The Beast - February 2016

Beast the

THE MONTHLY MAGAZINE FOR SYDNEY'S BEACHES OF THE EAST • FEBRUARY 2016

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Welcome to February 2016... The Holiday Hangover Words Dan & James Hutton

W

elcome to the February 2016 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East.

February is kind of like the Monday afternoon of the year.

We’re getting over our holiday hangovers, but we’re still a little sleepy. Luckily, the Eastern Beaches are going to be jampacked with awesome events this month to rev us back up.

Among other rad happenings, Ben and Jerry’s Open Air Cinema at Bondi will be playing 'Clueless' on the big screen for the film’s 20th anniversary – “As if !” – and Bowl-A-Rama Bondi will be skating back into our lives with Tony Hawk at the fore. If Cher Horowitz and pro skaters don’t wake you up to the New Year, perhaps you should try counselling.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. There are plenty of date options in the Eastern Suburbs, but for goodness sake, book early. Watching couples wander aimlessly around, eventually settling for a vacant table at Macca’s, is both hilarious and very, very sad.

Don’t be the person who forgot to make reservations!

The mag this month is full of juicy stuff, as per usual. Channel V presenter Carissa Walford is on our cover. Carissa’s television and hosting career has gone from strength to strength in recent years, but it is her down to earth nature that keeps us wanting more.

Who could forget her pivotal role as Melissa on Home and Away back in 2012? It’s memories like these that get Carissa

laughing, and reveal what a laidback Bondi chick she really is.

We were very sad to learn of the closure of the Rock Surfers Theatre Company back in December, so this month we have included a brilliant obituary for the legendary theatre company penned by actor and playwright Toby Schmitz.

We’ve also got plenty of other local news including the new Bondi Pavilion plans, the 411 on the Clovelly RSL site, a fascinating piece about a Coogee choir heading to Tonga to sing to whales, some poorly disguised PR advertorial nonsense, and so much more.

As always, we hope you enjoy this month’s issue and we wish you a happy and productive February.

Cheers, Dan & James

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8 The Beast | February 2016

Contents February 2016 • Issue 133

6 9 10 12 20 22 24 24 26 27 49 50

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Letters Local Bloke Local Chick Thumbs Dogs Local News Beastpop I Beastpop II Calendar

The pilgrimage.

51 52 58 60 61 62 64 66 67 68 70 72

Local Tradies Interview Local Photos I Rupert’s Rant Beastpop III Local Wildlife Fish ‘n’ Tips Underwater Wildlife Tide Chart Unreliable Guide QTips Travel Bug

74 76 78 80 82 84 85 86 88 96 98 98

Enviro News This Sporting Life A Pirate's Life Sexy Time Local Photos II Reviews Arts Bits Bandage Food & Wine Beast Brainteasers Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Religion is nonsense.

Go Renegade And Stuff The System Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Michelangelo

P

earls of Wisdom has reached its ten-year anniversary and during that time I have never found cause to react to the myriad of complaints received as a result of my outrageous and boundary-pushing column.

I’ve been accused of being a bra burner and a communist, I’ve been told to “like it or leave” (in reaction to my ardent assault on gentrification) and I’ve even been threatened with legal action.

But have I reacted? Have I bitten back? No, I’ve put up and shut up because I’m fully aware that most of the criticism has been ill considered and written off-thecuff in a fit of anger before my column is even fully digested.

And, being a compassionate person, I empathise with the anger, impelled daily by the SMH’s headlines to dash off a letter of pure rage, but my zen-like persona takes over and I down a G&T instead, even if it's 9am.

But this month, in celebration of my first decade, I’ve decided it’s time for me to bite back in reaction to criticism of my December column, ‘What Would Jesus Do’. It’s not the

10 The Beast | February 2016

first time Pearl’s column has been falsely criticised by a professed ‘Christian’; I recall that one of my columns incited a letter war between ‘Believers’ and ‘Rationalists’, even though I have never revealed where my sentiments lie and have, in fact, referred admiringly to Jesus’s creed and socialist beliefs.

However, the letter titled ‘Pearl’s Article Offensive’ in January’s edition has really pushed my nacre cardigan buttons. Starting with the criticism of the Banksy portrayal of a crucified Jesus toting shopping bags and then going on to state that I have ‘trivialised’ the great man, I was totally flabbergasted. Oh my God, lovey, can’t you see that I was using the grace of Jesus to take the piss out of society’s obsession with consumerism at Christmas? In the words of another January letter writer (‘Unethical Change to Ethics Form’), “I don’t understand why a religious faction would feel so threatened”.

And threatened they are, but this is where I fight back. I’m fighting back by offering advice

to the Maroubra mother who penned the letter regarding the removal of the ethics option from the Department of Education enrolment form: Darling, don’t fight the system; instead, go renegade and stuff the system up with a mass but subversive campaign, harnessing as many parents as possible. Send your kiddies to religious education, but insist that your ‘religion’ is Jediism or Dudeism, and that you are ‘deeply disturbed’ and find it ‘unacceptable and offensive’ when the school’s pastoral care is unable to accommodate your child’s religious beliefs. Send them armed with a plethora of rational questions each week designed to fluster the scripture teacher and cause outrage. I suggest you use the late comedian Bill Hicks’ ‘Dinosaurs in the Bible’ as a reference point.

As a collective group of parents, your guerilla-like tactics will have that pew-warming Premier back flipping in no time and the little tick box will mysteriously reappear on the form.

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Sent in by The people of the Eastern Suburbs

EARLY BIRD TAX I wonder where do Randwick Council get off considering the introduction of a congestion tax for people using Clovelly Beach in the early morning (The Beast, January 2016, p42)?

Yet again we have a local council diverging from its core responsibilities of collecting garbage and providing basic amenities for local ratepayers.

They have no right or mandate to impose a tax of any sort on local ratepayers using a public beach, regardless of the time of day.

Someone should tell the 'friendly' local who thinks this is a great idea, no doubt one of the few lucky multi-millionaires who can afford to live within 100 metres of Clovelly Beach, that he bought the house he lives in, not the rights to the beach.

The fact that loopy Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore, most famous for inflicting traffic snarling bicycle lanes and ridiculously expensive art works on those Sydney ratepayers silly enough to keep re-electing her, has stated that she's in favour of the idea should make us very scared.

Finally, if Randwick Council needs to raise money for beach improvements, they may wish to consider imposing some kind of nominal parking fee in the

12 The Beast | February 2016

southern car park of Clovelly Beach for the hoards of people from the western and inner western suburbs who descend on the Eastern Beaches at this time of year, whilst issuing exemption stickers to local ratepayers, as has been the case in the past.

We pay enough already in council rates to use these beaches.

Danny Hill, Maroubra It was a satirical piece Danny, apologies for the confusion - Ed.

They have no right or mandate to impose a tax of any sort on local ratepayers using a public beach, regardless of the time of day.

COSMIC NEW YEAR CELEBRATIONS It was just after 5.30am on January 1 that we, a 62-year-old couple, arrived at Bondi Beach to thank, wonder and salute the first rays of light of the giver of life to the Earth.

To our surprise, the white sands of the beach were darkened by the hundreds of

young people gathered to have a similar experience. There was a sense of peace and reverence coming from their space. Maybe tired or sick from the intoxicating duties of celebrating, maybe in wonder or maybe in love, every bit of grass, every rock was peopled with expectation.

All eyes were at that moment focussed on the natural, predictable, trusted, indispensible and mighty phenomenon.

As the event took place, between dark clouds that created images of accumulated glowing sunlight, some of them joined hands, lowered heads and revered it, others prepared their selfie sticks and with sun-like smiles perpetuated the moment; others joined their voices softly in songs of peace – there were no rules. Their hearts, with their individualised languages, flowed without any struggle towards the sun.

Science keeps busy suggesting scientific explanations for that mighty ball of warmth and light. At that moment the youth brought up their feelings to their mind. The sun was not just a chemical, atomic, nuclear reaction. The sun is a kind of creator, a lover that dances with us along the richness of the cosmos. It gives us a sense for rhythm, for strength, for truthfulness, for inner clarity, for moving and dancing communally. It makes morality the loving law of this eternal and life-creating dance.

Peace on Earth and may many more festivals be celebrated in the spirit that helps our future, our youth, to quieten down, to reach into the might of their inner being, hold hands and unite with their cosmic surroundings.

Maria Hoffmann HERITAGE LISTING FOR CEMETERY Dear Editor, Waverley Cemetery is a special and wonderful place and a great asset for the people of Sydney. Unfortunately there are

people who are lobbying Council to develop it. They want Council to build a car park, function centre and shops there. They would also like a great big fence around it to restrict access.

Residents for Waverley Cemetery is a local action group that wants to protect the cemetery from this sort of insensitive development. As part of our strategy for protecting the cemetery we applied to have it State Heritage listed. Both Council and our local member, Bruce Notley-Smith, have come on board and have agreed to support the State Heritage listing.

The Heritage Council is now asking for public submissions.

If you value this beautiful place and would like to help protect it for future generations, please make a written submission supporting the listing. Log on to the Residents for Waverley Cemetery Facebook page for information about how to do this.

Submissions close on February 9, 2016.

Penny Mora, Residents for Waverley Cemetery

Residents for Waverley Cemetery is a local action group that wants to protect the cemetery from this sort of insensitive development.

MIRVAC KEEPS ON PUMPING This afternoon (December 18, 2015) Mirvac did not shut down work until 5.25pm and was still pumping concrete after 5pm.

According to the ranger, they have been fined $5,000, but he can’t stop the works.

Residents have got the development interrupting their lives for 58 hours a week. This noise and disruption is extremely distressing to residents. Is a $5,000 fine adequate for further disruption?

14 The Beast | February 2016

The council seems to take the philosophy that the sooner the build is finished the better, but this is simply not true for residents. We have got two more ten-storey towers coming down the line for this street. It will take years for them to be built.

I have recently written to Gabrielle Upton and the Sydney Morning Herald suggesting the reduction of construction hours to 48 hours a week. Given that for the foreseeable future Sydney is going to be rebuilt and rebuilt, this would do something to redress the imbalance between the rights of developers to maximise profits at the cost of Sydney’s quality of life, and the rights of property owners to enjoy their properties in peace and quiet.

Yours sincerely, Jennifer Crone, Bondi SPEED BUMPS I have a simple solution in regards to loud and unnecessary speed humps. I was living in London when the folks in my street protested against speed humps by initiating the 'honk on humps' protest. Quite simply, everyone honked their horn every time they went over one of the offending humps, 24 hours a day. It was entertaining, but short lived. They were removed quick smart.

Moose Moore, Bondi LEAVE BEARDY ALONE Dear Editor, Please ignore what Di Drew (Letters, The Beast, January 2016) is saying regarding the impropriety of the star signs page. Nothing will ever be funnier than the hilarious recommendations from Beardy from Hell. Detractors from the page clearly struggle to understand that the fundamental basis of satire is absurdity! Or maybe the complainant was a Pisces and thought the suggestion in August’s issue to try ice was sincere? Regardless, if they want vanilla bland star signs

they are welcome to read the Good Weekend, but leave Beardy alone!

Mara Lejins, Bondi DEAR DUNCAN Dear Duncan Horscroft, As you know I love you dearly, and I wondered, as we have known each other for a long time, why you didn’t call me if you wanted information about our projects?

As you will recall with the ‘dog issue’ at Bronte I am always happy to discuss anything about Waverley with you and would prefer an informed chat rather than you getting all hot and bothered when knowing the facts may save you some stress.

So, for the record: 1. In December, the State Government announced its plan for a new, amalgamated Eastern Suburbs Council, which will be created by merging Waverley, Randwick and Woollahra Councils. Most councils would prefer not to merge, but the government’s original idea of Waverley being part of a ‘Global City’ with Woollahra, Randwick, Botany and the City of Sydney would not have been good for our residents.

It has always been our positon that to do the best thing for Waverley residents we needed to be the masters of our own destiny and negotiate the best arrangement for our residents. There are many great synergies with our neighbouring councils and great opportunities for saving money as well as improving services.

2. Capital works in our beach areas are always inconvenient and we thank everyone for their patience. Some events such as the City2Surf don’t allow us to do some works during winter.

Regarding work at Bondi Park, all paths were completed on December 22 and opened to the public for use. Some fences have been left in place as more scheduled work is planned after the holidays in February, and other

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fences have been erected due to Health and Safety Environment (HSE) issues such as broken glass fragments that need to be removed from the soil. All works related to the fire upgrade have been completed. Work on making the tunnels under Queen Elizabeth Drive safe has been stopped during the busy season and will commence again when things quieten down. These works could not commence during winter because of the City2Surf.

3. There was extensive consultation with residents about the new roadworks and traffic islands being installed at the top of St Thomas Street in Bronte, which were done because of resident requests. At a site meeting held in August 2014, there was strong community objection to the installation of the roundabout. As such, the proposal was modified to include the installation of traffic islands and an angle parking area. It also included the installation of a pedestrian refuge on St Thomas Street adjacent to the Bronte Early Learning Centre at 44 St Thomas Street. A letterbox drop to 210 affected residents was conducted on Friday, March 6, 2015 with submissions closing on Friday, March 20, 2015. Only nine written submissions were forwarded to Council, and of the nine only one objected to the proposed islands.

4. Your comments about the work we have done at Waverley Cemetery are strange because the work has been requested by residents for a very long time and they are thrilled with it.

We resurfaced the road inside Waverley Cemetery because the Friends of Waverley Cemetery have been begging Council to fix up the cemetery’s paths, stairs and fences and to get rid of the red tape around the site.

This is just the beginning to make our beautiful cemetery even better.

16 The Beast | February 2016

5. The new pickets on the fence in Trafalgar Street were a temporary measure to get rid of that horrible orange tape.

A new fence is in the pipeline.

The project is currently being scoped and drawings are being produced. This work will need to go to tender due to the value of the work, with construction anticipated to start before June 2016.

6. A new fence on the Bronte Beach promenade has been installed. This was a made-tomeasure project with a long lead-time.

Your comments about the work we have done at Waverley Cemetery are strange because the work has been requested by residents for a very long time and they are thrilled with it.

7. Oops! Duncan, the new clock at the south end of Bronte Beach was installed in the last week of November. Repairing the old clock was not a cost-effective solution. This is a new, custommade clock that can endure the weather and local environment and will hopefully be in residence for a long, long time.

8. Yes, the coral trees in Bronte Gully are coming out. In the second half of 2015 about 23 were removed. We will continue with that work in 2016. I don’t know if you are familiar with coral trees, but they can look structurally sound one day and then can be on the ground the next.

9. Finally, the Bronte RSL development. To clarify, Duncan, we fought the Bronte RSL development with the residents. The access to Chesterfield Lane

will remain unchanged and will be for residents and Council trucks only, as specified in the Council’s Development Control Plan for the site, other than for a very small number of staff parking bays. All other shopper and visitor parking, and truck and service vehicle access, will be on Macpherson Street, not from the lane.

If you are around over February, why don’t we do coffee and I can answer any other questions that you may have? Duncan, please call?

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley THE CYNICISM OF THE WELL-PAID EXECUTIONER Randwick’s Liberal Councillor Brendan Roberts’ claims that Botany Council puts its head in the sand when it comes to the council merger (Southern Courier, Dec 1, p30), appears a bit like the cynicism of Goldhagen’s willing executioner, who is willing to execute the desire of the Liberal State Government. This means carrying out the ‘Will to Power’ (Nietzsche) of his masters in the Liberal State Government. Part of the whole idea of annihilating councils is to cement Liberal rule.

All this might just be reminiscent of Styron’s ‘Sophie’s Choice’. This is when the powers above council level, i.e. the state, seek to bully individual councils into line. Those who resist are abused, even when Randwick Council is actually ‘Fit for the Future’. It can remain a freestanding council serving its local community. And, by the way, it is not only Botany Council but also Woollahra Council’s Liberal Toni Zeltzer who refuses to be “solicited into playing the victim’s part” in the drama of local council annihilation.

But Liberals such as Toni Zeltzer are by far not the only ones fighting against the proposed eradication of their council. Other Liberals seem to have other fights with our

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Liberal State Government. Take, for example, Mr Notley-Smith.

In the very same issue, the Southern Courier (page 8) noted: “Mr Notley-Smith, who turned on his Liberal Government to condemn…” Here is another Liberal turning on his Liberal State Government. It appears as if Liberals fighting other Liberals has become a daily drama. And it also seems as if the local communities of Woollahra, Randwick and Botany come second in the local Liberal versus state Liberal fights. What a sorry display.

But this display will hit us hard. It will hit voters more than politicians who, according to the Southern Courier (Dec 8, p11), will cash in big time when the new mayor receives $140,000 and committee members $80,000 per year. Perhaps the sociologist Max Weber was correct when forecasting about one hundred years ago that politicians will become well

18 The Beast | February 2016

“paid professionals”. We seem to get the best politicians money can buy. But Weber also saw increased bureaucratisation on the march. He called this the ‘Iron Law’ of bureaucracy. Bigger governmental units demand bigger bureaucracies. On both accounts Weber was right. With sociological precision, he predicted our future.

And quite equally, the destruction of Randwick Council will also fulfil the forecast of another sociologist, as the ‘Michelsian Dilemma’ will also come our way. This means that a ruling elite will establish itself.

But the ruling elite will also distance itself from members, the local population, and from voters. The going maxim of the ruling elite is ‘self-preservation’ – not the interest of voters. All in all, the council merger fulfils a Liberal Party dream: more money for politicians and less democracy for us.

Thomas Klikauer, Coogee

The Beast Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month.

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Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

You got the music in you.

Local Bloke... Luke Bertoz From Coogee Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

C

oogee musician Luke Bertoz recently set up Yap Yap Studios in association with Sunburst Music in Coogee. He shares his local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

I've lived in the area for 15 years.

What's your favourite beach? I used to live in Bronte and I fell in love with the beach. I've spent many days surfing there.

What's your favourite eatery?

There's this magic pasta from Maloney's in Coogee (Egg Pasta Dude - I think), which is next level, but for something a bit more fancy I must say Bistro Avoca is a real winner.

Where do you like to have a drink? I really like Bat Country at The Spot and I also recently discovered that The Ritz Cinema across the road does well priced cocktails upstairs.

20 The Beast | February 2016

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I've grown up surfing and skating so those are more of a sport for me. My brother is a diehard Swans supporter so I have a soft spot for them.

What music are you into at the moment? I've recently hit that point in my life where I've started appreciating the history of modern music. I've been doing a lot of backtracking, but in more detail with great artists like Bowie, ELO, Steely Dan and similar 70s and 80s artists.

Who is your favourite person?

My wife Simone is my favourite, which goes without saying, but now is a good time to say it.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Weekends are my busy time. Playing music, recording music in the studio, catching up with friends and going to the markets.

What do you do for work? I love music. I've immersed myself in recording, producing, writing and playing music for a living so I've set up a recording studio in Coogee called Yap Yap Studios.

You can call us on 0409 199 509.

What's your favourite thing about work? Creating and recording music is such an amazing, personal and exciting adventure so I love sharing this with people.

Do you have a favourite quote?

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Live life to the fullest... eat pasta!

On yer bike.

Local Chick... Michelle Nazzari From North Bondi Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

N

orth Bondi's Michelle Nazzari is the brains behind Fonzarelli electric scooters. She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here?

I've been in the area for about eight years now.

What's your favourite beach?

Clovelly, because the cement landscape makes me feel like I’m in Italy; someone once told me that the Italians actually built it. I brought my Italian relatives here when they visited Sydney and they were more impressed with our classic beaches like Tamarama and Bondi. I guess Clovelly is a bit samesame for them.

What's your favourite eatery?

Raw Bar in Bondi is my favourite for dinner and Mentmore & Morley in Rosebery does the best lunch.

22 The Beast | February 2016

Where do you like to have a drink? The Cornerhouse on Bondi Road has proper drinks, great food and a good vibe.

What do you do for work? I make Fonzarelli electric moto scooters. You can check out my website at www.fonzarelli.co.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? Not really; I prefer to play than to watch. I'm currently loving playing with my stand-up paddle board.

What's your favourite thing about work? I love building stuff.

What music are you into at the moment? SBTRKT... oh, and of course the moped song (Downtown) by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.

Who is your favourite person?

At the moment it's probably my dad as he’s been a great mentor and support in my business.

What do you get up to on the weekends? My favourite pastime would be reading a book or jumping off the rocks near the fishing club at North Bondi, and maybe a sneaky beer, of course.

Do you have a favourite quote?

"Tread lightly on the earth and place your feet deliberately."

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Actively try to make the world around you a better place, whether it's picking up the crap you see on the beach or switching from petrol to a Fonz zero emissions ride, or making sure you really truly sort recyclables and composting properly. Remember that every small action makes a difference, know that it does matter and always try to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

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Cheddar Age 8 years Sex Male Breed Tenterfield Terrier X Weight 6kg

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Thumbs Up FLY SWATTERS – There are so many pesky flies around at the moment and there are few things more cathartic than manually swatting them.

BIG BASH – We were critical at first, but we’re happy to admit we were wrong. The KFC Big Bash this year has been finger lickin’ good.

AN EXTRA DAY – February 29 is back. Not only does it mean my mate Steve gets to celebrate his ninth birthday, it’s also an Olympic year.

CENTENNIAL PARK’S NEW CAFÉ – You can now get a coffee and something to eat within spitting distance of every kids play area in the park.

THONGS – It doesn’t matter whether you call them flip-flops, slops or tsinelas, this footwear really comes into to its own at this time of year.

Cheddar is a very active boy for his age and has such a sweet, happy nature. He loves to play ‘fetch’ and always drops the ball at your feet. He is very social with other dogs off lead, but can be a bit nervous when walking past dogs on lead. He enjoys his pats and cuddles and is comfortable being picked up by strangers. He has a short coat that is very easy to care for. For further details, please give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Coral Age 10 years Sex Female Breed Jack Russell X Weight 8.8kg Coral is a very gentle, quiet girl. She accepts changes very well and she is always looking for some affection. Coral previously lived with a family who had small children and she was great with them. They also had another dog called Prince Harry. She was returned to Doggie Rescue when her owners moved overseas. Coral walks well on loose lead and is a very well adjusted dog. For further details, please give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Thumbs Down SUMMER RAIN – Belinda Carlisle may have liked dancing in it, but in Sydney it’s a pain in the arse. Give us sunshine any day of the week.

DOG BAITERS – We understand that dog poo and barking mutts are unpleasant, but laying baits in a public park is just bat-shit crazy.

THE SCG TEST – With just 100 or so overs bowled in five days thanks to rain, even a dashing Dave Warner tonne was little consolation for fans.

STORAGE FULL – Don’t you just hate that feeling you get when your phone tells you that your storage is nearly full? Time to delete some photos.

FIGICIDE – It was very sad to see a number of 100-year-old figs being felled to make room for the light rail. Is that what they call ‘progress’?

24 The Beast | February 2016

Fennel & Spice Age 6 months Sex Male Breed Chihuahua x Mini Foxy Weight 7kg Fennel and his mum Spice are a bonded pair and will be adopted out together. Fennel is the only remaining pup from Spice. Unfortunately, she doesn't know her daddy, as her mum was quite the promiscuous pooch. We are looking for a home for these hounds where at least one owner is a homebased worker because six-month old pups need two feeds a day, toilet training, obedience training, etc. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

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The Bondi Alhambra.

Bondi Pavilion Gets A Facelift Words Kate Myers Picture Waverley Council

T

he Bondi Pavilion is as much of an icon as Bondi Beach itself, towering above the promenade as a reminder of the area’s rich history, and last month Waverley Council released a concept design to restore the building to its former glory, hiring heritage architects Tonkin Zulaikha Greer to take on the project.

According to Waverley Mayor Sally Betts, the restoration is a priority for the council.

“This design concept provides us with an amazing opportunity to restore the Pavilion to its architectural roots whilst reconnecting it with the beach, park and Campbell Parade,” she said.

The plans outline the historical importance of the building, its heritage features, and the need to retain the original character and purpose of the Pavilion. With an estimated cost of around $38 billion dollars, the project marks the beginning of a refurbishment of the beachfront.

“It is an historic, culturally significant and iconic landmark at a site which is the second most visited place in Sydney,” a Council spokesperson said.

26 The Beast | February 2016

“The Bondi Pavilion Upgrade & Conservation Project is a major part of the roll out of our 10-year plan of management for Bondi Park, Beach and Pavilion.”

“Community feedback has overwhelmingly been that the Pavilion is an important and much loved iconic heritage landmark, but it badly needs upgrade and repair.”

The planned upgrade is extensive, with a number of crucial components including the restoration of the grand proscenium entrance from Campbell Parade, and reinstating the original symmetry of the building true to its former layout.

There is also the inclusion of more public amenities, with a doubling of the existing female public toilets, additional change rooms and family spaces, dedicated toilets for tenancies and a proposed theatre space.

Rita Cole, a former precinct representative, current attendee and Bondi resident for nearly 60 years, said the upgrade will change the relevance of the Pavilion for the local community.

“I think an upgrade is well overdue,” Ms Cole said. “There are a lot of people who would

not go and visit the Pavilion as it is now.

“We need more public facilities, a creative space for films and exhibitions, a cafe, and better access for the disabled and elderly.”

Whilst many details regarding occupancy are yet to be finalised, it is understood that the Pavilion will cater to both cultural and commercial interests.

“We would expect that the site will be an attractive place for festivals - such as for art, music, writing and drama,” a Council spokesperson said. “Music programs, band rehearsals, choir rehearsals and dance classes will continue to be held.”

There is some concern about the effect of the plan on existing businesses, but according to Council’s spokesperson, it is hoped that the Pavilion upgrade will respond to the needs of locals and tourists alike.

“It is envisioned that this will revitalise the Pavilion as a place for visitors and community members to enjoy, connect and relax,” he said. “The new concept focuses on celebrating and restoring the building's heritage.”

What do you think of the plans to upgrade the Bondi Pavilion?

Interview and Pictures Kate Myers

Tom, North Bondi

Amy, North Bondi

So long as the money is spent well, I think the upgrade is good, but people want cultural spaces – we have enough cafes and restaurants already.

At the moment, the Pavilion’s not really used.

The space can be used a lot better than it is now. The whole thing needs to be updated.

Spencer, Bondi

Lee, Bondi

I think it needs an upgrade, but access for community groups should be kept free or low cost so that existing groups who rehearse in the space are able to continue to use the Pavilion.

It’s about time that something was done to the Pavilion, but the money should be spent in the right way on a sensitive restoration, not another commercial enterprise.

Louise, Bondi

Getting rid of unused spaces is a good idea.

Every time we go there, there are empty rooms; the whole building is an embarrassment. If you left your house to rot for 87 years, what would it look like?

Richard, North Bondi

They talk about 'historical character' but the whole thing's falling down.

They need to bring it up to modern standards; it's in desperate need of a facelift.

February 2016 | The Beast 27

A sausage laced with rat poison.

Parklands Safe Despite Dog Death Words Dan Hutton Picture Henry Hutchings

L

ocal dog owners have been asked to remain vigilant after it was reported that one dog died and another fell ill after eating chicken laced with rat poison while on their morning walk in Queens Park.

Local businessman Christian Acuna reported that he was walking his twin beagle-cocker spaniel crosses in Queens Park in late December when he noticed them eating something they had found under a bush.

"I saw both of my dogs eating what looked like a boiled chicken breast, but because it was meat I didn't really pay too much attention to it," Mr Acuna told the Sydney Morning Herald.

"That afternoon both dogs started to vomit."

He took the 18-month old dogs, Mila and Sunny, to the vet and, while Sunny made a full recovery, Mila could not be saved and died three days before Christmas.

"The vet ran some tests and they realised my dog went into liver failure," he said.

"They tested and realised she had been poisoned, but unfortunately her liver was damaged

too much by then.

"The vet told me she was having seizures; her brain was affected by the poison. They told me she had to be put down."

Once the report was received

by Centennial Parklands management, rangers undertook a thorough inspection of Queens Park and thankfully found no evidence of objects of concern, but asked that local dog owners remain vigilant.

A spokesperson for the Parklands told The Beast that staff were saddened to hear the report, but wanted to ensure park visitors were aware that there is a ranger on call 24/7 to deal with any public health and safety matters.

“The fastest way to get a response is by calling our Ranger Assistance Service on 0412 718 611. We urge visitors for urgent matters not to rely solely on email or social media to communicate with the Parklands,” the spokesperson said. “Of course, for any serious injuries or criminal activities, visitors should always phone 000 in the first instance.”

In such a densely populated area, run-ins between those

who own dogs and those who do not are not uncommon. In the past The Beast has reported on a number of dog-related issues including the improper disposal of dog waste, noise from barking dogs, and the positioning and prevalence (or lack thereof) of off-leash areas.

While a minority of dog owners at times tarnish the reputation of others, there is never an excuse for this sort of cruelty.

The Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act 1979 sets out a maximum penalty of a fine of up to $22,000 or two years' imprisonment, or both, in the case of an individual.

One dog owner, who preferred to remain anonymous, did her best to sum up the situation “As a dog owner, I understand why some people get frustrated,” she said.

“There is nothing worse than standing in a pile of dog poo or being kept up all night by the sound of relentless barking.

“But if you’re the sort of person who would put a poisoned bait out in a public park, you really need to seek some professional help, immediately.”

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Everyone is equal in the ocean.

Refugees Surf Towards A Brighter Future At Bondi Words Kate Myers Picture Surfing Without Borders

I

n December 2015, 20 refugees and asylum seekers took part in the inaugural Surfing Without Borders program, led by the Let’s Go Surfing team at Bondi Beach.

The event, designed by Settlement Services International, sought to promote physical and emotional wellbeing amongst its refugee and asylum seeker clients.

Settlement Services International CEO Violet Roumeliotis said the success of the event was evident in the effect it had on participants.

“The men who took part in the program noticed tremendous improvements in their overall health and wellbeing; their English language skills improved, along with their con-

30 The Beast | February 2016

fidence and surfing abilities,” Ms Roumeliotis said.

Reza, a client from Iran and a former lifesaver in his own country, said the program helped him to find work in Australia.

“I love the water,” he said. “It makes me think of nothing, no worries in life, just being in the water and having a happy life.”

“The water and being with my friends is a good feeling. I can’t stop smiling; it makes me so happy.”

An important feature of the Surfing Without Borders program is the ongoing involvement of participants, inspiring others in a similar position to challenge themselves in a safe and relaxed environment. Let’s Go Surfing director Brenda Miley believes the experience is invaluable.

“The ocean is a place where everyone is equal,” Ms Miley said. “It's all about having fun and sharing a great experience together.”

Donations to the program from the local community have an important role to play, with monetary donations assisting further initiatives, and equipment such as beginner surfboards, wetsuits and board repair kits essential to the program’s success.

For those willing to give their time, the program welcomes local volunteers to participate, and provide friendship and practical support for refugees, humanitarian entrants and asylum seekers.

To donate to the program, to get involved, or for more information, visit www.ssi.org.au.

Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches...

Words Maddy Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

COLLEGE KILLS IT IN HSC Excellent HSC results mean that congratulations are in order for Rose Bay Secondary College, and for the class of 2015 in particular.

The school received 86 mentions on the Distinguished Achiever’s List for students who received a Band 6 in one or more subjects, and it ranked 20th in the State Comprehensive Schools List.

College captain and dux Ben Munro achieved an ATAR of 99.75, and came 7th in the state in English Extension 1. Munro was quick to give credit to his teachers, who “were always willing to stay back after hours to help, if we had questions or needed more explanation.”

PACIFIC COMPLEX WELCOMES NEW SPA The new Pacific complex at Bondi Beach is set to get even more exciting with the confirmation that Face Plus MediSpa will be opening a new location there

Prime real estate.

in the near future. Face Plus offers a range of detox and facial refreshment services including the enzyme facial and omnilux light therapy. According to a spokesperson for the brand, “the philosophy behind Face Plus is to treat each client holistically and individually, offering services to help reverse the external signs of ageing, along with advanced nutrition and wellness treatments to help slow down the internal ageing process.” Sounds good to us! Check out www.medispasydney.com.au/BONDIBEACH or call 1300 939 095.

RANDWICK TO DOUBLE SOLAR POWER Harnessing renewable energy can often seem a daunting prospect to the average home or business owner, but help is on the way for Randwick residents. Randwick City Council has launched a new ‘Randwick Go Solar’ initiative, in collaboration with Origin Energy.

The plan includes providing discount incentives for residential, business and school installations of solar panels and other energy efficient appliances, and trialling battery storage technology on a Council site. Mayor D’Souza said “this is a crucial time in history to reduce carbon and tackle the effects of climate change” and we couldn’t agree more. Nice one, Randwick! For more info, visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/ environment-and-sustainability.

SYDNEY FC AT ALLIANZ Grab your mates, your family, or both, and check out some professional football legends at Allianz Stadium this February.

Sydney FC is playing Perth Glory on February 13 at 5:15pm, but the highlight of the month will be the local derby against old foes the Western Sydney Wanderers FC on February 20 at 7:30pm.

Tickets start from just $15.80.

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This is pretty bloody amazing.

All Systems Go For Tamarama Stormwater Recycling Words Dan Hutton Picture Waverley Council

R

emember that big hole in the ground in the park across the road from Tamarama Beach? While it was an unsightly mess at the time, that former eyesore is now one of the key components of Waverley Council’s latest stormwater recycling systems.

Having already installed stormwater recycling systems at Bronte and Bondi beaches, the final piece in this environmentally friendly hat-trick, Tamarama Stormwater Recycling System, was launched late last year by a very proud Waverley Council.

Waverley Council is committed to improving the water quality at our beaches and to reducing our overall water consumption. This new system captures stormwater from our homes, streets and businesses

34 The Beast | February 2016

for underground treatment and recycling.

Once the system removes large pollutants and sediment from the captured stormwater, it is directed to a 185-kilolitre underground storage tank (i.e. the aforementioned ‘big hole in the ground’) for further treatment before being re-used in Tamarama.

According to Waverley Mayor Sally Betts, the stormwater recycling system is an important part of Council’s quest to meet its sustainability targets.

“Waverley Council has set itself some big sustainability targets as part of our commitment to protecting our beautiful area,” Mayor Betts said.

“I’m proud to say that across the three stormwater systems we now have in use - Bronte, Bondi and now Tamarama - it is

estimated we will save 80-million litres of drinking water each year and prevent polluted and potentially contaminated stormwater ending up on our beaches.”

“This project benefits everyone: our local residents; our businesses; swimmers; surfers; day-trippers to Tamarama Beach; families picnicking in the park; and even tourists enjoying the beautiful coastal walk.”

The benefits of the Tamarama Stormwater Recycling System include improved water quality and reduced pollution at Tamarama Beach, a saving of at least 14 million litres of drinking water each year, and the ability to provide recycled water to keep our parks green through improved irrigation, and to provide Council’s water trucks with recycled water to keep our streets green.

Christmas Spirit Puts Smiles On Sick Kids’ Faces Words Dan Hutton

I

n the lead up to Christmas this year, local barbecue wrangler and charitable chap Mal Ward once again held his Christmas Presents for Sick Kids event, which aims to collect as many presents as possible for sick kids and their families who have to spend the festive season in the Sydney Children’s Hospital, Randwick and Westmead Children’s Hospital. This year’s event, held in memory of Mal’s son Johnno who passed away in 2008 after a long battle with childhood liver disease, was another great success.

“We received over 1,000 presents for both the hospitals,” Mal said. “It was yet another amazing effort from the local community.”

Mal was quick to add that such an event would not be possible without those who graciously donate their time to the cause.

“I had some wonderful helpers on the day and it is clear that the true spirit of Christmas is well and truly alive in the Eastern Suburbs,” he said.

As an added bonus this year, Mal used some of the financial donations from the event to purchase presents for the nurses at the two hospitals who work so tirelessly to ensure that the children in their care have the best Christmas possible.

“It was so lovely this year to find the surprise gifts amongst all the toys,” Nurse Unit Manager Rowena Nilsson said. “We certainly didn’t expect to find gifts with tags ‘to the nurses’ as well.”

36 The Beast | February 2016

Feasting at the Our Big Kitchen Shabbat Dinner at Tamarama.

Shabbat Dinner Hits Tamarama Beach Words Dan Hutton Picture Jane Evans - @ jane_lizzie_evans

B

ondi’s charitable community cooking hub, Our Big Kitchen, is giving diners the opportunity to sink their toes into the sand and their teeth into a traditional Shabbat dinner on the beach this month.

At sundown on Friday, February 12, Jews and the wider community will welcome in the Sabbath on the sand at Tamarama Beach. Over 200 people will enjoy a three-course meal on the beach for the third year running.

Traditionally, Shabbat dinners are in people’s homes, so this unique experience is one-of-a-kind in Australia. As the Shabbat is welcomed in, there will be a service, candle lighting and blessings over wine and homemade challahs (Jewish braided bread).

The event is a collaboration between Our Big Kitchen - a community run cooking facility that, with the support of volunteers, prepares meals that are distributed to people in need from all walks of life - and ‘Shabbat entrepreneur’ Leah Greengarten.

Ms Greengarten infuses her creativity into this original experience, while honouring ancient traditions, and she is aiming to take Friday nights to a new level.

“I feel privileged to recreate a classic Jewish Friday night into something incredibly spiritual, surrounded by a quintessentially Australian scene – the beach,” Ms Greengarten said. “I know this will encourage people from the Jewish and wider community to get involved and experience this amazing event together.

“For me, Shabbat is a time of togetherness and a time to reflect on the week that was and pay gratitude for it. As attendees experience the night, I hope they are inspired to create similar experiences.”

The three-course meal to be served on the night will be prepared by former MasterChef contestant, Kevin Perry. An eruv (ritual enclosure) will be built around the event site to ensure it is completely kosher.

Tickets are just $50 (plus booking fee) and can be purchased at www.eventbrite.com.au (just search for ‘Tamarama Shabbat’).

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More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches...

Words Maddy Gray Picture Matt Glas

BOWL-A-RAMA BONDI Want to watch your favourite international skaters ride in the flesh, or just want to watch hot skaters? Head down to Bondi Beach for Bowl-A-Rama Bondi 2016 on February 20 and 21 and watch the world’s best skaters compete against the backdrop of the famous Bondi seaside.

This year’s line-up includes Tony Hawk, Pedro Barros and Tom Schaar. Tickets can be purchased session by session or day by day. Visit www.bowlarama. com.au/australia for more info.

TOUR FOR PARENTS Woollahra Council is offering a free bus tour of the Woollahra Municipality for parents and carers of young children who want to discover all the secret, family-friendly gems in the area.

Unearth the best parks and playgrounds, meet other parents and children, and find out about what services are available to young families in the vicinity. A maximum of two children per adult will be admitted. The tour will start at the Gaden Centre, 344 Edgecliff Road, and will run from 9:30am to 11:30am on Thursday, February 11. Register

Pirates of the Mentawais.

online at www.eventbrite.com. au/e/sticky-beak-tour-for-parents-registration-15431177066.

CURB YOUR FOOD ADDICTION If you are having trouble controlling the way you eat, or know anyone who is suffering from food obsession, overeating, undereating or bulimia, we recommend checking out Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). They offer a free twelve-step recovery program in a safe and hospitable environment. Meetings are held every Wednesday and Friday at the Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra at 7:00pm on Wednesdays and 10:00am on Fridays. For more information, call 8569 1709 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.

RESIDENT DOG LOVER Local Randwick resident Jason Ross has launched a coffee table book for dog lovers called ‘Advice From A Best Friend’, in collaboration with celebrity vet Katrina Warren. Filled with inspiring words and cute-as pics, it's the perfect gift for anyone with a heart. After all, who better to get advice from than a

friend who offers unconditional love and endless positivity? A portion of the proceeds goes to supporting the great work of PetRescue, saving dogs in pounds across Australia. To order, visit advicefromabestfriend.net and spread the smiles.

BELLAGIO AFTER HOURS Bellagio Café at Charing Cross is now open for dinner from 5:30pm to 11pm from Wednesday to Saturday. Joining them to design the new menu is ex-Orto Trading Co. chef Lenny Walker and ex-Ananas Brasserie bar manager Sean Duncan. The vibe is fresh, seasonal and shareable. So call a babysitter, make a reservation on 9387 1562 and get to 285 Bronte Road, stat.

DONATE BLOOD Blood donation is not something that stops being needed. Why not register to donate at the Australian Red Cross Town Hall Donor Centre today? Or even better, get your workplace or organisation involved as a group through Red25, which gives advice and helps coordinate group blood donation bookings. Visit www.donateblood.com.au/red25.

watssup.com.au

February 2016 | The Beast 39

The seas are alive with the sound of music.

Local Singers To Have A Whale Of A Time Words Kate Myers Picture Erez Beatus

M

usic has the power to inspire, motivate and connect, but for one Coogee resident, the combination of the beauty of music and the unique experience of swimming with whales has been more meaningful than any Top 100 song.

Stuart Davis, a talented singer and choir director with over 25 years’ experience, is currently responsible for the direction of three local choirs. In the past five years, Mr Davis’s interest in choral music has led him to create a unique opportunity for those who share his love of adventure.

“All trips have involved three key elements,” Mr Davis said.

“Lots of singing, an amazing local musical tradition to imbibe, and an amazing physical environment to experience.”

Recent trips have included Vanuatu, Morocco, Spain and Tonga, with a return trip to Tonga set for July/August this year. The experience attracts a variety of individuals, but Mr Davis believes they all have something in common.

“They are basically keen singers who have always wanted to swim with whales,” he said.

40 The Beast | February 2016

“The singing is really important; it gives us a way of connecting with local people. We get out and sing in local markets, churches and schools, and always find that local people are amazed by that.”

The music sung by the choir on these trips differs somewhat from Mr Davis’s usual style. The groups have embraced a variety of music including pop, African and gospel, all sung a cappella, which Mr Davis sees as an opportunity to connect with the local communities they visit.

The combination of music with the powerful natural encounter of swimming with whales touched Mr Davis on a personal level, with the trip to Tonga last year inspiring him to share the beauty and musical talent of the country once again.

According to Mr Davis, two moments from last year’s trip in particular have special significance.

“The highlights were hanging in the water above a bus-sized whale singing his heart out - the vibrations beating inside my chest - and our first church service, standing quietly waiting for it all to start, then being blown away

as everyone around me burst into song nearly deafening me with the sheer volume,” he said.

Mr Davis will be joined on the upcoming trip by freediving specialist and photographer Erez Beatus, and documentary photographer and member of ‘The Explorers Club’ Alegra Ally.

The trip to Tonga involves 14 days on Uoleva Island, participating in singing, visiting churches and villages, joining in beach bonfires and kava ceremonies, and, of course, the opportunity to swim with whales.

Mr Davis hopes his experience, and those of the groups lucky enough to participate already, will encourage others with a similar passion to get involved.

“If you love singing and travelling off the beaten track then you're going to love this experience,” he said. “You also need to have the water skills to swim in the open ocean to experience the whales.

“It's a real once-in-a-lifetime experience to combine these passions.”

For pricing, dates and more information, please visit http:// stuartdavis.biz/Overseas_Singing_Adventures.html.

This year is shaping up to be a big 12 months for Randwick City Council as we work with neighbouring Waverley and Woollahra Councils to transition into a new eastern beaches council.

I am pleased the NSW Government listened to our concerns and abandoned the concept of a global city council in favour of our proposal for an eastern beaches council which retains local identity, protects jobs and delivers savings to ratepayers. While our preference has always been to stand alone, it was clear through the Fit for the Future process that this was not an option, so we have achieved the next best thing.

Another key focus of ours in 2016 is the continuation of Council’s Capital Works Program which will see the construction of new toilets, change rooms and showers on the Coogee Beach boardwalk and widening footpaths on Coogee Bay Road to provide more space for pedestrians, shoppers and dining areas. We are also working with Transport for NSW to bring light rail to Randwick, connecting the eastern suburbs to the City, while we do our very best to help minimise parking and tree loss.

2016 is set to be an exciting year of change for local government and I’m committed to ensuring a new eastern beaches council delivers improved services and facilities for local residents.

Councillor Noel D’Souza Mayor of Randwick @randwickmayor

10 February

17 February

24 February

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Coogee Residents To Be Eligible For Royal Honours Satire Kieran Blake

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Purple dye indicates the notorious rip at Tamarama.

Bottoms Up: How To Choose Where To Swim At The Beach Words Andre Slade Picture Tom Current

H

ave you ever wondered why different sections of water on the same beach can look so different?

Well, it’s quite simple: what you see on the surface of the water is, for the most part, determined by what’s happening underneath.

If the tide was to retreat, say, 100 metres, you’d get a fantastic view of the undulating seafloor with its higher sandbanks and lower channels.

As waves roll in from the deep ocean, they interact with the sandbanks and channels in different ways.

Waves will break with more consistency over the shallow sandbanks, and the water in the waves will move towards the beach. This makes it a safer place to swim.

There will be less or no wave

42 The Beast | February 2016

activity in the channels, where the waves sink down into the deeper water and are met by a current returning to sea between the sandbanks.

From the beach, you’ll be able to pick the sandbanks and channels (rip currents) by looking for wave activity, or inactivity, and this will help you choose where to swim.

While most beachgoers should only swim on the sandbanks for safety (this is where you’ll find the red and yellow flags), smart ocean swimmers will use the channels to swim out to sea with the rip current, and use the sandbanks to return to the beach with the waves.

We do a great sand modelling session in our ocean swimming clinics to teach you this, and more. For more information, visit www.oceanfit.com.au.

rime Minister Malcom Turnbull has performed a major policy backflip, which will see residents of Coogee eligible for knighthoods and royal honours.

The avowed republican reversed one of his first major policies as Prime Minister in order to create a special exemption for the suburb, which is also known as ‘Little Britain’.

“The decision to reinstate the awarding of titles for the residents of Coogee recognises and pays tribute to the suburb’s living heritage,” announced the Member for Wentworth.

“Such is the presence and influence of Great Britain in Coogee that it was deemed fitting to create a special exemption for outstanding residents whose virtues and character display the qualities of a great Australian and a member of the Commonwealth.”

Awardees will receive a title, but it will carry validity only within the suburban limits.

Knights and Dames will be entitled to many privileges, such as lifetime entry to the semi-autonomous region of the Coogee Pavilion, nee ‘The Palace’, where they will enjoy free drinks (within RSA parameters).

They will also have first call on the top bunk at any local backpacker hostel, as well as gaining VIP access to any future royal visits to Coogee, whereupon the prestigious awards will be conferred.

Normally the recipients of the traditional Australia Day honours would be gifted a lapel pin. However, following the decision to scrap the awards for the remainder of the country, recipients will now be given trainers, a Premier League football jersey and a British tan.

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE 2016 is going to be a very busy year for Council with many exciting projects to be delivered. As we get into full swing, I welcome back all our children returning to school and particularly the new Kindergarten students who head off to ‘big school’ for the first time. This is such a milestone event in their young lives, I hope it all goes well for each and every family. A timely safety reminder to parents to do the right thing at school drop-off and pick-up zones around our many primary and secondary schools in Waverley.

Please do not double park in these areas and especially not on pedestrian crossings. It’s important that we work together to keep all our wonderful young children safe.

Mobile Mayor Returns In 2016 Waverley’s Meet-the-Mayor sessions return this year with the first session to be held on Sunday 7 February at the Bondi Pavilion. These sessions, which will be held around Waverley throughout the year, are a valuable opportunity for residents to come along, meet their elected representatives and ask questions, about any topic they like. To kick off our first session, we will have our design and concept plan for the Bondi Pavilion Upgrade and Conservation Project on display and I look forward to walking through that exciting proposal with interested residents. For further details, please visit our website at waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Residential Parking System Changes to our resident parking scheme continue to be rolled out. The changes are designed to improve parking for Waverley residents. The third phase began in January, with letters going out to residents detailing the changes. If you live in Bronte, Area 42 will be combined with existing Area 40 to make a new Area 42. For further details, and to view the new Area map, visit our website at waverley.nsw.gov.au/rps.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events Beach clean-up Sunday 7 February, 4–6pm Bronte Beach Here’s your chance to grab some mates and the kids and join in a community beach clean-up. Together with Responsible Runners, this is a fun event where you’ll make a difference to your local beach.

Your efforts will be rewarded with refreshments after the hard work is done! Head to responsiblerunners.org/nsw for more information and go to bronte-clean-up. eventbrite.com.au to book your spot.

Pop Up Library Thursday 21 January Bronte Beach Creatures by the Sea Family Fun Day, 11am–3pm Join us for a sea creature storytime at 11.15am or 12.15pm, or come along at any time to make a recycled bottle cap bug craft and see what the library has on offer for you.

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Connect with us:

Even More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches...

Words Maddy Gray Picture Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

HELP FOR PARENTS Esteemed parenting coach Glenn Eisenberg will be presenting a series of four parenting workshops at Bondi Pavilion this February. Glenn deals with such difficult issues as the appropriate role of technology in the family home, the dos and don’ts of punishment, and how to engage in meaningful dialogue with your child. Workshops cost $10 per person, and will run from 5:30pm to 6:30pm on February 4, 11, 18 and 25. For details, please contact Glenn directly at geisenberg@rcn.com.

SOUR + SWEET After local Bondi girl Tess Ulevsund was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, she had to avoid processed foods, gluten, dairy and sugar.

Discovering that this was quite difficult to do, especially when it came to sweet treats, she began

The Bondi lightsaber.

baking them herself. Orders from friends, family and cafes came pouring in, and the rest is history. Wellness By Tess is now a household name in the paleo and health food industry.

It operates in Bondi serving raw, 100% organic, nutritious treats (gluten, sugar and dairy free). To order balls, energy bars or cakes for you or your business, please visit www.wellnessbytess.com.

YOGA IN BALI? YES PLEASE Boss not so happy with you practicing your upward facing dog pose on the office floor? Join the Yoga Travel Company and Remy Quinter on their nine-day retreat to Bali for a challenging intensive of pranayama, meditation, asana and inner work, from March 12 to 20. Located at the beautiful Gaia Oasis Abasan Mountain Retreat in Tejakula, all accommodation, meals and full yoga schedule are included. To maintain the

integrity of the group process, all sessions are compulsory. Prices start at $2250 per person. Email info@theyogatravelcompany.com for more info or to book a spot.

LEARN TO EMPATHISE The idea of emotional intelligence workshops might seem a little fluffy at first, but a closer look at what is going on at the Sydney branch of the School of Life this February might urge you to reconsider. On February 29 at 6pm, cultural thinker and bestselling author of ‘Empathy’, ‘The Wonderbox’ and ‘How To Find Fulfilling Work’, Roman Krznaric, will be hosting a session on how we can develop our empathetic potential to transform our lives. Head to the Australian Design Centre, 101–115 William Street, Darlinghurst, or visit www.theschooloflife.com/ melbourne/shop/classroom/ sydney.

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February 2016 | The Beast 45

Leland Kean, director of the Rock Surfers for ten years.

Obituary: Toby Schmitz Remembers The Rock Surfers Theatre Co. Words Maddy Gray & Toby Schmitz Picture Tama Rock Surfers

A

s of December 17, 2015, the Rock Surfers Theatre Company officially ceased trading.

Founded in 1996 as Tamarama Rock Surfers, and established at the Old Fitzroy Theatre in 1997, Rock Surfers soon became an institution in Sydney theatre. The Company moved to Bondi Pavillion in 2011, where it continued to grow and develop new programs for aspiring thespians and writers. Here, Australian actor and playwright Toby Schmitz pays homage to a game-changing playhouse…

I wanted them to change their name. Leland Kean was rebranding the theatre company

46 The Beast | February 2016

a few years ago; this was good news. Tamarama Rock Surfers, no matter how true to the saline pursuits of, I think, all of its artistic directors, always conjured up a puppetry troupe for me, the kind that mounted drug awareness shows for regional schools.

They went with TRS, which reminded me of one of those departments they were always trying to beg funding from.

I doubt my push for a breakthrough in nomenclature, nor any of my suggestions (Theatre Rat Theatre? Anyone?) would have saved the company. Perhaps the Australian acronym addiction helped them kick on.

Was expanding to the Bondi

venue part of the difficulty?

Maybe. But it had real legs that idea - sexy location, cashed-up locals. My play, ‘I Want To Sleep With Tom Stoppard’, had a cracking season in that theatre.

Up on the Bondi Pavilion terrace, wonderful, irreplaceable conversations took place, under the stars. Try that in the back streets of Woolloomooloo and knives can come out.

It was terrifically hard running that company. Just ensuring it stayed in Sydney's tarty eye was challenge enough.

Curating seasons and attracting talent breaks people who are paid to do it. Up against actual poverty yet remaining important was one of the company's awesome victories.

TRS was important for reasons that are not news to any theatre rat crawling this part of the world. They did new stuff, they did old stuff, but most crucially, they did stuff.

They were important to me, not just because they were the first company to have me, and have me back, but because they refused to go dark.

I'll surrender one memory from a fat file: I was filling in as spotlight operator for a show we had created for TRS called ‘This Blasted Earth’, which meant standing on the backs of the people in the back row, sweating torrents. There were punters standing next to me, holding the lighting rig for support, actually hanging from the rafters.

TRS straddled a very fertile period in Sydney theatre - the steady re-emergence of a professional fringe - because they sat right in the engine room; without them it wouldn't have happened.

I caught that wave because they let me in, as an actor, writer, and director. As a drinker.

Tamarama Rock Surfers may always be relaunched under another guise. Theatre rats cluster, then they get things up; that's what they do, they can't do much else. Get your name suggestions ready.

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Clovelly's heritage listed hole in the ground.

Clovelly Development Stirs Up Some Dust Words Sarah Healey Picture James Hutton

A

t the corner of Clovelly Road and Knox Street lies the Clovelly RSL and Air Force Club – yet another licensed venue to have bitten the proverbial dust.

The site will soon morph into a new childcare centre for the local community.

The proposal for the site, which was approved by Randwick Council on April 14, 2015, involves demolition, alterations and additions to the former RSL Club building and the establishment of a childcare centre catering for 90 children, including new parking for seven vehicles off Susan Lane. The centre will require 11 staff and the proposed hours of operation are from Monday to Friday, 7am to 6pm.

Although numerous locals are sad to see another RSL go, there are many who welcome the addition of a new childcare centre, with a desperate need for such a facility in the area.

Life-long Clovelly resident and mum-of-one Pearl Backhouse is pleased to see the site used to benefit so many people in the community.

“I think it’ll be fine; it’s a nightmare to get into day care so the more centres the better,”

48 The Beast | February 2016

Ms Backhouse said. “I heard the other day it’s a three-year wait to get into the centre in Arden Street.”

However, the change has been far from smooth sailing, with a number of locals furious about how the demolition and removal of the old building has taken place – allegedly with no formal warning that materials including asbestos were being unearthed and disposed of.

One local resident (who wished to remain anonymous) said that he was kept in the dark about the entire process.

“There were no signs, no notifications,” he said. “Children were walking around the site every day, with white dust pouring down the street and in the gutters. It was pretty savage the way they went about it.

“If there’s asbestos on a job, you have to go to extreme measures to make it known that asbestos is going to be removed during demolition.

“It was simply wrong, and I’ve spoken with many people who are outraged about what has taken place.”

Randwick Council’s Asbestos Policy document states that:

“On demolition sites involving the removal of asbestos, a professionally manufactured sign must be clearly displayed in a prominent visible position at the front of the site, containing the words ‘DANGER ASBESTOS REMOVAL IN PROGRESS’ and include details of the licensed contractor… and is to remain in place until such time as all asbestos has been safely removed from the site.”

Questions have been raised about Randwick Council’s accountability for signage relating to asbestos removal during demolition, but the council was quick to fend off suggestions it had done any wrong.

“There’s a strict process, and you normally need an asbestos action plan in place, and to get a private certifier (Blackett Maguire and Goldsmith in this case) that signs off and approves that it’s been removed and disposed of in an appropriate manner,” a Randwick Council spokesperson said. “I believe [the owner] has done that.”

The Beast contacted the private certifier for comment, but they did not respond in time for publication.

What would you like to see happen to the Clovelly RSL site?

Interview and Pictures Kate Myers

Linda, Clovelly

I think that a childcare centre is a good practical use for the space, but according to my mum, who grew up in Clovelly, it was originally a movie theatre - it would be amazing to see that again.

Morgan, Clovelly

It would have been nice to see it stay as the RSL. It was somewhere for local people to go.

Greg, Randwick

Sonia, Clovelly

I think the RSL is an important part of the community so I think any plans should focus on creating something community-based and accessible to everyone.

I would have preferred it to stay as something community based. Having a childcare centre there is a concern, with traffic and kids.

John, Clovelly

I think a childcare centre is a better alternative to another block of apartments, and it still maintains some aspect of community.

Liana, Clovelly

I think the planned day care is a great idea as there are lots of young families moving into the area. I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see any reason to object.

February 2016 | The Beast 49

February Monday

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ART FOR OVER 65s Artistically inclined over 65s are encouraged to join the team at Holdsworth Community Centre for watercolour art classes every Monday at 11am this month, starting today! All skill levels are welcome, and bookings are essential. Call 9302 3600.

STATE LIBRARY TALK Get down to the State Library today at 11am to hear Sydney University historian Catherine Bishop obliterate the myth of female domesticity and subservience in mid-nineteenth century Sydney. For more info, visit www. sl.nsw.gov.au/events.

ARCADIA OPENING NIGHT Check out the opening night of one of Tom Stoppard’s most clever, hilarious, and devastating plays, put on by the Sydney Theatre Company. Starring Ryan Corr and directed by Richard Cottrell, this is a play you do not want to miss.

Visit www.sydneyoperahouse.com.

BOP TO BOOKS Join the community at Margaret Martin Library for this weekly program for kids 24–35 months old. Featuring rhymes, music and stories, it's a great opportunity for parents and carers to acquaint their kids with the library. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/library.

LUNAR FEASTS During the Chinese New Year, Sydney’s best restaurants are serving up tantalising set-price meals. Whether you’re after cured meats at Bennelong or Chinese High Tea at the Rocks, you’re sure to have your palate satiated. Visit www.sydneychinesenewyear.com.

MOONLIGHT CINEMA Running until March 27, the Moonlight Cinema at the Belvedere Amphitheatre in Centennial Park is one of the true local gems.

Showing advance screenings, new releases and cult classics, there is something for everyone. Visit www.moonlight.com.au/sydney.

GEN Y BOOK CLUB Come join other 21–36 year-olds at Waverley Library for a fresh new take on the book club. With a glass of wine in hand, discuss the books that you should be reading. Email hipster library assistant Simon Welsh at simon. welsh@waverley.nsw.gov.au.

BEER & TRIVIA It’s a Thursday night. You probably don’t want to go out. We get it. But do you know what is never not fun? Trivia in a place that sells beer. At Beach Rd Hotel Bondi, you can get just that, every Thursday from 7:30pm. Visit www.beachroadbondi.com.au.

POETS’ PICNIC Get along to the annual Poets’ Picnic today from 5–8pm at Blackburn Gardens in Double Bay for a moving celebration of poetry, overlooking Sydney Harbour.

Take a picnic, enjoy the view and listen to some of Australia’s most acclaimed poets. Call 9391 7000.

FAMILY HISTORY RESEARCH Curious about your genealogy, but have no idea where to start finding answers? Come and join the family history librarians at the State Library today at 10:30am for a free introductory course on how to track down your ancestors. Call 9273 1414.

BONDI PHOTO EXHIBITION Want to impress a date or just cultivate your inner artiste? Check out ‘Life’s A Beach’ at Bondi Pavillion Gallery any day between now and March 27. The exhibition showcases seaside photos by Brit artist Martin Parr. Visit www. waverley.nsw.gov.au/recreation.

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WHAT'S THE GO WITH TODAY? Although most modern calendar years have 365 days, a complete revolution around the sun (one solar year) takes approximately 365 days and 6 hours. An extra 24 hours thus accumulates every four years, requiring an extra calendar day to be added.

CLUELESS AT BONDI OPENAIR It’s been 20 years since we were first “rolling with the homies”.

Screening at Bondi Pavillion at 8:30pm tonight, here is your chance to re-connect with all your favourite 90s screen goddesses.

Head to www.openaircinemas. com.au/bondi for more info.

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TIPS FOR PARENTS Hop on a free bus tour of the Woollahra Municipality and discover all the secrets parents of young children living in the area need to know. Tickets for parents are $10, children are free, and registration is essential. Visit www.woollahra.nsw.gov.au.

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For heaps more local events, just visit...

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2016 Friday

Saturday

Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089

Sunday

5 6 7 12 14 1920 21 26 27 28

K-POP PARTY Celebrate the 2016 Chinese New Year Festival with the ultimate boy band party at Carriageworks.

Highlights include performances from two of Korea’s favourite pop sensations, Boyfriend and JJCC. Visit www.carriageworks. com.au/events/k-pop-party.

MONTH OF LOVE CINEMA Settle down on a heart-shaped picnic rug and enjoy a romantic movie outdoors in Darling Quarter. Woody Allen’s nostalgic ode to the city of lights, Midnight in Paris, is on tonight. Visit www. darlingharbour.com/whats-on/ month-of-love for tickets.

SYDNEY SEVENS Tonight and tomorrow night at Allianz Stadium, Sydney will become the fourth Australian city to host a leg of the HSBC World Rugby Sevens Series. Expect a fast-paced, anxiety-filled, fancy dress rugby extravaganza. Check out www.sydney7s.com.au.

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COLE CLASSIC SWIM Join thousands of swimmers as they gather for a good cause in Manly to partake in one of Australia's largest charity ocean swims. Participants can choose to test their abilities over a 1km, 2km or 5km course. Please visit www.sunruncoleclassic.com.au.

CUPID’S UNDIE RUN Instead of buying a squashed bunch of flowers from the servo, mix it up this Valentine’s Day and sign up for a fun run with a difference. Put on your undies and run around the city for the Children’s Tumour Foundation. Visit www.cupidsundierun.com.au.

ALBERT HAMMOND JNR. You might know of Albert Hammond Jr. from his many years as singer and guitarist for New York City legends The Strokes. Tonight, he comes to Oxford Art Factory as part of his first solo headline tour. For tickets, please visit www.oxfordartfactory.com/tickets.

BOWL-A-RAMA BONDI Get down to Bondi for the first day of Bowl-A-Rama 2016, and watch the world’s best skaters live.

This year’s line-up includes Tony Hawk, Pedro Barros and Tom Schaar. Tickets can be purchased by session or by day. Please visit www.bowlarama.com.au/australia.

MARDI GRAS FAIR DAY Love Mardi Gras but hate crowds?

Get along to Fair Day at Victoria Park! Attracting more than 80,000 people, Fair Day is home to live music, international cuisines, and fun activities with local LGBTQI organisations. Visit www.mardigras.org.au/2016-key-events.

COMEDY SHOW On Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights between Feb 11 and March 19, the Comedy Store in Moore Park will host ‘The Biggest Comedy Show On Earth’.

Tonight, see 10 comics take the stage in two hours. Madness!

Visit www.comedystore.com.au.

FORAGING WORKSHOP Want a day in the park with the kids that doesn’t revolve around piggy-in-the-middle, again? Why not register for Italian naturalist Diego Bonetto’s foraging workshop at Centennial Park? For more info, head to www.diegobonetto.com/foraging-tours.

AUSSIE OPEN OF SURFING Catch the second day of the Australian Open of Surfing (Feb 27 – Mar 6) over the other side of the bridge at Manly today. You’ll see the world's best surfers as well as music, art, fashion and skateboarding, all for free. Visit www. australianopenofsurfing.com.

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Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338 Handyman Cristian The Handyman Ph: 0467 484 459

...www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

Diving Into The Unknown

Carissa Walford Interview Daniel Hutton Photography Georgie Gavaghan

When did you move east? I moved to Bondi about three years ago.

Do you have any favourite local haunts? White Revolver, when it was around. Do you remember that place? It was hard to get in to, but I had a membership. I used to drive all the way from Greystanes to go there and then sleep in my car and go home the next morning.

Are you still in Bondi at the moment? Yes, I am in Bondi until I move to LA in February this year.

I consider Bondi my home, but I recently bought an investment property in the Northern Beaches, and I enjoy spending time out that way as well.

What about places that still exist?

I like Jed's and I do spend a lot of time at Bondi Wholefoods. They've got the best acai. Where else do I spend a lot of time? I like La Piadina. It's next level; it's very cool. Well, it's kind of cool without being cool.

What do you love about Bondi?

I just love the laid-back lifestyle, I guess. Everyone's super chill; no one seems like they've got anything tying them down; they are all so laid-back and positive.

I love that you can walk around barefoot and it's considered cool.

Back in Greystanes, I don't think you'd be able to do that; you would definitely get a few strange looks.

I love the beach, too. Even though I grew up out west, my dad's a surfer so we would be at the beach every weekend. I feel like I grew up near the beach, but I certainly didn't.

Even though I grew up out west, my dad's a surfer so we would be at the beach every weekend. I feel like I grew up near the beach, but I certainly didn't.

Where are you originally from? I am a bogan at heart. I grew up in Greystanes in western Sydney, but I consider Greystanes to be the posh part of the west.

What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? I've got a few things that get my goat. The people that grew up in Bondi, the snooty ladies that walk around thinking they own the pavement that you walk on, that's what gets my goat. I think they think they're elitist and that kind of annoys me. But what can I do? I'm in their town.

Anything else get your goat?

Drunk people on the streets of Bondi being loud and aggressive at all hours of the morning; Bondi doesn’t sleep!

In another life you were a West Tigers cheerleader; are you a Tigers fan or a Magpies fan at heart? I'm actually a Parramatta Eels supporter, if you want to know.

Is it true that you once entered the Miss Universe pageant? Yes, I did Miss Universe. I made it into the finals and met some great people. That was the year Rachael Finch won. I'd just started in the industry and I knew that to get a job in TV I needed to have a profile, so my idea at the time was to enter Miss Universe, which now, looking back, I realise is so not me. I knew it was a good idea at the time, though, and it lead to some exciting opportunities.

It was purely strategic; I've been

very strategic throughout my career.

How did you get your first television presenting gig? My first gig was on Fuel TV. I was one of the very first ‘smoking hotties’, as they called us. They used to make me get out on a jet ski and interview all the surfers in between their heats, which was actually pretty cool, and naturally I was in a bikini when I was in the water. I continued with that for four years.

How did you transition from Fuel TV to Channel V? They knew that I worked at Fox and if you look past the bikini thing, I had actually done a lot of interviews there and had some really cool opportunities. They knew that I existed and I had sent my showreel to Channel V, because that was the dream gig.

They kept it for two years then someone left and they called me in to do an audition with a bunch of other people and I got the job.

You mentioned that you’ve done a lot of interviews; do you have a favourite? This is the hardest question ever even though it should be simple to answer. It's just hard because everyone's different for different reasons. I actually like some of the interviews I've done that have been really difficult, like Pharrell Williams for example, who made me cry. I look back at that now and go, "I'm so glad there was so much drama surrounding that, because I remember it."

Sometimes I’ll do three interviews in a day and I can’t even remember who I’ve interviewed. That said, and I feel like I always say this, but Cara Delevingne was such a good one. She was so lovely and cool and I just love her. I was really excited for that interview, and we did a Dubsmash together.

February 2016 | The Beast 53

A lot of interviews these days seem to be controlled by publicists and driven by commercial interests; what’s the key to conducting a good, authentic interview? I guess I try to personalise the interviews for each person. I definitely don't start with commercial questions, although I work for a network and you've got to ask them somehow. When I first started out I was safe. I did exactly what I was told; I was very by the book. Then in the last three years I've learnt a lot about the TV industry and can see where it's going now, you have to take a risk.

You cannot afford to be safe.

I actually like some of the interviews I've done that have been really difficult, like Pharrell Williams for example, who made me cry.

Why is it that you love interviewing people? I like connecting with people. There's something nice about that. We're human beings, running around the earth, frantic, trying to make a living. I think we forget about really being able to connect with someone. When you're talking to an artist or a musician who has done extraordinary things and they're really talented, it's interesting. Music is my number one love, so to talk to a musician about where they wrote their song, or to get that interesting story out of them that maybe only their sister knows, that’s really cool.

Do you sometimes think, ‘F**k musicians; they're wankers’? Oh yeah. It goes through my head whilst I'm doing the interview sometimes.

The television industry is clearly on the wane, and I noticed that you have a fairly snazzy blog; is that some kind of insurance policy? I feel like maybe a year or two ago, when blogging started to come into play and it was this big trend, I thought that I had to try and get on that bandwagon. I got

54 The Beast | February 2016

the website, some great people put it together and IMG (Carissa’s management) were like, "I really think you need to have some sort of digital platform." They were right, because I do want to follow the times, but at the same time I didn't want to be a blogger. I did the website more to showcase my work as a host, a presenter and an interviewer.

There are a lot of former presenters from Channel V who have gone on to do some amazing things; do you have any favourites and is there anyone whose career trajectory you might like to follow? A few years ago I'd say yeah, maybe a mix between James Mathison and Yumi Stynes, but the industry has changed so much since then. They were presenters, they were journalists, essentially, and that's all they focused on, whereas I feel like when I started at Channel V five years ago, it was the end of their era and now you have to be able to do everything: present, social media, act, write, produce.

In a broader sense, do you have any idols in the industry? Maybe Alexa Chung, because she started out on a pop culture show, but she's got this real fashion presence as well. She's bringing personality back into fashion and bringing her TV presence into that, which I think is kind of cool.

Did you always want to get into television? Not exactly; I went to NIDA and I trained as a dancer and a singer. My dad's a singer and that’s what I wanted to be to begin with. I was singing in bands and singing here, there and everywhere with my dad, and dancing and cheerleading. Then I went to NIDA and did an acting course and a presenting course, and that's when I got the Fuel TV gig, and then I did Fashion TV in between as well.

I realised then that I really just wanted to get a full-time job rather than being a struggling singer/ dancer.

Did you have any success with your singing? I've been on Australian Idol, and I got to the top 100.

There you go.

You’ve got your own show these days, [V] Trending; can you tell us a bit about it? It's really just about things that I love that I think are trending, not necessarily what's trending on social media. We do keep it broad, so in a sense it's not trending that day; it's more about what events I'm going to, and which actors and musicians, both locally and internationally, are in town. We package it all together into a half hour show of what's trending that week.

Is it the dream gig? Yeah, I think so. I guess here in Australia it's the dream gig. I've been on many shows on V - The Riff, the Countdown Show and now [V] Trending.

They're all live and I've always had multiple co-hosts, so to be able to do this by myself, it's kind of where you want to get to.

Do you prefer working solo or is it more fun with co-hosts? It is very fun with co-hosts. I can't tell you the amount of prank jokes and whatnot that Danny (Clayton) and the boys have played on me on The Riff. They know exactly what buttons to push. It makes for the best television I think, in the end.

I'm 27 now, though, so I’ve kind of moved on from the whole skit, sarcastic, funny, joke element that shows like The Riff brought.

Music is my number one love, so to talk to a musician about where they wrote their song, or to get that interesting story out of them that maybe only their sister knows, that’s really cool.

Are you a more serious presenter these days? I'm definitely the Richard Wilkins of Channel V. Presenting is life.

Do all you VJs get on well? Oh yeah, we're like brothers and sisters. It's like one minute we love each other, next minute we could be screaming at each other. It's

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very intense. We all know everything about everyone, and it ends up being the topic of conversation on the show. It's very invasive at times.

You've been in the industry for 10 years now; how do you feel about being a veteran at the age of 27?

Yeah, it's been a while. I feel like it's all I've ever done. I feel like one of those child stars. I relate to Bindi Irwin.

You're pretty much the Macaulay Culkin of Australian television…

Oh my God, I love that. I love Macaulay Culkin. I've been lucky, but I've also worked my arse off.

Like I said, I've been very strategic with what I've done to get to this point and I am a very determined, motivated little maniac.

If you didn't make it in the entertainment industry, did you have a fall back plan? Do you have any other skills? No. I don't have any other skills - just singing, dancing, acting and talking. I was so fearless when I was younger that I just didn’t want a plan B. I knew I was going to work in the entertainment industry and that was that.

Do you have a career highlight thus far? Singing with Jessica Mauboy on air.

How did you hold up against Jess?

You know what, she was pretty impressed. Ever since then, she's declined to be interviewed by Channel V and myself. She got really busy after that point in her career and I semi-think it's because she's scared I'm going to ask her to sing with me again – ha ha.

What sort of music are you into yourself ? I grew up listening to George Benson, Etta James and Earth, Wind & Fire. Personally, I love rhythm and blues; that's my thing. Tina Arena is my idol; at the ARIAs she got inducted into the Hall of Fame and her performance really was next level. I've watched her speech about three times now.

It went for so long. Right now I'm listening to Meg Mac, Vance Joy, and I also love my hip hop, so Kendrick Lamar, A$AP Rocky and Drake.

56 The Beast | February 2016

If you could go to one gig in the history of the world, who would you go and see? Oh God. I've been to a lot. I’ve probably seen every single person I've wanted to see. Is that terrible?

They can be alive or deceased… Oh. Michael Jackson or Luther Vandross then. It would be pretty cool to see Earth, Wind & Fire, too. I did see Whitney Houston before she died, which was amazing, though she sang the final note of ‘I Will Always Love You’ an octave down because she couldn't get to that note, or maybe she was scared that she would fail.

I was so fearless when I was younger that I just didn’t want a plan B. I knew I was going to work in the entertainment industry and that was that.

Do you have any projects in the pipeline? What is next for Carissa Walford? Next? LA is next. I've been over there that many times and I need to go over and actually live there for a couple months and just see what can happen. It scares me a little bit, but I feel like I've done everything possible here. It’s almost like I’m not really challenged anymore. I want to feel what I felt when I was 19 or 20 again, where I was so driven, so I'm going to go to LA in February.

Would you consider a Ruby Roseesque acting path? Although I've trained in acting I wouldn't go over there for that, but I would be open to it. I've got such a great showreel and I should be able to land a home as a host, hopefully.

You’ve appeared on Home & Away before... How did you know about that? Yep, was it Marissa, Michelle or Melissa? It was Melissa I think!

I keep saying Michelle to people…

Do you support any charities? I support the Starlight Foundation and anything to do with mental

health and anxiety, because that's what I’ve developed in the last couple of years. I'm always there to help out, but I'm not an official ambassador for anyone. That said, I've done quite a bit of work for Beyond Blue and Headspace in the past.

You’re on the telly, but you don't have a Wikipedia page; why not?

I'm not sure; I don't think I am famous enough. That's really sad.

I want a Wikipedia page. Can't you do something about that?

Who are your role models in the industry? Karl Stefanovic. He's extremely hilarious, he's incredibly smart and I just think there hasn't been a host like him who has been able to play up on camera, but then deliver the news at the same time. He's like our version of Ron Burgundy.

Do you have any advice for youngsters looking to get a break in the television industry? Say yes to everything, unless it means you have to take all of your clothes off. You might have to take some of them off, because that may be what gets you to the next step, but make sure retain your dignity.

You recently hosted the Cleo Bachelor of the Year Award presentation; how was the talent in 2015? This is the second year in a row that I've hosted. The talent was pretty good. I had a few friends in this one, which was a bit weird, but a lot of fun.

Social media: good thing or bad thing? I have a massive love-hate relationship with it. I turn my phone off at 8:30pm every night. I have a social media curfew now.

I feel like because I have anxiety it created even more tension and stress in my life. Everyone knows it's fake, everyone knows that someone's promoting something and getting paid to do something.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Carissa Walford?

I don't know. I feel like I've been able to predict and have certain expectations of my life for the last ten years. It's all been well and good, but I'm really excited to be able to dive into the unknown.

Subject Summer dips Location Coogee Photographer Jayne Goodman

Subject Tasty floatie Location Shark Beach Photographer Brendan Robbins

Subject Ronald McIbis Location Kingsford Photographer Neil Paton

Subject Settlers Location Bondi Photographer Amaury TrĂŠguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Quality ice Location Bronte Photographer Emily Foschi

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Electricity Location Mahon Pool Photographer Grant Brooks

Subject First day of Summer Location Bronte Photographer Emily Foschi

Subject Leap of froth Location Bondi Photographer Amaury TrĂŠguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Sydney sunset Location Vaucluse Photographer Steve Delany

Subject Bronte beach bums Location Bronte Photographer Robert Sharpe

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Nice work, Rupert.

I’m Going To Need A Bigger Boat Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture James Cook

I

f there is one thing I learnt over the Christmas/New Year period, it’s that I’m going to need a bigger boat. This has absolutely nothing to do with purchasing a vehicle from an Americanowned car company (the name of which I shall not mention) after what was undoubtedly a great ad campaign, for I’d never trade the Porsche Cayenne for such a poor substitute and my existing boat is far too big to be pulled by such a vehicle anyway.

The reason I require an upgrade is quite simple – to save face. You see, on Boxing Day, whilst jostling for position near the starting line of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race and reminiscing about the days of yore when I used to take part in the illustrious event, my Sunseeker Manhattan 65 was unceremoniously shunted out of the way by the wake of a booming twin hull monstrosity that must’ve been in excess of 100-feet in length. It was a thing of beauty and extravagance the

60 The Beast | February 2016

likes I’ve rarely encountered before on Sydney Harbour.

Thankfully my crew and I didn’t suffer the same fate as the starting vessel that sank, or the craft that made the cover of numerous Sydney papers after submerging near Lady Jane Beach, the crew of which suffered the ignominy of being rescued by a bunch of sunbathing nudists, but I did still feel a little perturbed.

Is it bad to feel this sort of boat envy? Is this how other mere mortals feel about me when I swan past their inferior craft in my shiny new tub? I feel like Alan Bond in that incredibly racist Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson song, ‘Livin’ Next Door To Alan’, when his neighbours get “the HMAS Melbourne on some sort of government loan”. If only I had the contact details for Ben Lexcen.

As the Sydney to Hobart got underway and the top contenders flew through the heads, few boats could keep up, but this enormous vessel, which

wouldn’t be out of place operating as a passenger ferry given its sheer size, cut a swathe through the sea down to Bondi, with only eventual race winner Comanche outpacing it, before returning back the calm of the harbour.

I honestly thought I was killing it with my ten guests, five-star catering and 60-odd foot boat, but I was clearly out-gunned by this behemoth that I have since seen moored at Woolloomooloo wharf (the biggest boat there by a country mile). God knows what such a wonderful piece of engineering would have set the owner back, but from one wealthy boat owner to another, I can say that I am suitably impressed.

I guess the moral of this story is that no matter how big your boat, there is always someone with something bigger and better. Maybe I should just enjoy what I’ve already got. After all, there are plenty of people out there who rarely see the harbour, let alone get to spend time on it.

Do you think boats are a complete waste of money?

Interview and Pictures Kate Myers

Brian, Coogee

Georgia, Clovelly

It would depend upon your interests. If you were interested in fishing then it wouldn’t be a waste, but if it’s going to sit in your driveway, it isn’t worth it.

I don't think investing in something you enjoy doing or that you're passionate about could ever be considered a waste of money.

Loren, Bronte

No, I don’t think that boats are a waste if you have the money to spend. I would love to have my own boat in the harbour one day.

Janagan, Randwick

No. If I was rich enough to have a boat, I would, but I can’t afford one right now!

Tiffany, Randwick Julian, Bronte

It depends what you’re going to do with it, who you are, and where you live - there are so many variables.

If you can comfortably afford to own a boat, then go for it! It is no more of a waste of money than any other hobby or skill that has expenses attached.

February 2016 | The Beast 61

An adult Nankeen Night-Heron waits patiently for his next meal.

Inconspicuous, Sociable, Waterbirdsâ&#x20AC;Ś Nankeen Night-Herons Words Keith Hutton Picture Glenn Ehmke

N

ankeen Night-Herons are native Australian birds that are largely nocturnal or crepuscular. They usually roost during the day in groups in leafy trees growing near water. In the Sydney region, where they associate in small parties in suitable wetland habitat, they are uncommon and inconspicuous.

Sociable, nomadic and dispersive in response to rainfall, they aggregate into larger groups to breed in colonies, often near egrets in trees over water, when and where conditions are favourable.

Adults are unmistakeable.

They stand with a stooped appearance: handsome, stocky, medium size water birds with long, powerful, olive-green bills.

They appear very neat and tidy,

62 The Beast | February 2016

aloof, with rich distinctive cinnamon upperparts, an obvious black crown, white buff underparts, yellow feet and relatively short yellow legs; their eyes are bright yellow. Sexes are alike but young birds are very different: relatively plain, heavily spotted and streaked white and brown.

Nankeen Night-Herons occur in wetlands throughout Australia, in the shallow margins of rivers, mangrove-lined estuaries, ornamental ponds, offshore islands and floodwaters, but are not common in Tasmania.

They are also in Indonesia, New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, New Caledonia, the southwest Pacific, and turn up as vagrants in New Zealand.

In the Eastern Suburbs they were formerly seen regularly

over many years in Centennial Parklands, but now they occur less frequently. Nevertheless, they were recorded in the Centennial Parklands Bird Spotting Challenge recently, and there were two seen by the editor of this publication in December, just after sunset, on a small island in the Duck Pond, near Willow Pond.

They feed alone or in large flocks and eat mainly fish, frogs, freshwater crayfish and aquatic insects, but are versatile, opportunistic predators. For example, they are known to attend mouse plagues, and feed on beaches when young sea-turtles hatch and scramble down to the sea after leaving the relative safety of their nests in the sand; they also take eggs and chicks where colonies of water birds breed, and scavenge among garbage.

Nankeen Night-Herons usually feed in shallow water or on adjacent land, in late evening and at night, but also in daylight when breeding. When hunting they stand and wait in erect or crouched posture, or walk slowly until food is located. They will also drop on to aquatic prey from low branches over water, and actively pursue terrestrial items over land.

Despite increased awareness and consequent improvements in recent years, there still remain potential threats for water birds related to pollution, water quality, drainage of wetlands and interruption of river flows that disrupt breeding activity. However, provided that an adequate network of wetland habitats is maintained, the future for night-herons will be assured. They remain common in suitable habitats in Australia, despite significant regional variation in numbers recorded late last century, and an apparent decrease in overall numbers nationally over the same period. The conservation status of Nankeen Night-Herons is currently considered to be of least concern.

February 2016 | The Beast 63

ing diary, my bets would be on targeting yellowtail kingfish and mulloway on the inshore hard reefs and the bait holding structures of the harbours, and drifting for snapper flicking softplastics. February’s also about whiting and bream on worms or nippers off the beaches and the sandy straights of our worldclass estuaries, and the southern calamari squid that spawned in the spring should all be reaching a reasonable size now and will provide those in the know with great feeds and bait.

If offshore blue water pursuits are your preference, now is the time to make the most of it.

Striped marlin will be about in good numbers, with the blacks soon to turn up, and mahi mahi will make a strong showing too.

The emperor strikes back.

A February Of Fishing And Feasting Words and Picture Dan Trotter

H

ow good were your summer holidays? Mine were amongst the best I’ve had in years. Loads of east coast travel, a long week of offshore sailing, indulgent lazy days, jam-packed festival nights, great meals, cosy sleep-ins, friends, family, fishing and plenty of fun.

Perhaps the most outstanding part of the break was a sailing trip from Mooloolaba to Heron Island, via Fraser Island, Hervey Bay and the Capricorn Group of Islands at the southern extremity of the Great Barrier Reef. For anyone who loves a bit of off the grid adventure, a journey like this is something that should be on your bucket list; a chance to experience the ocean the way nature intended it - wild, unspoilt and majestic; a chance to connect again to the natural cycles of life and reset, reconnect and refocus. The fishing and diving was pretty good, too!

64 The Beast | February 2016

Now that we’re all back at it, working hard, planning for the year ahead and dreaming of holidays in the sun, the time is right to plan little wild fixes locally to stay in tune and connected to the world around us. If you’re in need of a quick reset, start the search local - you’ll be amazed by what you’ll find. Try a snorkel along the headlands, a dusk session flicking squid jigs from a calm ocean rock platform, a walk in the wilderness of the Royal National Park or a wander up a trout stream in the Blue Mountains.

On the fishing front, February is a month to be reckoned with.

The EAC will be in full force pulsing southward on its endless journey, and for all the fish on the east coast this makes for another month of feasting, so get your gear together and make the most of it.

Reviewing my dog-eared fish-

The EAC will be in full force pulsing southward on its endless journey, and for all the fish on the east coast this makes for another month of feasting, so get your gear together and make the most of it.

If all of this sounds great, but you don’t know where to start, consider booking a charter.

Sydney now boasts a host of awesome charter operators who can teach you a lot and help you catch fish of all shapes and sizes. My recommendations - in no particular order - are Raptor Charters, Ocean Hunter Charters, Ambition and Fish About Tours, and for land-based guiding, contact Alex Bellisimo. All of these operators spend their lives in pursuit of fish and a day spent with any of them is worth the hard-earned dollars you’ll spend for the experience.

Here’s to a February of fishing and feasting!

10 Bloody Mary 25 carafes 10 1pm-3pm

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203 BRONTE ROAD, WAVERLEY, NSW 2024 | (02) 9389 3647

February 2016 | The Beast 65

What Melicertus plebejus looks like when he's not lying on a barbie.

The King Of Prawns Words Pascal Geraghty Picture Tourism Australia

W

ho actually saw Paul Hogan’s classic ‘shrimp on the barbie’ ad? I was only two when it went to air so didn’t fully appreciate it, until now. Luring gullible ‘seppos’ Down Under with promises of slipping extra ‘shrimp’ on barbies perched atop prominent headlands with 360-degree views of our famous harbour was a master stroke - one that worked a little bit too well, if you ask me.

Nevertheless, seeing that we’re internationally renowned for always having extra shrimp close at hand, I thought we should learn a few titbits about them.

Firstly, we don’t ever call them shrimp, under any circumstances. Secondly, and what may come as a shocking revelation to the snobs in our midst, prawns actually possess a head, eyes, swimming and walking legs, and an external skeleton or shell. Most inconvenient, I know.

In Australia we have quite a number of different species residing in our exclusive economic waters. Bananas, schoolies, tigers, greasybacks and royal reds are but a few.

66 The Beast | February 2016

Along the east coast, however, king prawns are king; eastern king prawns (Melicertus plebejus) that is.

They exist only off Australia’s east coast and are scooped up by the cod-end load by cranky commercial fishermen in oceanic and estuarine waters of New South Wales and Queensland.

You needn’t a quaint timber trawler, otter boards and a commercial quota to get yourself a feed, however. A productive estuary, the cloak of darkness, the correct season, the right tide and an appropriate net will often suffice. Simple as that.

King prawns along the east coast constitute a single biological population. Not so long ago there were fears that they were being loved to death, with evidence of growth overfishing (i.e. being caught too small) in NSW waters. Thankfully, however, the most recent - and most comprehensive - study encompassing data from both NSW and QLD concluded that it is in fact a sustainable stock under current fishing levels.

Eastern king prawns are whacky, quirky crustaceans.

They live for a maximum of three years and spend much of their time buried in the bottom sediments; arguably not the greatest way to spend your precious few years. They can also change their colour thanks to special pigment-containing cells called chromatophores, and they periodically shed their shells to enable growth.

Juvenile and adolescent Melicertus plebejus inhabit estuaries and shallow ocean embayments.

In summer and spring they bid farewell to their estuarine homes, turn left and travel northwards to spawn in waters in northern NSW up to around Mackay.

They are also omnivores so eat all sorts of things such as other small crustaceans, marine worms and molluscs. In return, they are devoured by most marine carnivores.

So there you have it. Next time you have a visitor from the God-blessed US of A who is out to come and say g’day on a fair dinkum holiday to the land of wonder, the least you can do is slip an extra eastern king prawn on the barbie for them. They’ll have the time of their life.

February 2016 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Amaury TrĂŠguer - FB: Morning Bondi

MON

TUE

WED

1 0246 0900 1448 2102

1.38 0.72 1.25 0.62

2 0345 1012 1557 2202

1.39 0.72 1.19 0.64

8 0224 0852 1527 2125

0.38 1.87 0.22 1.51

9 0311 0937 1608 2210

15 0227 0849 1450 2058

1.60 0.51 1.36 0.51

22 0241 0902 1530 2132

0.45 1.74 0.34 1.47

29 0106 0723 1319 1920

1.46 0.63 1.32 0.60

=

=

3 0446 1125 1711 2303

1.43 0.68 1.18 0.63

0.33 1.92 0.17 1.57

10 0400 1024 1651 2256

0.30 1.93 0.15 1.61

16 0331 1007 1605 2203

1.58 0.54 1.27 0.56

17 0440 1125 1725 2312

1.59 0.53 1.25 0.57

23 0320 0939 1603 2207

0.43 1.73 0.35 1.49

24 0358 1015 1634 2241

0.44 1.69 0.37 1.50

Sun worshippers.

=

=

THU

FRI

4 0544 1.50 1227 0.60 1815 1.22

5 0000 0635 1318 1909

11 0450 1111 1735 2345

SAT

SUN

6 0050 0723 1403 1956

0.53 1.69 0.39 1.35

7 0137 0808 1445 2041

0.46 1.79 0.30 1.43

12 0543 0.32 1200 1.78 1820 0.24

13 0034 0639 1251 1908

1.64 0.38 1.65 0.33

14 0128 0740 1346 2000

1.62 0.45 1.50 0.42

18 0546 1.63 1234 0.48 1833 1.28

19 0015 0645 1330 1929

0.55 1.68 0.42 1.33

20 0110 0737 1415 2015

0.51 1.72 0.38 1.39

21 0158 0822 1455 2055

0.47 1.74 0.35 1.43

25 0435 1048 1704 2314

26 0513 1123 1734 2348

0.49 1.57 0.44 1.50

28 0025 0634 1236 1840

1.49 0.58 1.41 0.54

0.29 1.88 0.18 1.63

0.46 1.63 0.40 1.51

0.59 1.59 0.50 1.28

27 0552 0.53 1158 1.49 1805 0.49

= New Moon = First Quarter = Full Moon = Last Quarter *Please add an hour during daylight savings time

for the all-day parking, but nothing’s for free in this day and age.

Become a stalker So the dawn raid is not for you?

If you’d rather roll down to the beach after breakfast and chance your luck, you’ll need a strong nerve and a good eye as all the parking spaces will be long gone.

Hundreds of desperate drivers prowl the streets and the only way you are going to beat them to that elusive park is by stalking your prey. Not the kind of stalking that ends up in a restraining order, mind you, but the careful surveillance and tracking of pedestrians. Is that guy playing with his car keys? Does that woman look like she’s taking that screaming toddler home? Follow a likely suspect and they might lead you to a parking pot of gold.

"Transpork?"

An Unreliable Guide to...

Parking Within A Kilometre Of Bondi Beach On The Weekend Words Nat Shepherd Picture Kevin Bacon

W

hat’s the number one bitch of the Eastern Suburbs?

Apart from noisy neighbours and developers turning next-door’s cute cottage into a multi-storey monster, it’s parking. Generally I have little sympathy for this because I’m originally from London. In that congested, overpopulated city, if you find a parking space in your suburb it’s a bonus.

If you ever find one on your own street, throw a massive party and never move your car again.

The privileged dwellers in the paradise that is the Eastern Suburbs do have a point, though.

On a sunny Sydney weekend,

68 The Beast | February 2016

parking your car anywhere near the beach, particularly Bondi Beach, is a combat sport not to be undertaken by those of a nervous disposition. But don’t be downhearted; the Unreliable Guide is here to help you with some tips, tricks and tactics…

Get up before dawn Forget having a lie-in and take your day-off seriously. Pack your beach bag the night before and take your sleeping children from their beds before first light.

When you get to the beach you’ll have the pick of the spots. You’ll need a second mortgage to pay

Ride a scooter These are easy-peasy to park and, so long as no one kills you, they are the best legal high around. Trouble is they aren’t the best vehicles for transporting a family of four with surfboards, Esky and beach umbrella. It can be done - go to any Asian country and see what those chaps can carry on the back of a Honda - but it takes serious skill.

Become a shift worker The trouble with working 9 to 5, Monday to Friday, is that everyone else does to, so chuck in your office job and become a nurse, garbo, supermarket shelf stacker or ambulance driver, then when you have your midweek-weekend, you’ll have the beach to yourself.

Considering the above, unless you commit to a serious lifestyle change, the Unreliable Guide suggests that you forget about the beach and go to the park.

Sit under a tree, feed the ducks, play footy with the kids and relax. Better still, the parking will most probably be free and readily available.

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TRAIN FOR AN OCEAN SWIM OCEAN SWIMMING CLINICS OCEAN FITNESS CLASSES PRIVATE LESSONS (ADULT/CHILD) KIDS OCEAN SWIMMING UPCOMING OCEAN SWIMS

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February 2016 | The Beast 69

life being too short to drink boring booze, and we’d have to agree. Their cocktail list is divided into ‘Cocktails’ for the layman and ‘Extra Fancy Cocktails’ for those who take their drink seriously. Set yourself down in the ‘Hood around 3pm and order something like a ‘Dark & Stormy Bra!’ (house-blended blackstrap rum with Pampero Especial, spicy ginger and honey syrup, fresh lime and soda) and let the good times roll down your gullet.

A constructive way to spend the day.

QTips - The Bondi Cocktail Crawl Words QT Concierge Picture Al Cahol

L

et’s get down to business; sweet, alcohol-fuelled business. Where does one roam in Bondi for the liveliest and most inspiring cocktails? In all honesty, trying to narrow that down to one spot is nigh on impossible as Bondi is home to more cocktail haunts than Vegas.

And that’s a fact (but don’t quote me on that). From lunchtime muddles to arvo sundowners and late night concoctions, Bondi has a plethora of places to get your drink on. While some joints are classy, others are homely and many are a dive, but they all have their charm and they all serve up a delicious mix of spirits.

While we don’t have the space to sit here and list every spot you can go sipping liquor, we will show you one boozy route that we think makes for an epic cocktail crawl…

70 The Beast | February 2016

Time Midday Location The Bucket List Our starting point is the Bucket List, the popular bar and eatery that’s so close to the sand you could flick your cocktail parasol onto a group of Swedish sunbakers. Its location means it’s more of a daytime perch, so head down around midday, sit outside with some dark shades, order a ‘Jam Out With Jimmy Hendrix’ jug (Pimms, strawberry puree and cucumber topped with ginger ale) or two and watch the bronzed bikinis, salted surfies and selfie-stick tourists stroll by.

Time 3pm Location Neighbourhood Next up is Neighbourhood on Curlewis Street, a local favourite and home to Bondi Radio.

Their mantra revolves around

Time 5pm Location Bondi Hardware We stagger south to Bondi Hardware next, the former hardware store turned cocktaileria.

Merrily (but always politely) request a ‘Chilli Margarita’ (chilli infused El Jimador Reposado Tequila with Cointreau, lime, agave and pineapple) or a ‘Hardware Sour’ (strawberry infused Amaretto, lemon, sugar, Angostura bitters and a dash of egg white). You’re a few deep by this stage, so it’s a good time to get something in the stomach.

Try the polenta, quinoa and goats cheese bites, or a cheese plate with quince paste, fruit bread and lavosh.

Time 7pm Location 34 Degrees South The clock strikes 7pm and it’s time to press on to 34 Degrees South to lock lips with a couple of ‘Skinny Bitches’ - calm down, calm down; that’s the name of the cocktail! Westwinds Gin, elderflower, grapefruit, basil and mint combine in a fruity, light and sassy mix. It’s sexy, delicious and fun to order.

Time 9pm Location The Anchor To finish off the night, continue down the beach to The Anchor, the sort of place where you can really sink into your seat.

What are you going order here?

That’s up to you; we’ve helped you enough already, so use your tipple initiative.

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UPF 50+

reinForced corners

Tuesday 23 February 5pm – 8pm Blackburn Gardens 536 New South Head Road, Double Bay

Grab a rug, pack a picnic and celebrate poetry under the stars by Sydney Harbour!

Featuring poets Zohab Zee Khan, Melinda Smith, Geoffrey Lehmann, Robert Adamson, Pip Smith, Elias Greig and performances by local schools MC’d by Simon Marnie (ABC Radio 702) • Children’s chalk poetry workshop from 5pm • Live jazz from 5pm • Poets performances from 6-8pm • Roving performers • Refreshments also available for purchase on the night.

Supported by:

For more information, including how to pre-order your picnic hamper visit

woollahra.nsw.gov.au/poetspicnic

February 2016 | The Beast 71

48 Hours In Monaco Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

48

hours to visit a country, albeit a small one, is an extremely short time, but this isn’t just any country. Situated on the famous French Riviera, Monaco is the second smallest and most densely populated country in the world, with an area of only 2.02 square kilomtres and a population of approximately 37,800.

With only a short period of time to discover this unique country, what better way to maximise your time than to arrive by helicopter?

Flying in from Nice airport takes a breezy seven minutes and the view from the air is nothing short of spectacular, with high-rise hotels, apartment blocks and luxury vessels hugging the Mediterranean coastline.

It’s certainly an extravagant way to arrive, but it will leave you with memories that will last a lifetime. The only thing missing on our journey was a throng of paparazzi waiting to greet us on arrival!

Our first taste of life at the Le Meridian Beach Plaza Hotel (the only hotel in Monaco with its own private beach), where we were staying, involved sipping on afternoon cocktails while being taught how to play the ancient game of Pétanque.

The hotel has a playing area overlooking the Mediterranean Sea and, with the assistance of the hotel’s sommelier and marketing executive, we dabbled in a lifestyle you normally only dream about.

After our game we decided to explore Monaco by foot, following the coastal path, and it wasn’t long before we were standing on the starting grid where the Formula One championship race is held each year in Monte Carlo, the only F1 street course in the world.

72 The Beast | February 2016

After absorbing the atmosphere, we headed up to the Monte Carlo Casino, one of the country’s greatest attractions.

This iconic building is opulent both inside and out and makes you feel like you’re on the set of a James Bond film (two Bond movies have actually featured the casino - ‘Never Say Never Again’ and ‘Golden Eye’).

With only a short period of time to discover this unique country, what better way to maximise your time than to arrive by helicopter?

The next day we donned our tourist hats again and with the help of a local guide we started out at the Oceanographic and Marine Science Museum, which is located on the cliffs overlooking the Mediterranean. Built in 1910, it is part museum and part marine science aquarium, and it is definitely worth checking out.

Near the museum are the Saint-Martin Gardens, which extend along the coast around Le Rocher Peninsula, with its steep cliff facing the sea. The gardens are filled with an array of exotic species and vibrant flowers, and are a serene oasis.

From here we walked down to old Monaco town (Monaco-Ville) to discover its hidden cobblestone lanes lined with cafes and shops, which eventually lead us to Prince Albert’s Palace. Initially built in 1911 as a Genoese fortress, it's a dominant building befitting the Prince’s image.

Time didn't allow a tour inside, so we continued our walking tour to a lookout nearby and gawked at the imposing views of Monaco.

Our next stop was a visit to the St. Nicholas Cathedral, where the most beloved Monaco resident, former Hollywood screen legend Princess Grace, and the recently departed Prince Rainer are entombed.

Guided touring is hard work, so we made our way down to the town square, Le Marche de la Condamine, to feast on the local fare. It is here that you get to feel the wonderful vibe this unique country has to offer. There are copious amounts of food outlets and bars to choose from and this is definitely an area where much of your time would be spent if you were a local.

After lunch we made our way back to our hotel to hang out by the pool and our ‘private’ beach, before indulging in a dinner fit for a king in Le Meridian’s restaurant. Magnifique!

While it was brief, it was eventful. And ‘48 Hours In Monaco’ would surely make a great title for the next James Bond movie.

HOW TO GET THERE Whitestar Travel Bondi 9130 1345 Vicki Bloomfield at Hello World 9371 8556 WHERE TO STAY Le Meridian Beach Plaza Hotel www.lemeridien.com WHERE TO EAT AND DRINK Zelo’s 10 Av. Princesse Grace, 9800 www.zelosworld.com Brasserie de Monaco 38 Route de la Piscine, 98000 Monaco www.brasseriedemonaco.com HELICOPTERS Heliair-Monaco +377 92 05 00 50 www.heliairmonaco.com

Pots From Butts If you’re one of the few smokers left in this health-obsessed, body-worshipping neighbourhood, next time you’re enjoying the Bondi view, look for newly installed cigarette recycling bins along the beach promenade. A company called TerraCycle will transform the butts into pot plants, watering cans, and even park benches. Don’t get busted smoking on the beach though.

Smoking is banned on the sand, not least because the stubbed ciggies get washed out to sea. Yuck!

This fella gets a lot of phone calls.

The Secret Journey Of Junk Words Elsa Evers Picture Al Capone

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ou survived Christmas, politely thanked your grandma for her present – the same thing she’s bought you for the last three years - and now you’re surrounded by more junk you don’t need. It’s a new year and time for a spring clean. But have you ever wondered where your rubbish ends up after the hi-vis recycling lads take it away?

These days, recycling is big business. Your beloved old Nokia brick is worth a lot more if it’s melted down for parts than if you tossed it in the red bin, which lands it in landfill. So what happens to it and how do you make sure it gets a good reincarnation? Simply follow this guide…

Mobile Phones Become Batteries Drop your mobile phones, ‘vin-

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tage’ laptops and televisions off at the Waverley Council E-waste Collection in May. Laptops and TVs are melted down into their valuable parts and a program backed by Aussie mobile companies - Mobile Muster turns your old mobile into new batteries.

Batteries To Bubbles A whopping 8000 tonnes of household batteries end up in Australian landfills each year and these batteries leach nasty chemicals into the environment.

Drop retired batteries off at an e-waste collection or the Waverley Council Customer Service Centre instead. The metal will be used in new batteries. The leftover acid can be converted to sodium sulfate and used in laundry detergent. Bubbles!

Punching Bags From Mattresses Given the number of gyms and boot camps in our neighbourhood, Bondi is home to its fair share of boxing bags. Thanks to an initiative called Soft Landing, it’s possible those boxing bags were actually mattresses in a past life. Soft Landing works in partnership with Waverley Council to collect mattresses and salvage the metal, foam and timber to recycle into new stuff such as carpet underlay and boxing bags.

The program creates jobs for those doing it tough and diverts thousands of tonnes of waste from landfill each year. Continue to punch with pride, friends.

Your Daily Discards The most common things we recycle are being put to good use too. In fact, you probably already have a few toys made from your trash. Is your bike made from old baked bean tins, for example? Or is your car made from old beer cans? Plastics can be recycled into wheelie bins and, believe it or not, fleece jumpers. Basically everything except the waste thrown in the red bin receives a fabulous second life.

So don’t give your junk a landfill funeral. Sort it out.

For more info, check out www. waverley.nsw.gov.au/environment/waste_and_recycling.

There really is no bigger wank.

Polo – The ‘Hectic Equestrian Ballet’ Words Alasdair McClintock Picture John Thistlewaite

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id you know that Polo is a thing in Sydney?

Yep, they actually have events, teams and a booming community, if the official website is to be believed - a website that looks disturbingly like how I would expect a Double Bay nightclub's website to look.

I have never played Polo, nor even seen it live. I can't imagine the horses like it too much and I've been trampled over by enough angry 100kg blokes to know that an angry 500kg creature would cause significant discomfort. It's not that I particularly love my facial structure, it's just that it's the only one I've got, so I'd prefer it wasn't crushed.

Knowing nothing about it, I decided to do a little bit of research. Funnily enough, there is plenty of information readily available about the history and associated fashion, but you have to really dig to find a rulebook – and by 'dig' I mean specify your web search a little better.

If you're interested, Polo is a team sport, played over 300 yards for 90 minutes with four players per side. The objective, like many sports, is to score the most goals. But the rules of the actual game don't matter. In fact, the game seems secondary to the associated fair.

There is a one page 'Polo Etiquette' guide you can download and its first line is: “Polo fashion is the sleek twin sister to racing fashion; she’s elegant, glamorous and stylish but not afraid to have a little fun.” It then goes on to spend the entire page

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describing what you should wear to a tournament - nothing about shaking hands with your opponent, not spitting in the cucumber sandwiches, and not calling the Queen Mother an uptight old prude with IBS. 'Polo Etiquette' seems to suggest you can do whatever the heck you want, as long as you look good doing it, which is fair enough, I guess.

Apparently “the only essential accessory for the polo is sunglasses; not only do they polish off any outfit, they keep the wrinkles away.” In fairness, this is true. Sunglasses do polish off every outfit.

Nuns successfully rock sunglasses. You can wear sunglasses naked and it will look ok. In fact, on a side note, if you are naked, this is the only time you can wear sunglasses at night or inside and get away with it.

The more I read, the more I became gobsmacked. At the risk of offending a lot of people in the Eastern Suburbs who happen to play or attend Polo, can these people really subscribe to such wank?

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It is a game made popular by the British Royal Family, and they're not entirely salt of the earth, are they?

Harry and Wills might be alright to have a beer with, and Charles does all that stuff for the environment, but these are people that would probably consider me one of their 'subjects'. That really doesn't sit comfortably with me, I'm afraid. Especially as I failed so many of my subjects at uni.

A Pirate's Life For Me...

Indonesian Adventures On The Indies Explorer Words James Hutton Pictures Matt Glas and the Indies Explorer

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There comes a time in every man's life where he feels the need to raise the black flag.ËŽ And that time came for twelve respectable Bronte gents late in the Indonesian surf season of 2015. The invites went out, the roster was confirmed and a 115-foot ironwood ketch named the Indies Explorer was booked for ten days and eleven nights to chase perfect waves and explore the fabled Mentawaiian islands off the coast of Sumatra, Indonesia.

Everyone down the beach had always talked about these 'Ments boats' ever since I started surfing seven years ago, but I never thought I'd get the opportunity to go on one. So when my mate Sputty mentioned that he wanted to do a boat trip for his 30th birthday, I jumped on the opportunity and set the wheels in motion.

We departed Sydney on a cold winter's morning and made our way to Kuala Lumpur for an overnight stay. A quick trip into the centre of the world's most boring city and a huge Malay feed was enough for the weary travellers, and we were sleeping like babies in our budget hotel by midnight.

Early the following morning we boarded our Air Asia flight bound for Padang, West Sumatra to begin the adventure of a lifetime.

The crew of the Indies Explorer met us in the arrivals hall of Padang Airport, loaded our board bags into the truck and took us down to the river for a safety briefing, before boarding the pirate ship that was to be our home for the next eleven nights. We all cracked a cold Bintang, lit a Sampoerna and sailed away into the thick tropical night destined for the legendary Mentawais.

I remember hearing the surf before I actually laid eyes on

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it, the unmistakeable growl of a hollow wave grinding along shallow coral reef. I popped my head up out of our port hole and stared in amazement. Bronte Reef can get pretty good on its day, but I'd never seen anything quite like this.

Without a thought for breakfast we jumped in the tender with Dinh, who was always on hand to taxi us to and from the line-up, and made our way into uncrowded perfection to spend the next three hours in surfing heaven. A quick break for lunch and then straight back out for more of the same; we literally surfed until our bodies could surf no more and it was only day one.

I remember hearing the surf before I actually laid eyes on it, the unmistakeable growl of a hollow wave grinding along shallow coral reef.

Sunset beers on the deck each night, complemented with a delicious Indonesian clove ciggie I could really get used to this.

We scored Scarecrows, Telescopes, Macaronis, Lance's Left and Thunders during our trip. I'd have to say the day at Scarecrows when it was pushing 10-foot and we had it all to ourselves (except for the evil Scarecrow himself) was the highlight.

Seeing the boys surfing as well as they could in these perfect conditions was nothing short of inspirational. There was a real feeling of camaraderie that I never thought you could get from what is essentially an individual pursuit. And paddling over to our waiting tender laden with icy cold Bintangs and

Pocari Sweats was the icing on a very tasty cake.

Life on a surf charter boat is hard to beat. Once you get used to ducking your head underneath the deck you don't really have too much to worry about.

Surf, eat, sleep, repeat; not a bad way to live, really.

There were so many good memories from our time at sea that I couldn't possibly mention them all here. The fishing and fresh seafood were awesome.

The food prepared by our Indonesian chef Zarl was delicious; it was his first trip so he was putting in the hard yards to impress - good timing by us. Meal times were made so much better by the lack of phone reception.

The weather was perfect. And everyone got barrelled (yep, even me).

That said, it wasn't all perfect waves and cold Bintangs.

Everyone on the boat lost a little bit of bark on the sharp reef at some stage; I copped a lump of coral in my head on the last day and required the steady hand of surgeon Tuck to sew me back together. The Indonesian archipelago can be a volatile and dangerous place, and tragic events can occur at sea if you're not with an experienced outfit.

A big thanks to Wazza, Tuck and the boys for giving us the adventure of a lifetime and keeping us all safe. A pirate's life for me... well, maybe for ten days a year anyway.

HOW TO BOOK The Indies Explorer www.indiesexplorer.com WHERE TO STAY Tune Hotel KLIA2 www.tunehotels.com HOW TO GET THERE Air Asia www.airasia.com

How to ruin a bloke's day.

Condoms Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Make Men Lose Their Erection Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Con Traception

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t's amazing how often men tell me they don't use a condom because they think it makes them lose their erection. At the same time it's scary that so many women don't insist their partners use one, especially in a new relationship. Some women who are on the pill mistakenly believe they don't need to use a condom, but it's not just about preventing an accidental pregnancy. The danger, especially these days, is the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Some men believe a condom is a barrier to their pleasure, but if a condom is used properly such concerns are unwarranted. For men who are not used to a condom, especially young men, it's a good idea to start by incorporating a condom into the way you masturbate. This will give you practice and familiarise you with putting it on quickly and correctly. Sexual stimulation feels quite different with a condom on compared to not wearing one, and you may find it helps to get used to this sensation, turning it into a very pleasurable experience rather than a barrier.

When lubricated correctly, internally and externally, a condom can enhance the masturbation experience. It's also important to make sure you have the right size of condom, so try some out until you find the right fit.

The main catalyst to losing an erection for many men is the anxiety triggered by putting a condom on. During the excitement of having sex, especially with a new partner, it's easy to get distracted and lose arousal. When this happens it can be helpful for the partner to put the condom on. The trick is

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that the man should keep doing things that keep him aroused, like kissing and touching his partner.

Another helpful hint is longer foreplay, which can help both partners become more aroused and sustain the erection. The most important thing is to communicate with your partner, telling him or her that losing your erection is due to anxiety and not because you aren't attracted enough to them.

Australia has a big STI problem right now. A staggering amount of young teenagers, both boys and girls, are testing positive for chlamydia. This bacterial infection does not always show obvious symptoms, but it can cause serious permanent damage to a woman's reproductive system, which can cause infertility.

These days, oral sex between teenagers has become the most popular sexual activity. The main reason for this is that they believe oral sex is not real sex. They have to be told, preferably with proper sex education at high schools, that they need to use a condom.

There is no longer a need to feel embarrassed when purchasing condoms. Buying condoms online has become very popular, especially with the variety that's available. They come in all sorts of colours, flavours, shapes and sizes. There are supersensitive varieties, ribbed and studded ones, and even condoms that glow in the dark. There are vibrating condom rings with batteries, condoms with anaesthetic cream inside to help with premature ejaculation and condoms with tingly warm lubricant. Whatever you need, the Internet has got you covered (excuse the pun).

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Subject Hollow shoreys Location Maroubra Photographer Nicholas Melas - @nickymelas

Subject Wild and free Location North Bondi Photographer Mariangela Angelucci - mydesigners.com.au

Subject Sandy Claus Location Bondi Photographer Amaury TrĂŠguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Summer treats Location Nielsen Park Photographer Miriam Chaplyn

Subject Hall Street roundabout Location Bondi Photographer Sebastian Silva Carrasco

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Last light Location Bondi Photographer Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

Subject Thirsty tourist Location Bondi Photographer Penny Gwin

Subject Beating the crowds Location Bondi Photographer Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Stand and deliver Location Bondi Photographer Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Sunday chills Location Bondi Photographer Poppy Wolanski

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Album #1 Artist Justin Bieber Album Purpose Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating I tried to give Justin a fair go and listen to this as if I didn't know who he was. It started out quite promising, but after three or four songs the skip button began to look mighty enticing. By halfway I actually started feeling physically ill. I felt a tightening in my stomach and chest, and had to turn the album off in fear I may collapse. I can confidently say listening to the first nine songs in concurrence is the closest thing to the mythical 'brown note' I have ever encountered. Who knows what would have happened if I'd made it to the end?

Album #2 Movie Review Title The Big Short Genre Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador You would think a film based on the American housing market crash of the late 2000s would be excruciatingly sleep inducing, but The Big Short is anything but. Although a complex subject, it has been simplified by way of very amusing direct-to-camera explanations of confusing terminology such as CDO, sub-prime mortgage loans and credit default swaps.

Director Adam McKay (Anchorman) and coscreenwriter Charles Randolph (Life Of David Gale) have adapted Michael Lewis’s (Moneyball) book into an engrossing film. Christian Bale plays Michael Burry, a brilliant yet unlikely number crunching hedge-fund manager. Burry, while investigating stocks for customers, uncovers a major fraud within the American financial system that will eventually lead to one of the biggest financial losses America has seen.

Jared Vennett (Ryan Gosling), a cocky Wall Street banker, gets wind of Burry’s radical buying strategies and seeks out Mark Baum (Steve Carell), a hot-headed funds manager who has an amazing nose for numbers and fraudsters. Simultaneously, Ben Rickert (Brad Pitt), a retired trader who is disgusted with the system, is called in to assist two fledgling money managers, Jamie Shipley (Finn Wittrock) and Charlie Geller (John Magaro), who have uncovered the volatile situation.

The Big Short is a revealing look into the dark side of banking, and another powerful reminder of what can happen when we let corporations rule.

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Artist Jaala Album Hard Hold Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  After a few false starts, I was finally able to sit down and listen to this album. That might sound like a bad thing, but it was more because it is so off tempo and weird that if you are doing anything else it is hard to concentrate. Once you succeed in aligning yourself, however, it becomes quite pleasant. You might even end up happily dancing away like Elaine in Seinfeld. But there must be a reason popular music has evolved to the 4/4 beat and, sure enough, by the end of the album my alignment was gone and I lost a bit of interest.

Album #3 Artist Cage The Elephant Album Tell Me I'm Pretty Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I like this album. It is good. Grungy, pop-rock with a nice bluesy flow. Apparently the chap from the Black Keys helped produce it and you can certainly tell. The fuzzy guitars dreamily flow through each song and at times it is hard to believe this isn't a British band. Can it be Britpop if they're from the States? I guess not. They certainly sound like a grungier version of The Beatles on a few tracks. I would compare this album to your favourite pair of old jeans: dirty and full of holes, but immensely comfortable.

Arts & Entertainment From Around The Beaches...

Words Maddy Gray Picture C. Giordano Lasky

POETS’ PICNIC Woollahra Council’s Poets’ Picnic event is back for another year, so prepare to indulge your inner poet on February 23, from 5pm to 8pm at Blackburn Gardens in Double Bay. ABC radio presenter Simon Marnie will be compering this fantastic event, set amongst the backdrop of Sydney Harbour.

Hear from some of Australia’s best poets including Geoffrey Lehmann, Melinda Smith and Robert Adamson. Children’s workshops begin at 5pm and the poetry commences at 6pm.

Refreshments will be available for purchase on the night. Please visit www.woollahra.nsw.gov. au/community/arts_and_culture/the_poets_picnic for more information.

SOUND OF THE REEF For one night only, the Australian Chamber Orchestra will be presenting its award-winning performance piece, ‘The Reef ’, before it goes on tour in the USA. The piece is the brainchild of an eclectic bunch of artists, led by the Chamber Orchestra’s Artistic Director, Richard Tognetti. Hundreds of

The loner.

hours of surf footage have been condensed into one ‘mythic day’, and the live orchestra performs a variety of classical and contemporary music as the original film footage is projected behind it. The performance is on February 12 at 7:30pm in the City Recital Hall, Angel Place.

Call 1800 444 444 to book.

ART AND LIGHT Award-winning local artist Rita Orsini has long been fascinated with the interplay of light, resin and transience. In her new exhibition at Chrissie Cotter Gallery in Camperdown, Orsini showcases her latest signature artist lamps, her colourful paintings, and her popular Osso Buco resin collection. The exhibition launches on Wednesday, February 3 from 6pm to 8pm, and runs until February 14. Please call 9335 2280 for more information.

MARDI GRAS FESTIVAL The annual Mardi Gras festival is on this month, and with it comes an incredible array of free and ticketed events celebrating LGBTQI culture and community. The actual parade is not until March 5, but

until then, get amongst all the awesome stuff that accompanies it. One of our top picks is a performance piece called ‘Day For Night 24 Hours’ at Carriageworks, where leading Australian and international artists will reimagine gender, sexuality and the body over 24 hours. For more info about the festival, go to www.mardigras.org.au.

LIFE’S A BEACH The Australian Centre for Photography has partnered up with Waverley Council to present internationally acclaimed British photographer Martin Parr’s photography exhibition ‘Life’s A Beach’ at Bondi Pavilion. Parr’s photos take us on a coloursaturated journey through the local quirks and international commonalities of seaside days across the world, from Argentina, to China, to Latvia and beyond. The exhibition is on from the January 31 to March 27, with the Pavilion gallery open from 10am to 5pm daily. For more info, visit www.acp.org.au/ index.php/exhibitions.

These blokes certainly know how to pump out a catchy tune.

RÜFÜS Ready To Release A Group OF Jellyfish Words Dan Hutton Picture Dalton Wills

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ydney electronic trio RÜFÜS lapped the globe several times after the release of their critically acclaimed debut album, Atlas, and now they’re back in town to release their heavily anticipated follow-up, Bloom, on January 22.

With an album tour slated (but details yet to be released at the time of print), we managed to grab a few moments of lead vocalist Tyrone Lindqvist’s time to find out a bit more about RÜFÜS and their new release...

Our earliest music memory is... sitting at Jon’s house in Byron Bay in 2010, just off a golf course, bonding over Booka Shade and Trentemøller. We wrote our first song that night, ‘We Left’.

We'd like to think that our music is… something you can relax to on a Sunday afternoon, or something that can warm up your Saturday night.

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Our new album, Bloom, could be described as... a group of jellyfish.

The most exciting thing about the local music scene in Sydney is... Hayden James, Yuma X, Mansionair and DMA’s - a few of our friends who are exciting us a lot around the Sydney suburbs.

Our biggest fan has got to be... our mums. Last year they made us a RÜFÜS cake. Love you Mum! Them and this dude in Melbourne that came to all three shows in one week. Our photographer snuck him backstage so we could meet him and it turns out he had a tattoo of our logo, too!

If we could have written any song, it would have been… this Trentemøller song, ‘Take Me Into Your Skin’, or ‘In White Rooms’ by Booka Shade. Those two are absolute bliss.

There was this one time when we were starting out that… we lost James after a party at Splendour In The Grass. The rest of the story is history.

One person we’d still really like to record with is… David August. He is from Berlin. You should look him up.

If you ever come to see us live, you can expect… more cowbell.

We never want to get to the point where… there’s not enough cowbell and we don’t love what we do.

Our dream gig would be… to play at Red Rocks, just outside of Denver, Colorado.

RÜFÜS’s new album, Bloom, is set for release on January 22.

For more information about upcoming tour dates, visit facebook.com/rufussounds.

lower than Grand Cru wines.

Look for a label saying Chablis Premier (or 1er) Cru (usually around $70ish or so).

The third tier is simply called Chablis (about $30-50), which accounts for most of the wine produced. A wine from this level will come from vines within a larger, bounded region. The final classification, Petit Chablis (often $20-30), allows wine from outside of these boundaries (but still from the general Chablis region). Wines in these last two levels vary a lot in quality, so if you have one bad one, don’t swear off Chablis for life.

The top tiers can age if you like, but you generally want to drink them within a few years.

In youth, the wines have a flinty, minerally character, which is delightful.

Harvesting Chardonnay in the Chablis Premier Cru of Fourchaume.

The Chardonnays Of Chablis Words and Picture Alex Russell Twitter @OzWineGuy

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hablis is the northernmost (and therefore coolest) part of Burgundy and almost all vines in this region are Chardonnay vines. I know, Chardonnay isn’t for everyone, but hear me out.

The wines of Chablis are quite distinct. In Australia, many of us equate Chardonnay with loads of oak. In Chablis, many of the wines don’t receive any oak at all, while the more expensive versions might receive a small amount, mostly for complexity rather than big oaky flavours.

The vineyards are classified based on the quality of the grapes that are grown there.

Grand Cru vineyards are the highest tier. There are seven of them (and a cheeky unofficial

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eighth) and they are individually named, such as Les Clos, Grenouilles and Valmur. Wines from different Grand Cru vineyards will generally be bottled separately and are the most expensive (usually $100+). Various producers own certain vines within each vineyard, so you might see a label with Chablis Grand Cru Les Clos from the producer William Fevre, and then another from Christian Moreau.

The second tier is Premier Cru (about 40 vineyards).

Personal favourites include Montée de Tonnerre, Vaillons, Fourchaume and Montmains.

Again, these will generally be bottled separately by vineyard.

The alcohol tends to be slightly

Producers Many Chablis producers make very small amounts each vintage, so they can be hard to find.

In my experience, the ones that make it into the chain stores are sometimes not the best examples of their style. Consider looking to local bottle shops or specialist retailers, such as Bellevue Hill Wines (see their ad on the opposite page).

You’ll see William Fevre pop up in some independent shops, especially some of the Premier and Grand Crus. The Fevre wines are not a bad place to start if you’re interested in the style.

You should also look for producers like Raveneau (the Montée de Tonnerre, or MdT, is a darling of wine snobs like me) or Droin (which I’ll often order if it’s on a wine list). Christian Moreau has also impressed me in recent years. Brocard, Verget and Laroche are worth looking for too. Please let me know how you go!

I’ve introduced a lot of people to Chablis. While some were worried about drinking Chardonnay, without exception all have loved them. Try them while the warmer months remain.

HAPPY NEW REAR Our body sculpting treatments help you reach your body goals faster. Sessions start from one hour, with no surgery, no pain, no downtime, and deliver scientifically proven results in reducing body fat. Call us for a free consultation. bodycatalyst.com.au | 116 Spring St Bondi Junction | 0401 372 833

February 2016 | The Beast 89

These guys really know what they're doing.

China Diner - No Ordinary Chinese Restaurant Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks

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hink Chinese food and images of wonton soup, spring rolls and chicken chow mein being enjoyed in a quiet, familyowned restaurant probably come to mind. Luckily for Bondi, China Diner has turned this vision on its head and created a den of deliciousness with an Asian flair that hip couples or groups wanting a night out will appreciate.

Brought to you by the people behind China Doll and China Lane, China Diner opened 18 months ago in the commercial nexus of Bondi, the Adina complex, so finding it is as easy as pie. The interior is more like two restaurants rather than one, with a very long bar in the front section and a more formal dining area in the back.

On the Thursday night my companion and I arrived for

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dinner the place was packed with happy people listening to pumping tunes and bathing in the cool orange glow that permeates the room. Welcomed by friendly manager Elliot, we settled into a bar-area booth and immediately felt comfortable, as he explained that the menu is more broadly Asian than Chinese, meaning there’s more room for innovation.

The night’s specials were explained to us by Corey, our knowledgeable Canadian waiter, whose recommendations we followed to a T. After getting set with drinks, we decided on the steamed Queensland scallops with Vietnamese shallot dressing and the crispy lamb dumplings with cumin and chilli as our starters.

The four fresh scallops, which sat perkily in their fan-shells,

were perfectly cooked; eating ten more of the delightful morsels would not have been an issue. The chewy lamb dumplings added some much-needed carbs, and with a bit of chilli oil they really hit the spot.

Next up we opted for the five spice duck pancakes with hoisin, shallot and cucumber, because who doesn’t love duck pancakes? These did not disappoint. The lightly fried, tender duck slices simply melted into the light wrapping that surrounded them.

For mains we selected the wok-fried prawns with turmeric, lime and ginger and the wokfried tofu with mushrooms, snow peas and white pepper.

While the giant Queensland prawns were fabulous, the tofu was the surprise of the night, with four types of mushrooms and a delicious pepper sauce that will please even non-vegos.

For dessert we were faced with a choice between coconut and vanilla sago with spiced cherries and black sticky rice with caramelised bananas and salted peanut praline - we ended up ordering both. The sago is a bit lighter than the black rice if you’re feeling full, but neither will disappoint.

China Diner really knows how to push all the right buttons.

After an evening there, you’ll see why it’s one of the best eateries in Bondi and a far cry from the little Chinese restaurant in your mind.

China Diner www.chinadiner.com.au Address 75-79 Hall Street, Bondi Phone 9130 2333 Insta @chinadinerbondi Facebook www.facebook. com/chinadinerbondi Email info@chinadiner.com.au Open Mon – Fri, 6pm-late; Sat – Sun, 12pm-3:30pm, 5pm - late Prices $100-$150 per couple Cards Accepted Yes Licensed /BYO Yes

There's no good excuse not to do a boat trip...

The Indies Explorer has teamed up with The Beast to offer a special package for Mentawais surf season 2016.

We are offering US$2,000 off the advertised prices on all of our peak season and shoulder season 11-night surf charters to readers of The Beast. Prices include all meals, accommodation, plenty of Bintangs and airport transfers for you and up to ten of your buddies.

So what are you waiting for? Get a crew together and take advantage of this special offer to experience the trip of a lifetime on this classic vessel.

For rates and availability, or to book your surf charter, please visit our website at www.indiesexplorer.com.

You can prepare this in less time than it takes to order takeaway.

Chorizo Bucatini With Manchego And Paprika Words and Picture Marley Spoon Culinary Director Olivia Andrews

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he Italians may not approve, but we think you’ll agree that a detour through Spain makes for a surprisingly delicious pasta. Simply swap the pancetta for chorizo, the parmesan for manchego cheese, and spike the tomato and capsicum sauce with paprika. ¡Qué aproveche! Or should that be buon appetito?

Ingredients 2 chorizo sticks (240g) 100g manchego cheese (use half) 2 garlic cloves 1 red onion 15g parsley 1 long red chilli 1 capsicum 200g bucatini pasta 1 tsp paprika 400g can whole peeled tomatoes Salt and pepper Extra virgin olive oil Pinch sugar Prepare Ingredients Cut the chorizo into 1.5cm cubes.

Finely chop the manchego.

Finely chop the garlic and onion.

Finely chop the parsley, includ-

92 The Beast | February 2016

ing the stems. Thinly slice the red chilli, removing the seeds for less heat if desired. Cut the capsicum into 1cm pieces.

utes to allow the flavours to infuse, breaking up the tomatoes with a wooden spoon. Season with salt and pepper.

Cook pasta Bring a saucepan of salted water to the boil. Break the bucatini in half. Cook the pasta for 8 minutes or until al dente, then drain and set aside.

Get ready to serve Add the cooked pasta to the pan and toss to combine. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Stir in half each of the parsley, manchego and chilli. Divide pasta between bowls and scatter with the remaining parsley, manchego and chilli.

Cook chorizo Meanwhile, heat 2 teaspoons of olive oil in a large frypan over medium-high heat. Cook the chorizo for 5 minutes or until browned. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.

Cook vegetables Add the onion, garlic, capsicum and paprika to the pan. Cook for 4 minutes or until the vegetables have softened and are flavoured with the chorizo oil.

Cook sauce Return the chorizo to the pan with the tomatoes and reduce heat to medium. Cook for 5 min-

Every Marley Spoon meal takes around 30 minutes to prepare, in only six steps.

These meals can be delivered to your door, with all the ingredients you need, in minimal, recyclable packaging.

With a cooking hotline for any questions about the recipe, the only thing you’ll have simmering is your delicious dinner. Marley Spoon is available across Sydney now, and meals start from $9.99. Visit www.marleyspoon.com.au.

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Cherry Ripe Popsicles Words and Picture Tamika Woods

S

ummer is in full swing, which means it is now time to get the popsicle moulds out (if you haven’t already done so). These dairy-free ‘Cherry Ripe’ ice creams will cool you down on a hot summer’s day while keeping your New Year health goals on track. These little pieces of icy heaven taste just like a frozen Cherry Ripe, only healthy. You won't believe you managed to whip them up yourself.

For Chocolate Shell 3/4 cup coconut oil, melted if solid at room temperature 1/2 cup cacao powder 1/2 cup maple syrup

Equipment Popsicle moulds Paddle pop sticks Blender or food processor

2. Pour the ice-cream mixture into the moulds, add paddle pop sticks and set in the freezer for at least five hours.

Ingredients For Ice-Cream 3 cups fresh or frozen pitted cherries 270ml coconut cream 1/2 cup maple syrup 1 cup desiccated coconut 1 tbsp vanilla extract 1 pinch salt

3. Once your popsicles have set, make the chocolate shell by mixing all the ingredients in a small, deep bowl. Taste for sweetness and adjust the cacao to maple syrup ratio if necessary. Have your desiccated coconut out and ready to go as soon as you dip your popsicles.

94 The Beast | February 2016

For Decorating Desiccated coconut Method 1. Put all the ingredients for the ice-cream into a blender and process until smooth.

4. Remove the popsicles from their moulds and dip them one-by-one into the chocolate mixture. Immediately sprinkle them with coconut before the chocolate sets.

5. If not serving straight away, pop your popsicles back in the freezer until you are ready to enjoy. I hope you enjoy these healthy summer treats!

Tamika Woods is a Nutritional Medicine student and founder of Sproutly Stories, a new health food blog designed to translate evidence-based information into digestible pieces of knowledge. Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to implement their health learnings in an easy and delicious way. For more guilt free recipes, check out sproutlystories.com.

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Across 1. 2016 will be the Chinese Year of the … (6) 3. Cool and distant (5) 6. Missing in action (1,1,1) 7. Year when February has 29 days (4,4) 11. In a short amount of time (4) 12. A lot of (8) 13. Transportation down snowy mountains (4) 14. In poor condition due to neglect (8) 15. Prohibit (3) 17. Famous vampire (5,7) 19. Consequence (6) 20. Animal similar to an alpaca (5) Down 1. Type of wild duck (7)

2. Currency of Laos (3) 3. 78% Nitrogen, 21% Oxygen, 1% Argon plus some (3) 4. Los Angeles (1,1) 5. Ol’ Blue Eyes (5,7) 6. Charter agreed to make peace between King John of England and rebel barons (5,5) 8. Star sign for majority of this month (8) 9. Austro-Bavarian mountain singing style (5) 10. Loud laughing Australian bird (10) 16. And others to complete a list, ‘et …’ (2) 17. Common garment of 17-across (4) 18. Talcum powder abbreviation (4)

Beast Local Trivia Words Kate Myers Picture Johnny Mac 1. True or false: Cherophobia is the fear of fun or happiness?

2. ‘The Hateful’ Eight is a new film from which American director?

3. Which state was the first to declare Australia Day a public holiday?

4. Which language is spoken by the greatest number of people

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96 The Beast | February 2016

as their first language?

5. The Sydney Roosters play their first game of the 2016 NRL season at Allianz Stadium against which team?

6. The ‘Chaos and the Calm Tour’, coming to Sydney in February, features which English singer, songwriter and guitarist?

7. Which Eastern Suburbs beach holds the record for the largest swimsuit photo shoot ever?

8. ‘Place of thunder’ is the Aboriginal meaning of which beachside suburb?

9. Does a blob sculpin have feathers, fur or fins?

10. What is Australia’s longest running television show?

Monty's Sandwich Shop 52 Spring Street Bondi Junction 0437 455 177 Monty's Hot Sandwich Shop 141 Glenayr Avenue Bondi Beach 0437 455 017 Montyssandwichshop.com.au



ARIES Mar 21-Apr 20 Why are you battling it out trying to survive in the Eastern Suburbs? If you're not earning over $500,000, this place is not for you.

VIRGO Aug 24-Sep 23 "If I was single," you say, "I could root anyone." Well, why don't you put that theory to the test? Because you're a Derek, that's why.

TAURUS Apr 21-May 20 Drop everything to help a family member in need. Nothing is more important than family, especially not your stupid job.

LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23 Don't despair about your current physical condition. One month of hard work and you'll be back looking awesome again.

Words Beardy from Hell

GEMINI May 21-Jun 21 Earn more, spend less. At current rates of spending vs income you can look forward to enjoying your retirement on $1.75 a day.

SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22 You need to move away; you've been here too long and you're getting stale - and you could probably do with a clean slate.

AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19 Now is the time to invest in yourself. You've poured so much energy into helping others and it's about time you rewarded yourself.

CANCER Jun 22-Jul 23 Almonds are to be consumed whole, and never as milk. You can try it once to see what all the fuss is about, but that's where it ends.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22 At some point this month you're going to see your reflection and realise that you're the worst dressed person in Sydney.

PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20 Don't crap until you're actually about to shit your pants or you'll give birth prematurely and be left with a half broken stump.

LEO Jul 24-Aug 23 Quit whinging about the cost of living. A cup of Nescafé still costs less than 20c, it's just that you're too cool to drink it anymore.

CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20 Resist the urge to borrow more to prop up the great Australian house of cards. Don't be the fool that plants the flag on the summit.

Star Signs

 Charlie’s



Trivia Solutions

1. True 2. Quentin Tarantino 3. NSW 4. Chinese 5. South Sydney Rabbitohs 6. James Bay 7. Bondi 8. Maroubra 9. Fins 10. Four Corners

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Phone 02 9665 7795

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Your property is worth more with McGrath.

At McGrath we pride ourselves on our vast local area knowledge, our relationships within the community and our exceptional results. To speak with our team for any of your real estate needs, please contact one of our Eastern beaches specialists today.

Simon Exleton 0414 549 966

Eitan Rubinstein 0401 373 731

Marnie Seinor 0425 255 200

Lorraine Crawford 0412 274 545

Mark Redhill 0417 491 598

Andrew Stewart 0422 227 228

mcgrath.com.au

Damian Steele 0411 832 584