The Libra scale of Lockdowns

personal essay by Abel Martinez

In prison we tend to run across a variety of individuals who come from all different backgrounds with different agendas. How we as prisoners act towards each other is something that comes from a personal code of ethics or morals. The result of our ethics or morals can sometimes be life-threatening for those involved in gang activity and can lead to a prison-wide lockdown. The main purpose of a lockdown is simply to stop the violence; consequently, it does more than just that. Lockdowns are appalling but necessary; the way prisoners perceive themselves may be to blame.

Lockdowns can make time drag and can stunt motivation; the days just go slow because the lack of movement. With us as inmates we have to find ways to spend our time; luckily most of us acquire jobs or have education to fill the boredom. College is time well-spent, but during lockdowns, all movement across the yard is hindered which, in turn, leads me and others to fall behind on work. At times we can do our homework in the cell; however, there is constant noise outside the cell, like people yelling and banging on their doors, that makes it difficult to concentrate. I can only feel for the gang members, because they don’t know what’s going to happen when the doors swing open. They may be flung into a war and killed, so they have to stay listening at all times. Another barrier for getting some homework done is our environment in general; it’s easy to get comfortable on our bed and fall asleep. Sleep acts as a drug for some and it passes the time easily, but during this state nothing is getting accomplished. Even though lockdowns can drain motivation, it can have benefits.

Lockdowns act as a safe haven for the inmates, as well as ease tensions among gangs, thus minimizing a war or riots. In a controlled environment such as prison, a lockdown is essential; in the world we can escape in a dangerous situation by simply driving away, calling 911, etc. Here in prison, our way of safety is a confined space by which nobody can reach us or vice versa. I can only imagine the lives that has been saved due to lockdowns; the longevity of a lockdown can also have an effect on life and death. After months, or sometimes days, everybody wants to come out of the lockdown, and if we’re lucky, the gangs will call for peace. It is true that most lockdowns are a result gang violence, but it’s deeper than that; something on the inside of an individual is malformed and has us act in such a way that hurts our fellow man. Somehow, in both sides of a war both parties think what their standing on is correct and that justifies what they do. To me, it seems how we think is incorrect and that our actions because of that are just as wrong.

The way we perceive ourselves has a lot to do with who we are, which equals what we do. For example, when a child wants to be a dinosaur he acts in that way, roaring around and clawing at things. Now, when a man comes from a difficult situation and relates to a gangster, he may start to act that way. But unlike the child, the man doesn’t grow up or leave that train of thought. The self-destructive behavior had to be learned and or influenced somehow. Teenage years, to me, seem most important in growth of culture development in an adolescent. But, if the teenager doesn’t have somebody to show him how to fulfill a righteous character how will he learn? A lot of what I’ve learned at that age came from music, media, and negative influences. There are rappers that talk about drugs and how they sell them as a means to eat, and they do a great job relating to those who really live that way. So, when a broke kid listens to a rapper about how he came from nothing and now is on top of the world because of selling drugs, what do you think that kid is going to do to fix his situation? On top of that, the friends he grew up with may have the same mind and either they join a gang or create one. The teenager then lives that hard way of life as a drug dealer/gang member that’s filled with betrayal, violence, murder, and prison. By the time the teenager is almost an adult (assuming he survives), his encounters with that kind of world have left him full of mentally instabilities such as PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Not forgetting to mention that his way to handle most problems is by what he knows best and what rappers and drug lords glorify: violence. So, that way of thinking he used on the streets has led to prison, and the same gang he grew up in is there as well as the drugs to sell, which equal the need for violence, but where prison differs is the structure, and where life can be saved (temporarily) is a lockdown.

Lockdowns for prisoners who want to better themselves hinder their progress but without question have saved thousands of lives. If trying to solve the issue on lockdowns, some may say we need to lengthen a lockdown or swamp prisoners or separate all gangs. These have all been tried and act as a band aide to the real issue that can be only healed from within each prisoner. Most prisoners don’t think there is another way of life to live; that this is the cards they are dealt. I would like to tell them that if life hasn’t been fair to them, it hasn’t been fair to me either, but I don’t let circumstances or generalizations define me anymore. They motivate me to pursue and change the things I have control over like my personality, the way I think, and my view on life. One must break bonds or customs that equal self-destruction and rise above that way of living that has snared so many before us. Recognize this life has meaning and can be changed when the decision is made to renew the mind.