Lange: The worst mascots in the NCAA

m ascots are a very polarizing topic. You either love them or hate them, and some people are even scared of the guys in the big felt suits behind masks. There’s a real diagnosis for this phenomenon: m asklophobia, sometimes referred to as m askaphobia.

s ports fans, however, are a completely different story. They feel very passionately about their team’s mascot, and even dress up as them. I have seen grown men get into an actual fight of their own, over who would win in a fight: b rutus b uckeye or s party s partan.

n eedless to say, these men were both incredibly intoxicated or they would have known they both would lose to the bes T mascot — T he n otre d ame Leprechaun. I’m not at all biased on this topic (L e T’ s G o I r I sh ).

Anyway, with my lofty opinions on the topic, I am going to rank the 10 worst nc AA mascots.

10. Cocky the Gamecock — university of South Carolina c ocky the Gamecock. d o I really need to say it? They could at least get him a shirt that’s his size, you really want c ocky to be in a shirt that’s too big? That won’t work out well. There are so many jokes I can’t make because this is being published, but they deserve every bad joke you can come up with.

9. Demon Deacons — Wake Forest university s o, he’s an “old-time b aptist deacon” who rides a motorcycle?

To me, he looks the human incarnation of m r. Peanut. b ut, you know, if m r. Peanut had been through a rough life. I feel like he has stories and wants to sit down with you and tell you all of them in a long and excruciatingly slow way.

8. otto the orange — Syracuse university

According to Google it’s an “anthropomorphic orange”. Yet another plant, but hey, at least it’s a real thing, I guess. I think he got off on the wrong exit because, I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember miles and miles of orange groves in n ew York. I mean I guess n ew York is called the b ig o range right? d efinitely not another fruit that, you know, grows in the state of n ew York.

7. Blue Devils — Duke university

Another devil on the list and no it’s not because I go to a c atholic school. It’s because you’d think h owie m andel wouldn’t need another side hustle. d oesn’t he have enough jobs? b ut I guess the next logical step after being a game show host then judge is being a man in a superhero costume pantomiming as a devil to a bunch of drunk southern college kids.

6. Sparky — Arizona State university b reaking n ews: b uzz’s long lost evil twin has been found! b uzz lost his evil twin brother s parky in the c heerios factory when they were just little bees playing amongst the conveyer belts. Try to convince me this is not a bee dressed up as an old-timey villain about to twirl his mustache. I dare you.

5. hokieBird — Virginia tech university

We all know you’re a turkey, so just be a dang turkey. n o need to make up a fictional bird. I get it you don’t want to be the “turkeys,” who would? b ut is being a h okie better? At least when you were the Fighting Gobblers you were fighting off the enemy — you know scary stuff, “put up your dukes” and all that. The Fighting Gobblers really sent Purdue Pete and b ig r ed running up those hills.

4. purdue pete — purdue university

At least this thing is a living object. b ut is it? Pete is just a stand-in because the official mascot of Purdue University is the “ b oilermakers”. s o really Pete is just a guy in a creepy plastic head, and his job title is the real mascot. Again, a school that doesn’t have a living, breathing mascot. I didn’t know you could have your job description as your mascot, learn something new every day.

3. Big red — Western Kentucky university

What even is it? It’s not even a thing! It’s like c ookie m onster’s weird red and bigger cousin, who had his college letters tattooed across his chest. c an you say peaked in college? I don’t even know what to compare it too. It’s just a big, red (see what I did there), furry blob with arms and legs. Also, the 2012s called, and they want their painted-on eyebrows back.

2. Stanford tree — Stanford university

First, which professor hired their kindergartener’s class to make this mascot’s costume? s eriously, Google it, some of the costumes look like they let a group of kindergarteners go through their grandmas’ knitting materials and try — not succeed, but try — to make a pine tree. Also, another plant! Unless you’re freaking Poison Ivy from the b atman comics, plants don’t really strike fear into my heart. I would say do better but that would be repetitive.

1. Brutus Buckeye — the ohio State university h onorable mention to the d artmouth mascot, b ig Green who is a literal Keg. They really know their audience.

You had to see that coming, it’s not even a living thing. I don’t understand how an inanimate object can be a school’s mascot, how does a literal nut drive so much pride into a college community? d o they know they’re literally calling themselves nuts? o h excuse me, T he n uts?? c ome on. d o better.