The Beast - October 2026

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CONTENTS October 2026 Issue 261 6 Contents 8 Welcome Note 10 Pearls of Wisdom 12 Monthly Mailbag 18 Local Artist

20 Local News 32 Crime News 34 Local Photos 36 Above Water 38 Marj's Musings

40 Thiso's Thoughts 42 Tight Lines 43 Tide Chart 44 Dana's Recipe 46 Unreliable Guide

Subject Monsieurs Quinno and Luke Location France Photographer Ray Brickell

47 Kieran's Satire 48 Brainteasers 49 Aldo's Albums 50 Beardy from Hell 50 Trivia Solutions

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Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 7

Welcome Note

Inspirational

Words James Hutton - Publisher Welcome to the October 2026 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s idyllic beaches of the east. What a cracking few weeks of weather we’re having - the dragonflies think it’s summer already! Bondi Junction’s Tricia Garcia is the talent behind this month’s cool cover painting, Solids and Stripes. Tricia is the founder of Land & by Sea Studio and has a stall at the markets every weekend, usually at Paddington and Bondi Beach. Give her a follow on Instagram, @landandbyseastudio. Randwick Council has an epic event coming up at Kensington Park on Saturday, October 17. Culture Vibes will feature food, music, dance and art from around the world, running throughout the day and into the evening. You can check out Tony’s article on page 30 for more information.

I can’t send this edition off to print without mentioning Luke Stewart and his incredible achievement last month, successfully swimming across the English Channel to conclude what has been the ultimate odyssey. The idea to do the swim began eight years ago and grew into what at times must have felt like an unobtainable obsession for Luke, his family and his many fans.

from England no less than 17 hours and 40 minutes earlier. He swam through the night, vomiting constantly and losing the use of his left arm early in the swim, but he never stopped moving forward. I can’t recall a bigger achievement since Dan and I launched The Beast nearly 21 years ago. Luke’s effort has proven to me that with determination and hard work pretty much anything is possible. Cheers, James

The Beast

But on Saturday, August 22, after thousands of hours training and two earlier attempts at the crossing, marred by multiple setbacks including terrible weather, illness and a gruelling double shoulder reconstruction, Luke emerged from the ocean and clambered up the rocks near Calais, France after setting off

The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies delivered every month; 2,000 in shops and 58,000 in mailboxes.

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Pearls of Wisdom

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What's in a Name? Words Pearl Bullivant Photo James Cook Get on the Bandwagon Dear Pearl - What’s in a name? As a new Australian, I have often pondered on some suburb names - a few so long that they need to be abbreviated on road signs, and others that are simply odd. La Perouse comes to mind, named after a European who was only at the ‘suburb’ for six weeks in the 1700s, before he tragically perished at sea. How does a six-week visit manage to relegate centuries of enduring Indigenous Australian presence to a footnote when it comes to naming a suburb? With the global trend of renaming countries, cities and even cheese to better align with heritage, culture and ‘correctness’, shouldn’t we all be getting on the bandwagon? 10 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

So, Pearl, what’s in a name, and does the rose smell as sweet to everyone? Jenny Coogee Getting Worked Up Dear Jenny - What is in a name? I often ask myself that question when friends announce the names of their grandchildren. Just as I have grown accustomed to American-style names, I am now bewildered at the old-fashioned British names that have been resurrected by upper-middle class parents. I know of one parent who was blackmailed out of his inheritance unless he followed family tradition and named his child Bertie. Perhaps this upcycling of British names help

one’s child mix comfortably in private schooling in the same way having a black Range Rover assists in being part of the yummy mummy squad - i.e. they create an identity. As for suburb names, there are so many I would love to see changed (or become dual-named) to reflect the Indigenous identity and origins of our land. Regents Park is one that annoys the hell out of me, wedged on the train line between Indigenous Berala and Birrong. Where’s the canal, the zoo and the villas? And how many suburbs in Australia do we need named Auburn, Croydon, Brighton, Kensington and Windsor? A total lack of creativity, just like the newly established Greater Sydney suburbs of Barker, Angus and Bradfield. God only knows what nomenclature the public will decide upon for the temporarily named ‘Bays West’. Alas, I doubt there is an appetite amongst the masses for the wholesale renaming of Australian suburbs or states to reflect their ancient Indigenous origins, particularly with the rise of Pauline Hanson and the lingering memory of the failed Voice referendum. Pearl doesn’t understand Australia’s aptitude for becoming so emotionally invested in things that don’t really matter (like the renaming of the cheese you refer to or Woolworths’ discontinuation of Mrs Mac’s microwave pies) while disregarding the things that do. If only we could get as worked up about the destruction of our ecosystems as we do when someone suggests renaming something or somewhere to reflect what that something or somewhere was already called for thousands of years before colonisation. Pearl Clovelly

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Monthly Mailbag

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Inspired People of the Eastern Beaches Protect Our Patch! Dear James - We were horrified by the spearing of a local fave, the giant cuttlefish near the Bronte-Coogee Aquatic Reserve, which doesn’t actually protect everything in its waters, only some invertebrates and plants (I’m not kidding). Our so-called protected marine areas aren’t doing enough on the Sydney coast generally, or specifically for the beloved giant cuttlefish. According to scientists, this area is important for cuttlefish breeding, and these cuttlefish only reproduce once in their life. So, there’s a population level problem with taking adults in breeding season particularly. Hundreds of people love to swim and photograph these beautiful animals, which are incredible to see. Why can’t we protect them on the coast? Less than 2 per cent of Sydney’s coast is fully protected by Marine Sanctuaries, which are similar to National Parks. Why is it so little, and why has there not been a new fully protected Marine Sanctuary declared in twenty years or more? Protecting this special coastal area properly would have benefits that extend beyond individual animals to the resilience of the population as a whole, as well as benefits for the many swimmers, snorkelers and tourists who love to watch them. And, there is evidence that shows that Marine Sanctuaries are what keep the fishing good in other areas.

Just a few cuddly reasons to get behind our 30 by 30 protection obligations. Merran Hughes North Bondi A Wheelie Desperate Plea Dear James - I am a male teen writing to express my agreement with the letter to Pearl titled ‘A Better Place to Play’ in your August 2026 edition. As a teenage mountain biker, I frequent Queens Park to have fun and develop my riding abilities. Queens Park is important to me because it provides a safe environment to create and maintain relationships with peers from various schools. But it appears that the council is squandering an increasing amount of money on demolishing our berms and jumps. These are always made in isolated areas that are never used by other park visitors. This begs the question, What is the council’s motivation? I genuinely don’t think Newton or Einstein could resolve this puzzling conundrum. If the council is truly concerned about teenagers excavating the ground, then a track for cyclists should be established. Over time, this would save money and enable our taxes to be used for projects that benefit the entire community. I would also like to address another important issue; mountain bikers are often blamed for the havoc created by electric dirt bike riders. Please, please, please

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don’t paint us with the same brush. I pray that this letter finds its way to Waverley’s mayor so he can get back to me and that this message can inspire other young riders to write in. Gabriel Randwick P.S. I always look forward to reading The Beast each month. Thanks for considering my letter. Randwick FOGO to Landfill Hi James - I reported to Randwick Council that an empty green bin in very new condition had not been collected by any resident in our street for over a week. Obviously someone in the street had not remembered to bring it in after it was emptied. I emailed Randwick Council the number that appears on the side of the bin, as I presumed these numbers record which residence the bin belongs to. I phoned Randwick Council on Tuesday, August 25, as the green bin was still there and I had not received a reply to my email. I offered the number on the side of the bin to the Randwick Council lady and asked if she could let me know which residence the bin came from so I could just walk it there to return it. She told me it would be quicker for her to just log a ‘waste job’. If I had known the outcome of her intent I certainly would not have reported the green bin to her. I’m sure you know that the contents of our green bins do not supposedly go into landfill, so you can imagine how horrified I was when I saw (just now, at 3.20pm on Wednesday, August 26) a Randwick Council truck that does the council clean-up jobs pick up the practically new green bin and crush it. This green bin will now go to landfill. I am shocked that Randwick Council pushes the FOGO message onto its residents but seemingly condones actions like this. I have since found out that there is a microchip in the bin that records the residence it

Monthly Mailbag is issued to - an easier way for Randwick Council to return the green bin to its owner. Randwick Council, shame on you. Evelyn Maroubra Randwick Council has investigated this incident and has contacted the resident following the complaint, offering a sincere apology and explanation. This disappointing outcome was the result of a miscommunication and is not reflective of our procedures. We thank the resident who took the time to report the issue to council. This feedback plays an important role in helping us prevent this from happening again. - Randwick City Council Bondi Junction Precinct Dear James - I am writing as a Bondi Junction resident of nearly fifty years. Since 1978, I have lived on Stanley Street, Mackenzie Street, Lawson Street and now once again on Mackenzie Street. Having witnessed the area’s transformation over decades, I am deeply concerned about the proposed redevelopment plans. I support sensible growth and recognise that Sydney’s population will continue to increase. However, what is proposed for Bondi Junction is not thoughtful urban planning; it is a further concentration of people in an area already heavily developed and under growing pressure. Having lived in Hong Kong for fourteen years, I have experienced high-density living first-hand. Density can work when supported by strong infrastructure and careful planning, but it often comes at the expense of community character, open space, liveability and quality of life. Bondi Junction risks becoming another high-rise precinct where residents are concentrated vertically while losing access to the qualities that make communities attractive places to live. The fundamental question is, why continue to intensify devel-

opment in one of Sydney’s most densely populated centres? If the government’s objective is to increase housing supply and affordability, there are more logical locations for investment. The Eastern Suburbs corridor through Maroubra, Matraville, Little Bay and La Perouse has significant capacity for growth. These areas would benefit greatly from improved public transport, particularly rail connections, which would unlock housing opportunities, support local businesses, create jobs and improve access for existing residents. Instead, the current strategy appears to focus on adding more people to areas already served by existing transport infrastructure because it is cheaper and easier than investing in new infrastructure. While this may make shortterm budgetary sense, it is not sound long-term planning. Bondi Junction is already one of Sydney’s most expensive residential markets. It is difficult to see how additional high-rise developments here will significantly improve housing affordability. Most of these apartments will be sold at market rates beyond the reach of many Australians. A small number of affordable housing units within large private developments does little to address the scale of the housing crisis. Throughout my career in government, particularly in housing services, I saw successive governments dispose of valuable public assets and land that could have supported long-term housing solutions. Too often, public land has been transferred to private developers while governments have stepped back from directly providing housing and essential infrastructure. The housing crisis will not be solved simply by increasing density in already crowded areas. It requires strategic investment in transport, infrastructure and services, along with the development of new growth centres. Infrastructure should lead devel-

opment, not struggle to catch up with it. Bondi Junction has always evolved, and change is inevitable. However, growth must be balanced, sustainable and guided by genuine community benefit rather than development targets alone. I urge you to reconsider the scale of the proposed redevelopment and advocate for a broader vision for Sydney’s future - one that invests in new transport links, distributes growth more evenly across the city and preserves the liveability of established communities such as Bondi Junction. Dee Longe Bondi Junction 40km/h Speed Limit Zones Dear Beast - The Waverley LGA Walking Strategy is great news. 40km/h speed limits are fine, but as a regular walker to and around Bondi Junction, and all around Waverley, I feel unsafe due to bikes travelling at great speed on footpaths and pedestrian crossings, as well as regularly running red lights. Cars are generally okay, except when they come out of one-way streets the wrong way so one is not expecting it, or when they’re running red lights too. Heaven only knows how people with poor vision manage. I am vigilant the entire time when walking. I also cycle, so am not anti-cyclists, but I am very frustrated with those who have no consideration for others. Katrina Queens Park Bronte’s Sea Wall and the World The September edition of The Beast noted that there will be a “5.8-metre-high sea wall” and that “the tests allowed for 0.66 metre of sea level rise between now and 2093” (Bronte Surf Club Takes Shape as Sea Wall Construction Concludes, The Beast, September 2026). The latter cannot be a “test” but perhaps a prediction. While predictions are hard to make,

Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 13

Monthly Mailbag particularly when they concern the future, many predictions about global warming have turned out to be way too conservative. In other words, it will get worse than thought. Oil corporations have known about this since the 1970s. A recent note in Follow the Money (www.ftm.eu) said the rise of 1970s oil platforms and offshore expansion was driven by … [profits] … not climate change. However, internal company documents show Shell’s scientists and researchers were already studying and privately warning about global temperature increases and the greenhouse effect from fossil fuels during that same decade. Move forward to today and Bronte’s silly little sea wall looks like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic compared to what is coming. Thomas Klikauer From 'Non-Sea-Walled' Coogee Parking Chaos and Reduced Customers Dear James - For the past few years I’ve kept my views on the footpath upgrade along Bronte Road at Charing Cross to myself, assuming the sheer volume of complaints Waverley Council has received would eventually prompt them to listen and act. That hasn’t happened, so I’d like to raise it here. No one seems to be able to explain why Council has: Widened the footpaths while narrowing traffic lanes that are used constantly by buses and trucks. Removed car parking directly outside the cafés, retailers and services along Bronte Road. Some of those businesses are still paying full rent while operating on roughly half their previous income as a direct result. Installed garden beds and trees along the footpath edge, right beside the few remaining spaces, so passengers can’t properly open their doors once they’ve parked.

Most recently, replaced two more car spaces with e-bike parking, rather than using the wide expanse of new, unused footpath the upgrade created. The e-bike parking sits empty, while customers who want to visit and support local businesses have even fewer places to park. Interestingly, council workers appear to be finding parking difficult on Bronte Road too, although they seem to be able to park their vehicles in bus zones and ‘no stopping’ zones without incurring fines. None of this seems sensible or fair. I thought it was worthwhile writing to you in the hope that Council might finally listen and make some sensible decisions that support our local businesses and the wider Waverley community. Thank you for reading. Loyal Local Waverley (KISP) Keep It Simple Please! I’m a regular reader of The Beast, but as I get to the Monthly Mailbag page my blood pressure spikes. I want to hear what people think, but I don’t want to trudge through a thesis. I have some advice and I’ll keep it brief... You must capture the reader’s attention quickly. This can be a challenge, as attention usually wanes after the second paragraph. Keep it under 180 words. Less than 150 is even better, so keep it simple with a brief introduction, concise body and quick conclusion. If the issue is complex, relay a couple of key points and use dot points for any extra issues (dot points are in the ‘home’ bar in Microsoft Word). Make sense! Briefly state your argument and use dot points if necessary with evidence to back up your case. Close by re-stating your reason for writing in one sentence and leave the reader with something to ponder. Before you send it off, get an honest friend to read it. Bogey Hole Babe Bronte

14 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

A Tribute Dear Beast - Inspired by Gus, who was inspired by James’ tribute to his brother Dan on what would have been his 45th birthday, I too would like to pay tribute to brothers James and Dan. Their little local rag long ago surpassed Couriers of all types as the trusted purveyor of local news and residents’ thoughts. Back in the day, before the war (i.e. COVID), it was a key way for Save Bronte to communicate with our community as we fought the first of what is now an avalanche of over-the-top development proposals in our neighbourhood. I got to know both Dan and James through that time, and their commitment to bringing local news and publishing views from all, without any hidden agenda, was and still is second to none. Thank you, James, and thanks to your dear brother, for all you have contributed to our community here in the east. We are a stronger, better community for all your years of hard slog. Stephen Lightfoot Formerly of Save Bronte, Still of Bronte New Waverley Council Parking Plan Good afternoon - I have just read your most recent edition of The Beast magazine. Soll Anderson’s comment about parking (New Waverley Council Parking Scheme, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, September 2026) reminded me of the same issue back in March 2025. The response from Council then was, “Council’s parking rangers patrol over the weekend outside the standard business operating hours, and they are able to issue fines for parking infringements.” If a resident reports an issue via the Snap Send Solve app, it will be sent immediately to Council’s rangers as an SMS message. With respect to removal of vehicles outside the standard

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Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 15

Monthly Mailbag business operating hours, Council can only urgently remove vehicles if they pose a high risk safety concern. Parking officers are not authorised to arrange the removal of vehicles, except for issuing an infringement. They can report safety concerns to the unattended vehicle officer for urgent removal. The officer will then investigate the matter and arrange for removal if necessary. I hope this is of help. Can you pass it on to Soll Anderson please? Ian Queens Park Australia Day in Waverley Dear Editor - I am writing as a North Bondi resident and ratepayer regarding Waverley Council’s decision not to proceed with Option A for Australia Day 2027. Council officers proposed a modest community celebration comprising a free barbecue, Australia Day-themed markets and limited décor at a cost of up to $25,000, which they advised could be accommodated within existing budgets. Despite this, the proposal was rejected. What makes this difficult to understand is that Council continues to fund a range of community events throughout the summer period, including Carols by the Sea, Christmas markets, New Year’s Eve celebrations and Summer Sounds concerts. Yet when it comes to Australia’s national day, even a modest community event was deemed unacceptable. I served in the Australian Army Reserve and believe Australia Day remains an important opportunity for Australians of all backgrounds to come together, celebrate our achievements, welcome new citizens and reflect on the country we share. Nobody is asking Council to abandon the Dawn Reflection. Option A was specifically designed to complement it, providing a family-friendly com-

munity gathering from the dawn service through to the citizenship ceremonies. Many residents would like to see this proposal reconsidered before January 26, 2027. At the very least, councillors should be prepared to publicly explain their position and have their votes recorded. Yours sincerely, John M Mackey Bondi Beach Australia Day at Bondi On August 18, Waverley Council voted against celebrating Australia Day. Not the expensive option. Council’s own officers offered a $25,000 version; a free barbecue from the dawn service through to the citizenship ceremonies, with markets and a bit of décor, paid from existing budgets. Councillors said no to that too. In June, the same council resolved to increase Australia Day celebrations. In August, it delivered nothing. This is a council that finds money for Carols by the Sea, Christmas markets, two New Year’s Eve parties and weekly summer concerts. One day a year, on our national day, Bondi gets a borrowed barbecue. I have been a surf lifesaver here since 2004. On December 14, I was a first responder on that beach. After the year we have had, a council that cannot put on a sausage sizzle on January 26 is a council that has lost its nerve. Nobody is asking anyone to touch the Dawn Reflection. We are asking for a barbecue, a flag and a recorded vote. James Kell North Bondi Be Proud to Celebrate Australia Day Dear Beast - Waverley Council has voted against celebrating Australia Day next year. It has voted against the community celebration of a barbecue following the Dawn Reflection, with a cost already accounted for in its budget.

16 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

I challenge the council and anyone involved to reinstate Australia Day 2027 as a day of celebration for the community to decide to join in, if they choose, by their own free choice. I have asked for a response from the council, mayor and councillors to this request to reinstate celebrations for Australia Day in Waverley Council, and why they voted the way that they did. Suzanne Smith North Bondi Waverley proudly celebrates Australia Day every year. We have two Australia Day themed citizenship ceremonies, which as Mayor I preside over at Bondi Pavilion. We have a community BBQ and live music. As Mayor, I have also introduced the new Waverley Citizen of the Year Award to be presented on Australia Day annually. We welcome thousands of people to Bondi every Australia Day and spend approximately $85,000 on the day for beach and traffic management initiatives to ensure a successful day. Waverley proudly flies the Australian flag every day of the year, including Australia Day. - Waverley Mayor Will Nemesh The Census It’s back, at taxpayers expense. Does it achieve anything? Have there been any major changes from the results of the Census? Is it just a futile show to engage the common folk of all ethnicities and pretend to listen? Who decides what to do with the results from the Census? This is a very expensive exercise for the taxpayer! Make sure you put that in when filling out the ‘compulsory’ Census. Simonay Coogee Please send your letters to letters@thebeast.com.au (preferably with your name and suburb included).

Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 17

Local Artist a mean Tommy’s Margarita, so probably Totti’s and Salty’s in Bondi. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The easy access to the beaches and all the good restaurants. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic and how busy it gets, especially in summer.

Every day is something new.

Local Artist... Tricia Garcia from Bondi Junction Interview James Hutton Photo Mark Broadbridge

How would you describe your art? My art is fun, bright and nostalgic. Where can people see your work? I am the founder of Land & by Sea Studio and I do markets every weekend, usually Paddington and Bondi Beach. You can check out my Instagram @landandbyseastudio for any new and upcoming works.

Local artist Tricia Garcia is the talent behind this month’s awesome cover painting, Solids and Stripes. She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

Who are your artistic inspirations? Frida Kahlo for her use of colour and cultural identity, and Irina Cumberland for eye-catching ocean art.

How long have you lived here? I grew up in Bondi but have moved all around the Eastern Suburbs for the past 37 years.

What are you working on at the moment? I’m working on original art pieces, ready for a busy end of year.

Why do you live here? My family and I first migrated from the Philippines when I was one, and our first home was two minutes from Bondi Beach. I love the lifestyle and relaxed vibe of the beaches and never wanted to live anywhere else. It’s also super accessible to everywhere I need to be.

Do you have any exhibitions coming up? Not at the moment, but I am working on planning my first ever solo art exhibition sometime in the New Year - fingers crossed! It takes time to prepare, so I’m ‘ideating’ quite early.

What’s your favourite beach? Bronte Beach, a little slice of paradise, in my opinion. What’s your favourite eatery? For breakfast it’s Meidy’s Café on Bondi Road. Lunch and dinner is Una Más in Coogee. Where do you like to have a drink? I’m not a big drinker, but I would say anywhere that makes

18 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? I was told as a kid I was always painting. I used to draw characters from Disney movies quite accurately, but unfortunately I haven’t kept any art from back then. I have been creative one way or another my whole life, so I can’t pinpoint exactly when. Any other local artists to look out for? There are so many talented local artists, but some of my faves are Aileen Anderson,

sculptor Tan Arlidge and oil painter Martine Emdur. Did you study art? I went to COFA in Paddington, did a small art course at the National Art School, and I studied Events, Design and Illustration at Enmore Design Centre. Any words of wisdom for young aspiring artists? Creativity requires courage, regular habits and freedom to allow yourself to make mistakes and experiment. If you are waiting to be ‘ready’, you’ll never start. Who is your favourite person? My family is big so I can’t really pick one out, but my mum is pretty special. Also, my fiancée Mark - my partner in life and my biggest cheerleader. What do you get up to on the weekends? You’ll find me at the markets during the day, then an afternoon swim (in the warmer months) and some casual dinners to catch up with friends and family. I’m also a bit of a homebody most of the time, so just being at home painting is my ideal night in. What do you do for work? I’m a full-time artist and founder of Land & by Sea Studio. I also get contracted as an event stylist and signwriter. What’s your favourite thing about work? Every day is something new, whether it’s the design, the location or the physical job. The days where I get to make things with my hands are my favourite. Do you have a favourite quote? “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Being kind costs no money, but it has great power. A simple act of kindness can change someone’s day.

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Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 19

Local News

Shark Attack Survivor Glenn Orgias Writes Loan Shark Crime Thriller Words Anthony Maguire Photo Lisa Orgias

Bronte local Fred Giutronich (right) moved all the way to Japan to open his award-winning small bar, Swig Tokyo.

Small Bar Proposals to Breathe Nightlife Back Into the Junction Words Anthony Maguire Photo Brian Flanagan Waverley Council wants to amend planning controls in order to facilitate the establishment and operation of small bars in the about-to-be redeveloped and revitalised Bondi Junction. Councillors agreed on a motion that officers prepare a report to Council within six months outlining any proposed planning amendments, policy changes or pilot initiatives for Council’s consideration. The motion was moved by Liberal councillor Katherine Westwood, who said, “It is timely to investigate whether changes to Waverley’s planning controls could facilitate the establishment of appropriately located and managed small bars while maintaining protections for residential amenity and community safety, most particularly in the Bronte Road and West Oxford Street ‘village’ areas.” Council officers will study recent small bar reforms put in place by the City of Sydney, which has put together a framework allowing small bars to trade 18 hours a day from 10am, along with limited takeaway

20 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

liquor sales and unrestricted live entertainment. “These reforms have been widely credited with contributing to the revitalisation of the CBD’s night-time economy and may provide useful lessons for Waverley as it develops the Bondi Junction Master Plan and Special Entertainment District framework,” stated Cr Westwood’s motion. In tandem with relaxing small bar regulations, Waverley Council doesn’t want to restrict outside bar customers to table seating and believes they should be able to stand as they socialise and enjoy their drinks - something often called ‘vertical drinking.’ Councillors have supported a motion from another Liberal Councillor, Josh Spicer, that footpath seating guidelines be updated to permit customers to be standing as they consume alcohol and food. Councillor Spicer describes current regulations as “onerous” and says, “People should be able to responsibly enjoy alcoholic beverages while standing. It’s a matter of treating people like adults.”

Bondi resident Glenn Orgias had previously written a memoir, Man in a Grey Suit, which described his 2009 encounter with a shark at North Bondi where his left hand was bitten off. Now he has penned a thriller, Teeth Kicker, which features a different kind of shark - a loan shark. It’s set in 1990s Newcastle and Mr Orgias says, “It’s about a young guy who is in a lot of debt to a loan shark. He’s just got out of jail but he gets corralled into collecting debts. The problem is, he finds himself collecting debts from members of his own family!” Mr Orgias is signed to a literary agency, Key People Literary Agency, and Teeth Kicker is published by HarperCollins. The book was recently launched at Bondi’s Gertrude & Alice Café Bookstore. MC at the launch was journalist-author Caroline Overington, who described Teeth Kicker as “a cracking crime thriller packed with menace and momentum, absolutely begging to be made into a film.”

Glenn launched his debut novel at Bondi's Gertrude & Alice Café Bookstore.

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Expressions of Interest Tea Room - Bronte House. Council is seeking expressions of interest from vendors to operate a Tea Room at Bronte House as part of a future community access operating model for the premises. Scan the QR to register and obtain EOI documents, ahead of submitting your final EOI. Submissions open 22 September and must be made before 5pm on 19 October.

Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 21

Local News

A Tale of Two Swimmers Hits Randwick Town Hall Stage Words Anthony Maguire Photo Andrew Worssam

Lorna and her helpers extracted sea water samples with giant syringes.

Plenty of DNA Surprises in Bondi Sea Water Sampling Words Anthony Maguire Photo Dee Ennay The ocean waves lapping at the shoreline of Australia’s most famous beach contain an invisible ‘soup’ of DNA from thousands of different species - including land-dwelling animals like goats and sheep. A water sampling program conducted over the past year by Sydney-based charity Underwater Earth yielded a mine of information about the eDNA - Environmental DNA - in the waters off Bondi Beach. The survey was carried out in collaboration with students from Rose Bay Secondary College, who helped Underwater Earth co-founder Lorna Parry extract sea water samples at North and South Bondi. Samples were then analysed by a laboratory, which found “terrestrial contaminants” from animals like goats, sheep and cattle were suspended in small quantities in the sea water alongside DNA from marine species. “This is most likely the result of urban stormwater and wastewater run-off carrying trace DNA from food waste,” Ms Parry said. Dog DNA, meanwhile, was ubiquitous, showing up in every sample. Ms Parry believes this results from dogs’ widespread presence along the foreshore. The vast bulk of information revealed in the sampling pro-

22 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

gram told a story of a healthy and richly diverse marine ecosystem. There were strong DNA tracings from shore-hugging pelagic fish like mullet and silver trevally, plus offshore schooling fish like skipjack tuna and redfish. One fish species really dominated the DNA pool - luderick, which Ms Parry calls “Bondi’s signature fish.” “It gave the single biggest species signal in the entire dataset.” Aside from fish, the survey attested to a rich variety of other marine organisms, from microscopic phytoplankton to sponges, barnacles, limpets, anemones and jellyfish. Kelp and sea lettuce dominated the underwater flora. “Overall, this is a snapshot of a healthy, biodiverse rockyshore ecosystem with a seasonal rhythm,” Ms Parry said. “Tropical visitors and rain-driven ‘surprises’ come and go with the seasons. It’s a good sign of ecosystem stability.” Funded by a Blue World Valerie Taylor Ocean Prize with additional funding from Waverley Council, the Bondi sea water sampling was a citizen science project with data that goes into the public domain. “I’m now hoping that more schools will become involved and give our young people a deeper understanding of Environmental DNA,” Ms Parry said.

In 1912, Coogee swimmers Fanny Durack and Mina Wylie had to fight to compete in the Stockholm Olympics. The New South Wales Ladies’ Amateur Swimming Association had a rule against women competing in front of men and it was only after a public outcry that the taboo was relaxed. Durack went on to win gold and Wylie won silver in the 100 metres freestyle in Stockholm. The two were good friends but fierce rivals. And now their complicated relationship, and their battle to swim for Australia, has been turned into a musical comedy. It’s called Dangerous When Wet - The Musical, and it is being staged from October 8-18 at Randwick Town Hall. Producer Eliane Morel describes it as a “vaudeville musical with original compositions based on the music of the era - from Gilbert and Sullivan to boogie-woogie and jazz.” Cypriana Singh plays Fanny Durack and Grace Trainor plays Mina Wylie. The production’s sponsors include Wylie’s Baths, the Coogee ocean pool built by Mina’s father Henry. For bookings, please visit www.dangerouswhenwet.com.au.

Grace Trainor and Cypriana Singh star in Dangerous When Wet - The Musical.

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Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 23

Local News

Trick or Fete?! Bondi's Biggest Halloween Party is Back Words Anthony Maguire Photo Daniel Spooky

Henry will work at making the club more family-friendly while preserving its service heritage.

New Leadership at North Bondi RSL Words Anthony Maguire Photo Jordan Mealings There has been a changing of the guard at North Bondi RSL Club, with Henry Jamieson taking over as CEO in August. Mr Jamieson, who lives locally and is a Bondi surf lifesaver, previously led the media unit at Waverley Council. Before moving to Australia, he served as a British diplomat and as a Director in the UK Prime Minister’s Office. He says he plans to build on the work of his predecessor, Kia Mehr, who helped create a more family-friendly atmosphere by replacing the TAB with a large children’s play area and opening a café beside the club entrance. “The main room is no longer dominated by multiple screens, and the atmosphere is now much better suited to the young families who love North Bondi for its gentler waves and children’s pool,” Mr Jamieson told The Beast. The Club hosts a Monday event for young families called Parents and Prams, and Mr Jamieson plans to introduce more

24 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

morning activities, including pilates. “In the longer term, we want to make better use of the club during the mornings, with more activities for local families and health and wellbeing programs for the community.” At the same time, he says the club will remain a beachside clubhouse that integrates veterans and our wider civilian community. Founded in 1944 by veterans returning from the Siege of Tobruk, the club has a strong service heritage that Mr Jamieson says will remain central to its future. “Every cent of profit the club earns goes into helping veterans and their families - especially the families of veterans killed in service in recent years, many of whom frequent the club.” During the week, there is a regular program of activities, including trivia and meat raffles. There is also a poker game every Monday evening, while weekends feature low-key live music and DJ sets.

Get ready for a day of family fun as the Bondi Public School Halloween Fete takes place on Sunday, October 25. There’ll be amusement rides, food stalls and activities like laser tag as the school is invaded by youngsters (and the odd parent) kitted out as ghouls, witches and other traditional Halloween figures. Taking place from 10am to 3pm, the event raises funds for school activities and equipment purchases through the Bondi Public School P&C Association. Families are encouraged to pre-order wristbands for children ahead of the event to make the most of the rides and activities on offer by visiting bps-halloween-fete.square.site. So gather your little witches, wizards, superheroes and spooky creatures and head to Bondi Public School on Wellington Street for an unforgettable Halloween celebration.

Year 4 student Jackson Murray won a competition for the best Halloween fete poster.

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Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 25

Local News

Bronte Surf Life Saving Club Site 'Making Good Progress' Words Anthony Maguire Photo Con Struction

The awards will recognise built environment excellence.

Call for Entries in Waverley Design and Heritage Awards Words Anthony Maguire Photo Timothy Williams Attention architects and other built environment professionals - entries are open for the Waverley Design and Heritage Awards. Run by Waverley Council, the awards recognise excellence in architecture, heritage conservation, urban design and landscape. The deadline for entries is October 9 and the awards ceremony will take place on November 10 at the Bondi Pavilion. Entry is open to architects, heritage consultants, urban designers, planners, artists, designers, developers, builders and “other suitably qualified built environment professionals.” There’s been a five-year hiatus since the awards were last held, so entries can include any project completed since 2021. Projects will be assessed on the criteria of design quality, architectural excellence, heritage value, sustainability and community benefit. The council says it wants to commend projects that “enhance local character, respond thoughtfully to their surroundings and the natural environment, promote sustainable and resilient design and contribute positively to the community.”

26 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

There are 11 award categories covering different areas of architecture, heritage, urban design and landscape. The architectural awards are Multi-Unit Residential, Single Dwelling, Commercial/Retail, Public Building/ Infrastructure and Institutional/ Other. Heritage awards are Conservation, Adaptive Reuse, Heritage Interpretation and Heritage Public Domain. Categories for urban design and landscape are Public Urban Space and Streetscape/Urban Furniture. Plus there’s a People’s Choice award. Finalists will be announced on October 19, when People’s Choice award voting will open, closing on November 1. Entries will be assessed by an independent panel of expert judges. For projects not directly visible from the public realm, judges will consider the project’s contribution to its immediate setting and neighbouring properties. Sponsorship opportunities are still available for the awards please email urbandesignheritage @waverley.nsw.gov.au. For more information, and to enter the awards, please visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/planning/ heritage/waverley_design_and_ heritage_awards_2026.

Waverley Mayor Will Nemesh and Bronte SLSC President Basil Scaffidi were all smiles during a site visit to check out the progress of construction of the new club building and facilities. “It’s an incredibly exciting project for the community and it’s making good progress,” said Mayor Nemesh. “The community will be very proud of the new building and facilities when they open in the middle of next year.” Mr Scaffidi said, “It’s been a long journey with some challenges along the way like the asbestos that had to be removed from the old building. But the community has been incredibly supportive and it’s great to see the new structure taking shape.” The two were among a group shown around the construction site and given a progress report by site manager Vaughan Hudy, who said, “We’re 70 per cent through the concrete structure and have some internal walls to build in the coming weeks once formwork is removed.”

Waverley Mayor Will Nemesh flanked by site manager Vaughan Hudy and Bronte SLSC President Basil Scaffidi.

Come along to your local resident Precinct Meeting Precincts are meetings of residents who get together regularly to discuss local matters or issues of concern in their neighbourhood. Waverley is split into 13 Precincts and meetings are open to any person living within the Precinct boundaries. Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/precinct or scan the QR Code to find out which Precinct you belong to and when they are meeting next.

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Submissions open till 9th October

Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 27

Local News

Time Limit to Curb Overnight Stays at Bondi Beach Car Park Words Anthony Maguire Photo Cam Pervan

Noah has been an unofficial counsellor at the terror site.

Noah's Work at Mitzvah House Is Keeping Goodness Afloat Words Anthony Maguire Photo Jen Ross From a shipping container next to the base of the pedestrian bridge where two gunmen unleashed terror on his community last December, local man Noah Koncepolski is working at generating goodness. The converted container is called Mitzvah House. “Mitzvah in Hebrew means a good deed,” Mr Koncepolski explained. “So when we talk to people here, we’re encouraging the idea of positive engagements like getting in touch with friends and family who’ve been becoming strangers.” He acts as unofficial counsellor to all of the people who visit the site. “Sometimes people are very emotional. Some people have even called it therapy, although I’m not a therapist.” Mr Koncepolski has organised a roster of volunteers to staff Mitzvah House from 9am to 5pm Sunday to Friday. They hand out Matilda Bee pins (in memory of the youngest terror attack victim) and soft toffees to people and help them take selfies that are added to a collage featuring

28 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

more than 1,000 people on the side of the container. Brought up in Bondi and now living in Coogee, Mr Koncepolski has been a regular presence at the site since the morning after the attack. “I came to the beach with two Rabbis and it was still complete chaos,” he recounted. “We ended up putting up a marquee and handing out donuts and talking to people from all over the world.” Within days the marquee had morphed into a shipping container thanks to community funding which has also covered two paid staff. “My colleague Jared Horak has been an unbelievable help,” he said. “It’s been very rewarding to engage with the people who’ve stopped here and sometimes they’ve got back in touch with us,” he told The Beast. “There was a guy from Canberra who I talked to about reaching out to estranged friends and family. He came back three weeks later and told me how he’d messaged someone and was feeling good about it.”

Waverley Council is cracking down on vehicles parking overnight at Bondi Beach, imposing a four-hour limit to deter beach parking permit holders from hogging spaces. The four-hour cap will apply between 7pm and 7am in the Park Drive and Queen Elizabeth Drive parking areas. It’s the brainchild of Mayor Will Nemesh, who told a council meeting it will “ensure people don’t have free rent down at the beach and park their campervans and other vehicles and stay there overnight.” Most of the vehicles parking overnight hold beach parking permits, which have no time limits and which Mayor Nemesh said are being used “against their original intent.” There are 5,254 beach parking permit holders who have paid the council half yearly or annual fees. The cost is $212 a year for residents and ratepayers and $2,360 a year for visitors. When the mayor’s motion for the four-hour limit was debated, there were concerns that it would drive vehicles into residential streets. “You’re shifting the problem to other areas of Waverley,” said Councillor Fabiano Luciano. However, the motion was approved and the four-hour cap will be trialled for six months.

Freeloading campervans in the Bondi Beach parking area.

Local News

Rhonda’s Proud Place in Coogee Public School’s 150 Year History

New Jebediah Film to Premiere at Ritz Cinemas, Randwick

Words Anthony Maguire Photo Edward Ucator

Words Erin Rosenberg Photo Leigh Vinghome

Coogee Public School has just notched up its 150th year - and one particularly loyal guest of honour at the anniversary celebrations, Rhonda Dawson, has recently retired after 36 years as an art teacher. “This has been like my second home,” Ms Dawson, who lives in Maroubra, told The Beast. “I’ve felt very valued here and it’s been an honour to help generations of students on their educational journeys.” Ms Dawson said she never ceased to be amazed by the creativity of students in her classes. “I often found myself saying, ‘I never would have thought of that!’” The school’s 150th anniversary celebrations took place on Saturday, September 12 and included a historical exhibition documenting how the school opened its doors in 1876 with 50 students at a time when Coogee was still a small seaside community. Today there’s an enrolment of 321 and principal Matt Townsend says, “There’s very strong community support and there are several local families where grandparents, parents and children have all attended the school.”

Rhonda with three of her former Coogee Public School students.

30 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

Celebrate the creativity, food and culture that makes us special.

Culture Vibes to Feature Art, Music, Dance and Food from Around the World Words Anthony Maguire Photo Ben Williams Savour food offerings from every corner of the globe, from Sudan to South America and Cypress to Sierra Leone, and be wowed by an equally exciting and diverse selection of entertainment acts at Culture Vibes, a one-day event being hosted by Randwick Council in Kensington Park on Saturday, October 17. This celebration of culture will be brought to life by music, dance and food from around the world, with multiple live bands and foreign dance groups performing, plus plenty of epic entertainment running into the night. Market stalls will offer international dishes and clothing, crafts and accessories from all over the globe, and a plethora of art and music workshops will be accessible to everyone. “Culture Vibes is a celebration of the creativity, food and culture that makes us special,” Randwick Mayor Dylan Parker told The Beast. “You’ll be able to travel around the world in an evening, all in Kensington!” For more information, please visit Randwick Council’s website at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Fresh from its selection for the Melbourne International Film Festival 2026 Premiere Fund, Jebediah: Are We OK? goes behind the songs and the mythology to spend time with the four people who have been making music together since they were teenagers. Kevin, Chris, Vanessa and Brett shot to national stardom with their double-platinum debut Slightly Odway soon after forming in 1994. Thirty years later, they’re still making records, playing together and working out how to balance the band with the lives they’ve built beyond it. Crafted over eleven years by writer-director Arlo Dean Cook, the film combines thirty years of unseen personal archives and home videos with intimate present-day access. What emerges is a story about friendship, creativity and the strange, complicated business of growing up without growing apart. Jebediah: Are We OK? will be screening at Ritz Cinemas, Randwick at 3pm on Sunday, October 11. The session will be followed by a Q&A with frontman Kevin Mitchell and the director, hosted by Richard Kingsmill. Tickets are now on sale at www.madman.com.au/ jebediah-are-we-ok/.

Aussie music at its best.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick Mayor Dylan Parker

Randwick News Don’t two years fly by? This is my last Mayor’s message for the Beast for the time being, and I wanted to thank the community for your trust in allowing me to serve our area as your representative. Together, we’ve achieved a lot, including protecting our local environment by improving our green spaces, providing targeted cost of living relief and delivering quality infrastructure and improved council services to directly benefit locals. To that end, we’ve invested in several building projects that will benefit future generations, including the new Maroubra Surf Club, with construction set to commence shortly. We’ve also started major safety improvements along Maroubra Road, an area that for far too long had the reputation of being dangerous. We’ve improved safety at our beaches, expanding lifeguard services, and kept our streets clean and safe. While there is still much to do in this space, we’re rolling out mandatory parking bays for shared e-bikes, hopefully bringing order to our streets.

What’s On MAROUBRA DUNES BUSCHARE THURSDAY 1 OCTOBER 9am – 12pm Car Park of South Maroubra Surf Life Saving Club

MAROUBRA BEACH MARKETS SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 8am – 2pm Broadarrow Reserve

FREE MEDITATION WEDNESDAY 7 OCTOBER 6.30 – 7.30pm Lionel Bowen Library

PERMABEEE – COMMUNITY GARDENING PROGRAM FRIDAY 9 OCTOBER

9am – 12.30pm Randwick Sustainability Hub

There’s also now a brand new amenities block at the Heffron Park Netball Courts and we’ve been progressing on our long-held vision of a continuous coastal walkway connecting Clovelly and La Perouse. While this may be my last sign-off as Mayor for the 24-26 term, it isn’t a goodbye: I’ll still be serving as your Councillor. So if you see me around the community don’t be a stranger, and make sure to say hi!

SECTOR SESSIONS: LONG TABLE THURSDAY 29 OCTOBER 11am – 4pm Randwick Town Hall

Councillor Dylan Parker Mayor of Randwick 1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Crime News

Giacomo and his dog will now be separated for nearly three years.

Crime News Words Jimmy Fellon Photo Staffy Graf Failed Drug Smuggler Was Doing It for His Dog, Court Told Bondi resident Giacomo Granzotto turned to crime to raise funds for his beloved dog to travel with him to Italy, a court heard. The crime was a serious one - importing more than $600,000 worth of the party drug ketamine. And it seems that Granzotto wasn’t a very good criminal. Granzotto, a chef, had his package delivered to the Italian restaurant in the city where he was working. However, he wasn’t there when it arrived, so the package was left on a bench. But the manager was suspicious and he called police, who say the package contained 3.4kg of ketamine, concealed in resealable bags hidden in card game boxes. Within hours, police were knocking on the door of a Bondi flat as they paid 34-year-old Granzotto a visit, their knocks perhaps prompting a bark or two from Shy, the five-year old mixed breed female hound who subsequently formed the centrepiece of Granzotto’s defence as he appeared in court for possessing a commercial quantity of a border-controlled drug. His lawyer said his client wanted to go back to his native Italy and take Shy with him. The pair had an extremely close rela-

32 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

tionship, with Granzotto calling himself ‘Daddy of Shy’ in social media postings. All up, he needed $9,000 for their travel costs and Shy’s quarantine fees. This was the motivation behind his out-of-character crime, the court heard. However, the judge didn’t seem to be very sympathetic to this argument, jailing Granzotto for two years and nine months. Meanwhile, the story has had a semi-happy ending for Shy. She’s in Italy, her flight and quarantine costs having been covered by Granzotto’s relatives. Car-nage on Clovelly Road as Woman Drives at Cops, Slams Into Parked Cars A 32-year-old Randwick woman escaped in her car as police came calling one night with arrest warrants. Officers had to leap for their lives as she drove at them, then sped off down Clovelly Road. But she didn’t get far, her Holden hatchback slamming into a line of three parked cars near Bligh Place. She sprinted away from the accident scene and managed to elude police until the following afternoon, when she was arrested in Matraville after a brief foot pursuit. That’s the account police have given after charging Kailee Murphy. Police say she was “taken to Prince of Wales Hospital for assessment” before being charged with a string of offences relating to her exit from her unit block and the pile-up that occurred a short time later. She “was also charged by virtue of two outstanding warrants,” police said. Scots College Boys Charged With Sexual Assault on Teenager Three boys from elite Eastern Suburbs school The Scots College sexually assaulted a 14-yearold girl in a Bondi Junction alleyway, according to police. Two 14-year-old boys and a 13-year-old boy were arrested after police came calling at their Eastern Suburbs homes

one morning. At the cop shop, officers charged the trio with aggravated sexual assault and aggravated sexual touching. Coogee Bay Road Assault A man was punched and knocked to the ground following a Saturday night altercation near a licensed premises in Coogee Bay Road, Coogee, according to police. They said a 26-year old man “punched another man multiple times, causing him to fall to the ground and sustain injuries.” Ambulance paramedics treated a 41-year-old man at the scene for head injuries before taking him to Prince of Wales Hospital. The alleged assailant, New Zealand-born engineer Rangi Moore, was taken to Maroubra Police Station and charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm. After a night in the cells, Moore was granted bail by a magistrate under strict conditions including living with his parents under an 8pm curfew. Tobacconist Robbed at Gunpoint A gun-wielding thug robbed a tobacco business on Bondi Road, Bondi, making off with a haul of cash. Police have released images of a man they’d like to have a chat with about the hold-up. He is described as being of Caucasian appearance, about 170cm tall and of medium build. He was wearing a black jumper, white cap, black pants, black shoes and gloves. Anyone with information is urged to contact Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.

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Subject Days Like This Location Coogee Photographer Olivia Marques

Subject High-Rise Office Location Randwick Photographer Adrian Ferguson Tuor

Subject Tree Climber Location Clovelly Photographer Pauline Wall

Subject Conducting the Ocean Symphony Location Maroubra Photographer Hadass Segal

Please send your local photos to photos@thebeast.com.au

Subject Breaching Bottlenose Location Bronte Photographer Peter Bergman

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Above Water of the result. What adolescents need to hear isn’t that it doesn’t matter - of course it does. It’s that it matters, and it is not the be-all and end-all.

There'll be plenty of time for climbing mountains after the HSC.

The HSC Matters, But It Isn’t the Summit Words Joel Moffat, Clinical Psychologist Photo Tenzing Norgay Over 2,000 young people living from Rose Bay to Maroubra are in Year 12 this year, spread across roughly twenty schools. St Catherine’s, Kambala, Randwick High, Marcellin, Rose Bay, Matraville Sports, Waverley, Moriah, Cranbrook and the rest. On October 13 most of them will sit English Paper 1 alongside 80,000 others across NSW. Behind them, more than 2,000 households. Cooking dinners, biting their tongues, some already lying awake at 2am. As a psychologist, I see a version of the same conversation in Randwick every year, and it’s rarely about study. It’s a parent who badly wants to help and has run out of ideas. Here’s where I’d start: Get specific about what these exams actually produce, because anxiety and dread thrive in vagueness. The ATAR is a rank, not a mark. UAC says so plainly, but families still hear a percentage. An ATAR of 80 doesn’t mean 80 per cent. It means your child sat 20 per cent from the top of their age group, and that group is every 16 to 20-year-old in

36 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

NSW, not just the ones who stayed until Year 12. It is useful, and the most time-efficient key to certain competitive courses, but in most cases only for about twelve months. It is also not the only door. A 2025 Mitchell Institute analysis found that in 2023, half of all domestic students starting a bachelor’s degree weren’t recent school leavers, so the ATAR wasn’t relevant to their admission. Of those who were, three in ten got in without it being considered. Nor is it much of a forecast. Victoria University researchers found higher-ATAR students earned higher first-year marks on average, but the spread was so wide it predicted very little for any individual student. What it certainly is not is a measure of a person’s worth. Illness, grief, a diagnosis in Term 2, a family coming apart over winter... all of it lands on the aggregate, and none of it says anything about your child’s potential or who they are becoming. After thirteen years of schooling, finishing these exams is worth being proud of regardless

Three Things Students Can Do 1. Test yourself rather than re-reading. The evidence for self-quizzing is strong; for highlighting and re-reading it is weaker. 2. Protect sleep. A well-rested brain will almost always outperform an extra two hours of study in the final days. 3. Plan for tomorrow, not December. “Two hours of Biology past papers at nine” is a plan you can finish. “Get 90” is a wish, and there is nothing you can do with it tonight. Three Things Parents Can Do 1. When they predict disaster, resist correcting it. “That sounds heavy,” opens a conversation more reliably than, “Don't be ridiculous,” which tends to shut one down. 2. Then swap, “Are you feeling okay?” for, “What’s the plan for the morning?” A stressed brain manages logistics reasonably well, and an actionable step beats sitting in the dread. 3. Audit your own feelings before you check in. A fair share of the anxiety in the house during exam block belongs to the adults, and it arrives dressed up as concern. Keep the ordinary things running. Dinner, dog walks, Saturday sport, beach swims... In December the ATAR arrives and it will feel enormous - for about two weeks. As that fades, what your child will remember is how you were in October. Joel Moffat supervises the team at Ivy Psychology in Randwick. The team sees children, adolescents and adults. To find out more, visit ivypsychology.com.au or call 0405 944 637.

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Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 37

Marjorie's Musings

Trapped workers being rescued after the tragic events in Nepal.

More Than Just Momos Why Australia Owes Nepal a Very Big Thank-You Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, State Member for Coogee Photo AP The last few weeks have been tough on our Nepalese and Nepalese-Australian friends. Watching from afar, it’s hard not to feel the weight their community is carrying after the natural disaster back home. In moments like these, it’s worth remembering just how much the Nepalese community in Australia has already given to our country and how much richer we are for their being here. Nepalese residents now form one of Australia’s fastest-growing migrant communities. In 2025, more than 213,000 people living in Australia counted Nepal as their country of birth - up from around 50,000 just a decade earlier. That’s a fourfold increase, with big and vibrant communities in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and beyond. But this isn’t just a story about numbers; it’s about neighbours, classmates, co-workers and the people keeping our hospitals, cafés, construction sites and tech firms running. A huge part of this growth has come through education. Tens of thousands of Nepalese international students study in Australia, making Nepal one of

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the top sources of overseas students. In NSW alone, there were nearly 36,000 Nepalese students in 2025 - the second largest international student group in the state. And among Nepal-born people in Australia, more than half of those aged 15 and over hold a bachelor’s degree or higher - one of the highest tertiary education rates of any migrant community. That translates into doctors, nurses, engineers, IT specialists, teachers and business professionals contributing across the economy. If you’ve had a parent or grandparent in aged care lately, there’s a good chance a Nepalese worker was part of their care team. Nepalese workers play a vital, rapidly growing role in easing Australia’s structural aged care shortage, filling essential direct care and clinical positions. Culturally, many Nepalese communities place deep emphasis on respect and care for elders. That value shows up in Australian facilities as compassionate, person-centred support, the kind that notices the small things, remembers the stories and treats residents like family. In a sector that’s chronically under pres-

sure, that cultural orientation is not just nice - it’s essential. Beyond aged care, Nepalese Australians are heavily represented in healthcare, hospitality, IT, education, disability support and construction. In other words, they’re in the places we rely on every day, often without even thinking about it. The economic story is big too. International students from Nepal contribute billions to the Australian economy through tuition, rent, groceries and everyday spending. Nepal is among the top contributors to Australia’s international education export income, which hit around $51 billion in 2023/24. At the same time, Nepalese Australians send significant remittances home to support families, fund education and build houses in Nepal - money that stabilises an economy where diaspora remittances account for more than 30 per cent of GDP. In a very real sense, Australia and Nepal are economically intertwined through this community. Yes, there are momos - and they’re fantastic - but the Nepalese contribution is far more than a great dumpling. It’s in our hospitals, our universities, our aged care facilities, our tech teams and our neighbourhoods. It’s in the way a growing community has chosen to build a life here while still caring deeply about home. In a time when Nepal itself is hurting, acknowledging that contribution isn’t just polite, it’s honest. Australia hasn’t just ‘hosted’ Nepalese migrants and students, we’ve been strengthened by them. Let’s all try to reach out and ask them, “Are you okay?” If you do not yet know someone from Nepal, please reach out and find someone. The Nepalese people that I have met - and I know many - are a great addition to our multicultural society. They are intelligent, kind, lovely people (with delicious food), and we are very fortunate to have them here.

SENIORS SERVICES

AWARENESS DAY Friday 30th October from 9am Easts, Bondi Junction

REGISTER NOW

Seminars, stalls, and resources from local community groups and organisations like Fire and Rescue NSW, NSW Police, The George Institute for Global Health, Prestige In-Home Care and more. Refreshments provided, everyone welcome! Authorised by Dr Marjorie OʼNeill MP. Funded using Parliamentary entitlements. September 2026.

Thiso's Thoughts

You are not alone.

Medicare Mental Health Clinic Now Open in Bondi Words Matt Thistlethwaite, Federal Member for Kingsford Smith Photo Lily Tindale At some stage most Australians will face a mental health struggle. That struggle is generally treatable, and the person can recover if they seek support. But many won’t seek treatment due to barriers such as stigma, cost and distance. The Albanese Government is determined to break down the barriers to mental health treatment to ensure all in our community get access to support and treatment when they need it to help them recover. That’s why we have opened a free Medicare Mental Health Clinic in Bondi Junction. Over the past two years, many in our community have experienced significant trauma, from the knife attack at Bondi Junction to the horrific antisemitic attack at Bondi Beach in December, as well as the shark attack of Leah Stewart at Coogee Beach. Just last month, I was at a community event when a friend of one of the victims of the Bondi attack broke down in my arms. Our community has suffered its fair share of trauma recently. PTSD and trauma stays with a person long after a traumatic event, and it doesn’t take much to bring it to the surface. Many in our community also have challenges in life that affect their mental health.

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Awareness of mental health issues is at an all-time high thanks to the outstanding work of mental health advocates across Australia, but awareness is only one step towards better mental health treatment and outcomes. People must not be afraid to seek support when they need it, and the support must be available and accessible. That’s why the Albanese Labor Government is increasing access to free, walk in mental health support without need for a referral or appointment across Australia with Medicare Mental Health Centres and the online Medicare Mental Health Check In. Since the first free clinic opened, Medicare Mental Health Centres have seen over half a million appointments. And for our community, the permanent Bondi Medicare Mental Health Centre is now officially open. I attended the opening of the Mental Health Centre with Assistant Minister for Mental Health Emma McBride and Member for Wentworth Allegra Spender. Located at 241 Oxford Street, Bondi Junction and open 9am5pm Monday to Friday, the Bondi Medicare Mental Health Centre provides free, walk-in mental health care and support for people experiencing distress, mental health concerns or emo-

tional difficulties - no referral or appointment required. The clinic has a range of mental health professionals and support workers to ensure that everyone receives the care they need. Having a dedicated Mental Health Centre in our community is important for both awareness and treatment of mental health struggles. This centre is one part of the dedicated mental health support for our community provided by the Albanese Government in the immediate aftermath of the Bondi tragedy, including the Jewish community and all those affected by the terrorist attack. The centre will continue to deliver trauma-focused support while serving as an open door for anyone in the community seeking help. Those in our community struggling with their mental health know that you are not alone. Free help is available. We all face difficulties in life that seem insurmountable, but they can be overcome with the right treatment and support. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. People seeking support can visit the Medicare Mental Health Centre in Bondi or call 1800 595 212. For more information, please visit medicarementalhealth.gov.au.

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Tight Lines she told me as I theatrically remarked that I was onto a fish. This time it stayed connected, using the clear, cool water to its advantage, plunging down the drop-off at my feet and playing up all the way to the shore. Finally, it revealed itself as I slid it up onto the mudbank, a healthy, long and slender brown trout. It was the first brown I had caught from the system - no trophy, but a decent reward after hours of frigid casting.

Lewis and a healthy browny destined for the risotto..

Fridays Are for Fishing Words and Photo Lewis Kennedy-Hunt How would you spend a Friday off work? For me, the rainsoaked coast and bleak surf forecast offered limited options. But that still wasn’t enough to dull my thirst for a little end-ofweek adventure. Luckily for us, Sydney is just a few hours’ drive from a whole host of diverse landscapes and, importantly, fishing options. So I decided to leave the coast behind and head inland in search of clearer skies and, hopefully, a trout. It was a zone I had previously followed my mate Ethan into. At best, I would get bent on a few fish and come home with a feed. At worst, I would sample a few country bakeries along the way and catch up on some fishing podcasts. Either way, going bush alone with the simple task of casting, retrieving and recasting seemed like a good way to spend a Friday. The rain cleared as I drove inland and, before long, I was walking through the bush with 42 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

not another person in sight, just a few mangy looking goats and suicidal kangaroos. The icy wind, however, was near unbearable. A small waterside fire and a mug of hot Milo provided some temporary relief before I started casting. Hours went by with no action, just rhythmic casting while I admired the scenery. But fishing is a sport that rewards persistence, and after four hours I eventually hooked a fish, only to lose it before I even got eyes on it. The feeling of disappointment was short-lived, quickly replaced by a renewed sense of focus and determination to land one. After trialling a few more spots, I got a phone call from Charlotte on her lunch break. With the phone on speaker, I continued casting away while we talked. During one of those seemingly ordinary casts, the rod loaded up again and I was on. She must be my lucky charm, or at least that’s what

Trout and Mushroom Risotto Although I don’t personally rate trout too highly as an eating fish, it is a good source of protein and omega-3 and has a modest flavour that can be worked into most meals - a risotto being one of them. Ingredients 300g cooked and flaked trout fillets 1½ cups Arborio rice 200g sliced mushrooms 1 finely diced onion 2 minced garlic cloves 1L of stock ½ cup dry white wine 50g butter ½ cup finely grated parmesan Fresh dill Olive oil Salt and black pepper Method 1. Keep the stock warm in a saucepan. 2. Heat olive oil in a large pan and cook the onion, garlic and mushrooms until softened. 3. Add the rice and stir for one minute before adding the wine. 4. Once absorbed, gradually add the warm stock, one ladle at a time, stirring regularly until the rice is creamy and tender. 5. Stir through the butter, parmesan, trout and dill, then season with salt and pepper and serve immediately with a glass of that remaining white wine.

Tide Chart

October 2026 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Moons

Moon • New Quarter • First Moon • Full • Last Quarter

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

1 0440 0.48 1112 1.77 1752 0.41 2351 1.28

2 0530 0.57 1207 1.72 1901 0.46

3 0100 1.19 0632 0.65 1313 1.66 2020 0.48

4 0322 1.16 0848 0.68 1529 1.64 2237 0.46

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6 0547 1.29 1123 0.59 1750 1.69

7 0032 0.36 0639 1.40 1225 0.50 1845 1.71

8 0116 0.32 0724 1.51 1320 0.43 1933 1.71

9 0155 0.30 0806 1.60 1410 0.37 2017 1.67

10 0230 0.32 0845 1.67 1456 0.35 2100 1.60

11 0303 0.35 0922 1.72 1540 0.35 2140 1.52

12 0334 0.41 0959 1.74 1622 0.38 2219 1.43

13 0405 0.47 1033 1.73 1703 0.42 2300 1.34

14 0435 0.54 1109 1.70 1746 0.47 2340 1.27

15 0508 0.61 1145 1.65 1830 0.53

16 0023 1.20 0545 0.68 1227 1.58 1921 0.59

17 0113 1.15 0631 0.73 1314 1.51 2019 0.63

18 0212 1.11 0730 0.78 1412 1.46 2126 0.64

19 0325 1.12 0843 0.80 1521 1.43 2230 0.61

20 0436 1.16 1000 0.78 1630 1.45 2323 0.56

21 0531 1.25 1106 0.72 1728 1.49

22 0006 0.49 0615 1.35 1203 0.64 1815 1.53

23 0043 0.43 0654 1.47 1252 0.55 1900 1.57

24 0117 0.38 0731 1.59 1338 0.45 1943 1.59

25 0151 0.35 0809 1.71 1425 0.36 2026 1.59

26 0228 0.34 0848 1.82 1512 0.29 2113 1.55

27 0306 0.36 0931 1.90 1600 0.25 2202 1.50

28 0347 0.40 1016 1.94 1653 0.25 2255 1.43

29 0433 0.46 1105 1.93 1749 0.28 2351 1.35

30 0524 0.53 1158 1.89 1850 0.33

31 0053 1.28 0622 0.60 1256 1.81 1957 0.38

5 0444 1.20 1010 0.66 1645 1.65 2341 0.41

• •

Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 43

Dana's Recipe

An impressive cross section.

Red Curry Prawn Burger With Pickled Slaw Words Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine If you’re looking to mix up your homemade burger game and experiment with new flavours and origins, these red curry prawn burgers will really hit the spot. Fresh Aussie prawns are shaped into a generous pattie, complimented by zingy Thai flavours, a rainbow of pickled slaw and a good slick of sauce, all held together by a fresh bun. They are punchy, satisfying and hopefully a bit messy, best enjoyed outdoors as we make the most of spring. This recipe makes four delicious burgers. Ingredients Prawn Patties 800gm raw green prawns, shelled and deveined, finely chopped 3 tbs coconut milk ½ lemongrass stalk, outer layer removed, very finely chopped 1 tbs red curry paste Juice of ½ lime 1 tbs fish sauce 44 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

2 spring onion, finely chopped ¾ cup fresh coriander leaves and stems, finely chopped 2 lime leaves, very finely chopped 2 egg whites 1 cup extra virgin olive oil, for frying Pickled Slaw 1 Lebanese cucumber, shaved into ribbons ½ red capsicum, seeds removed, thinly sliced 1 carrot, thinly sliced lengthways ¼ fennel, thinly sliced ¼ red onion, thinly sliced 1 long red chilli, thinly sliced ¾ cup white vinegar 1 tbs sea salt 1 tbs white sugar 1 ½ cups water 4 white rolls with sesame seeds ½ cup fresh mint, leaves picked 4 tbs whole egg mayonnaise 4 tbs Thai sweet chilli sauce

Method 1. In a saucepan set to low heat on the stovetop, add the vinegar, salt and sugar. Stir to dissolve the salt and sugar then simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and allow to cool. 2. Combine all ingredients for the pickled slaw into a large sterilised jar. Pour over the cooled pickling liquid and then add the water. Seal the lid tightly and refrigerate for 3-4 hours or even overnight. 3. Combine all ingredients for the prawn patties in a large mixing bowl and combine well. Shape the mixture into burger sized patties and set aside. 4. In a frying pan set to medium heat on the stovetop, add the olive oil. When it’s hot, gently fry the prawn patties in batches for 3 minutes each side until golden brown. Remove them from the pan and drain on paper towel. 5. Remove the pickled slaw from the fridge. Transfer the slaw to a separate bowl and shake off a bit of the pickling liquid, then toss the slaw together well. 6. To make the burgers, cut the 4 rolls in half and lay the bottoms on a serving plate. Spread a tablespoon of whole egg mayonnaise on the base of each bun, followed by the sweet chilli sauce. 7. Add a generous amount of the pickled slaw, followed by a prawn pattie, then the fresh mint, and finish with the lid of the roll. Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food. She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

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The Unreliable Guide that in London and you’ll lose more than just the table. Having lived in both countries, I think most Aussies are far more honest than us dodgy Poms. A sweet friend of mine from Coffs Harbour once went to London, her first trip overseas. She’d just arrived, wide-eyed with culture shock and jet lag, and asked a random woman to keep an eye on her backpack while she went to the loo. When she came out, both the woman and the bag (containing all my friend’s worldly possessions) were long gone. I still feel shame as a Londoner when I think about that, but really - what was she thinking?

Pickpockets and shoplifters in Victorian London.

The Unreliable Guide To... Keeping Your Hand on Your Ha’penny Words Nat Shepherd Photo George Cruikshank Those of you who regularly read this column will be aware that The Unreliable Guide is a Pom. What you may not know, is that I’m also a Londoner and identify as a Geezer. This is seldom significant, until there’s any discussion of the best way to navigate the London Underground or how to avoid crime. From the moment our townhouse was burgled when I was three, my brain has been wired for theft prevention. This is both a blessing and a curse. True, thanks to my patent sleeping bag wallet, I was the only one in our group of Interrailers not to have their money pinched on the overnight train to Naples. Likewise, spending an hour each morning at Glastonbury constructing a fake person (named Boris) out of stuffed clothes kept our tent safe from a plague of looters. Yet vigilance requires diligence, and carrying a sense of impending doom at all times is exhausting. So, if you also tend to walk on the paranoid side, The Unreliable Guide is here with some tips and tricks to navigating crime. The Lucky Country When we first arrived in Australia, I was amazed by how trusting people were. I saw unlocked cars, key in the ignition, left unattended while their owner popped into a shop. A joyrider’s open invitation, but no one did. Today, you people reserve your spot in a pub or cafe by leaving your phone on the table. Try 46 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

The Geezer 2000™ And now I’m worried that almost three decades of living here has dulled my crime radar. We’re going to London for Christmas, and I’ve already started to research how cautious I need to be. The news is not good. According to the UK’s Office of National Statistics, in the last two years one in seven adults across the UK has suffered phone theft. That equates to a device being stolen every 7.6 seconds. Losing my phone would be a disaster - I do everything on it, especially when travelling. So, I’ve designed The Geezer 2000™ - a stateof-the-art phone-snatch protector. These devices already exist, but mine is next level. Inside an indestructible phone cover, a wide steel plate attaches to a long steel cord I can connect to my body or steel-reinforced crossbody bag. I’ve tested The Geezer with an unwilling volunteer thief (thank you darling) and the results were dramatic. You snatch my phone, you get me too. You Mug But The Geezer only protects against opportunistic thieves - muggers make us hand everything over. The sensible advice is to surrender the goodies, but I love this story a friend told me recently about two teenage girls in London. The girls were jumped by two muggers who demanded their valuables. But these were London girls. After fighting like tigers, they ran like hell and leapt onto a passing bus. Checking themselves for damages, one of the girls revealed she’d managed to extract a fat gold necklace from her assailant. Her friend laughed and opened her hand. Inside it was a large shiny watch. They sold them both. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests we remember Joseph Heller’s famous quote from his satirical novel, Catch-22. “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.” Exactly.

Kieran's Satire

The jewel of the east.

Get Ready for the Event of the Century Words Kieran Blake - kieranblakewriter.org Photo Frank Lowy Waverley Council is promising seven days and nights of wonderful festivities when it unveils the revitalised Bondi Junction at some point in the future. Residents will be amazed at the world-class cultural, civic and commercial town centre, a rejuvenated mall and plaza, plus new dining, shopping and entertainment options, as well as the use of terms like people-focused, intuitive, seamless and lively, to describe Bondi Junction. During the weeklong festivities, petrol heads can drool over the Formula 1 teams testing their vehicles at the Oscar Piastri Aerodynamics Wind Tunnel, while thrill seekers can marvel at the adrenaline junkies in the Red Bull Wingsuit Slalom Championship flying between the new high-rise complexes and finishing under the Westfield walkway above Oxford Street. Sign up now for the toughest ever season of Alone Australia. You could win $100,000 (or

1-hour free parking) if you survive the most consecutive days in Bondi Junction during a wet, windy winter. Bondi Jungle was also set to host a series of I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here, before producers learned that everyone in the Eastern Suburbs is a celebrity, and that everyone at the Junction is just trying to get out. New and established eateries will tempt us all to stay and play with enticing signature dishes, while Easts will give a free drink to anyone who can pronounce Nawaqanitawase. Patrons at the new rooftop bars, meanwhile, can gaze west to see the sun set over our glorious harbour, and gaze down to watch cops chase teens on e-bikes. Order another drink and watch the drunken street fights outside The Mill, Tea Gardens, The Nelson and the new entertainment venues. Children are also catered for. Youngsters can play Chase the Sun between the high-rise buildings, before swinging by council offices for free Vitamin

D tablets, while local HSC students can assess the merits of the new library facility as a place to flirt under the guise of studying. Even more important than local children are local dogs, and they will be given free reign to dominate new parks, public spaces and cafés, alongside the 6,000 new dogs occupying the 3,000 new homes to be added to the precinct. The network of urban parks and plazas, plus walking and bike trails connecting Centennial Park to the Junction will also open during this week, so Council has thoughtfully provided snowflakes with soap boxes and microphones from which to launch uncensored diatribes at cyclists, Teals, sustainability advocates and everything woke. Waverley Council is adamant these seven magnificent days of bread and games will erase the memories of years of construction disruption for residents, workers, business owners and sunburnt tourists. Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 47

Beast Brainteasers

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ACROSS 1. Coogee swimming spot (6,5) 7. 3.14159 (2) 8. 1986 musical fantasy film (9) 10. Detergent (3) 11. Squabble, ... bargy (4) 14. South Australian chocolate (6) 15. Annoying person (4) 18. Gigabyte (2) 19. Confronts (7) 20. On one single occasion (4) 21. Black, green, oolong... (4) 23. International Baccalaureate (1,1) 25. Hooved mammal (4) 27. Wave thief (5) 29. Eggs (3) 31. Shrek’s voice, Mike ... (5) 32. Cow noise (3) 33. Sumatran surf spot (4)

DOWN 1. Third-largest city in NSW (10) 2. Work (6) 3. Mistake (5) 4. Ibis (3,7) 5. Swan Lake composer (11) 6. Long pasta (9) 9. Attractive mum abbr. (1,1) 12. Roentgenium (2) 13. Japanese action role-playing games (2) 16. 11-digit business identifier (1,1,1) 17. Thief (6) 21. Slavic monarch (4) 22. Insurance company (4) 24. Superior (4) 26. Stock cube brand (3) 28. Fearful interjection (3) 30. Mid-80s Commodore (1,1)

Trivial Trivia Words Lisa Anderson 1. How many items are there in a ‘baker’s dozen’? 2. Girella tricuspidata is the latin name for which species of native Australian fish? 3. What term refers to the pleasant, earthy smell that fills the air when rain falls on dry soil or rock after a dry spell?

4. A ‘thruster’ set-up on a surfboard features how many roughly evenly shaped fins? 5. What was Pauline Hanson referring to when she said, “I don’t like it,” during a 60 Minutes interview in late 1996? 6. What is the name of Croatia’s capital city?

Subject March of the Surfers Location Bondi Photographer Yasmin 48 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

7. From a total of 96 career fights, how many did Tony Mundine win by knockout? 8. Who were the men’s and women’s winners in the 2026 TCS Sydney Marathon? 9. Who wrote the hit song ‘I Will Always Love You’ in 1973? 10. How old is Albo?

Aldo's Albums

Interpol

This Mirror Weighs a Ton Label Partisan Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Just when even the most optimistic fans of 2000s indie bands had given up on their heroes, Modest Mouse, and now Interpol, deliver us from evil and back into temptation. Renowned for their dark and brooding style, Interpol are certainly not for everyone but, as they say, if you know, you know. This Mirror Weighs a Ton is perhaps their most rounded since Antics. They’re still morose bastards, but there is a touch of The National in the production here and it brings a certain lightness to the gloom. It’s not quite spritzers in the sunshine, but certainly a step up from mainlining heroin in a New York squat.

Adam Newling

The Bloody Unknown Label Blackbird Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating 

Coyote vs ACME Genre Comedy Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador When a hybrid film combining live-action actors and animated Looney Tunes characters opens with the statement ‘Based on a true story’, you know you’re in for a riotous, laugh-outloud ride. So, if you want to spend 100 minutes grinning from ear to ear, look no further than the hilarious yet agonisingly painful antics of Coyote vs ACME. Tired of being blown up by faulty gadgets while chasing his nemesis, the Road Runner, anti-hero Wile E. Coyote hires personal injury lawyer Kevin Avery (Will Forte) to sue the ACME Corporation for emotional distress and physical harm. What follows is one of the most absurd ‘underdog vs Goliath’ court battles you’re ever likely to witness. If you enjoy watching characters endure a relentless barrage of slapstick violence, where they are repeatedly battered for our warped amusement, then this wickedly funny exercise in schadenfreude is tailor-made for you. But the ultimate question remains: why on earth did Warner Bros. want to shelve this film as a tax write-off? It’s an absolute hoot. Prepare to walk away with your face aching from laughing so much.

Adam Newling looks like a bloke who should be drinking mass-produced beer in an inner-city pub on a weekday and then getting up on stage to get heckled by drunks and give back as good as he gets. Chances are he actually has been that bloke for a while, but I think that might be about to change. I’m not going to say he’s the next Paul Kelly, but the fact I’m even considering that gives you an idea of where he’s at. The Bloody Unknown gave me goosebumps right from the get-go and is so under my bloody skin now that I’ve got the lighter and tweezers out.

half.alive

Billions EP

Label ARRO Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  I don’t usually review EPs, but sometimes the exceptional creates the exception. half.alive not only have a very annoying name to write in a Word document, they have also had an intriguing career of excellence and near-misses. Billions brings it all together and is likely the best twelve minutes you could spend with your clothes on for a while. Heck, you don’t even need to put your clothes on. At least put a towel down on the couch though - you don’t want skiddies on the Koala. Think Phoenix mixed with Glass Animals and a dash of Panic! at the Disco for good measure.

Issue 261 October 2026 The Beast 49

Beardy from Hell Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 If you need to piss, just go and get it over and done with. Trying to hold a piss in for too long is going to damage your bladder.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 Mixing business with friendship will only lead to ruined relationships when your financial and personal priorities clash.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Squeezing those little white wormy things out of your nose pores is super fun, but please give your poor beak a break.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 There aren’t many people alive on this planet who use anywhere near as many words as you do to say so little.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 The misogynistic prick in your workplace needs to be taught a lesson, and it’s your responsibility to be the educator.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 You’re never going to be perfect, but chasing perfection is the only way you’re going to achieve excellence.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 You need to understand that fish rot from the head, so no amount of work will compensate for the incompetence of your boss.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Only family connections and elite schooling can open doors to the high-paying opportunities you’re trying to access.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Teaching your mate’s kids how to ‘shotgun’ cans is an important lesson they’ll be able to teach their friends and value forever.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Every major breakthrough seemed delusional before becoming a reality, so never stop believing in your dreams.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 The best way to endear people to you is to not say anything negative about anyone, which is hard when you’re surrounded by idiots.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 It’s difficult not to attack your partner’s character instead of focussing on the issue when their character is the issue.

Star Signs

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bondicounsellingservices.com 50 The Beast October 2026 Issue 261

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. 13 2. Luderick 3. Petrichor 4. Three 5. Sydney Mardi Gras 6. Zagreb 7. 64 8. Addisu Gobena and Peres Jepchirchir 9. Dolly Parton 10. 63 1

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31

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29

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