier in what is now a flooded surf tourism market.

What PNG lacks in wave size compared to the likes of Indonesia, Hawaii and the Pacific Islands, it makes up for in glassy conditions and a complete lack of competition for waves.

We were headed to Vanimo in PNG’s Sandaun Province. Our group totalled four and ranged in age from 24 to 69, my mate’s dad, Paul Dwyer, being the elder statesman. This was his fourth trip to PNG in the last five years and his third consecutive excursion to Vanimo - for a bloke his age you just can’t beat the empty line-ups.

Vanimo is only half an hour from the Indonesian border and about 100 kilometres from Jayapura, but the most direct route there involves a stopover in Port Moresby, allegedly one of the most dangerous cities in the world, where a night in the Gateway Hotel is an unfortunate necessity.

Despite the images you may conjure when thinking of PNG, the Air Niugini plane wasn’t too bad. It was a twin-engine Bombadier Dash-8, similar to what you’re likely to find yourself on when travelling Qantas Link or Rex to most parts of regional Australia. It even came with an overtly camp flight attendant.

Unfortunately Air Niugini’s board handling skills weren’t so

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commendable. When I unpacked my three boards from their meticulously bound and bubble wrapped tombs, two were so badly damaged that they were unusable on the trip. One of these was an unridden Luke Daniels custom that I’d been absolutely frothing to surf.

It hadn’t even felt the touch of wax, let alone water. I was devastated.

When we arrived in Vanimo, we were greeted at the airport

by Tori and Manu, the friendly new managers of Vanimo Surf Lodge where we would be spending the next week.

The lodge is situated in the village of Lido, a ten-minute drive from Vanimo itself. Made up of three small wooden cabins that each have room for four guests, an undercover dining area, an amenities block and the manager’s quarters, it’s small and basic, but it’s right on the beachfront and we had the place to ourselves.

You can pretty much group the highlights of a trip to Vanimo into two main categories: the waves and the people.

The best three breaks in the vicinity of the lodge are a right hander straight out the front, a left that’s about a 500-metre walk through Lido village, and another left in the village of Yako, about a 10-minute drive away.

The right-hander, aptly named Lido Right, is a long, clean, fun wave with an end section that wraps around the reef and hollows out when conditions work in its favour. There’s a resident dugong (whom we named ‘Evonne’) to keep you company, and when the wind is down and the swell is greater than two-foot, it’s unbeatable.

We only scored it on the last two days of our trip, when it finally produced three to four foot of

glassy heaven. It was well worth the wait.

Thankfully when the wind is into the right, the lefts are generally protected. This meant we spent the first five days of the trip alternating between Lido Left and Yako, depending on the tide.

Lido Left breaks deep over sand-covered reef, and while it takes a bit of paddle power to get out there and stay in position (thanks to a bloody strong sweep), it’s well worth the reward. We scored it up to five-foot and enjoyed many a memorable session despite the weary arms.

Yako is a different beast all together. It looks fairly tame from the shore, but breaks over a shallow rock ledge, producing perfect barrels even in small swell. It gets a bit crowded with locals (many of whom still surf hand-shaped wooden boards called ‘splinters’), but they’re more than happy for visitors to take the pick of the waves. If you want to get barrelled, this is the place to do it. Paddle, pigdog, pitted.

The other highlight of a trip to Vanimo is the amazing people. Never will you see more smiles or receive more pleasant greetings, even if it’s just a small child screeching, “Wally, what’s your name?” While Port Moresby is considered dangerous, Lido village is anything but.

Rarely have I felt more safe and secure. You really have to visit to understand the hospitality of the locals.

So if you’re looking to book a surf trip to a destination with no crowds, fun waves, good people and an ample supply of Beng-bengs, bananas, bush knives, books and SP Lager, look no further than Vanimo Surf Lodge. It really is a little slice of paradise.

"I did not have 'sexual relations' with that woman."

How To Have ‘Outercourse’ Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Monica Lewinsky

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utercourse is a word most people have never heard of. It's a term used for a variety of sexual experiences that don't include intercourse or penetrative sex. There is a huge misconception by many people that only vaginal penetration qualifies as ‘real’ sex. This alternative to intercourse is another great way to experience sexual pleasure and can enhance trust, love and intimacy.

Outercourse, also sometimes referred to as ‘outer sex’, is the umbrella term for all forms of non-penetrative sex, often used as part of foreplay.

It includes kissing, mutual masturbation, erotic talk, using sex toys, rubbing, oral sex, fingering, erotic massage and any other sexual activity you can think of other than penetrative sex.

Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex therapist in New York, is the author of the enormously popular book 'She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman'. He offers a radical new philosophy on pleasing women sexually and explores and deciphers all the mysteries and complexities of the female anatomy and pleasure centres. He also explains why oral sex and manual stimulation are the most effective ways to bring a woman to orgasm.

Both men and women frequently have hang-ups about giving and receiving oral sex. Kerner believes they are often unsure how to do it properly and that's why the book has almost become the ‘essential guide’ to oral sex. An interesting observation is that he believes that some men don't like oral sex or a ‘hand job’ because it feels too rough,

80 The Beast | February 2016

or they don't like how their penis is touched.

That's why good communication between couples is so important. Nobody is a mind reader and couples should always tell each other what they like and don't like.

I believe men need to understand the importance of foreplay, which is helpful in getting both partners aroused. For a man, arousal can happen within seconds, often just from visual stimuli.

Women need much more time to get aroused and may need physical and mental stimulation. If anything is the ultimate foreplay for women, it is the art of kissing. They are easily turned off by lovers who aren't great kissers, irrespective of their other good qualities. When couples are kissing, the body releases feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, often called the love or bonding hormone.

Because outercourse is not goal-orientated, it's a great option for both men and women to enjoy the feelings and sensations it brings without any pressure. I often give my clients ‘sensate focus’ exercises if they haven't been sexual for a long time.

Sensate focus is a term associated with a set of specific sexual exercises. The term was introduced

by Masters and Johnson and is aimed at increasing personal and interpersonal awareness. The exercises give both partners time to fully experience their bodies, to pay attention to their physical sensations and to be playful and relaxed with each other, rather than feel inadequate and worry about whether they are going to perform or not.

NEW CLINIC

February 2016 | The Beast 81

Subject Angles Location Bondi Photographer Amaury TrĂŠguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Silhouetted skater Location Maroubra Photographer Brad Bessant - @10ft_kaos

Subject The boys Location Clovelly Photographer Annabelle Lynch - @my_littlefeet_explore

Subject Flat Rock frolics Location North Bondi Photographer Dov Frazer

Subject Selamat Datang Location Tamarama Photographer Andrew Worssam

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Morning has broken Location Bondi Photographer Bill Morris - @billmorris

Subject Shimmers Location Tamarama Photographer Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

Subject Leaping Ted Location Bondi Photographer Alex Badgery

Subject Hermitage Beach Location Rose Bay Photographer Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

Subject Purple Haze Location Maroubra Photographer Nick Walsh - @barbarian

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Album #1 Artist Bloc Party Album Hymns Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I have had a passionate relationship with Bloc Party for a while now. It is probably fair to say they are my musical spouse. Like any long-term relationship, we've had our ups and downs, but overall I fricken love them. I have also learned to expect the unexpected and this time I expected to be disappointed. Perhaps that's why I'm not. Gone is the manic production of Intimacy; the grunge of Four; here we have an album so incredibly honest, stripped back and ethereal, it is like a nude angel, which is ultimately what I imagine Kele Okereke to be.

Album #2 Artist David Bowie Album Blackstar Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

Movie Review Title 45 Years Genre Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador 45 Years is a subtle yet potent British drama based on a short story by award winning author David Constantine, which has been thoughtfully adapted for screen by director Andrew Haigh (Weekend).

This is a film that focuses on restraint and understatements: a glance, a thought, a held moment. Deftly portrayed by two of Britain’s venerable emotive actors, it takes us on a voyeuristic journey into a loving couple’s relationship and shows us that when the past seeps into the present, it can have devastating effects on the future.

Charlotte Rampling (Melancholia, The Duchess) is Kate Mercer, who along with her husband Geoff, played by Tom Courtenay (Quartet, Doctor Zhivago), is preparing celebrations for their 45th wedding anniversary. However, some devastating news from Switzerland alters their rock-solid marriage and brings to the surface deeply buried secrets and long forgotten issues Haigh’s third feature is visually appealing and brimming with a melancholy ambience, which only adds to the subtle suspense that is created in this understated and absorbing Bergmanesque character study.

This is a film that will stay with you like an afterthought long after the credits have rolled.

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Before you get all ‘you only like this because he's dead’, I listened to it just days before he died and had no idea he was even sick (did anyone?). I enjoyed it then, but I admit listening back to it, and knowing he was effectively dying while he wrote it gives it a level of intensity and artistic brilliance that I missed earlier. This is dark. Real dark. Yet, at times, it’s also playful. 'Tis A Pity She Was A Whore is actually quite a funny song. I know nothing about David Bowie the man, but as an artist there is no doubt he was bloody good.

Album #3 Artist Savages Album Adore Life Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Savages very much live up to their name. They have a brooding intensity that kind of terrifies me.

Listening to this, I envisaged a crazed pagan ritual; people naked, painted in blood and dancing wildly by a bonfire. An orgy of such fury and energy that even the gods of rock 'n' roll tapped out early because shit was getting just a bit too cray-cray. There are more than shades of Joy Division here; there are vivid, colourful strokes of Ian Curtis in every track.

So if you're into wild gangbangs, Joy Division and rock 'n' roll, you are in for one heck of an album!

Arts & Entertainment From Around The Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

THE PRIDE OPENS Presented in association with the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Festival 2016, Darlinghurst Theatre Co. is pleased to announce the Sydney premiere of The Pride, a play directed by Shane Bosher (previously of Rock Surfers Theatre Co.) about society’s ever-changing attitudes to love and sexuality. Shifting between 1958 and the present, The Pride poignantly contrasts censure and freedom, and asks us to reconsider both.

Playing until March 6, tickets can be purchased online at www.darlinghursttheatre.com.

ART MONTH March in Sydney is Art Month, the annual festival that invades our fair city with international contemporary art and awesomeness. Art Month encourages engagement with art, and with a culture that might otherwise seem intimidating, through various events and happenings including ‘Art At Night’ in various galleries across the

Humid, hazy mornings.

city, site-specific installations and cocktail evenings amongst canvas. There is so much on, it’s almost overwhelming. Study up at www.artmonthsydney.com.au.

SAFARI 2016 Want to be exposed to the practices of new and emerging artists, but don’t know where to look? Fear not! Running from March 11 to 26, SafARI is the unofficial ‘zeitgeist driven’ fringe exhibition to the Biennale of Sydney. Venues this year include Alaska Projects and Kudos Gallery in Paddington, and The Cross Arts Project in Potts Point. SafARI’s website is like an artwork in and of itself, using the work of featured artists to create an acid-lover’s dream aesthetic online. Check it out at www.xn--0ee91b2i4c8jrd.com.

MARDI GRAS FILM FESTIVAL Celebrate and learn about LGBTI culture at this year’s Mardi Gras Film Festival. Running from February 18 to March 3, the festival will feature 75

screenings at Event Cinemas in George Street and new-to-festival venues the Hayden Orpheum Picture Palace in Cremorne, the Golden Age Cinema and Bar in Surry Hills and The Harbour.

Festival director Paul Struthers says this year is all about diversity, with more lesbian and transgender films than ever before. For more information, please visit queerscreen.org.au.

COOGEE ART SHOW The sixth year of the Coogee Community Art Show, which showcases local artists, will once again take place at Coogee Public School on Byron Street.

The show aims to make art accessible to everyone. Many artists will be in attendance with works ranging from abstract to photography and more traditional modalities. The show is open in the School Hall on Saturday, March 19 from 12am to 5pm and Sunday, March 20 from 10am to 2pm. Entry is free, but all donations are gratefully accepted.

My new album, Intra, could be described as… colourful, playful at times, dark, collaborative and experimental.

The most exciting thing about the local music scene in Sydney is… that it’s really buzzing at the moment, so much so that musicians overseas are looking to our shores to see what the latest trends are.

My biggest fan has got to be… my two little nieces, Hannah and Lucy.

There was this one time when I was starting out that… I met up with Oliver Tank and Harley Streten (Flume) at a Japanese restaurant in Surry Hills to collaborate on a track. It was really cool for us three to share how we work and what was happening for us at that point in time.

If I could have written any song, it would have been…

'Whenever You’re Around' by Jill Scott. That song gets me every time; it’s so big and so beautifully melodic.

“If I am truly happy, then success comes with that.”

Elizabeth Rose An Artist With Conviction Words Dan Hutton Picture Cybele Malinowski

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ydney-based musician Elizabeth Rose is an Australian artist with conviction. If there ever was a testament to her growth from talented local artist to bold, statement making, self-assured creative, her first full-length album, Intra, which is set to drop on Friday, March 4, is it.

Proving that earnest ethics and multi-faceted talent have a home in her fiercely independent brand of future pop, Elizabeth Rose is flourishing as a distinct female voice. Now, with the release of her debut album,

86 The Beast | February 2016

she’s defined her sonic direction and is set to elevate.

We were lucky enough to fire a few questions her way during the month…

My earliest music memory is… dancing around and singing along to ‘Feeling Hot Hot Hot’ by The Merrymen in my brother’s bedroom (I was blasting it; he had a big stereo system) when I was maybe four or five years old.

I'd like to think that my music is… honest, gutsy and unique.

One person I’d really like to record with is…Timbaland.

One venue I'd really like to play at is… the Hollywood Bowl.

If you ever come to see me play live, you can expect… dancing, fun costumes and some new tunes!

I never want to get to the point where… I compromise happiness for success. If I am truly happy, then success comes with that.

My dream gig would be… supporting Bjork or The Knife.

Elizabeth Rose’s debut album, Intra, is out on March 4. For more information, please visit www.elizabethrose.com.au.

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This drop got Barry O'Farrell pretty excited.

What Gets You Excited About A Wine?

Words and Picture Alex Russell Twitter @OzWineGuy

I

’ve been bringing wines out of the cellar for some friends recently. Most have received a ‘wow’ reaction even before they are opened. This got us all talking about what gets people excited about certain bottles of wine. So what is it that grabs you about a wine?

If your host pulls a special bottle out of the cellar, does that excite you, or do you find it intimidating? If you’re intimidated, you’re certainly not alone!

Does a wine that has sat in a cellar for a decade excite you?

Speaking of which, isn’t it weird that 2005 was 11 years ago?

88 The Beast | February 2016

Does it make it better if the bottle has some dust on it? I found a cracker of a wine in a shop once that was covered in dust and the guy behind the counter actually apologised to me because it had dust on it.

To me, that was a good sign, because it meant that the wine had been undisturbed for quite a while.

What about the wine itself ?

Do you prefer wines from bigger producers (say, Penfold’s) or do you prefer the boutique wineries?

If you follow certain producers, do you get excited when

they release a new wine or do you tend to stick to their regular wines that you know will work for you?

Do you specifically seek out producers who own their own vines or do you prefer a winemaker who buys grapes from growers? Did you even know this was a thing?

Does the idea of a wine from a single vineyard interest you or are you happy with a wine that is from a variety of vineyards within a region? Or do you not even care if a wine is from multiple regions?

Did you know that some winemakers make wine using conventional methods, while others do all sorts of strange things, like putting wine into ceramic eggs and playing music to the wine?

Do you turn your nose up at wines that are blends of more than one grape? If so, did you know that many of the world’s most expensive wines are blends? $1000-plus bottles from Bordeaux are blends, for example. Grange usually is too.

Do you trust wines under cork? Many don’t. Do you think screwcaps are for cheap wines?

Many do. What about other closures, like glass stoppers?

Do you enjoy the challenge of finding a rare wine or is that something you find totally ridiculous?

Does the idea of drinking wine from foreign countries excite you? If so, do particular countries excite you more than others? Would you consider a wine from Georgia? What about a Couderc Blanc from Madagascar?

Do you prefer a winemaker who is accessible, say via e-mail or Twitter? Would you ever reach out to a winemaker anyway? What about one who writes a newsletter?

Or does this not make a difference to you at all?

Let me know! Email me at ozwineguy@gmail.com or search for @ozwineguy on Twitter.

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February 2016 | The Beast 89

Fresh, organic ingredients that speak for themselves.

Veganism For Everyone At The Plant Gallery, Bondi Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks

T

ype ‘plant gallery’ into Google and you’ll likely end up looking at photo reels of Californian nurseries. Type ‘Plant Gallery Bondi’ and it’s a whole other story. While this all-vegan, all-raw restaurant has only been open since mid-January, it has already made a massive (presumably fossil-free, glutenfree) impact on the culinary and social scene in Bondi, and in the Eastern Suburbs more generally.

The idea is simple: choose fresh, organic ingredients and let them speak for themselves – nothing is prepared at over 48 degrees. This is the central tenet for co-owners David Ortega and Peruvian chef Juan Carlos Miranda.

The decision to name the restaurant ‘Plant Gallery’ is a telling move. It sounds hip, for starters, and this place is nothing but hip – David himself looks like a yoga-muscled Adonis, local art hangs from the ceiling, and beautiful people line the minimalist communal table. But the term ‘gallery’ also alludes to curation - to picking visually interesting things

90 The Beast | February 2016

and arranging them ever so carefully. And that is where the restaurant’s name really speaks to its owners’ intentions.

Every dish prepared at the Plant Gallery is like a little work of (edible) art. The obvious care that has gone into each dish’s presentation encourages the patron to eat with mindfulness.

You don’t just wolf down the Caesar salad with smoked eggplant ‘bacon’, or the Mediterranean roll, for example. The menu says that the roll is made with a tomato, basil and papaya wrap.

“How are they going to bend the tomato to make a wrap?” my dining companion and I wonder, flummoxed. Clearly we are new to raw veganism. David tells us that to make the wrap, all the ingredients are dehydrated.

Unlike a normal bread wrap, which basically serves the purely pragmatic function of keeping the stuff together, this wrap is a chewy, tomato-y taste sensation.

The rest of the menu is similarly innovative, and equally exciting. Despite my misgivings, the deconstructed cheese-

cake with cashew cheese and orange nut crumble is actually delectable – maybe even better than real cheesecake. Just as a friendly reminder, though, if you want to drink anything stronger than Chacha Kombucha, the restaurant is BYO and Kemenys is only two blocks down the street – run!

David says that the restaurant encourages “veganism for everyone”, and while this sounds quite ambitious, the Plant Gallery might actually achieve it.

As they say: if you make yummy food, the people will come.

Maybe even non-vegan people.

The Plant Gallery www.theplantgallery.com.au Address 95 Bondi Rd, Bondi Phone (02) 8971 3674 Instagram @the_plant_gallery Opening Hours Tues 6–10pm; Weds, Thurs 11am–10pm; Fri 11am-11pm; Sat 9am–11pm; Sun 9am-10pm Prices $20 – $50 Card Accepted All major cards Licensed/BYO BYO

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OP EA EN SAT STER & SUURDAY NDA Y

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Be A Pirate...

The Indies Explorer has teamed up with The Beast to offer a special package for Mentawais surf season 2016.

We are offering US$2,000 off the advertised prices on all of our peak season and shoulder season 11-night surf charters to readers of The Beast. Prices include all meals, accommodation, plenty of Bintangs and airport transfers for you and up to ten of your best buddies.

So what are you waiting for? Get a crew together and take advantage of this special offer to experience the trip of a lifetime on this classic vessel.

For rates and availability, or to book your surf charter, please visit our website at www.indiesexplorer.com.

February 2016 | The Beast 91

There's never been an easier way to impress the cheese 'n' kisses.

Curried Pumpkin And Chickpeas With Apricots Words and Picture Marley Spoon Culinary Director Olivia Andrews

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f you’re looking to expand your curry repertoire, you’ll love this meat-free option that teams chickpeas with sweet pumpkin and dried apricots in an aromatic tomato based sauce. You can accessorise with yoghurt and complement with toasted naan bread to scoop up every last drop of this delicious meal.

Prepare pumpkin - Cut the pumpkin into 2cm pieces. Place in a bowl with 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil and curry powder.

Toss to coat then set aside.

Cooking time 40 minutes

Start cooking - Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Cook the onion, garlic, ginger and cinnamon for 5 minutes or until softened. Add the tomato, 300ml water, salt and pepper, then simmer for 5 minutes to allow the flavours to infuse.

Ingredients 300g peeled butternut pumpkin 3 tsp curry powder 1 onion 2 garlic cloves 30g fresh ginger 2 large tomatoes 400g can chickpeas 2 tsp ground cinnamon 50g apricots 15g coriander 2 naan breads 160ml Greek style yoghurt Vegetable oil Salt and pepper

92 The Beast | February 2016

Prepare ingredients - Halve and thinly slice the onion. Finely chop the garlic and the tomatoes. Finely grate the ginger.

Rinse and drain the chickpeas.

Cook pumpkin - Meanwhile, heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a large frying pan over high heat. Cook the pumpkin for 5 minutes or until golden, and then add to the curry with the chickpeas. Cover and cook over low heat for 10 minutes or until the pumpkin is tender.

Prepare apricots - Thinly slice the apricots. Wipe out the large frying pan with paper towel and heat 2 teaspoons of oil. Toast the naan for 2 minutes each side or until golden.

Finish cooking - Finely chop the coriander, stir into the curry with the apricots and heat through for 2 minutes.

Serve with the naan bread and yoghurt.

Every Marley Spoon meal takes around 30 minutes to prepare, in only six steps.

These meals can be delivered to your door, with all the ingredients you need, in minimal, recyclable packaging.

With a cooking hotline for any questions about the recipe, the only thing you’ll have simmering is your delicious dinner. Marley Spoon is available across Sydney now, and meals start from $9.99. Visit www.marleyspoon.com.au.

TIME TO QUIT SMOKING

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Cold-drip Coconut Coffee Words and Picture Tamika Woods

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ntil recently, I thought that making cold drip coffee required a fancy glass apparatus, the kind you might find in one of North Bondi's most high-end, hipster-friendly cafes.

After a few experiments over the past weeks, I discovered how easy it is to infuse coconut water into coffee overnight. You simply strain away the coffee grinds in the morning and are left with the most delicious, ever-soslightly sweet and refreshing buzz. Now you can be a North Bondi hipster in the comfort of your own home!

The only ‘fancy’ piece of equipment you will need for this recipe is a nut-milk bag or, failing that, a piece of muslin cloth, which you can use to strain the coffee grounds from the coconut water.

94 The Beast | February 2016

Ingredients 1 litre of coconut water 1 cup freshly ground coffee beans 1/2 cup desiccated coconut 1 nut-milk bag or large piece of muslin cloth (a.k.a. cheesecloth) Method 1. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl or jar and sit in the fridge overnight.

2. The next morning, drape your nut milk bag or muslin over a large jar and pour the coffee mixture over the top.

3. Once most of the liquid has gone through the bag, pick it up with two hands and start squeezing. Aim to get as much of the liquid out as possible.

4. Don’t throw your coffee grinds away. They make an excellent body scrub mixed with a little coconut oil.

5. Serve on ice in tall glasses with a dash of fresh almond milk and a sweetener if required. Enjoy!

Tamika Woods is a Nutritional Medicine student and founder of Sproutly Stories, a new health food blog designed to translate evidence-based information into digestible pieces of knowledge. Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to implement their health learnings in an easy and delicious way. For more guilt free recipes, check out sproutlystories.com.

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Across 1. Annual holiday that falls on March 27 this year (6) 4. Colloquial name for thermonuclear weapon (1-4) 8. Former Australian cricket captain, …

Clarke (7) 9. Brisbane ALeague team (4) 10. The state of being here (8) 11. 46 days before 1-across, …

Wednesday (3) 12. Sound that a sheep makes (2) 13. Past participle of ‘sink’ (4) 14. 2016 Australian Open winner, Angelique … (6) 16. Coen Brothers film, ‘… Country for Old Men’ (2) 18. The Hunchback of Notre

Dame (9) 19. Wrong (8) 20. Short sleep (3) Down 1. Actress who played Hermione in the Harry Potter movie series (4,6) 2. Puppet; leech (9) 3. Surface of teeth (6) 5. Winner of Nobel Peace Prize in 2009 (6,5) 6. Previous Best Picture winner at the Oscars (7) 7. Italian term to describe when the pasta is ready (2,5) 14. Band that sang ‘My Sharona’, The … (5) 15. What Brad Pitt used to make bombs out of this in Fight Club (4) 17. Jedi Knight, …-Wan Kenobi (3)

Beast Local Trivia Words Kate Myers Picture Brad Bessant - @10ft_kaos 1. True or false: 13 million pints of Guinness are consumed on St Patrick’s Day worldwide?

2. ‘Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice’ is directed by which American filmmaker?

3. ‘Synthia’ is the latest album from which Australian indie band, formed in Sydney?

4. Based on its weight, what

Creepy photographer.

96 The Beast | February 2016

is the strongest muscle in the human body?

5. How long, to the nearest kilometre, is the Bondi to Coogee coastal walk?

6. Chinese New Year 2016 marks the beginning of the year of which animal?

7. The Clovelly tramline, running from the city to its

terminus at Clovelly Beach, closed in which year?

8. This year’s Handa Opera on Sydney Harbour will feature which Puccini opera?

9. Does an emperor tamarin have feathers, fur or fins?

10. What is the notorious rip at the south end of Bondi better known as?

THE COOGEE DOLPHINS ARE RECRUITING FOR THE 2016 SEASON We welcome all players from ages 4-14 (under 6’s to under 14’s) for our Junior section and seniors for our A Grade and A Reserve teams.

The Dolphins have a rich and proud history in the Coogee basin and have played in the Souths Juniors competition for over 20 years.

All players of any ability and standard are welcome to join our open and inclusive community club. We look forward to meeting you...

THE COOGEE DOLPHINS Telephone 0420 735 326 Facebook Coogee Dolphins Sports Club Email contact@coogeedolphins.com



TAURUS Apr 21-May 20 Trust your intuition; follow your heart. You know what you want so stop wasting time and start pursuing your silly little ambitions.

LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23 Once you watch porn with your partner it will become an essential ingredient in every plough and there can be no turning back, ever.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 21 A lopsided testicle or fanny flap is going to make walking slightly awkward. Surgery is probably your only hope at this stage.

SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22 Worry about the things you can control and let go of the shit you have no control over, which for you means letting go of everything.

Words Beardy from Hell

CANCER Jun 22-Jul 23 Beware the spiteful, envious prick masquerading as a caring friend.

Weed out this poisonous individual and banish them from your life.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22 None of your friends really care how much money you make, unless you make more than them... or less than them.

PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20 Just because you're aesthetically challenged doesn't mean you're completely worthless. A monkey is a deer in his mother's eyes.

LEO Jul 24-Aug 23 You're a bully and you're used to getting your own way, but you'll need to alter your approach if continued success is what you desire.

CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20 You're such a hypocrite. You can't be on Facebook and too cool for it at the same time. Accept that you can't live without it.

ARIES Mar 21-Apr 20 Don't stress about having no direction in life. Not every wanderer is lost. You're not a wanderer, though; you're just a waste of space.

VIRGO Aug 24-Sep 23 Big things are about to happen to you, i.e. you're about to get at least five kilograms bigger. The only remedy is to take up smoking.

AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19 It’s never too late to say sorry, but only do so if it achieves some strategic objective that would otherwise be impeded.

Star Signs

 Charlie’s

Trivia Solutions

1. True 2. Zack Snyder 3. The Jezabels 4. The masseter (back of jaw) 5. 6km 6. The monkey 7. 1957 8. Turandot 9. Fur 10. Backpackers’ Express

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43 Burnie Street, Clovelly NSW 2031

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Your property is worth more with McGrath.

At McGrath we pride ourselves on our vast local area knowledge, our relationships within the community and our exceptional results. To speak with our team for any of your real estate needs, please contact one of our Eastern beaches specialists today.

Simon Exleton 0414 549 966

Eitan Rubinstein 0401 373 731

Marnie Seinor 0425 255 200

Lorraine Crawford 0412 274 545

Mark Redhill 0417 491 598

Andrew Stewart 0422 227 228

mcgrath.com.au

Damian Steele 0411 832 584