The Accursed Mountebanks Weekly #2

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ame s s a g ef r o mt h ee d i t o r Wh a t ’ su p ,c a t sa n dk i t t e n s ? We l c o met o a n o t h e ri s s u eo fT h eA c c u r s e dMo u n t e b a n k s We e k l y !

T h i si sawe e k l yz i n e .E n do fs e n t e n c e .

Ih a v en oa r t i s t i cg o a lo rb u s i n e s smo d e lf o r t h i ss t u p i dt h i n g .i t ’ l lj u s tc o meo u twe e k a f t e rwe e k , f r o mn o wu n t i lt h ee n do ft i mei n me mo r i u m.T h a t ’ sal o n gt i met op u to n eo f t h e s eo u te v e r ywe e k .o o f .Is h o u l d n ’ th a v e c o mmi t t e dt ot h a t .Is h o u l dh a v ec o mmi t t e d t os o me t h i n gt h a ti n v o l v e si c e dc r e a m.l i k e , ma y b e ,ic o u l dh a v ec o mmi t t e dt oe a t i n gt h e MO S Ti c e dc r e a m.O r , p o s s i b l y , e a t i n gt h el e a s t .

H e l l ,Ic o u l dh a v ee v e ng o n ewi t hs o mes o r t o fi c e dc r e a mb a t h .B u t ,n o .Ih a dt oc o mmi t t oo n eo ft h e s es t u p i dt h i n g se v e r y we e k u n t i lt i mes i mp l yr u n so u t .A n di twi l l ,y o u k n o w.o n ed a y ,i t ’ l lj u s ts t o p .T h e r ewo n ’ tb e awa r n i n g .T h e r ewo n ’ tb e ,l i k e ,at r u mp e t b l a s to rs o mes h i t .n o ,i t ’ l lb el i k ee v e r y o n e s t o p p e d .A n do n l yy o uc a nmo v e .B e c a u s ey o u a r et h eo n ewh ob r o k et h ema g i cs t o pwa t c h !

“ St op cl owni ng ar ound, ” she sai d.Ipul l ed t went yhandker chi ef soutofmymout handshe l ef tmef or ever .

" Iwasdreami ng whenIwrote thi s. " -Someone abouttobore youand/or Pri nce

Ihave no pr i de.

I mean, why doI need a bunc h of l i ons ?

I s t her ea Cos t c o f or hai r c ut s ?

Thi swhol emes swasputt oget herbycomedi an Doug Dr i es el Jr . He does n’ t have a t ai l .

Er r . . . umm. . .

Idon’ tknow whyIbr oughtt hatup.

You di dn’ tment i onat ai l .Icer t ai nl ys houl dn’ t have. I t makes i ts eem l i ke he has a t ai l .

Whi ch. . . he. . . does . . . not . . .Oof .Ibl ew i t .Il et ever y oneknow abouthi st ai l .Hei sgoi ngt obe SOOOOOOO mad.Li ke,mor e mad t han t he t i me hi sf r i end bor r owed t hen cr eas ed t he coverofhi sVHScopyof“ Howar dt heDuck. ” Boy ,t hatpi s s edhi m of f .Hes t i l lt hi nksabouti t t ot hi sday ,andi thappenedoveradecadeago.

Any way ,no t ai l .That ’ swhatI ’ mt r y i ngt os ay .

I gnor ewher eIs ai d hehad at ai lupt her e.I ’ m goi ngbackt of ul ldeni al .Hehasnot ai l .Hedoes haves omepodcas t s .Youcancheckt hos eout any wher ey ou gety ourpodcas t s .Onei scal l ed “ Obs cur eRef er encewi t hDougDr i es elJr . ”and t heot heri s“ Sout hl and Tal esTal es . ”Obs cur e Ref er encei sacr azypodcas twi t h char act er s i nt er act i ngwi t hwei r dpeopl e.Sout hl andTal es Tal esi swher e he and hi sf r i end exami ne t he movi e“ Sout hl and Tal es ”mi nut ebymi nut e.He doescomedy .St andupand i mpr ov.Go wat ch t hat .Imean,i tcan’ thur t ,r i ght ?I fi tDOES hur t ,y ou s houl dl etDoug know.He does n’ t WANT t ohur tany one,buthe’ l lwantt ol augh at y ou f or get t i ng hur t at a comedy s how.

Unl es sy ou hi ty ourhead onas peakerget t i ng of fs t age.He’ sdonet hatbef or e.I thur t .