Menlo Administration Reflects on Impact of Helicopter Parents in Sports

by SONIA DHOLAKIA

“Helicopter parents,” or parents who hover over their child’s academics and activities, are known for their very involved parenting style. In athletics, this phenomenon can easily be seen through parents yelling at the referees or sometimes at their own kids during games. “I think [helicopter parenting] is not often a conscious decision, that it is often subconscious and tends to correlate with when some future expectations feel like they are on the line,” Upper School Counselor Jake Fauver said.

Fauver believes that as their kids get older, parents are more likely to become overly involved in their students’ academics and extracurriculars. While he thinks this behavior often comes from a place of love, it can be received differently by kids. “I think most [students] share a sense of embarrassment that nobody wants their parents standing out,” Fauver said.

According to Director of Athletics

Earl Koberlein, Menlo reminds parents of its sportsmanship expectations at parent team meetings and through emails from the Central Coast Section and California Interscholastic Federation. They emphasize the importance of parents acting with integrity at sporting events and remind parents to “represent the school, coach and teammates with honor, on and off the court.” Koberlein agreed with this sentiment. “We want [parents] to be well behaved and good sports, not yell at the referees, not yell at their kids, opponents. We stress that all the time,” he said.

Around once a year, Koberlein says that a situation arises in which the athletic department has a conversation with a Menlo parent regarding their behavior. In the past, this has been due to a parent yelling at a referee during a game or a parent getting upset with their child during a game when they mess up. “We’re pretty lucky at Menlo. We haven’t seen many cases where a parent does something that we need to talk to them about,” Koberlein said.

He believes that it is more common for non-Menlo parents to act aggressively at games. “When we have other teams come [to Menlo], we see more examples of hostility,” he said. Koberlein added that, specifically, the parents of opposing teams are more verbal with the referees.

When an incident like this occurs with the opposing team, Menlo’s athletic department reaches out to the other school’s athletic director. If that school does not have an athletic director, Koberlein or someone from the athletic department will likely go talk to that parent about their behavior.

Overall, parental involvement in their children’s athletics can be helpful, whether that’s buying certain equipment or taking their kids to games. “When it might change is when it becomes more about the parent,” Koberlein said. “That involvement crosses the line from beneficial to detrimental.”