The Beast - January 2020

BEAST The

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Fifteen Years of The Beast Words James Hutton, Publisher Welcome to the January 2020 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s smoky beaches of the east.

This edition, our 180th to be precise, marks the fifteen-year milestone for this little community publication. I really can’t believe it.

Thanks to everyone who’s believed in us throughout this crazy journey, all of our readers, our loyal clients, dedicated staff and even our mates who’ve had to tolerate my endless worktalk. I should also mention our competitors here, who’ve kept us on the ball and pushed us to constantly improve what we do.

On the cover of this fifteenyear anniversary edition is Bondi’s born and bred local storyteller, Adele Vuko. Adele’s

short film, The Hitchhiker, will be featuring at Flickerfest in January and we met at Bondi’s Three Steps Cafe to chew the fat.

We’ve received so many lovely emails, messages and phone calls since Dan passed away in late October. The love and support has been very humbling. I guess I just didn’t realise how many kind-hearted people there were out there.

I’m not sure where the magazine will go from here but we’re open to suggestions if anyone would like to get involved. It’s still a great little business with plenty of potential to grow. I just don’t know if I can do it myself, or if I want to. I’ll sign off this one from both of us...

Cheers, enjoy the read, James & Dan

Thank you to all of our volunteer lifesavers and local lifeguards for keeping The Eastern Beaches safe

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/ advertise Circulation 61,000 copies are delivered every month; 56,000 are placed in mailboxes and 5,000 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.

Simon Exleton 0414 549 966 Mackenzie Dale 0429 142 802

mcgrath.com.au

6 The Beast January 2020

CONTENTS

Ja nua ry 2020 Issue 180 6 7 8 10 16 18 20 32

Welcome Note Table of Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Chick Thumbs Local News Satire

Ocean girl, by Hannah Magotra.

34 35 36 50 51 52 54 55

Calendar Local Tradies Interview Unreliable Guide Tide Chart Headnoise Enviro News Sporting Life

56 60 61 62 64 65 66 66

Marj's Musings Food Review Recipe Local Photos Album Reviews Brainteasers Beardy from Hell Trivia Solutions

One third of a bag.

A Royal Commission into Petrol Prices (and Malingerers) Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Petero Civoniceva THE JOYS OF PEARL Hi Pearl - As per usual, an excellent insight into society (Has Australia Reached Peak Commission and Inquiry?, The Beast, October 2019). Can we add to your request for Royal Commissions a Royal Commission into petrol prices? Really, what is going on? For those of us who travel across Anzac Parade it is really noticeable.

Reading your contribution to The Beast is an absolute joy.

Melissa Randwick PEARL'S REPLY Dear Melissa - I love receiving letters from my fans. Fan mail makes my life easier, giving my weary brain a rest from dissecting the depressing tribulations of the greedy modern world.

But, it also allows me to keep in touch with the community and 8 The Beast January 2020

to bring to the fore real middleclass issues. Taking on readers’ concerns (such as the arboreal hater vandalising tree canopies in Fern Street - I do hope The Beast’s publicity resulted in the person being caught) is a privilege and a welcome break from the petty bourgeois whinging in which privation equates to eating sourdough from Baker’s Delight rather than Iggy’s.

I am thrilled you raised the issue of petrol prices as it provides a segue into what Pearl considers to be a pressing Eastern Suburbs issue - petrol malingerers. As well as investigating the blatant anti-competitive behaviour of the fuel industry, I can envisage a Royal Commission being extended to the bad behaviour of the affluent who are attached to their environmentally unsound fuel-guzzling SUVs and will do anything

for cheap petrol, except cross Anzac Parade.

Petrol cycles (where petrol is cheaper on a certain day) bring out the worst behaviour in the price-sensitive affluent.

Yummy mummies, stockbrokers and grandes dames (of The Bays) for whom the concept of travelling across Anzac Parade is literally foreign, will self-absorbingly create traffic and pedestrian mayhem every Tuesday by mindlessly queuing at Eastern Suburbs servos just to save a measly $10, which has probably been blown in keeping the engine running for climate controlled comfort. I know one Rose Bay lady who strategically plans her grocery shopping around scoring cheaper petrol via Coles dockets for her two Lexus SUVs, so obsessed is she in saving what amounts to two soy lattes per week. And, she isn’t immune to scavenging dockets from the ground or insisting her grocery shop be divided into two lots at the checkout to gain an extra docket.

Pearl looks at the inane people idling their Clovelly chariots, queuing mindlessly for a tankful of discounted fuel, and wonders if they have anything better to do than inhale their own SUV fumes. The “I’m so busy” Eastern Suburbs mantra of “Time is money” is totally forgotten as one is hypnotised

by Cheap Tuesday. As I take my life in my hands crossing at the Caltex on Albemarle Avenue, Rose Bay (and dodging gophers blocking the footpath on Old South Head Road) I wonder if I’m in a movie - the petrol shortage version of the B-grade film, Steel Dawn. On that basis I truly believe, Melissa, that we do indeed have the grounds for a Royal Commission into Petrol Cycles (and Malingerers).

Love Pearl, Clovelly

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs HAPPY HOLIDAYS To Peter Strain of Bondi (Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, December 2019), who took great offence at the expression ‘Happy Holiday’: Dear oh dear.

Life must be pretty empty if that’s what gets your goat. By opening with, “Don’t you just hate…” it presumes we readers (or the editor, at least) are automatically on his side, much the same as a racist taxi driver used to be when spouting hateful rhetoric at their passengers.

So, in answer to that question: No, I do not hate the expression ‘Happy Holiday’. It covers anybody who is about to kick back and relax after a year of hard work, regardless of who they worship or whether they worship at all. Not only is it pleasantly secular, it doesn’t discriminate to exclude a good chunk of the population who don’t observe the commercial, consumerbased, quasi-religious holiday that is Christmas.

As for being PC, um, so what?

For those of you who use that expression as ammunition to put down anyone who tries to basically do the right thing by others, (e.g. not offend, insult or hurt), you might want to come up with something a little more original because I think that one is worn out.

While I have no particular issue with being greeted with ‘Merry Christmas’, or indeed returning that greeting, I also

10 The Beast January 2020

think ‘Happy Holiday’ is just fine. It takes in the entire festive season, and even the kind of holiday (which comes from the expression ‘Holy Day’ anyway) where one might go away with the family or friends. I would wish someone a happy holiday, as opposed to a crappy holiday, any day. Happy Holiday!

Tina Harris Bondi THE WHEELS ON THE BUS As a regular commuter of our buses and as anyone who uses Bondi Road’s buses will know, they are frequently crowded with standing room only (The Wheels on the Bus..., The Beast, December 2019).

In the old days (I loved the picture of the old double decker buses that we used to have going up Bondi Road in the ‘60s, when we used to hop on the open rear end and scramble up the back stairs!) we were always taught manners, including respect for our elders, and that meant giving up our seats for those needing it more than us youngsters. It annoys and angers me so much when I see this value completely lost, and even though there are signs posted in the front of the bus designating specific seats as ‘courtesy seats’ and requesting us to give up those seats for those needing it more, they are completely ignored.

Young people today are completely absorbed - I say “ad-

dicted” - to their mobile contraptions, with their ears plugged up and their eyes glued down to the screens, sitting comfortably in those very seats, oblivious to the fact that, right next to them, an older person is standing and struggling to remain upright while they selfishly hog the courtesy seats.

Where are their manners?

Where is their respect for their elders? Where is their sense of compassion for another human being? Yet this generation will readily storm the city’s CBD, halt traffic and not hesitate to be part of a nuisance protest to save the planet from climate change and have no qualms to storm a restaurant and denounce patrons enjoying a meal containing meat or trespass on private properties of farmers with animals on their property to prevent cruelty to animals. But give up their seat to an elderly person on a crowded bus? No way, they are far too busy engrossed in their online chats, emails, games or whatnots on their mobiles to even look up for a few seconds and see what is right in front of their face and do the right thing!

I’m an old-fashioned commuter who misses the good old days when we still had R-E-S-PE-C-T. Yes, that is what it means to me!

Zak Bondi AN IDIOTIC IDEA Hi Guys - Randwick Council has just sent us an idiotic idea with our rates bills. Under the title “Improving Randwick’s water quality” they have asked the rate payers to “adopt a stormwater drain”.

What a bloody cheek this council has. We pay huge rates, plus special levies for all their projects, and now they want us to clear the storm water drains!

I am sorry but isn’t this a basic utility we pay for - the cleaning and upkeep of the streets and drains?

I am so sick of this council wasting money on daft projects instead of doing the basics to

Marine & Coastal Discovery Program 10 - 22 January 2020 Get ready for a hands-on adventure this summer!

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keep our neighbourhood clean and in good repair. I have lost patience with them all. It is about time that these councillors concentrated on Randwick and stop dreaming up ever-more ridiculous ideas.

Please put service back into the council instead of always having their hands out for more money and for us to do more.

Margy Coogee GIVING A WORTHY PERSON RECOGNITION I live on Arden Street in Clovelly, opposite the St Anthony’s school, where, during school arrival and departure times for students, the lollipop pedestrian traffic lady called Mary operates.

I have noticed, over the time that I have watched and interacted with her, how seriously she takes her work, with enthusiasm and kindness to all.

She greets and meets everyone, she even knows the names of all the parents and children. She is recognised by the truck drivers as they drive past and she gives everyone a wave and says hello as they go by, wishing them a good day.

I often talk with her when her job eases off. She is a special individual who brightens up the day for each person she encounters. I personally would like to say a big “Thank you,” to Mary, “for bringing your happiness to many.”

Marcia Bassin Clovelly REFLECTING THE LOVE Dear Beast - It has been a while since I have contributed a sarcastic letter to these pages, but this time I write sincerely. One of the highlights of each month, since it began, is to pick up The Beast and read it cover to cover.

The magazine is a reflection of all the love that people have for this beautiful slice of the world we call home.

Unfortunately I never got to meet Dan, but the positivity he showed in his personal story was inspirational and hopefully made

12 The Beast January 2020

everyone appreciate how good we have it here in the East.

Thank you Dan and James Hutton for creating this magazine for us all to enjoy. The Eastern Beaches are infinitely better off for your contribution to it.

Gus Bennett Coogee RIP DAN HUTTON I never knew Dan but as an avid reader and regular contributor to The Beast I weirdly feel his loss.

His remarkably frank revelations through his struggle with lymphoma and his stoic courage in the face of ongoing adversity were an inspiration.

Dan’s untimely death is a shocking reminder that life is too unpredictable and short to waste on things that don’t matter.

Bonzo Randwick COMMISERATIONS Dear James - I am very sad reading the latest Beast about Dan’s passing. My commiserations to you, his family and friends. I admired his courage, honesty and style in his writing of the battle.

Your eulogy was wonderful. The Dan edition achieved what you wanted.

I’ve loved The Beast since it’s inception as the best for local news and entertainment in a fun, friendly format. He has left a great legacy. Keep up the great work.

Stephen Coogee TO DAN AND HIS FAMILY While I did not know Dan personally, I have followed his story in The Beast. I started reading the article, hoping there was positive news from the last one I read (as positive as can be as it’s horrible and nothing anyone should ever have to go through) and I am bawling and so sorry to hear of this.

Among many things, it has made me realise the fragility of life and the unfathomable way that life pans out for some, and how you really can’t take any day for granted. It puts into

perspective those things that you shouldn’t be worrying about in your day-to-day life.

Thank you for sharing your story. You have hit the hearts of many I’m sure. For someone who didn’t know you, to be impacted so strongly in this way is saying something about your legacy, strength and bravery. I would happily look after your children and help Georgie out if you ever need as I’m a Bronte local myself. Thinking of you all.

Jo Bronte ALBERT, SADLY, HAS GONE TO CAT HEAVEN Yesterday in the street, while he was sleeping under a bush, a black dog on a lead attacked Albert the cat and crushed him to death. The dog’s owner could not pry open its jaws to save Albert.

The owner told me his dog had attacked cats before and that he was thinking of getting a trainer for him.

We are all so upset beyond belief. Albert was 11 years old and had a great life being the ‘street cat’ of Oakley Road. During the day Albert would patrol the street after breakfast, he would say hello to everyone in the street and then find a bush to nap under until his afternoon rounds. He would then come home for tea. He was the Claytons cat for all those who didn’t have a cat. He would take pats and morsels and give love back in return.

Vale Albert, missed by his human family, Oakley Road friends, housemate Millie the exotic, Lulu the pup he trained, his Bondi friends and many more.

Vilya, Asta and Max North Bondi SCOMO AND BUSHFIRES Our esteemed Prime Minister prays for rain as the answer to bushfires. Some might be inclined to see praying for rain and rain-dancing as slightly insufficient in the face of global warming, with heat wave after heat wave, droughts and another “hottest year on record” year

UNDER THE SHADES AT OXFORD STREET MALL, BONDI JUNCTION

RAIN OR SHINE, WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED.

after year. Meanwhile, ScoMo’s offsider, Michael McCormack, whinges about “raving inner-city lefties”. (bbc.com/news).

Well, those Chardonnaydrinking, Inner West socialists are not the ones who caused global warming, and they also did not “wipe out carbon gains by bulldozing” millions of trees in rural Australia (theguardian. com). Perhaps global warming has more to do with “coal-intoparliament-carrying” ScoMo’s coal and oil industry than McCormack’s “raving inner-city lefties”.

It seems that the majority of people who elected ScoMo are also those people who will have to suffer the most in coming years. Recently, “11,000 scientists warned of untold suffering” (aljazeera.com) that lies ahead for the many ScoMo voters in northern New South Wales and Queensland.

Eventually it will hit us all, yet those who voted for ScoMo will have to pay the bitter price first - Michael McCormack’s “raving inner-city lefties” will be hit by the climate crisis later. The faithful coalition voters in regional Australia also include people voting for sexually hyper-attractive Barnaby Joyce - at least in the eyes of one of his secretaries.

Thomas Raving Inner-Coogee Lefty LOW ACT IN PADDINGTON Yesterday (Wednesday, November 20, 2019) I was in the Red Cross shop at Paddington to buy some candles and a tie. I did find a couple of things to try on.

When I came out of the cubicle there was a young man aged about 25 helping his female friend who was trying on a beaded dress. I asked the shop manager to hold my things behind the counter while I went to the bank. I came back less than five minutes later to find the manager very agitated and upset as this couple had stolen the designer dress that he had just put on the rack an hour earlier.

It was for sale at $60 but was apparently worth $500. So, to

14 The Beast January 2020

the couple who stole this from Red Cross: Please remember that it’s the Red Cross, among other charities, who are there helping those who have lost everything in the bushfires. Please pay for the item you stole. I suggest you put the $60 in an envelope and hand it to one of the staff. Stealing from a charity is a low act, it’s bad karma, so come on and do the right thing.

Julie Bronte GLYPHOSATE HYSTERIA The two reasons councils across Australia use when deciding to stop using glyphosate are U.S. court decisions and the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) rating of a probable carcinogen. I want to explain why these two excuses are flawed.

Firstly the U.S. courts. It’s scary that any tier of government in Australia would look to overseas courts for policy guidance, especially litigation courts in the U.S. It’s filled with predatory and ambulance chasing law firms.

The first decision was made by a jury of regular people, not scientists. Only certain evidence was allowed and the burden of proof is much lower.

These same courts said vaccines cause SIDS and talcum powder causes cancer (they don’t). If the council is looking to such an institute for guidance, when will they be banning the use of talcum powder in public areas?

The second is the IARC ruling that glyphosate probably causes cancer. The IARC only dealt with the hazard, not the risk. A shark in an aquarium is a hazard, but the risk is minimal to nil.

The IARC also rated bacon and drinking very hot beverages as a probable carcinogen. I’ll wait and see if the council bans the serving of bacon from all council associated events.

It also must be noted that the IARC, an offshoot of the World Health Organization, was the outlier. Three other United Nations associated agencies ruled

glyphosate as not harmful to humans. All independent chemical regulatory bodies around the world including Australia, New Zealand, Canada, etc. ruled there to be no risk. They conduct the systematic reviews, they evaluate the scientific consensus.

It was later discovered that many on the IARC panel were consulting for the same litigation firms suing Bayer/Monsanto.

Glyphosate was unusually added late to its monograph.

So anyway, we have a situation now where busy, hardworking councillors are being asked to make complex scientific decisions and most of the time they understandably give in to the populist pressure applied by residents.

Glyphosate is a Schedule 2 poison (caution label), which can include anything from strong insect repellent to cleaners you can buy in the supermarket. We can’t ask councillors to make decisions on individual Schedule 2 products. It should be left to operations and they make the decision on what to use and whether they take guidance from our regulator, the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority.

Giving in to misinformed populist hysteria results in what we saw in Randwick. They are now using the “organic” product (yes, I’ve talked about the organic fallacy before) Slasher, an acid that is also a Schedule 2. It’s not systemic so the herbicide doesn’t travel to the roots, it just burns the foliage, so you often have to use three times as much. Plus, it costs three times as much. This results in a worse outcome for the environment, the public and workers.

Hopefully Waverley Council maintains more of a commonsense approach to chemical management by working to reduce its use through following best practice in horticulture and seeking advice from the appropriate experts.

Anthony Bosch, Horticulturalist Bondi

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Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Witnessing the gradual demise of local flora, fauna and marine life.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I have Welsh blood so I support the Welsh Rugby teams. At Cardiff Arms Park the crowd’s natural harmonies have moved me to tears.

What music are you into at the moment? I love the warm melancholy of Elgar and Leonard Cohen, and the gritty insights of Townes Van Zandt and Bob Dylan. Kate Miller-Heidke at the Opera House was fantastic.

Who is your favourite person?

My partner Douglas Clarke. He is always supportive, loving and the wisest person I know.

The lovely Pamela.

Local Chick...

Pamela Morpeth from Gordon's Bay Interview James Hutton Photo Deyan Grujovic Gordon’s Bay local Pamela Morpeth is a psychotherapist and counsellor with a private practice in Bondi Junction. She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here?

I moved here from England half a lifetime ago and have loved it ever since.

Why do you live here? I have always felt that Australia radiates optimism. Living here in Sydney’s stunning Eastern Suburbs underlines this for me.

What's your favourite beach?

Thommo’s at Gordon’s Bay. It’s constantly changing, yet the wa16 The Beast January 2020

ter is always turquoise, whether it’s grey skies or blue.

What's your favourite eatery?

Gelbison at Bondi Beach. Pizza there is simple and tasty and it’s always packed - we try to get in and out early.

Where do you like to have a drink? Now that I am committed to a healthier life, my drinks are non-alcoholic. I love sticky chai, herb teas and full-strength coffees. The Little Kitchen on Arden Street is perfect for these.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The Bondi to Coogee coastal walk. As locals know, it’s healing for all your senses.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Seeing movies at the lovely old Ritz at Randwick.

Feet up, reading and planning new recipes. Sometimes a spontaneous trip away.

What do you do for work?

I am a psychotherapist and counsellor at a private hospital clinic, and at Dr Earth in Bondi Junction.

What's your favourite thing about your work? My objective is to give people a confidential and safe place to talk and be heard. This is where solutions and emotional healing can be found.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

- John Anster, 1835.

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” - The Buddha.

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January 2020 The Beast 17

How good is Summer in the East?

Silly Season.

THUMBS UP CHRISTMAS PARTIES Ending the year with a month of consecutive piss-ups has its welldocumented consequences but it’s bloody good fun while it lasts.

Buyers think so too... like to discuss the sale of your property?

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SMOKY SUNSETS Despite the obvious downsides to living in a giant smoker, the sunsets have been bloody epic lately.

FLICKERFEST Everyone’s favourite short film festival returns to Bondi Pavilion for its 29th year from January 10-19. You can grab your tickets at www.flickerfest.com.au.

KIND-HEARTED PEOPLE We’ve been blown away by the love and support we’ve received over the past month or so, even from people we’ve never met, so a sincere thank you to all.

THUMBS DOWN HOMELESSNESS The average income earner needs to become a white collar criminal to purchase a shitty little apartment these days.

Maybe that’s why there are so many of them.

BUSHFIRES They say, “Where there’s smoke, there’s a fire,” and there‘s certainly been plenty of smoke in Sydney lately.

SURVEILLANCE Photographing motorists using their mobile phones while driving is simply not on. The freedom to text and drive is a basic human right.

THE MIRROR THIEF I have officially dedicated my life to catching the sneaky prick that keeps nicking the rear vision mirrors off my scooter.

18 The Beast January 2020

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Plan ahead for a fun and safe New Year’s Eve Visit woollahra.nsw.gov.au/nye to: • Find out where local road closures and special event clearways will be in operation.

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the following day. Many community groups are also putting on special celebrations throughout January, because when you get to 100 you deserve a birth-month!

So, from everyone at The Beast, Happy Birthday, Zaida.

We hope you have a wonderful day (or month). We’ll leave you with some birthday messages from your family...

The birthday boy. Inset Hersz and Fay’s wedding day.

Zaida Cracks The Tonne Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Grant Brooks This New Year’s Day marks the hundredth birthday of Hersz ‘Henry’ Friedman. Known affectionately as Zaida, Mr Friedman moved here from Poland in 1959 and has been walking along the Bondi promenade every morning for decades. One of his favourite things to do is joke around with locals by saying, “I’m still here”. He speaks English, Polish, Russian and Yiddish and is a proud member of Souths Juniors. He also loves to have a cheeky laugh about his constant need for a tailor as his pants seem to get longer as he gets older!

But if there’s one thing that sums up Hersz Friedman, it’s his family. A beloved father, grandfather and proud great grandfather to Kahu, Shai and Gideon, he is widely referred to as Zaida (Yiddish for grandpa) by many who aren’t even related. His eldest son, Jack, told us he most appreciates his wisdom and sense of humour.

“I am so thankful, and fortunate, I can still ask my father for advice,” he told The Beast.

20 The Beast January 2020

Some of you may have already noticed a giant birthday card on the Bondi Sea Wall in honour of Zaida’s birthday.

Designed by family friend Rico Reinhold and painted by family members, the mural has a silhouette of Zaida hanging out at Bondi, his favourite place.

The idea came from his granddaughter, Tami, in Queensland.

“Zaida has been walking the beach for over 50 years, is well known by the regular morning walkers and it only seemed right to have the mural put up so the whole of Bondi could acknowledge what an amazing person he is,” she said.

His other granddaughter, Sar Friedman, who lives locally, made it all happen.

“Zaida is such an exceptional human and has been through so much in his life,” she said. “He is an inspiration and it feels so good to be able to celebrate him with the whole community!”

But the celebrations don’t end there. There’ll be an intimate family celebration on January 1, as well as a big party

To the most inspiring man I have the pleasure of calling my Zaida, Happy 100th birthday!

From as early as I can remember you have always been “Zaida” to everyone - all of my friends know you, love you and speak of you fondly. And how could they not?! You share the greatest stories and words of wisdom. Your smile lights up a room, and you always make everyone in your presence feel loved and welcomed. Thank you, for being you. - Rony Zaida! Where do I start?! You are the most amazing man, your energy is like no other.

Your words always positive and heart warming. You always know how to make me feel better when I’m down and laugh with me when I’m up.

Your great grandsons adore you and talk about you every day. There is no other man like you. Your strength and positivity shows in everything you do.

We love you more than words can say and are so excited to be celebrating 100 years with you! - Tamar 100 years ago the world was blessed with a very special human, my grandfather aka my Zaida. I’m so glad to have such a special human as not only my grandfather but also my best friend, here’s to many more years as you say, ‘filled with health, wealth & happiness’. - Taya

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Looking east down Coogee Bay Road (formerly Belmore Road) , c 1900.

Should Coogee Bay Road Stay One-Way? Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Anthony Sharpe Works on Coogee Bay Road are again on hold so that residents can enjoy one of the suburb’s busiest roads without disruption over summer. As of November 2019, all major civil works had been completed and the final stage of the project was tentatively scheduled to recommence in March 2020.

This last leg of the $5m streetscape upgrade will consist of switching the remaining power from overhead to underground lines and removing the power poles and wires. Local residents and retailers will be supplied with more information about this next phase prior to work commencing in March.

“I’m very pleased that we are able to reopen the road and cease all construction work in time for the busy summer period,” Randwick Mayor Danny Said told The Beast.

“This will give retailers and visitors some reprieve from the work over the peak summer period when thousands of visitors will descend upon beautiful Coogee Beach.”

22 The Beast January 2020

Despite delays back in April 2019 following the tragic death of an Ausgrid employee (which pressed pause on a number of Ausgrid projects), the work is progressing reasonably well.

For the time being, Coogee Bay Road will re-open to two-way traffic and all streetscape work will be ceased.

Although this break in construction is welcomed by locals, not all residents are keen for this busy road to return to its usual two-way traffic system.

During the construction process, sections of this main road were temporarily made one-way and traffic was diverted along roads such as Dolphin Street and Carr Street, but some residents feel that, despite the initial adjustment, this new one-way system has actually improved things.

“I get asked probably six times a day if they are keeping it one way once construction is complete,” one local, who wished to remain anonymous, told The Beast.

“90 per cent want it to stay.

Everyone is used to it now.

Parking is easier, there is more room, and the traffic flows well. It will be super tight if it goes two-way and we will lose parking.”

Randwick Council explained that many layout options were explored prior to the commencement of construction.

Some factors, such as allowing east and westbound bus lanes and accommodating parking for local businesses on both sides of the street, ruled out the idea of a one-way system. It’s also an issue that the State Transit Authority would need to weigh in on, due to its effect on bus routes. Randwick Council is, however, open to feedback from the community.

“To make it one-way permanently, Council would need to conduct a study to assess the viability of it remaining oneway, then, if feasible, undertake a community consultation to get an idea of whether or not residents would support it,” a spokesperson for Randwick Council said.

Of course, there are always two sides to these kinds of issues. While some residents and business owners on Coogee Bay Road itself might prefer the one-way system, the prospect of keeping it that way may not be universally supported. According to Randwick Council’s spokesperson, significant feedback has been received from residents on Brook Street, Carr Street and Dolphin Street who have experienced an increased amount of traffic as a result of the new system.

At this point, Randwick Council has no plans for a feasibility study, but are keen to hear from local residents regarding the issue. If you feel strongly either way about the matter, make sure your voice is heard by contacting your ward councillor or sending an email to council@randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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January 2020 The Beast 23

Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Lisa Anderson Photo Sebastian Elmaloglou Instagram @intepic KEEP E-WASTE OUT OF LANDFILL Got an old TV, computer, mobile phone or IT accessory you need to dispose of? If you’re a Woollahra Council resident you can now book a free e-waste collection from your home using the new Woollahra Council App. Your unwanted item will be sent for recycling so the valuable components can be recovered, rather than going to landfill. To book, just download the Woollahra Council App or go to woollahra.nsw.gov.au/ewaste.

THE BONDI LIFESAVER BOOK Back in 2010 it occurred to Craig Griffiths that the huge collection of rock ‘n’ roll books he’d been amassing since the 1960s barely contained a mention of the iconic Bondi Lifesaver. After googling and finding almost nothing about this ‘wonderful, debauched place’ (and not a single photo) he knew his music library was sadly lacking a key book and that if he didn’t attempt to write it then nobody else ever would. Now, roughly 9 years later, 180 rare photos and 75 posters, flyers and clippings, as well as many tales of sex,

Doggy paddle.

drugs, rock ‘n’ roll and gangsters are all rolled into a 152-page, full colour book. For more information and to purchase this brilliant piece of work, please visit to www.thebondilifesaver.com.

from 2020 scheduled clean-ups will be reduced to once a year and on-call clean-ups will increase to five per year. For more information or to book, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

SUPPORT FOR DROUGHTAFFECTED COMMUNITIES Randwick Council will extend a helping hand to drought-affected sister cities Temora and Narrabri Shire councils. In response to hardships endured by NSW farmers, Council will donate $5,000 to Temora to assist with their Christmas street fair to ensure that local businesses are supported during times of difficulty, as well as $5,000 to Narrabri to assist their community with the pressures of drought and help organise the annual Mardi Gras event.

PASSING OF FORMER MAYOR MR FRANCIS AMOUR A minute’s silence was observed at Randwick Council’s General Meeting last month to mark the passing of former Mayor of Randwick, Mr Francis (Frank) Amour at 88 years of age. Mr Armour served on Council from 1962 to 1968 then 1971 to 1973.

During this time he served as deputy mayor from 1971 to 1972 and mayor from 1972 to 1973.

“He absolutely lived, breathed and loved Randwick City,” recalled Councillor Tony Bowen.

MORE KERBSIDE CLEAN-UPS Randwick City residents will have more flexibility to book free clean-up services when needed as part of changes to Randwick Council’s waste services set to commence from 2020. Currently all households are entitled to two free scheduled clean-ups and two free on-call clean-ups, but

LOST AND FOUND A kind-hearted reader of The Beast magazine recently discovered a wedding ring in the shallows at the southern end of Bronte Beach during his morning swim. In the interests of reuniting it with its rightful owner, the ring has been handed in to the lovely people at Waverley Police Station.

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January 2020 The Beast 25

Lend a hand.

The Strength to Give Words Lisa Smith Photo Mia Marrow Every 40 minutes someone in Australia is diagnosed with blood cancer. For hundreds of these patients every year, a blood stem cell transplant from a complete stranger with an identically matching immune system is their only hope. Finding that stranger is the job of a charity set up nearly 30 years ago, the Australian Bone Marrow Donor Registry.

Every single person has cells in their bodies which can potentially cure someone else’s blood cancer or bone marrow disease.

These cells are called blood stem cells, found in the bone marrow inside your bones. When these cells are transplanted into sick patients, they start to make the healthy blood of the donor, inside the patient’s body and, with a bit of luck and a lot of care, will keep doing it for a lifetime, curing the patient once and for all.

Donating blood stem cells used to be a big deal. Today, it almost always involves a short course of injections, followed by a morning sitting in a comfy chair while the stem cells are filtered out of the donor’s blood - literally while they are watching TV or reading a book.

The donor may feel like they’re coming down with the flu but they quickly bounce back.

26 The Beast January 2020

The best donors are young - 18-30 years old - and male.

Young cells are the best cells for patients, to last their lifetime, and men are generally bigger with more cells to donate than women. Today, out of 165,000 registered donors in Australia, only 4 per cent are men under 30. As a result, over 80 per cent of transplants for Australian patients use cells from a foreign donor, usually from Europe, which means hundreds of Australian patients every year have to cross their fingers and hope that the donated cells make the 36-hour journey to Australia safely. If the trip takes longer than 48 hours, the cells deteriorate. Because the patient has had their own bone marrow completely destroyed to prepare for the transplant, if the cells can’t be used then their life is critically endangered.

Some Australian patients will always struggle to find a good match outside of Australia. A patient is most likely to match identically with a donor whose family is from the same part of the world as their own. If the patient’s family is from somewhere that doesn’t have a donor registry - and many countries don’t, especially southern European, Asian, African or

Middle-Eastern countries - then they depend on Australians from a similar background joining the Registry. Of course, if the patient is an Indigenous Australian, then their chances of finding a match outside of Australia are very slim.

Australian patients desperately need more men under 30 from all backgrounds to join the Australian Registry. If this is you, then you might be a dying patient’s only identical match; their best and their last hope for life.

Signing up is easy. Go to strengthtogive.org.au and hit ‘Register’. You’ll be asked a few questions, then a swab kit will be posted to you. Swab your cheeks (the kit explains how), fill out the consent form, post it all back in the reply paid envelope and the job is done. Unlike donating blood, it doesn’t matter if you’ve lived in the UK, doesn’t matter if you have tattoos, doesn’t matter if you’re gay. Unless you have (or have had) a serious cancer or autoimmune disease, you’re probably ok to join. If in doubt, the website has all of the details.

If you aren’t an 18-30 year old man, you’re bound to know someone who is. Talk to them about how they can literally save a life while watching telly. Send them a link to the Strength to Give website and encourage them to think about what it must feel like to know that your life, or the life of someone you love, depends on a single act of kindness from a complete stranger; and how it would feel to be that stranger.

Australian donors don’t think of themselves as brave or special, but ask anyone who has had their, or their loved one’s, chance for life given back to them by an anonymous stem cell donor - they’ll tell you that they are all heroes.

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Bondi to Manly Walk Showcases Sydney’s Natural Beauty Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Destination NSW If you’re heading into the New Year with the inevitable urge to embrace a new challenge, then we’ve got some good news: the Bondi to Manly Walk is officially open. As of December 12, 2019, you can walk the 80 kilometre track which hugs the coastline all the way from the Eastern Suburbs to Manly via the Opera House, over the Harbour Bridge and past Taronga Zoo - and that’s only a fraction of the suburbs and sites you’ll pass along the way.

Whether you cover it in sections or plan to tackle the whole shebang in one go like a right hero, you’ll enjoy beautiful scenery, iconic landmarks and wonderful wildlife and fauna, as well as insights into our rich Indigenous heritage.

This mammoth effort took the collaboration of all three levels of government. City of Sydney, Mosman, North Sydney, Northern Beaches, Waverley and Woollahra Councils all pitched in, while NSW National Parks & Wildlife Services, Place Management NSW, Roads & Maritime Services, Port Author28 The Beast January 2020

ity of NSW, Royal Botanic Garden, Sydney Opera House and Taronga Zoo represented on a state level. On the federal front, the Sydney Harbour Federation Trust, as well as La Perouse and Metropolitan Local Aboriginal Land Councils, Destination NSW and the Greater Sydney Commission were all involved.

It is safe to say that a lot of effort has gone into completing this project. If you fancy giving it a go, the entire path is clearly marked with Aboriginal Whale Symbol signs. 350 of these way marks have already been installed and another 500 individual signs are set be added. Or, if you (like me) don’t entirely trust your sense of direction, a digital walking app is also available at www.bonditomanly.com.

“The walk will be a place where visitors and locals alike will rediscover our city, our coastal environment and learn more about our Indigenous past. It will have economic benefits and social benefits as well. It’ll be a coming together of families and communities against the backdrop of our

absolutely stunning city,” Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos told The Beast.

Woollahra Mayor Susan Wynne is also a fan of the project.

“As an avid walker, I love taking in the stunning scenery that Woollahra has to offer and I am delighted that our spectacular harbour foreshore will be showcased as part of the Bondi to Manly Walk,” she said.

“Woollahra Council looks forward to welcoming visitors to enjoy highlights including Camp Cove, Gap Park, Macquarie Lighthouse and our many other magnificent locations along what will no doubt become one of the world’s truly great walks.”

Meanwhile, Chief Executive Officer of the Metropolitan Local Aboriginal Land Council, Nathan Moran, said, “The Bondi to Manly Walk will showcase all of the beauty that is Sydney aka Eora. Be it the oldest living human culture or the most beautiful natural harbour on Earth.”

It’s easy for us to take our surroundings for granted, but this walk offers a massive 80 kilometre tour of our unique history, culture and iconic natural and man-made landmarks which makes it a world-class attraction in itself. By connecting some of our most famous assets with some hidden gems in between, this walk promises to boost tourism on both local and international levels. It also encourages and enables both serious and casual walkers to access a huge amount of suburbs, attractions and landmarks by foot which offers several social, environmental, health and economic benefits.

So what are you waiting for?

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January 2020 The Beast 29

More Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Lisa Anderson Photo Victoria Ugarte Instagram @vicugarte NIGHT TIME STUDY The draft Randwick City Night Time Economy Study, which outlines Council’s proposed strategies to support and enhance the after-dark culture of Randwick City for the next decade, is currently on display for public feedback. The study is the result of consultation with more than 900 people and suggests relaxing trading hours for small bars, supporting live music and performing arts and making public spaces safer and more attractive after dark. For more information, please visit www. yoursay.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Submissions must be received by 5pm on January 26, 2020.

ROCK 'N' ROLL PHOTOGRAPHY After a successful photographic exhibition in Sydney and Melbourne, photographer Wendy McDougall has released ‘It’s only rock ‘n’ roll but I like it…’, a 192-page book of her music photography, a retrospective shot over a 40-year period from 1979 to 2019. In 1979, Wendy sold her first photo to The Angels and ever since has caught and framed photos of local legends such as INXS, Cold Chisel, Paul Kelly, Richard Clapton, Wendy Matthews, Noiseworks, Diesel and Mental As Anything to name a few. Copies of Wendy’s book can be purchased by visiting www.wendymcdougall.com.au.

Smoky Bronte.

CHEWING FOR THE ENVIRONMENT Randwick local Alec Longair has recently launched an all-natural chewing gum product made of plants, rather than plastic or rubber. The product is fully bio-degradable, along with the packet. Alec’s company is committed to giving 25 per cent of its profits to marine conservation charities. For more information, visit swell-gum.com or check out @swell-gum on Instagram.

BRONTE SWIMS FOR SICK KIDS Last month, Olympian Bronte Campbell competed with three friends in the Bondi to Bronte Ocean Swim for The Kids’ Cancer Project Team to raise funds for vital childhood cancer research. Bondi to Bronte swimmers have raised over $220,000 to help children with cancer since 2013. All money raised goes toward vital scientific research to find kinder, more effective treatments for Aussie kids diagnosed with cancer. Donation pages are still open so if you’d like to contribute, please visit www.thekidscancerproject.org.au.

THE BONDI BUFFY Riley Fox is a 28-year old dysfunctional Bondi resident trying to navigate men, booze and the undead, because she’s a vampire slayer! Check out the recently released Screen Australia-funded

web series Bondi Slayer on YouTube. The series was filmed throughout the local area and is written and produced by North Bondi resident Victoria Beck.

It was also directed by Jessica Grace Smith, who lives in Randwick, and includes a long list of experienced actors. Check it out at www.youtube.com/ watch?v=70l9Wty90EY. FOOD AND GARDEN ORGANIC COLLECTION Back in October 2019 the New South Wales Environmental Protection Agency confirmed it would no longer accept food waste extracted from the red-lidded general waste rubbish bins.

Rather, it encouraged councils to pursue Food and Garden Organics (FOGO) options. In a recent survey on residential waste services conducted by Randwick Council in July, a majority of respondents supported Council investigating the collection of FOGO in green-lidded bins. This will mean a move to weekly collection for green-lidded bins and fortnightly for red-lidded bins.

Council will use this information in the preparation of new tender documents for waste and recycling collection services to start in late 2020 or early 2021. More information will be provided to local residents about this important change over the coming 12 months.

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January 2020 The Beast 31

« Settle down, it’s snow.

Eastern Suburbs Fathers Launch Class Action Against Santa Claus Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Photo Mon Ogamy A group of angry fathers from the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney has launched a massive class action against Santa Claus under accusations of adultery.

The furious fathers submitted the case to the High Court of Australia after numerous children told them that they had seen mummy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe the night before.

“Santa Claus has committed a heinous act,” explained a lawyer acting for the fathers.

“He was witnessed, on countless occasions and by scores of local children, committing an act of adultery with the wives of the plaintiffs, during the Christmas period.”

The distraught and confused children reportedly filmed the acts on their phones and this will all be tendered as evidence.

The children all claim to have seen a large man in a red suit with a ‘beard so snowy white’.

After conferring with friends on social media, they decided they were going to tell Dad. 32 The Beast January 2020

“The children pleaded with their fathers,” explained the lawyer, “repeatedly saying ‘you gotta believe me, you gotta believe me’. The number of witnesses and electronic evidence presents a strong case.”

The fathers refused to comment on any retribution to be taken against their wives, stating that this was an internal, family matter and was of absolutely no concern to the general public. They were at pains, however, to outline that the actions of Mr Claus were grossly inappropriate and a threat to family values, especially at a time of the year when corporate advertisements and social media influencers remind us of the importance of family.

Such is the severity of the case that it has drawn the attention of state and federal politicians, who leapt at the opportunity to attach themselves to a worthy cause during the Christmas period. Prime Minister Scott Morrison praised the courage of the fathers for their efforts to

protect the sanctity of the family unit, while the State Government convened an extraordinary session of parliament in order to pass a bipartisan motion which will outlaw mistletoe in New South Wales.

The case may have encountered an obstacle, however.

Lawyers were instructed that Mr Claus must be apprehended while in Australian territory, leaving only a narrow window on the evening of December 24, as the North Pole is not a signatory to international conventions on extradition.

Judges hearing the case asked whether the fathers were seeking financial compensation or a prison sentence for Mr Claus.

The lawyer explained that, apart from earning their legal buddies a nice little bonus during the silly season, the Eastern Suburbs fathers were motivated by something else entirely.

“The fathers are demanding that Santa Claus deliver presents to them as well next Christmas.”

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School Holidays in Waverley Keep the kids entertained this school holidays with Waverley Council’s exciting program of free and paid activities including sporting clinics, arts and crafts workshops, dance classes, film and more. For information and to book, please visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it’s 2020 already?! Here’s to a year of fun and good health, plenty of quality time with friends and family and a heap of new and exciting experiences to enrich your life and feed your soul. You only live once, so be a bloody legend and enjoy it while it lasts.

All You Need is Love This breathtaking performance showcases 30 Beatles masterpieces featuring 40 performers live on stage at the Concert Hall, Sydney Opera House.

Don't miss this unforgettable live experience. For more information and to book, please visit sydneyoperahouse.com.

Sea Gods Award-winning artist Ashley Jones-Evans presents the first exhibition from his iconic series and independent publication Sea Gods at Bondi Pavilion Gallery from January 7-19. It’s a photographic collection of heroes and trailblazers who made Aussie surfing history.

Sydney Festival Every January, Sydney Festival kicks off the new year with a bang, transforming the city with a bold cultural celebration based on critical ideas and cutting-edge art and performance.

The festival will run from January 8-26. For more information, visit sydneyfestival.org.au.

Westpac OpenAir If you love blockbusters and Hollywood glam in the great outdoors, Westpac OpenAir Cinema returns to Mrs Macquarie’s Point from today until February 21 with a plethora of top films. Take an umbrella so you don’t get shat on by a bat.

Visit westpacopenair.com.au.

Marine & Coastal Discovery Randwick Council’s Marine & Coastal Discovery Program runs from January 10-22. Be part of the action this summer with hands-on learning experiences at locations along Randwick’s spectacular coastline. Bookings are essential. Please visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Time Flies The Flying Fruit Fly Circus celebrates 40 years as Australia’s world-famous national youth circus with its biggest show ever, Time Flies, from January 14-19 at the Seymour Centre.

For more information, please visit sydneyfestival.org.au/ events/time-flies.

Whatchu Talkin’ Bout WIL? For ten nights only from January 14-25 (except Sunday and Monday) Wil Anderson will make The Comedy Store, Sydney, home and deliver 70 minutes of improvised material a night in Whatchu Talkin’ Bout WIL? For more information, please visit comedystore.com.au.

Sixers v Hurricanes Get down to the Sydney Cricket Ground this evening from 7.10pm to watch the Sydney Sixers take on the Hobart Hurricanes in an epic Big Bash encounter. Summer cricket at the SCG is absolutely bloody awesome. Get your tickets at sydneycricketground.com.au.

Sixers v Stars Get down to the Sydney Cricket Ground this evening from 6.40pm to watch the Sydney Sixers take on the Melbourne Stars in an epic Big Bash encounter. Summer cricket at the SCG is a key ingredient to happiness. Get your tickets at sydneycricketground.com.au.

Join Waverley Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Woollahra VIEW Club Meeting Woollahra VIEW Club meets at 10am at Woollahra’s Gaden Community Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of every month, with a guest speaker followed by an optional lunch. If you’d like to come along, please call Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com.

Manga Drawing Workshop Join talented Manga artist Matthew Lin in this fun and interactive workshop today from 1-2.30pm at Margaret Martin Library. Learn how to draw monsters and people in the ‘chibi’ style and more. For more information and to book, visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Bastille at the Hordern Frontier Touring is over the moon to announce the return of British pop superstars Bastille to Sydney this evening on the Doom Days Tour, Part 2. This will be fans’ first chance to hear their third studio album Doom Days performed live. Please visit frontiertouring.com/bastille.

Learn Something New Based in the Eastern Suburbs, City East Community College offers a huge range of courses for people wishing to learn a new skill or try something different. For the course list and more information, please visit cec.edu.au and use discount code 'BEAST' for 10% off.

Travelling in a Fried Out Kombi On this day in 1983, Men At Work’s iconic song Down Under hit number one on the UK pop chart. Larrikin Music later successfully sued the band for stealing part of the melody of the song Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree - a low point in Australian legal history.

Join Randwick Bushcare Keen to do something positive for your local environment? You should join a bushcare group.

There’s a group for Malabar Beach, McIver’s Ladies Pool, Maroubra Dunes, the Prince Henry Centre and Gordons Bay Reserve. For meeting times, please visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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2020 Friday

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New Year's Test Australia takes on New Zealand in the New Year’s Test from January 3-7. Most of the Australian team were not even born the last time Australia took on New Zealand in the same fixture! For more information and to book tickets, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Bondi Farmers Markets Choose from a huge range of fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, organic meat and poultry, fresh flowers, breads, jams, cheeses, seafood, herbs, spices and more at Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday morning from 9am. Please visit bondimarkets.com.au.

Jane McGrath Day Day 3 of the New Year’s Test is celebrated with the entire SCG turning pink in honour of Jane McGrath and to raise money for her foundation, which uses the funds to place McGrath Breast Care Nurses in communities across Australia and increase breast health awareness.

Flickerfest The World's Best Flickerfest kicks off tonight and will run until January 19, transforming Bondi into a hub of culture, talent and fascinating stories. Thousands of entries from over 100 countries have been whittled down to the best and most creative 200 films.

Please visit flickerfest.com.au.

Shrek the Musical Join Shrek and his loyal steed Donkey as they set off on a quest to rescue the beautiful Princess Fiona from her tower, guarded by a fire-breathing love-sick dragon. It’s on today from 2pm at Sydney Lyric Theatre. Please visit sydneylyric. com.au/shrek-the-musical/.

Bondi Sunday Markets Every Sunday from 9am to 4pm at Bondi Beach Public School you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, one-off vintage pieces and more. Please visit bondimarkets.com.au.

Bondi Junction Markets Discover art, fashion, jewellery, delicious food and more from 9am to 5pm every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday under the shades at Oxford Street Mall, Bondi Junction. Rain, hail or shine, they’ve got you covered!

For more information, visit thejunctionmarkets.com.au.

Symphony Under the Stars Join the Sydney Symphony Orchestra this evening for a night of beautiful music under the stars from 8-11pm in Parramatta Park. There’s never been a better excuse to cross Anzac Parade. For more information, please visit sydneyfestival.org. au/events/sydney-symphony.

Sydney Summerama The season for Summerama has finally arrived! Take your friends along to a fun day of free activities and music at Summerama - Caretakers of the Coast today from 9am to 1pm at Bronte Park. Bookings are essential and can be made by visiting waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Sydney Lunar Festival Celebrate the Lunar New Year at Sydney Lunar Festival, produced by the City of Sydney.

This vibrant arts festival has a program bursting with cultural events, markets, tours, exhibitions and entertainment, most of them free. Please visit cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au.

Sixers v Renegades Get down to the Sydney Cricket Ground this afternoon from 3.40pm to watch the Sydney Sixers take on the Melbourne Renegades in an epic Big Bash encounter. Summer cricket at the SCG is one of life’s great pleasures. Get your tickets at sydneycricketground.com.au.

Happy Australia Day The significance of Australia Day has evolved over time.

Since at least 1938, the date has also been marked by Indigenous Australians, and those sympathetic to their cause, mourning the invasion of their land and protesting its celebration as a national holiday.

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Food Addicts Meetings This morning, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra.

Please call 1800 717 446 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.

Removalist Zak Clark Clark Removals P: 0409 808 866 Lawns/Gardening Ray Brownlee Ray's Lawnmowing P: 0467 670 785 Plumbing Steve Kova Local Plumber P: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing P: 0405 543 530 Builder Mark Potocki Against The Grain P: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Alfy Issa Alfy's Truck P: 0411 216 103 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive P: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley P: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons P: 0414 293 396 Concreter Jay Rodney Oceanside P: 0411 989 565 Plumber Michael Grimshaw Pipe Up Plumbing P: 0415 493 706 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths P: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical P: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees P: 0412 280 338

Email your resumé to james@thebeast.com.au

ADELE VUKO THE STORYTELLER Interview James Hutton Pictures Alex Vaughan Born and bred Bondi local Adele Vuko is a talented actress, writer, director and producer with an impressive portfolio of work already under her belt. Adele is one third of comedy trio Skit Box, who've achieved well over 100 million hits online for their pissfunny clips including the parody music videos Activewear and I Got That Flow. We caught up with Adele at The Three Steps Cafe on Bondi Road during the month...

How are you this morning Adele?

Good, thank you. It was my day to wake up early with the kids, so I’ve been up since about five.

They both have fevers, which is not ideal, so they’ve been up and down all night. Just a shit fever kid morning.

Is that standard? No, they’re usually up around 6.30am or even 7am now, which is really good.

How old are your kids? I’m 33, I’ll be 34 next week. Is that what you asked?

I would never ask your age... I thought you said, “How old are you and how old are the kids?”

How old are they? Felix is four and a half, and Elki is about to turn three, so they’re 21 months apart. They’re so extremely similar now, they’re like twins.

Where are you living these days?

We live in Bondi. Born and bred in Bondi.

You're 'old-school' Bondi? I’ve only ever lived in two other suburbs. When I was a kid I lived in Vaucluse, and then lived in Bondi all my life in our family home. Then I moved out but still in Bondi. Then, when we fell pregnant with Felix, we moved to Randwick, and then we came back to Bondi.

You didn't like Randwick? We loved Randwick, we loved it so much, but the apartment was too

36 The Beast January 2020

small and we were pregnant with Elki. My mum cares for our kids and it was just too hard for us to drive through the bottleneck.

Even from Randwick it could be 40 minutes sometimes just to get to Bondi, so when we got the chance we moved back.

Your old man is a former Bondi Boardriders president? Yeah, he used to run Boardriders.

What's his name? Ray Vuko. He’s an old salty sea dog of Bondi.

He’s been surfing here his whole life. Literally almost every local knows him.

You haven't done Boardriders? I have not done Boardriders. Unfortunately I am scared to death of waves, I’ve always had a fear. I can pinpoint exactly when it was.

It was when my dad, he... ...forced you to surf? Yeah, he took me surfing, that’s a very nice way to put it. He used to shape boards as a hobby, and for Christmas he shaped a board for me and my brother. I would have been about ten and my brother would have been about six. They were gorgeous boards and I felt obliged. I knew in my heart this wasn’t going to work, but I felt obliged to give it one spin and I got absolutely dumped under the water for probably two and a half seconds, but it felt like I was going to die.

It always feels like an eternity...

That was it. I just went, “You know what? I’ve got better things to do with my life. I don’t need this.” My brother loved it though.

He’s a Bondi local now. He’s a Boardrider. He’s in Bali at the moment surfing.

What does your brother do? He’s a rapper. His name’s Daniel, Daniel Vuko. He’s a budding musician, goes under the name Dutch the Rapper. You should interview him next.

I will... Do the whole family!

He’s also a roofer, so if you have any roofing needs, then please contact Man on the Roof. He just cruises around in his ute. Or if you are a giant record label, like Sony or whatever, and you’re reading The Beast and you need to sign someone, sign my brother, Dutch the Rapper.

What did your parents do for work? Were they creative? Dad was creative as a hobby, he never pursued it as a career though. He had an auto electrician business, mechanics businesses, all our lives. He still works. He’s full blue collar, a hardworking kind of guy. Mum is very artistic, but didn’t pursue it either. I think they’re Generation X, they had it forced down their throats from the boomer generation postwar, “Get an effing job.” Mum and Dad, to their happiness and dismay, their two only children are doing the most profitless vocations imaginable, acting and music.

But the most fun as well... Well, it’s our passion and that’s what we love to do. But they did still instil in us this ethic of hard work and that nothing comes for free or on a platter, and we had to fund our own way. I had a fulltime job and still wanted to do acting and directing and all that kind of stuff. My brother has a full-time job as well. So, we kind of got that instilled in us in a way where we had both worlds, where it was like, “Get a job, pay the bills,” but also, “If you want to pursue what you want to do, it’s there for you. We support you, we love it, but you’re not going to get anything handed to you.”

You're totally self-funded? Have you had any grants or anything like that, or you just literally nutted it out on your own? The

process is long but at the moment all my invoices - everything I make money from - comes from being hired by other production companies, depending on what I’m doing. There are also grants through Screen Australia. Screen Australia has basically paid my f*cking rent for the past decade.

Would you be stuffed without Screen Australia? Yes, and not just me, everyone, even the ABC. Any Australian TV show or film has had a significant chunk of cash from Screen Australia.

They are the thing that’s keeping this whole industry going. It’s wonderful, it’s incredible, it’s rare. America look at us and they’re gobsmacked. They can’t believe it because they all run on private investors, and investors need to make money back and all that stuff. Screen Australia, their grants do not need to be paid back.

Is that funding under threat? I know nothing about the politics of this sort of stuff... Yeah, it can be, absolutely. Especially with certain governments, you know?

Obviously Labor are more arts focused. I think the Liberals cut funding to Screen Australia. I know they cut funding to the ABC, a significant amount, which is all public knowledge. It’s constantly under threat and could always get worse. Who knows, really? It’s a government thing.

It’s not up to us.

Why is local content so important? What percentage of what we watch is Australian? Should they have quotas? Oh, gosh. I think that local, niche, authentic content from real people is so important in storytelling, especially now. Also, it’s in higher demand than it ever has been.

Ten or twenty years ago we had a handful of networks that were the gatekeepers of content creation.

Now we’ve got all the Subscription Video on Demand (SVoD) all around the world streaming constantly - digital platforms like Netflix, Stan, Amazon Prime, they’re all SVoDs, a service where people get unlimited access to a range of programs for a periodical flat rate. The whole broad

38 The Beast January 2020

relatable sitcom thing is not in as high demand as it used to be.

People want very specific content.

There’s a whole section on SBS On Demand at the moment called Nordic Noir. That’s a subculture of storytelling, like Scandinavian, dark, mystery thriller shit that people just want.

Nordic Noir? Yeah, right? But you can just tell that these kind of local stories are in high demand.

It’s also important to have all these different voices. Coming from my perspective as a female creator, five to seven years ago people were like, “What? That’s kooky, you’re crazy,” you know?

Now people are desperately wanting female-driven content.

Fleabag is a wonderful example.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, she’s done two seasons of this show and has absolutely smashed everyone’s idea of what storytelling is - what comedy is - and she’s just this unashamedly messed up chick, in a hilarious way. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it’s amazing.

"I love telling stories, and it’s kind of the reason why I like writing, directing and acting. It’s the three angles by which you can tell a story in really different and creative ways."

I'd heard of you through your Activewear clip, which my brother and I absolutely loved, and also the connection with Christiaan from the Bondi Hipsters, which we loved as well. Did anyone blow up about the Activewear video? Did you get any complaints? We had a couple of people comment that this was a little bit mean towards women and mums. We made a conscious decision to pay ourselves out.

That was the thing, it wasn’t against women and mums - I am a mum, I show off my baby in my activewear. That is a literal thing I do.

"Showing off my baby in my activewear..." Such a good line...

I do, totally. It’s so relatable because I do it, I’ve seen other people do it, and it’s funny. It’s a cute moment and people have a right to feel what they feel, and if you’re feeling a bit offended by that, then so be it. But there was never any mean or malicious intent. You just know once you’ve hit something that everyone’s been thinking about, the amount of people tagging their friends, “I do that, you do that,” you know?

I'm fascinated by what offends people. Some of the phone calls we get are just bonkers... Really?

Wow, phone calls take effort.

That’s old-school, isn’t it?

Some of the emails we get are just frigging hilarious, about the weirdest shit... Well, we did a clip about getting your period called I Got That Flow. It’s a Skit Box clip. I Got That Flow caused a big argument, a big stir. There were a lot of offended people, mainly men, who just thought it was completely inappropriate to talk about getting your period in a café. That was the whole argument. But the debate that it caused was actually incredibly hilarious. “If I took a shit in my pants and started talking about that at the breakfast table, is that appropriate?” People were actually saying that.

I think it was about our fourth or fifth edition of the magazine, the grommets had found two dildos and one of them was buzzing around on the promenade, this big f*cking double ended purple thing... Oh my God! It was a busy summer's day and people were walking past and having to wheel their prams around this vibrating dilly, it looked like it was following people... That would have gone viral, you know?

There was this other one, and I stood it up on its end and took a photo of it with the beach in the background and I used that as the photo on our contents page.

We started delivering the magazines just before Christmas and I had to turn my phone off because of the amount of complaints, just

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you have some wonderful plans coming up for the holiday season. All around Randwick City people are warming up their vocal chords in preparation for the Coogee Carols, which will be held on Sunday 22 December at Goldstein Reserve in Coogee.

What’s On 22 DEC COOGEE CAROLS

6.30pm-8.30pm Goldstein Reserve, Coogee

31 DEC COOGEE SPARKLES

9pm, Coogee Beach

Amanda Keller will be our host and a cast of well-known local celebrities will lead us in singing a mix of traditional and contemporary carols. It starts at 6.30pm. Kids, I’ll let you in on a secret – Santa will be dropping by too!

We’re very lucky that in the southern hemisphere we have the kind of weather that encourages us to be outdoors, under the stars, belting out a fa-la-la-la together. Just over a week later we’ll hold our annual New Year’s Eve family fireworks show at the kid-friendly time of 9pm at Coogee Beach.

Favourite viewing areas for this event include Goldstein Reserve, Grant Reserve, Trenerry Reserve, Clovelly Beach carpark and Burrows Park headland.

Starting in 2020, we’re going to increase the number of free, on-call clean ups on offer to residents from two per year to five per year, making it easier to get rid of bulk rubbish. Scheduled clean ups will reduce from two per year to one.

On Sunday 26 January 2020, we’re holding a community celebration at Maroubra Beach for Australia Day. We’ll be offering free surfing lessons, beach cricket, free icecream and a BBQ on the beach. I hope you can join us.

Councillor Danny Said Mayor of Randwick

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

6 JAN YOUTH SUMMER SCHOOL HOLIDAY EVENT: STOP MOTION ANIMATION WORKSHOP 1pm

Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Pde, Maroubra

23 JAN YOUTH SUMMER SCHOOL HOLIDAY EVENT: MANGA DRAWING WORKSHOP

Margaret Martin Library Level1, Royal Randwick Shopping Centre Belmore Rd, Randwick

26 JAN AUSTRALIA DAY AT MAROUBRA BEACH10am to

12.30pm, Maroubra Beach, Maroubra

from a picture of a plastic dick, and it was all blokes complaining...... Oh my gosh. Blokes?

Not a single chick rang, it was all guys complaining about this big rubber old mate... That’s... yeah...

I mean, we could unpack that for a while, hey?

Ever since then, we've just been fascinated about what offends people. I'll ask them, "Why are you offended by that?" and they try and explain it but it just sounds ridiculous... Yeah, yeah, it unravels.

Anyway, I'll stop talking about myself... No, it’s alright, that’s a really funny story. I’m going to do that.

So, you're an actress, writer, director and producer; how are you able to do all of those things?

What's the endgame of your work? That’s a good question.

Producing I no longer do because that’s the hardest job in the world and I’m so bad at it, but we used to self-produce all of our Skit Box stuff. That was a few years ago. I came from a production background so I knew how to do it basically, but now I leave that to the professionals.

"For me, personally, a short film is a great vehicle for you to tell a story, but also for you to tell how you would tell a story on a bigger scale."

Is producing just organising money and marketing stuff? The producer facilitates it all. They find the money, get the crew together, then hand over most of the job of putting together the crew and the budgets and the shoots to the production manager. The producer is the brains and the facilitator and the budget holder behind the creative. And then it can branch out. There can be really creative producers and all sorts of things.

That’s why nowadays it would be impossible. I would not be able to do that and the other things.

40 The Beast January 2020

It’s just way too much to think about. I love telling stories, and it’s kind of the reason why I like writing, directing and acting. It’s the three angles by which you can tell a story in really different and creative ways. The endgame for me is to be able to continue doing that but on the biggest scale possible. Give me a Marvel film, I’ll write and direct that for sure.

At the moment I’m obsessed with Taika Waititi’s career.

He's your favourite director?

Yeah, I’ve got a couple. He started with indie films, short films, comedy in New Zealand, making authentic, wonderful stuff. He now gets to direct big budget films as well. He’s writing and directing his own stuff. The worry sometimes is if you’re spreading yourself too thin, but I don’t know, I’m just kind of doing what I feel is natural, what I instinctively kind of want to do, which is create and tell stories.

Did you want to be an actor and basically started writing your own stuff so you'd get roles?

Totally, 100 per cent. I was 21 when I went, “I’m going to be an actor,” and waited by the phone for just way too long. It was just hard. It was back when diversity was a cool thing. There was a very significant moment... diversity obviously is very important in terms of cultural diversity on screens. There was a lot of underrepresentation. But when I was 21, everyone was still kind of hiring the girl next door look, the typically Australian looking girl.

What's your background? Half Uruguayan, half Serbian.

That's a rare combo... It’s weird, yeah. I don’t even know what I am, you know? Who am I? How did your parents meet each other? Surprise, surprise, on Bondi Beach. They both grew up in Australia. They were just young teenagers hanging out on Bondi Beach.

So they were both Aussies too?

Yeah, yeah. My dad’s mum is a refugee from World War II, from Serbia. She lost everything, came here. My mum’s parents migrated from Uruguay just for a better life, so I guess Mum and

Dad are second generation.

I was picturing some Serbian guy bumping into a Uruguayan chick on the beach, but they actually were two little Aussies... Just a couple of Aussie teenagers being teenagers, yeah, that’s funny. I don’t know what happened.

When you started Skit Box, I read somewhere that you were at an awards night and you noticed that it was all blokes, and you were like, "F*ck this," and got together with two of your mates and just started making short films... Yeah, 100 per cent, that’s exactly it.

How did you start? Sarah, Greta and I, we only knew each other as colleagues. We’d worked together on different things.

Had you been to NIDA then?

Yeah, I’d studied, it was like a two-year on-camera course at NIDA, camera acting, which was really cool.

Straight out of school? No, a couple years out. It was like a part-time thing. I had to work, had to do that part-time. But by then that was 2011. All of us were trying to get jobs but we weren’t having any luck. It was kind of like there were no women on YouTube at the time. We were like, “This is crazy, can we be the only three women with a YouTube channel doing sketch comedy since, what?” We hadn’t seen an all female sketch comedy group since Big Girls Blouse and Kath & Kim, so we thought, “Let’s just do it.” We knew the only way to get stuff made was to set a date, so we were like, “Okay, in a month we’re shooting.” A week after that awards night we were writing sketches. I had the background of production, so we were pulling together mates, friends, DOPs that wanted to kind of cut their teeth on some funny content, soundies, all that kind of stuff. We were getting different directors that we knew as well, like Christiaan was directing, we had Al Morrow and Craig Melville directing, all these kind of working comedy directors to help us. At the time we weren’t interested in directing. We were a bit scared to direct, I think. A

Mayor’s Message I am delighted to report that many projects have progressed at Council in the past few weeks as we work towards a better Waverley in 2020.

In exciting news, we lodged our development application (DA) to restore the heritage Boot Factory building at 27–33 Spring Street, Bondi Junction. We are planning to transform the former shoemaking factory at the rear of Norman Lee Place into an innovative community space connected to the Mill Hill Community Centre.

We also launched our second Innovate Reconciliation Plan (RAP) 2019–2021. The RAP is Waverley Council’s commitment to reconciliation. It sets out actions and strategies for us to work towards reconciliation as an organisation but also for us to partner and support the entire community in this goal.

One of the most exciting actions in our RAP is the ongoing support of Council’s Elsa Dixon Trainees. Two staff members have been with Council under this program, which provides employment and training opportunities for Aboriginal people.

These staff members have been working in the Community Programs space in Council and have achieved great things.

Paula Masselos, Mayor of Waverley

Join us for Summerama on Sunday 19 January!

Events Summer School Holiday Program 6–19 January Various times and locations Keep the kids entertained with our exciting program of free and paid activities including sporting clinics, arts and crafts workshops, dance classes, film and more!

Find out more and book at waverley.nsw.gov.au/shp

Summerama - Caretakers of the Coast Sunday 19 January, 9am–1pm The season for Summerama has finally arrived! It’s the time to get outside and have some fun by the coast. Join us for a day of free activities and live music.

Meet our lifeguards, get up close to some of Taronga Zoo’s

cutest creatures, visit our marine touch tank and learn how to become a caretaker of our beautiful coast.

Find out more and book at waverley.nsw.gov.au

Sea Gods by Ashley Jones Evans 7–19 January 2020 Bondi Pavilion Gallery Local award-winning artist Ashley Jones-Evans presents the first exhibition from his iconic series and independent publication Sea Gods. Through more than 40 portraits of Australian Surfing identities, he creates a pantheon of gods; a photographic collection of heroes and trailblazers who made Australian surfing history.

For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov. au/events

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month later we’d spent $500 to $1,000 of our own money doing a two or three-day shoot, and we made about ten sketches that we released online. We just wanted to shoot really economically, really quickly. A lot of the sketches occurred in the same place.

Are a lot of these ideas actually things that you see yourself doing and then you write yourself off? Absolutely. Most of the stuff is what we either see in ourselves or observations of people around us. In the sketch about girls one-upping each other, no doubt we’re all guilty of it, but I think Sarah had witnessed it in a café in Los Angeles or something. She was like, “It was just the most wonderful spectacle.” They didn’t realise they were doing it. We thought it was something that everyone kind of does but they don’t realise, everyday experiences that women have - some light, some dark - that kind of aren’t spoken about. That’s where we try to angle it.

You've got a film in Flickerfest, which is coming back to Bondi in January, called The Hitchhiker but I wasn't able to find it online; can you tell us a bit about that?

It’s still under festival embargo at the moment but I can’t wait to share it. The Hitchhiker is a short film, starring Liv Hewson and Brooke Satchwell, about three girls on a boozy road trip. One of them has a bit of a secret, and she picks up a hitchhiker and everything kind of starts to go awry.

That’s a bit of a vague description because you must watch it in order to enjoy. The short film came through a funding program through Screen Australia called Hot Shots Plus. It’s kind of like a career pusher for people who are dabbling in a certain part of their career but want to kind of get propelled forward. This is my first foray as a writer and director alone.

You didn't cast yourself in it at all? No, I wanted to focus on directing. This is actually for a larger film idea, so the short film is almost like what’s called a proof of concept, or a small taste of what the larger film would be,

42 The Beast January 2020

which I’m writing at the moment and Jungle Entertainment are producing it.

Have you got backing to do the feature length version? It’s an incremental process, but at the moment we’re writing it. Screen Australia is extremely involved and supportive, so it’s really exciting. I’ve never written a feature length film by myself. It’s a mindnumbing jigsaw puzzle.

Are a lot of the short films in Flickerfest the same kind of set-up? Like short films written by someone who wants to make something bigger? I don’t know the stats, but I would say yes.

For me, personally, a short film is a great vehicle for you to tell a story, but also for you to show how you would tell a story on a bigger scale. It’s almost like a CV. I know a lot of people make short films with that kind of next step approach. I’ve seen some where you could tell quite clearly that this is a proof of concept, and other ones that are just so amazing that you kind of just want it to be a bigger film anyway.

"I try a lot, I try very hard to make sure that the female characters and female voices are strong and that they have depth."

Have you had films in Flickerfest before? Yeah, Skit Box had a short film in one of their side programs many years ago. Then last year I didn’t even realise I was in a film. It was really funny, me and Christiaan just went on a date night to Flickerfest, and I was like, “Oh shit, that’s me!”

Which one was that? It was called Under the Hammer, and it was by a director named Dan Reisinger and starred Nick Boshier, and I didn’t know it was in Flickerfest. I was like, “Oh, cool.” We love Flickerfest.

I’ve gone to as many as possible.

Christiaan’s obviously had a lot to do with it and he judged on it once, but it’s just such a wonder-

ful event. I hope it stays in Bondi forever. It is one of the best, most inclusive, beautiful film festivals, so I’m so excited and chuffed that The Hitchhiker is involved.

What can we expect at Flickerfest this year? A really cool short film called The Hitchhiker!

I watched a bit of Over and Out, which you won an AACTA for?

We were nominated for Best Online Drama or Comedy. A web series called Robbie Hood ended up winning, but we were so excited just to be nominated. There’s plenty of competition here.

You won the Cannes International Series Festival, short form series in 2019 for Over and Out, which is massive... Yes, we won that one. Massive.

That was written by both you and Christiaan and starred your whole family, including your kids; is that your career highlight so far? Absolutely. Definitely.

On many, many levels. That and The Hitchhiker, I guess, but it was incredible to be able to work with Christiaan. We’ve had a huge hand in each other’s work.

It’s imbued - Hipsters, throwing lines if he’s writing it, or I help produce or acting in it, same thing with Skit Box. He’s all over it. With Activewear, he cut it and shot it and helped write it. It was so nice for us to be able to write something and create something together that we can call our own. Having our kids in it was an accidental decision I didn’t want to make, but then budgetary constraints resulted in us actually needing to have our own children, because they’re much cheaper, wink, wink.

You got the snot shot though...

Poor baby, she was so sick. But it was such a great shot. She had been sneezing all day, and it just happened to come on camera.

But we looked after them and they had so much fun. They’d only really shoot for about an hour at most in a whole day.

Having them involved, and also Christiaan’s brother, Connor, who was directing, made it a really nice family affair. That can be wonderful at times, but also quite high pressure.

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We’ll be sharing updates about Council projects, opportunities to have your say, local events and celebrating everything that makes our local area great.

Find out more: woollahra.nsw.gov.au/enews January 2020 The Beast 43

What did you do at NIDA? I was there a long time ago, and I didn’t do the full-time course, the proper one that goes for three years. I was doing one on the weekends, it was like a two-year on-camera course. Nicholas Bishop, an old-school Home and Away actor, ran it. I had a slightly different experience than the more traditional NIDA experience, but I definitely recommend it, absolutely. You can do the three-year course if that’s available to you and if you get in, but in terms of whether you need to work, there are so many courses that kind of get the job done. I think the three-year course is a gateway. It’s not a guarantee, but you’re going to get exposed to the best agents when you graduate. And most do sign with a good agent. It’s great on your resume and you come out being a shit-hot actor. With the part-time courses, you’re just learning the skills that you need to learn in order to make a good start. That’s what I felt like I got out of that, the nuance of performing in front of a camera and just workshopping scripts and all that kind of stuff. It was really cool.

"I just want to buy a house and guarantee my kids a good education and go on holidays to Europe and maybe have a really expensive car.

That’s all."

How long did it take you to get to the stage where you were making enough dough not to be stressed? Yeah, that’s an ongoing saga. At the moment it’s a relatively decent living. We can pay the rent, we can pay for our children to eat and all that jazz, go on holidays...

Afford to live in the Eastern Suburbs... Yeah, which we know is bonkers, but we’re here for now. I started acting at 21. From the age of 21 to 29 I had another job. I

44 The Beast January 2020

was a production coordinator on other acts. At 29 I stopped being a coordinator and I could just be funded on the thing that I really wanted to do, so that took... what’s the complex maths there?

Eight years. It’s a long stint.

If money wasn't an issue at all, what sort of film would you make? That’s such a good question. I’d make The Hitchhiker.

Is that your best work? Because it’s my only one, it’s my only thing that I’ve done myself, but my goal as a filmmaker is to create female-led, genrespecific Australian films. I love the supernatural, I love mystical, I love space, I love anything sci-fi.

I love anything where humanity is kind of augmented. You’re still studying the humanness of someone that’s superhuman, right? I grew up watching Xena Warrior Princess, Sailor Moon, you know? I loved anything with vampires in it, and I just want to keep seeing more women in those roles, and I want to challenge our ideas of female strength and female heroism and all that kind of stuff. If I had all the money in the world I’d love to be able just to see anything that is basically just a badass female character - flawed, messed up, f*cked up - put in a situation on the other side of space or something. That would be cool. I loved Interview with the Vampire, Let the Right One In, really dark, sinister vampire stuff.

There seems to be a lot of money in advertising work; do you go near that, or is that frowned upon if you're a purist? Nah, money, I go where the money is. I sell out, if that is even a thing anymore.

Do you do any of that stuff?

Branded content has really helped us, especially Skit Box. Now Christiaan and I are doing quite a few branded content pieces with our family as well, with our kids. They’re a wonderful way to tell a different story and meet a brief, but it also pays the bills.

I’ve got nothing but good things to say about branded content and ads. Love them.

How did you and Christiaan get together? I’ve known Chris-

tiaan’s brother, Connor, for many years. When Christiaan got out of hospital, which I vaguely knew about, they were shooting stuff together already. They were shooting stuff for their Fully Sick and the Side Effect Project web series. Connor just rang and he’s like, “Do you want to play a role in one of our sketches with my brother?” I’m like, “Yeah, cool, that will be fun.” It was a sketch where Connor dresses up as Xena Warrior Princess and I play Gabrielle, the sidekick. Christiaan wasn’t in it, he was filming, but we had a little bit of a, “Oh, hello,” moment.

He's a good sort... Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He’s a bit of alright. After that we just kind of hit it off.

Do you bicker when you're making films together? Yes. There is obviously the constant hum of jealousy that any actor, writer or director has whenever anything good happens to anyone else that isn’t you. Apart from that, which is unavoidable, we’re always so happy for each other’s successes.

And because we’re married, his success is mine and mine is his, so that’s nice too.

You get half of each other's shit...

Exactly. It’s all mine. But then writing stuff together is almost like relationship therapy. Doing Over and Out, we had to really learn how to talk to each other about our work and our scripts.

That’s ongoing, but as long as it’s respectful, it’s always getting better and better. But writing and raising children with your husband, and shooting, it’s a lot.

Do you think we need quotas for Netflix and all mediums to guarantee a certain amount of local content? Yep, I do. I think that would be amazing. I hope that we get there. I don’t really know how we would though.

Do we have quotas now? I think there are maybe some, I know obviously the ABC has. I think our Australian networks do have a quota, but the international ones, I don’t think that they do.

Are businesses like Netflix investing in local content at all? A little bit, yeah. Netflix have done two commissions of Australian

content recently, Tidelands and the Chris Lilley one, Lunatics.

That was exciting. Hopefully they’ll do more. Amazon is coming here as well. They’ve opened up an Australian leg here.

They’ve already commissioned some really great stuff, so it is happening, which is exciting.

Is American influence too strong in film and TV? I hear little Aussie kids speaking with American accents and it infuriates me...

Yeah, it is a huge influence. It’s defined our culture in the Western World, and that’s why it’s so important that more Australian stories are being told. But, mind you, Americans, they’re opening up their doors in a really exciting way with Australia. Gone are the days where every studio and network in America is like, “Does it have an American in it? Does it have an American accent? Why do I care?” Now they’re like, “No, give me some Australian shit.” They’re actually really more involved. Again, because there’s just so many streaming platforms that they’re happy to have non-Americans on their screens. People get it now, that there’s non-American accents in the world.

Do you aspire to get over there and make it in Hollywood? I would love to be able to raise my children here and work here but on a global scale. The Hollywood thing isn’t that important, the glitz and the glam and all that.

You don't care about being famous and cool? I just want to buy a house and guarantee my kids a good education and go on holidays to Europe and maybe have a really expensive car. That’s all.

What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you on stage or in front of the camera? Oh, shit. The most embarrassing was when I was just starting in acting, I was just 21, I went to some event where there were agents and people watching you do a performance, and then agents will sign you. I went up, and it was some thing about Ben Affleck and Jenniner Lopez, because they were a thing at the time, and I just started

46 The Beast January 2020

my first sentence and then I lost all memory of what I was meant to say and I froze in front of hundreds of people and the judges. I’m like, “Everyone knows that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez...” and that’s it. I just stood on stage, long silence, and they’re like, “Just say anything.”

The longer it goes on, the harder it is, how do you get out of that?

Well, I didn’t. I honestly just... I think I mumbled a few words and then I just left.

"Even though it’s kind of hard to deal with, I love the nerves. I love the adrenaline. I need it. It’s what will help me be good on stage."

Do you get a second crack at it?

No, no, I left and I cried. That was the worst experience of my life. It was a nightmare. But nowadays that doesn’t happen to me anymore. That was stage fright, and I can move and manage stage fright now, so it becomes more of a weapon and a tool. Even though it’s kind of hard to deal with, I love the nerves. I love the adrenaline. I need it. It’s what will help me be good on stage. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, make sure I know the lines, move around, maybe try and meditate just to calm and centre myself, and then, right before you go on stage, it’s just magical, no drug can replace it, especially when you get on stage and you get the first laugh.

Once the first laugh happens it doesn’t matter, and you’re present and you’re there, and that’s it until it’s done. There’s no feeling like it. It’s probably like surfing. It’s a pretty amazing buzz. It’s the reason to do it.

Are you passionate about any particular issues? I would call myself a feminist. I’m very passionate about implementing female stories on screens. A lot of what I do as well is I partake in different writer’s rooms, so they’re kind of incubators, brainstorming rooms to create a

TV show or a script. Sorry, a film.

So, before you even start writing out a script, we’ll look at writer’s rooms. I try a lot, I try very hard to make sure that the female characters and female voices are strong and that they have depth. I guess, in a way, that’s my politics, which is just making sure that we’re telling authentic female stories that aren’t through a kind of stereotypical gaze.

When you say you're a feminist, how do you define that? Feminism is the belief in equal rights and equity between both genders or both sexes, it’s equality for men and women.

Equality of outcomes or equality of opportunity? Both. Equality is just equal opportunity, equity is actually having the equal starting point. This is why meritocracy doesn’t work in my mind, which is merit-based success. Say if you and I both go for the banking job, right? And it should only be based on how our resume looks, right? But we know that that’s not the case. We know that, statistically, you are more likely, as a man, to get that job because there are all sorts of factors - preconceived factors - that the person higher up, whether it’s a male or a female, may not even know that they’re making, but they tend to go for a male person, especially in banking. Right? That’s just an example. So, if there was true equity amongst genders, races, social and economic levels, then there wouldn’t be any kind of preconceived notions of who would be better just based on what you look like. It would just be everyone starting on the same level playing field. I am a feminist. I know that there are different levels of feminism. I’m not the best feminist. My work is as good as it can be, and I’m constantly learning. But I know that not everyone... my work isn’t, and the Skit Box work and everything, Over and Out, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and you can poke holes at the feminism there, but I’m always trying.

Do you think there should be quotas for female politicians?

Yes, absolutely.

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Rather than just take the best person for the job? That is what has been happening for the past 200 years in Australia, getting the best person for the job, right?

And look where we are. I understand the argument that the logic is we can’t just hire a woman just because she’s a woman. I can get that sense of logic, but we need to do something, and if it takes a bit of a step like that, then I think it’s worth it.

With equality of outcomes, how do you equalise across all, say, genders, races, ages...? It’s so hard. There’s no quick answer unless, you know...

Sorry these are annoying questions... No, it’s great. We can look forward to a potential climate apocalypse and then we can all start from scratch again as little amoebas and then we can evolve, and hopefully the system doesn’t become a patriarchy again. It will take years. It will take decades.

It’s a very long process, and all we have to do is just keep trying to learn, understand, be open in conversation, be open in debate, you know?

"Don’t let your failures deter you. They’re going to happen and they’re going to happen early."

You're not a Jordan Peterson fan?

No, but I find him interesting.

He’s very interesting. Again, he’s got some compelling arguments.

I don’t like his fans though. They seem pretty f*cked up.

A lot of his fans are kooks, that's an important clarification, but he's a data-driven scientist and he makes you think... He does.

Do I like his interview tactics, his aggression? No. I think that sometimes that’s what makes him seem the better arguer, because he can be quite aggressive.

You reckon he's aggressive? I think so, from my female gaze.

He could just be nicer about it.

I’ve seen a couple of ones where he gets a bit fired up.

48 The Beast January 2020

What advice would you give to aspiring youngsters trying to get a start as a writer, director, actor or producer? Set a deadline. Set a date, and then work hard towards it. Don’t let your failures deter you. They’re going to happen and they’re going to happen early.

They’re going to keep happening, and that’s what helps you learn. And never stop learning. If someone more experienced than you is giving you advice, just take it before you don’t take it. Give it a go, and then if you don’t like it, move on. That’s all. That’s based on my experience too.

I've got a question about role models, but you've kind of already spoken about that... Yeah, I should put a female one in there, obsessing over Taika. My mum, that’s cute. In terms of a filmmaker, I absolutely love, Jennifer Kent. She did The Babadook.

My mate's kid was in that... Really? Was he the boy? Wow. He’s a good actor. That’s incredible.

There’s a scene in that where I just went, “That is messed up,” where he sees the Babadook in the car and he’s screaming. It’s eerie. It’s the scariest film ever, that and The Ring. That film f*cks me. I love her career trajectory, her journey, her unapologetic content. She’s an incredible filmmaker. I can’t wait to see what else she’s going to do. And she was a Flickerfest entrant too, The Babadook started at Flickerfest, it was a short film. She’d been working on that feature for years before it got up, yeah.

What are your favourite childhood memories? Going to family dinners with my parents, oldschool restaurants that are still here, Papa Giovanni’s, Gelbison...

Your dad would have been down the beach a lot? Yeah, he was down the beach heaps. But, you know, being a teenage girl and back when you had nothing to do in the holidays and you’d be there from 10am to 4pm every day during summer holidays. I was so dark! Those were the days.

Do you know Steve Hirst and Darren Arbib, the guys that made a film about 15 years ago called Benny Unseen Hero? Was that at

Tropfest? Is that when he used to do all sorts of crazy stuff, and no one ever witnessed all the awesome shit he did? That was amazing. That’s a great short film.

What shits you about the area?

Backpackers. No, sorry, not backpackers, illegal f*cking backpacker places. I’m certain there is one on our street. They leave all their shit and their junk everywhere, glass, bottles, crap - not great for kids - on our street. People who hoon down the road in their little Porsches and their little f*cking Lexus’ and whatever, just the rich boomers, down family suburban streets, you don’t need to go 80.

People are walking with their prams, all sorts of shit. I hate it.

Beeping, goddamn it. Too much beeping. Anyway...

The area has become so affluent, especially over the last ten years or so; growing up here in a grassroots family, how do you feel about the way the area's changed? Look, there’s pros and cons. I love that there’s the Bondi bubble and you don’t really need to leave sometimes. You’ve got everything here, which I kind of like, being a mum and lazy. But with so many people and more apartments being built, obviously the traffic is a nightmare. Getting in and out of Bondi is only going to get harder. So, things like that bother me, but I don’t mind change. I don’t mind that it’s becoming a better and better suburb. It’s pretty expensive though.

At this stage in our lives we’d have Buckley’s chance of buying.

We’d have to hit it massive, or we’d need a crash. But, comparing the Bondi I grew up in with Bondi now, I like the change and the evolution that’s occurred.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Adele Vuko? The future holds me becoming an extremely successful writer and director, and successful not in terms of fame or glory, but being able to create the stories I want to create on a global scale. Working and raising my children here, but also, again, being able to work globally. And just making fun stuff and being able to keep paying the rent or the mortgage ●

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dwelled in trees, the sun and the ocean, etc. It was a perfect environmental mindset. You’re unlikely to throw your trash in the ocean if you believe Poseidon, god of the sea, will rise up and smite you with his trident. But now most of the world believes in either one god or no god at all, we’ve lost our reverence for Mother Earth.

We’re sat on the couch eating shrink-wrapped popcorn and watching our house burn down.

This year, why not make a vow to tread more lightly? Start with that demon plastic: pop a reusable shopping bag in your pocket before you go shopping, pick up three pieces of plastic litter a day and visit local growers’ markets instead of buying overly packaged supermarket products.

Love is all you need.

The Unreliable Guide To... Love Words Nat Shepherd Photo Charlie Bean Most religions preach that we should practise what the Buddhists call “loving-kindness”.

The Bible encourages the practice with the suggestion that, “love covers a multitude of sins”, while the Quran exhorts believers to, “Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it.” Even philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who thought religion was nonsense, suggested that love can be, “the most angelic instinct” and, “the greatest stimulus of life.” As The Beatles told us, ‘All You Need Is Love’, so The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you bring more love into the world...

Love thy neighbor Love of others is a hard one. It’s easy to dislike people, they do a lot of really annoying things.

The Buddhists focus on this 50 The Beast January 2020

issue; much of their teaching is on the importance of how empathy and understanding bridges differences. When you realise that this is one planet with one people, refugees are no longer ‘them’- they are ‘us’.

But people with opposing views are hard to love sometimes.

Scomo’s Pentecostal beliefs are especially hard to swallow - the wealthy are godly, the poor are sinners, and if climate change leads to the end of the world, well that’s just God’s providential plan. This wouldn’t matter if he was an Uber driver or worked behind the fish counter at Coles, but unfortunately this loony is in power. Back to the Bible, Scottie, you need to show a little more love.

Love the world Back in pagan times people worshipped the environment, they believed that divine spirits

Love thyself Oscar Wilde declared, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”. He was right, but we seem to have lost sight of how to love ourselves.

We take selfies of our narcissistic, Botox-injected, siliconenhanced exteriors, but we forget about what we do to our bodies and our minds. Think of your body as a temple, not a mall. Don’t fill it with processed food, eat simple. Don’t smear yourself in chemical filled gunk, be natural. Don’t slouch in front of a screen, go for a walk, swim, meditate, sing. We know this advice even if we don’t follow it. But we’re happier when we do, and our joy spreads out amongst the world.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests that you take a moment, right now, and think how you can spread some lovingkindness today. Even if you simply pick up one chip packet from the beach, the turtle, dolphin or seagull you save from choking to death will love you.

January 2020 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Gina Maroske Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

1 0119 0648 1307 1955

1.27 0.70 1.54 0.52

2 0207 0741 1352 2039

1.27 0.74 1.45 0.55

3 0300 0842 1445 2128

1.30 0.77 1.37 0.57

4 0356 0951 1547 2217

1.34 0.77 1.30 0.58

7 0628 1.58 1304 0.58 1851 1.28

8 0038 0712 1353 1941

0.54 1.68 0.48 1.31

9 0122 0755 1438 2029

0.51 1.78 0.38 1.34

10 0206 0840 1522 2115

0.47 1.87 0.30 1.38

11 0252 0925 1606 2203

14 0522 0.43 1147 1.93 1827 0.23

15 0033 0617 1238 1916

1.45 0.47 1.83 0.28

16 0129 0716 1331 2007

1.46 0.52 1.70 0.35

17 0226 0821 1430 2100

1.48 0.56 1.56 0.41

21 0628 1.69 1315 0.47 1903 1.28

22 0043 0721 1409 1959

0.53 1.75 0.41 1.30

23 0132 0809 1454 2045

0.52 1.80 0.36 1.32

24 0218 0853 1535 2128

0.51 1.82 0.34 1.34

28 0456 1121 1754 2356

29 0535 0.58 1156 1.63 1827 0.45

30 0034 0616 1231 1901

1.36 0.62 1.54 0.50

31 0115 0703 1311 1940

1.36 0.67 1.44 0.54

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter 6 0541 1209 1756 2353

1.49 0.67 1.26 0.56

13 0430 1059 1739 2342

0.42 1.98 0.20 1.44

20 0530 1209 1800 2348

1.63 0.54 1.29 0.53

27 0418 1046 1721 2320

0.52 1.76 0.38 1.36

Heavenly.

0.54 1.70 0.41 1.36

Friday

Saturday

•

•

Sunday 5 0450 1103 1654 2306

1.41 0.74 1.26 0.58

0.44 1.94 0.24 1.41

12 0340 1011 1652 2252

0.42 1.98 0.20 1.43

18 0327 0934 1535 2155

1.51 0.59 1.43 0.47

19 0430 1053 1647 2252

1.56 0.59 1.33 0.51

25 0300 0933 1613 2207

0.51 1.82 0.33 1.36

26 0340 1011 1647 2244

0.51 1.80 0.35 1.36

•

•

Such a handsome devil.

The Eye of the Beholder Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Robert Bruns You may have noticed over recent months how the demographic of the Eastern Suburbs changes as summer moves in and the UV index nudges up, the main shift being the huge numbers that flock to the beach.

People from all walks of life gravitate towards the coast, providing ample opportunity to see and be seen. Like bees to a honey pot, our beaches seem to attract an endless display of ‘look at me, look at me’. And why not?

If you’ve got it, why not flaunt it?

If you don’t have it, why not look at it?! But what exactly is it that we want to flaunt or look at? One word: beauty.

As kids we are taught that ‘beauty is skin deep’, yet research overwhelmingly shows that as adults we react more favourably to those who are physically attractive than to those who are not. This bias towards beauty is widespread across all cultures.

But what is beauty? There does seem to be a standard, particularly with regards to the face.

Numerous studies have shown that all of us, across all cultures and including children, agree on what makes an attractive face.

The same trends also tend to make up what we deem to be an attractive body, but let’s stick to faces for now.

52 The Beast January 2020

Some features of what makes a beautiful face may seem obvious, like smooth skin, pleasant expression and youthfulness, but what may not seem so obvious is our desire for average features like the nose, eyes and lips. In other words, the more average the composite of the face, the more we seem drawn to it.

It does seem odd that an ‘average’ face should be deemed attractive when the faces we find most beautiful are anything but average. This is where symmetry comes in, i.e. the more symmetrical the face, the more we like it.

Average features combined with symmetry are the pinnacle, and from an evolutionary standpoint it makes sense. As far back as the Flintstones a beautiful, symmetrical face has been associated with biological heath, fitness and, above all, fertility. This preference relates to both male and female faces, although there can be a cultural variation when it comes to facial hair.

Now for the body. In a general sense, especially in Western societies, men tend to go for the ‘hourglass’ figure in women of average weight. This means that the waist is one third narrower than the hips, or a waist-hip ratio of 0.7 (think Marilyn Monroe). Why? It boils down

to reproduction: the closer the female is to 0.7, the more they are associated with fertility and hassle-free childbirth.

It’s similar for men. Women prefer taller men with a waisthip ratio more like a ‘V’, signifying more muscle than fat and indicating an ability to provide or hunt (think Hugh Jackman or Ken Doll). In more recent times the ‘V’ has possibly been replaced with earning capacity, although both are desirable from a provision standpoint.

The cave man may have had it sussed but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have predicted the complexities that have arisen in today’s world regarding body image. Current studies suggest that around half of Australian women place undue pressure upon themselves to look beautiful, leaving them feeling insecure, especially at places like the beach or when they’re surrounded by others that they perceive as beautiful. Undue pressure can lead to unhealthy outcomes.

Is the lure of beauty something that has been forced upon us by magazines, movies and the like? Or is it something more primitive, driving us to seek a mate for reproduction? Consider an experiment done back in 1969

by Lerner & Gilbert. Kids aged between 5-6 years were shown a range of photos depicting various body types. Most kids could identify their own body type and that of their peers. 86 per cent expressed an aversion to the photo of the chubby kid.

In 2014, the experiment was taken one step further by different researchers who used dolls rather than photos and girls aged 3½-5½ typically assigned positive characteristics to the ‘thin’ doll over the ‘fat’ doll.

Are we blinded by beauty?

You could always ask Jaime Lannister, but if you feel like body image is getting the better of you, please seek professional help.

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Help our bushland Waverley Council cares for 5.8 hectares of remnant vegetation (translation: precious native plants worth nurturing) scattered in patches along our coastline. You can volunteer to join one of six Waverley Bushcare groups to help keep our bushland thriving. You’ll have a great time getting your hands dirty in the great outdoors while enjoying breathtaking views. Visit secondnature.org. au/bushcare-program.

Summer is here.

The Coast: Protect it, Respect it and Snap it!

Words Nicola Saltman, Sustainability Engagement, Waverley Council Summer is here, baby! Get ready for sand between toes, salty hair, cold drinks, BBQ smells and sticky ice cream.

It’s the time when our coastlines heave with crowds seeking cool relief in the ocean.

Our world-renowned beautiful beaches attract millions of visitors each year, mostly in summer. Bondi Beach alone sees more than one million visitors annually. We’re also a coast-loving nation, with more than 8 in 10 Australians living within 50 kilometres of our shore.

So, it’s vital we manage our love for the ocean in ways that minimise local impacts, and also support the health of our marine wilderness on our doorstep. Whether you’re a tourist or a local, there are simple ways to care for our coast, while also getting stuck into all the good stuff on offer.

Bin it, don’t swim in it Sadly, rubbish left in our parks, streets and beaches can end up in our waterways and harm wildlife. Please bin it. Even 54 The Beast January 2020

better, reduce rubbish in the first place by avoiding disposable items such as napkins and containers. Use reusable coffee cups, bags and bottles. Visit secondnature.org.au/waste.

Love it? Snap it to win Post your best coastal pics in the Love the Coast Photo Competition for a chance to win great prizes. All amateur photos are welcome, and entries must have a coastal theme. Entries close January 10. Finalists will be exhibited at Waverley Library from February to March. Visit secondnature.org. au/coast-photo-competition.

Choose sustainable seafood Give fish a chance, and sustainable seafood suppliers your money! Look out for the blue Marine Stewardship Council (MSC) label on all seafood products. By buying fish from sustainable fisheries, you’re encouraging more retailers to stock sustainably sourced seafood and more fisheries to improve and become certified.

Visit www.msc.org.

Get festive!

Come along to one of the many events celebrating our coast this summer. There will be music, vintage finds, animals, indigenous activities, expos and exhibitions, games, giveaways and more at Summerama from 9am to 1pm on Sunday January 19 at Bronte Park. Visit summeramabronte.eventbrite. com.au to book. Also check out the Keep Bondi Beautiful event on Sunday, February 16 at Bondi Beach. The Ocean Lovers Festival is back at the Bondi Pavilion from March 19-22, 2020. For more information, visit oceanloversfestival.com.

Respect the surf Always swim between the red and yellow flags and follow Lifeguards’ instructions at all times. The most important thing to do if you’re caught in a rip is to not panic. If Lifeguards are on patrol, raise your hand in the air to indicate that you need help and float with the current, don’t try to swim against it. Once the rip eases, stay calm and float towards breaking waves.

Join our local community making sustainability second nature and pledge to take care of our coast at secondnature.org.au/coastcare.

Nice guys don’t always finish last.

Passed the Test Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Jiminy Cricket For many of us, summer is synonymous with Test cricket.

Coming home from work or school, throwing yourself on the couch and zoning out for an hour or two to the hypnotic ‘thock’ of leather on willow is the nation’s preferred form of meditation. Forget One-Dayers - pyjama cricket - Test cricket is where the true romance and beauty of life resides. But sadly, due to the actions of greedy administrators and foolish, arrogant players, it seemed like we might be losing not only the game, but a part of our country’s soul. This summer there is a sense of hope though. Is Test cricket about to enter a bright new age?

Its resurgence began, as it often does, with a battle against the old enemy. We sent our men into the shadows of Mordor (Old Trafford) and they emerged like victorious hobbits with the sacred urn. Gollum, also known as Joe Root, and his evil orcs, Stuart Broad and Jimmy Anderson, were sent

scuttling back to the dark holes from whence they came, to gorge themselves on man-flesh (blood pudding) and gather strength for the next battle.

Sure, we didn’t technically win the urn, but isn’t it said there are no winners in war?

There were some winners though, sports fans and Test cricket. It has sparked a renewed energy for the summer of cricket that, even at its peak, series’ against Pakistan and New Zealand wouldn’t have usually generated.

It wasn’t just the result that won us back, it was the manner in which it was achieved.

Tim Paine may not be the best captain this country has ever produced, and is certainly not the best cricketer, but geez, he’d make a good politician. It’s a strange indictment on society that we’d be lauding someone for being a normal, nice, person, but that’s what Tim Paine is, a nice enough bloke you’d be happy to have a beer with.

He’ll be sacked within the year,

of course - once an acceptable amount of time has passed for Steve Smith’s penance - but that’s ok, he’s done his job. He’s hosed the mud off the Tarago and now we can drive it past the neighbour’s house again. They say nice guys finish last, but finally that wasn’t the case.

It’ll be interesting to see if the nice guy shtick is continued over the rest of summer, especially against the nicest of all nice guys, the New Zealand cricket team. It’s easy to maintain a higher moral ground against English bullies, or be chummy with polite Pakistanis, but when your so-friendly-it’sirritating cousin comes to town for a bit of backyard hit and giggle, it’s hard to resist the urge to bounce them out of the game and send them sulking back inside for a fruit-cup cordial and a cuddle from Mum. It’s the Australian way.

Whatever happens, I’m just happy to have that familiar ‘thock’ back in my ears. I didn’t realise how much I’d missed it.

January 2020 The Beast 55

Santa’s little helpers.

A Sustainable Christmas, New Year and Happy Holidays!

Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Sue Stainable I have always loved this time of year and have appreciated how lucky we are to celebrate our Christmas, New Year and summer all at once. We may not get the iconic White Christmas in the southern hemisphere but we get some major ingredients for the perfect happy holiday, namely sun, sand, seafood and the occasional cool drink!

I am also aware that this time of year is not so happy for everyone. Facing Christmas after the loss of someone very important in your life is not easy. It can also be a difficult time for those who are alone.

Financial issues and the seemingly endless pressure to spend are further sources of stress.

So, how can we address some of these issues?

I recommend keeping it simple, sustainable and neighbourly, and making sure we have fun along the way. It’s time to take some pressure off ourselves. Remember, we don’t always have to do everything for everybody, go to everything that is on or be anything 56 The Beast January 2020

other than who we normally are. By all means make your hairdresser happy if that’s your thing, but you don’t need to be a model of perfection in every aspect of your life. It’s okay not to have a new outfit and you don’t need to attend every party you are invited to or give a gift to everyone you know. A warm ‘hello’ is better than a mass produced card, yet a thoughtfully created online greeting to all your friends would probably be much appreciated and more efficient.

There are going to be some people who we have to get a specific gift for, but there are also lots of inexpensive options such as a framed photo or drawing, home-baked biscuits, a second hand book and even ‘regifted’ pressies - but be careful who you give them to! You can enjoy hunting around in op shops or, if you want to buy something new, consider quality reusable drink bottles with an inscription of the recipient’s name. Start busying yourself in the shed or the kitchen and

prepare wooden cutting boards, relishes and other treats. They will be much appreciated.

Keeping it simple will not only ease some of the potential financial stress, it’s also good for the environment. I don’t think too many of us in the Eastern Suburbs are comfortable with spending our holidays generating the trash that can end up polluting our beautiful natural environment.

There’s probably not enough time to get into home brewing but we can also make sure we recycle our glass and cans.

There is time, however, to buy a Soda Stream if you don’t already have one. They are fantastic, as anyone who owns one will attest.

If you want to really simplify things, give yourself and the family a real treat and reduce your washing, go for a swim, have a free cold shower at the beach, walk more, buy fruit and vegetables that are not prepacked, eat with your hands... how much fun is this? Wear the same shorts and tops for days, as long as you’re not too sweaty - I’m being silly now but it is the silly season after all.

A great trend of recent years has been the popularity of street parties, a great opportunity to get to know your neighbours and develop a sense of community. Keep in mind that older people, teenagers and those living alone may not feel welcome if the scene is set exclusively for young couples with kids, so make sure your party is welcoming to everyone. A good way to do this is by offering delicious nibblies - cabanossi and cheese cubes hit the spot.

Why not share your own ideas for a simpler, more sustainable, more neighbourly and happier holidays on social media? Slip, slop, slap, seek, slide and don’t forget… swim!

Happy Holidays from Marj.

Our petition to save paediatric cardiac services at the Sydney Children's Hospital Randwick has now been mailed out.

This is an issue that deeply concerns countless people from our community, and we are asking that you, and your friends and family take the opportunity to sign and return the petition to my office. If you would like to be involved in our local campaign, let us know.

CONTACT MARJORIE Electorate Office Details: Address: 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Email: coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Phone: 9398 1822 Fax: 9398 1044 Authorised by Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP, 15-53-55b Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031.

Paid for using parliamentary entitlements. October 2019.

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The stand-out dish, sesame crusted tuna. Inset Back to the future.

A Long Time in the Making Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo John Hoggett A prophetic photo from 1990 shows good friends Rhys Ward and John Hoggett, both aged 12, in fancy dress at the Waverley College Book Day. Rhys is dressed as a chef, and the pint-sized John, a waiter.

30 years later, the childhood friends have just opened a ripping little beachside bar and grill in Clovelly.

Reel Food & Drink is the duo’s first venture into the industry. The restaurant is nestled amongst the colourful terrace houses at the beach end of Burnie Street. I visited during opening week but it already felt as if the place had been a mainstay for years. We stepped straight off the footpath into a breezy, high-ceilinged room full of life. Tables will soon be added to another raised room, as will some outdoor seating, which will be prime position during these long summer days.

It should come as no surprise that seafood is Reel’s specialty.

If the name doesn’t give it away, there’s an old-school lifesaving ring adorning a pacific blue wall 60 The Beast January 2020

and oars hanging from another.

Not much has changed since 1990; Rhys still towers over John and is the main man in the kitchen. Formally of Sydney Cove Oyster Bar, Ward cooks what he likes and is evidentially a man of good taste. There’s something to suit everyone on the menu, a mix of seafood taste plates, grill classics and a rotation of daily specials, depending on what’s been biting.

A stand-out dish is the sesame crusted tuna. Seared on the outside and raw in the middle, this yellowfin tuna comes with wasabi mayo, pickled ginger, wakame seaweed and a soy and ginger dressing. One bite and it becomes instantly clear Ward is no longer playing dress-ups.

Other sensational taste plates on offer include the succulent fish tacos and sizzling garlic prawns in olive oil, served with crusty bread. Mains include the classic hearty beef burger and a grass-fed rib-eye with onion jam, as well as crispy skin Atlantic salmon. To give you some idea of what may be on offer

on the daily specials menu, our meal’s crescendo came in the form of a giant Queensland spanner crab cooked in ginger.

The ginger was an interesting twist, adding a bit of flavour without overpowering the crab.

At Hoggett’s request, we made a real mess of it and washed it down with a few beers.

“Reel” isn’t just a nod to the food on offer though. Real food and real people is also the restaurant’s mantra. Manager Hoggett is a great guy who makes you feel right at home and there’s an overall sense of candidness about the place.

Burnie Park is on the same street and kids are welcome.

Each meal on the kid’s menu comes with a complimentary bowl of ice-cream with topping.

There is a lot to love about Ward and Hoggett’s unpretentious, understated approach.

All the dark-timber furniture in the world and pretty Instagram photos can’t make up for great food and service, and Reel has both of these.

There is one thing that has changed since Ward and Hoggett were kids however. Back in 1990, the pair fell just short of first place in the Waverley College Book Day dress up competition, narrowly beaten by the Marshmallow Man. Flash-forward to today and the childhood mates have an undeniable winner in Reel Food & Drink.

Reel Food & Drink 48 Burnie Street, Clovelly Web www.reelfd.com Email John@reelfd.com Instagram @reelfoodanddrink Open 1pm-late daily, closed Tuesdays Prices Skewers (2) $12, Tacos (2) $12, Sesame crusted tuna $16, Beef burger $18, Atlantic salmon $22, Kid’s meals $10 Cards Master, Visa, AMEX Licensed Yes

imagine eating this salad in Positano with a well-chilled, crisp, light, slightly fruity vino blanco nearby.

This recipe serves two people and you should be able to put it all together in just 20 minutes.

Ingredients 2 yellow nectarines, stone removed and cut into quarters 1 large ball of mozzarella (I used buffalo), roughly torn - drain any juice 1 small baby cos lettuce, leaves washed and separated 8 slices of prosciutto, lightly fried in a pan until crisp 2 small chillis, finely diced (seeds removed if you prefer) 1 bunch mint, leaves separated 20 ml olive oil 1 large wedge of lemon

Fresh ingredients are the key.

Salad of Grilled Nectarine, Mozzarella, Baby Cos, Prosciutto, Chilli and Mint Words and Picture Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Summer salads here we come!

The epitome of seasonal, this easy to prepare salad includes one of the most delicious stone fruits, the nectarine, with fresh and light salad leaves and herbs. It certainly has an Italian flavour with the mozzarella and prosciutto. The chilli provides the heat and the mint adds just enough fragrance.

I’ve decided to present this summer salad deconstructed, almost like a share plate, but

you can also dress it and toss together to combine prior to serving. It’s really not difficult to prepare a beautiful summer salad like this, as long as you get your hands on the freshest of ingredients.

The simple addition of olive oil and lemon is all you need to complete the dish, as there’s already plenty of sweetness and saltiness from these diverse ingredients. It looks so vibrant and pretty on a plate and I can

Method 1. Heat a griddle pan on medium heat and drizzle with olive oil. When hot, place the nectarine pieces flesh side down for 1 minute then repeat for the other side of the flesh. Remove from pan and set aside; 2. The rest of the method is just the assembly on a platter.

Working around the platter, arrange the baby cos leaves, torn mozzarella segments, layer the crispy prosciutto and scatter the nectarine and the mint; 3. Place the lemon wedge on the platter, then place olive oil and chilli onto 2 small salt dishes and add to the platter.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

January 2020 The Beast 61

Subject Boardriders boys Location Bondi Photographer Mark Hunter @bondihunter

Subject Sunrise silhouette Location Coogee Photographer Mary Lin

Subject Vantage Location Coogee Photographer Jack Robinson

Subject Training Location Tamarama Photographer Walter Kennard @waltkennard

Subject CĂ´te d'Azur Location Gordons Bay Photographer Freya Somosi

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Hazey Location Centennial Park Photographer Stuart Carlyle

Subject Beware Location Coogee Photographer Lee Wynyard @lee3330

Subject Stand-off Location Coogee Photographer Juan A. Rojas

Subject Angling Location Bondi Photographer Kim Kench @mummephotographyau

Subject Deserted Location Bondi Photographer Max Wilkie @pasttensephotography

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Milky Chance MIND THE MOON Label Universal Music Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  They may have one of the worst band names going (I don’t know what it means, I only know it can’t be good), but Milky Chance can certainly punch out a catchy number. Listening to Mind the Moon, I often found myself singing along mindlessly, not really knowing what I was saying or if it had any meaning. I could have been singing alt-right hate chants for all I know. It’s all kind of one-paced though, like relentlessly rutting away in the missionary position. Which is great and all, but it’d be nice to test out the hamstrings and get weird.

Winston Surfshirt APPLE CRUMBLE Label BMG Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

MRS LOWRY & SON Adrian Noble Genre Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Mrs Lowry & Son is an appealing characterdriven drama based on the stiflingly troubled relationship between the acclaimed English artist L.S. Lowry (Timothy Spall) and his cantankerous bedridden mother, Elizabeth (Vanessa Redgrave).

Laurence tries to see the beauty in everything around him even though much of it is bleak. Elizabeth, on the other hand, feels bitter and blames Laurence for her unfulfilled social and professional dreams and spends much of her time verbally undermining her son’s artistic endeavours. Despite this Laurence stays unwaveringly committed in his “compulsion to put down everything, to capture a way of life”.

Redgrave and Spall’s performances are exceptional in their nuanced interpretations of two people who are, despite their vast differences, so co-dependent. Some people may want more from this film than it delivers but it isn’t meant to be about Lowry’s art; it is, as the title suggests, about Mrs Lowry and the indelible effect she had on her son.

64 The Beast January 2020

Slide out of your clothing, slip on a soft robe and pour yourself a tasty beverage, preferably into a coconut. Now I want you to creep onto a comfy, pool-side lounge, and slap on some Winston Surfshirt. Things are about to get real lazy and super funky. Like Snoop Dogg, if you disregarded the murder charge, rapping or sound. In fact, it’s nothing like Snoop Dogg, it’s just the general vibe.

Which is where the appeal of Winston Surfshirt really lies; it’s all about the vibe. Don’t overthink it, get lazy, sip on a Pina Colada, all is good.

Coldplay EVERYDAY LIFE Label Parlophone Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I’m not a Coldplay fan. Well, at least, I don’t admit that to anyone with a cool haircut. I did once get dragged to their concert though and it was surprisingly fabulous. They’ve ditched all their fancy production here, and I get what they’re trying to do, but I don’t think a Coldplay album is going to save the world. I don’t think Chris Martin and co. have an everyday life anything like ours either. It all feels very patronising. Despite all that, it’s a reasonable listen. I might even put it on when I have company… unless they have a cool haircut.

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ACROSS 1. A person in their eighties (12) 7. Feline (3) 8. Aid and ... (4) 9. Flightless Australian bird (3) 10. Expel from one’s country (5) 12. Brief appearance in film and TV (5) 14. Expressing location (2) 16. Upper lip hair (colloq.) (2) 17. Chief Wiggum’s son’s name from The Simpsons (5) 19. Indigenous New Zealander (5) 20. Large container (3) 22. Not far (4) 23. Trigonometric ratio (abbrev.)

(3) 24. Hardcore punk teetotaller and drug abstainer (colloq.)

(8,4) DOWN 1. Arranges music; surreptitiously plans (12) 2. Baby (colloq.)

(3) 3. Berry used to make wine (5) 4. Indigenous Mexican person (5) 5. Anger (3) 6. Study of the nervous system (12) 11. Matt Corby and Courtney Act both started out on Australian ... (4) 13. Groove (4) 14. Ante meridiem (1,1) 15. Approaching (2) 18. The capital of Vietnam (5) 19. Deserve (5) 21. Place that serves alcohol (3) 23. A little bit (3)

Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Kim Kench Instagram @mummephotographyau 1. Who killed John F Kennedy’s assassinator, Lee Harvey Oswald, in 1963?

2. What does Canberra (Kanbarra) mean in the old Ngunnawal language of the local Ngabri people?

3. Which local pub, formerly an aquatic centre, put a shark in its pool in 1935 that later vomited out a human arm?

4. Which sportsperson, who has represented Australia in cricket and soccer, won the Sport NSW Athlete of the Year in 2019?

5. Which actor, who played James Bond, played a cameo role as a Stormtrooper in Star Wars: The Force Awakens?

6. Which Aussie legend, born in 1949 in Essex, performed at the recent Falls Festival?

7. Since the ‘Nielsen Poll’ became available in 1972, which Australian Prime Minister has had the highest approval rating?

8. What is cacospectomania?

9. Which Eastern Suburbs high school did Marie Bashir and Julia Zemiro attend?

10. What does the QR in QR codes stand for?

Burning skies.

January 2020 The Beast 65

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Wind down with a relaxing phone-free stroll, taking time to reflect on how good life was back in the day before mobiles.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 A good-looking person will get away with most forms of inappropriate behaviour. You need to be a bit more careful though.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Spend more time in the ocean this summer. You’ll feel like you’re on holidays and it won’t cost you a cent.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Putting your salary up your nose each weekend won’t bring you long-term financial security but it will make you happy.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 At least pretend to be a little bit excited when your friends call you, or they’ll stop calling you, which could be a good thing.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Despite a Christmas cost blowout you’ll come into a bit of money this month. Save it for a rainy day, if we ever have one.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 It’s looking like a bit of loving could be on the radar. It’ll set you back around $250 but it will be worth every cent.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 You may not be aware of this but you have a really beautiful voice. As long as you’re speaking quietly, it really is lovely.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Planning for the future is all well and good, but at some point you should stop and enjoy the moment.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 As another year of failure comes to an end, make some unambitious New Year’s resolutions and start 2020 as a winner.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Despite your face drying up like an old ball bag, you should steer clear of the surgeon’s knife and age gracefully, like Joan Rivers.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 Your fear of upsetting people is stopping you from realising your full potential. Just tell them all to go and get f*cked.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions

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