The Accursed Mountebanks vol. 2 #4

THE ACCURSED MOUNTEBANKS: a weekly comedy zine issue #4

Our special “Movie Review” issue!

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) - Geena Davis has a filthy mouth.

So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) - You know what? There she DOES go again.

Easy A (2010) - Really? All that over the word 'twat?'

The Other Guys (2010) - I like The Little River Band.

The Losers (2010) - It's a bit much.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) - Foxes dance weird.

The Green Hornet (2011) - Don't go dragging Digital Underground into this!

Starship Troopers (1997) - Amy Smart stars in the worst prequel to Super Troopers imaginable.

Land of the Dead (2005) - I guess those pies didn't work, zombie Tom Savini, did they?

Dinner for Schmucks (2010) - I might have missed it, but did ANYONE say the word "schmuck?"

Cut Throat Island (1995) - Totally works without sound and a drunk guy yelling about birds next me at the bar.

True Grit (2010) - I saw his other eye move when he was laying in bed.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) - That's not how you pronounce 'gasoline.'

The Road Warrior (1981) - Where'd they get all those feathers?

Mad Max (1979) - That leg is going to get infected.

Astroboy (2009) - A whole lot of people sure did die.

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) - Was that Nixon?

Legion (2010) - Caleb Temple?

Machete (2010) - Why do they keep pronouncing it that way?

Aliens (1986) - Vagina.

Doghouse (2009) - Hey, that's the kind of razor I use!

Revolver (2005) - Why am a suddenly furious at Kabbalah?

Strange Days (1995) - Not one single person mentioned the Y2K virus.

Daybreakers (2009) - Since when do heart monitoring wires not melt?

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) - I could go for some corn.

Brewster’s Millions (1985) - I would also like to choke Rick Moranis.

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) That's not how time travel works.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) - He's not going to be able to get that red out.

The Horde (2009) - Why are so many zombies flocking to an abandoned projects? Are they looking for HUD? Smokin’ Aces 2: Assassins’ Ball (2006) - I bet they get better actors for the sequel.

Escape From New York (1981) - Isn't that what Broadway looks like now?

Thor (2011) - I bet that 7-Eleven had some stale-ass nachos.

Highlander (1986) - I didn't know Ramirez was a Scotch/Egyptian name.

Trollhunter (2010) - These troll rules seem arbitrary.

The Shadow (1994) - Lamont Cranston probably laughs so much because he hangs out with Peter Boyle all the time.

Cool World (1992) - If the only law is "no boning real people," then why do they have all those Poppers?

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) - I could never be able to afford one of those watches.

From Paris With Love (2010) - Oh, it was like what he said in Pulp Fiction.

Night Watch (2004) - That's a pretty good episode of Buffy.

Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988) - This movie is aptly named.

500 Days of Summer (2009) - I love Ringo Starr.

Wayne’s World 2 (1993) - That seems a little late in life to get your firs pube. He should probably go to a doctor.

Back to the Future (1985) - So, how does Doc Brown know Marty again?

Wayne’s World (1992) - Everyone seems a little too excited about this girl, especially since she's just in a cover band.

Limitless (2011) - That's WAY too many production companies.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003) - I don't think Kruger thought this out.

Winnebago Man (2009) - People at a found footage festival don't like Dick Cheney. How was that difficult to explain?

The Trip (2010) - Oh, it's the British version of "Grown Ups." Slither (2006) - Just chillin' with my infant, watchin' Toxic Avenger.

Final Destination (2000) - Look out, you guys! It's The Candyman!!!

Gremlins (1984) - DAMNIT, COREY FELDMAN! YOU'RE LIEING ON THE COMIC BOOK!!!

Day of the Dead (1984) - Actually, Latinos are generally considered to be brown. You're thinking of Asians.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) I forgot how apt of a metaphor chess can be for explosions and automatic rifles.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) How many ominous things do you have to hear before you realize HE WANTS TO MURDER YOU! The Hangover Part II (2011) - See, even monkeys like The Rolling Stones.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) That's a pretty good price for those electronics.

House 2: The Second Story (1987) - Wait.

Dinosaurs didn't live at the same time as people.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) - You know, he doesn't have to yell "Flame on!"

Blade (1998) - I don't know. I bet if they DICED him, The Quinn Man probably wouldn't keep on coming.

Brazil (1985) - This movie has everyone!

Bilbo Baggins, Eddie Valiant & that one character Robert DeNiro always plays...

Punisher: War Zone (2008) - I would think you'd want to keep the fact that you used to be a dirty cop under your hat.

Wanderlust (2012) - Tells the wonderful story of a beautiful world where there are no bras. Should have sent a poet.

Independence Day (1996) - Is EVERYONE in this movie a pilot?

Casino (1995) - I bet this movie caused a lot of fights between Dicky and Tom. A-Team (2010) - So many catchphrases. How about just talking like three normal people and a weirdo?

Detention (2011) - The Incredulous What of Huh? Man of the Year (2006) - Worst Saturday Night Live ever.

Dredd (2012) - This movie needed just a little Rob Schneider.

Police Academy (1984) - Say what you will, the experience did turn his life around.

Iron Man (2008) - He does whatever an iron can.

Lockout (2012) - Isn't this kind of the plot to Escape From LA? Fire and Ice (1983) - Really? Not even a LITTLE nudity?

NE XTI S S UE : T heAccur s e dMount e banks ’ 2 01 9Cal e ndar ! ! !