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BEAST The

December 2018

DR KERRYN PHELPS

The Independent Member for Wentworth


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WELCOME TO DECEMBER 2018... FEELING HOT, HOT, HOT! Words Dan and James Hutton

W

elcome to the December 2018 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. After a wet and wild October, November really turned up the temperature dial and gave us a taste of things to come. Sculpture by the Sea came and went with the usual fanfare and ushered in the season when things get a little bit silly down near the sand and salty water. With December signalling the start of summer, we must admit we’re getting a bit excited. In the magazine this month, Siriol Dafydd gets to the bottom of the new Bondi Memorial Project in Marks Park and gives a big plug to Mal Ward’s annual Christmas present drive, while Joel Bevilacqua shines a light on Bronte SLSC’s efforts to lose the ‘golf club’ stigma often associated with surf clubs and goes behind

8 The Beast | December 2018

the scenes to find out all about Terry Jenkings’ new documentary, Bondi Forever. Duncan Horscroft also returns with his poison pen to preach his opinion about the steadily ‘disappearing’ car parking spaces in the Bronte Cutting. On the cover we’ve got the brand spanking new Member for Wentworth, Dr Kerryn Phelps, who is looking to make the seat once occupied by former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull her own. We veered clear of the personal and focused solely on policy in a provocative interview that’s sure to impress political pundits and everyday punters alike. Another year is coming to an end and again we’re eternally grateful to all of our readers, contributors, advertisers, distributors and even our detractors and competitors. We hope you keep on reading. Dan and James - Publishers

THE BEAST The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au

Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au

Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise

Circulation 61,000 copies are distributed every month; 55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in shops. PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and suburb.


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Contents

December 2018 Issue 167 08 11 12 14 18 20 22 22 24 38

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Chick Local Bloke Thumbs Doggies Local News Satire

40 41 45 46 58 59 60 62 63 64

Calendar Live Music Liftout Trade Directory Interview Marjorie's Musings Beastpops Bruce's Banter Con Gestion Tide Chart Unreliable Guide

A quiet day in the cutting, by Sam Frisby. Instagram: @_chance_the_snapper.

66 68 70 72 74 76 80 81 82 82

Headnoise Sexy Time Enviro News Sporting Life Local Photos Food & Wine Reviews Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions


The original hipster.

THE PEARL BULLIVANT PERSON OF THE YEAR Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Jacki Weaver

P

earl is closing 2018 with the inaugural ‘Pearl Bullivant Person of the Year Award’ in recognition of an Australian who has enhanced our culture. After some stiff competition in the form of Pearl’s favourite celebrity, Salim Mehajer (a man who deserves our recognition for putting Auburn on the map), Pearl’s award will be bestowed upon the politician and journalist formerly known as the ‘Human Headline’, Derryn Hinch. Beast readers will probably be wondering why Derryn not Kerryn, given that our new MP for Wentworth is appearing on The Beast’s front cover this month. Or even an NRL player, a WAG, or a bachelorette? Derryn may be loitering in the pool of unrepresentative swill in the senate, doing little besides occasionally upsetting Pauline, but Pearl holds him solely responsible for two annoying cultural phenomena pervading our society – beards and shame – and for this he deserves my award. Although the beard trend preceded Derryn’s senatorial debut, Australia co-incidentally hit peak facial fur at the time of

12 The Beast | December 2018

the Talking Beard’s swearing in. Bearded men have always taken Pearl’s fancy (think Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski) but their appeal turned to turn-off as soon as they became synonymous with cashedup hipster tradies driving VW Amaroks, with their tattooed arm sleeves perched on the window sill holding a decaf soy latte and a sourdough baguette. And then there’s ‘shaming’, a term that for the older generation is intrinsically linked to Hinch during his days as a TV current affairs host in the ‘80s. Back then, Hinch publicly shamed criminals, but in the 21st century shaming has become a virus. Everybody is being shamed and we’ve got Derryn’s ascendance to the cross bench to blame for it. The outcry ‘I am being shamed’ has become an excuse for bad behaviour, the go-to reaction of those whose dubious lifestyle choices are being questioned and examined. The ‘shamed’ plays heavily on victimhood in reaction to valid opinions (I’m not talking trolls or zealots here) concerning their actions. A travel journalist who dares question the intrusive selfie

obsession in the Louvre is accused of shaming tourists and being a naysayer. Mummy bloggers accuse a pre-school in the US of shaming hard-working families when it puts up a sign that implores parents picking up their kiddies to get off the phone. Feminists who criticise Kim Kardashian mania are shaming women. A journalist who critiques the dangerous trend of vampire breast enhancements is left comments such as, “It’s a free world, stop shaming women who make this choice.” Immunisation dissenters accuse pro-vaccinators of shaming their children. The tosser who parks his Maserati in a disabled spot accuses me of shaming him in Bondi Westfield. The mega rich are being shamed for their wealth. The LNP is shamed by the ABC’s Four Corners. How sad that Australians have become so defensive. Our nation will come to a standstill and be governed by the self-righteous and powerful if we lose the art of self-reflection, investigation, critique and vigilance. All I can say is SHAME, SHAME, SHAME! And, of course, Merry Christmas!


THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs CHICKEN BONES Today our dog went for his walk and he ate a cooked chicken bone that someone had dropped on the ground instead of putting it in the rubbish bin. I have seen a lot of bones around the area and do not understand why people would not dispose of them properly. Most people would not litter other rubbish, so why do they think it’s okay to throw bones away? Cooked bones are brittle and they can easily crack and splinter, which can lead to choking, internal injuries, punctured organs or even death. We don’t know yet if our dog will be okay, we just have to wait. So, please think. It’s not okay to throw bones on the ground; put them in the bin with all of your other rubbish. Jo Clovelly DRIVE WITH YOUR HEADLIGHTS ON! After seeing way too many 'near misses' with cars who don't put their headlights on when needed, I wonder if you can print the following in your letter/whinge section: Are your headlights on? • If you are driving at dusk, put your headlights on! • If it’s raining, put your headlights on! • If you have a small car (and not a huge SUV), put your headlights on (all the time)! • If you are exiting Eastgate or Westfield car parks after 5pm, put your headlights on!

14 The Beast | December 2018

• If you are in the Harbour Tunnel or Cross City Tunnel - or any tunnel for that matter - put your headlights on! It's not rocket science - no headlights on and you cannot be seen. Help prevent a future accident that resulted because nobody could see you. Love your mag! Louise Bondi Junction CORNROW COMMENTS CAUSE CONCERN Hairstyle has no place in Australia? So who is this woman from the blue rinse set whose generalist and I’d hazard racist views were given valuable column space on page 24 (Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down, The Beast, November 2018)? A usually great little magazine, you shouldn’t support such small-minded views. Matt Tilbury Dover Heights CONDEMNING CORNROWS IS RACIST Gotta say I found your comment re cornrows culturally ignorant, racist and shocking. I’m a regular reader of The Beast and understand a satirical tone can be conveyed in print, but your tone was unclear and the comments left me bewildered. Did no one within your office flag this before going to print? "No place in Australian society", "outlawed immediately", "identifying criminals" - really? Was it said in jest and the humour somehow went over my head?

All the other points under the "Thumbs Down" heading seemed to fall within the bounds of reason. But the cornrows comment? No. I don’t get it. If you thought you were being witty, then playing with fire is really foolish, irresponsible and immature. If your comments are genuine and sincere, you have my pity and you really need to check yourself. Carol Bondi OUTLAW MOUSTACHES AND SHAVED HEADS I’ve been reading The Beast magazine since I moved to the Eastern Suburbs/Coogee over a year ago. I’m a fan of it all. There are always good laughs, recipes and information to help you feel more like a local. One thing, however, in the November issue left a very sour taste in my mouth and I am giving it a big thumbs down. To stereotype a hairstyle discriminates against many people and races; it’s sickening and disgraceful in this day and age. That’s like comparing moustaches to paedophiles or (saying) women with shaved heads are lesbians. A little harsh, would you say? Maybe next time you see that 10 year-old kid who came back from a holiday in Jamaica with cornrows or braids you should send them straight to a youth detention centre. Stephen Coogee EDITOR'S REPLY I feel the need to write something in reply to these accusatory letters we received about our thumbs down to ‘cornrows’ in the November edition of The Beast. While the hairstyle has most certainly been popularised by African Americans, this was not some thinly veiled racist attack on behalf of The Beast. In fact, we were poking fun at white folk who sport the questionable hairstyle. It was tongue-incheek and no offence was intended, and I strongly doubt that any was taken aside from that of a few virtue signalling keyboard warriors keen to find offence in literally anything.


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Saturday 15 December 2pm-5pm South Maroubra Village Green, corner Malabar Road and Meagher Avenue, Maroubra. 9311 0088

COOGEE CAROLS Sunday 16 December 6.30pm-8.30pm Coogee Beach coogeecarols.com.au

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We at The Beast reserve the right to call a hairstyle shithouse if we believe it is thus, and offer up that we feel the same way about mullets (except for Finchy’s), frullets, fades, perms, undercuts and mohawks, among others. The ‘devon patch’, or ‘Friar Tuck’ as it is also sometimes referred, is far more acceptable. Dan and James Publishers UNSUSTAINABLE BAZ I have enjoyed The Beast for several years, but why does Barry du Bois have a takeaway cup in his hand on the cover (The Beast, November 2018). Very sad. Not loving The Beast at the moment. Rebecca Bondi Beach

questioned about this she explained that there had been a complaint from a resident and that no “organised” games were allowed in the park. When pressed on what “organised” meant she gave the definition of “having previously arranged to meet and play at the reserve”. I guess this definition doesn’t leave much room for anything other than chance meetings between sport loving locals! Much to the bewilderment of those present she continued to warn off the guys playing soccer and a kids party. I look forward to reading the new sign that will have to be erected detailing all the ‘Dos and Don’ts’ in Randwick parks. Bewildered but not surprised

WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER SIGN... At around 10.30am on Saturday, a Randwick City Council ranger drove her car on to Grant Reserve in Coogee and then proceeded to pack up a field that had a bunch of kids playing touch footy. When

RESPONSE FROM RANDWICK COUNCIL Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Council provides a large number of sports fields for organised sporting activities, competitions and training. We also provide local parks like Grant Reserve for

informal activities. We love seeing people using our parks and encourage this. Our parks around Coogee are very popular and our challenge is to manage lots of people wanting to use limited amounts of space in different ways. We do our best to provide spaces for everybody, but sometimes conflict occurs. We’re always looking for ways we can improve and we’re looking into this issue further. Randwick City Council EASTERN SUBURBS RECYCLING ENTREPRENEURS Harry in the November edition of The Beast is unsure about whether people should get the 10-cent refundable bottles out of random recycling bins (Letters, The Beast, November 2018). I totally support it. Once the bins are on the street I personally don’t mind if anyone removes anything from my bins, not just drink containers. Sue Randwick

HMAS Watson Carols by the Bay Saturday 8 December Come along and join us for a local community Christmas Carol event to remember. Enjoy a spectacular view of Sydney Harbour, music from local schools and the Royal Australian Navy Band, as well as food stalls and entertainment for the kids. Santa will be making a special appearance and the RAN will host a historical sunset ceremony. Free admission. You are welcome to bring a picnic. Gates open from 3.30pm – 8.00pm. Parking is limited. HMAS Watson Navy Base, Cliff Street, Watsons Bay Proudly supported by Woollahra Council. woollahra.nsw.gov.au/hmaswatsoncarols 16 The Beast | December 2018


COOGEE: 214 Coogee Bay Rd | SURRY HILLS: Shop 4,490 CRown St | WOOLLAHRA: 68 MonCuR St


Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Mighty Ducks - I love to back the underdogs. And the Roosters, Swans, Waratahs and the Australian cricket team. What music are you into at the moment? John Mayer – ‘Your Body is a Wonderland’ is my theme song! I love Ed Sheeran to bits, too. I’m also loving Dua Lipa. She came into my spa once and three days later I realised who she was.

Living with gratitude.

LOCAL CHICK... ADIE ROBERTSON FROM TAMARAMA Interview James Hutton Picture Romy Frydman

A

die Robertson owns To Wonderland Wellness Spa in North Bondi and lives on the shores of Mackenzies Bay. She shares her local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? I’ve been at Mackenzies Bay for five years. I moved over here from North Bondi, where I lived on the rocks at Ben Buckler for a couple of years. It was like living on an ocean liner. Why do you live here? To greet the sunrise as I do my yoga practice on the cliff in the morning, with the promise of a new day and all it brings, looking out to a sea of eternity with the world and its troubles behind me; to walk on the sand and swim in the sea before breakfast and again during the day if I choose; to own a wellness spa in this mix of city and surf. This is heaven and I am blessed. What's your favourite beach? I am a Bondi girl and love to swim at North Bondi and Mackenzies Bay. Once I was swimming 200 metres out from Icebergs and was lucky enough to be surrounded by a pod of dolphins.

18 The Beast | December 2018

What’s your favourite eatery? I have many, including The Well, Umu, Bru, The Crabbe Hole, Health Emporium, Up South, Porch & Parlour, Organic Republic Bakery, Blair Street Dairy, Sean's Panaroma, North Bondi Fish, A Tavola, Sefa Kitchen and Bondi's Best. Where do you like to have a drink? North Bondi Fish, North Bondi RSL, Icebergs Terrace, The Corner House, Ode, La Piadina, The Shop and Wine Bar, or at home on my balcony with friends staring out to sea. Best thing about the Eastern suburbs? After I walked out on my life in the Southern Highlands I struggled with loneliness and a sense of not belonging for a long time, but when I moved to Bondi I felt like I found home again and I relaxed into barefoot living as I followed my dreams and taught yoga on Bondi Beach. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? I love the area and prefer not to speak badly of things, but I suppose the short-sightedness of councils that allow beautiful trees to be mass-murdered in the name of progress deserves a mention.

Who is your favourite person? I love my three children around the universe, infinity! And my mum, she's a legend. Plus all my close and extended family and friends and my amazing team at To Wonderland. What do you get up to on the weekends? Spontaneity is the spice of life; I make it up as I go and am always up for an adventure. Time outside in the fresh air is a must to keep energised and happy, and I hang out with my kids when they let me. What do you do for work? I own To Wonderland Wellness Spa in North Bondi, a haven for wellbeing, relaxation and beauty. I delight in witnessing the transformation in people's lives one day at a time. I'm lucky to be living and breathing my dream to bring wellness to the world. What is your favourite thing about work? Establishing a community here in Bondi for wellbeing. I'm working hard and utilising skills I've accumulated over a lifetime as a creative, stockbroker, writer, entrepreneur, importer, designer, mother, yoga and meditation teacher, model and divorcee. Do you have a favourite quote? “For it is in giving that we receive.” - Saint Francis of Assisi Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Don't sweat the small stuff. Practice forgiveness. Be brave and don't be frightened to walk alone in search of your truth; listen to that strong, silent voice inside. Say yes to love and new adventures, and live with gratitude.


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Oi tudo bem!

LOCAL BLOKE... MARCELO DE SOUZA FROM BONDI Interview and Picture James Hutton

B

razilian Kiwi Marcelo de Souza first came to Bondi in 1989 and returned for good five years ago. He imports “flip-flops” and is about to launch a new swimwear product. Marcelo shares his local favourites with The Beast…

What do you like to drink? I am a bit partial to a Sav Blanc and a good Aussie Shiraz.

How long have you lived here? I left Brazil in 1989 and my first destination was Bondi Beach. After a long absence I returned five years ago. My heart has always been here.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? All the bloody Brazilians.

Why do you live here? My hometown, Florianopolis, is renowned for its surf beaches. Bondi is a slice of heaven; a perfect cocktail of society and beach culture. What's your favourite beach? I sleep around. Don’t tell Bronte, Tama and Bondi. What's your favourite eatery? Huxton’s in Bronte. Owner and chef extraordinaire Justin really delivers. And my wife’s cooking, of course! 20 The Beast | December 2018

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? It is like a village here. It’s full of great locals and history.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I am a Brazilian Kiwi. If I could get the Brazilian soccer team to do the Haka I would be in heaven. What music are you into at the moment? I am always on the lookout for new sounds. A perfect samba will get me in the mood every time. Who is your favourite person? I am inspired by all people. To choose a favourite is hard as I love to read about a person’s story, their inspiration and how they have become who they are.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Weekends are for work. During summer I am at the Bondi Markets with Amazonas Flip Flops, and of course I don’t mind a bit of surf. What do you do for work? I import flip-flops made from recycled materials from Brazil called Amazonas - www.amazonassandals. com. I am also about to launch a new swimwear product made in Brazil by a close friend. What's your favourite thing about work? Connecting with people and making a business grow. Do you have a favourite quote? "Surfing to me is like playing music. You play different melodies with different boards." Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Listening is a great art and so is kindness. Be fearless, be bold and live your life with love and laughter.


AJ Age 6 years Sex Male Breed Cattle X Bull Arab Weight 33.7kg

October 13, 1958 - October 2, 2018. Rest in peace.

THUMBS UP JAMAL AHMAD KHASHOGGI Brutally murdered for writing newspaper articles critical of the Saudi Arabian government, the worst human rights violators on the planet. BRONTE PARK Definitely the best kept patch of public parkland in Sydney. We’ve never seen it looking so good, especially in the afternoons. SCULPTURE BY THE SEA As much as everyone bitches and moans about the crowds and traffic, it’s pretty bloody amazing to have such a cool exhibition that’s free to the public. UPGRADE HIATUS The Coogee Bay Road upgrade will be suspended from early December until March next year, so get down to Coogee and support your local businesses. CHANGE Wentworth has a brand new independent federal member. Democracy is alive and well in the Eastern Suburbs.

THUMBS DOWN ROGUE PHONE TOWER INSTALLATIONS The tactics employed by telecommunications providers to sneak their electromagnetic radiation-emitting towers into our suburbs are downright dirty. THE ECKMAN TRANSPORT Just when you think the ocean is about to heat up for good, a run of north-easterly winds will displace that toasty warm surface water and replace it with an upwelling of icy cold water from deep down below. SNOWFLAKES Last month we managed to offend people by dissing a dodgy hairstyle (no, there were no racist undertones) and featuring a cover star holding something other than a keep-cup. Offence these days knows no bounds. 22 The Beast | December 2018

AJ was a long-term resident at a pound. He has scars on his face and ears from a life of hard knocks but he is a very gentle boy. AJ is starting to enjoy walks but was a little scared of vehicles at first. He is an amazing, sweet boy who just needs someone to love him and give him time. AJ comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of AJ is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

ARIES Age 12 months Sex Male Breed Staffy X Weight 26kg Aries is an active, athletic boy who needs secure fencing. He is social with other dogs and has a friendly nature. He gets excited about going for a walk and ignores passing cars and other dogs. He enjoys being cuddled or patted and loves a belly rub. He also sits on command. Aries comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Aries is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

DAHLIA Age 12 months Sex Female Breed Whippet X Staffy Weight 16.7kg Dahlia is a very active, strong girl. Once she gets over the initial excitement of a walk she tends to calm down. She is very mouthy and needs a calm environment and a family with patience to teach her some manners. She is affectionate with people and likes to lick faces. Dahlia comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Dahlia is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.


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The real Santa Claus.

LOCAL LEGEND TO BRING CHRISTMAS CHEER TO SICK KIDS Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture James Hutton

L

ocal inspiration and all-round legend Mal Ward is once again bringing the community together to brighten up the Christmas of sick kids and their families. The Christmas holidays can be a particularly tough time for a child stuck in hospital, but not on Wardy’s watch! For those of you who are yet to cross paths with Mr Ward, or have read about his annual Christmas present drive in The Beast over the years but done nothing about it, this is your chance to get involved. After losing his son Johnno in August 2008 to a long battle with childhood liver disease, Mr Ward decided to channel his heartache into something good. In an effort to draw a positive out of his first Christmas without his son, he

24 The Beast | December 2018

collected presents for the sick children in Sydney’s hospitals. And thus began a beautiful tradition. After collecting 160 presents in the first year, the annual event has grown from strength to strength and has received great support from the local community, including a few familiar faces. Over the years, local celebs like Bondi Vet’s Dr Chris Brown, rugby league legend Laurie Daley and a number of the Bondi Rescue crew (to name but a few) have chipped in to bring the annual giveaway up to over 1,000 presents last year. “I’ve been doing this event for 10 years now and we have delivered over 8,000 presents to sick children,” Mr Ward told The Beast. “When we deliver the presents, everyone is so appreciative and the

nurses at Westmead always tell me how proud Johnno would be. That means everything to me.” Johnno’s legacy doesn’t stop there. The annual Christmas Presents for Sick Kids is on again this year on Sunday, December 16 at the Coogee Bay Hotel. And it’s not just about buying a present and leaving it with the crew (although you can if you want to) - this is an event for the whole family. Taking place in the Coogee Bay Hotel Seaview Room between 1.30pm and 4pm, you can wrap your present and help others to wrap theirs too. There will be a free sausage sizzle, face painting and all the necessary wrapping equipment required to make each present truly special. It’s a great event for the whole community and a fantastic opportunity to take the kids along and show them the true meaning of Christmas. All the presents will be delivered the next day to the Sydney Children’s Hospital, Randwick and the Westmead Children’s Hospital. If you want to get involved but don’t have time to stick around on the day, you can leave your unwrapped gift (or gifts) with the crew or you can wrap it yourself beforehand and drop it off - just make sure you label it with the appropriate age group and gender on a small sticker. If you can spare the time, head on down, get involved and enjoy the festive atmosphere. After all, Christmas isn’t just about stuffing your face with prawns, pavlova, ham and Chrissy pud (hopefully not at the same time); it’s about coming together as a community and helping those in need. That might sound like the corny voice-over at the end of a cheesy, straight-to-DVD American holiday movie, but you’d be surprised what a huge difference a small act of kindness can make. So if you can spare a few dollars and a bit of time to help make a sick child’s Christmas a little bit brighter this year, head on down to the Coogee Bay Hotel with your pressies on Sunday, December 16. We’ll see you there!


The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

What’s On

Randwick News There is a lot happening at Maroubra lately. Construction has started on the new amenities building at Mahon Pool and we’re nearing the end of the remediation works at Jack Vanny Reserve. The old red brick toilet block at Mahon Pool has been demolished to make way for new toilets, change rooms, showers, bike racks and accessible toilets. There will be temporary toilets and change rooms for swimmers while the new amenities are being built. The new amenities will be ready for use by mid 2019.

1 DECEMBER NURSERY SUMMER SALE 9am-1pm, Randwick Community Nursery

1 DECEMBER FREE MULCH

10am – 1pm, Randwick City Council Depot

11 DECEMBER CHRISTMAS CRAFT FOR KIDS YEARS K – 6 3.45pm Margaret Martin Library, Randwick

There’s good news for those who have been following the removal of asbestos at Jack Vanny Reserve. All of the air monitoring that we have conducted at the site since December 2017 has returned clear results. We have planted turf on the new, clean soil that has been imported and spread over the fenced off area, and landscaping will be completed soon. Despite the large amount of rainfall over October we’re still on track to reopen the reserve by December.

16 DECEMBER COOGEE CAROLS

6.30pm-8.30pm, Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach

If you’d like further information about how we have been working with the EPA and a third party environmental consultant throughout the process, please visit our website, which has detailed information about the remediation works.

31 DECEMBER COOGEE SPARKLES

Councillor Kathy Neilson Mayor of Randwick

9pm, Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au


Marks Park, the gay beat where many men were bashed, robbed and murdered.

MARKS PARK MEMORIAL A MONUMENT TO DIVERSITY Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture Lars Rasmussen

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arks Park has officially been endorsed by Waverley Council as the site for the Bondi Memorial Project. This allows for commissioning of a public artwork to serve as a memorial to the men who were viciously assaulted and murdered in homophobic attacks in Sydney over multiple decades. This is a tremendous result after years of campaigning from New South Wales based LGBTI sexual and mental health organisation, ACON. Working in partnership with Waverley Council since 2015, ACON has been instrumental in finding appropriate means of honouring and remembering the victims of the violent attacks. “ACON has been working with a range of community partners, advocates and the broader LGBTI community on a range of responses to address the painful legacy left behind by the wave of anti-gay violence that swept through Sydney in the 1970s to the 1990s,” ACON CEO Nicolas Parkhill said in a media statement. “This grief and trauma continues to impact on our community’s health and wellbeing today.” 26 The Beast | December 2018

The endorsement of the park as the official site for the memorial was announced as an official parliamentary inquiry into historical gay and transgender crimes in Australia began. The inquiry has also been something that ACON has campaigned for over many years and will shine a further light on the horrific events that took place. Marks Park was chosen for the memorial as it was the site of many of the attacks and murders that took place along the coastal walk from Bondi to Tamarama. “Council’s process around commissioning an artist is yet to begin, but certainly whatever design is chosen will be a respectful reminder to these wonderful men and a place where we can pay our respects to the victims, their families, friends and the LGBTI community,” Waverley Mayor John Wakefield told The Beast. There is no set date for the unveiling of the memorial but the entire process, including community consultation, is expected to take a year or so to complete. “I expect that the memorial will be a place for quiet reflection as well

as celebration,” Cr Wakefield said. “It’ll remind us of the past and how we have progressed as an inclusive society. It will remind us of the importance of valuing and celebrating diversity in our community.” Waverley Council has committed $100,000 from its 2018/19 Capital Works Program and a further $64,000 from Stephen Heasley and Andrew Borg will also go towards the project. This philanthropic donation was made under the terms of the couple’s settlement with Vistaprint. After they were sent religious pamphlets about temptation and sin instead of the wedding programs they had ordered, the couple filed a lawsuit, which resulted in an official apology and a direct contribution to an Australian LGBTI organisation of their choosing. “We chose the Bondi Memorial Project for its purpose of shining a light on the impacts of bigotry, prejudice and discrimination, and the importance of valuing diversity in the community,” Mr Borg said in a statement. “We’re proud to be part of this important project.” “We always wanted to use our experience as an opportunity to create greater understanding and acceptance of the LGBTI community,” Mr Heasley added. “We hope that this contribution will assist in the creation of a monument that commemorates the past and stands for healing, unity, progress and inclusion.” Further donations by the public are welcomed and community consultation will continue during the project’s commissioning process. For more details, head to the Waverley Council website. Despite recent progress, we still have a long way to go in terms of replacing hate and bigotry with understanding and acceptance, but this memorial is certainly a step in the right direction. And with such wonderful and widespread support within the community, this project will help the growing momentum towards healing and justice for the victims of senseless violence and hateful discrimination.


Mayor’s Message Have Your Say Waverley Want to have a say in shaping the decisions that impact on your neighbourhood but don’t know how to get involved in consultations? Our online community engagement website Have Your Say Waverley enables you to contribute views and opinions about key issues online. Your knowledge and personal experience helps us develop solutions to the problems and issues that affect you. Consultation ensures that community members affected by a Council decision have a genuine opportunity to be informed of, and provide input into, the decision making process. The Waverley Architectural Mapping Project is just one of the many exciting projects open for feedback soon. The aim of this project is to map and identify urban typologies and architectural styles across our local government area to create a comprehensive database of existing and potential future heritage assets. Waverley has a unique built environment history that ranges from mid-19th century buildings to modern high-rise towers. Visit haveyoursay.waverley.nsw.gov.au. John Wakefield, Mayor of Waverley

Bring in the new year at Dudley Page Reserve!

Events Carols by the Sea Wednesday 12 December, 4.30–8pm South Bondi Park, Bondi Beach Sing to your heart’s content at this year’s Carols by the Sea! Each year, this merry event brings the community together to celebrate Christmas. With children’s entertainment and carol singing, it’s a great way to celebrate the festive season. Bring along your Christmas spirit, singing voices and a rug to sit on! For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov. au/events

New Year’s Eve at Dudley Page Reserve 31 December, 6pm–12.30am Dudley Page Reserve, Dover Heights Bring in the New Year at Dudley Page Reserve, with a relaxed family environment and amazing views of the harbour fireworks. Feel free to bring a picnic and rug and enjoy the wonderful array of food and drink stalls that will be on offer at this magnificent venue. There will also be kids rides, face painting, and live DJ. Tickets are essential and can be purchased at moshtix.com.au or at Council’s Customer Service Centre on Spring Street.

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au | Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Mark Hunter Instagram @bondihunter GET PAID TO PLAY WITH ANIMALS Do you love pets? Do you want to get paid to cuddle them? Will you be based in the Eastern Suburbs over the summer holidays? If so, Christmas has just come early. With a record number of beachside residents looking for pet carers over summer, pet sitters are now at a premium. In response, Mad Paws, Australia’s largest pet sitting community, is searching for 100 new pet sitters by Christmas Eve. To apply to spend your summer playing with furry friends, visit www.madpaws.com.au. COURTYARD CAFE'S CHRISTMAS PRESENT DRIVE Each year Dave Martin and the crew at Courtyard Cafe in Coogee look to their customers, friends and the local community to donate a Christmas gift to pass on to someone less fortunate. These people include struggling local families (mainly children of all ages), older homeless men and women, abused women and kids fighting sickness. If you are able to spare a gift (either wrapped or unwrapped) please drop it into the cafe no later than Friday, December 14 and help Dave bring a smile to someone less fortunate at a time when we all should be celebrating and giving.

Sundown at Dudley Reserve.

CHRISTMAS AT COOGEE PAVILION Coogee Pavilion will be taking the Christmas spirit to new levels again this year. They’ll be selling Christmas trees from December 1 for $65 (cash only, plus $30 for a stand, if needed) and all proceeds go to Ronald McDonald House, Randwick. They’ll also have a letterbox on hand for those young whippersnappers who want to express post a letter to Santa. On the first two weekends of the month (December 1, 2, 8 and 9), the jolly gent himself will be in the building for Santa photos from 10am to 12noon. There’ll also be festive face painting and Christmas crafts to keep even the grumpiest kids happy. No bookings required. For more information, visit www.merivale.com/venues/coogeepavilion. CAROLS ARE A COMIN’ Christmas ain’t all about presents the festive season just wouldn’t feel the same without the cacophony that is carols by candlelight. There’ll be a whole heap of carolling events in the Eastern Suburbs and here are a few that should consider getting along to. In the Woollahra Municipality there’s the QSWWA Community Christmas Carols on December 4 at Chiswick Gardens, the HMAS Watson Carols by the Bay on December

8 at the HMAS Watson Navy Base and the Combined Churches Christmas Carols at Rose Bay on December 21 at Pannerong Park. In Waverley, there’s Carols by the Sea on December 12 at Bondi Park, and in Randwick there’s Matraville Carols by Candlelight on December 8 at Barwon Park, Carols by the Sea on December 8 at Grant Reserve, Coogee, Christmas Carols and a street party at St Luke’s Anglican Church in Clovelly on December 9, the South Maroubra Christmas Party on December 15 at South Maroubra Village Green and the showpiece event, Coogee Carols, on December 16 at Coogee Beach. Visit the respective council websites for more information. BONDI’S LATEST SURFING WORLD CHAMPION When Bondi boy Grayson Hinrichs isn’t spearing fish more than half his size, he’s back out in the brine surfing like a pro. And the realms of professional surfing are now much closer after Hinrichs took out the Vissla International Surfing Association Under 16 World Championship in early November. The young Bondi Boardrider was understandably stoked to take out the title in fun surf at California’s Huntington Beach.


December 2018 | The Beast 29


Not the best timing.

BEACHGOERS LOSE VITAL CAR SPOTS Opinion Duncan Horscroft Picture James Hutton

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t’s well known that parking is at a premium in and around the Bronte Beach precinct. On any good weekend the cafes are packed to the rafters and beachgoers flock to the area on a fine summer’s day. But Waverley Council has added to the parking problem by undertaking a “three-month” pilot program that has taken out 20 car spaces in the Bronte Cutting to cater for the multitude of visitors using the coastal walk. It seems the council is worried about the possible conflict between pedestrian traffic and vehicles, and has decided to go ahead with a trial by creating a thoroughfare from where the footpath ends in the cutting through to Calga Reserve. But Council doesn’t seem overly concerned about the implementation of a 40km/h speed limit in the cutting by the RMS recently, with some councillors saying they knew nothing about it. The elimination of the car spaces seems ridiculous as the trial began at the start of the surfing season in October, when hundreds of Nippers and their parents hit 30 The Beast | December 2018

the sand every Sunday morning. If every car had two parents and two kids, an average of 80 people have now been effectively denied direct access to the beach. One councillor suggested catching a bus would be a better alternative. That councillor obviously doesn’t have any idea what it’s like taking a tribe of kids to the beach with all their gear on public transport. There are already six reserved spots for Bronte Surf Lifesaving Club permit holders. And the council has signed off on another three reserved spots at the top of the cutting, making a total of 29 car spaces unavailable to the public. Why can’t these permits be valid anywhere in the cutting other than the reserved spots? Bronte volunteer surf lifesavers who live outside the Waverley Municipality can now apply for a beach parking permit for $200 as a reward for their diligence. This effectively nullifies the need for reserved parking. In October, Sculpture by the

Sea attracts multitudes of visitors to the coastal walk and no one objects to extra room being made for pedestrian safety. As the coastal walk was a Waverley Council initiative, why didn’t they provide relevant pedestrian access when it was built? At the end of the footpath in the cutting there is a natural rock face into which steps could be easily cut. The steps would lead to a flat plateau at the top of the rock face and direct access in to Calga Reserve. One argument put forward against this idea related to the lack of disabled access. Again, Council did not consider this when the coastal walk was built as there is no wheelchair access anywhere between Bronte and Clovelly, unless it is through Waverley Cemetery. According to Waverley Council minutes, it will “consult with the community… and seek feedback on the pilot project.” But the question that must be asked is why weren’t the community consulted prior to the initiation of the project?


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Bondi Forever filmmaker Terry Jenkings on the steps of the Bondi Pavilion.

BONDI’S STORY AS TOLD BY ONE OF ITS OWN Words Joel Bevilacqua Picture James Hutton

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ondi Beach isn’t the biggest beach in the world, nor is she the most beautiful; the surfing conditions are generally pretty average (despite the occasional epic session) and the nor’east winds can be a real pest in summer. Bondi’s premier attraction has always been its people and the stories that surround them. There is a long list of heroes and icons who have contributed to the making of the Bondi legend. These men and women will finally be acknowledged in a new documentary, Bondi Forever. Made by a third generation Bondi boy, Terry Jenkings, Bondi Forever is an accumulation of interviews that combine to tell the Bondi story. In the documentary you can expect to see sporting champions such as Surfing Hall of Fame members Cheyne Horan and Pauline Menczer, as well as some of the characters who made Bondi 32 The Beast | December 2018

what it is today – including rock fishing veteran, the late Neil Hill, who sadly passed away in October. Mr Jenkings told The Beast that after years of seeing documentaries about Bondi being made by non-locals, he decided it was time for the people who actually call it home to tell the Bondi story. Mr Jenkings hopes Bondi Forever will help future generations understand where they came from and how Bondi evolved. He explained that although the perception may have changed in recent years, at its heart Bondi is a surfing beach, and its history relates to surfing and surf lifesaving culture. “When you come back to basics, it is a surfing beach and it's the surfers, the lifesavers and the icebergs who have made Bondi famous,” he said. “People should never forget that.” Like a child actor thrust into the tumultuous world of celeb-

rity, Bondi was always bound to change. What then does Terry - a third generation Bondi boy; a man who’s had more morning swims at Bondi than grassy knoll regulars have had cold acai bowls - think of today’s Bondi? “As time has gone by I have seen the emphasis move more away from the beach as such and more to a sort of social scene,” he said. “Bondi has always been evolving, and I think that's probably a healthy thing because everything has to grow, but the foundation of Bondi is respect for the beach and the preservation of this foundation is very important.” But Mr Jenkings is not one to lament change; rather, he implores others to put down their smartphones for a second and discover the real Bondi. “I see people coming from places throughout the world and all they want to do is take a photo with Bondi in the background, but I do believe that they are missing the real Bondi,” he said. “When you get to understand Bondi, you realise that the spirit is camaraderie and a desire to look after each other and embrace what Bondi has to offer. “This is far more attractive than taking a selfie photograph with a wave breaking in the background. “I would just say to anyone who is coming to Bondi: don't come for the day, come here for a year and you'll see that this is not just a beach, this is a way of life, and you can't photograph that.” Bondi Forever has already screened in 55 countries throughout Asia and Mr Jenkings said the response has been extremely positive. By the time this edition of The Beast goes to print, Bondi Forever will have already premiered in Australia on the National Geographic documentary channel. Repeats will be screened on Tuesday, November 20 at 9.30pm, Tuesday, November 27 at 3.30pm and Thursday, November 29 at 8.30pm, with further dates in December yet to be confirmed.


Wednesday 12 December 2018 4.30–8pm

Bondi Park, Bondi Beach

waverley.nsw.gov.au


MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Debora Cardenas PAT FARMER RUNS FOR MAROUBRA Ultra-marathon athlete and motivational speaker, Pat Farmer AM, will run for the state seat of Maroubra. The former Federal Parliamentary Secretary for Education, Science and Training, and Shadow Minister for Sport and Youth, will ask the Maroubra community for their support at the 2019 NSW Election. Mr Farmer has raised millions of dollars for causes such as Lifeline, Cancer Council, The Red Cross, Diabetes Australia and the Nanhi Kali foundation for the education of India's girl child, and received the Order of Australia (AM) in 2015 for his contribution to ultra-marathon running, politics and charitable works. HALF A MILL FOR MENTAL HEALTH People receiving care at Prince of Wales Hospital mental health inpatient unit will soon see physical improvements, as statewide refurbishments get underway. Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith said mental health facilities at Prince of Wales Hospital will benefit from almost half a million dollars in funding as part of a NSW Government investment to upgrade mental health infrastructure in NSW. This funding is in addition to this year’s record

Maroubra mornings.

$2.1 billion State Budget for mental health services. Planning continues for the remainder of the $700 million statewide Mental Health Infrastructure Program, with a focus on enhancing specialist services. If you or someone you know needs crisis support, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14. MAROUBRA RESERVE REMEDIATED The remediation and improvement of the Jack Vanny Reserve in Maroubra is nearing completion with the popular green space set to be returned for public use in December. Contaminated material has been removed from the area and a cap has been placed over the site to create a barrier between the bedrock and new soil. Randwick Council has refilled the fenced area with clean soil and is in the process of returfing and landscaping the area. For more information, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au. COOGEE FAMILY FUN DAY Coogee Family Fun Day is back for its 24th year on Saturday, December 1, celebrating the start of summer with live entertainment, carnival rides, artisan craft stalls and an array of culinary delights. Goldstein Reserve, right on Coogee Beach, will come to life from

9am to 6pm as kids entertainment including Captain Barnacles and the Octonauts Christmas Show take to the stage. There'll also be shows from Stars Performing School, Fun with Franky, the Janice Breen Performing Studio and more. Bring a picnic blanket and make a day of it. Entry is free. For more information visit www. coogeebeach.net.au. HIV RESEARCH GIVEN A BIG BOOST ViiV Healthcare and the Kirby Institute recently announced a new grant to support HIV research capacity building in the region. The three-year program will award over half a million dollars to support healthcare professionals in the Asia Pacific region to address national HIV priorities. The unconditional education grant makes possible a research and training program initially proposed by the late Professor David Cooper, foundation Director of the Kirby Institute and one of the world’s most distinguished HIV clinicians and academic leaders. The Cooper HIV/AIDS Research Training (CHART) Program will inspire and increase the number of skilled and experienced HIV researchers in this region and identify ways to address local HIV priorities.


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December 2018 | The Beast 35


Bronte SLSC General Manager Peter Butcher (left) and President Basil Scaffidi.

LOCAL SURF CLUBS SMASH ‘GOLF CLUB’ STIGMA Words Joel Bevilacqua Picture James Hutton

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number of our Eastern Beaches surf life saving clubs have been making a conscious effort to become more welcoming in an attempt to lose their ‘golf club’ stigma, and Bronte SLSC is leading the charge. Surf clubs do a lot of good work on Australian beaches. However, when it comes to non-members hanging around surf clubs, things can sometimes get a little bit… uncomfortable. “Surf clubs can sometimes be like golf clubs,” Bronte SLSC President Basil Scaffidi told The Beast. “They can be intimidating. There are ‘members only’ signs everywhere and people just don't feel welcome.” Maroubra SLSC’s director of memberships, Linda Hession, said they too have felt the burden of this stigma. “Very often with a lot of people we’ve found they feel like they can’t walk across that threshold into a surf club,” Ms Hession said. “We’re trying to engage people to come in and feel welcome.” To help change this perception, Bronte SLSC has embraced a section of a new policy passed by Surf

36 The Beast | December 2018

Life Saving Australia - policy 1.02 - which allows non-members to use equipment during club-organised training sessions for a 120-day trial period, based on them showing competency in the water. Bronte SLSC has been making the most of this policy by inviting non-members along to paddling sessions and allowing them use of its facilities. But not all clubs have embraced policy 1.02. Bronte SLSC’s head of surf sports, David Finnimore, recognised that every beach is different and that this policy may appeal to some clubs and not others. However, he also said that in some cases an old-school approach may be to blame. North Bondi SLSC is one club that has not embraced policy 1.02. The club also has much stricter rules when it comes to non-members using facilities. North Bondi’s president, Mark Cotter, explained its position. “That's one of the advantages of being a member of a surf club and contributing to the lifesaving aspects of the surf club and doing voluntary patrols, then you get these benefits,” Mr Cotter said.

“We want to attract people and we want to be seen as a good community service, not some elitist club or whatever you want to call us. “For us to manage, it is difficult because it's certainly not elitist, but there's obviously certain privileges that come along with committing x amount of time to the community.” Bronte SLSC’s efforts to be more welcoming go much deeper than just embracing policy 1.02. Its relationship with the local surfers is perhaps the biggest deviation from normal surf club operations. Historically, surf clubs and surfers haven’t been the best of friends, yet Mr Finnimore told The Beast that Bronte SLSC has asked Waverley Council to include a storage space for the Bronte Boardriders Club in design plans for its new clubhouse. “We want them to be part of the surf club,” he said. “They’re in the surf 365 days a year, they help out when rescues are needed at times; we want those guys to feel that the club is part theirs as well. “Most of them did Nippers here when they were younger and we are seeing them now return with their own kids in Nippers.” Bronte, North Bondi and Maroubra SLSCs commendably all open their doors to charity events and fundraisers, free of charge. Bronte has gone a step further, though, allowing pilates, first-aid courses and presentation evenings, all for non-members, to be held at the club. “We’re always pretty open to helping them use our function space,” Mr Finnimore said. “We don’t just close the doors on anyone else.” Mr Scaffidi believes all clubs should be more generous with their facilities when they are not being used. “I think all surf clubs need to have that type of attitude because there are so many days of the year, especially in winter, where the clubs are not used in the day,” he said.


OYSTER AND ROSÉ DAY Join Urban Winery Sydney on Heritage Lawn, for a day in the sun. Revel in the delight that is the 2017 A.Retief bio-dynamic Rosé and be captivated by your personal oyster shucker who will serve up fresh oysters direct to your patch on the lawn. Buy your ticket now to secure your UNLIMITED oysters and BOTTOMLESS Rosé on Saturday, 1st December from 1.00 pm to 4.00 pm for just $50 per person. VISIT URBANWINERYSYDNEY.COM OR CALL 8097 9978 TO SECURE YOUR TICKET BUILDING 121, THE ENTERTAINMENT QUARTER

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“Guns keep people safe.” - Some idiot

EASTERN SUBURBS LIFEGUARDS TO BE ISSUED WITH GUNS Satire Kieran Blake Email kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Picture Dustin Hoffman

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onservative elements within the federal government have successfully lobbied to arm lifeguards on all Eastern Suburbs beaches with semi-automatic weapons. The politicians behind the push are praising the initiative, which is guaranteed to protect us from ourselves. “All lifeguards patrolling the Eastern Suburbs beaches have been instructed and trained to shoot anyone swimming outside the flags,” explained a representative from the Shoot the Fishes Party, one of the major driving forces behind the proposal. “Now that lifeguards have been issued with guns, we will all be much safer.” The plan instructs lifeguards to use their handheld weapons to control individual swimmers outside the flags, while large groups will be kept in line through a strafing technique via drones, which have been equipped with state-of-the-art weaponry. “This will keep everyone safe,” stressed the representative. “No 38 The Beast | December 2018

more swimmers will drown in rips, because they will be shot first. “What’s more, not only will it rid us of unwanted elements at beaches such as Bondi, but the pure, unadulterated violence and authentic blood and guts will make for great reality TV. “Speaking of Bondi, we’ve also encouraged lifeguards to shoot anyone riding a soft board at the northern end of the beach.” Riders of a variety of surf craft have not escaped the new law. Board riders straying into the flags can expect a hole in the head, while certain other surf craft will be dealt with under the directive: “Stop the goat boats!” The only group to have been granted an exception is bodysurfers. “Bodysurfing is pure surfing,” stated the representative. “Purveyors of this art form are welcome to whomp in freedom.” Critics slammed the proposal as excessive and antagonistic, while arguing that the presence of dead bodies would attract sharks. “Look, guns keep people safe,” the representative said. “Plus, life-

guards will just shoot the sharks… as well as blue bottles.” Clubbies who display the best shooting skills during the training phase will be appointed as snipers, outlined the representative. “Bronte, Clovelly, Coogee and Maroubra are blessed with grassy knolls,” he said. “Plus, I’m sure the folks at the rifle range at Malabar are capable of hitting an aquatic target at nearby beaches.” The initiative will also introduce locals and visitors to a host of new sights at the beach this summer. Lifeguards will be clad in bulletproof vests and helmets, painted red and yellow for volunteers and blue for full-time lifeguards, a colour scheme repeated on their weapons. IRBs will take on a more military aesthetic and be mounted with machine guns, while nippers will wear bright pink Kevlar-coated vests and carry wooden guns while they train to become lifesavers. Local beaches will also be inundated with signage bearing the catchy new slogan: “Between the flags or between the eyes.”


December 2018 MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

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THE LAST DAY OF 2018! Hasn’t 2018 just flown by?! Randwick Council will herald in the New Year with a family friendly fireworks display at Coogee commencing at 9pm, and for the best views of the city fireworks, Waverley’s Dudley Page Reserve is the place to be. Happy New Year! HAPPY CHANUKAH The Jewish Festival of Lights got underway last night and runs until December 10, so dust off your menorah, don your yarmulke, dish out some gelt to the tin lids and celebrate like only the Jews know how – for eight whole days. Mazel tov!

FREE CHIPS AND A DRINK Little L Chicken and Burgers are throwing in a free regular chips and a drink with every burger purchased at their Coogee store this month. For more information about the most delicious chicken and burger shop on the planet, please visit www.little-l.com.au.

MALONEYS HOME DELIVERY Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo. Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. Please visit www.maloneysgrocer.com.au.

THURSDAY

COOGEE PAVILION CHRISSY TREES From December 1 until stock runs out, Coogee Pavilion will be selling the freshest, greenest, most dense and luscious Christmas trees in Sydney for a mere $65 (cash only, plus $30 for a stand, if needed) and all proceeds go to Ronald McDonald House, Randwick.

FRESHLY COOKED XMAS HAMS Nothing pleases the senses like the delicious smoky scent of freshly cooked ham wafting onto Macpherson Street from Lucas Meats. Cooked fresh on the premises daily, Christmas wouldn’t be the same without one. Call 9369 3867 to place your order.

THE FEEL GOOD CHOIR Grab your friends, get down to the Bunker at Coogee Diggers, learn a song in harmony parts and perform it with a crowd as part of the Feel Good Choir from 7-9pm tonight. No auditions; just rock up on the night and sing your heart out. Visit www.feelgoodchoir.com.

CHRISTMAS CRAFT FOR KIDS Drop in after school and have some fun creating Christmas cards and craft to give to family and friends. It’s on today at Margaret Martin Library, Randwick, from 3.45-4.45pm and all craft materials will be provided. For more information, please call 9093 6400.

WAVERLEY CAROLS BY THE SEA Welcome in the festive season and sing to your heart’s content at this year’s Carols by the Sea. It promises to be a fun night for everyone, so get down to Bondi Park from 5-8.30pm for this free, festive, fun community event. Please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

JOIN WAVERLEY BUSHCARE Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

CHRISTMAS DAY Today is the day to get woken up ridiculously early by overexcited children, open a whole heap of unnecessary presents and have a boozy lunch with family who you’ll try your best to avoid for the rest of the year. Merry Christmas to all from The Beast!

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FOOD ADDICTS MEETINGS Today, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more information, please visit www.foodaddicts.org. BOXING DAY If the weather is warm, the beach is definitely the best place to be today, but if you own a boat (or happen to know someone who does) there is plenty of fun to be had on the harbour watching the start of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race.

SIXERS VERSUS STARS It’s a battle of the big cities tonight as the Sydney Sixers go head to head with the Melbourne Stars at the SCG from 7.15pm. The women will raise the curtain once again when they take on Melbourne’s other franchise, the Renegades, at 2.50pm.

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The Independent Member for Wentworth

DR KERRYN PHELPS Interview James Hutton Pictures Paul McMillan Instagram @paulmcmillanphoto

F

ollowing the parliamentary resignation of former prime minister and incumbent Liberal MP Malcolm Turnbull, a by-election for the Australian House of Representatives seat of Wentworth took place on October 20, 2018. Against all odds and expectations, local GP and independent candidate Dr Kerryn Phelps emerged the victor with a historic 19 per cent swing against the government. We caught up with Dr Phelps just prior to the Australian Electoral Commission's official announcement...

half of the people that I represented or would like to represent, and there were a few issues that were quite burning issues. One of them was the climate change denial that was going on, leading to policy paralysis on climate action. The medical community calling out for the children on Nauru to be brought to Australia for urgent medical treatment was another activating factor, but also just looking at the way the whole party system was operating and thinking it can be done better.

backing you, people who share your vision, share your values, and who are prepared to roll their sleeves up with you and run a campaign. We literally had a pop-up campaign. We had no infrastructure three weeks out from the election campaign starting. So from when Malcolm Turnbull was removed, it was about a week later that the election was called, and then I took another two weeks to figure out if I could actually pull together the infrastructure that I needed to run a federal byelection campaign.

Congratulations! How are you and how have the last few weeks been? Well, it might be a little premature for congratulations because even though we're in a position, we are told, where we are going to win the by-election - by we, I mean our entire campaign team - the official word hasn't come through from the AEC. So, how do I feel? Excited about the prospects of what we can achieve moving forward, and really quite excited about the possibility of changing the culture of politics.

“They see the government as heartless, and they see them as being focused only on the numbers in the economy and not on the actual people that the policies affect.�

When you announced your campaign, you urged voters to put the Liberals last, but then on your how to vote cards you preferenced the Liberals above Labor; what was the reason behind that change? I know it sounded like a change, but the first expression was, I guess, an emotional expression of exasperation with the Liberal Party, and then when we realised that there were going to be a lot of candidates - in the end it was 16 candidates - so we had to look at what might happen with preferences. So we ended up putting the Liberals at position 10 and Labor at 11. You learn lessons as you go along through life and I would have done things a little differently I think.

Why did you decide to run as an independent in the Wentworth byelection? Well, it was all fairly sudden because I wasn't considering running in federal politics at all. In fact, I had pretty much thought that wasn't going to be for me, having considered it several times over the years. I'd been activated by a few issues in the past like marriage equality in particular, but this time it was kind of like the last straw, I suppose, in terms of when Malcolm Turnbull was removed as prime minister. We had yet another leadership spill and I saw the instability in the political system and saw that the party political system was breaking down. I thought that the best way forward would be to make a stand and to run as an independent, free of major party political influence, somebody who could speak their mind on be-

Why do you think you won? What are the main reasons for that huge result? I think it was a unique moment in political history. Time will tell, but I think it was a tipping point where people said enough is enough and they were sick of political parties demonstrating self-interest rather than reflecting what they were supposed to be there to do, which was to respect the opinion of the Australian people and the people that were supposed to be being represented. How do you feel about the state of politics in Australia at the moment? Well, I think we're at a tipping point. I do think that we will see more independents elected to parliament people with strong local community connections, people who have their communities at heart and people who are prepared to step up. It's not an easy path by any means, to run as an independent, and you really do need to have a grassroots campaign

It was misleadingly reported as if you put the Liberals as your first preference‌ That's how it was reported. With the Liberal Party moving to the right, possibly to avoid losing votes to far right parties like One Nation, and the Labor Party still heavily influenced by trade unions, is our two-party system leaving the average person who sits somewhere in the middle behind? There's no question that most people that I talk to want politics to return to what I call a sensible centre and I reflect, I think, the views of those people

December 2018 | The Beast 47


- certainly in the Wentworth area, and I think in a lot of parts of Australia - where they want representatives who are economically sensible and responsible and understand small business, who understand a little bit about how the economy needs to work, but who also have socially progressive policies where we don't leave people behind - if you have a booming economy you don't leave people behind. I think that the lurch to the right of the Liberal Party and the Nationals disturbs a lot of people. They see the government as heartless, and they see them as being focused only on the numbers in the economy and not on the actual people that the policies affect.

“Australia needs to work on a regional plan for resettlement so that people are not trying to get from those countries to Australia because their life is so bad where they are.” Which one of the following quotes would more accurately describe your ideology: a) A commitment to fairness of work, access to quality education no matter what a person's circumstances, and a firm belief that we should all have the same opportunities in life underpin what we do, or; b) A belief in the alienable rights and freedoms of all peoples, working towards a lean government that minimises interference in our daily life and maximises individual and private sector initiative? Well, I'm going with option c). That's my answer, because I think that what we need to do is understand the risks that people take in setting up businesses and employing others, but we also need to make sure that people do have job security and the ability to pay their bills and get education and healthcare. I believe in supporting the public and private education systems so there's a balance there, and I think we need to have a balance of private and public healthcare. I went to public schools and I also went to university on a scholarship. I came from a

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background where my parents wouldn't have been able to send me to private school. My own children have gone to a mix of private and public schools depending on what their needs were at any particular time. For me it's about balance, so option c) is the one I'm going for. One of the reasons you stated for running in the by-election was the need to get children off Nauru, which I think most people would agree with; can you give us a comprehensive rundown of how your immigration policy would work? Well, those are two connected but different issues. The issue around children on Nauru are family groups who've been trapped by border protection policy... Are they actually in detention centres or just on the island? They're just on the island, unable to leave. There's a very, very high unemployment rate amongst the asylum seekers. A high rate of depression - one in four of the children still on Nauru has suicidal ideation, some of them have traumatic withdrawal syndrome. I've spoken to doctors who've worked with these children and the situation is dire, so I think that there's a very pointy end to all of this, and that's the children. They have one chance at life, and the current Australian government policy on detention in Manus and Nauru breaches international law and I don't think that I've met anyone who thinks it's still a good idea, except for a few trolls on Twitter. The medical profession, in great numbers, have spoken out about bringing the children to Australia with their families for urgent treatment and it's essential that we do that for humanitarian reasons. What happens to those families once the children have been treated, I believe, is probably a complex foreign policy matter, and it's, I think, beyond my security clearance to understand all of the factors that will go into the resettlement options. But, certainly, I think we need to deal with the pointy end problem, which is that children should not be detained under the circumstances that they're detained in with the health services in Nauru unable to take care of them. A lot of the doctors have now been expelled

from Nauru, including Médecins Sans Frontières, and the fact that there's a lack of transparency - it would also be a different matter if there was complete transparency about what was happening in Nauru - but the fact that there's the level of secrecy and obscurity in what's going on there, I think, adds to the concern. So that's the first port of call. In terms of broader immigration policy, that's something that I would need to be fully briefed on in terms of it being a very complex question. Do you want to stop offshore detention altogether? Many people would argue that if you do that then the people smugglers will begin operating again and the boats will start coming to Australia again... I think that the prudent thing to do is to wait until I am fully briefed about the potential pitfalls. I don't think anybody wants to start up the people smuggling trade again. Whatever solutions we bring forward in the future have to have, first of all, humanitarian considerations and, secondly, not restart the people smuggling trade because we've seen that happen before. Are you ideologically opposed to offshore detention or do you think that if there was a system by which refugees had to be processed within a certain amount of time then it would be more acceptable? Yeah, there's a difference between offshore detention and offshore processing. Offshore processing is people trying to arrive by boat, they go to a place that's not in Australia and their refugee status is assessed. Once the refugee status is assessed, then I think that there should be rapid resettlement. The bipartisan policy at the moment is if somebody tries to arrive by boat, then they're not resettled in Australia. The problem is we don't have a viable regional arrangement with a third country, so that's the area that we need to work on. You've got countries like Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand, for example, where there are refugees who don't have legal status, they don't have access to employment and social welfare and those sorts of things - probably healthcare too. Australia needs to work on a regional plan for resettlement so


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that people are not trying to get from those countries to Australia because their life is so bad where they are. It's complicated. Anyone who thinks there's an easy solution to this just doesn’t understand, and for me to propose a simple solution would also be inappropriate. I've spoken to refugee advocates and the realistic view is that we need to have a regional plan of resettlement options. Where are most of these refugees coming from? You'd have to look at the data, but there's people coming from Iran, Afghanistan, the Middle East, Syria - war zones, essentially. Would it be a good policy for Australia to avoid getting involved in these conflicts overseas, to stop blindly following America into all of these stupid wars and stop causing these humanitarian crises in the first place? Well, I mean ideally, in terms of prevention, the international community needs to be doing what it can to not have the situations arise where people need to get away from where they are, and people don't want to leave their homes - they would like to have good lives in their homes. So again, you've got some pretty broad global issues at play, which are forcing the millions of people to be displaced in the world at the moment. The Rohingya refugees (in Myanmar) are moving across into Bangladesh and setting up camps there, and that's just one example. You've stated your support for the Liberal government's business tax cuts... Yes. Why do you think lowering company tax rates is a good policy? Well, let's talk about small business. Small business takes all the risks and makes a profit. The government doesn't take any risk at all, it just takes a third of the profit. I think the more we can make it easy for people to do business, the better. It's not just about the tax cuts; I think we have to be internationally competitive, and a company tax rate of 25 per cent is more internationally competitive. It also allows companies to reinvest in themselves, and it allows for more employment - so as companies grow, they're able to em-

50 The Beast | December 2018

ploy more people. And I think that companies investing in themselves is a good principle, but we also need to make it easy to do business, so cutting red tape where we can, you know - reporting requirements are very complicated and what you don't want is people spending more money on accountancy than they do in saving. You would know what it's like, owning a small business. Multiple studies have found a correlation between trickle-down economics and reduced growth; could cuts to individual tax rates rather than the company tax rate be a better policy to spur growth? Rich people are going to get the money anyway, why not at least let it flow through the little peoples’ hands so they can get a feel of it? Individual tax cuts are important and I also support the fast-tracking of tax cuts to small and medium businesses, but it's not either-or. Company tax cuts to make Australia globally competitive are worth pursuing, but we must also strengthen the rules around multinational tax avoidance and the use of tax havens. The public wants everyone - including big business - to pay their fair share.

“I have had quite a few discussions about the viability of the Adani mine in Queensland and I just don't see a case for it to continue.” One of your main criticisms of the government is its climate policy, or lack thereof; what does a Dr Kerryn Phelps climate policy look like? There are a number of things that we can do short term. The first that I talked about was the independent climate authority, which has largely been defunded and shelved, and the government needs to have an independent authority that has a credible scientific basis so that information on a scientific level can be given to the government in order to make proper evidence-based decisions regarding policy. At the moment we don't have a climate change policy and people are saying to me - and certainly this is a health issue as well - that the government

must have a climate change policy and that it must be comprehensive, and it must have a view to the future and it must at least acknowledge the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report. I met this week with the former president of Kiribati, Anote Tong, and he was talking about his concern for the actual survival of his nation and his fear that it will be underwater within his lifetime, so there are some very pressing reasons why we need to address climate change. Even a few centimetres of the ocean level rising can destroy a nation, so we have to act on that. And we do know that 1.5 degrees of global warming over the coming years will have a devastating effect on things like coral reefs and sea life, our food supply, disease, so we need to look at the evidence and take that seriously. We can't just say, "Oh, the IPCC report doesn't apply to Australia. Let's just flick that." Even if that temperature increase doesn't eventuate, it's still good policy to have regardless... Well, yeah, air quality and water quality are fundamental to our existence and so there are things that haven't yet been discussed that could be, and there are things like vehicle emission standards - we don't have vehicle emission standards like the US and Europe, and that's something that we could look at in the short term. The Climate Commission - the climate change authority that was defunded and looks like it's being shelved - could be brought back. We need to have an overarching economy-wide statement on emissions across all the sectors. I mean, there's been a lot of attention paid to energy but not to transport and agriculture, so there are other areas of policy work that can be done. The government can say, "Okay, we are going to make the investment environment much better for renewable technologies and we are going to stop subsidising the fossil fuel industry, and we won't have any more new coal mines and we won’t have any more new coal-fired power stations...” and as renewables come online they will replace the energy provision that the coal-fired power stations were providing. But also looking at other sectors like transport and agricul-


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ture. Those are the sorts of things that you can do. I have had quite a few discussions about the viability of the Adani mine in Queensland and I just don't see a case for it to continue. Population size probably has more impact on the environment than anything, but your climate policy doesn't mention it at all; do you have a population policy? We had a three-week lead-up to a five-week campaign, so that's something that perhaps could get some attention. One thing that I do know from my work in local government is that you can't increase population density without pre-planning the infrastructure, and there's been too much of just wanton increases in population density in a city like Sydney without considering its impact on things like transport and schools. There's one state high school in the whole Eastern Suburbs, and increased population in the suburbs, so where are you going to send kids to high school? Parents are faced with either sending their children to private schools or sending them out of the district if the one high school is unable to accommodate the number of young people. That's just one example where infrastructure is outstripped by population and then you are not servicing your existing population, let alone planning for an increase in population. I think decentralisation has to be a theme as well; you have to give people a reason to live outside of major centres and it shouldn't just be about housing prices forcing people out. It should be a positive move to live in a regional centre, and there would be ways of doing that but I think that's beyond the independent almost member for Wentworth. How will your experiences as a doctor and successful business owner contribute to your ability to represent your electorate and be an effective local member? Well, first of all, I think in order to contribute to policy on small business, I believe you have to have been in small business. I think you have to really understand the pressures of being an employer and managing the finances of a business. You talked about the campaign budget earlier,

52 The Beast | December 2018

and I talked about how we were prepared to manage the campaign based on what budget we had to work with, and that's the reality of small business. You have to work to a budget and I think that, regardless of the scale, those principles are really important, but also the personal experience and understanding of the pressures on employers and the needs of employees is really important. One of the things about small business is that you're close to your employees as well. And you have to understand how employment law, for example, impacts on both employers and employees. I was talking to a GP who was a volunteer on our campaign the other night and she said general practice actually is a perfect preparation for being an MP because you're solutions focused, you're used to diagnosing problems, seeing where there are problems, working out a plan of management, and then delivering the plan of management. And you know when to bring in a specialist. And so, you know, that's the kind of philosophy I would bring to the role - diagnosis, management plan, delivery, bring in an expert when you need to. You were the first female president of the Australian Medical Association; what did you achieve during your three-year tenure? The main thing that I was faced with was an incredibly complex policy and medico-legal issue, which is medical indemnity, and it sounds a little bit dry, but I was pretty much faced with what I was told was an unsolvable problem, and that was the rising cost of medical indemnity because of medical litigation. So I went in looking for a solution to that and we found a solution to it. It was very complicated. We had to get tort law reform in every state and territory, virtually simultaneously. There was a lot of trouble around talking to people in every state. It crossed a number of jurisdictions, and it also crossed a number of policy areas in government - finance, health, Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet. It ended up that John Howard had the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet take over the issue and coordinate a multi-department and all state solution.

I remember that being all over the news... I know, I said it would sound pretty dry, but what we were facing was the loss of certain medical specialties from Australia, and in particular obstetrics and neurosurgery, and some others where doctors were facing medical indemnity premiums of $200,000 a year nearly 20 years ago. So that was something we had to deal with, but beyond that, what I also wanted to do was to introduce a number of health/social issues social justice issues - so I started an Indigenous health report card so that state by state we could look at health outcomes for Indigenous Australians, and that was a way of holding governments to account for their performance on health. We had a hospitals report card looking at outcomes in hospitals, we had initiatives around the first climate change in human health policy back in 2002. We looked at medical responses to bio-terrorism and we looked at complementary medicine, its role in the health system. So there were a lot of issues we dealt with at the time that were quite novel in terms of the organised medical profession.

“Complementary medicines are under threat because there is some sort of a group of medical sceptics who are making it very difficult.� One of your major areas of interest includes integrative medicine and as AMA president you convened an expert advisory committee and pioneered the AMA's first mission statement on complementary medicine; what was the crux of that statement? I don't know about a crux; it was a comprehensive kind of position statement. I think it's best to actually look at the position statement as a whole, but basically, acknowledging that patients' choices about complementary medicines need to have some evidence support, and then looking at how you go about integrating complementary, or socalled complementary medicines, with so-called mainstream medical treatments, and it was the first time


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that the position statement actually codified that relationship. That was a very important move by the medical profession and something that I think still is a good fundamental policy for the healthcare system. Complementary medicines are under threat because there is some sort of a group of medical sceptics who are making it very difficult. Does complementary medicine include a good diet, for example? Good health and good medical practice includes nutrition, and so you look at a whole range of lifestyle issues, and there's a very blurred line between what's mainstream medicine and what's complementary medicine, you know? As the evidence base for certain complementary medicines grows, there's a very blurred line. I mean, you look at the way medical practice is conducted now and I think you would find that most well-informed doctors would be using some supplements that are non-pharmaceutical in their armamentarium, and patients also want that choice of being able to pursue treatments that are not pharmaceutical, surgical and so forth. So you particularly see this in, for example, cancer recovery, and one of the reasons that I wrote a book called The Cancer Recovery Guide was to actually look at the evidence base for a whole range of treatments that patients need in order to recover their health during and after cancer diagnosis and treatment. I think a focus on lifestyle is absolutely essential. We need to be looking at exercise, nutrition, mental health, social connectedness... a whole range of issues. I wrote a textbook of integrated general practice, then a book called Ultimate Wellness, which really pulled together a philosophy of healthcare using lifestyle as a fundamental basis for good health, moving on to The Cancer Recovery Guide, and then the most recent one I wrote was The Mystery Gut, looking at the link between gut health and general well being. A recent Four Corners exposé revealed that Australians are currently spending more out of their own pockets on complementary medicines than prescription drugs; given that there is very little evidence that many of these products

54 The Beast | December 2018

actually work, are you concerned that people aren’t getting the best treatment available? There is a substantial evidence base for many so-called complementary therapies and the current rules discriminate against non-pharmaceuticals. This limits patient choice where there are other therapies that are supported by evidence, but equally, a body of evidence is required to ensure patients are getting the best treatment available.

“Ideally, we want to see a mix of public and private, but people need more transparency and better value for money from private health insurance.” How do you feel about the anti-vaxx movement and the declining rates of immunisation in many parts of Australia? It was announced this week that Australia has eliminated Rubella and this shows that vaccinations work. Throughout my professional career, I've seen time and again the enormous benefits that vaccinations provide. The antivaxx movement relies on rhetoric and hysteria, not sound scientific evidence. Is Medicare sustainable in its current form? How can we make it sustainable? Australians should be proud of Medicare and the great services it provides. However, the system is under constant pressure. The fact that GP rebates have been frozen under both major parties in recent years means the model is now not sustainable for many medical practices. What I'm hearing from medical practice owners is that businesses are now marginal, particularly if they bulk bill. The cost of healthcare rises faster than inflation, so governments always need to be mindful of adequately funding our public hospitals. What we don't want is for private health insurers to dictate care. Ideally, we want to see a mix of public and private, but people need more transparency and better value for money from private health insurance.

How would you go about maintaining an independent ABC, free from political interference? The ABC is one of our most trusted institutions and generations of Australians have relied upon our national broadcaster for news, sport, kids programs and a range of other material. It is incredibly important that we maintain the role of a public broadcaster in Australia. That's why an ABC that is properly funded, transparent and free from political interference was one of the main things I talked about during the by-election campaign. It's been reported that your campaign for Wentworth cost around $300,000; is it cheeky to ask who forked out the cash for that? Well Jackie (Stricker-Phelps) and I had to be prepared to underwrite the campaign, because you can't assume that people will donate to a campaign, and we also were prepared to manage a budget based on what we were prepared to underwrite it for, and we had crowd funding, so that was the reason that we were able to fund it. I'm angling into questions about political donations. How do you feel about political donations as part of the Australian political setup? Well, I think there's a very strong case for a review of the political donation system because there seems to be a lot of influence by vested interests in political decision-making. There needs to be great transparency in that, and I've already said during the campaign that I think that there should not be donations to governments from the fossil fuel industry because I believe that underpins the fact that we don't have a climate change policy. I think it's incredibly important that there's transparency and that there are certain industries, in particular the fossil fuel industry, that do not donate to political parties. But one thing about running as an independent is that you realise how the whole system is geared around benefiting the major parties and their infrastructure. A political donation is basically a bribe, right? Why can't political donations just be totally banned? Well, I disagree with you that a political donation is a bribe. I think if a candidate is influenced, or if a


1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au


party is influenced by the donation, then I think that's a problem. There needs to be transparency - it's really important that there's transparency - and also there needs to be no strings attached to donations. I think the donation needs to be because the person making the donation, or the contribution, believes that - this might also just be idealistic - the recipient is the best person to represent the people of the area, which is why I think in a grassroots community campaign the independents are on the ascendancy, or appear to be, and that's because people see the independents as independent of vested interest as well. Are the strings not implicit though? If you give someone money it's assumed that in order to get that donation again, that party will need to look after your best interests... I think we need to see political donation reform, but it's probably beyond the scope of this conversation.

“I've been a GP in Double Bay for nearly twenty years, so you get a pretty deep understanding of an area and you don't just accept what people from outside the area say is their impression of how Wentworth is without challenging it.â€? Wentworth has the highest income per capita in Australia - I don't know if it actually does; I just made that up - but do you think the people of Wentworth understand and sympathise with people in poorer areas, or are they more concerned about the brand of soufflĂŠ ramekins in their Aspen timeshare and where to park their yacht? One of the important points that I made clear throughout the campaign was that while there is undoubtedly one of the highest income levels in Wentworth - Wentworth is one of the highest income levels in Australia - it's also one of the highest cost of living areas in Australia. Just housing and education alone

56 The Beast | December 2018

are very large costs for people who want to live in the area, so while they might have high incomes they also have got high expenses, which means that their disposable income may not be very much higher than a lot of people in other parts of Australia. If there is a move in interest rates, for example, that could create mortgage stress for a lot of people. There is already rent stress for people because rents are high. The prospect for people with families who are having more children, they either squash larger families into smaller apartments or they have to move out of the area. Of course there isn't a huge choice of state schools in Wentworth. The school that is there is doing a great job, but we need another school. Then there's the choice about having to pay for private schooling for people with growing families. It's not like everyone's cashed up. 65 per cent of people are living in apartments in Wentworth, not just in big houses in Bellevue Hill, so I think it's a misunderstanding by people from outside the area of the actual economics of the area. I think that's one of the advantages of being a local doctor and understanding the area very well. I've been a GP in Double Bay for nearly twenty years, so you get a pretty deep understanding of an area and you don't just accept what people from outside the area say is their impression of how Wentworth is without challenging it. It's been fairly well documented that Scott Morrison is a Godbotherer; do you think that someone who believes in God in the year 2018 possesses the good judgment required to make important decisions on behalf of millions of people? One of my policy positions is around secular government, and I think that people's religious or faith views are personally important to them, but I don't think that government should be dictated to by religious principles. I think that having a spiritual framework is important as an individual and it may help to inform the ethics of the decisions that you make, but I think secular government is important. You believe it is our moral and ethical responsibility to bring an

end to live sheep exports, is that right? Yes. Where will that leave Australian sheep farmers if our export markets demand live animals and other countries are prepared to meet the supply? Well, I don't think it'll make a great deal of difference. Almost all of the live sheep exports come out of Western Australia and 95 per cent of the meat that's being exported to the Middle East is chilled - packed and chilled. It can just be cryo-vacced and sent? Yeah, 95 per cent of it already is. So when people say that they need to kill using halal methods in the destination country, is that complete nonsense? You hear the argument, "Oh, we have to have live exports because they need to do the halal killing there," but they can do the halal killing here and then export it and it's just the same, right? Yes, but there are areas that those animals go to where they don't even have refrigeration, so it gets off the ship and then gets put on a truck, in the heat in the middle of the countryside, but that's only a tiny part. I get the feeling that a lot of your views align almost identically with those of Malcolm Turnbull; would Malcolm have been better off running as an independent instead of joining the Liberal Party? He wouldn't have been prime minister. So what happens now? Where to from here? What does the next couple of weeks and months involve for the new Member for Wentworth? Well, we're expecting on Friday the Australian Electoral Commission will actually say they've got a result of the by-election. So once that happens we have to set up an office, we have to get staff together. That's why I went to Canberra last week, to meet with the cross bench and to work out what I actually need in terms of staff and logistics and how things work. There are two sitting weeks of parliament left this year so I have to prepare a maiden speech that's a very quaint expression, isn't it? - and I have to have a look at the legislative agenda for that two weeks, and in turn rearrange my life...


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All is not well in the hairdressing sector.

A HAIR GO FOR ALL... TIME TO STOP THE CUTS Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill Picture Sarah O'Hare

S

o often we find ourselves focusing on the big picture issues - open space, urban planning, climate change, global politics. Once in a while we have to take a step back and realise we are simply not seeing what is really important much closer to home. When we do see it, it comes as a bit of a surprise: “How did I not see that before?” Before you start to wonder if I have had some sort of major epiphany, this month I am talking about hair. That’s right, hair! I recently had one of those lightbulb moments. On a day when travelling between various meetings I was struck by the number of people having or waiting to have their hair done. It seemed that the Eastern Suburbs was literally awash with men, women, girls and boys having their hair trimmed, cut, coloured, straightened, curled, washed and in some cases even sculpted. For some, checking their watches or nervously staring at the wall, it was clearly a necessary inconvenience. For the majority, however, it seemed to be a happy occasion; an opportunity to catch up on some local gossip, have a chat and maybe chill out and read a magazine. Even for the young boys visiting barber shops, sitting in rows with school mates waiting for the mandatory clean-up before

58 The Beast | December 2018

term commenced, the scene was of an established social ritual where the parties bonded, whether they knew it or not. The grunts were meaningful! Hair is one of our most powerful individual and group symbols. We use it to indicate so much about our beliefs and social tribes. For some it demonstrates our conformity and for others our individualism. Hair loss, for whatever reasons, can be deeply psychologically painful. Hair is an important part of our lives and this has been acknowledged in so many artistic forms. During the cultural revolution of the 1960s and ‘70s, hair was a particularly strong symbol of resistance. The Cowsills sang, “Gimme a head with hair, long, beautiful hair.” There was Hair the screenplay (1968) and then movie (1979), with the fabulous lyrics of ‘Aquarius’. Let’s not forget Warren Beatty, Julie Christie and other greats in the movie Shampoo (1975). Our hairdressers and barbers are a vital part of our social fabric. Hate it or love it, good hair day or bad hair day, crave for more or less, hair is at the heart of so much economic and social activity. Australia has about 55,000 hairdressers. Most hairdressers and barbers work in small businesses and the

industry generates about $6.5 billion a year. Almost all of us visit one of them on a pretty regular basis, everybody knows a hairdresser and everyone has a favourite. Like death and taxes, tending to our hair is one thing most of us will never avoid in life, so you’d think the hair industry would be one of the safest, both stable and secure. However, all is not well in the hairdressing sector. Increasingly I hear about the struggle our local hairdressers are having in finding talented young people to join their industry. This is particularly related to the decline in the number of hairdressing apprentices. All of a sudden you start to realise that hairdressing has a lot in common with so many other essential and valued trades across society right now in Australia. The decline in new recruits into the hairdressing trade is directly linked to the across the board cuts made in recent years to the entire TAFE sector in NSW and Australia. No pun intended. Government supported technical and further education, or TAFE as we now know it, was founded in 1833 in NSW. The era of technical colleges began with the purpose of ensuring that kids, many leaving school in their early or mid-teens in eras gone by, would have a solid foundation upon which to build a career and become productive members of society. In times before the widespread access to a university education, NSW and Australia were world leading proponents of technical and further education for kids and young adults making their way out into the world. Even as far back as the mid-19th century, Australians realised the value of government owned and run educational institutions. There was recognition across the political spectrum that all members of society would benefit and our economy would prosper if our kids leaving school had decent access to further education. It wasn’t until the mid-20th century that technical and further education became a truly universal option for most of our school leavers. However, right up until


early this millennium, NSW and Australia had what were regarded as among the world’s best technical education systems. Then the scourge of economic rationalism and blindly ideological competition policy took hold. Governments decided a decade or less ago, in their infinite wisdom, that private operators would provide better services and educational opportunities for our kids, our brothers and our sisters. Inevitably, when the private sector moved in, governments of certain persuasions started taking the razor to our TAFE system funding. TAFE, once a world leading training facility, is a shadow of its former self, with its funding having been cut by more than 15 per cent between 2007 and 2016. Since 2014, the NSW Government has cut over $130 million from TAFE NSW in the form of staffing redundancies and restructuring costs, with a further $8.8 million in cuts budgeted for this year. No wonder there has been a drastic drop in TAFE enrolments of 40 per cent in 2017 alone and a further 13 per cent over the last year! It’s great to move forward, but sometimes when things aren’t working as intended it can be time to look back at what worked well in the past. There is no shame in admitting a government run and funded technical education system – TAFE – was the best model in helping our kids grow into the best tradespeople in the world. So there should be no shame in returning to the system that worked. At the risk of sounding a tad selfish, who will do our hair? Oh, and fix our plumbing, keep the lights on, repair our cars? Oh, and paint the school, fix the boats, staff our childcare centres and cook the delicious meals in our local cafes and restaurants? Let’s stop the cuts and let our TAFE system grow back to being the best in the world. Dr Marjorie O’Neill is a Waverley Councillor. The views expressed here are her own, although we generally agree with them.

IS THERE ANY POINT IN STAYING ON AT SCHOOL AFTER YEAR 10 IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GO TO UNIVERSITY? Ema BRONTE Yes, I think so. I didn’t think I was going to go to uni and then four years later I found something I was passionate about and ended up doing a Bachelor of Health Science - the fact that I’d completed the HSC made it a lot easier. There’s also a lot you can learn in those last two years of school and it doesn’t necessarily have to be from the curriculum. It also gives you time to figure out who you are and what you want to do following school.

Paul MAROUBRA There’s no right or wrong way. Drop out, learn a trade, make a motser and retire at 40; have an idea, build a business, make a fortune, sell up and repeat; go to uni, get a massive debt, leave uni, work your arse off, have a great career and salary, then retire at 65; get a simple nine to five job and enjoy life... Follow your passion, follow your heart and stay healthy. Try and fail, then try again; never give up. Everything else will fall into place.

Antoinette BELFIELD No, go and get a trade. You’ll achieve more in those two years doing a trade if you’re not going to go to university; you’re wasting time, wasting your family’s hard-earned money and taking somebody else’s place at a high school if you’re at school for those two extra years. It’s really hard to get into some schools these days - private schools and catholic schools especially - so it’s just selfish. I hate selfish people, I don’t like it, no I don’t. December 2018 | The Beast 59


“Goodies! Goody goody yum yum.”

FREEDOM AND JOY IS BUT A BICYCLE AWAY Words Bruce Notley-Smith, State Member for Coogee Picture Bill Oddie

M

y first very own brand new ten-speed bike arrived courtesy of Santa when I was 12. The shackles of my parental overseers fell away, distant horizons suddenly seemed nearer, a new world beckoned. I became a chemist’s shop delivery boy and in my free time spent endless hours riding to my friends’ homes, seeking out historic buildings and relics of Sydney’s past or just riding for the sheer joy of it. Back then Sydney had fewer cars and even fewer reasons to use them on weekends, with shops closing at noon on Saturday and not reopening until Monday. Venturing out on Sunday mornings I often had the streets entirely to myself, but cycling on weekdays, then as now, you took your life into your own hands. Riding aimlessly one Sunday afternoon near Moore Park in 1980, I stumbled upon a very large protest group of cyclists, feverishly ringing their bells and chanting: “What do we want? Cycleways! When do we want ‘em? Now!” Hardly original, but I joined in on the fun and continued with them to Hyde Park. Even 38 years ago separated cycleways were, through necessity, being called for. The arrival of dockless share bikes filled me with excitement. Unencumbered by ownership or responsibility, those wanting a 60 The Beast | December 2018

mount, for whatever reason, could find the nearest available bike on their smartphone, unlock it and pedal away. I hoped that this ease of access would cause thousands more to take to cycling, filling traffic lanes, silencing the critics. However, just as a Midwest trailer park is a magnet for tornados, a dockless bike became a magnet for vandals (albeit some very creative ones) and without warning, no matter where we looked, dockless bikes violated our manicured, once clutter-free streets (just ignore all the parked cars, boats and trailers). These foreign-owned invaders with their gaudy colours were acne on the face of suburbia. Then, miraculously, even quicker than they had appeared they all vanished, leaving not a pock mark. A heavy application of legislative Clearasil was all that was needed. Thus ended Sydney’s short-lived experimentation with dockless bikes. Sadly, the masses did not embrace them. But the push for separated cycleways continues and progress is finally being made. Recently the NSW transport minister approved $5.2 million for the construction of a separated cycleway through Bondi Junction. In addition, the design of the South Coogee to Kingsford separated cycleway has just been

released for public comment and a cycleway running from Kingsford to Centennial Park is now awaiting Randwick Council’s application for construction funding. The NSW Government will meet most design and construction costs, totalling over $15 million. These cycleways are decades overdue but proof that the government is now listening and responding. Soon, a new experiment will invite inner city Sydneysiders to abandon their cars. Dockless scooters, similar in design to those we had as kids, are coming. Electrically powered to propel you along at 25 km/h, the big difference is these scooters will be collected at nightfall by paid ‘Scootonians’ for recharge overnight. This phenomenon has already hit Auckland. Our Kiwi neighbours and their government have so far been cautiously positive, but their media, pandering to the ‘roads are for cars, footpaths are for pedestrians’ ideologues, have worked themselves into a frenzy. The news coverage of each and every scooter mishap or near miss would have you believe that it’s carnage over there. We’ll always be sceptical of promises of a personal transport revolution. I can't be alone in my disappointment that Segways didn’t get the chance they deserved as a commuting option. Scooters or a yet-to-be-invented personal transportation device may someday replace the bicycle. You don’t need mystical insight to know that whether or not that happens, ever-increasing numbers of inner metropolitan commuters will continue to turn to low emission, low-cost, portable transport options, and demand a fairer share of the road network be set aside for their use. My first bike brought me immense feelings of freedom and joy. Dedicated cycleways will ensure everyone else can feel that way too. Bruce Notley-Smith is the State Member for Coogee. The views expressed here are his own, although we generally agree with them as well.


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Burn it down and start again.

THE GREATEST EYESORE OF THE EAST? Words Con Gestion Picture Mon Strosity

I

s the Maroubra Seals (Sports and Community Club) the greatest eyesore in the Eastern Beaches? It appears as an appalling monolith from all perspectives - the east, west, south and north. It gets my vote and I reckon thousands of other residents and visitors to our glorious coastline would agree. Other truly horrible buildings of the east have either been knocked over or made over. Examples that spring to mind are the aptly nicknamed Russian Hospital at Tamarama and the old wedding cake hotel monstrosity with its grotesque colonnade balconies at Bondi Beach. The concerned reader would naturally ask why is it so bad, how did it get this way, who is responsible and, finally, what can be done to redeem this drop-dead brilliant site plum central on the Maroubra beachfront strip? It is so bad the senses wince upon seeing it. The aesthetic problems include its bulk, poor design, disjointed facades and incongruous relationship with its neighbours. I could go on. The building is a blight on the entire block, which should be a delightful destination like the beachfront strips of Bondi, Bronte and Coogee. The steroidal structure that is Maroubra Seals houses a variety of amenities that turn it into an inward gazing box. There is a gym (some machines have views), pool, auditorium and the dreaded pokies 62 The Beast | December 2018

rooms, smoking and non-smoking. Once inside you could be anywhere, even in a basement, oblivious to the mighty ocean across the road. The eastern facade alone provides some views for diners, drinkers and for functions and meetings. My sister, Consuela, has reminded me to mention that I am no elite pinko Bondi hipster, but a regular RSL and surf club member of many years. I am indeed a friend of Clubland, except for their reliance on poker machines, poor architecture and limited vision. And the building in question has other problems. There are concerning signs of structural movement on its western façade. Its age and design would make the annual mechanical and electrical service demands expensive to meet. How did it get like this? The answers will be a mix of a history, inadequate skills and vision of the board, and poor leadership on behalf of the local council. There will be the usual excuses of the legacy of managing such a monolith with little money for effective improvements, especially to its appearance. The club, like many, is struggling. Its 2016-17 annual report shows an operating loss for the year of around $150,000, a reliance on the dreaded poker machines for revenue (from customer losses) of over $8 million, which accounts for around 80 per cent of total revenue, and a static membership of not quite 10,000. It needs help.

What can be done to set this right? Demolition and rebuilding is an obvious option, with preapproved plans to recoup costs. The difficulties in this will include providing temporary replacement facilities for club members and the management process, which is possibly beyond the club and council’s abilities. A joint venture redevelopment with a neighbouring site that would allow for staged development and continued occupation is another option. The club does own the car park and the land behind it so a clever solution lays in wait. My druthers say put lipstick on the pig. Council has a design excellence panel with noted local architects who would understand the current aesthetic and functional problems as well as the huge opportunities. There are willing developers and the huge resources of Clubs NSW and the government with all their pokie revenue to help. Council has had plans prepared for the urban design upgrade of the block - let’s dust them off and use these and the panel to manage a design brief for an architectural competition of firms that have done successful building and precinct makeovers. Money always follows a good project, as bankers and developers say. Stick a couple of floors on top or convert wasted space within to luxury penthouses or serviced apartments. The council could get creative and commit funds to help, like with a green facade wall, digital business incubators and so on. That is if the building, structurally, is worth saving. The simple solution to remove the eyesore is to redevelop it within a grand urban design scheme for the entire blighted and largely dysfunctional block. The old council plans need to be revisited and plenty of imagination will be required. Some surgery, a new frock and a loving partner would give the Seals a whole new lease on life. And talking of frocks and modernity, maybe the board could get some women on board? There were all of nine men running the show as at June 2017.


DECEMBER 2018 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Debora Cardenas MONDAY

31 0445 1056 1654 2308

TUESDAY

1.50 0.61 1.38 0.47

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter •

SUNDAY

1 0414 1000 1615 2251

1.39 0.62 1.56 0.38

2 0514 1113 1720 2343

1.47 0.58 1.52 0.38

9 0345 1017 1657 2253

0.52 1.78 0.36 1.30

5 0113 0741 1410 2002

0.40 1.72 0.39 1.42

6 0153 0823 1456 2048

0.42 1.77 0.36 1.39

7 0231 0902 1538 2131

0.45 1.79 0.34 1.36

8 0308 0941 1618 2213

0.48 1.80 0.34 1.33

11 0500 0.60 1130 1.69 1815 0.43

12 0015 0540 1209 1857

1.25 0.65 1.63 0.47

13 0100 0626 1250 1942

1.23 0.69 1.56 0.51

14 0150 0717 1337 2031

1.23 0.73 1.49 0.53

15 0245 0817 1430 2123

1.24 0.76 1.42 0.54

16 0345 0925 1531 2214

1.28 0.76 1.38 0.53

1.35 0.73 1.35 0.51

18 0530 1140 1735 2347

1.45 0.66 1.35 0.47

19 0616 1.56 1237 0.56 1830 1.37

20 0031 0700 1330 1923

0.44 1.68 0.45 1.40

21 0115 0745 1420 2015

0.41 1.80 0.34 1.43

22 0200 0832 1509 2106

0.38 1.90 0.24 1.44

23 0248 0920 1559 2158

0.37 1.98 0.17 1.45

0.37 2.02 0.15 1.45

25 0430 1100 1742 2345

0.39 2.01 0.15 1.43

26 0525 0.42 1152 1.95 1835 0.20

27 0043 0622 1245 1930

1.42 0.47 1.85 0.26

28 0141 0723 1342 2026

1.41 0.53 1.73 0.33

29 0242 0830 1442 2121

1.42 0.58 1.59 0.39

30 0344 0942 1547 2215

1.45 0.61 1.47 0.44

3 0607 1.56 1219 0.52 1819 1.48

4 0030 0656 1318 1913

10 0421 1054 1735 2333

0.56 1.74 0.39 1.28

17 0440 1034 1635 2302 24 0338 1009 1649 2251

Bondi board clean.

0.39 1.65 0.45 1.45


Everyone’s worst nightmare.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... CYBERCRIME Words Nat Shepherd Picture Grant Hackett

T

he Unreliable Guide was recently targeted by some malicious emails claiming that the writer had hacked my email account, placed spyware on my computer and, unless a large sum of money was paid within 24 hours, they would send pictures of me wanking over porn sites to my entire contact list. The Unreliable Guide does not visit porn sites, so the threat was clearly empty, but I’m sure many of you do and emails like this can cause serious panic. It has been estimated that cybercrime could be costing us $2.1 trillion by 2019. Fraud, extortion, terrorism - our reliance on the Internet is magnificently useful for criminals. The kind of personal and financial information we used to keep locked in a drawer in our homes is now all digitised, guarded by some hopefully vigilant third party. Security researcher Troy Hunt believes that more than 500 million passwords have been leaked through security breaches. You can check the security of your email at his website, www.haveibeenpwned. com. In addition, The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to keep you safe in cyberspace…

64 The Beast | December 2018

WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET E-BLACKMAIL First of all, before you do anything else, disconnect from the Internet and run a malware check on your computer to see if there really is any spyware. Install malware-detecting software now, before you think you need it. Schedule it to check your devices regularly. There is some great software out there for both Mac and PC. Hopefully the email threat will be an idle one (mine was), but if something is found you can destroy or quarantine the virus and take the appropriate steps to safeguard your data. WHAT TO DO NEXT Once you know you are free from malware you can set about investigating further. Does the email have anything directly connected to your private information? Quite often it’s just a random ‘phishing’ email, hoping to lure the scared and gullible into paying up. If it does have some real information about you, think about that information. Where could they have found it? Do they have your password? The Airbnb website was recently hacked, compromising

millions of emails and passwords. Facebook was famously hacked last year. All you can do is make sure you have different passwords for everything, make those passwords complicated and change them frequently. Consider any e-blackmail as a heads-up to improve your online security. YOUR ONLINE SAFETY Reading any articles about online safety is enough to give you a sleepless night, but here is the thing: just as it is in the real world, most places are safe and most people are fine. Just use your common sense, check facts, be alert and, when in doubt, try online research. Most scams will have been tried out on someone else before you and they may well have written about it. Learn from them. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests that if you do enjoy viewing porn sites, invest in an opaque sticker that you can place over your computer’s camera when you’re doing the nasty. That way you can wank away to your heart’s content safe in the knowledge that no one is watching you.


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Don’t be a Grinch this festive season.

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS… Words Jeremy Ireland, Psychotherapist Picture Newt Gingrinch

I

t wouldn’t be a December issue without a Christmas article. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s the one day of the year we all look forward to, right? Expectation and anticipation are high. We’re meant to feel excited: excited to see loved ones; excited for the kids, Grandma, even the dog; excited about giving and receiving gifts. With the countdown to Christmas ticking away, the excitement scale will move towards extreme. The Michael Buble Christmas CD will have been on repeat since early November, the house will be lit up like Luna Park, the tree will be decorated to within an inch of its life and the kids will have been bribed into being on their best behavior. And just like that, the day we have waited for all year will be upon is - it’s Christmas, you’ve got to be pumped! The reality, though, is that for many it can be a very different Christmas from the one we’re expected to have. The build-up can foster anxiety and depression. 66 The Beast | December 2018

Anxiety about family, money and isolation. And depression as a result of the festive period exacerbating what’s missing in life, magnifying a sense of exile and feelings of sadness and nothingness. For such people in need there is help. Christmas is by far the busiest time of year for crisis support centre Lifeline. Their support workers man the phones 24/7, offering good old-fashioned care and compassion for people in need who are feeling at their worst. Although anyone can feel lonely at Christmas, it’s the elderly that tend to be the most vulnerable. As people get older the shine of Christmas can start to fade, especially if family members have moved on or passed away. Indeed, a recent survey in the UK found that two-thirds of adults aged over 65 reported that loneliness was exacerbated by the Christmas/ New Year holiday period - food for thought for our ageing population. Support centers such as

Lifeline are crucial at this time. An empathetic ear and an understanding voice can really help if one is confronted with an empty house at Christmas time. So what can we do to keep things in check if we feel the Christmas roller coaster is getting away from us? Well, for those of us who have stopped writing a wish list to Santa, perhaps the best place to start is to keep your expectations in check, and don’t feel guilty if you’re not keeping up with the standards dictated by Christmas card messages, photos in magazines or shop-front Christmas displays - the last thing we need is to be reminded about how much fun we’re not having. Watch out for overconsumption, too. Nothing can turn the long-awaited Christmas gathering into a fiery family dispute faster than alcohol. If the drunk uncle has pressed your buttons one too many times, do what Elsa does in Frozen and ‘let it go’. My personal favourite is not buying presents, for anyone, period. Not only will you be financially better off, you won’t feel resentful when your little nephew says he already has it, doesn’t like it or doesn’t even remember what you gave him five minutes after he opened it. To keep the Christmas spirit alive we should encourage our community to look out for those who may be doing it tough over the Christmas and New Year period. A friendly conversation over the fence with your neighbour will do far more for the Christmas cause than sending them an impersonal e-card with dancing elves in it. We all go through different waves of emotion at Christmas, whether we want to admit it or not, and the highs and lows are not always easy to control. Remind yourself it’s okay to feel sad or lonely and you don't have to pretend otherwise for the sake of others. We can't always choose to be happy but we can choose hope; hope that the Christmas spirit will endure. And that, my friend, is the best we can do.


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Call on me, call on me...

SEXERCISE – THE ALTERNATIVE WORKOUT Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Eric Prydz

I

t’s not easy losing weight; a strict diet and exercise regime is needed. For those who would rather stay home than work out at the gym, there is a better alternative. Some years ago researchers from the University of Quebec conducted a study that reached the conclusion that having sex should be considered a significant exercise for burning calories. The lead author, Julie Frappier, concluded that both men and women reported that sexual activity was highly enjoyable and more appreciated than a 30-minute exercise session on a treadmill. Frappier believes this study could help health professionals recognise that sexual activity is an important aspect of the overall health and quality of life of their patients. That said, due to the sensitive nature of sexuality, it will probably take a while before GPs start advising their patients to have more sex. Still, if you struggle to schedule a fitness routine into your daily life, a workout under the sheets may be a very good idea. ‘Sexercise’ has many health benefits. It releases feel good hormones and endorphins, which lower stress levels, 68 The Beast | December 2018

improve overall mood and fight off depression. It also improves the immune system overall and contributes to better health. Another interesting study conducted by Indiana University scientists concluded that some women who visit the gym sometimes experience sexual pleasure. Well-known sex educator Dr Debby Herbenick found that some exercises are more likely than others to trigger a sexual response. The most common sexually satisfying exercises include abdominal exercises, weightlifting, yoga, cycling, climbing poles or ropes and sitting on exercise balls. “This data is interesting because it suggests that an orgasm is not necessarily a sexual event and it may also teach us more about the bodily processes underlying women’s experiences of an orgasm,” Dr Hebernick said. The majority of the women in her study admitted they weren’t having any sexual thoughts during the workout. A well-toned pelvic floor with strong muscles will contract more intensely. Some exercises create an increase in pelvic vascular-

ity, meaning more blood-flow in the pelvic area, which can lead to clitoral and vaginal sensations that can in turn lead to orgasm. This, in addition to the endorphin rush often experienced at the gym, produces feelings of euphoria and pleasure. This phenomenon is not new. Over the last decade, fitness enthusiasts have mentioned experiencing an exercise-induced orgasm (EIS), which is often referred to as a ‘coregasm’, but some women were shy in coming forward to admit to the pleasurable experience, and others were often not quite sure what they were feeling. Over the years several magazine articles have been written on the subject after it was at first believed to be an urban myth. This was one of the reasons Herbenick decided to conduct her study. I contacted several female gym owners and asked their opinion, but only one of them had heard of exercise-induced orgasms. One personal trainer got very excited and wondered if she should look into it and maybe start a special ‘coregasm class’. I imagine it’s only a matter of time.


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One man’s trash...

DUMPING IS RUBBISH: IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO REMOVE A MATTRESS Words Elizabeth Macdonald – Sustainable Waverley, Waverley Council

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any of us move to (or never leave) this ‘hood because it’s pretty awesome. Friendly people, great food, world famous beaches – what’s not to like? However, if there is one complaint we hear more often than others, it would have to be about the dumped rubbish that litters the kerbsides and streets. These piles of unwanted household stuff are costly to clean up, often unsafe and they’re a blight on our stunning natural surroundings. Items can also end up in our parks and waterways, playing havoc with wildlife. There are ways we can all pitch in and make it second nature to keep our streets clean. Check out the facts and tips below. After all, it is our home. DUMPING IS ILLEGAL (AND IS SUBJECT TO FINES) When dumping happens frequently in an area, it unfortunately sends out a message to newer residents that this sort of thing is tolerated by the community. It’s not. Yet sadly, like attracts like, and before you know it one lonely chair 70 The Beast | December 2018

becomes a full-fledged dining room set. Over summer, Waverley Council will have extra patrols to investigate and fine illegal dumpers, and you can help. REPORT A DUMPER ONLINE Sharing photos, locations and information about dumping incidents at ridonline.epa.nsw. gov.au will help our investigators nab offenders. Even small leads can help crack a case and help us deal with those who either don’t know or don’t care that dumping is illegal (and ugly). SHARE IT BETTER Items left on the street are more likely to end up sharing space in landfill than decking out the neighbour’s living room. Getting rid of unwanted household goods is as easy as one-two-free! Facebook swap groups, Gumtree and other free-to-use online marketplaces can quickly ensure a better afterlife for once treasured belongings. You can also donate good quality furnishings to the Bower Reuse & Repair Centre, or other charities.

BOOK A FREE CLEAN-UP If your household goods are truly unusable or unrepairable, booking a free bulky items collection is the way to go. Households can book two free pick-ups a year with Waverley Council. How’s that for service? All you have to do is call Customer Service on 9083 8000, then follow their simple instructions. KEEP YOUR STREET TIDY In Japan it’s customary to take care of your street, and it’s nice to see this attitude across our community as well. Every time you pick up litter and put it in the bin you’re helping keep our place beautiful and reducing the likelihood someone else will consider it an opportune dumping ground. Thanks for doing good for our ‘hood! We wish you all a safe and sustainable festive season. Reporting online helps us track and investigate illegal dumping and it’s easy using ridonline.epa. nsw.gov.au. For more information on waste and recycling, go to waverley.nsw.gov.au/waste.


Should we continue the Environmental Levy? Since 2004, Randwick City Council has been delivering a range of significant environmental programs, community initiatives and new and upgraded infrastructure as part of the Sustaining our City program funded by an Environmental Levy. The five-year levy applies to residential and business ratepayers and is currently due to expire on 30 June 2019. We want to know what you think about continuing the levy for another five years to 2024.

✔ Cleaner beaches ✔ Water recycling ✔ Extending the Coastal Walkway ✔ Planting trees and shrubs ✔ Workshops and festivals

yoursay.randwick.nsw.gov.au Find out more and have your say online, by returning the ratepayer survey, attend an information session or view the details in hard copy at: Randwick Administration Building 30 Frances St Randwick Lionel Bowen Library 669 Anzac Pde Maroubra

Margaret Martin Library Royal Randwick Shopping Centre Malabar Community Library 1203 Anzac Pde Matraville

Consultation period: 20 November – 18 December 2018

HAVE YOUR SAY


The grey Wiggle.

HOOP, THERE IT IS! Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Greyson Silverman

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ost sports enjoy a ‘golden age’. Think John Eales’ Wallabies, Tina Turner’s rugby league and Kieren Perkins’ 1500 metres. Has Australian basketball, more specifically the NBL, had its? Or is Ben Simmons edging it to climax as we speak? Some might say the late ‘80s and ‘90s were when the NBL peaked like a teenager at Splendour in the Grass - the days of ‘Leapin’ Leroy Loggins, ‘Neon’ Leon Trimmingham, ‘Slammin’ Sam Mackinnon and Andrew Gaze, whose dominant Melbourne Tigers team boasted one of the ugliest uniforms the sporting world has ever seen. Kids were trading basketball cards in the streets like crack cocaine (albeit NBA ones) and spending hours in front of screens playing NBA Jam. Sadly, kids these days are probably dealing actual crack cocaine in the streets and spending hours in front of their screens killing virtual people, most likely watching pornography too, but the NBL didn’t have to compete with that back then. It does now, though, 72 The Beast | December 2018

and sadly, apart from Andrew Bogut, I honestly can’t freely name a current NBL player. The return of Bogut to our shores, while touted as the prodigal son returned to take our game to the next level, is little more than an old bloke who has suffered too many injuries and is coming home to where he’s still wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I think Bogut’s a great player, but he’s not the saviour the game needs. People don’t go to the basketball to see the screeners, rebounders and bodyon-the-court big men, they go for the superstars like LeBron James, Michael Jordan and yes, even Neon Leon and Leapin’ Leroy - I won’t say Andrew Gaze, because the bloke strikes me as being more suited as a Wiggle than a sporting hero (though he was also a great player). The saviour of Australian basketball is not Bogut, but could be Ben Simmons. He is a genuine superstar and the local press has become almost annoyingly enamoured by him. It can be frustrating as a 76ers fan (pre-Simmons,

which trying to get anyone to believe has become a whole different frustration) to see headlines solely focused on him. Often you have to wait until the end of an article before they actually tell you who won the game, such is the obsessive focus on Simmons and his stat line. He is a genuine freak, though, and, in what seems to be a sad rarity among our young and talented sports folk, he’s also quite likeable. Will Simmons ever play in the NBL? I doubt it. He has stated (jokingly) he would like to play one season of AFL before his sporting career is all done and dusted, and a big part of me thinks that’s actually more likely. Still, the NBL should be scrambling all jets to bring Mr Simmons home. A handshake deal, somewhere along the line, might be the thing that assures it. Money won’t do it - he’ll earn more over his career than the entire NBL combined - but a heartfelt chat with the right person might prove just the gin to Australian basketball’s tonic. So, NBL, get chatting.


From delicious Asian food, to vibrant cafes and pubs where locals and students mix as one. Dine in, take away or have delivered, all of your options are covered. Phoodle

Speciality shops that offer everything from fabulous flooring and lighting to herbal medicines, something for everyone. The parade is perfect for a weekly shop, booking a holiday or new hair style.

Cosmo Lighting

Places to meet, eat and drink, to workout or just rock out it’s all along Anzac Parade. There’s an abundance of activities and experiences from acting classes to concerts. Legends Gym

With Christmas and New Year around the corner, there’s never been a better time to

ONTHEPARADE.COM.AU


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Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au


Parlour Group has absolutely nailed it.

STANTON & CO: WELL WORTH THE EFFORT Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture Enak Sekali

I

’m going to start this review with a little spoiler: Parlour Group has absolutely nailed it with its Stanton & Co restaurant in Rosebery. I’ll admit, it was a bit of a bitch to get to from Bondi (thank god for Uber), but trust me, the journey was well worth it. And before you get on your high horse about The Beast being an Eastern Suburbs magazine and Rosebery being anywhere but the Eastern Suburbs, it’s worth noting that Parlour Group is helmed by Bondi’s Brody Peterson, the hairy, tattooed Canadian responsible for the Flying Squirrel and Stuffed Beaver (among others), which set the tone for beachside dining when they arrived on the scene nearly a decade ago – let’s just say we were willing to make an exception. Almost hidden in the Cannery Rosebery complex, Stanton & Co neighbours many other restaurants, along with distilleries, bakeries, galleries, gyms, coffee shops and much more. Though you may struggle to find it at first, in what otherwise seems like a fairly industrial area, this restaurant will not disappoint. Stanton & Co has the kind of decor that somehow manages to seem trendy and up-market whilst also being comfortable and unpretentious. With exposed brickwork and high ceilings, it embraces the industrial surroundings and comple-

76 The Beast | December 2018

ments them with stylish furnishings and an open kitchen. On one hand, this is the kind of place you could take your parents, a client or a date, but on the other it’s a great place to go with friends or take the kids. I’m not sure how, but it miraculously fits into both categories. The entire menu is designed to share, which is just as well because every dish is absolutely breathtaking. I took my sister and a friend, who were visiting from elsewhere, as I figured this was a great way to smugly show off my fabulous Sydney life - and boy am I glad that I did. First of all we were brought three different cocktails to try. The Bee Keeper #2 is a new twist on an old favourite. Made from rhum agricole, ume wine, yuzu and honey, it’s served with a honeycomb sherbet rim. The Regal Rosebery showcases the Archie Rose signature dry gin, which is available at a neighbouring distillery in the Cannery complex. This gin is accompanied by elderflower and rose vermouth with hibiscus petals. The third cocktail was the Makino, made from Japanese whisky, house made cardamom liqueur, blackberry tincture and lemon. All three were delicious. After getting slightly buzzed on cocktails, our first dish was the smoky soy truffle oysters and the second was kingfish sashimi served

with smoked garlic and yuzu soy. Both were utterly divine. Then, we were served the Cone Bay barramundi, which was accompanied by cauliflower and turmeric dashi butter - creamy yet light, it was fabulous. The sides are also impressive with creative twists on otherwise regular vegetables. The carrots are served with honey labna and spiced hazelnuts, whilst the broccolini is served charred with pepita furikake. The star of the show has to be the crispy pork knuckle. Served with seeded soy mustard and a pickled apple, this 1.2kg behemoth is nothing short of heavenly. At this point, my guests and I were sufficiently stuffed, but little did we know there was still way more to come. As if the aforementioned delights were not enough, the Stanton dessert platter is a real showstopper. Consisting of four different desserts served on an impressively decorated revolving plate, it is easy to share (or fight over) and is absolutely delicious. The liquid lemon meringue is both sharp and sweet whilst the chilled rhubarb crumble with white chocolate is insanely tasty. The salted caramel ice cream is infused with chocolate textures and the crème brûlée is on fire… literally. Words cannot quite express the culinary delights on offer at Stanton & Co; you just have to go and try it for yourself. I’ll be honest, it isn’t super cheap, but nothing is in Sydney these days. For me, the quality justifies the price and the experience is well worth the effort. So go forth and dine, and remember not to skimp on dessert! Stanton & Co www.parlourgroup.com.au/ stantonandco/ Address Level 1, 34 Morley Avenue, Rosebery (@ The Cannery) Facebook stantonandco Instagram @stantonandco_ Phone 8339 0580 Open Wed-Sat 12pm-late; Sunday 10am-5pm Prices Sashimi Taco $9, 1.2kg Crispy Pork Knuckle $46 Cards Mastercard, Visa, AMEX Licensed Yes


Silly season is here.

A FEW FESTIVE SEASON FAVOURITES Words Alex Russell Twitter @ozwineguy Picture Tina Sparkle

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ell here we are, approaching the end of yet another year. 2018 has been pretty full-on for me thus far with my youngest starting daycare and bringing home every bug under the sun – it took quite a bit of wine to get through it! This festive season I’ll be celebrating making it through a challenging year, although a good one nonetheless. December will be filled with bubbles, and I’ll treat myself with some particularly nice wines. I might even finish up with a sticky for a bit of fun. BRILLIANT BUBBLES Not everyone has the budget to go French, but there are some killer specials at this time of the year. Because most stores give you a discount on six or more bottles of wine, if you’re buying half a dozen for gifts (or for yourself ) it’s not too much of a stretch to throw in a single bottle of Veuve, Pol Roger or whatever takes your fancy. Don’t forget that there are also plenty of great non-French imports (Proseccos and Cavas) that taste 78 The Beast | December 2018

sensational, and the locals do great stuff too. Tassie bubbles can be a weakness of mine, especially the House of Arras and Clover Hill. That said, my favourite thing to bring out at this time of year is the sparkling red – an Australian classic. This year it’ll be Castagna’s ‘Genesis’ sparkling red. People freak out a little bit when I pour them a glass, but then they try it. I’ve never had any complaints! SOMETHING A BIT SPECIAL Those who follow this column (thank you) will know that I like the interesting producers who make something fun and different. I’ve signed up to Tom Shobbrook’s wine club and will get a handful of exciting Barossa drops every so often. If you want a wine to challenge you, this is where you’ll find it. I also recently raided my cellar and found a few bits and pieces that I’m looking forward to trying in the near future - Sami-Odi wines are spectacular (contact Fraser directly), as are the always

fun Ruggabellus reds and whites from the Barossa (tell Abel I said g’day when you order directly). I also have a vertical (consecutive vintages) of Thomas Braemore Semillon that will get me through a few prawn sangers on a hot day. A STICKY TO FINISH We don’t drink enough dessert wine in Australia. I think this is partially because we don’t often drink wine specifically to match with food, like many other cultures do. We just get on the piss. It’s a shame, because dessert wines are so fantastic. Sure, they’re a little expensive given that they come in those smaller bottles, but they’re delightful all the same. De Bortoli Noble One is, of course, a staple here, but talk to your local bottle shop about their selection. Pro tip: spend a little more here. It’s worth it. And if you can find it, Chateau d’Arche is a personal favourite. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all you crazy Beasts!


- ALL CONSTRUCTION AND DEMOLITION WORKS TO COMPLY WITH THE PROVISIONS OF THE BUILDING CODE OF AUSTRALIA. - MEASUREMENTS TO BE CHECKED ON SITE AND ADJUSTED WHERE NECESSARY TO SUIT EXISTING CONDITIONS.

TERMITE PROTECTION TERMIMESH TERMITE PROTECTION SYSTEM TO BE USED IN THE PROTECTION AGAINST SUBTERANEAN TERMITES IN ACCORDANCE WITH AS3660.1-2000 AND TO MANUFACTURERS SPECIFICATIONS

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BOUNDARY FACADE TO BE REFRESHED AND

EXISTING CHIMNEY TO BE RETAINED AND PROTECTED DURING 6,910 CONSTRUCTION.

20.78

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21.05

20.92

210

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- LEVELS SHOWN ARE OBTAINED FROM INITIAL SITE WORKS SURVEY BY SYDNEY SURVEYORS PTY LTD.

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NOTES

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PROPOSED GROUND FLOOR PLAN 1:100

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DEEP SEA ARCADE Blacklight Label LP Records/Universal Music Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  So-called ‘psychedelic’ music has long failed to stimulate much interest for me, so I’ve mostly given these Sydney lads a wide berth. Thankfully something peeked my curiosity and compelled me to give Blacklight a spin. It’s pretty bloody good, all said and done. I don’t know the genre well enough to give a good comparison, so Tame Impala will have to do, but while Tame Impala don’t really bake my cookies (I find them a bit dull), these guys certainly made my dough rise. In truth, it feels more rock than psychedelic. I dare say it even feels a bit loungey.

MIYA FOLICK Premonitions Label Terrible Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

FILM REVIEW TITLE Anna and the Apocalypse GENRE Comedy Horror Musical REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador

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nna and the Apocalypse is a delightfully quirky, tongue-in-cheek mash-up in the La La Land meets Shaun of the Dead meets High School Musical vein, which has been adapted from Ryan McHenry’s 2011 BAFTA winning short film, Zombie Musical. It’s a Christmas like no other for Anna (Ella Hunt) and her friends when they wake one morning to find their quiet country town invaded by a horde of marauding zombies. In an effort to reach the safety of their high school they must bash, slash and splatter their way through an increasingly daft array of zombie Christmas shoppers, Santas, snowmen, elves and an incontinent granny. To add to the overall absurdity of the situation, the motley crew merrily sing and dance their way throughout the bloody carnage and chaos. If you are not adverse to an unlikely fusion of singing, dancing, toe-tapping music and humorous gore (reminiscent of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s musical episode), and happen to also dislike saccharine Christmas films, preferring instead ones that are a little over-the-top and kooky, then Anna and the Apocalypse should be very much to your liking. 80 The Beast | December 2018

Miya Folick is one of those singers whose voice can literally stop you dead in your tracks. The raw emotion is enough to inspire even the most cynical old nihilist to shed a tear. In fact, you could play the opening track of Premonitions over nearly any video and it would feel heart wrenching. I tried it with a best of Steve Urkel compilation and I was near weeping by the end. Sadly, the temptation (or pressure?) to produce radio-friendly pop tunes overrides much of the rest of the album and the quality slowly slides like an airport escalator.

THE TESKEY BROTHERS Half Mile Harvest (Deluxe) Label Glassnote Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Most of us missed this little gem when it was initially released over a year ago, but thankfully The Teskey Brothers have re-released it with a couple of extra tracks and it’s finally gotten the traction it deserves. There is more than a tip of the hat to old school blues and ‘60s Motown here - they’ve taken their hats, shirts and pants off and knelt naked before it, screaming loyalty. If you’re a fan of Otis Redding and the like, and aren’t too precious about people completely ripping off past sounds, then this one is for you. I certainly loved it.


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ACROSS 1. Queen guitarist who is also an astrophysicist (5,3) 7. Irrational root of an integer (4) 8. Australian actress from Orange is the New Black (4,4) 9. 2000 Eminem song that now means an overlyobsessive fan (4) 10. To intrude on someone’s rights or space (8) 11. What a chicken did (4,2,3) 12. Tradie’s vehicle of choice (3) 14. A famous AmericanBritish poet, ... Eliot (1,1) 15. Land property (6) 17. Made with water, yeast and hops (4) 18. Much ...

About Nothing (3) 19. Abbreviated loud laugh (1,1,1) 20. US primary school (10) DOWN 1. Fred Flintstone’s friend (6,6) 2. Idiot (8) 3. Illegal drugs (9) 4. Related, connected (10) 5. Wilson Pickett song about a Ford vehicle (7,5) 6. Mortal lover of Aphrodite (6) 13. Silver toothed R&B singer (5) 14. Above ground train that goes on public streets (4) 16. Fizzy drink (4) 18. Australian business number (1,1,1)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Cameron Anderson Picture Jorge Houdely/Catalina Larach Instagram @jhoudelys/@lanutriviajera 1. In The 12 Days of Christmas, what gift was received on the 10th day? 2. Where would you find the largest salt flat in the world? 3. Australian Walter Lindrum dominated which sport? 4. Which American actor killed two people in Ireland in 1987 by

driving his car in the wrong lane? 5. Who played Agent Dana Scully in The X-Files TV series? 6. What is the name of the distortion of sound moving away or towards the listener? 7. All of the CSI shows feature theme songs from which band?

8. Which cosmetics brand promotes itself as “easy, breezy, beautiful”? 9. How many consecutive strikes do you need to have a perfect 300 game in ten-pin bowling? 10. True of false: Queens Park used to be an 11-hole golf course?

Queens Park view. December 2018 | The Beast 81


AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Regardless of whether or not you trim your bush, you will find heaps of pubes in every sink and plug hole you come into contact with.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 Don't be paranoid about your body this summer; you actually look pretty good compared to previous years.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 Property prices around here have come off nearly ten per cent in the last year; another ten years of the same and you’ll be able to buy one.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 You blame the cold for your bad mood and sour demeanour, but it’s warm now and you’re still miserable, so maybe you’re just a prick.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 You’ll notice that people are being really nice to you lately, everything seems to fall in your favour, and it’s because you’re just a lovely person.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 You are in desperate need of a change of scenery, and by scenery I mean pretty much every aspect of your life.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 You won’t find happiness while you’re working for someone else. In fact, you’ve got more chance of finding a fish up a tree.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 Despite no change in your general behaviour, you’ll find yourself regularly attracting the horny advances of members of the same sex.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Despite receiving more presents than you’ve ever received before, you won’t like any of them and some may even offend you.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 Look in the mirror before you leave home, at least for a couple of seconds. You can’t go out looking like that and expect to be taken seriously.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 Try putting a little more effort into your relationships; being busy isn’t a very good excuse for being a shit friend.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Be very careful around zebra crossings this month. Someone is going to have a genuine crack at running you over.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

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Phone 9797 7290 Mobile 0409 808 866 www.clarkremovals.com.au 82 The Beast | December 2018

1. Ten lords-a-leaping 2. Bolivia (Salar de Uyuni) 3. Billiards 4. Matthew Broderick 5. Gillian Anderson 6. The Doppler Effect 7. The Who 8. CoverGirl 9. 12 10. True 1

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The Beast - December 2018  

The December 2018 edition of The Beast featuring Dr Kerryn Phelps...

The Beast - December 2018  

The December 2018 edition of The Beast featuring Dr Kerryn Phelps...

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