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The Accursed Mountebanks Weekly #5

Page 1

B a r o n b e a c h w h i s t l e


T o p88t h i n g s 1.Awk wa r dc o nv e r s a t i o nbe t we e nt het wo s e r v e r swhoa r es e t t i ngupt her e s t a ur a ntf o r t heda y ' sbus i ne s s 2.P uppyBr e a t h 3.S t e v eBus c e mi ' sc ha r a c t e ri nBa r t o nF i nk 4.Ac o bbs a l a d 5.Ge t t i ngt o omuc hs l e e p ,wa k i ngup ,be i ng s ot i r e dt ha ty o ut a k eana p ,t he ng o i ngt obe d a tar e a s o na bl eho ur . 6.F o r dF i e s t a 7.Hy pe r c o l o r 8.S t e v eCo o g a n 9.F e a rS t r e e t 10. Go i ngi ns i det hepe e pi ngbo o t hi nDuk e Nuk e m 3D 11. Ma s t e rBl a s t e r 12. Tr a pDo o r s 13. Ba t t l eo ft heNe t wo r kS t a r s 14. AS t a r r yNi g ht 15. The i a 16. Tr e buc he t 17. Ani ma lS t y l e 18. Thet r a i l e rf o rt hel o s tt e l e v i s i o npi l o t P o o c hi ns k i 19. Br ut ust heBa r be rBe e f c a k e 20. Theno ndi g i t a l ,ha ndhe l dl a be lma k e r s t ha tus e dadi a la ndt r i g g e rs y s t e m 21. S i ng i ngt hef ul l ,Ge r ma nv e r s i o no f99 L uf tBa l l o o nsa tk a r a o k e ,e v e nt ho ug ha l lt he y ha v ei st heE ng l i s hv e r s i o n99Re dBa l l o o ns 22. Co untCho c ul a 23. S o ut hl a ndTa l e s 24. S i de wa y sS t o r i e sf r o m Wa y s i deS c ho o l 25. Me mno c ht heDe v i l 26. Gr i l lS k i l l 27. J o hnL o v i t z ' sMa s t e rThe s pi a nme e t i ng J o hnL i t hg o wpl a y i nghi st e a c he r 28. Cr a c k e d' sAf t e rHo ur s 29. Tha tAt t a c kBubbl ef r o m TheP r i s o ne r 30. TheTr a s hMa nAc t i o nF i g ur ef r o m TMNT 31. S na r eDr um 32. S o nyBo noi nTr o l l 33. Kr e bs t a r 34. To mmyf r o mP o we rRa ng e r s 35. P ut t i ngy o urha ndsbe hi ndy o urhe a d a ndc l a ppi ngy o ure l bo wsi nf r o nto fy o ur c hi n 36. TheWo r d“ Mo i s t ” 37. Co ur t ne yCo xi nt heDa nc i ngi nt he Da r kv i de o 38. P r e di t o r2 39. Af t e rt he s eMe s s a g e s ,we ' l lber i g ht ba c k 40. Cr a z yMa g a z i ne 41. TheWi s c o ns i nDe l l s

42. Ma r v e lUni v e r s eS e r i e sF o ur 43. Dr unkCo l l e g eBo wl i ng 44. S a nDe mi sHi g hS c ho o lF o o t ba l l 45. Da da i s m 46. TheI ns i deCo v e rt oTo ul o us eS t r e e t 47. TheTa z ma ni a nDe v i lS a y i ng ,“ Wha t f o ry o ubur ymei nt hec o l d,c o l dgr o und? ” 48. S t r e e tTa c o s 49. Ci t yo fCr i me 50. TheS i l v e r l a k eL o ung eo pe nmi cwhe n i twa sho s t e db yMa t tCha mpa g ne 51. Tha tt i meTho rwa saf r o g 52. Whi s pe rt oaS c r e a m 53. KI TH' sf i r s tAx eMur de r e rS k e t c h 54. Ma nua lCa nOpe ne r s 55. Ba kCho i 56. Do l l a rS t o r eKno c k Of fDi s ne y Ca r t o o ns 57. Whe naf a s tf o o de mpl o y e ea po l o g i z e s f o ry o urwa i twhe ny o uba r e l yha dt owa i ta ta l l 58. The1989Mo nt r e a lE xpo s 59. TheMo r a lHi g hGr o und 60. Hi me l a y a nP i nkS e aS a l t 61. Zz y z z x,CA 62. Thema nyna me so fCa pt a i nRi de r 63. L e s sNe s s ma n' sI ma g i na r yDo o r 64. MCS k a tKa t 65. Ac o l y t eP r o t e c t i o nAg e nc y 66. Aus t r a l i ai nRI S K 67. To o bl e c a ne 68. S pr e e 69. Hi pHo pL o o ne yTune sCl o t he s 70. Re s t a ur a nt ,Of f Br a ndHa ppyBi r t hda y S o ng s 71. L i c k e ma i de 72. Ot t e rP o ps 73. Co mi cbo o k swr i t t e nb yMa r vWo l f ma n 74. Ro c ka ndS o c kCo nne c t i o n 75. RCCo l a 76. TheBur g e rKi ngKi dsCl ub 77. Ba r o nS e ng a r 78. S na k eMo unt a i nP l a y s e t 79. Da s hX 80. Ma r s hma l l o wMa t i e s 81. F r a nzKa f k a ' sTheTr i a l 82. Ma cTo ni g ht 83. Be e t l e g e i s e 84. F r e dGa r v i n: Ma l eP r o s t i t ut e 85. TheMa l lo fAme r i c a 86. P o i nt i nga ts o me o ne ' sBl a c kF l a gt a t t o o a nds a y i ng“ Oh,s oy o u' r eabi gABBAf a n, t he n? ” 87. TheL a sVe g a sDe mo ns 88. Za ppRo ws do we r END OFLI ST


V i r g i n i a l P l l a e i n s s u R n o e L • / / F r e a k e r ’ s B a l l • R o x y M u s i c e p o R t h g i T / / k o o H . r D •


B r i d e o f C l a s s R i n g e n s t e i n R e me mb e r ,o nt h i sA p r i l 1 s t ,a l s ok n o w na s‘ A p r i l F o o l sD a y , ”t h a t . . . w a i t .I s i t’ A p r i lF o o l sD a y ’o r ‘ A p r i lF o o l ’ sD a y ? ”O o h . T h i si sr e a l l yi mp o r t a n t t omek n o w .I ’ mg o i n g t oh a v et ol o o ki tu p . B u th o w ?T h ei n t e r WH A T ?N o ,Ih e a r dy o u .

I ’ mj u s tp r e t e n d i n gt h a t t h ei n t e r n e td o e s n ’ te x i s t . Mo s t l yb e c a u s eI ’ m p u t t i n go u taP A P E R Z I N E !I fy o ur e me mb e r t h a tt h ei n t e r n e te x i s t s , y o u ’ r ep u t t i n gt h i sd o w n i nas e c o n da n dw a t c h i n g . . . c a k ef a r t s ,Ig u e s s ? A n y w a y ,A p r i lF o o l sD a y i sd u mb .


D r . K i n g s t o nP r o f . M a d n e s s K i n g s t o n / M a d n e s s T o n i c . C a l ms y o u r n e r v e s , g r o ws y o u r h a i r , b u t d o e s N O T c a u s e ma d n e s s . T h a t ’ s h i s n a me .


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