The Beast - February 2021

BEAST The

February 2021

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This summer we need to do things a little differently.

Sunrise surf?

The best time to avoid the crowds.

Spread kindness not germs!

Let's Look Out For Each Other Words James Hutton, Publisher Welcome to the February 2021 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s beaches of the east. New cases of COVID-19 in Sydney have thrown a spanner in the works again, but we’re hanging in there with the support of our loyal advertisers, who we really can’t thank enough.

This month’s cover painting of Clovelly Beach is the work of 84-year-old Clovelly artist John Johnston, who only took up art about two years ago after his wife passed away. We’re stoked to be able to feature the work of local artists on our cover each month and we’ve decided to keep this theme running indefinitely as a result of all the positive feedback we’ve received from our readers.

6 The Beast February 2021

January has been a hard month for many residents of our local area, especially the Bondi and Tamarama crews.

Just within my extended circle of friends, two young lives were lost to suicide last month.

I didn’t know either of these young men personally, but I’ve seen how their loss has affected some of my mates and I can’t even begin to imagine what their families must be going through right now.

Since we started this magazine over sixteen years ago there has been a huge increase, anecdotally speaking, in youth suicide along our little strip of coastline, and we all need to look out for each other and make sure we’re making the time to listen to our friends and

be aware of what people are going through - even more so now with all the social restrictions and limited job opportunities.

I know a lot of young people flick through The Beast each month, so if you’re reading this and you’re not feeling okay, please think things through and reach out and talk to someone, whether it’s a family member, friend or medical professional.

There are people trained in this field who are working to help people through mental health issues literally every day of the week, and they will listen to you and give you the tools you need to get through whatever it is you’re dealing with. Please reach out and get help, you don’t need to go it alone.

Cheers, James

CONTENTS

Fe b r uar y 2 0 2 1 Issu e 1 9 3 6 7 8 10 12 18 28 29

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Horse's Rant Monthly Mailbag Local News Bits & Pieces Beast Thumbs

30 32 34 36 38 39 40 42

Local Artist Police News Satire Unreliable Guide Headnoise Tide Chart Marj's Musings Making Music

Deep purple, by Ash Hingston @ashhingstonphotography.

44 46 47 48 48 49 50 50

Local Photos Food Review Dana's Recipe Film Review Album Reviews Brainteasers Beardy from Hell Trivia Solutions

Stimulating (the economy).

Trickle-down Economics in Action Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Albert Niemann As Australia’s self-appointed COVID-19 Ambassador, Pearl is proud that the people of the Eastern Suburbs have managed to cruise through the past year by employing inventive ways to ease the economic and social distress of ‘The One-Nine’.

While the Western Suburbs has been wallowing in the misery of unemployment and financial distress, the good burghers of the East have been quick to take remedial and therapeutic action. Nothing can replace the joy of the annual European skiing holiday, but people have taken it on the chin and offloaded their hard-earned cash on property, boats and campervans.

What is there to be depressed about? The property market is booming (thanks to the RBA’s 8 The Beast February 2021

Philip Lowe, who obviously has no idea about cause and effect), and the streets are paved with black Range Rovers and botoxed yummy mummies in P.E Nation leggings. If one is still in the depths of despair over the lifestyle limitations imposed by COVID, they can always resort to an Eastern Suburbs standard: cocaine.

For those Eastern Suburbites who have outgrown the cult of Billecart-Salmon Champagne, a line of cocaine has become a cathartic alternative when goat yoga and loving-kindness meditation no longer cut it.

Even New South Wales Police Commissioner Mick Fuller appreciates affluent Sydney’s cocaine obsession. Rather than shaming the wealthy and educated by making unnecessary

value judgments, Commissioner Fuller has taken the softly-softly approach, appealing to the upper middle class sensibilities by pointing out that one’s “insatiable appetite” for cocaine is fuelling gang violence in the Western Suburbs - a far more genteel alternative to pulling out the big guns and bringing out the sniffer dogs on New South Head Road.

What Commissioner Fuller understands - unlike Philip Lowe - is cause and effect. The Eastern Suburbs’ cocaine obsession is trickle-down economics in action. Like rent-seeking property developers and mining executives who use corporate welfare to share their love via ‘jobs and growth’ (and destroying communities and the environment in the process), we are seeing affluent, drug-addled crazies directly contributing to the wealth of hoons in the Western Suburbs, allowing them to feed their children, build ugly McMansions in Kellyville and line the streets of Auburn with Mercedes AMG C63s, rather than bludging on Newstart and public housing.

This lightening of the taxpayers’ load also trickles down to Western Suburbs builders and car dealers - a win-win for all.

If it results in a few drive-by shootings in Bankstown, so be it; there is always a price to pay for economic growth, and Pearl is not seeing mass outrage over truck related road deaths or industrial deaths on building and mining sites.

So, darlings, reassure yourselves while hoovering a line of cocaine on your stainless steel kitchen benchtop; if it wasn’t for the stoic Eastern Suburbs drug user eliminating the trauma of not skiing in Aspen, some sections of the Western Suburbs would be suffering in enclaves of slum and destitution. For this you should be proud.

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Deport the lot of them.

Local Residents Deserve More Respect Rant Duncan Horscroft Photo Toby Zerna The recent gathering at Bronte Beach on Christmas Day raises concerns about local councils’ efforts to protect the local community from what could have been a major COVID-19 outbreak, with more than 200 people deciding it would a good idea to party at the beach during a potential third wave of the coronavirus.

These idiots ignored government warnings against mass gatherings during this pandemic and were filmed drinking alcohol at a venue which had signs posted around the beach clearly stating that alcohol was banned.

Incredibly, no one was fined for what was clearly a breach of the law, despite the riot squad being called in to disperse the masses.

Byron Bay was also in the news with a huge gathering celebrating Christmas and police issued fines to the culprits, so why was Bronte Beach any different?

10 The Beast February 2021

Bronte has a strong local community who abide by the rules, so allowing a group comprising mainly of backpackers to blatantly flout the rules is a slap in the face to those who regularly enjoy the beach and its surrounds.

Another issue that Waverley Council seems to neglect is the availability of parking in the Bronte Cutting, with moves afoot to extend the coastal walk past Calga Reserve and through to Macpherson Street, eliminating around 20 parking spots.

This is on top of the nine parking spots reserved for the Bronte Surf Club, which are rarely used by the club and sit empty most of the year while locals drive around in circles in search of a parking spot that doesn’t exist.

As residents we pay an annual fee for a beach parking permit, so why can’t permit holders use these spots when they are not needed by the club?

Council also agreed to give Bronte surf patrol members from outside the municipality a deal where they can purchase Waverley parking permits, so why have reserved spots in the first place?

It has become evident that locals will now have to find a spot outside the Cutting and be forced to pay for the privilege of being able to take their family to the beach.

Randwick Council has also been offside with locals lately, especially when it comes to targeting dog owners who take their dogs for a walk and swim off the rocks around Clovelly and Gordons Bay. One incident that occurred on a day when the temperatures hit the high 30s in early December saw a local lass approached by two rangers who politely asked her if she minded if they scanned her animal to see if it was micro-chipped. Of course the owner kindly agreed, but then once the rangers had scanned the dog they informed the dog owner that she would be receiving a fine that amounted to more than $300!

If this was not entrapment, then what is?

Both Randwick and Waverley have a big population of dog owners and most are very responsible, cleaning up their mess and keeping their animals under control.

Dogs are very social and like nothing more than running around with others and enjoying a swim on a hot day in areas that have no impact on local beachgoers, so what harm are they doing, other than being an easy revenue raiser for the councils?

It’s time both councils became aware of how to appease their residents instead of prioritising private interests like surf clubs and treating locals as second class citizens.

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Wonderful People of the Eastern Suburbs DUNCAN'S RANT RESPONSE Waverley Council has had an Outdoor Public Space Management Plan in place for many months to ensure compliance with the relevant public health orders and to help keep the community COVID-safe. This plan includes additional staffing, signage and communications as well as working closely with the police, Transport for NSW, NSW Health and neighbouring Councils to ensure our open spaces remain open for the safe enjoyment of our community.

At Bronte Park on Christmas Day, as in previous years, Council rostered additional rangers and paid for additional police on public holidays over the busy summer period to ensure compliance with the alcohol prohibited areas. The no alcohol areas are clearly signed and have been communicated extensively through traditional and social media. Despite this, a crowd of approximately 2-300 people gathered during the afternoon at Bronte Park and additional police were called in to ensure the crowd was safely dispersed.

For New Year’s Eve, following discussions with the police, additional measures were implemented including turning 12 The Beast February 2021

off the barbecues and fencing off picnic huts and Biddigal Reserve for the evening.

In regard to the Bronte Cutting Safety Upgrade, Council has a duty of care to ensure the safety of the over 1 million pedestrians who use the cutting annually. Two thorough community consultations have been conducted, most recently in November-December 2020.

Paula Masselos Mayor of Waverley COOGEE BEACH PA SYSTEM STILL A PUBLIC NUISANCE 6.58am, New Year’s Eve: a lifeguard, with his megawatt PA, tells one surfer that he/she is in the wrong bit of water. But at least 20,000 other people in Coogee’s amphitheatre shaped valley - many still (until then) blissfully sleeping - are forced to eavesdrop. Did the ‘emergency use only’ tag on the microphone switch fall off again?

Peter Coogee TRUMP, SEX AND SCOMO In Jeremy Ireland’s most recent article (Delusions of Grandeur, The Beast, January 2021), he says, “Trump is a unique individual.” Well, aren’t we all?

Ireland also claims, “In all fairness… we really know Trump

through the media.” In all fairness, fairness is not a concept that Trump comprehends or practises.

Yet we know Trump from his own words. Through his 25,000 tweets (reported by CNN), he communicates directly with his devotees - the poorly educated.

In his congressional testimony, Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, said that Trump is a racist, a conman, and a cheat.

There is also a video in which Trump - the man himself boasts of grabbing women by the p*ssy. Finally, in ‘the worst seconds of my life’, Stormy Daniels reports that Trump only had one position. What a dick.

Trump is the man who recently gave our esteemed Scomo a medal, a tellingly labelled Legion of Merit. Yet there is no merit, sexually or otherwise. But it fits the bill.

When 70 world leaders met in December last year to celebrate five years of the Paris Climate Agreement, the merit boys Trump and Scomo - were not even invited.

Trump and Scomo are isolated with a use-by-date of January 2021 for Trump and mid-2022 for Scomo. Until then, we Australians can enjoy a prime minister colorfully decorated with a merit medal for his performance, outstanding services and achievements, as it says on the medal’s box. And some people say that Australians do not get irony. They do!

Thomas Klikauer Coogee WAVERLEY MOTORCYCLE PARKING If I am to now pay the same rate for my motorcycle as a car for metered street parking, then I will park it parallel to the kerb and take up as much space as I possibly can. Simple!

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FANTASTIC FINN Hi James - I highly commend Finn in December’s issue for calling out the Aussie male culture that prides itself on denigrating women (Random Discursive, Letters, The Beast, December 2020). It’s one thing for women to disapprove of this (often perceived as lecturing or nagging), but much more powerful for males to do so amongst their mates. I encourage other young men to stand up!

In a similar vein, I also challenge non-Indigenous readers to call out racist comments they hear towards First Nations people. This sends the clear message that it is not socially acceptable and relieves some of the advocacy burden from the victims.

Sharon North Bondi NOT TRASH Responding to the letter ‘Trash’ from Jamo of Bondi in your January 2021 edition, complaining about the dumping of the The Wentworth Courier at every address in the Eastern Suburbs... This is definitely not the case, as for the past many years no Courier has been dropped in Waverley Crescent, Bondi Junction, notwithstanding my repeated requests.

I would very much like to regularly receive The Wentworth Courier, please!

Thea Bondi Junction DEADLY SEWER FOR BUSES Dear The Beast - I refer to the tragic accident involving a bus driver hitting and killing a pedestrian right outside Bondi Junction Interchange a few weeks back on December 17, 2020 (www.abc. net.au/news/2020-12-17/ sydney-news-bus-drivercharged-over-bondi-junctiondeath/12991736).

14 The Beast February 2021

According to news reports, the bus was turning from Grosvenor Street (between the interchange and Westfield) into Grafton Street when the accident occurred.

I am not surprised that this has happened. Readers know that pedestrians often ignore traffic lights and run in front of buses leaving and entering the interchange. Why? Because the traffic lights between the interchange and Westfield take too long.

However, I am disheartened that my emails to Transport for NSW and even Con Gestion’s piece (A Sewer for Buses, The Beast, June 2018) alerting readers of the dangers afflicting the interchange remain ignored. It was only a matter of time before someone got hurt and, sadly, someone has now been killed.

I experienced a similar incident first-hand (which I also emailed Transport for NSW about) way back in September 2017. The driver of the bus I was on was coming out of the interchange and nearly hit a parent and child who walked in front of our bus without looking.

How many more injuries and deaths will it take before a pedestrian underpass connecting Westfield, Oxford Street Mall and the interchange is built?

Such an underpass will help numerous shoppers get to rail services without having to cross in front of buses at Grosvenor and Grafton Streets. This is an obvious safety improvement for everyone - pedestrians and bus drivers.

Safety First Bellevue Hill LATEST MARK'S PARK ABOMINATION Let’s discuss for a moment the ‘erection’ at Mark’s Park giving the ever-so-green finger to our

Kiwi compatriots across the Tasman.

Just because someone has the skill (and I use that word advisedly) to construct an oversized, tumorous asparagus shoot and paint it the most hideous colour available in their limited pallet, does not make it art.

Just because someone has a foreign sounding name and has perhaps enjoyed limited ‘artistic success’ in their past, doesn’t mean everything they produce going forward is ‘art’.

Just because a creator (and I use that word advisedly too) has the ability to wax lyrical using a spray of new-age superlatives to name and describe a piece, doesn’t make it art.

Just because a committee with dubious collective artistic taste chooses to overpay for whatever eye-watering proposal is tabled at their meeting, doesn’t make it art. Let’s not forget, a camel is a horse designed by a committee.

Just because passers-by stand and stare at it thinking, “WTF?”, doesn’t make it art.

Size plus money plus bad taste does not equal ‘art’. Take it down and put it up in the mayor’s front garden (and you can read in to that what you may).

Gavin Kleinhans Bondi Beach BEASTLY COVER Hi James and The Beast team - This cover is really shameful (The Beast, February 2021), it objectifies women, specifically fetishing an artificial (plastic surgery) sexualised body, which perpetuates unrealistic pressure on girls and women, impacting their very most inner self esteem.

And the representation of optically Caucasian people only is thoughtless racism, arguably perpetuating a white supremacist world view.

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I’m shocked and saddened by this hurtful sexist and racist image. Please consider an apology in the next issue.

Cheers, Tobhi Another Planet LIGHTING UP THE BRONTE CUTTING Waverley Council has provided a safe walkway in the Bronte Cutting, but do we need street lights? The beauty of this pathway through the ageold heritage sandstone is the untouched and natural aura of the rock face leading down to the sea. The concept of digging up the walkway to install 5-metre lighting will lead to the disfigurement of the area and changing vistas from Tamarama across the bay to the Bronte headland. The main substance of the coastline at night will become a high-lit string of man-made lights punctuating the natural rise and fall of the cliff face.

Is there the need? After dark, when such lighting is planned, very few cars travel through Bronte Cutting. It goes nowhere, and cars at night have many other places to park on surrounding streets. As a consequence, pedestrians have little chance of encountering a car in the Cutting, and there have been no pedestrian accidents recorded. The concern is perceived rather than actual. However, there is a safety concern which could easily arise, with night time street parties and antisocial activities popping up along a newly lit, unpatrolled pathway.

The legal argument for having lights on our foreshore is not supported in the adopted Council Plan of Action for Bronte Park and Beach, July 2017. Extensive work in this accepted document to beautify the Bronte coastline show little 16 The Beast February 2021

argument for blanketing out the ocean view with added lights at night. Viewing the moon streaking across the darkened sea is a sight to behold, but there is the real risk that man-made lights will destroy this simple pleasure and compete with the moonlit path across the sea.

Driving around the Waverley precinct reveals a need for attention to the bone jarring holes in roadways and weeds growing happily along the verges. To dig down into the rock face of Bronte Cutting to lay cables for lights should be a low priority when the extra money for this expensive task could be spent on the upkeep of roads and beautification of our charming streetscape.

Georgie Suttor Bronte

Natural street lighting at Bronte.

NOT HAPPY DAN How about a ‘thumbs down’ to Dan Murphy’s Coogee. While most of us are being responsible and obeying the mandatory wearing of masks, they are allowing - and serving - people who are not wearing masks.

What part of mandatory don’t they understand?

Annoyed Coogee DOG OWNERS DID IT AGAIN This is not a new subject, and it’s not COVID related either.

Do dog owners know how to

read signs or follow rules?

We’ve recently moved to the south end of Coogee Beach and we love walking through the coastal walk towards the playground, the beach and the shops. However, dog owners tend to ruin our lovely walk, having their dogs off the leash where they’re supposed to be on one.

Don’t get me wrong, we love dogs and we are happy that they get to run around and enjoy the nice parks in Coogee. But not everybody loves dogs. Unfortunately, our kids don’t yet. They are terrified of them. Imagine a horse running towards you with the tongue out and sniffing you... Yeah, scary. Even if your dog is nice, you never know how they will react.

Please, dog owners, be aware of the off-leash limits, as not all parks, playgrounds and footpaths are free range for dogs. Start reading signs and be mindful of everyone else in these areas. Get your dog on the leash and train them well to stick next to you - and this also applies to you if you’re on the phone and leave your dog wandering around on the extendible leash, blocking the 3-metre wide footpath. If not, Trenerry Reserve will face the same destiny as the Clovelly Dog Park.

Thanks, Ana Coogee GET THE DOGS Coogee and Maroubra are no better than Clovelly. The coastal walk near Wylies and down at Mahon Pool are packed with dogs off the leash in areas where it is illegal. My kids are visibly panicking when a loose dog approaches them and the owners typically don’t care.

Today there was even one inside a playground in Oberon Street! Besides fines, we need

responsible dog owners to help control those that don’t respect the designated areas.

Chris Coogee SHARMA ON HEAT Dear Beast - Please thank Thomas Klikauer wholeheartedly (Sharma on Heat, Letters, The Beast, January 2021) for his brilliant response to Dave Sharma’s misleading and totally hypocritical article about his party’s environmental achievements in the previous issue.

Dave Sharma’s article sounded like a bad joke.

Eva Cermak Coogee PUBLIC MONEY Attention: Dave Sharma, my member of parliament. How dare you spend public money on sending personal advertising under the guise of a faux Christmas card.

It is paid for by struggling Australians, because it sure as hell isn’t from the big corporations your political party allows to pay zero tax. In fact you give public money to many of them.

This is a waste of taxpayers’ funds and is a corrupt use of public money.

Nicolette Boaz Bondi ACCOLADES FOR JAMES Hi James - My wife and I moved to wonderful Randwick in June, from Victoria. I just wanted to say that I find The Beast interesting, informative and entertaining. I love getting into bed and reading it cover to cover. Well done, keep it up!

Mark Randwick PS. Accolades also to Camille Fox for a terrific front cover on your January 2021 edition... masks and all!

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies are delivered every month; 56,500 are placed in mailboxes and 3,500 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters to the Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.

• Find a photo of your favourite place in nature.

Look at it, imagine the sounds, the smells, how it would feel to be there, pay attention to your breathing and keep on going with your day.

Earworx Bondi has moved

• Find a photo of your favourite place in nature.

Look at it, imagine the sounds, the smells, how it would feel to be there, pay attention to your breathing and keep on going with your day.

• Find nature sounds on YouTube, lay down, close your eyes, listen, pause, breath in, breath out.

• Find nature sounds on YouTube, lay down, close your eyes, listen, pause, breath in, breath out.

• Stand on a patch of grass or sand, take your shoes off, close your eyes, feel the ground and the rest of your surroundings.

• Find a spot to sit in your garden or in a park.

Look at nature, pay attention to the plants, the sky, the sounds.

• Find a spot to lay down, look at the sky and clouds. What shapes can you see?

• Go hunting for some beautiful or unusual leaves, trees or bugs.

• Go hunting for some beautiful or unusual leaves, trees or bugs.

• Go for a swim and float around, feel light as a feather as your body floats in the water.

• Go on a sound walk outside. Listen to everything around you. How many sounds can you hear?

• Go to a park or sit in your garden, eat a delicious piece of fruit and enjoy a break.

• Go for a swim and float around, feel light as a feather as your body floats in the water.

Earworx @ The Grove Health Bondi 253-255 Oxford St, Bondi Junction • Head outside for a photo walk in the park.

To book an appointment please call Take pictures of what you see in nature from birds to bark and trees to leaves.

The Grove Health Bondi 1800 327 967 • Create art with whatever natural materials you can find, leave it for other or book online people to ponder. at:

• Head outside for a photo walk in the park.

Take pictures of what you see in nature from birds to bark and trees to leaves.

• Create art with whatever natural materials you can find, leave it for other people to ponder.

• Watch the sunrise and listen to the sounds of the world waking up around you.

• Sit under a tree, lie back and watch the leaves move with the breeze. Focus on your slow and steady breaths in and out.

• Go on a ‘sloth’ walk around a park. Walk slowly, look around, take in the scenery and sounds of nature.

waverley.nsw.gov.au/summerama www.earworx.com.au

THE EARWAX REMOVAL PROFESSIONALS waverley.nsw.gov.au/summerama

February 2021 The Beast 17

A welcome improvement.

Shared Village Project Receives Support of Residents and Business Words Nicola Smith Photo Mark Bond Coogee residents and business owners have come out in support of the Shared Village Project, following its success over the summer holiday period. The project, an initiative of Randwick Council, converted the lower half of Coogee Bay Road into a one-way street to open up more land for shared pedestrian space.

The project was launched on October 28 last year and will remain in place until February 12.

Despite the positive community reception so far, the changes are only temporary at this stage, with Randwick Council’s website only promising an extension if the initial trial proves successful.

Council has said it will consider its extension pending a consultation of community responses, including mailing every household in Coogee with a letter inviting them to complete an online survey.

18 The Beast February 2021

Randwick Mayor Danny Said feels the project has been a big success so far and given muchneeded support to the businesses along Coogee Bay Road.

“It has been great to visit Coogee Bay Road and witness the happy, relaxed vibe, particularly in the evenings when the streetscape is lit up,” Mayor Said told The Beast.

“It’s a welcome change given the challenges businesses have faced this year, and I’m pleased Council was able to provide this for locals, businesses and visitors alike,” he said.

Coogee local Angie Simpson, an employee of Cargo clothing on Coogee Bay Road, said she welcomes the changes and hopes that they are here to stay.

“I think people were a bit unsure what to do with it at first, but now we’re all loving it. I think lots of people want to keep it, especially the one-way

driving,” Ms Simpson told The Beast.

The project created 415 square metres of grassed areas with outdoor seating, allowing patrons of the Coogee Bay Road cafes and shops to interact while also practising social distancing.

Live music, outdoor lighting and a photo booth area also feature at select times.

The additional seating has been particularly important to restaurants, who are currently operating at a lower capacity while observing the foursquare-metre rule. It could also prove beneficial to businesses long-term by creating a vibrant outdoor dining precinct.

One café manager, who wished to remain anonymous, said they thought the seating arrangement was great, not only for local businesses but for the energy of a community emerging from a year of lockdowns and restrictions.

“It definitely adds to the colour of the street, and there’s really good energy,” they told The Beast.

Ms Simpson agreed that the Shared Village Project has brought out a new side of Coogee, creating a perfect space to relax in a year when travel is off the cards.

“I came down the other night and it felt like I was in Europe, especially with the music. It made me feel really proud of Coogee!” Ms Simpson said.

Even early in this trial stage it is clear that the project has not only worked in favour of businesses but also served to revitalise a local sense of community and culture.

While it remains to be seen whether or not Randwick Council will commit to implementing the Shared Village Project longterm, the community response so far has been overwhelmingly positive and The Beast would like to see it become permanent.

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Every animal does it.

Taking the Sting Out of the Birds and the Bees Words Nicola Smith Photo Janet McLearie Clovelly local Dave Hartmann has recently released a new picture book with his friend Justin Sweeting exploring the wild realities of sex in the animal kingdom. The Birds and The Bees and Giraffes That Drink Wee is designed to make the topic of sex more approachable for parents and children.

Mr Hartmann, the book’s illustrator, explained that inspiration for the book came from necessity.

“As a parent, you have these classic moments where you wish something existed to help you, but it doesn’t. The idea was a product of a really awkward conversation I had with my son, and I just left it thinking, there’s got to be a better, lighter way to approach this,” Mr Hartmann told The Beast.

20 The Beast February 2021

The book features Mr Hartmann’s beautiful botanical drawings done in fine ink and finished digitally. Each page features a poem about how a different animal procreates, along with the matching illustration.

The words come from Justin Sweeting, Mr Hartmann’s childhood friend and a director of music festivals in Hong Kong.

The pair don’t focus on the mundane side of animal reproduction, but rather the weird and wonderful - think hippos spraying each other with poo and bees’ testicles exploding.

Mr Hartmann said they designed the poems and illustrations to make the topic fun and engaging for children.

“Often in life, things that are important but functional, like sex, are treated in a very factual

way for kids, but I wanted to tackle the problem creatively,” he told The Beast.

“It’s about learning to speak their language, making it funny and silly. The moment you feel awkward coming to a conversation, your child feels that and knows the topic must be an awkward one.”

Telling the stories of the weirder side of the animal kingdom aims to show children that sex is a completely normal thing - every animal does it but also that, compared to the methods of some animals, human sex isn’t too weird.

The book was published earlier this year by Boolarong Press, a family-owned publishing house in Queensland, and has received excellent reviews from bloggers and parents, as well as the kids themselves.

“The response has been really good, kids love reading the book and feel comfortable to talk about it afterwards,” Mr Hartmann said.

Mr Hartmann also believes that the book is perfect for parents feeling nervous about having the conversation with their children and can help give them a healthy understanding of sex.

“If you delay and delay conversations like these, you leave it to the playground and the internet for them to get their first impressions of sex,” he said.

“It’s different for every child, often age 8-9 is when they start wondering about things and it starts being talked about in school, but younger kids can also pick it up and enjoy it, and that lets them know later on that the conversation is open and safe.”

The Birds and The Bees and Giraffes That Drink Wee is a funny, light-hearted introduction to sex, available at Booktopia, Dymocks and all good book stores.

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February 2021 The Beast 21

Safe as a bank.

Bank Sponsorship to Help Fund Tamarama Surf Club Upgrade Words Nico Smith Photo Bob Bellend Tamarama Surf Life Saving Club already stands out at the top of the cliffs overlooking the beach, but it is now even more noticeable, with a new mural in association with Australia’s first smartbank, ‘neobank’ 86 400.

The fresh paint job is part of a sponsorship deal with the smartbank to provide funding for the much-needed upgrade of the surf club building. 86 400 made an initial donation of $25,000 to the renovations project, with an extra $10 pledged for each person who signs up to the bank and makes a purchase.

The exterior of the clubhouse has been totally transformed by the colourful mural, which features a host of characters that represent Australian banknotes.

The characters include a prawn, blue swimmer crab, lobster, pineapple and a frog, symbolising Australian slang for different banknotes.

The clubhouse’s temporary new look, which took ten days 22 The Beast February 2021

to transform with 86 400’s unique brand colour palette of aqua, purple, red and blue, will only be on show for a few more weeks, but if the current run of awful weather continues you may still be able to enjoy it for a little longer.

86 400 CEO Robert Bell said he was pleased that the bank could partner with the surf club to fund the renovations.

“The iconic Tamarama clubhouse and the club’s volunteer members have provided an invaluable service to the community for more than 100 years. Now it’s our turn to give something back by helping them reach their fundraising goals,” he told The Beast.

86 400 calls itself a smartbank because it is purely designed for the smartphone.

The banking app can also link to other bank accounts and anticipate upcoming bill payments (your invoice is in the mail, Robert).

Tamarama SLSC President Tim Murray said that the partnership with 86 400 has been invaluable to the renovations project.

“86 400’s support of our club has helped us get to the finish line for the renovation of the clubhouse. Tamarama SLSC has been around since 1906 and this much-needed renovation will set us up for another 100 years to ensure we can continue to serve the community through life-saving patrols, education programs and community use of the upgraded clubhouse.”

The clubhouse needs similar renovations to other recently renovated clubs in the east, such as Bondi SLSC and Bronte’s massive new function centre. Tamarama’s planned renovations will include an expansion of the female change rooms, an upgrade of the storage facilities and improvement of disabled access in a building with many steps and different floors.

Mr Murray is hopeful that the project will also encourage the community to get on board with clubhouse renovations, for which they have been fundraising for ten years.

“Every dollar raised will help us reach our fundraising goal, we hope to start the renovation later this year,” Mr Murray told The Beast.

Mr Bell agrees that the partnership goes beyond advertising the bank over summer.

“Every person who signs up to 86 400 is also helping to safeguard a Sydney landmark - and the essential services provided by its volunteers - so it can be enjoyed by locals and beachgoers for years to come,” he said.

For more information on how to get involved with the Tamarama SLSC 86 400 renovation partnership, please visit www.86400.com.au/smart10.

Many small changes can tilt the equation.

Kenzai Wins on Sustainability Words Nicola Smith Photo Sharrin Rees South Coogee interior designer Jacqueline Bosscher has won the Best Alterations category in the Randwick Architecture and Urban Design Awards for family home, Kenzai.

Ms Bosscher said she was excited to enter the local awards because of the creatively designed homes found across the Eastern Suburbs.

“There are so many beautiful houses around here and so many great architects working with amazing views and spaces,” Ms Bosscher told The Beast.

“Entering an award always causes you to reflect on your work and the judging panel was so diverse. The judges all asked me very different questions, which I appreciated,” she explained.

Kenzai is built across three levels on a sloping street overlooking the ocean. Ms Bosscher’s design includes no painted surfaces, choosing instead to cover walls and ceilings with a mix of tiles, wood panelling and acoustic panelling, all of which 24 The Beast February 2021

take longer to install but are far more durable than paint.

The home’s entrance was relocated from the garage to an enclosed courtyard with a swimming pool and rock garden.

Ms Bosscher opened up airflows in the space by including a perforated metal bridge in the top floor and increased natural light in the house with the use of frosted glass doors between rooms.

Sustainability is key to Ms Bosscher’s design process, which included insulating the whole house for better heat regulation, using sustainable materials such as 70 per cent recycled acoustic panelling and putting a concrete cap on the old swimming pool to create a 20,000-litre water tank.

“Because it was a big project in sustainability, I felt like the judges appreciated that,” Ms Bosscher said of her award win.

Sustainability sits closely with her prioritisation of functionality across all her design projects, which mostly include residential spaces.

“I start by looking at air flows, people flows in a space, then I think about how light and heat flow through it. Functionality comes first, and then the aesthetics meet that,” Ms Bosscher said.

She hopes to show people that sustainable design can be aesthetically pleasing and also an affordable choice when designing a home.

“It is possible to find environmentally friendly products that are middle of the road price-wise and also beautiful, which is what you want your home to be - healthy, affordable and beautiful,” Ms Bosscher explained.

Ms Bosscher’s sustainable philosophy to life has also led to an environmental initiative called Live the Difference Now! The initiative coordinates community clean-ups and offers tips for more sustainable living, inspiring people to take small steps now to make a cumulative change for the environment.

Ms Bosscher said the idea came from the stress she felt about the environmental crisis facing the world, so she started small by picking up rubbish as she walked her dog.

“It’s amazing, picking up a bucket of rubbish a day had a great impact on my wellbeing, and I soon discovered how many people are doing similar things to try and help,” she told The Beast.

Ms Bosscher’s philosophy is that many small changes can help tilt the equation into the environment’s favour and mitigate the impacts of climate change.

“It’s exactly what I try to do with my design clients too; show them small choices they can make to mitigate their impact on the world.”

Check out Jacqueline’s Instagram at @livethedifferencenow and @thedesigncommission.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

What’s On

Randwick News We live in a world where things change on a daily basis. At the time of writing this, we’re living with some limited restrictions and mandatory mask wearing.

Yet summertime still goes on! When the weather is nice (and let’s face it, it’s been a bit of a mixed bag lately!), the beaches are where everyone wants to be.

I want to remind you to summer safely. Try to visit the beach in off-peak hours or leave if it’s too crowded. Wear a mask if you can’t social distance and wash your hands regularly.

We want everyone to enjoy our coast and beaches safely.

The crowds at our beaches is one of the reasons we’ve recently introduced 4P parking along the coast. Prior to now, most of the parking in these areas has been unrestricted. We are now introducing a four-hour time limit in some locations. We’re hoping this will allow people to have a decent trip to the beach, yet also mean more turnover in the parking, hopefully making it easier to find a spot and reduce crowds. For more information and maps of where the new four-hour time limits will be introduced, you can visit our website.

UNTIL 14 MARCH MAX DUPAIN AND LA PEROUSE: THE CALTEX STORY La Perouse Museum

10 FEBRUARY CHINESE LANTERN MAKING WORKSHOP FOR AGES 15+

10:30am, Lionel Bowen Library

13 FEBRUARY THE STORY OF LAPEROUSE TOUR: FRENCH CONNECTIONS AT LA PEROUSE

1:30pm, La Perouse Museum

16 FEBRUARY WRITING FOR PLEASURE 2pm, Online event

Just to touch on FOGO before I go – the new bin roll-out has begun! Many of you will have received your new red and yellow bin already. Your new FOGO bin will be delivered later this month. Continue to use your bins as you have been until FOGO kicks off in March.

21 FEBRUARY KADOO FIRST CONTACT TOUR: BUSHWALK AND CULTURAL TOUR

Councillor Danny Said Mayor of Randwick

23 FEBRUARY COUNCIL MEETING

11am, La Perouse

6pm, Prince Henry Centre

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Bits and Pieces From Around the Beaches Words Nicola Smith Photo Jack Bennett Instagram @jackowenbennett Blue Wave Bondi Bondi Beach local Robyn Edwards has written a story of love to the ocean, to the people living on its edge and to our shared futures. In this contemporary work of fiction, readers follow the blue wave as it rolls thousands of kilometres across the wide Pacific to reach the home of this novel, Bondi Beach, where the young heroes Anu and Jai face the wave’s magnificent and transformative crash onto warm white sands.

Published by Sydney School of Arts and Humanities, the novel is available on Amazon and in local bookstores.

Where's Ya Bin? Households across Randwick City are currently receiving new rubbish (red lid) and recycling (yellow lid) bins. A new FOGO (green lid) bin for food and garden organics will also be delivered from February 15. It’s a lot

Off chops.

more cost-effective for Council to provide new bins rather than repairing them bin by bin, and the new bins have a very high recycled content. There’s quite a bit of information that residents need to be aware of with this new system, so if you have any questions about your new bins, visit randwick.nsw.gov.au or call 1300 722 542.

Get on the Green Clovelly Bowling & Recreation Club have a position available for an apprentice greenkeeper.

Written applications are invited for the position of an aspiring first year apprentice and will be received up until the end of January. Duties will include turf maintenance and gardening duties, as well as attendance at TAFE to satisfy the educational components of the apprenticeship. This is a full-time position and award conditions will apply. Applicants should

forward their applications to clobowl.club@bigpond.com or send a letter addressed to Hon. Secretary, PO Box 2301 Clovelly West, NSW 2031. Further enquiries can be made by phone to the club’s greenkeeper, Shane Dollar, on 0423 097 680.

Coogee Oval Facelift Coogee Oval’s iconic grandstand, constructed way back in 1924, is currently receiving some much-needed refurbishment work. The main renovations will take place on the grandstand and amenities block to ensure it continues to function as a first-class sporting facility. Traffic management may be needed occasionally in order to accept deliveries in the surrounding streets, but thankfully no night works will be taking place. The refurbishment commenced in mid-November and is due for completion by mid-March this year.

ALL ASPECTS OF

TREE WORK

Thank you, Xi Jinping.

THUMBS UP CHEAP LOBBIES Thanks mainly to China’s shafting of Australian exporters, even dole bludgers can now afford to dine on these overrated crustaceans.

SERVO SLUSHIES For only $1 you can consume your recommended monthly sugar intake in one delicious dose.

COMPOSTING A convenient and inexpensive way to reduce household waste and attract a plague of rodents to your backyard (and your neighbour’s) at the same time.

SALTY HAIR Stuff paying $300 to your hairdresser when you can just go to the beach and let the ocean do its thing.

THUMBS DOWN DOUBLE STANDARDS Quarantine rules should apply equally to everyone, including airline employees, diplomats and B-list celebrities.

EMPTY ICE TRAYS Failure to refill the ice tray is an unforgivable sin that epitomises entitlement and should be punishable by complete social exclusion or even death.

EAVESDROPPING How the heck does Instagram know about my granny fetish?

KEYBOARD WARRIORS Online reviews have handed way too much power and influence to all the negative arseholes that take pleasure in destroying small businesses.

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served in the Army Reserve for a long time. My favourite thing about work was helping people solve their problems.

How would you describe your art? I do portraits and landscapes in watercolour, charcoal and acrylic. I am now about to start painting in oils. I try to develop my skills in every branch of art such as drawing, painting, and in various media. I’m always experimenting with different techniques. I enjoy art and I wish to continually improve and expand my skills. I paint for myself and do paintings and drawings for family, friends and neighbours. I enjoy the challenge of an empty canvas.

Enjoying the challenge of an empty canvas.

Local Artist: John Johnston from Clovelly Interview James Hutton Photo Fiona Johnston Introducing Clovelly artist John Johnston, the 84-year-old talent behind this month’s cover painting of Clovelly Beach and promenade...

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The continuous renovations and re-development, and its broken down neglected footpaths are a hazard for the elderly.

How long have you lived here?

I moved from Centennial Park to Clovelly with my dear wife and infant baby back in 1977 and have been here ever since. I arrived in Sydney in 1964, from Scotland where I was born and educated, and I’ve lived in Sydney since 1972. As Paul Keating said, “If you don’t live in Sydney, you are just camping out.”

What's your favourite beach?

My favourite beach is Clovelly.

It’s small and family friendly, and within walking distance.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? It is so handy for work in the CBD, close to the airport with excellent medical facilities, good local schools, multicultural cuisine and glorious beaches.

The wonderful art deco buildings in the region are an added attraction. And the weather is usually good.

30 The Beast February 2021

What's your favourite eatery?

For a meal, pre-COVID, Coogee Legion Club or Eastern Suburbs Leagues Club in Bondi Junction.

Where do you like to have a drink? I don’t drink much, only birthdays and Christmas, etc.

What do you get up to on the weekends? On weekends I paint and go for walks around Centennial Park or to the local beaches.

What do you do for work? I have been retired for many years. I was a dental surgeon, and also

Who are your artistic inspirations? My developing artistic talents are based on studying and copying the masters such as Michelangelo, Vermeer, Turner and Ingres.

What are you working on at the moment? I have just completed a portrait of my daughter, and I am now doing a Scottish landscape in watercolour.

Do you have any exhibitions coming up? None at present, I’m building up my portfolio.

Did you study art? I did a bit of drawing and painting at junior high school, but only took up art about two years ago, after my wife died. I attended a few WEA art courses in the city, but COVID has cancelled any more early in the year.

Any words of wisdom for young aspiring artists? The more you practise, the better you become.

Everyone can draw and paint, so try everything. Age is no barrier, older people still have value.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Life is not measured in years, but in deeds.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Help others.

Soleful II Martine Emdur

Oil on linen 183 x 198cm $55,000

Summer Group Show 11 January - 28 February 2021 Twenty Twenty Six presents a Summer Group Show, featuring a diverse range of both established and emerging artists. The works will be rotated over the course of the exhibition, delivering an exciting variety of fresh new finds to the community. The gallery is open and practicing a COVID-19 safe environment.

@twentytwentysix.gallery www.twentytwentysix.gallery 17 O'Brien Street, Bondi Beach 2026

Stop looking at me, penguin.

Alleged Crimes of the East Words Gary Larson Meet the Police Mascot Police mascot Constable Charlie the penguin was a drawcard for kids on a recent visit to the Eastern Beaches. Constable Charlie plays a vital role in educating children about safe adults and safe places in programs such as Walk Safely To School Day. The penguin was chosen as a mascot because the giant sea birds are renowned for protecting their young.

Police Raving Mad About Illegal Gatherings Police have asked members of the community to get in touch with them if they see illegal rave events being set up. The appeal came after officers were called in to break up a late night rave party on the outskirts of Port Botany. Malabar Headland, with its party-friendly military fortifications, became the target of the second nocturnal police rave raid within a few weeks. Eastern Beaches Police Area Command is eager to nip such events in the bud before COVID-unsafe crowds start gathering. If you are aware of one, phone CrimeStoppers on 1800 333 000.

Over the holiday period, police broke up a number of other gatherings that were not complying with health restrictions - most spectacularly on 32 The Beast February 2021

Christmas Day afternoon when riot police were called in to help Eastern Suburbs Police Area Command disperse a melee of 300 on the Bronte foreshore.

Some of the Bronte group later reconvened on the lawns of Centennial Park (they were easy to recognise because of the proliferation of Santa hats). Police swooped again and issued ‘move on’ directives.

On Boxing Day evening, a party at an address in Blair Street, North Bondi was broken up by police and eleven $1,000 fines issued. There were many other partygoers, but most of the group scattered when police appeared.

Holiday Violence The holiday period in the Eastern Suburbs was marred by the murder of a Coogee retiree, a cat slaying and two life-threatening assaults.

Peter McCarthy, 77, was allegedly beaten to death in his Elphinstone Road, South Coogee flat. A 36-year-old woman, said to be a resident of the same unit block, has appeared before Waverley Court charged with murder and obtaining financial advantage by deception.

In another dreadful incident, a kitten died after being hurled against a wall in Bronte. A man is before the courts.

In the Bondi area, Christmas Eve did not turn out to be a time of peace and goodwill for a pair of assault victims. At 4.50pm at Bondi Beach, a man was punched in the face and fell backwards, hitting his head.

He was rushed to St Vincent’s Hospital. At 11.30pm a 22-yearold man was felled in an assault beside a bus stop in Bondi Junction. He was also kicked in the head, causing bleeding to the brain and another ambulance dash to St Vincent’s. As medics worked to stabilise him, police arrested a 20-year-old Darlinghurst man for the assault.

Plainclothes Policeman Injured

by Drug Suspect Police are hunting the driver of a red Ford Fiesta who injured a plainclothes policeman trying to question him about drug offences.

The incident occurred when officers attached to Eastern Suburbs Police Area Command were patrolling the Bondi Junction area targeting drug related crime.

Officers drove their unmarked vehicle, with police lights activated, into a driveway at the rear of a block of units in Hollywood Avenue, attempting to speak with a man in a red Ford Fiesta.

Getting out of their vehicle, officers presented their police identification to the Fiesta driver, but he accelerated towards the officers and hit one of them, causing him to spin around and be dragged by the car. The suspect then sped away.

The male constable was taken to hospital for treatment of soft tissue injuries to his left leg and wrist. Anyone with information about this incident is urged to contact Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.

Parcel Theft Warning Police have urged residents to be on guard against doorstep thieves after noticing a steep increase in packages being stolen from outside Eastern Suburbs homes.

“Most couriers will allow you to choose whether or not you would like to sign for your package upon successful delivery,” said Eastern Suburbs Police Area Command. “This means that packages cannot be left behind unattended by the courier.

Instead, it will be sent to your nearest post office or facility for you to collect.”

If you can’t be at home to receive a parcel, think about getting it delivered to your work address or using a parcel locker.

The cheat.

I Hate Cyclists Satire Kieran Blake, www.kieranblakewriter.com Photo Anna Bolic One fine day in Sydney’s egalitarian Eastern Suburbs...

Bill G’day.

Bob G’day, sorry I’m late, big night last night.

Bill No worries. Are we gonna make it on time?

Bob Yeah, we should. That light’s still green, hold on...

Bill Nah, that’s definitely red.

Bob Oi, watch where you’re going you clown, get off the road!

Bloody cyclists. I hate cyclists.

Bill Hate? That’s a strong word.

Bob Yeah, I bloody hate cyclists.

Bill Hate? You hate terrorists.

Bob Yeah, but at least terrorists kill their own…

Bill Hate? You hate drug dealers.

34 The Beast February 2021

Bob Well, not necessarily, especially after last night. Man, what a buzz.

Bill Hate? You hate murderers.

Bob Yeah, but I could murder a kebab right now.

Bill Why do you hate cyclists?

Bob They ride on the road.

Bill Isn’t that because they’re not allowed to ride on the footpath?

Bob Yeah, but they should just ride on the cycle paths.

Bill True, but sometimes there are no cycle paths, or the cycle paths just stop.

Bob So, that’s not my fault, I didn’t build the cycle paths. Oh, wait, there’s a bottle-o, I forgot to bring something, mind if I pull over?

Bill No, go for it.

Bob Won’t be a sec...

Bill Hang on, did you just park over a cycle lane?

Bob Yeah, so what? They can just ride around me.

Bill What, onto the road?

Bob Yeah…

Bob Nice drop this.

Bill Bob, I still don’t get it; why do you say you hate cyclists?

Bob Mate, they’re grown men… in lycra.

Bill I suppose you wear jeans or footy shorts when you go to the beach?

Bob Piss off!

Bill But, hate? It’s such a strong word. I mean, you hate politicians, that’s fair enough.

Bob You bet, especially those bloody Greenies, building cycle paths everywhere, waste of taxpayers’ money.

Bill What about politicians in lycra?

Bob The worst.

Bill I could understand if you hate paedophiles.

Bob Of course I do, they’re scum…Then again, how do you know he did it? I mean, do you still think he’s guilty?

Bill What?

Bob Well, an ex-prime minister vouched for him, and I was listening to the radio the other day and that guy, what’s his name, he reckons he was never guilty.

Bill But I still don’t understand why you hate cyclists.

Bob They cause traffic jams.

Bill Surely cars cause traffic jams? Plus, if more people cycled there’d be less traffic.

Anyway, do you think we’ll make it on time?

Bob Yeah, no worries, we’ll cut through Centen.

Mate “Bill, Bob... Hi, so glad you could make it.”

Bob Hi, sorry we’re late, traffic was murder.

Mate “No worries. You’re just in time. Come and join us, we’re all going for a ride.”

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make the climate their number one priority, funding new clean energy sources and banning fossil fuels. Success is no longer judged by economic growth but climate health. Hallelujah!

Thank f*ck 2020 is over.

The Unreliable Guide To...

2021 Words Nat Shepherd Photo Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar 2020 was the Chinese Year of the Rat, traditionally a creature long associated with plague, so I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised how things turned out. 2021 is the Year of the Ox, a creature characterised by hard work, but also reliability - surely what we are all craving after a year of uncertainty! It’s also the Age of Aquarius, which makes me think of rainbowclothed hippies dancing in a forest - a happy thought.

Political science researcher Professor Andrew Latham believes, “People are beginning to understand that the little changes COVID-19 has already ushered in or accelerated telemedicine, remote work, social distancing, the death of the handshake, online shopping, the virtual disappearance of cash and so on - have begun to change their way of life.” He thinks this is only the start of a massive shift in the way we live.

36 The Beast February 2021

I’m reluctant to make any predictions after last year’s bunch of surprises, but here are my hopes, dreams and resolutions for 2021.

Greener After a century of rampant consumerism we finally realise that things do not equal happiness. We reject the shopping mall as a legitimate day out.

Instead, more and more of us start growing our own food and simplifying our lives. Marie Kondo becomes a fully fledged religious leader with billions of followers. People who obsessively shop are seen as greedy social deviants in need of a mental health intervention.

Global power brokers elect Greta Thunberg as their leader and they work with her to tackle climate change, empty the soil of pollution and to fight the invasion of micro plastics into our bodies. All countries unite to

Kinder We realise that the pandemic has upended our economic system and altered our view of the world. Instead of ‘I’ we start thinking of ‘we’. We understand that we are all connected and determine to work together for the greater good. Politicians who try and buy our votes with tax cuts and lies are rejected. Instead we all turn to real leaders who tell the truth (ha!) and will guide us through the next few decades with level heads and a sense of the future. We think globally and, with small acts of kindness, start believing in our united power to end suffering.

Happier Surprisingly, thinking of community instead of self makes us all feel a lot happier. Parents forced to spend time with their kids during lockdown realise they actually quite like these small people they have created. Offices go out of fashion, more and more people become techno nomads, deciding that work will no longer define who they are and where they live.

Spending up to twenty hours a week commuting to work is seen as a strange anachronism.

Office buildings are repurposed as housing and the CBD thrives as a new community.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide would like to remind you of Gandhi’s old chestnut, which is still well worth a roast: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Let’s stop thinking we can buy our way to happiness. Let’s be kinder, greener, happier. Let’s focus on the now.

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We’re here to help

As your local Member of Parliament, please contact my office if we can help with any Federal Government issues.

DAVE SHARMA MP FEDERAL MEMBER FOR WENTWORTH Ground Floor, 287 New South Head Road, Edgecliff NSW 2027 02 9327 3988

dave.sharma.mp@aph.gov.au

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Authorised by Dave Sharma MP, Liberal Party of Australia, Ground Floor, 287 New South Head Road, Edgecliff NSW 2027.

February 2021 The Beast 37

Flip her over.

Do You See What I See? Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Denis Thatcher Do you remember those threedimensional optical illusions you’d see in the puzzles section of the Sunday paper? At first glance they’d just look like an odd psychadelic pattern that kind of made your eyes hurt, but after a while a threedimensional image would take form. These images, known as stereograms, enable a two-dimensional image to be interpreted by the brain as a three-dimensional one.

If you could never see the three-dimensional image, don’t fret. Just like hating coriander or not being able to smell asparagus in your pee, there is a minor genetic component to it, all three of which I am privy to. That said, it’s fair to say that the majority of any illusion comes in the form of a ‘cognitive illusion’, in other words the brain is processing what it sees and trying to translate it into something tangible. In the case of our stereogram, the brain is processing the difference between what our left eye sees 38 The Beast February 2021

and what our right eye sees, allowing the mysterious threedimensional shape to appear.

With a 3D movie, the film actually contains two slightly offset images, but unlike a stereogram we use special glasses with a green lens and a red one in order to view it.

It’s worth noting here that it’s not the glasses achieving the illusion; the three-dimensional effect is actually achieved in the film production process.

From 3D films we go to ‘virtual reality’, a totally simulated experience. Here, by putting on a VR headset, and possibly some hand controllers, the user can immerse themselves in a completely new world, such as a video game or military training.

The main point is that all of what we see, hear, smell, taste and touch are messages that get translated into an electrochemical language that is then delivered deep within the brain.

It basically boils down to sensation and perception, a process that we often take for granted.

Let’s put it to the test with my all time favourite, the Margaret Thatcher illusion. To start, we need an upside down picture of Ms Thatcher (see above), then flip the picture horizontally so it’s the right way up. What do you see? Suddenly she turns into the Iron Lady. In the inverted state the face looks almost normal, but the right way up it becomes grotesquely hideous.

Margaret might be pleased to know that it’s not just her that gives this effect, but it does demonstrate the relationship between sensation and perception.

There are many other classic illusions used in psychology texts to help teach the idea of sensation and perception. The Neckler cube changes direction the more you stare at it. There’s also the Penrose triangle and the Rubin vase, just to name a few.

Despite these illusions being quite obvious within the visual domain, the important thing to realise is that there is more than one interpretation of the physical image. For example, with the Rubin vase some people will see two faces facing each other and some will just see a vase.

What’s the take home message here? What you see is not necessarily a true reflection of what the world presents, a concept we can use across many platforms. What we really see is an interpretation or perception by our brain of a message delivered by the physical world. What is the relationship between physical reality and psychological reality? Well, like many other things that rely on our brain, our sensory systems and perceptual process reflect the combination of nature and nurture. On that note, I’m determined to bust that stereogram.

Have you got a question?

Please contact Jeremy at bondicounsellingservices.com.

February 2021 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Dov Frazer Instagram @dovman Monday

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6 0410 1048 1642 2233

1.60 0.57 1.26 0.58

7 0516 1208 1801 2340

1.66 0.51 1.25 0.58

0.45 1.87 0.29 1.44

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13 0356 1022 1653 2253

0.45 1.83 0.32 1.45

14 0437 1100 1727 2330

0.47 1.75 0.37 1.45

19 0209 0827 1416 2021

1.42 0.72 1.23 0.68

20 0303 0938 1523 2119

1.42 0.74 1.15 0.73

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21 0405 1058 1645 2228

1.43 0.72 1.12 0.74

26 0202 0829 1507 2105

0.50 1.83 0.30 1.45

27 0247 0912 1545 2145

0.42 1.90 0.25 1.53

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28 0332 0955 1623 2228

0.36 1.92 0.22 1.60

1 0520 0.44 1143 1.84 1814 0.28

2 0022 0612 1229 1857

1.49 0.47 1.75 0.33

3 0112 0708 1318 1942

1.51 0.51 1.62 0.40

4 0205 0812 1415 2032

1.53 0.56 1.47 0.47

5 0305 0926 1522 2130

1.56 0.59 1.34 0.54

8 0621 1.73 1315 0.43 1909 1.28

9 0042 0719 1410 2004

0.55 1.80 0.35 1.33

10 0137 0812 1457 2052

0.51 1.86 0.30 1.38

11 0228 0859 1539 2135

0.47 1.88 0.28 1.42

12 0314 0942 1617 2215

15 0516 0.51 1134 1.65 1758 0.43

16 0005 0557 1209 1828

1.45 0.56 1.55 0.49

17 0043 0641 1245 1900

1.44 0.62 1.44 0.55

18 0123 0729 1326 1936

1.43 0.68 1.33 0.61

22 0510 1.47 1209 0.66 1802 1.15 2333 0.72

23 0609 1.55 1304 0.57 1900 1.21

24 0030 0700 1348 1945

0.66 1.64 0.48 1.29

25 0117 0745 1429 2025

0.58 1.74 0.39 1.37

Moons

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

Sunset golf.

Sunday

Worth protecting.

Protecting Our Parklands Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Bart Cummings We all love our parks and are very fortunate in the Eastern Suburbs to live with some of the greatest parklands in Australia.

Indeed, few residents of cities anywhere in the world enjoy the extensive parklands that lie at our doorstep. Everywhere, thanks to our wise ancestors and local councillors, we continue to enjoy open green spaces close to our homes.

These spaces offer us an extension to our homes, a place to exercise, enjoy, meet, get away, find peace and socialise. They also provide a connection with nature and places of security for fauna and flora. These green spaces refresh the very air that we breathe.

Many of our favourite parks are quite small, even little triangles of green at the end of a street, but they are important to our lifestyle. They provide places where we can sit, read or just contemplate, where children can run amok and the lonely can find a stranger to chat with.

40 The Beast February 2021

During my childhood, a small park in Hewlett Street, Bronte, was the place we all headed to after school to run, play and catch up with friends. Such spaces have become even more important as apartments have replaced houses with yards, and they have never been as important as they have been during COVID-19.

Our small local parks provide an incredibly important contribution to our lifestyle, but we also enjoy the greatest parklands in Sydney and, within an urban context, maybe the world, running from Queens Park, through Centennial Park and into Moore Park. Centennial Parklands is the name given to this group of three urban parklands located on Gadigal land in the Eastern Suburbs of Eora country, Sydney. It comprises approximately 360 hectares. None of my words could begin to capture the significance of this area for the park’s Indigenous owners.

Every family has their own story of the significance of this parkland in their lives. Feeding the ducks, picnics with friends and family, walking the internal and external paths, school sporting events, exercising our beloved pets, and in more recent times the night cinemas.

Many marriages and other momentous moments have also been celebrated in this space.

Queens Park, Centennial Park and Moore Park have been recognised as very important Australian sites, protected by New South Wales state law under the control of an independent trust. This prevents any government of the day selling land from the parklands without the consent of the parliament. The New South Wales minister for planning has announced that he will be dissolving the current trust and handing over the management of the public parks to a super agency called the Greater Sydney Parklands. This agency will have oversight of Centennial Park, Moore Park Trusts, Parramatta Park Trust and the Western Sydney Parklands Trust, as well as the Callan Park Hospital site and Fernhill Estate in Mulgoa.

Bigger is not better, and the centralising of power and decision making away from residents rarely results in better outcomes. Under the New South Wales Government proposal, our heritage parklands will no longer be protected by their independent trusts and will be put at greater risk of commercialisation and reduction. You can sign my petition against these changes at marjorieoneill.com.au/campaigns/ save-our-parks.

As we enjoy our next park activity, let’s consciously register the importance of the place and commit to ensuring the protection of the space.

Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP

Member for Coogee If you have any issues at all that you require assistance with, please do not hesitate to contact my office on 9398 1822, email coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au, or come in at 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick.

To fill out my community survey, scan this QR code!

Authorised by Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP. Funded using parliamentary entitlements.

Pumped up youngsters: (from left to right) Holden, Lewis, Ethan and Luke.

Making Music: Gully Days Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Paul McMillan Instagram @illustrophotography Take a stroll down to Bronte or Bondi Beach and there’s a good chance you’ll see a weathered Gully Days sticker somewhere. One might forgive you for thinking they’re already an institution in the Eastern Beaches, but in truth, they’ve only been going just over a year.

Formed in late 2019, they have a vibe and sound very much synonymous with the surf and skate scenes of the late 1990s and early 2000s, but the band insists this is more coincidence than design. Their list of influences is varied - ranging from punk to jazz - and perhaps that’s why it feels so genuine.

There is no pretence of ‘let’s try and sound like this band’ about them, they’re just a bunch of young guys who like playing loud, energetic music.

The four-piece is made up of Ethan Eshuys on vocals, Lewis Kennedy-Hunt on the drums, Luke Morris on guitar (he shreds, trust me) and Holden Fadjukov on bass. If you happen to catch a live show, Beast 42 The Beast February 2021

readers might even spot a familiar old head strumming the bass, editor and band manager James Hutton, who offered to fill in and score some free beers while Holden earns his stripes.

It’s near impossible to talk about any band post 2020 without mentioning COVID-19, but Gully Days had a refreshing approach, opting for a DIY mentality when the gigs dried up.

Luke explained, “It was a shame when COVID first hit because we’d only just begun to play live. It was pretty difficult with all the restrictions, but we were determined to play. We ended up buying our own PA system and mixer, and putting on our own shows at the local bowling clubs, as no venues would have live music. We would organise everything from the ticketing to the sound ourselves.”

This determination to play live was rewarded when they performed in front of 200 people at Spring Street Social, “who were actually allowed to stand up,” when the restrictions were

finally lifted (albeit briefly), towards the end of the year.

Restrictions remain at the time of writing, and even selforganised gigs are up in the air, but Gully Days still have plenty to be excited about, with their first release due out on February 1. Single, ‘Go with It’, will act as a teaser for their debut EP, arriving later this year.

Luke said, “It’s been a long time coming. We were really lucky to be able to work with some of the best and experienced people in the music industry, including producer/ mixer/engineer, Tim Whitten.

Our main goal for the recording was to keep it raw and honest, like how we sound live. I think Tim was amazing in helping us to achieve that.”

You can listen to ‘Go With It’ on all the major streaming platforms from February 1, and follow @gullydays on Instagram. Fingers crossed, by the time you’re reading this you’ll be able to see the band play live too, standing or otherwise.

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Subject Drinking problem Location Coogee Photographer Brody Vancers

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Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Delicioso.

A Taste of Baja at North Bondi Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo Kitty Gould There aren’t many locations that rival North Bondi on a balmy summer’s day. A morning spent floating around in its sheltered waters and lounging on the grassy knoll beneath the beaming sun can be tiresome work though. When the afternoon finally rolls around, one is usually pretty peckish and in dire need of an alcoholic beverage to cool down.

Thankfully, a new Mexican seafood restaurant has opened just behind the beach, opposite Depot and next to Porch and Parlour. Calita comes courtesy of Milpa Collective, the Sydney hospitality group that has also blessed us with Taqiza, Carbon Mexican Woodfire, La Palma and Sonora. There are plenty of similarities, but enough differences that we can’t just copy and paste an old review.

The intimate interior is inspired by the beach towns of the Mexican peninsula, with rendered white walls, artisan 46 The Beast February 2021

pottery and woven furniture.

You can sit inside facing the ocean or at the tables outside, which are just a taco’s throw from the water. Calita is strategically positioned so you can see the north end of the beach, but the hideous fortress of North Bondi Surf Club strategically blocks the view of all the specimens lurking around the outdoor gym.

Calita’s menu draws inspiration from the Baja Peninsula, with a small menu focused on house-made tacos and botanas (snacks/share plates).

Everything is light and fresh, and Calita works with local suppliers to showcase a rotating selection of locally and sustainably sourced seafood.

Share plate favourites include the calamari ceviche and blue swimmer crab tostadas. In true Mexican fashion, the ceviche is invigorated with a spray of Mezcal and the blue swimmer crab tostadas with habanero

mojo and mango relish are so good they leave you wishing they came in boxes of 24, like McDonald’s nuggets.

There is quite a bit more on offer than just the standard fish taco. Instead, you’ll find a range of fresh seafood fillings like Baja soft-shell crab, smoked trout and the delicious Calita spiced prawns.

Calita has put an original spin on the basic fish taco as well, adding shoestring fries to make fish and chips. The beefcheek taco is a bit incongruous on the seafood menu, but it has well and truly earned its place, much like the white bloke on an NBA team. Sorry Luc. A range of classic, jalapeño and Tommy’s margaritas are central to the drinks menu. At this time of the year it seems like we are all perennially pissed, meaning there’s a high chance you could be visiting Calita hungover. If this is the case, you should try Calita’s signature hangover cure, a seafood cocktail called the Vuelve a La Vida, or ‘back to life’.

If you are too hungover and need to remain horizontal on the grass or sand, Calita also offers takeaway on weekends.

Give them a buzz, drag yourself the twenty metres or so across the road and enjoy!

Calita calita-mexican.com.au Address 266 Campbell Parade, Bondi Beach Facebook Calita Instagram calitamexican Phone 9371 8611 Open Mon to Thurs 3pm10pm, Fri & Sat 11am-10pm, Sunday 11am-9pm Prices Tacos $8-11, Blue Swimmer Crab Tostadas $28, Jalapeno Margarita $19 Cards Master, Visa, Amex Licensed Yes

A well-deserved weekend treat.

French Toast, Peach, Ricotta and Prosciutto Words and Photo Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Here is an easy recipe for a decadent breakfast or brunch for four. French toast is a classic, and I’ve added some delicious summer ingredients here to make this dish even more impressive.

You can make use of leftover bread or go with something sweeter like a brioche loaf.

Stone fruit is still in season and peaches are perfectly sweet at this time of year. Lemony ricotta and crispy, salty prosciutto are also a great addition.

Finish it off with a few fresh basil leaves. This is definitely a well-deserved weekend treat.

Ingredients White loaf of bread or brioche 3 eggs, lightly beaten ½ cup milk 1 tsp vanilla essence 1 tbsp caster sugar 25gm unsalted butter 8 slices of prosciutto 250 gm fresh ricotta Zest of 1 lemon Juice of ½ lemon Fresh basil leaves Roasted peaches 3 yellow peaches, quartered and pitted ½ tsp brown sugar 1 tsp honey 1 tbsp melted butter

Method 1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. On an oven tray lined with baking paper, place the peaches. Sprinkle over the brown sugar and coat with the honey and melted butter (this will caramelise the peaches as they roast). Cook for 20 minutes or until tender and coloured.

2. Meanwhile, combine the eggs, milk, vanilla essence and caster sugar in a bowl. Cut the bread into 4 thick slices and dip in the mixture to coat generously. Heat a pan to medium and add the butter. Once the butter is melted, add two slices of bread, cooking on each side for 1-2 minutes until golden brown.

Remove them from the pan and keep warm in the oven. Repeat this step with the remaining two slices of bread.

3. In the same pan, cook the slices of prosciutto for 1 minute on each side. Remove and drain on paper towel.

4. Mix the ricotta, lemon zest and lemon juice in a small bowl.

5. Remove the peaches and French toast from the oven, ready to plate.

6. To assemble the dish, place one piece of the toast on each plate, then two pieces of prosciutto, several quarters of peach, and top with a generous amount of the lemony ricotta.

Sprinkle over a few fresh basil leaves and spoon over any juices from the tray the peaches were roasting in.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

February 2021 The Beast 47

KID CUDI Man on the Moon, Vol. 3...

Label Republic Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I have always found Kid Cudi a little bit frustrating. He has some amazing moments, but also a cascade of dull ones. I often find his albums intolerable and stick to the singles, which I usually love. Man on the Moon, Vol. 3: The Chosen may have finally bucked this trend. It is listenable in its entirety - not the highest praise, admittedly, but hey, it’s something. Ironically, it’s probably lacking that jaw-dropping single to really elevate it to the status of great. Lovin Me (featuring Phoebe Bridgers) goes close though, I’ll give him that.

PAUL MCCARTNEY McCartney III Label Capitol Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN Genre Thriller Drama Comedy Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador You’ll cringe, laugh and be intrigued watching Emerald Fennell’s (Killing Eve, The Crown) stylishly clever feature film directing debut, which she also wrote, titled Promising Young Woman. It’s a delicious candy coloured revenge thriller like no other, dripping with girlpower attitude and wrapped in a sugar-coated parcel by the name of Cassandra Thomas (Carey Mulligan). Cassie is astute but consumed by a traumatic event from her past which she has chosen to deal with by taking vengeance on ‘innocent’ men in the most unsuspecting and shrewd manner. When she meets Ryan (Bo Burnham), a former classmate, she sees the possibility of trusting people again.

Promising Young Woman is delivered in a darkly comic and off-beat manner which belies its true nature. It’s a film that should appeal to most people as it holds a mirror up to society and its injustices, all the while exploring themes of morality, romance and forgiveness. Just be prepared for some extreme surprises that are sure to keep you talking way after the credits roll.

48 The Beast February 2021

Paul McCartney has released 18 solo albums.

I once drank 18 beers in an afternoon, but I acknowledge that’s not as impressive. I don’t care if he is one of the greatest songwriters of all time; to think that he can still release something reasonably fresh and relevant is quite astounding, yet he’s done it. I mean, even Iggy’s bread goes stale! Most of us, I imagine, are familiar with McCartney’s work with The Beatles. It’s interesting to listen to him as a solo artist, and quite strange that it took 18 albums for me to finally do it.

THE AVALANCHES We Will Always Love You Label Universal Music Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Remember when listening to music was enough to pass the hours away? You didn’t need to do anything else, you could just put on your current favourite record and lie down. No group chats, no social media, no worries. Do teenagers still do this? I hope so. We Will Always Love You is the perfect album to reinvigorate the practice. It rolls over you like a lazy afternoon and an empty ‘to do’ list. It doesn’t overly sound like an Avalanches record, but that’s kind of nice too. It’s good to have something different.

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ACROSS 1. Way of thinking (10) 5. Flamboyantly dramatic (10) 9. Spherical object (3) 10. Einstein’s theory (10) 11. Much ...

About Nothing (3) 12. Bed sheets (5) 15. Popular flyer format (1,1) 16. Taken away from (9) 18. For instance (abbr.) (1,1) 19. Fine sediment (4) 20. Character icon (6) 23. Serving successfully without return (3) 24. Connector of phone calls (8)

DOWN 1. Fun way to enter a swimming pool (10) 2. Emit a feeling (7) 3. Hot drink (3) 4. To deceive by underhand methods (9) 6. Precipitation (4) 7. Secures, usually by a narrow margin (8) 8. Reliable (5) 13. Originating from a place (6) 14. Spare piece of food (5) 15. Same (5) 17. Female hustler (4) 20. Air conditioning (abbr.)

(1,1) 21. Antonym of from (2) 22. About; concerning (2)

Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Simon Exleton 1. In which north African country is Casablanca?

2. Which musical named after a city won Best Picture at the Oscars in 2003?

3. Which US state is the least populated and is last alphabetically?

4. What is the tallest residential building in Australia?

5. What trees do acorns come from?

6. What plant does vanilla come from?

7. What fruit is also known as cantaloupe?

8. Who was the oldest member of The Beatles?

9. Who was the oldest actor to play James Bond?

10. Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr. is tied for the most Grammy nominations without a win; who is he better known as?

The bank advertisement.

February 2021 The Beast 49

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Only donate your hard-earned money to charity if you’ve completely exhausted all avenues for spending it on yourself.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Don’t let anything trivial cause you unnecessary stress, every problem goes away if you ignore it for long enough.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 Despite your good nature and kind heartedness, someone somewhere is plotting to kill you.

Better watch your back.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Leave a big steaming log marinating in the dunny bowl to remind family and friends of your existence.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Waking up with a sore bum is no great cause for concern, unless you’re in a gimp suit and there’s a used dildo on the floor.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Go vegan, so you can tell every poor bastard within earshot how morally and ethically superior you are at every opportunity.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 It’s time for a career change. You could make quite good money as a hooker if only you’d invest in a spot of plastic surgery.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Only help a desperate friend out in a time of need if you can see an opportunity to leverage it for the rest of their life.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 Don’t let anyone stand in the way of your goals, even if you have to burn your closest mates to get there. They’d do the same.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Work really, really hard so you can give the government more money to give to people that don’t want to work.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Be careful not to masturbate so frequently and vigorously that you lose all sensitivity to anything other than your hand.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Be sure to over-accessorise this month, in order to divert attention away from your horrendous choice of clothing.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. Morocco 2. Chicago 3. Wyoming 4. Q1 on the Gold Coast 5. Oak trees 6. Orchids 7. Rockmelon 8. Ringo Starr 9. Roger Moore (57) 10. Snoop Dogg

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