The Gateway Magazine - February 2021

PURITY TEST (Work From Home Edition)

FEBRUARY 2021

Published since November 21, 1910 Circulation 1750 ISSN 0845-356X Suite 3-04 8900 114 St. NW University of Alberta Edmonton, Alberta T6G 2J7 Advertising execdirector@ gateway.ualberta.ca Website www.gtwy.ca

EMPOWERING SEX

Editor-in-Chief Adam Lachacz

Opinion Editor Mitchell Pawluk

Magazine Editor Tina Tai

Staff Reporter Rachel Narvey

Art Director Sofia Capettini

Webmaster Hugh Bagan

Photo Editor Christien Ford

Executive Director Emma Jones

Online Editor Pia Co

Business Administrator Sukhmani Kaur Saggu

News Editor Khadra Ahmed Arts & Culture Editor Tom Ndekezi

Marketing & Outreach Coordinator Shenin Mehnaj

Contributors Sarah Bachmier Avery Bird An Bui Jillian Connolly Kai Jun Ma Daria Malin Madeline Mayes Paige Miller Nayoung Ryu MorningStar Willier Cover Emma Hole

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NEWS • OPINION • ARTS & CULTURE • PHOTOGRAPHY • ILLUSTRATION

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ILLUSTRATION KAI JUN MA, "BODIES"

DEAR READER, Welcome back to our monthly magazine! For this edition, we’ll be exploring the topic of sexuality and what it can mean for individuals. Browse through our Required Readings to see different ways we might approach dating and relationships or take our Purity Test to see how working and learning from home has affected your purity score! Our contributors also tackle heavier topics such as sexual violence and decolonization in the feature section and Indigenous Students' Column. As always, our diversions are in the back for some lighthearted breaks between your classes — we even have a special edition of the advice column with more voices this time!

Take care, Tina Tai Magazine Editor

Sofia Capettini Art Director

FEBRUARY 2021 1

Table of Contents ILLUSTRATION DARIA MALIN

Required Reading 6

30

4

20

It's Not You, It's Me (Literally) Sex can mean different things for different people. Read about how one student is learning to accept their sexuality.

Features 10

Cautiously Swiping Right The case for being cautious when swiping right for online dating.

Columns

T he Gallery 8

Indigenous Students' Column: Decolonization Through Erotica Discover the idea of “Indigenous erotica” and how it relates to decolonization of Indigenous bodies.

T he Studio

Purity Test: Work From Home Edition Has your purity score changed because of stay at home orders? Take the test to find out!

"Take her home, fuck her!"

Explore the reasons why campus sexual violence is difficult to talk about — and what we can do to address it.

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Photostory: No Justice, No Peace.

Photos from the Love is Louder rally on Whyte and Stonewall 51 rally.

Diversions

Horoscope Check out your monthly horoscope.

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Crossword Test your knowledge on relationships and sexuality!

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Parker the Pepper A special edition of the advice column with Parker the Pepper’s friends!

COLUMNS

decolonization through erotica

When hearing or seeing the term ‘Indigenous erotics/erotica,’ one might think that it is something regarding sexual exploration set aside for Indigenous people, or Indigenous people having sex. Perhaps this can be true, but it is by no means entirely correct. In Audre Lorde’s essay “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” she states that “the erotic offers a well of replenishing and provocative force to the woman who does not fear it’s revelation, nor succumb to the belief that sensation is enough.” I interpret this as the erotic placing power within an individual and opening the idea that eroticism is not just one thing or another, meaning it is not purely physical, but perhaps it is all forms of love combined. So, the erotic is powerful then — but even more so when

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we Indigenize it. As an Indigenous person, I view the erotic as a threshold for my own selfish feelings around love and sex and everything in between — including affection and intimacy. There are endless meanings, examples, and interpretations within Indigenous erotics that will vary on what it is that one may need in specific relationships — romantic, platonic or personal. Along with these variations, Indigenous erotica can be the chance to be completely and utterly vulnerable in a safe space that has been designed personally for you, by you — an Indigenous person.

This Indigenous eroticism is not purely sexual — it can take many forms. This means eroticism can be found in a conversation, acts of land protection and body sovereignty,

or within the independent feeling of love one may have for themselves or another.

Indigenous erotica can also be shared and witnessed in many mediums of art as well, such as Norval Morrisseau’s paintings and Tanielle Campbell’s poetry. Rather than an entirely sexual idea (though it can still be sexual) the Indigenous erotic allows for this space of sexuality to be explored within the realm of one’s Indigenous identity and reclamation of culture. This is why the Indigenous erotic belongs specifically to Indigenous people — it is an act of decolonization through NDN self-love. Indigenous erotic is complete inclusion of sensuality, it is not solely the physical and the sexual, but the vulnerability in a society that feasts on our discomfort as Indigenous people. In saying this — it can

COLUMNS

INDIGENOUS STUDENTS' COLUMN

TEXT MORNINGSTAR WILLIER VISUALS SOFIA CAPETTINI

definitely be 100 per cent sexual if that is what your Indigenous self needs and desires.

The key element of vulnerability to Indigenous erotica is dangerous in this colonial society that benefits on the discomfort and oppression of our peoples, so with this practice of eroticism comes bravery and resilience. Even the mere open conversation of sex and intimacy between Indigenous people is incredibly erotic. Discussing a topic that is seen as taboo within colonial thinking with such openness is a direct example of disrupting the status quo. Indigenous people taking control of their own bodies and sexuality?

How absurd! The perseverance illuminated

by Indigenous erotic and its disruption of colonial implications and intentions is exactly what is needed to make room for Indigenous

people to navigate themselves and their currently elusive bodies, it is what is needed to get away from the colonial state’s greedy hands. Without the Euro-Western structures of gender dichotomy and tabooed slut-shaming, Indigenous peoples can roam through this realm of sex, sexuality, gender, love, and affection freely and it will be beautiful.

After countless years of the over-sexualization of Indigenous bodies, men and women, I believe that the Indigenous erotic is the biggest form of corporal sovereignty that is present within our Indigenous community. Corporal sovereignty is body sovereignty, and Indigenous people choosing a way of practicing such agency for their own individual liberation and pleasure, is truly erotic. I identify the Indigenous erotic

as a blunt act of decolonization through the reclaiming of sexual and personal identity amidst the chaos of colonial definitions.

Self-sovereignty over our Indigenous bodies equates to land sovereignty and protection.

We are the land's children. Once we begin to love ourselves and take control of our own physical bodies and understand them through such a thing as this Indigenous erotica, I believe we will begin to feel at home and connected to our first Mother, askiy (Earth). An Indigenous person with a non-dichotomous sexuality or gender accompanied with a strong cultural identity is an ultimate riot and a true form of reclamation and decolonization. g

FEBRUARY 2021 5

REQUIRED READING

It's Not You,

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REQUIRED READING

It's Me.

(Literally)

TEXT MADELINE MAYES ILLUSTRATION AN BUI

F

or as long as I’ve taken sexual education in school, I’ve thought about relationships. I’m sure I’m not the first person to fantasize about their first kiss, first date, and of course, the first time having sex. And to put it bluntly, it sounded kind of awful.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with sex — I never disliked reading about it in books or seeing it in movies — but I just couldn’t picture myself in that scenario without thinking about how uncomfortable I’d feel or how awkward the entire experience would be overall.

I tried to explain this to family and friends, but I was told by everyone around me that it is normal to feel unsure about sex, but you can’t really dislike it without trying it. First I had to find the right person or even have a relationship to begin with, and after I had checked one of any of those boxes I would feel differently.

It was easy to doubt my feelings for a couple years, put sex on the back burner, and focus on school or my part-time job. I didn’t go looking for a relationship, so the chance to check any of the relationship boxes fell to the wayside. But there had to be something out there to explain how I felt. I couldn’t be the only one like this.

Turns out, I was right. I’m not the only one.

I eventually ended up at AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, as well as The Trevor Project, and there I learned about a kind of sexuality that doesn’t get spoken about a lot: the asexuality spectrum.

An asexual person is someone who has little to no interest in sex. That doesn’t mean they can’t feel sexually attracted to someone or feel aroused — it simply means they don’t feel a desire to act on it. In contrast, someone on the opposite side of the spectrum is called allosexual. They feel an interest in sex and act on it when they choose to.

To be clear here, there’s nothing wrong about being asexual, or being anywhere along the asexuality spectrum (there are a lot of terms that fall under the asexuality spectrum). Being on the asexual spectrum doesn’t mean you’re afraid of intercourse, that you’re “saving

yourself,” or that you’re unable to be aroused or have a libido. It also doesn’t mean that you can never desire to have sex or enjoy it. Asexuality can mean different things for different people.

The spectrum also covers other terms beyond “ace” and “allo.” Greysexuality is a term for anyone who identifies somewhere in between “ace” and “allo” and can be more fluid. Being grey means you that might have periods of sexual interest that wax and wane with time.

Asexuality can also include terms such as demisexual, which is sexual interest only after a strong emotional connection is formed, or aegosexual, which is an interest in sexual things but a lack of desire to act on that interest. Lithosexual refers to someone who is sexually attracted to others but doesn’t want it reciprocated by anyone.

It feels daunting to give yourself a label at a time when sexuality and romantic identities can be so complex and scrutinized. Asexuality can often be overlooked as a valid sexuality because of its almost “invisible” state, and many dismiss it as a phase.

I don’t know, maybe it is a phase. But does that matter?

Sexuality is fluid, and just like love, it can come and go. Perhaps everyone is constantly moving along the asexuality spectrum and feeling more or less interested in sex as we live our lives. At the end of the day, you don’t need to listen to anyone else tell you how to feel about your sexuality because no one else can ever know what’s right for you. They aren’t you.

No matter how you identify, there will always be people there to bring you down or inspire self-doubt. Don’t let them. If finding a label for how you feel makes you a happier person, do it. For me, I found a community of people where I feel connected, made friends, and found a word for the conflict I’ve had for years — I’m happily greysexual and I’m still learning more every day.

If all it takes is a label, then claim it. Be proud to be who you are! g

FEBRUARY 2021 7

THE GALLERY

no JUSTICe, no peACE. Photos from Love is Louder rally on Whyte Avenue & the Stonewall rally.

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THE GALLERY

no peACE. PHOTO NAYOUNG RYU

no JUSTICe,

FEBRUARY 2021 9

“TAKE HER HOME, FUCK HER! ” “TAKE HER HOME, FUCK HER! ” “TAKE HER HOME, FUCK HER! ” “TAKE HER HOME, FUCK HER! ” “TAKE HER HOME, FUCK HER! ”

TEXT & ILLUSTRATION TINA TAI TRIGGER WARNING: This feature discusses topics surrounding sexual violence and real testimonials about sexual assaults.

FEATURE

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FEATURE

T

urning eighteen and going to Duke’s for the first time since moving into Lister residence was kind of like a rite of passage. The tiny diner wasn’t anything fancy and its food and drinks can aptly be described as, well, consumable. Still, it was a place to hang out with cheap alcohol just a few feet away from residence, particularly after a dodgeball game.

It was also a perfect bubble of hypersexuality, complete with its own hook-up chant.

I remember a friend coming to me after a night at Duke’s, visibly distressed and sobering up. She had been talking with a guy there and had a few drinks. There was some flirting.

He tried to kiss her, she said no — they barely knew each other. Then the chanting started.

“Take her home, fuck her!”

“Take her home, fuck her!”

“Take her home, fuck her!”

At this point, she wasn’t feeling flirtatious anymore. She didn’t want to kiss him and she certainly didn’t want to go back to his room.

But the chants grew louder as more people joined in and suddenly that bubble was closing in around her with no way to burst through and escape.

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hen the #MeToo movement erupted in mainstream culture, professor Lise Gotell at the University of Alberta decided to create a course on consent.

Gotell’s research focuses on how sexual assault is approached within law and her teaching critically evaluates the idea of consent — specifically, the limitations of using consent education as the main prevention response to sexual violence.

“Consent education treats the problem of sexual violence as if it were the outcome of miscommunication,” Gotell explained.

“However, research shows much of our sexual communication is nonverbal and that men understand women’s refusals, even when they’re nonverbal.”

“The problem is that people proceed with and push for sex, even when they know that the other person is not giving affirmative consent.”

In approaching the problem of sexual violence, Gotell stresses that it is a gendered issue linked to concepts of masculinity and femininity. While men and non-binary folks also experience sexual violence, the vast majority of sexual violence is experienced by women, including trans-women.

When it comes to dating and sex, we often see men portrayed as the initiators. We’re taught to believe that dominance and relentless pursuit are signs of masculinity. On the other hand, women are portrayed as needing to be more careful in weighing out their options. If she’s saying ‘no’ right now, it just means she’s

playing hard to get. He just needs to keep trying until she says ‘yes.’

So while consent education is important, it’s not nearly enough in a dating culture that doesn’t take the difference between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ seriously. It’s not nearly enough when our attitudes about gender roles normalizes aggressive approaches to sexual conduct.

Another limitation of consent education as a preventative response to sexual violence is its inability to take into account the power relations existing between perpetrators and survivors. On top of being a gendered issue, sexual violence is also deeply rooted in racism and ableism.

A staggering large proportion of sexual violence is directed at racial minorities. Young Indigenous women are targeted at a devastating rate, with some studies predicting that one in four Indigenous women experience sexual violence in a single year. Meanwhile, Black women are likely to experience sexualization at a younger age and Asian women are fetishized as sexually submissive. Women with disabilities are also likely to face higher incidences of harassment or assault.

“Perpetrators are intentionally targeting groups that lack power,” Gotell explained. “The more disadvantaged they are in terms of power relations, the more likely they are to experience sexual violence.”

Unfortunately, post-secondaries rarely address sexual violence through the scope of gender norms and power relations.

"perpetrators are intentionally targeting groups that lack power,” gotell explained. “the more disadvantaged they are in terms of power relations, the more likely they are to experience sexual violence.”

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FEATURE

“If we don't talk about how this problem is related to gender norms and gender relationships, or if we don't talk about it in relation to racism, or ableism, then how are we ever going to solve the problem?” Gotell pointed out. “Because we're not talking about it in an honest way.”

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ithin the first few weeks of moving into Schäffer Hall, Kiera Buoy was sexually assaulted. Like many of her friends who were excited about living on their own for the first time, Buoy had downloaded Tinder and matched with someone who also lived in residence. One night, when she was having a few drinks in her dorm room, her Tinder match showed up just as her friends were about to leave. Buoy had drank too much and was nearing passing out. She was left alone with the man, who she had already met before, not realizing the danger she was in.

Following her assault, Buoy experienced two residence infractions that pushed her to speak up. During both incidents, she was under the influence of alcohol while in communal areas of her residence floor.

“Essentially, the first infraction was sitting on the floor of the communal kitchen, crying while extremely intoxicated after a room party,

"I came forward and spoke up about the assault because I realized the breakdowns were how I was trying to deal with my trauma"

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FEATURE

trying to find anything I could to cut myself with,” Buoy explained.

The next infraction occurred the following night. Buoy was sitting in the communal lounge.

Her water bottle was next to her, which an oncall residence assistant (RA) mistook as hidden alcohol, which led to a heated argument. Buoy was then made aware by her RAs that if she were to receive another infraction, she could be asked to leave residence.

“At that point, I came forward and spoke up about the assault because I realized the breakdowns were how I was trying to deal with my trauma,” she said.

Buoy proceeded to have weekly scheduled check-ins with residence services for the rest of the year. Although she was given the option to report the assault, she felt uncomfortable doing so knowing that the man lived in the same residence.

“Sexual violence and abuse is already such a taboo topic, and then the fact that your assaulter lives in such close proximity to you makes it incredibly difficult to speak up,” Buoy explained.

As for the culture of hypersexuality on post-secondary campuses, Buoy believes that it would be unfair to place the blame on residences. The real issue, she says, is that students do not receive enough sex education. Although orientation week in residences offered valuable resources for navigating campus and understanding where to go for academic help, it lacked dedicated education about sexuality and consent.

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rauma responses to sexual violence can vary for each individual and for Sam Pearson, director of the Sexual Assault Centre at the University of Alberta, validating trauma responses is a crucial part of crisis intervention.

Although the SAC is not a reporting office for assault cases, staff and volunteers are trained to provide resources in response to disclosures. On top of offering information to address acute crisis symptoms, such as steps for receiving medical attention, the team also aims to address issues that may arise due to trauma. This includes counselling services, which focus on long-term healing.

“Sometimes we’ll have conversations with folks and they don't share any details about the assault at all,” Pearson explained. “So what we focused on instead was trouble sleeping or feeling like they’re to blame for what happened or struggling to trust people because of that violation of trust.”

At the time of writing of this feature, there has already been six campus cases of sexual assault reported to the University of Alberta Protective Services (UAPS) since the beginning of 2021.

While there is certainly more freedom and emphasis on sexuality and hook-ups on post-secondary campuses, Pearson believes sexual violence, regardless of where it occurs, is reflective of power imbalances in our society.

Pearson explained that in any form, from stalking to cyber harassment to assault, sexual violence stems from the attitude that there is a social hierarchy into which people can be

"we have the phrase ‘raping and pillaging’ for a reason, because that was used as a tool to maintain dominance and a social order that holds up things like whiteness, maleness, and wealth above other identities."

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FEATURE

sorted based on gender identity, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, and ability.

“When we hold those attitudes about people, it’s easy to physically push past boundaries because that’s my worldview, right? Because I have a sense that what I want is more important than what they want,” Pearson explained.

“Generally speaking, sexual violence happens because there’s rampant inequity and discrimination in our society that plays out in verbal and physical ways on people’s bodies.”

Pearson traces our society’s inequities all the way back to the beginning.

“Canada is founded on colonial genocide, which posited that Indigenous people aren’t as worthy as white folks,” she said. “We have the phrase ‘raping and pillaging’ for a reason, because that was used as a tool to maintain dominance and a social order that holds up things like whiteness, maleness, and wealth above other identities.”

“And there’s no reason that the situation is any different on university campuses.”

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asy targets to point fingers at, when discussing the prevalence of sexual violence on post-secondary campuses, are fraternities and sororities. Every student coming into university has heard about frat parties — some of us may have been warned to stay away from them while others have thought about becoming involved in Greek life for as long as they can remember.

For one ex-sorority sister, her story was of the latter kind. Alice Smith, who has requested to be given an alias to avoid backlash from acquaintances still in Greek life, grew up dreaming of joining a sorority one day.

“My relative was in a fraternity and that was

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the main reason I wanted to be in a sorority,” Smith explained. “I wanted to have that same sort of experience that he did.”

During the peak of her involvement in the community, Smith played an active role in recruitment. Like many of her sisters, she was buzzing with excitement at the prospect of meeting new people who might one day become a part of their sorority. However, in the middle of recruitment week, Smith described having a “bad experience” that left her unable to participate in the activities she had helped plan for.

“It was at a party and I was getting a bit intoxicated,” Smith recounted. “He kept pushing for things and I said ‘no’ several times.”

Smith described the student as someone who was popular within his fraternity and had a reputation for bragging about sexual encounters. After the incident, Smith was unable to speak about it or feel comfortable attending Greek life events. She also considered dropping out of school completely to avoid seeing the student on campus.

“He told everyone what happened. How are you supposed to go to events after somebody says that about you? You can’t.”

Aside from feeling as if the assault was partly her fault because she had consumed alcohol at the time, Smith notes there are other barriers to speaking up about sexual violence in the community.

“The Greek community gets put under a magnifying glass because we’re a sanctioned community that people know exists,” she explained. “So, understandably, we’re very concerned with our image.”

“But people have been assaulted and told to shush because we don’t want to ruin relationships, or the guy has a girlfriend so there’s no way he would do something like that. Sexual assault happens and it doesn’t always get shut down.”

FEATURE

Although North American sororities and fraternities are governed by the National Panhellenic Conference (NPC) and Interfraternity Council (IFC), how each chapter proceeds with sexual violence allegations can vary.

Mikayla Cullum, president of the Panhellenic Association at the University of Alberta, admits that while the community takes allegations seriously, whether or not an individual is removed from the organization is entirely up to their specific chapter.

Smith believes this difference in legislation makes it difficult for people to speak up. However, steps to address sexual violence in Greek life have begun at the University of Alberta.

In November 2020, a fraternity liaison position was introduced at the Sexual Assault Centre. Cullum is hopeful that this will be the first step in bringing more education on sexual violence to the Greek life community.

Although the position cannot mandate legislation to be created or enforce specific training, it does aim to start the conversation surrounding sexual violence.

“The fraternity liaison has been a valuable resource. We’re hopeful that our partnership will bring cultural change,” Cullum stated.

As for Smith’s own experience with the Sexual Assault Centre, she believes they need more support and resources to effectively help out survivors.

“I was on their waitlist for a year to get counselling from their psychologist,” she explained. “I signed up in October, maybe November, and it wasn’t until the end of August [of the following year] when they said there’s space available for me.”

Despite having left the community, Smith still holds love for the people she has met through Greek life.

“I still love all my sisters, I’ve met frat boys

that I would trust with my life,” she said. “There are people that really care about you. But there are also bad apples that can destroy the campus for you.”

U

nfortunately, sexual violence isn’t limited to residences and frat parties — it lurks in every corner of post-secondary institutions. The bigger issue is that Canadian post-secondaries lack a concentrated force to work on sexual violence prevention.

In the United States, Title IX is a federal legislation that requires every school to investigate sexual violence allegations, work on prevention and elimination of sexual harassment, and employ a Title IX coordinator who’s duty it is to oversee complaints and investigations.

Though sexual assault is also a criminal offense in Canada, we lack federal legislation that directly works on sexual violence prevention

at educational institutions. Instead, post-secondary campuses fall under the jurisdiction of provincial governments, which can vary in how they choose to address prevention responses.

Therefore, each university also varies in how sexual violence is interpreted and investigated.

In 2016, at the University of Alberta, a Sexual Misconduct Review group put together a comprehensive report investigating how the university responds to sexual assault allegations. The review group specifically recommended hiring a Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Coordinator who would be responsible for overseeing disclosures and education programs regarding sexual violence.

Now, more than five years after the report was published, the university has finally agreed to hire a sexual violence prevention coordinator, if funded by student fees.

When asked about why the role hadn’t been fulfilled earlier, Students’ Union vice-president (student life) Katie Kidd suggested that a lack of funding was the main issue. Within the last few years, universities have faced hiring freezes

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FEATURE

and provincial budget cuts, which means the creation of extra roles are placed on a backburner.

“However, I think from students’ perspective, this is so vitally needed,” Kidd emphasized.

“There are so many issues you don’t know about on campus until you’re trying to report someone and you’re lost in the process and you wish someone was there to help fix it.”

Kidd’s sentiments are echoed by Sam Pearson. Although the Sexual Assault Centre provides education and counselling, Pearson believes there needs to be more sexual health services in place — particularly ones that focus on prevention.

“The whole premise of our service is that sexual violence has happened, so our ability to be an agent of prevention is limited,” she said.

Last year, a study led by the Association of Alberta Sexual Assault Services found that one in three Albertans experience some form of sexual violence before the age of 18. The prevalence of childhood sexual abuse means that people begin to absorb damaging views of sexuality even before they have the chance to enter post-secondary and have access to services such as prevention coordinators and consent education.

“We need to have spaces where we can unpack people’s early learnings about consent and sexuality. So much of that is wrapped up in shame and forms of violence,” Pearson explained. “There’s a lot of work that needs to happen to unpack and teach a healthier, more fulfilling, more pleasure-based approach to a sexual relationship.”

There’s also a necessity for more cohesiveness in handling sexual violence cases. The Office of the Dean of Students is able to help

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survivors adjust academic schedules to create safer environments, UAPS handles reporting, and the SAC can provide resources for healing trauma. However, these separate moving units are sometimes uncoordinated and in the dark about what the others are doing.

“Sometimes the work we’re doing is in contradiction to what other services are doing or not moving at the same pace,” Pearson explained. “We don’t really have anyone or an office who’s overseeing all of that.”

Both Pearson and Lise Gotell also pointed out an area that needs a significantly more trauma-informed approach — the University Appeal Board.

The UAB is a mechanism of checks and balances to ensure that investigations processes and disciplinary action is carried out in a fair way — its main purpose is not to carry out the investigation itself. For sexual violence cases, these lines are often blurred.

“Often lawyers get involved, and because this has happened so frequently, there are a few lawyers who have handled these cases who now know the process and advise their clients to not even participate in the investigation and just wait until the appeal to present their story,” Pearson explained.

By the time a case gets to the appeals process, the lawyers will have had time to craft a legal dispute of the investigation.

“This is problematic because you’re involving a criminal defense attorney and you’re applying a legal understanding of sexual assault to an explicitly non-legal process,” Pearson continued.

Gotell further noted that in the appeals process, survivors can be questioned extensively by the defense lawyers.

“You will have to be in the same room as the alleged perpetrator and the lawyer will aggressively question you,” Gotell said.

“I actually know of a case where a young woman was questioned by a lawyer representing the alleged student responsible until 1 a.m. on a Saturday morning.”

Pearson also described the inner workings of the UAB as a “black box.” An appeals board is composed of a faculty member and two students-at-large. This means a board overseeing a sexual violence case may have no real training on how to approach sexual violence.

Both Gotell and Pearson believe that this process further traumatizes survivors and impacts how willing people might be to speak out and report incidents.

In 2019, the SAC organized a protest in Lister Centre where university administrators were gathered. The protest aimed to shed light on the lack of training on sexual violence for members involved in the UAB. This protest came after the 2016 Sexual Misconduct Review report recommended training for the UAB, but no changes to appeals policies were made.

“Not a lot has changed because with COVID, a lot of cases haven’t gotten to the point of sanctions or appeals. We haven’t had to cross that bridge in a while,” Pearson continued. “But it doesn’t mean the university has done its due diligence.”

FEATURE

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s hookup chants continue to ring through post-secondary campuses, it’s clear the conversation on sexual violence is far from over.

Sexual assault prevention is on the radar for many post-secondaries, but their area of focus often misses the mark. Many prevention campaigns are aimed at consent education or anti-alcohol consumption. However, anti-alcohol campaigns can unfairly place the blame on survivors.

“Drinking is very normal in our society and it’s very normal for young people to drink,” Gotell said. “Oftentimes, we focus on women’s alcohol use rather than the relationship between drinking and perpetrating. Alcohol is the most prevalent date rape drug.”

On top of leading to victim-blaming, anti-alcohol campaigns rely on encouraging people, especially women, to avoid participating in activities that are completely normal for their age and social group. In encouraging women to be more vigilant about their own actions and surroundings, we place the responsibility of prevention on victims. But there will always be someone who is more intoxicated, less cognizant of their surroundings, and less protected by watchful friends. There will always be someone who looks like an easier target. In shrouding alcohol use with a layer of shame, we also prevent victims from speaking up.

A more effective method of prevention that is gaining traction in recent years is bystander intervention. In teaching everyone to be on the lookout for one other and to intervene in suspicious situations, we begin to learn that prevention is about stopping perpetrators rather than restricting victims.

Ultimately, the most crucial part of sexual violence prevention lies in shifting our attitudes.

It means we need to recognize the legal and institutional areas that sorely lack a trauma-informed approach. It involves scrutinizing power relations upheld by institutions, even our own, under an intersectional magnifying glass.

Sexual violence doesn’t exist in isolated bubbles of seedy alleyways and rundown nightclubs. It floats by in the brightly lit halls of academia, reflected in sunken eyes and whispered confessions. We could carry on as we used to, with policies and practices we have grown complacent in, or we can speak out for change, a reckoning long overdue. g If you have have been moved by or impacted by this piece, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Students can access UASU Cares at uasucares.su.ualberta.ca or the University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre at 780-492-9771.

Alberta’s One Line for sexual violence is a toll-free private phone, text, and chat service is available between 9 AM and 9 PM daily at 1-866-403-8000.

The Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton’s phone line is available daily between 9 AM and 9 PM daily at 780-423-4121.

Lastly, the Central Alberta Sexual Assault Support Centre is available 24/7 at 1-866-956-1099 or on their website casasc.ca.

FEBRUARY 2021 19

PURITY TEST (Work From Home Edition)

Welcome to the 2021 Purity Test. This past year has been referred to as “unprecedented times” but there is one thing that remains constant throughout the eras: the purity, or rather, impurity, of our campus and Edmonton community. Has social distancing, online learning, and work from home orders purified you? Or has it brought out “unprecedented” sides of your soul? Take the test to find out.

Questions are framed as “Have you ever…?” Check off the box if you have done the activity and total your score to find what kind of impure you are!

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The Gateway does not condone any behaviour that puts yourself or others at risk during the COVID-19 pandemic. Please follow all public health guidelines. You can visit alberta.ca/covid19 for relevant information in the province of Alberta. If you are currently residing outside of the province, we encourage you to familiarize yourself with the guidelines in your region.

THE STUDIO

VICES AND FUCK-UPS

Forgotten to turn off your camera while

2

going to the bathroom on a Zoom call?

Accidentally unmuted during a lecture?

1

And farted?

2

Had eClass crash during an exam?

-2

While talking shit about

3

-2

another student?

While talking shit about

the professor?

Been unable to take off a filter during 5

2

5

Forgot about a quiz?

2

A midterm?

10

A final?

15

1

a Zoom call?

Cheated on a test?

During a monitored exam?

On the first day of class?

Was it a cat filter?

2

Gone to a party during stay-at-

20

home orders?

Met up with people while knowing you had COVID? (What the fuck bro?)

Rubbed your eyes after using

Faked having COVID to get out of

30

5

1

hand sanitizer?

an assignment?

Downloaded Tik Tok?

1

Learned a Tik Tok dance?

2

Are you Tik Tok famous?

20

Been pantsless during a Zoom call?

1

Did someone see?

2

Was it your boss?

5

Had a pet run into frame during Turned on your lecture and fell asleep?

-5

(We’ve all done it) Handed in an assignment late?

1

Ghosted group project members?

2

Sent an email to a prof about group

1

members slacking off?

And the prof didn’t do anything

about it? (That's rough, buddy)

-5

a Zoom call?

Was it a cat?

-3

Was it a dog?

-3

SUBTOTAL

SEX -3

Kissed someone?

1

2

Stuck your tongue in their mouth?

Forgotten to pay tuition?

3

Masturbated?

1

Forgotten your mask in the car?

1

More than once a day?

2

100

While in a Zoom call?

3

Purposely refused to wear a mask?

(The fuck?)

Had sex?

1

Been arrested?

2

With someone from Lister?

5

5

In Lister?

3

Was it floorcest?

5

While unmuted on a Zoom call?

10

With your boss?

2

With someone married, but not to you?

5

With your boss’s wife?

5

While wearing masks?

2

Had a threesome?

3

Spent time in jail?

Been kicked out of a Zoom call?

1

Hack into Zoom call you’re not

2

supposed to be in?

FEBRUARY 2021 21

THE STUDIO

22 GTWY.CA

THE STUDIO Performed or received a handjob/fingering?

1

During a Zoom call?

2

Was it unmuted?

5

Performed or received oral sex?

1

2

During a Zoom call?

69?

1

Performed or received anal sex?

2

Had an “entanglement”?

10

Asked someone out in the Zoom chat?

2

And they said yes? (nice.)

2

And gotten engaged? (ayyy.)

-3

And married? (Congrats!)

-5

Had phone sex?

2

Had Zoom sex?

2

ALCOHOL & DRUGS Been drunk?

1

From vodka?

1

From tequila?

1

From Hennessey?

1

From Everclear?

1

Created an OnlyFans?

3

Sold feet pics?

3

Sexted?

1

From White Claw?

1

3

From hand sanitizer?

2

Watched porn?

2

Gone to class drunk?

1

While you were supposed to be in

3

Kept drinking?

2

a Zoom call?

Shared the drink with a classmate?

3

Streamed the same porn with a

long-distance significant other?

Sent nudes?

3

Tried to booty call someone?

2

5

During the pandemic?

Been drunk during a Zoom call?

1

Done lines during a Zoom call?

3

Popped a perc during a Zoom call?

5

Vaped or Juuled?

3

2

Talked about vaping or juuling?

5

10

Do you have different flavours?

5

Do you own a dildo?

2

Made weed brownies?

2

3

Sold them?

5

5

Accidentally let your kid eat one?

10

Contracted an STI?

Hid it from a partner? ( You suck)

A butt plug?

Does the butt plug have a

tail attached?

Does the butt plug have a

sparkly crystal?

A fleshlight?

3

Had alcohol poisoning?

10

Drank so much you puked?

5

2

In someone else’s bed?

3

Handcuffs?

3

And blamed it on someone else?

10

1

(What’s wrong with you?)

3

Order an obscene amount of McDonald’s

Are they fluffy?

Fantasized about having sex with someone in your Zoom class?

Was it your TA?

5

Was it your prof?

10

SUBTOTAL

2

while drunk?

Played beer pong?

2

Played beer pong and called it a

10

socially-distanced hangout?

FEBRUARY 2021 23

THE STUDIO

24 GTWY.CA

THE STUDIO

Sat through an exam drunk?

2

-2

And passed?

Had a shower beer?

1

Taken ___ shots in a row?

1

(1 point for each shot)

25

Attended an anti-mask protest?

45

Fought an anti-masker?

-10

Stood less than 6 feet apart from

5

a stranger?

Been hungover?

1

Drank more to get rid of

5

the hangover?

Drank for 3 days in a row?

Been to a bar?

Said racist things about the virus?

5 1

Corrected the professor in a

3

Zoom lecture?

And made a fool of yourself?

5

Asked friends to do a Tik Tok with you?

2

During the pandemic?

10

Had a birthday party on a private island in

Tried to take someone home

3

the middle of a pandemic?

with you?

Built snow penguins to protest budget

40

-5

Done shrooms?

2

LSD?

5

Cocaine?

6

Meth?

6

Committed arson?

5

Taken Adderall to study?

5

Conspired to assassinate someone?

10

Smoked a cigarette?

2

Gotten into a fistfight?

2

5

A knife fight?

5

A gun fight?

10

A cigar?

Had wine?

1

Had White Claw?

1

Unironically said “White Claw is

5

my favorite alcoholic beverage”?

SUBTOTAL

cuts to post-secondary education?

Incited an insurrection?

100

Smashed a beer bottle over someone’s

5

head the way they do in movies?

Been stabbed?

5

Owned a switchblade?

2

VIOLENCE Played Among us?

2

Been the imposter?

2

Ratted out your fellow imposter?

3

Won as the imposter?

5

Self-reported a kill?

-5

Gotten into a fight in Facebook comments?

3

5

Was it about American politics?

Spread misinformation about the virus?

15

FEBRUARY 2021 25

THE STUDIO

26 GTWY.CA

THE STUDIO

Owned a gun?

5

Owned an absolute dump truck of an ass?

10

Pretended your internet cut out to leave a

2

meeting early?

Required your students/employees to have

Refused to record lectures for students

in different time zones?

1

Zoom meetings?

Tried a Gateway to Gastronomy recipe?

1

10

Made chapaguri with steak?

4

10

SUBTOTAL

BONUS ROUND

SUBTOTAL

Been the only person to answer a prof’s

FOOD & GLUTTONY Started making sourdough bread in the

Showed people what you made during

2

an online course?

1

the pandemic began?

Written a Gateway to Gastronomy segment?

10

cameras on during a meeting?

Included participation marks in the syllabus of

Learned to cook at least one dish since

-5

question in Zoom class?

1

last year?

Posted about The Gateway on Reddit?

3

Felt like your home has become a

Made cloud bread?

2

Used the Tik Tok tortilla wrap hack?

2

Made dalgona coffee?

2

30

liminal space?

Obsessively played Animal Crossing for

5

a month, then never touched it again?

Been lactose intolerant?

1

Continued to eat cheese anyway?

2

Continued to drink bubble tea anyway?

3

Ordered delivery from SkipTheDishes?

1

UberEats?

1

DoorDash?

1

Fantuan?

1

Not tipped your driver?

3

Ordered food for pickup?

From a small, local business?

(Support local businesses!)

1 -5

Eaten from the Lister cafeteria?

3

Eaten in HUB?

2

Eaten ass? (You're not special)

1

Grown your own herb garden?

2

2

...did they survive past a week?

Tried to compost your food scraps?

And caused a fruit fly colony

to breed? (Ew.)

Started a collection of house plants?

3

Gone three days without showering?

5

10

Four days?

Five?

15

Six?

20

25

A week?

Binge-watched Tiger King?

2

Emily in Paris?

10

Queen’s Gambit?

2

Bridgerton?

2

Adopted a pet during the pandemic?

5

Stockpiled toilet paper?

10

Made your own hand sanitizer?

15

SUBTOTAL GRAND TOTAL

1 50

FEBRUARY 2021 27

THE STUDIO

RESULTS

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THE STUDIO

POINTS 0–125 Animal Crossing Villager Generally sweet and innocent, you’re the unproblematic Animal Crossing Villager. You want to hang out with friends and make sure everyone has an enjoyable time.

Could you afford to step outside of your comfort zone a little? Probably. It’s good to try new things and experience new aspects of life — you don’t have to stay on your island forever!

126–250 Cat Filter on Zoom Slightly chaotic in nature but mostly by accident, the Cat Filter type is someone who bumbles around life and somehow ticks off those impurity points purely through being in the wrong place at the wrong time — or perhaps, the right place and the right time, depending on what your dreams and aspirations are! Sure, you seem cute and cuddly at first, but true friends know you’ve got a mischievous streak!

251–375 Among Us Imposter Sure, you look innocent on the outside, but behind that mask is a deadly force. You’re wild, unpredictable, and one never knows when you might decide to get a little stabby. There’s still a bit of good left in you though, because you at least have the ability to feel remorse for your own actions. It doesn’t happen often, but the possibility is there.

376+ Tik Tok Influencer Oh no. Oh no no no. The embodiment of entropy, you don’t care what you destroy or who you leave behind in your destructive path. The Tik Tok influencer is one who brings a gun to a knife fight. Chaos? That’s just what you season your breakfast with. Mere mortals shudder in your presence because we can feel the vibes of menace radiating from your cold, dead heart. g

FEBRUARY 2021 29

REQUIRED READING

TEXT PAIGE MILLER ILLUSTRATION JILLIAN CONNOLLY

As students, we practically live online.

From social media to group chats to online school during a pandemic, there is hardly an aspect of our lives that remains offline. In fact, for many, even the most intimate aspects of our lives have moved to the online world through the rise and dominance of dating apps.

In recent years, dating apps have become a reality for many people. Admitting to having met your partner online is no longer considered an embarrassing start to your meet-cute story.

Dating app language has become ubiquitous among young people, such as “swiping right” being incorporated naturally into conversation.

Dating in the traditional sense can be extremely time consuming in a way that, often, isn’t able to beat the convenience of online dating.

Nowadays, we can scroll through our matches on the bus to school. We can gauge how much we like someone over text instead of sitting through a dreadful first date, having to fake an emergency to slip away. For some, interacting online may even come more naturally than interacting in person, especially when feelings are involved.

As this practice becomes the new normal for many young people, online dating has become massively destigmatized. The prevalence of online dating has the power to normalize some of the challenges we all face during our dating lives. Getting rejected and moving on is an integral part of the allure of dating apps, offering a convenient way to get yourself back out there if a connection doesn't work out.

Though online dating may be a nobrainer for many in the younger generation, it does present its own unique set of challenges, and potentially has the ability to shift traditional dating norms and expectations in important ways.

According to Matt Johnson, an associate professor of family science at the University of Alberta, the world of online dating affords people the chance to be more intentional with the kind of partnerships they seek. With virtually

30 GTWY.CA

unlimited potential partners to choose from online, it can be easier to step away when red flags pop up at the beginning of a relationship.

“The early stages of relationships are really important. There's a lot of changes going on as you’re getting to know someone, as you’re figuring out how you work together best as a couple,” Johnson said. “Being mindful and intentional about these early stages is important because the patterns you set in place are likely to persist throughout the relationship.”

Knowing there are other potential partners waiting to be discovered through your screen can facilitate this mindfulness by taking away

Love Game

REQUIRED READING

some of the pressure of finding another partner

ketplace, encouraging users to shop for

flat out in that situation,” Johnson explained.

if one doesn’t work out. Online dating can also

potential matches largely on the basis of ap-

“But now, I think people don’t even think twice

allow us to seek out new kinds of partners

pearance, and maybe only a short biography.

about it with dating apps. So, in a sense, it de-

and encounters, and to take a step outside of

This can reinforce beauty standards perpetu-

humanizes that partnering process a little bit.”

our comfort zone by bringing together people

ated by mainstream Western media. Without

who may have otherwise never met. Sites for

confronting these biases, we may uncon-

this kind of interaction — receiving unsolicited

partnerships based on niche interests allow

sciously follow these conceptions of beauty

pictures is an experience all too common in the

users to seek out someone who values the

and attractiveness that tend to be Eurocentric,

online dating world.

same things they do. Apps catering to specific

ableist, or fatphobic.

sexualities, like Grindr, make it possible for

According to Jonhson, evaluating a poten-

Women in particular may be subjected to

But, despite all this, Johnson said we probably don’t have to worry about whether dating

people to connect and explore their sexuality

tial partner’s physical appearance has always

apps are ruining our generation’s conception

on their own terms.

been an important part of human coupling, but

of love and connection.

Because of this, dating apps also have the power to normalize healthy exploration of sexuality. For communities who have tra-

dating apps may promote looks as the only metric of compatibility.

“Physical appearance is important because

“In a committed relationship, I don't think what people want has changed all that much.

They want someone who is going to be faithful

ditionally been shamed for expressing their

thousands of years ago, it would give us cues

to them, they want to enjoy this person, love

sexuality, such as women and LGBTQ+ folks,

to fertility and genetic material. People who

this person, be able to trust them, have a good

the normalization of dating apps within our

were physically attractive, the theory goes,

sex life, communicate well,” Jonhson said. “I

generation provides a chance to start a con-

would have been more genetically fit and pro-

think all of those things have not changed all

versation around the ways we think about who

duced better offspring,” Johnson said.

that much. I think our entryway into that is

gets to own and be proud of their sexuality.

However, given endless choices and the

what’s changed.”

The freedom to sign up for a profile on a dating

ability to filter exactly the kind of person or

app seeking a spicy sexual encounter can be

features you’re looking for, dating online risks

we have to abandon online dating altogeth-

a valuable tool for self-exploration and self-ex-

dehumanizing the people on the other side of

er, especially when there are many positive

pression that may not have been available for

your screen, reducing them to their scores for

many in traditional dating contexts.

desired physical features. In fact, Tinder was

experiences to be had thanks to the freedom to explore and the convenience they allow.

Ultimately, what remains important is the way we choose to interact with each other online.

Our generation may have been shaped by the internet, but we can still learn some valuable lessons by taking time to evaluate the ways we choose to use it. Whether you choose to treat the faces on your screens as people remains in your hands. g

At the same time, however, knowing there are a million other options out there can

designed to have a game-like interface.

“The founders were inspired by looking at

make it harder to feel secure in the choice to

card games — with a brief amount of informa-

commit to a partner when seeking something

tion, you could look at an appearance, and say

long-term.

‘yay’ or ‘nay,’” Jonson said.

“We know from the literature on choice

“I think that shifts your psychology before

itself that having options is good. We like to

you’ve met someone. If you’re looking at a

be able to weigh out pros and cons of various

person on a screen, they’re not really a person

options. Having too many options, however,

to you at that point. With the intentionality

makes it hard to pick. It’s an impossible choice

behind the type of online interaction you’re

because the options are infinite,” Johnson said.

having, if you know it’s just a sexual encounter,

“One issue is just that it creates, not nec-

certainly that’s going to impact your behaviours

essarily explicitly but implicitly, the unrealistic

when you meet that person as opposed to

expectation that there’s an endless array of

if you're wanting to initiate a relationship,”

potential partners and if I just keep looking,

Johnson added.

if I just swipe once more, I’m going to find the perfect person.”

This idea of perfection permeates much of the online dating world. Apps present users with a dating pool in the form of a virtual mar-

Talking about these issues doesn’t mean

This can lead users to become emboldened in ways they likely wouldn’t be in traditional dating scenarios.

“If someone expressed interest to you in person, it's more difficult to reject someone

FEBRUARY 2021 31

v

DIVERSIONS

HOROSCOPE TEXT AVERY BIRD VISUALS SOFIA CAPETTINI

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

Make the best of the weather and make a snow fort and pretend you’re a polar bear. Your hands might be cold but your heart will be warm.

You know that big decision haunting your brain while you put it off by cleaning the house?

This is the sign that you should follow your intuition. It knows you better than you think.

This month, try to send some positive energy into the world and maybe you’ll feel it reflected back. If nothing else, the local magpies will thank you.

Try to look at things from a different perspective. How would a poet see the world? What about a botanist? or a photographer? If you look close enough, you’ll see that the world is made of more than three dimensions.

32 GTWY.CA

DIVERSIONS

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

Next time you see animal tracks in the snow, follow them and see where they lead. Who knows where you’ll end up?

Take a deep breath and remember that that’s the same oxygen the dinosaurs inhaled and exhaled millions of years ago. I’m not sure where I was going with this but hopefully it makes you feel a little bit less alone.

It’s the perfect time to find a new hobby. Skate on the frozen sidewalks, build a bear out of snow, and/or embroider the pages of your least-liked textbooks. Anything goes.

Do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Right now, even if you have a lecture. Your dreams miss you too.

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

Constellations are one of the earliest forms of navigation. Take advantage of the still-early night and make up your own constellations — maybe it’ll guide you to wherever you need to be.

Self love is just as important as giving love to others.

Make some tea, cuddle with a dog, and remember that the world appreciates your presence more than you realize.

If you need a break from Zoom lectures, take an evening walk outside in the River Valley and listen for the coyotes. When they sing, sing with them. If you’re doing it right, the coyotes will think you’re one of them.

Have you ever asked the campus ginkgo tree how it feels about the pandemic? I haven’t either, but I bet the tree would appreciate the conversation. g

Illustration by Emma Hole

LEO

DIVERSIONS

TEXT & PUZZLE SARAH BACHMIER ACROSS 2. The act of showing and giving those you care about love and intimacy. (2) 5. Being in multiple loving relationships at the same time, with the consent of all involved.

8. Understanding and connection that comes from the union of one and their partner.

10. The act of sex, but without the penetrative activity.

12. The desire for a platonic relationship with one or more people.

14. The decision to abstain from sexual activity.

15. There are different types of this to describe your feelings towards others.

Find answers on our website, gtwy.ca

34 GTWY.CA

DOWN 1. An act of familiarity and closeness with one’s partner.

3. Always make sure you have this before initiating any sexual activity with anyone, in every circumstance.

4. The act of pleasing oneself.

6. The excited feeling you may get when being intimate with someone close to you.

7. Your beliefs regarding sexual activity and desires.

9. A label which you may give yourself to express your sexuality, gender, or preferences.

11. Speaking to your partner about your preferences, issues, and other thoughts.

13. When you only have one romantic partner at a time.

DIVERSIONS

Untitled 1 2

3 4

5

6

7 8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

Across 2. The act of showing and giving those you care about love and intimacy(2) 5. Being in multiple loving relationships at the same time, with the consent of all involved 8. Understanding and connection that comes from the union of one and their partner

Down 1. An act of familiarity and closeness with one’s partner 3. Always make sure you have this before initiating any sexual activity with anyone, in every FEBRUARY 2021 35 circumstance 4. The act of pleasing oneself

DIVERSIONS

ADVICE WITH

Parker the Pepper ILLUSTRATION SOFIA CAPETTINI

NDS

& FRIE

Welcome to the advice column! For this special edition, I've invited some of my close friends for a hangout to chat about sexuality!

Peep the Sichuan Peppercorn The key to having good sex is intentional communication. I don’t want to sound overly cheesy, but I truly believe that media depictions of sex have really shifted peoples' perspectives of what is or isn’t sexy. For some reason, talking about what we enjoy while engaging in sex seems like something that might ruin the moment. I fully disagree!

Advocate for yourself, be yourself, and don’t be afraid to talk about what you need your sexual partner(s) to do for you.

Pip the Pile of Paprika History always trumps experience when it comes to sex. ‘Good’ sex almost never has anything to do with how many tricks you know or how many partners you’ve had. What’s most important is your understanding of your current partner and the things that make them tick. That kind of understanding isn’t built in a day, so don’t stress if your first time with a new partner (or your first time, period) isn’t an orgasmic mountaintop experience. As long as you have a partner that you love, trust, and are willing to communicate with openly, I can swear on all things paprika that the sex will getter better as you grow to understand each other.

One last thing. Whether or not your sex is ‘good’ is up to you, your partner, and nobody else. We’ve developed this weird cultural discourse where we say someone is ‘good at kissing’ or someone is ‘bad at sex,’ even when we are no way involved in the sexual encounter. Some people get off on rubbing noses while others need to have their whole face licked. Either way, never let anyone other than your partner and your gut tell you what ‘good’ sex looks like.

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DIVERSIONS

Paula Pepper Spray

Petey the Bell Pepper Sexuality is weird and difficult, but remember it’s okay to take things at your own pace.

You don’t have to decide anything about sex and romance if you feel like you’re not ready yet. What matters is you are comfortable with where you are at!

Sex is everything in a relationship but it’s also nothing. I get that you might be scratching your head at that one, but hear me out. Even if you’re having a lot of sex, and I mean hook-me-up-to-an-IV-becauseI-just-lost-two-pounds-of-body-fluid amounts of sex, it’s highly unlikely that sex will make up even three per cent of the time you spend with your partner. The vast majority of your relationships will occur outside of the bedroom, so it’s dangerous to judge the whole thing based on the time you spend having sex.

That said, sex can be a good indicator.

It’s uncommon to find a really healthy relationship with an unhealthy sex life, and it’s equally uncommon to find an unhealthy relationship with a healthy sex life. Sex can often be a proxy for where you are in your relationship, so treat it as such. Just be aware that any potential issues in your sex life might have more to do with your relationship as a whole, or you and your partner as individuals. g

Pat the Thai Chili The pandemic has caused many of us to be at home for the past eleven months, which might have affected your sex life.

If you’re looking for something to spice up your sex life, or even to use on yourself (because hook up culture isn’t really safe right now!), consider supporting a local sex toy shop! Vibrators are great sex toys for people of any gender. Using a vibrator with a partner may add a fun new element to your sex and vibrators are also great for self-use. Just make sure to do your research and pick sex toys made with good materials that are easily cleaned.

FEBRUARY 2021 37